The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 324: Punching Donkeys

Episode Date: April 6, 2017

The gang is joined by Carolina Hidalgo and the future Mrs. Lexi McNeely learns about a woman who pistol whipped her babysitter, a fundraising event that involves paying to be crucified, and dishes about what their stripper personas would be.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table. What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen.

Always civility. Don't breathe and don't give a fuck if I do gasp. That's what I should be listening to. Papa Roach? What's wrong with me? Get pumped up. I don't know, man. You're really wasting an opportunity for some Yeah, why am I listening to all this fucking sad shit?

Sad sack. You got prime Roach time right now. This is prime Papa Roach time. I think Papa Roach was kind of sad, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah, but it was angry sad. Oh, they were angry about it? Oh, yeah. I like to embrace the sad.

Yeah. Go with this. Be sad. I actually, and at some point, it always flips into just like, I'm kind of happy. Because you're so sad that you become happy. Like you become delirious. Well, you listen to music that is great. You kind of happy. Because you're so sad that you become happy. Like you become delirious.

Well, you listen to music that is great. You kind of get alone time. I actually, being sad is kind of a fun place to be. I mean, at some point. Are you saying that being sad is your happy place? Being sad gets you to your happy place. Because if you're happy, where do you go? If you're happy, exactly.

It's a fragile state. Oh, we just won the NCAA championship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two weeks later, sir, pull over. Next thing you know, you're busted for wheat. Yeah, if you're sad, there's no... Yeah, you're there. Yeah, there's no more down. You're in it. There's an Enneagram type, which is one of those...

Similar to Myers-Briggs, the personality quizzes, that type four likes to revel in sadness. Maybe I'm type four. Am I type four? I think you're type two. You're not allowed to say that to a sad person. No, that's fine.

You can't make a diabetes joke about a sad person. Again, you're happy. I am happy. Nice. All right, this is the round table, everyone. I am Ben, obviously, although I usually announce myself last, but today I'll announce myself first. Okay, so who is praying today?

We're doing the show differently every time we do it, and that's my favorite part about what we do. And that's the greatest way to have a horrible franchise. Just every day it's something different. Hey, it's a sports show. I like the Raiders. Raiders of the Lost Ark they are. Now it's a movie show. Now it's a movie show? Yes. I was just

going to talk about football for a second. Okay. Who are you going for this season? The Raiders of the Lost Ark. First one and the best one. Don't laugh at that. Don't look at me. Jackie? You just said I was diabetes type 2. No, you said you were a type 4. Yeah, we were talking about nanograms.

Nanograms? Wow. We were talking about nanograms and I'm type 4. Oh, my goodness. Well, it's nice to have a type anyway. Okay, so let's see here. Let's start the show. Who has to pray?

It's not fucking me. Holden, it's probably actually your turn. I feel like I prayed. No, it pray? It's not fucking me. Holden, it's probably actually your turn. I feel like I prayed. No, it is. It's definitely Holden. I feel like it's your turn. Okay. Everybody close your eyes for a guided meditation.

Okay. You're sitting across from me. We're at a French restaurant. You're excited about the night. Your breasts are heaving. Jesus Christ. And you're just, you're like, why is he so good? And how is he so good at it?

And then you make me, you become my mom. Going back to mom. My God, yeah, we haven't heard about mommy in a while. Well, I got a new one. But you're not, I'm not, I'm sorry. You're not me, or I'm not saying that. I'm talking about a dream in which you are my future to be, and you're taking the role of my new mother.

We have to point out, Lexi is currently here in the studio. Drinking heavily. She is mom now. And nobody can be mean about it no more. And Marcus was like, she'll never be your mom. And Jackie was like, mom will never be her. And everybody said it. And Ben, you said it.

I didn't say that. Carolina said it nine times like a cat. All the time. She said it nine times. Every time you said it. Every time. I meant it. Every time. And she meant it. And she's bad. And you wake up times. Every time you said it. Every time. I meant it. Every time.

And she meant it and she's bad. And you wake up and your eyes and you're at the round table of gentlemen and nobody can be mean to me anymore. And all my fans, stop being mean. That's not what fans do. Fans say, hey, here's a cake. Here's a present. And you mail it to me.

All right. So this is the round table of gentlemen, everyone. That was something, huh, Jackie? I mean, it's like you think you're going through something, then you listen to Holden talk. And then you realize, oh, my life is great. I'm the cock of the walk over here. Oh, man, I'm cock of two walks. Ups and downs.

I got a bunch of fake webbing from the Halloween store. I put it all over the apartments. All over the floors. Like a womb, yeah. So it would make more womb-like. Alexis Robbins, for the second time on the Roundtable of Gentlemen, for everybody here, I will ask the question again.

Will you be my forever mom? Well, Lexi, technically you have to ask because... Answer, I don't... Help. Help, there it is. Technically, yes.

Wow, not bad. You're supposed to write that down on a piece of paper and slide it to somebody, not embarrass me by saying it. Just see the black dot on my palm. Help me. That's great. Well, Lexi, you've made your bed,

and now you have to lie in it with a disgusting man. But we love you guys, and congratulations from the round table of gentlemen. Honestly, this is the first round table wedding. The first one. I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone's in emotional turmoil.

Not the one we expected. No, you were at the bottom of the pool as far as the first one. I couldn't count on all my hands and all my feet how many times a woman has called me disgusting. Yeah, it's a lot. Lexi is here.

Thanks for being here, Lexi. Thanks for really making me feel good about myself. No, you made a good decision. I got, it's a honking ring, though. It's worth a lot of money. Yeah, it's a nice ring. There's no going back now. No, there's not.

It is a very nice ring. What is it? Yeah. Holy, it shimmers in the light. It's big. It's huge. It's alarming. I kind of feel bad about it sometimes. No is it? Yeah. Holy, it shimmers in the light. It's big. It's huge. It's alarming. I kind of feel bad about it sometimes.

No, it's good. When I'm in public, I kind of turn it around and I'm like, no, I'm not this person. Well, that's what you'll do when you go out with Holden as your husband as well. You're just going to turn him around and pretend like everything's normal. That's not bad. His ass is his face. It's much better than his face. It's fine.

Look at that. Well, potentially he has a nice face. We don't know terrible back, but maybe he's got a his face. It's much better than his face. Look at that. Well, potentially he has a nice face. We don't know terrible back, but maybe he's got a nice face. Never let them see it. No, congratulations. It's his mom's diamond. I feel like we have to preface that. Otherwise, people will think that a lot of money was spent.

No, that's not the case. It was not. Yes, yes. The perfect transferal of the mother's love into the woman's. Oh, my God. So mother to mother. This is really untrue. I understand now.

Did your mother put like a pearl up inside of her and crush it into a diamond inside of her vagina? And that's why it's her diamond? Okay, the secret ritual has come to light. Thank you for the ritual. They come from pearls? I believe so. Yeah, sure. Pearls come from oysters. Thank you for the ritual. They come from pearls? I believe so. Pearls come from oysters. I think diamonds come from coal.

Oysters are like clams and clams are like a word for pussies. It's all been figured out. For movie signs with the Mads right here on Gabe Comedy Radio, Carolina. Carolina? Carolina? I've never said that before in my life. What do you mean you've never said that before in your life I have no idea what Carolina Hidalgo you've never said that

before in your life you said that last time she was on the show last time I was on the show well congratulations on your NCAA championship thank you UNC

I'm not sad anymore no Carolina Hidalgo is with us movie signs with the Mads check that out right here on CCR how are you

I'm doing alright I mean I was sad and now I'm not. There it is. Wow. That was pretty good. Everything's looking up, guys. Everything's going great.

We're all taking this sad car on the other side of the highway. We're going. Ooh, that's how you end it all. Is this the part where I do PlayStation Network shout-outs? No, no, Jackie has to talk. This is when we start talking

about whatever happened to Aunt Diane. And she took the sad car to the other end of the highway, no, Jackie has to talk. This is when we start talking about whatever happened to Aunt Diane. And she took the sad car to the other end of the highway, too. And she killed a bunch of kids. Whatever happened to Aunt Diane, one of the saddest Netflix documentaries of all time. I've seen it. It's very upsetting.

She called, for those that don't know what happened, she was on the phone about 30 minutes before she murdered two families' children. And she was just the aunt. None of them were actually her kids, right? Take that sad car, go against the traffic on the highway. Oh my goodness. If planes, trains, and automobiles made it

sound so fun, but in reality, you murder a couple of families. If Aunt Diane has to go up against Dear Zachary, who wins in that boxing match? Dear Zachary by a mile. I don't know, man. There was six kids killed in Aunt Diane's horrific mistake, including

herself. But Dear Zachary, that's a good punch. Oh, they're both... That to me is a toss-up. That's the gift that keeps on giving. Sadnesses. Oh yeah, we watched Dear Zachary the other night, me and Carolina, and she actually requested that we watch it,

even though she had seen it before. I've seen it before. I'll watch it again. And we get like halfway through and she's bawling on, I made a mistake. Oh, it's so sad. Guys, I like to feel feelings.

Yeah, you got to, man. Enneagram type four. Enneagram type four. But there's no coming out of it. Whatever I am, I am that. Oh, my God. All right, so technically, Jackie, you're here. Yeah.

Call me fucking Aunt Diane. I'm fucking mean. You sound like a blues singer right now. Thank you very much. Boy, I'm alone, and I'm drinking myself to death. Right? That's what a blues singer does. What was that one called?

Singing Myself to Death. Oh, yeah. But I'm really drinking myself to death. Oh, my goodness. Singing is a metaphor for drinking. Isn't that nice? I'm type four, not type two. I wouldn't say that.

Unbelievable that Ben would say that about Jackie. I didn't say that. You did. It's recorded. All right, let's move on. Holden. Holdenators, ho! Oh, no. It's another round of PlayStation Network shout-outs.

Is Lexi here to hear them? Yes. Yes, she's here. Okay. Aaron Rush says, love the pod. You all need to support your barbershops. Harry fucks ho. Moving in Stereo says,, Shout out to all my patients.

I'm sorry for being such a shitty doctor. I promise not to malpractice you no more. Alex Alexis says, Shout out to all of my pa- Oh, no. That was the same one. Bo Bandy 901 says, PS shout outs ho.

Love y'all and can't wait for another eight years. Have we been doing this for eight years? I don't know. Seven, about thereabouts. About seven. Seven this summer, actually. So we'll give you another seven. We'll negotiate eight. Happener says, shout out to Sweet

Baby Ray. Round Table gets our stickies rustling. He burped in the shout out. Was that a barbecue reference? Maybe. Barbecue sauce? Get our stickies rustling? Round Table gets our stickies rustling.

Sounds like a juggalo. Yeah. I'm down with the lows. Great Malenko. All that good stuff. Great Malenko. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. If they would give me entrance music whenever I did Last Podcast and The Left Live, that

would be my entrance music, but they don't give you entrance music when you're a guest on Last Podcast and The Left Live. I don't need entrance music. Everybody comes out to the same music. I don't need an entrance music. Great Malenko. You should get entrance music. What would Jackie's entrance music be?

Scratch, scratch, here comes the pussy. I don't know a band that sings that song, so it's tough to find one on iTunes. I would hire one to sing it. Well, yeah,

maybe you guys could do it. Cowmen might be able to do it. Baffiner also says, also when I was a young boy, my mom would always tuck me in at night. She always wanted a girl. And on top also says, also when I was a young boy, my mom would always tuck me in at night. She always wanted a girl. And on top of that,

I think I've told this story on round table. That's actually a funny joke. Yeah, I like that one. Yeah. My mom used to tuck me in at night. The penis.

You got it now. Yeah. That's actually a fairly, that's a joke. That's pretty good. Tuck the penis in. The doctor, I've told this story here

before, I'm sure. The doctor told my parents that I would be a girl. I guess my penis was in or something. It was not out or wasn't big. It bloomed like a flower. It bloomed like a flower. It bloomed more like a balloon.

It popped out like a balloon. Also, thank God you're not a girl. You blew a match. Lord, God. You had one chance in life. Wait, what was your name going to be? You're barely doing that. I think Bernarda After Bernard

Yes the lawnskeeper So Anywho They only had a yellow dress Waiting for me to take me home So I went home from the hospital in a yellow dress I was cross-dressing from an early age. And it's a fun story

and I think that if people told other people that story, they'd get a laugh. I think it would get a laugh. For you, it's just like, yeah. I don't know. His mother told me that story before he did. Very, very proud of it.

I think your name was going to be Catherine or something. Yeah. That would have been cool. Catherine would have been cool. You guys can call me Cathy. Well, whenever I have a baby, I'm going to let them choose what kind of clothes they would like to wear. There you go.

Right out of the womb. Yep. He's wearing the doctor's outfit. I want his clothes. They're going to beat up the doctor and take them. I'll put a little boy's pants and a girl's dress and whatever one they piss on, that's the one they'll wear home. Well, the pants.

How would they? They'll piss on it. No, they get to pee on whichever one they want. So they're choosing their gender identity. Their gender identity. They're choosing their gender identity by marking it. Because what else are they going to do? They're not going to point at their fucking newborn baby.

All they can do is piss and puke and shit. Fuck those shits. Well, you're about to have one very soon. That's true. Sorry, Lexi. I love babies. Lexi, what are you naming the firstborn? Not Holden.

That's actually a perfect name. Not Holden. Not Holden. Maybe Nolden. Nolden. Cubix Roop 3 says Holdenators, ho! If Alex Jones is really Bill Hicks, I think

Kissel really is Andre the Giant and you get him to say anyone want a peanut you're all beautiful fat ass cherubs Ben I'm not gonna say that Andre the Giant you look up to him I mean everyone looks up to him yeah no I mean

I would only say that quote if it is prompted by the proper sentence. Oh, boy. I wish I had a... The fact you don't even know what the proper sentence is. A nut. I got all these nuts. No.

Oh, my God. Get me out of this nut house. This is ridiculous. You guys don't know. Carolina, you got to know this. Princess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The princess bride.

Yes. And what's the lead in? I don't know know No more rhymes now I mean it That's right Anyone Want a peanut Yeah

Technically that would But it's no more rhyming I mean it Anyone want a peanut And that's Very funny And that's Freshie fresh

Holden D With another round Of PlayStation Network Nada Yep I would love to hang out With Andre the giant But apparently He was a great guy To hang out with with another round of PlayStation Network. Nada! Yep. I would love to hang out with Andre the Giant, but apparently he was a great guy to hang out with. Also, you guys would have fun drinking.

He could drink all night. He would drink me under the table, under the floor, under, I would be like Jimmy Hoffa. I would be buried in a corner of some random building. It's crazy. He could apparently... And then rebound.

Yep. I think, what was his record? They said like 168 beers. But he wasn't even drunk. He would like pick people up and put them in their cars and then just like saunter around. 78 beers is a famous story. But, you know, that's something we did. I mean, I think I've already done that.

He had to drink two bottles of vodka just to get drunk, like really drunk. Well, he was a Frenchman, too. So, you know, they have a high tolerance to begin with. It's very cultural. Well, Hulk Hogan said that he saw him drink 102 beers in 45 minutes. I can believe that. And he took down Gawker.

He did, thank God. Thank God he did. One bizarre sex tape took down Gawker, that's for sure. His favorite drink was a 40-ounce pitcher of mixed booze. Of mixed booze? That sounds like fun. You just pour various liquors into a pitcher, into a

40 ounce pitcher and just drink it. Are we talking Andre the Giant party? Yes. I can do it. I think I can do it. When's his birthday, Marcus? Andre the Giant's birthday. Let's see. We have to do an Andre the Giant birthday party.

One of us will die. That's fine. I think if all of us drink collectively what he drank in a night, we'll all be lit up and that'll be very fun. It's coming up soon, May 19th. Okay. We gotta do it. Yeah, that'll be very fun. Speaking of wrestlers, you watched Wrestlemania,

did you not? I did. No one showed up, by the way. Thank you so much for that. You definitely called me multiple times. I'm so sorry. I had rehearsal for Hidden Fences, Jordan Temple's play combining hidden figures with fences. Very funny. It's going off a little field theater you

don't know about in a place you do not know. So you used this opportunity of my unbelievable, unbridled loneliness to plug your little theater production? That sounds good. Can I apologize to you on air? Or do you need me to do it sidebar afterwards? No, we can do it on air.

I am sorry for bringing up my tiny theater production part. No, not going to my WrestleMania party. Sorry for not going to the WrestleMania party. I'm sorry. We were just not feeling very good that day. You weren't feeling good that day. Although we did the exact same thing the night before. And I was fine with it.

And I was fine. I was at my WrestleMania party. Did you make stuff? Did you have stuff? Did you have a spread? Oh, I had $65 worth of Papa John's. Micah Sherman did come over, by the way. He's a very nice round tabler.

Another friend who popped over, Jesse Gold stopped by, who helped us out with the last podcast on the left intro video. He brought chicken wings. And I did not have any because I was reminded bringing chicken wings is strange. Because no one wants to eat a bowl of chicken wings brought from somebody else's home. Were they homemade? Chicken wings that have traveled. There's something about it.

But, Jessie, thank you so much for bringing those. They were very nice. Remember when we did that live show? It was like Super Bowl way back in the day. And the guy, he promised us free chicken wings. Oh, my God. And he made them in his Bushwick apartment. I had a flashback to that. and he didn't have any sauce.

Yeah, he didn't have sauce. He, he, he, okay. Can we, can we talk about this story? So it was a Super Bowl. Well, do you want to say anything, Ms. Hidalgo? Oh, what? About the wings? I don't know about anything.

Oh, I'll eat, I'll eat anything. Okay, perfect. Yeah. That's a good preamble for this. This was the 49ers versus the Ravens Super Bowl. It was one of the greatest Super Bowls of all time. It. One of the greatest Super Bowls of all time. It was one of the greatest Super Bowls. I mean, it is just revered in sports history.

It's one of the greatest games ever. We're booked on, Calum and I are booked to do a show at a space in the East Village. A famous sounding space, but then I don't think anyone's. It's Bowery Electric. Which sounds like, oh my God, is Easy Top opening? He's there. But it's not the Bowery Ballroom. It's just a small room in a basement.

And it's the smaller room, not the bigger room of the two spaces in Bowery Electric. And the first thing we find out when we get there is, oh, Super Bowl night, TVs don't work. Cable's gone. Can't get the TV to work. The one TV they have at the bar at the Super Bowl thing. And it was about a 20-inch TV that was in a wall

above the bar. So it would have been terrible to watch on anyway, if the cable even worked. Yes. So the big thing was gonna have bands, gonna have chicken wings, free chicken wings. He kept saying the chicken wings. He just kept talking about the chicken wings. I thought I was going to be like, oh, my God, I can't deal with all these chicken wings.

I've had so many chicken wings, and then I'll be upset with chicken wings. Because I can take down a lot of fucking chicken wings. Oh, I can't watch the big game, but, you know, maybe it'll be a really boring one this year, and I'll at least get a bunch of free chicken wings. Ben and Eddie were going to host the whole thing. And we did technically host it. For the one man that was there to watch it. Because one man showed up. That's right, and I believe he worked for the whole thing. And we did technically host it. For the one man that was there to watch it. Because one man showed up.

That's right. And I believe he worked for the final band. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was. But then remember there was that one lonely old man who just wandered in. Yes.

He did not like anybody. No. No. It was bad. He wasn't happy there. He was upset. That was a low point. The worst part were the chicken wings.

The worst part was the promoter had to go in the middle of the show from the Lower East Side back to his Bushwick, Brooklyn apartment to get 100 chicken wings. To finish making them. To finish making them. I guess he had started and then was like, oh, fuck, I started this too late. The process of making chicken wings. I have a show to produce. The process of making 100 chicken wings.

Yes. 100 chicken wings, which were gone very fast. I don't even know if I got any. And I do want to clarify, we worked with this horrible production company for 10 more shows. Maybe even more. And every time we get asked, we still consider it for a minute. So that's that story. The man and the production company will go unnamed

they don't even exist anymore it doesn't matter good no figure no figure no figure shocking news speaking of news you want to do a news story I think we should

every episode now I'm trying to vamp as long as I can and try to get one episode where we never do a news story because we have talked bullshit for an entire episode. How far did we make it tonight? We actually made it pretty far, like 22 minutes. Damn, we got close to that. We couldn't do it the whole episode. We're getting further and further along every time.

One day we will do it. Oh, we've already done it. We've done one with no stories, I'm pretty sure. There's always been at least one. Always been at least one. That time when it was me, Holden, and Marcus, I don't think we got to anything. We did one. Did we stories, I'm pretty sure. There's always been at least one. Always been at least one. I don't know, that time when it was me, Holden, and Marcus, I don't think we got to anything. We did one. Did we do one?

We did one. We got to one. It was one and then otherwise just an hour of nonsense. That one got very mixed feedback. It got mixed reviews. It was my favorite one I've ever done. A lot of people loved it. It was a polarizing episode to be sure.

I mean, I call it an entryway to the series. Yeah, sure. Well, news story. Out of Youngstown, Ohio, police said the events that led up to a woman pistol-whipping her babysitter began Monday night when the family's dog got loose while the woman was at work. According to a police report, Helen Sollinger, 33, was at work as an exotic dancer at Club 76 when she got a call from her babysitter that the family's dog, Toby, had gotten loose. Police said Sollinger was not happy about that and started cursing at the babysitter, saying, you better pray Toby is back when I get home or some shit is going to go down. I got to say, it's the babysitter.

It's not a dog sitter. You only have responsibility for the baby. Exactly. If the baby got loose... Then you get upset. Yeah, but the dog... I mean, she's not... She's a...

I guess a lady of the night, a sex worker. No, she's a stripper. She's an exotic dancer. Exotic dancer. A lady of the night? I don't know what you were supposed to say. Scarlet letter? I have no idea.

I don't know if you can say stripper anymore. You can say stripper. You're not allowed. I have a whole list of stuff someone gave me that you're not allowed to say anymore. What are you not allowed to say? Snake tamer. Snake tamer. They don't like snake tamer anymore.

You can't say harlot. You can't say Jesuit. You can't say. Yeah, you can't say it. It's not allowed. It's evil. It's mean now to say it. You can't say Japanese. If you say Japanese, you can't say it. It's all out. It's evil. It's mean now to say it. You can't say Japanese.

If you say Japanese, you can't mispronounce it. Yeah, because that rhymes with mayonnaise. And that's why they don't like that. You can't say swamp bag bitch. Although I got called that three days ago. I can't believe that, too. You're not supposed to say that. You're not supposed to say that anymore.

You should tell them they shouldn't say that. You can say it if you are a homeless man jerking off and you're trying to get a lady's attention on the subway. Oh, so I guess he was fine. I saw a homeless man jerking off in front of Madison Square Garden yesterday. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was drooling. He was an old man.

He had his pants down to his ankles. He was bent over, smiling as big as the day is long. And just jerking off with a long dribble of spit. Falling from his mouth. And he was laughing. You know what Marcus said to the homeless guy? He was like, Carolina?

Doesn't. Like offering up Carolina to him. Carolina was the dead man. She has quite a disturbing masturbation habit. Like offering up Carolina to him. Carolina was the dead man. There you go. Have fun. She has quite a disturbing masturbation habit. Yeah, yeah.

I was talking about the drooling. Oh, fuck. No one needs to know that. Why is she always doing laundry? There's no laundry in this drive-in. That's an interesting question. I wonder who here has the most disturbing masturbation habit. The women.

Honestly, it is the women. We don't even have to get into it. That's one of my great secrets wonder who here has the most disturbing masturbation habits. It's the women. Honestly, it is the women. We don't even have to get into it. That's one of my great secrets of life. Women masturbate constantly. Ben cannot keep eye contact with me right now. I don't want to. I'm focusing on the Reese's peanut butter cups that are on the table right now, thanks to Jake Young of Wizard and the Bruiser.

That's right. Well, back to the story. When Sollinger came home at about 11.30 p.m., the babysitter said she was intoxicated and began to argue with her. As Sollinger's children were asleep in their rooms, the babysitter said Sollinger put a gun to her face and said, I'm going to blow your brains out. The babysitter then told police that Sollinger pistol whipped her. You know, there's mother issues here. Many children, which is fine, but you can't be so upset all the babies

are in their beds asleep she did her job yeah can you imagine what this dog I'm sure the dog didn't go through like obedience training or anything like that and who names a dog Toby it's terrible bad name I agree that was just making an escape yeah happy to get out of there. That was Helen Hunt's name, uh, dog's name in Twister. Was it? Yeah. Sorry. Movie sign with the Mavs on Cape Company Radio.

She's not, you know, thinking about dog names, she's thinking about bigger things. That is true, but... Dorothy off the ground! No pistol whipping, then. Worried about it missing this house and that house and coming right after you. Well, we talked about this before. You can't give animals human names. It's just weird.

It is strange. That's why you get a dog. You name it Sandwiches. Everyone loves sandwiches. Yeah, that's true. Come here, Sandwiches. I go the hospital equipment route. That's what I like.

Scalpel. X-ray machine. Scal route. That's what I like. Scalpel? X-ray machine. Scalpel. That's all you know, though? That's the only two that I know, yeah. Strippers also tend to have unique names that could transfer over positively to dogs. Cinnamon, you know, Electra, things like that. I want mine to be Dolphine.

Like a dolphin, but like with extra class. If you're a stripper, you're a dog. Yeah, but then I would call my squirty bird at that time my blowhole. Oh, dolphin, she's fixing a blow. She's fixing a blow.

I can't really, because I can't make the dolphin noise, but I can make a dolphin noise. Yeah, dolphin noises are very difficult to do. There it is. That's good. Hey, come on, girl. You know you're not. Why can't I get out of the ocean?

Why can't I get out of the ocean, father? You have no feet. You don't have any feet. True. Oh, okay. Well, while the assault was taking place, the babysitter was FaceTiming her boyfriend on Facebook, and when Sollinger realized it, she took the phone and hung it up, the report said. She then put the gun back to the babysitter's head and asked her for $20.

For the babysitter? From the babysitter? From the babysitter. The babysitter's going to ask you money. May I have $20 with a gun to your head? Wow. Shouldn't she have $20? I guess she should have $20.

I mean, she's a stripper. I don't know. She left in a huff. Maybe she left all her tips at home or at the strip club. Maybe, maybe. Over at Club 76. I guess she loved the dog. Also, Club 76 sounds awful.

Yeah, why not call it Club 69? That's the thing. What is a 76? Well, we know for a fact it's because it's off Highway 76. Although I feel like 76. That's a highway strip club name. Yeah, without a 76. Well, you know for a fact it's because it's off Highway 76. Although I feel like 76. That's a highway strip club name. Yeah, without a doubt. Or I feel like a 76 in a sex move could be like the person is bent over eating somebody else's ass.

I could see that. Like that's the seven. Like your head is the bottom of the seven and their ass is the whole of the six. And the other person is doing sit-ups or something? No, the other person is hunched over while they're getting their ass eaten by the person. Legs kind of over the chair. Yeah. I think that's the 76 move.

Why aren't there more known for sexual positions? Why does 69 get to be the only sexual position? What other would you get? There's 33. What's 33? You think about it. Yeah, use your fucking brain, Holden. I'm really thinking about it.

Is it like a koala position? I think it's two octopi, octopuses. It's a woman standing behind another woman, pressing her titties into her back. Is that a sex move? I just shud my pants, Morgan. You can't go describing stuff like that. You expect me to not turn into an animal?

Cheers. Here's 11, which is the way we sleep. Not touching Just straight Yes Absolutely Some of that You want some reviews

From Club 76 I guess Wilfredo V From Lake Forest Says Price is good Like stopping for a beer The girls don't dance good

It's boring But you can just chill And have a beer Okay so it's a bar It's a bar It's a regular It's a bar with a couple of naked girls there.

They don't dance good for them. But one guy gave it four stars, said this is a nice, this is a place, this place is a nice place to meet nice people. I like that. That's nice. You can definitely get in touch with your inner self. Yikes. That is disgusting.

No, inside yourself. Inside. Alright. And another said, this place has a coyote ugly kind of feel to it in the sense that there is no stage, just the bar. Girls on the bar were dancing. None of the girls had any talent and half of them weren't

attractive in my opinion. Four stars. Four stars. Well, the drink prices were fair. Oh, that's good. And the food was good. He just wants to be treated fairly. And there's food. Really.

Club 76. And there's also a massage parlor attached. Wow. I think as a matter of fact, they're asking us to do a show there, the same producers that brought the chicken wings. And he promises he's going to bring his chicken wings to this 76 club. I have this weird memory of we did a show. I think it was at, like, the Tank,

which is a space right in the Lower East Side, East Village, I think, or something like that. Is it still there? Speaking of bad shows, it was a bad show. And then we went to this place, and I think it was called Pioneer Bar. Now, it's not the same Pioneer Bar that people might know of through the comedy community.

Nobody knows about it. Nobody knows about it. Yeah, it doesn't matter. But anyways, there's this bar down there, and it was way too loud. It was one of those places they turned the music up way too loud, and we were all upstairs with an improv group called American Standard.

They were mediocre at best. Why are you just trashing random people now? They were bad at improv. Who cares? They were bad. Improv is people working on the art, not finalized. Or jerking on the art. They're all masturbating on what is funny.

Don't talk about Carolina like that. Unbelievable. But I remember it. All the time I come home and she squatted over a copy of Airplane. There's something about the inflatable co-pilot. It was like trying to be cowboy ugly. And at one point on our way out, we hated this bar. It was awful.

It was really loud. The drinks were too much. We're walking out of the bar. There were like three regular old men sitting at the bar. And all of the quote unquote hot girl bartenders were on the bar dancing because they have to like once every hour. Hogs and heifers. And all the old men aren't even looking at them.

The women are dancing exhaustedly. You can tell they just are so not into it. They're all sad faced. Going through the motions. And these men are not even looking at them. I walked out and it was one of the saddest scenes I've ever seen in my life. Why are you going to stay at that bar if If you're not even going to look at it,

it's the it's it's Manhattan. There's a bar every three feet. The whole thing was anomaly. At one point we were like, can you turn the music down? Cause we were the only people in the upstairs section and the music was like blaring. And the waitress,

like one of those ladies was like, what? You don't like to party. And it was literally like, you couldn't hear yourself. Think the music was like definitely loud. It was so, Oh my God.

It was probably what? Like 8 PM yourself think. The music was like deafeningly loud. It was so, oh my God. It was probably what, like 8 p.m. on a Tuesday? Oh, yeah, totally. It was a fucking nightmare, man. You mean what, you don't like to party? Kind of sounds like you don't like to party. Seems to me like you don't like to party. We'll sit in silence in this bar. I went to a strip club only solely because they had foosball, though.

That was it. That was the only reason why. Was it the only place solely because they had foosball, though. That was it. That was the only reason. Was it the only place in town that has foosball? The only place that had foosball in Eastern Europe, yes. All right. It was like 5 in the morning, and there was foosball. Did they at least have brats? Did they have some kind of sausage special?

Yeah, there's something about strip clubs. They love boiled meats. They think that's a good idea. There was a strip club in Lubbock that had a surf and turf lunch special. Ooh, I'd be into that. Oh, it was bad. You ever get a lap dance? And they also had boiled hot dogs.

There was the porthole in Florida. Boiled hot dogs as well. You ever get a lap dance just because you felt bad for her and she kept trying to talk you into it? I have absolutely gotten a pity lap dance. Same lap down same same yeah giving you she's still talking about her home life marcus yammering all fucking day long all right here's a twang yeah that has happened to me man that was a weird weird one that was the last club i ever went to there was one yeah Yeah, I'm pretty sure she was slightly Mentally off bruised. Yeah, mentally bruised. Yeah. Oh no and also

She had a slight lazy eye situation going on and then invited me back to her trailer after closing time Oh, that's kind of nice. Nice to have a place to stay Kind of nice. Nice to have a place to stay. Lexi, you look firmly upset with Holden and his strip club experience. No, I knew about that. I think I probably have worse strip club experience. The ladies now, they get treated very well at the strip clubs.

Yes. Yes. No comment. You had a bad experience? Yes. I went to, I had a friend, a girl that I was dating, whose three older sisters were strippers. Whoa. And something happened in that family.

They loved to dance. They just loved to dance. They're just trying to be free. They're being free birds. They will during the day. Yeah, yeah. One was a nurse by day. The other one was trying to get out of the business

And so I went for like a going away party Because I was going back to school in Boston And I ended up getting like drugged Like somebody slipped something into my drink A Mickey Yeah, there you go Was it you? No

That's something A Mickey? A Mickey Yeah, it's a super nice way of saying roofied Yeah Was it you? No. It was you. That's something. Mickey? Mickey. Yeah, it's a super nice way of saying roofied. Yeah. Yep. But fortunately, I was with a bunch of people, and everything was fine.

But it's weird watching people that you know outside of a sexual setting do sexual things to you you and to poles and to other sorts. Do you understand? So you just hung out. So these are people at this point you had just been hanging out with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now all of a sudden you're seeing their tits.

Thank you, yes. And you're supposed to look because you're... It's disrespectful not to. Exactly, exactly. But then it's like... Yay, great tits. Never gonna look at you the same way again. Thank you for the fun tits.

So what you're trying to say is that we shouldn't do a CCR strip extravaganza. Probably not. That's what you're saying, that we shouldn't do that. In this room. We should not do it in this room. A dolphin is in me and ready to play. Well, I think dolphin could be a big star, Jackie. I think she could be.

She's going to be big. Type two. I wouldn't say. I think you're more of a type four. Take C's back, C's. Which one's worse? And diabetes. Is it more or less?

There's only one or two. There might be more. We just don't know. No, I think there's a type 3 diabetes. Yeah, sure. Yeah, fat face. It's like when you've got a fat face and your throat doesn't work anymore. You only have diabetes of the face.

Yeah, that's a rough one. Alzheimer's disease is type 3 diabetes. There it is. Oh, well, at least that is what one study is claiming. Oh, okay. Sounds like some gooey. I don't trust it. Fat people forget.

Yeah, man, I know that story. Where'd I put my hoagie? I'll make you lose a little bit of weight. It's not a bad idea, actually. No, because then you forget you eat, and then you keep eating, and that's the problem. That's another guy. On the next episode of Type 3.

Where'd I put my hoes? Where is it? Where is it? It's a crazy diabetes situation in the house. You're looking great, by the way. Did you by any chance forget where my hoes? Wow. Spoiler alert, it was in her hand to hold it.

I can't have these Eggo waffles. I forgot to zero up. That's an interesting interpretation of the horrors of Alzheimer's. The horrors of Alzheimer's? That's a calendar. They're just all so confused. They don't know you're taking their clothes off. Well, that is...

Are my clothes off? Am I going to the bathroom? Oh, my goodness. Well, it's not the best selling... I don't fit that way anymore. Oh, wow. Calendar business has never seen anything like it. This is the best

selling calendar of all time what's your secret oh man they won't tell extreme human cruelty HBO late night stuff right there

okay next news story yeah sure we can do that let's bring Jesus into it let's bring Jesus into it

he's not in it enough we need to think about Jesus more truth a fundraising event which involved lifting members of the public onto a cross for a, quote, full crucifixion experience has been canceled. Why? Oh, don't.

Manchester Passion Play fundraiser Alex Stewart-Clark wanted to charge participants 750 pounds for the spectacle in Cathedral Gardens. That's 750 pounds each to go up on the cross. Well, do you tape them on or do you nail their actual hands there? I think they tie them on. They don't do the actual nails. You can just do that with a friend. For 750 pounds, you should get the full experience.

You should definitely get the nails. You should be left out there for many hours. Yeah, three full days. However, the offer was withdrawn after the place committee raised fears over blasphemy and health and safety. Mr. Stuart Clark, 56, a volunteer for the Passion Trust, said he believed the plan could have raised vital funds, but he respected the committee's decision. He said the idea was on the Friday when the stage was being set up to give something tangible for people to pay for. being set up to give something tangible for people to pay for. It could be 25 pounds to have dinner with Pontius Pilate,

200 pounds to have dinner with Jesus, or, in this case, 750 pounds to be crucified, but people didn't embrace it. Isn't this the exact sort of reasoning that caused Jesus to turn over all the tables in the temple in the beginning? Oh, yes. You're not supposed to monetize the whole damn religion. No. Anyway, don't let me get all spiritual with you.

Oh, my God. You're absolutely right. tithes the whole damn religion. No. Anyway, don't let me get all spiritual with you. Oh, my God. You're absolutely right. Who's the failed actor playing Pontius Pilate? The one who didn't even get Jesus? Yeah. Well, the guy said, the idea wasn't to replace Jesus,

but to empathize with him. The cross was meant to be a humiliating experience. It would be embarrassing to be up there. Everyone that was hanging to death and slowly suffocating was just like, I'm in immense pain, but this is embarrassing. This is... I feel like my underwear just fell down. My face, red.

I am embarrassed. If I didn't die of this terrible, terrible suffocation, oh, you know what I would die of. Yeah, but just being tied up there alone, I just remember in Henry's Netflix special that Henry had to be tied to a cross next to Jermaine, who was also tied up to a cross.

And they at least had a ledge to stand on. And they were still in pain. They were in so much pain. Just for doing takes. And it's like, why would you pay to do that? And that's just to get one star on Netflix. And I mean, he deserved all bit of that star. I would like to take a little credit for that star.

For that one star. I correct that star. That's very good. A tiny point of the star. The nice thing about that special is they all share the one star. Yes, and that's the best part. So no one can be blamed officially. No one can be blamed.

No one can take it. What they do here is that, like, I think everyone gets, like, an hour on the cross. So it's, like, 750 pounds. And so they rotate them in all day long. Well, a guy said that it costs about 60,000 pounds to put on this family event and make Manchester proud. It is a family event, isn't it? Isn't that fun? We've been to Manchester. I do think it would make Manchester proud. It is a family event, isn't it? Isn't that fun? We've been to Manchester.

I do think it would make Manchester proud. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, Manchester, it's a gray town. Yeah, absolutely. I think the cross is better than just the pole that the witches had to deal with in Salem. Yeah, when they were just put on the pole and burned. Tied to a pole.

Yeah, but they were immediately burned, though. At least that was over. They died very slow. They died long before the burning. They actually died pretty quick because they inhaled all the though. At least that was over. Well, they died very slow. They died long before the burning. They actually died pretty quick because they inhaled all the smoke. They died from suffocation. I'll have to disagree because they'd slowly smoke them out. They did the slow roast.

Sometimes they did the slow roast. And they'd fan away the smoke. Yeah, sometimes they did the slow roast. On a cross, though, you suffocate, right? Yeah. Yeah, so that seems to be more painful. Yeah, and then, of course, the embarrassment when you lose your bowel. The embarrassment is the embarrassment.

Oh, my God. Wait, is this for Easter? I think, no, this is just for a thing that they do. It's just for kicks. Yeah, it's just a spectacle. The passion. They call it the passion. Jesus.

It was just something. Oh, guys. Now, they got a guy named Rob Slater to play Jesus. Oh, Rob Slater. Rob Slater. The Manchester Passion 2017. Let's look up some more information on this. I like these guys.

You know, they're in love with Christ so much to the point where they're going to make a lot of money off of the name. Just watch the, what is it? Who is it? Willem Dafoe, right? Didn't he play Jesus? Anti-Christ? Yeah, Last Temptation. Last Temptation of Christ. He also played Jesus. Just watch the, what is it, who's it, Willem Dafoe, right? Didn't he play, oh, Jesus? Antichrist? Yeah, Last Temptation of Christ. Last Temptation of Christ, he also played Jesus.

Watch that. Yeah, it's a wonderful, well, a lot of people thought that Last Temptation was blasphemous. It got a lot of heat when it came out. Absolutely. And the passion would have gotten heat, but Mel Gibson is just such a raging Catholic anti-Semite, they let him get away with it. Yeah. I mean, good for him.

Good for him, I guess. It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. No, I didn't see it. I wanted to see it because I'm a huge horror movie fan, but I just hate the whole... It's a horror movie. It honestly played in a lot of theaters as a horror film,

and the Christians were really upset with that. Yeah. Because apparently the whole second half of the movie is just like a Saw film. Yeah. It's extreme brutality in blood, and there's a scene... I didn't see it that way. Yeah, there's a scene just like a Saw film. Yeah. It's extreme brutality in blood. And there's a scene. I didn't even say it that way.

Yeah, there's a scene where like a, what is it, a little person devil tries whispering to another devil that looks like Barack Obama. Like in Hell Date? Something like that. Obama's in it? No, I'm thinking of a totally different Bible production. He's thinking about a dream he had the other day. You are in Hell Date. he had the other day. You are healthy.

There's another Bible production that was made during the Obama presidency in which the guy that played the devil looked just like Obama. Oh.

Okay. Maybe directed by Dinesh D'Souza. We don't know. Horrible filmmaker. I know. Who's Dinesh D'Souza? What did he make?

What was it called? Obama 2016. Obama 2016. What was the hill? It was America. And then it was Hillary. I believe it was was it called? Obama 2016. Obama 2016. What was the hill? Obama's America. And then it was Hillary. I believe it was also just called Hillary's America. And he got sentenced to jail under Barack Obama because he had campaign finance issues.

So he had to spend his weekends in jail and his nights, and he wasn't happy. No. But it was very funny. The reenactments, you got to watch Hillary's America. It's gold. Okay. I'm sure you can find that at a bin in Target for $3. Oh, yeah.

Just let me know. At Target, yeah. Oh, no, absolutely not. Next news story? Sure. Sure. An Illinois man is facing animal cruelty charges for allegedly punching a donkey in the face. Huh.

He recorded it and posted it on Twitter later. Oh, my God. I was going to say, how do you catch them? How have you gone too far? Was he wearing fun Like a big inflatable boxing Like those big silly Inflatable ones

Like a kangaroo Or gloves No he just straight up Took his knuckles to the face I mean is that what he thought A donkey punch was It was a 13 year old Yeah

It was a 13 year old Miniature Mediterranean donkey. Why did he do? Why he do? Why you do? Is that what the person next to him said? Why you do? Why you do?

For like viral's sake? I guess for viral's sake. Just do something dumb to yourself. Don't do it to an animal. It's a pretty funny prank though when you think about it. Oh, punching a donkey. Straight up punching a little horse. That donkey

got pranked. No, I'd rather get slapped with balls in my face. You know? To be straight up punched? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slap me with your balls. Yeah, but you find that fun. It's fun for horny reasons. Yeah, I don't know if it's fun for horny reasons. I would just rather

Yeah, I don't know. Sl's fun for horny reasons. It's a barrel of laughs. Yeah, I don't know. Slap. You're right. That is why. That's usually how I feel. Yeah, he punched the animal below the animal's right ear. He was at the farm. Oh, come on.

He was at the farm attending a birthday party. What kind of birthday party at a donkey? Every birthday party. Well, you know what? We've been trained young, haven't we? When we go to a birthday party, what do we play? Pin the tail on the donkey, Jackie. And when we go to the wedding, what do we play?

Pin the tail on the donkey, Jackie. And when we go to the New Year's Eve party, we play take the donkey's penis, rub it and rub it and rub it until the skin comes off, don't we, Jackie? That's my favorite game. My favorite game, too, but it comes to no surprise. You're right. Why he do and what he do. And what did he do, though? He was still arrested on misdemeanor animal cruelty charges.

Good. Booked into the Madison County Jail. His bond is $5,000. He posted it on Friday. He's next due in court on April 27th. So he's slapping donkeys and he can pay $5,000 bond? Mm-hmm. Yep, he paid $5,000.

And that's just to get out. So he's back in court. He will probably have to pay more. I'm glad. I don't like this man. Punch the donkey. Punch the donkey. Punch the donkey. He punched donkey. Punch the donkey.

He punched the donkey. Kissel, are you drinking hot beers? No, it's not hot. No, me and Ben are drinking hot beers. I don't like those. Oh, you're both drinking hot beers. You don't like, I like IPAs. No, it gave me a headache immediately.

Really? Yeah, it's full of nonsense. Oh, I love IPAs. You didn't even pay for it. Session IPA? Yeah. No, it's because it's got too much alcohol in it. No, no.

Session means it doesn't have very much. I think it doesn't have enough alcohol in it to keep your headaches from going away. It's an IPA slash ale. Does that make sense? So instead you're drinking hot. It's not hot. We're both drinking room temperature beer. We bought Modelo Especial last week.

It's a special. It was a sale. It's the only thing that can make Ben feel special. Yeah, whatever. I forgot. No, I apologize. I had to go to the bathroom really quick. That's okay.

It's all right. Because now it's time for a second from Holden McNeely. Will he make it up as it goes along? Yes, he'll make it up as it goes along. He don't know what he does until it goes along. Yes, he'll make it up as it goes along. He don't know what he does till it goes along. I'm going to take a note from Jackie because I'm scared to try to think of something new.

I'm going to say, what's your stripper name and what's your act? Jackie, you get a pass because you already came up with yours. You can't do that. She already did it. She came up with the idea of the segment, so she gets a pass. There you go. I love getting a pass For Dolphina

Dolphine For Dolphine you can maybe come up with a little bit more What your act is I already told my act It's a simple act The thing is Marcus may not He's hearing these fresh You might want to just reiterate why yours is better than everyone else's

But you get a pass So you'll still go last But you get a pass. Yeah. So you'll still go last, but you can refute other strippers. Mm-hmm. If you feel the need. Okay. There you go. So, mine, Burger Boy.

Right? Okay? Listen to me straight. Hear it now, okay? All right? Listen to my rap, Marcus. Don't. Glad you're using a lot of purpose.

I'm glad you're using my rap. I'm glad you're using a rap as your presentation. I don't know how I rap, Marcus. Don't. Glad you're using a lot of purpose. I'm glad you're using a rap as your presentation. I don't know how I feel, Marcus. I literally don't work unless someone orders the burger from the menu. There's two items on the menu. There's a hot dog and there's hamburger. Hot dog, you just get a straight up hot dog. If you order hamburger, fucking music plays. The music that plays, let's go with, I got to think about that.

Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel plays. And I come out. I am straight up like Hamburglar, not Hamburglar, but what's the big talking burger? Mayor McCheese. Mayor McCheese, right? It's straight up very inspired by Mayor McCheese. It's a gigantic hamburger head. That's Mayor McCheese.

With my fucking dick and balls out right um but my my balls have uh clown noses over them so i come out i'm just kind of the you know i just kind of move slowly towards the person and they're just like wait wait is this the hamburger i ordered like no, no one says jack, right? No one says shit, and they're just like, is this the fucking hamburger I ordered? He's walking towards me. Is this what's going on?

He looked, you know, look at a DJ. DJ's just shaking his head, looking at the person. You know what I'm saying? Walk up slow, slow, slow, slow, and then it's like, can I interest you in two clown noses? Right? And then I point, you know, they look at that. If they enjoyed that joke, if they thought that joke was fun, they're going to really like the funnest joke of all.

And that's just, I'm just going to slam into them, probably kind of dry hump them for too long, whatever too long is. Do they get the hamburger? I'm the hamburger, baby. And yeah, all that money. Well, that's my lap dance, like fee, whatever they paid for the hamburger? I'm the hamburger baby. And yeah, all that money well that's my lap dance like fee whatever they paid for the hamburger. Okay.

If they're hungry man, they can go somewhere down the block, Jack. I'm sick of this. Alright. Thank you. That was my portion of the segment. I heard a sigh from Ben. I'm trying to ignore that sigh. Alright. No, it was a good segment.

Burger boy. I'd order to ignore that sigh. All right? No, it was a good segment. I cannot. Burger Boy. I'd order you. Carolina. Carolina. Marcus, what's my favorite movie of all time? Godfather. I would be Babe Vigoda. Babe Vigoda.

Yeah, I would be. Because I would, you know what it is? I would go, I would slide down the pole. Like, they would, like, you know, say my name or whatever. Like, hey, welcome to, you know, whatever shit. Welcome to the stage, Babe Vigoda. And I'd be sliding down, and it would be, like, the Godfather theme song. And I'd be like. Yeah, with my legs, like, all over it.

And then I would just do all the references. Scream references. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be like, you think you can get me off? For old time's sake? Do you have like a little microphone that's attached so you can yell over those? Oh yeah, like Janet Jackson. I would be like,

just tell Mikey it was only business. Because I'm into business. That's all I have, really. I had 30 seconds to think about it. Big creepy old man mask though, right? Oh yeah, and I would just pull it off, and then it would be another creepy old man. I would be pulling it off constantly. Where's the real face?

Why does she keep showing us creepy old man faces? Oh, it would be great. Fantastic. Yes. Ben Kissel, once in your life. That is very tough. Yeah. I had somebody at the San Francisco show say that my answers are his favorite.

Oh. So I guess you better make a good one. No, I have to keep them bad. All right, so what's your bad one? For what? For this? Best for a stripper name or a lady of the night name or a man of the night. A lady of the night's a prostitute.

Yeah. Oh, is that right? This is just a strip. Do you not know the difference between what a stripper does and what a prostitute does? I don't think he does. I think you've gone to the wrong strip clubs. I've never been to one in my whole life. Let's do...

It's true. That is true. For 30 minutes. That is true. I know for a fact I've lived with Ben for a while. No, no, no. I know for... I have never been...

We all know for a fact. I have never been to a strip club with Ben in Scotland. I have never done that. That is correct. He's the only person who casually goes. I do not. For the $4 buds. I do not.

Oh, I know. I know about the $4 buds. All right. Well, if I did it, let's see. OJ Simpson, maybe that's kind of a fun thing you do. Okay. Ooh, coming to the stage. If he did it.

I'd be O.J. Pimpson. And I am a male stripper who pretends like all the girls are future women that he will pimp out. But then they slowly take control of him. And then they force him to strip. And then he gives them all his money wow so it's the opposite of OJ Simpson yeah okay it's OJ Pimpson you're taking it back the women are taking it back taking it back and they deserve it nice there you go yeah and the song is Shawn Michaels I'm not your boy toy. Boy toy.

I'm just a sexy boy. Sexy boy. That song is fantastic. And he is. He is. Sure. Jackie, you have a pass. You are allowed to speak if you'd like or you may literally just scream the word

pass. I just wanted to also say that what I'm doing with Dolphine, it's in memorandum of the wife of Will Smith, I believe it's Vivica A. Fox in Independence Day, which is why he gives her an engagement ring that has a dolphin on it because she likes dolphins. So I am really basing my essence off of her. So

I would also be doing this for dolphins that I will be covered in oil and the men will have the opportunity to try and get the oil off of my body. But the oil does pollute the ocean with the actual dolphin. I was caught in oil.

So it's like I'm so slippery as I dance but then OJ Pimpson is coming up next and then he slips and I hope they are not up next that's why they have

their Dawn sponges so everyone's got their Dawn so I am like also just sponsored by Dawn her last name's Fox so you're making money on top of money

that's the thing I'm sponsored by it so they use the Dawn to scrub the oil off my body, and I'm using it to save the wildlife. Do you wear a fishing net? Yeah, sometimes I'll have plastic, like the beer can things. I'll be pulling them out of my mouth but also out of my pussy

of what happens to the wildlife. Sounds like she'll smell like a horrible fish woman like the sea. How much will be stuffed in your pussy, pound per pound? Probably 20 pounds. Alright, you got it. You got the job. I said to myself

if she says it, as in, okay. Okay. You got a beat. It's one As soon as you, oh, okay. Oh, okay. I would beat. You gotta beat. It's one to beat. No, Mama Milk Milk. Oh, my God.

Well, now I think she won. Mama Milk Milk gets it. Mama Milk Milk gets it. Mama Milk Milk gets it. She got you. She beats you. Mama Milk Milk gets it. She gets it.

And last minute, a buzzer beater. This is a buzzer beater. She comes off the bench and she sinks it from across the court. Wow. I'm sorry, Jackie. I'm sorry. We got a real Rudy Rudiger over here.

Rudy Rudiger didn't actually affect the outcome of the gala. Can Ben be last, at least? You're last. Oh! And we'll talk about this when we get out. Oh my goodness, Marcus. You're last. Oh my Oh, my goodness, Mark. It's your last.

Oh, my God. It's all over. Go out and milk that girlfriend. All right. Well, that's the show. Is there anything anyone wants to plug? You already plugged your theatrical production, Holden. Movie Signs with the Mad.

Check that out. When does this come out? This comes out tomorrow. Yeah, so the 24-hour stream. Please join us from 1 p.m. Thursday to 1 p.m. Friday for the Holden McNeely 24-hour stream on Twitch. Marcus is going to be there.

Lexi's going to be there. Jackie's going to be there. Ben's going to be there. Carolina, you're allowed to come. You are allowed to come. Why don't you have Carolina do it? She can come. She totally can come.

Join us. Well, I'm busy. Hell yeah. Celebrate. Wow. I'm going to be playing Dark Souls 3 from 7 to 9 on that night. I don't even know him. Lexi will be playing Diablo 3.

Jackie's going to be playing a fun Japanese dating sim where they replace pigeons with actual Japanese boys. Am I allowed to make all of the jokes that I want to make? Yes. Yeah. Interesting. And Ben Kissel will be continuing his playthrough of Until Dawn. And that is all I will say about that. Also, I feel like I kind of stepped on Carolina there with the movie science with the Mads.

Yeah. Carolina's podcast. Thank you, Holden. You're welcome. Yeah, yeah. You guys listen in. We did our semi-live show with a live studio audience, which was about my brother and Marcus and two other people.

It was good. It was a really good time. So, yeah, listen to that. Awesome. All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening. We'll talk to you soon. For more shows like the one you just listened to,

go to CaveComedyRadio.com. much for listening we'll talk to you soon for more shows like the one you just listened to