The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 318: Quhy???

Episode Date: February 24, 2017

The gang hears the story of a woman who offered sex to a cop in exchange for taco bell, how a plucky bull escaped from a slaughterhouse, and is schooled by Holden on presidential history.

The Roundtable. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the Roundtable. What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen.

Always civility. Alright, this is the non-recorded episode of the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Gentlemen, always civility. All right. This is the non-recorded episode of the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Pretend like you're not hearing this. All right, everybody. Do you mind if I have a sip of one of these? No, go get a beer if you want a beer. Those are for me.

Okay. Do you mind if I have a sip of your wine? I just need a sip of a drink. Three times throughout all of Roundtable, Holden has bought beer. It's unbelievable. I mean, I don't know. I'll never understand. How do you get away with it Roundtable, Holden has bought beer. It's unbelievable. I mean, I don't know. I'll never understand. How do you get away with it so much, Holden?

What's your secret to never buying beer? I mean, I've thrown down. Whenever I have money, I throw down. They're a dollar each. They are a dollar. And I throw down. Not the ones I got. I got the Prima Pills.

Actually, this is the best beer I've ever had here at the Creek in the Cave. Oh, yeah? I love it. I bought my beer, Big Tall Boy Sierra Nevada. Hey! Nice. All right. I usually try not to drink before sundown, but I make an exception for the boys.

Well, yeah, you're in West Coast time. I am in West Coast time. It's 4 o'clock. It's beautiful. I'm outside. And I love you're in West Coast time. I am in West Coast time. It's 4 o'clock. It's beautiful. I'm outside. And I love you guys. I miss you. And I'd like to start off with a prayer, if that's okay.

Of course. All right, all right. Close your eyes. Bow your heads. In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. I can't let you do it, Ed. Just do it, Eddie. How you doing, Ma? What's going on? I miss you so Ed. Just do it, Eddie.

How you doing, Ma? What's going on? I miss you so much. I'm fine, Eddie! Good, good. Now listen, I'm going to ask a favor from you if it's cool. Ah, Eddie! I actually have a favor to ask you!

No? I need money, Eddie! What's that? Why would you need money? There's a casino here in heaven. It's called Drumpf Towers. And I need money, Eddie. I was actually going to see if you could pay me back. Eddie, the funniest thing, Eddie.

You actually owe $500,000 to God. To God? Yeah. You bought the casino? Yeah. You went to casino? Yeah. That doesn't make any sense. I'm sorry I ruined everything for you, Eddie. If it's heaven, wouldn't you just win all the time?

Eddie! How do you lose? No, it turns out they sent me to hell, Eddie. How bad at cards do you have? You're in hell? No, Eddie. I'm in a casino. I'm in heaven. Yeah, I was going to say, I called heaven.

I didn't call the devil. I called God. It was a joke, Eddie. All right, well, be more careful. I don't think you should be gambling. I think you should be do heroin. You're in heaven. Enjoy yourself.

Oh, Eddie, I got to go Miltonboro. He says he wants me to blow on his dice. But the strange thing is he's not playing craps. I would be very careful. I think he wants me to suck his balls, Eddie. I heard that he's got a long one. So make sure you do your throat exercises. Oh, I do.

I miss you. your throat exercises. Oh, I do. I miss you. Okay, Eddie. I got to go blow these dice. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. All right.

Welcome to the Round Table of Gentlemen, everybody. Thank God we finally got the guy back. Technology allows Edward Larson to be with us today from beautiful, sunny Los Angeles. Eddie, you just had a massive rainstorm over there. What happened? It wasn't bad. Okay. It just rained, so it made the news.

Everything's fine. Yeah, it just rained once. It's just they're going through the drought out there. They got no water, agua out there. Apparently, the reservoir's full. We're ready to rock. Are you taking short showers? Take short showers.

I only take one every couple days, so it works out. Oh, okay. That's very nice. I take normal showers, just not as often. I'm a once-a-day boy. Once-a-day boy? Yeah, I'm a once-a-day boy, and I need to wash the sheets more often. My side of the bed, it stinks.

Just your side? Yeah, of course. Lexi doesn't more often. My side of the bed, it stinks. Just your side? Yeah, of course. Lexi doesn't make stink. Lexi doesn't. Yeah. Wait, but this implies that you were sniffing her side of the bed. No. And then you sniffed your side of the bed, and then you compared the two.

Her side smells good. No, you're not sniffing it. You can smell it. There's a difference. I can't sleep on my stomach anymore because I smell myself. Oh, God. So you say anymore which implies that this is a recent phenomenon.

I mean, I don't know. Maybe I got my sense of smell back since I quit smoking which was like a while ago, but I think I do smell myself more and it's very disturbing. And I think the cigarette smoke actually was beneficial. It blocked up the stink. Yeah, that's true. What do you smell like?

Lexi describes it as I'm fermenting. Yeah. What do you think he smells like, Eddie? Well, fermenting usually means it's, you know, getting to something that somebody eventually wants. Like alcohol. Yeah. That's a good point. Maybe dementing is a better term.

Yeah. Something. A dementor. Like a dementor would smell in the Harry Potter series, which I recently read. That's great. Which, if you don't know, they give people depression. So I'm sure that does not smell good. Holdenators, ho!

What's your name? I didn't even say hi yet. Yeah, you did. Hello, everybody. Ed Larson here. How you doing? Oh, we heard the prayer. We heard the whole thing was so wild.

Oh, let's roll out the red carpet. I didn't properly say Ed Larson. Oh, can we put the laurels out for Ed? Oh, big synopsis. Where's my parade? I've been here for the past several weeks. Where's my fucking parade? Chubby Palm Sunday over here.

We'll start laying down the leaves for the guys. Baldinators, fuck you. Whoa. All right. This is the microphone. Back away from the mic. Baldinators, fuck you. Whoa. All right. This is the microphone. Back away from the mic. Amateur move, Ed. The closest time Eddie's ever become a pilot, or the closest to Eddie ever being a pilot.

Yeah. It's time for your PlayStation Network shout outs. Eddie's here, and I love when he's here, when he has to hear them over and over again, and again, and again, and again, and again. He took the headphones out. He took the headphones out. I took my headphones out. And there you go. Now that proves that he took his headphones out

because he said it right after I said it because he couldn't hear me say it. Absolutely. Shout out to the biggest bitch in Tennessee, AG. He's a grumpy fucking prick who knows Burt is the best, and that's from Salmonburger. RedbeastXL54 just straight up says, sup. Joel says, ho, play Rocket League with me.

It's the only game I have. I just bought a PS4 to talk to you. Rocket League? Yeah, it's like car soccer. What are you trying to do? It's great. Ben, it's a fun game. Arouse a random animal or something?

Yes, you have to arouse animals in it, Ben. There's a squirrel in it, and it's soft, and you've got to get it hard. And then you find out at the end it's a girl squirrel, so you couldn't have done it in the first place. Oh, my goodness. Well, trickery then, I guess. Yeah, Eddie. You can get the little titties hard.

Yeah. Good point, Eddie. Joel says, oh, headphones back in, I see. Couldn't keep them out for long, Eddie. I just wanted to make sure I wanted to hear all the shit you talk about. We don't even know if this is the real Ed. Eddie, Jeffrey Ross is behind you, Eddie. Be careful.

Jeff Ross is behind you. Good Lord. Oh, God. Yeah, you want to say hi? Welcome to the round table, Jeff. Oh, I'm okay. Thank you. No, he doesn't want to be a part of it.

Okay. Well, you know what? He's still on. I'm just asking if he wants in on the seamless order. Oh, my God. Eddie, what are you ordering with Jeff Ross right now that's so important that you can't do the damn show? We were so close to getting Jeff Ross on the show. He's not coming on the show.

Literally, he was a foot away. Why didn't you just give him, just have him talk into your microphone? Just tell him it's a 50% ratings boost. This is the only thing you bring to this entire show is the fact you're cousins with Jeff. He's like the Michael Jackson of a very, very specific form of comedy. Good Lord. And that's not true, Eddie. You yourself bring everything to the show.

Oh, I already said that. Can you ask Jackie to follow me on Twitter? Jackie's not here today. My waifu, whatever is easier. Ed, can you ask Jeff if he's ever heard of PlayStation Network shoutouts? He's already buying Israeli chicken. Moving in stereo says, PSN shoutout, I hate the word kiosk too. Some guy at work used to say it all the time,

so I dumped a live Humboldt squid into the stall while he was dropping a deuce. Turns out he had a real serious squid phobia and is now in a mental hospital. So shout out to Todd, you kiosk-saying squid sissy. Oh my God. Sorry about shattering your psyche. That's not a shout out. That was a mini story. That doesn't count as a shout out.

Delete it from the record. That person doesn't count. I like moving in stereo. It's my favorite car song. Kahuna 300 called me the F word, so I don't even know if I want to give him a shout-out. Don't even do it. Don't even do it. What did they call you?

Can I get a shout-out for my drug buddy, Johnny? Call him something fucked. Ho! I'll call him something fucked. You're a basket of naughty sandwiches. Ooh, nothing good with that. basket of naughty sandwiches. Ooh, nothing good with that. Naughty sandwiches. What's in those? It's a liverwurst type thing I would assume. Mr.

Minchette says, PlayStation shout out from Mr. Minchette, my sister is a bitch. Lol. Well, I don't know about that. We don't know your sister. I bet that's real. Yeah, kind of mean-spirited there, I think. Greedy Pete says, hey, catcher, can I get a shout-out?

Yes, you can, Greedy Pete. Yes, you can. This has been like Greedy Pete's third or fourth shout-out. He does lots of shout-outs. But he doesn't say anything to be shouted out. I know. Isn't there like a number, like a limit that you give people? You can literally, I mean, little known

secret. Maybe I shouldn't be divulging this on the show. You could do a shout. You could give me shout outs for days. I'll say I'm on the thing. Alex Lovell says you bitches can't contain my jizz. I miss Eddie. Holden for round table of the year. Also, Jackie is the best. There you go.

There we go. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to cut it off right there. That's been your PlayStation Network shout outs what, I'm going to cut it off right there. That's been your PlayStation Network shoutouts. I'm also going to cut off Ben. Cannot speak, Ben. I can speak whatever. Do not try to speak. Absolutely not.

Do not try to speak. No, your loopy magic doesn't work with me. I'm sorry. It's Skype. We're on Skype. I can't hear you as well, so I cut you off more often.

Spinks. You're not on Skype. Cannot hear you. We're on Skype. We're on Skype. Sorry, Ben. You're too far away. We can't hear everything you off more often. Spinks. You're not on Skype. Cannot hear you. We're on Skype. We're on Skype. Sorry, Ben. You're too far away. We can't hear everything you're talking about.

I'm in the room with these three, you lumpy shit. There's a video feed. No, but you're so tall that you're actually further away than me. Oh, my God, Eddie. That joke is beneath you. There's a video feed, so I can't hear Ben's. It's not beneath you, you tall fucker. Thank you, Marcus.

Well, I'm happy. John Starks to Oakley, and you dunked it home, Marcus Parks. Very good. What were the last sentence you said? What did that mean? Two players. In a game? And they passed the ball.

They passed the ball to each other. Like players, like they get a bunch of pussy? They did do that as well, I would assume. Yes, absolutely. Okay, so you want to be done with your shout-outs. Do you have more shout-outs, or do you want to go back to them? I straight up went, I got a new app that gives me my PlayStation Networks shout-outs straight to my phone through PlayStation Messenger. So I was usually, I'm prepared usually, but this time it was off the cuff.

I was just hopping in, read a few messages, got them knocked out, and now we're on with the show. All right, well then we'll continue on with the out, and now we're on with the show. All right. Well, then we'll continue on with the show, although you've never been prepared for them. So I guess PlayStation Network shout out to the PlayStation Messenger app. There you go. That's a personal Catcher 6945 shout out to the PlayStation Messenger app. Thank you for making it easier for me to do my PlayStation Network shout outs. Catcher 6945.

I know what the 69 is. I mean, that's juvenile and the letters that are having sex with one another's opposite parts. Catcher, of course. Catcher in the rye. But what's the 45? I'm not sure. Dead Dad Michael Jordan. There you go.

Boom. Nailed it. Second time around Michael Jordan. I don't know. I don't know what. Okay. So I made that PlayStation username when we lived with Kep, our ex-roommate. He got a PlayStation 3.

I only got it so that I could buy Castlevania Symphony of the Night. Which is great. Which is great. It's a good Castlevania game. It's awful to watch you play seven days a week, five hours a day. Five to six hours a day. When people were over. Do you remember that, Eddie?

When Holden would just, we would have a house party, and then Holden would just play a video game the entire time. The worst was. That's better than him talking to people. The worst. The worst. Well, that's a good point. Is when I was in my pajamas playing, I don't know,

my sharpest memory of this is playing Nino Cooney, the Studio Geely anime rpg and ben would bring home some chick some slag no no no some slag truth that's fake news some slag and she'd be like you know and then they all want they're all like entertain me everyone would openly mock you yeah they would come in like oh my god and i'm like in my pajammy jammies, it's like a night off. And this girl would be like, what's this? And I'm like, I cannot explain to you what this stupid thing is that I'm doing. I don't want to.

And Ben's just like, get into the room. Get into the dark room. The stupid thing you were doing was called wasting your 20s. What's this? All right. I was in my early 30s by that point. Okay, well, that's even worse. Police. All right. I was in the early 30s by that point. Okay. Well, that's even worse. Police.

All right. Very good. I say enough with the fake news. Bring in the real Jews. Come on. Eddie, when are you Jewish? Are you Jewish yet, Eddie? Yeah, when are you a real Jew?

At the end of August. Well, maybe when you eat that Israeli chicken that Jeff Ross is buying you right now. I eat it almost every day, to be honest with you. It's delicious. Shout out to Taim Chicken. Okay. You guys really do a great job over there. I love everything about you.

Every time I go, a guy dressed in full Jew garb comes up to me and, you know, tries to talk me into being Jewish. Well, and you will be Jewish soon. I do love that you were like, I eat it every day, to be honest with you. It's like no one thought you were lying, Eddie. You know, everyone was just absolutely assuming that to be true. It's so good. I just can't believe we do a comedy podcast, specifically comedy. Ed has one of the most well-known people in comedy feet away from me.

We saw him. He was right there on the screen. Yeah. I can't even get him on. Isn't that wild? Yeah, if he didn't see you guys, maybe he would have talked to me. There you go. Yeah, well, that's fine.

That's fine. There you go. Not insulting. You want to do a news story? All right, let's do a real news story, yes. Please, Marcus, real news only. A Florida woman was arrested last Thursday after she offered an undercover police officer oral sex in exchange for

Taco Bell. Really? Well, no. Taco Bell does have that new chicken-shelled taco. There is no shell any longer. It is just chicken. Yeah, I mean, it's like the KFC Double Down. So she wasn't trying to get out of being arrested. You know,

it wasn't bribing the cop. She was bribing the cop for food. She offered sex in exchange for two soft tacos in order, which would have cost her $2.14. Is that illegal? Yes. This is how they get you though, okay? This is what happens. They eat the meal before the blowjob.

They cover it in fire sauce. Dick's on fire. Well, you would think that she would want two hard tacos. But isn't You would think She would want Two hard tacos But isn't that wild To get in the Why would she want Hard tacos

Cause the dick I love the Oh cause the The penis It's technically a pun It's a pun I mean but like A taco's a vagina

So technically She'd want a soft taco A wet one as well Yeah next time I order a taco From Taco Bell I'm gonna order Two flaccid tacos.

And what will happen? Soft tacos. But they'll be flaccid. Cream. Yeah, extra cheese. Well, I still hold the record of Taco Bell. $32 in a single order. No one thought I could do it.

Marcus, you purged one of my gorditas. But other than that. I purged it only because I was broke and very hungry. And you were holding literally two dozen tacos in your hand. Did we give him nothing? I finally guilted him into giving me one gordita. He didn't guilt me into it. He looked

at me like a dog that was with a family about to drive away from it. That sounds like guilting. Yeah, that's very much guilting. Then you're a monster. I gave him the gordita. Oh, and I'm sure he made him feel great about it that's a higher end item first the mattress now this oh please you make it seem like i don't give to friends i've given everyone i tried to take a single sip of his beer just now

to wet my palate and he won't refuse you gotta start buying beer i do buy beer hold it doesn't buy beer i have forever this show for beer. He hasn't in eight years. I have forever ago. You've been doing this show for eight years. I have a new rule. I have a new rule. No buying alcohol during the week. Well, then you don't get any alcohol during the week.

No, if someone offers it to me, I am allowed to taste it. I didn't offer it to you. Exactly. I asked. As a matter of fact, I put them down. I looked at you, and I was like, he's going to ask. And I made that decision to say no right then. All I wanted was a sip.

I didn't want the beer. See how Marcus got the Gordita, but you didn't get the sip? Yeah. He only had to scream about it. No, because he was nice about it. It's different. If it's like a bunch of cans, it makes sense, but Ben had a smart move. He bought three glasses.

He's like, hold it. I'll never ask for this. I didn't think it was possible someone could be so needy. I asked for a sip. A sip of a man's beer. And then I got the sip of water from Marcus. You were just the closest thing to it. Well, either way. So the woman was, she was arrested for solicitation. Her name is Buffy Suzanne Bryan. Oh, I like her. 47 years old. You know what? Honestly, I think the cops are dickheads. She needed food. Just have some heart and just be like, you know what, you don't want to do

this fellatio act. How about we get you some money, get you some food, and, you know, try to change your life around a little bit. Well, it was a citywide prostitution sting. Four other women between 31 and 48 were arrested in the citywide sting. I mean, well, technically she didn't

ask for money. Yeah, or drugs. She asked for something better, Taco Bell. Well, I don't think you're allowed to barter for sex either. So if I got a bunch of pelts or something? Yeah. Nothing good work with that. I don't think you could offer a bunch of, like, rabbit pelts.

You could sell a gun to somebody, but you can't sell sex. Yeah, yeah. That is wild. I hate these prostitution stings. They're predatory on the prostitutes who are oftentimes victims in their own right. I'm sure there was a pimp who was like, go give me two soft tacos. And so she had to go do the two soft taco trickery. I mean, it sounds like the soft tacos were just a guy's because she's blowjob crazy. I mean, she just wanted to give a blowjob.

were just a guy's because she's blowjob crazy. I mean, he just wanted to give a blowjob. And what kind of America do we live in when the pilgrims got off the boat? Which ones did they get off of? We didn't land on a blowjob. The blowjob landed on us. The blowjobs are... Martin Luther King Sr. said that.

No, I don't think that's the right person. Yes, he did. That is the right one. Martin Luther King Jr. said the whole thing about P don't think that's the right person. That is the right one. Martin Luther King Jr. said the whole thing about Plymouth Rock. Yes. Or was that Malcolm X? No, no, no. Martin Luther King Sr.'s wife mentioned it,

and then Martin Luther King Sr. said it in a church. Martin Luther King Sr. responsible for the above-ground railroad. There you go. There you go, which was just straight-up a railroad. I don't know why they had to say above-ground. It's just called a railroad. Well, it's kind of nice. You know? Get Which was just straight up a railroad. I don't know why they had to say above ground. Just call it a railroad. Well, it's kind of nice. You know?

Get a little sunlight there through the windows. That's just a railroad. That's not. No, they have above ground railroads. Yeah, but you don't have to call it an above ground railroad. There's a huge train when it goes above ground. You say that's the above ground train. Well, they have the elevated train.

Yeah, the L train. Yeah, you call it an elevated train. They call it the L train in Chicago. If it's below ground, it's called a subway. There it is. I have a dream that one day there will be a railroad in the sky. Crazy talk. Hey, Eddie.

There is one. Eddie, I drive it every day to the casino. I get drunk on the subway. And then I go to the casino. And Millenboro says he likes my breath because it reminds me of his. Yeah, we play and play and play. Eddie, you know, be careful with the cigars. Oh, Eddie.

Oh, that reminds me. He calls me his ashtray. Oh, God. You say you learned it from Bill Clinton. Anyway. Good. All right, well. Tell him to say hi to George Burns.

I'm sorry. I'm just. Oh, Eddie. Never mind. I got to go. Would you believe it? Chris Benoit is up here. He said you want me to suplex.

He made it to heaven? Yeah. I guess God didn't like his wife or child. up here. And he said, you want me to suplex? He made it to heaven? Yeah, I guess God didn't like his wife or child. And it's so the eye don't know what happened. He just chooses favorites. It's a weird place, Eddie.

I'm just disturbed, Marcus. You've got, um, uh, fish center in your Skype contacts. What is fish center?

It's an adult swim show. It's an adult swim show. Oh, okay, good. P-H-R-S. No, not P-H. That would an adult swim show. Oh, okay, good. PH or F? No, not PH. That would be rock and roll.

Yes, and you can check out the last stream on the left every Tuesday at 8 p.m. Whoa. AdultSwim.com. We went over a million listeners. You can listen to Fish on Spotify. Yeah. Fish on Spotify. They've got a lot of live albums, too, a lot of deep cuts.

You definitely got some what do we got some every Halloween they got a new show every Halloween you enjoy myself

many different versions you enjoy myself many different versions of Maze every New Year's Eve you can see them here in Madison Square Garden they do like

three or four nights I went with my brother to two nights a few years ago they've got some really good Harry Hills, some really good Winstons, really good songs on there. These are some

hot fish jams. Ed, what are your... You know what, though? MSG and... Cars, trucks, and buses. Cars, trucks, and buses is a great song, Ed. Sounds like a Neil Young song. When I was... Name one other song? No, Neil Young. It sounds like a song that autistic Neil Young would sing now.

Name as many fish songs as you can starting now. Farmhouse. Character Zero. Yeah, Bouncer on the Room. Character Zero. Character Zero? Okay. And then there's, you know, Waste.

Waste. Yeah, Free. Free's a good one. I like that one. And then, you know, Gin and Juice. That's Snoop Dogg. That's Snoop Dogg. Well, they. Free is a good one. I like that one. And then, you know, gin and juice. That's Snoop Dogg. That's Snoop Dogg. Well, they have a version of it.

They have a free version. Oh, I remember that when Phish came out with gin and juice. I thought that was borderline racist what they were doing. I don't think. Cultural appropriation. Are you thinking of the acoustic guitar version of gin and juice? I don't think that was Phish. It was some white group that made gin and juice. Do you remember that?

It is Fish? Yeah, Fish. That's Fish. It's Fish. Yeah, I thought that was borderline offensive when I was growing up. Do you remember that, Marcus? I remember it.

I thought that was stupid. I didn't care. The Snoop Doggy style was such a great album, and then whites were like, we like the lyrics, we don't like the color of the guy singing them, we better get white folks to do it. Appropriating black music.

I don't want to be all politically correct over here, but I thought that was bad. Let's talk about a little known man named Elvis. Let's talk about a little known man named Jay Walker John. Are you just- Jay Walker John? Yeah. Junior Walker? No, Jay Walker John.

Are you just- He liked to jaywalk. Are you just about to regurgitate that scene from Coffee and Cigarettes? Let's talk about a man named Spandex Pete. By the way, Elvis Presley. Okay, sure. He was Elvis. Everybody loved him.

This is my impression. Peanut butter banana. Peanut butter banana. Someone grab my monkey. The first time in my life I wish people could see you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You actually. Oh, go away there, baby.

I can't take. Oh, nigga. Oh, my God. It's so great to have Elvis Presley with us. That's the part where he missed his mama. Chicka pie, high tie in the wind. High tie in the wind. High tie in the wind. What about like Jailhouse Rock or something, Elvis?

I think it'd be cool if there was like a mix-up between Nell and Belly called Nelly. I think it'd be great. Nelly would be pretty good. It would just be Nelly. Yeah. There's an artist called Nelly. Oh, that's right. What is wrong with you people?

That's how he got his name. Oy, oy, oy, oy. Oy, oy, oy. I don't know. But there's a- Jailhouse Rock. That's your Jailhouse Rock? Hey, oy, oy, oy. Oy, oy, oy. I don't know. Jailhouse Rock. That's your Jailhouse Rock? Hey, Ben, have you ever heard this one? A blue suede rock.

A blue suede boy. Well, if you get a cup, I will give you half a beer. You know what? I don't want your filthy beer. No, you don't want it? That's great. Actually, all right, yeah, I'll take some. Oh, you'll take some?

Okay. Wait, that is an empty cup. I know. I'm going to pour you half of a beer. Thank you. Thank you so much. There was a great documentary in Marcus, did you see it yet, called Orion. I did see it.

It's fantastic. Awesome. After Elvis died, everyone wanted to believe he was alive, and there was this very talented borderline. It was just an Elvis impersonator. Well, he was a guy whose singing voice happened to sound exactly like Elvis'. But he was actually more attractive, bigger, and more buff than Elvis. I don't know if he was more attractive than Elvis.

I mean, maybe if you put them both at a truck stop that, you know, Orion might be getting some more tail there. Well, he looked like if Bruce Campbell and Elvis had a baby. Oh, yeah, there you go. Yeah, I could see that. No one's more attractive than Elvis. No one is? Nobody.

He was getting it when he was huge. Elvis got mountains of sweet, hot thunder pussy. He was raking it in. Yeah, but that isn't necessarily an indication of attraction. It was wealth and fame and Graceland was such a nice place to, you know, watch pay-per-views. Wagging that dick around for the lady. Shaking them hips. Making his balls slap against his thighs.

Is there a way to make me not wake up in a stink every morning? I just don't understand it. Shower before you go to bed. I do. What do you mean? I do. I think it's blocking my pores up and I'm just inking out this stuff. The funny thing is... I think you need to start, instead of soap, just use rocks.

You know, and kind of just get the slime out. Exfoliate. I actually thought that I saw you today uh holding from behind this is a true story i was walking up second avenue and then i looked at the guy's neck and i saw no lumps and i was like oh that's not holding can't be i was just about to talk to you but it was not you elvis's first girlfriend was named dixie lock god damn that's awesome man this kind of reminds me of that one time when Ed Larson thought he was running up and scaring Jared from behind. And it was actually a large woman.

Well, we have to get some context. Our friend Jared. For murder. Yeah, Jared for murder. He was running up behind him. He was going to scare him. And he did scare the person. Ed, what did you say, Ed?

I don't know. Probably boogie, boogie, boogie or something. Yes. It just terrified this grown woman, this large woman. Well, she must have been fairly large because Jared's 230, 240. Yeah, and he used to have like long shoulder length hair. And I think he was bigger back then even. It's all right.

I gave her five bucks and everything was fine. You did pay her. Well, you should have given her two soft tacos. Man, I went to a fish concert when I was 15, and some guy offered me weed, and I didn't take it. I was straight-edged. How boring was that concert because you weren't high? It was pretty boring.

I didn't know why people liked fish. There you go. And now, you know, I love them. It's a lot of fun. I don't get this whole fish at Madison Square Garden. It should be in the woods surrounded by mushrooms and elves. It's a weird way to see them.

Why would you see them in a sporting facility, in a sporting arena? They're doing like a month here, by the way, Ed. I don't know if you saw that. What? They're doing like a crazy run. But you can't smoke weed there. Am I wrong? No if you saw that. Yeah, they're doing like a crazy run. But how do you, you can't smoke weed there.

Am I wrong? No, you can't. What do you do at MSG? My brother and I went, we did have a security person stop us, but I feel like I'm always that guy.

Ah, that gets stopped. Where everyone around me is fucking smoking mad weed and I'm like, oh, maybe I should. Well, they know you're going to stop. I look like, yeah.

And they got to do their job. Yeah, true. Yeah, I look around too much. I'm too aware, you know? I will say you're not usually the guy that gets stopped by security or police or things like that. Well, I don't understand, too, because I dress like a ninja when I go to the shows in order to blend in, in order to, into the darkness. So why would they stop me?

I just feel like it's perverted. It's a perverted version of fish. It should be happening in the Midwest or the South. You have all these bankers out there jam-banding it out. Oh, bankers love jam-band music. I know, but that doesn't seem to make any sense. It doesn't correlate in my mind

with the principles of what fish are supposed to stand for. These are all bros. Fish is loved by bros. Bros work in banks. My favorite album is Hoist. What is your favorite fish album, Marcus? I don't have one. I have no...

I don't like fish. Thank God, Marcus. I would rather listen to the Charles Manson album we played at your housewarming. Yeah, because that album is fucking amazing. Is that the one Ed gave me?

Is it the same one just fucking around? No, no. This isn't just fucking around. This one is 12 Canciones de Charles Manson. It's a reprint, a Spanish reprint of the Love and Death cult,

Lie, Love and Death cult that came out many, many years ago. Gotcha. And it's a lot of fun. It's really great because Doug from the Cowmen was wondering what his music sounded like, and I was like, well, sir, I'll tell you. Let's play it at the party. Because he did not expect me to play that at a party full of people.

Right. And I did, and people loved it. They did love it. Speaking of music, I think we have to, this is our first show since the 50th birthday of Kurt Cobain. Yeah, Kurt Cobain turned 50 on Monday,

Tuesday. Can you believe that? Kurt Cobain at 50 years old, what would he be doing now? I think maybe he's shelling Taco Bell. I would say he would be doing heroin. No. He would be dead. That's why he died in the first place. I mean, it was a murder,

but other than that. People could stay alive for many years doing heroin. That's the surprising thing I've learned recently about heroin. Keith Richards. Keith Richards slamming heroin until he was like in his 40s or 50s, I believe. I think Kurt Cobain would have become an artist for a long time and then put out a fairly mediocre album around 2004.

I feel like he'd put out a very... What other artist would he be more like? A Bob Dylan? Putting out a crooner album? I think he would have been his own thing. He would have been his own thing? I think he would have gone the Paul McCartney route. I think he would have been his own thing. It would have been his own thing. He wouldn't have, because I see, I think he would have gone the Paul McCartney route. I think he would have put out some like modern stuff that sounds kind of good, but it's definitely

like dad rock, you know? I don't know. I mean, his shit was always so sad. I don't think he would go, you know, Paul McCartney. Maybe, but I think, you know, if he found happiness later in life. Well, worst case scenario, he continues his terrible taste in women. He goes down the road of just reality show after reality show, which is extremely plausible. Oh, no, it's not.

He never would have gone down the reality show road. He doesn't have a good taste in chicks. They want to use him for celebrity. I mean, look at what happened with Kourtney. And then I think it could be really sad. Or he's the governor of Washington. One of the, I swear to God, it's one of those two things. Because I would vote for Kurt Cobain in a heartbeat.

He'd be like, I'm legal, I'm opening the zoos. I'm opening the zoos. Well, he's Kurt Cobain, so he'd be like, I'm closing the zoos. He's gotta close the zoos. Yeah, but he opens the cages. He's closing the zoos, but he's not letting the animals out. No, he's letting the animals out, but he's closing the zoo.

He's closing the zoos. I'm closing the letting the animals out. No, he's letting the animals out, but he's closing the zoo. He's closing the zoo. I'm closing the zoo and I'm opening the cages. But the animals are still in the zoo. The zoo is so closed now they've just got a little ecosystem going on. Oh, I think we should start letting these animals loose. There was just that bull up in Queens. It was doing fine. So what's the deal with that? Do you have that as a story this week? A plucky bull

escaped from a slaughterhouse and led police on a wild chase through the streets on Tuesday, only to die on its way to a shelter. By the way, I want to say the cops shot it with a tranquilizer gun multiple times. They treated it better than most people. Like if something's rampaging through Queens, the cops are like, we'll shoot it. And they're like, oh, never mind. It's a stake.

We'll just use a tranq. They shot that old lady with a baseball bat in the Bronx, and they let this bull live. They had a baseball bat gun, and they shot a baseball bat at her. Holden strikes again. How much electricity do you have to run through a bull before it dies? Well, let's see. Well, police corralled the bull in a backyard. Police corralled the bull in a backyard in Queens after a two-hour chase that continued

even after the bull's hide was studded with tranquilizer darts. A spokesman for animal care centers in New York City said the bull died en route to one of the agency's care centers. Police said the bull had escaped from the Aziz Halal slaughterhouse. No one answered a phone number listed there. The bull would have been spared the butcher's knife if it had lived. Mike Shura, the founder of Skylands Animal Sanctuary and Rescue in Wontaga, New Jersey, said he was on his way to pick the bull up and take it to his facility.

I did not realize that Queens had a Texas-like... Queens is full of slaughterhouses. A slaughterhouse like that, though, to facilitate killing multiple bull and cow? Halal. Interesting. It's all about halal. Halal, halal, halal, halal. Halal, but what does it mean all about halal?

What's the difference? But, Eddie, as the Jewish person coming up, would you like to take this one? I mean, well, halal is a Jewish. It's like an Indian thing. I thought it was an Arab thing, a Muslim thing. Muslim and Arab, yeah, whatever. Eddie, you've got to learn about those things. I learned kosher.

I thought halal was like a kind of Jewish bread. No. No, that's halal. No, halal is the Jewish bread made of cow. Halal is the Muslim version of kosher. Oh, so Eddie, what's kosher? Eddie, what's kosher? You got to make sure that you bleed it right. You got to drain the blood.

No pigs. How do you bleed it? I don't do it. Eddie, you're practicing here. I go to the chicken spot. I go to the Israeli chicken spot. You're eating kosher chicken for dinner. Ed Larson,

what stereotypes about Jews are true and what stereotypes are false? Actually, I think the whole money thing is false. Because they're good with it doesn't mean they're stingy. You want to talk about stingy, you go to China.

Oh my goodness, Eddie. That's one billion people over there. It's like an old man. Or not. I'd be stingy too if I had that many neighbors. I've got some interesting kosher facts about as far as what kind of birds you can eat.

You can eat goose, duck, chicken, and turkey. That's all fine. Okay. But you cannot eat eagles. Who's eating eagles? You can't eat eagles. You can't eat owls. You can't eat swans.

None of these are things people eat. You can't eat pelicans. Who? Oh, man. I mean, I get mad if I ever saw one eat pelican. I love pelicans. You can't eat a vulture. That's disgusting. Yeah, I mean, that one makes kind of sense eat pelican. I love pelicans. You can't eat a vulture? No.

That's disgusting. Yeah, I mean, that one makes kind of sense. All of those so far make sense. And you can't eat a stork. Oh, come on. They bring the babies. Storks are going to be good. No.

Yeah, interesting. So this bull just had the time of its life. I'm really happy it got to escape. I mean, it didn't hurt anybody, but it did manage to rip off the door of a car. It got electrocuted to death. What do you mean it had the time of its life? Well, before it got electrocuted to death, like the two guys who escaped upstate, what was it, Matt and somebody else there? Remember that story, Marcus?

I love those. Whatever happened to those guys? Yeah, man. Sweat. Yeah. Well, they had a great time, but they both got shot. One guy got shot in the head and got killed. The other guy got shot in the head and he lived, which I thought that was worse.

Very close to the Canadian border, though. Very close to the Canadian border. Really close, yeah. I heard they hit him with a tranquilizer shortly after the bull came out with an acoustic cover of gin and juice. What the fuck? Fuck you. All right.

What? Very good, Holden. Ed, how many stars have you seen recently? Who's the coolest? Name drop us. Give us a name drop. I hung out with Pearl Jam. Yeah. Again. No, just the time.

Just the same time. It was like a year ago, Eddie. You already talked about about on the show. No, I hung out with Eddie Vedder on the beach in Judd Apatow. And we had a good time. We talked about classic rock. But last week when I was in Seattle, I got to go to the studio, which was really fucking cool. I listened to their new song.

They asked me if I thought it was good. I said yes. Well, how was it though, Eddie? How was the song really? It's fucking awesome. Oh, it's awesome. Okay, good. Is there any of those? It's very Ramones-y. Is there any like, her, her?

Any of those? No, no, her, hers. It's kind of, it's shouty almost. It was really cool. Like I said, it's very Ramones-y. I loved it. They had a three-story Ramones banner in their studio. It was a giant John Waters painting. Man, it was

so cool. We talked politics. Then they brought us through. They showed us all the memorabilia. He's a big baseball fan. We got to hang out. We played catch. I played catch, but that had to be better. I couldn't believe it. Then they brought me to the gift shop and told me to take whatever I wanted.

Isn't that nice? You actually did the... Pearl Jam. Look at that. He's got a Pearl Jam hoodie on. He got a hoodie. Playing catch with Eddie Vedder. Isn't that exciting?

When you were on the beach with him, was it like that scene from Moonlight? Moonlight. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we were in blackface. Me and Eddie got... Wild stuff. According to Talmudic law, you are not allowed to eat fruit from a tree until it

has been planted for three years or more. Unless the tree talks to you. In which case, it's fine. Yes. And no, you can't mix cheese and meat on the same plate. I know that. Well, that's common. That's common. We all know that, Eddie.

That's not special. But that's my favorite thing. That's my favorite thing besides feta cheese and pepperoncinis. You like milk cheese. Yeah, I like milk cheese. You can mix olives and cheese and things like that. I don't like olives. Oh.

We've talked about this. That's ridiculous. It's the one thing. Olives and mushrooms I don't like. And I'm weird about feet. Yeah, and then kosher, yeah, you got the ritual slaughterer is called a scotchet. Huh, look at that. All right.

Hold on, what do you mean? You like heels. You've told me so much that you love heels. I need them covered by the heel. Yeah, and if the feet are too out of the heel, I'm not into it. I like a closed toe. So you're like into heels, but you hate feet. Yeah, I think I like horses.

But well, it's neither here nor there. I think I like a hooved woman. That's a demon. I like a foot, a covered foot. I like a covered foot. Even a great foot. Even like a pristine foot by anyone's standard. I'm like, cover it. Get it out of here.

Get me a new one. Get me a new one. Get me a new one, yeah. So Judd Apatow, he's nicer than his Twitter, because he's one of those Twitter guys. He's very upset these days. He's so mean on Twitter. We had a great time. We had a very nice conversation. I feel bad for Pete Holmes.

He's just going nuts on Twitter right now. Poor Pete Holmes is trying to have his show do well. I don't know what happened. People are just like, oh, social media. I can speak to the whole world. I'm going to show my angriest side. He's being political.

Should we get political? No, it's fine. I don't mind people being political. Holden, get political now. Everybody is so mean and mad on Facebook. It's amazingly hilarious. No, you get political right now. All right.

Do it now. Truman. Truman. Truman. Truman. Truman. What did Truman do? Okay, he had a four- He never told a lie. Yep.

He had a four-point plan. First point, never tell a lie. Second point, the third thing I say will be a lie. The fourth point, he skips the third point. That's the most important part of his four-point plan. No, but I thought the third point was the first point. You are being regressive, all right? Abortion.

You know what's so great about that? Pedophilia. What? It's him telling you that the third thing is a lie. It's still him telling the truth. It's wonderful. That's the thing. And he skips the third point, fourth point, and then he just walks away.

And then he kills a bunch of chaps. I do have to know, what did Harry Truman do? Harry Truman? Was there one massive thing that happened in history? Well, he had his girl group, the Trumettes. They would come out. They'd kind of get everybody saucy, get everybody lively.

Let's open the champagne, you bitches. You know what I'm saying? The Trumettes say, get out. Maybe do a couple comedy routines. They're never really into the comedy routines, though, so the audience can't get quiet after that. Truman comes out, right? Four-point plan. We already went over the four points.

He walks away. He walks away. He rode. I believe he was the one who rode a pony across Massachusetts, right? I think that was right, yeah. Yeah, he was the first president. North to south, not east to west. Not east to west.

North to south. He was the first president to But north to south, not east to west. Not east to west. North to south. He was the first president to ride a pony north to south throughout Massachusetts. He was going to ride it back up south to north. The pony died of exhaustion. Oh, no. That's not right. Yeah, that was kind of sad. And he was the first one, I think, to make the spokes of a wheel metal.

What were they before that? Wood. That is actually possible. You know what? I'm going to give that to you. Anything else? He invented the diving board. And he dropped the hardest deuce of all time.

Dropped the biggest deuce into the Grand Canyon. And that's why they call it Truman's Peak. If you go to a certain point in the Grand Canyon and take a shit off of it. And I ask for all my holdnators out there to take a photo of themselves taking a shit into the Grand Canyon. Be careful. Get a rope. Have a loved one hold you. That is a hint to what Truman did. Dropped the biggest deuce.

Do you know what that is? Shit. Batman little boy? Anything? Enola Gay Enola Gay do you know what Harry Truman did

Pearl Harbor at some point I don't know if these are jokes any longer he bombed Pearl Harbor and blamed it on the Japanese

is that not sneaky son of a bitch right that fucker right and then we nuked him in return He was a sneaky Truman That's what they used to call him

Sneaky T Sneaky T That was what he always used to call him He actually had the president with the longest tongue How long was it? They measured it It's not even that long, but it's just longer than all the others Just comparatively

Comparatively it's a pretty long tongue. Like by centimeters, but comparatively. Do they measure the president's tongue when he takes office or when he dies? They measure. The first thing that happens after you place your hand on that fucking book, whatever book that is. The Bible. As you walk into the back and they do the measuring of the president. They measure every part of the president.

Really? Yes. What were his calculations? Do you know? Well, his feet were a foot. I know that because that's easy to remember. You know? I remember that test was a bitch and a half, by the way,

and they made you take the test where you had to write down all the different presidents' measurements. That's right. Which I just, saying presidents' measurements is a mouthful enough. Presidents' measurements. Yeah, it's like saying the wall.'s measurements is a mouthful enough. President's measurements. Yeah. Do they do another measurement upon the end of the term? At the end of the term yes and they're always two inches shorter

which is interesting. That's how stressful that job is. How deep was his ass? Yes they did do the ass measurement and it was actually shallower than they thought it would be. It was six inches and three centimeters.

Was he four or against when FDR dropped the two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima? He lied about bombing Pearl Harbor. What are you talking about? He said to himself, I remember this because they had the tapes came out later in CD forms. It was more in the present

when they came out. But he was like, anything I can do to quote unquote get the Japanese, I will do. You'll do it. That was sneaky tea for you.

Yeah. Sneaky hairy tea. They kept saying, they were like, let's fix poverty. Let's do this. Would you like to do that? And he just kept screaming, blame it on the Japanese.

They were like, I don't, we can't blame our education system on the Japanese. He was like, find a way. Truman will find a way, you know? And Pearl Harbor was it. And Pearl Harbor was it. And then he did that. And then we got in a little war called ma'am. And he figured it out. He he did that. And then we got into a little war called NAMM.

And he figured it out. He figured it out. There you go. How did NAMM end? Philadelphia experiments. All right. It's all coming together. But it was Truman.

I mean, obviously, you know what happened with Truman. Yeah. He climbed the tallest ladder to get to. I don't know. He climbed the tallest ladder to get to the top of the, to reach the, there's a book in the New York Public Library that no one has ever touched except for him because it's at the height of the tallest ladder. He climbed it and he got the book. And do you know what the fucker of it is? There's nothing written inside it.

Yeah. Make up your own words. Yeah. He met an old woman in NAMM he called her his NAMM-y oh that's kind of nice called her his NAMM-y so what did Truman do with the

book once he told like what was his story like what he took it he wiped his ass with it he said this is God's toilet paper he put it back on the shelf So if you wanna smell Uh Uh

Truman shit stain You can climb that ladder No one's done it before Three have tried Three have died Yeah Okay You do know he dropped

Two nuclear bombs On On himself On what then First of all Show me the proof Second of all On On him Japanese On the Japanese Yeah Well that makes sense He hated them Himself? On what, Ben? First of all, show me the proof. Second of all, on?

On who? Japanese. On the Japanese? Yeah. Well, that makes sense. He hated them. He had a clear disdain for them. All right.

Well, very good point. That's a very good point. None of that can be argued with. At all. You can't argue that. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. All right.

And this is an argument-free zone. Oh, absolutely. Of course. This is a argument-free zone. Oh, of course. This is a safe haven from politics, from the rest of the world. Yeah, where you can say your politics and we won't argue with you. What's great is this is actually my time. Yeah. I can say anything and it is fact. Doesn't matter.

And you know who can't say shit? Harry Truman. Yeah. That's right. He's bones in the floor. That's correct. He got fucking Harry Truman. Yeah. That's right. He's bones in the floor. That's correct. He got fucking gacy. Yeah.

Ooh. Brutal. All right. What should we do? Let's do a new story. No. It's time for Simon from All We Needless. Ah, yes.

So the bulls spotted. Man, what a fake out. Yeah. Oh, that wasn't a fake out. Wow, that was a bit of a juke, Marcus Marks. Boop, boop, boop. Whoa. What was the headline of this?

Just give us the headline. It said juke. Cop suspect used sex toy during attack. Of course. Yeah, we've heard it a million times. Cops suspect used sex toy during attack. And they shot him. Yeah, no. The guy hit his partner

with a big dildo after she told him, you're not a man, you're a mouse. Oh, my God. What's wrong with being a mouse? Yeah. Anybody seen Mouseketeers? Aristocats? What was that movie where it's, are we men or are we mice?

It's, we're mice. It's It. It. The movie It. Remember that? Mouseketeers? No, the movie It. Are we men or are we mice?

And they say, we're mice. American Tail. Yeah, that's another movie with mice. No, those have mice in it. Stuart Little. No, you fucking... There are no rats in America. And the streets are filled with cheese.

Oh, I love that movie. There are dogs in America. There are dogs in America. Hey, Eddie, they had that show. Not now, Mom. It's at the hike. Remember that movie, All Dogs Go to Heaven? They don't, Eddie.

What? They don't. Yeah. Where do they go? I don't know, Eddie, but they're not with me. All right, well, make sure you take your medicine. Listen, get out of here. All right, that was everyone. All right, well, make sure you take your medicine. Listen, get out of here. All right, all right, all right, all right.

Uh-huh. Matthew McConaughey. I'll do that. No. All right. No? All right. All right.

Oh, my God. You rewatched that movie. It's different now. Dazed and Confused? Yeah. How is it different? I don't know. Matthew McConaughey should just be in jail. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's the whole joke. Yeah, hewatch that movie. It's different now. Dazed and Confused? Yeah. How's it different? I don't know. Matthew McConaughey should just be in jail.

Yeah. No, that's the whole joke. Yeah, he's that guy that was always way too old to hang out with high school kids. Yeah, but it wasn't as creepy back in the day. Yeah, because now you know the guy. Yeah. Like, you didn't know the guy in high school. That was just some guy.

You're like, oh, that guy buys this beer or whatever. But now you know that guy. And school. That was just some guy. You're like, oh, that guy buys this beer. Whatever. But now you know that guy. Right. And it's creepy. Sometimes I kind of wish I could go be that guy. Hanging out with the high school kids. Why not? They're chill. They're not trying to come at me. Oh, who was Truman?

What was Truman? They're just chilling. Smoking J's. Making out for the first time. I like the young kids. You could make out for the first time. I like the young kids. Yeah. You could make out for the first time again. That would be great. Do you think they're talking about politics?

I don't know it. Hold it. Eddie's leaving. Eddie did leave. Eddie just left. He has to get his chicken. His Israeli chicken. What a beautiful...

Los Angeles is beautiful. He's in the backyard. I don't care for it. I don't care for the aesthetic of it. I don't think it's okay. Oh, and he's back. Hey, he's got a big old joint. Jesus, Eddie.

You want to finish it off? Jesus, go chop down a tree and put it in your mouth? That thing is huge. How much legal marijuana is in that thing? Enough. To say the least. Good God, Eddie. All right, so the segment today, we've got to redesign the Roundtable logo.

We love the art done by... Dave. Dave. Dave Taylor. How do you not remember his name? Oh, yeah, that's right. It's been an ancient day. Almost a decade since that was done.

Nearer to a decade than not. We've got to redo it. He's decided he doesn't want us to use his art anymore. He wants to charge us up the fucking nose for it, Dave. Well, none of that is true. So we've got to redesign the logo. I will start square table, right? Mm-hmm.

Okay. Question mark on the square table. Question mark leads me to say Rdler standing next to it riddler from the batman and in his little word bubble why right he says what's why what is that it's question why so he's not saying why. He's not asking a question. He's saying question the questioner. Why? Why? Question why. Question why.

Chihuahua on the table. Why are you pointing at me? Because I'm trying to get your vote here. But it's the exact same image. He doesn't vote. Marcus votes. I'm trying to get Ben's vote. I don't want Marcus's vote.

I want Ben's vote. Well, I don't think you got it because this is a fucking horrible idea. Yeah, and you don't put chihu it because this is a fucking horrible idea. Yeah, and you don't put chihuahuas on the table. You feed chihuahuas under the table. Can you be silent for one moment so I can sell you on this? Are you ready for this? Yeah.

All right. Quy? All right, it's over. Marcus laughed. He didn't hear it. Let me try that again without any laughter from the person whose vote I'm not trying to get. Just say kawaii again. Ben, please take this serious.

I always take it serious. Are you ready? What? To take this seriously? Yeah. Kawaii. It's like, I just want to grab you by the ankles. Kawaii.

Slam you on the table like a flag outside of Denny's. Can I have another sip of your beer? No. You can't have any more beer. All right, fine. I barely have any beer anyway. These are my only three beers of the day. That's my design.

Okay? It would have been better, but Ben wouldn't give me half of his beer. Your design is far worse than the previous design. Oh, top it, MacGyver. Literally, you know how I'm going to top it? Sick with the previous design. Oh, top it, MacGyver. Literally, you know how I'm going to top it? Sick with the previous design. Okay, that's good. Okay, sick with the previous. Just trace

over it. Just do the exact thing. That's your whole idea? That's his idea. It's beat Holden's. Well, we don't know that. We haven't gotten the vote from the person who I'm not even trying to get. You know, I just realized that our logo still has the original website from seven years ago

on it that doesn't exist anymore. We might want to update that. Huh. I want to update the logo. Alright, well, let's, that's first. Let's get the new, let's get Cave Comedy Radio on there for Christ's sake. That'd probably be a good idea. Except for WordPress slash Roundtable, RT of Gents. There you go. RT of

Gents. Alright, gents. All right. So we're going to put the new website, the brand new website's going to be on it. And just remember, you can't do my idea or Ben's idea. My idea is the idea that currently exists. Two tables. And they're on top of each other. And they're just like, oh, you know, round them up.

Well, this actually brings us to the whole point of this. We are asking you, the fans, to create a new round table of gentlemen logo. We're creating shirts for the show. The tables are criminals, and the cops are after them. They say, round them up. Do the tables have their hands up? The tables have their legs up. They got their legs up.

And then we shoot them when everyone's not looking. Yeah. Okay. And it says injustice revealed at the bottom. There's no website or anything. Injustice revealed at the bottom. No, it's actually not even round table of gentlemen anywhere on it. And cable from X-Men's on it.

The worst character from X-Men. Cable live splatter. Because I shot him up. All right. So literally the fans come up with some designs. Let's do a little contest. Let's do a little contest, yeah. We want to get a shirt for the round table of gentlemen.

We need a Holdenator shirt as well. Well, that's going to be something you'll have to promote on Wizard and the Bruiser. Well, I'll promote it here. I'll probably leave it out. Then we're all going to get money from that as well. So that's great for us. Not a problem.

Not a good strategic decision on your part. Strategy is my third name. Marcus, you got a shirt, right? Yeah, don't come at me with that. There you go. Yeah, we also have new Jackie shirts as well. Those are officially on sale. It says Jackie.

It has a picture of Jackie. And she's saying, that's my name. They are selling like hotcakes. We got a top hat shirt. I'm going to do the Ben Kissel for President shirts. We need a round table shirt in other words. That's what we're saying. I'm brewing my own beer where I essentially just drink other beer and spit it back

into a new bottle. I'm going to sell that. Cavecomeradadiomerch.com is where you buy all of those wonderful products. Can we sell lighters? I like that. We need to get lighters going, yes.

All that stuff is very expensive. We're going to start doing those things. Synthetic weed. We should so start selling synthetic. We should start spice. Spice. Yeah, we should make our own spice. Ham.

Can I sell ham steaks with Ed charred into them? Yeah, of course you can. You just put them in the microwave and you heat them up and it says Ed on it. It's a big ham steak. Each one is a spice. Of course. How I like it. We got to get our own spice first, though.

Yeah, we'll get spice. What are we going to call it? They always got fun names. Roundtable of Mental Men. Because it gets you mental. I got it. It gets you mental. Do you like Grime, London Grime rap?

I never heard of it. It gets you mental. Rock and rock on lintel. I like a bintel. They do that a lot. I do like it. You like that? I like that.

I don't think I like it. It's interesting. Eddie, he's gay, which is fine. Nothing wrong with it. What? I like it. It's not look sharp. It's like that.

Positive message. If Jeff's nearby, if you could ask him if maybe there's any, like, writer's assistant positions or any. Okay. But either way, if you want to maybe ask him. I tried, actually. And they're going to get someone who lives in L.A. Isn't that wild?

Unbelievable. Wow. Unbelievable. I did try, though. Thank you. You're going to land on your feet, Holden. Okay, so, yes. So, yeah, send in some designs for the roundtable.

Why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send them in. We'll see if we can. And whoever the winner is, we will pay you. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what the going rate is. We haven't negotiated this. We will negotiate.

No, don't say it. $20? $20, yeah. $20. $20. And a picture of most of us. I don't think it'll be signed, though. No.

No, but it'll be most of us. Can we just give them a picture of the old logo? No, it'll be most of us. No, we'll get a picture of some of us. Yeah, whoever's here. I don't know. Well, either way, thank you for listening. We'll do one of those pictures.

We're all against white, you know, but we take it individually, and then we'll Photoshop it like we're all hanging out. There you go. Who won, Marcus? Huh? Kevin. Who won? Who won?

The whole competition. The listener. All right. Well, find everybody here on Twitter and their unique places. Yeah, we don't know yet. We don't know. Holden, clarify. It's our first cliffhanger.

Yeah. This is. Yeah, we don't know the winner yet. Holden, we'll announce the real winner next week, so you don't have to come up with a segment again. Yeah, we'll announce it. Well, we'll give them a couple weeks. A week?

Yeah, we got to give them a couple weeks. A couple weeks, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And email us your designs at cavecomedyradioatgmail.com because we don't check Facebook too often. Email any design. If you have a design that you think would make a good roundtable, a gentleman t-shirt, cavecomedyradioatgmail.com is where you can find it.

All right. That's fine. Eddie, anything you're working on you want to plug? Ah, you know. We got a new brighter side coming out tomorrow on Friday. Oh, nice. How stoned did you get? Not that, you know. We got a new brighter side coming out tomorrow and Friday. Oh, nice. How stoned did you get? Not enough.

Not enough. Okay. There you go. I love it, Eddie. I love you too, buddy. What? Some died? No, it's just frozen.

I can still hear you, but the image is frozen. Oh, that's okay. We got you. You're moving for us. You're moving around for us. Yeah. You image is good. Oh, that's okay. We got you. You're moving for us. You're moving around for us. Looking good. Okay. Yeah, EddieTunes on Twitter and Instagram and all that stuff. EddieTunes underscore. Yahoo

as well. That's right, Marcus Parks for everything. Oh, that's good. Marcus Parks for everything. You're Holdenators. Holdenators Ho on Twitch. Catch me on that. Screaming and scribbing. Dipping and diving. Catch the wizard in the bruiser. That's where I'm doing my motherfucking podcast at.

Besides Roundtable of Gentlemen. You got The Cowmen. Check us out on Spotify. Check us out on Bandcamp. Check us out on Yahoo. Check us out on YouTube. Yahoo News. Shoutouts to Yahoo News.

We've got the Murder Fist special. It's floating around. Maybe you can see it at some point. We finally got that done and out. What else we got? I don't know. There's tons of shit

going on right now. They call me, they call me poppin'. They call me poppin'. Oh, you know what? Let's do a little shake and watch the Carmichael show for Kevin Barnett.

Kevin Barnett. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right in the Carmichael show. Right in the Carmichael show. All right, everyone. Find me on Twitter at Ben Kissel. Instagram Ben Kissel 1.

We'll talk to you soon. Peace. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.