The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 316: The Day The Pigs Got Loose

Episode Date: February 10, 2017

The gang talks animal related valentines day news, including some octopi gettin' it on, an orangutan who gets to pick out her dates on Orangu-tinder, and a gangster pig who went missing.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the day, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Women's March. Gentlemen, always civility.

Women's March. Powerful. All right. Oh, yeah, I told Jackie, we don't call it diabetes. We call it life-a-bedes. There's no negativity here. And I really liked it because I just saw a glimpse of positive Kissel that I've never seen before. Own it.

My-a-bedes. Very positive. King positive. All right, so let's see. Jackie, you're praying on this episode. You are. You actually are. Yeah, you are. Okay. Oh, Lord, you make me feel so good. Won't you put

you in my pocket and I mean my vagina. In my pocket. If we had sex we could make a new Jesus. In my pocket. He we had sex, we could make a new Jesus. In my pocket. He would be half black and he would have jerry curls. In my pocket. We'll call him Lionel Richie. Lionel Richie.

And he'll bring joy to the world. To the world, girl. I'm eating fruit snacks. Go fuck you, God. Taste it, taste it, God. Amen. Alright, this is the round table of gentlemen, everyone. Remember Polly Pocket? Yeah. That was a fun little toy. I loved it. A it, God. Amen. All right, this is the round table of gentlemen, everyone. Remember Polly Pocket? Yeah.

That was a fun little toy. I loved it. A real choking hazard. A bunch of kids died on the Polly Pocket. No, they were too small. No, they didn't. They did. That's why they had to put the choking hazard label on there. No way.

Tipper Gore was all over it. No way. They had the baby you could feed stuff to, and it would eat the children's hair. That's right. What was that baby oh i think that was uh oh maybe something like naughty amber i'm serious too though marcus you remember this what a little baby you could feed stuff to but it had like gears inside of it and it would it would actually eat the hair of children and they had to discontinue it because it would see

what it would start uh yanking on their hair and taking all their hair off their body. Yeah, worse than a Chucky doll. But am I right, Polly Pocket? Actually, you are right. Thank you. The CPSC is aware of 170 reports of the small magnets coming out of recalled toys. A two-year-old child was hospitalized for seven days, and a seven-year-old child was hospitalized for 12 days, and an eight-year-old child was also hospitalized. Seven and eight?

Boom. Because the magnets go to each other in the stomach and then they connect, they find love, but in a world where they're not supposed to be together. Yeah, it was one of those

discontinued dolls along with chocolate pudding spitting Bertha and Ku Klux Christopher. Well, we don't approve of either of those. So, Jackie, you're here. Everybody knows that

because you prayed. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here. I just can't believe that there's a seven and 8-year-old that's still eating tiny things. What do you mean? 7- and 8-year-olds put everything in their mouth, especially in the 90s. It was a time of freedom and liberation. Yeah, but they can eat hot dogs at that point.

Yeah, but hot dogs aren't full of magnets, Jackie. Oh, God, I wish they were. Oh, yeah. That's a good—always stick to the bun. So if you're at a baseball game and a foul ball accidentally hits your plate over, you still got a perfect hot dog. I like this idea. Holdenators, ho! Bitches, I'm for real.

Bitches, I'm going to try that again. Bitches, I'm for real. Welcome to your PlayStation Network shout-outs. Got a note from Jackie to start the show. Queen Laquifa says, Jackie, it's my dream to sing karaoke with you. Come to the San Francisco Bay, and I'll buy your plane ticket. Marcus, I'm donating my bones to you when I die. Please do something creative with them.

Ben, you're Ben. You're the only Republican I don't hate. Ben, you're a Republican? I'm not a Republican. Libertarian people. Barely a libertarian. By libertarian standards, I'm not nearly autistic enough to be one of them. It's really quite

unfortunate. I'm always alone. I'm an independent. Ed, I want to hug you. Ed's not here. Kevin, how about some coffee in my cream? Mildly racist. Holden, $50 goes into the couch fund if you twerk for the round tablers, you sexy fucker.

I've got lower back pains. You better. $50, you're not going to twerk? I mean, hell, it's an audio podcast. Errate this. Okay, Holden is begrudgingly standing up. No, that's not twerking. Move it faster.

For Holden, that's... No, no, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. No, he's not even bouncing on his feet. He looks like, he honestly looks like a turtle de-thawing. It is unbelievable. Slow and okay. That is technically a twerk. I have seen it.

We have a notary in the house. No, he's humping. That's it. Now that is it. Hold it. Stop humping. Get the water bottle. Big back.

Good God. The pepperoni man. I wouldn't lie to you. That was a twerk. So you do deserve $50. It was a twerk. The pepperoni man says, dear Ben K a twerk the pepperoni man uh says dear ben kissel the pepperoni man stole your son i have your boy kissel that's a sounds like heaven

for a son my son would be like why won't you're not the pepperoni man dad i want to be stolen by the pepperoni man manuel says andre is a slimy canuck lover and i'll pay for Justin's PSN membership once he butt chugs Jankum. What's Jankum? Oh, that's the bad juice. It's come with something else. Oh, my goodness. Big Aloha Time says, hey, hey, hey, thank you, Roundtable, for keeping me laughs, keeping the laughs coming.

Eddie, sorry about the fins, hopes and dreams, man. And come on, Marcus, you got to see Deadpool. Lots of fun. Oh, thank God. I thought it was just going to end with come on, Marcus you gotta see deadpool lots of fun oh thank god i thought it was just gonna end with come on marcus and this whole thing would be awkward jenkom is a supposed inhalant and hallucinogen created from fermented human waste yes that's right it's not true though really but is this a uh is this a prison beverage uh it was reported to be a popular street drug among Zambian street children. Huh, okay. Matt says, love all pods at CCR, especially LPOTL and Wizard and the Bruiser.

Neither of those are this podcast. All you boys are great. I said that, not him. All you boys are great, but want to say Jackie is a goddess, and I bow down and worship her. Hail Satan. There it is. Well, hail yourself, buddy.

Thank you so much for listening. Don't necessarily agree with this username, but lolandfrank says, love all pods at CCR, especially. Oh, wait, that was the one. Especially, wait, wait. All you boys. Okay, yeah, that was the one. Same one, I guess.

Okay, Patriotsfan92. Oh, I want to shout out on Roundtable saying, I'm a badass and go Patriots. Another Super Bowl. Fuck the Dolphins. Disgusting. No, I even know that's bad. And he said that well before the Super Bowl.

These are old as fuck. Shout outs. I am backed up like a constipated human. You get five a week. Okay. Ian says Ben Kissel smells like a cheese curd in a good way. Why would I think that wasn't in a good way? Pipe Teams 69 says I'm a very gay fat man with great tits.

Please get Ben Kissel to fist me with his giant's arm. Wait, is that Henry? Henry, how are you? Thanks for joining. Princess Prim says, tell Jackie that I'm the real princess and tell Marcus that he could get it. I can get it. You can get it from that.

I can get it. I can get it. I can get it. You can get it. I can get it. I'm the princess. Rowan slash LSWS Jr. would appreciate any positive vibes from the roundtable for when he seeks shared custody of his daughters this week, which was probably a month ago. Well, that is. I hope you got it. I guess so, or I think they're in a safe spot now. I hope you got it, Rowan.

And if you didn't, yeah, maybe it's safer for them where they are. We have to think about the children. Okay, so that's the shout-outs, right? Yeah, I actually completed all of the ones so I can do new ones now. I was backed up like a man who ate a bunch of chocolate and cheese at the same time and cannot have shit. Great analogy. All right, let's see here.

Now, Marcus, we have news stories. Is there anything else? Jackie, you want to get off your chest or eating gummies, which is always good. I'm eating the Welch's fruit snacks again, as in the nip. Well, what happened? I just want to let people know. It's so far fruit snacks. I want to let people know here.

The reason that we've had a bunch of snacks on the table is because now Wizard and the Bruiser with Holden McNeely and Jake Young are recording before us. the table is because now Wizard and the Bruiser with Holden McNeely and Jake Young are recording before us. And when we come in, it looks like Tintin's room. What's the name of the boy from Three Ninjas? Tum Tum. It looks like Tum Tum's room

from Three Ninjas. And the whole room is covered in candy. So every episode since Wizard and the Bruiser has been recorded before us, that's why we're constantly discussing sweets. Honestly, I think it might have to start. We've got to get a lockbox or something because it is within my grasp. And I will continue to eat it.

I was putting it in a drawer out of sight, out of mind. We got Oreos. We got Reese's. We got Welch's fruit snacks. I love a fruity gummy. I'm a fruity gummy. Give me a Starburst. Oh, my God. A Skittle. A me a Starburst. Oh, my God.

A Skittle? Anytime. Starburst is not a gummy, my friend. That is far more gelatin than gummy. What do you call it, though? Not a gummy. Absolutely not. It's made from mule's teeth.

I like Chewy Fruity. No, it's not. Holden McNeely could be very correct on that. No, I like Chewy Fruity. No, no. I guarantee you. I haven't won a lot of these debates lately, but I do believe Starburst is not technically a gum. I will give you that.

You know I don't concede. You know I don't concede. Yeah, Chewy Fruity. I would say Mentos is in the same category as Starburst. If you're getting the mixed fruit Mentos. Sure. Yes, I like Chewy Fruity. Yes, and I think Mentos are kind of fun because they're a great analogy for someone who is mean,

but once you get to know them, they're nice. No. Hard on the outside, soft on the inside. Mentos are kind of fun because they're a great analogy for someone who is mean, but once you get to know them, they're nice. No. Hard on the outside, soft on the inside. Mentos. Fresh toast. Mentos. Oh, my God. Petco.

Men. Petco. Petco. And the guys are rolling around in paint on a chair. It's ridiculous. Yeah, but how hot were those twins? Gummy worms are made from the anal cavity of a moose. I like it.

It's not. Same as when they say that there's a lot of calamari out there, the cheap calamari. Yeah, pig's asses. Pig's anuses. Pig's anuses. You know what? If that's the case, I've always enjoyed a pig anus then. Oh, I love calamari, yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Dip it in a marinara. That's good. That's all I like. I just don't like the ones that actually look like little squids because it just seems, it's too real. I don't want to conquer this. I love a squid. I love an octopus leg.

And in fact, our first story is all about an octopus. Marcus, you told me before the show, it's all animal news today. It's all animal news today. You can all cheer for that. I like to take the little octopi-looking calamari and I put them in a little row on my plate and I call them my squid kids. Well, that's very nice.

The octopus at the Seattle Aquarium won't be getting any love this Valentine's Day. Each Valentine's Day, the aquarium invites people to watch the sea creatures mate, but Seattle Aquarium officials tell Como News that this year, the chance to people to watch the sea creatures mate, but Seattle Aquarium officials tell Como News that this year, the chance to watch some eight-armed nookie has been called off.

Why on earth was it ever called on? Who would ever go to see a bunch of octopi have sex with each other? Every Valentine's Day, you could go to the Seattle Zoo or the Seattle Aquarium and watch octopi fuck. I think maybe a certain Mr. Frederick Durst would like to go see a little nookie. He did it all for that.

Possibly featuring the chocolate starfish. Uh oh. That's a good point. Sticking with animal news. Theoretically an event on Valentine's Day is supposed to lead up to coitus or something intimate so you're supposed to go watch them have sex and then go have human relations with your human spouse?

Yes. Aquarium staff say they're afraid that their male octopus, a 70-pound cephalopod named Kong. Gimme, gimme. Oh, my goodness. Is too big for the females who are 30 to 40 pounds, and he may eat them. He just has to go slow. There's no such thing as too big as long as you go slow.

I think he's an octopus. Do they know how to go slow? I don't know. I think they got one speed. It's fast. They're very smart. Yes. That's what I mean.

So because he can't eat them, he just will eat them. No, he won't eat them, but he possibly could eat them. Cool. But we don't know if he will. We don't know if he will. They just don't want to gather a whole bunch of people together to watch octopi fuck, and then the big octopus just eats the little ones. What did they name him?

Did they name him like- Kong. Kong. Oh, yeah. Well, that makes sense. He sounds like a conqueror. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Disgusting. Wait, are you turned on by that? Kind of. I'm just thinking about how it's just like someone that's too big to fuck. And that's awesome. There are plenty of people who are too big to fuck. It's actually quite an... It's almost

an ailment to a lot of the men who have to struggle with that on a regular basis. Yeah. But it's kind of fun. How big is too big? I just remember that... I feel like I've told this story on here before that when I first started dating Doug, he lived in the same house as our friend of ours that was like an adonis hot one of the hottest guys i've ever been friends with and i just remember he he used to have sex with

really small like hot little things but his dick was so big so i would just hear him trying and then them just screaming in pain as he tried and he wasn't forcing them but just going even slow and and uh you know yeah he's still he got it in there yeah yeah you get it in there eventually when you woke up in the morning you'd be like hey did you get it in last night oh yeah no i usually as the girl like ran out being like oh she's like 18 years old and didn't realize that she just tore her vagina. Did you deliver the letter into the mailbox there, buddy? Yeah, no, yeah.

You know, it was spiritual. That's the kind of guy he was. Nice guy. Good person. You can't, you know, sometimes you're given gifts that you don't even know how to handle. You know, instead of mating, Kong will be released back into the Puget Sound Monday at noon. Octopuses only live about three or four years and mate once at the end of their lives, and then they die. Oh, this is size discrimination against this poor octopi.

Get a bigger female octopus. Yeah, can't they get a bigger one? I mean, I guess they'd have to ship it in from somewhere else. Ship it? Just go find an octopus wearing, like, an egg sweater, name it Roseanne, and go have it have sex with her wonderful guy, John Goodman. Or better yet, just go to a putt-putt golf course and extract one of the giant metal octopus that's, you know, hanging out on the course that you knock your ball through, throw that in the ocean, let the thing go nuts.

Yeah, but how do you sex it? Just find the fattest person, the fattest man who works at this zoo, dress him up like an octopus, and throw him in there. Yeah. It's only 70 pounds. You know what? Tie a bunch of worms together. Why wouldn't you?

Ball him up. Throw him in there. Yeah. Tennis ball. Okay, use a tennis or softball as the head. You know, draw some lipstick on it, and then just bundle up a bunch of fun worms. Wait, with octopus sex, do you see, like, dick? I think they have.

How does it go? They have a cloaca. They might have a cloaca, or it might be one of those things. It's one of the beaks. They might, like, squirt out some eggs, and then the other one squirts out sperm. Might be one of those types of things. Oh, my goodness.

Do they collect it? I don't know. I'll have to look it up. Although I do know that males can only live for a few months after mating and females die shortly after their eggs hatch. So an octopus only fucks once at the end of its life. I thought, I just considered

them a little bit more of a fertile bunch. There's a lot of them. We eat certainly, we certainly eat tons of them. When octopuses reproduce, the male uses a specialized arm called a hectocallus to transfer spermatophores, packets of sperm, from the terminal organ of the reproductive tract, the cephalopod penis, into the female's mantle cavity. That's a good name for it. Sounds like a penis with a monocle.

The mantle cavity. Yeah, you wanna start a fire in my mantle cavity? Better have enough booze to put it out. I got a Hectoclus the size of the goddamn Empire State Building. Look out. That's a strange thing. Yeah, it sounds like it should have a series of pictures on top of it. So this is what I mean. So you're saying that you wouldn't go see this on Valentine's Day? I totally would.

Yeah. Well, no, I would not. But I understand why people would. And that's why you're doing better things on Valentine's Day. You're allowed to do whatever you want as a free citizen, and you can go watch these two animals. Is America free? Well, not for them, apparently.

Not for this poor octopus. You know, this just gives me an idea. If I were a zookeeper, a position I have thought about going into. Right. Years of training, you know. Why not sort of feed the animals whatever their version of Viagra is on Valentine's Day? And that way it's like a fun event for couples on Valentine's Day to go and see the animals fucking. I think that's animal abuse.

Is it abusive? I don't know. I mean, they're all fucking. Yeah. But that's the thing is that most animals don't have sex for pleasure. Yeah, that's true. It would just be dolphins and humans in cages. Although it would be fun if you just put humans in cages and had them fuck all day on Valentine's Day.

Cage the humans. Oh, no, no. Make them have sex or let them have sex with each other. You know, we'll make sure it's consensual, of course. Mm-hmm. And just a way to, you know, pepper up the Valentine's. I don't know what to do with the missus. It just seems like an idea that Tina Turner would have from Beyond Thunderdome.

It is not a good idea. You guys are asking about caging humans, giving them sex drugs, and forcing them to have sex with each other in front of you. I mean, it's all volunteer basis. I would do it. No, because once you give them the drug, you've manipulated their body against their will, and now they're going to do something they wouldn't have done without the drug that you forced them to have. Now, the Viagra is just for in case you have performance anxiety. Of course they would. You're holding them against their will.

Why do you keep bringing against their will into it? We've said multiple times that it's going to be volunteer. So you think there's just going to be a bunch of volunteers who are like, I'll go into a cage and be a spectacle and have people laugh at my butt? Oh, yeah. It'll be more like a bounce house and less like a cage. You know what I'm saying? Like a moon bounce. Plenty of people.

If I wasn't a public figure, I'd absolutely do it. I was 14 when I found, I'd absolutely do it. I was 14 when I found out I was too fat to go on the bounce house. I have a fun bounce house memory as well. They just told you you couldn't. Panacea. Pacelli Panacea, 14 years old, freshman, maybe a sophomore in high school. Too fat for the bounce house. You were just too old for the bounce house.

No, other friends and peers were in the bounce house. There was no children around. It was panacea after dark, and I was just too large, and they were worried I was going to take it all down. Were you like 360 at that time? Well, no. I was, oh, no, no, no. 290 or something like that. Nothing that big.

I have a, um, I have a memory about the bounce house that is crushed into my skull um okay so there was a stand at the it was like a little school fair right and they had a bounce house which i couldn't wait to go on but first i was like enamored because they had a booth where they were giving you realistic looking wounds and stuff um they'll give you like a black eye but also they put all the putty on your arm and give you like a giant cut, you know, with all this putty and like latex and stuff.

I used to play with that stuff to no end. Love that stuff, right? So I got that stuff and then went to the bounce house and immediately just put this gross looking goo stuff all over the bounce house. So all of a sudden I just heard a bunch of kids going, ew. So all of a sudden, I just heard a bunch of kids going, ew. And it was because I had rolled around in the bounce house and got all my arm stuff goo all over it and just ruined the bounce house. And how old were you then? And I very quickly, I was like 16, 17. And I jumped out of the bounce house.

I thought you were going to say eight. Yeah, eight or nine. Why the hell? 16, 17. So how many children were waiting for you to finish up this stupid zombie makeup that is for children? And then you went into the bounce house. And how many children were waiting for you to finish up this stupid zombie makeup that is for children, and then you went into the bounce house, and how many children were waiting for you to get out of that? Look, I drove them all home afterwards. Is that what you want to hear?

Get back to your house? 16 or 17. Get back to my bounce house. Wait, that doesn't sound right. Not at all. Driving children to your bounce house? Yeah, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. All right, we'll move on from there.

So they kicked you out of there for not being too— I mean, it sounds like a 5 o'clock shadow. I immediately realized what I had done, and I immediately just, like, kind of ran for it. Like, I was like, oh, I made a mistake, and then I ran out of the bounce house, and I could hear the screams of the children behind me. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, well, you seem like a worse person than me. Yeah, I think so. You think?

Yeah, because I was too fat to ride. He was just too big. I was actually... Oh, in this one instance, believe me, Ben's done way worse things than me. Oh, absolutely not. I haven't shit on a car or in public at all. I've never done any of those things.

That's make-believe for humor. What? Those are make-believe scenarios in order to create a humorous situation. Incite laughter. That's right. Which is what we've been trying to do on this podcast for seven years, Jackie. And they love it. Have you heard the people sing? Sing the songs

of praise. They have. Kiss her once, shat on a car. It's not even true. Fiddler solo. Show me the police report. This is fake news.

This is fake news. Unbelievable. I'm a talking crab and I'm here to say, round table's great most every day. A hip, a hop, a hippie clack clack. Very good song, guys. Good work. You want to do another animals news story? Yes, I want our big guy, Kong, to be okay.

I hope Kong finds himself a nice little octopus to have sex with out there in the Puget Sound. One that he will not have to kill and eat. Yes, that did remind me, though. The zipper. Remember the zipper ride? It was just up and down. It was very dangerous. I was too fat for that as well the same year I wasn't allowed to go on the uh on the

old inflatable castle and it popped open while we were in midair and I had to grab it and keep it shut and we almost died yeah it happened to me on the pirate ship I don't trust these carnival workers oh yeah anyway yeah you shouldn't definitely not all right next story all right on Friday the Forest Grove Police Department announced on Facebook they had finally apprehended a troublesome pot-bellied pig. Oh. According to the post, the pig, known as Piggy Smalls. Yes.

Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? This is the cutest thing ever. Good name. It's a little pot-bellied pig named Piggy Smalls. And it's fat. It all works. Oh, my God.

I love it. He had allegedly been harassing residents in the Hawthorne neighborhood of Forest Grove over the last several months. He was ultimately captured at a little before 1 p.m. by a joint task force of the FGPD code enforcement officer and a representative of Home Sweet Home Properties. The pig had been terrorizing the neighborhood for months. Oh, please. A joint task force?

Did they mace him? In November, Smalls was the suspect in three pig-related incidents in just one edition of the weekly Forest Grove Police Log, of which I have a copy. Oh, my. Piggy Smalls was innocent. Let him go. Not guilty. Y'all got to hear mes was innocent. Let him go. Not guilty.

Y'all got to hear me. She didn't kill Tupac. Absolutely. Oh, Piggy Smalls did not kill Tupac. They should get a coyote named Suge Knight to go out and rid the problem. November 17th. Police looked for a little black pig reportedly running down 16th Avenue from Cedar. They were unable to find it.

November 18th, a citizen reported a pig in the bushes near 17th Avenue, likely related to the call the previous day. Officers located the pig. However, it eluded capture. This is racist. If this was a pink pig, that pink pig would be on the streets, living the dream right now. And he'd probably be called Pinky Pig, and no one would care the none there was.

Pinky dinky dink. Oh, my goodness. In November 19th, two more calls came in reporting to the loose pig, one from an off-duty sheriff sergeant. Officers again attempted to locate it without success. Wait, so hold on. This dude's off-duty. He's a sheriff department worker. Is he a sheriff himself?

He's a sheriff sergeant. So he was sheriff himself? He's a sheriff sergeant. So he was just like, I'm off duty. I'm calling it in. He just refused to do anything. He's like, I'm off the clock. Yeah, we saw that. You know that pig we've been looking for? I saw it over on 17th Avenue.

You better get animal control down here real fast, quick, and hurry. I would, but I'm off duty, and I am already drunk. And, of course, a woman reported that her boyfriend stole $40 from her pocket while she slept. That also happened on November 19th. But the Piggy Smalls had nothing to do with that. The Piggy Smalls had nothing to do with that. But they'll blame him. They will blame him.

They'll blame him. He snorted his way up in there. He just, he hooved open that wallet. I've seen him do it. What? I don't like that at all. I've seen him do it. What? I don't like that at all. I've seen him do it. You've seen pot belly piggies rob a man?

Oh, yeah. They hoof and they snoot until they get what day's coming for. Well, if they get that money, they've got to give a pig that money then. Yeah, that's the thing. That pig deserves that money. Oh, my God. I don't know what I doubt is. I am so pro-pig.

Yeah. I'm so pro-pig ownership. I think they're smarter than dogs. I think they're somewhat... Some are cuter than some dogs. Have you ever seen big pigs go willy-nilly, though? You got to train them? Scary.

You have to train... But you know who's scared is the pig. The pig is scared, too. But they're just destructive. I've seen willy-nilly pigs before, the big pigs. Oh, yeah. And it just made me think of Deadwood. Yeah, well.

And I was waiting for them to come after me. Yeah, back home, wild boar, kill a man. Well, there was a time on the, what was it, the History Network that had a whole episode about the big pig invasion. Yeah. And they were worried about monster pigs. And there was a graph of pigs, and they had the entire United States filled with red and theoretically that represented human blood after the pigs got their revenge.

Yeah, I mean, we have people back home they used to pay teenagers to go out at night and hunt wild pigs with a spotlight and a can of beer and a shotgun. Well. Or a rifle. I just wish. No one's ever died. No, but pigs have. Oh yeah, but pigs have.

Oh, yeah, many pigs have. I once watched my nephew murder three pigs one night. But who can forget the wisdom of a spider and its web? That's a good point. I love it, man. I would love to see a pig's revenge. Oh, no, he's right. He's right. And that smorgasbord song with the rat.

I loved that song. What's the song? Oh, smorgasbord, morgaspord, morgaspord, when he goes to the fair and he eats all the trash underneath the bleachers. True. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was his name? Filfer?

I never actually, I just read the book. Oh, you gotta watch the cartoon, you bitch. I think it was Filfer. I had enough with Babe. Babe was enough for me. Oh, Babe was okay. His name was Fat Templeton. Templeton!

The Smorgasbord song. You will love the Smorgasbord song. It's all about getting all the leftover food from the town fair. Charlotte's Web always reminded me

of Winnie the Pooh and you know how I feel about Winnie the Pooh. I don't. Do you like it? Hate. Why do you hate Winnie the Pooh? We don't. Do you like it? Hate. Why do you hate Winnie the Pooh? We've talked about this.

No, I don't think so. Yeah, we've definitely talked about it. She hates Piglet more than she hates Winnie the Pooh. But in general, I hate the... What isn't wrong with Piglet? Well, okay. I don't remember the conversation. We've got a lot of...

Oh, brother. Oh, I'm a piggy. And he talks like an old man. He is old. Yeah. He's not old. He's a piglet. He's a piglet. Oh, I'm a piggy, and he talks like an old man. He is old. Yeah. He's not old. He's a piglet.

He's a piglet. Well, I know, but he's a cartoon pig who sounds old. Yeah, you can call an old man baby if you want to. You can call anybody baby. I would never, ever in a million years, I'd rather call him daddy. You know that. Do you know that Richard Nixon's nickname was Daddy, if you really want to get creepy? And that's fine. No, it's not.

A man in power deserves to be called Daddy. No, but you can just call him Baby. Nixon. Imagine an old man that everyone calls Baby. Yucky. No, that's Yucky Sauce. Oh, that's Baby Jones. That's Yucky Sauce.

Sometimes Lexi, she refers to me as her sweet old lady. That's okay. Or Graham. No, that I won't accept. I don't like any of it. Did Piggy Smalls get out of there? Piggy Smalls is being released to the custody of an animal rescue. Oh, okay.

Yeah, so somebody might rescue Piggy Smalls and put him into a good home where he won't get out because he could have got run over. He could have got shot. He could have. Make sure it's not a wolf in grandma's clothing. Oh, absolutely not. I'm just surprised because they use the word terrorizing the neighborhood. Then all they did was see the pig around.

There's a pig. Oh. He's terrorizing the neighborhood. And it's a pot belly pig, too. It's tiny. I was on my public freakouts on Reddit reddit as i do and there's a wonderful video of a goat terrorizing a town and i could not recommend it enough it's just multiple cuts of this one goat just knocking people over old ladies with their shopping bags i think it's

like in mexico or something and they're just bumpy just bonks people knocks them over and they're all running from them it is is wonderful. You're just like the most upsetting thing. Yeah, the goats are strong. Have you ever been surrounded by a sea of goats before? No. It is scary. That sounds fantastic. No, they're scary.

When they start butting at you, butting at you, and then the bigger ones come through the baby ones, and they start butting at you, you can't get away. When did this happen to you? It's the same time as when the pigs got loose. Yeah, where were you? What is this alternate reality where you were some farm hand? Did you grow up

in Queens? No, we did. No, this was just last year. We were staying in a tiny house on a farm. I remember the tiny house. Upstate. And the whole thing is like, oh, you live amongst the animals. It was great. We made friends with a deer. We pet a donkey. I mean, it's like you were one-on-one with all these animals,

but you're also living in this tiny house. That's when you used to talk like, Papa, can I please, one day will we go to the big city? What do you think, Papa? But his big thing was that he wanted to get off the grid. So he was off the grid, but when you walked through. So he could just get hammered. Yeah. And no one would arrest him for it.

And he had this big fat wife, and I never saw her completely. She would just stick her head out of the shutters and go, warm enough for you? And it was freezing outside. It was cold. Oh, that's like what you call an old guy baby. I guess. It was very, very weird and uncomfortable, but they had a bunch of goats that every time we left the house, we'd get past the campfire and go down this mountain that they would

come up and just, but Doug, they like the big one, which they called Midnight was this big black goat. He reminded me, reminded me of Black Phillip from The Witch. And he just kept bucking Doug in the stomach because he was playing with him but he had these huge horns and I was just waiting to get witched. Doug was playing with a goat that had huge horns? No, no, no. The goat was playing with him but the playing was bucking him in the stomach over and over

again. Yeah, that's how you can die that way. Yeah, I was worried he was going to break a rib. Yeah? It was very scary. So I'm stranded by all the tiny goats and they're hitting into my legs and chewing on my shoes. They'll do that. And I got really scared.

You must respect the goat. You couldn't kick him, though. I wanted to kick him. Well, they kick him a lot in the video, and it's fun. But he deserves it. He's being such a dick. Man, I'm checking out the IMDb page for Charlotte's Web. Listen to the synopsis of this movie.

So good. A gentle and wise gray spider with a flair for promotion pledges to save a young pig from slaughter for dinner food. It's a great movie. End book. But the movie's great because you got the smorgasbord song. So they never ate Charlotte. Or the pig.

Charlotte was the spider. I guess you could still eat it. And the spider soupy dies, right? Spider soups dies at the end. There's a soupy spider that dies? I thought Charlotte hung itself. Does it? How does a spider Doesn't Charlotte die at the end of that?

How does a spider hang itself? With the whip! Yeah, but it's a spider. It's one little ball with legs coming off it. How do you hang yourself if you're just a ball with legs? Yeah, but you remember the mommy dog in Babe? The mommy dog? Oh. That'll do, pig.

That'll do. Yeah. Either way, I believe goats have the same sort of tongue as rams do, which is why rams are able to bump into each other so much without getting concussions. Their tongues wrap around their brains. That's cool. Yeah, and they're trying to get that for NFL players. They're trying to find a way to inflate the brain to make it not wiggle around so much. We should make this like a biology podcast from now on.

Yeah, we should. Let's change this from comedy on iTunes to science and technology. Honestly, we'd probably be like the number one show immediately because of our listenership, Let's change this from comedy on iTunes to science and technology. Yeah, science and technology. Honestly, we'd probably be like the number one show immediately because of our listenership. And then everybody would be like, what the hell is this? So angry with us would they be. It would be kind of funny if we put this on family or something. Because I'm sure those shows don't do nearly as well as ours do.

I bet you we could be the top five immediately. Let's do it, Marcus. I don't want to. Come on. It would be terrible. It would guarantee us no good press. We haven't been bad at all on this podcast, but I'm feeling winky.

Are you feeling froggy? Well, the First Amendment does apply, and you're allowed to say whatever you want, Jackie, under certain rules. Interesting. If you want to succeed in life, you also can't say anything you want. I like Jewish people. Not allowed to say it anymore.

Okay. All right. Move on, Marcus. All right. Next story? Sure. Yeah. Well, I mean, we've blown through the three that we have.

Oh, wow. Yeah. We got another one. We got a fourth one. If you want us to vamp, I can do something. Yeah. It's wow. Yeah. We got another one. We got a fourth one. If you want us to vamp, I can do something. Yeah, it's a beautiful day. Wonderful in the way. And I'm having fun.

Also, Marcus, if you have a dog, Marcus, can you do this for me? If and when you get a dog, can you name it Barkus? I love that. That's actually a great idea. That's a great idea. No, Barkus Barks. Barkus Barks. Barkus Barks has to be the name of Marcus Barks' dog.

There's no denying it. Wow, how have I never thought of this? Oh, Marcus, it's because you're not a total moron. Because it is the dumbest name, but also the most perfect. I found some tanks in the basement of my building. I smell them. Let's bring them in, man. I found some tanks in the basement of my building. I smell them. Let's bring them in, man. What do the tanks say on them?

They say don't open. It says no sniffy, no smiley. All right, Barkus Barks is going to be... Barkus! Barkus! Barkus! Barkus Barks, you get down here this instant I'm upstairs

We're now to sew I feel like it would be like a bloodhound I imagine Or a basset hound Yeah but that spit You can't deal with all that spit You definitely want to get a chihuahua mix No I want a terrier mix Terrier mix is also fine

There's a chihuahua mix right now in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and the Chihuahua is named Brooklyn, and I was very close to going to buy it. Because the picture, well, I'm never home, and the dog would die. Bring it here. I'll watch it. That's a perfect idea.

When we're doing the podcast. I would actually, I've been thinking about that recently, like now that my life is a little more stable, I've been thinking about getting like a dog, and we could a little more stable, I've been thinking about getting a dog and we could have a dog in the studio all the time. That'd be great. I would love it. I love this idea.

That would be great. Although a lot of shows might get extremely upset and there might be some really intense conversations happening. No, you get one with its tongue ripped out. One that can't bark. I want to get a German Shepherd and name him Mundrake. Okay. Barkus barks.

I will have to. Barkus barks. Fine, I'll name the dog Barkus barks. Actually, no matter what, it can't be Mundrake. Okay. Barkus Barks. I will have to. Fine, I'll name the dog Barkus Barks. Actually, no matter what, it can't be Mundrake. Mundrake. You're going to say that every time you need it? Mundrake.

It's time for dinner. Mundrake. Yeah, Mundrake. Unless you get a little dog named Barkus Barks to go with it. All right, all right. Fine, I'll get a little terrier named Barkus Barks. Oh, that's good. All right. Fine. I'll get a little terrier named Barkus Parks.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. This Chihuahua mix in Brooklyn, the read up, the write up was just very negative. And they said, it doesn't like people. It's really mean. It's a Chihuahua. But it can be nice sometimes. Chihuahua loves the one owner.

That's it. Yeah. I know Chihuahua as well. I am, because of my girlfriend's deep love for Chihuahuas, it will be the dog that we get. It has to be. She loves chihuahuas so much. I love chihuahuas, too, because they have the energy of the dog. They'll cuddle with you, but they have the personality of an outgoing cat.

They hate people. Yes. But when they love you, it's so much more rewarding. Yes. They only love the owner. You should get a chihuini. What's that? A chihuini is a dachshund chihuahua mix. Yeah, my parents get a Chewini. What's that? A Chewini is a Dachshund-Chihuahua mix.

Yeah, my parents have a Chewini. Really? What? My parents have a lot of dogs. They got a Chewini and two Yarkies. Oh, my God. All I want to do is get shampoo and conditioner. One, the shampoo is red and the conditioner is yellow.

And then shampoo it like it's a hot dog. Actually, Dachshundons are my favorite dog. I really want to get a Dotson. And I think Barkus Barks is a pretty great name for it. Oh, absolutely. But be careful when they go up the stairs. They'll break their back. That's what happened to Ed's roommate's mother's roommate's dog.

Well, they're small enough where I can carry them up. Yeah, you should carry them. Especially a Chewini. Chewinis are pretty small. Oh, my God. Wonderful dogs. Yeah, my parents. There's a Chewini named Stretch. Oh, that's a Wonderful dogs. Yeah, my parents. There's a Chihuahua named Stretch.

Oh, that's a good name for it, too. Yeah, they're Yorkie. His name's Willie. Oh, that's a fine name for one, too. Yeah. Let's get dogs. We all have to get dogs. All right.

Well, let's move on, Marcus. A Danish zoo has developed a tender for orangutans in order to track mating preferences. Orangutan dirt. Orangutander, yeah. Thank you. Acknowledged. Thank you. Acknowledged.

Acknowledged. They have shown a female orangutan potential mates on an iPad to see if she will choose one in order to improve her mating chances. If she seems to prefer one over another, they will choose that mate to come over from an international zoo, which could be as far away as Singapore. Oh, my God.

But the sad thing is that orangutan on that orangutan Tinder is lion. And when it shows up, it's going to be 500 pounds fatter. Less hair. No. Well, it could be a lion. It could be a lion. You can't trust the pictures, the profile pictures on these dating sites. Don't acknowledge her for that.

Thank you. It's lion. It's a lion. It's not a lion. It's orangutan. Orangutan K-Cupid. Don't acknowledge that. Well, you're just acknowledging everybody.

Anyway, the orangutans are lying. Orangutan eHarmony. Going on a date with a lion. It's not a monkey. It's a lion. Not acknowledged. What? Yes.

Thank you. Orangutan eHarmony not acknowledged. I request the court for recount. All right, OJ. Recount has been done Recount stands Not acknowledged Why would it be acknowledged?

Because it's on the table It doesn't make any sense He put it on the round table And when something is put on the round table It must be acknowledged or not There you go That's not a rule How many episodes are we in?

500? 300 something Whatever We've never had that before Are you saying I can stop wearing the chain mail to these episodes? No, just in case. What if we want to attack you and you have no coverage? Yeah.

I mean, we could introduce a new rule. Acknowledged or unacknowledged. We could. Does anyone have anything they would like to put on the table? Yeah, Chia Pets. Unacknowledged. Jackie, anything you like to put on the table? Yeah, Chia Pets. Unacknowledged. Jackie, anything you want to put on the table? Pepe Le Pew.

Acknowledged. Yes. What the hell do Chia Pets and Pepe Le Pew have to do with anything? What, don't they? Yeah. But what does he even acknowledge? Happy fucking Valentine's Day, Ben. Yeah, think about that.

But what does that have to do with, that doesn't even have anything to do with Chia Pet. Think about that, think about how to know what I'd say. If you get a Chia Pet or a video of Peppalip Pee. Ch-ch-ch-chia. I choo-choo-choose you, Marcus. Acknowledged. Thank you. Ch-ch-ch-chia.

What the hell? Unbelievable. Chia Pets are disgusting, by the way, and they don't work. We're vamping, baby. Yes. We are fucking vamping. Marcus was like, oh, we burned through those three stories, and I was like, ooh, I think I know a couple ways we could vamp.

We vamped. Ch-ch-ch-chia. I do like the chia pets, but they don't work and they smell bad. Yeah, and by the way, anyone can acknowledge or unacknowledge.

True. We all hold this power. I thought you, I like it that you only have the power. Unacknowledged. You see this, so I'm saying

unacknowledged. Now we no longer have a world that matters. Unacknowledged. You go to college. You're a fucking A world with no rules is chaos. I banged and I drank my way through college. All right, well, how about we do it this way, is that we'll do it in 20-minute breaks, is

that I can unacknowledge or acknowledge at any time, but say, like, Ben gets the first 20 minutes, Jackie gets the second 20 minutes, and Holden, you get the third 20 minutes, meaning that you are now in the acknowledgement zone. Great. exactly. Unacknowledged. Unacknowledged. It doesn't even matter. Unacknowledged.

Unacknowledged. I don't even know what the minutes are. I think we should move to a segment. Marcus, we have to do a segment with Holden McNeely. Not yet. Yeah, we got plenty of time. People need to hear us speak. Yeah, you're right.

Unacknowledged. We got plenty of time. People need to hear us speak. Yeah, you're right. I agree with you, which therefore means that whatever you said is illegal and unnecessary. Let's all drop X to see acknowledged. All right, you're taking away. You're getting it taken away.

Okay. You've abused the power. Of course I did. Holden had power for 45 seconds, and I was ready to slit his throat. Yeah, I literally take a knife. I was giving him a chance. Why would you do that? Kissel, did you listen to the episode when Holden was the host of the show? I let him be the host for a minute and a half.

I don't know. I didn't listen to it. There was some Facebook feedback. People really enjoyed your guy's chemistry, and I think that was wonderful, and they deserve you. We do need you, I think. I think we do need you. We need you. You think.

Yeah. You're the wooden post that holds the whole thing together. Yeah, you're like Pinocchio's bullshit nose. Thank you, Jackie. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. It's still technically a mean thing, but that is the nicest thing that you've ever said to me. So that's really sweet. Well, back to orangutander.

Yes. Because that's the one that was acknowledged the most. Well, that's the only one that makes a moderate amount of sense. I'm really good at it. Thank you. Well, the four-year experience is called Tinder for Orangutans, which is not all that imaginative. And the Appenhuel Primate Park in Appeldoorn will let 11-year-old Sam Boja look at potential partners from an international breeding scheme. A behavioral biologist at the zoo told Dutch media that they hope to gain further insight into how female orangutans make mating choices.

He said often animals have to be taken back to the zoo they came from without mating. Things don't always go well when a male and female first meet. I mean, this is... No one looks like their picture on any of these dating websites. All it's going to do is lead to a bunch of rage, and they're going to waste all this money, and no orangutan is going to be happy. That is untrue. Years ago when I did use OkCupid, I was-

Okay, and we're not even going to get how many months? Five months? And then we don't- You what? What am I- Okay. Did you just acknowledge me? I definitely showed-

It was overall not a good experience. But I showed completely what I looked like on OkCupid. Yeah, but did the guys? No, no. That's what I'm saying. Yes, but it's usually the women that do the up angle and they're like, I look like this from up here. They're all monstrous. It's the guys not showing the mustard stains, telling everyone that they're an artist when in reality they're burger flippers at some dungeon place.

Yeah, but that's not the problem. If you got a dick and it works, that's fine. And that's what I put up for. About me, I just wrote dick and balls. But I did write my height was 8'7". And Jackie's attitude right there, that's why her OKCupid name

was The Hammer Gets It. Yes, and I did. But I showed exactly what it looked like was The Hammer Gets It. Yes, and I did. Good God. She likes to nail. But I showed exactly what it looked like because that's the problem with the internets and the lies. I know. Actually, if I remember correctly, because we were on OkCupid at the same time,

and I remember coming across Jackie's profile quite a bit because we were something like a 99% match. We were a 99% match. Yeah, and she was making a monkey face in her profile picture. Well, yeah, because I had a monkey suit on, but it was just below my waist. So you could see my upper half of my body, and I was going, ooh, ooh. You're lucky one of these orangutans didn't take a liking to you. They would have shipped you out there.

Send me to, what, Samosa? Is that a place? I'll go there. Madagascar. I will do it. Aren't they just as smart as we are? You know what? They could be if we gave them a chance.

Smart in their own way. Mark Wahlberg says so. Yeah, absolutely. Those dating sites, I don't know how anyone does them. I don't get them. My picture was me in a costume that was like a big toe riding on a goat. And underneath the caption it said, totes my goat. That's a brilliant idea.

It takes up a lot of data on your phone, too. It's a lot of data. Well, the Tinder experiment is part of a broader look at the part emotions play in primate relationships. The biologist said emotion is of huge evolutionary importance. If you don't interpret an emotion correctly in the wild, it can be the end of you. Cool. Well, I hope they all find love.

And I think they will. They're orangutans, and they have no other choice. Valentine's Day! Isn't it nice? Well, the one problem with the Tinder program, though, is that they haven't found an Orangutan-proof tablet yet. When Sam Boja was handed an iPad, she immediately destroyed it. Of course she did.

She got too excited, but that's what I mean. I don't understand what it shows. If they see one, they're like, ooh, I want to bang this one. How do they react? Well, she's been shown mates by a zookeeper behind a screen, but they are hoping to primate-proof a tablet so she can hold it herself. I think she just points.

Okay, cool. See, we're bringing the power back. Women's March. Women's March. But what is, there is an app now, a dating app, where women get to choose the men. What's the name of that one? Lift.

Bumble. Bumble. So this is sort of a bumble. Kind of. Yes. No, it's not a lift. Zillow. Is that what you're using Uber Pool for?

Yeah. I meet a lot of girls. They get in my car, and I talk to them for a little while, but we never really hit it off. They always end up getting out when they get to their destination. Yeah, but you shouldn't let them get out. True. I should put those cages back on my doors that I used to have.

For the Valentine's Day and be like, oh no, we're in a cage now. We have to have sex. Right? Because we're at the zoo. Yep. All right,

it's time for a segment from Mom McNeely. What? Acknowledged. What is the segment? Remember when you were back in third grade and you you you had like ninja girls themed or or my little pony themed little cards with cute little sayings on them and you'd hand them out to all the kids in class we're gonna give each other one of those

today um and i will go first and mine is going to be a cartoon ninja with throwing stars and an erection. And it's going to say, you're 9-11 and I'm an inside job. I can't beat that. I really can't. Yeah, that's actually very, I don't know about the ninja. Well, yeah, I mean, it's like the Ninja Turtle. Here's some examples. You have a pizza, my heart. Oh.

Kind of a diabetic thing. Yeah, yeah. The Be My Valentine. It's Mike Langell coming out of the sewer and says, Valentine, popping up to say hi. Okay, that's a little less punny, but I'll go with it. Bebop and Rocksteady just says we were made for each other. Not all of them are that punny. Yeah, why is that even?

These are not punny at all. It's kind of a homoerotic Bebop Roxay situation. Yeah. Just confirms some inner thoughts that I had growing up. Mario's stepping on a turtle saying, no bones about it, I'm your Valentine. Well, then who wants to be with that guy? That seems strange. I guess they're, yes.

Let's see. So it has to be one of those little cards. Yeah. Or how about this? Happy Valentine's Day You're so turtley cool That's good Like turtles

Yeah You're turtley cool You're turtley You're turtley cur You're turtley cur You're turtley cur You're turtley cur bear You're turtley cur

Consummate flip flopper I've had so many people Post on the Facebook page Quotes from specific episodes Where you talk shit about Heathcliff And talk good about Heathcliff and talk good about Garfield. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's unbelievable. It's almost like it's a real issue. How many people have quoted you from previous episodes? I know, I know. They're obsessed. Specific timestamps saying that Heathcliff was actually an inferior show to Garfield. Well, I evolved on the issue. What?

So that's fine. I think both cartoon cats had their own upsides and downsides. Alright, what would you say for your Valentine? A little Valentine. Let's see. Oh, I don't know.

Maybe let's... Honestly, the only Valentine's Day gift that I ever really gave in middle school was a $20 bill. You gave 20 bucks to a girl? 20 bucks and a box of chocolates. That sounds like the best Valentine's Day gift I could ever receive. Yeah, honestly, no one was upset. Yeah.

So I think that's what I would just say is it's 20 bucks And you do with it what you will Is there a cartoon or something fun on there? Well the only thing I was saying was like Dora the Explorer But it would be like Dora I'll explore ya You know something like that That's a child Yeah that's creepy

So we'll not do that So that's one of those That's where we don't do that No Dora the Explorer I'm saying if you were going to make a little card not do that. So that's one of those that's where we don't do that. No, Dora the Explorer. I'm saying if you were going to make a little card and it was to an adult. Maybe like a cartoon samurai

with an erection. Maybe I would do oh, maybe Daria. Remember Daria? She was always grumpy. Still underage but we'll go with it. No, I'm not talking

these are cartoons. Oh my gosh. How about a Heathcliff card that says, I want to fish bone you? It's a cat. By the way, can I revise mine? It's a cartoon cat. How am I getting demonized? He's talking about sex and a cat.

Can I revise mine? It's your 9-11 and I'm a job because you insinuate the inside part. Right. Yeah. I think he was right the first time. All right. Maybe something with Marmaduke. Yeah, Marmaduke.

Let's go more that because, you know, Dora the Explorer, she is a dollar. I'm not giving it to Dora the Explorer. I'm talking about making little cards. What are you talking about? I mean, I could try to Dora the Explorer Valentine's card. I bet they exist. Of course they exist. That's what I'm saying.

And it's like, meyamo, your valentine. I thought we were adulting child Valentine's Day cards. The ones the internet has made are awful. All right. Well, they're disgusting people. Either way, I can't be doing all this all the time. I'm going to say Marmaduke, more like you're a wonderful person. Okay, sure.

Marmaduke, more like you're a wonderful person. Jackie, I said your name. Now you can talk again. I thought you had to say my name three times. Jackie, Jackie. And you shouldn't have been able to talk before. Well, I just need to tickle. Three pinches from Marcus.

Now you're. Don't pinch me. Get the pinchy monster. Help, help. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.le. Three pinches for Marcus. Now, your... Don't pinch her. Get the pinchy monster. Help, help. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch, he did it.

Now, what's your Valentine? I heard they were a 99% match. Ouch, he did it. Ooh, yes. But it's... You know, but that's the thing. I acknowledged him. But you pinched me.

I did pinch you. Yes. Oh, and she is upset. Okay, so we're doing OJ-themed Valentine's. Okay, now we're talking. Now we're getting to it. He's of age. All the people involved in his story are of age.

I was talking about cartoons and not even, whatever, I'm over it. OJ, I'll come over to your house tonight, and then we're going to have, I'm Nicole Brown to get inside of you. And then we're going to have, I can't wait to be Rob Kardashian inside of your vagina. Okay. Done. Those are my things. Just images.

I am in the middle of the nine-hour documentary. So good. It's great. Apparently, OJ Simpson said if Nicole Brown didn't open the door with that knife, she'd still be alive, right? Yep. He murdered her. Wow. I am dreaming about OJ.

I can't give him out of my mind. That documentary will get in your head so hard. How far into it are you? We're still in the first chunk, but we had just finished The People vs. O.J. Simpson. So my life, all I can think about is O.J. Simpson. It seeps into your head. It is such a fucker. And I would like to recommend the last podcast on The Left episode on O.J.

because you guys covered it so well. And this documentary just reinforced the things that you guys said. And the funny thing is, well, not really funny, OJ Simpson, Cuba Gooding Jr. played him in the show. The only complaint he had was that he had a small head. He does have a small head. Not the double murder, though. He's like, crush the double murder scene.

His head's a little small. Too small. Big head on that OJ. All right. I'm going to go with, actually, I think I'm going to go with 20 bucks and a box of chocolates. There it is. Boom. Finally, I'll take the victory.

Unreal. All right. That's the, I'll take the victory. Unreal. All right. That's the round table of Marcus Jackie. Unreal. I acknowledge him. I was acknowledged. I'll take it. Good Lord.

I don't get enough of it around here. I refute the acknowledgement. Well, I had to pinch you, and that made me feel uncomfortable, and you made me pinch her. There you go. Boom. So, yeah. So, $20 and a box of chocolates wins by default. There you go.

Boom. So, yeah, so 20 bucks and a box of chocolates wins by default. The snake that eats its own tail is a snake that eats its own tail. That's absolutely correct. Truer words. Truer words. All right, thanks for listening. Find everybody on social media.

You know where to find all this. Oh, yeah, baby. And enjoy all the other CCR shows. We'll talk to you soon. She's a man, baby. Ugh. Austin Powers. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.