The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 334: Mayor of the Rodeo

Episode Date: July 7, 2017

The Table talks about Joey Chestnut's big win in Coney Island, Marcus' experience at the rodeo last week including the lack of pigs, and Jumanji.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them know what's what. Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility.

Jumanji? We could spend the whole time talking about Jumanji. I never saw Jumanji. Oh, my God. That's blasphemy. Should we just watch Jumanji? Maybe we should watch Jumanji. Let's go into it.

Welcome to the show, everyone. This is the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Dear God, let Ben see Jumanji. Yeah. All right. Yeah, dear Lord, please let me see Jumanji. I don't like it. What's happening on the planet?

I have no idea. I have no... It's about a video... A board game that comes to life, right? Yeah. I don't like it What's happening On the planet I have no idea I have no It's about a video Or a board game That comes to life right Yeah I can't start all that That's fucking awesome

It's horrifying I want nothing to do with it Oh it's so fun Robin Williams Rest in peace He was wonderfully charming I went and saw the film With my father

There is a lot of fun In there to be had It's a really fun board game And and everyone should give it a shot. All right. Check out Jumanji from, what, 1997? Is that what we're playing? A good 20 years later? Yeah.

Roundtable mission of the year is now to get Ben to see Jumanji at some point on his free time. I'll do it. I'll do it. Yeah. Jackie, you're here. How are you? I'm feeling great. I just realized I fell down last night. You did? Yeah, yeah, you're here. How are you? I'm feeling great. I just realized I fell down last night.

You did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I went to sit on this tiny chair and my butt hurts. And I was like, am I getting my own gumbo? I don't think I am. Wait, wait, wait. Getting your own gumbo? I don't even want to know what that means.

I want to know what that means. Why would you want to know what that means? You know what it's mean. That's Henry's hemorrhoid. Oh. He called it gumbo. He called it gumbo. That is even more disgusting than I thought it was going to be's Henry's hemorrhoid. Oh. The gumbo. The gumbo. That is even more disgusting than I thought it was going to be.

Because he eats it a little spicy. No, it's a tiny bit spicy. Man. So I was scared for a minute that I was getting a gumbo because I've never had one before, so I don't know what they feel like. But no, I just fell down. I got a scrape on my knee. Well, it was the July 4th holiday.

We had a great time on Jackie's roof. We saw the fireworks, on Jackie's roof. We saw the fireworks. And that was fun. Yeah. What did you do, Holden? I hung out with our friends Jared and Tricia on their roof. I was like literally two blocks away. Oh, there it is.

Well, that's extremely easy. It's literally because, you know, the roof incident with Lexi and she's with the thing. And she's now terrified of your stairs. So we had to go. They are horrifying stairs and you're losing a different stair each year. Yeah, it's kind of fun.

And instead of fixing the stair you just have a sign that said there ain't no step here. No step there. No, it's because usually we can just drill it back in but this one just ripped

right out of the plaster. So we got to get that fixed. And Ben, you had French food? Yeah, I had French food. The French helped us in the Revolutionary War against the British so it kind of makes sense. That's a bit of an ode.

Yeah, a bit. And then that was it. Yeah, I had a croquet madame. I love escargot. I love snails and slugs. Do you really? To eat round in garlic butter. Oh, absolutely.

We get escargot every time we go to a French restaurant. Alexi loves French food. That's why I love spending money at French restaurants. It's my favorite thing to do. I love not having money. I don't know. At some point it's a wealthy food. Escargot is a wealthy person's food. It is a wealthy person's food. It's very fancy and yet it's slugs and

snails. Or is it snails or slugs? It's snails. At some point you get so rich you think you can eat like a turtle and still be classy. That is disgusting. Escargot is so weird to me. I'll never understand why it's good. It is like the Jumanji of French foods. How is it like the Jumanji of French foods? It just is. It's just all the hair.

Like Robin Hood's hair. It's a very hairy food. It came out in the 90s. I don't know if that's true. They're doing a reboot with The Rock soon. That's the same with... Are they really? Yeah, that's true. They're doing a reboot with The Rock soon. And that's the same with... Are they really? Wait, what?

Yeah, that's why I'm flipping out right now. All the rage. Everyone's screaming about it. And it's in a video game world, so it's a movie after my own heart. And it looks mediocre at best. Great. That's perfect. It's going to be fabulous.

What are you fucking talking about? I'll watch it. Well, I'm going to be hammered. This is what's happening to me lately. I'm just hammered when I watch movies lately. Speaking of movies I've seen lately, I enjoyed The Void. It was fun. Okay.

All right. It was a good special. Oh, you guys haven't seen it yet? No. I haven't seen The Void. No. I talked to the horror gurus. I just assumed you guys have seen it.

The last horror movie I saw was It Comes at Night. Oh, yeah. You saw that one. Nothing comes at night. Nothing comes at night. Really? Not really. Comes in the day.

That's kind of weird. That's the big surprise ending It's the daytime father It's never gonna come Oh wow I'm here And I'm queer It arrives mid-afternoon Yeah

That's never fun I'm trying to remember The last horror movie I saw It was really good It was scary And I forget the name of it So that's a great

It goes tomorrow Ooh that's fun I. It goes tomorrow. Ooh, that's fun. I love it. Well, this is great. Marcus, do we have any news? Hultnators, ho! Oh, we have to do that. I forgot we didn't do that yet.

Surprise, surprise. Our internet connection here is a little foggy and I got a new phone so I don't have any PlayStation Network. Shout out for the week. Why did you intro it? Hobnators, ho! But you hope that there's nothing to hope.

Hobnators, ho! Holy shit. I will say this, though. I did play through all of Resident Evil 7 over the Fourth of July weekend on stream. Ben, you will love it. You've got to come over and play it. I will. You've got to come over and play that and Dead by Daylight, where you get to play a

murderer, and you go around and kill actual real other people who play the victims. Ooh, that might be a slippery slope. I'm not sure if I want to start getting

those emotions all intertwined. I also recently was gifted the Friday the 13th game where you play as Jason and you go around killing, again,

actual other people who play the campers. See, now that's fine because Jason isn't a real person. Yeah. And so that's a make-em-up. There you go.

That's a make-em-up. And then The Rock kills him at some point, I assume. The Rock never kills anyone. He just hurts them. He's like Batman. He's like Batman, Ben. I agree.

No, I love The Rock. I would love to see The Rock as Batman as a matter of fact. A Rock Batman? A Rock Batman would be absolutely incredible. He can do anything. He can do anything.

He even talked about running for president. I know, and I would vote for The Rock in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. I would do anything. Yeah. He can do anything. He even talked about running for president. I know, and I would vote for The Rock in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat. I would absolutely vote for that.

I mean, now I've got to kind of plug it. Wizard and the Bruiser, we did a whole episode on Dwayne The Rock Johnson, and you'll learn tons of stuff there about it,

but anyways, he is a god. I've heard. He's a god. I want him. A Samoan Lord? What part of his body would you lick first, Jackie?

See, the problem is it's like, I don't know if it is like, I want him to be my father as well as I want him to be my love sex. You're nasty. Oh, I think there's some search engines that you could find this fantasy out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could probably see it flushed out a little bit. Like Dream Daddy, which we're going to be playing on our Twitch stream soon.

Yes, Dream Daddy soon for Jackie and his dating sims. Wow, I'm just plugging away up top here. Wow, I like it. Just plugging away. Yeah, yeah. I think we're almost done with the Cripple Girl Dating Sims. We've already banged the Legless Girl up her butt, so I don't know how much more there is to do.

If this is taken out of context, everyone's going to be very disturbed. It's a video game, I believe. So, yeah, hopefully I think that'll end soon, and then we're going to place a little more of the Had a Full Boyfriend Christmas special and then Dream Daddies in like a week, right? Dream Daddies.

It is a daddy-themed dating sim. So gross. Oh, my God. I'm going to have sex with daddy. Either way works. One looks way too much like Henry. Yeah, not that one. Wherever you lick the rock, it'll be on his neck, because it's huge.

And no matter what, you'll just end up licking his neck. No, I think it would probably be his head. His eyebrow. Ooh. Yeah. All right, Mark. I love the rock it would probably be his head. His eyebrow. Ooh. Yeah. All right, Mark. I love The Rock. We all love The Rock.

What should we do? Should we do a story? Can we just keep talking about The Rock? We could talk about The Rock forever. Jumanji is coming out soonish. All right, Marcus. Joey Chestnut. Wow.

Captured his 10th mustard belt on Tuesday by eating an event record 72 hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes to win the 2017 Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest during the annual Independence Day event at the corner of Surf and Stilwell in Coney Island, New York City. Did you go? No, I wasn't able to make it. We decided to just take the day off from campaigning and do nothing but hang out on Jackie's rooftop, which was awesome.

Very nice. But this is incredible. 72 in 10 minutes. But the problem is, it's all flawed. It's all skewed. And there needs to be an asterisk because Kobayashi isn't allowed to compete anymore. And remember, Kobayashi was the one that was the massive competition for Chestnut. He had the belt for years.

And then Joey Chestnut came and took it back. But they didn't let him do it because he did a competition that wasn't allowed in the eating competition world. And so they kicked him out of the hot dog eating competition. And then he jumped on stage the year he wasn't allowed to perform and said, I'm the champion. I'm the real champion.

Awesome. And then they banned him for life. What? And then they scrubbed his picture from the wall. Scrubbed it? They scrubbed it. It's like Kobayashi

never even existed. But I guarantee you, Chestnut would have to put down 76 to beat him if he wants to actually compete against the best competitive eater in the world, Kobayashi. Best thing that ever happened to Joey Chestnut.

I know. I mean, that guy just hit the lottery with that guy getting banned for life. It was a perfect feud. It was a perfect, you know, you had some tensions there on multiple different societal levels. And at the end of the day, it was all about hot dogs. Are you allowed to? Do they dip the buns in water? That's what makes the whole competition so disturbing and disgusting.

If it was just the dogs, I could watch that. I think that's fun. That's a national pastime. And I could eat a lot of fucking hot dogs. I think I could eat 150. I think so. If it was just the dog? Just the dog.

Well, you did the White Castle burger eating competition. That's right. I did that with, weren't you in that? I think I reffed it. You reffed it. It was me. I think Jared, as a matter of fact, the man you aforementioned, Jared, I believe he was in it. And Henry.

And Henry. And I had 22 White Castle burgers in, what was it, six minutes? Something like that. It was astounding. It was incredible. And the thing is, the sad thing is, after holding cold time, I ate another one. He kept going. I loved it.

He kept it going. I loved it. The crowd went bananas. I think there was like eight of our friends there watching. Oh, yeah, but I had a great time. We were trashed, and we were scream vomiting. We just were like, what? And just vomit projectile shooting against the walls.

It was awesome, man. It was amazing. Didn't Henry throw up on the street out front? I think, yeah, Henry had a rough go of it. He had a tough time. He really is not made for that sort of competition. That was when Henry was a little bit heavier, and the great irony about competitive eating is if you're fat, it actually messes you up because your stomach can't stretch as long because it hits the fat wall.

There you go. So even fat people can't win at eating. I was in a competitive eating contest once. It was a vending machine eating contest. Wait, does that work? Yeah, it's where you have a full vending machine, two of each item, and you have to eat the entire vending machine. It was me and two other people. There's a competition

for the thing I do every time we go on the road. Wow. What is the kind of vending machine that had like snowballs in it? It had snowballs. It had like Snickers bars,

a bunch of candy bars. It had chips, crackers. And since the whole event was sponsored by Dewars, there were two little mini bottles of Dewars that you also had to drink.

That was when I vomited after that. That was the most violent moment of my life. It was a projectile like nothing I thought was possible. You did it all? You ate it all? I mean, it was me and two other people. But yeah, and we lost. We lost to Time Out New Yorkers when I was working for The Onion. Oh, that's a bad publication to lose to.

Come on, Marcus. I know. The Onion's named after a food. It was me and a tiny little girl. That's not a problem, actually. Again, yeah.

The Black Widow, one of the most famous competitive eaters of all time, she's like 98 pounds. Actually, yeah. She slams a 10. That girl was about 98 pounds, yeah.

You just gotta be committed. Yeah. And turn off that switch in your head that says I'm full. Yeah. Well, the thing is... You Yeah. And turn off that switch in your head that says I'm full. Yeah. Well, the thing is to turn it off.

See, what happened is if one person threw up, they were thrown out of the competition. And what AM New York did is they sacrificed a member. They had one girl just chomp and chomp and chomp

and go really, really fast. And of course she threw up, but they, you know, they sacrificed her for the win. Wow. Wow. The sacrificial lamb. Unbelievable. course she threw up, but they, you know, they, they sacrificed her for the win. Wow. Wow. The sacrificial lamb. Unbelievable.

Well, I mean, I am of course reminded, I'm sure we've talked about it ad nauseum on this show, but of the time that we did the seppuku wing eating competition with you and Tim, it was one of the greatest nights of my life. I've never laughed harder in my life. Ben,

did you go to the hospital? No, no, I did not. My girlfriend at the time was my doctor and my nurse. And I believe that was one of the nights where she realized she would never be with me for a long time. That's a rough one. Yeah, it was our friend Tim.

It was at Buffalo Cantina, which is now a defunct restaurant in Brooklyn. And Tim challenged me. The Sipaku Challenge, it was the hottest swing you could ever make. The chefs were laughing in the kitchen making it. They had to sign a waiver. We had to sign a waiver. And long story short, Tim had one and a half. I had 12.

It was the worst thing of all time. Then Man vs. Food, Adam Richman goes in a few months later, changes the challenge to six suicide wings. Suicide wings were one step below the Sebekul wing, and that's a huge step below the Sebekul wing. It's like Jackie Stairs amount of steps.

There's like three different, like an Indiana Jones challenge in between the steps. And then he only ate one of them. He's like, that was the hottest thing I ever had. And I was with Ed Larson, of course, of the round table. Yes. And we went into that event. And I told him he wasn't the real champion. And they also kicked us out.

No, I was with you. Oh, you were with me. I was with you. And you were like, take his face off the wall. Because they And they also kicked us out. I went, no, I was with you. Oh, you were with me. I was with you, and you were like, you were like, take his face off the wall, because they put his face on the wall, and you were fucking so furious. And they, yeah, they kicked you out,

because you came in, and you were just like, you're a liar. You're a liar. I think we were pretty drunk at the time. Well, that was the crazy thing about the sepitude co-eating competition in the first place when you went with Tim, is like, we had been all day drinking beer,

so like, this isn't going in fresh. This wasn't like, this wasn't like yeah but we marched after you like a pipe pipers yeah well Tim was so cocky about it he was like I guarantee and for some reason I was like I gotta beat this guy yeah yeah he does that to people I remember he um we were hammered on a bunch of beer and him and our buddy Jeff Darling he they had a bet with each other, bellies full of beer, to sprint run around the block in a race and run around an entire city block in a race, I think maybe twice for no reason,

right? Like as if one time around wouldn't be enough, you know? And they, I mean, yeah, it was just essentially to make each other throw up. It was like some bizarre, dark, forbidden pleasure was gained. There was no difference between a six-year-old,

a 26-year-old, and a 36-year-old. No. I firmly believe that. Absolutely not. You gotta go pork shot for gin shot. Oh, what the heck's

a pork shot? What's a pork shot? We made a bunch of pulled pork. This was years and years and years ago, and we just had so much of it left over,

and we're all hammered. We're like, okay, if you start taking shots of pork, I'll take shots of gin. Can you take a shot of a solid object? Yeah. You can stuff a solid, if a solid object is malleable enough, like pulled pork, that

you can kind of stuff it in anything. Oh, yeah. You can shoot it because he didn't drink it. I was like, all right, let's go. And then we're both just like, I started throwing up, so he started throwing up. And we're both throwing up and they're like in the bushes out front of my house. Yeah, that reminds me of a shot-for-shot competition I got in with a couple of friends from college,

a couple of thespians from the acting school. And the whole thing was, I think the idea was we'd go shot-for-shot with Jack, and the last man standing would be the last man standing, right? So I forget about the competition, and on Saturday, I go out and get a full jug of carla rossi wine and proceed to drink all of it with with a friend or two and as soon as i'm finished with the carla rossi i get a call saying hey i'm picking up the half gal i'll be at your place with

the other guy and we'll do this and i was like i'm fucking wasted on belly full of bad wine right but they were just like you have to do Well, apparently they didn't have enough money, so instead of Jack Daniels, they got a handle of just the most bottom shelf rum you could imagine. So I have a belly full, I know, I'm sorry. I'm making Jackie physically ill right now. I just, yeah, it was a rough burp.

I burped it away from the table, though, like a gentleman. I love the good, bad rum. I thought you were just gonna straight throw it up. So they show up with this rum. I'm like, guys, I'm going to lose this in three shots.

There's no way, right? And I remember we took a couple shots. I think I almost threw up and then I stayed in for like one more shot. And then I remember my friend Louis

was in the bathroom pissing and I had to run in and that was the only time I hope I ever have to vomit into the same toilet that another man is pissing into. Oh, at the same time, huh? At the same time.

Was he laughing? I remember, yeah, he went completely blackout drunk. And I was in my bed, apartment full of people in the living room having a good time. And I just remember holding hands in a fit, kind of balled up in a fist with my two other friends while I was laying in bed. And we are all just going to live to life. We live to live to life. Right. And I passed out.

And that should clarify when he says thespian, it's an actor. Yes. An actor. Yes. Not a person with a new sexual orientation. The thespian, it's an actor. Yes. An actor. Yes. Not a person with a new sexual orientation. The thespian. Yeah, Joey Chestnut,

you know, he has the third most titles of any sports person. Now, are they athletes? That's the main question. I really do believe that is heavily debated. It's on ESPN?

True. Then it's got to be true. What about people who play video games on ESPN I mean do you call would you consider them to be athletes you consider yourself to be an athlete you hold them I consider myself to be pretty video game athletic you know video game athletic I can get in there I can mix it up yeah I've got I've got look at these hands I was just maybe my hands They're moving that fast. Yeah, they're really not moving fast. It's more than that. It's trying to do faster. It's trying to do faster. Now you're just wiggling your wrist. No, no, no.

This is quick clicks. That's quick clicks. I was just moving my hands so fast, it was as if you could barely see just a blur of them for the listeners at home. So I would say yes. I do gotta admit, like those video games where you have to hit like A, B,

or something like that really fast, I could never do it. And I hate those quick tests. I always had to give it to a friend to compete that challenge. So I guess that's an athleticism. Joey Chestnut tied with Yogi Berra. Ten

championships. That's not fair. That's not fair. I don't know. Yogi Berra looked like he could probably win a competitive eating competition or two himself. Baseball was a different... They had like, you know, brick bats. Yeah, every third pitch was just a beer they would give the batter.

Yeah, they'd just fucking lob a beer over there. It was a batter's game back in the day, too. The batters were hammered. The pitchers were on, you know, whatever version of ecstasy existed back then. If you go back and watch those old baseball games, it just looks like a police benevolent softball event. Everyone's just fat and white. They're just, like, slowly running around. High-fiving. They're just like, don't let black people in here.

Don't let black people in here. And the other two guys that take Joey Chestnut down. Bill Russell with 11 championships. And from the NHL, Omri Richard. I don't know who that is. That's the only one I don't know.

That's Henry with an I. Omri. How many championships does he have? 11. Best known for spider walking when he did the winning goal. He would do the bend backwards and spider walk across. Ooh, like Bray Wyatt. Yes. That's kind of fun.

And the exorcist, yeah. Oh, yeah. And the exorcist. That's very true. By 2019, Joey Chestnut, he's on track to have the most championships of any sports competitor wow well that's a I guess we should be

very proud of that we'll have the number one is this international? this is well I guess United States and Canada okay I'll take it

well there's also well Rafael Nadal he's on 10 for the French Open now could Rafael Nadal do that well play tennis while eating a hot dog? That's the thing.

That would be fun. They should have to switch like the parents have. Yeah, they should switch. Honestly, I wonder how they would do. I think they would both have a much, they would have great respect for each other at the end of it. I absolutely think so.

I wonder what the stats on the life expectancy of these pro eaters is. I really don't know. Well, let me tell you, Joey Chestnut, his 72 hot dogs and buns, that's 20,160 calories. Ooh, that's not so bad. 20,000 calories?

Yeah, 1,296 grams of fat, 2,160 milligrams of cholesterol, 56,000 sodium, and 720 in protein. Only 720 grams of protein. You would think there would be more protein. You'd think so. Well, you know, it's a hot dog.

Kobayashi was number one this year. Matt Stoney was number two and the Megatode finished in a disappointing third with only 48. I thought Megatode was going to go farther this year. I have to admit I saw Megatode coming up through the ranks and I was like that. If you think about toads and you think about Megatode

you would assume they could eat a lot. The megatoad. What does he look like, megatoad? Is he like, right? I don't know. A lot of these competitive eaters are thinner.

I mean, there's always the fat ones too or the larger ones and nothing wrong with people who are overweight. I wonder how Dwayne the Rock Johnson would do in a eating,

I've seen his cheat day. Have you seen his cheat day? No, what is his cheat day? Oh, you have to see his cheat day meal. When he cheat day I love his cheat day Oh you have to see His cheat day meal When he just eats

Whatever he wants It is It is a fucking table I'm sure it's not bananas No it is not bananas It is Not bad Meat though

Who is this Not bad The rock of course The rock's cheat day The rock's cheat day meal He gives himself a cheat day Oh yeah Everybody has to

Everybody cheat days I cheat a little every day Oh yeah Yeah. Everybody has to. Everybody cheat days. I cheat a little every day. Oh, yeah. Me too. I cheat a little bit every day. I mean, getting into that Froyo game like hard. Oh, yeah. Wow.

After 150 days of eating clean, The Rock's cheat day was 12 pancakes, 4 double-dough pizzas, and 21 brownies. Wow. That's a strange kind of day. What's a double-dough pizza? Double-dough? Is that the brand, or is it actual double-dough? Wow, that's a strange kind of day. What's a double dough pizza? Double dough? Is that the brand, or is it actual double dough? I think it's actual double dough, so it's like a twice as big pizza.

Huh, I've done that before. I could do that. I could do what all these people do on their cheat days. I'm just like The Rock if you isolate that one day a year where he eats horrible. Well, good for Joey Chestnut. Well, the Megatode is actually a skinny Japanese man. There is a large Asian influence in the competitive eating game. Yeah, how does that work?

They're good at it because they're good at all of it. Yeah, they are. And I think culturally you do get a lot of respect in Japan if you are a competitive eater and you're a champion. I think if you win at anything, you're just given a lot of respect. Because they do sushi over there. They do sushi in competitions. Oh, I would crush a sushi competition.

His ancestry is Japanese, but he's from San Jose. Ah. Well, that's good. Megatote. Still in the blood. It's in the blood. But I have seen that. The sushi competition, you don't think that would make you so sick?

No, dude. I could slam sushi. Are we talking rolls? I don't think that would make you so sick. No, dude. I could slam sushi. Are we talking rolls or? Actually, the Megatod's first eating competition win was in 2010 in a lobster roll eating competition. Wow.

That's a high class competition. Yeah. How much money is going into just providing the food for that? That's like royalty competitive eating. He also won the 2014 Poutine Eating World Championship in Toronto. Poutine? Poutine, yeah. French fries and gravy.

Oh. See, I could do that. I would crush that. Yeah. I can eat me some fries. I can eat me some fries. He can drink a gallon of Gatorade in 37 seconds. This guy is so cool, man.

That's not food. No, Jackie. Electrolytes, Jackie. It's good for energy. Electrolytes. I forgot about the electrolytes. He's so smart after he does that. That's right. He can eat 25 Big Macs in 22 minutes. Wow.tes, Jackie. It's good for energy. Electrolytes. I forgot about the electrolytes. He's so smart after he does that. That's right.

25 Big Macs in 22 minutes. See, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. I love me. God, I love a Big Mac. Actually, give me a Whopper any day over a Big Mac. Yeah, you're right. It's the flame broiled. Whopper over a Big Mac any day.

I'm a BK boy. You know what I'm saying? I just dream about it. All day I dream about BK. And I ain't talking about Kessel. I know that. I know that. I know that. Well, do you eat the Whopper whole, or do they, I wonder if they dissect it, dip the bread in the water?

It was a YouTube video that he did. He just did it. He just bought 25 Big Macs and saw how long it would take him to do it. You know what? I think I've seen that. I have. I think that I have, as a matter of fact. Man, I love watching those kind of things that people are doing, the YouTube videos of when they fail.

And when they're like, they they say you can't do this I'm gonna do it and they don't they just like throw up everywhere and it's just like man why did you think that you

that you can and there's something about like the Sprite and the oh yeah what is it slamming a Sprite that has a Mentos

in it Sprite and a Mentos yeah it's either that yeah or it's like drinking a bunch of milk and then and then eat all these crackers and it's like you can't of milk and then eat all these crackers.

It's like you can't do it. My favorite one's the dude who gets in a bathtub filled with hot sauce. Oh, what was that? He gets into a bathtub filled with hot sauce. Like a chicken wing? Yeah, yeah. He gets into a full bathtub filled with hot sauce and fully submerges himself. And then he's just screaming and howling in pain.

It's one of my favorite videos and then it cuts to him like two hours later and he's like, I have showered. I am in hell. I am in hell. My whole body is burning.

I forget, he has an accent, so it's like, my whole body is burning. I am in hell today. I understand, dude. That super cool suicide wing challenge,

that's exactly how I felt on the inside of my body. Yeah, you said and out the ass was the worst portion. It just burned. It was a little gumbo. It was a gumbo times a million.

I can't even imagine. His reaction to being in it. Oh my God, he went fully under? Oh my God, this video is so horrific. It is like out of the movie Carrie. It looks so gross.

Bathing in 12,000... 1,250 bottles of hot sauce. 1,250 bottles of hot sauce. There's a guy trying to hand him a towel. This guy looks... Get out of it! Oh my god, go away... Get out of it. Oh, my God. Go away.

Get out of it. This is the worst birth I've ever seen. There's no reason you should be in there. Get out of the tub. To his credit, 22 million views. Wow. I can't. Skip ahead.

I love the music. What's up guys so it's been like a couple of hours and I feel like I've been through hell and come back his whole body's red I still feel it like

in every cell of my body it did hurt so bad My body's red! I still feel it like in every cell of my body. It did hurt so bad. I still kinda hurt. I'm actually a bit scared right now. Just spin, spin. With the music! Yeah, why is this music? It was in my nose.

It was in my ears. This was the greatest idea I've ever had. This guy's the worst. This guy's the worst. This guy's the worst. I mean, you're right, though, Holden. 22 million views. Yeah, that's it. It's like a Black Mirror episode.

It's like, what would you do? You can be internet famous. What do you have to do? 11, what was it? 1,250 bottles of hot sauce. Just bathe in that and you'll be a superstar. It's like no, find a really

zany, weird dog. That's all you have to do now. Find a fun dog. And then you're famous. All I do is follow dogs on Instagram. The Corgis are amazing. Norbert.

You know Norbert? I don't know Norbert. Why am I not following Norbert? Oh, you have to follow Norbert. He's a little dog and his tongue is always sticking out of his mouth. I love the way that guy is out of the box. He's incredible. But yeah, they're more successful.

Those dogs are more successful than we'll ever be. Yes. And that guy. And that guy. He submersed himself fully in a... Man, it's fun though. Although I don't know if that's... I do know Norbert.

Yeah. Norbert. Okay, not Norbert. Norbert's different. We all know Norbert. We're all very familiar. Yeager. Of Norbert. Okay, not Norbert. Norbert's different. We all know Norbert. We're all very familiar. Oh, Norbert! That would be good.

How are you doing? That would be a good Dwayne the Rock Johnson reboot right there. Oh my god! The Rock is Norbert. How righteous. Oh my god, I love that. How are you doing? No, Rock, you have to sort of like tone it down a little. You gotta do the, you're, how you're doing?

How you doing? No, no, no, no. You gotta hit the, you're, how you're doing? How you're doing? Better. So angry. The Rock. Oh my God, that's great.

Well, good for that guy. Internet famous. Internet famous. There it is. With that music, that is like, is that just weird? That's free stock music. Right? You just go on.

That is just the YouTube music. Yeah. You hear it on that. You always also hear it on commercials. It's like the only two background music you hear in commercials at all anymore is xylophone and ukulele. And Moby. And Moby.

And Moby. Yes. You know, he sold every single one of those songs on play to a commercial. I know. He's fantastically rich. Super rich. And he's a, it's not simplistic. What's it called?

Minimalist? He's a minimalist. Autistic. No, I don't know. And doesn't he have, they were talking about this on the Page 7 Facebook page about how he has the herps. Oh, yeah. And he gives it to women. And I know about a woman who he had relationships with who was with John at the time.

And John has that fun story where a woman left him for maybe so. I know it. Maybe at least for his sake, she got the old herbo. We don't want to wish that on anybody. I don't want to wish it on anybody. But for you. Sounds like you just wished it on me. Through him, for him.

All right? That's different. Okay? That is two steps away from being sort of a witch person that curses people. All right. Mm-hmm. Well, there's some sexy things

going on at the Vatican. Ooh. Oh, yikes. I don't know if we want to get down this road. No. I said I wasn't going to talk about the keepers anymore.

That is true. Oh, we're not going to talk about the keepers. I'm not talking about the keepers. Honestly, I don't want to talk about the keepers. I'm only, I'm through episode three and I just,

I'm having a hard time pushing play on it. Dude, honestly don't want to talk about the Keepers. I'm only, I'm through episode three and I just put it down. I'm having a hard time pushing play on it. Dude, honestly, dude. Just give up. Just stop. It's fine. Alright, alright.

You're allowed to give up. I don't even want to talk. You're allowed to give up. Yeah. Just, just, I'm so mad I watched the whole thing. I'm so pissed off about it. I'm so happy for GLOW

coming out. Oh, GLOW was incredible. I need to watch GLOW. Oh, you binged it too. I finished the whole thing. I loved it. I loved it. GLOW was so incredible. I need to watch Glow. Oh, you binged it too. I finished the whole thing. I loved it. I loved it. So good.

I just realized Netflix should make their shows 30 to 35 minutes long. Yep. Because then you just burn through, and the next thing you know, it's like it's all gone. And movies, an hour and a half, I finally hit the point where I am officially an old man. I want movies to be no longer than an hour and a half. I was so happy that The Void was an hour and a half. I was like, I can set my watch to that and I will get more things. I will get to do

more things tonight. This is the movie that I was thinking about. Okja. If you haven't seen Okja, you have to check it out. It's about, check it out.

It's about super pigs and it's really, it's got a powerful message at the end. Is it a documentary about super pigs? No, it's a movie. It's just,

it's a movie made by the guy who made, what was the one that takes place? On a Train. Snowpiercer. Snowpiercer. Snowpiercer. It's that dude.

Check out Okja. It's incredible. It's all about super pigs. But it's scary? No, it's kind of sad, but also very fun. It's like an action adventure. Like super pigs, like what? Like babe super pig?

No, not like babe super pig. Do they talk? No, they don't talk, but they have emotions. And the lead girl, she can kind of speak to the super pig that she was gifted. It's about 10 pigs put all across the world who can ever find a way to create the best super pig wins. And then they genetically engineer and take the DNA of that super pig to recreate multiple super pigs because they taste great. But they have very high sensitivity levels and very high brain. That's sad. Yeah, so they know what's going on and very high brain, you know. That's sad.

Yeah, so they know what's going on when they go to the slaughterhouse. Is it a super pig or it looks more like a hippo? No, it is a pig. Yeah, it is a pig, but they do make a reference to the hippo YouTube video of when the hippo gets out of the little pool there and farts. They do reference that. If you never saw that, that's very funny. No, no, no.

What do you mean? That looks more like a hippo. I understand what you're saying, but it's about super pigs. I know that. I don't know. That's not a pig. It's a super pig

and it is a pig because they call it a pig. The whole thing is... You sure they call it a pig? I promise you they call it a pig. We don't eat hippos. You eat pigs.

Yeah, but is this like anti-eating meat then is what this sounds like? It is actually very anti-eating meat. I don't know if I can handle that. It doesn't matter. You can do pork shots the whole time watching it,

but it does make you have a little sympathy towards the pig. A perceptive and playful porker is what they call it. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, so that movie's incredible. Jake Gyllenhaal? Jake Gyllenhaal is fantastic in it. He is in everything. Tilda Swinton?

She's in everything. She is in everything. Tilda Swinton? She's in everything. She is in everything. Oh, well, she was in Snowpiercer, so that makes sense. She's amazing in Snowpiercer. Yep, and she's just as incredible in this show as well. Well, of course, pigs are, I believe it's stated that they are the animal that feels the most emotion and also the only species of animal that 69s for fun. Is that true?

Yes, I've heard that they're the only ones who playfully 69 each other and enjoy it without trying to incept each other. Marcus, don't look it up. It's fine. It's just your own fun fact. Now let's look things up. Let's check. Let's fact check. What are we, a fact check?

Is this Hillary's campaign? It's a bold accusation you're making about the pigs. And it also sounds like it could be kind of true. Yeah. Yeah, with their snouts. Yeah, because it's like, and their legs are short enough. If you think about a truffle hog, something like that. Yeah, sure.

There you go. Interesting. All right. It's true. We should do competitive eating competitions with pigs. Yeah. Eating the pigs or having seen how much the pigs eat. Oh, yeah.

How many men a pig can eat? Oh. Oh, yeah, like in Deadwood. Yeah, like in Deadwood. Yeah, like in Deadwood. So yeah, we'll just chop up a bunch of limbs and throw it into a big pig pen. Well, I don't do... Hog den. Pigs do eat people, actually.

Yeah. Pigs do eat people. They eat anything. They're very good at eating people, as a matter of fact. How many men can a pig eat? I'm actually pretty scared of big pigs and big hogs. Oh, man. It's real.

I mean, Marcus in Texas, they're all over the place. There was just one, what was it, in Dallas that had to get shot down in the street, a super pig. Plenty of super pigs around. So many super pigs. A lot of super pigs. Crazy. I found a story from 2012, the headline, Hungry Hogs Eat Oregon Farmer.

Wow. In New York Daily News, this is legit. A family member of an Oregon pig farmer discovered his relative's body parts scattered across the pen. A gruesome find leading authorities to believe it was a case of hog eats human. Wow. How many cases are there of that? There's got to be a good amount.

Yeah. Hog eats human. But a lot ones I imagine you don't know about. I guarantee you don't. Keep them away from me. I love a good pot belly pig, though. I'd get one in a heartbeat. Yeah?

Yeah, yeah. Super cute. They got the one down the hardware store down the street from you. That's right. Ace Hardware. God, there's another one. In 2015, a woman got eaten by pigs in Romania. Well, how does that happen?

What do you do? You fall into the- Well, you live in Romania. Well, they fall into the pit. I think that's what happens. They just can't get out, huh? They fall into the pit. They can't get out.

Pigs' revenge. Ooh, I kind of like it. I mean, fair play. That's how it goes. We eat you. You eat us. Pigs are the only animals I kind of feel bad eating. Oh, this guy that got killed in Oregon, his dentures were first spotted inside the hog enclosure and then

other random body parts were located although most of them had already been devoured. Do you think there was a piggy that wore his face for a mask? Leather-faced piggy. Look at me. I'm Farmer now. I'm the Farmer now. Piggy's listening to me now.

That would be great. I want to see that super big movie. Now, I have a question. I don't want to derail from what we're talking about but I have a quick question. We're talking about super pigs. I have a question real quick

and then we can come back to super pigs. Why are none of you sweating? I am sweating profusely. Okay, because I am just covered in sweat and I just look at Marcus. But you don't look

like you're sweating. You don't look like you're sweating. I think it's also I don't have enough height. I'm a tiny bit damp under the arms. Yeah, Marcus is dry

as the bones that he loves. And I just don't get it because I am just awash. To give you an idea, I was in Texas last week, which is why we didn't have an episode last week. as the bones that he loves. And I just don't get it because I am just awash. To give you an idea, like I was in Texas last week, which is why we didn't have an episode last week. It was 106 degrees

and I was like, eh, all right. Not bad. This will be okay. How was Texas? Texas was fucking awesome. We went to the rodeo. The Texas Cowboy Reunion.

Must have been pigs there. Yeah. There actually were no pigs there. Why were there any pigs? Because you don't have pigs at a rodeo. But I thought the pig was the mayor of the rodeo. Yeah, a pig should be the mayor of the rodeo.

Yeah, he comes out with a big mustache and a monocle. Well, it's actually pretty ugly. They pin a bow tie to him. Yeah, but everybody claps. Everybody claps. Everybody claps. No pigs because there's nothing for pigs to do. What do you mean?

The pigs should just be a pig. I mean, sometimes I guess you can't. Sometimes what they do with the kids is like, well, they do it with cows here, but they let loose a farm animal. They bring all the kids into the rodeo rink, and they let loose a farm animal with a little ribbon on the tail, and all the kids chase after it and try to get the ribbon, and then whoever gets the ribbon gets like $10.

I would play that game. It's called the calf scramble, and hopefully officially tracked by the FBI forever because they're going to be a serial killer. Yeah. They grabbed it. They did grab it. They did. They actually let out three cows this year because there were a lot they're going to be a serial killer. Yeah. They grabbed it. They did grab it. They did.

They actually let out three cows this year because there were a lot of kids. There were a lot more. There were more kids than they thought there would be. And the loser has to lay in an open grave for four hours, which is always a fun Texas tradition. Marcus, why do you always lose on purpose? I don't lose on purpose. Shut up. That's great.

Saw bull riding. Saw saddle bronc. Saw bare riding. Saw saddle bronc. Saw bareback. Saw ranch bronc. What's bareback? It's just a bronc with a rope tied around its neck and you just... Oh, I see. The animal is bareback.

Yeah, I see. You ever get on one? No, no, no. My dad did it for two and a half years, though. I want to see vids. Don't get no vids. It was the 70s. Yeah.

No videos in the 70s. No videos, no movies. Nothing happened in the 70s. No electricity. No electricity, that's true. That's why everybody was just cocaine and good friends. And roller skates. That sounds fucking great.

I agree. I think 70s, if I had to choose a decade to just live in forever. I'm with you, man. I wouldn't be here, though. I'll tell you that much. In New York? No. Not where we are in New York, either.

Yeah, yeah. I don't think I could handle it. No, I don't think I could either. I'd like to think that I could. Right. Yeah, dude. I'd fucking go to CBGB's. No.

No, no, no. I'd be fucking murdered. Walking around with mug money? Walking around with money on you that you just give to muggers because that happens almost every day? You just gotta pay them off, yeah. Yeah. You're give to muggers because that happens almost every day. You just gotta pay them off. You're literally just paying off people to not kill you every day. That's living in New York in the 70s. I think I would have hung out with

the Ramones. You think? Because they're tall and ugly. They are tall. They were very tall and ugly, yes. I think that would have been a lot of fun. I think the Ramones more than anybody, maybe any other band. Tall and ugly? Tall and ugly and fun. I don't know.

I mean, not my favorite music, but I don't think of other tall and ugly bands. Other than Howard Stern, he's a DJ, so that doesn't count. I actually think the Ramones do probably take it

for tall and ugly. For tall and ugly, yeah. Marilyn Manson, possibly. Yeah. He's pretty ugly and he's pretty tall. He's quite tall. Pretty tall, yeah.

Man, he has boned some ladies. Yeah, but no one seems to enjoy it. Yeah. Like, after they get out, they're like, yeah, I don't know. What is it? Like, what, Rose McGowan? Yeah, Rose McGowan. I mean, I think he really is into that kind of stuff.

And Rachel Evan Wood, who is fucking hot. That stuff he talks about. Satan's stuff. Yeah. You know, you can't trust people who talk about that kind of stuff. You think he does chaos magic to get all those ladies. Yeah. You know, you can't trust people who talk about that kind of stuff. You think he does chaos magic to get all those ladies? Probably. Yeah.

I think, no, I think he just has a black gold card from MasterCard. Yeah. That's chaos magic. I think that's a big, that's like true chaos magic. That's what no one tells you is that like the height of chaos magic is just having a lot of money. Yeah. Just having a shitload of money.

Basically. And then you can just, you know, make whatever you want happen because you have a lot of money. Right. Instead of coming on page or just of money. Yeah. Just a shitload of money. Basically. And then you can just, you know, make whatever you want happen because you have a lot of money instead of coming on things or just throwing money at things. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. That's it. He was with, yeah, Marilyn Manson. He's with, her name is Dita Von Teese. Oh my God. She was the one

who proved up Sandra Bullock. Yeah. And Jesse James. That's her. Am I wrong about that? No, no, no. That was a Nazi chick. That's some Nazi chick. That's some Nazi chick.

That was some other chick. I think it's this chick. But this is the, she's the one that's like the huge and like burlesque queen. She's the burlesque queen. Yes. She is hot.

Jesse James made the worst decision in Hollywood history. Worse than the guy who turned down the role of Chandler so he could go have a sitcom of his own. He could have been one of the friends. Do you remember that story? No, yeah.

But Chandler was given to somebody else and he was like, no, I want my own sitcom, because they gave him the option to do his own show. It was like Larry's Room or something. Yeah, exactly. That was canceled for like two weeks, and then friends is friends.

But, you know, that's the thing, though, is that if that guy would have gone on Friends, that it might not have had the same magic. I don't think it mattered. I really think all of those people are completely interchangeable. He was with Rose McGowan, Evan Rachel Wood. He was with her. Ooh, he was with Stoya.

Oh, of course, Stoya. Big Stoya fan. When we presented at the, what was the? Fleshbot Awards. Fleshbot Awards, yeah. I give the award to Chyna for Best Mainstream to Porn Award, the mainstream being her WWE performances. Rest in peace.

And the porn being Backdoor to Chyna. Yeah, and we actually were backstage and we were having a conversation with Stoya and Belladonna. That's right. Belladonna, sweetheart. They were both so incredibly nice. Incredibly nice.

Told this great story about how she did a live sex show in Puerto Rico. She requested that the stage not be wood, but when she got there, the stage was wood. And she just had splinters in her back. It was awful. But she did it because she's a performer and she's an A-class artist.

She's a professional. She's an absolute professional. Yeah, just got gaped all over that stage. With the wood. Yeah, that's worse than a tub of hot sauce. Wood in the back. Stoya is fun. Oh, she's great.

Great, great performer. She's enjoyable at what she does. We have to respect everyone. He also did, he did Jenna Jameson, Tracy Lords. He really made the porn star route. Wow. The porn star, yeah. Yeah.

Kind of in a phase there, I guess. They were, I suppose. That was like every rock guy in the, I mean, I guess it still maybe is, but every rock guy in the late 90s, early 2000s, they all had porn star girlfriends. Yeah. It was like the thing to do. Yeah. My favorite.

What was the name of the girl on the cover of the Blink-182? I can't remember her name, but I do know that she ended up in a bad, bad place. She did? Oh, yeah. Why? What happened? She got in a meth. Oh.

That'll do it. Yeah. Don't get into meth. Yeah. Don't get into meth? Let me show you. Do not get into meth. No.

No, no, no. Don't do it. That's her mugshot right there. What was her name? I don't know. I'm going to have to She ain't a bad looking meth head. You know what? She's a beautiful person. As far as meth heads go, she's pretty good. Hey, bad looking. Oh my goodness.

Hey, bad looking. Well, I want to do a shout out to Nadia White. She was very nice. She was at the campaign event that I did, the zombie crawl with Troma. That was extremely fun this past weekend. So thanks everyone for coming out to that. Who's Nadia White?

She does adult stuff, I suppose. Okay. She's very nice for Troma. I don't know. I've never actually, I didn't look, but that's what she said.

But she works for Troma. Oh yeah. She does the videos. And Sin Sage that does quite wonderful hardcore videos is also a fan. So hello to that.

Oh, okay. There you go. That's great. And also, what was it? It was Allison. Fucking Allison Brie. From Brie. Yeah, Allison Brie So hello to that. Oh, okay. There you go. That's great. And also, what was it? It was Allison. Fucking Allison Brie. From Brie.

Yeah, Allison Brie from Glow is a fan. Allison Brie. In Playboy. It's all coming together. It's all coming together. Fucking crazy section. Oh my God.

Allison Brie mentioned us by name. Unbelievable. That is so insane. It was incredibly nice. We were under what? Last podcast is under What's Making Her Laugh right now. Yes.

Yes, us and the Kroll show, which is very fun. The woman's name from the Blink-182 album covers Janine Lindemulder. I would never have guessed that in a thousand years. Janine Lindemulder? Lindemulder. Lindemulder.

Lindemulder. That does not, that doesn't like seem as, you know. And she was previously married to Jesse James. Oh, Jesse James is such an idiot. How do you cheat on Sandra Bullock with Dita Von Teese? I'll never understand. And Linda Mueller, she actually was not a meth head.

She had outstanding harassment warrants and was also sentenced to six months in jail for income tax evasion. Okay, got to pay them taxes. Although it is theft. I think we all agree with that, Marcus. Taxation is theft? Yeah, sure. Well, I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, we need roads to pay them taxes. Although it is theft. I think we all agree with that, Marcus. Taxation is theft? Yeah, sure. Well, I mean, I'm not sure. I mean, we need roads and stuff.

Yeah. Some taxation is good. I think I'd think that. We have to allocate our funds better. In order to live in a modern society, then taxation. Tax them all. They need to allocate our tax dollars better. Nail them to the wall.

Yes, they need to allocate. Taxation is not theft. Yes, and it's official. Yesterday, Marcus Parks did endorse BK for BK Ben Kissel for Brooklyn I don't know if you drunkenly forgot but I did not forget

it's in the books and I actually went home last night and I was like it was an effective day for the campaign because we have the endorsement from Marcus Parks we'll talk about it more

on Implicant's Top Pad we'll talk about it more I was overcome we was deer in the fireworks I was overcome with the spirit of America and patriotism and I turned around to Ben and said, you know what?

I got you. You know what got me, actually, is there is a huge apartment building that's being built right down the street from me. I hate it. It ruins our view. Last night on the roof at Jackie's place, the gigantic building was ruining our view of the fireworks. Ben Kissel, what did you say you promised to do? I promised to have those lights shut off at night, specifically on July 4th. Yeah.

Because the issue is you actually have to have. Well, at least get rid of the building. I don't know if we can demolish the building. I would much rather have you get rid of the building, but I know that's not feasible. That's a little difficult. It's just an advocate position. I know. But I can advocate July 4th.

I remember that's what you said. You said, I can't take care of it, but I can advocate for it. And I said, good enough. There it is. So I have Marcus Parks to support. I said, July 4th, the lights in buildings that are under construction are allowed to be turned off so they don't obstruct the view of the fireworks. Well, I understand you're working on a smaller scale, but you know what I say is two words, tax China. We got a ton of Chinese people.

There's so many people in that country. Tax the whole place. We'll get their money. We'll rebuild everything here. That's so many people in that country. Tax the whole place. We'll get their money. We'll rebuild everything here. That's a great idea. It's an interesting idea. It's 100%. It's going to require

a lot of work to take care of the people of China. And India. There's so many people there. And they got all that gobs of money. Gobs of it.

So you just want to really just steal from other countries. Force other countries to pay us money and get nothing in return. I want you to just steal from other countries. Force other countries to pay us money and get nothing in return. I want to receive money from other countries. That is not

stealing. I want to receive the money. It will be an open taxation. Are we going to force them to give us the money? A friendly taxation. That's all we'll call it. We currently owe like the Chinese government like trillions of dollars. Trillions of dollars? Trillions. A lot of it. It's that bad. They technically like they need to tax us. They kind of own us. In a roundaboutillions of dollars. Trillions of dollars? Trillions. It's that bad. They technically, they need to tax us.

They kind of own us. Who should we- In a roundabout sort of way. Then, uh, Antarctica? Antarctica. We'll tax the penguins. Yeah, tax the penguins. I've seen that movie.

And there's like 20 people that live there, so we could tax them. Tax all of them. They got here somehow. I mean, that ain't very cheap. They got money. Yeah, they got money. How do you end up in an... Scientists.

Yeah, scientists. It's all scientists. Horny scientists because they are locked into that building because it's only daylight for like three minutes in June or whatever.

So it's like you are just locked into a facility and as long as some alien doesn't get in there, I mean, you're just humping and dumping. That's it, yeah. That's a great horror movie,

actually, 30 Days of Night. Very good. Remember that? Oh, yeah. You know, I read the comic book. I mean, you're just humping and dumping. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's a great horror movie, actually. 30 Days of Night. Very good. Remember that? Oh, yeah. You know, I read the comic book. I really enjoyed it. It was based on a comic book. I read that.

It was really good. That's good. I always wait until they get it perfected for the movie. Yeah, that's totally what happens with comic book movies most of the time, is they really just perfect it. And books. Everyone's wasting time reading the books. It'll be a movie one day, if it's a good book.

Hey, I'll tell you what. Game of Thrones fooled me once, alright? Game of Thrones fooled me. Now you have to watch it. You can't even read it. Oh, who cares? Blech. Alright, it's time for a segment from Old McNeely. Jumanji is a film everyone on the street has

said, oh my god, I've seen the trailer. Literally everyone is screaming at everyone else. Have you seen the trailer and everyone else screams yes I have, I've seen the trailer. Literally everyone is screaming at everyone else. Have you seen the trailer? And everyone else screams, yes, I have. I've seen it happen four times in the subway. Literally half the subway screamed, have you seen the new Jumanji trailer? And the other half of the subway screamed, yes, I have.

It's been amazing. Everyone feels very neutral about it. And we now are going to do a reboot of a film franchise or a film, whatever film or film franchise you want. For me, I want to do a reboot. And I know this isn't quite a film. I a film, whatever film or film franchise you want. For me, I want to do a reboot. And I know this isn't quite a film. I'm already breaking the rules, but that's fine. I'm sure there's some sort of movie somewhere

of it. I want to do a gritty reboot of Snorks. Snorks? Gritty reboot. Snorks. They're like Smurfs, but in the sea. Oh, I remember the Snorks. Smurfs had their due, alright? Sure, yeah. Okay, so this time they have Katy Perry, right? Well, we will get Dita Von Teese to voice the sexy, horny Snork, Vondela Snork.

Vondela. Yeah. Let me ask you if this changes anything. The Snorks are Belgium, are from Belgium. That's fine. It's not Croatia. Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah.

We'll take it. Yeah's not Croatia. Okay. Okay, yeah, yeah. We'll take, yeah, bring them on over. We'll get the original dudes to sit in a glass booth and watch it be created around them. What do you call people from, what do you call people from Belgium?

Belgish. Belgish. I think then we tax Belgium. Bellboys. We tax Bellboys. Bellboys. Croatia's a good,

a good country. They gave us Tony Kukoc. Don't even get me started with that Oh, Tony Kukoc More like Tony Who Coach What? Am I right?

Am I wrong? Who is right? What is wrong? Okay, so look Snork's gritty reboot though, okay At the very beginning, okay The main Snork sees his parents get murdered in an alleyway He decides to fight back

But he's gonna do it He's a millionaire, okay So he goes and he finds a cave And he starts to just like to fight back, but he's going to do it. He's a millionaire. Okay. So he goes and he finds a cave and he starts to just like work on it, work on it, work on it. We're talking about all star seaworthy here, right? Yes.

Yes. I want to get, um, well, we don't, I'll, I'll tell you what Hugh Jackman will, will,

will play Logan. Hugh Jackman will play Logan. By the way, talk about a fucking bummer. Watch Logan. I liked Logan. It's a bummer, though. Oh, but it was a good movie.

Yeah. It was good. Mm-hmm. Oaks is kind of sad at the end, too. Oh, yeah. Who's going to play Tudor Shelby? Tudor Shelby? Mm-hmm.

I'm going to go with... He's a... That's a good-natured male snork with dark green hair who is affected by aphasia and can only communicate through tooting and beeping. Can I give you a suggestion? It's going to be Meryl Streep, but go for it. Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Okay, I'll go with Attorney General Jeff

Sessions. We'll reprise the role. We're going to do... Is the Joker from the Adam West Batman still alive? No. Cesar Romero? Oh, no. I think Cesar Romero died in like the 90s. Maybe we'll just Voice box him We'll just get

We'll just take the lines From previous shows he's done We'll mix it all up And we'll just use his voice And we'll have someone else Wear the snort costume Yeah Cesar Romero Died in 1994

Damn Rip That's a while ago Yeah well he was already old When Batman was on Yeah So there you go And who else

Vincent Price is dead right Yes Oh yeah Okay so we won't go with him We will go with... Who's playing Corky? Fucking Johnny Depp. Oh.

Johnny Depp's playing Corky. Okay, yeah, okay. I was kind of on the outs right now. Corky, he's pretty much the snork police officer. Right. I want them to call it the Devil's Rejects of Hanna-Barbera failed cartoons. All right. Okay.

But those are like the main snorks. Of course, we know there's minor snorks and then supporting snorks. Of course. And those will probably be played all... You gotta get JoJo, you gotta get Fingy. Seth Green. Willie Wentworth. Willie Wentworth.

Governor Wellington Wentworth. Well, Governor Wellington Wentworth may be played by Mr. Ben Kissel. We'll see. We've seen Cinecetape. Yeah. We are reviewing it. I have to gain a lot of weight, I think.

It sounds like a chubbier role. Oh, absolutely. You will have to up your cheat day game. Okay. Yeah. So anyways, it's pretty much just going to be a lot of guns, a lot of fun, but also very tragic, very tragic. Definitely like sort of an unspoken sequel to The Keepers.

Ben? All right. I'm going to do a remake Of Friday the 13th Okay All the reality stars That you dislike Are murdered in the film By our version

Of Jason Voorhees But of course They're murdered in real life So it'll be fun For the audience Kind of like the First few minutes Of Santa's sleigh

When Chris Kattan Gets killed Yeah sure Chris Kattan Can be in it Yeah as well He can be One of the

Fun loving campers who was just trying to have a good time, but they were very mean to Jason, we recall that. So they're not really, they're all complicit in his death. And then Jason himself will be played by Peter Dinklage because I think that that's kind of fun. That is kind of fun. What's the script?

Will he be actual Peter Dinklage Height or will he be... Dinklage Height. Dinklage is Dinklage. Dinklage is Jason, but it has to be the same size mask that big Jason wears, so it's kind of fun because he's got a big mask and he's Peter Dinklage height. Dinklage is Dinklage. Great. Dinklage is Jason, but it has to be the same size mask that big Jason wears, so it's kind of fun, because he's got a big mask, and he's Peter Dinklage. Yeah, that's it.

I'm going to remake Splash. Oh. For those of you who don't know, Splash is a movie with Tom Hanks and Daryl Hannah. Daryl Hannah. And Daryl Hannah is a mermaid, and Tom Hanks falls in love with her. Isn't Cher in that? No, that's mermaids. Oh, that's what I was thinking of.

Very different. All around the city. That was a big rush to get to the mermaid market back in the 80s. What was going on with the mermaids in the 80s? I don't know. Everyone loved mermaids, but I'm going to recast Tom Hanks with Holden. Oh. And the mermaid is actually going to be an orca, like a real orca.

A real. But you think that it's a mermaid. Because it has lipstick on it. And you, so you like fall in love with it, you fuck it, you marry it. Right. Because you think it's a mermaid, but it's actually an orca. What is this rated? X.

Oh, triple X. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They're bringing back the X rating for this one. Bringing back for this one. Yeah. Because it's mostly full frontal.

It's going to be rough. It's going to be disgusting. I miss the X rating. You don't hear about X ratings anymore. Well, they just do not rate it anymore. Because you don't have to deal with the MPAA. You can just go around. It doesn't matter if you're in the theaters or not.

So, yeah, that's it. Good stuff. Is the Snorks, is it going to be live action? Oh, absolutely. Okay, yeah, you're getting it. Yeah. Come on. I All right. Good stuff. Is the Snorks, is it going to be live action? Oh, absolutely. Okay, yeah, you're getting it. Yeah. Wow. Come on.

I really want to see that. Imagine Johnny Depp with one of those goofy straw things on his head. He'd be so good. Imagine Peter Dinklage firing up a chainsaw and holding a machete. Imagine holding fucking an orca. Yeah, well, Jackie, you got no star power. Yeah, it's true. I can't carry this fucking movie.

What am I going to do? Henry plays the orca. Okay. Jackie, you have no star power. No, you have no star power. Still have no star power. Still none. What about Barb?

What about Barb? God, is that going to happen? Is what about Barb going to happen? I think the audience gets our inside joke at this point about What About Barb, right? I think so. If not, look it up. I'm sure there's something about it. Henry auditioned for a new sitcom called What About Barb, which is What About Bob, but with a girl named Barb.

That's the genius of Hollywood. But that's the thing. I think I'm going to watch it because What About Barb? We do have to know about Barb. What about Barb? What about her? What about her? What about her? What about her and everything that she's going through?

Yeah. What is she going through? It makes me upset. Depression? Yeah, maybe it's really sad. We have to end the show. You just imagine, though, I've got an idea for a show, and then it's a brilliant idea,

and then the guy's like, I'm sorry, my son came up with this idea. We were watching What About Bob? He said, what about Barb? And so we're going to go with that idea that my nine-year-old came up with. Actually, now that I think about it, he didn't say, what about Barb? He said, what about Bob? And I said, do you say, what about Barb?

But he has a speech impediment. So anyway, let's go for that. We don't have the money for you to finance your brilliant idea. All right, well, this is the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Jackie, anything you want to talk about or say at the end? No, I'm just really sweaty in my crotch area. Okay. Yeah, and we are recording in a new space,

so everything is a little echoey, but we're going to be getting it all fixed up in the next few weeks, so we might have a bit of an echoey time. That's right. Secret bunker. You'll never know where it is. You'll never find out where it is.

Yeah, very exciting stuff happening here at CCR, and thank you all for your support over the years. This is our third venue. Yeah. It's been what, going on a decade almost here, huh? Seven years. Yeah, we're just growing up just a little bit. Just a touch. So thank you guys so much for listening to the shows. We appreciate it.

And yeah, check out all the shows here on CCR. Wizard of the Bruiser. Wizard of the Bruiser, page seven. Thank you. Abeligan's Top Hat Last Podcast on the Left Movie Size with the Mads Yeah Sex and Other Human Activities What are the other activities?

And we've got some new shows coming down the pike That I'm pretty excited about So let's just wait on that Alright we'll wait on it Big news coming in the future Talk to you all soon Bye