The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 338: The 'Stand By Me' Episode

Episode Date: August 12, 2017

The gang is joined by comedian John Moreno to discuss the Marmaduke movie, learn about a seagull who was hungry for gonads, and a couple at the Wisconsin state fair who got a little too frisky.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Ladies and gentlemen, a little more watch. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Civility. gentlemen, always civility.

You're scaring us. You're scaring us. Marcus is never the one that scares us. He's a goblin. He's turning into a goblin. He's becoming a goblin. Am I the only one who sees a green goblin? I see it. Marcus, what is this?

This is Idaho spuds. What is this? I want a spud. That actually was sent to Jackie. Oh, this is to Jackie. I thought it was to Holden. Well, there is a little note on there that's from Autumn Storm. All right.

So, Jackie, you have to open this thing then, I guess. It's from Idaho spud. You have to open it. Yeah, Jackie, open. Open. Open. Jackie got a present. I just got a...

What happened? What happened? We're flying in some prime tail for Jackie's birthday next Tuesday. Okay. Who's that going to be? We're bringing in the Kansas ringer, Byron Baldrini. Yeah, he's going to take some lumber to her from the lumber yard. Wow.

Baseball. Yeah, he said he's cutting down a special tree just for you. Oh, my God. Goodness. You have to see this man. He's a charming guy. He's funny. Yeah, he's a funny guy.

Oh, he's been on the round table before as well. Yeah, Byron's been. Yeah, you can listen back. Yeah, we spent the entire time talking about how good looking he is. Yeah, he likes to do that. Are these potato candy bars? I don't know. What is this, Jack?

Can I touch one, Jackie? You may touch one. Thank you. These are called Idaho Spud. Oh, let me see. Let me have one. All right. Thank you.

Well, it does say on the sign. It says she chooses who gets what. Oh, that's right. Well, I did ask. I did ask. You did ask. It says Queen Jackie gets to decide how many everyone gets. How many are in the box?

There's only one more in here. Oh. Unfortunately. I don't even know what the fuck it is. I just know I want all of it. the box? There's only one more in here. I didn't even know what the fuck it is. I just know I want all of it. It smells like a chocolate covered It smells like a chocolate covered potato. This is definitely a chocolate covered potato. Is it actually

potato? No. What is it? What is it? What is it? It is a marshmallow covered in coconut and chocolate. I hate coconut too, but What is it? Give me, give me, give me. It is a marshmallow covered in coconut and chocolate. It is incredible. I hate coconut too, but I'm not minding it on this.

It is so fantastic. It's incredible. Thank you, Autumn Storm. This is the round table of gentlemen, ain't it? Wow. Oh my God. We spent two minutes talking about this spud. Is this the round table of gentlemen?

Ed, I can't believe we, I just realized that we both share the same hatred for coconut. How do you guys not never know that? I don't like coconut. He's so pissed off. He's so pissed off. He's so pissed off. Really? I can't eat it. It's too much coconut.

I mean, it's good. I can eat it. I love it. I'm going to eat all of it. If there was no coconut on the outside, I would really like the middle. So maybe when I get some time, I'll get a little time to eat it. Yeah, you should pull it off the outside of it. Just scrub it clean of coconut.

Just suck on the middle of it for a while. It is good. John, are you going to eat it or are you doing shit? This is Yeah. Just scrub it clean of coconut. Just suck on the middle of it for a while. Oh, it is good. Are you going to eat it or are you chewing shit? This is the round table. I also hate coconut. Oh! Is this just you and me and Bam? Yeah, we're going to town on some hot hot stuff!

We're the coconut boys. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what I do like. Pina coladas. That's coconut! I know, but they don't chew it on it. You're crazy. I'll suck on the coconut, but I won't chew on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that story before I read about it in Cosmo. I like the milks. When I used to go to... I like the milks. Yeah, like the milks. The coconut milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When you go to the Bahamas, you can pay a little kid to run up the tree and hack one down, and send it to his buddy, and he nails it with a machete and they give you a straw. It's great. Wait, you've done this before? Every time I go to the Bahamas. Look at that. How many times have you been to the Bahamas? A bunch.

Oh. Not recently, but when I was a kid, we used to go all the time. See, Cruz. Wash it down. Yeah, I need the beer, though. You go to Freeport for like three hours, and you head back home. Yeah. It's a good time.

Gamble on the boat. Yell at people in the Bahamas. You get a drum. It's got the two strings in the bowels. Oh good time. Gamble on the boat. Yell at people in the Bahamas. You get a drum. It's got the two strings in the bowl. What happened to the kid? Kid? I mean, he's probably, you know, running the whole thing by now.

Ah, could be. Probably planting trees. He loves coconuts. Everyone loves a coconut. He was a kid. I was a kid, and I was paying him. It was great. It was only a buck. I felt like I was getting something.

Very strange. I mean, I was, technically. A coconut. You know, but like, you know, you get to see your goods and services all in one act. It's right there. Climb up the tree, get the coconut, throw it to your buddy, slap it with a machete, give me a straw. So you like everything except for flaked coconut?

Yeah, I can't eat the meat. I can suck the juice. I can't eat the meat. All right. You heard it here first, folks. I can't. All right. I'm too much of a 12-year-old. I have a Tinder can't. All right, kind of a Tinder profile there.

All right. It's your turn to pray. No, well, this is the round table. Is it my turn to pray? Dear Lord, thank you so much for getting us all together here. This is very nice. Eddie, I'm happy you're still alive and doing good. You look healthy.

I'm feeling all mediocre. Good. That's great. Check out the Jackanese voting dating sims. Wow, your head is in the polls right now. Japanese voting sims where Jackie votes for Holden McNeely. Jackie pretends to be Ben Kissel running for Brooklyn Borough President. But all I do is eat a bunch of Papa John's.

I want to thank, I want to bless the people of Bay Ridge. I had a great time over there. You're blessing on them? I'm blessing on them. Ooh, is that religious? They said, are you a Trump supporter? I said, no. And then a lot of thumbs down. They give me a people of Bay Ridge. I had a great time over there. You're blessing on them? I'm blessing on them. Ooh, is that religious? They said, are you a Trump supporter? I said, no. And then a lot of thumbs down.

They gave me a lot of thumbs down. That's Trump country. That's Bay Ridge. I'm telling you, man, thumbs down, it hurts so much more than getting flipped off. I like a thumbs down. It was kind of funny, though, too. Yeah. So, yeah, that's the whole thing.

So bless them. Bless them. Bless everyone in Brooklyn, in New York, in Tallahassee, Florida. I commend you. Whoa, Tallahassee, Florida. I commend you. Whoa, Tallahassee. Yeah, why not? I commend you for not playing into the populace of the area. I think that you were not being a quote-unquote politician.

No, that's right. Out there saying what they want to hear. And politicians, they say what they want to hear, and they say, then they get votes. Yeah. And I am doing different than that so heck yeah uh but no amen and thank you for the for everyone being here today and healthy we're all pretty healthy sure all right well this is the round table of gentlemen i'm staying why i got some sun yeah i was at the beach yep and god help marcus's teeth I got some sores. He got the Invisalign because we were making fun of his teeth so much.

I never made fun of your teeth. My entire roast was nothing but tooth jokes. How many came from this man? Check the tape. I got the Invisalign and then after having it in for the first night, I woke up with a big sore in my mouth. So I got to go in and get it refit or something. Son of a bitch. Yeah.

Yeah. Water designs my ass. All right. Take that dentist, pull his pants down, and slap him right in front of his dick. Wow. That's an aggressive thing to do to a dentist. Oh, my goodness. It is a man, right?

You didn't hire some woman to fix your vessel. It's a man. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, can't be tennis. We all know it. He's right. He's right. I put the stamp.

Jackie's dead. I don't know about that. Wow. Only trust a man. I love it, though. Marcus's teeth reject science. No. What is that?

Eddie, when are you Jewish, by the way? The Jew is good. I decided not to pull the trigger on the Jew. Why? You can't say that, Eddie. I really thought about it, and I thought long, deep, and hard about what this whole Jewish thing was. And I realized that I don't believe in God, and a lot of my family would be there, and there's a bunch of kids in my family who just did the bar mitzvah, bat mitzvah thing. Yeah, but why is that?

And it was such a big life-changing thing for them for me to just shit all over it in front of them. Well, what do you mean? I thought you were serious about it. I was serious about it, but I love Jewish people. I hang out with Jews as much as I possibly can. I'm not sure you can call them that unless you're Jewish. You can. You can call them that. My father's

Jewish and I love the people, but the fact of the matter is, I think God's a champ. Wow. I don't know if you can say that. Yeah, you can. Okay. It's America, buddy. You can say whatever you want. So I'm back to atheists, even though they're all fucking assholes.

Yeah. All right. How you doing, Jackie? I'm agnostic. Me too. Yeah, you know. I'm agnostic from that, I'll tell you what. Wow.

Fuckers. Yeah. Come on. Who knows? I say fuck God, fuck no God. Wow. Yeah. That's agnostic.

Yeah. Yeah. I have never done this before. I've never done this before, but Edipox on your house. Yeah. I've never done this before. I've never done this before, but add a pox on your house. Wow. I don't know what that means. I don't know either. You put a pox on it, though.

He hopes your whole family dies of a horrible disease. Is that what that means? Is that what that means? That's exactly what that means. You should have made it back. I didn't know. Yeah, a pox on the house. I thought it was just like unlimited Domino's delivery every Sunday.

I thought a pox was like a weird looking bird. I just meant like a weird looking bird on his house. Yeah, on top of his house and people laughing at it. What do you think? I helped your mom get shit in her bra. Wow. Yeah, I said it. Wow.

Take that, you bastard. Oh my goodness. While she's wearing it. So what, does she put it on with the shit in it and the shit just squirts all down? Yeah, she's got to put it on and then everyone's got to laugh at her. Wow. Oh my goodness. While she's wearing it. So what, does she put it on with the shit in it and the shit just squirts all down? Yeah, she's got to put it on and then everyone's got to laugh at her. Wow. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, it's happening.

That's making some people horny right now. Yeah, yeah. I know. Who would that be? Oh, I don't know, Ed. Everyone's like, half of the people are looking at me, but I'm over here getting turned on by an Idaho spud. Ooh.

I think they call it the Idaho spud. You better get that out of you. I'll get it out of you. No, no, no. We have yet to introduce Jackie properly. Yeah, I've never had it. I've never had an introduction. Well, this is...

Jackie Zebrowski is with us. Thank you, guys. Everyone's clapping. Jackie turns 30 on Tuesday. You old bitch. Oh, man, old bitch. You're on Tuesday. You old bitch. Oh, man. Old bitch. You're so young.

You're turning 30? Isn't that ridiculous? Oh, my God. I used to be the young one, and now the young one's old. But you're still the young one. We're all that old. We're all fine. We're all in mid-30s.

We're fine. That's cool. I'm totally fine with it. 30s is much better. Yeah, it's much better than 20s. Much better than 20s. Are we allowed to talk about Party Bus? Oh, yeah. We got Jackie it. 30s is much better. Yeah, it's much better than 20s. Much better than 20s. Are we allowed to talk about party bus? Oh, yeah, we got Jackie a party bus.

Sorry, Ben. You guys are doing the live stream. And Marcus. And Marcus. You guys can catch up with us somewhere. No, honestly, I will chase down that bus like a cartoon dog. We're taking the bus to go party in the parking lot of a Jimmy Buffett concert in Jones Beach. Really?

Jones Beach? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're at the bus. You want to fucking ride here. What about in the parking lot of a Jimmy Buffett concert in Jones Beach. Really? Jones Beach? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're at the bus. You want to fucking ride here? What about him? But you didn't get her tickets to the concert? No. You can't drink inside of the concert.

No way. They don't sell booze at Jones Beach. You can hear it. You can hear the music. So we're just going to tailgate. Didn't we get lit? No, we were on other drugs. We were on hallucinogens.

I recall that was an amazing experience. We saw Weezer and Flaming Lips. Mushrooms, a lot of those. And that was perfect. We didn't drink. But I thought that you could, though. It was a rainstorm. I remember we were drinking that big bottle of vodka in the parking lot.

We saw the cops come. We threw it in their trash can. Yeah, meanwhile, the felony was in our pockets, though. But we were just like, oh, my God, if they see us drinking this kind of legal substance in this mildly illegal place. It was the weirdest. That was one of the weirder experiences of my life,

and especially the jarring nature of the Flaming Lips would come out and do a few songs, and then Weezer would come out and do a few songs, and then back and forth. And so on Mushrooms, there was, like, three songs of, like, this is exactly how I feel right now, and then three songs of, like is exactly how I feel right now. And then three songs of like, not how I feel right now. The future was the worst band I've ever seen in my entire life.

But because our brains were with the lips. They weren't like playing badly. They were just playing bad music a lot. They say, what was the song where he had the big cowboy hat on? Was that Hollywood? No, no. It was like, I'm a big guy. I like big stuff. I'm a big, strong man. It was like, I'm a big guy. I like big stuff.

I'm a big, strong man. It looked like they were parodying their own music. That was like, in my mushroom out of mind, I thought actually that they were making up fake songs

to parody their own songs. I remember watching Weezer from Steel Magnolias than those guys. Come on. Sure. Great, yeah.

No, I remember that. That was, but the lips just crushed it. But the funny thing is it was raining and it was so windy, so all their balloons and stuff immediately into the ocean. Just flew into Jones Beach. So Weezer just killed a bunch of them. Oh, no, the flaming hoods killed a bunch of them.

Oh, yeah, probably did actually quite a lot. As much as they're about peace and love, they really do make a mess and waste a lot of shit. Well, it was worth it. It was a great experience. I'm reading the lyrics to that Weezer song. It's called The Greatest Man That Ever Lived. These are the worst lyrics I have ever read in my entire life.

I firmly believe that, what is it, Rivers Cuomo? Yeah. He's insulting the fans. I think he is. That was literally what I got out of it. Yeah, it's you try to play it cool like you just don't care, but soon I'll be playing in your underwear. What? I'm like a mage with the magic spell.

You come like a dog when I ring your bell. I got the money and I got the fame. You've got the hots to ride on my plane. You've given me all that I desire, because down with me, I'm taking you higher. So it was literally like, do you realize, like beautiful, beautiful music. And then that crap.

Come like a dog. Well, I guess, I mean, I'm sure he's doing it ironically or whatever, but it's fucking awful. It was terrible. I don't think that's what he's doing. That's still really awful irony. Yeah, it's terrible. I don't, yeah. The funny thing is.

He might be right. He's really just like, I can write anything and I'll sell a million records. Totally. And the thing is, the jocks, there was a bunch of jocks there for Weezer and then people like us were there for the Lips. It was a very strange collaboration. It was very frustrating because people get really bummed out when Weezer would leave the stage

and Flaming Lips would take the stage. What are you doing? Everybody around was like, bring Weezer back. Oh, so bad. It's so bad unless they play songs from those two albums, which they rarely did. And every time they did, it was like, okay, this is pretty great. This is really fun. And then just immediately back to like Hollywood.

It's Hollywood. Is that a Hash Pipe song? I hate that Hash Pipe song. That's actually, that was. Hash Pipe's almost more reasonable than some of the, Ed, the newer shit. I won't even give it a chance. It's fucking. I refuse.

It's literally refuse it's literally it's insulting the white album not terrible like that's the one of the newer albums that actually was harkening back to

like old Weezer so I would actually maybe give that one a shot everything else is I do hate the fact that they called that album Pinkerton why?

the Pinkertons were such bad asses you know they were such cool dudes well actually they were huge pieces of shit. I know, but they were, like, hardcore. They were hardcore, but they were pieces of shit.

Kill your ass. Oh, John is also here for Murder Fist. I didn't know what you were skipping, my friend. No, I'm sorry. No, no, no. John, you're in a war. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, you skipped me, too.

I'm Ed Larson. It's going to be a cop. Oh, please. You're too busy looking out the inside of that Idaho spud. It's Ed Larson. How you doing? I'm mad about the dolphins. I know too busy looking out the inside of that Idaho spud. It's Ed Larson. How you doing? I'm mad about the Dolphins. I know you're mad about the Dolphins.

I'm mad, baby. I'm pissed. Jay Cutler fucking sucks. He'll be fine for the Dolphins. He doesn't care about nothing. You saw the picture? I saw the picture. You saw the picture?

He's a schmuck. He's got his fucking hands in his pocket. If Colin Kaepernick wasn't so pro-Fidel Castro for some random reason, they would have picked him. I'll say Fidel Castro's a goddamn winner. Wow. Not really. Kind of not really. They didn't do very well for many years.

I mean, well, they were all poor and eating octopus all the time. It's not winning. Although the octopus part. I do. Octopus is expensive. I'm telling you, talking dolphins with Ed Larson. I even got your theme song. Talking dolphins.

Cutler and Marino talking dolphins. You know what I'm saying? Talking dolphins half an hour a week and commiserating about the poor state of the dolphins.

Maybe one episode every now and again will be happy because they'll win a game. Every now and again. Every now and again. I try to have a good life. You know, I try to enjoy it.

It's already enough of a burden. What if Cutler brings the Dolphins their first Super Bowl since their undefeated season? What happens then? Then I might start to like him. Okay. But as of right now, he's so schmucky and full. $10 million one year. Fucking, how about a little grin?

How about a half a smile, you son of a bitch you just got 10 million bucks that doesn't even make you happy you piece of shit you're living in miami it's like you're gonna be a starting quarterback you fucking matt moore all the way well i actually i found a picture of him kind of with maybe a little bit of a smile let's see him here he's probably looking at some horrible okay yeah he's kind of. Kind of maybe smiling and he's not even like looking at... He's staring off in the distance.

Honestly, all of the other pictures are just him extremely upset to be in Miami. That's just someone who went and got him a fucking hot dog. Yeah. This piece of shit, man.

He really is just like, if I got $10 million for one year of work, I would show up riding a dolphin and shooting a gun in the air. You fucking... You show some appreciation. All right. That's fine. Pina might not like you riding that dolphin shooting a gun in the air. You fucking, you show some appreciation.

All right. That's fine. Peeta might not like you riding that dolphin. Holdenators, ho! Time for your, ooh,

not it now. Time for your, whoa. Is he gonna talk about it? PlayStation Network, shout out. Fuck you, PlayStation Network.

I think we're about 20 minutes into this show before we got to this. Ryan O says. 17 minutes. There's a lot going on. There's a lot happening. Wow. We're getting close to breaking that record of not actually getting to a news story. Oh no, we did it once.

Only happened once. It only happened once, but we did it. Everyone's like, oh, covering a baseball game is a news story. No, it's not. No, it's not. Turds. If it doesn't, come on. You really turned it.

I didn't know the other way, and I thought you did a great job. You turds. If Marcus don't tell it to me, it ain't news. Yeah. I agree. Ryan O says, PlayStation shout out. Holden, you make me laugh. Seriously, I love you man

Congrats Alexi You wrote this one Maybe You wrote I think I'm turning Jackanese I really think so Move over Betty White Ben Kissel is America's

Sweetheart I love you Marcus And your bones Thank you I support Last Podcast Through Patreon Ed Love Brighter Side

Do more episodes Bye Goodbye Andy Thank you for the love But then also telling me I'm not doing enough work oh by the way uh send me your shout outs in i i'm gonna make give you guys happy there's only five this week wow boom yeah no one's sending them anymore huh getting a low turnout partially due

to my snap food i had a lot of them but a lot of them got erased because i had they were on the old phone how many times have we heard this a lot you really screw up a lot a lot of them got erased because they were on the old phone. How many times have we heard this? A lot. You really screw up a lot. A lot of snafus. I have a busy, okay? Wait, hold on. By the way, your sweat rag is back, I see. Yeah, he's waiting around.

Can you go through? The color of royalty, purple. Just go through your schedule the past week. Okay. I wake up on Monday. I play video games for four hours. What time do you wake up usually? 11. I try to wake up on Monday. I play video games for four hours. What time do you wake up usually? 11.

I try to wake up at 11. Yeah, right. You don't wake up at 11. I shoot for 11. You try by 11. Tuesday, I wake up around maybe hopefully 11. Uh-huh.

And I play video games for four hours. Uh-huh. Maybe six. Right. Depending on if I have to go So now we're at 5 p.m. What happens at 5 p.m.?

I direct NatScan on two Tuesdays a month. So we're jumping from 5 p.m. Monday to the second Tuesday. To every other Tuesday. All right. Wednesday, got to take a day off. Need that relaxation. You got to get that R&R in. That's from research. I researched Akira

all day today and went on a run. So you watched Akira and then exercised. And looked at Wikipedia. And then on Thursday I wake up hopefully around 11 I play video games. Who's the blackest person in Akira? I don't think there are any black

people in Akira. I said blackest. No, they're all, none of them, they're the opposite. I think there's a henchman that's shady. Someone needs to start talking to these frickin' Japanese about their racism. All right, Eddie, thank you, Ed. Yeah, equality for all, you Japanese. Frickin' Japanese. Wow, Eddie.

Frickin' Japanese. Bring in the Frick Out. These frickin' Japanese are all, you Japanese. Freaking Japanese. Wow, Eddie. Unbelievable. Bring in the freak out. These freaking Japanese are racist, and I'm calling them out. Honey, you're going to love Thanksgiving at my place. Just don't get cornered by Uncle Eddie, especially after he's had a couple of his brandies. What are you talking about? Oh, my goodness gracious. What's happening here?

Andy Hawk VS says, shout out. Oh, and Friday, Friend Friday is Jack and his dating sims, and we get hammered, and that is more exhausting. Except for this week, we're doing it on Saturday. We're doing a fundraiser for the party bus.

Fundraiser for the party bus this Saturday. Jack and his dating sims, any and all are welcome. If you guys want to come by, we're just going to be getting fucking just out of control. Saturday's my day off,

and then Sunday. Every day is your day off. Saturday's my day off. Honestly, let's day is your day off. Saturday's my day off. Honestly, let's make the question easier. What day do you work? Do you work any day? I'm actually very proud of you.

I'm very proud of you. I'm coming into this fucking podcast. This is work. I'm exhausted. Look at me. I'm sweating beans. Jesus,

Louises. And then Sunday, I try to get some stuff done before Lexi's loves game night. And then Game of Thrones to get some stuff done Before Lexi's Lexi's Love's Game Night And then Game of Thrones And you can't miss that

That's just you watching That's what people do For relaxation That's not work Big episode Big solid Solid season Solid season

If you are not caught up Shut the fuck up And go Jump into a well And be like Oh I'm stuck in here I'm stuck in a well Wow

Yeah Light yourself on fire Andy Hawk VS Says shout out to into a well and be like, oh, I'm stuck in a well. Wow. Yeah, and then you fucking light yourself on fire. Andy Hawk VS says, shout out to Ben, Henry, and Marcus because last podcast

helped me not kill myself last year. Y'all are some hardcore motherfuckers and plausible homosexuals. Is that a thing? That is possible. That is possible.

Satan. Two Clowns says, PSN shout out, Holden, don't get married, it's the number one cause of divorce. Eddie, get some. It's the number one cause of divorce. Eddie, get some.

I like that. Jimmy. You like that? That's your kind of joke, man. I legitimately love that. That is hilarious. It can fit in a Laffy Taffy or a Popsicle stick or sounds like something Johnny Carson might say.

What's his name? The dog cartoon. The dog comic. Oh, Marmaduke. Marmaduke. Oh, you love Marmaduke. Try to put that into, Marmaduke. Marmaduke. Oh, yeah. Oh, you love Marmaduke. Try to put that into a Marmaduke situation.

They're on the beach. A ball goes in the middle of a bunch of other people. No, they have to be at a nuptial, and then Marmaduke... No, you don't have to be. No, then the priest says,

if anyone objects, please raise your paw now, and then Marmaduke, who is carrying the rings down the aisle, drops them, takes a dump on them and says the number one cause of divorce

getting married greatly increases your chance of divorce. I don't know what Marmaduke is up to. Marmaduke wouldn't take a dump on it. He also wasn't a talking dog. That's what I'm saying. It's also Marmaduke is a one panel strip so there's no like sequence of action. No, what do you mean? Where did your head hit? Marmaduke is a one-panel strip, so there's no sequence of action.

No, what do you mean? Where did you hear that? Like, remember the one that you keep in your- Marmaduke, stop. There's a no-spin zone. I have the same Marmaduke. Yeah, the one that's in your wallet. It's been in your wallet for 10 years now. You keep a Marmaduke in your wallet?

Yeah, Ben Marmaduke. Same Marmaduke. Marmaduke, stop. It's a no-spin zone. And on the back is Ricardo Antino Chavarra. He was on Desperate Housewives. Or Desperate... No, you've seen Ben's laminated Marmaduke cartoon that he keeps in his wallet.

Yeah, my friend Tim Schultz gave it to me. Yeah, what was that? You've brought that out. Is Tim Schultz still alive? Tim? Yeah, of course Tim is. Why do you keep this? Because he's in South Korea.

It's about to be wiped off the face of the map. Oh, it's kind of funny, though. It's no spin zone, but Marmaduke is spinning. You get it. It would be funnier if it was in a laundromat. No, but it's not a fucking... It's not in a laundromat, Eddie. Marmaduke is the one spinning.

Eddie, get some Elcitoner gloves for good luck with the dolphins. Isotoner. Isotoner. Yeah, Dan Marino's gloves. Yeah, that's actually not a bad idea. It's just hard to wear them in the South Florida heat. Jackie, don't let Lexi marry me. Marcus, I don't know what that means.

Marcus, hail Gein. Henry, it's at Schmickler83. Hail Cerberus. Poncho993 says, got a new angle on the shout outs. Can you just stay quiet for a few seconds? Maybe make a face until someone asks what you were doing and then explain that my shoutout was actually just an awkward silence? I don't know.

In my head, I think it's funny. It sounds pretty funny. I just wish, you know. Ew, stop making a face. Wait, we got to be silent. He's making the face. Now wait. That's the face?

Yeah, that's the face. Now we wait. Looks like a bunch of hot dogs frowning. He looks normal. I hate this. What is a face for? Stop hopping the chair. Oh, God. He's hopping. What is the face for? Stop humping the chair. No, no, the person wants him to make a face.

We stare at him. There's an awkward silence, and that's this guy's shout-out. Did he pay for the shout-out? Nope. He looks like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm.

He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm.

He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm.

He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm.

He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. He's like a fucking earthworm. This is horrible esque this is horrible this is the worst shout out horrible that was the worst one congratulations

pepperoni man says hey you fucker you never read my very important shout out so here it is again I'm never giving your son back kissle he's my boy now here's my impression of Ben kissle oh me Ben kissle me miss my son that's so mean give him back boy now. Here's my impression of Ben Kissel. Oh, me Ben Kissel, me miss my son. That's so mean.

Give him back if you could. It's even meaner that Holden missed that and never read it and never told you about it. I had a son and then I didn't know he was also kidnapped, so wow. Holy shit, that dog's got tits. It's been another single episode of PlayStation Network Shadows.

Get your fucking ass back tits. It's been another single episode of PlayStation Network Shoutouts. Get your fucking ass back to the fucking fucking outhouse. Alright. A dog with tits would be a great marmaduke. Oh, absolutely. A little pornographic marmaduke. We talked about a dog with tits last week. We talked about that a lot as a matter of fact. John Moreno is with us as well.

John Moreno is here. You've done an amazing job. One minute, five minutes, you stayed silent. I love guest stars. It's amazing, John. Now, you're all buff. You're muscular. Johnny got big.

You got big. You look handsome. Yes. Dahmer-esque. Was Dahmer cut? Dahmer was actually buff. Dahmer was super cut, yeah. That's probably how he did all those things.

Yeah, can't be weak things I've got a train Can't be weak I've got a train For being a serial killer The number one cause of death Is being born And I think the dialogue In the new season

Of Game of Thrones Is corny Wow Dialogue's not great But the dragons Are cool Yeah Interesting

The dragons are awesome Yeah Don't watch the show For the dialogue, my friend. The incest. That's why you watch the show. That's why I stopped. I don't read Playboy for the articles, my friend.

Because of the brother fucker. Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, no, ain't fucking a brother no more? Why am I watching it? You know, it just happens to the incest of us. Yay! All right. That's a Marmaduke.

That's a Marmaduke. That's a Duker right there. That would be a picture. See, that's actually a Marmaduke cartoon because it would be like a one, just one panel. Mine is a one dog as well. It's one panel. The priest says, anyone. It's one panel.

Marmaduke is having sex with another dog that looks kind of like her but is obviously female. And then there's the owner in the background and the caption says, happens to the incest of us. That's a marmaduke. Would her name be Marmaduchess? Could be. I have a problem with marmadukes. Where are the cartoons with the female dogs? How come they're not getting their opportunities?

What are you talking about? Marmaduke isn't necessarily a male. Marmaduke's a man. We don't know. Oh, yeah. Marma could be a lady's name. No. What is it?

The Marmaduke movie. That's right. I forgot. Do you remember? That was a Marmaduke movie in 2010. Who was it again? Owen Wilson played Marmaduke. He did.

He was Marmaduke? He was Marmaduke. What a great actor was Marmaduke? He was Marmaduke. I could have seen that. He's a great actor. Listen to this cast. Emma Stone, George Lopez, who I know you love. I love from Beverly's Chihuahua. I love Emma Stone.

I have a bone for Stone. Yeah, Steve Coogan, Fergie, Kiefer Sutherland, Damon Wayans Jr., Marlon Wayans, Sam Elliott. It's a hoose. It really is. Sam Elliott. And William a who's who. It really is. Sam Elliott. And William H. Macy. And then what dog played Marmaduke? It was Owen Wilson.

Did they use a real dog? No, I think it was computer generated. I don't know. Was it computer generated? It must be a little bit of a real dog. Because you give a dog an acting job. No, no, no. Not this day.

It couldn't possibly have been rated a good movie. Might as well call it Jar Jar Binks then if there's no real dog in there. Beverly Hills Chihuahua

did a good job of mixing real dogs with fake dogs. So you're telling me Marmaduke talked through the fucking movie? Well, yeah. So did Wilson.

I think that Marmaduke does talk. Does Marmaduke talk? Marmaduke does not talk. Marmaduke only participates in hijinks. Marmaduke does not speak Does Marmaduke talk? Marmaduke does not talk. In the movie, Marmaduke only participates in hijinks. Marmaduke does not speak. Really?

Yeah. Huh. Hmm. It looks like a real dog. Yeah, it's a real dog. I think they did a real dog, but then they put the weird little mouth on it. Yeah, of course. Yeah, if it talks.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, should we do a new story then? I don't know. What do you want to talk about, Jack? I don't know. You guys you want to talk about, Jack? You guys in the mood today?

I've got some great ones. I have my Idaho spud. I'm fine. Go with the flow here. It involves... It's a seagull story. Seagull story? I'm kind of partying at the beach this week. What beach are you going to? Manteloki.

Manteloki. Manteloki. Well, this story might save you some trouble. Might save you some harm. Kevin's not here. I feel bad about the horror. I know, and I thought about... Why isn't Kevin here? He got robbed in New Orleans. Kevin got robbed in New Orleans.

Is he stuck in New Orleans right now? No, he. He got a photocopy of his passport off his internet attention hackers. And someone jacked his phone and jacked his wallet. And so he lost everything. And he got stuck in New Orleans and he got

lucky enough where he found a picture of his passport in his email. Look in that. Don't do that. Best of luck, Kev. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'll find him eventually. Look at that. He'll make his way back.

I love it, though, because he did it for his birthday, and then he just, like, lost everything. Was it an anniversary or what? No, no, and I think they just caught him drunk and slipping. Oh. They caught him with his feathers down. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. On his birthday.

Really? I'll tell you what, Ed. That'll happen. That'll happen. Unfortunate. He's swinging that sweat rag around. That will happen. A rogue seagull ripped off a man's right testicle as he sunbathed

naked in his back garden. Whoa! Goodness gracious. And by rogue seagull do you mean it was dressed like Rogue from the X-Men? No, it just had a stripe going through its head. Ah. Experts say the fearsome bird mistook the man's exposed privates as a couple of

bird eggs and dropped in for a tasty snack. Does the seagulls eat bird eggs? Your balls are large enough to be mistaken for bird eggs. Yeah. I don't know if pigs... I don't think it's an egg birth for the pig. He woke screaming in agony

and saw the bird flying away with one of his quote-unquote crown jewels wedged in its yellow beak. Now, what happened to the guy then? Damn, that's a sharp-ass beak. It's ripped right in his fucking nuts. He's got one less ball now. Look at that.

I mean, he didn't get it back. He didn't get it back. No, seagull. You don't know where a seagull goes. Maybe follow it or something. My God, this seagull's fucking got a taste for man now. Your scrotum skin can't be that thick, though. I imagine you could just...

It's pretty thin. Yeah, right? It'll rip pretty easily. You can get in there pretty... Yeah. You gotta get in there. It's gotta be thin because it can't get too... Hot.

Can't get too hot. No, it can't get too hot. Hot. Or cold. That's why they're outside of the body. John, you want them cold. And then they get all up in there. No, you don't want them that cold.

You want them cold enough. You want them cool. That's why they're out. Oh. Yeah. Let me say, this seems like something that would happen to you, John. How do you think you'd react? You got a couple of door knockers on you?

Yeah, but don't sunbathe naked. You're in nether regions, so you're most sensitive part. You wouldn't sunbathe naked? No. He put a little hat over there. I look like I'm wearing a little tiny pair of shorts when I'm naked. Yeah. Always.

A little pair of white, pasty shorts. You don't ever try to get a tan on your dick? I don't want to burn my balls. I just... It's a good point. No. It's a good point. I don't need that radiation anywhere near the old. So maybe just wrap up your balls. Like a mummy.

Or maybe just saran wrap your piece. Well, don't put tinfoil under it. Or get one of those socks. Get one of those cock and ball socks. That's actually not a bad idea. Well, I saw a seagull go to town on a bag of Chips Ahoy at the beach not too long ago. These fuckers are in everything. I like the seagulls.

It was like a massacre. One seagull got the bag and then all of a sudden it was sworn with seagulls. Hell yeah. Well, the injuries on this man are not life-threatening and since he still has one working testicle,

he will still be able to bear fruit. Oh, okay. Children. Oh, all right. That's worse than fruit. So he wasn't going to put a fruit where his other ball used to be. Yeah, I didn't know how that would affect his farming. Plum in there.

See if you can fit a peach, you know, depending on how much skin is left. Open it up, shove it in there, let it happen, let it rot. That is wild. And where was this at? This was in Ipswich in England. In England. A spokesman for the research group Seagull Watch International confirmed that seagulls often feed on the eggs of small birds

because they're full of protein. And kind of insulting to the man also. Somewhat. Do you think he had like a real long dick that wrapped around his balls and so it looked like a nest? I don't know. It's England, I think. Well, he got the pubic hair.

That's nasty. Oh, he's nasty. Very nasty. That was all natural. Holy shit. I can't believe this doesn't happen more often got the pubic hair. That's nasty. Oh, he's nasty. Very nasty. This guy was all natural with the hair. Holy shit. I can't believe this doesn't happen more often on new beaches and stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe it does. You just don't hear about it. I guess not. They cover it up. Cover it up. Those fucking new beaches and their cover-ups. I definitely witnessed a dead kid at the beach. Whoa.

What? This is a crazy story. I've been to the beach once, Rockaway, which is- That's it? Your whole, what? All summer. Oh, okay. The summer. Which, Rockaway's is way nicer now. I've been to the beach once, Rockaway, which is- That's it. Your whole, what? All summer. Oh, okay. The summer.

Which, Rockaway's is way nicer now. I used to be a Jones Beach person. You have all these pictures of you on the beach, like having a good time, locked arms. That was before the dead kid. What do you mean the dead kid? How old was the kid? Towards the end of the day, we're going to leave, and all of a sudden, we see a boat, and then a helicopter, and then another helicopter.

We get closer. One of the helicopters dropping scuba divers into the water. Whoa. Yeah. And at that point, everyone was like, definitely drowned kid. Really? Because I don't think they'd go to town like that for an adult. Did you check the news?

The next day, sure enough, someone who lives out there, local paper, drowned kid. And where were you when the kid was drowned? I mean, we were just on the beach. You feel guilty? How come you didn't save him? Why didn't you do anything? I can't swim. Where were the lifeguards? Literally, there were lifeguards doing drills. Like, a whole team of them doing drills.

Like, right before. We walked by them doing the drills. We're gone walking. We're all tired from doing these drills. We should probably go shower down. And then literally, like, three block beach down, dead kid. But imagine being the guy who was on duty when that kid went missing. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

You know, you got to hang up your bikini bottoms. You're done. You're done. That is a sad story. Kind of a sad story that you brought to the show. Yeah, real sad thing that you brought up there, a dead, drowned child. You know who I am. You asked me to come. I only have sad stories. Wait, has anybody here, a dead, drowned child. You know who I am. You asked me to come.

I only have sad stories. Wait, has anybody here seen a dead body? I mean, not all yet. Like a funeral. Yeah, a funeral. Never saw like a dead body in the wild.

Not like a, hey, you want to go see a dead body? I saw a man who died seconds after I saw him. Okay, because you killed him? No, no, no. I was at a Dolphins game. Of course, of course.

Why wouldn't it be? That man was Ryan Tannehill. And some fucking filthy Jets fan saw this old man, this old Dolphin guy, and he started yelling at him, and then we didn't know what was going on,

and he pushed him, and the guy fucking hits the ground, grabs his arm. Oh, no. And, you know, then has a heart attack. Wait, you saw a murder? Then the ambulance came, and the ambulance came, and they put him in the ambulance,

and then the guy's son walked out of the ambulance, shook his head no, and, like, the whole family started crying. What? Yeah. What happened to the Jets fan? Yeah, what? Was the Jets fan arrested? I was a child. I don't know what happened.

I don't remember. I was like 11 years old or something. If you push someone and they have a heart attack, is that the pusher's fault? I'd say involuntary manslaughter at the very least. And he's a Jets fan, so triple whatever the penalty is. Yeah, and he was too much of a coward to pick on a younger person. He picked on an old man. Oh, my goodness. That's a Jets fan for you. I fucking hate Jets. Yeah, and he was too much of a coward to pick on a younger person. He picked on an old man.

Oh, my goodness. That's a Jets fan for you. I fucking hate Jets. Yeah, man. Marcus, what do you know about the Jets, Marcus? That's a Jets fan for you. Cowards and losers. That's what I know about those pieces of shit.

Yep. That's how you know what- Name your fucking team after an inanimate object, you idiot. Yep. It wasn't after the gang, the Jets and the Sharks. Gang Green. They got all their, they got the flight crew. I call them Stortuses, the cheerleaders.

What's their curse again? The curse? Yeah, what they do. They just, they suck. They stink. They're just awful. Didn't someone bury something in the Jets stadium? Jimmy Hoffa.

That was giant. Yeah, it's the same thing, right? Yeah, yeah. But they just knocked it down and they didn't find him. Yeah. So he's still, Jimmy Hoffa. That was giant. Yeah, it's the same thing, right? Yeah, but they just knocked it down and they didn't find him. Yeah. So he's still, they don't know where it is.

We got a lot of more stadiums to knock down to find Jimmy Hoffa. How many people claim to have killed Jimmy Hoffa? A lot, right? Oh, he's in a barrel in the bottom of the ocean. Yeah.

Without a doubt. Or just, I bet he's fed to pigs. Oh, maybe. Oh, something like that. Yeah, or a barrel of acid or some shit. Oh, yeah. We'll never find the guy.

His body is nowhere on the map. No one here has seen a dead Jimmy Hoffa. Never seen a dead Jimmy Hoffa. My grandfather knew Jimmy Hoffa. Really? Yeah, because he was a union man in the north. And, uh, yeah, you know him. He was a nice guy. There you go.

Cool. A union man in the north. Well, that poor drowned child's family. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Almost forgot. That's how we got there. I went out for a nice date at the beach and your life changed forever.

Who wants to go to the fair? I want to go to the fair. I want to go to the fair. I'm ready for the fair. Who wants to go? There's brand new children at the fair. Who wants to go specifically to the Wisconsin State Fair?

I do. I've been there many times. A man and woman have been taken into custody after they were allegedly caught on camera having sex at the Wisconsin State Fair. Get you rocking, man. In Wisconsin, there's cheese, beer, there's pretzels everywhere. It gets you horny.

You get a lot of carbs. You get a lot of drunkenness. What's the name of these people? They do not have their names released just yet. I saw a picture, like a weird picture of it. Yeah, it's a very weird picture. How were they having sex? Why is it so illegal there?

It happened at the Coliseum inside State Fair Park. A witness named Morgan Hackinson said, We're here for a horse show or a dog show, not to make babies. Oh, my goodness. God forbid the people of Wisconsin fuck each other. Yeah, have a little fun every now and again. I would not report it. I really wouldn't.

Here's a screenshot. I'd be jealous. Here's a screenshot from the video. Let's see. Yeah. Oh, they are hammered. They are. Yeah, definitely hammered. They're not as bad as I thought they were going to be.

Is his hand up to try and cover the... Yeah, his hand is up because someone started filming him. But he's not going to stop fucking. He's way up in the stadium or whatever there. That's like the final round. Oh, no. Whatever, worse things have happened. Worse things happened at a state fair.

There are children at the... You can't. They're in a stadium. They're packed away in the corner. You could tell. Yeah, they went far away. They went far away. They're so fat,

you can't even fucking see their genitals. That's the thing. That's how they should get away with it. And by the way, the guy was waving, not trying to cover his face. He was waving. He was jovially waving. Hey!

Oh, my God. Get laid, man. It just, like, it looks like her arms are, like, behind her head, like she's laying back, kind of chilling. Relax. So she like her arms are behind her head, like she's laying back, kind of chilling. She's trying not to get her head smashed with the concrete, I think. Yeah, while he's just drilling her,

because you know it's not a fun, romantic time. Yeah, yeah. To get in it. The kisses are not as sweet. An interesting Wisconsin story. There's not a lot of sexual Wisconsin stories, usually. Oh, man. The witness that they were talking to, the news team went to the same spot where the video was taken

and found this woman and her son sitting in that spot. It was like, hey, someone was having sex here a couple of days ago. What do you think about that? Well, leave them alone for crying out loud. Can you imagine? We ride the subway every day. What's happened on the seat that you just sat on 15 minutes previous? Disgusting.

It's more dump than cum. It's more dump and more vomit than cum and dump. And a lot more period blood than vomit, dump, and cum. Very true. And pee pee wins all. Yeah. One time I was on, I remember the worst pee pee I've ever seen on the train I might have talked about this on the show

but I'm just gonna do it again I was on a packed train out of Chinatown there was a dude sleeping on the train just taking up a whole road and it's packed he's sleeping on the fucking thing and everyone's mad that he's sleeping there

wake up wake up people want to sit down, you know, and stuff like that. Please tell me before he does whatever you're about to describe, please tell me he looks up to everybody and goes, oh, are you all pissed? Oh, that would have been great. No, I wish. He never, we all thought he might have been dead. And he wasn't like, because he was just like not looking at anybody. And then all of a sudden we noticed that he was pissing his pants. I'm like, oh, that's funny.

So it's like he's peeing his pants. And then through his pants, piss started like shooting out. He was peeing so hard that it went through his pants and underwear. It was like shooting out the top. And then it got all over the floor. Whenever the train stopped short, he would fly down the train.

It was a fucking disaster. Well, what happened? What do you mean what happened? I took it to Atlantic and I got off. Did you stay on the train or did you get off the train? We were on a bridge. Oh, that guy, he didn't get off the train. No, did you get off the train the first stop that you could?

No, I mean, I was only one more stop after that. Oh, lucky guy. You got to switch cars. Yeah, no, that shit will happen, man. I was once. That'll happen. That'll happen. That will happen.

I didn't even mean to do it. I didn't mean to do it. It just happened. I didn't mean to do it. I am loving it. I didn't mean to do it. Just ask. I didn't mean to do it. I am loving it. Wow. Too much. I was once on the express from 125th to 59th,

and this heroin addict junkie vomited on a Japanese couple in a morning rush hour train. And they were Japanese tourists. They had the cameras around their necks and everything. And it was that white junkie vomit. I know black junkie vomit more than I know white junkie vomit. It was white junkie vomit, yeah. Well, what did he have inside of him there?

White. Huh. Just white liquid. Marshmallow fluff? It was probably his white blood cells. Oh. Getting rid of them all at once. I see.

All right. A little wild there. They freaked out. They didn't like it. I would freak out, yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yep, though. They freaked out. They didn't like it. I would freak out, yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

Yep. Anyone else shit, piss on the train? I mean, I've seen it. Yeah, we've all seen it, man. I saw a junkie vomit on the G train. I remember Natalia was just like, ah, ah, and everyone was just like, oh, God. I don't know, man. I actually don't think I've ever seen it.

I've seen the aftermath, but I don't think I've ever seen it happen in real life, in real time. I smelled a guy shit on the train the other day. Oh, you could smell it. No, it happened as we were sitting near him, though. He was just sitting there on the train, passed out, and then you just feel the way the scent coming towards you. You know exactly what it is, and you know where it's coming from. I told you about the time. I mean, I've talked about this before, and then we'll get to John's story.

I'm afraid to hear John's story, but we'll get to John's story. You have a story, John? John has a story. I know it's going to be, he's saying it's not bad, but that's because his other stories are just worse in comparison. Yeah, because he just watched a child die. Yeah. He's going to be like, cut to me 20 minutes before they pulled the kid out of the water and they're drowning again in the water that's that's one uh so yeah i was uh walking out of this uh steps of the time square

subway system and it was a really tight corridor you have to like walk up the steps then turn a corner and walk up another flight of steps well i got up to that mid-flight part, and there's this giant, big, bald guy, big, big, white, bald, fat guy who was just kneeling hunched down and just spray shitting onto the floor. And you have to walk by him because we're in that rush hour, walking up the stairs situation

where you can't turn around. There's a line of people behind you. Everyone had to walk by him. I walked. Everyone's like, oh my God. As I'm walking out of the steps, as I got past him, someone must have said something to him because all

I hear him say is, no one cares about me, lady. I was just like, man. I had to go do something after that. And I was fucked up the rest of the whole night. Wow. Look at that. One of Chris Christie's worst acts.

Unbelievable. So, John, I can't top any of those. Get off the top. I saw a girl on the subway, obviously had a bit too much to drink, and she had filled up an entire shopping bag full of vomit and i as i got off the train she had just filled it to the brim and i just

always wondered what happened after that yeah oh it's because it was probably an entire shopping bag and i'm watching her throw up and i'm watching her throw up and I feel like I'm going to throw up. Of course. It's like stand by me. Vomit. Oh my god. That scene in Stand By Me destroyed me by the way. I watched a guy projectile vomit margaritas

on the 7 train about a year ago. And it was the same thing where the train took off and it just rolled all the way back. Fruity drinks. Bad for you.

Welcome to New York I guess. Welcome to New York. I'm pretty sure it's waiting for you. Welcome to New York. I'm pretty sure. It's waiting for you. Welcome to New York. I'm pretty sure it was with you, Holden, or you, John, when we were riding the train after a murder show. I'm disgusted, Jackie.

I'm going to throw up. I know. I honestly feel sick. It's so hot in here. I don't like it. I feel like I'm going to throw up. This is the last one. I promise it's the worst one.

All right. I'm pretty sure you two are with me. I'm almost positive. Dude started throwing up in his hands. And eating it. And then he started eating it. I know this one. No.

All right. I haven't heard this one. He's throwing up in his hands, and he's just looking at it like he's going to eat it. And I think I'm almost positive I was with you, Olden. And we were just like, it like he's going to eat it. And I forgot, I think I almost paused it when I was with you, Olden. And we were just like, no,

no, don't do it. And he just like started eating it. We were just like, stop it. It was like screaming. I don't know.

All right, thank you, Eddie. I am seriously nauseous. Eddie, for the win. It's the funniest story I heard in my life. Can we just do a segment

or something? Oh yeah, it's time for segment for Moldy News. Bye, baby. What the hell is wrong with you people? This is the Stand By Me episode, by the way. We got dead bodies and mass vomiting. Oh, Lord. I might have seen a dead body.

Okay. On the 14th and 4th Avenue. You saw another one? It was a girl, like, down, stone, like, not moving on her bike in the middle of the intersection. Ooh. Yeah, she was just down, not moving, and, like, people had gotten out of their cars to, like, look down, but the ambulance hadn't come yet. Oh, my God. Bring them back.

Television shows. You weren't brought back. Now it's time for some home mcnealing. We love TV here at Roundtable. Jesus. Love you won Brock back. Now it's time for some home McNeely. We love TV here at Roundtable. Jesus. Love TV. Love it.

And today, we're gonna do a series of bring them, bring them the fuck on back. You know what I'm saying? What do I want back? Bozo the Clown, children's show.

Love Bozo the Clown, love Cookie the Clown. Early in the morning, they played games with the kids, had prizes. Bring it back, baby, bring it back. When I was sick, when I had chicken pox, oh man. Every morning, I'd start my day with

sweet-ass Bozo the Clown. I really feel like he was not a molest. He was a good man, or woman. Maybe he was a woman acting, pretending to be a male clown. That good. That's how good Bozo was, okay? That's how good Bozo was. I? That's how good Bozo was. Alright. I love that prize game where you

like threw the grand prize game. So how are you going to bring it back? You said it's like you're bringing it back and how? This is how we bring it back. Okay? It's one o'clock in the afternoon now. Alright? Alright, a little later. Yeah. It's a little later in the day because it's a little more adult. It's for housewives. Okay.

Bozo the Clown goes out, listens to your issues. It's more of like a talk show, but it just ends with that prize game. And at the end, they say, hey, do you want to see a secret mystery? And if you choose a secret mystery, they wheel the dead body out. And you look at it. Yeah. You just look at it. Yeah, you just look at it.

Yeah, the mystery is we have no idea who it is. We still don't know who it is. It might be a celeb. All right, wheel him back in the freezer, bag out tomorrow. Maybe someone will recognize him. All right. John Marino. What do I want to bring back?

You want to bring back a canceled television show, and how are you going to bring it back? Bring back a canceled television show, and how am I going to bring it back? I briefed you on this before the show started. You did no such thing. I had no idea this was a thing to do. Who's talking? You just weren't listening. That's very

possible. I ain't going to follow you for a minute. It's fine. 10,000 yard dead kid stare. You're blowing your mind. I get it. Does it have to be a television show? No, it has to be a fucking TV. There's so many TV shows, John, that have been canceled that are no longer on air that you liked. But almost all the ones I want to mention, I realize, are being brought back because networks can't think of anything new to do.

So I'm having a hard time. I want to say Star Trek, but they're already doing a new Star Trek. They are doing a new Star Trek. And it looks awesome, actually. It looks fantastic. All right. Don't worry about it. I don't care.

West Wing. You liked West Wing. I don't care. West Wing. You liked West Wing. No, they're bringing West Wing back. What? Have you not heard about this? No. NBC's trying to bring back West Wing, 30 Rock. They're trying to bring The Office back.

They're even trying to bring back King of the Hill. Wow. Yeah, how would you bring back West Wing? How would I bring back West Wing? Pete and Pete? Showrunner. Pete and Pete. That's good.

Get Danny some work. Get Danny some work. I bet we'd all get on it. Oh, yeah. Pete and Pete. That's good. Get Danny some work. Get Danny some work. I bet we'd all get on it. Oh, yeah. Let's do Pete and Pete. Literally, the way you bring it back is just make it Pete and Pete today. Yeah. And like what they're literally doing today.

Doing a podcast together. And it's all about that. Doing a Weezer cover band. It's kind of, it writes itself. It's good. It's just about their day-to-day. He really is Pete. I'm going to take credit for that, even though Holden said it.

There you go. That's what I would bring back. That's how we do it. I'm bringing back Clarissa Explains It All. Time Machine obviously will be needed because it has to be Melissa Joan Hart because she's amazing and she's Clarissa. She's still alive. She's doing great.

I love her. She voted for Gary Johnson. She's very smart. And then, yeah, we just put her in Time Machine, make her young again, and then, yeah, just put her around a bunch of people. She looks great. She looks good. Well, then make her the same age.

I would love to see her playing her teenage self. That would be kind of amazing. I want to see grown women playing teenagers more. I want to see that. I think it still happens. Give her, like, a 16-year-old daughter, and she does the thing where she dresses like the daughter and acts like the daughter. But, yeah, Clarissa Explains It All was a great show. It was a great show.

I want to bring back Red Shoe Diaries. Oh my god, David Duchovny. But now, since there's speculation that David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson are together, they are the hosts of it as well. That's a fact. I thought they hate each other. No, they love

each other. They love each other. We saw some things happen at the Webby's. That's a fact. I thought they hate each other. No, they love each other. They love each other. We saw some things happen at the Webby's. That's pretty much all we could say. Did you see the photo shoot recently? No.

Oh my God. I mean, my goodness. That's what I mean. Have them do it together because then you get all the nerds are like, oh God, you know? I mean, at the Webby's,

let's just say... Were they fingering? No. Let's just say they showed up together and she went in through the front door. He went in through the back.

He had his arm in a sling and she was on crutches. I was told I wasn't allowed to say this. What? I like it though. Oh, that. Yeah.

So what? He broke his arm and she broke her ankle. Now we're supposed to think they're fucking? But they'd be together. That's how they do it. They would do it together. Anyway, do it together.

They were probably out having a tryst somewhere. Maybe they're real FBI agents and they're trying to solve some fucking alien crimes. Oh, my God. Like in the world according to Garp. Oh, my God. It's just like the world according to Garp. I have a real one. I have a real one.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Murder, she wrote. Okay. Coming back. But no. It is.

It's already coming back. What? What are you talking about? Because I have an idea. The way they bring it back is they actually said it as a horror where she's really the one committing all the murders. They're bringing it back for one final episode with Angela Lansbury. With Angela Lansbury? With Angela Lansbury.

What is she going to solve her own death? It was kind of like Golden Girls. I felt like they looked old, but they really weren't that old when they're in the show. But now she's really, really old. She's not that old. She's probably 83. Oh, she's at least 85. I'm gonna say.

83. I'm gonna go 85. Yeah, where are you gonna? 91. 91? All right. So we're gonna go with Andy. 91 and a half.

87. Whoa, bitch. 87? All right. What did I say? Oh, that might have been tough now. Okay, now what are you saying, Alden? 91 and a half. 87. Bitch. 87? All right. What did I say? Oh, that might have a tough now. Okay, now what are you saying, Holden?

91 and a half. 87. I went 85, but this puts me in the... 91. I said 83. Holden went over. She's 91.

Oh! I'm the winner! What was the month that she was born? I knew that! October. Oh! Wow!

More than a half. More than a half. Wait a minute. Actually, yeah, she is 91 and a half. Well, wow. More than a half. Wait a minute. Actually, yeah, she is 91 and a half. She is 91 and a half, so yeah, Holden does win. October what, by the

way? October what? October 16th, 1925. Almost 92 year young. Live through the Blitz. Wow. I hope at the end of

the episode she turns into a teapot. That'd be nice. Yeah. And that's a good segue for Ed to give us his television show. I mean, I'll always bring back my favorite television show of all time, Married With Children. Needs to be back on the air forever. And you know how I would do it?

Have us play them? No, because they're all still kicking they're all rocking I would just have them come back and make it like I was thinking honestly I wouldn't even bring it back as a TV show I'd bring it back as a Christmas movie and I would just make a big Christmas movie like a two hour

long episode of Married with Children and them just doing Christmas Kelly's married to some rich guy Kelly's married to you and Bud is married to Jackie. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yes, please. But I want to dress just like Peg.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That'd be amazing. That'd be amazing. I don't know. Yeah, and Bud's still living in the basement. And just be so not PC. Just lean into it.

Yeah, start cursing. Bring back the biggins. Be so gross and misogynist and ridiculous. Hooters, hooters, yum, yum, yum. Hooters, hooters on a girl that's dumb. Oh, my goodness. It's offensive. It's offensive?

You don't like it? You don't like marrying with children? You want to go on record and say, you don't like marrying with children? Going to go on record and say I enjoyed peg. I actually got in so much. You're in here first. Ben likes being pegged. Deadpool.

Honestly, I got so much flack from my friends for saying Peg was hot. Peg was hot. She was super hot. She still is hot. Yeah, she's gorgeous. You can like both Christina Applegate and Katie Segal. Of course. I met Katie Segal at the Roseanne roast, and I was just like, I think you're wonderful.

I think you're so, that you just like tapped me on the head and kept walking. It was pretty great. Nice. She's a wonderful human being. Well, I'd bring back Donahue. Ooh. Because I love his, I love his show. I'm going to bring back Red Shoe Diaries 2.

Oh! I think it's got the biggest legs here. I think Red Shoe Diaries definitely has legs. I love Red Shoe Diaries. Because how else are you going to wear them shoes? Good point. On the legs. I got it.

On the legs. All right. Anything that people want to plug? Anything going on? Jackanese Dating Sims on Saturday. Go check it out. And if you want to toss in for the party bus for Jackie's birthday, please help me not break my bank.

Ed booked a party bus, and those are not cheap. This Jackanese Dating Sims, we are raising up funds to cover the expenses of the party bus as much as we can. I don't even think we're going to cover all of it. You're not even going to cover half of it. Yeah, yeah. But then everybody else will kick in to finish that out who's attending the party bus.

How much is it, Eddie? I'm so scared of this number. With the parking pass before booze, it's $1,400. Eddie making great investments for his future. Wow. You know what? It's almost no money at all if you don't think about numbers or money. So we're hoping to... And we got to tip the driver, and we got to get the booze.

You're looking at two grand, yeah. Easy. It's two grand. So Jackie, happy 30th birthday. You just bankrupted Eddie. Hell yeah. That's what I like to hear. It's a great gift.

I'd also like to plug that boy The memory of the boy I hope I know what you're talking about You know what let's just end the show before Shut it I'm talking about

a dead child Can we not think about sex for one minute Can we not think about sex for one second Don't say I'm gonna plug the boy I'm plugging the child.

The show is over. I'm holding McNeely and I'm plugging the child. God damn it. Thank God. Goodbye. For more shows like the one you just listened to, go to cavecomedyradio.com.