The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 64: Wink It!

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

This week on the Round Table, the boys get to talk about a real-life Weekend At Bernie's with strippers, more donkey news and eatin' balls, plus in the return of The Newlywed Game, we find out how many vaginas Jackie has seen and Marcus' exact penis size!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Everybody, close your eyes. gentlemen. Always civility. Everybody close your eyes. I'm gonna lead you all through yet another fucking awesome guided meditation.

Thank you, Jackie. Okay, you're fucking swimming in a fucking pool of weed. Yeah, yeah. We're starting off good here. It's fresh nuggets. it's good nuggets. Is that a titty in the weed?

What? What do you do with the titty? Do you lick it or kiss it? Suck it. Suck on it? It turned into a fucking hairy nut, dude. Ah! Eddie, you're fucking sucking a nut!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you fucking did it, dude. You did it, man. Yeah! So happy, and it goes with oh, oh, oh, oh. You fucking did it, dude. You did it, man. Yeah! So happy, and it goes with my instinct on that one, man. It's a nut, dude. Yeah, yeah, it's Eddie. Now you're doing that in front of all your ex-girlfriends. There's three of you here. In Jackie's case,

all of her ex-girlfriends. And what? Is there screaming? There's yelling? There's fighting? Or is there petting and hugging and forgiveness? Probably not. Yeah. Fuck those bitches up with your dick.

And slowly breathe. Where did the nut go? The nut? The nut? Oh, you're fondling it while they're staring at you. But we're still holding onto the nut. Yeah, yeah. On the ball.

It's as big as your head. A ball as big as my head. Yes, please. This is some kind of interesting interactive meditation. I'm sorry. Now Jackie's a shark, and she's fucking bleeding

out of her fucking pussy. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. It just attracts other sharks. Yeah, exactly. It just attracts other sharks. So that's the thing with her right now. So she's a bitch, and slowly open your eyes, and we're at the round table. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen.

Hey! Very nice. Very calm. That was gorgeous. Welcome to the round table. I'm back! So that's exciting. I heard you guys had a really hard time without me. Nope.

It was a really good episode. Yeah, it was pretty smooth. Yeah, I did a great job. So, welcome to the show. I missed you because I said that I had a low-cut shirt on last week for you, and I forgot there was a gay man to replace you, and that didn't do anything. I hate titties. I love titties.

No, I meant the other one. Oh, that one. Oh, God. Who is everybody? Do we still have to do that? Shut up. I love titties. No, I meant the other one. Oh, that one. Oh, God. Who is everybody? Do we still have to do that? Shut up. Yeah, of course. Jackie Zabrowski.

You still have to do it. Ed Larson. Holden McNeilers. Oh, God. You can't give yourself nicknames, man. That's a bad one. Kevin Barnett. I'm Ben Kissel.

Chuckle Hut. Louie Katz. Hey, what's up? How you doing, Louie? Good. I'm happy to be here. Kevin Barnett. I'm Ben Kissel, Chuggle Hut, Louis Katz. Hey, what's up? How you doing, Louis? Good, I'm happy to be here. You look good. That Rogaine and Propecia is doing

wonders for that top. I'm off Propecia. It causes cancer. I'm off it. Whoa, what? Everything causes cancer. I don't need the cancer. So the irony is that

the drugs that are supposed to not make you lose your hair gives you the disease that makes you lose your hair. I mean, the cancer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you have mean, the cancer. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Because you'd have to get chemo. I was like, I didn't know that was a symptom of cancer. Is Thomas Dale going to be back here anytime soon? No. He'd be better than me. With the news, Marcus Parks. Jeffrey Jarrett bought his roommate a friend a round of drinks, Mexican food,

and a trip to strip club Shotgun Willies the night of August 27th, authorities say. But while Jarrett bought his roommate a friend, a round of drinks, Mexican food, and a trip to strip club Shotgun Willie's the night of August 27th, authorities say. But while Jarrett was present for some of the night's fun, he wasn't alive to enjoy any of it. What? Yes. He's a dead man. Denver prosecutors have charged two men with abusing a corpse, identity theft, and criminal impersonation. theft and criminal impersonation, court papers say they loaded Jared's body into a car after finding him

dead in their apartment and drove him to various stops around Denver for a night, including a bar and a restaurant while they used his ATM card. That doesn't sound like abuse. They were treating him like a king. That was the thing. They were nice to him. It's a good send-off. Yeah. It's fantastic. It's weekend at Bernie's, man.

How long does it take before you start to smell? Just curious. Three days. How do you? Most people shit themselves as soon as they start decomposing. That's how he was able to fit right in with the strip club. He had a huge rock-hard boner and he smelled like shit. And the strippers were like,

he's normal. This is about our clientele here. Well, that's the shitty thing is that they drove and took him back home before they went to the strip club. He was probably starting to smell. And then at about 4 a.m., they flagged down the police. They were like, hey, our friend's dead. And how old were these coots?

One was 25 and the other was 43. Eddie, give me a... Wow. None of the crew is this man. That is insane. Back in some heat. Eddie, give me a description on the age 43 guy. This guy looks like Jefferson from Married with Children, but completely lost and out of shape. He looks pretty bad. And the 25-year-old.

Oh, my God. They both look just so blank-eyed. They have no idea that they're in jail. This guy looks like Mike Racine, but he's looking at a monkey fucking another monkey. I mean, to their credit, it would be shocking. They didn't do anything wrong. They gave a great send-off to their buddy. This is better than a funeral.

I mean, it's fantastic stuff what they did. It's more than legal what they did. I just don't usually hang out with people 25 years older than me. Yeah, that's really weird. That's the weirdest part of this whole situation. But this is like their crew. They used to roll with this guy like this. Here's some background information on the dead guy.

The relative said Jarrett was a father and a professional who sold real estate and owned his home in southeast Denver. He was staying at the 43-year-old guy's place because life was going really bad for him at the time and died on his couch and so they took him off the couch. Was life going so badly he just died? He just died. Does that actually happen?

After the autopsy he was like this man died of sadness. Imagine if that's how I wait like damn man life sucks but I think I'm just going to die. You can tell when we cut him open his heart was just steam it was all steam didn't actually exist anymore and they were college buddies

so the guy was a 43 year old college buddy of a 25 year old he's like a community college buddy I'm sorry I didn't realize someone's got to fix 1988 Oldsmobiles. That's good. Good for them.

Eddie, if you were to die, how do you want us to treat your corpse? Just so when the cops do try to arrest us on criminal charges, we'll just be like, no, this is in his will. We have to take him. Where? Graveyard. Take me to the graveyard. You want us to bury you, man? That's work, dude.

Why can't you send us to a strip club? The graveyard. You want us to bury you, man? That's work, dude. Why can't you send us to a strip club? A graveyard? I would probably buy him a lap dance, though. Wouldn't that be hilarious to watch a stripper give a dead man a lap dance? I mean, his eyes are the most alive eyes in an entire strip club. I'll tell you that much.

A lot of dead eyes in a strip club. And we could just tape his eyes open. I want to be put in a graveyard. It's not fun for us. I heard strip club. Everybody else? I heard strip club. I heard strip club.

Becky, you were in a strip club last night. How was it? Oh, no, you were riding a bull. Yeah, I rode a mechanical bull last night. Did I have a fucking dildo attached to it? Hell yeah, man. I fucking got off. I went rub it, rub, rub.

Man, no. No, I did hear you flew off of the thing almost immediately. Oh, man, it was just, it was so difficult. You have to, like, jump to get on the thing. It's like in a big bouncy castle. And you're dead sober. You're tanked. Yeah, right?

And so I'm crawling up the thing and people are like booing at me. They were booing or booing? Booing. It was like, because I wasn't sexy enough. I wasn't Spanish enough. That was the problem. It was against stereotype. What do you mean against stereotype?

Stereotype Spanish women don't really ride bulls. I know, but they were all sexy Spanish women there that would hump on the bull and be like and the guy that was controlling it would make it go really slow so it would rub against their clit arm. That's awesome. And so they're like getting off on the bulls. I like that guy. Of course that's what you do. And then you see fucking

drunk bitch fucking fatty chubs over here trying to crawl my way onto a fucking bull. And I'm just like, I'm gonna get on it! Just screaming at it. How long did you last?

I don't know. I tried to get back on it again. It was about probably three seconds. How much does it cost to ride the bull? Three dollars. That's it? That's a bargain. That's not bad.

That's a real good price for a mechanical bull. I think it's more money for men. How long does the bull buck for? A good while? As long as you can fucking hold on, man. Wow. Eight seconds. Yeah, eight seconds and then you win.

Yeah. It doesn't seem like that much time to me. Oh, it's a long time. It's a millennium, man, when you're fucking doing it. It was terrifying. Louie, you ever ridden a mechanical bull? No, I don't do that kind of stuff. That's good.

I thought you were adventurous. I thought you were like a sportsman. I ride real bulls. I'm fucking out there. Riding these fuckers. We all know about those Jewish cowboys. There's some. Kinky, what's his name?

Kinky Friedman. Kinky Friedman, there you go. Who is that? He's a Jewish cowboy. Okay. Text him. Send him over here. I think that assless chaps should come back into style.

I agree. I think they're just as in style as they ever were. I'm not sure what the heyday was. What's the point of the assless chaps? I want to see pert ass. I need to see some pert fucking ass. Riding on top of a hot mechanical buffalo. No, no, just on me, like rubbing on me.

Just want the ass. I can do that for you. Weird desires. What's the point of the chaps? Why do people wear them? Why do they ever get invented? The chaps? Yeah, it helps with chafing. Oh, when you're riding a horse.

And it also protects you from things. Like what? Dirt clogs. Shrapnel? Do you think cowboys are upset that their entire culture has been co-opted by gay people? That's a funny thing. If you go to Denver, there's a whole

square where there's all these statues of cowboys and shit like that. And you're like, this is the gayest square ever. It looks so gay. But it's just their heritage. Their gay heritage. It just must be weird having your heritage completely re-envisioned

by an artist in Soho. I've said for years that most cowboys would be so much happier if they were gay. Well, they hate women. They do hate women. And a lot of times

on the range, they would fuck men. A lot of cowboys ended up fucking men. I saw Brokeback. Well, a lot of them would fuck cows. Didn't your uncle

Fuck cattle I think we talked about this On like round table one Do you remember that Yeah yeah yeah My uncle They were out on a cattle drive Or my great uncle

It was like in the Tens, twenties More than great Your best uncle My best uncle What they would do Is you know They would be around

You know In the Around the campfire And for some reason Fucking a cow Was better than Just jerking off. So what they do... You know why. I can see the reason.

You can squeeze those big-ass pink titties. You think it's wet, though? You close your eyes and anything can be a woman. A loaf of bread can be a chick. So what he did is he roped a calf, because you get the small ones because they're easier to hold down. And he roped a calf and because you get the small ones because they're easier to hold down.

And he roped a calf, and he got it, and he lifted up the tail and figured out that it was a bull. And he looks over at everyone and says, hell, boys, it ain't homosexual. It's just friction. And then proceeded to fuck the calf in the ass. And this is a Marcus Parks family story. This is a family story. How did you first learn this? Was it Christmas time, or when is it?

When does the Parks parents decide to break the news to their child? Bestiality is part of our heritage. It's fine, too. Homosexual bestiality. That's nice. Yeah, yeah. All about it. If I was a fucking calf, I'd make sure it was a veal.

I like them tiny. Yeah, you like them tiny and weak. Tiny and tender. You also like Asian women, so it all makes sense. Yeah, well, actually, I don't like Asians. No? No. Oh, Marcus and me.

You like Asian women, kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course we're Indian. Of course we're Indian. Have you not been paying attention for the last 64 episodes? No, because Holden's the single most. Well, that's because you asked who do I like to fuck the most. You said Cubans.

The thing is that, you know. You said Cubans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the Asians, they just don't frequent the same spots I frequent, man. I don't see them. Well, whatever, man. I like tiny, tiny white and tiny, tiny Spanish.

That's pretty much my whole... I like little bird-like women. Women whose noses look most like a beak. Can't talk. That's the thing. I like cone-like tits. Oh, yeah. You like pig tits.

Yeah, pig tons. Yeah, exactly. Long, drooping nipples that go out. Yeah, exactly. You know what I'm talking about whenever I say pig tits? I just think that's not like a nickname for someone. Like, what's up, pig tits? Oh, thank you, God.

I missed the car pretty well. I got into a car accident. It's never good for that guy. That guy's never lived a good life. No, never is. I love pig tits. How do you describe a pig tit? A pig tit?

See, that's the thing. It's more of a feeling. They're the ones that are kind of like fat And then they get like really skinny and pointy Oh yeah Yeah yeah like they're fat And they just kind of go like weird They have crazy nipples Yeah and the nipples are real pointy

It's like the back of them is like a C And the front of them are A's I don't think I've seen this man It's different from eel tits right It's plumper than an eel tit That's what I was raised to call an eel tit. No, I know. An eel tit is when it's like, oh, you put an unbaked loaf of bread into a sock and then

you put it on your chest and it just sort of like bobbles down. You hit it up. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. You should write the Webster's Dictionary definition of eel tits. Yeah, I did. It's on Wikipedia. It was like, that was great. Yeah, that's exactly an eel tit.

Yeah. No, they're fantastic. I love a good... I got it with a chick one time. Her tits were so big, her nipples were inside, so I had to un-gay. I've had a couple of chicks with any tits. Her tits were so big. Like infinity tits.

Infinity tits. That's the thing. I felt like I was looking into one of those mirrors that you have on either side of you, and you're just like, this goes on forever. And I really enjoyed her. But at that point, did it kind of become like a square shape? When they fall down, they kind of become like a square shape, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, that's Tupperware titties.

Oh, that's Tupperware titties. And the funniest thing was, as soon as I was done having sex with her, I did eat some cold ravioli. It all makes sense. I love a good Tupperware. I've had to lie to two different chicks and tell them I didn't mind their innie tit. I just have to say, if you're listening to this and you have an innie tit, it's freakish and disgusting.

What do you mean? You thought you got one. I mean, pull it out. Just get a magnet or something. Get that titty out. You mean when the nipple goes inside the titty? It's weird. It's like an innie tit. It's like a belly button. Tie your nipple to inside the titty? The tit is not protruding. It's like an innie tit. It's like a belly button. Tie your nipple to a door and slam it.

One I could get to pop out if I worked on it for long enough. It's so gross. Two different chicks, dude. It's awful. I hated it both times. That's unlucky. I was so sad and desperate, man. I just fucking noked him.

Did it kill your boner? No, no. That didn't kill my boner. His homosexuality kills his boner. Lack of cock and balls. So I was all the way with this chick, Manchi, this sweet pussy, big tits, but then I realized I'm gay. She was the worst.

I told her, I was just like, girl, I'm fucking so gay. I'm so fucking gay right now. I'm so fucking gay for you, bitch. Yeah, right? So gay for your fucking dumb ass. I hate it. I hate your ass. I hate it.

I love it. And he blows a whistle and he opens up the closet door and KB is in there bound and gay. And he just does a quick replacement. That's great. How is this me, man? How is it me? Oh, you're Holden's fantasy of a man that he wants to fuck. Oh, yeah, absolutely You're every man's fantasy Kevin. You understand it's like I know that you hate gay people beat off to you every night man

A lot of dudes beat I've spoken to them. I mean it's a Facebook Club. Yeah that you could be on fuck Yeah, you can like yeah Yeah coming on KB We all beat off Kevin as the Groupon man you can like. Yeah. You can like. Yeah, coming on KB and you hit like. We all beat off Kevin as the group I'm in. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. No, that's actually what I beat off too is you guys beating off to Kevin. It's pretty fun. Wink it.

Wink it. I've been watching if you Google lesbian ass on Pornhub, you can watch these two chicks just pound each other in the ass really hard.

They're just bumping asses? Yeah, with big old dildos. And then at one point she's just staring at the chick's ass, and she's like, wink it, wink it. And then the chick winks her ass, which is just flexing her ass muscle. And then I came. Okay, so I just... Eddie, do you ever see that, the wink it?

No, not yet. But Marcus has some stuff up, so I'll be seeing it soon enough. The Wink It's awesome. Wink It's awesome. All right, whatever. All right, so I just went to Pornhub and put in lesbian ass. And let me read off some of the titles, and you can tell me which one it is. Anal Research?

Anal Research. Yeah, it is. Anal Research? Anal Research! It is. It is. It's Anal Research. I'm dead serious. Click on it. Yeah, okay. And go to the Wink It Wink It. Well, I mean, it's eight and a half minutes long. So is it like 622? Yeah, it's like two to three. I'll find it. I will literally do it.

Don't give him that computer. The one chick is on all fours and the other chick is Wink It Wink It. Oh, she do it! Oh, that's the window. Now chick is on all fours. Get rid of that pop-up. Oh, my God. Oh, she do it. Oh, that's the window. Now you're in the snack window. Oh, my God. Oh, it's a baseball bat.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's so old. Oh. Okay, they're looking at it. Oh, my God. Oh, it's a woman shoving a baseball bat in her cunt. It's the big end, too.

Oh, my God. Oh, it's so deep. Oh, it's like a shoving a baseball bat in her cunt. It's the big end, too. Oh, it's so deep. It's like a senior league bat. Oh, man. Wink it. Get it out of there. What has she got? She's got other stuff. That was awesome.

Oh, now she's in a private session. Yeah, we can click there to join her. Quite frankly, that was inspiring. Yeah, those are the Pornhub. Those are the private windows you can get to. Are we really going to watch porn and just describe it to our listeners? I mean, yeah. Don't do anything else.

Did you get to the Wink It part yet? Fuck. Did you stop looking for the Wink It? I stopped looking for that. We need to move on. We need to move on. Yeah, let's stop. In Donkey News.

Donkey News? Speaking of animals you want to have sex with. Donkey, donkey, who? Donkey, donkey, who? Donkey, donkey, what? Donkey, donkey, who? Donkey, donkey, who? Donkey, donkey, what? Donkey, donkey, who? Poopy. That's a song.

It's a song that they're doing now. It's a song. It's by the Donkey Brothers. What was the donkey meat called again? Poopy. Poopy. That's why I said poopy. I just said poopy.

Cash-strapped donkey owners in Texas are abandoning the animals in record numbers, creating a headache for authorities and a devoted group of donkey rescuers. There is a group of those. There is a group of donkey rescuers. I just figured no one liked donkeys that much. They're also racing them in Colorado, too.

They should send all the donkeys to Colorado. They should send all the donkeys to the fucking Everglades and feed those little alligators. Give me those fucking sexy donkeys. Why don't you cook up these fucking donkeys to the fucking Everglades and feed those little alligators. Give me those fucking sexy donkeys. Why don't you feed people? Why don't you cook up these fucking donkeys? And feed some fucking poor people so they'll be saving stupid fucking donkeys. Fuck those donkeys.

I agree. Cheers, man. Fuck the donkeys. Long-term care of each donkey runs about $1,000. For a donkey? Yeah, last year, Peaceful Valley Donkey Rescue spent $1.8 million on taking care of donkeys. What the fuck?

Who cares that much about donkeys? And they took in almost, and it's a non-profit, people donated $1.9 million to Peaceful Valley Donkey Rescue. What the? That must be an actual problem. I guess, if people are donating that much money.

Yeah, I didn't realize that many donkeys were getting thrown out. Yeah, I mean, that's the thing. How do you lose your donkey? You just kick it off the curb when you're driving down the highway? Just kick it out the door? At the same time,

a wild donkey's got to be a scary thing. Totally. I wonder if they get horns and shit. Well, they're abandoning them. Donkey horns. I mean, they're not really abandoning them, though. They're setting them free. They're not like babies. It's a donkey. They don't want to be wherever the donkey

was where it was. Where they're just leaving them out to die. There's no water. Just put a bull in its fucking head. Yeah, bales of hay are running 125 bucks each. Well, think about that's today's farm report. It's double what they cost last year. And today, that was brought to you by Country Supply

Can you milk a donkey? You can milk any mammal I wonder what it tastes like I'd try it Donkey milk? And what about marsupials? Do they got milk? You can milk a kangaroo

That's an interesting question You can milk a kangaroo They got milk, man Yeah, marsupials Yeah, Kevin, our resident animal expert Thank you You can't milk a chicken, though Can you milk the Loch Ness Monster? Oh, sure got milk, man. Yeah, Kevin, our resident animal expert. Thank you. You can't milk a chicken, though.

Can you milk the Loch Ness Monster? Oh, sure you can, man. As long as you believe in it. That's the way it is with most milkings. You really have to believe in what you're doing. Oh, man. I mean, why do we stick with the cows? I wonder what animal would milk the best.

Donkey milk's got to taste just fine. It's got to taste like bad horse milk, I imagine. You think so? Yeah, because it's just smaller. What the fuck does horse milk taste like? What's good horse milk like? Yeah. Good horse milk is like bad goat milk. Oh, I see.

It's all coming together now. Good, good. Yeah. I like it. No, horses, yeah, they're... In fact, people are getting rid of are, they're getting rid of horses, they're getting rid of donkeys because they can't afford to take care of them because it's really expensive.

I agree with any of them. In fact, one of my friends from back home in Texas on Facebook, I saw an update that just said, who wants a horse? Because they're just giving away horses. That is such a Texas statement. One horse needed, you know, needs a home. God, that's great. That's just been going on for forever, though, man.

Because remember in Ocarina of Time when that girl gave you Pona? Yeah. And you could ride them all through Hyrule? That's not new news, man. I would love to have a little donkey, though. A little miniature horse or a little miniature donkey. That would be fun to have at home with you. A little tiny house donkey in the city, you know, too. It would be so much

fun to ride that donkey. Horses are smart, right? No, horses are stupid, stupid animals. Horses? I thought they were supposed to be one of the smartest of all the breeds. No, horses are really dumb. Pigs. Oh, is it pigs? Yeah, pigs are real smart. Yeah, pigs are extremely smart. Why is it the smarter you are, the better you taste? Because you would think if horses are so stupid, we should just

be able to eat them. Well, dogs don't taste that good. No, you can eat horses. Cows aren't smart. Pigs are a lot smarter than dogs, though. Yeah. And I've heard that dogs actually taste fairly good. Yeah? I really did. A buddy of mine was in Korea. I've eaten dogs.

What do you think? Did you really? Yeah. I've eaten dogs. I've eaten rats. Really? Can you get buried in a Jewish cemetery? You can't eat a lobster, but you can eat a dog?

I eat whatever the fuck I want, man. I don't follow these rules. That's good. Hell yeah. How was dog? What was whatever the fuck I want, man. I don't follow these rules. That's good. Hell yeah. How was dog? What was dog? And rat. Well, the problem was it was in China.

And the thing with all... Why did you go to China? Yeah, what were we doing there? Yeah, I know. Why would we want to expand our fucking experience? You cultured idiot. See different things. I don't know.

The problem is with all meats, they just chop it up. They don't debone it. They don't get the good parts. They just chop it the fuck up and throw it all in a pot. Same thing with chicken, which is gross. That's not how you want to eat chicken. And they just use their hands to chop it up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's real quick. A lot of hand knives. They throw stars at the meat and then they chop it up. But the problem is that they did it with rat. And also, you're just eating these little pieces of rat. And then you get a little paw of rat, which just looks like a tiny hand. And that turned my stomach. That was it.

Was it like in a soup? Yeah, it was like a stew. Yeah, they do that in Jamaica, too, where there's this soup. And they only do it with goats. I don't know why it's only goats. Goat meat's good, man. Goat meat is good, but they'll just take this soup, and the soup is delicious, but they'll just beat the shit out of a goat.

They'll take a goat's face and just beat the shit out of its face and throw all that in there and you're eating the soup and it's good and half it's just good goat meat then you find like goat testicles in your soup and like brains and like parts of you find like fractures of skull and shit dude how do you how do you pretend to like fucking preside over haiti but how do you pretend to be better than Haiti? You're beating goats' brains out. That is delicious, man. There's no more goats left in Haiti. They're frying up cats on railroad tracks, man.

Cats on railroad tracks and gay men. There's a gay man stew that they cook over there. Jamaicans are still on animals to eat, which is big. That's good. I love it, man. I would love to eat a nice goat testicle. I guess you really just let it sit in your mouth and swash it around a little bit.

It's probably good for your testosterone levels and you get that dick real hard. Yeah. Or just rub it on your dick. Just rub it straight on your dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's topical. Has anyone eaten balls? Yeah.

No, I haven't. Mountain oysters? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ate balls and had a shot of moonshine. Whoa. I thought you said Texas. Yeah, I haven't. Mountain oysters? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ate balls and had a shot of moonshine. Whoa. I thought you said Texas? Yeah, I was like 15. Really chewy, right, I would imagine?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they were fried balls, and you can get fried balls and a shot of moonshine for $3. Imagine they're like Cadbury eggs, you know, like squirt when you bite in the middle of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just want like 50 whenever you have one. You're like, I just need another one immediately. Was the texture like calamari? Yeah. Actually, it was a lot like calamari.

Yeah, it was just kind of like... Huh? Lamb balls? No, cow balls. Bull balls. Those are huge. Those are really big. They're pretty big, yeah. I've seen them on that statue. It's like an apple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really just... It takes a couple bites I know it's funny Is it disgusting though

Because we eat every Every other part of the animal I don't think it's that disgusting I think any part of Just eat Seems weird Do you eat a bug Well we ate crickets

On the podcast Yeah That's right We ate crickets that one time Wasn't there sour cream And onion Sour cream Yeah they just found them that way

They found them They probably always That's how they died Yeah yeah That's a breed of crickets They just got really lucky And they found them that way they yeah they probably died yeah yeah they just got really lucky and they found them but i think we ate most of them which is unfortunate they were very light they disintegrated in your mouth yeah it was like communion my buddy lives in korea and they they bugs all the time it's like their street food it's their cart food you know and it's really bizarre

i don't want to eat a bug a lot of snake snake on a stick? A lot of snake. Yeah, he was telling me about the snake. I still haven't eaten snake. I would eat a snake. I need snake. I need snake. Or like, I was thinking about yeah, in Temple of Doom, any of that stuff would you eat? Oh, man. Monkey brains. Monkey brains. I don't know about monkey brains. Not when it's served in the monkey head.

I want to start off with like, monkey thigh first and then work my way up. What about monkey brain? He's still signing at you? It's like that movie Hannibal. Yeah, it's his lobotomy. Or like that old Faces of Death. Did you guys see the first Faces of Death? Where it's like this old restaurant.

And they get a monkey and they put it in this hole in the middle of this table. I remember that. It was fake. I don't know if it was fake. It was fake. I heard all of it. What they do is they put this collar on the monkey and they give everyone at the table hammers and they just sat there and bashed the monkey's brain open.

I remember this. The monkey just was freaking out and all you saw was its head spinning around and around. And people just beat the shit out of it. Yeah, how was it fake? I don't know. I don't think it was fake. I think they just called this stuff it was all fake to rest our minds.

Not everything was fake. A lot of stuff was fake. So it's still possible, I think, for that and some other things to be. Especially the animal stuff, I think, was more potential for not being fake. Because it's animal shit. Or you could just watch Cannibal Holocaust and see some real shit. That's a good one. The turtle scene?

Yeah, the turtle scene. Cannibal Holocaust is one of the best horror movies ever. They actually kill a 75-year-old turtle, which is sad. But then they do this amazing death where they take this person and put him on a spigot and the thing goes through its mouth and he looks so real they almost got arrested

for murder and they had to prove that the actor was still alive so they had to bring the actor to the judge and be like we didn't kill him

he's right here and then they just it was it was this huge it was this huge they just killed it and it shows them killing it and butchering it and then they eat it.

Which I think is fine because they ate it. Well, it's fine. I don't know. I will say a turtle, though, is the last animal on the animals that I want to fuck. I don't want to fuck a turtle. That's mean. I mean, that's too much like we've been dating for five years already. No fish.

No, you never fuck a fish. I know, I'm just saying. I hear you can catch a fish and cut its belly open and then fuck it that way. You can fuck anything when you cut its belly open. Well, that's true. Although I will say, maybe not a turtle. I feel like turtles would be tough to fuck even if you cut its belly open. Is it an armor?

It's just so cold and mean. Once you take the shell off, I bet you could. It would be all slimy. Oh, yeah, and it's all vulnerable. Yeah, I suppose so. Either way, I'm going to stick with fat women. I'm going to stick with them for now. Me and Louie.

I cannot wait to go on the road with you, man. We are going to fuck so much weight. It's going to be disgusting. I'd love to give you guys a load limit. You can only fuck up to like 800 pounds. If the four of you can't fit in a small elevator. No, no, no. Then Louie's going out and I'm taking advantage of double tubbies.

What? No. I'm going to keep you out. I'm going to fuck these chicks, man. They obviously want you. You call it dubby tubby. Double tubbies. Dubby. Dubbies. tubbies. Dubby.

Dubbies. Dubbies. Dubbers. That sounds like some Jamaican shit, too. I knew I loved you when we were hanging out with all those chicks after that one show with the gay dude that ran it. And then you were like, oh, man, you see that chick who was super hot? And then I was like, oh, yeah, but then I thought you were talking about the attractive

one, but you were talking about the ugly fat one. And then I was like, awesome, man. but then I thought you were talking about the attractive one, but you were talking about the ugly fat one. And then I was like, awesome, man. Yeah, you were right, though. I was trying to be like, no, I don't like him weird looking either. And I was like, yeah, she is very attractive. You're like, oh, no, not that one. The one that looks like an oinker. You know, the one that looks like a big piggy who's swallowing and going to swallow my cum.

Other pigs. Yeah, swallow other pigs. And huge tits and a huge ass. And a huge fucking big fat face. I loved her. I did like her. Man, Louie, we got to tag team a chick together, dude. And I feel like if we really get a big one,

we won't even have to see each other while we're doing it. A big one so big that we can't high five, I have to text you things? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Just literally text me, I'm going to come over there now. And I'll be like, all right alright I'll roll around to where you are We'll start using military terms and shit

You're like Timon and Pumbaa From Lion King You guys are Timon and Pumbaa That's right That'll be our guises Timon I'm going to the desert That means her ass Okay cool I'm going to the desert. That means her ass.

Okay, cool. I'm going to Atlantis. That's her pussy. The lost city. Can't find it. Some of these fat chicks, man. Some of these fat chicks' pussies are like wells. I mean, you gotta fuck it down, have a rat come back and tell you everything's okay. What's the weirdest part of a girl you've banged, Ben?

What's the weirdest role? You ever fuck a belly button? Yeah. I had an accident and I fucked a belly button. Did we have this conversation already? I can't be known to remember every conversation I've ever had with Ben. I can remember all of them. Good for you.

That's why you're here. You have no idea the shit that you've dumped into my head. It's awful. Oh, good. I like to fuck. I want to have sex with a whole series of women. You gotta stop. That's official move on time, I believe.

And the Gumby Bandit has been caught. No! Well, actually, the Gumby Bandit turned himself in. Kevin Barnett, you're leaving. Yeah, I gotta go because my life sucks. We love you, Kevin. Bye, buddy. God, I just want some chicken wings.

Eddie is so hungry right now. He's really hungry. He's been trying to eat at my toes this whole time. Really? Eddie, don't eat Holden's toes right now. Eddie, stop! I want to get in my mouth. No, Ed, don't do it, man.

I do like the sauce, though. He's putting quite a bit of blue cheese on those things. That actually sounds pretty good. Yeah, what kind of... If you were to swim in a condiment, what would it be? Good question. Good question. Mayo? Definitely mayo.

I was kind of thinking. But on the other hand, mustard. I was thinking a spicy mustard. That would hurt your skin. No, honey mustard. I'd go for shitty French's yellow probably would be the way to go. What about chocolate sauce? Why aren't we doing chocolate sauce? It's too sticky.

It is too sticky. Too sticky. It is very sticky. I think that's a viable one. I wish cum was a condiment and I'd swim in that. Cum could be a condiment. It's just if you want to use it or not. One of our listeners from the round table has actually sent us a link to a book called Baking with Semen. Oh, really?

I'm really glad. You got gotta forward that shit to me. I always think, who listens to this podcast? And that's the kind of people. Every message is just like, I'm just so happy I found a group of sick fucks just like me. Hey, name's Merg. I got a book you guys should read. We have about a hundred listeners and about four hands

amongst all of them. Who forwarded us the cum cooking site? I can't remember exactly who it was, but I will say that Nicholas Caviero IV did send us the Weekend at Bernie story. I like it.

Thank you, Nicholas. There was a fellow that I knew in college who would do food stuff with cum. They would be eating dinner. He'd cum on her spaghetti or her hot dog, and then she'd eat it. And it was a big thing that they would do. It was a big sexual thing. He was like a madman.

Just cum in her mouth. You can't just cum in her mouth. No, but there's no cum in the food and then watching her eat real slowly. It's kind of hot. Like a mad genius. Yeah, exactly. That's the thing. And also, the food was lacking a little salt, and he gave it to her.

It's not salty. What is that? thing and also you know the food was lacking a little salt and he gave it to her it was not salty what is that because i'm what is that because i'm super into that too in the sense of just like i want to see her just fucking drinking my fucking wad yeah damn it's just the only thing that i will never do it will always set her apart from me yeah exactly and i just want her to just like fucking drown in it no but it but it's true though. I mean, there's something about jizz that's so, we make it. Yeah. You know, it's like. It's our milk.

It's our milk. It's our beautiful milk milk. And we give our milk. We give the milk away. I gave this to you. Yeah. I give this to you as a gift. It's my precious little gift.

And sometimes I do wrap it up and give it. Sure. In a little vial. And I say, you know, make drink on my milk milk. Keep it warm. Yeah. That's the thing. I went back. Honestly,, you know, make drink on my milk milk. Keep it warm. That's the thing. I went back, honestly, do you know what?

I went back to my old kindergarten teacher. I gave her some milk. Because she taught me how to fucking be... How to milk milk. How to milk milk her. Completely. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't know what the letters C, U, and M were. I gave her some of my milk.

The nice little old lady that used to bake me cakes back when I was a kid, a foppish child. I gave her my milk. I've given milk to so many of the women that brought me up. I feel like the word given should be changed with splashed and ran away.

Not illegal. Splashed and ran away. Not illegal. I just splashed real good on a lot of people. Oh my god, I love... Yeah, if you guys want some milk sometime, just come over. I don't know. Louie, you ever do anything like that with your cum? What's the weirdest thing a woman has eaten your cum with?

I've never... I have not... I'm telling you, a lot of people do the food thing. It's very popular. I don't the food thing. a lot of people do the food thing. It's very popular. I don't the food thing. I don't mess with the food thing. The craziest thing a woman's ever eating Louie's come with is in her ass. Yeah, that's wink it.

I'm telling you, that wink it. Can you wink it, Jackie? I don't know. I can't see back there. I bet you can. I can't. Anyone? It's just a real southern hello.

I love the anal wink. Doing it right now. She's gyrating. Anyone? It's just a real southern hello. I love the anal wink. She's gyrating. I think she's making a wink. Oh my god. She's making a wink. She's making a smile. I feel like it's going to the bank. Now that it's a millionaire. Now it puked. I always puke after I cum.

How would you deal with that? Can you imagine a girl that always puked after she came? You better be fucking gorgeous. Right? Yeah. Why am I making a girl cum? I don't understand why that's... All you gotta do, you just do her from behind and put a bucket in front of her.

That's nice, like a horse. Much like you do a donkey horse. She's got brains on her. Dude, man, if I had a bag of feed strapped to my face, I would fuck for days. Yeah. You'd never get out of bed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why the Rolling Stones wrote, Gotta love that brown horse woman. I have insanely turned on I would fuck for days too If you had a bag of feet around your mouth Jackie if you were to have a feed bag What would it be filled with?

Macaroni and cheese Yeah Hey Jackie can I have some of that? Those little square ham chunks The sad thing is the skinny bastard behind you Fucking you for four days Can I have some food, Jackie? Not now!

I feel like you have him strapped in with a seatbelt type situation. He just can't stop fucking you. The strapped on feedback goes all the way around him too so he can't leave. Right, right, right. We're forever connected. He's got an IV with fucking Viagra shooting into his face.

Right, right, right. Viagra and whiskey. He's like, no more whiskey. No more whiskey. I just want him so hard that it hurts. You know, like his penis hurts a lot. Oh, man. That happens. That definitely happens.

When I was younger, I used to get like six-hour, seven-hour boners. Just throughout school. Like the entire day it would start to hurt. No, totally. You didn't rub it out in the middle of the day? No, I was very petrified of cumming. I was terrified of my penis. When you were a kid,

because my parents always told me my mother would stare at it and be like, that's small. It should always be small. Then it got really big and hard. How old were you when you had that memory? Like 20. No, the first boners were terrifying. They were very traumatic.

I didn't understand why it was doing that. Did you think you broke yourself the first time you came? Did you think you ruined yourself? My dick swelled up and I had a lion's mane around it. I really was a disgusting thing. It got hairs. It swelled up, dude. It was huge.

I bruised it. I hurt it. So wait, where does the lion's mane come it looked like there was a lion's mane if you like look at my dick if I would whip my dick out right now and then just imagine it really big on top like a mushroom you know like a really big mushroom type dick and I thought it was never gonna go back to normal but I also thought that that meant that's that's how you hit puberty who you jack off and you think your

dick you think all kinds of wrong things yeah The six hour boner I've never had. Yeah, that's crazy. I've sort of had a half hard all day. Miss Miller. You should have Miss Miller for your science teacher, math teacher, and biology teacher. God, Miss Miller was my fourth grade teacher. She was the most unattractive woman I could possibly think of. Oh, really?

I had a pretty good Miss Miller. Huge tits. This one was just a big fat woman with glasses and really short curly hair. Oh, that sucks. Oh, I had one of those. Mrs. Huge tits. This one's just a big, fat woman with glasses and really short curly hair. Oh, I had one of those. Mrs. Mattson. She looked like a splorg. Like if a splorg were a real thing, she was a fucking splorg.

What is a fake splorg? That's what a splorg is. I love a good splorg. Oh my god. Oh, you would have fucked Mrs. Mattson. I love a good splorg. Oh my god. Where do they come from? Oh, you would have fucked Mrs. Mattson. I would have fucked a whole series of teachers that I had growing up. Mrs. Harrison, she went to be a model in Chicago.

Wow. My friend got to slap her vagina on accident. What do you mean? He was turning around. He just hit her right in the pussy, and then they stared at each other, and I smelt his hand after class. No way. It was awesome, dude. I was like, you just touched Mrs. Harrison's's pussy and he's like i know man fucking smell this

i was like it smells just like her pussy would this is great it sounds like it smells like her pussy works with her dad in middle school one of the gym teachers miss perry so hot my buddy justin got a detention for looking up her shorts whoa Whoa! In front of the whole class, she was standing over me, just like, ha, ha, ha. His big smile, looking up. He's mad with it, just insane with it. I love it. And that is his fondest memory.

That's the thing, man. That's pretty awesome. It's got to be so weird to be a seventh grade female teacher. You're sexualized by the weirdest amount. She was drop-dead gorgeous, too. That's the thing. She was just hot, hot, hot. That teacher fantasy is good, man.

Like the Buster Poindexter song. Yes. So were you a hot teacher growing up? I got in trouble because I was more advanced. In sixth grade, there was this one teacher that I had in fourth grade

and I was telling these other guys, dude, she has huge tits. It's fucking awesome. And they fucking ratted me out. What? Because it was sixth grade and they weren't as advanced sexually as me. Absolutely.

And then she pulled me aside and she was like, I heard you were talking about how large my bosom was. You know, like all that shit. Oh, she just said things that turned you on, man. Dude, I was not sure. I was super embarrassed. I was like, no, no, I didn't say anything. But it should have been.

Like, you are more advanced than these fucking losers. And good for you that you liked titties in the sixth grade. I'm going to suck you off in the bathroom. Thank you for recognizing the only qualities that I've given to the world. My large fucking titties. God, I love chicks with big tits. We had this beautiful black teacher. She was a history teacher in seventh grade.

And she had appeared in Playboy. Ooh, appeared. I like it. Yeah, it wasn't like a big thing. But one day someone blew up a picture and then wrapped it up in the projection screen and so when she pulled it down, it was just a picture of her naked in front of the whole

class. What was her reaction like? Oh, I think she cried. Oh, that's too bad. She should be proud of it. I bet she got paid a lot of money, right? Did she leave the school? No, no, no. She stuck around. I feel like it was different back then. I think nowadays she would have a lot of money, right? Did she leave the school? No, no, no. She stuck around. There was like no reason. I feel like it was different back then. I think nowadays she would have been fired.

Yeah, absolutely. Nowadays, teachers aren't allowed to be like human beings. That one chick who got fired for being a former prostitute, I think that's good. I know a girl I know was in a... It's good for a 13-year-old chick who's really pissed off. You go to the chick who was a former prostitute. Yeah. She was a good counselor, I'm sure.

Girl I grew up with in middle school and high school. She went on to be a teacher then posed in Playboy and got fired. Erica Lee Chevalier. Very, very spicy. What's she doing now? Now she's just showing her tits all around town. Thank God.

I mean, that's the thing. Being a woman is so great. Wow, she's got an official website. Oh no, she's got an official website. Oh, no, she's fucking smoking. Whoa. No, yeah, those are... Big fake titties. Those are huge fake titties.

She was wearing fake titties. Is she doing porn? Yeah, Marcus, turn the screen around. Holy shit. Oh, my goodness. She's a teacher? This one knows about biology? She sat next to me in English class.

Wow. Really? Isn't that great? What about your teacher? I want to see this playboy black teacher. I don't know. I can't remember her name. It was Miss Thomas. It wasn't Miss Jada Fire by any chance, was it?

I'll tell you that chicken squirt. I love Jada Fire. We've got to get with these porn stars. We have to. I had a teacher, a hot teacher who had a son that was around the same age as me. And then once we got older, they would make out together at parties.

What? Wait, what? Yes, she would make out with her son at parties. Well, see, everybody else told stories about a sexy teacher that they wanted to jack off to. That's Texas, man. That's straight up Texas. Yeah. I mean, so.

And what do you mean? Let's go to this party. He's going to make out with his mom. It's going to be awesome. Is that the event of the party? That's not the event. There's so And what do you mean like At like Let's go to this party He's gonna make it with his mom It's gonna be awesome Like is that like the event Of the party That's not the event There's no DJ

No no no There's a DJ He's gonna make it with his mom I think there's a comedy I'm gonna do a tight ten I think something like that Yeah No no no

It was just like And the parties were at like Their house And like you'd go to their house And they'd like You know like make out How old was her son Oh you know like 16, 17

And how old was she I don't know Of course In like her 30s, like 30, 35. I think this is officially the pedophile corner. Yeah. Pedophile corner. Squirt, squirt, squirt. And with that, we have a segment from Holden McNeely.

All right, segment for me. We kind of need Jackie back from the pisser. All right, you start with the other group, and then me and Jackie will come in. Exactly. Well, actually, you're with Ben today. I'm with Ben? Louie, you're with Jackie. It's like the newlywed game.

I'm going to ask a question about the other person, or they're going to write something down. You have a little time to think about it. And then you make a guess, and if you win, you need shots after. Do we have little slips of paper? What's up? Yes, we do. We have little slips of paper. Holden we do. We have little slips of paper.

Did you get a little bit extra hard during that mommy-daddy, mommy-kids story? That was pretty fantastic, actually. What do you mean, thank God? I thought we did fine last time. No, we did do good. I just meant it was like a... You fucking bitch. Give me a pen. Not tiny, tiny white or tiny, tiny

Spanish, Ed. Okay. Alright, so we're going to start off here. Eddie. I need a pen. This is about Ben? Yes. Okay.

Eddie, where is the strangest place that Ben has masturbated? Ooh. Ben, you have to write down your answer. God, Ben doesn't even know, though. That's a thing. I already masturbated. Ben, you have to write down your answer. Ben doesn't even know, though. That's the thing. I will say, when the man gets in the urge, the man eats the food. Oh, man.

Oh, right. What does that mean? Have you written it yet? No, I'm not ready yet. Hold on. Isn't it unfair that I'm paired with Louis, though, because we know each other the least? That's fine.

I love that. I hope you lose. It's an arranged marriage. Oh, it's an arranged marriage.ie, though? Because we know each other the least. That's fine. I love that. I hope you lose. It's an arranged marriage. Oh, it's an arranged marriage. Can we play? Can we role play that? Well, I don't know your big man. I'm going to light you on fire because your dowry isn't big enough.

That's what I'm going to do. Okay. I love you. All right, Ben. It's pretty much impossible to know. Okay. Can I make two guesses? Because it's very obscure.

It's very obscure. It's a very difficult game we're playing today. You get two guesses. All right, first guess is Bathroom of a Greyhound Bus. Okay. No, that is not... No, that is not.

Okay. The other guess is Bathroom of a Church. Well... Technically, yes. Do I get a point? I want to know what his answer is. Well Technically yes Do I get a point? I want to know what his answer is Technically I have masturbated in the bathroom of a church

Okay well there you go The thing that I wrote down was my friend Jared's bed in 7th grade That's more weird than a fucking Was he in the bed? That's the thing I was a sleepover and we had to share a bed and I masturbated next to my friend and I thought it was weird.

But no, in a church is true. Oh, that is totally weird, dude. That is weird. That's a half a point. Yeah, that's a half a point, definitely. I think I'm great at this game. Libby Katz. I'm going to ask a question about Jackie.

She's going to write it down How many lesbian experiences has Jackie had? Wait, you mean each experience Or how many partners? Both Each experience It's got to be how many partners Because she obviously doesn't know

How many partners How many partners has Jackie been with of the female-ian? Do you mean sex? As much as a lesbian's going to have sex. I'm going to go with kissing even. Kissing, sex.

No, kissing is too hard. You're a showman. Alright, let's go. If the vagina was out in the open. How many pussies you seen? How many pussies does Jackie see? That's about it. I've licked fewer.

How many pussies has she seen, licked, fondled, breathed on, you know? Nosed. Yeah, nosed. Just got in there. I don't know if you're aware, Jackie has a boyfriend.

She is straight-ish. I'm straight now. I got over it. You don't know if you're aware, Jackie has a boyfriend. She is straight-ish. I'm straight now. I got over it. You don't look straight. Have you written down your answer? Yeah, her hand's over it. She's ready to go. She's changing her answer.

I think she's coming to terms with some other experiences she blocked out. That's more the truth. Okay, Louis. Five. Five. Six. Whoa! Close! No points, though.

That's a bummer, though. It just sucks, though, because I had written five before that. What? What was the straw that broke the six? I mean, it was just one time. How big was it? Oh, floppy, floppy.

No, the thing is, I've said this before on the fucking podcast. Big floppy pussy. Big floppy pussy. No, man, it was always tight. Stop calling here, sir. Big floppy pussy. Alright, we've got... What was the sixth one?

I think, possibly, technically, I got that right. I feel like, can't I get half a point? What was the sixth one I feel like he didn't get half a point because he did. What was the sixth one that you added? Let's find out what the sixth one is, the one that's variable that you're not sure about. Well, all right. So I was dating this guy, and then it was his roommate. But he was a total bitch.

He was very mean to me. And his roommate told me, like, oh, don't, like, why are you letting him be so mean to you? And I was like, you're right. And we ended up sleeping together. But it was, like, one of those ones where no one could know about. We, like, couldn't tell. Did you grab her pussy? Did you see her pussy?

Lick her pussy? Touch her pussy? Did you tell her to wink it? I didn't lick her pussy. She licked my pussy. That's why. It beyond counts. I bet the number's like 12

Yeah, that's the thing Yeah, I know If that's a borderline lesbian experience Then I'm Jesus Christ It was one of those things Like the jurisdiction was You licked her pussy

Yeah, oh, well Or no Yeah, she licked She licked your pussy She stayed fully clothed She only made me feel good about myself. Just still lesbians eating pussy. Just knock it off for her.

All right, let's get back. I love it. I wish I was her shirt. I wish I was her pussy juice all over my collar. The lesbian shirt. I want to be the lesbian shirt. Moving on. We're going to do a non-sexual one.

Thank Christ. So, Ben, how many fights has Ed been in? And how many did he win? Ah, good Christ. I mean, fights with his mother, fights with another human being. Oh, I'm talking about a brawl with a dude where punching was involved.

I'm going to go ahead and say one. I know I'm the opposing team, but I would say give them a, like, two number, like a number two window. You know, so it's like between this number and this number. Okay, we'll do a between. Let's do a between because God knows.

Let's do a between. I don't know what that means, but we'll do a between. Why are you writing anything down, Ben? Why are you writing stuff down? You don't need to write anything down. You have to guess. He writes stuff down. I'm playing the game, man.

What? No, I'm writing down what I think the answer is. Okay, you have to write it down to say it. You don't have to. That's fine. Okay, what is your... What are you... Four to six fights.

Four to six. Okay. Fights. And I would say three to five, one. Okay. What are you saying? I'm 25 and 0. That's a fucking bold baseline.

What are you fighting? Shrimps? I did fight a lot of small kids. No, I'm talking like literally a shrimp. I feel like you're like, every time he takes a bite of a chicken wing, he's like, another fight, one. Another fight, one, chicken wing. Before I was 16, I got in fights almost every week. You fucking, every time he takes a bite of a chicken wing, he's like, another fight won. Another fight won, chicken wing. Before I was 16, I got in fights almost every week. You fucking, you should have had a better father.

Yeah. Like, you should fucking talk about parents at all. My dad actually drove me to go fight some kid one time. No way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I scratch it. You had an amazing father. The dad arranges the fight between the two kids.

Really? And then the dad beats up one of the kids. He puts the kid up. There was a mom who just did that in Long Island. There was a teacher. Whenever I was... Another teacher story. Whenever I was growing up,

her son was getting bullied by this other kid, so she went to the playground and got the bully and held his arms back and was yelling at her son, punch him, punch him, hit him. And the other kid was just like, I don't want it. And then he started crying and ran away. Actually, you know what? I got to renege on this.

I'm going to go 24-0-1. No, I can't look reneged. I'm glad Barnett's gone right now. That was really awkward. No, it's a normal term. I feel like that's what they'll say when they're, can I renege on this? It's a Gaspades term.

Oh, no. The card game. Oh, Jesus Christ. Good Christ. What an egg. Ben doesn't know me. I don't even want to renege

on our friendship. All right, Jackie. Okay. Is that a bad term? No, re-nig is a fine term. Re-nig isn't a term. Neg is bad. Neg is fine.

It doesn't even matter. You're right. We love everybody. Everybody knows that. I love, yeah. Well, they gave me nerve. I mean, Ben's going to re-nig on that statement. It's un-nig, all right? I'm it's un-nig all right i'm gonna un-nig that

i just feel like just cutting that out hopefully everyone just means already already turned off the podcast christ this is why we got a black guy and this is what happens when he leaves kevin is not a black guy. And this is why whenever Kevin is not here, we get Michael Che to keep you motherfuckers in check. God bless us. We at least have a Jew in the room. At least. Jesus Christ.

So for Louie, what was Louie's graduating high school GPA? Oh, are you fucking smart? You went to China, so you're probably pretty smart. She's looking for some answers. You gotta write it down, Louie. You gotta write it down on the paper. Don't look at the paper.

What a douchebag, Louie. You looked like one of those kids, man. You fucking cunt. Do I get a window? What do you mean you get a window? You get a window to the walls? I'll tell you one thing. You get a.2 window.

A.2 window. .2 window. What was Louis' high school graduation? He wears glasses. My daddy loves me. My mommy loves me. His mother loves me. He went to proper school.

He went to proper private school. 3.7. 3.7. Louis. Look at those glasses. You want to re-nig? I can't nig it. It's 4.7. Look at those glasses. I can't nigg it. It's 4.0. He's a Jew with glasses

and he has Rogaine. I got higher than 4.0 but they had to bring it down. I had a fucking 4.8, you motherfucker. It's time for a tiebreaker which means the last question Is asked of me Which means that the two of you

Need to agree on one answer And whoever gets closest to it Wins Okay so Marcus I need to have something to write down What is Marcus Parks' Cock size We're talking erect

Inches? Centimeters? We have to whisper it to each other? You can discuss it because it's fine. Oh, I mean, no. I'll write down my answer. I'll give it to you. You write down your answer. You give it to me. We're talking length. I'll tell you what. Entertaining podcast.

Girth is hard. Girth is difficult. I've never measured my length. Here's the deal. For girth, we're going to make a circle for how big and girthy you think it is, and then we're going to give the inch. So that's what we're going to do. All right. Sounds good. Give the inch.

So, Eddie, I'm going to... A rect. We're talking a rect here. Yeah, yeah. Who measures their cock soft? I don't. I've never done that. That's the thing.

Holden's the only guy I'd be like, I measure my dick. It's one and a half inches, dude. Awesome! But really, it's big. Eddie, what are you thinking? I would say he's got a... We are debating right now. They're passing the notes

back and forth. I think me and Ben agree immediately, right? I'm realizing I should... Really? I'm going to go with that. Really? I'm going to go with this.

Which one is it? You wrote two numbers here. Well, the first number was my lesbian experience. Oh, okay. Be a lover. Really? Really?

I'd say a little thicker than that. Your circles are being drawn. Hey, how tall are you? How tall are you? See that? Six foot tall. Or 5'11". 5'11".

Say my name more paper. And I'm trying to think about girth because you don't really look on the... Do you know what average is? Is it tiny? 6. 5.5. I agree. Average is 5.5. Average is 5.5.

Okay, then let's go with your answer. Okay. Let's do it. Maybe I just think that my throat is longer than I think. Oh, does she have inside information here? Let's do it Maybe I just think that my throat is longer Than I think Oh wait does she have inside information here? Yeah we should have asked that first

Holden or Jackie Have either of you sucked off Marcus? Only yeah It was dark and I was drunk I only sucked him off of my ass Yeah yeah And I was also punching him in the head the whole time. I'm just going, I'm your poopy donkey.

I'm your poopy donkey. Okay, so I think it's in, right? We've got the tally in. What are you guys saying? Who, them two? Jackie and Louie, what are you guys saying? Go ahead. 6.2.

Ooh. Show the circle. Show the circle. And then that's the circle. That's the circle That's the circle That's the circle That's my new circle

Are you guys like a raisin got murdered on the street and they gave it a chalk outline No one has to do that I didn't agree on the circle I forgot about the circle part Louis is just having a blast Yo you drew the circle You guys said it Don't re-nigging on the circle part. Louie's just having a blast over here. No, you drew the circle.

You guys drew the circle. Don't read nicking on the circle. I nicked it. She's nicking it up all over town. Good God, Jackie. Oh, geez. All right. So we went six flat.

Six flat. This is our circle. And this is... That's your circle? That's our circle. Okay, six flat and that's your circle? It's a good-sized circle. It's like half the... Six flat and that's your circle? It's a good-sized circle.

It's like half the... Six flat, that-sized circle. Yes! Eddie and Ben! Eddie and Ben for the greatest fucking cock-sized duel of all time! I'm blown away! I'm blown away! Perfect! Oh, circle!

It was a perfect circle! Fuck you, Louis! Fuck you, Jackie! You know what Jackie guessed? Eight. Eight inches. Really? Yeah.

That's what she wanted. That's the round table. Shouldn't we win? You fucking lose. Dumb bitch. We win. Jackie Zebrowski, the dumb bitch. I suck big cucks.

Thank you, Louis Katz, Ben Kissel. Don't forget about Kevin. And Kevin Barnett. That's it. We'll fucking talk to you soon. I'll see you later. I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to it.

What was the other one? Oh, yeah. Chow time. Chow time. Woo. Jackie, you're a faggot homosexual man. We got it right. It was perfect.

That was perfect. I did it right. It was absolutely perfect. You have seen his dick. I just went one centimeter smaller than my dick. So I knocked this one down and I was like, that's his dick. Six flat, that size circle. What's that, like this?

It's good. It's fine. At this advantage, she's never measured a dick, man. You can't have a... I haven't measured a dick in years. She's seen so many dicks. Yeah, but I just put it in. Yeah, but you've still seen a ton of dicks. I feel like dicks keep getting bigger.

I only see the one dick. People know your ears keep getting bigger. Other than like porn dicks. I feel like your dick gets longer and droopier. Well, your balls get longer and droopier. Oh, as you get older? Yeah. Oh, goddammit. Somebody just went in there. Alright. Okay, we're done.