The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 50: Live at the Cave Comedy Radio Launch Party!

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

We made it! On this, the 50th episode of the Round Table, we discuss the best dad ever, the best pervert ever, and the weirdest things the members of the Table have ever done. You can only imagine how fucked up it gets.

Hell yeah. Alright. Well, Holden, I don't know if you've noticed, but you have two microphones. I got two. I got two. You probably want to give... I got two. I got two.

You probably want to... Jesus. I think one is Barnett's, man. God damn it. Who's on prayer tonight? Jesus fucking Christ. I'm on prayer. Alright.

Dear Beelzebub, thank you so much for cursing us with 50 fucking episodes of the greatest goddamn podcast ever. Fuck your brains. That's half my arm. Patrick, you jerks. The Lord said it couldn't be done Beelzebub and you said fuck you Lord. I am Beelzebub and I got you huge

tits and a gaping anus that can fit all of our cocks times 12. He took two of all of our balls. Thank you Beelzebub for letting us nut in your asshole and create such a fantastic show. This is the round table of gentlemen. Yeah.

And who the fuck is on it? Oh, man. Who's on it, Ed? I am Ed Larson. Jackie Zabrowski, me, yeah! I'm Haley Kawafucking Bungo. I'm Ben Kissel, and the Chuck Lovey

got Henry Zabrowski. Hello! And with us as always, Newsman, Marcus to slap butts. I'm Ben Kissel and the Chuck Lovey got Henry Zebrowski. Hey there. Hello. And with us as always, Newsman, Marcus Parks, Marcus, Marcus, what do you got for us today?

But hey. No. After learning that his 16-year-old son, Raines, school bus route would pass the family home. His son's name is Raines?

His son's name is Raines. That's stupid. That's just the first fucking thing. I already hate this story. It's Rain. Is he a secret character on Mortal Kombat 3? After learning that his 16-year-old son Rain's school bus route would pass the family home, his father, Dale Price from Utah, decided to come out and wave at the bus every day for 170

days each day wearing a different homemade costume. I read about this. I actually read about this. The guy also has one leg. You don't see the clip of all the pictures? No. The guy's father who comes out here to embarrass his son every day also only

has one leg. He dressed like a pirate with an actual peg leg on. Yeah, I was about to say, he makes use of the one leg then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, but sometimes he has a fake leg and he puts a shoe in it and pretends like he has a leg. You know, I think if I only, if I had one no leg, I would

put like a big hammer down for the leg, you know? So you could, what, do construction? Yeah, just be like Thor, badass Thor situation. I think it would be too short, man. Now you could fucking walk. That's the thing where I'd fucking kick your ass to the nuts. That's why you'd be a terrible father holder.

I think it's beautiful that they've managed to make this kid embarrassed of his crippled father. Hell yeah. He's not embarrassed enough. He probably got up, he saw he had no legs, he's like, you know what, I'm taking this to the next level. Here's a quote from the father.

Quote, I hope this lives with him for the rest of his life. Of course. It will live with him for the rest of his life. That's the kind of man I want to be. I want to be an evil, vindictive father. I hope this lives in you for the rest of your fucking life.

I would love to dress up like a guinea pig. I would love to dress up in one of those full body penis outfits. I'd just wave all the time. Just be like, I'm coming to your school, son. It's called a costume.

You're going to go to jail. I do like that costume joke, Holden. Thank you. It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a It's called a

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Am I good? No, you're doing terrible. You're fucking bad. I was just trying to be encouraging, but then that spawned you to just keep talking. Am I doing bad? No, you're doing fine. Am I good? You're fucking...

You're fine, Holden. Did I fuck up the podcast? Can you still be a real doctor if you only have one leg? No. Right? You're not supposed to, right? I figure he could dress up like a doctor and pretend like he did something with his life.

You can dress up like a doctor all you want, but if you only have one leg, you can't really be successful. No, that's true. Here's some examples of what he dressed up as. Star Wars characters, a chicken, Michael Jackson, and a wedding dress complete with a bouquet.

I'm going for the chicken. I vote for the chicken. Seems like a very nice father, and I'm happy that he was doing that for his child. I'm sure his son is going to be thrilled with the situation throughout his entire adult life. He's going to be known as the father who dresses like Michael Jackson and waves to the kids. So that should work out very, very well for him. Hee hee. Alright, well

on to the world of perverts. Oh man, this kid's real fat. This guy just looks like a fucking pervert. A computer repairman in California doubled as a virtual peeping tom, adding spyware to the Mac laptops of female customers so he could photograph them undressing and showering.

Here's how we did it. This guy's a fucking genius. He put a little bug on the computer. It displayed a bogus error message and it said, you should fix your internal sensor soon. If unsure what to do, try putting your

laptop near hot steam for several minutes to clean it. Whoa, and it fucking worked. It fucking worked. He has been slapped with 12 felony counts of computer access and fraud. Holy shit. I think that people that are being charged with peeping Tom charges is bullshit. Man, there's so many.

They're not touching them. What are you talking about? What do you mean? They're just looking at them. She stands for women. She's the woman's stance of the show. They are just looking and I think that that's fine. You think it's fine? Just looking is okay.

Just looking is fine. He's not going in there. He's not touching and not feeling up inside. That's what they do, right? They're feeling up inside. Eyeful is okay. A mouthful, not as nice. Exactly. Unless you want it. Or you don't want it. Then it's kind of sexy. But other than that,

I think that Beeping Tom's, I think that this kid had it going on. I don't think he should be charged. Free! He's free! Freedom! I don't agree with what this man did at all. Wait a second.

No, you just like him. But you're a voyeur. No, no, no. I just think that people that are voyeured, they're not breaking into your home. But you like to see some... Yes, they are. Instead of people getting murdered,

you like to see some nasty fucking going on. Yeah, they have no fucking curtains. All those fucking rich people, they got no curtains on the windows they deserve to be looked at jackie i think the sweet irony here is if this man uh if you did run the shower got the fog going you probably just ran the shower so you're gonna because you're gonna take the biggest stinkiest shit of course and you're like i always turn the water on really hot right before i drop the babies off in the ocean. It helps you go.

Everyone do this but me. I just shit. Who does this bullshit? Nobody, right? No one turns the shower on when you shit. Rian Johnson does. Isidore, do you turn the shower on before you shit? It makes all bathrooms smell good. I'll tell you what it's like to shit next to a beautiful stream.

It smells great. People enjoy it. Your poo-poo smells good, Kevin. Yeah, man. Of course. He's fucking suave as shit. You listen to how smooth I talk, man? Fucking, my shit is beautiful.

Jackie would wish to make love to you in so many ways, I feel like. Nah, just one way. Dick to pussy. No, no. I'm going D to the P. Of course, it's her dick inside of Kevin Barnett's pussy. Henry, how do we feel about that? Back in college, when we had no money for

toilet paper, you just used your buddy's dick? No. Because that's a strange thing to wipe your ass with. I just shit. Can I borrow your dick? Oh, of course, man. Can I borrow your dick for a second?

No, but what we would do is we would just, instead of using toilet paper, we would just put our ass in the shower. Yeah, exactly. So you had the shower. I don't understand the response when I was like, you turn the shower on before you shit. It's a bidet. It's French. It's German. I want to fucking bidet so bad. Cleanest turn the shower on before you shit. You always, it's a bidet. It's French. It's German.

The cleanest my asshole ever was after a shit. No, see, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm saying if you're going to take a shit in the toilet, use the toilet paper and then you immediately take a shower. I'm not talking about putting the shit in the shower before you take a shower. Of course not. This is what he's talking about. I'm not talking about shitting in the shower, Jackie.

You start talking about shitting in the shower. I'm not talking about using it in the shower, Jackie. You start talking about shitting in the shower. I'm talking about using it as a bidet. What are you talking about? All right. First of all, you don't shit in a bidet. A bidet cleans your asshole after you shit. Yeah. Second of all, what I'm saying is.

I'm the gross one here. You live with. You are the gross one here. Technically, there are more stinky crevices on your body than anyone else on the podcast. I don't have that many holes. But that's just because God did that to you. Goddammit. God did that to you. I'm saying,

before you shit, you put the shower on so your roommates don't hear it, and you can zone out a little bit. Don't hear your shit? Eddie, you just boarded backstage and a seagull died in Texas. Don't tell me that we don't hear you shit all the time. By the way, Ben, I beat off in our bathroom, buddy.

That's disgusting because it's full of Kephart's hair who was on the middle of relief. That's not right. I've done it twice. That's so gross, Holden. There's no room in our bathroom. What do you mean? It's not gross to beat off in the shower.

It's the cleanest place to beat off. That's a natural, beautiful thing, man. I'll tell you one thing. It's not a natural, beautiful thing. You know where it's gross? Beating off in the kitchen, it's the cleanest place to beat off. That's a natural, beautiful thing, man. I'll tell you one thing. Beating off in the kitchen is gross. I've never beat off in the kitchen. Beating off in the kitchen is fine. I enjoy food. I enjoy the food channel, and I love a good

bundt cake. But what I'm saying to you is jacking off in our shower is disgusting because it's full of... We're nearly 30. We're all losing our hair and it looks like on the floor of our tub is a buffalo. The buffalo that we step on, so you're jacking off into hair

and it doesn't drain. I was taking a dump today and I looked down and there was an upturned cockroach right under our toilet. So there you go, Holden. You just left it there, right? I looked at it and I was like, oh, that's nice.

That's hot. I'm going to jack off now. I'm going to stare at the cockroach and jack off right on it. Jerking off to a buffalo's back. Our bathroom literally looks like the coffin of an aborted fetus. It is so fucking tiny. It's fucking so nasty. It's pretty bloody, too. It's covered in blood. So it looks like a shoebox

then, right? Either way, Holden, the idea of you jacking off in our shower. And there's no curtain on the window. So everyone can see us when you shower. I've looked over and seen the chick. There's a kitchen right next to it. But that's the girl that you regularly stare at. Yeah, that's the thing.

You stare at that girl. He stares at her all of the time. I'm just going to say Sarah B. Her name is Sarah Bird. If your name starts with a Sarah and your last name starts with a B, then you're way bird. I think Sarah B.

is sitting in the fucking front row and has been on two shows already. This would count as other human activity. Certainly not. Maybe other bovine activity. If you're jerking off in the shower and it looks like a buffalo, you're jerking off like an Indian. Ha! Ha!

Ha! What? Oh my! That is true. That's one of the wisest things. Yeah. I mean, I'm from Wisconsin. I've had sex with some buffaloes myself. I mean, we all have. But just the idea of masturbating

to them isn't well. Don't they have really long tongues? I think it's fine. With really long tongues? With the gals in Wisconsin? Those are aardvarks. No, I'm talking about actual buffaloes. That's a good point. There was a guy in Stevens Point, Wisconsin while I was in high school who got busted fucking a cow and he literally

Oh, it happens all the time. What? He was a healthy man. I will say the cow wasn't the biggest. How do you get busted fucking a cow? Literally, what happened is this. How bad do you have to be a fucking cow in the middle of a barren wasteland to get caught?

First of all, Eddie, I'm going to have to correct you. How good do you have to be at fucking a cow to get caught? The thing, what happened was he fucked these cows I'm going to have to correct you. How good do you have to be at fucking a cow to get caught? He's right. The thing that happened was he fucked these cows multiple, multiple times, but they weren't his cows. So he'd break out of this farmer's land and fuck the cows. And the farmer just started being like, these cows seem thrilled.

Super fucked. These cows seem to be loving their lives. These cows are just brilliantly fucked. And everybody knows fear makes for the best beef. So the guy was like, I gotta get these cows angry again. So they literally set up surveillance and it was on the local news.

Just a dude. Literally what you would call Kobe beef. Because they were raped. All right. He got it. He got it. Raise a beer to him. Well, everybody knows you can't

rape the mooie. We love good puns on the show. It's a show of puns. A pun needs to be dirty in order to get a cheer. And that was a dirty fucking pun. So the cops caught the guy and he just said he really loved the cows and I don't think they did anything wrong with him.

That's the end of that story. I'll tell you, that Kobe beef comment was amazing. I saw a thing that I didn't look at because I was at work and it was a not safe for work link. But apparently horse pussies look just like human pussies. I feel like they look like your mouth.

No, that's not true. It was on Reddit. I wouldn't look at that. It was on Reddit. It was on Reddit. That can't be true. No, isn't it supposed to be here? I wouldn't look at that. It was on Reddit. It was on Reddit. So let me get this right, Holden. You fuck in a bathroom that looks like you're standing on top of a buffalo and you're looking at Gawker for things about horse vaginas.

It's not Gawker. It was on Reddit, man. Listen, man. We're all better people than you. I mean, that's the problem. And you can tell because you look like a half a horse. Where did I go wrong, though? I have a horse mouth.

You do. No, you're half a horse already. It's fine. I fucking eat. Your whole life. Every meal you eat is a bag tied to your face. It's just scary. It's scary.

That's why I like burritos because they bring me closer to that bath. I just want a house. It's like food is afraid of your mouth. I'm just saying horse pussies, human pussies. So you said you want to fuck a horse pussy? Because you know it's not like a human pussy or a human ass or a horse's ass or a horse's face.

I don't know, but I don't fuck asses, dude. Ah, you're straight. You don't fuck asses? No, I don't lick asses, man. I tried to. I don't like asses. I don't like asses, man. I tried to fuck an ass once. Got in a lot of trouble. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Wait, from who? Sarah's giving the points. It was an ex-girlfriend, and I was like, hey, can we give it a shot? And she's like, sure. So I put it in her ass, and she screamed, no, no, no, stop. Yeah, man, you can fucking lube with your Tuesday. Did you lube her, Kate? I didn't know what I was doing.

I went, they're blind. You gotta lube, man. You gotta lube. You didn't put lube on your fucking gross bumpy cock before you put it in her soft, supple ass? She blew me before, but you know. Oh, you did that wrong. You gotta go blowjob afterwards. Oh, yeah? Always blowjob afterwards. Because it dries, right? Yeah, yeah, know... Oh, you did that wrong. You gotta go blowjob afterwards.

Because it dries, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You wanna go butt sex, blowjob, and then deny her a kiss. That's always the best. That's how sex works, Eddie. Well, speaking of well, just gross shit sex,

things we're not proud of, got a segment from Holden McNeely. Yeah! Come on! This segment's called Winter of the Weird. We're going to need some audience participation from you guys. I've got some weird situations from every member of the roundtable.

You guys have to guess who the fuck it was. I feel like to be shocking, we should go through the most normal thing we've ever done. I buy coffee every day. That's pretty good. It was Ben. It was Ben. So I'm going to name a weird ass thing that a person on this round table has done. You've got to

try to guess who it was. We're going to try to figure this out right now. No, we don't know each other's either. We did it all in secret. Secret, secret. So it's going to be exciting for us and you. All right, okay. What is... Let's see, let's start here.

First of all, this looks like the Zodiac Killer's letter to the police. That's the thing. Everything Holden has said is so creepy, and then he writes like a serial killer. I took her upstairs, and then I cut off her tits. The Modiak Killer? I don't understand. Call me the Modiak. serial killer. I took her upstairs and then I cut off her tits. The Modiac killer? I don't understand. Call me the Modiac. What is the weirdest

thing a member of this round table has ever drank? That would be his brother's urine. Ben. It's gotta be Ben, right? Me? I am personally offended. You saying me?

You saying me? Everyone am personally offended. Sarah's saying me. Marcus. Everyone's saying Marcus. It's Kevin. You're all fucking wrong. It's Kevin. Kevin Burnett, ladies and gentlemen. Kevin, you're not. No, okay, so what's the story? How did you drink your brother's piss?

Kevin's out now, right? Why would you drink that? This was a different time in my life. We've all gone through phases. No, man, but we... Basically, we... We were playing a game called Toilet. Yeah, yeah.

No, man, it happened very innocently, man. I was taken advantage of. It always starts off innocent, Kevin. Oh, yeah, when you start drinking your brother's urine. Yeah, and then it turns into casual rape. No, man, but we used to fucking... Every single time

Eddie gets a phone call in the morning, it was casual rape. I love casual rape. You went on trial. They didn't convict the cops. You're not convicting me. See, man, we would take showers together. What? You guys soccer players? We were kids, but I was like, You see, man, we would take showers together.

What? Look, you guys soccer players? We were kids, but I was like nine. But I was scared of lizards and frogs that were in the house. We lived in Miami. They would get in the shower and fall on you. They're not that big. But, you know, that shit was terrifying to me. It is terrifying.

And so I'd ask my brother, hey, man, do you shower with me? Just help me out in the shower. And I opened my mouth one time, and he was peed in it while I was in the shower. Water's different in Jamaica. That's the thing. It literally wasn't shocking because they didn't have running water. It was just like I had to shower with my brother. It wasn't my brother, but a kid pissed on my

eyeball when I was really young, so I understand, man. I get that. My father went back and... What? Your father? Well, let me finish. I feel like your father pissed on your mother and you were born. Yeah, that's exactly what happened. That's how babies are made.

Child of piss. Well, my dad told me. My dad used to play football and he used to always fuck with the soccer players. My dad told me that whenever the soccer players came in the showers the same time they were in the showers, they'd be all nice to him and everything and be like, oh, can I help you? You know, whatever.

And they would just piss on him while he was showering. So he would come out and be like, oh, I'm so clean. I'm done. I'm showering. But he'd just be covered in piss. So what is the weirdest place a member of this round table has been blown off?

Their big fat cock got blown off. Is it a blowjob or blown off? Someone can take my clit and go do a good whistle. Our clit could have been sucked off in this place. Jackie with her football and clit.

I want to apologize to a guy named Chris who was a super nerd in high school. He's a nice guy now. He had a very small penis. Going back to the pee pee real quick. He used to get in the corner and we'd always urinate on him. So he's doing fine now. But I just want to apologize to him. His name was Chris.

Hold on a second. Let's go back. Tell us the whole story. In high school, we were wrestlers, you know? So you get to know each other intimately. Oh, Ben Acosta, you slutty fuck. Don't you yell at me. Don't you call her a fucking slut.

You fucking big cunt. Look at your t-shirt. Don't you call her a slut. Ben Acosta's wearing a t-shirt and she cut it 90 inches to her vagina. Don't fucking yell at me I can see almost the whole titty I like your t-shirt Sarah

I think it's just slutty enough I'm getting scolded by people who just talk about butt fucking for 10 minutes what's the weirdest place you've been blown this guy said Dairy Queen who the fuck was it Eddie it's gotta be Eddie's got to be Eddie.

Absolutely Eddie. It's got to be Ed. Of course it's Ed. Of course it's fucking Ed. I was afraid it was too obvious. I feel like the weirdest place you've ever actually been blown is in your bedroom during a consensual situation. It was bizarre. She just wanted to do it. It's never happened.

You've also been blown on a train. Which was nice. Yeah, because you know, you're always moving. It's like the future. It's a commerce. What are you talking about? Have you never been blown on a train? No.

It's great. All right, what's up next, Olden? I'd also like to say he also wanted to mention that an honorable mention for he also punched a dude dressed like a wolfman. Whoa! That's just cool. That's just a cool thing to say.

I mean, that's how he got the blowjob at Derek. I don't even need to hear that story. That's enough. Halloween Horror Nights, man. Done. You were Nights, man. Done. Done and done. You're on acid, right? Yeah, yeah, you eat acid, and then you go to a big, spooky, theme-parked, haunted house, and you end up punching a wolfman.

That's the thing. And this actually connects. What's the weirdest thing you've masturbated with? A bonsai tree. Bonsai tree. Who was it? Jackie. Henry!

Is it Henry? I love that they're brother and sister. The only thing that's. Who was it? Jackie. Henry! Is it Henry? I love that they're brother and sister. The only thing that said, I'm going Jackie. I think it's only possible for Jackie, right? That's why it was like a given. It's weird. It was like, that's the connector though, is that I was also on acid. Did you masturbate with the top or the

bottom of it? The top of it. I just don't know if this is what Mr. Miyagi meant when he did the wax on, wax off thing. It was actually my college roommate who is also Ed's current roommate, Madeline's bonsai tree. It wasn't even your bonsai tree? Hold on.

That's just got way deeper. I was wondering why I didn't have a bonsai tree. So you masturbated with Madeline's bonsai? I was on acid. Does Madeline know about this? No. No, man. I was on acid. I was like,

if I could fuck a tree, I would. But the trees are too big. I need a smaller tree. Someone take a Japanese tree. So I found a smaller tree that was in the house. And I shoved it inside of me and it hurt. Yeah, I was going to say

it's a tree. Don't try it. They're spiky. How much did you get in you? Enough. Did it work? Did you squirt? Well, no.

I did afterwards. I'm glad that you didn't. I'm glad that that didn't work at all. Jackie's brother, everybody. I got a lot in, though. I got more in than you would think. Really? I don't know if that's possible.

So it's like this much in? It was like this much in. How long did you do that for? How long does that stay exciting? Half an hour. Acid can last a long time. The thing is, yeah, I was on acid. So it might have been about 45 minutes.

It was 45 minutes to two hours. Give or take an hour in either direction. It was a long time. Jackie Zabrowski is a mangled, beat up pussy. Yeah. I know. That thing's long time. Jackie Zabrowski is a mangled, beat-up pussy. I'm number one! Jackie Zabrowski's one labia's in a sling, the other one's holding up homeless. It was in Vietnam

sign. I'm like Richard Nixon, baby. The pussy's just like, give me change. Put change in my pussy. I've seen the battles of war. You shouldn't be in this war. That's what I say. Next up, Olden. Alright, winner of the weird. What's the weirdest

childhood trait? This child sat in the bushes dressed like Dracula when it took cars past their house. You told everybody this story. What's a different story about you that you haven't told anybody? I was actually talking to Sarah Petticoats earlier

about how I used to masturbate with pound puppies. Whoa! Pound puppies are so sweet! That's so much better than the other thing. I used to masturbate with her or at. I just would rub it on my fucking dick because I didn't know how to

jerk off yet. Wait, didn't they have Velcro? Weren't there Velcro on the Valen movies? No, this was a soft, soft puff. Are you sure? I think there was Velcro in there. Oh, yeah, this was soft. That's gay, bro.

That's so weird. You should have jacked off with those. You didn't. You didn't. You stuffed animals. Dude, I jacked off to my fucking wrestling dolls. And I jacked off to some fantastic fucking other toys that I thought were good and cool. Like Batman.

That first time you got a taste of real porn, Ben. What was that? I read Penthouse Forum, my friend. Smartest I've ever been in my life. There was titties right after the words. You could have just looked at the press. No, I just read the words. And I didn't even look at the pictures.

I love the words. And I remember thinking in sixth grade, I wish I could get a looked at the press. No, I just read the words. And I didn't even look at the pictures. I love the words. And I remember thinking in sixth grade, I wish I could get a free Pizza Hut pizza because I read more than all these fucking faggots who read Anna Green Gables and got the fucking stars on the wall. I'm reading real shit. Adult shit. How do you jerk off with a stuffed animal? It's like jerking off with a frog. No, no. I'm just like rubbing it on my fucking dog.

Did you come? No, no. It took me forever to come. Of course. It took you forever to come to a fake stuffed dog? It's really a good thing. I needed lube. I didn't know that I needed fucking lubrication.

Holy Christ. The first time I jerked off, I peed because I didn't know how it was supposed to end. I think I peed off until I pissed. Is that what was going on with your brother, KB? You think he was trying to squeeze one out of the bathroom? He's like, well, any mouth will do. I'm going beat off until I pissed. Is that what was going on with your brother, KB? You think he was trying to squeeze one out of the bathroom? He's like, well, any mouth will do. I'm going to come to this motherfucker. It could be worse, I guess.

What do you got next? These fuckers are getting exhausted. The weirdest place you ever fucked on the round table, that's going to be two-year-old nephew's bed. I thought you were going to say Molly Neff. Marcus.

Yeah. Well, I mean, okay, I was in high school. She was a college girl. I wanted to fuck her. We couldn't go back to her dorm room because she said that her dorm room was haunted. Marcus, please.

Marcus, please clarify. Your two-year-old date was not in the room. That's when you don't fuck her. That is when you do not fuck this crazy bitch. He was not in the bed whenever I... He was staying in my... He was staying in my brother and sister-in-law's bed. If it is a two-year-old, isn't that a crib?

Didn't you just fuck in a crib? No, no. Yeah, did you have like a papa? You're like, give me a crib? No! Did you have a papa? You're like, give me my papa. And then she fed you a little bottle. No, he was like, at that point, he had grown to the point where he was sleeping on my childhood bed.

You're fucked up. And that's hard for me to say. You fucked yourself in a bonsai tree. It's still not as fucked up as that It's unique It's still a bed You fucked a tree

You're literally It's illegal I think that's illegal I'm open You're wide open It could have been a sequoia For all we know Maybe a sacagawea.

It's not a tree. It's not a tree. That's a tree. That's a tree. That's a fucking tree. That's a fucking tree. That's a tree. It's just like in the Ten Commandments, it says not to fuck animals, but it says nothing

about not fucking plants because God couldn't fathom that. You're disgusting. It wasn't even in the script. Literally, God was like, oh, I didn't know that was going to be a sin. I would have written that down had I known human beings were going to do that. You're changing the world.

I'm above religion. That's the problem with the Ten Commandments is there was no foresight. You're like, oh, we're going to figure out other ways to be horrible. That's the thing. No twitting your dick. That's not on there.

Hey, come on. I guess we should end it end it though I don't even know how to twitter I don't give a shit about twitter man Alright Henry, Holden go on with your segment Weirdest dream man Your mother shows up as a zombie And you literally kill her by pushing a bullet With your hands Through her fucking skull

Henry That's absolutely Henry. That's Henry. Hey, Holden, do you realize that at least four of the things that we've already talked about on Roundtable before? That's what they told me! I didn't talk about mine.

We didn't talk about yours. Yours is fresh. It's a trivia game. Henry's going to talk about his getting blown in Dairy Queen. My mother was a zombie in the dream. It's a trivia game. All right, so Edward's going to talk about his... No, it's just... Getting blown in Dairy Queen. Oh, yeah, yeah. My mother was a zombie in the dream. I was conflicted about it, and my gun didn't work in the dream,

and I had a fucking killer in center of heaven, so I took a bullet out of the gun, and I pushed it in her head. That's very nice of you, actually. Our mother is a really strong woman, I'll tell you what. Not in the head, though. The whole time, she was just like...

It was a weird morning. I think your mother is very attractive. This one's obviously Ben. My mother, by the way. She has huge breasts, Jackie. And odds are, she's never fucked herself with produce. She's a nurturer.

Exactly. Food is love, people. Food is love. Before we continue, everybody, I just want to give it up to Isadora, our international listener. Come on up. Come on up. Say hello. Come on up.

Isadora flew all the way here from California just to see this bullshit. Number one fan is Adora. Thank you, dude. Thank you. She's been listening to us since Brain of the Beast told her. Two years.

Oh, my God. You never think about it. That other podcast you guys used to do, that was just bad. It was shit. It was shit. We did a good job. We were very good. It was good when I was on it.

I remember when I was on it, it was awesome. I got blackout drunk in the middle of that one. Yeah, that was also a good episode. Remember that one podcast we did for Brain and the Beast where I just smoked a bunch of bong loads halfway through and you did a bunch of lines of coke with us? Yeah, that every time we did the podcast? Yeah, I remember that.

Hey guys, go on with your segment. We're an hour over time. Yeah, Holden. So we need to wrap this up pretty fucking quickly. Alright, let's hear Kissel's horrible story. You don't need to guess. Who was weird as fuck?

It doesn't really matter who, Holden, because they've done the fucking deductions. They're real Sherlock Holmes out there. Who was the weirdest thing you've used as a pillow, Ben Kissel? Your brother's ass. My brother's fat fucking gay ass. Yeah, he's gay.

I used to sleep on my brother's ass for three years. He would always ask me to wear a pillow. Did you live in a shoe? Yeah, for three years. Why did you live and sleep on his ass? Why? He was gay. First of all, he's gay for a reason. God gave him the

sweetest, plumpest fucking tush I've ever seen. Second of all, it was cozy. It was comfortable. And I loved my brother. And occasionally he'd fart in my ear. He'd say, Ben, do you want a pillow? I said, no, your ass is good enough for me. Ben, let's wrap this shit up, my friend.

He always farted in my ear. It was a thing that he did. Fuck yeah. He was a sweet that he did. Fuck yeah. He was a sweet young boy. I love Eric Kissel. And I love this fucking round table of gentlemen. And this wraps up the 50th episode. Thank you guys so much for Eddie Larson, Jackie Zabrowski, Holden McNeil, Kevin Barnett, Marcus Parks.

I'm Ben Kissel. Thank you, Henry Zabrowski for being in the Chug-A-Lot. And we will talk to you next week. I am looking forward to it! Jesus fucking Christ! GameComedyRadio.com. Marcus Parks, everybody. Oh, my fucking God.

Thank everybody for so fucking much for coming out. I love you so goddamn much. Each and every fucking one of you. Oh, God. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! eaten every fucking one of you. Oh, God. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah! you