The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 323: Monkeyshines

Episode Date: March 31, 2017

The gang reviews Beauty and the Beast, learns about an elderly couple who went on an accidental vacation, and hears an in-depth explanation of Eddie's monkey movie list.

The round table. Gentlemen. Aye. Let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the hour.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. All right, so what do we have here? Someone has to pray to start this show. We've been doing that for years. Yes, yes. Or I should.

Right? Did you do it last time? No, I don't think so. I'll do it. He should because he won't be back for a minute. I know. There are eight months. It's just going to be the Holden McNeely show here soon.

Yeah! In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Alright. How you doing, Mama? What's going on? How's everything? I'm fine, Eddie. Am I bothering you? No, Eddie.

No, Eddie. No. Are you busy? Is that what's going on? No, Eddie. I'm not busy. What are you up to today? No, Eddie, I'm not busy. What are you up to today? How's everything? I miss you. I'd say the same.

You'd say the same, but you don't seem like you want to say the same. It doesn't sound enthusiastic. What's going on? Eddie! What is it? Remember when I said Jesus is black, Eddie? Yeah. I love black men now. Really is black, Eddie? Yeah. I love black men now.

Really? Yes, Eddie. That's amazing. Congratulations. Yes, Eddie. Now, are you sure it's Jesus and not just like a trickster? Ooh, trickster lords. I've heard they exist.

Did you ask for his ID? Is it Loki? Maybe it's a bit of Loki's dark magic. It's not Loki, is it, Mom? It's Eddie! What? I don't like no. You don't like no? I don't like Loki.

Oh, okay. This is the thing. Just like police officers here, if you ask Loki if he's Loki, he has to say whether or not he's Loki. Oh, okay. All right, well, I'll tell you what. I'll just hit you up in a couple weeks, and then we'll see how you're doing. That's for the best, Eddie. All right, good, good.

I am busy. Wow, just done. All right, well, you— I'm having a great time. All right, good, thank you. My memory is good. Good, good. When you get a chance, send down the recipe for your chocolate chip cookies.

Hey, Eddie. What's up? It was Safeway. Safeway? That's where I bought them. You bought the cookies? Yes, Eddie. What do you mean you bought the cookies?

I'm dating black Jesus, and he said, I have to tell you the truth, Eddie. Was it my whole life you bought cookies at Sathway? Yes, Eddie. And I put them in a... And they were the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Sorry. I hung up on you. I hung up on you.

I'm Ed Larson. All right, this is the round table of gentlemen. Oh, Ben, hi. Hi. Where were you? In the bathroom or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so proud of myself there the bathroom or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so proud of myself there.

Mark is just with us, obviously. And then Holden. We don't have Jackie today. We have to say that. No Jackie. No Jackie. Very sad. Very sad.

She'll be back next week. Yeah. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators.

Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators.

Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators.

Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators.

Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators.

Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators.

Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators. Holdenators.ely, here to say, don't be steely. That's right. I had a fucking baseball bat right now. Yeah, man.

Just bang him over the head with it again and again and again. It's time for some very hastily thrown together. Just on Facebook. You're not even on? PlayStation Network. Yeah. This is the only thing you have to do all week Aren't you unemployed now? Next week

I'll be free to do whatever But this week I was researching SpongeBob SquarePants So I didn't have time It sounds like a joke but it's not It's not a joke I was researching it For what?

For my other show. I'm glad you brought that up, Ed. You're going to do an episode on SpongeBob? Wizard and the Bruiser. How is that a video game or anything other than a child's show? It drops every Thursday. Wizard and the Bruiser is about nerd culture. I hate to say it, but who gives a fuck?

I'm glad. But SpongeBob, it's for children. It's not nerd culture. I'm glad you brought up video games, Ben, because I will be doing my 24-hour Twitch stream. Yes. Thursday, April 6th. It's a big deal for everybody. I'm glad we could talk about it right up at the top of the show.

Well, frankly, all of us are doing the 24-hour Twitch stream. All of you are doing it. I am not. Because you forced us to do it. Ed's not. He'll be there in spirit. Maybe he'll hop on chat, though, and give us a hey, hello. You never know. He's shaking his head no, but I said yes. I forced us to do it. Ed's not. He'll be there in spirit. Maybe he'll hop on chat, though, and give us a hey, hello. You never know.

He's shaking his head no, but I said yes. I think you know. Absolutely. He doesn't have Twitch. Do you have Twitch, Eddie? Holden made me download the app. Well, you better do a hi, hello, then. Better do a hi, hello.

I'll do it at some point. April 6th, 1 p.m. to 1 p.m. Holden, it was April 9th. April 6th to April 7th. Do not confuse our listeners. Ed Larson. I think it should be April 9th. April 6th to April 7th. Do not confuse our listeners. Ed Larson. I think it should be April 16th. The final two days that Holden McNeely is alive.

Every Monday you can catch it. Lexi loves game night. You're ruining it. You're ruining it. Does she still love game night or is she more upset knowing that you have no way to provide for your future children? She does love game night because we answer wedding question quizzes. You twit. I'm not a twit.

You twit. You're the one on Twitch. I'm a twit on Twitch. I should change my username, Ben. Oh, my God. it on twitch i should change my username ben oh my god cbr in 1493 says been listening from australia for years and only now have i decided to do this bullshit holden jackie ed and marcus you guys fucking ruled no ben oh and ben is a giant shit he's from australia in australia that's the highest compliment you can give somebody. The Seattle Last Podcast show was pretty mad, despite Nemos being a total shithole.

I'm heaps glad you guys are finally getting way more popular. If you hear this, Jezza, you're a cunt. All right. Technically not Holden's words. That is the person that wrote those words to Holden, but you do cultivate a crowd that allows that kind of language. This isn't really a shout-out per se, but I'm sort of desperately just trying to find shout-outs in my general messages.

So Todd Mishura says, Want to play MKX? That's Mortal Kombat X online sometime soon. Congrats on the engagement. Thank you, Todd. Now you're just reading Facebook messages. No, no, no. These are Facebook messages.

These are PlayStation messages. No, they're not because I'm looking at your phone. These are PlayStation messages. Truthbooth says, no, this is the PlayStation Messenger app. Oh, okay. You bastard. Okay. MKX, is that Mortal Kombat 10 or is that like a sexy Mortal Kombat?

Mortal Kombat 10. It's both. It's both. MKXXX, that's the sexy Mortal Kombat. Yeah, when Sub-Zero takes off Scorpion's mask. In the compact disc. It's a fucking ass right where his mouth should be.

He fucks him in the mouth ass. And he freezes the shit. Yeah. And Sub-Zero wins. Yeah. Found a lot of Mortal Kombat porn out there. Really?

Oh, yeah. Man, I'm searching the wrong shit. You are searching the right shit. The fact you never found Mortal Kombat porn means you're in the right direction. Yeah, every time Ed Googles, he Googles wholesome woman.

Of course you're not going to find any big, fun breasts doing that, Ed. Well, you could. Ugh. Makes me sick. You'd be wholesome without the W. Truth Booth says, PlayStation shout-out. Holdenators, ho! I love all you guys, but Jackie, Ben, and Ed need to stop whining about PlayStation shout-outs

because they are one of the best parts of the show. Oh, and is that written by Holden McNeil? P.S. P.S. No, this is a lie. This is how I'm not making this up. This is a fucking lie. This is how I'm not making this up.

P.S. Congrats on the engagement. P.P.S. Hail Garfield. All right? So I'm not making it up. What are you talking about? Oh, my God.

He's regurgitated half of the shit we've been doing on this show for the past four years. Total lies. Obviously written by Holden McNeil himself. Tyler Lebsack says congratulations for getting engaged. But it's not, why are they congratulating you? It's very irresponsible what you did. Through PlayStation, it's incredibly, I play video games at least four hours a day

and I managed to get my ass engaged, Ben. What the hell did you do on a fucking Tuesday? Dear Holden, congratulations on the death sentence you gave that poor woman that's accurate don't let anyone get in the way or between you two being married is a challenge sometimes so 99.99% of the time it is amazing

Holdenators ho so there you go guys who the hell wrote you that XXWitchHunter27X why do they always use X? Tell Ben bro the Goyim know. Ha ha by the way congrats dude. I don't know.

That was a Jew. I'm the Goyim? You're a Goyim. Yeah you're a fucking Goyim. But that's good. The Goyab beans. No no Goyim not Goyah. Oh Goyim. Technically you're still Goyim, not Goya. Oh, Goyim. Technically, Ed, you're still Goyim as well. I'm not even Goyim.

I mean, I don't stick with those guys. They know that. If anything, I'm a spy. Yeah. When are you going to be officially Jewish, Eddie? August 19th. You're tooting your back on your faith, Eddie. We already talked about it.

Go back. You fucking busy for me earlier. You can't just pop it out of nowhere. Dr. Zayus1968 says, Can I please get a shout out to Radiator Lady? I gots to know from him if Preacher does any preaching. Thank you so much for your fucking PlayStation Network. Not all. I can't wait until PlayStation fucking sues you forever.

I would love that. So you're just a disgusting Tinder for these people. You're just a through line for these people. I'm the plot. They call me the plot. On PlayStation, they say, yo, what's the plot got to do? And I show them my fucking dick and balls. You guys are going to be in Denver around 420, right?

Yeah, we're going to be in Denver 419 and Colorado Springs 420. Is that Easter, by the way? No, is it? I don't know. Can I just tell you guys about a show that you need to go see? Yes. It's called Mount Cushmore. It's at Red Rocks. It's fucking Snoop Dogg, Cypress Hill, and like Wiz Khalifa.

When is that? Really? It's the 421. Oh, wow. Go to the fucking show, guys. I told Henry about it, but he's going to have to immediately go out of town. If you're in town, go to Mount Cushmore so that I can be jealous of you. Mount Cushmore. I love that. Wiz Khalifa caught some heat this week for smoking a joint over by Pablo Escobar's grave.

And that was bad or good? Well, he was honoring Pablo Escobar, and Columbia was mad because he just killed thousands of people. That's right. Right, right. Terrible person. Yeah, you got to think before you honor people. But he looks so good in a big, bedazzled shirt, Pablo Escobar. So does Wiz Khalifa. Oh, absolutely.

Well, let's do a little historical fact check before we honor the dead. Yes. That's what I always say. Too much. KK. I love Snoop. There's no one better than Snoop, though, huh? Snoop's great.

Oh, my goodness. All right, Marcus. We should do a news story. All right. And then Snoop. There's no one better than Snoop, though, huh? Snoop's great. Oh, my goodness. All right, Marcus. We should do a news story. All right. And then we can go back to Wiz Khalifa. All right. All right. The news story.

When police arrived to investigate a fatal shooting this week at an apartment building in Orlando, a Florida woman told authorities, quote, don't worry about it. I like that. And did the cops not worry about it? No, they worried about it. They did worry about it. Quite a bit. So what happened? She shot a gun off or? Nope. And did the cops not worry about it? No, they worried about it. They did worry about it. Quite a bit.

So what happened? She shot a gun off? Nope. She is accused in the shooting death of her 63-year-old live-in boyfriend. Oh, okay. I think if you tell the cops don't worry about it, the cops should take that to heart and be like, let's worry about it less. Take it into account. Take it into account.

Back in the day, you could just tell nothing to see here, officer. And the cop was like, there is nothing to see. They'd be like, I can't see nothing. I mean, you need rules. I know you need rules. But we don't know the situation behind this shooting. You can't take everyone on the honor system. I understand. But that's what's fun about this show.

Ed is lawful good, and Kissel is chaotic evil. Yeah. Uh-huh. I don't think that's wrong. I mean, I like chaos, you know, but every once in a while, you can't, you know. You like it from a distance. You say, hey, I'll go see the monkey movie. Look at what happens.

Love the monkey movies. I was Kong, by the way. Kong was great because it was very Apocalypse Now. Yeah. Yeah, they did a lot of good references to Apocalypse Now, so I really appreciate it. All right. I got the poster on my phone. You put it on your phone?

I can't help it. It's modeled after the Apocalypse Now poster. Well, you don't have to show us, Eddie. It's so cool. Oh, it's the background of your phone. It's the background of my, the Kong poster. It's very cool. He hates helicopters.

You know what I would, oh, I'm sure he does. He's never liked helicopters. King Kong has always despised them. Little moving fan. It's a Vietnam movie. That's the coolest part about the Kong movie. Did they do a scene where he grabs a helicopter by the tail and uses it as a fan after he kills a bunch of people?

Because I think that could be a good thing for Kong to do. I don't think he's that smart. Oh, he is a priest. Plus, there's the little rotor on the back of the helicopter. Scratch up your knuckles. It's going to jam up his heel. Gum up the worst. Yeah, it's going to gum up everything.

But he's big enough to tear that down and hold it up for a fan. I mean, he gets cut up. He does. Those helicopters. I mean, he fuck caught up. He does. Those helicopters. I mean, he fucks the helicopters up, but he gets fucking caught up. That's glass shaker. The last King Kong movie I saw was the Jack Black vehicle, and that was truly atrocious. I didn't mind it, to be honest with you.

Yeah, because it was a monkey movie. It was pretty good. You're a strange guy, though. You're a strange guy. Any monkey-related films, you absolutely love them. I was complaining that I had to wait until July for the next monkey movie when Planet of the Apes comes out, and then someone found another monkey movie for me.

It's all about these Chinese monkeys. It's a documentary, so I won't like it as much. Oh, I love those documentaries. Well, the monkeys don't talk in the documentaries. Well, I think they need to have rights. Is there a monkey movie you don't like? Like, say, Dustin checks in. And on top of it.

Sure. I mean, it's fun. No, Dustin. No, he did check in, though. And if you think about how difficult that is to do. I mean, technically, Ed is like the worst movie ever made. But it's like still a bunch of fun. Ed?

It's a monkey playing baseball. Yeah, a monkey playing baseball. Matt LeBlanc in a chimpanzee. Oh, my God. You got to see it. It's notoriously one of the worst movies ever made. When he was done with Friends, they said, how can we, you gotta see it. It's notoriously one of the worst movies ever made. When he was done with Friends,

they said, how can we get you a co-star that's as talented as Lisa Kudrow? And they gave him the monkey. I like her. Lisa Kudrow is very talented.

That was a joke. I do love Lisa Kudrow. That was the meanest thing you've ever said. No, it was a mean joke, but I love Lisa Kudrow, so that's why I said the joke. She is so wonderful.

She started out in the Groundlings. Oh my God, shut up. What do you know? A trained chimpanzee plays third base for a minor league baseball team. Can you believe it? They made a monkey movie called Ed. It's amazing.

You couldn't have made it worse. I would have shot my father in that movie, and I would have been like, that's a good movie. Oh, yeah. Easier demise. Best monkey movie. Best monkey movie. Best monkey movie? Greatest monkey movie of all time.

What gets the monk the munker? But we just think King Kong is not a monkey. I wanted to give you one little fact about Ed, is that Ed the Chimp is actually just a guy in a suit with a mechanically controlled chimp head. Oh, yeah, no, it's really bad. It's not a real chimpanzee. And the head made so much noise that

all the dialogue in the scenes, which included the chimp, had to be redubbed in post production. Really? Congo's good. I like Congo. I watched Congo recently. It's really fun. Project X is a really underrated monkey movie. Project X? Project X is a great monkey movie. That's where they released them all from the

study. Yeah, and they got a flying fighter jets and shit with Matthew Broderick. Huh. Man. But now King Kong is a gorilla. Yeah, well, they're all monkeys. Apes, monkeys, the whole banana. Are they all monkeys, Marcus?

Are they all monkeys? No, absolutely not. They're not, right? There's monkeys, there's chimps, and there's apes. They're primates. They're all primates. You are a private movie. Oh, call me a piece of shit. But why don't they call him a primate? You're a piece of shit, Ed. Because we're primates. I love it. Call me a piece of shit.

But why don't they call him a primate? You're a piece of shit, Ed. Because we're primates too. Technically every movie with a human in it is a primate. Call them primates. And they should be called primates and primates. We're the primates. They're the primates.

We have to make a delineation here. What are you, the alt-left? What's going on here? Oh, we have to get all the... Random accusations. I can't call it a monkey movie. This is science at on here? Oh, we have to get all the... Random accusations floating around. I can't call it a monkey movie. This is science at its hardest. Oh, my God. This is exactly...

You can call it a monkey movie, but they're not monkeys. What, do you work for Huffington Post? Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. Good Lord. Lord and heaven. I think Rise of the Apes. Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Wow, that's a recent one. It's really good. I feel like it's fresh in your blood, though. It's really good. I actually don't love the monkey movie genre, but I loved that movie.

Tarzan's good, too. But that's a love story. That's not about apes. They just happen to be there. Cheetah? What, are you small-balling Cheetah? Every Which Way But Loose? A great monkey movie.

Phenomenal, man. There's two of those. There's only one other way other than loose. I love orangutans, especially. I like redheads. There's two of those. There's only one other way other than loose. I love orangutans especially. I like redheads. What's the other way than loose? What's the other way than loose? Every which way.

That's only tight. Every which way. But loose. That's one other way. There's like, you know. Oh, there's not kind of loose. Oh, my goodness. Climbs.

All right. So this monkey shines. Monkey shines great. Monkey shines is my favorite. Monkey Shines is good. That adds up. Oh, dude. I've never seen it.

I watched it a couple of years ago. Of course, the man's in a wheelchair, and the monkey just terrorizes him. Yes, it holds up. It's wonderful. It's a classic Stephen King movie, and I don't believe they had to redo the ending, because I think he got that book right. What's the Brendan Fraser monkey bone? That's just monkey bone.

Monkey bone's something different altogether. I don't think that there's any monkey in it. It's a cartoon monkey. Oh's the Brendan Fraser monkey bones? That's just monkey bones. Well, monkey bones is something different altogether. I don't think that there's any monkey in it. Let's say a cartoon monkey. Oh, is it an actual monkey? It is a cartoon, no.

I don't know if I count that one. Cartoon monkeys don't really count. No, they don't. But you would count MVP, most valuable primate. I don't know that one. Monkey, it's a monkey playing ice hockey.

Whoa. That'd be good. That'd be a good sport for a monkey to play. Ice hockey? I don't think so. There's no trees or anything like that. Outbreaks.

Great monkey movie. Outbreak is great. What about Raiders of the Lost Ark? That monkey's a great monkey. He's a great monkey. He's a great monkey, but I think a monkey movie has to be classified as a movie in which a monkey is a central part of the plot throughout the movie. What about Aladdin? Apu?

Apu make the cut? Oh, my God. I wouldn't say it the plot throughout the movie. What about Aladdin? Apu? Apu make the cut? Oh, my God. I wouldn't say it's necessarily a monkey movie. If Aladdin is a monkey movie, then Friends is a monkey show. Well, Friends is kind of a monkey show. It got a lot better when they brought the monkey on. I'll tell you that. Oh, that's absolutely correct.

No, the monkey was in the first two seasons. I always said F the duck. Oh, really? Get rid of the duck. They got rid of the monkey. The monkey was in the first two seasons, and they got rid of the monkey. And they brought the ducks in. Mm-hmm.

I like the whole will they, won't they part about it. And you know what? There's no way Monica lost all that weight and looked the way she did. Okay, please. Body contour surgery. Talk about it. Do an episode on it. Oh, wow.

Actually, you need to see the whole MVP series. There's MVP. There's MVP 2, in which he plays skateboards. And then there's MXP, which is most extreme primate. And he snowboards. That'd be great for monkeys. He snowboards. That one's actually believable. That's pretty good. I could see them snowboarding. I mean, they have all those Air Bud

movies, too. And I love dogs, don't get me wrong. Oh, I could love an Air Bud movie. But, you know, he always bites the ball, but he never punctures it. So he is aware. But Marcus, so with the story, now the 63-year-old's dead. The cops did investigate, and she's arrested, I would assume. There wasn't one monkey in the story, was there?

There's no monkey. There's no monkey. No monkeys. It's just about an old woman killing her boyfriend. But we don't know what he did to her. It might have been probable cause. But it was like a primal act. It was a primal act.

So are they going to put her in jail? Are they just going to let her? They're going to make her an MVP. Put her back in the woods. When the officer asked her what was going on, she said, don't worry about it. Then locked herself in the apartment. Investigators said officers were eventually able to convince the woman to give herself up. A detective searching the apartment for evidence found splattered blood, a.22 caliber revolver in the bottom drawer of a bedroom

dresser. Investigators said they determined that five of the gun's nine rounds had been fired. The women told police at the scene, quote, if you tell me he's dead I'll tell you why I did it. Well, there it is. Well, he's dead. Why'd you do it? Did she say why she did it? Didn't say. Oh, maybe she's alright. Bit of a liar.

I guess he might be alive. He's totally fine. Bit of a liar. I guess he might be a liar. Maybe he's fine. Maybe he's totally fine. Absolutely fine. Would you consider, like, all right, is Bigfoot a monkey? No, no. How the hell? Bigfoot, if anything, a bear. Bigfoot is still a primate.

It's kind of monkey. He's a monkey for sure, right? I mean, I. So Harry and the Hendersons is a phenomenal film. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Harry and the Hendersons is what a dysfunctional family with a father who allowed his children to be around a dangerous creature. He should be like that.

And they loved him. Harry and the Hendersons is a family classic. It is a great. If you have not seen Harry and the Hendersons, you're just a 12-year-old little fucking idiot who listens to the show. You 12-year-old bastard. They also called him Harry. You go to Netflix and you punch in Harry and the Hendersons if you even can with your mutant hands.

And if you watch that movie and you don't like it, Google blow your brains out. See what you get there. See what you get there, you 12-year-old little crook. Oh, my God. You just get a hold of McNeely's mother after she listens to the show. Now, what was the name of the guy who was the father in Harry and Liz? John Lithgow.

John Lithgow. D'Amici's in that movie. No shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's that powerful. He's a Bigfoot hunter. Well, he's a believer. The hunter is the other guy, Jacques.

I mean, he's a pain in the ass. Well, they're trying to kill Harry. Yeah, Jacques is trying to kill Harry. Oh, my God. Don't they have to let him go? They try. And then there's other ones. I don't trying to kill Harry. Yeah, Jacques is trying to kill Harry. Oh, my God. Don't they have to let him go? They try. Ah. And then there's other ones.

I mean, I don't want to give away. Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. It's still great. Oh, it's a great feature. Twist and turns. Yeah, great movie. Swimming pool scene.

Oh, my. No, he gets in there, huh? We don't know. We don't know. I'm trying to keep some mystery back. No, does Harry. I haven't watched that movie in years. Does Harry go swimming?

Well, we don't see it, but they got to get all the hair out of the pool. Oh, my God. Well, that's fun. You know, I would always say... And Emmett Walsh is in that film. Yep. Great actor. Love Emmett Walsh.

You got yourself a Sasquatch living with you. If he's in a movie, you can guarantee it's good. Who's that? M. Emmett Walsh. M. Emmett Walsh? M. Emmett Walsh. Well, what that... Why is the M in there? I don't know. It's his first name, I guess. Well, then just drop it entirely. Emmett walsh m emmett walsh m emmett walsh well what that why is the m in there i don't know

it's his first name i guess well then just drop it entirely emmett walsh it works for him maybe there was emmett walsh mms in the first four letters of your goddamn name well what happens is someone was probably another emmett walsh on sag who like was some fucking waiter and gone with the wind and so he had to be emmett walsalsh. So he's just an E. Get that E out of there. It's just a mm, Emmett Walsh? Mehmet. I don't like that guy. He seems annoying. You love Mehmet.

You love M. Emmett Walsh. I don't know. Look at his picture. Let me see him. You love this guy. Look at his picture. Let me see. Oh, I do like this guy, M. Emmett Walsh.

Well, he's the kind of guy who looks like he has a porch, and then he's never not said a racial slur while sitting on it. That's what he looks like. I suppose porch and then he's never not said a racial slur while sitting on it. Like that's the kind of, that's what he looks like. I suppose you got a problem there. That's my best M.M. at Walsh. I got to work on it. Oh, it's a very good thing. But now people were mean to Harry though.

And so it was a movie of just accepting people who are different than you, even if they're a Sasquatch. Mm-hmm. Yep. Amen. Amen. The inspiration for the Harry Potter series. Yeah. But now if you do. Do you think Harry Potter is Harry from Harry Natterson's? That's what I'm thinking.

They should have spelled Harry H-A-I-R-Y. I think it's a monkey. They shaved him and they shaved him and they shaved him and they shaved him. And then they taught him magic. And they taught him how to be magical. And at some point his vision got fucked up and he had to wear nerd glasses. Yeah, that was that kind of episode

where he trips on fucking acid and he sees that girl's tits for the first time and they start talking to him. Oh, man. What do they say? Oh, yeah, Beauty and the Beast.

There's a lot of good beastly, hairy kind of monkey movies right now. Hold on, what do the boobs say? The boobs? Yeah.

Hey, I'm Brad. You're not Brad, you're Steven. Because there's two of them talking. Well, if I'm not Brad and you're not, then I'm Brad. You're not Brad. You're Steven. Because there's two of them talking. If I'm not Brad and you're not, then I'm Steven. Then why are you Jerry? I'm not Jerry. I'm Frank.

It's like really where they just argue about names for like an entire like half an hour scene. Interesting. Are they fake boobs or real boobs? Tell as old as time. Something. You saw the movie. As old as time. Something. You saw the movie.

As old as time. Speaking to the wind. I don't know. Oh, that's good. Beauty and the priest. True as it can be. Barely even friends. Then somebody bends unexpectedly.

Oh, my God. Just a little change. Small to say the least, both a little scared, neither one prepared. Oh, they were not. Beauty and the Beast. Sounds like college freshmen trying to have sex with each other. Do you think the Beast's rod is longer in the Beast form than in the human

form? I actually think it's bigger in the human form because he's nude when he's the Beast, and you see nothing. He's not nude, he's fully clothed. No, I think he's kind of nude. Sometimes he's wearing clothes. Actually, he's got pants on. The whole time? Yeah, the whole time.

The whole time. Yeah, I know. He's got pants on. So you saw the new Beauty and the Beast? Of course. I'm a Disney sucker. I can't help it. I need to see it too.

I want to see it this weekend. Live action or animated? What's better? I mean, this is kind of animated, too. I mean, it's still a talking teapot. No, they found a talking teapot. There's a whole audition for talking teapots. The original's much better, but I was cynical going in,

but halfway through the movie, I'm singing Be Our Guest. Well, the gay character was very controversial. Were you taken aback? You know what I will say about it? If they would have never brought it up, it would have been a cool move. You know, the fact that like, oh, we have a gay character in our movie.

And then they barely, at the end of the movie, he decides to dance with a man. Like, that's as scandalous as it gets. And there's that whole song, the whole song, you should be gay, child. You should be gay, child. Try it once. Kiss a man or a woman

depending on your sex make it the same you know that was all things make it the same wine and dine 69 do it to a man that was a weird move right because i wasn't i don't believe i haven't seen the animated in a long time but i don't believe that that song was in the end no the candlestick can't do that kind of stuff. Right. No way. And then the Little Mermaid's Castle, if you look on the cover of the VHS. Big hard cock. Big hard penis on there.

I remember seeing that and getting real confused. Yeah, the priest also has a hard penis in Little Mermaid. You pause it and it bumps out. There's a baby bump pops out. I love, Disney's always great sneaking that stuff in. Fuck yeah, man. More, more, more.

You know what I'm saying? Subliminal dicks. So you're looking for more secret cocks in movies. Secret cocks in film should just be a standard at this point. Everyone should hide one in every movie, and that's the game we play when we go into the theater. I agree. I can't disagree with that.

So what happened with the gay character? I think it was the movie theater. that the company they they uh put it out there they knew it was going to get a negative reaction from some idiots and then the idiots gave it the reaction and so it was a perfect storm if they would have never brought it up nobody would have ever brought it up it was big money that's why it had 200 or 180 million dollars opening weekend it's all about the marketing i mean it was gonna have that anyway it's beauty and the beast i mean It's all about the marketing. I mean, it was going to have that anyway. It's Beauty and the Beast. I mean, that's one of the best stories of all time. Tale as old as time.

Yeah. Now, who was the Beast after she kissed him? Because I don't want to do a spoiler alert. Dan Stevens. Who was it? Dan Stevens. Van Stevens? Dan.

The name Dan, like Marino? Dan Stevens. Dan Stevens. I never heard of him either, but he plays the Beast. Now, was he attractive or was he a real dog guy? Because you can imagine she kisses him and he's a big lumpy nerd. You imagine that if he just looks like

a Steve Buscemi or something like that. Steve Buscemi, that would be a big reveal. Bleeding from his neck like in Fargo. Like, ah, ah, ah. All he promises... It's his face, not his neck. Oh, it's his face? All the Beast promises is that he's a king or a prince or something, right?

He doesn't say that he's hot. He's a prince. But he's a good looking prince. Why can't he be Steve Buscemi? Beauty kisses, and then she's like, how do I get it back to where you're a beast? Yeah, the beast is more beastly. She tells him to grow a beard. She does.

Yeah, she liked it. Like Scruffy Boy. Yeah, it like she actually she was kind of disappointed when he became a man really yeah well obviously she fell in love with the beast now does the phrase tale as old as time imply that there was a reality before time existed and if that's the case no it's as old as time yeah but that means yeah that i mean if it's a's as old as time. Yeah, but that means... Yeah, I mean, if it's a tale as old as time and you're telling a tale, then you're telling of a time before the tale happened.

No, it's a tale as old as time. So the moment time started, you just start telling a story? You start telling the fucking tale? About a young, beautiful woman having sex with a wildebeest? Yeah, that's the first story you're going to tell, not, oh, the sun is in the sky.

You know what, honey? The ocean's in the ground. No, you're absolutely... Kids, put the fire out. I don't want to lose a dress if it goes on my gills. The sun is in the sky. You know what, honey? The ocean's in the ground. No. Kids, put the fire out. Grandpa's drunk. If you want to lose a dress, it's when I close up my gills. Next scene, we put some sand in the fire. Grandpa's drunk trying to tell our kids a story about a bear having sex with a child.

It's like I'm here. Oh, time just started to exist. And someone's like, oh, a beast falls in love with a woman. I'd be like, what is a beast? What is a woman? It makes no sense. Oh, my. There has to be. I agree my there has to be i agree

there has to be some sort of time that had to come before time so it's a phrase yeah i don't think it is it's a shitty it's a shitty way to word i think the beginning of civilization started began with the first story and that's the tale as old as time it's a shit phrase i don't think this is the tale so you think that time started when stories started tell that to steven hawking you fucker oh my god steven hawking okay yeah brilliant guy you're the first tale i tell the theory of relativity that's a fucking story you should fucking listen to you 12 year old piece of shit i don't know why you set the house on fire i want to hear this alden tell us what the tale of the theory of relativity is.

Ah, yes. Things are relative to other things. If I throw a ball in the air, then the ground will be hit by it. If I spin in a circle. That's it? No. There's not. That's one element.

That's one element. First of all, he did just describe gravity, but keep going. Let's talk about mass. Let's talk about mass. Things big. Things are big. Like Ben Bigg? Yes.

Even bigger than me, I think. Tail as big as Ben. That's a story. That's a story. That's a long movie. That's how Brontosaurus is. It's like Oliver Stone's JFK. We're two hours into this thing.

All we've gotten to is the ankles. I can't get through this fucking tail. Oh, my goodness. It's like an ICP weekend there. What do they call those things? I'm having an ICP renaissance right now. No, not the juggalos. The gathering.

The gathering. Family. I put on Great Malenko last night when we were having our Amurifice meeting and it brought me all the way to the Way, Way Back machine. We were singing along with the lyrics. It was a beautiful moment. I got to say I had a little little fun but then I really regretted it Later

You felt bad about that moment Why did you regret it? Cause they're just all garbage No I actually like what ICP has done We have some juggalettes and juggalos Who listen to our program Absolutely In the most part they're really wonderful people

How many times will I cry So good who listen to our program. Absolutely. Shout out. And for the most part, they're really wonderful people. Why? How many times will I cry? So good. I remember. Fucking pee on each other. Who cares what they do? They do it together. Chuck Berry fucking did that.

Is he a bad fucking musician? He's the big... Well, he started rock and roll. I mean, it's done rock and roll. Ike Turner started rock and roll. Who did? Ike Turner? Ike Turner?

Ike Turner. The man who abused violently abused women? I didn't say that, but he definitely started rock and roll. I believe that. Barry started rock and roll before Ike Turner. Jerry Lee Lewis did fuck his 13-year-old cousin, but he did still write Great Balls of Fire. So you can imagine the heat of the balls. Yeah.

My goodness. A certain White Elvis created rock and roll. Thank you very much. We got him. We got him. I think Elvis kind of stole a lot. I mean, there's lots of theories on how rock and roll started. You could say it was-

Chuck Berry is notoriously- Rock around the clock. Bill Haley in the comments. It could be that. You know, there's different things. Well, I could say a monkey movie started rock and roll. Marcus, who do you think started rock and roll? I can't say a monkey movie started rock and roll. Marcus, who do you think started rock and roll? You can't really point to one person and say

that person started rock and roll. Everyone says it's Chuck Berry. No one says it's Chuck Berry. Everyone says he was around for the beginning, but he didn't start it. He did the duck walk. He was the first one that shot somebody and did rock and roll, probably. Oh, my goodness. Well, you never know who they were. Got your ass on

that one, Ben. I guess so. I can't even get... Oh, my goodness. Well, you never know who they were. Got your ass on that one, Ben. I guess so. I can't even get. Oh, my God. We're at the knees. What about Money Waters? Maybe it was Money Waters. No, Money Waters was folk, right? It's folk and soul.

Blues. Blues. Electric blues. Electric blues. Am I crazy? Everyone says Chuck Berry started rock and roll. You're crazy. Who says that?

I've seen a lot of people say that. Yeah, yeah. Everyone. The Rolling Stones said that. No. Yes, Mick Jagger. Yeah, they did. Really?

Yeah, they did. Yes. They were obsessed with the blues. I don't know. All right? Oh, my goodness. Let me just give you a little crash course in rock and roll, okay? A-hip-a-hip-a-hip-a-blue-sway-shoes-and-a-round-round-two.

That's not rock and roll. Hound Dog 2. Blue Train 2. I mean, Holder might be right. Blue, blue, blue. It's always about being- It's pretty fucking rock and roll. Hound Dog 2. Blue Train 2. Blue, blue, blue. It's always about being. It's pretty fucking rock and roll. How don't you ever go.

You should have gone out for that Andy Kaufman award if it wasn't such a stupid thing to begin with. I should. I'll show up and show. No, no, you don't do it. You are dressed like a banana. You are. Give me the award. You are the closest thing to Andy Kaufman that I've ever met.

As a matter of a whole to be kneeling. That's a very high compliment. Thank you. That is a high compliment. Yeah. He's just, I mean, Andy Kaufman, unbearable to be around. Yeah. A genius in his own way.

That's what we were saying. We only are friends with you because you're funny. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. That's true. Every time I see Benny, he's like, I'm only friends with you because you are at times funny. Yeah.

Well, you're usually funny. I try to say less than that to you. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Pretty unbelievable. High compliments. Ed just immediately starts smoking weed and getting me high so that to you. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. Pretty unbelievable. High compliments.

Ed just immediately starts smoking weed and getting me high so that we will not speak. Because the more high I am, the less I will be talking. So we stare into space. All right. That's why I like weed. I never realized. If you never have to see Holden again, do you think you would stop smoking weed? I don't know.

Let's try it out. Yeah. You'd get so much more done if you didn't know me. Yeah, that's a good point. All of us probably would. News story. Let's do one. A 96-year-old woman and an 89-year-old man were wheeled to the wrong gate at a South Florida airport

and ended up on a flight to upstate New York instead of Michigan. Roll with it. Roll with it. Roll with it. Helen Weeks. Have fun. It was an unintended pun. It was pretty good. It was pretty good.

Helen Weaker and her husband, George Nobel, ended up in Ogdensburg, New York, instead of Grand Rapids, Michigan, after being put on the wrong Allegiant Air flight on Wednesday at Fort Lauderdale Hollywood International Airport. South Florida television station WPLG reports that Allegiant Air spokeswoman Hillary Gray blamed a malfunctioning boarding pass scanner for not catching the mix-up. Gray apologized for the mistake and says the couple has been given a full refund. Allegiant Air is like $40 a ticket. I never heard of this airline before.

I've been riding it lately. It's really cheap. Allegiant Air? Yeah, I mean, it I never heard of this airline before. I've been riding it lately. It's really cheap. It flies out of Newark. Allegiant Air? Yeah, I mean, it's really cheap. How do you spell that? A-L-L-E-G-I. Marcus, we've been in airports for about, I've never seen Allegiant.

A-L-L-E-G-I-N-T. Alley Giant. What alleyway does it fly out of? Newark, it goes to Cincinnati. It goes to Asheville, Knoxville, Charleston, Destin, Florida. You know, if you gotta head down there. Does it have wheels or do the people just have to put their

legs down when the plane wants to stop? And walk like Flintstones. And they run on the ground like Flintstones. How does this work? It's decent. It's not bad. You're welcome. Their Wikipedia page, within four words, you have the words low cost. You know what?

It's better than fucking Spirit. Is it better than Spirit? Way better than Spirit. I never wrote on Frontier. I like it more than Southwest. Oh, my. Well, Marcus and I, we flew down to Utah, and you know what Southwest does, Holden? Yeah, they fly.

They go upside down, so you can't. They're upside down the whole time. It's horrible when you try to bring fish. Oh, my God. It gets up everywhere. Or when they serve the drinks. The drinks just fly everywhere. Oh, my goodness.

So now you're just like, give me a shot of what you're having. The way Stuart is always hammered with his fucking breasts out. And the breasts are upside down. That's a nightmare. You can't even enjoy that. I don't know if you can That's a nightmare. You can't even enjoy them. I don't know if you can have an upside down.

You can't even see the nipples are flipped up. Oh, my. They got cleats. You got to wear cleats. You got to wear cleats. You got to wear the... Kind of a footballer's flight, I guess. Oh, my God.

They're just like, Eric, I'm sorry. We released a squirrel. That always happens, too. Just like, figure it out. Dirty Southwest. Fun for the squirrel. They make you...

You have to fight for your seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always a guy dressed like Marvin figure it out. Dirty Southwest. Fun for the squirrel. You have to fight for your seats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always a guy dressed like Marvin the Martian. If you sit by him, he'll give you a witch's curse. Marcus, why? Where are we in the show? Don't worry about there. Allegiant Air.

So this elderly couple, now they're over in upstate New York. Did they have a nice time there anyway? They flew back to Fort Lauderdale and planned to try again to fly to Michigan on Saturday. Why didn't they just go hang out in Ossemburger? Ogdensburg? Ogdensburg. You ever been to Ogdensburg? I bet they got nice trees.

I'm sure they have a lot of trees. What did they want to do in Michigan? They were already in Fort Lauderdale. He's 96. She's 87. Just hang out. Probably go visit a son, daughter. Why didn't they just fly to Michigan from upstate?

I don't think they have a flight that goes from Ogdensburg to Staten Island. Oh, my goodness. I can't believe that. Allegiant needs to step up their game. Burgleburn. That heavy Ogdensburg fucking Grand Rapids traffic needs to be accounted for. You've got to fly first class. You're 97.

You've got to fly first class. Immediate upgrade after you're 70. That's what I say. Oh, no. Those old people ain't got no money. Why not? Because old people don't have any money. You have 97 years to make money.

How much money you got right now? How much do I have right now? Well, a couple hundred bucks. I'm not going to disclose it. I've always said there should be a section for old people, a section for babies, and then all the races should be split up into sections. You've always said that? I've always said that since the day I was three and said the word split them up.

Split them up. Interesting point of view. My first word was split them up. Well, you know what? Southwest actually kind of does that, knowing people and how they are. True. Indeed. Spirit Airlines is like the ghost of the sky.

Good point, Eddie. I should use that phrase. There it is. There it is like the ghost of the sky. Good point, Eddie. I should use that phrase. There it is. There it is. All right, so everyone's fine. Everyone's okay. They're in Fort Lauderdale. They're back in Fort Lauderdale.

They're ready to try again this weekend. I'm going to stop flying after 90. If I make it to 90, I'm never flying. Never. You come to me. Everyone comes to me. Especially if you're already in Fort Lauderdale. Yeah.

Why are you going to Michigan? Send those fuckers down to you. Absolutely. Brutally cold. I mean, when did this story happen? It was this week. Brutally cold. Still, yeah, in Michigan.

Oh, yeah. I got to say, Fort Lauderdale, my folks are down there. My brother and his fiance are down there. Airport just got shot up. It did? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that happened there. The baggage claim.

I was there three days before that. Well, we wait there quite often waiting for our bags, and it would be nice to just have a sweet release. A sweet release of death so you don't have to take that cab back to the Guardia. So I always put all my clothes in my pockets when I travel so that I don't have to deal with the baggage claim. I put a piece of underwear in my right pocket, and I put a sock in my left, And to hell with the rest of it.

You know what I'm saying? I get it. Makes a lot of sense. There's no denying that that is true. I just wear my shirt backwards when it's time to change. That'll fix it. It's the same shirt. How do you mean?

It's the same shirt that you're wearing. You're just wearing it. Backwards, you mean inside out or backwards? I'm just so tired of being an adult. Why? You're engaged. Why can't I be benjamin button why can't i go backwards i think you have been this is the most mature adult thing you've ever this is it this is it man i did it i made the ultimate commitment i'm ready to go like for life You know what I'm saying? Oh, I'm stubborn. Until she's walking out the door with the bags and then

whatever and then I'm a divorced man. And that'll be a whole new chapter in your life we can all enjoy. Honestly, dude, you as a divorcee would be absolutely hilarious. Super fun, dude. I'll start drinking fruity drinks, letting my hair out. You know what i'm saying date that jamaican waiter on the trip yeah i'm sure he's a nice guy hello back hello hello slamming into me just taking me and he's like oh the real

party's in the shower and i'm like what's what there's a party in the shower just railing me. Just slamming me so hard. Yeah. It's just like red water. That's all I'll say. Those two words, red water. Wild stuff. It's going to make my fucking ass bleed. Oh, I thought you were just going to say those two words.

No. Well, that is. No, I'm not. You're saying what he's saying. No, I'm not because I'm getting drunk on this podcast. And I am going to say what the fuck I want to say, all right? Well, isn't that something? Lexi will be with me for 15 years, and then I will get slammed in my fucking ass by a Jamaican waiter on a trip.

Well, you never know what's going to happen. That sounds great. Yeah, I mean, there's worse things that could happen to you. Yeah, you never know. I mean, yeah, because that's the best thing. Of course there's worse things that could happen to you. Yeah. You never know. I mean, yeah, because that's the best thing. Yeah. Of course there's worse things. I mean, it does sound fair.

Fifteen years of a woman tolerating you and then. And then. Ass blast. An explosion. And then it's just like. You get to come a whole new way. But now will you be into it? Yeah.

So you're going to be into it? I think so. Yeah. We'll see. I don't know why you wouldn't be. Yeah, I'm getting my, that's getting my groove back. You'll have to change full sexual orientation somehow. I mean, well, you're planted 15 years for it. You'll have to change full sexual orientation somehow. I mean, well, you've been planning 15 years for it.

You can time to prepare. Yeah. So I guess every single year, slowly get more and more comfortable with the idea. Just watch the new Beauty and the Beast. There's a certain song in there where I think you will understand exactly why I would end up doing that later in life.

Did you see the Beauty and the Beast as well? Not yet. I cannot wait to go. I'm going to go with Lexi. I saw Get Out recently. I loved that. Oh, Get Out was great. I haven't seen Get Out yet. We don't want to ruin anything for you, although it's coming up on time, guys. You've got to start

seeing it. You saw Get Out, right? I've seen it. I guess I should say I had to watch it for research because I'm going to be in Jordan Temple's play Hidden Fences very soon, which is, of course, based on the gaffe that was made at the Golden Globes where the Bush daughters, I believe, did this.

Michael Keaton. Michael Keaton did this. Well, apparently multiple people have now, multiple white people have now done this where they've said Hidden Fences, confusing the movie Fences and Hidden Figures and putting it together. So it's, of course, about the guy.

It's an honest mistake. I don't even understand what the hell you're talking about. It's going to happen. Hidden Fences? There's a film called Fences and a film called Hidden Figures. Hidden Figures is about the black women who helped. Yeah, NASA. Fences is about like Denzel Washington.

Now, is it just about fences? He's building a fence. Well, now, that seems boring to me. Doesn't that seem boring to you? Well, he yells a lot. He's a baseball player. Well, what? And do they get the guy from

Home Improvement to have a cameo? All black people. We don't know if he was black or not. From Bubba Shrimp. I like his food. He's great. Wow. He plays Denzel's dumb dumb brother. Not the chef, huh? There's no

chef. There's no shrimp? There's no shrimp in the movie. There's no shrimp in Fences, no. It's different, yeah. Well, then what the hell is Bubba doing there? He was being very Bubba-like. When an actor loves different movies very much, he ends up playing different parts. You're making a movie called Fences.

You don't put Wilson in it. I don't care what the hell the damn movie's about. You want a volleyball to be in the fucking movie? You're missing the mark. There's only one famous fence actor in television history and it's Wilson

from Home Improvement. But it's a movie, though. Yeah, it's a movie. It's totally different. Tom Sawyer, which is a Styx song, you shithead. No, Tom Sawyer's a Styx.

That's a Rush song. Oh, it's Rush? I never really got into either of those bands. No, Rush is... My roommate in college went through a Rush phase and honestly, it was tough.

I fucking love Rush. I like. I mean, I'm talking a Rush phase, brother. Yeah, I know what a Rush phase is like. Tomo, I got to. Mr. Roboto. That was. Hit you with a bottle.

Now, which band had the monkey in it? The monkeys. That's bread. Oh, I do love bread. There is a horse with no name it? The monkeys. That's bread. Oh, I do love bread. There is a horse with no name. That's America. Oh, that's America. And what a great country she is.

Oh, man. When bread broke up, did they not say we're breaking bread? Oh, baby, I don't know if they ever broke up, though. That sliced bread, that's good. Baby, I'mma want you. Yeah, good point. Baby, I'mma need you. That's a good point.

Okay. Did they say that? Okay, let's get it. Oh, yeah, they were only want you. Yeah. Good point. Baby, I'ma need you. That's a good point. Okay. Did they say that? Okay. Positive. Let's get it. Oh, yeah. They were only around for seven years. Oh, really?

Yeah. 70 to 77. 13 songs in the Hot 100. Really? Wow. Reddit. 13 songs? What are they?

They were pretty good. I mean, the Guitar Man, Baby, I'ma Want You. What is it? Make It With You, It Don't matter to me. Let your love go. If. Mother freedom. Baby, I'm going to want you. Yeah.

Everything I own. Everything I own is phenomenal. Yep. Diary. Don't know it. The guitar, man. So good. Yeah.

Sweet surrender. And then sourdough. Because you can imagine if they had a hit song named sourdough. I think the bread stood for money. Oh, man. That kind of bread. Well, in a lot of cultures, bread was money if you think about the barter trade

and all those sorts of things. That's the thing. Bread used to be used as money. Is that the origin of that being a nickname for money? I guess that makes sense. Give me the bread. No, they chose the name bread because one of the guys was stuck in traffic behind a Wonder Bread truck.

And he's like, oh, bread. They are that boring. They really are that boring of a band. I love that reason. And their debut album was bread. Oh, man. I love Wonder Bread, by the way. It just absorbed mayonnaise in a way No other bread does it

No other bread absorbs mayonnaise Best white bread in the world is Mrs. Baird's bread What? It's a Texas specific brand of white bread They put just a little bit of sugar in there No Skippy No Dimples white bread No Jump Joe

So yes So we have a whole series of things happening. Everyone's fine in Fort Lauderdale. Mm-hmm. So, that's good. Everyone's fine. Oklahoma could soon... Is this beef jerky up for grabs?

Yeah. Yes. So, the fatty... Now, this is actually given to Marcus by a listener. Yeah, by Alex K. Thank you very much, Alex K. Who's been a super long-time listener here of all of the Cave Company radio shows. Okay, now, Both of you do realize

this is an audio performance and you are putting in meat gum. Beef jerky. You must both speak. I'm talking. How are you doing? I'm talking. I'm talking.

I'm sitting by trying to have a snack and join the story. This is the closest thing I've felt to being a New York Met. It's kind of nice. A bunch of people with a bunch of cud in their the story. The closest thing I've felt to be a New York Met. It's kind of nice. Bunch of people with a bunch of cut in their mouth. Oklahoma could soon join Louisiana and Texas in allowing hunters to shoot feral hogs from helicopters. Oh, my goodness. How much more pussy do you have to be when you hunt?

I have no problem with hunting. I really don't. We eat meat. These two animals are eating meat right now. Stab it with a knife. Stab it with a knife. I'm pro bow hunting. AR-15s, not allowed.

You got to have some skill to it. It'd be great if they were jumping out of the helicopter and landing on it with a knife. That's okay. If you have to be like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible and just hover over it, sure. Actually, this is more for safety than it is for actual hunting. Most people don't actually hunt wild hogs for sport you hunt wild hogs because they're they're super dangerous and they really can fuck up somebody's uh crop so this is okay so you don't eat those hogs that you kill you can we used to sometimes someone would kill a wild hog and then you just kind of roast the

whole thing and at a party you just throw a gigantic pile of wild boar meat onto a table people just grab handfuls of it. No, it's pretty good. God damn, it sounds like fun. Yeah, it's pretty gamey, but it's all right. Yeah, but, you know, if you get an experience like hog pitter, then, you know, you can get some good stuff on there. So it's an athletic animal.

No, they're not like huge. Yeah, they're huge and they can kill your ass too. I'm surprised they haven't gotten their own little spinoff of, like, Air Bud films, you know? Oh, my God, Air Pig. See, pigs, I think pigs, for some reason, they can't be athletic. Yeah. Because you got Babe, and you got Charlotte's Web. Those are about the only, like, anthems.

They can be alignment. They can be, yeah. Yeah, no, you can. They're too long. Yeah, oh, I mean, he'd be pulling. That's dang. He'd pull, he'd get the trap going. It'd be great.

Yep. I like that. Yeah. If Ed could only coach a team of pigs. Oh, my gosh. Jesus Christ. It'd be amazing. I mean, I want a monkey quarterback. Monkey quarterback, yeah.

Oh, of course. There's not a whole lot of pigs. There's Babe, Pig in the City, Babe, Mr. Pig. That's got Danny Glover in it. Oh, okay. Yeah, naturally. Babe is phenomenal, though. Yeah.

My brother, the pig. Yeah. That's got Judge, what is his name? Judge Reinhold. Oh, okay. Babe is phenomenal, though. Yeah. My brother, the pig? Yeah. That's got Judge, what is his name? Judge Reinhold. Oh, I love Judge Reinhold. Who is the mother having sex with there? His brother's a pig. No, probably a pig.

Huh. My brother, the pig. That's wild. If I could pick, a pig would be my animal to have sex with. Really? Well, I guess that makes sense. You threw that out there. I don't even have to prompt you for that.

You could put a blindfold on. The hell was that? Well, you know, if you had to have sex with an animal, I always say pig. Well, pig is the closest to human flesh. That's why it's used in most of the bullet ballistics and sword play and things like that. However, a sheep's vagina is closest to a woman's. Oh, my God. Now we're here.

So you shear the sheep. Shear the sheep. What on earth? And, yeah, put in some stockings and some heels. You could probably fucking let loose on that thing. I don't even know where to find a pig, so it's fine. You just go to the deli section. I'm getting a pig.

You're like, I'm getting a pig. Yeah, I'm getting a pig, dude. I mean, it's not that big of a deal. That's good. I would actually argue the problem with the sheep is that its vagina is too close to a woman's. What if you liked it too much? Then you're just addicted to sheep pussy for the rest of your life.

What's the whole thing? There's one less guy that'd bother women. Just fuck sheep for the rest of your life. That's great. You don't want to fuck sheep. What is wrong with you? That is actually very true. It's true, I guess.

Take the population down. I'd much rather fuck sheep than, you know, rape. Then what? Yeah, then rape. Then your wonderful girlfriend or your fiance? Absolutely. Good Lord almighty. You guys have gone off the reservation here.

What are you talking about? All right. Let's do a segment, Marcus. All right. We can't do these guys. Whoa, whoa, whoa. We can't. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't do this. No, I'm not going to do it. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, all right, Marcus. Let's do another news story. Yeah, come on. Stick your wheelhouse here. I mean, these guys are talking about having sex with sheep all of a sudden.

We talk about it a lot. What if you wrapped a snake around your dick? All right, let's do a segment. I don't do the segment part. That'd be fun. Then you're not fucking its pussy, so you don't have to worry about that. I think that we're fine. All right, let's have a moment.

Hollow out a hamster. Don't hollow out a hamster. Guinea pig probably would be a better move. Oh, my goodness. All right. I'm switching gears based on our earlier conversation. It's going to be your favorite monkey movie, an argument for that movie, and then Marcus is going to decide what the best monkey movie is. So are we creating a monkey movie?

No, you are telling me a real monkey movie that was made. A real one? Oh, The Island of Dr. Moreau. Well, it's not your turn. I don't know if there's monkeys in that. It's not your turn. Oh, yeah, there are. He's got a little monkey sidekick.

Yeah. That's not a monkey. That's a little guy who's weird. That's a little man. No, that's a little person. No, no, no, no. That's a person with a medical disease. I know.

I think there was a capuchin monkey that always hung around him as well. I don't know. I mean. But I wouldn't call it a monkey movie. What about Return of the Jedi? Oh, my God. Is that a monkey? No.

No, that's Salacious Crumb. Is he a monkey? No. Crumb? Oh, my goodness. That's not a monkey at all. Any sidekick is not a monkey. All monkeys are sidekicks.

That's not true. Even King Kong's a sidekick. No, he's not. King Kong is the star of the movie. To Godzilla. We haven't seen him yet. Oh. Is that right? Yeah, we're working towards that. Godzilla and King Kong? They're going to fight each other soon. Really? When? Yes, but you said we have an accredited

spoiler alert. Whoa! What? As primates, we have to support Kong. Monkey. Yeah. Monkey. He's a reptilian, otherwise. Yeah, if you had never seen the original King Kong vs. Godzilla from, like, 66, super fun. Pretty great. Yeah. I remember when I was poor, I had to, like, sell my DVDs for food.

I went and sold that one, and I bought it for $5, and they bought it from me at FYE for $30. That King Kong vs. Godzilla, 30 bucks. There it is. It's pretty rare. I had it on VHS when I was a kid. I watched it $30. There it is. It's pretty rare. I had it on VHS when I was a kid. I watched it every day. I loved it.

Great film. Could have made a lot of money off of that, Marcus. All right. Well, I'm going to go with The Island of Dr. Moreau as my decision. All right.

There's no segment tonight. I love that movie. It's so wonderfully peculiar and strange. I think the monkeys really shine in it. The way that they talk, the way that they walk, the way that they balk at Moreau's other inventions. And I think that it's really an interesting sort of – one of my favorite stories about the island of Dr. Moreau,

and this is actually dead honest, is Marlon Brando was out of his mind. Well, you're referencing the great documentary that I told you to watch, Marcus. Yes, it's so good. And at one point, he was with the, was it the director? Well, the director got booted from the movie, and then the director came back and became a side character. Oh, he went into hiding.

Right, he went into hiding and started spying on the movie. Yeah, it was amazing. It literally happened. But at one point, I believe Marlon Brando's in the car with the director. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe it's somebody else. Maybe you can help me. He says, stop the car.

He's like, all right, look, we're going to make changes, okay? Talking dolphins. And he was like, you want it, right? Yeah, dolphins do talk. He wanted to incorporate dolphins. English-speaking dolphins. he wanted right yeah dolphins do talk he wanted to incorporate dolphins speaking dolphins but he wanted to completely rewrite the script to incorporate dolphins into the film in a huge way um and this was literally like the miami dolphins the day before shooting this was like literally

just this is your your star actor is is literally saying i want to rewrite the entire film and put dolphins in it jesus such a nightmare. A real great movie. And the making of the movie, I forget the name of the documentary, but hand to God it is unbelievable. It's called Lost Soul. Lost Soul? I think it's called Lost Soul. Yeah, and it is, I believe, on Netflix

and it is a fucking awesome watch. It was on Netflix and might be off of there now. The Doom Journey of Richard Stanley's Island of Dr. Brown. It is unbelievable. Honestly, one of the most interesting documentaries I've ever watched. Marcus, Journey of Richard Stanley's Island of Dr. Brown. It is unbelievable. So good. Honestly, one of the most interesting documentaries I've ever watched. Marcus, you have to see it. You will love it.

Monkey Shine. You already mentioned Monkeys and Shine. Monkey Shine is my favorite monkey movie because it's a great horror film. What happened to Monkey Shine again? I forget. It's a wheelchair guy who works with monkeys at a lab. Why didn't they call him Wheelchair Guy?

Because that's not the... Monkeys sell, dude. Everyone knows this. Anyway. Wheelchair guys do not sell like monkeys sell. Then Wheelchair Guy talks Because that's not the... Monkeys sell, dude. Everyone knows this. Anyway. Wheelchair Guys do not sell like Monkeys sell. Then Wheelchair Guy talks to Magic Monkey. Oh, my goodness. Monkey Shine.

One of the best. It's so fun. It's so scary. Well, I don't know if it's that scary. It's just fun. It's fun. Yes. I mean, there's so many.

Just choose one. I have to pee. Well, pee, it doesn't matter. I mean, I'll tell you one thing I'm very concerned with. Congo is not my favorite monkey movie, but it has some very special scenes that I think last forever. It's got some wonderful. I watched Congo last summer.

It was quite a good time. The hippo scene's fucking awesome. When the dude with Delroy Lindo, it's like, stop eating my sesame cake. Love that shit. That's great. When the monkeys, at the end of the movie,

the bad monkeys, the gray gorillas, they just start jumping in the lava for no reason. That bothered me. I never liked that. That kind of pissed me off. Like,

you try to, when people try to wrap up movies and they just like, have people commit suicide. Have them jump in the river. Yeah. You know what? I'm going to go out on a limb here.

I'm going to say my favorite monkey movie is War for Planet of the Apes. Hasn't even come out yet. You put Woody Harrelson as the man who's trying to murder all the monkeys on Earth? I mean, come on. That's pretty good. Ed, bonus question.

Bonus question. If you were blindfolded and you were forced to touch a woman's vagina. All right, we're not doing it. Would you be able to tell the difference? I mean, you know, as long as she doesn't baa, I think I'll be fine. All right, Marcus, make a decision. I'll go for monkey shines. Monkey shines is pretty good.

Thank you so much. Ed lost. Wow. All right. It doesn't matter. We didn't create anything. Goodbye, everybody. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

go to cavecomedyradio.com.