The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 327: And Then There Were Three

Episode Date: May 5, 2017

The gang learns about a neighborhood's mystery cat shaver, dream about going on the Kid Rock cruise, and participate in four different Holden McNeely segments.

The round table. Gentlemen. Aye. Let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Alright, let's see here. Should we start the show, Marcus? Let's start the show. Okay. How do we start it?

There's nobody here. No, there's people here. There's four of us here. Oh, no. In Ben's eyes, I don't exist anymore. I am what you would call a plebe, Ben. Plebe. It's unbelievable.

He literally mistook me for a British shoe shiner the other day. He sat down in a chair in front of me, and he waited for me. And you know what? I shined him good. Thank you so much. I shined him good. You shined him good. All right.

Well, this is the roundtable of gentlemen. That's Jackie Zebrowski. She's with us. Now, I think we usually start this with a prayer, if I remember. I don't think we've done that in a while. Have we not? We've been doing it here and there, I think. Oh, okay.

Up and down, in and out. You want to do something, Holden? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Everybody, close your eyes and hold your own hands. Thank you, Marcus. Jackie's not doing it.

I'm doing it. Okay, thank you. For a list of words of wisdom. Thou shalt kiss your sister. I don't know. What? No. That's not a word.

That's a sentence. Oh, okay. Sentences of wisdom. Sentences or just words of wisdom. Or just words of wisdom. Give us a word of wisdom. One word of wisdom? One.

Mighty. Ben, what is your word of wisdom? One. Mighty. Ben, what is your word of wisdom? Volcano. Okay. Hot dog. That's two words. Is hot dog one of two words?

No. What a word. It's one object, but I think that's two words. Hamburger is one word. Hot dog is two words. Hot dog is one word. No, that is untrue, Marcus. How do you know?

It's hot dog. Give it a goog. It is one word. Hamburger is one word. Hamburg is one word. Big controversy. It is not one word. Ah, shit. Ben's right on this one.

Hot dog's two words. Wow. It's two words. It's one object. Jackie, you're in the corner. I'm sorry. That's not a word of wisdom. That is two words of wisdom.

You're in the corner. Put Jackie in the corner. Jackie's in the corner now. Jackie's in the corner. Now I want a hot dog, though, right? Yeah. You guys have a hot dog. Now I want a hot dog.

Well, maybe what do you put on a hot dog? There's one word there. Hot dog. I put a hot dog on my hot dog. Well maybe if you negotiate your word can be hot and Marcus' word can be dog. I don't know, I wanted to go with relish. Because relish is I mean that is a word of power.

A word of many meanings. You can relish the day but you can also throw some relish on a two-word item. Hot dog. Interesting. Hyphenated. You know what hyphenated? I don't think you do hyphenated.

I mean, you could go for Frankfurter. Never. That's one word? No. What? I'll go for a brat. Okay, there we go. Brat works.

Yeah, brat burst? Yeah. I was watching Carnival Eats on the plane, and it's all about carnival food. What? I'll go for a brat. Okay, there we go. Brat works. Yeah, brat verse? Yeah. Yeah. I was watching Carnival Eats on the plane, and it's all about carnival food. And there was one, they were making hamburger hot dogs. And I thought that was deceptive. Hamburger hot dog? It's a hamburger meat, but they roll it like a hot dog. What the heck is the point of that?

That's just a hamburger and a hot dog bun. Exactly. But that was their big claim to fame. I could see it because it's easier to consume. I mean, you know, I feel like a burger... How bad is your life if a hamburger is too difficult to consume? It's very easy.

It's just simplifying your days. That's what I'm doing lately. I left my job. I'm just simplifying everything. I sit at home in silence for three hours a day now. And it's great. So just actual silence. Staring at the wall.

Some mild weeping. But mostly silence. Yeah. And it's like I'm a monk. Or like that TV show monk. Like you're a detective. Yes. Yeah, that's good.

Like you're Tony Shalhoub. Oh, I'm thinking of Arliss. Oh, he's an agent. He's an agent in that one. I'm my own agent. Arliss. Arl that's good. With your Tony Shalhoub. Oh, I'm thinking of Arliss. Oh, he's an agent. He's an agent in that one. Yes. I'm my own agent. Arliss is not, it's not, what is it, Shalhoub? Tony Shalhoub.

That's Monk. No, no, no. It's Robert Wool. I know, but Tony Shalhoub isn't Arliss. Yeah, I thought Tony Shalhoub was in Monk. He's Monk. He's in Monk, yeah. Oh, did they ever do a crossover episode where they fight at first and then join forces to fight against the greater evil like Doomsday or something?

I don't know. Maybe. That would be kind of good. Arliss. Maybe, right? Was that show any good, Arliss? I never watched it. I don't watch shows that have dollar signs instead of S's.

I think some people really enjoyed Arliss. Okay. I think people love Arliss. I don't know. For sure. I don't like those shows about the entertainment industry, specifically ones about agents and they try to make them look cool.

They're just a bunch of porky scumbags. Entourage is phenom. Is it phenomenal? Oh, it's wonderful. If you want to turn your brain off, first season, second season, I highly recommend it.

But they're just such a bunch of D-backs. Turn your mind off. Yeah, that's the point. But why would I want to watch a bunch of D-backs? I'll just go to a bar and I'll run into them in real life. It's like, why do people watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians?

I don't watch it. We're fascinated by the D-bag. The D-bag is put upon a pedestal and we are fascinated by the bag. We gotta change it. We gotta change all of that. How do we switch it up, Ben? What are you gonna do for this country, goddammit? You know what? The most popular show that is in the United States history

according to the BK4BK campaign, Freaks and Geeks. That's the kind of show I can get behind. Freaks and Geeks was amazing. Yeah, it's a wonderful show. That's the official BK4BK television show. I love that show because before being a nerd was cool, that show really helped out a lot of individuals who didn't fit the mold, some being a 6'7 fat Ben Kissel. That was a good show. Now, that's the important thing for you to get in your roster of answers, like stock answers right now, because those are the big, hot questions.

Your favorite movie, what's your album of the year? Album of the year. Yeah. Is Ryan Adams still popular? He just came out with an album recently. I believe it's called Pioneer or something like that, and it's pretty good. That'll work. Yeah, that's a really solid.

That'll work very well. That is a solid middle of the road. Cannot offend anyone with that answer. As a matter of fact, our friend Alex Edelman, who's a great stand-up comedian,

called me the other day and said how much he opens for him still now and he wanted to say how much he loves Roundtable and all the shows here on CCR. So he says, hello Jackie.

He says, hello Holden. And hello Marcus. Alex Edelman, very good guy. Okay, great guy. We're our fucking right CCR. So he says, hello, Jackie. He says, hello, Holden. Yeah. And hello, Marcus. Where are you? Alex Adelman. Very good guy. Okay, great guy. We're our fucking Ryan Adams team. Yeah, no, I want Ryan Adams to come here.

He's coming to town. As a matter of fact, I think he's in town this week. I think he's in town performing tonight. Let's get the tits. I'm going to marry him. Yeah. Ryan Adams or Alex? Yeah.

Whoa. Ryan Adams. Yeah. I at least smell his balls. I don't know what he sings about. Because I always just, of course, I'm sure he gets it all the time I'm just a Bryan Adams guy New York, he sings about New York

Yeah, but that was at one Welcome to New York It's been waiting for you, welcome to New York That's the song? He sings about being young and how to be young is to be sad I like that song I got that on my phone there You got that on your telephone?

I got that on my telephone You got music on that on your telephone? I got that on my telephone. You got music on your telephone? No, I've heard it all. Don't talk a lot about a wagon wheel. Need to go home and tell you how I feel. He did that one. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Stealing all records. Stealing a whole bunch of records. He sang a song about that. Just pretty

much all heartbreakers were fantastic. And you find your direction and the wind's going home and the landslide holds me down. My goodness. He did that one? Yeah. And he is playing tonight at the Beacon Theater. Yes.

Wow. Yeah, so go to it. Too late. Too late? Too late for us to go. I think we can get it up, Alex. No, of course. It's early right now.

Hit him up. Hit him up. Hit him up. Hit him up. That's a good song, too. What's going on with you, Jackie? I've been sitting in silence for most of the day, but I've been alone all day. Did you cry a little, too, today?

No, I didn't cry at all. I was working very hard, but I was also silent, so I feel weird. Talking, just using your voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nice, though, right? Sure. Me and the lady went grocery shopping this morning. Ooh, do tell. Oh, my God. You have to. Okay, well, here in New York sure. Me and the lady went grocery shopping this morning. Ooh, do tell.

Oh, my God. You have to. Okay, well, here in New York. Is this what this show has become? Yeah. He's married now. I'm married. We're all elderly.

Practically. Shock and wedding. I just want a hot dog. All right, well, do your thing, then. Hold on. Do a shout out. Fuck, guys. I think you know what fucking time it is.

Jack shakes her head no. Ben is bracing himself. And Mark is taking a sip of Canada Dry ginger ale. That is so gross. Home matters. It's time for some PlayStation Network shout outs. That will not be talked over. Waterlogg23 says, shout out to Moby34.

Henry is a goober Jackie is cool Ed sucks Marcus is okay This guy's mean Kevin is dope What is that Waterlogg? I'm sorry I didn't mean to start it with such a negative

Wow Waterlogg But Jackie you got a nice response He's not the worst guy There's been all these feminist parades So so you got to be nice to me. Yeah, have you been going to those, Jackie? Yeah, yeah, just my pussy. I just cut off my pussy and I send my squirty bird in my stead. Oh, really?

Hey, guys! I was like, oh, God, not again. How does she hold up the sign? Let's fight for our rights! Raid the Place says, Holden, please tell Marcus he's my hero and I want to share a six pack with Ben. Much better. Thank you.

Much better. Shout out. I like that. Ecolic says, Holdenators, oh, Mango is a buster. Android is my brother and that's not safe, my guy. Holden, stop playing your bullshit PS4. Grab a GameCube and play Smash Bros. Melee, you filthy casual.

Also, I'm down 400 dollars for this ps4 most expensive shout out in history moving units brother shut the fuck up ben jesus why i'm sorry that's okay that's all right this is you saying it i will not do a mean ben comment for the rest of these shows oh it really doesn't matter because it's all in good fun the uh there was a man in L.A. He wrote one and he says my L.A. privileges were revoked and he said,

I was just joking and then Marcus was like, Ben was in roast mode at the L.A. show. This was like a year ago and then he came up and he was like super sad. He's like,

I want to apologize and I forget the guy's name and he's very tall like me and a big beard. You know who I'm talking to you. Chugs? No, it wasn't Chugs. Are you talking about

the Satanist? I don't know. Super nice guy if it was. Probably. The gigantic bearded man that looks like what every Midwestern or fierce Satanist look like? Perhaps. Yeah. It could be him.

I don't know what his religious affiliation was. He didn't mention that to me, but he just apologized for that. Shout out. But it was a joke. Man, they just keep coming. Sickboy357 says, Holdenators, ho! Read this while making eye contact with Kissel.

If you can't do that, just sound catty toward him or Marcus. I feel like I read this one already. Marcus, you're amazing. I'm not going to say the mean thing about Kissel. Keep up the good work, guys. What is going on here? Holden, the episode of Whiz Brew about Power Rangers was great. Also, Marcus, there's nothing wrong with pegging.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. P.S. Holden, accept my friend Whiz Brew about Power Rangers was great. Also, Marcus, there's nothing wrong with pegging. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. P.S. Holden, accept my friend request. You shit stick. Did I say anything? It's when a woman puts on a strap on in Fox and Man. That sounds like you were pro-pegging. Yeah, I don't think I was ever anti-pegging. Well, it was popularized in that hit movie Deadpool.

He was talking about that quite a bit in that film. And that was controversial for the movie. No, no, I think this is insinuating you were pro-pegging and we were shitting on pegging. Oh. Literally. Okay, yeah, yeah. I don't know. Mars Scarf says, shout out to Brock the Ringer of Bells. Anytime. Tay Tay says, Holdenators, oh!

Congratulations on trapping Lexi forever. That's the number four shout out round table of the year. Dog meat, shifty spaghetti. Question four of the table. Dog meat, shifty, spaghetti. Question four of the table. Waffles or pancakes? Waffles. Waffles. Waffles. Ooh. Yeah, waffles because you can put little things in them.

Honestly, though, honestly, though, I do like a pancake though, but I don't want to be like all hacky here wrapped around a hot dog. Yeah. You get a good corn dog going? Oh my God, yeah. I mean. Get you a waffle dog. French toast.

I've had French toast for breakfast for the last two days in a row. I love French toast. You know what I don't like? It's too eggy. Well, yeah. Too much eggs. It's got egg. It's the main ingredient.

You know what my mom used to do? She'd put the cup through the bread so it made a hole in it and then fry an egg in the bread. So you had a fried egg. Eggs in a basket. Is that what it's called? It's called eggs in a basket. A tisket, a tasket, Jackie Panky.

Eggs in a fucking basket. That is way too much work for your mother to do for your disgusting meal. Well, we were lovers then. Dr. Leone says, hold me, there's ho. Can you tell Arlene her Komodo dragon loves her and tiny peanut head? Word. Not that angry says, apologize to Ed right now for these shout outs. Sorry, Ed, for the shout outs.

Andrew Walfredo says, round table crew, love you all and all CCR shows. Thanks for making my work days go by faster. Holden, please call Salmon Burger the worst name you can think of and tell him Bert is not the best. Ho, Salmon Burger, you are an Ed Larson. Whoa. Mr. Minchette. PlayStation, because he's not here, so we can pick him up. Yeah, of course. He'd pummel you.

Yeah, he'd jump the table on me. Mr. Minchette, PlayStation shout out. Fuck you, Uptown Laker from Mr. Minchette. I'm beginning to think you should do these on your own show. No! How long are these? There's so many more, but I can wrap them up.

Wrap them up. All right. Why don't we do like a limit of five every episode? I'll get a backlog a million long. It doesn't matter. No one really cares, though. Is that a whole video game show? No, it's not a video game show.

What is it? It's Nerd Culture Show. Do it on your local show. We're doing the band the Gorillas this week and next we're doing Dragon Ball Z. Neither of those properties are video games. Well, Dragon Ball Z is. A lot of video games. Out of it. Yes, of course they made Dragon Ball video

games out of it. Yeah, so it's a video game show. Big Pringles Lee says PlayStation shoutouts. I love you, dude. Let me stroke that ego. Thank you, Big Pringles Lee. And I'm sorry, Stub Wolf. You're going to have to get your shout out next week because they won't let me do anymore.

Nope. Nope. Very good. Sorry about that, Stub Wolf. All right. So let's see here. Jackie, you're done talking? Yes.

For the rest of the episode? Okay. I went in the corner. You're out of the corner. Okay. Now I want a waffle. No, go back to the corner. Back in the corner. Okay. I went in the corner. You're out of the corner. Okay. Now I want a waffle. No, go back to the corner. Back in the corner.

There's waffles in the corner. There's a bunch of waffles. Okay, Marcus, are there any interesting news stories out there? Yeah. Okay. In a bizarre case that so far has police and residents stumped, at least seven cats in Waynesboro, Virginia's Tree Streets neighborhood have been shaved since December without their owner's consent.

It's like, it is not good to shave a cat, but it's not the worst thing you can do to a cat. So this borders on fun news. Captain Kelly Walker said cats owned by two separate Tree Streets residents have been shaved in the underbelly, groin, and leg areas. He said it appears the shaving was we can't deal with all that. Yeah, no harm whatsoever. I mean, they probably didn't enjoy it, but they weren't harmed. The police officers said collectively this involves seven cats that are indoor and outdoor cats. And they're all clearly pets.

These aren't strays. We got to find this cat who knows how to use a razor. Because there's obviously some sort of aggressive gang feud going on and I don't like it. And first comes shaving and next comes cocaine. Oh, I was going to say cocaine because he's chopping it up with a razor. As soon as you start finding the cat with the mirror. That's what you find with the square mirror. You don't like that.

Right. That's what you need to find. Yes. And he'll claim, he'll be like, oh, I just have this because I needed a mirror shield. And you'll be like,

that is horse shit. Yeah. Kitty. Yeah, there's no laser beams around here that you need to deflect. What dude is shooting laser beams

at a cat? Cats love lasers. They love playing with lasers. That's their main, that's their number one toy. Actually, that is true. I'm not sure if it's torture or not, though. When I was at my gal's house over Christmas, they had the laser pointer, and the cat would seem to be horrified. Oh, it's not torture.

Cats love it. They never get it, though. No, they never get it. They just get really frustrated. Yeah, that's what I'm saying is that torture. Nah. I'll give them a treat. Aw, that's nice.

At the end of the day, we'll never know what animals like or dislike, you know? We'll never truly know what they love and what they don't love because they cannot speak. I've tried and I've tried and I've tried to make them speak. It's like fucking Helen Keller fucking trying to talk to one of those fuckers. Maybe they like getting their bellies shaved. Maybe they're blind and deaf. Yeah, maybe they're just like, oh, they're into that, and that's just what they're doing.

It's like skinheads. I watched The Secret Life of Pets, and there was a lot of gang violence in that, so. Gang violence? A lot of gang violence in The Secret Life of Pets. I thought it was all, like, pets inside. No, they're all outside the whole damn movie. It's a cartoon movie, right?

It's a cartoon based on reality, but yeah, it's a cartoon movie technically. Aren't they all stuck in the sewers? They go into the sewers. Yeah. Okay, what about this? What if the things that pets do to show us they don't like something are actual signs to us, communications to us that we think are them liking something? You know what I'm saying?

I don't think they would do that. Because when we interact with each other's humans, it's like a sci-fi concept, right? Like, when I interact with you and say, Marcus comes up and rubs my belly, gives me a little friendly belly rub, like how we say hello to each other on a Sunday, right? And we all go like, I can't miss that. You know?

We're not recording on Sundays anymore. Yeah, right. I miss our Sunday morning get-togethers. First of all, can we talk about how much I miss that? Yeah, we can talk about what the heck those were. Yeah. Belly rubs. Yeah.

Belly rubs, slip and slide in the summer. I mean, belly rub is how you begin it. I mean, that's only just like, that's the beginning and the end. By the way, the slip and slide, for those that want to use one this summer, I learned this when I was way young, maybe 15, 14 old lube put lube in with the water lube up the slip and slide i'm not even lying and then and then you and then oh you can buy lube it wasn't it's not sexual lube you can just buy a lubricant yeah astroglide you can buy astroglide pretty cheap yeah for at a baby oil and stuff like that oh baby oil yeah And then you fly down that thing.

Yeah, you do. And it is awesome. You will break your neck. You don't use baby oil as lube, though, do you? No, but it's a... Well, it was a lubricant that goes with the water. Yeah, it's still lubricant. Like, you use baby oil for, like, massage and stuff like that.

Oh, yeah, but I mean, like, dick and vagina. No, but it's not necessarily... It doesn't need to be vaginal ready. First of all, why are we oiling up our babies? Like, what sense does that make on any planet? I've never thought about that. Yeah, why are we covering babies in oil? It's not a fucking

roast chicken breast. And praising that Ann Getty woman just drowning them in flowers. I never understood any of that. Ann Getty is so fucking gross. Who's Ann Getty? She's right. She's in the flower mix. Yeah, sort of. No, she's the baby in the flower. Famous artist but she just uses baby. The baby

is cute. The pictures are average and the flowers are stupid. And I don't know. She's a multi multi multi multi. So what is she? Smart, stupid, or average? I guess she's smart because she has the easiest job on earth and is wealthier than we will ever be. Yeah, but she has to deal with shoving a baby into a flower pot.

On a regular basis. Yeah, I don't want to do that. Maybe that's why you get the baby oil. You slip them into the flower pot, and then they stop crying because they start eating all the lube. I guess. I don't know. So what if the messages are crossed is what I'm saying. Like in a cat, when a cat doesn't like something, it goes, but if it likes something, it goes,

you know what I'm saying? And we just have the message across. So we're doing things that it hates constantly for its pleasure, but it doesn't like it. And then things that it doesn't like, it likes. And we don't know because it can't communicate. It can't say, Holden, I like it when you tape me to the wall. Well, I don't think they would purr if you taped them to a wall. Oh, it purrs, baby.

Well, I'll find out when we go to heaven. Yes, right? Because we'll talk to them then? Or they'd like you to believe. Well, you can just, in heaven, you can ask any question you want of St. Peter and St. Peter will tell you. Oh, I was about to ask. Oh, I thought you were thinking that pets can talk in heaven.

Oh, I hope they can. But humans can't. Because then I was going to say, what would be the first question you'd ask your old pet snake? Oh, did it hurt when you died? Oh, that's a sad question. I would have been like, if you were a big, strong basketball player, would you love it? Or something fun? Yeah.

Something fun. What I would ask him is, what did you do in the house that two weeks you were missing? That's the secret life of pets. The secret life of pets. We should see that. We should do a group roundtable get-together to watch the secret life of pets. Well, there's another one coming out here coming up in the near future, so we'll have to check that out. But I think we need to get hooked on this Beverly Hills Chihuahua series.

Yeah, I was telling Lexi to watch it. Oh, she's going to freak out. She loved the first one. But there is a snake in it. I warned her. But the Chihuahua did save the baby. But she did enjoy the first one quite a lot. Now, my question for you, Ben, is finding Dory, yes or no?

I don't think so. They're fish. I have a hard time having emotional relationships with fish because we're not- Things that aren't mammals, yeah. Yeah. We're just not supposed to have a relationship with fish. They're better than time having emotional relationships with fish because we're not mammals. Yeah. We're just not supposed to have a relationship with fish. They're better than us. They swim around. They have a whole new world, a whole different world. Leave them alone. Finding Nemo is fantastic.

Do they find Nemo? Yes. I don't know. Yeah, finding Nemo was a good fun. Is finding Dory a follow-up or a bad? I haven't seen it. Okay. Yeah.

Have you seen Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3 Viva La Fiesta? No, I didn't know that they went to Las Vegas. That sounds fun. That sounds amazing. I didn't realize there was another one. Is it still voiced by George Lopez, though? Actually, I don't think it's Fordham. No, they couldn't get him for the third one. Yeah, see, now you're falling down into that.

They're just trying to get your money. They did get him. They did get him. Well, then it's worth it. Not only that, they also got Ernie Hudson in the role of Pedro. That's fine. I met Ernie Hudson one time. Unbelievably nice guy.

Was he drunk? No, extremely sober. Oh, Tom Kenny's in it. Dude, everyone's in it. Yeah, Tom Kenny, he does the voice of SpongeBob. No kidding. And wasn't he in Pete and Pete as well or something like that? He was in Mr. Show.

Mr. Show. Name the saddest room you can think of. For me, it's the smoking room at the airport. Oh, my God. I don't know, man. The captain's, what is it? The captain's lounge? That's sad.

Oh, that's very fun. Oh, yeah, fun. Oh, yeah, the smoking room is a weird bummer. I don't know why. They should be happy. They're all enjoying Oh, yeah, the smoking room is a weird bummer. I don't know why. They should be happy. They're all enjoying their cigarettes. No. Waiting room at a drug testing facility.

Oh, yeah. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's very good. Oh, my goodness. The worst room, if you had to be just- Well, just the saddest room. The saddest room.

It's not the saddest. The maddest room is the DMV. The angriest room is the DMV. The quietest, angriest room. Oh, yeah. It's a quiet anger. Massive aggressivist. Yeah.

They should have at least music playing at the DMV. I don't understand why it's so quiet. Yeah. Something really bums me out about people waiting in the waiting room as their car gets washed. I don't like that. I don't know why. I don't know why. It just kind of bums me out.

I agree. I used to, when I was a kid, that was always the worst thing was waiting in the car wash line the minor key it's always just kind of depressing how fun was it when you got to stay in your car to do the car wash that's always fun when they make you get out and you have to wait

but you get to watch it which is kind of fun I don't like it what are they doing in there you can't trust them dogs are going crazy that's not good anyway Jackie Then what are they doing in there? You know, you can't trust them. Dogs are going crazy. That's not good. Anyway.

Jackie? Worst room? Saddest room. Saddest room. My mother's kitchen. That's not true. That's the best room in the house. I don't know.

In that house, I think, I mean, it has death in that kitchen. That's where they fed Gracie May to death. Yeah. Gracie Maydle. Oh, Gracie Maydle's a broski. Oh, wow. Is she buried somewhere? Oh, yeah. No, no, sure, no.

Her ashes are in my mother's bedroom next to the other ashes of all the other dogs. That she fed to death? Yeah. And above them are the pictures of them. So she's got her little memorial of all the animals she's fed to death. Ooh, it's like MasterChef. But like the ones that didn't make it. That's very fun.

My goodness. I don't go in there. Yeah. I'd stay away from there. Speaking of MasterChef, follow Gordon Ramsay on Twitter. He is funny. Ooh, we doing friendly follows? Sure.

I didn't know that was a thing. Follow, what's her name, the bitch who wrote Harry Potter. JK Rowling. Yeah, follow her fucking ass. I don't know. Because we're doing friendly follows, Marcus. Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer's amazing.

He's a wonderful man to follow. I've been following him for a few months now. It's pretty fantastic to see the weird things he gets obsessed with for about two or three days. I was about to say, so it's not like he's on purpose being hilarious. He's just a weird guy, but also kind of funny. Yeah. Yeah. I greatly enjoy Molly Shannon on Instagram.

Okay. Yeah, I was trying to find her on Twitter the other day. I don't follow her. I don't really. She's not on Twitter. She's my kind of girl, an Insta lady, not a Twittish. Just like me. I ain't no twittish. And so, man, she's great

on Instagram. It's usually just her just like dancing and singing and then like her hanging out with her kid. I just love it. Well, if you really want to be inspired, watch the beginning scene of that movie Superstar. She just jumps in. She gets right into it. Before, what was it, Sandberg said

lean in, she jumped in. Okay. She jumped in. And also David Crosby's amazing on Twitter. Is he? Oh yeah, because he just says yes or no answers, but then he will also go in and talk about some of the musicians he hung out with and stuff like that. He's always quote tweeting. Well, that's one of the things that's great about Val Kilmer

is he'll always tell stories about musicians that he's hung out with. Like one time he said that he had dinner with Lou Reed and he tickled him. There it is. And he said, very sad man, very abused by his father. Oh, that was the wild side that he walked on, I guess. Not good. All right.

Well, let's move on here. Any other cats are fine. They're just shaved. They're just shaved cats. Cats get shaved. They're totally fine. I got more stories. A Lakeview man poured liquid feces under a neighbor's apartment door because he had to

step it up after plain old urine failed to get the occupants to quiet down. God, what did he have to eat to make that much diarrhea? What are the odds this guy was kind of an ex-con? I had Chipotle earlier, and I will tell you what, if you are ever blocked up, brother, mother of mine, eat a bunch of Chipotle, you will slam the back. Or Halal Guys. If you're in New York and you have the fortune of eating at Halal Guys,

that is the fastest run shit I have ever experienced. Like, you can set your fucking watch on that run. Oh, yeah. But Chipotle, a great second substitute if you're not fortunate enough to be in Manhattan close to the 30 Rock area in order to get halal guys. But isn't that a sign that it's, like,

tainted meat and stuff? It's not good. You're not supposed to eat and then immediately have to use the facilities. Jackie is looking at Ben like he is made of... What? Means it's bad meat, dire mistake. No, if you're immediately having liquid shit come out of

your ass, yeah, no, that's what Holden is saying. Yeah, but having to use the facilities, like, you gotta immediately go, sometimes, like, your belly's full, you gotta make room. Yep. I usually gotta shit, like, 20 minutes after I eat. I always shit 20 minutes after I eat. Huh. There's no bearing on when I shit and when I eat. Yeah. There's no rhyme

or reason to it. It's 34 years, and I still haven't I eat. There's no rhyme or reason to it. It's 34 years and I still haven't figured it out. Still haven't gotten it, but are you unhappy with it? No, I'm fine with it. You're cool with it. I'm good. I'm good where I'm at. Yeah. And also, one of the things that I was just thinking about is that just because it was liquid shit does not necessarily mean that it had to be liquid when it came out.

He could have concocted a liquid... Like a put-in-the-ninja-bullet? Yeah, mash it up or just put it in a little bit in water and mix it up. See, now you get the feeling if you're the loud neighbors, this guy is worse. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I mean, he's pouring liquid shit under the door. Yeah, that's not appropriate.

And so the woman told cops that she had previously caught Clay, who lives below her, pouring urine into her unit. She suspected that Clay was also responsible for the poo blast. There you go. Yeah, but what if it was

someone else, though? Then that's real fucked up. Then you've got to really reevaluate your life, man. Coincidence? Yeah, definitely. If you're just getting thrown bodily fluids from every corner.

Oh, yeah, you've got to move out of that apartment complex. That's not good. That's what happens when you move into Bowles apartment complex. Thank you. We're back. Did you hear what Stephen Colbert said? We're back.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He said something mean. He said all women should be beaten. He did. I don't think he said that. I heard him. He said every woman on the planet should be rounded up.

Stephen Colbert said that? Yes, he did. I don't remember him saying that. Including his own wife, who is a very smart, isn't she like an ambassador of the French or something? Maybe. She did something good, and he said all of them should be rounded up, put in a circus tent.

I don't know why it needs to be a circus tent. Because it's big, and it's floppy, just like a woman. Yep. And then beaten to the ends of them until they say they're sorry for all the things they've done. Well, don't know about all that. I'm sorry. It's like one of those Andy Capps comic strips. Andy Capps?

Andy Capps. Do you know the hot fries? Yeah, the hot fries. Those comics. I was just speaking on Twitter. I was following Adam Carolla. Actually, you are going to have to explain that to me.? You know the hot fries? Yeah, the hot fries. Those comics. I was just speaking on Twitter. I was following Adam Carolla. Actually, you are going to have to explain that to me. What do you mean hot fries?

Andycaps. Hot fries. It's just Andycap. Andycap hot fries. You guys never had Andycap hot fries? It's classic. Those are like the shitty potato chip bags of weird fries. It is the most sexist.

It's not hot fries. You know these. Andycaps. It is Andycaps. Wow not hot fries. You know these. Handicaps. It is handicaps. Wow. Hot fries. There you go. Yeah, that's pretty much all I got for the poo story.

Okay. So everything is fine. He blasted some poo under the door and blasted some pee under the door. And that's about it. Busy guy, I guess. We can go for another one. I suppose so. Flowers.

Why not? Hate them. May showers. Police say a flower shop owner stole plants and other items from graves at a New Jersey cemetery for months. See, that's smart business. It is smart business. Captain Christopher DePute says police installed surveillance cameras at the First Reformed Church Cemetery at Pequonic Township before two plants disappeared from the mausoleum and replacement plants were stolen two days later.

He says the cameras caught a woman in a minivan taking the plants and Riverdale officers recognized her as a former police dispatcher and current flower shop owner. Authorities charged 59-year-old Linda Wingate of Riverdale with the disorderly person's offense of theft of movable property. DuPoit says Wingate claimed she was cleaning up old flowers from graves of people she knew, but he says that this isn't the case. So was she reselling these at the flower shop? Doesn't say, but that's what's implied. That's got to be.

Unless she just needed more flowers in her home. Yeah. Well, we toured the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, which was very fun. Yeah, what were some highlights? Give me the lowlights. Dee Dee Ramone. Okay. Everyone's kissing his grave.

It is absolutely disgusting. They do the same thing. We also went and saw Marilyn Monroe's grave at the Westfield Cemetery, where Truman Capote was buried. Truman Capote, Walter Massow. I saw that pic, actually. I follow you on the Insta. Yeah, you do.

Truman Capote, Marilyn Monroe, Walter Matthau was there. It really did ruin my day. I love Walter Matthau. Henry sent me a text that was just of the gravestone of Walter Matthau buried with his wife, and he just wrote, have a great day. Like, man, why are you doing this to me? That ain't right. So he was buried with his wife in the same casket?

It's one of those weird things. That cemetery, I think they did stack people upon each other. Really? Not side by side, one on one. There was a graveyard that you guys may have visited in Edinburgh where they did that same thing. And they call it the most haunted graveyard of all time. And I've never felt such a bizarre haunted feeling than when I walked by that graveyard.

We didn't go to Edinburgh. We went to Glasgow. Glasgow. Oh, that's right. You guys made the mortal mistake of going to Glasgow instead of Edinburgh. It wasn't us. It was the person who booked us the tour. Oh, strange food in Glasgow.

Awful food in Glasgow. You don't want to be anywhere near food in that part of the country. Stay away from the bakery that uses the McDonald's M. Don't eat the sausage. Oh, it's not McDonald's. It's not McDonald's. No, I ate some sort of liquid sausage thing. That was among the worst things I've ever eaten in my life.

And he shoved it under my door. The scary thing is that wasn't sausage. That was chicken. That's the scariest part about it. Why don't you all get on your private jets and go all to your international eateries? Oh, Glasgow. I forgot. I forgot we all have to play it cool around Madame Wiesel.

If you'll excuse me, I must go to my fancy chateau in Glasgow, Scotland. Gotta get your umbrellas up, because you're all Mary Poppins and bullshit. What is wrong with you, Jackie? I know. I went to Toronto, so I know. Yeah, you went to Toronto. I'll talk about Toronto. I'm going to Toronto in two weeks, so pfft.

Well, it's not that great. Yeah, and we're not going to eat a bunch of organ meat. You were forced to eat organ meat with Henry. We're not going out to dinner. We don't go out to dinner with Henry. No, we don't. In fact, he knows this. We were at, when we were in Colorado fact, he knows this. When we were in

Colorado Springs, he was going to take me to one of those organ meat places before the show, but then he remembered that I need to eat like a human and so we ate somewhere reasonable. You ate at Chili's. It was the only place available. I love Chili's. That's the most reasonable place you could go.

That's the definition of reasonable. I had Arby's. They had Chili's. We had a heck of a ride home. Chili's. Chili's. I've been back and forth on this. It's like I feel the opposite way every time I go to a Chili's. Holds up.

Yes or no? Chili's? Yeah. It's fine. It's exactly what you'd expect it to be. It's mass quantities of average to below average food. It made me ill. Should I try the gyro meat at Arby's?

Oh, yeah, it's safe. It's very safe. Arby's is actually pretty safe. Try those market fresh sandwiches. I do not like Arby's. We've been over this because we went, okay, I went with Jack. I thought you were like the chicken salad. Speaking of never going to eat with Jackie and Henry, they were like, oh, we got to go

to Arby's. They said Arby's? Arby's sauce. And then I was like, okay, guys, what should I order? And they're like, the number eight fucking triple thick or whatever. I was like, all right, give me that number eight triple thick with extra fucking slappy sauce. And it's just this wet sandwich. Arby's is super damp.

Just wet meat, liquid meat. I wanted to throw up. I was so disgusted by what they told me I should order. It's a beef and cheddar. Well, we really got, we were zinging him. We zanged him. What did you get him? I usually get the curly fries and the chicken sandwich.

The chicken sandwich was pretty good. We zanged him. Everything on the menu was good. Disgusting. It was so bad. It is liquid meat, but you know what? It's fine tasting liquid meat because if you cover anything in fake cheddar sauce, I'll eat it like a hot dog or waffles.

You are talking about the beef and cheddar sandwich on the onion bun. Oh, it's amazing. And if there is a fire in your house and you do have that cheese, just lather it all over your body and you won't burn. It's science. It's fake. It is totally fake. I just love it when people talk about it.

It's like, don't you know what comes out of a tube? It's like, yeah, of course it's fucking disgusting. I know it's disgusting. They used to work there, man. They just love it when people talk about it. Don't you know it comes out of a tube? Yeah, of course it's fucking disgusting. I know it's disgusting. They just pump it into bags. Then you gotta freeze the bag or cool it. Slice it. You gotta eat. Ooh, I'm gonna have Indian food tonight. Hell yeah. Blast your ass

out, dude. My stomach is so attuned to spicy food that my ass doesn't get blasted anymore. Uh-oh. Well, it sounds like you ought to get pegged. That's another way. I've thought about it. Strap-on dildos are very expensive. So that's what's stopping you from doing it?

It's an investment. I'm priced out of that fetish. I can't do it. If I don't like it, then it's a huge waste of money. It would be a huge waste. Maybe you could just rent one. Yeah, maybe just rent one. Find one used on eBay. My uncle used to have one of those. It would be a huge waste. Maybe you could just rent one. Yeah, maybe just rent one. Find one to use on eBay. My uncle used to have one of those.

Oh, really? You have to go. But let me give you a quick segment, okay? We need a new Crocodile Dundee. What's his name and what's his skill? Alligator Bundy. And what's his skill? He can talk to alligators.

Bye, Ben. Bye, Ben. Have fun at Russian television. Bye, Ben. Bye, Ben. Have fun at Russian television. Yeah, I will. Oh, my God. You're going to get ridden like a bear. That's what they do.

They're going to make you dance on television. That's what they do to big bears. Yeah, they're going to cover them in bear fur. Your shirt is so crisp. But also, I do just need to mention, are those dog cufflinks? Yeah, that's your pit bull right there. Thank you. That is a dog cufflink. I was staring at them earlier.

That is adorable. Oh, they're interesting. Bye. Have a great day. Have a good one. And then there were three. Oh, God. It's just like that murder story.

Which one? And then there were none. And then there were none? Yeah, remember that? Is that Agatha Christie? Agatha Christie. Everybody needs to watch The Staircase. It is the greatest true crime TV show.

I've seen two episodes of it. I'm liking it. It's so good. What are you talking about, Staircase? I told you you were very drunk, but I told you last week. Me? You were like, I gotta come over Friday. We'll go play some games.

It's like, you need to watch The Staircase. It's a true crime documentary series on Amazon. A woman fell down the stairs. Quote unquote fell down the stairs. Only a husband was there. Did he do it? Did he not? Every other episode you will be saying he did it. And then you'll be saying he did not do it.

And then you'll be saying he did it. And it's like 10 episodes long and it's unbelievably good. I gotta finish Feud first but yes. And there's some sexy twists and turns okay done you gotta you had me at sex but not sexy in the way you're thinking there's sex i mean there is definitely sex but not it's nothing like uh what pretty little liars big little lies it's not sexy in a big little lies like nicole kimman kind of way okay But there is definitely some sexual scandals. Okay. Alright, I'll watch it. Yeah, okay. Oh, you will love it. You will love this.

I will say, horrible thing to say, don't waste your time watching Casting JonBenet. Really? I have watched about... Thank you, actually. Don't waste your time. I was curious. I've actually watched about 30 minutes so far, and I've been really enjoying it. This is totally turned into page 7, by the way. I'm sorry. No, I should have saved that for page 7. I should be talking about 30 minutes so far, and I've been really enjoying it. This has totally turned into page seven.

I'm sorry. No, I should have saved that for page seven. I should be talking about it right here. But apparently Handmaid's Tale is fantastic. I want to read it first. Okay, so how about we bring it back to round table. Make the most precious noise you can make. I will start.

That was good. I don't know how to beat that. Jackie? Cuh, baby. You're a good cuh, baby. That was mine. Okay, that was good. What?

What? What? What? What? What? It's up to the listeners to decide. We'll get a poll going. Let's get a poll going on Facebook.

Let's get a Facebook poll going. Who made the most adorable sound? Who made the most precious noise? Holden, Jackie, or Marcus? I think it was Marcus. I think it might have been Marcus. Honestly, Jackie, you did quite well. I think I'm definitely boned in this. All three of us, I think, did Marcus. I think it was Marcus. Honestly, Jackie, you did quite well. You did a good job, too. All three of us, I think, did pretty good on that.

Pretty good. And I hope Ray, that Kissel doesn't listen to this, because he's going to be so mad at us. He's going to be mad he missed that. He's going to be so mad. Just immediately shut it off. Nope. No. There are no rules.

I tortured him with that shitty crocodile dundee. That was pretty great. By the way, mine is diggeradoodundo. It's mine. I like that one. He can kayak eternally without

getting tired. No, I don't want that. I hate boats. I hate anything in the water. You put me on a cruise. Which I don't want that I hate boats I hate anything In the water Big or small No I mean You put me on a cruise Yeah no a cruise Which I don't get at Fucking all I will never want to go on a cruise

I gotta find someone To go on cruises with Because everybody hates cruises Actually correction There's one cruise I will go on with you Norway No

Bon Jovi cruise No close The Kid Rock cruise That's the only cruise I will not go on That is the only cruise I I will not go on that. That is the only cruise I will go on. That will be 100% a wonderful time.

Okay. The Kid Rock's chilling the most cruise? Yeah, dog. Wait, when did you hear about this? D-A-W-G. It's Tampa to Key West, baby. Oh, my God. I got to go.

You got to go. It's amazing. He gets a bunch of great bands. You get to party with him the whole time. I'm going to take my mom on this cruise. She would love it. And I just think that's, okay, look, the reason why I don't like cruises, I think, is because I don't want to be around cruise people.

Yes. But I think if you lean in, instead of trying to, like, get away from that with the cruises. No, you do it. Lean hard into cruise people being as trashy as possible. This will be, and, you know, and... And lean into... It'll be fun. It'll be a good... They'll put on good shows. I mean, EPMD is going to be there.

What was EPMD known for? What was their thing? Red, red wine. Was that EPMD? That's UB40. No, no, no. EPMD was a... I got a puppy.

His name's Charlie. I've got a puppy. Killed him dead. I've got a puppy. His name's Charlie. They were put a puppy. Killed him dead. I've got a puppy. His name's Charlie. They were put in jail for a while after that one. Yeah, he went to jail for a bit because that was a true story. They were a rap duo.

Oh, you mean the rip rap. I think actually well-respected. Doug E. Fresh is going to be there. Doug E. Fresh. The struts. I'd rather see Doug E. Doug than Doug E. Fresh. Yeah. Cool E. Fresh. The Struts. I'd rather see Doug E. Doug than Doug E. Fresh. Yeah. Cool Roddens.

The Sweet Tea Trio. See, these don't sound like great bands. I think that's an old-time jazz band. Well, maybe it's declined in recent years. They had 311 the time I was paying attention. Oh, fuck me. Yeah, that would have been... My fucking cock would have exploded.

Well, okay, last year, maybe they just don't have the full lineup yet, because last year it was Uncle Cracker came along. There you go. Oh, man. See, that would be the J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J-J have been legit. Tone Loke. Tone Loke? Was there. Tim Montana and the Shrednecks. What are you talking about? This is the first year that Uncle Cracker's not going to be there. Then why would we go? That is a bummer.

I have to say that. I want to hear the fish song. Maybe they'll lower the price of the ticket. 2015 was kind of a bust, but in 2014, they had Sugar Ray and David Allen Coe. See, that's what I'm talking about. How did they afford it? That would have been amazing. David Allen Coe, sad drunk on a cruise.

Yes. Priceless. He's not a man for the sea, though. Sad drunk on a cruise, still yelling about how much Obama sucks. Yeah. It would have been pa-riceless. That's why he's with Kid Rock. Whiskey bottles in the hot tub.

Man, that sounds pretty greatkey bottles in the hot tub. Man, that sounds pretty great. Some hot whiskey. That's the thing. You can be, instead of having to pretend like you're not all total pieces of trash, you get to completely just be as garbage human as humans. That's what I mean. You go towards it. All bets are off.

Go towards the light. This is the seventh year he's done it. Yeah. I can't believe I haven't heard about this. I mean, this is my hometown. I don't understand. This is the seventh year he's done it. I can't believe I haven't heard about this. I mean, this is my hometown. I don't understand. It's the greatest. My mom was just talking about it.

She's like, we should take a boat down to Key West. I was like, you would have to pay me $100 million to get on a boat with you, mother. But if it was this boat, I'll get on this boat with her. When you say the full mother, that's what it's tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I can't drink around her. I'm going to get on a fucking cruise with her. Why are you going to get on a cruise?

Imagine watching Kid Rock and I can't have a fucking cold beer in my hand. There's two Kid Rock shows every single cruise. Jesus Christ. It begins and ends with a Kid Rock show. And there's a Kid Rock Q&A. See, my problem is that on the cruise is like my parents were always into going to the shows every night. I don't want to go to the shows every night. I want to drink on the deck.

That's all I want to do on a cruise. I want to eat, eat, eat, drink, drink, drink, and then fall asleep by 8 p.m. There you go. I almost applied to work on a cruise. Really? Yeah. To do show tunes? To do, no, just like work at the restaurant.

I was like, this would be so great. I'll go to all these ports. And apparently it's like the worst job of all time. Really? Why? Because you're stuck on a fucking boat. Yeah, you're just stuck on a boat. And you have to do it for like the worst job of all time. Really, why? Because you're stuck on a fucking boat and you have to do it for like eight

to 12 months. And you're just trapped. I would get major claustrophobia. Wide eyes from Marcus over here. But you make a shit fuck of money. Oh, no, no,

not wide eyes at all. I was just trying to clean up my tabs a little bit. No, he was just excited about Kid Rock. Yeah, I just, you know how excited,

you know, that was my very first concert. Kid Rock. Mine was, sadly, Ho just, you know, that was my very first concert. Kid Rock. Mine was, sadly, Hootie and the Blowfish, Jackie. Ooh, time. Oh, I thought you wanted me to sing Hootie and the Blowfish. No. What was some of the other ones?

I got excited. What was the other one like? All right. I don't want to bury you. I don't want to bury you. My first one was Evanescence Wow we all had pretty rough At least Kid Rock though puts on Apparently a wonderful show

It was an amazing show and Power Man 5000 was opening And that's Rob Zombie's little brother And they were really fun too I went down a whole hole with all those bands recently I just looked into all those bands again That was fun They are much worse than you remember them being. Evanescence just

shows the age difference first of all. I feel like Evanescence was just after my time with that sort of music. Yeah, I would say it was a few years behind our time. That's the lady singer being all bummer. What a bummer show. Open your ears into my heart.

Open your ears. It was a boring show. No, it was. She was the headlight Open news into my door. Open news. Oh, yeah, but it was like, it was one of those. It was a boring show. No, it was, she was the headliner. It was one of those, like, 97X summer concerts where it's like, she was the headliner, quote unquote. And so it was a bunch of other bands that had a bunch of other, like, shitty alt-rock wonders. I mean, that was when, like, rock music turned into like just full on bummer music with no fun

whatsoever it was awful no no no Linkin Park was there too yeah Linkin Park was the first I fucking loved

Linkin Park super bummer band no fun whatsoever oh yeah it was awful again that was the first that was literally the first band where I was like

this is what the kids are listening to now I literally referred to them as the kids like I was like what what that was the one where I'm like oh okay I think I'm done with all this shit yeah fuck I think I'm like now moving what the kids are listening to now like i literally referred to them as the kid like i was like what what that was the one where i'm like okay i think i'm done with all this shit fuck i think i'm like now moving into the phase where like not everything is great and then kid

a came out and was like okay see you later there you go yeah peace see you later i am different from everybody medication i need medication i can't hang out with you anymore, David. I'm too deep for you, man. I can't go to the Papa Roach concert, David. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is coming out on Tuesday, David. I don't understand that reference. That day was 9-11. Wow, was it? Yeah.

Yankee Hotel Foxtrot Came out on 9-11 Yeah Whoa It either came out on 9-11 Or the week before But I'm pretty sure It came out on 9-11 Because it was Tuesday

Tuesday's New Music Day Gotcha Or at least it used to I think it's Fridays now right Yeah New Album Day Used to be Tuesdays Gotcha yeah

Yeah it was like Tuesdays For movies It was Thursdays Games were Fridays. Yep. Good times. Nerds. Oh, my God.

We know when things come out. I don't know. I was living in the not knowing being like, I don't know. It just splats into my fucking life. I ain't waiting for no Tuesday. Cockery Crenshaw. He's lived in the outback all his life And he can swing from trees

As well as the monkeys can Jerky Jim Jaws He's got jaws made out of steel So he can literally put any animal Into his mouth and he makes their meat Immediately into jerky Jim Gel Mantis He can turn wood into stone

And back to wood again Very good. And he prays a lot because of his influence from the mantis. That's right. I think Kissel won, though. What about Swampalob Bobby? He knows the swamps like the back of his hand because the swamp maps of all the swamps are drawn on the back of his

hands so he's got them all on there that's why he knows him so damn well we need a new australian centric hero uh we do franchise yeah it's been a while it's been way too long god because they're just so fucked up over there. Yeah, they are. You know why? It's the bugs. It's all those bugs. That's the fucking problem. And they never figured out a way to get rid of them. And they can't have any guns.

So no guns, all bugs. What the fuck else are you going to do? There it is. Do we have a segment? I think we just did it. We kind of just did it because it was sort of, it was, I mean, honestly, the real segment here today was the precious noises, but. We've already done two segments.

Yeah, honestly, we did two. Yeah, I'm done with segments. And no, we did more of Saddest Room. Oh, wow, so we've done it. Wow, this is a three-segment show. A multiple-segment show. Can we make it four? Yeah, I think we can make it four.

All right, now it's time for a segment from Home McNeely. Okay. Oh, man, he's really, you've strapped him into a fucking teat. Name a room. We already did name a room. No, it's a different room.

It's a different room. It's got horns on it. It's a devil room. No, it's not a devil room. Other things can have horns. What else has horns on it? Like a musical instrument horn? No!

No! Like a car horn, like a honk-honk beep-beep. Oh, no, but stop that horn! Maybe it's a bike? Ask me if it's a bike. Is it a bicycle? No! Different than that.

Not that room. We can just keep going through rooms. Alright, this is what we'll do since we've been talking about cats and we've been talking about rooms and we've been talking about hats.

Name a new Dr. Seuss book and what it's about. Okay. All right. Uh-huh. Mine's called The Fantastical Megalical. No, no, no. The Fantastical Conundrum of the Fiddly Knees.

Okay? And what it is is this guy's knees are sexually abusing him. Jackie. That's it. And what it is is this guy's knees are sexually abusing him Jackie That's it That's what it is That's it That's what it is It's a very serious book

And I would thank both of you not to laugh about it Oh I'm sorry I forgot You're welcome I mean I accept your forgiveness It's called I'm a fud and also a dud and i piss but it's got blood and then it says in it really small underneath it and it's about a man that's dying from cancer and he doesn't know wow yeah because he keeps pissing blood and not doing anything about it oh the places he'll go that reminds me in the fucking earth that reminds me of um when i was in the emergency

room because my nose would stop bleeding and there was a asian man in the in the cot next to me that i got to know about very well because he was constantly telling because there was like must have been 10 different doctors that talked to him he was just pissing blood for weeks finally got it was going in to get it get it checked out and they, oh, we'll put you in a special room soon. And I was there for hours, and he never got his room. No, of course not. Marcus? I got, mine's the trick trunk.

Okay. The trick trunk, when you open the trick trunk, you get a trick, but you also get a treat, and the treats are always frogs. Yeah! Yeah! I are always frogs. Yeah! I like that one. It's like the boo box. It teaches you about all different kinds of frogs. Okay. But you hate frogs.

You're actually sweet and kind. But you hate frogs, so it's also a horror story. Yeah, somewhat. I'm making my peace with frogs. Oh, really? Thank you. So, well, there's no one to judge it. Jackie, who wins? I get to choose? Yeah.

Overall performance. Ben Kissel. Best overall performance. Ben Kissel. He would have come up with a good one. Yeah, he would have come up with a good one. Yeah, he really would have been on fire by the fourth segment. He would have been on fire.

See, he said they were pit bulls, but they looked like rat terriers. He had rat terrier cufflinks on. What about a TV show about teenage dogs that are sort of dealing with stuff, and there's love triangles involved and serious kind of B-plots, and we'll call it Dogson's Creek.

I like that. Or 13 Leashes Why. No, it definitely has to be Dogson's Creek. It has to be Dogson's Creek. It has to be if it's going to be a show. I feel like Pacey can keep his name if it's Dogson's Creek. It has to be Dogson's Creek. It has to be if it's going to be a show. I feel like Pacey can keep his name if it's Dogson's Creek because Pacey is obviously a dog's name and not a person's name. Pacey is absolutely a dog's name.

Pacey is super duper. Okay, goodbye everyone. Yeah, have a good one everybody. Have a good week. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to CaveComedyradio.com.