The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 347: Hollywood Bear-lebrities.

Episode Date: November 19, 2017

The gang is joined by Travis Irvine to learn about a pig who disrupted a plane, Bart the Bear's extensive IMDB credits, and to debate the best kinds of jerked meats.

The Roundtable. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the Roundtable. What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen.

Always civility. Alright, everyone. Welcome to the show. This is the Roundtable of Gentlemen. What? What? Uh-oh. By the way, we have a special announcement.

When does this come out, Marcus? I don't know. Well, whatever. Whenever it does come out, check out the Jeff Ross special. Jeff Ross, the border. Jeff Ross, roast the border. live from Brownsville, Texas. Come one, come all. Don't go on the other side because you can't come back.

So check that out. I know, Eddie, you worked your big old tail off on it. My big tits and my big nuts were down there sweating hard in Brownsville, Texas. 100 degrees all the fucking time. I'll tell you what, though. It was very emotional. Awesome. Well, check it out.

It's going to premiere tonight, and you won't hear it, but it'll also be on Friday and Saturday. Maybe you hear this before that. Yeah, I'm sure you hear it before that. It is sad. There's a crying old Mexican man, and it's like for a long time he cries. He's very upset. A lot of tears. Then we're going to see his family again.

Yes, which is super a bummer. It's funny because I'm just, you know, I'm trying to get, I'm moving to New York to try to get away from mine. He's just like, ooh, about going home to his. Family you're talking about. Yes. I see. Download it on iTunes.

Download it on Amazon. You know, it's there. You know, the CC app, if you've got that kind of thing going on. But you know what it is? It's like if you're not in the mood to kind of be bummed out, maybe skip it for the night. Oh, no. How much did you pay him to do press for the little doc? Oh, we got a bunch of Jeff Ross-branded grappling hooks we sent to Matamoros, Mexico.

So hopefully those will work out. Oh, my goodness. Don't actually use them. I would assume you will fall to your death if you do. Jackie, how you doing over there in beautiful, sunny Los Angeles? You look incredible. You look happy. You look glowing.

Close to the border. Your cheeks are red. Yeah, baby. What were you going to say, Ed? I said your cheeks are red. You look either bashful, drunk, or good son. I think it's good son. I mean, it's noon 30 here, and if I was drunk by now, I think I'd have a lot more problems.

Oh. God, man, I'm not sad. You know what I mean? I got to wait until at least 2, because then I know it's 5 o'clock somewhere. It's 5 o'clock somewhere now. It's always 5 o'clock in New York. In New York it is, which is when you start drinking, but really starting to drink at 5 o'clock is still probably a problem. Might be

better to start drinking maybe at 8 or even 10. Ever since Jackie got to LA, she only speaks in shitty t-shirt slogans. Oh, that's great. A house isn't a home without a cat. Oh, that's true. I want to get a cat now.

So you're doing good, Jax. Oh, yeah. Everything's fucking great. How are you guys doing? I miss you guys. It's weird. I want to get a cat now. So you're doing good, Jax? Oh, yeah. Everything's fucking great. How are you guys doing? I miss you guys. It's weird. I feel like I'm just inside of a television.

You are. Oh, yeah. Like it's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Where's your little cowboy hat and fake gun? It's on my dick. Jesus. How is that dick of yours, Jackie? Oh, man.

It's hard and strong like it always was. That's what I'm looking at you, motherfucker. And how many rods have you swallowed, you filthy disgusting? All right, leave it alone. Filthy woman in L.A. has got them all, too. L.A.'s got every type of man, big, small. Oh, man. They're begging for it, too. LA's got every type of man. Big, small. Oh, man. White. They're begging for it, too.

That's the problem. They're all just, they just want to get married, too. And you're like, no, no, no, no. Get away from me. There it is. All right. So, Jackie's doing good. Eddie, you're doing well.

What's going on with you other than the special coming out? I mean, I'm sweating. You are sweating. Yeah, why? It's freezing in here. It is winter. I am wearing a hoodie, a jacket, and a shirt. I was going to put a sweater on.

The old Zimmerman Trayvon special. There it is. Yeah. And I will say, it's warm. Yeah. It's warm. Yeah. Isn't he homeless now, Zimmerman?

What, George? I hope probably. I don't think things are going great for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He doesn't deserve things to go well for him, so he's probably living his best life. Well, I'm doing good. You're good.

I got to say, you know, things are looking shiny. Things are looking good. You know, sometimes they're bad, you know, and then you cry it out, and then you move on. Yikes. There it is. All right. Holden. Holdenators Holden haters.

Oh. Are you ready? Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Are you ready for the PlayStation? Yeah. I'm ready for the geeky party. Are you ready to smoke some blunts? Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo.

Have a PlayStation countdown for you. Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. The allegations in Hollywood are disturbing. Don't come at my town like that. All right, Jackie. SpiderFreak55 says, PS and shout out. Hi, guys. Big fan of most of the stuff you do at LPN.

Shade. I feel like shade. It doesn't matter. Just continue. Most of the stuff you do. Holden, soade. I feel like shade. It doesn't matter. Just continue. Most of the stuff you do. Holden, so happy you and Jake are doing a Spidey episode. Need any research help? HMU, which stands

for Hi My Uncle. Hail yourself, Caleb. Hi My Uncle. Oh, Hi My Uncle. I thought you said Hide My Uncle. This is from, I believe he changed his username to Holdenators, which makes

me very upset. Isn't that your username? They are Holdenators. No, no. I am Catcher6945. PlayStation recently made an update where you can change your username one time. They finally did it. We've been screaming for this a long time. I made a mistake a long time ago. This should be

my fucking username. So don't give them the satisfaction of the shout out. Holdenators, whoa. Everyone on Roundtable is the best,

but Marcus gets me the hardest. Thank you. Please tell Lillian Queen that I will love her forever. That's Jackie. Oh, is that Jackie? I would think so.

It has to be. And I know y'all don't give other podcasts free advertising. Would you be willing to plug a Buddy Midwest musician? Keep up the great work. Hail Satan.

I'm sorry, but no. What's the name of the band? What's the name of the Buddy musician? He can give Wizard and the Bruiser five bucks. Actually, no. Fifty bucks on Patreon, and we will plug his shit. Jesus Christ. That's a lot.

Wizard and the Bruiser. Well, I'll tell you what. If you would have just messaged me instead of a dickhead across the table, you might have gotten a shout out. Well, there you go. But you don't have a PlayStation, do you, Ed? So maybe the times? You don't have the Holdinator name, do you? Oh!

This smart motherfucker. I bet he sings like Bert Janch. There it is. You're a monkey's bitch. I'm fine with that. I like that. Yeah, who's Bert Janch? You love Bert Janch. There it is. You're a monkey's bitch. I'm fine with that. I like that. Yeah, who's Bert Janch? You love Bert Janch.

Who is it? He's a great singer-songwriter. How great could he be? He's dead, so not that great. But he's wonderful. Everyone listen to Bert Janch and whoever this Holdenator guy is, too. It's probably David Crosby, this Holdenator guy. I mean, Bert Janch is actually wonderful.

Who the hell is Bert Janch? Who's Bert Janch? You love Bert Janch. I'm sure that I will, but... Stop actually wonderful. Who the hell is Bert Chance? Who's Bert Chance? Ben, you love Bert Chance. I'm sure that I will, but... Stop saying his name. How come I've never heard of this guy before? I mean, he's not extremely popular, but he's wonderful. He's Scottish. He was in a band called Pentangle.

Ooh. Yeah, he had a song called Can't Cream on Me. Yeah, you gotta walk your donkey down the street. Can't cream on me. If you like it on your feet. Can't cream on me. If you like it on your feet. Can't cream on me. It's a very shitty song. I have to.

No, I kind of. That's kind of fun. I like that. Yeah, that was actually kind of proved its point there. Do you ever wonder if these people, when they shout out to ladies that they love, if those ladies, maybe it's like completely unrequited and it's like maybe like really embarrassing and sad sometimes. Well, most likely they probably don't listen. Right, right.

Like I don't know if they love this woman, that woman doesn't love them. Right. That woman probably doesn't listen to this show either. Or they found out that the- I think he's talking about the songwriters. No, no, no. I'm talking about on these shout outs.

Oh, on those shout outs. Like tell Mary I'll fucking, you know, flip her beanbags for a quarter. Like, I wonder if Mary fucking hates Johnny Timboy6945. You're just helping perpetuate. All right, let's go. Perpetuate. Is that a word?

It's almost there. The intention was there. You know what I fucking mean. Perpetuate? What are you, a fucking? Perpetuate. I fucking mean. Perpetuate? What are you? Perpetuate. Perpetuate. Perpetuate.

I kind of like perpetuate better. You perpetual motherfucker. Holdenators, no, says a Mart 303. We need a slow-talking Morris shirt. Bring Jackie to Omaha so she can glaze me. Long live dog meat. God. Also, shout out to Nate, Shelby, Katie, Lacey, Jess, Blandy, John, Jenny, Jen, Jenny, and Nick motherfucking Manske.

A lot of shout outs in one. Lizard Squad 22 says, hey, Holden, I want to give a shout out to my lovely wife, Zai. Okay, over under this man actually having a wife. I mean, a woman named Zai, I don't think. I mean, over under on that. I think Zai is a fucking robot or some sort of... How does it spell? Star Trek villain. It's a Z in 20 eyes. Yeah, Z in 20 eyes.

Z. Z, man. Oh, is it Z? It's probably Z. Honey, thank you for putting up with my retarded ass. Also, Ben makes me... By the way, I'm using the word again. The R word? You're taking it back? I'm taking that one back. Yeah.

I don't have to use it on the show if you guys have a problem with it, but I'm doing it on my stream. I'm not worried about it anymore. It's kind of like how black people could say the N word. Yes. Oh, yeah. But we still can't say it. We will refer to it as the R word.

So I need to give it a soft D. I need to give it a soft D. Ritada. That's about accurate. Hey, my Ritada. Hey, my Ritana, what's up? What's up, my Ritana? Hell yeah. What you drink of milk?

You drink of milk, motherfucker. Oh, you spilling that milk, Ritana. You spilling that milk. Oh, quit playing with that bouncy ball now. Is that bad what I just did? I don't know yet. We're going to find out in a week. Also, Ben makes me feel proud to be an American and finally fuck Croatia.

They make shitty AK-47 magazines. P.S. Bring back Big Cock Gower with special guest Flo Talkin' Morris. Look at that. What do you get about Big Cock Gower? You know what you should do with Flo Talkin' Morris? You should offer to make people's outgoing phone messages for them. There you go.

Oh, there you go, Eddie. Yeah, that'd be a good incentive for whatever the fuck you do. For a Patreon. For Wizard and the Bruiser. I wake up every morning trying to remember what it is I did. My ratata. All right, Jailintus says, Ratchet, batshit, gobble nibble chew, 69 assholes looking at you.

Oh, damn it. That was amazing. Can you do it again? I'll do that again. I was about to say, can I do that again? I want to hear that again. Ratchet, batshit, gobble nibble chew, 69 assholes looking at you, Kissel. Oh, man.

That was great. I'm in it on that. That's the best. Did Kendrick Lamar do a shout out? 69 assholes looking at you Kissel oh man that's a great that's really nice I'm in it on that that's the best Kendrick Lamar do a shout out that's incredible that's an old

George Carlin joke oh is it yeah yeah rat shit bat shit dirty old twat 69 assholes tied in a knot

oh that's impressive he's a linguist he is a linguist George Carlin oh the best alright well that's the shout outs I have to end on that that was amazing He's a linguist. He is a linguist. Mark is the best.

All right. Well, that's the shout outs. I have to end on that. That was amazing. Yeah. Powerful stuff. Let's see. Kevin will be here soon.

So what do we do when he gets here? Do we pretend like it's still his turn and then announce him? Yeah, we can do that. And then just check in on him? Or we just pretend like he's been here the whole time? Well, we can't pretend he's been here the whole time. I already said he's not here. One thing about Kevin Barnett is that he is never late. All right, Travis Irvine is with us here as well.

Travis Irvine, you've got 48 hours left in New York City. What do you plan on doing? I'm going to clean the apartment. I'm going to move out, and we'll get some pizza, and then we'll move out again. You're not cleaning that apartment. No, that's impossible. Ben's done a great job, actually. Really? Yes. Ben, when you that apartment. No, that's impossible. Ben's done a great job, actually. Really?

Yes. Ben's a way to couch. When you come over for Thanksgiving, you'll know. I've already, my plans are set. I'm going to go to one Thanksgiving first, take all the leftovers, and bring it to yours. There it is. In your pockets? Yes.

Good, good, good. If I was you, right before I left the house, I would take a big steamy shit in the tub and window it with the shit right in. It was me. It was me all along. Exactly. That's the dream. Still the dream.

What are you going to do with Travis's room? I'm making an office. You're making an office? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on, hold on. No, no, no. You told me you were going

to fill it with corgis. Oh, the corgis will be in the office. Okay, okay, okay. We can do both. Okay, great. That's it. Are you going to get a fan? What do you mean get a fan?

A fan, like a guy to stand in the corner and be like, I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, I love you. I love you. It's getting a little bit obnoxious, okay, man? Just keep it coming. Keep it coming, though. I just think when you talk about politics, you make me thinky-thinky.

Oh, man, I don't want to hear it. Keep it coming. I think she's going to plant. In your eyes, when you think of office. First thing, it's a fan. There's a ceiling fan. That's the first thing. I sweat when I type.

I know. Jackie, you're so lucky you're not here. You can probably feel it in L.A. How sweaty it is. It's up to my ankles. Jackie, you can store meat in this room, and Ed is fucking completely covered in a sheet of sweat. I can't believe it.

I just miss when my thighs would touch Ed's thighs, and just like the stick, the film that would happen between us, between my sweating and his sweating. If it wasn't so wet, it'd be on fire. The only person that could put out the forest fires in Los Angeles, just Eddie rolling down a hill. Putting them all out. You're a hero. Man, those forest fires were fucking cool looking. Are they done now? I mean, they're done.

It's kind of wrong to say they were cool looking, but they were like really cool looking. So many homes destroyed. Jeff lives on the mountains that are next to those mountains. So you saw them. So I could like see the fires like when I walked out the front door and there was literally ash falling all around. At any point did you feel guilty hanging out in a pool just watching it burn? No, the fires were on the other side of the house, thank God. I don't think I could have handled that hot tub. I mean, more heat for the hot tub. Oh, yeah.

I mean, at the same time, it was very cool. I mean, it was just days. Look at this. Everyone was pretending like nothing was happening. We thought he was a working man's hero. Look at that. Oh, the fires are good for the hot tub. They're good for the firemen as well. They're horrible for the firemen.

The firemen would love to be in the hot tub. If you're worth, you've had it too good for too long. That's true. 15 years of happiness. They fight fires every year. And screw like maniacs. Oh, my goodness.

Yes, we saw the wrestlers. Jack is just smiling and nodding after that one. Yeah, because I want to fuck a fireman. That's on my bucket list. I mean, honestly, out of all civil servants, firemen, right? You have male people. You got police officers. You got who else you got?

Paramedics. Paramedics. Paramedics. Firemen. Paramedics are hot, though. I think teachers. No, that's not really. Not quite. That's not really a civil service.

But they get paid by the government, right? They do, but not in the capacity that we're talking here. Bureaucrats. I think firemen. DMV people. DMV people. That's a toughie. Jackie, you're going firemen.

I think I'm going paramedics because they're fucking nuts and they have to watch death multiple times a day yeah I'll go with paramedics myself oh okay you ever see

bringing out the dead yeah that's a Scorsese right yeah yeah good old Tom Sizemore by the way if you really want to watch a great talk radio movie

it's called talk radio Oliver Stone 1988 we watched it last night. It's incredible. It's really good. And it's based off a true story about a Jewish talk radio host

in Texas, in Dallas. Oh, he made a movie about that? Yes, it's called Talk Radio. It's a fake. It's a different name they give the character, but that's what it's based off of. I don't want to ruin the ending,

so I don't want to tell you, but my God, it's awesome. Early Oliver Stone's unbelievable. Dude, so good. Is she Salvador? No, I haven't seen it. It's really good. It's so weird.

I don't want to say Oliver Stone is underrated, but I guess I just haven't watched that much. Well, no, he just got awful. He was in his heyday then. He had Platoon, he had Talk Radio, he had JFK. And then this has got Eric Boghossian in it. And early Eric Boghossian is awesome. This was pre-Under Siege 2.

I love getting Boghossed. Yeah, and then Under Siege 2, it was pre-Under Siege 2. I love getting Bogosied. Yeah, and then Under Siege 2, it ruined his career. Ruined his career. Never made another movie after that. And that's what you're basing your movie off of. You have a new movie coming out too. Absolutely. If anyone wants to support my dumb dreams, go to Indiegogo.

Find Killer Raccoons 2, Dark Christmas in the Dark. We're making a sequel to my dumb Killer Raccoon movie I made in college. We're changing the title. I won't say it here. You can probably guess it. And it is the plot of Under Siege 2. There it is. But with raccoons.

All right. So take all your money out of the Wizard and the Bruiser Patreons, right? Give it over. Slide it on. There you go. Just take it out of there, you retardas. Did you get a train?

Yeah, we got our train all locked down in Nelsonville, Ohio. The Board of Hillbillies is very excited for the whole thing. The Board of Hillbillies? Yeah, it's a non-profit, so I had to go in on Saturday and stand in front of a bunch of hillbillies and tell them that's going to be okay. Do you think that they're going to enjoy you calling them hillbillies, or is that the actual

name? I don't think they listen to this podcast. Yeah, alright. And I'm allowed to say it's like the word retarded. I'm a hillbilly. Oh, there it is. You're not a hillbilly. Yes, I am, Marcus. I just don't act like it.

You're from Columbus, Ohio. Yeah. Well, if you're a hillbilly, then you, sir, have abandoned your roots. That's very true. And you like soccer. I don't think you can be a soccer fan and a hillbilly. It's football. It's called football.

Oh, I know. I watched Peru versus New Zealand last night. Oh, did you? Yeah. Who won? He's a fan now. Oh, really? Are you a fan now?

I wouldn't say I'm a fan. I just went out with the lady who's half Peruvian and watched it with a whole bunch of drunk That's it. That's it. It was so much fun. It was so cool. Soccer? Yeah.

Soccer? Yeah. All that running. Oh, man.. Soccer? Yeah. Soccer? Yeah. All that running. Oh, man. You like that? Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah, if you watch it

with a bunch of people who actually know what's going on, like they all yell at the appropriate times. They're like, oh, okay. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, but then they'll be like, it was a great game and they'll be like, what was the score? Negative two to negative two. They gave, because they each gave a ball away to a child. They each gave a ball away to a child.

They each gave two balls away to Joel. It was great. It was like a big underdog story because Peru hasn't qualified for the World Cup in like 35 years. I see. Yeah. So it was always all their fields are on the sides of mountains. Yeah.

It's bad. Might make you a good runner though. Kevin, you're here now. I'm here, man. I just got here, man. I'm late. But, you know, sometimes it's best to fulfill stereotypes. Anyway, I did play on my school's soccer team.

You know, I hated it the whole time. All that running. I played, what was it? I don't even remember the shit. Medi. No, it was Medi. It was one of the back defense guys. He was an inny.

I don't think you're supposed to. Is soccer for the tall? I think the goalie is a tall person. Goalie is a goalie. Forwards can be tall. Aren't you supposed to be short for soccer? No, you want to head the ball. For the guys that head the ball, you need to be tall.

I just ran fast, and that would just kick it away from the little guys. They were scared of me. That's good. We had this guy on the team. His name was Jude something. Big old lips, man. We used to call him the big. His name was Jude something. Big old lips, man. We used to call him the big ass, big lip bandit.

Was he a thief at all or was he just more of a line detective? No, no, no. We just like calling him the big lip bandit. That's a great name. One of my favorite pictures of all time was like we had to do this thing called six minutes where you just do like six minutes of pushups and stretch straight. Oh my God, I remember this. I remember there's a picture of all of us. I have PTSD. We did that in football. It was horrifying. I remember this. And I remember there's a picture of all of us. I have PTSD.

We did that in football. And I was like, can we do six seconds? I was horrible at it. I hated it. But there's this picture of all of us like in black and white in the yearbook. And at the end of the picture, he's the furthest person away.

You can't make anybody's face out because we're in a push-up position. Drew's lips are hanging down. And you can see it. It was disgusting. Oh my God. Yeah, that was horrible. I think I've told this story before. I also played on my

soccer team. And I remember the one time I... Actually, I think the one time I ever broke a bone, I ran to go get a soccer ball. I slipped on it and fell on my wrist and broke my wrist. And I started screaming and crying. And wrist and broke my wrist. Oh, man. And I started screaming

and crying and because I was the jokey guy, everyone started pointing and laughing at me in my horrible pain. I was literally crying and screaming.

But did you scream in a really funny way? Honestly. It was just like a race. It was just like Sam Kinison. Yeah, yeah. So they were laughing. It was a formative moment in my childhood.

You did it to yourself, though. It wasn't like you were bullied or anything. Did not kiss a woman until college. If even that was with your neck. Yeah. Sure, the noises I made when I got my first blowjob. Oh, my God. Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee, wee.

They should call me the police car. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo. I remember I played soccer for one game exactly when I was eight years old. And they put me a goalie because I was so big and fat. Yeah, goalie. And the kid blocked the kid kicked the ball I blocked it

and then it went back into play and another kid I was like yeah yeah yeah it's over now and then another kid kicked it right in because I wasn't paying attention because I thought the play was over because I didn't know the fucking rules and then when that kid scored I punched him in the face and he was bleeding all over

himself and then his father and my father got into a shoving match. I never played soccer again. I love that story. That'll teach the kid. Don't be scoring on Eddie Larson. That's right. Well, good for you, Eddie. You gotta stand up for yourself sometimes. I had a thing where I think when I was little, you

just played the after school shit or whatever. I was a big fat kid at the time. I was hanging out. We were fucking around when practice was over and i was just like you know jumping and hanging on to the goal or whatever right but i was you know big fat kid other kids were doing and i did it a couple times it was fine and one time i jumped a little bit too hard landed on the heart and it pulled the whole thing down and it fell on this kid and he was like screaming and then his dad came over there and started cursing me out and calling me a fat monster and i shouldn't have done that.

And I felt horrible. But looking back, what type of shitty dad calls some kid fat and yells at him? I didn't understand physics. I was eight. Jackie, you play soccer? Fuck no. That's about right. Do I look like a pussy?

I know it's a... You know, I know know i'm sure they all slam into each other but you know hockey's the real man sport did you do hockey what's no you i know you played a sport you talked about no no she just fucked rugby players i fuck rugby players but i also i played softball obviously i'm fucking fucking look at me of course i played softball you You got to. Absolutely. All right, Marcus. Should we do a news story? Yeah, but real quick, I got to say, Kevin, you smell good. What happened?

He put something on himself. I don't know. It's the soap. It's just soap, man. Aftershave something. Oh, you know what it is? I ran out of regular soap, so my entire body is covered in daily facial moisturizer. It's almost pungent. I think you're so smooth.

I have this new body wash. It's called Mahogany. And Lexi got it for me. I smell like stained wood. Why would you want to smell like mahogany? Because if you want to get classy, douse yourself in some mahogany. Wisdom the Bruiser, Patreon, and we also do advertising. Hit us up and wonder it.

Hit us up. I'll advertise any of your fucking bullshit. Absolutely. I'll advertise fucking AIDS. Oh, let's. Get AIDS. Probably doesn't need to be advertised. A lot of press for that there.

Completely free. Except for your conscience. Any news stories, Marcus? Yeah. I got a news story. A plane passenger was booted off a flight because her rowdy emotional support pig caused mayhem on board. This is incredible. We've talked about pigs on planes quite often.

How if it crashes, you got a lot to eat. That kind of stuff. The woman was given her marching orders after the havocavoc Recon hog began walking up and down the aisles. Even attempts to strap the farmyard animal to an armrest failed. Well, how big was it? Strap it to an armrest? It's got to be a pot belly, right?

It couldn't be too, too big. It was five stone. I always got to do, it's always these stupid English stories. I always got to go to the stone calculator. Jackie, what do you think about this? I think pigs on a plane is a good idea. I think that the emotional support animal system is a scam. Whoa!

It's an amazing scam, but it's a fucking scam. They want our money because I want the dog on the plane and not underneath the plane. That's bullshit. So you're against it. I'm for it, but I'm against the tyranny of it. The tyranny? What? What are you talking about?

What are you saying? It has nothing to do. You don't have to pay more for the emotional dog. And you get to see a dog at the airport. You got to pay for the whole thing. You have to have a therapist say, you have to have a therapist approved whatever sign bullshit. Oh, so you just want them to bring on whatever animal they want to bring on without any kind of like paperwork or anything that makes it a therapy dog.

Bring them on. Bring them on board. I want zoo planes. This is what I say. There should be a baby animal plane. I think that you can take, you know, get a cheaper discounted price if you want to suffer through that, or

at least just push them all on. And Haseed. Haseed animal and baby plane. Baby planes for sure. There should be child only planes. They shouldn't be on our planes anymore. Get them off the planes. I can agree with that. I don't really understand what a pig has to do

with emotional support. Personally, if I was going to bring an emotional support item, I could bring an emotional support chainsaw. Why can't I do that? There it is. I'd do an emotional support two-foot bong. That would probably help. This is a 70-pound pig. That's pretty big.

Wait, hold on. That's five stones. 70-pound pig. I got a picture of it. You 70 pound pig I got a picture of it You can't I got a picture of the pig Oh It's a little big for a plane It's 70 pounds

I don't That's a person That's a person That's a child That's a child Which is also a person Ed Not a real person It is a real person

Not after 26 weeks Well others Well one I don't think we need to go down that road. Well, one shocked onlooker said the brown swine looked around Five Stone as it was tossed over the unidentified woman's shoulder and marched off. Others initially

thought it was a duffel bag, but were given the shock of their lives when it began oinking on board a flight out of Connecticut. And university professor Jonathan Skolnick told ABC it turns out it wasn't a duffel bag. We could smell it, and it was a pig on a leash. But they put it in a duffel bag?

No, they thought it was a duffel bag. How did they think the pig was a duffel bag? She tethered it to the armrest next to me, he said, and started to deal with her stuff, but the pig was walking back and forth. He said, I was terrified because I was thinking, I'm going to be on the plane with the pig. You know what?

I don't get it. I don't think this pig was being bad at all. It sounds like the pig was just walking around. It sounds like this university professor was just a bit of a spoil sport. I think he was perpetuating a fucking stereotype. A big stereotype. Absolutely.

They can't see that I knocked the camera over, Jackie. I'm sorry. All right. Pigs may not be able to fly, but they should be allowed to. Absolutely. I don't think so, man. I love pigs. They're smarter than dogs.

It doesn't matter how smart they are, man. There's plenty of people that are smarter than other animals. I don't even know what I just said. I think the pig should be the pilot. I want a piggy pilot. The planes don't even do that. They take off and land themselves anyway these days. Oh, yeah.

I also found this other story about a painting pig named Pig Casso. It wouldn't be named Pig Casso. It's a painting pig. I'd let him on a plane. Oh, Jackie, I wish you could see this. Look at a picture of this pig. Oh, my God. I love it so much.

He's got pain all over his snout. I hate that they get to see the pictures, and I don't get to see the pictures of the pig. Well, just Google Picasso. Yeah, you're buying a computer. You have a phone. It's the future. You got the whole world's information.

You got enough knowledge for the whole world in your fingertips. Picasso's going to have to get on a plane with all this fame that he's getting. I hope so. Yeah, he's in South Africa. You've got to bring him to New York City. South Africa. That's scary down there. You've got to get him out of there.

He's going to get shot. No, he's fine. That's what pigs do. They get shot. They get stabbed. That's what a pig's job is. It's job is to die. I had pork I was going to make for lunch.

I didn't even make it. It's sitting in the refrigerator. Raw. Probably going to go bad. Waste. That is a waste. But that's just the way it goes, man. I got to say, I accidentally bought some pig jerky the other day.

Not good. What? Only beef can be the jerky. That's medicine. Yeah, there's certain meats that just should not be jerky. It's too fatty, I think. Kangaroo's the jerky. That's my personal opinion. There's certain meats that just should not be jerky. It's too fatty, I think. Kangaroo's good jerky. I can't do the kangaroo.

Gator's good jerky. Gator's disgusting. I had gator jerky yesterday. I agree. I don't really love it. You have salmon jerky? Don't like it. Fucking rock and roll.

Oh, man. We got different opinions here. I had a turkey jerky that wasn't bad. Hell yeah. It wasn't bad. Turkey jerky. Deer jerky. Deer jerky is by far my favorite jerky.

Pig jerky doesn't work. I had antelope jerky when I was in Africa. We need to stop listing jerkies. What? What did we get? We didn't even get to Oscar jerky. Jerky police. I'm laying down the law here.

I'm the jerky police. I think we need to move on from jerky I listen to the jerky boys every damn day Pissed my mom right off Back when I used to work as a mover There was a man named Evan I worked with Evan every day We went to war together man

23 hour days in the rain in the heat All Evan ever talked about was jerky And I tell you right now, Evan made jerky, he ate jerky, he sold jerky. And he talked about jerky. And I want to sit here in front of you as you insult my brother, Evan.

Jerky. Alright. There it is. It's fine. Fucking keep listing jerky. I salute you, Evan. He's a lover of jerky. Breast jerky. Turtle jerky. No, you can't do turtle jerky. There's no such thing as a turtle jerky. And turtle jerky. I salute you, Evan. I love jerky. Breast jerky. Turtle jerky. No, you can't do turtle jerky. There's no such thing as meat on a turtle jerky. And turtle jerky's just turkey.

You motherfucker, yeah! You can make, oh, peppered snapping turtle jerky. Oh, wow. Yeah, man. Of course you can put pepper on it. It comes in very small quantities. Oh, it must. Yeah, there's not a lot of meat on those. They're very small.

What about raccoon jerky? Is that a thing? Well, you could probably do it. You can do whatever you want with that. Jackie, how are you eating out there in L.A.? Are you on like a vegan fruit diet or something? Lots of burgers around. Yeah, it's all very vegetarian in this household.

So, man, I'm just looking for some meat. I got to find it in other ways, you know? Are you held captive there? Can you go out to restaurants? No, I'm only allowed inside of this room. Because Henry says, I pay for all of it. And he's right. All right.

There you go. That's how Boy George got in trouble. What's that? Keeping a prisoner. Paying for all of it. Oh, really? There you go. Didn't know that. Heing for all of it. Oh, really? There you go. Didn't know that.

He did a lot of heroin. I ain't finding much on raccoon jerky, but there is plenty of possum jerky recipes. Ooh. Oh, yeah. It's good to have one large possum, or if you're going for a smaller one, you need two or three. Oh, okay. That makes sense. You need a sharp knife, Worcester sauce, soy sauce, salt, pepper, and other spices of choice.

You can look here. This guy, he actually shows you. You start off with two dead ones. It's like he has a picture of two raccoons that he shot. Oh, Trapper Ellie. Yeah, Trapper Ellie. Might be a gal. Shoots them in the head.

Oh, my goodness. You got to chop off the head and you skin it. Then you slice the meat up. You got to slice off all those things. Then you marinate it. Oh, wow. You skin it. You got to chop off the head and you skin it. Then you slice the meat up. You got to slice off all those things. Then you marinate it. Uh-huh. And then you jerk it.

And then you jerk it. You dehydrate it. Wow. And then you enjoy it. It somehow looks worse jerkied than it does skinned. It looks much worse jerkied. Yeah, it looks like

a big pile of shit. Yeah. You ever find a dead rat that's been dead for a real long time? That's what it looks like. Yeah. It's like just a bunch of dead rats. There for a real long time? That's what it looks like. Yeah. It's like just a bunch of dead rats.

There's a good rat scene in talk radio. Good rat scene. I thought the feed was frozen, but it's just Jackie making this horrified face just on absolute freedom. I'm just imagining what you guys are seeing, and this time, I'm very happy I don't have to look at it. So I win. There you go.

It's pretty brutal. All right. So the piggy is fine. They just kicked it off the plane. How'd it get home? Well, I don't know. Did it catch the next flight? Did it?

I hope they let it catch the next flight. It didn't. Obviously, they let it on the plane. So it's not a security issue with the with the airline. No, they thought it was a duffel bag. You don't duffel bags. Don't walk an oink. I don't know, man.

When's the last time you've been on a plane with a pig? Never. You don't know what you're saying. I would love it. I would love it. I've never been upset with anyone. I'd be so happy. Oh, absolutely.

Yeah. Next story. Let's do it. A man was arrested Monday afternoon after police found him acting, quote unquote, extremely bizarre in a parking lot in northern Michigan. WPBN reports police were called to a BP gas station in Scottville, Michigan, for a man walking around the parking lot covered in blood and sitting in a car that did not belong to him.

Police arrived and found the man in the car. When they approached, the 62-year-old man rushed at them, screaming, and began trying to attack the deputies. The man's name was Roy Purple. Wow. I love that name. That's one of my favorite names of all time. Described as extremely intoxicated, the blood was from a deer that was hit by a car.

Oh. And he was covered in blood and waving around deer meat. Or dead deer, however you want to put it. Yeah. Yeah. Got to jerky it, I guess. Well, good for him. But he's in trouble for something.

Except for being a public intoxication and for getting into somebody else's car covered in blood. How'd the deer die? A guy hit by a car. Was he driving the car? Unclear. Huh. I'm confused about that story.

There's a lot of things that they left out. And I don't think they have the answers. No, maybe not. Maybe not. Well, let me see if I can find something different. All right. You know, what kind of blood would you like to be covered in? If you got to pick an animal, what do you think would be the nicest?

Well, chicken blood I think is disgusting. Lamb's blood. Lamb's blood. Oh, very biblical. I'd go elk. Elk? Feels a little regal. Tiger blood.

There you go. That'll make you strong. But you got to remember, you got to kill the animal in order to. Tiger blood. There you go. That'll make you strong. But you got to remember, you got to kill the animal in order to get the blood. So you're going to be killing a tiger, mister. Oh, shit. That ain't easy to do. Or you find one dead and crawl inside of it. Oh, that's what I'll do.

I'll call up Roy Purple. Roy Purple. He cares. He's a tiger. I got to go human. Okay. I mean, well, it's most like us, you know? I mean, it is most like us, and it is us. Okay. I mean, well, I mean, it's most like us, you know? I mean, it is most like us, and it is us. Yeah.

I'd say you're more like a bear than a human man. Man, I wish. Yeah. Oh my god, I go through day after day just wishing I fucking could sleep for four months a year at least. And fucking scratch my back and kill. Yeah. I think you are a bear, actually. Just work on it, man. They could cast you

in a next Homeward Bound. I watched Homeward Bound On the plane Bart the Bear, very great bear actor I don't think I remember the bear in Homeward Bound It was a bear right? Did he bite the bear on the log? Bart the Bear Bart the Bear

He was in the Anthony Hopkins one The Edge He was in The Bear. Great Outdoors. I just rewatched that, by the way. Unbelievable. He was in Legends of the Fall. Yeah, Bart the Bear had a great career.

What's the IMDB page for Bart the Bear? He has one. It's actually quite extensive. Oh, yeah. Let's hear some of his glory. Some of his glory. The Clan of the Cave bear as the cave bear. He played the bear in Wind Walker.

He played the brown bear in Bingey the Hunted. Tell me when he doesn't play the bear, okay? Then we'll give him an award. He played the bald-headed bear, Jody, in The Great Outdoors. Great Outdoors. Great role. He was the bear in The Bear. He was the bear in White Fang.

The bear in The Giant of Thunder Mountain. Presumably The Giant. The bear in Homeward Bound was the bear in White Fang, the bear in The Giant of Thunder Mountain, presumably the giant. The bear in Homeward Bound, the bear in On Deadly Ground, the bear in Legends of the Fall, the bear in 12 Monkeys. He played Walking Thunder in Walking Thunder. Oh, wow.

And then he was in The Edge, and then his final bear role was in Meet the Deedles. You know what? I'm going to tell you what right now. Few things make me want to kill myself more than the fact that this bear will have more credits and make more money than me. All of those things. Oh, yeah. He got cancer, and he served as the spokes bear for the animal cancer center.

He even found a late career angle. This bear has the best agent of all time. He was in the 1998 Academy Awards. Yeah. As a part of a salute to animal actors, he presented an envelope to Mike Myers on stage. Get out of here. Wait, I remember that.

Oh, my God. That's insane. I was trying to hope there's an actor that tried to audition for something, was trying to get this agent, and he's talking to him. He's like, what the fuck are you talking about? I only represent bears. Oscar-winning bears. That's amazing.

Well, the bear that they tried to have take over for him, the one that was in semi-pro, fucking offed his trainer. That's right. I remember that story. That's not a good bear. No, no. I think he's done. That's a quick career right there.

Yeah, you're in and you're out. Now I am genuinely curious to know if there are agents in Hollywood that only specifically represent animals. Of course there are. I guarantee you they're like, you got to get on social media. The bear is like, I don't know what that is. What's your Insta following? And his last credit was going to be starring in a documentary called Growing Up Grizzly, narrated by Brad Pitt.

Man! He died of paw cancer. Oh, just come on of paw cancer What the fuck What is this What up man You know he was doing blow Eating other bears asses And shit like that

He actually refused pain medication Really God damn it So he's a hero He's a bear I'm trying to find Fight the opioid crisis What a powerful bear Something to look up for Yeah you know what fight the opioid crisis. Look at that.

What a powerful bear. Something to look up for. Yeah, you know what? We can all aspire to be this bear. And that leads me to say, get these dirt bags out. More animals in Hollywood. Clean it up out there.

If every movie was bears, we'd be just bears and dogs. Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Oh, man. I found plenty of animal actor agencies. There's Positively Famous. Actually, Ben, I have heard that the Beverly Hills Chihuahua has been accused. No, we had no idea.

Don't even do it. Don't even do it. I'm not entertaining that idea. A Sharpay came out recently. No. A Chihuahua? No. Don't fake news.

Fake news. That's not true. Because of the power that Chihuahua wields. Oh, my goodness. Oh, positively famous. These people, they got some heat on them. They got the Aflac duck. Oh, wow.

That's pretty dead. They got the whole Purina, Milkbone, and dog.com market corner. Dog.com. Dog.com, which is surprisingly hard to say. Yeah. Dog.com. Dog.com. Dog.com.

Dog.com. Wow. Kate Spade, you know, so when they retire, they become bags. There it is. So, but yeah, but they don't rep the actor who does the voices for these animals, huh? No. They just rep. They only rep the dogs and cats and snakes. Yeah.

Fun. Dogs, cats, snakes, birds. And there has to be one for spiders. I was just thinking Home Alone. They got the spider in there. Arachnophobia. Oh, big spider. There's entomologists that take care of all that.

Ah, I see. Those fucking bug people, man. I saw the behind-the-scenes bug people for the Indiana Jones one. Oh, yeah, how was that? Intense. Those are all real bugs. Do the bugs listen? Oh, wow.

Yeah. Do the bugs listen to them? How do they get the bugs' attention? You just got to slap it. Oh, they yell at it a lot. That bugs respond to yelling. That bug part, it makes my skin crawl. Did the actors have to be up on the bugs as well?

Yeah. That's horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. Wow. Hollywoodpaws.com. You can look through a catalog of dog actors. There's Bella, Bodie, Bowie, Brian, Bubba. That's it.

Jackie, favorite dog actor of all time or animal actor? I guess. Faster. Clanker. Faster. Snakes. All the snakes. I like the snakes.

All the snakes. Interesting choice seeing as how she knows my fiance has mortally afraid of snakes. Now that I do remember it, though, I guess when we were doing an episode of the Carmichael show, there was in the episode, they got the family, got a dog and they hated the dog. snakes. I do remember it though. I guess when we were doing an episode of the Carmichael show there was in the episode they got the family got a dog and they hated the dog.

But we had to look through like a catalog of just hundreds of dogs until we found like the cutest most adorable golden retriever we could find.

But the episode was just them shitting on this dog the entire time. There was this dog sitting there and they're calling it a demon and a pervert

and all this shit. We just had to find a cute dog. I think I might have found the top one. A performing animal troop. They're number one. They got Bowfinger, Insidious Chapter, Three Step Brothers, Criminal Minds. They're hot right now.

Ray Donovan. Seven Psychopaths. A lot of dogs in that movie. Yeah, a lot of dogs. They got Ray Donovan. Ray Donovan. Wow. Seven psychopaths. A lot of dogs in that movie. Yeah, a lot of dogs. Yeah. They got Ray Donovan. It's a big one. There it is.

I think it's almost time for a segment. It's time for a segment. What? Shot in the bark. That's what I would call mine. There you go. Ooh, I like that. This segment really came up real quick, man.

Time really flies when you're late. What? Dude, it's a segment, y' Time really flies when you're late. What? Dude? It's a segment, y'all. Yeah, y'all. I was about to say yo, and then I transitioned into a y'all because it was going to come off so bad. Today's segment is

a putt by golf course. Yo. Okay. We all just hated you so fast What? That's stunning Today's segment is Bear with me now You get a hole in a putt-putt golf course Okay?

Alright, Marcus is Chuck E. Cheese Chuck E. Cheese doesn't have golf They do now Fuck you, yeah I don't know I didn't know that Yeah, celebration station They're getting into it.

They're getting into the racket. So we have to come up with a hole. We gotta do something with that roof. Yeah. Oh, that's a good point. Mine is called Chippers. And you have to, you know, wedge the, you have to kind of slam into the ball to kind of wedge it up.

It's up on a high pedestal. There'll be beer pong cups set up on top of it. You want to get it into one of the beer pong cups. Get yourself a little drink if you do. Chippers. Also, there's a naked, topless woman at the end of the course. Just shaking and having fun.

Distractions. It's fun. To distract you. Bad for a family restaurant such as Chuck E. Cheese. Right, of course. Bad for that. But it'll be naughty Wednesday nights. Naughty Wednesday nights.

Don't bring the kids. Bring your boner. And the horny missus. Or horny mister, because there'll be lots of gay-oriented material as well. Of course. We have to be inclusive. Yes, absolutely. Fucking, yeah. Well, mine would be called pterodactyl.

And it is a course made entirely of pterodactyls. I'm talking about you hit it up into a wing. The wing carries it up down the mouth of another pterodactyl who shits it out, right? And it shits it out. That goes into the mouth of the next pterodactyl, kind of like a human centipede type of situation. And then there's a pterodactyl upside down.

It goes through it like a kind of like a half-pipe situation. It comes out the top, and you better hope your ball lands in the hole right then. Otherwise, you start the whole shit over, man. So do you have to wait for how long would you think that ball has think that ball has to digest through a pterodactyl system? Look, I don't know, man. I was just talking. Let's see here. Golf course, golf hole.

Really good show. We got a really good show. We got, golf hole. Really good show. We got a really good show. We got a really good show for you tonight. I don't know. I like the ones where you got to knock out teeth. That's fun. Something like that there. Maybe put a little, maybe put a meatball on the pizza.

Yeah, the ball is in the shape of a meatball. Colored brown. You get a special ball for that one hole? Yeah, you get a special meatball for that hole. You know, it's pizza-themed, too, like on the Chuck E. Cheese. The only one so far that makes any sense. Yep, and then if you get the ball on the pizza just perfectly to where a nice-placed sausage would be, then there's an animatronic bear that eats it.

And that's the hole-in-one. Wow, that's the one to beat, gentlemen. Okay, so there's no logatronic bear that eats it. And that's the hole-in-one. Wow, that's a one-to-be, gentlemen. Okay, so there's no logistical questions about that crazy one. He's a creator! He's not a construction worker. Art gets picked apart, fucking analyzed by a team of scientists. You let that shit go?

I don't even remember yours! A woman with the breasts. Well, that's the thing. We can give that to engineers to work out. We're not talking about the digestive systems of prehistoric animals here. All right. Well, mine is very simple.

It involves my new hero, Roy Purple. It's called Purple Putt. And it's at his place in northern Michigan. And he's covered in blood. He just kind of, like, talks to you the whole time while you're trying to play putt-putt with your family. And then you get scared. You get scared by him. There's no deers. There's no of like talks to you the whole time while you're trying to play putt-putt with your family. And then you get scared. You get scared by him. There's no deers.

There's no deers allowed. Don't bring your kids. And he's probably drunk. He's probably drunk. Again, a lot of problems here. A lot of problems. A lot of logistical problems. Come on down to Purple Putt.

Jackie, what are you doing? Mine's going to be called Chip Chop. You don't stop. Basically, what you're going to do is you're going to take whatever pedophile of the week you're going to find inside of a Chuck E. Cheese, or if an employee has been late more than three times, those kind of things. You hang them upside down by their foot, but their head is in front of where the hole's going to be. So you've got to throw. You've got three tomahawks to throw to chop the rope down

so that you can get the ball around his body and into the hole. So you just let him hang there all day, and no one's going to fucking do it. It's a bunch of kids. So in reality, it's the best punishment of all, and they never win, so they can't go forward, so it also saves you money. There it is. Because they're going to keep buying more balls, and they're going to keep buying more tomahawks.

Wow. It's more of a hatchet game than a putt-putt game. It's impressive. It's an inclusion game of many different sports. All right. All right. Mine will be, we're going to go. game of many different sports. All right. All right. Mine will be, we're going to go Inuit themed.

There's going to be, it's all going to be on ice, but you get to putt from grass, and then you got to go and you putt it onto ice, and you got to hit it into an igloo, a tiny little igloo, and then the ball comes out the other side, and there's a hole, and you've got to hit it into an igloo, a tiny little igloo, and then the ball comes out the other side and there's a hole and you've got to hope that the ball finds a hole before one of the little animatronic penguins come and take it because they think it's one of their eggs that they've got to sit on. Because you know if a penguin loses its egg, it's immediately dead. So you've got to get down there fast enough to get your ball before the little penguin comes to take it.

Obviously, a real penguin wouldn't be possible because it would eventually die, choke on a golf ball, and stick one in its ass, and fucking kick. Say that? And so what you would have to do is you have to get these little animatronic penguins. Chuck E. Cheese got animatronic shits out the ass. That's family friendly. Yeah, you get little penguins, they go

looking for balls, and you just gotta beat them. And then if you win, you get a free fish. Wait, live fish live fish I mean dead fish I mean we got

two pretty good ideas here we got meatball yeah I love meatball yeah that has no issues I usually don't like Ben's ideas and that was wonderful

yeah we gotta we gotta go with that one yeah we gotta go with with pizza no issues no issues it's more practical no issues

why am I clapping I don't even know. Big victory. All right. Well, that's this episode of Roundtable. Again, watch the Jeff Ross roast The Border. Yeah. That's going to be awesome.

It airs on Thursday evening here, but it'll be on Comedy Central. It'll be on Comedy Central for two more nights, and then you can catch it whenever they decide to show it willy-nilly, or the Comedy Central On Demand all that shit. Please check it out. Also listen to Thick Skin with Jeff Ross. I started a podcast with Jeff. Alright check that out. LPN Network Wizard and the Bruiser. My comedy special Rolling with the New coming out real soon.

Next month or so. Rolling with the New? Where'd you record that? Big Club. Big Club? Which one? Where'd you get the name Rolling with the New? Downtown. Which one? Downtown. Where'd you get the name Rolling With The New? Rolling With The New? I just feel like it's time to do a new thing, you know?

Yeah. I compare white people in it. Nice! White people to white people. They're retards and they're retardas. That's a joke earlier before you got here. Anything else?

Keep on supporting all the shows here and I guess that's basically it. And goodbye, Travis. I'm going to miss you guys. I'm going to miss you guys. I'm going to miss you a lot. And donate to,

what's the name of the Indiegogo? Killer Raccoons 2. Dark Christmas in the Dark. Donate to the Indiegogo. Go out to Ohio and tell the people, friend. I'm going to tell the people, Marcus. That's it.

Anything else, Marcus? That's it. All right, we'll talk to you soon.