The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 322: Gentleman of the Year 2017

Episode Date: March 23, 2017

The gang is joined by Andrew Short and Danny Tamberelli to learn about a chihuahua who was nearly rescued by drones, a cat who liked peanut butter a little too much, and to present the Round Table-r of the Year award!

The round table. Gentlemen. Aye. Let's broaden our minds. Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the hour.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Good night, too. Yes, you never let me have it. Give me my knife back. Gentlemen, always civility. You want to pray today? I could knife too. Yes, you never let me have it. Give me my knife back. What?

Give me my knife back. This is actually a lesson in foreign affairs. No. What? This is it. Give me my knife back. See, now we have arms, and now we have an arms race. Oh, God, he doesn't have knives out.

I'm going to have to ask you to put the knives away. No, this is how. This is the politics of nuclear weapons. And it's a scissor. And it is. I got scissor. That's okay because actually you're close to Marcus. I'm on your side.

You're close to Marcus. He's thinking it's going to take more than one stab to get it down. So you're North Korea, Marcus is China. I'm the good old USA. Hold it as a pen. It looks like a syringe. I'm also holding it as a terrorist because he North Korea, Marcus is China. I'm the good old USA. Hold it as a pen. It looks like a syringe. I'm also holding it as a terrorist because he has a fake pen syringe. Allah! Allah!

He's holding the pen to his neck. Geopolitical politics, ladies and gentlemen. All right, let's go on then. Put the knives away, please. We are putting the knives away. Marcus never let me hold his knife and I was able to steal it for a little while. Your alligator skin. Oh Oh now I got two knives My scissors are

Now you have two knives Because I disarmed And this is the problem With getting rid of Our nuclear weapons I feel better with Marcus having the Nuclear weapons than you

That's for damn sure Whatever You got your finger On the button Ben who are you Bombing first Great question On the round table

Yeah No Country No I don't want On the round table Bomb I, country No, I don't want it On the round table I'd bomb I don't even know who I'd bomb first Pluto

Fuck that little cocksucker The planet? The planet Pluto It'll end the whole world It's not a planet It's like a moon Well, no, it became a planet again It got bigger

It got disproven You can't un-planet, re-planet You can un-planet, re-planet. You can un-plan it, re-plan it. All right, so let's see. Andrew, do you want to pray? Or Danny, do you want to pray? I want Andrew to pray. I'll pray.

Okay. Andrew's a good prayer. Okay, do whatever he wants to do. Everyone bow your heads, please. Andrew Short, nominee for Roundtable of the Year with three. Which, by the way, why do you keep on putting Che on that list? He doesn't even know we exist anymore. Oh, you know, he's always contacting us.

Oh, yeah. He lets Ed know every week that he cannot be there. Remember that, Marcus? We were way back from Ithaca, and he was like, I'm actually upset with the roundtablers of the year. He's super upset about it. What do you mean? Really? He doesn't like that you put certain people on there.

By the way, I don't even know who is on the roundtabler of the year awards. Marcus got nominated. I'm on there. I didn't make it this year. I didn't either. It was a tough year. It is troubling, all right? By popular vote on the Facebook page, I'm number one.

That's a different thing. Jumbo Shrimp is number two. Where are the shrimp? And then Jackie's number three. Of course Jackie gets nominated. She's the last year. She's a reigning winner. Who is bribing?

Where are- What do you mean bribing? Who's voting? Look for the money There is the money trail I vote for the damn thing Did I not give you $20 To get on this fucking nomination list?

Absolutely not I wish you did You have never given anybody Any money whatsoever Holden I give How much did you get for these beers? Zero

Zero Holden in the history of the round I love How many beers has Marcus bought Or Henry bought in the Holden, in the history of the round, how many beers has Marcus bought, or Henry bought in the history... Holden. Unbelievable. This is why you don't get nominated.

Unbelievable. Oh, shut up, you jackass. Ten cracks under pressure, man. I don't crack under pressure. Oh, my. You guys crack. Oh, really easy. Marcus and Holden look nothing alike.

They don't... Uh-oh, I see some cracks in those flip-flops. Ben Pickle. Oh, my frick some cracks in those flip flops. Bing pickle. Oh, my freaking lord, you lizard bastard. Alzheimer's comes to everybody now. Holden has never bought beer. I love Free Beer Wednesday. Free Beer Wednesday is my favorite day.

It's not Free Beer Wednesday. It's the show and you take beer. Well, that's debatable and negotiable. Andrew Short, would you lead us in a prayer? I would love to. By your heads while Father Andrew speaks. A little greasy fresh boy. He's moist.

He's not dry. True. He has small lips and very small teeth. And that young boy is you. All right. Welcome to the roundtable gentlemen, everybody. Thank you so much for your prayer, Andrew Short.

Little teeth, and that was all of us indeed at some point. Jackie Zebrowski is with us. How you doing, Jaxi? I was turned on by the prayer. I think I want to meet that boy. I think I need to get that boy inside of my squirty bird, and I'm ready for boy action.

Bit of a molestation. Kind of a strange beginning to the show here. Splacky Zabrowski over here. I thought you said better to be nibbled on. No, no, Splacky. Splack Pack. You ever listen to them? No, we don't listen to them.

Great old hip-hop group. The Splack Pack? Splack Pack? Splack Pack. Splack Pack? Yeah, because they- Did they know what Splack would later become? Yes. That's what they called themselves then. Huh.

That's terrible. But they're great. Look them up. Splack Pack. Ahmed Larson. Not nominated. Very mad about it, but that's okay. Yeah, you wrote the list, Ed.

I didn't write the list. I just report the news. Well, then who wrote the list? Don't kill the messenger. It's a secret ballot. It's a- The community- The deep state write the list. I just report the news. Well, then who wrote the list? Don't kill the messenger. It's a secret ballot. Deep. The community. The deep state wrote the list.

The community is enraged. Go on the Facebook page. Voice your concerns. Everyone's calling shenanigans on this year's roundtable nomination list. Why was Holden not nominated? Why was Ed Larson not? Ben Kissel, he's here every, why was he not nominated? I have nowhere else to go.

I am here every single week. And the fact that I've been pulled from this... Pulled? You've never been on it. I can't be pulled from something you've never been on. I cannot be pulled from something I've never been on. The jumbo shrimp. The jumbo shrimp should have been on that damn list.

So who's on the list? Who's on the list? I mean, the nominees. I mean, we'll find out later tonight who the winner is, by the way. Oh, wow. Oh, tonight is the night. Did you know there was a big project about your special? Yeah, it is. This is the big special.

We got two guests. Danny will be reading the winner. I texted you the information. Oh, yeah, I know. I got that. Whoa. You're the winner? Wait, you know who the winner is? Who is it? No, no, no. We know. He'll yeah. No, I got that. Whoa. You're the Withered? Wait, you know who the Withered is?

Who is it? No, no. He'll be giving an awful lot of time to say. You know, it's one of those encrypted messaging things, like Wicker, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It already exploded, so he's got to say it. Like Wicker Man?

Like Nick Cage's man? Beast. Beast. Hey, did you know that Nick Cage did Face Off and Con Air at the same time, like consecutively. He is a genius. That's insane to me that he's worked for like 700 days straight and was just like. And it was the best Nick Cage ever.

They're certainly set in the same universe. One of you changed his face with John Travolta, and then the other one he doesn't, though. So you can imagine how difficult that is. Face-off is so fucking good, man. It's not as great when you re-watch it. Con Air is still awesome. Did they have to keep putting his face back on his real face when he went to shoot Con Air?

I think so. Or was that John Travolta? Danny Tamberelli is here. Thanks for being here, Danny. Hi, hi there. You know Danny from Grand Theft Auto V? He plays the character Michael. I could have been up for a contender of the round.

I've been on here like four or five times. I think you barely messed up. Okay, Grand Theft Auto. I'm trying to give Pete a new... Great. If you're my... Thanks, man. I'm Pete and Pete.

Yeah, that's better. There we go. And then also you were Icebox from Mighty Ducks. Icebox. What the hell was the name of the character? Icebox is Little Giants. That was the girl. Are you Icebox?

Fucking A. Are you Icebox? I knew that. What the hell did he do? What did Danny do on Mighty Ducks? He got thrown down in the snow. I was, yeah. What was the name of the character?

Tommy Duncan, okay? Number two. Get it right. I was, yeah. What's the name of the character? It was Rostamon. Tommy Duncan, okay? Number two. Get it right. It was number two, Tommy Duncan. Which is usually a defensive player, and I didn't do any defense in that. I didn't believe a single fucking second of that movie. Yeah. My favorite part was-

Muddy Ducks, the flying V? No way. Oh, I believe the flying V. Yeah, oh, the flying V works, man. As long as you get that puck passed behind you, it's not all science. One of my favorite things was pointing out the inaccuracies to my father every time we watched that movie.

And now the star is here. Can you give me two or three of them that you remember off the top of your head? Yes. Two tiny balls a puck does not make. Okay? Number one. Alright? Okay? That's number one, okay? Those were slip and slides painted

white to create the ice. Unbelievable. Okay? That's number one, okay? Those were slip and slides painted white. Created the ice. Unbelievable, right? And dragons don't play hockey. Okay? Was it real ice, Danny, or fake ice? No, it was real ice. It was real ice?

But it was real liquor and Emilio Estevez's. It might have been. It might have been real liquor and Emilio Estevez's. Was to come. Was he a broken man at that point? No, dude. He was dating Paula Abdul and brought her on the set. He messed up his

daddy's mask. Did she bring the cartoon cat that appeared in the music video? Oh, man, I wish. I wish. I think I was more attracted to her than Paula Abdul herself.

That was a very racist time for America. MC Cool Cat. There was an actual MC that sang that. Yeah. And they were like, we're going to make racist time for America. MC Cool Cat. There was an actual MC that sang that. Yeah. And they were like, we're going to make you a cartoon cat. MC Cool Cat.

What are you talking about? Paul Abdul was naked. He was a cat. So that's better. Takes two steps forward. It was more comfortable for Americans to understand Paul Abdul having sex with a cartoon cat than a black did.

We come together because opposites attract. Yeah, she doesn't like cigarettes. She's not a cartoon. She likes to smoke. Yeah, I understand what you're saying. Were you ever upset that you weren't

a Bash brother, though? Was that something that was a part of you? No, you know what, being a... He was a Rash brother. I was a Rash brother, yeah, because I have very pale skin

and it's not good. Who were the Bash? I'm allergic to ice. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Sexy sex was the Bash brothers in Mighty Ducks 2. Yeah, yeah, of course. You know what? I don't care. The first one's the best

one anyway. I agree. I completely agree. No Bash Brothers. Absolutely. Sorry, no Bash Brothers, okay? Go bash these brothers. That's what I'm talking about. Alright, alright. Danny Tamberelli is coming. Pupnators, oh time for you to sit down, shut your

fucking whole ass up and listen to some PlayStation Network shut up! I don't know. Cameron Crucifix says, ho! Achoo! Sorry, sorry. Keep going.

My bad. Please. Please thank. Danny, we've talked about this. Sorry. We've talked about how important this is to me. He's choking on his fame. Please. Please thank Marcus Parks for being awesome and working tirelessly to keep you assholes on the air.

Thank you. To you other assholes, my wife and I love you all. Can't wait to see you guys from the last podcast in Houston. Thank you. says shawty p says what's up to jeremy hope you're feeling better buddy love you you mad bro 1987 they're very nice what is this i thought this was the internet you mad bro 1987 says love you guys have my babies x lemon fresh x with an underscore in between the lemon and the fresh says roundtable is the best podcast ever thanks to all at car for occupying my brain while I drove all night. We need more Holden on page seven. Now he's pointing at Jackie.

Not going to happen. And more Molly on Abe Lincoln's top hat. Oh, and for all my daughters who love and randomly sing it, two, three, four. We are the Jumbo Tp, here to play a game. Uh-oh, oh, a chef is in town. Oh, he seems to have cooked all the Jumbo Shrimp. And oh, it turns out they can no longer sing. Nupo One says, hi, this is Eric Foss.

I was wondering if I could get a shout-out from my buddy, James Lucia. Call him a weak baby and a few other good lines. This guy's not even coming up with his own shit. Now you're just going to be his little puppet boy? You're going to come up with lines? I'll let him get creative and reach back at you. James, you're a beau, number one.

James, you got ice like honey, number two. And James, bring my fuck to the party, and you will have allegations raised against you in an actual court of law. And that's all for... True, true, true. That's all for

my sick burn. PlayStation Network, shout out. Marcus, please don't cut it out of the show. I will not. Very good, Danny. Very good.

Danny Tamberelli is here. Oh, we already introduced him. I know, but you just had to go in order. We already did it. We went out of order. I know. That's why I said it again. Yeah.

Keep trying to get it back together. That's right. And now we have people. It's a lovely table here. We've got a lot of folks around. We should do a news story, though, Marcus. Sure. I got one.

You're going to be conflicted about this one, Ben. Well, let's maybe not do it. I don't want to break my mind right now, but let's do it. Andrew, how do you feel about different races? Keep them together. All right, let's do the news story.

Well, now that you're back. Well, okay, Andrew, thank you so much for those comments. And 15 minutes later. I live in an all-white neighborhood. No, it's like swimming in foot races. Enough. Keep them together or separate them out.

Some of you can't keep them together and be outside and be drowned. You've got your jobs being taken. All right, enough. Cut to 15 minutes later. Marcus, let's do the news story. A chihuahua missing for five days has been discovered

in an abandoned mine after villagers raised more than 1,200 pounds to fund a drone to help find her. Pounds. That's probably so much less money than the Chilean guys got that fucking rules.

Yeah, well, not only that, but the Chilean miners, of course. It's like three grand. To find the chihuahua. I think you got to do whatever you got to do to get that chihuahua out of that mine because you can imagine how sad the chihuahua was in that mine, and then you can feel its pain,

and you got to find a way to get it out. Give a dog a drone? Chihuahuas are useless. No, they're not useless. They're actually quite protective dogs. You put them in your saddlebag. Thieves used to keep them in their saddlebag to protect their stolen gold. Chihuahuas are a problem. I swear to you, on my grave,

Chihuahuas are a better guard dog than a Rottweiler. You're not dead, though. Well, I'll swear when I die. I thought Ben was dead. Then nobody cares. Nobody cares. Rottweiler's a much better dog. I thought Finn was dead. Then nobody cares. Rottweiler is a much better dog. Chihuahuas are a better guard dog. What, because they make noise?

Yes, that's what scares intruders is noise. I think there's a big difference between a big bark and a yike, yike, yike. I know what a Chihuahua sounds like. I could probably kick it. I don't think you could, Andrew. To you, a Chihuahua is like a Great Dane. Okay, okay. I don't think you could, Andrew. To you, a chihuahua is like a Great Dane. Okay. Okay.

I'm a cat burglar. Okay. I'm a cat burglar. I'm ready to fucking get into some house. I hear a little yip, yip, yip, fucking chihuahua. I'm like, I got this. Put it in the pillowcase and throw it against the wall. How do you get it in the pillowcase?

You can't get a chihuahua in a pillowcase. Oh, yeah. It'll probably jump and try and bite you. Toss it in the pillowcase, tie up the end, throw it in the pool. That is absolutely ridiculous. Chihuahua's Revenge, a name of a horror movie. Danny's got me thinking about something right now. Ed, you should be a monkey burglar.

Oh, man. Dress up like a monkey. Just pound your way into houses. Just take what, you know, ransack. I'd rather hire one and watch from the next house over. True. Hire and train a monkey to rock spaces. All right.

Well, this whole hunt was called Give a Dog a Drone. Hey now. No, that's fine. So you find the chihuahua with the drone. How do you lure the chihuahua out? Well, let's all find out together. Yes. Yeah, give a dog a drone.

And put a little taco on the drone and they followed it. Well, everything follows a taco. Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon. I had a bite of one of those, by the way. You killed that guy and he comes out. I did have a bite of a bacon strip one time. How was it? Tastes like bacon.

Cool. Jesus. Yeah, I played with my dogs with it. Well, the hunt was launched to try and... I was playing with the dogs. Shut up. You guys are perversion. Does your dog like it fast or slow?

Okay, thank you. Fucking, weren't you in Mighty Ducks? Who is that? Okay. Wow. That's like the worst comeback two hours to start over might ever have been.

Let's do this. Okay. What are we doing? Yeah, I was. Amelia West of Ess was at my 10th birthday party. Okay. What are we doing? Yeah, I was. Emilio West of Ess was at my 10th birthday party. What do you got, bitch? I never throw that card out.

Ever. Well, he was a very successful guy. I loved Emilio in Men at Work. That, actually, I loved that. I loved that. Men at Work is a phenomenal movie. Fun movie. Fun movie.

Fun movie. Moving on. Fun birthday party. I still got, you gave me a hockey stick. I still have it. Oh my goodness. My parents have been trying to get rid of it for years and I keep it in the garage anyway. Why do you want to throw it out of the way?

Yeah. You want all the shit that's in my house, that I have in my parents' house gone. Because, you know. They're crazy. Parents are like that. Yeah. Wild. They better crazy. Yeah, wild. They better hold on to that shit. I know, that's worth something.

They reused it. Well, the hunt was launched to track down five-year-old Cherry after she disappeared on Middendate James near Abertillery in South Wales. The drone, which was later supplied for... Those are just dumb names. Cherry the Chihuahua?

No, the city names. Well, the woman, the owner, her name is Katinka Slingsby. Yes. Oh, man. Of great Slingsby fame.

Slinging that fucking vagina. I guess so. You know, that unfortunate series of events with Katinka Slingsby. I love that NPR show.

The drone, which was later supplied for free by a local firm that came forward, used a thermal imaging camera to spot the dog's body heat and found her trapped in the old mining tunnel. Wow. So much money wasted on cherry. Oh, my God. Well, they said they donated it. Well, the RSPCA animal care assistant said,

my dad was out with her walking up the mountain in the early evening throwing six for her, and then she just disappeared, and he didn't know where he went. And then Miss Slingsby launched a crowdfunding project to pay for an eye in the sky to join the hunt after Cherry disappeared and more than 1,200 pounds was donated, but the cash was not needed in the end after a local drone company heard Cherry was missing and provided their services for free. So the drone went into the cave there and found it, huh? Dogs don't go missing.

They're animals. They just go outside and live there now. They might have fallen through a hole, Ed. Yeah, shit. Chihuahuas are very prone to fall through things. Yeah, they're dumb. Yeah. They like to bark a lot at everything.

That's why they're good guard dogs. They are great guard dogs. Well, they use the body imaging. They use the thermal to see where underneath the ground the chihuahua was, and then someone went into the mine and grabbed the chihuahua and brought it back out. There it is. Invasive, though. That's also how they bust a bunch of weed houses and random other things.

It's not right what they're doing. So, yeah. You know what, Marcus? I am conflicted about it. Yeah. Because I know you don't like drones. I hate drones. I hate thermo, you know, the thermal hunt. But you love chihuahuas.

I do love chihuahuas because they're great guard dogs. Drones I like only because they've eliminated the crane shot. You can get crane shots now with hardly any money. Yeah, but there's like one one thousandth of their use is like for, you know, art and hardly any money. Yeah, but there's like one one-thousandth of their use is like for, you know, art and video and stuff.

Yeah, the rest of it is blowing darts into endangered animals, knocking them out so you can behead them, use their skull to drink wine out of. That's entirely true.

It is. I don't know about the drinking of the wine and stuff, but... That's the only thing I do know about, so I guess it's all true. Yeah, every time you go

to Ed's place now, he's got a bunch of forbidden skulls that you can drink different sorts of wines out of. He calls it mead, though. If you refer to it as wine, he will kick you out of his apartment. Alright, good to know. Yeah.

Thank you, Eddie. Erroration. Eddie, did you lose weight or did you gain weight in all the same places? I think I stayed the same. Everyone always tells me I lost weight, and I just know it's not true. Huh. I think you have.

I think so, too. Danny, you lost some weight. Yeah. All right. I can always tell by how much my pants hurt when I put them on or not. Ben, it doesn't look like you lost any weight. No, I'm gaining weight.

Yeah, I'm, uh... Wait a minute. Your pants hurt? Well, yeah. They're too tight, you know? they're too tight, then they hurt. And you sit down, and then it just, like, puts you in your stomach. Leaves a little mark, yeah. Whether or not my belt hurts the bottom of my fat stomach.

See, that's the worst part, man. Oh, I was thinking more of, like, if Disney, like, your pants actually felt the pain and would scream as you put them on. No, no. Not again! Not again! Try driving ten and a half hours To Cincinnati from here

And you only stop once And you don't realize When you get up You got like a belt mark In your fat Oh yeah Of course I get a little rashes

Yeah you get rashes It's not cool man Unbuckle man Like crazy hurt Yeah Yeah How you doing Jackie? I'm great

A thousand percent Hell yeah Back in business Alright so the chihuahua's fine Yeah. Yeah. How you doing, Jackie? I'm great, a thousand percent. Hell yeah. Back in business. All right, so the chihuahua's fine and had a good time in the mine. Chihuahua's fine, had a great time. Let's do a cat story. I'm learning to love cats. Rip it.

Why? You're learning to love cats? Because they're independent, fun, and cute. I've been watching videos and memes lately. Yeah, sounds like Garfield. I have all... Yeah, it sounds... Well, no, Heathcliff is also a cat.

Yeah, but Garfield is... We were talking about a great cartoon cat earlier from the Paul Abdul video. And you were fairly against it. No, I'm not against it. I just think America wasn't ready for an African-American man and Paul Abdul to be singing together,

so they had to make it a cartoon cat, which I think is much more disgusting. That is not... Paul Abdul getting pegged by a cartoon cat was more acceptable than an actual rapper. They weren't pegging.

You took it there yourself. It was for children. It wasn't for children. Pause it. Pause it at the 5 minutes 22 second mark. No, it was not for children. That was a video.

Danny has something to say. What, Danny? How do you feel about Bebe's Kids? Bebe's Kids is a fine cartoon. I loved Bebe's Kids. Who doesn't love... Were you in Bebe's Kids?

I didn't get it as a kid, but I'm glad I got it. You were in Bebe's Kids? Hell yeah. Or were you in Bebe's Kids? He was the whole theme park. I was the theme park. I made all the noises. I made all the noises.

The roller coaster. Hey, get out of my way. Wait, what the fuck is Bebe's skin? What? Bebe's skin? What? I gotta say, Bebe's kids is one of the best cartoons of all time. Jackie.

Jackie. This is generational. She's younger than all of you. I know, but she's still a brother. Jackie. Bebe's kids. You know what? Age is just a number, Jackie.

You're right. Age is just a number. It was Robin Harris, one of the great comedians who died way too young, this was his best stand-up bit. And they made a full movie about it. So how long was Bebe's Kids on the air? Bebe's Kids. It wasn't Bebe's Kids. It was a movie.

Oh, it was a movie. It's a movie, yeah. It still is a movie. Bebe. Yeah, it was on HBO like every day. No, I thought it was a TV show for some reason. No, it's a movie. And it was always on HBO.

It was that late-night movie that you could watch. Wait, is it, like, is it adult funny or is it child funny? It's both. It's got some spoofs and goofs. I love a spoof and goof. And you know that. I think PG-13 movies are really made for 10-year-olds because if you're a 10-year-old,

you know you're watching something a little edgy. Yeah. And it's kind of like super exciting. I forgot Tone Lokes in it. Yeah, he's the baby. Yeah, he's the baby. He's the coolest little baby.

Doesn't the baby smoke weed? Oh, cigars, I believe. Yeah, but I think there was some. Oh, that's better. But it did seem like he might have been smoking a little weed.

It was definitely wet. That baby was smoking wet and getting fucked up, son. Yeah, it was. I couldn't have put it better myself, Andrew. That's probably why I wasn't nominated for Brown's Hair with the Ear this year. Yeah, I guess we'll find out who won it

at some point here later on in the episode. You have to pull it from my dead, lifeless fingers. I like to say the name Bebe's Kids. Bebe's Kids. I like that when you said Bebe Skins. Bebe Skins. I thought it was Bebe's Kids. Bebe's Skins! That's why it was Bebeskins. Bebeskins! That's why it was really long.

That is a famous blues musician. Of course, he sang Get Your Hands Off My Cookie. And also... Get your hands off my cookie. And it's also an appetizer at the Blue Note. And of course, he went on to voice Cookie Monster. But you can only get it if you sing that. You can only get it if you sing that. You can only get it

if you sing it, just like that. Anything else? And then his ghost serves you. Baby Skins, he did a whole lot of stuff. He says, you know, I did a lot of illegal stuff.

It's really shady. That was one of his ones. What was it? He just went ahead and just kind of did his own thing. His best album was It's Easier to Hit

Women Than Men. I think it was easier to, yeah, hit a woman, don't hit a man. That way you can hit again. Kind of a jazz album, huh? That was my introduction to music. In hindsight, it was some pretty brutal stuff. Yeah. He doesn't sound like a very good guy.

No, no. He also predicted 9-11 with the song Fly Those Planes Into Those Two Towers. Oh, no, the planes fly. But he wrote it in 1955 before they even started the concert for the towers. That's right. They built the towers just to make that song come true. And then Mark McGrath wrote that song. I just want to fly.

That's where it came from. It's all coming together now. There's no way all that's lies. And he was flayed. He had no skin on his body. That's how he got his name Bubba Skins. Smooth to the touch. Very prone to infection.

Yes. He used to be called Scabs, but then they changed it. They ripped him off. After the scabs fell off. He said the album ripping them all off. And he changed his name to Bub Baby Skins. After the scabs fell off. He said, the album ripping them all off. And he changed his name to Baby Skins. It was just, ow, ow, ow. I'm ripping my scabs off.

They all thought it was going to be a cover album, but very unique, actually. Yeah. My favorite, actually, from that album is, I'm so dog horny, but my penis has no skin on it. Therefore, fucking is painful, and I can't do it. Nobody played the throat like Bay Bay Skins.

I've heard that. No denying the truth about that. Unbelievable that he killed himself by jumping off of a building and landing on a bunch of upright pencils. I've never seen anything like it. It took so long. He tried it many times when people kept knocking over the pencils

I got fucking Two story building The window come by Stories definitely want to land on the erasers there no doubt about that You don't want to land on the pencil part. He invented the penny You got five why don't you have one? That was his whole thing. He was very cheap.

They already had the nickel. Didn't the penny come before the nickel? No, no, they already had the nickel. He's like, but that's five, where's the one? Yeah, you just have to cut up your nickels. Oh, is that right? Yeah. And you wouldn't cut them into five either.

You'd have to cut them into 12. Oh, isn't that wild? That is difficult. And that equaled five cents. But each one cost 1 cent. Huh, well who knew? It's a backwards people. They thought smoking cured you, you know?

Yeah, that was true actually. That was true for a time. Smoking did have healing properties but then a witch cursed tobacco. It's because we stole it from the Indians and they stole it back. That's the thing. That's why they got Indian given. Yeah.

Alright, a little history lesson that'll be sure stole it back. That's the thing. They got Indian givers. Yeah. All right. A little history lesson that'll be sure to make you drop out of school or get kicked out. You want to do that cat story?

Yes. Let's do the cat story. A stray cat found earlier this week with its head stuck in a peanut butter jar Oh, that's fun. has been euthanized.

Oh, man. See, I would have just changed the name of the peanut butter. Did it have a peanut allergy or something or what happened? Was it stealing the peanut butter? Why'd you kill a cat? Why do you kill a cat who just wanted to have some peanut butter? I don't understand. That just shows what kind of people we are.

That's not right. That was the biggest laugh of the show. It's just a cat got killed. No, no peanut butter. I don't understand. That just shows what kind of people we are. That's not right. That was the biggest laugh of the show. It's just a cat got killed. No, no, that's not what the laugh was. I didn't laugh. I didn't laugh at all. It's an indictment on humankind. It's definitely an indictment on people.

The cat wanted to have a little peanut butter and then they killed it. Well, nobody here, unlike all of the internet, is anyone here a cat person? I mean, I don't think so. I told you, I'm learning to become a cat person. You're learning, but I wouldn't say you would necessarily, like, oh, Ben Kissel, the cat guy. If a cat showed up at my door, I would take it.

Really? Yeah, I would take every animal. What would you name it? Oh, I don't even know. Igor Stompypuss. It's got the way it looks, right? No, it's really tough. It really depends what it looks like.

Okay, it's got Mohawk, pink Mohawk. Bebop, right? It's got to be Bebop from Ninja Turtles. It's got a pig snout. No hair. It's a hairless cat. It's a chain necklace. A vest, but no shirt.

Yeah. Super racist tattoos all over it. When it says, I'm not a cat, I'm an N-word. Those 80... As long as it actually says N-word, that's technically socially acceptable, I guess. Maybe, like, Paul... Paul Vester Stallone, something like that.

For $2,000, I will get that tattooed to my face. Yeah. Paul Vester Stallone. I don't,000, I will get that tattooed to my face. Yeah. Paul Vester Stallone. I don't know. It's Bebop from the Ninja Turtles. No, I know, but you said it was a cat. It's got a pig's mouth. Bebop has to be its name.

Pink sunglasses, and they're really narrow. I thought Paul Vester Stallone is kind of fun. Aw. Anyway. Bebop. That was nice. Sylvester's already a cat's name. B-pop. That was nice. Sylvester's already a cat's name. Yeah.

Yeah. What the fuck? Why are you getting so upset about it, Eddie? Why do you have to double up like that? He's cursing. Oh, this is the cat story? You didn't let me finish. He's back alive.

And then they ate it. No. A stray cat found earlier this week with its head stuck in a peanut butter jar has been euthanized, but not before giving birth to a litter of kittens. The magical blind. She killed a mother? Well, the cat, who was named Skippy by San Jacinto's shelter workers before it died, By San Jacinto's shelter workers before it died.

Gave birth Tuesday to four kittens. Peanut, butter, jelly, and honey. And then Skippy was euthanized. So why was Skippy left? Peanut butter, that's a terrible sandwich. Did Skippy give birth while having a jar on its head? Yes. Oh, it died. It couldn't get the jar off its head.

It put its head into a jar of peanut butter while it was pregnant with kittens. Oh, it died. It couldn't get the jar off. It put its head into a jar of peanut butter while it was pregnant with kittens. Hungry, yeah. Got its head stuck in there. And then the stress made it start to, you know,

let loose with the kittens. That's how human beings were made to give birth. You were supposed to put a peanut butter jar on your head, give birth to seven kittens, and then the strongest man

in the neighborhood would poison you. But how does it die? Why can't you just cut it off? It was infested with maggots and had spots of dead tissue and was malnourished and dehydrated. Interesting. It was a homeless cat. It was a homeless cat at the end of its rope.

Interesting it would have to be the strongest man even though it's poisoning, so he wouldn't have to actually use his strength. No, it's a sign of respect that he's strong. You get poisoned by a strong man because it was different back then. It's the tip of the hat. I'm sorry, Ben, I cut you off. I just needed to know the answer to that question. No, that was a great question, great query, great answer.

Very intriguing. Okay, well, now we know the cat. And so we have peanut, we got jelly, we got honey, and we got, what was the other one? Butter. Butter. Oh. I'd name them Frank and Beans. Is one just named Ann?

Ann, yeah. But what about the third one? The third one? Yeah, Frank and Beans. There's four. No, no, no. Frank and Beans. Yeah, but what about the fourth?

Yeah, but that's three. There's four of them. Oh, there's four? Mm, no, no. Frank and Beans. Yeah, but what about the fourth? Yeah, but that's three. There's four of them. Oh, there's four? Mm-hmm. Shit. This is a question. Frank and Beans. So the last one's named...

That's kind of a strange name. That's all holding us all of his questions. Yeah. Hey, Ben, how was your day? Pretty good. Good. All right. I got nothing else. All right. There it is. I got nothing else Alright

There it is I got more stories No I like this I definitely got more stories But yeah that one's That one's all done Done and over with Alright well let's go

Around the table And everyone just share You know Their number one secret Or whatever they want To talk about Andrew I can whisper very loudly

Okay that's talking Alright Give us a Well give us a Yeah give a An example Talk about Andrew. I can whisper very loudly. Okay, that's talking. All right. Give us an example. That's more of an ASMR type thing. It's hot. We do have some. I mean, I'm the only one with headphones on here. You guys should have gotten a piece of that.

It's a very wet whisper. A lot of people like that kind of stuff, apparently. All right, Jackie, you're doing good. Yeah, Splacky's doing 100% great. You were 1,000% earlier, so you went down. I went down to 100%. That's a lot. But soon I'm going to be a million percent, so I'm hoping for the best.

All right, that's good. I like your hat because it's kind of like those pussy hats, but it's red instead of pink, so it's like a menstrual hat. I feel like this is what a real vagina hat should be. It should be this color because that's the inside of your lips. Yeah. Your vaginal lips. Big red cotton cones. It ain't pink.

My favorite look of the baby is fresh out of the woman, just covered in that blood. Well, you'll have to have a child fairly soon here, Holden. That's right. Yeah, we're inseminating as we speak. We got the special turkey baster. They're going to do it. We're trying. God, we got three marrieds on here.

I know. We do have three people who are engaged. Andrew Short is recently engaged to his girlfriend, Dani, and Holden as well. So that's quite strange.

I mean, we're all very old, I guess now. That's what's happening. Gross. Just nothing's fun anymore. Who cares? Yeah.

Who gives a shit? Time to seal it up. You know? Over and done. I went to the Holocaust Museum today. I had a great time. You went to the Holocaust Museum?

I was there for a little while. Where was that? At the Locke's Cafe. So good. What, they got a Jew cafe in there? They got a Jew cafe in there? The Jewish Museum. The Lox are great.

Do they have a cafe in the Jew? The Lox Cafe. That's really what it is. Yeah, it's delicious. Wait, what? I just... So do you just go to the Holocaust Museum to eat the food? I mean, now I do.

I need $60 admission to get some fucking locks. Just so I can get some great locks. Down there, I mean, you got to go through a metal detector. But you're in New York. The Holocaust didn't happen here. Well, it's a museum. I mean, you can have a museum about anything. Yeah, that's true.

Especially things that never happened. You can get a museum about anything. Yeah, that's true. Especially things that never happen. You can get a museum about, like, the ocean. Scary controversy. Funny little satire there coming out of Andrew. Is it, though? Is it? Is it? I want to see the bones.

All right. I took a deep breath. That's fine. You can go digging in any third park in the Ukraine. We'll find some. All right, let's go. That's where my family's from. The Ukraine.

The Ukraine. There it is. I didn't know there was a Holocaust Museum here in New York City. There is. It's right down by Battery Park. Oh. I guess. All right.

Go check it out sometime. Right near the American Indian Museum? It's close to it, yeah. But it's right on the water. They put it all together like that to make it easy. All the tragedies of the world. All the misunderstood. All the misunderstanding. No're all together like that to make it easy. All the tragedies of the world. All the misunderstood. All the misunderstandings.

No, neither misunderstanding. Well, the Indian Museum is actually free. It's in the Things Got Kinda Out of Hand Museum. I've been to the Indian Museum many times.

Remember that one time? Yeah, that's... New story? Sure. I didn't do my secret. Oh, yeah. You didn't do his secret? Or whatever you want to do.

I didn't know you were taking that seriously. You're taking it real seriously. I didn't know you were taking that seriously. I hid some blood. You hid some blood. Whose blood? Well, that's part of the secret, isn't it? You're supposed to tell the secret. You're telling the secret, so tell us. Randall, he drives

the Metro. He's one of the train drivers. Oh, yeah? You hid his blood. Yes, I hid his blood. What'd you put it in? I put it in a leather sack. That's good for blood because I like how it soaks it into the cow's skin. That's the thing. You could probably make a killer pair of shoes out of it afterwards if you did find it. I hid some blood, and I've never been happier.

I think I would actually tell all of our listeners to hide some blood, take a picture of the hidden blood. That's not hiding well. Send it to the Facebook page. Well, a close-up picture. Maybe some basic compass coordinates. Put it on the Facebook page. Hey, I hid some blood.

Let's start a thread. Yeah, it's like geocaching. Yeah, geocache crowdsourcing. Send us the longitude and latitude. Send us the longitude and latitude, and we will look for your blood. Also, for all you students out there, a good way to know the difference between longitude and latitude is how you say it. Longitude, your lips go long up and down. Latitude, it goes wide.

Latitude. I've also been watching episodes of Three Stooges in reverse to watch them heal each other. Which has been positive. Anything you want to say, Danny? Secrets. It doesn't matter. It can be anything. Tell us more about Emilio at your 10-year-old birthday party. I have a specific Sharpie that I put on my butt, and then when I go to Comic-Con conventions, I make the kids sign autographs for me.

I like this. That sounds illegal. Spicy secret. We were just at a Comic-Con. It's a total power trip, because then I know they have my scent on their hands. Oh, my goodness. I think they already have a series of scents on their hands.

Yeah, we were there. We were at the Salt Lake City Comic-Con. The lines are crazy. Vern Troyer was there. Oh, you got to see Vern Troyer. Well, apparently no one showed up at his panel, which I think was sad. What was he having a panel about? Sometimes it happens.

Yeah, what did Vern Troyer have a fucking panel about? I have no clue. I don't know. He was in the Grand Ballroom from 6 to 7 p.m. Oh, boy. The Grand Ballroom? The Grand Ballroom. The big place.

It was actually a really small ballroom, but to him it was huge. I forgot to talk about my Jason Momoa picture on page 7. Oh, yeah. It was actually a really small ballroom, but to him it was huge. I forgot to talk about my Jason Momoa picture on page seven. Oh, yeah. Well, you can talk about it now. Oh, my God. Jason Momoa, who is the sexiest man of all time. Someone sent me an autograph from him, and he was blowing me a kiss. Who's Jason Momoa?

What? He played a Khal Drogo on Game of Thrones. Oh, I love him. He's a dude. Great eyeliner. She wants to climb up him like a Spider-Man person would climb up a building and just inseminate, essentially. I mean, I don't even need insemination. I just need it to be come overjoyed on top of my face.

She needs 45 minutes to an hour, Tops. You want to shake it loose on her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like the giving tree. I want me to be the boy and he's the giving tree. Send me your apples. You never know what's going to happen. All right, Marcus, should we do another story? Sure.

An Islamic television station in Senegal says it has filed a formal complaint against Unknown Saboteur X for taking over the network and airing pornography instead of its regularly scheduled religious programming. Rules. That's kind of fun. It's samesies, though. Yeah. Porn is the same as religion, isn't it?

In a lot of ways, it is. Yeah. Hardcore pornography from 1.10 p.m. to 1.30 p.m. That's not bad. 20 minutes? And what time was this in? This is in Senegal. And Dakar. Where's.10 p.m. to 1.30 p.m. That's not bad. 20 minutes? And what town was this in? This is in Senegal. And Dakar.

Where's that? Africa. Oh, so they probably weren't too pleased with it. No, it was Islamic. Ah. What sort of pornography did they show? Hardcore. How does that get on there?

Define hardcore for me. Slowly, slowly, slowly. A man's penis. What kind? I would imagine a Caucasian. I meant like... What kind of penis? Okay, not what kind of penis.

I would say an engorged penis. Did it have a tiny mustache on it? It could have. It had a toupee. Kind of a character. A man's engorged penis will enter Did it have a tiny mustache on it? It could have. It had a toupee. Oh. Kind of a character piece, I guess. A man's engorged penis will enter a woman's lubricated vaginal wall. That's just where women have penises, right?

Mm-hmm. If you go inside and out. That's not true. They're just very small. That's what I heard. And then they will go inwards and outwards repeatedly until the man reaches climax. Squirt, squirt the goo goo?

Uh-huh. By the end of this podcast, both Holden and Andrew and I will not be engaged anymore. Hey, all right. Children are born men. You just have to hold them upside down long enough for them to become a woman. And it has to say 50-50.

That's why China's fucking it up. I'm out. It reminds me of when I was a little kid. I used to go, Mommy, Mommy, watch where the snake hides. And I'd try to shove my own cock up my own ass. And she'd laugh.

She'd laugh. Oh my God. I was like, when did we go to the pool? And she was like, we're not in Oh, my God. You couldn't. I was like, when did we go to the pool? And she was like, we're not in the pool. We're in the kitchen. It was so much water. I'm 35 years old.

I still do that. Never grow up, they say. All right. So that's all right, then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Tuba TV on Wednesday called the broadcasting blunder a criminal act and said the formal complaint will make it possible to identify the authors

who have an unknown agenda. The broadcaster said its viewers were offended and it condemned the attempt as a satanic move. A satanic move? Wow, so they're going to die. These people who made this mistake If they catch them. If they catch them, they will be killed. There's probably one TV station and I'm sure they know who was working at that TV station at that time.

I'm sure they'll be killed. I mean, they don't have to be there to hack into. Remember that Mad Max hack? The Mad Max? They weren't dating. Maybe I'm just being a little bit, I don't know. Do they have the technology to do those things over there? I mean, it's not 1896.

Technology is everywhere. When is 1776 going to commence again? Think of all the pleasure, though, that person or persons gave to these people. Oh, my God. As many of these people were fucking pissed off, there were a couple of fucking psyched kids. Oh, my God. And literally hit puberty. Bush hair just grew in.

Just grew in that moment. Just immediately. Just four inches. Did you guys track the growth of your bush hairs like I did? Like I had three and I was like, I have three. Mine were just there. Really? Yeah.

One day I woke up, I was like, oh, fuck. I'm covered. I literally watched it go from one to two like up. Like I was counting them. Really? I kept track on a calendar and mommy made me check every day. Wow. Yeah.

Similar upbringing. Yeah, yeah. I hit 11 today mom Same as my age Then she'd pull one out When I was bad And say you're 10 again That's why I stopped

Going home for Thanksgiving That's like Reminds me of when I used to play Forbidden Haunted House With my mother Oh what's that Yes it's where a ghost

Is haunting her And I have to find it Where does it usually End up in her's that? Yes, it's where a ghost is haunting her and I have to find it. Where does it usually end up? In her heart? Always, yeah. I'm always checking the wrong places and the ghost always ends up being in her heart. So her breasts. But I usually go

for the top warm or the bottom warm. And then I find that it's neither warm. It's actually where, you know, it's above. She really liked holding when it was cold. Colder, colder. It's like haunted

milk, milk, lemonade. Never got to the last part. Never figured out where the old fudge was made. It's hard to get there. There it is. There's a lot going on down made. It's hard to get there. There it is. There's a lot going on down there. Right around the corner. I should start asking people for those directions in New York

because you're always getting approached for directions, right? So maybe I should come up and be like, I'm sorry, I'm new to the city. Can you help me? I know where milk is and where lemonade is, but can you show me where the fudge is made? Are you guys all familiar with the Speedway Gas Company? Oh, yes. Right?

Big fan. They have those songs that are like, Round the corner, na-na-na. And any time I hear round the corner, I immediately go, Round the corner, fudge is made. And in the front is lemonade. If you do these things consecutively, that means you're in continent. Fuck Speedway for that, because that's their theme, and I can't think of anything else

but that. Every time I hear 1-800-CARS-FOR-KIDS, I imagine rivers of blood. Why do you ever say that? Rivers. Yeah, but do you like the rock version or the reggae version? The reggae. The cartoon cat sings the reggae version. Yeah.

All right, set for a moment now. Wow, already this episode flew by. Yeah, it's flown by. Yeah, we've done 45 minutes here. Don't we have to know who the round table of the year is? We'll do it last. Fuck you guys. We'll do it last.

And I know what it is, and y'all are fucked. Oh, man. Wow. Aggressive. Okay, who does it better? Andrew or Danny? Okay. All right.

Who does it better? Why are you combining us? Because we have two guests. We haven't had two guests in a while. Marcus will keep score on the popular vote for each one. Box car race. Ben? Danny.

Jackie. Andrew. Ed? Andrew. Andrew wins the first round. What? You're not voting? Danny is obviously better at box car racing than fucking Andrew Short. I'm heavier than Andrew. Andrew wins the first round. What? You have voting? Danny is obviously better at boxcar racing than fucking Andrew.

I'm heavier than Andrew. Exactly. And he understands how to do athletics. The vote is the vote. Did you not see Mighty Ducks? The vote is the vote. I think Andrew looks like a better boxer. It's an average-sized car for me.

I firmly believe Danny because he's got the mind of a winner, and also he understands a little rascal mentality. You lost, Ben. Danny isn't a Bash brother. Wow, I'm going to take that to my grave. He isn't a Bash brother. I don't know who these Bash brothers are. They seem mean, and they can't school.

Unbelievable. We can't even get past the first one. There's so much controversy. I love this fucking wild controversy. Play the dog in the Married with Children. Oh. In the Married with Children. In the, not any of the OG, not any of the remakes, not divorced with kids.

Play the dog. Play Buck. Buck, yeah. And literally, by the way, not voice Buck, dress up like the dog, be in an episode. Okay. Right? So Jackie should go first this time, maybe. I was gonna say... Me? Okay, Andrew. Immediately we

have Andrew. Danny. I'm gonna go with Andrew on this one. Wow! Because I think that he would, you know, he's just kind of... I don't even know. Danny's a great dog! I like Chihuahuas. The funny thing is, I chose you solely because I like a new... I love you, Eddie! I love you, Eddie!

We're not talking just the voice, though, Danny. No, Danny. No, that was exactly what it was. Danny would technically be a better dog, but Andrew would be a dog that I would choose

because I like terrible dogs. Andrew, give us a line. Terrible dog. What's that? That was good. Y'all made the wrong choice. He would be the better. I can't even do the fucking

bullshit dog from Rocky and Bullwinkle. Buyer's remorse. You were right about that, Eddie, but I did buy the wrong dog. But that's okay. That's what happens when you buy an annoying dog. I've never won this round ever, so I get it. We'll start with Ed.

You gotta do five because I've lost two. It's gotta be best of seven. We'll start with Ed this time. I'm keeping a tell here. Right now it's 4-2, Andrew. It's got to be decent. We'll start with Ed this time. I mean, I'm keeping a tell here. Right now, it's 4-2, Andrew. Well, no, no, no. It's 2-0. It's 2-0.

It's about who wins. Oh, we're not going individual points. I think we should do individual points. Individual points. Okay. All right. I don't like it. That changes things.

No, no, no, no. I don't think it'll change the outcome. No, no, no. One, two, three. There's four. No. No, no, no. It wouldn't change anything. Don't fuck around.'ll change the outcome. One, two, three, there's four. No. It wouldn't change anything. We'll fuck around.

Marcus makes the decision. Yeah, we're going individual points. Okay, so it's Ed, Ben, Jackie this time. You must drink his piss. Andrew. Sorry. What on earth kind of question is this? You better get this fucking right.

Very creamy. You must. Andrew, by the way, Danny and I had a very long conversation. He's been eating way healthy these days, drinking a lot of vegetable drinks. Thank you. That's why I already know my answer. All right. Ben?

Well, honestly, I hang out with Danny on a regular basis. We drink the same. We eat the same. No, you don't. Yeah, well, no. We eat peanuts. We drink the smoothies. We eat peanuts together and drink beer so he's basically

me so Danny Wow that's survivor that's like a survivor I'm like a survivor what cheats I'm there you guys are cheating. Cheating? I don't accept that. Jackie, who'd you say? No, you make an observation based on the research that you've done. It's rekindling our feud. We got locked into it. We got locked right into it. Keep the questions clean, Holden.

Good Lord. Jackie should go first. My creamy pee-pee. Jackie goes first. I did already go first. When did you go first? The last time. I won first two times in a row.

No, you didn't. Is your memory gone? Let's move this thing along. Okay. Okay. Okay. Thank God. What are we doing here?

Ben Kissel. Are we all familiar with Ultimate Beastmaster? Yeah. Yes. Rock and roll through the dragon. It's like an obstacle course. It's like Ultimate Ninja Warrior. It's like an obstacle course.

It's on Netflix. Yeah, it's really different. Watch it, Ben. By the way, everyone at home, watch Ultimate Beastmaster. Get the farthest in the first round of Ultimate Beastmaster. Oh. Oh, my goodness. Get the farthest.

For Ben's sake, it's an obstacle course. It's a very challenging obstacle course. Very challenging obstacle course. Get the farthest and ultimate Beastmaster, Jackie. Danny, because he's the one that's been taking care of himself. Andrew, I love you, but you know, I know your past.

Porking up. You're porking up, so I choose Danny. No parking. I'm actually going to say Andrew would do well at that. Damn. Now let's get the tiebreaker from Ed. Danny. Yeah! We tied up, baby! Yep, 6-6. I was going to say Andrew would do well at that. Damn. Now let's get the tiebreaker from Ed. Danny. Yeah. We tied up, baby.

Yep. Six, six. Whoa. Six, six. No, just six, six. Next one wins. All right. All right.

Here it is. Oh, wow. Oh, it is the last one? It must be the last one. We said get to seven, right? Well, I was going to say star in the Mighty Ducks, but I guess. That's bullshit. No, that's bullshit.

I'm not going to do that. Okay. Use your brain, Holden. Use your brain. You can do it, Holden. I can do it? Okay. A topping on a piece of pizza. Give me some extra Danny or give me some extra Andrew. I'm a porky boy.

He's a porky boy. But I'm from Jersey. I know all about real pizza. He's from fucking Ohio. What the hell do they know about pizza? We're not allowed to eat pizza. Okay, I'll tell you what, by the way. Before we begin, 20 seconds from each of you, why you would make the best topping. Andrew?

The first time I worked at a store, it was next to a Domino's where I befriended all the toppings, and they called me Mr. Topping Man, and that has been my name ever since. Thank you. Okay, wow. That was within the time limit. Okay, all right, Danny? Well, as someone who's grown up here, you know that it's not really about the toppings. It's about the water that you get to make the pizza.

So if you're going to make good pizza, you've got to have that good water, and I want to be that alkaline water. Okay. That's my topping. All right. Oh, I see topping on the overall flavor of the pizza. That's what I'm saying, man. An argumentine water. Okay. That's my topping. All right. Oh, I see topping on the overall flavor of the pizza. That's what I'm saying, man.

An argument for water. All right. Who do we start with, Marcus? Ben. Andrew. Fuck! Wow. Laying down the gauntlet.

Yeah. Jackie. I believe in Danny, and I know it's all about the water. Ed, you are the tiebreaker. I got to go with Mr. Topping. Andrew Short. No! My steaks are falling in the water.

My steaks are stinging. That's pizza. I'm with you. Danny, I've never won one of these. Andrew runs skates away with it on roller skates, and now it's the moment you've all been waiting for. You're going to get your phone out. I know what it is already because I looked at it earlier.

Oh, okay. You remember the five nominees? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, I only said the one name. Let's get the names. I don't know who the frickin' names are. No, I'm going to give you the envelope after you read the names that I texted you.

We have to sing the Jurassic Park theme song. You thought the winner was all of the names? Well, I only get to see a little bit of the message on the... Oh. And I saw it, and I was like, oh, that's who it is. Oh, Lord. All right, let's just get on with this. And the winner is...

God, I'm so excited. I'm not even nominated. I'm losing my mind. Who the hell is nominated for this worthless award? Okay, well, Kevin Barnett. He hasn't done the show in a year. Good nomination. You know what?

He's working hard enough. People love him. Bert Luger, he's on Carmichael. Carmichael's show, check it out. Apparently, they say the N-word

on the censor. I wonder whose fault that is. Well, my co-conspirators in the unknown sweaters, Andrew Short and Reed Fahler. Wow.

As one. As one. As one. First as one. Yeah, uh-huh. Mr.ahler. Wow. As one. As one. First time ever. Yeah, uh-huh. Mr. Marcus Parks. Wow. Marcus Parks.

Congratulations. My very first one. I'm very honored. Wow. How long have we been doing this? Ten years? Seven. Six or seven.

Maybe six or seven. Six. God. Six Reed people here are in the running right now. Who's next? It's Mr. Jackie Zabrowski. Mr. Jackie Zabrowski.

Of course, I know I was not nominated. It's the, yeah. And SNL's Michael Che. Michael Che. Powerful. I know a lot of people are going for La La Land, but I really hope it's Moonlight. This fucking station apart. Did you just call Michael Che. I hope. Powerful. I know a lot of people are going for La La Land, but I really hope it's Moonlight. This fucking is stationed apart.

Did you just call Michael Che Moonlight? No. Who the hell is La La Land? Who's fucking La La Land? Ali is his name. Okay. Is that all of them? That's it.

You wrote the freaking list. What do you mean? Michael Che's last on there? I said them all, buddy. All right, well, here's the envelope. Is that name not, has that not been listed?

It's not me. I'm going to kill myself. We better read Jackie. Rewrite it right now. Is it not Jackie? I don't know what's going to happen here. This is going to blow my mind.

All right, well, let's see who it is. Who's round tabler of the year? It's me. It's me. It's not. Danny. Yeah, totally.

I'm going to write in. It says write in right here. Write it in here. It's Michael Che. I mean. It's Marcus. Marcus. Marcus.

Marcus. Marcus. Marcus. Marcus. Round tabler of the year. What? I'm sorry, Jackie. Marcus.

That's a power. You deserve it, Marcus. I know you're in bed. You deserve it, Jackie. I guess I'm going to kill myself. No, Jackie, don't kill yourself. I'm ready to kill myself. Congratulations, Marcus.

Any words you want to say? I would like to, first of all, thank Ed Larson for facilitating the process. All right. Well, I would like to thank my two knives. They've been very instrumental. Say something about AIDS. His knives are very happy. His knives are very happy.

My knives are very happy. All right, rubbing those together there. This is the round table. Jackie, Eddie, Holden, Danny. Am I even here? Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. Check me out on Lupe's show Saturday at midnight at the Creek.

If you're in town, I want to do Lupe's show. Black Metal Church Hell yeah There it is Check out my podcast The story must be told On SoundCloud Ooh

Won't do it Should we watch The Mighty Ducks You guys should watch The Mighty Ducks And if you If you're If you're in Brooklyn

You come to Brooklyn Bowl On the 28th You'll catch the Undone Sweaters In town Yeah That's the day I leave town. I know.

I'm so going to be there. You guys better be there. For sure. It'll be fun as hell. Cannot wait. Alright everyone. We'll talk to you soon. Come in your pants.

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