The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 36: The Dark and Hilarious Past of Ghandi

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

Now, normally we wouldn’t give two shits about a new Gandhi biography. However, a newly released book has revealed many Round Table worthy facts. More than we could ever ask for, in fact. In addition to that, Holden names his mother his favorite sponge, Ed calls for the death of multiple people, Kevin points out how terrible of a life Ben lives, and Ben talks about how terrible his life is.

Good radio. This is good radio. Yeah, just you gnawing on that fucking nicotine gum. Oh, that's good. Fucking horse mouth. You should see me eat pussy. Disgusting. Fucking disgusting.

Holy Lord. They never let me do it. No one lets you do it. Because they see you chewing gum and beef, and they're like, you'll never go between my legs with that terrible, terrible mouth. It's like Alien. I've got a little mouth inside his mouth. Yeah, that mouth is even more disgusting.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Dear Lord, please don't let Holden eat pussy anymore. No. It's tingling, by the way. Oh, man. All right. So Holden's got a. No. It's tingling, by the way. Oh, man. All right. So Holden's got a big...

Pussy is tingling? Yes. Holden's tongue is tingling, and it's going to ruin whatever young lady is dumb enough to let his horse mouth get close to her snatch hole. So, God, if you could do me a favor, and any time a woman sees Holden McNeely, make her drier than Death Valley. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the

Holy Spirit, Amen. Amen. Wow, that was unbelievably nice. I hope the Lord makes all snatches dry across the country. If God doesn't do it, this podcast will. Welcome to the Roundtable gentlemen. The stinkiest show around and the greatest thing you've ever heard.

Who is on the program? Molly Neffel. Molly Neffel. Ed Larson. Holden McNeely. Kevin Barnett. I'm Ben Kissel, and in the chuckle hut, I've googled words. We've got the enthralling, mesmeric, jocular, waggish, sportish,

Louis Katz. You had to Google sportish? I Googled it. And straight from San Francisco, right off the boat, Alex Cole. Pre-possessing. The always pre-possessing Alex Cole. Yeah, I thought of that first. Thank you. That's an acronym. Do you know what an acronym is?

Louis. Are you hosting a show right now? Would you not call me out on how drunk I am? And as always, the newsman Marcus Parks. Marcus Marcus, what do you got for us, buddy?

A brand new Gandhi biography just came out. Who the fuck cares? Oh, you're going to care. All right. Turns out Gandhi was a sexual weirdo, a political incompetent, and an extreme racist. And he murdered Jimi Hendrix. He puked inside his mouth. Yeah, I remember that.

Sounds like Holden. So what's been going on here with the biography? How has this affected his overall image? His popularity. Yeah, you know, the old Gandhi flair. It seems to be wavering a little bit now. Well, Gandhi was somewhat idolized in the Civil Rights Movement back in the 60s. Martin Luther King loved him, but he was amazingly racist towards the blacks of South Africa.

Quote, we were then marched off to a prison intended for kafirs, which was the name for black South Africans at the time. What were they called? Kafirs. Kafirs? Now, is that like a racist term, or is that just like what they were referred to as? black South Africans at the time. What were they called? Cathiers. Cathiers? Now, is that like a racist term, or is that just like what they were referred to as? I think, is that what they're still referred to as? Molly, you're a smart lady. Why are you looking at me?

Because you're the most intelligent one out of all of us. Molly, you regularly take part in discriminating against the black population of South Africa. No, I don't know. Cathiers reminds me of that yogurt drink, kefir. Oh. Interesting. Okay, so they were a yogurt drink. So they were being marched off.

And what did Gandhi say about that? Well, Gandhi and his supporters, they were being jailed in South Africa by the Dutch, I suppose. And he said we were then marched off. The Dutch? How much of a pussy do you have to be to be jailed by the Dutch?

I feel like the pipes they use to hold you in are made of licorice. And all they serve you is chocolate and fantastic fat butt. They chain your ankles together, but you're wearing those adorable wooden shoes. I mean, that's the thing. Click them together three times and a Dutch maid will come and blow you and fucking get you out of the cuffs immediately. Oh, man. So many whoresores I love the so you can hear coming a mile away to with those fucking shoes I mean that's

the thing they're the worst ninjas of all time ninjas they're quick though I'll give them that we're about to be attacked by White Sea Whites, man. Probably why they're not ninjas, man. I never, you know, always worried about that. One day, I was like, why are there no Dutch ninjas? Now I understand. It makes perfect sense.

It's black in their shoes. So they're in a Dutch prison. Well, yeah, they were being taken to a Dutch prison that was usually reserved for cat ears. And Gandhi said... I feel like you might be saying a very offensive word, by the way, with for cat ears. And Gandhi said... I feel like you might be saying a very offensive word, by the way, with this cat ear. So let's take it to... Well, I mean, this is quotes from Gandhi. How is it spelled, though, man?

K-A-F-F-I-R-S. Ooh, sounds dirty. If it was spelled N-I-G-G-E-R, I would say that's a racist word. So it's not just lost in translation. Okay, so they're held there. Gandhi said, quote, We could understand not being classed with whites, but to be placed on the same level as the natives seemed just too much to be put up with.

Oh, wow. Caffiers are a rule uncivilized, the convicts even more so. They are troublesome, very dirty, and live like animals. Wow, you got called dirty by Gandhi? Gandhi? Stinkiest dude ever! Damn! The dude may be a racist,

but I respect him more now because I find out about all this hate. I love that. He's so full of hate. Nobody's perfect, you guys. Nobody's perfect. He's the face of the civil rights movement. Well, I think we just found out that he is perfect. I'm with you on this, KB. It's nice to know he's a

human being. I agree. Now we just need to see some footage of Mother Teresa sucking toes in South Africa and be like, she was a fucking, she loved that dick and all those toes. And be like, I love Mother Teresa even more now as well. I mean, I don't doubt at this point that Gandhi could fly and shoot fireballs.

It's a thing. Possible. Scissor kick. Get Gandhi a fucking TV show. That's what I say. Absolutely. He was also a, well, I wouldn't say a sexual deviant,

but kind of. When he was in his 70s and close to leading India to independence, this was in, you know, his heyday, he encouraged his 17-year-old niece, Manu, to be naked during her, quote, nightly cuddles with him. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, he used to cuddle up with his 17-year-old niece naked. Well, I mean, 17 is almost 18. Niece is almost 18. Niece is almost stranger.

It seems like most people we idolize tend to be kind of tan in bed with 17-year-old boys and or girls. Edgar Allan Poe was all up with his 13-year-old cousin. Come on. We don't stop reading Edgar Allan Poe, do we? Absolutely not.

Michael Jackson. Lots of cats by his grave. I don't know if you've ever seen Edgar Allan Poe's grave in Baltimore. Covered in cats. Covered in cats. It is just covered in cats, man. It is weird. Live cats or dead cats?

Live cats. Live cats. I mean, they're all going to die. Maybe it was just you, Ed. Maybe you were covered in cats. And you're like, you know the Target in Baltimore? Covered in cats! The Nissan

that you drive in Baltimore? Full of cats. I feel like you're the cat king. The cat man. But speaking of cats, we have the wonderful Lucifer cat over here. Louie, what do you think about this Gandhi news? I mean, how does this shatter? I would assume this also made him anti-Semitic as well. You have a letter that he wrote to Hitler, which wasn't too kind of the Jewish people.

Well, it's kind of a half-and-half type thing here. He did write Adolf Hitler a letter that started off with the words, My friend. Or, you know, he's just trying to get on his side. They're both vegetarians, right? Yeah, they got that going. But, it turns out, right? Yeah, they got that. But, it turns out in 1908, he left his wife for a German-Jewish architect and bodybuilder named Hermann Kallenbach. So even better. It gets better and better.

I'm not even done yet. I have to renege on my anti-Semitic comments. He's obviously not that. No, he's down. He wrote, this is in a letter to Colin Bach, quote, your portrait is the only one that stands on my mantelpiece in my bedroom. The mantelpiece is opposite to the bed.

He was just masturbating. Seriously. So hard. I feel like, do you think Gandhi has to touch his dick to cum? I don't know. I don't know. I feel like his hands are too sandy. Some people can. Jesus Christ. I don't even know if that's part of the culture.

I don't think that's even right. India is not a sandy country. It's dusty. I know that much. I know I don't want to go there. I always imagine Gandhi somewhat similar to Dawson from Street Fighter. So I imagine that he could stretch his dick and jerk his dick off with his own dick. That's probably the thing.

God love him. For some reason, cotton wool and Vaseline were a, quote, constant reminder of Colin Bach, which... For some reason? I am fairly certain we know the reason. Yeah, well, cotton balls and... But cotton wool? What?

No, I got the reason! Every time Gandhi saw Vaseline, he thought of his Jewish lover from Germany. I mean, I believe that would be because Vaseline used to be all over that fellow's penis when he was sticking it inside of Gandhi's unbelievably sensitive asshole. Well, here's what the biographer believes. He believes that this might relate to the enemas Gandhi gave himself.

With the dude's dick. That's incredible. With his own dick? What are you talking about? No, with his boyfriend's dick, the Jewish fellow. She was a girl. She was a girl. It was a girl. Oh, it was a girl? No, no, no.

This was a dude. This was a German guy. He had a girl whenever he was older, 1908. He was in his 40s. Oh, the Jewish guy was a guy? Yeah, the Jewish guy was a guy. That's why he said Jewish guy. His name was Herman.

Herman? How did you miss this? It sounds like a German name. I'll tell you what, though. Would you date a chick named Herman? If she was hot? Yeah. What if she had a dick?

Yeah, it was a Jewish bodybuilder from Germany named Herman. That was the fellow that Gandhi fell in love with. Yeah, back in 1908. But back to Manu, the 17-year-old niece that... Let's see here what he would do. He could also be very vicious to Manu, the 17-year-old niece that, let's see here, what he would do. He could also be very vicious to Manu, whom he on one occasion forced to walk

through a thick jungle where sexual assaults had occurred in order for her to retrieve a pumice stone that he liked to use on his feet. I will say though, in his defense, she was then in P. Diddy's Making the Band. So she was a pop star after that. It doesn't end. When she returned in tears, Gandhi cackled with laughter at her.

And said, if some ruffian had carried you off and you had met your death courageously, my heart would have danced with joy. Wow! What a nightmare rape jungle is right outside his house where he's like, go through that jungle and if you make it through, it's like a video game. But all you get is a footstone. Well, he really liked those footstones. Alex, how is this changing your view of

Gandhi? I would assume your idea of him before was very you honored him, you put on him a mantle as a peace loving kind of fellow. I had a painting over the mantle that I masturbated to. That's fantastic. Almost every night. I'm surprised there's even, there were Jewish bodybuilders

at any part in time. That seems really surprising. The most surprising thing to me. I think I would jerk off to that too and write him letters if I knew there were Jew bodybuilders out there. Just because you had the chance. You're an opportunist.

Look man, I'm just trying to say, way to go. So in that letter to Hitler that Gandhi sent that starts out with the, hey, friend, what was the context of that? What was it full of? Well, he was trying to get him to pay attention to nonviolence from the Jews. That one was kind of... That one was okay. That one wasn't that bad. That one is just mostly funny because he called Hitler his friend. Nah, he's just buttering him up.

I'll give him a pass on that one. Hitler hates the British, and he hates the British. So maybe... I mean, I'm certainly not down with Hitler, but that's a good... If you've got to align yourself with somebody, you've got to align with someone the enemy of your fucking enemy is your friend. But here is one thing that Gandhi said. Gandhi claimed that there was an exact parallel between the British Empire and the Third Reich.

Yet, while the British imprisoned Gandhi in luxury for 21 months, Hitler stated that he would simply have had Gandhi and his supporters shot. Well, there you go. Classic Hitler. That is classic Hitler. That is classic Hitler. That is vintage Hitler. Jumping to conclusions. Good old hidey-hit.

The other Gandhi and Mussolini were great friends. They got on so well whenever they hung out with each other. I imagine Mussolini knew how to throw out a party. Throw a party. Yeah, he was very hilarious, man. And I will say, if somebody has a gun to your face, the first thing you do is be like, Buddy!

My friend! Do not shoot me! Please! So I guess it was a good approach by Gandhi to really get Hitler on your good side, especially knowing the fact that Hitler would probably shoot him in the face had they ever met face-to-face. Yeah, Hitler's got a pretty small wheelhouse there. Gandhi's got to work with what he's got. That's true. But what about this...

Gandhi also preached... He told the Jews of 1940 Germany to no violence against the Nazis. That was one of his approaches as well, right? This is great. He told the Jews to practice non-violence against the Nazis and that their practice

of non-violence would, quote, melt Hitler's heart. He's just a troll. He's just trying to get the juice killed. That's the thing. That's what I'm thinking at this point. Man, I hate Gandhi. No.

What about the conclusion we should draw from this? The conclusion is that this biographer is a fucking asshole. What the fuck has he done in his life? Except dig up trash on Gandhi. He won't do shit compared to Gandhi ever in his life. Fuck this biographer. Exactly. I like the biographer. I think he's digging out the real information

about Gandhi. And if you think about it, nobody's ever come to power, become world renowned and known without being a total asshole. You've got to squash a lot of heads. And in order to become the most peaceful man in the world, you've got to crush a lot of balls to get to that status. So I'm saying, world, you've got to crush a lot of balls to get to that status. So I'm saying...

Lick a lot of asses out. You've got to lick a lot of ass. Lick a lot of ass. You've got to suck a lot of ball. Uh-huh. Get a lot of cum. You've got to put your feet in the blood of the righteous man.

And that's how you become the most peaceful man in the world. I've got to fucking... Snakes. You've got to put a foot stone the whole time. Exactly. Everyone's talking about how great of a leader he was. He was a political incompetent

up until he finally did something. He just kept fucking up the whole time. They would start to get going towards something, and then he'd just be an asshole and piss people off. They're like, fuck it, I ain't working with that guy. Are there any examples in there of what he did to be an asshole? Are people off. And they're like, fuck it. I ain't working with that guy. Are there any examples in there

of what he did to be an asshole? Are you fucking kidding me? He took down the fucking British Empire. He's the shit. What are you talking about? He stumbled for a while and then he took down a colonial... He took down Britain. He could have done it a lot earlier. I do enjoy that he took down

Britain. That's definitely for sure. Who's that? Is that yours? I don't know. Answer it. Mystery phone. Jen Johnson? Jen Johnson.

Do you know who she is? I don't know who Jen Johnson is. Should we call her back? I think we should. Yeah, I think we absolutely should. All right, so we're going to get Jen. Put it on speaker, right? Can you do that?

Who knows how to work this fucking thing? Here, let me try it. Oh, my God. You should see Ed with that piece of technology. Oh no, you gotta unlock it. You gotta draw a pattern. Let's just break it. Eat it, Ed.

There's candy inside. Non-violence, right? Yeah. We're here judging Gandhi and now we're like, smash this phone! Smash this stranger's phone! So we're setting Wall Street on fire.

We've never claimed to be good people. I think that's the irony of it. On a far more micro level, it's like this news is only shattering and very bizarre because of the fact that everybody thinks Gandhi is such a fantastic person, similar to when Tiger Woods fucked all those 20 prostitutes and whatnot. It was only a big deal because everyone thought he was not doing that.

That is not an apt comparison whatsoever. It is. You told me Gandhi didn't play golf? That's a good point. Terrible at golf. He just kept on masturbating to that Jewish caddy of his. But no, I think that it's only interesting because of Gandhi's, our perception of him being totally good and amazing,

when in reality nobody is. And it's interesting that it's come to light. I mean, he's dead, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Dead as fuck. He's way dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Super dead.

Extra dead. Super dead. Yeah. Dead as he can be. Yeah. So it's bizarre that it's Oh, yeah, yeah. Dead as fuck. He's way dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Super dead. Extra dead. Super dead. Yeah. Dead as he can be. Yeah. So it's bizarre that it's coming out very, very late. You have a feeling he had all this stuff very, very much on lockdown and whatnot. Yeah.

How is this just, you know, how is it coming out like now? Like, how does it stay hidden? And then a dude who, you know, never knew him. Well, the way that it was put in the article is that the autobiographies about Gandhi that have been released, people were just kind of good with it. Like, oh yeah, Gandhi's an amazing guy. He's awesome. That's all

we really need to know about Gandhi. And this guy dug a little bit deeper. He's like, oh no, there's some pretty fucked up shit about Gandhi going on at that. I think it's a fantastic biography. I mean, obviously, you know, you take it with a grain of salt. I think it's good. I mean, I think he's a good person and he's you know you take it with a grain of salt I think it's good I mean I think he's a good person and he's a bad person he's just a normal person he's a human he's not a demigod

or anything like that man he just fucked up a little bit and did he even fuck did he really fuck up I don't think he fucked up at all he just fucked the fucking Jewish bodybuilder which yeah that's what you do to them does this happen that's how that's the normal thing to do when you see a Jewish bodybuilder.

It just goes to show everyone has a little bit of Ben Kissel in them. And I think we all need to realize, recognize that, you know. And that's the part that I like about him. And then, of course, you have all of that peace stuff. Does this make Ben Kingsley

a piece of shit, too? I would imagine Ben Kingsley has done far worse things than Gandhi, but you never know. I mean, I feel like you could read Ben Kingsley's biography by the rings around his anus. Similar to how you learn how old a tree is. That's going to be the true test. So when Ben Kingsley dies, I want his butthole saved on ice, and I will look through it,

and I'll have a pen and whatnot, and I'll jot down my notes, and we're going to figure out exactly what he's been doing. But until that happens, until that happens, the jury's out on Ben Kingsley. However... I think you were just searching for something there, man.

You just fucking rambled. Feel free to fill the airwaves with something. I've always said that. I don't like talking. I've never said anything of any significance. But sticking with biographies, there is a new biography out by a completely different type of person.

Who is this about, Marcus? Sammy Hagar. Ah, my tequila! This is an autobiography, though. Oh, it's written in crayon? It's written on a Perkins menu. It's written on a little chalkboard. Always keeps getting erased.

It's called Red, My Uncensored Life in Rock. I'm just going to go ahead and read this. Remember the story in the book where I have a dream about being contacted by aliens in the foothills above Fontana? That was real. Oh my god. Quote, aliens were plugged into me. It was a download situation. This was long before computers or any kind of

wireless, there weren't even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like fuck, they downloaded something into me. Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment. See what this guy knows. I saw what I considered to be, well, at the time, I thought it was a car with no wheels. I saw this thing floating across a field, creating this big dust storm.

I threw rocks at it and shit. You threw rocks at it and shit. It sounds like a piece of farm equipment. Oh my god. My respect for him just went up so much. You're going up with that one? Oh, it's great, man. He saw an alien space.

He offended the whole human. He wasn't dealing with no fuck shit. He saw some fuck shit going on. He threw some rocks at it. He did a lot more than Mel Gibson in signs. I'll tell you that much. So what information does he think that the aliens took from him?

Killer recipe. Maybe that's why they haven't attacked us yet. They've just been loaded for the past 30 years. He doesn't even say. He's just like, yeah, they downloaded something. Or maybe they uploaded man. He doesn't even say. He's just like, yeah, they downloaded something, or maybe they uploaded

something. I don't know. I want to throw a quick plug out for Dan Aykroyd Unplugged on Netflix right now. Fucking an hour

and a half of Dan Aykroyd talking about aliens. It rules. He's like, chain smoking the whole time while he's doing it. It's just Dan Aykroyd.

It's a movie. It's just Dan Aykroyd talking about aliens. That's it. Do you guys know about how Ronald Reagan was really, really into aliens? Really? I didn't know that. I thought he hated them.

His theory was, because he was all like, oh, fuck, Cold War, Russia, we're fighting with them. His theory was, well, we're all fighting on the Earth, we're all fighting now. But if there was ever a space invasion, then we would all unite. All the countries of the world would unite against the space invaders.

And he wrote this into a speech in front of the UN General Assembly several times, and his speech editors took it out, and he was like, put it back in. They were like, you can't talk about space invaders to the UN. And he was like, I'm going to talk about space invaders. I'm an actor. I'm the UN. And he was like, I'm going to talk about space invaders. I'm an actor. I'm from Hollywood. Wow. And he did it. That's awesome. That's the plot of

Watchmen. Yeah, that's the plot of Watchmen. Really? Yeah. That's why he was the greatest president of all time. That was the 80s, right? That was the same time period as the book. That's right. There's a correlation. Yeah, no, it was the Star Wars plan. He was reeling the sci-fi, that guy. That's probably why he got shot. Think. There's a correlation. Yeah, no, it was the Star Wars plan. He was reeling the sci-fi, that guy.

That's probably why he got shot. Think about that for a second. Good point, Ed. That's exactly why he got shot. No, but yeah, his Star Wars plan was so insanely out there and ridiculous. He was a fairly forward-thinking guy, considering the fact that, you know, he didn't think AIDS actually existed. But other than that, it's kind of bizarre. He believed in aliens, but not AIDS.

Yeah, I don't know if forward thinking is an accurate way to describe Alzheimer's. That's a thing. Early stages of Alzheimer's. Didn't he want to build a bubble around America? Is this true? Someone told me about that. He wanted to build a force field around America or something like that. That was one of his many ideas.

That sounds awesome. Yeah, it sounds great. I feel like he mostly presided in his underwear. All of these ideas seem like they come in a nice pair of boxer briefs. Good for Ronald Reagan. So is Sammy Hagar, what's this, is there any new news in this documentary? Does he spill any beans on that terrible group that he was a part of or anything? No.

No, nothing. Just the alien invasion. Nothing at all. It was just like, yeah, there's this one part in the book where he talks about aliens and all the rest of it

is pretty boring. Anybody have any, see any UFOs or anything like that? Yeah. You did? Yeah. What did you see?

I saw lights darting across the sky whenever I was hanging out in a cemetery in high school. Oh, yeah. See, you also used to say you liked to trip balls in a cemetery about once a week. I remember that.

Everybody was telling me that. Yeah, those lights were my fingers. Were those lights your hands? Were those lights your hands? That's cool, though. Yeah, Texas, right? That airspace seems to get a lot of UFO activity. Oh, yeah.

We spend a lot of time staring at things. That's right. Certainly not your wives. Those are the real aliens here. That's the thing, man. I agree with Ronald Reagan, though. If aliens did attack, I mean, it would be a world...

We would finally all get together just as people, and I think that would be pretty fantastic. And we would get destroyed immediately. Yeah. Fuck that man kill an alien i'll kill the shit out of man how are you gonna kill the shit of an alien with your fucking non-levitating body and without the gun control to do heart man they don't care about your heart they have eight hearts so many hearts man that's the thing you guys are good you guys are the first to die no i'll fix the alien problem just like I fix every problem I have with a girlfriend I just start crying in front of it

And I'll just cry and cry and cry Until it finally falls asleep And we never talk about it again I'm glad that you used the pronoun it To refer to both girls and aliens They're similarly foreign to Holden Completely I don't even know what's going on in any of the parts.

Louie, what do you think? What's your take on aliens? You think they're up there? You think they're watching? You think they're out in another world? Or you think they just don't exist? They're out there somewhere, and when they come here, they will fuck us up. That's all I think.

I mean, Ron Reign is right. We need to defend ourselves against them. So you want that Star Wars program up there immediately. We've got to do it. We don't even need it for the aliens. We can just knock out some other country's satellites. Knock out someone's cell phones. No cell phones for you. Fuck you. Lasers at your fucking satellite.

What's the point of that? You can't call anybody. You don't know what's going on. Now you're getting bombed on. You know what I mean? Why are we bombing them? Why are we bombing everybody? What do you mean? They're brown! Everybody knows that!

What? No, I'm with you on this one. We tend to brown people. No, I'm mostly brown people. Good job, man. That was my liberal stance! I was calling racism on America! I never do that. I usually love it when we do that shit.

Yeah, it's easy. The brown ones are getting too wild. Well, we do that shit. The brown ones are getting too wild. We do have a story that relates to that. A Portland rock band tried to trademark their name, but their application was rejected twice on the grounds that the name is racist. They're an Asian-American band. Their name? The Slants.

Oh, that's fine. They're Asians. That's a great name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It works. Just don't trademark it. No one else is going to be The Slants. Oh, that's fine. They're Asians. Yeah, yeah. It works. Just don't trademark it. No one else is going to be the slants. You're fine. I mean, really, it's racist to not give them that. They could be talking about scoliosis. Maybe they all have scoliosis.

Yeah, I was going to say they're just extremely farsighted. How are the tunes? Do you listen to the slants? No. It's good. I don't see... They're all sitting down with acoustic guitars. It can't be that good. Why can't you trademark something racist? It's part of the

American trademark law. That sounds un-American to me. It sounds extremely un-American. Absolutely, yeah. But N.W.A. could trademark their name. What was their name, Marcus? Niggas with attitude. I want Marcus to say it. Kevin just totally ate that one. Why did you take that

bullet for Marcus? Because he was going to get so nervous. He was going to be like, how do I say it? I'm from Texas. When I say it, I usually mean it, so I do the right word, and now I can't do it. The right dude's supposed to take the bullet, and that's it. The white dude's supposed to take the bullet in that situation. It's not like you know a lot about black culture.

But this does seem like another typical situation of white liberals being ironically racist against Asian people. You're right. It's just a word. It's only racist if you're already thinking racist thoughts. I don't think you can really be racist towards

Asian people. Fuck it. I mean, that's the thing. Not until three months after the Japanese tsunami. Then you can start being racist again. But they get three months of pure love and Sean Penn attention. Oh, man. My uncle hates him, man. He was a nom. He's ridiculous.

That doesn't make it right. No, it doesn't make it right, but it gives it... Okay, why do you hate Asians? I was in NAMM. Okay. That's a lot. Why do you hate Germans? I was in WWII, whatever.

I mean, you know, they fought to the death, so I can understand that. Fair enough. Yeah, but he won't even... If one of his daughters brought home an Asian dude, forget about it. It's a nightmare. It's the big deal. It's so nice. Yeah, It's a nightmare. It's so nice. Yeah, it's so nice. For the most part, successful.

And he knows we're not in Vietnam. It's not the same Asian. There's many of them. Yeah, that would be amazing if she brought an Asian boy from home and he just dives behind the couch and starts throwing his socks like they're grenades. Asian boy from home and he just dives behind the couch and starts throwing his socks like they're grenades.

That would be very, very fantastic. So, any hoot, Nanny. What's going on, Marcus? Feel the airwaves! Alright, there's a new poll that has come out that says that church churchgoers are much more likely to be obese. It's all the fucking

Jesus blood they're drinking and eating. Yeah. You think that Jesus blood is high in calories, Eddie? No, yeah, of course, man. Son of God. You tell me it's not delicious? I have no idea what the old blood tastes like. You never ate communion? It's not that bad. Well, I went to Catholic school,

but I never went up for communion because I'm not Catholic, but I went to an evangelical church and we did not drink wine for the blood. We believed that Jesus' blood was also grape juice. So grape juice was the blood. Yeah, we did grape juice, too, at the Methodist church. I got wine. You got the wine?

Fucking creepy-ass Christians drinking blood. It's fucking weird. It is. It is weird, right? Yeah, it's really weird. There was a story that Father Steve told us in high school about he went to the Vatican, and they were having this ceremony, and he swore that the fake wafer crackers turned into a lump of drippy blood and actual flesh of Jesus.

And this was his big claim to fame. Jen Johnson here. Answer the phone. We got Jen Johnson calling in for the show. We're number one fan, long time listener. Hit the green one. Answer the phone. We've got Jen Johnson calling in for the show. Our number one fan. Long time listener. Hit the green one. Hold on one second, Jen. We've got to put you on speaker here.

How do you do that? I don't know how to do that. How do you do this, Jen? How are you doing, darling? What's going on? I'm fine. You're on the wonderful round table, gentlemen. Say hello to America. And Canada. Say hello, Jen. Don't get camera shy. Jen?

Hey. So, Jen, what are you calling for? What's going on? What do you need? Do you need some drugs? You want to get high? No drugs. Do you need a wafer? Who are you need some drugs? You want to get high? No drugs. Who are you calling, Jen? I'm calling Pat.

Pat. Pat's very nice guy. He left his phone in the recording studio, so we just picked it up. Oh, is Pat the magician? Yeah, Pat's the magician. He's got a truck full of rabbits outside. Jen, does Pat being a magician turn you on? Well, it depends what kind. Depends on what kind? What kind of magician is sexy and what kind of magician is not sexy?

Well, if you're a magician and a bug, then I think that kind of explains that. Fair. So basically you want him to make his cock disappear inside of your butt. Ooh, that's a little much. Is that a possibility, though? That's a little much. Jen, you don't have to answer that, Jen. Jen, could you answer it, though?

All right, I'll tell you what. If you call Pat back in 30 minutes, he'll pick up the phone. All right. All right, Jen. Jen, can you answer the question? No. Jen, God bless you. Have a nice day. Okay. There we go. We're right, Jen. Jen, can you answer the question? No. You're Ben. Jen, God bless you. Have a nice day.

Okay. There we go. We're done with Jen. Yeah, she's a nice girl. Yeah, she's a nice girl. I wanted to know. It doesn't matter. She's a nice girl.

Is this not his girlfriend? It is his girlfriend. Yeah, so the answer would be yes. I knew they were dating. Ben, you're going to be the first person who gets arrested for sexual harassment by harassing a stranger on the phone. That's not possible. I'm not hiding my penis inside of her. I hide my penis

inside of my own fat when I sit like this. My dick is only large when I'm lying straight on my back. Isn't that weird? Dicks shrink like that. Molly, have you ever had a penis like that where you can't find it? Knock on wood. No, have you ever had a penis like that where you can't find it? Knock on wood. No, I have not yet.

That's the thing about the male genitalia. It can be very large and it can be very small just depending on position, you know? What kind of body parts do you have? Magic ones. They're fun. I mean, I don't know. I have actually been

going through quite the crisis lately. My penis is small. Small for your size or small in general? My penis is five inches long. And it is the size of, it's like that. And I have come to the conclusion that it's actually very tiny, though. Because I was in the mirror and I was masturbating to my breasts. Yes.

Just looking at my hairy titties. I was obviously thinking of something else. Probably looking at my hairy titties. Jesus Christ. I was obviously thinking of something else. Probably a large, muscular Jewish fellow. And I realized that my penis is very tiny and then I went limp

and I could not come. So that is my current... Were you hammered, Ben? I was not hammered. Really? I was sober as fuck. This was... You were awake?

I don't get drunk and like, oh, excuse me, I've got to go masturbate in front of the mirror in my bedroom. No. Is that when you're dead sober? I do it sober because that's, you know, and I've been working out a little bit. And I did just see an ab. I saw an ab recently. It was covered in fat still, but the fat sort of had an ab design.

You truly live a terrible life, man. I'm glad I'm not you. Yeah, Kevin, that would be the right answer. Ben, you can't get hung up on it, because if you have a small dick, as long as it gets hard, you're fine. Your only problem is if you have a small dick and it can't get hard. So as long as you can get it hard, then don't worry about it. What about a big dopey dick that can't get hard? How's that?

That's worse. I think dopey dick that can't get hard? How's that? That's worse. I think dopey dick is the best term. You come and it's all like, duh. Dick's all gray and shit. Gray? I just imagined a fucking leaky, dopey, gray ass.

Just a little reruns of The Simpsons. My dick just likes to watch Lisa. It loses its tail and it doesn't care about nothing. It's always raining. It's always raining next to the woods. You're like, come on, man. Get up. That's the worst.

Eeyore cocks are the worst. Size matters less than attitude, I think. All right. Attitude. Ferocious. Like a sassy dick. Attitude. Yeah, mine's always mean and mad.

Mine is misogynist, man. It just hates women. I mean, that's the thing. Now, Louie, you like a larger gal. We talked about it on the last podcast. And that helps with the penis. It helps you just forget. There's so much meat going around.

There's a lot of meat going around. That you can't even really think about the size of your own penis. Because you're just too busy trying to figure out how you're going to enter that unbelievable coliseum of puss. You should bring a chariot in, fill it with mini Trojans, things of that nature. How do you get in there? So it makes it easier, but when you're just alone and you have all the time in the world to think about how big your

hand is and how small your dick is and why your butt hurts. I think Molly just turned off the podcast and she's here. That's a sad thing. Oh, man. That's another episode of Kissel's Corner. Time to put the kitties

to bed, Mom and Dad. Kissel's Corner's over. If a dick falls in the flat, how much cum does it make? Oh, man. Oh, my God. I mean, could you imagine if Ben grew up in Texas? How fucking horrible that would have been?

No, it would have been better than Wisconsin. You think so? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, because, I mean, look at me. I did all right. I grew up in small-town Texas. Yeah, yeah. You're a serial killer, Marcus.

A bit, but... I'm not going to talk to people. I may be a serial killer, but I haven't killed anyone yet. Speaking of murders, Marcus, I think there's some in the news. We got animal murder. Oh, hey. We got animal murder.

Oh, hey. You're a forte, my friend. Yes, it is. I told you before the show, Marcus, that you were going to make animal murder happen. Well, I knew it was a possibility, but I didn't want to ruin the surprise. All right.

This guy named Sean Mulcahy. His brother Ryan slept with his fiancee, so Sean slit the throat, his brother Ryan, slept with his fiancée. So Sean slit the throat of Ryan's cat, dumped it in a ditch across the street, and then texted Ryan a photo of the dead cat in the ditch with the slit throat. Can I ask, was it a bitchy cat? Because it was a bitchy fucking cat. All I'm saying is some fucking cats are real bitches. That needs to be the new iPhone commercial, by the way. Technology.

Working out perfect. I think that's actually a completely fine revenge. What do you think, Alex? Do you think killing the cat, killing your brother's cat after your brother just slept with your wife, do you think that's a fine compromise? No, that dude could have fucking hated the cat to begin with

and he could have been like, good, I'm going to go back to fucking his wife. But in vice versa, the guy could have hated his wife and been like, good, someone needs to fuck that hose hound. Good. That's a good point, though. So I think it's a perfect solution. Yeah, I mean, do we forget the ending is happily ever after? The guy was sentenced to 30 months of probation

and 150 hours of community service. As he summed it up for the judge, quote, it was definitely fueled by out of control emotions as well as alcohol. Oh, he should have left the alcohol out and he probably would have got a better chance. And do a mugshot description for me of this guy.

He is happy as fuck. The goddamn cat is dead. Yeah, he's thrilled. description for me of this guy he is happy as fuck yeah man that cat's dead as hell I hope that's the picture of the cat the cat's like hugging a little orphan boy In the picture They've got these two It's an image carousel And the first image is the guy smiling his ass off

And the next image is like the cutest cat you've ever seen It's like a match made in heaven So he got 30 months probation for that? Seems like it should be I feel like it's a lot, quite honestly. Yeah, I feel like it's a bunch. Yeah,

did you hear that? He slit the throat of a cat. Which is actually a very convenient way to kill an animal. Yeah, that's how they kill pigs,

you hide it upside down. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. There was just that story a couple weeks ago about the family feud between the brother

and the sister and the 18-year-old brother killed his sister, his 17-year-old sister, I remember she was in her 20s even he killed her gerbil and he could go to prison for two years

because he threw a gerbil against a wall which is, I feel like there's a huge double standard the last emperor, you ever seen that? no I never saw it oh man that little Asian emperor fucking kills a mouse in front of some girl. It's great. Throws it against the wall.

Nothing happened to him. He was the emperor. Yeah. President Obama can kill as many cats and rodents as he wants. But I think that is bizarre. I mean, I feel like the crime doesn't fit the punishment. If you kill an animal, I don't know if you should ever do any jail time. Only because our culture is so driven by meat.

All we do is eat meat. He didn't even eat the cat. If he would have ate the cat, maybe it would have been something different. You think that would have been better? It's also not his cat. He would have been better off. I'm totally with Kissel on this one. Hey-o. Wow.

Can we get a sound effect for that? Just the sound of the end of the fucking world. I wish he'd done something with the cat like in that Chappelle show skit. He kills a cat and then he takes pictures of him and the dead cat on a roller coaster and him walking with the dead cat along a beach. He did all this shit with his dead cat

even after he was dead. Just to be like, fuck it. That's the thing. He took a picture of the cat in the ditch across the street. But he was about halfway there. He's like pointing at it and smiling like, oh shit, it's your fucking cat. Maybe. Yeah, I just, that wouldn't have killed his cat,

it would have just burnt his fucking house down. That would have been worse, Ed. Unless you saved the cat and you were holding it and petting it outside as his house burns? Oh, that's creepy as hell. That's good. That would have probably no jail time or no probation for that.

I mean, he's probably a dude who just knew the law and weighed the consequences. Like, I'm not going to burn down his house and go to jail for like 10 years. I could smash his Xbox, but I want to come over and play that later. So I'm just going to kill this cat. Yeah, I guess if you're just walking around your brother's house and you're like, the thing that I hate the most around here, you see the cat and you're immediately, cat! I hate that cat! And then you just kill it.

Well, he's talking about emotional damage for the amount of time you're going to serve. I mean, that's really getting at it. If you just kill someone's animal, oh, that's fucking you going right at them. See, I'm thinking take a dump on the animal. You come home, it's just a shit log. Your cat is ruined. If you take a dump on the cat, it is ruined. You gotta throw the cat out ruined You gotta throw the cat out

That's a great point You shit on a cat I mean you can't keep the cat Not after my brother shat on it No I'm sorry Shat cat You gotta go How do you keep the cat

Still enough to shit on it Yeah exactly You glue its paws to the ground So you glue its paws It's like the quarter trick as well. Glue quarters to the ground. He goes to pick up the cat, he just rips off the cat's legs. There's no gravity

it changed. I know you can't weigh 5,000 pounds now. How mad would you be when you come home and your cat's paws are glued to the ground? Damn, I got shitted on cat in my living room. I gotta get rid of this cat But you can't it's stuck there Then you gotta cut it

You gotta cut his throat yourself And everything goes right this way And force him to kill the cat You're gonna have to burn the cat so it just disintegrates Oh my goodness I love this guy's revenge I think that's one of the most peaceful ways you could possibly get back on your life. He's like Gandhi.

Retard. No, that is a nice... It's not peaceful. He killed an animal. Yeah, but... I mean, Louie, what do you think about these stories where people are getting sentenced to probation and prison for killing pets? I mean, I understand the emotional attachment to the pet of the person who owns it. All that jazz.

But at the same time, you probably just had a pulled pork sandwich at fucking Arby's or a shrimp taco at Taco Bell. It's like, what's the difference? Well, I mean, for some reason, I feel the big difference is between the cat and the gerbil. Like, a fucking gerbil. Like, come on, man. A gerbil? Yeah.

That's barely alive. You know, fucking throw it on the wall. It's alive. Gerbils are dumb as fuck. Grass is alive. Yeah, exactly. If gerbils were extinct, the world would not change.

Nothing would be different. What's one different thing that would exist in the world if gerbils were here? There'd be more permit crabs in houses. That is the difference. And more hamsters and assholes, I think. There'd be more lonely children, just like if there was no cats.

Oh, man. Well, I was a lonely child, and I'm fine. Look what you fucking opened up, Molly. I was alone. I didn't have some bitchy cat fucking with my time. Oh, man, you just had a dog that your parents used to call you the name of the dog. Yeah, they go, Ariel Holden. Dog's name was Ariel, which fucking sounds nothing like Holden.

You're like, Mom, just hold on. I'm rubbing money all over my body. I love to rub money on me. I'm just taking this money bath that the family provides for me every fucking night. His mother was a lawyer. His mother was fucking a lawyer. And it's like,

how on earth are you upset about your childhood? I mean, daddy bought me toys. Fine. Daddy bought me plenty of toys. I said, I want car now. And he was like, fine, have car you have. We talked weird.

God, I miss them. I just want to be back. I just want to be back with mommy and daddy. They used to bathe me and take care of me. It sucks taking showers by yourself. That blows. That's why being a parent is impossible. Because you have a kid and you give them everything and they turn out like Holden.

And all I want them to do is not be a comedian. I used to call mommy my favorite sponge. So gross. That's so gross. That's the sickest thing ever said on the podcast. Oh, man, that's great. Got a mother's story. No, all right.

An addled mom is boasting that she injects Botox into her eight-year-old daughter's face every three months so she can be a, quote, star. Kill her! Kill that woman! Kill the kid, too!

It's dead! How is it that they can do that to a human being, killing a gerbil gets you two years, and killing a cat gets you 30 months of probation, when this fucking woman is injecting an eight-year-old with Botox? Because don't nobody want an ugly baby, man. End of the day. I understand an ugly baby.

Why do you have a wrinkly baby? If your kid's all wrinkly, then fucking something's wrong. This is not illegal in the least bit. It's not illegal? Not illegal at all. Not illegal to inject your child with drugs? No laws. You guys are like bleeding hearts

when it comes to an eight-year-old. And when it's the cat, you're like, split that cat's throat. Fuck cats! The difference is human being versus cat. I know, I know. But I wouldn't expect you to be such like, oh, that poor 8-year-old. I'm just upset.

I miss Jackie. Jackie would be like, I wanted to rape that 8-year-old. Good thing she's hot as fuck now. No, but I mean, it's ridiculous. I'm holding a mirror up to you, Ed. If you don't like what you see, that's your fault. And the mom says that I wish that I'd had the same advantages when I was younger. I know one day she will be a model, actress, or singer,

and having those treatments will ensure she stays looking babyface for longer. It would be kind of funny to see an eight-year-old with big fake tits, though. Well, here's the eight-year-old. big fake tits, though. Well, here's what the 8-year-old... I'm actually going to give that to Holden. Correct. No, here's what the 8-year-old says. She's looking forward to a, quote, boob and nose job soon

so that I can be a star. Oh my god, how soon is soon? So this 8-year-old's never going to be a star. She's never going to be a successful model or actress or entertainer, but she's going to have all the accoutrements of neuroses never going to be a star. She's never going to be a successful model or actress or entertainer, but she's going to have all the accoutrements of neuroses that go with being a star, which means she's just going to be the worst wife ever, and she's going to be a fry cook at Arby's for the next 90 years.

She's going to see Miles of Dick by 10. That's true, too. I'll tell you what, if she gets a solid eight minutes, I'll book her on dog shit. That's right, young sweet titties. You come over, you do dog shit. Sweet eight minutes. Get those tassels and lingerie ready. It's going to be a hot, hot show. There's American apparel now with selling

clothes for bras for eight-year-olds that are padded. Swimsuits and stuff like that. I just, I mean, I don't want to sound too old here, but we are starting to sexualize these gals pretty fucking young. Yeah, man. Eight years old? Who is attracted to an eight-year-old body? No, not even eight-year-olds. That's

the thing. Yeah, exactly. Eight-year-olds think they're creepy and full of the goobers because they're disgusting. This story is bordering on pedophile corner. Oh, yeah. It's bordering on. Absolutely. Squirt! Yeah, we're going to talk about it. Molly, what do you think about this? Because it does seem to be happening just more and more.

Oh, that's horrifying. But I completely agree. Girls are being sexualized earlier and earlier. Although, even when I was a kid, by the time I was in sixth grade, all the girls were shaving their legs. That's sixth grade. Well, you were from the Midwest, and they had very hairy legs. And wearing bras as well. By, like, fifth grade, everyone was wearing bras.

Well, I mean, I think it's... I mean, but they had huge knockers, I would assume. No, nothing. You're like 75 pounds when you're in 5th grade. When did you start wearing a bra? Because everyone else was. Four years from now. Alright, that's my last joke. I apologize, Molly. I want to apologize.

Let's regroup Totally warranted I started wearing one far before I deserved one I still don't need to wear one if I don't want to Fun fact It's beautiful I think that's great I love having smaller tits

If I had huge tits they're a pain in the ass They're flopping all over the place. I wouldn't know what to do. You're freaking Ben out right now. She's making Ben happy with you. She can deal with his little dick. That's true. I could actually titty fuck you with my small little pencil guy.

It's pretty disgusting. Just a world of images I want erased immediately Everyone know that Ben is Ben And the rest of us are us But no I just had this huge conversation I don't know I was talking about

My girlfriend She went to an all girls school And five of her friends Had breast reductions And I was hanging out with all of them last night And they were all They were all together? All together. Breast reduction reunion.

They all had them. I bet their tits are still big. Oh, they're huge. He's not Mengele, for Christ's sake. He's not trying to make these women look dead. And they were describing them, being like, oh, you should have seen hers before.

Watermelons. And they were saying words that they would think that I wouldn't like. They were like, grotesquely huge. Abnormally big. I mean, just pounds and pounds of fat. Trying to turn me off. And I'm like, that is what I love. And Mars said, oh, they would have been down to my navel by now with gravity.

Great. I can get there. I know exactly where that is. So anywho. My penis is small and I'll never get to drown in tits. Well, it's time for a segment. You got to follow that. You got to follow that.

It's time for a segment. I mean, you're kind of working with me on this one. We need some stats on Detroit. This segment's about Detroit. How many people has Detroit lost over the last two years? Ten years. Over the last ten years, Detroit's population has dropped 25%. That's smart.

Those people are smart. Escape from Detroit. John Carpenter's new film. 237,500 people left Detroit in the last 10 years. But they still raised $50,000 for a RoboCop statue. Just because they're worried it's slowly becoming the truth.

Do they know the RoboCop statue is never going to come to life? Maybe if we just build him and pray around him for three hours. It's not the fucking leprechaun. So anyway, this segment, you own Detroit. You own this fucking horrible piece of shit town. What are we doing here, people?

What are we doing? Ah, so it's like a Sims. Sell it to Canada. For how much? Anything. I'll take a fucking bucket of blankets and a case of whiskey. You ain't get Indian prices. Smallpox infected

blankets. That is immune to smallpox. No, Detroit, we definitely need to cut Detroit off. Cut Michigan off too. Well, I kind of want to build like a floating kingdom above it, you know. Like scientific experience. This experiment's

forbidden mutant creatures. You could just do that in Detroit and no one would even notice, because everyone's dying anyway. Exactly. Everyone in the population went down, but murder still is on the rise. I mean, I think we could, you know... Maybe the population just went down because 25% got killed. Because of all the murders. There's nothing but murderers

left there. Let them kill each other for a while. That sounds like a great TV show. Spill the river around Detroit and make it like no escape. Send Ray Liotta and what's the black guy? Ernie Hudson there. You can make it like Australia

and make it like our own little convict island and send all the convicts there. That's actually not a bad idea. It would help the Michigan economy. And then let like 15 Catholic schoolgirls loose on the convict side. The bad ones. Like a battle royale type thing.

Exactly. But with preset murderers already on the island. That'd be pretty sweet. And if you murder everybody and you're the only one left, you get to leave Detroit. Yeah, but first you have to pass and you can finally leave. Yeah, we'll dress a guy up like King Koopa

and throw hammers at people. The sequel is you get to leave Detroit but you have to go to South Dakota. So it'll just be an end shot of him entering South Dakota, which is very devastating. I mean, yeah, sending all the murderers to Michigan I think would be a great idea. the way they send all the retards to North Dakota, which is where I'm from.

That's like they built all of these institutions. You're not from North Dakota. I was born there. You were born in North Dakota? Yeah. I lived there for six years. They send retards there? That was Fargo's biggest industry. So they had all of the hospitals and all of those things. Fargo's biggest industry is retards?

I hate to keep interrupting you. It's North Dakota! It is. That's the total truth. What do they do? They run on mills and power the whole city? What kind of industry is based on retard farming? The nursing industry. So it's like doctors and nurses go to North Dakota

to take care of all the retards that are there that are in the homes of all the people in the Midwest who just drop them off in the frozen tundra that is that state. And then they leave, and they leave their kids there forever. I mean, it literally is like 30% of North Dakota has Down syndrome. Really? Oh my god. I'm dead serious. I would love to get the real stat on this, but that sounds great.

I hope it's 30%. They should have a whole nerve-like city, and they can all be there and just go buck wild, just retard fucking and retard fucking. I would totally take vacations there, too, by the way. Just go there and be king. Yeah. As a matter of fact, if we could somehow get the retards out of North Dakota and bring them to Detroit and Michigan, then we could just have the killers kill the retards.

Yeah, or who knows? Dude, the retards are super strong, man. Yeah. Or the retards kill the killers. That would be a fun war to watch. Yeah, that would be an amazingly slow war. When are we going to finally get these fucking human war games on television? We've been promised by so many sci-fi movies.

That's what we need to do with Detroit, man. That's what I'm saying. Human war games. Light it on fire. Whoever gets out, shoot them. Tell them they get a bigger reward. It's not like Stalin. Good God.

KB, what would you do to Detroit right now to actually help the city? What are you going to do? I mean, they're losing people left and right. I would fucking probably just open some aquariums and shit. Oh, you're trying to educate the people. There's an idea. I mean, they just need to smile. Several aquariums.

That's a great platform. Aquarium for everyone in the city. You can't open aquariums in a city that's out of glass. How did they make a shank out of the aquarium? Just whittled down an entire building into the smallest shank. Well, that's amazing. Marcus, did you get the stat on North Dakota? No, I can't find it.

30%. I'm telling you. I just typed in Down Syndrome population percentage North Dakota. Yeah, like how do you even... And it just comes up North Dakota birth defects surveillance and monitoring system. That's a weird one. Well, all right. I was trying to make you download something.

Yeah, I got gotta download a PDF report You guys keep going, I'll do some research I'll see what I can do Oh man, look how tiny that retard's feet are Yeah Just for the record, it's a baby that we're looking at It's a baby

Well this is 2001 In all honesty Molly, if that baby, if the father of that baby fucked his brother's wife and the brother came back and stabbed the baby and fucking cut the baby's head off and threw it

and then took a picture of it with his iPhone, what do you feel worse for, the cat or the retarded baby? I'm not saying that killing animals is as bad as killing children. No, the retarded baby. So it's like they're both animals. I just can't believe you want to be associated with a round table of gentleman balls. I know, she keeps coming back.

Why do you keep coming back? You know what's going to happen here. I mean, what are you thinking? 30 months probation? You know, I used to work with retarded children, so I actually, I'd say 10 months probation. 10 months probation. That's about right. I'm just teasing.

They're great, but they're very difficult. Oh, they're retarded. It's like a car that only goes in reverse. I love that car, but I can't drive it for shit. Because it's stupid. No, good thing for the retards. Should we wrap up the podcast? As long as everyone

talks about what they want to do with Detroit. I feel like Detroit's been solved. I think Detroit has been solved. Yeah, number one. Aquariums, I think, is the answer. Yeah, number one, aquariums. I like that just making things happen. As a political platform, vote for Kevin Barnett, some aquariums and shit.

We can take the, you know, mentally disabled children from North Dakota, we can take them to visit the aquariums in Detroit and generate a bunch of revenue. That's a good idea. We'll take them to be at the aquariums, but then we'll leave them in the aquariums in Detroit and generate a bunch of revenue. That's a good idea. We'll take the retards to be at the aquariums, but then we'll leave them in the aquariums, and then we'll just throw them in the tank, and then we just watch retards swim.

Oh, so it's like the retards become the aquarium. A retard aquarium. One word. Alright, well, let's just end the most peaceful and suckling podcast of all time. Alright, well, let's just end the most peaceful and suckling podcast of all time. Alright, Molly Neffel, thank you so much for being here. I gotta look at my notes for all the words that I came up with for people.

Molly Neffel, the very... Oh, I already said it's sportive. Okay, and then Ed Larson, the corpulent, ponderous whale-like. Those are all adjectives for fat. Marcus, I give you talkative. You're eloquent, languicious,

and voluble. And the wonderful Holden McNeely. This is for vivacious, buoyant, limber, and twinkle toes. Ooh, I like twinkle toes. I like buoyant. That's right. KB, I forget exactly what this is meaning, but monotonous,

papkin, and ho-hum. Boring. You just called him boring. So Kevin's boring. I am sorry. Very unexciting life. Sorry. I am Ben. And I want to thank Louis Katz for being here, and of course

Alex Cole. Thank you so much. And spread it around San Francisco, please. Hell yeah, that's been the Roundtable of Gentlemen. We'd be a hit over there. Oh, we're going to be a huge hit. Alright, that's the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Thanks for listening. I'm loving it! Thank you, the McDonald's.

I'm loving it. I'm loving it.