The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 330: Real Fake Blood

Episode Date: June 3, 2017

The gang talks about violent subway entertainers, discusses which freaks they would add to the Coney Island Freak Show, and learns about Eddie's more handsome and successful younger brother.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. All right, Eddie, why don't you pray then to start this thing?

We don't pray anymore. I'll tell you what. Big outcry this week on Facebook about it. Oh, was there? Yes. Big outcry. People want the prayer back. I know. It's insane. I had multiple messages.

People want the prayer back, dude. People love the prayer, man. It's a prayer. I had like multiple messages and like, people want the prayer back, dude. Yeah, people love the prayer, man. It's a prayer. You got to give the people what they want. Sure. Well, in the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit, amen. How's everyone doing? How you doing?

What's going on, Ma? You up there? Yes, Eddie. I'm here in heaven, Eddie. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. I'm playing. You up there? Yes, Eddie! I'm here in heaven, Eddie! I'm playing Crash, Eddie! Stop for a second. Shut up. Okay, Eddie! I don't got long! I gotta finish my game!

I'm busy! You're busy! You got the rest of fucking eternity! Yeah, but I'm on a hot streak! Listen! Listen, I'm out in Reno. Dom Dolores is blowing on my dice, Eddie! Dom Dolores is gay! Yeah,, Eddie. Dom Dolores is gay. Yeah, that's why he's just blowing my dice.

But Eddie's in Reno. Eddie's in Reno right now, Ed's mom. Yeah, I'm in Reno. Yeah, Eddie, I see you there, Eddie. I'm hanging out with Dad. Oh, I loved him, Eddie. You did? Well, you know.

Oh, Dom is tick, Eddie. You did? Well, you know. Oh, Dom. Oh, Dom is tickling me a little bit. It's nice how you've changed your tune in the afternoon. Oh, I loved your father, Eddie. I hear he's missing a foot. You know, it's in heaven with me, Eddie. It's more than a foot. It was a couple toes and then like down below the knee.

Yeah, I'm waiting on the toes, Eddie. I'm caught up in the UPS in heaven. It's interesting because the toes were the first to go. You can't take the rest of the foot without taking the toes before that. Eddie, I don't know, Eddie. You look just like your father,

Eddie. That's not very good. No, Eddie. No, it's not, Eddie. I, phew, that's that's not very good. No, Eddie, no. No, it's not, Eddie. I'm just trying to end it so I can get back to playing crabs. Playing crabs. Oh, my God. Oh, okay.

It's Holden, your friend Holden. It's still annoying, Eddie. Well, have fun. I'll talk to you soon. Love you. Bye, Eddie. The father and the son and the Holy Spirit. The plan is back, baby. Yeah. Yeah.

By popular demand. All right. So this is the round table of gentlemen. We got Eddie over there in Nevada. You're meeting with your father, right, Eddie? Yeah. That's actually really awesome, dude. Congratulations.

Yeah. It's going to be interesting. I can't. I'm curious. I'm curious to see what it's going to be like. Right. We're hanging out. I'm going to interview him tomorrow.

Yeah, well, do you want to tell the audience a little bit about what's going on with all that, or is that a top secret soon to be released? I've been making a project for the past year about my mom and all the fucking people who you fucked her over, and I've just been systematically telling people to go screw so is this kind of like bowling for Columbine where at the end of the movie he goes and interviews what's his name? Marilyn

Manson? No no at the end of the movie Charlton Heston. Yeah is this like the Charlton Heston moment of people that fucked your mom over? Except I'm going to go full circle and I'm going to interview Michael Moore and find out why he killed my mom Oh wow. Fantastic I wonder what he's going to go full circle and I'm going to interview Michael Moore and find out why he killed my mom. Oh, wow.

Fantastic. I wonder what he's going to say. He's just going to be like, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump, jump. Yeah, I love that. He's bad. He's bad. He's so bad. I'm staying at Circus Circus in Reno.

It's amazing. Marcus, you would love it. I've been to Circus Circus. I went to Circus Circus when I was a kid, and it blew my fucking mind. Who is that scary murderer behind you, Ed? That's his girlfriend. Oh, okay. Sorry about that.

Listeners can't see the scary woman behind him. I know, but it frightened me, and I had to say something. There was a scary monster behind Ed, but it's actually his girlfriend. So now, Eddie, when was the last time you saw your dad, Eddie? I saw him last year when he lost the first toe. When was the last time you saw all of your father uh technically last year right before he lost the toe there you go a bit of a before and after i see a bit of a before and after yeah but like total it's only been like three

times in the last 15 years that's crazy so do you know what your first question is going to be i mean it's obviously going to be like super emotional. Are you upset about the town? What have you been up to? Are you going to give him a, hey, how are you? I think so. Well, you know, I'm going to do a stand-up tonight, of all things. And it's going to be the first time he ever saw me do comedy. It's going to be tonight. Here's a fun thought.

No matter what, you'll be doing something your father can't do. Actually, he's got a leg. He's limping around all over town. He's got magic legs? Yeah, he's got the stuff they use, the space shuttles. Really? That's why he was always floating up there, huh? Eddie, you should dress in costume as a different man and talk to your dad as a different man.

Oh, he didn't recognize me anyway. Oh, okay. So he doesn't matter. So you can literally just have the conversation. Well, that's the nice thing about leaving your family when they're all very young still, the children. It's like meeting a stranger. Yeah, it's like meeting a stranger that sort of looks like you.

I didn't even think about it. It's like, oh, you're like an adult. He's like, yeah, that's what happened with time passes. Yep. That'll do it. I bet if he, did he try to throw the ball around with you? Did that happen? Not yet.

No, he, my stepbrother was with him. He's graduating high school, so I'm going to go see that, which is very interesting. Hector, he's the sweetest kid in the world. Good Lord. Wow, graduating high school already. Hector Larson. Hector L kid in the world. Good Lord. Wow. Graduated in high school already. Hector Larson. Hector Larson.

He's got a shot. Yeah. He sounds like an 80s action star. Hector Larson. I bought him a gym membership. He's huge. Yeah, he's jacked. Yeah, he's a big old boy.

Hector really brings a lot of class to the name Larson. When you think of Larson, you think of- What the fuck are you talking about? What are you, a head stud? I don't know. I mean, I'm just saying Hector Larson sounds like a man who just smells like cologne. Yeah, Ed Larson sounds like a guy who owns a car line. Smells like cologne?

Yes, it's a masculine, fun name. He's got the perfect amount of bush hair. I meant to say chest hair. Oh, my goodness. I actually did. Oh, my Lord. I don't want to... Anyway.

Don't show me your bush hair. I don't want to talk about... Is it good? Oh, never mind. Freudian slip, I guess. He's freshly 18, so you can say whatever you want.. Anyway. Don't show me your bullshit. I don't want to talk about it. Is it good? Oh, never mind. Freudian slip. It's okay. He's freshly 18, so you can say whatever you want. All right.

Who knows? Well, that's good, Eddie. We're proud of you. That's going to be a great documentary. I can't wait to watch it. It's going to be interesting, man. But Circus Circus is a real trip, man. Yeah.

You guys would love it. You know, I've never seen an elephant throw up before. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a tiger smoking a cigarette. It blew up with me a blowjob. It was great. Isn't that wild?

I think that was a woman. I went and saw the acrobats, and they trapezed all over me. Come on. Eddie, I think you're a poor authority. I'm pretty sure you're at a bus station here in New York City. I'm not a clown. He was an ex-murderer really?

yeah good conversation libertarian I would assume a murdering clown would be libertarian how long into the conversation did you find out he was a murderer? you know I was asking about the teardrops under his eyes

it kind of works with the costume. It does work with the costume, but we all know what that means. Yeah, we know what that means. Sad. Person is sad. All right, well, let's continue. Hottenators, ho! No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. Hold on. I'm Ed Larson. Okay, Eddie, thank you. All right, so I'm going to do it again. I just need to do it a second time. Hotnators, ho! Sorry.

It's time for PlayStation Network shout outs. I know last time you were bequeathed one shout out. I caught up a little tittle bit. So we've got a wall of them. Let's do this. How many? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. You get

six. Okay, six shout outs. That's pretty good. Six shout outs. Marcus just dequeefed you five. Wow, I don't think that's the right word. I just got a dequeefing. I'm not sure if that's the right term for it. I dequeef you. I think that's actually when you know a woman's going to fart out her pussy, so you just press down on her bladder a little bit.

I don't know. I believe that is a dequeefing. I believe that is a dequeefing. I'm not a judge. Chef Paul 824 says, Can you tell Chef Drew, Sorry I didn't help him move. I could have taken several loads.

Love CCR and everything you people do. Joel Vilches, I have a quandary with his shout out. He wants me to plug his podcast, which I feel like is a little weird, right? It kind of feels like he's getting free advertising here. He said it was heavily influenced by Roundtable. Give the initials of it. BOV. That's all he gets.

That's all you get. And then he goes on to be like, also, can you ask Ben why the fuck he would want to be a politician? I'm just like, what is happening here? Fun stuff so I can listen to your podcast. Yeah, right? It seems like if he's asking us for free advertising,

he could be a little nicer A little more polite I agree That's why I brought it up Andrew thank you Yes Can I Fuck him

You have a shout out No that's not a shout out Did you want a shout out Ed You can do a shout out If you send a message To catcher6945 On playstation Andrew Bosco says

Shout out time Tell Alan that I am the suck boy he's looking for. But you gotta pay to spray. Tell Ben, in parentheses, a picture of a house and then four feet. All right, houses for feet. Houses for feet. And Henry and Jackie are the best. That's kind of a fun joke.

Especially when they are together. So he needs to get his vag cleaned out. Who needs to get their vag cleaned out? I have no idea. You're extremely annoying, so then you can imagine how your fans are even worse. The fans would be upset with you. Technically, you're the most talented one of the entire group, which you can imagine. Sheepdog1824 says, shout out.

Oh! Tell the roundtable I love them, especially Ben. There you go. So that's a positive one for Ben. They've all been pretty positive so far. Y'all are my favorite podcast that I can't recommend to anyone hashtag tall lives matter why can't you recommend the podcast anyone what is going on today Gonzagli lot zero zero this is Drew and Raleigh please tell Daniel he's a sullen little clam right I think I get one more Romulans

PS shout out oh Jackie is the sweetest demon Ben Ben is my hero. Eddie, I miss you, buddy. Do the pod more, so I'm glad you're here today, Ed. Marcus, make your own pickles, please. How do you even do that? And Holden is the coolest human being. How do you make pickles? Brine. Vinegar. Yeah, you need to get cucumbers. Yeah, cucumbers, brine, vinegar,

flavoring, salt, and thyme. And thyme. That's the one ingredient Marcus may not have. I have not it. I've been missing for a little while. Houses for feet? Is that what Ben calls shoes? That's been one of Ben's nicknames on last podcast for a long time now.

There's dog meat, too real, and houses for feet. Sometimes they get called the truth, but mostly it's houses for feet. It's fine. It's not bad. What are you going to do? There's worse nicknames. I got big feet. Yeah, there's way worse nicknames. Yeah, you do got big feet. Yeah, I'm a size 14. Tall man for

the small man. There it is. Oh, man. All right. Well, here we go. I don't have a lot of time here left. I've got to go do Tucker Carlson. Well, let's give you a local story. Let's do a local story. And what's your hot take tonight? Well, Kathy Griffin, we're talking about her because that's the most important news story. It's her First Amendment right to do what she did.

I don't find it funny, but that's okay. When she beheaded Trump, I couldn't believe it. Who's going to be the new president? Spicer? I can't believe it. Holden, have you been following the news? Yeah. Whoa.

He knew nothing. That was inaccurate. Everything that he said was inaccurate. He knew two names. Sp. Whoa. He knew nothing. That wasn't accurate. Everything that he said was He knew two names. Spicer lives in the White House. He knew the president's name and the person who was on television four hours a day. The White House is the place where the people live who make the president live. Alright, let's just do a news

story. It's actually true. Technically, he is kind of right on that. There's cooks in there and maids in there. There are. All sorts of people and the bones of dead slaves underneath it. That is actually very accurate. Absolutely.

Ever see The Butler? No. I heard it was trash. I loved it. You liked Alien Covenant. You liked Alien Covenant! It was fun! I enjoyed it. Alien killed people. What's wrong with you people? And it was fun to watch the little baby aliens, but they grow up so fast.

And then they're sort of seen. Put hands in the air. It was part of you. That was the worst moment in sci-fi movie history. I wish like a beat dropped right then and just like lights sort of go on. That was an embarrassing moment. Wait, what did he do? The problem with Alien and what makes this

movie a bad movie is the fact that it actually tried to take itself seriously. If it would have just been fun, then it would have been fun. Well, and I thought Fastbender, kissing Fastbender, hot Fastbender action, everyone loved that so much, but it was more of a robot movie than an alien movie. Absolutely more of a robot movie.

And I love a good robot movie. Of course. And if it would have just been a Fastbender robot movie, it would have been two thumbs up. There you go. Ex Machina, baby. All day long. Very good film. But they didn't call it Alien. And Danny McBride, I was just confused because at no point was he funny. And then he took me out of it. I know, but why not?

Just be funny. Yeah, any guy could have done that. Eddie, you actually look just like Danny McBride right now. And you would have done better in that role. I mean, you can say that about anything he's ever done. Ed, I'm a big fan of Danny McBride. Ed, can you give us

a line from the movie? Can you just say, oh my god, it's an alien. Fuck, man, it's an alien. You're hired. It's so much better. What did Danny McBride make for that movie? 10 million bucks probably. Oh, 10 million.

He made like one. Well, that's a million too much. Yeah. That's a lot. A million dollars is still quite a bit of money, I would say. Fassbender better have gotten paid twice. Yeah. Right?

Yeah, he should have got double rate. And what did the aliens make? I mean, well, Geiger's probably taking some money. Geiger. I don't know who the hell Geiger is. Is it Geiger? It's Geiger. The Geiger was the guy, H.R. Geiger's probably taking some money. Geiger. I don't know who the hell Geiger is. Is it Geiger? It's Geiger.

Geiger was the guy, H.R. Geiger. He was the guy that created the alien cock monster. Oh, he must be embarrassed. What happened to Ridley Scott? Yes, the movie was so, even the kills. Geiger's dead. Oh, he's dead? Yeah. Oh, then he doesn't care.

Yeah, he doesn't. But even the kills, they happen too quick. And then why skimp on the real blood? Give me the real blood. I mean, obviously not real blood, fake blood, but give me real fake blood. Yeah, I want real fake blood as well, and give me real aliens.

Give me practical effects. Yep. What is Tom Savini doing right now, the mastermind behind The Thing and other great iconic horror films? He just finished producing the Friday the 13th online game. That looks awesome, by the way.

Yeah, I got to have you over to play it, Ben. I will play that. I will play that on the network that Holden has, the Twitch. On the Twitch. That looks really awesome. Yeah, I also have this other game that's like it called Dead by Daylight, again, where you are able to play as the giant slasher murderer, aka Ben would play that part, and then everybody else plays like the people cowering and hiding.

You would think it would be about a vampire. Yeah, you would think. Yeah, but it's not. Well, we've covered page seven. We've covered Wizard and the Bruiser. Let's go in a round table. All right, let's do a news story. A local news story.

Here we go. This is from New York City. Ooh, I love New York City. A New York City subway performer says he was injured after an attack by a subway dance group that was angry they didn't receive tips for a dance routine. What happened? Oh, that's gonna happen. I gave

a $5 tip to a dance troupe. Don't encourage him. What's wrong with you? Because a Showtime? No, a Showtime group. We were on our way to the Webby's and I was wearing my little bow tie and the guy looked at me and said, you look good. And I was like, five bucks. I don't even care what the routine was.

That's what, that's what. Compliment me. He hustled you, man. He complimented me. I gave him five bucks. Yeah, it happened to me the other day. I was on the train. The guy was like, man,

I want to suck your fucking dick. And I was like, five dollars. And then he sucked my penis. Well, that's a totally different exchange and technically illegal. Yeah, absolutely illegal. I did in front of an old lady and shit. Stared at her the whole time.

I don't think that that's good. Did he give you $5 or did you give him $5? I gave him $5 and then he enjoyed my cock so much he gave me $5 back. So it was a free... Now that's not illegal anymore. That's just a blowjob. But it was in public and that's illegal.

That old lady saw everything. Should have gave her the $5. That's the thing. Should have given her the $5. That makes a lot of sense, actually. If they compliment me, I'll give them money. I always thought it'd be great if there was a Showtime act and it was a bunch of redneck cowboys and they came on, they're like, Showtime, Showtime.

And they play like Achy Breaky Heart and line dances. Well, for those of you who don't live in New York City, the Showtime kids, there are a bunch of kids that come on with a boombox onto the train, usually in between long stops, and they turn their incredibly loud music up. Oh, my goodness. Listen to you.

Yes. You're like Levon. He's like Levon Hellman. I'm not in it for my health. Loud music. Oh, yeah. It's not that loud. It's a public space.

I am riding the subway. At rush hour. At rush hour. It's not a rush music to be that loud. It's a public space. I am riding the subway. At rush hour. At rush hour. It's not at rush hour. I don't find the music to be that loud. I find their feet getting close to me very annoying. And then they do break dance routines around the poles, kind of like stripper dance routines but not sexy.

No. And they kick around and they're very annoying. They kick their hats back on their head. I love it. They always do the hat thing. If they just went straight into the flips. That's always a vamp. That's always a buffer.

I don't care what it is. It's interesting what they can do with a ball cap. Do it with a top hat or it doesn't matter to me. I've seen one with a top hat. Amen, Holden. Amen. I second that. I love the Subway Entertainment in New York City.

I like the mariachi bands. See, I do love the mariachi bands, but that's because they're being musicians. They're being creative. So the other ones are literally, they're walking on the ceiling of the subway. Yeah, but they're like in space. It's a routine, you know? So is the, do you think the mariachi

bands are doing jazz? Sometimes they do play originals. I don't like the singing guys. I don't like, uh, okay, this is myals. I don't like the singing guys. I don't like Mary. Okay, this is my thing. You don't like the singing guys? No, screw those guys. Because they always get upset.

The old black guys who sing doo-wop? Yeah, because they always act all fun, and then you watch them when they get off the train, and they're like, man, we didn't get enough money. They always do that. Yeah, because you don't give them any money. I never give them money. Yeah, they're broke.

They're poor. They're singing on the train. I only give them money that assless person is like, in 1955 my ass was cut off. Well, there is a person who is missing a face. There are tears of I guess panhandling?

Is that the term? Well, panhandling is when they have an act of some kind. Right. And the more specific the number that they request, the more of a fraud that it is. And so you have your people who have had immense amounts of tragedy, physical tragedy happen to them. Then you have your performers. Then you just have your really, really sad people that just collect money because they're so sad. People just give them dollars and they don't actually move or say anything.

And that's basically, is that it? Well, you got the bus ticketers. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm just trying to get home. Yeah, I'm just trying to get home. I'm just trying to get to my mom's funeral.

I just need $13 to get to my mom's funeral. It's 17 cents. Yeah, $13 and 17 cents. I mean, I don't know. I like the doo-wop guys. I like sometimes. Yeah, I like them.

Every once in a while, the doo-wop guys are nice. They just give it. They just, it's weird. Sometimes they've added to it. My main rule is, I just say this. On a main line that cuts through Times Square and the main parts of Manhattan, especially on a Saturday, very acceptable.

Rush hour on a train in a borough doing that shit, completely unacceptable. Fucking murder you. Completely unacceptable. You can't murder them, Eddie. That's worse than what they're just dancing. Here's what happened Completely unacceptable. Well, you can't murder them, Eddie. That's worse than what, they're just dancing. Well, here's what happened on Monday. Please, Lord, yeah, what happened on Monday? Here's what happened.

John Loop Wolfman says he tried to calm down the dancers after they started threatening an elderly couple at the Union Square subway station on Monday, but his attempt to intervene led to the three unidentified dancers chasing him around the station, catching him, and beating Wolfman with a hula hoop he was carrying for subway performances. Oh, yeah.

I mean, when you bring a hula hoop on the subway, someone's going to beat you with it. Well, there's no room for the hula hoop on the subway. I never even heard of that kind of performance. I would say the hula hoop guy is probably much worse than the Showtime kids. Yeah, definitely worse. If I saw a guy pull out a hula hoop and start hula hooping on the subway, you beat him with a hula hoop.

That's the rule. What if they're really good? So it was two subway musician acts fighting one another. Well, yeah, they were fighting each other, but that was only because the kids were harassing, allegedly harassing a couple that didn't give them money or possibly an old man that got a little bit,

get out of here, kid. Right. And so the hula hoop guy went up and said, hey, kids, why don't you leave the old couple alone? And then the kids started chasing the hula hoop guy. And then when they quartered him in Union Square, they beat him with his own hula hoop. It's a real West Side Story. That's a victimless crime.

That really is a victimless crime. I mean, not the hula hoop. Well, that's a good point. I mean, how hard can you get hit with a hula hoop? Yeah, well, the NYPD says they've arrested a 21-year-old man in connection with the assault. Wolfman needed stitches and staples for wounds sustained in the assault, but says he would do it again to help someone in need. What's the difference between a stitch and a staple?

A stitch is strings. A staple is a bang-bang. A staple is for a bigger gash. Yeah, bigger gash. Yeah, I got staples in my head once. It's very unpleasant. Why? Ow, staples for a bigger gash. Yeah, bigger gash. Yeah, I got staples in my head once. It's very unpleasant. Wow, why? Ow, staples are bad.

Was it a shovel? No, I passed out from lack of oxygen. Well, sometimes because of the medication I'm on, if I mix drugs, I will pass out and have a seizure. What were you on? Uppers, downers? Boppers, bloopers? I had had a lot to drink, and then I smoked a bunch of hash. Oh, hash.

You was on a shlooper. Yeah, I was on a big shlooper. And I was walking to, what was it? I had just used the bathroom, and I was walking back to my bed. I got lightheaded. I fell backwards and hit my head on a concrete corner and had to go get stapled. I did somersaults into the corner of my wall growing up when I was around six, and I had my hair tied.

An interesting maneuver that was very unique for the time. My hair was long enough they tied it, and I didn't need stitches or staples. Interesting. Yes. And then they had to cut it off. Sounds like your doctor didn't care if you survived. That's possible. Well, I was doing some multi.

That was not the first nor the last time I did somersaults into that corner of the wall. I don't know why I always did that. What do you guys think? Going back to the performer thing because we've all dealt with it. We've talked about my eyes on this show before. He's looking good by the way.

I don't know if you've seen him. He's finally turning it around. He doesn't have eyes. What about that magician with the birds? He's finally turning it around. I'm not sure. He doesn't have eyes, but he's looking cut. What about that magician with the birds? I don't know the magician with the birds. Oh, the bunny rabbit? I don't like that guy.

No, a lot of people feel bad for the birds. What does he do? What's his act? He literally releases birds onto the tree. He has animals, and he just releases them. Some people are quite afraid of birds. I never saw the bunny rabbit in a shoebox. It's never seen sunlight.

That's not true. The bunny rabbit looks a shoebox. It's only, it's never seen sunlight. That's not true. The bunny rabbit looks very happy. And every time the bunny rabbit doesn't know, it does not look, I saw the bunny rabbit. Maybe it was early on in the shift, but the bunny rabbit was fine.

Early bunny rabbit is in a box as big as a bunny rabbit. What do you think a bunny rabbit wants to do? Not be in a box. Hop, eat lettuce. Fuck. I don't know. There's lettuce in that box fucking talk to a reindeer and a skunk yeah well i think the body has some freedom because you want

to have a happy performer yeah yeah i saw one kid i saw the whole thing of his whole his whole uh street performer life career to start and stop he was on the train like sitting down by everyone he had a boombox with him he wasn't doing anything he starts playing with his hat in his seat a little bit and i was like oh no okay and then slowly he gets the courage to stand up he turns on the box and he drops his hat like four times in his row and he just turns off the music puts his hat down and sits down like he never even stood up that i would give give money for. Thank you for quitting. The guy I really miss subway performer wise was the dude that used to hang out on the L train.

The guy with the saxophone. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm an alien. I'm an alien. And then he'd play the saxophone horribly and ask you to pay him to stop. And I would always pay him. Always. I loved that guy because he was funny as hell.

It was a great act. What was he like? 2004 sunglasses? Yeah. Yeah, he was awesome. Well, he would start his performance by saying his name, and they'd be like, and I'm an alien sent here from outer space to rock you.

And then it was horrible music. Yeah. Yeah, only in New York. It was very Sun Ra. Yes, very Sun Ra. Arguably good music. But, I mean, without the full orchestration, if you just take one piece of a Sun Ra song,

any one piece is going to be terrible on its own. Do you think it is Sun Ra? I don't know who the hell Sun Ra is. It's an experimental jazz musician. Oh my goodness. The Sun Ra Orchestra. Yeah. Leave the experiments to science.

Stop messing with music. Actually, it's kind of interesting. It makes sense you would never heard of them. German people cannot hear Sun Ra's music. It's a weird frequency. It's a weird frequency. Oh my god. Alright, I gotta get out of here. Alright. Thank you for making some time.

No, I'm sorry. We started a little bit late. Otherwise, I would love to hang out. No worries. Alright, guys. I'll see you soon. Take care, buddy. Bye, Eddie. I love you, Eddie. Hey, Eddie. BK for BK. Okay, bye, Eddie. All right, so now what?

All right. It's a different show, Ed. What do you want to talk about? You want to talk about hot dogs for the next 30 minutes? Oh, my God, really? And now it's time for a segment from Holden McNeely.

Yeah. Holden, Holden, those segments? What happened? I know, the whole world is changing. Holden for three weeks and Holden McNeely. Yeah. Holden, Holden, those segments, what happened? I know, the whole world is strange. I've been on for three weeks and Holden's still in segments now? Oh, my God. It's a hot dog eating competition. Oh, yeah. You put a lot of thought in this one?

I put a lot of thought in this one. Wow. Okay, we need to revamp Coney Island. Oh, okay. I don't know, man. I was just in Coney a couple weeks ago. It's still pretty fun. Really?

It's still pretty fun, but it's lost a little bit of its charm. It's lost a lot of its charm. You missed it yesterday. A lone gunman systematically executed every single worker at Coney Island. That's satire, so that didn't actually happen. That's fine. They were already dead inside. We need to...

The woman who was running the steeplechase was full of life. There you go. And I won a flash doll at the whack-a-mole because I'm the fucking whack-a-mole king. You're a drummer. Yeah. That's it. I love it. Also, the greatest horror ride of all time is in Coney Island.

Yes. The one where you just sit there and you just go around. There's a bunch of blacklight posters and stuff like that, but it's like my favorite thing. I loved it. We rode that. It was fantastic. My extra friend. I'll tell you what.

The steeplechase is a real thing. Out here in Reno, the Mustangs are running around like rats, ruining up the fucking environment. It's a big problem out here, and everyone's scared to kill them because they look so majestic. But they're fucking the whole place up. There's 40,000 of them out here, and it's a goddamn disaster. All right. My ex-girlfriend was legitimately terrified on that rollercoaster ride, on this horror rollercoaster ride in Cody Island. What?

And it was the funniest experience of all. I literally could not stop laughing. She was crying. She was so scared. Are you serious? I was a terrible boyfriend. That is the goofiest shit. That was so funny.

This is the goofiest spook house I've ever been to in my entire life. All right, well. Well, it starts with the puke and shitter outside. Yeah, I love that one. Oh, yes. It's the most wild thing in an amusement park ever. That's the thing, though, is that they don't. It is. It doesn't puke anymore.

It doesn't? Yeah, they stopped doing the animatronics of it puking. It just broke and they couldn't fix it. It's not because they cut a heart. Yeah, it's one of the strangest things at Coney Island. For those that don't know what we're talking about, it's just a man vomiting and having terrible bowel issues, and it doesn't make any sense. It doesn't really fit into anything.

It's one of my favorite parts of Coney Island. It's amazing. It doesn't really fit into anything. It's one of my favorite parts of Coney Island. It's amazing. It's a must-see. Coney Island Freak Show. Who is your freak? We're going to take another one in the Coney Island Freak Show. We all have one to give up. So this is going to be mine.

Mine is the boy with the balls. And he's got a bunch of ball sacks to all over his body. And he slowly undresses. He dresses like a beautiful woman, right? And it's like a burlesque act. It's like, come see the beautiful burlesque woman. She'll actually show breasts, right? Because that'll get everybody in.

It'll be like, no nip clips or whatever. Pasties. Pasties. she will show full breasts and then as she slowly takes her clothes off you realize like those aren't breasts those are balls sitting on a woman shoulders because balls are so big that it covers her breasts I have to use that to Marcus she I'm going to have to use that too, Marcus. She does at the end scream, it's a man baby in a British accent. There you go.

Actually, no. A man dresses us and screams it's a man baby and then starts just sucking on the different balls all over the body. What an event for the family. Until everyone is gone. He sucks on the balls literally until they all leave. Maybe a Bigfoot type thing that plays with a snake.

I think that could be kind of fun. Ooh, that is very fun. You get a dog face boy to play with the snake. Combo. You put the snake charmer together with the dog face boy. That's actually a pretty good act right there. And then you got to respect the woman. I probably already have it though.

Yeah, maybe. Because usually the dog face boy, these days the dog facefaced boy, these days, the dog-faced boy has to have an extra act besides just being a dog-faced boy. Last dog-faced boy I saw at the Coney Island Freak Show, he was also like a trapeze artist. Oh, okay. Well, maybe some physical pain element as well.

So you're saying like a blockhead. Yeah, maybe a blockhead. Although that actually doesn't really hurt the nose from what I understand if you do it properly. If you do it properly, no, but it's the illusion of pain right right right right yeah we love that i love the coney so yeah a big foot playing with a snake but then he also does uh you know some physical things he flails himself while screaming in pain yeah sure something like that and uh no one's allowed to take pictures okay can i get talking about what holden talked

about real quick i got a quick story i gotta tell tell you guys. You're going to eat this up. So I've been traveling a lot. That's why I haven't been on the show, guys, and I'm very, very sorry. But now that I've been traveling so much, I've been going through – I've been going, don't interrupt me! I've been going through TSA a lot, and I see you go through, you put your hands up, and they must have turned up the juice on these things because the last three times I've gone through,

my balls keep showing up, and they keep having to grab my balls. Three times in a row. Maybe you've got to stop dipping them in metal before you get on there. Yeah, but don't you have abnormally large balls? Yeah, aren't they huge? Yeah, I do. They look like bags of drugs. So they keep coming up on the –

every time I put my hands up, you know, you turn around and you see the silhouette, and like the yellow dot is where they think the thing is. Sometimes it's on your shoulder. Yeah, mostly on my shoulder. It's always just my package. It's happened three times in a row now. You have to ask them.

You have to say, look, this is the fifth time this has happened to me. Why do my balls keep showing up? I asked them. I asked them last time, and I was like, did you guys is the fifth time this happened to me. Why do my balls keep showing up? I asked him. I asked him last time and I was like, did you guys turn the juice up on these things? And the guy was like, oh, I just work here, man. I'm sure he wasn't thrilled with the day job anyway.

My freak. My freak. I'm thinking I like the big guys. They always do a lot of the little ones, but I like the big guys too. I think we get like I don't know, like a six-foot-seven redhead. You can run them for Brooklyn Borough President. That's a me, you jerk-off. All right.

Good Lord. Well, I'll be more successful than I am now anyway. That would work. All right, Marcus. You just get him out there. He says, I'm loving it, you know, or something stupid like that. Yeah, that's about right. People would really eat it up. That would be a big popular thing.

That would help me, actually. Yeah, we're in dire straits. Zero percent chance of success. So, Marcus, who gets on the freak show? I'll give ball boy. Yeah. I'll say Ball Boy. Miraculous Ball Boy.

You've got to be above 18 to go to that show, though. Yes, absolutely. I don't know if it's a child can see some balls. Oh, right. Balls are okay. Separate from the dick.

His balls are so big that he hides his penis behind him and it works out just fine. You never know what's going to happen. I think it's Ed Larson. It could be. All right, that's the round tabletable everyone. Thanks so much for listening. Hell yeah, roundtable gentlemen. I love

you guys. Holdnator shirts. Bye. Code CaveComedyRadioMerch.com to buy. And listen to Brighter Side. And listen to Brighter Side. Okay. Thank you. Love you all. Peace. For more shows like the one you just listened to