The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 62: When a Tranny Offers You a Plate of Blow...

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

What would you do? Tune in to hear just how the Round Table would handle (and did handle) the situation, plus a kid gets shot in the stomach with a crossbow and grandfather abuses his grandchildren, and not sexually, for once. Don't be surprised what Jackie thinks about it. And we've got a hell of a stable of guests this week, as Mark Normand, Seena Jon, Pat Dixon, and Victor Varnado join us in the office!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay down, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Are you good up here? Hey! In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Amen. Amen. I like that. Dear God, I would like to thank you for making this a lizard-free podcast. No lizard, dear God! And by lizards

I mean thank you for sparing us an evening from Holden McNeely and his scaly skin and his bumpy body and his shitty, shitty demeanor. His tiny eyes, like two pieces of onyx. And he's got

pus. The zits on his neck. The zits on every part of him Oh my god Don't go to the beach with Holden Don't go anywhere with Holden Don't touch him The poor girl he is on a date with tonight He's the only man who can come on a chick

But never have semen released from his dick I'm telling you The zits alone Just puss He comes puss Better birth control from his dick. I'm telling you, the zit's alone. Just puss. He comes puss. He comes puss. Better birth control. We're gonna call it cuss. Thank you, Lord, for holding

his cuss and everything, keeping him away from us for just one evening. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, Amen. Welcome to the drunk table of gentlemen. Holy

Lord, it's nearly midnight. It's Saturday Labor Day weekend, and we have a gaggle of geese in here that would make even the most of hunters proud. We've got Victor Varnado. Hello, Victor. Thanks for being here. Hey, what's up? How's it going?

Good, Victor. And we've got Mark Normand. Hey, how are you? They are fine. And we've got Sina Gaznavi. Now, ladies and gentlemen, if you don't know Sina Gaznavi, he changed his name to Sina John because

apparently one point in his career somebody brought him up as Sina... What was it. He changed his name to Sina John because apparently at one point in his career somebody brought him up as Sina... What was it? Gaza, Gaza, who gives a fuck? Gaza, Gaza, who gives a fuck? And I want to personally apologize for mispronouncing his name. It's Gaza, Gaza, Daznavi, which is

fantastic. So thank you for being here, Sina. Thank you for having me. Alright, now where am I at? I am at the roundtable of gentlemen. Who are these people? Jackie Zabrowski. I'm not drunk. Yes, you are. Ed Larson.

Pat Dixon. Pat Dixon, send them for Holden McNeely. That's all you have? No categories? Pat, can you say something about your mother really quick, just to keep our audience, you know, calm? I'll do nothing of the kind. Move along. All right? Who else is here? I'm Kevin Barnett, man. Sober as a cat, like I do.

I'm Ben Gizel, Henry Zebrowski. You're also here. I'm up to my eyeballs and fucking fart in this corner. I don't know who farted really hard. My fault. I'll tell you what. I was with Norman last night and he was tooting up a real goose egg and it was nasty. I said, put some Tabasco

on it because it is a really disgusting piece of shit. I'm Ben Kisselin with, as always, the newsman Marcus Parks wearing those gay ass... Mark! Mark! Why the fuck do I have to fart right now? I've got a federation in this place, man. It's not good.

It's literally... It's so hot in here. If we can pull this episode off, it'll be a goddamn miracle. There are so many men in this room. It's just radiating heat. It is the hottest already round table we've ever done. It's because you keep sniffing all our scrotums, you know. It is the scrotums. All right, you're going to touch my scrotums.

All right, Marcus Parks, what's the news, buddy? A 16-year-old boy and a friend were throwing rocks at passing cars. Like you do. Like you do. When a passenger in an SUV fired a crossbow bolt at them, hitting the teen in the abdomen. Did he die? Nah, he was taken to the nearby hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. Good, learned a lesson.

Don't fucking throw rocks at cars, you little piece of shit. You could fucking get stabbed with an arrow. I agree. This circumvents the entire legal system. Someone throws a rock at your car, you shoot them with a crossbow. This is how life should be. That guy was so excited when that rock hit his car. He's like, oh, that's why I bought this.

It's always been sitting in the car. That's the moment. That's the thing. I'm just so happy this guy was like, get into his car. He forgot his keys. He was like, I got the keys. And he got into his car, started up. He's like, ah, the crossbow.

What an asshole I turned out to be. Ran inside. You never know when you're going to need one. It's like a seatbelt. Yeah, man. That's why you don't throw rocks at cars. I feel bad for the people in the Middle Ages because they used to depend

on the crossbow for self-defense, but it can't even injure, really, a little boy. But they used to be like, I've got a crossbow, my family is safe, but if a little boy attacked, they'd still die. I mean, minus the bridge, this is a Middle Age situation.

Someone throws a rock at somebody else, they take out the crossbow. This is exactly how war used to be. I love it. Good looking to the pastoids. If he hit him from any longer than just point blank, he's an excellent crossbow marksman. Yeah, yeah. That's the thing. Was it while he was driving?

Yeah, I was like, immediately, what the hell? Drive my crossbow shot. The guy, like, they threw rocks at his car. He stopped, pulled up his crossbow, went... and then shot him in the stomach. I love it. It was the driver? Did you make that part up, or do you know for a fact that he stopped? I am speculating.

Victor, he definitely had to stop because he can't drive a car. I'm thinking he has to stop, but this is a dude who owns a crossbow. It's a good point. It's like Jason Voorhees never stopped riding the motorboat that he was on when he crossbowed somebody. Here's what it was. It wasn't the driver.

It was the passenger. He was riding crossbow. Yeah, there was a Actually, the AP description is much better. Police say a shirtless boy and a friend were throwing rocks at a black Toyota RAV4 in the Linda Vista neighborhood Monday afternoon when a passenger fired a crossbow out the window. Man, I hate RAV4s. Of course they were throwing rocks at a stupid fucking car.

I hate shirtless boys. Yeah, that's the window. Man, I hate RAV4s. Of course they were throwing rocks at us. I hate shirtless boys. Yeah, that's the thing. I think that the guy with the crossbow probably also never uses a fork or knife. He only eats Cornish hens. I believe that Pepsi exists.

They're amazing. He goes to medieval times and he's like, this isn't right. It's just not right. Finally at home. And what's great is that nobody has been arrested.

Fantastic. No one should be arrested. You can arrest them for it. This is the thing. The crime is solved. This is what it should be. That's justice. Exactly.

Dixon, if you saw a car going down the street, you had a gaggle full of rocks in your pocket, you're a young boy, you're not wearing a shirt, what kind of car are you hitting with a rock? What do you mean? What kind of car do I hate? Have some sort of resentment against? All I'm saying is I used to shit on this guy's Corvette when I was growing up. Take big old dumps. How often?

On the car. Oh, like four times, I would say in like three months. When we were about 14, 15. And there's nothing more amazing because you can just fantasize about waking up in the morning and be like, Oh, I got to go to work at Century 21. And then he has to clean my shit off his car. Which is a fun time. It's a fun time for me to think about it.

It's miserable for him, but don't buy that shitty-ass car. A real estate agent with a Corvette? I have no idea what his job was, because I was very young. But I will say, his son was a douchebag. I wanted to shit on his car, because it was red and it was nice. And that's what you dump on. Man, I had a friend back in high school. He's like, oh, I remember he came up to me.

He's like, oh, I just put my dick in his gas tank. What? That's fantastic. I was like, what does that even matter? Like, what is that even matter? I'll tell you. We used to piss in our gas tanks. You got my dick germs in your gas.

This is the irony of putting the old tip up on the mailbox with the red flag. As soon as we saw that when we were growing up, we always used to just urinate on the fresh mail. Because you knew it was new in there. That's fun. Did anybody else do that? No. I'm telling you, it was amazingly fun.

You're the only one tall enough to urinate in a mailbox. We did good stuff. We did good stuff indeed. So you're fucking peeing in mailboxes And shitting on cars Are you fucking wilding? What happened? Well I'll tell you one thing We didn't have the money for a crossbow

So you can't exactly go out there And exact the revenge that you want to enact You gotta go out there and use what you got All your ammunition was internal, I get it We literally would not pee for three hours We would sit in the house Drink tons and tons of brew Not not pee and not shit, and just get ready to go.

It was fantastic. So this is group shitting on cars. It was fun. I was the one who shat the most, and then we would take all our clothes off and run naked through sprinklers. Fucking weird-ass stupid life. We need to say it. We need to say it.

I got to agree. Absolutely. You know, wait. Here's the thing. You're the same friends as me. I've got to agree. Absolutely. Here's the thing. Didn't you start off your whole thing by saying that, yeah, if you throw rocks at cars, that's what happens. So you never got a crossbow thrown at you, and you shat all over people's cars. The thing is, I didn't throw rocks. I shat, and I felt amazing.

Overall, I would say my life has been relatively good, considering all the terrible things I've done to wealthier people. Yeah, he really, like, Ben has really never gotten any comeuppance in his life. That's not true, though. My life has never gotten any comeuppance. No, you've had comeuppance, man. He's had a lot of comeuppance.

This is the guy who's had a trophy shoved in his asshole. It's the same dude. I mean, that's the thing. Yeah, have you seen his stomach? It's terrifying. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah, dude, I'm getting into that! Stop it! Stop! Don't make it! You don't understand how depressed this dude has been for the past two months. He's just the saddest fucking dude in the world. It's amazing. I'll tell you, I want to give a public apology.

Ladies and gentlemen, I love everybody that I know. And I've been in the dumps lately. But that's only because I love so much. And it's been tough. He got into a car on the way over here and he couldn't even fit in the front seat. They had to open up the sunroof because he's a monster. I remember that scene from Harry and the Hendersons. What's the name of that? He was so upset.

It wasn't upsetting. It was refreshing. My eyes got a lot of air. And then you decided to take it out on the driver and ask him about his married sex life. First of all, he is an Arab fella. He needs release. He was not Arab!

He was not Arab! He was not Arab! What was he then? I'm so sorry. He was totally Arab fella. He needs release. He was not Arab! He was not Arab! He was not Arab! What was he then? I'm so sorry. He was totally a Mexican. Cena John is a total fucking lunatic. And that cab driver was thrilled that I talked to him about his sex life because he's lonely. He wants it.

All people want to do... What'd he say? What's he and the old lady doing? Apparently he's having sex all the time. I mean, I don't even understand. Like, people are doing better than me and uh that will happen no i once had a an extended conversation in philadelphia with a cab driver who talked about uh fucking a girl in the ass for a good i'd say 10 minutes he was very excited he was very excited i just had a conversation recently where a cab

driver was talking about fucking a girl in the ass and i i i recorded it yeah because he started in about fucking a girl in the ass and I recorded it. Because he started in about fucking a girl in the ass. He was like, telling me how to fuck women. And he was like, you gotta fuck their ass and then their pussy. And then their mouth. And then he was like, you gotta eat their ass and then their pussy. And I was like, in that order? I love it. So you recorded it.

I think that's a fascinating thing about the future. Usually a cabbie gets to say what they want to say about eating ass and eating pussy, and nowadays everything's recorded. I mean, do you feel like this is going to come back to haunt this fella? Are you going to play it online? What's he going to be? Not a cab driver?

Yeah, they're not going to take his medallion away. I don't know, man. It goes back to the old Cat Williams thing. That Cat Williams where he got yelled at for, you know, screaming at the Mexican. The Mexican fella's like, oh, I wish I was in Mexico. They were in Phoenix. And Cat's like, go back to Mexico then.

I used to be a slave. He did this whole fantastic thing about how blacks have it harder than Mexicans. And then he did a USA, USA, USA chant, which must have been very confusing for any sort of white racist. They're like, I like what he's saying. I just don't like what he looks like. But it was amazing. But now he's in trouble for that

because some asshole didn't watch the show. They watched it through their iPhone. Similar with the, you know, Richard, whatever the fucking asshole is. Richard III? Yeah, Richard III. Because God knows he had an iPhone. But nonetheless, what I'm saying is...

You mean Richard Grieco? Richard Grieco, of course, when he yelled at all those blacks. What, Kramer? Yes, Kramer. Michael Richards. It's like you used to be able to get away with things, and now everything is recorded. I mean, Victor, you might have fucked this guy totally over when he was trying to be honest with you.

And that's the sad thing. I can't believe there's a racist, sexist cab driver. It's a good point, and people aren't going to react. But what if no one gets in his cab anymore? That would be sad. People should just know you never go from the ass to the pussy. You go from the pussy to the ass. Exactly. That was my main concern. You start with the mouth

you go to the pussy. Now the ass is the last stop. You can't put ass on pussy. Disagree. The mouth is the last stop. If you go from ass to pussy, you run the risk of infection. Now here's a story about it. It's the pussy, the pussy, you run the risk of infection. That's infection territory. It's the pussy, the ass, and then the mouth.

So if you swallow it. I believe we have an ass story. I met a girl in Huntington, West Virginia. She worked in a bookstore. Of course, West Virginia. I got her to come up to the show. She watches the show. We come down. I take her to McDonald's after the show. There watches the show. We come down. I take her to McDonald's after the show.

There you go. You live a man. I get it. It's worse than the way I met her. I take her back to my hotel room, and I fucked her in the ass immediately before we even ate the hamburgers. So what was worse for the woman, the dinner or the ass sex? First thing, yes, absolutely.

First entry. First entry. first entry. No other. It wasn't pussy to ass. It was just ass. Did she request it? The four burgers? Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We were just on the same page. Good for her. So after you fucked her and came in her ass, did she eat the hamburger? She did, yeah. Out of your ass. It's just so funny because all the nutritionists are like, oh, you were great until you ate the hamburger. You know, the ass sex is totally healthy.

I've never really had the good butt sex. Norman, do you ever done it? No, I'm not a fan of it. Not a fan. What do you mean you're not a fan? I don't know. I feel like once you get through the first opening, it's just like a parlor in there. It's huge.

That is the thing. Chicks are like, my ass is so tight, my ass is so tight. But it's like one of those... It's like prohibition. It's like, oh, no one's in this speakeasy, but as soon as you go through the smallest possible Willy Wonka door, you're like, oh, this is a whole saloon!

Holy Lord! I had no idea! Everyone's having a great time! I got buddies in here! I mean, that's an anus! I love the butt sex. Marcus, you know all about the anus. Well, every time, yeah, I've had butt sex many a time with a lady, and every time that I... Glad you threw that out with the lady inM. Well, every time, yeah, I've had butt sex many a time with a lady, and every time that I...

Glad you threw that out with the lady in there. Yeah, I know. I know. I'll tell you, he's also had it many a times with somebody who's, like, hot. Anyway, I always feel like every time I go for the butt sex, I always feel like I'm gonna rip something.

Yeah. That's what it's all about, man. You are going to rip something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel like something's just gonna, I don't know, fall apart. Now gonna Fall apart You're kind of a swinger You've been with quite a few broads You're a terrible person

It's the round table so yes you're right So what's the position that you like the most Or dislike the most when it comes to having sex With a random woman that you don't want To have hate you at the end Nothing's better for me than a girl Straddling my face. Really?

And smothering me with her vagina. You like to feel like a horse. I don't know if that's a horse thing. I don't understand how the horse... They put those bags over their heads and they just eat and eat and eat. Oh, I see. Feed bag. The feed bag.

Yeah. You like to treat a pussy like a feed bag. Let me ask you this, Steve. Let me ask you this. When you eat out a girl, are you using nose? Oh, absolutely. Look at this. I got a big Persian nose.

Absolutely. Get in the nose. Got to get in there. You got to be hungry. All you can eat buffet that shit. Why is that frowned upon? I've had girls like, what the hell are you doing? I'm like, you're a fucking Jew.

Of course you're going to use your nose. I'm not a Jew'm like, you're a fucking Jew! Of course you're a Jew! I'm not a Jew. He pretends to be a Jew, but he's not a Jew. I mean, I got this flat nose. It's not ideal for such things, but I still use it. You gotta use it. Why wouldn't you? Go to war with the army you got, that's what I say. I feel like getting eaten out by a black

dude is like the same thing as getting out by a teenage mutant ninja turtle. Like, getting eaten by it. You know, like, get in your fucking box. What are you saying, man? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. What are you saying? Flat-ass nose. Dude, what I'm saying to you.

This is the thing. I'm slightly drunk, but what I'm saying to you is. Turtles don't have noses, Ben. They don't have a nose. First of all. Don't turtles have noses? Turtles have noses. Have you not seen the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles flat-ass noses?

You imagine them rubbing over. You're digging holes, man. You fucking idiot. You're digging imagine them rubbing over you're digging holes man you fucking idiot I'm digging holes right now you're digging holes I'm not digging any holes are you trying to tell me that the TMNT

doesn't have a fucking nose pull up a pic of a of a please and that nose like KB's will never never satisfy a woman

because it's weak it's not appropriate but it and the thing is they got the glands it's too smelly you were in a fucking hole you're hanging out with shy laboe in 2004 what a disney movie i don't even get the reference what i'm saying is fucking big old flare nostrils they're smelling

too much pussy no nose on that turtle yeah there's no nose on that turtle. Yeah, there's no nose on that turtle. You're a no-no. Yeah, T.S. Mutant Ninja Turtles, there's no noses on that turtle. That's stupid, dude. They're definitely noses. There are no noses.

Look at Leonardo right now. Leonardo doesn't have nostrils. There's no nose. No nose. Mr. Varnado, you're a fan of TMNT.

Do they or do they not have noses? And if they do, how are they at eating pussy? They don't have noses, dude. Even in the original creations by Eastman and Laird.

Hey! Oh! What a fantastic revelation! I am fucking wrong. He's bringing the black and white into it. Sounds authoritative. I'm sorry I answered your question. It's fine, Victor.

It doesn't fucking matter, Victor. All I'm saying is Kevin eats pussy bad, and he fucking sucks at it. Yeah, good conclusion. That's it. Do you eat pussy bad, Kevin? It was Kevin bad eating your pussy? I don't understand. Kevin is terribly eating pussy because he doesn't like ass, and ass is right next to the pussy, and you've got to fucking smell that.

You don't like ass? We've been through this, man. I don't remember all of our conversations. We also don't have to eat ass to eat pussy. All right, all right. We all know You don't like ass? We've been through this, man. I don't remember all of our conversations. We also don't have to eat ass. We eat pussy. All right, all right. We all know Kevin doesn't like pussy. You sound like you never get laid.

Oh, hello. How are you, obvious? Of course I never get laid. Look at me, Victor. When do you think the last time I got laid was? I'm like a fucking tarp in the middle of fucking Arizona. It's not raining. Dude, there are a bunch of tall chicks who will fuck any tall dude.

They're out there. You don't understand. There are a bunch of tall chicks. Women do not like me because I'm smarter than them. He's got a girlfriend. I'm fucking all over the map, dude. This is case in point. Ben Kissel here.

Lots of girls would sleep with him. He just manages to offend them to the point where they want to hate themselves so much that they'd rather fuck a guy my size, frankly. All right, Cena hasn't done comedy for a while. A 45-year-old Indiana grandfather has been charged with child abuse after trying to toughen up his three grandsons with brutal hikes in the Grand Canyon, according to Park Rangers. He according to park rangers. He was busted after rangers and tourists

observed him abusing the boys, ages 12, 9, and 8. The boys told police they had been hit, choked, whipped, forced to run up trails under the blazing sun at temperatures as high as 108 degrees. Say it slower. And denied food.

So, Kevin, how do you feel about these kids reliving it slower. And denied food. So Kevin, how do you feel about these kids reliving your past? And denied food and water during the hikes. Carlson had told them to quote, look happy if they passed other people on the trail. Yeah, but there was no sexual

abuse, right? No sexual abuse. Then that's not real abuse. Yeah, no, it was fine. What he did to those kids was fine. On the day... This is why... Marcus, this is why we can't do child abuse stories. Because everyone's just always on the side of the absolute criminal. Because kids are fucking pieces of shit.

All their kids are awful. No, all kids are awful and they deserve everything they fucking get. Victor, you were a child once. What was the worst thing that your mother ever did to you, other than giving birth to you? Introduce me to white people. Isn't that like the mirror for you?

Are you kidding me? Hello! My mother never did anything bad to me. My dad, however. Genetic. My dad was the dude who choked me. Choked you? So what happened? So you had a father. Was your father black and your mother is black? Yeah, everybody's black. And you're albino. That's true. So what was

it like when you came out of the womb? Was your father just like, who fucked the mailman? Was there ever like a moment where they were just like, well, this obviously can't be mine. Oh, I forgot to tell you, my family's educated. Different than mine. I like that. I like a good

education. Alright, well let's not go nuts with the round of applause. They weren't running around shitting on cars and pissing in fucking mailboxes. That's a piece of shit! Well, ladies and gentlemen, you can always thank me for making this podcast amazing, and you're welcome. So, when you came out, everything was going fantastic, and you did well. Yeah, everything was fine.

The melanin doesn't drop a lot of the time, so like a couple hours a day. So you think you came out black? No, I don't have these pictures anymore. My house burned down when I was in like 5th grade. Jesus! But the melanin doesn't, for some reason, it doesn't kick in for like

maybe a couple days, sometimes a couple hours. So you're telling me I have the potential to be a black baby? No. No, man. You're fucking stupid right now. You're a Nazi, man. Yeah, you're a fucking Nazi, man. You're not stupid right now. You're a Nazi, man. You're a fucking Nazi, man. Well, it's all over.

You never know who's going to win what wars and sometimes you've got to wage some. So the thing is, Marcus, what's going on in the news? Alright, what's going on in the news? Prostitution is not only legal in Bonn, Germany. The city has... Speak of the devil. Prostitution is not only legal in Bonn, Germany. The city has... Speak of the devil. The city has

implemented a new sex tax for prostitutes who want to play their trade. They've installed automated meters in red light districts. Prostitutes who want to work must plug in about $9 to get their nightly permit. Those caught without one face fines of about $150.

Wow, that's not that bad. Nine bucks, that's nothing. To be able to do it for legal? I mean, I'm sure the fine is way more than 90 bucks. The fine is $150. For prostitution, right. For unlicensed. How much do they get paid, though? That's the real question.

They're prostitutes. It depends on how hot they are and who they're fucking. How much would you pay, though, in Germany for an hour? What do you think? Depends on the broad. You need a license? 100 bucks, you're talking like a tourist, dude. I mean, 100 bucks.

Who here has been with a prostitute? I've never been with... Dixon, have you ever been with one? No, but you know what? We were talking to Detective Reynolds the other day for the New York City Crime Report. He was in vice for a long time, and they would pick up two prostitutes a night each. There were ten of them, and they'd get 20 prostitutes. That was the goal.

They'd put them in a paddy wagon. And in order to keep it interesting, they would come up with contests. They'd try to see who could get the prettiest prostitute or the one with the biggest tits. Or sometimes they would do the one they would negotiate for the cheapest blowjob. And the cheapest one they got, I don't know what number's in your head, but it's less. All right. What's a cheap blowjob?

75 cents is what it was. 75 cents for a blowjob? 75 cents. A guy seriously negotiated a 75 cent blowjob. Yeah, man. They had a French... In Tallahassee, we used to call it

the French town steamer. You pick up a prostitute and you go to Burger King and you get a value meal and a blowjob for $10. $10? Hey, that guy's overpaying. 75 cents?

This man needs to be present. That's the fiscal responsibility we need. She was an 18-year-old crackhead and she was pregnant, so she was sucking cock for two. Well, that's a good point. You should have paid her double. $1.50. That kid's eating a lot of cum.

He's going to come out with an addiction. He's going to be strong as an ox! Exactly. It's not drunk. It's going to come out beautiful. It's going to come out like a beautiful... It's going to come out beautiful. It's probably going to come out like a beautiful... It's probably going to come out like Kevin Barnett. Just a gorgeous black baby. Wouldn't it be so funny to go up to a whore and just go,

Can you break a dollar? And she just clicks her fucking vagina and a quarter comes out? Yeah, also, she's going to have tons of change on her. You can hear whores coming a mile away. I mean, that's the golden thing about the prostitute that goes for change. Right, right. She's got a fanny pack with one of those little quarter things like girls at the casino have. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

I think if she'll suck it for 75, she'll suck it for 70, though, right? You never know. My friend fucked a prostitute. Turned out it was a guy. This is in Mexico. And then you've got to pay him double Well, hell of a story We were at a strip club She brought him upstairs

And he talked her from 75 down to 50 Wait, it was a woman fucking a male prostitute? No, it was my friend, a guy Fucked a guy, he didn't know it She was hot, like it was a guy He didn't know it was a guy? No, you couldn't tell It was dark and he goes up there

Talked her down from 75 to 50, and she goes, all right. He does it, comes back down. We're all laughing because the bartender told us it was a guy, so we're all flipping out. And he comes back, and we're like, so what'd you do? And he goes, fucked her in the ass. And then put it in her mouth.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's about fucking the ass and putting it in her mouth. That man is brilliant. I remember we murder-fist back in Tallahassee. We did this AIDS benefit at a gay club that we performed at all the time. And it was murder-fist. What was the name of the gay club? Brothers.

Brothers. Here we're all brothers. So we're doing the gig and then we're splitting time with the trainees doing lip syncing and whatnot. And one tranny walks in, and she was hot. Like, she was just fucking big-ass fake titties, just straight-up hot. So we're sharing a dressing room with these fucking trannies.

Oh, that must have been fun. Well, you know, we just got out real fast. It was a small dressing room, about a quarter the size of the room we're in right now. And I remember the tranny. I was in the bathroom, and I popped my head out of the bathroom, and I'm walking by, and the hot tranny pops out of the dressing room just like no top on, just fake titties hanging out. How were they? They were fucking awesome.

Yeah. You know, and there's fake titties hanging out, and then holding the plate of blow. Wow. I mean, that's it. And she's like, you want some? And I was like, the plate of blow. I mean, that's it. She's like, you want some? And I was like, I got enough problems. Eddie, you didn't take any blow from a tranny.

No, no, no. It's a tranny or an angel. It was a blow. I mean, that's the thing. Were you sleeping? Eddie, why didn't you take a tranny blow, man? No, that's the world you don't enter, man. This is why. Are you too serious?

Come on. A tranny offers Are you too serious? Come on. A tranny offers you blow, you do the blow. A topless hot tranny. I'm telling you right now... Don't you blow with topless hot trannies. No, you do blow with topless hot trannies. No, you don't. That only goes...

It only goes to you coming on her fake tits, which is fine. She is a woman. And now we've got a segment from Pat Dixon. Oh, perfect. Follow. Because this is something that I do as like a comedy lecture series. And I'm going to do part of it tonight since you guys asked me to do a segment. This is a segment about the 20 worst, most offensive, most brutal rape jokes.

And I'm going to go ahead and tell one tonight. I'm going to tell the 20th most offensive rape joke. Now, you guys know that women love the Irish accent. They really do, don't they? Doesn't that kind of make you sick the way they like it? They love it. And they all dream of going to Ireland and hanging out with rowdy Irish boys in pubs. Fighting fires and stuff. I hope you get to do that, ladies.

And I hope while you're there, you get gang raped on a pool table. Just all of them. Jodie Foster style. Breaking them off. You're fucking getting beat up. They're breaking shit off in you. You climb down. You wander outside. You find a cop. You tell him he calls for backup.

And then they all gang-rape you. And they break your teeth on the Blarney Stone. And they leave you there. And you pass out. And you wake up and you find you're under this rainbow. It's like a fantasy. And there's a leprechaun there. Yeah, I just feel like he's telling your story.

And all the leprechauns come in and they fucking rape you. And they fill you full of their green jizz. And then you go home. And nine months later, you give birth to a little half Irish son and he grows up to be a big strong drunk and then he rapes you and then finally you give birth to your own quarter Irish retarded

grandson. I guess what I'm trying to say is follow your dreams and that is the 20th most offensive rape joke. That wasn't even a joke. Well, Victor, I thought it was pretty funny.

That wasn't even a joke. That was just a stream of rape hate. Victor, what's your rape joke? Fine. I was in an elevator with this woman. She didn't know I was black, but she figured out that I was black by my conversation on the phone. I don't know what I was saying on the phone. I only like jazz music. Where's my repar black by my conversation on the phone. I don't know what I was saying on the phone, like I only like jazz music, or where's my reparations?

But here's the thing. Take it easy, man. As soon as she figured out that I was black, she took her purse and she moved it over to the other side of her body and took a couple of safety steps to the other side of the elevator. And I was mad, but I decided to take the high road. I was like, you know what, lady? You can move your purse around all you want to.

I'm still going to rape you. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm still going to rape you. I wish I was that lady. Alright, everybody. This has been the Drunk Table of Gentlemen. Fred Lundgren. Ed Larson. Pat Dixon. Kevin Barnett. Mark Norman. Thanks, buddy.

Hey, thanks for having me. I love Mark Norman. I love Mark Norman I love Mark Norman too Do a rape joke I got raped one time How was it? That's hilarious We'll talk to you next week

That's the closer That's the closer Cave Comedy Radio New York City Crime Report Victor Bernardo Victor Bernardo on Carmen DeCedro You can watch his special It's amazing He's a fantastic guy Speaker 1 and Speaker 2 Speaker 0 and Speaker 3 you