The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 66: Cave Comedy Radio Live October!

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

It's bear time at The Creek and The Cave! Join us for this live episode as we discuss the merits of bear murder, why the internet is ruining China, and which member of the Round Table was kicked out of theater class for filling the lead actor's shoes with piss.

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay on, gentlemen, and let them all watch what? Fire at will! Yeah! It's time for action, gentlemen.

Gentlemen of the round table. What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. What's up, everybody? How you doing? You ready to listen to the greatest fucking podcast ever to exist? Oh, it's the Roundtable of Gentlemen.

Hell yeah, man. Alright, everybody. We're bringing up... Jackie! Jackie, you gotta sit down, Jackie. Jesus Christ Jackie Round table of gentlemen We got Henry in the chuckle hut And we're also bringing up our old pal Mark Norman Mark Norman went to get

Mark went to get a bucket of beer Ed He went to get beer He's a good chuckle hutter Good man Welcome to the round table of gentlemen Who's on prayer? Jackie you're praying to the today, so give it to the fucking kids that you have. It's your turn, you fucking bitch. All right.

So, dear God, I just took a no-dose. It's my third no-dose of the night. That's right. God damn it, too. Is that Red Bull vodka, too? That is, dear God. Why would you take no-dose and Red Bull vodka too? That is, dear God. Why would you take no-dos in Red Bull vodka, Jackie? I like cheap speed, God.

And if there's any way that you could legalize ephedrine again, I would take that. But alas, all you give me is no-dos, so I buy your 80-pill bottle. 80-pill bottle. 80-pill bottle of no-dose? You're like a truck driver, but you're also... This is on members of the live audience. Who took one? There were a few people that took one.

No one's... No one's owned it up to it, but I pass it around, God, and everyone is going to come to your fucking arms. Do you have any? Can we all take some now? We can pass them up.

I left them in my purse so I didn't take any more during the pod. Thank Christ. Thank you, Jack. Thank you, God, for having the no-dos far away from me, and thank you for the speed that I can get at a 7-Eleven. In the name of God, we, um, great. All right, so we got the no-dos on the table. Alright, welcome to the round table

of gentlemen, everybody. This is the best podcast of all time. Who is all on? Marcus, you going to take those? I'm going to take one. Good. You're a healthy man. Pass them down. Alright, who's all on the show? Who are you people sitting at this table? Oh, Holden McNeely and Ben Kissel is my him down. Alright, who's all on the show? Who are you people sitting at this table?

Holder McNeely and Ben Kissel's my best friend. Hey, well that makes just you. Mark Norman bringing up the beer. Mark Norman with the beer. Alright, who else is on this show? It's Kevin Barnett Kevin Barnett is chilling and Ed Lawson and Jackie

just say your name honey. Oh Jackie the Rock. Chugga chugga chugga chugga. Oh. All right. Sitting in the chug light we got Mark Norman. Hello Mark.

Hello. How are you buddy? Pretty good. You look good. What were you doing earlier tonight? Oh boy. Doing a vicious

Eric Ive show. Oh fantastic. You can also see Mark Norman in the greatest comedy documentary of all time. You can find it on www.sandpapersuit.com. It's, of course, by the one and only Matt Ruby. And Mark Norman, I must say, you were a real delight on that program. The real Orny Adams to his Seinfeld, dare I say. And, of course, the always very, very morbidly handsome Henry Zebrowski.

How are you, beautiful? Hello! Welcome from Chinatown! There we are. And I'm Ben Kissel. With us as always, newsman Marcus Parks. Wait, he's not Asian. Well, Jackie? Podcast. In a podcast, I can be anything I like.

I'm sorry. Continue. Could be a whole series of things. Marcus Parks with the news. Buddy, what do you got for us today? All right. The AP reports that a New York man has been sentenced to prison for trying to hire someone to run down his ex-girlfriend, who he also abused. But his original murderous plan was this. Kill a bear.

Skin it. Don the pelt. Wait for his ex to take out the garbage. Attack her. Use the bear's claws to maul her today. And then, to ensure that he gets away scot-free,

wear the bear's paws on his feet, thereby avoiding leaving any human footprints. Is there anything... Is there anything... Is there anything more suspicious than that? I think that man's running around with bare feet.

It's so much easier to kill a girl than a bear. That's a good point. You would think he could just immediately murder this woman And just hands free nearly You don't know how this guy's living No, imagine trying to skin a bear

That's too hard Slit her throat Skin anything? Has anybody skinned anything in this table? Yeah, I've skinned a deer You've skinned a deer, Marcus? So, Marcus, when you skin a deer, what do you start with? Do you cut it down the middle, then take it down the sides with the arms?

Yeah, you cut down. Yeah, Eddie, you've skinned something too, right? I wish. Yeah, Marcus, no one's skinned a deer. You're the only man on this table right now, Marcus. You're the only person who's done it. So, Marcus, what are the steps? You kill the deer.

Yeah, you kill the deer. You put your dick inside of the deer vagina. You fuck it to death. That's the first thing you do. That's what you fuck. As the Native Americans did, you cum in its eyes. Oh, interesting. And that is the way to show it respect and give it that love.

I didn't know that. And that's where the stars come from. Exactly. Maybe if the Native Americans didn't waste all their cum on eyes, there'd still be Native Americans. Good point, Ed. So, Marcus, so you fucked this beautiful deer. You've cum in its eye.

Now, how are you taking that wonderful skin off that beautiful, beautiful body? Well, first, you cut it down the belly. You've got to get a slit from throat to groin. Yeah. Oh, interesting. I feel like that's the same surgery Dick Cheney had. Throat to groin. Throat to groin. Oh, interesting. I feel like that's the same surgery Dick Cheney had. Throat to groin. Throat to groin.

I like that. Yeah, throat to groin. So throat to groin, and then you fiddle with the bits. Yeah. And then you open it up? You open it up. As if you're going to enter it, like a Native American tent, perhaps? Sure, if you'd like to.

You can fuck the intestines, though, right? You can fuck anyone's intestines. You can fuck anything if you really want to, Jackie. I love that. Jackie, you're allowed to do it. You guys can. I can't. Yeah.

It's a hard world for you, Jackie. So, Marcus, you've cut it from throat to vagina, assuming that you're not a homosexual. Just a regular groin. And now what are you doing with it? throat to vagina, assuming that you're not a homosexual. Just a regular groin. And now what are you doing with it? How are you taking that off? Well, you take its legs off. Usually you do that with an axe. You cut them off with a machete?

Oh, axe. Axe. Yeah, that's what I use. Yeah, you use an axe to take the shoulders off. See, Marcus was a bridge troll. We didn't know. Wow. Yeah, that was interesting.

So after you cut off all four limbs, and then what do you do? And then you butcher it. You take some of the meat off of the ribs. Have you ever licked a deer's brains? No. Why would you lick a deer brain? I mean, it gives you power and stuff. I will say this, that my father used to kill Dove and then eat its heart because he said that it gave him the Dove's power.

Which is what? Yeah, Doves don't really have any power. So he just had the ability to shit on anybody's head at any time. Your pops could just drop a deuce, just a flyby. Well, what a miracle worker. Do a flyby. What a miracle worker. Doves suck. Fuck doves. They sit in the dirt.

A pig can't eat them. Not successfully. They don't fill you up. I never thought anybody was so passionate about doves. Why do you feel so strongly? I hate them. They coo all over the place. They're all fucking sad. I just want them over the place. They're all fucking sad.

I just want them to be dead. They're worse than pigeons. You're going to die soon. You're going to die pretty soon. Good. I'm going to cut out their hearts if I eat them. I'm going to be a dove. I feel like no-dos make you bad, Jackie.

Yeah, that's the thing. It's weird because you're acting like a truck driver, but you're also acting like the prostitute that a truck driver would pick up. So it's like you must have this inner conflict going on where it's like you're a terrible person, but then you also want to attract another terrible person, but it's all just you.

You know what the truck stop whores are called? Lot lizards. Lot lizards. I love that. That's fun. Wait, your father was a truck driver, right? He was a truck driver, but he was a Christian man, so he did not have sex with him. Oh, he just had sex with dudes. Yeah. First of all, my father had sex three times in his life.

And two of those loads that he shot in my mother were gay. Gay loads. My brothers are gay. But the final load that he shot in my mother was me. Fat. A fat load. That's right. It was a fat load, man.

It was a nice big... I just have this image of this chubby sperm just like making its way. It's all impressed and shit. You're so fat. If you would look at my sperm, the sperm that I came out of out of a microscope, it would look a lot like, what do you call that? Pudding. Like a rice pudding. It was the only sperm that's big enough

to be seen by the naked eye. Oh yeah, no, exactly. No, my mother was literally wiping me off her chest and I was just like, don't, don't. And she saw me and then she realized my pain and she put me inside of her. And that's why I'm here. I'm big, but I'm also prone to disease.

Because I was outside of the vagina for too long. But thank you, Mother, for realizing that your father, my father, had come a beautiful, beautiful load upon that wonderful deep dish

navel. And back to the man who tried to kill his wife as a bear. He was also a demolition derby driver. Yes! God damn it, I love this dude. I just want to meet this guy. I just want to become friends with this guy. I should have let him get away with it.

Norman, you have a girlfriend. Let's say you don't like her very much. There's bears around. There's other animals you could use. God knows there's carnival freaks and clowns about. What are you dressing up as in order to disguise yourself so you can get away with a nice murder situation? Wait, what do you mean? There's carnival freaks and clowns about. What are you dressing up as in order to disguise yourself so you can get away with a nice murder situation? Wait, what do you mean? There's carnival people about?

Whatever there is about. Let's say you're in New Orleans. Oh, send us in. There's big busted gals with the whole, whatever you want to do. What are you going to dress up as to kill the woman that you would imagine would allow you to get away scot-free? Oh, jeez.

I guess. I mean, this man's idea was a bear, which is pretty genius. I'd probably have to go blackface. Go blackface. That's good. So, Kevin, how do you feel about that? How do you feel now being charged with the murder of Mark Norman's girlfriend? Explain to me this, man.

Explain. It's like the Boston Tea Party, man. Yeah, if I come in. That's right. Like the Boston Tea Party. I mean, it's a smart decision to make. man. That's right. It's a smart decision to make. It's the element of surprise.

If I come in with blackface, do a little soft shoe, she's not going to see a knife coming. That's a good point. Dancers make the best killers. I leave for five seconds to take a piss and I come back and it's like blackface, soft shoe, Jesus Christ.

When we're in front of people, the show doesn't change. If I'm wearing blackface the last thing you're going to go is, what's that knife about? You're going to be like, why are you wearing blackface? Then stab. Third thought is, why are you such an amazing dancer? Fourth thought, God knows what's that knife all about.

That's beautiful. It's a good idea. It's not a good idea. It is a good idea. No one's going to think it not a good idea. Well, it's not a good idea. I mean, it is a good idea. I mean, no one's going to think it was a black guy. They're going to think it was a white guy in blackface. Well, how would they know? Because let's be honest here.

They didn't really nail the black look when they did the blackface. That's true. That's true. You're on record for the most offensive crime ever. That's a backwards hate crime, man. Right. Why is blackface so offensive? I've always wondered. Honestly, I don't know, man. I don't care. Wear black blackface so offensive? I've always wondered.

Honestly, I don't know, man. I don't care. Wear blackface. Do it. I've worn whiteface before. All right. It was funny to me. There you go.

Yeah, that's the thing. Speaking of which, I just saw, I was walking down 4th Avenue and apparently cop cars are using, police are using

taxi cabs now for undercover cars. Have you seen this? That's a good idea. I've seen that. That's insane, right? We wouldn't know if they were undercover. The only reason that I knew is because it blew up.

It did the Christmas tree, and I thought to myself, kind of a funny racial joke, I said, oh, finally, that's a cab a black guy could get. Ha ha. That's a funny joke, man. It is a funny joke. That's a good joke. It plays on a 50-year decade joke about how black people can't get cabs.

That was a bad joke. Although, I'll tell you, I live in Williamsburg, and fat white people can't get cabs either. That's what I've learned, which is pretty upsetting. I caught a cab last night at 5 in the morning. How'd you pull it off? I don't know, man. And I was looking bad. White face?

Were you pulling off some white face, KB? No, man. It was literally the worst day of my life yesterday. What happened? I've been sick, man. I've been sick. I've been fucking up. I've been slipping. They got me. I was sick. I ate something. These Puerto Ricans fed me. My stomach was all messed up.

Wait, what Puerto Ricans? The Puerto Ricans, man. They. Alright, let's move on. So we're just going to cut Jackie's microphone off. No, I worked. Oh, come on. It's not possible to do, so don't worry about it.

Yeah, we can't do it. We can't. It's fine. Barnett's got a fucking no-dose stuck in his hoodie. You're the idiot now, Kevin. So you're hanging out with these Puerto Rican people. They're feeding you a whole series of bazaar. No, that's a whole different situation.

I mean, basically yesterday I worked like a 22-hour day from like 7 in the morning until 5. In the morning? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moving people, right? Which is why I was mad you weren't responding to my emails. I'll tell you. Kevin got very upset with me because apparently he's sending me text messages. My phone broke.

I got one of these new smartphones. I can vouch. You can see emails. I responded to your emails, Kevin. Did you? Yes, I did. And I will say, I responded. I felt like, you know, it being that we're such close friends, I could take a little bit longer.

And I would get back to you. He played John Madden football for like seven hours last night, man. Just negligent as fuck, dude. I'm sick lifting boxes in the rain. Well, I am sorry that I am trying to score touchdowns with Philip fucking Rivers. And now I'm in the Super Bowl and I'm playing the Atlanta Falcons. Falcons? Yeah, they're different than the Falcons.

They're the Falcons. They were actually an alien race that came down and took over the Atlanta franchise. The Falcons. Oh, interesting. So I'm not actually playing Madden. I'm playing some sort of Star Trek game, but I'm just pretending that touchdowns matter. The thing is, so Kevin,

so you're eating this. You've worked for 22 hours. You're a strong working lass. I take care of dogs, which in his email, he pretended like wasn't a real job. I will tell you. It's not a real job. It is a real job. It is a real job and they are real dogs. It's not a real job at all, Ben. Marcus, you work at to fucking coffee shop.

So when you're serving fat white people their coffee, I'm picking up dog dung. He is a sound engineer. He is a sound-gineer. Wait, you got that coffee shop job back? I thought you quit. No, no, no, no. I didn't quit at all. They're going to fire him soon.

He's terrible. I'm the best goddamn dishwasher they ever had. Who gives a shit because you're not a dog nanny? And dog nanny is the most prestigious position you can possibly be in. He keeps dogs alive. He keeps living things alive. Those things would die without him. He's a half step away from being a doctor.

Thank you. Or a veterinarian. Yeah, or a veterinarian. God damn it. Henry's a half step away from having to go to the doctor. Am I seriously right? Because his heart's so bad, you know? So anyway, Kevin sends me an email being like,

oh, well, you just take care of dogs. You lift boxes. Dude, look. Boxes are easier to take care of than a dog. You don't have to cuddle a fucking box. I've been to your job, man. I've been to your job multiple times. They don't like you because I've trained them not to like you.

Let's write. And what do we do? We end up watching TV for three hours. We don't even write. We don't even write when I go to your job. Do you think Cheo likes it when we write together? He does not. Cheo's a Russell Terrier chihuahua. Lily's a Maltese and Gidget is a chihuahua.

Shut up about the dogs. What I am telling you is this. No one gives a fuck about your dog nanny job. I have a great... Yes, they do care about it because it's the most important job of all time. People love dogs. I'll tell you what, I got a story about dogs over here. Good, I love dogs. Thank'll tell you what. I got a story about dogs over here. Good. I love it.

The story is great. Officials in eastern China last week cancelled the Xinhua Hutu Dog Meat Festival. Dog meat. We're going to eat your fucking dogs. If that name makes you a little queasy, well, there's good reason for that. Are you sure they're big enough for you to eat,

Jackie? You're probably going to want eight of them. There's 600. Oh, God. How is that? Wow. They're chihuahuas. No one can eat on no doughs? Come on. That's true.

That's true. Come on. The 600-year-old tradition saw at least 5,000 of dogs slaughtered on the spot and served up as the main dish. As the story goes, the festival stemmed from a tradition begun in the 14th century when the barking dogs that revealed an army's position were fed to the soldiers on the general's angry orders. Makes sense. Yeah, this is all

the ancient custom was scuttled following a web campaign staged by animal rights advocates. When does China start... The world's going to shit when China starts caring about dogs. Are they going to stop killing girls too? I don't think so. They're going to start eating girls.

What? I think that's rude though because the dog was just trying to make the army aware that people were approaching. The dogs were just trying to help. They were giving away their position, Ben. Well, apparently. But why do Chinese people have tons of dogs around their military bases? Because they can't eat enough of them.

That's true. You've got to put them in little tents and keep them in harnesses. You've also got to get them wee-wee pads. Extra large for the Russell Terry. Wee-wee pads. Yeah, so they can fit in the house. Floor diapers. Yeah, floor papers.

Yeah, you add those pads. That apartment smells like urine. Just pure dog piss. You've got to walk those dogs more. That's the thing. Well, the fact of the matter is this. There's a park right by that apartment. Yeah, it's Battery Park.

And it's a wonderful park. And I take Cheo to the park. It's a nice park. It is a nice park. It smells like piss in that apartment. Well, first of all, it smells like I love them. And it smells like they're the happiest fucking dogs of all time. And you know what our apartment smells like I love them. And it smells like they're the happiest fucking dogs of all time. And you know what our apartment smells like?

Like exactly like the apartment. Oh, it smells like dog piss. Yeah, because you're a dog and you piss everywhere. No, it does smell good. It's a musk on its own. All right, what I'm telling you is this. Those dogs that the Chinese are eating, those are savior dogs and those are warrior dogs. And why have the Chinese people not won

a war against America? Because they ate all their fucking dogs. They actually made us quit Korea. We didn't quit Korea. My grandfather was in Korea and he did not quit Korea. I thought your grandfather was a Nazi. My other grandfather was a Nazi. My other

grandfather was in Korea. So one was really successful and the other one was a fought in Korea. But nonetheless, I'm not going to judge my mother's side of the family. I think that they're nice people, and my grandfather was a very nice man. And I assure you that he would not appreciate anybody eating dogs. And no one should eat dogs. That's my stance on it. Norman, being from New Orleans, you guys eat a whole series of insane foods. Oh, yeah.

What is a cultural dish that would be controversial to the rest of America that you can think of, other than eating the crawdad brain? Well, we do suck the head. That's disgusting. I did it once. Ed had me do it once, and I just... That's the thing. Every time you

suck out his brain, it's just nasty, man. I love it. It's all flavor. It's the thing. Every time you suck out its brain, it's just like nasty, man. I love it. It's all flavor. It's all flavor. It's all brains. It's all brains and guts. Audience members, how many people in the audience have eaten a crawdad? You heard it.

You guys suck the head? It's more of a vocal medium. Of course. You've got to suck the fucking head. What do you think? What do you think? It's fantastic. All right.

Okay, so if you were to kill a chihuahua, would you suck the head of the chihuahua? Not because I have a chihuahua. Oh my goodness! Your girlfriend! Ladies and gentlemen, hold it, McNeil. He has a girlfriend in the house this evening. And we'll talk about mommy later. You're dating, and I'll tell you one thing. From the sounds of it, things

are going fine for about three minutes, and then it's pretty bad. Nonetheless, I play Madden all night and I hear all the ins and outs of their relationship. The thing is this. I don't know what I'm saying. But I would say... I know exactly what you're saying.

What's that? You're saying that you listen to them have sex. Wouldn't you believe it? I call it my masturbation time. Is that what it is? I just always feel like my computer doesn't have it. I always like, no sound on my computer

when I jack off and I'm always like hearing things and then it turns out it's just holding and it's like fine sounding, you know, and I'm like,

oh, you know, this is normal. You can get into that. Yeah. I get the feeling that she is into the theatrical arts on account that you are a beautiful man and I love you. I regret all of this.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. I love it. Is she a moaner? Can you describe the sounds? Yeah, what is it? What's the... No, no, no. It's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. No, she's not a moaner on account she's having sex with Holden. Every girl that has sex with Holden is what I like to call you know, sadly there. A silent Susan. A silent Susan, sadly there. It's like having sex with a slip and slide. Yeah.

It's like when you first started masturbating to a penthouse form or a playboy. Like how the woman didn't actually respond to you and didn't know you were there. You're sort of scared. You're kind of scared. Yes, exactly. You're in pleasure, but slightly terrified.

Get out the rubber sheets, baby. We're going to have a nice night. Yes, absolutely. It's like a lazy Susan, but that doesn't move. Yeah, I mean, I don't think that she's... I mean, yes, you never know who's doing what to what. Oh, and with that, oh, speaking of Holden McNeely, we got a segment from Holden McNeely.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. So this is a bit of an audience participation situation. So we're going to... It's who on the round table? Do we have any volunteers from the audience? We need two volunteers to come up on stage. any volunteers from the audience? We need two volunteers to come up on stage. Any volunteers from the audience? Fellow in the plaid shirt.

Come on up, sweetheart. We need one more volunteer. I want to attract a student. What's your name, sir? Over on the microphone. Robert. We got Robert and we got Sarah. Jesus Christ, Sarah. I'll tell you. The boobs and the sunlight.

My God. One of these days, Sarah. One of these days, I'll tell you. The boobs and the sun lights. My God. One of these days, Sarah, one of these days, I am going to make you regret being a woman. Oh, my God. Okay, so I'm going to name... This game,

Marcus is doing the points. I'm going to name... I'm going to... This game, Marcus is doing the points. I'm going to name... The winner, by the way, gets a free shot. All right. And what was your name, sir? Robert. Robert. I'm going to name some facts about... Robert, have you listened to the show before, by the way, Robert?

No, I haven't. Are you going to listen to it now? Are you going to listen to the show now? Yeah, I'm going to listen to the show. Absolutely. So you've got to... Well, you're not going to know names as well, but you can just listen to it now? Are you going to listen to the show now? Yeah, I'm going to listen to the show. You're not going to know names as well, but you can just point to people. What we're going to do is I'm going to name a fact

about a person on this table, and you have to decide who it is. We'll start with Sarah, because Sarah's a little more familiar. Mark's not a part of this. Norman's not a part of this. It's just the people on the microphones. On the mics. Everyone else is in this

You are in this And Henry's in it But he's my older brother So we're kindred spirits They fuck so much He puts his penis in my vagina Alright let's not say that anymore Who

Sarah Who lost his virginity With Jerry Springer Playing in the background I immediately got it Actually Sarah already knew that Oh she already knew that Oh you gave it away to the other guy

That's a bummer It still counts How many points I would say Actually since I fucked up Four Wait for Sarah, nothing for Robert though I would say, actually, since I fucked up, four. Four points. Wait, for Sarah, nothing for Robert, though?

Robert gets this question. Yeah, Jackie. Who on this table has taken his mother to the hospital at least five times? Oh, shit. Diabetes. Yeah, diabetes. Think about it. At least it's all just looking at something. Yeah, mm-hmm. Who do you think has the fattest

ugliest and if you get it wrong someone's going to be insulted what mother do you think loves Twizzlers the most I will give you a hint she's also very anti-Asian anti-Asian no, no Your mother

Oh, their mother is anti-Asian Yeah And she is diabetic I'm actually better than Jackie with anti-Asian She is Kevin? No, man But I have taken my mom to the hospital a lot

Because she works at a hospital She's a medical professional She does not have diabetes or other stereotypes About black people That's gonna be Ed Larson Ed Larson Who his mother is a diabetic, correct? She's a medical professional. She does not have diabetes or other stereotypes about black people and poor health. That's going to be Ed Larson. Ed Larson, who his mother is a diabetic, correct? Yes, yes, yes.

I made her one. Yeah. Absolutely. He literally did. His mother was squeaky clean. He's the third biggest baby in Florida. Yep. I used to be the fucking first, but then I lost to four fat fucking idiots.

Keep popping out because medical science is getting better every fucking day and fat kids are springing up like goddamn green beans and I'm not the fattest kid anymore. I'm sorry about that, Ed. Robert, you get three because you're kind of right. Sort of.

Sarah, who initially went into college As a meteorology major First thing It's true That's right She wanted to be a weather girl So Jackie

No I wanted to work for NASA. Jared Logan almost fell down. Jackie, let's say it's Tuesday and it's cloudy with a chance of rain. How are you going to deliver the weather? Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh, the rain. The rain on Disney. On me brisa. On me chesta. You're never going to make it. I'm sorry. I don't think this is going to happen. Five, four, three, two.

We've got to get her out of here. We've got to get her out of there at the zoo station. She's drunk. She's wasted. Sarah, you get 7 million points. 7 million. So it's 7 million and 4 to 3.

Alright. The next one will be worth what I say it's worth. Well, Sarah, don't tell them what to do. Robert, who on this panel did not make out with a girl until he was a freshman in college? Oh, my.

Interesting. Interesting. I am attractive, so it's not me. He's sort of, yeah. He could be you. Incorrect, Robert. It is not me. Robert, you're solely mistaken.

It is Holden McNeely. Oh. Look at Holden. Are you kidding me? The pussy. He's so ugly. It is not me. Robert, you're solely mistaken. It is Holden McNeely. Look at Holden. Are you kidding me? He's so ugly! You understand when you have to make out with a girl, the girl has to want to make out with you. I've got a bad sort of horse's mouth. I feel like Robert should get points

for that, though, because I would also choose Ben Kisly. Robert, you get six million because I like your instincts. It should have been Ben. What you forgot to take into your thoughts there is that Holden has standards. And Ben would

kiss the couch. I was making out with sofas, with a whole series of different artillery. What I was making out with. By the way, I love how we got way too much beer. Like, we're never going to drink this much beer in an episode of the show. Can everyone start drinking?

All right. We've only got a couple left. It could be the same person, by the way. Throwing that out there. It could be the same person we already talked about. This is warm. This person, Sarah, wrote a 35-page

version of Phantom of the Opera about middle schoolers to impress a girl in school in high school. You fucking dork! Yeah! You did that?

To impress a girl in middle school? They don't care if you're going to write? Yeah! Are you the phantom? Yes, exactly. I used to have a full-on phantom mask and a beret I used to wear. Oh, my God. He used to sit in his room reading serial killer books and listening to Phantom of the Opera really, really loud. Oh my god, you're so lucky you're not a murderer. He's a murderer! My mom thought he was going to be a

murderer. She was, and when I presented it to her, I finally presented it to her, and she was thoroughly disgusted. She was afraid, she was afraid, and she was super hot. I have good taste. She was super, super hot.. Because she was super hot. I have good taste. She was super, super hot.

I don't know about that. I read it to her. I was just like, Sarah, you get 16 points because that was painfully obvious. Yeah. All right. This is the last question for you, Robert. Redeem yourself. This person, he, it's a he. I'm going to throw that out there.

He was a grip. It's not me. He was a grip in his college play. And he peed in the shoes of the lead performer of the play and got kicked out of the school, or of the play. Because he urinated in the lead performer's shoes. So he pissed in someone's shoes and got kicked out. He got kicked out of the show, and he was a grip. That's an important part to realize.

He was a luggish, scary kind of grip person. Grip. Like a big, big, horrible man. Also has urinary problems. Anybody with hands and feet can be a grip. Yeah, it has to be someone on the mic. And it's not a woman. And it's not a woman.

He's not been named yet. And he's big and he's scary and he's awful. Big and scary and awful. It's like, what do you pick? It's like you could describe so many people up here like that. I'm not trying to insult you here. Fuck you, man. Yeah, it's me.

It's me. He's a fucking puncher. No, I am not big, nor am I scary. I will say, fuck that lead actor in that goddamn play. I showed up drunk. I'm not a grip. I am a star. And I'll piss in your fucking shoes, you cocksucker.

What play was it? I don't even remember. All I know is they're like, oh, you're too drunk to go on. And I said, I'm fine. To go on? You were a grip. I know. And they let me move a couple of furniture pieces around. And then after the first intermission, they said, you're too drunk.

And I said, I'm out of here. And so fuck that dude. And he's a failure. And he lives in Milwaukee. No, Wausau, Wisconsin. Are you still following this guy around at Taunton? No, I don't give a shit about him. I'll piss in his shoes any day.

These fucking schmucks. Alright, well the final score, Sarah, you have 7,020, but Robert, 8,003. And you win the free shot. Thank you so much, everybody. Henry and I are going to also give you a free book from last podcast on the left. As soon as we see you downstairs called Why They Haven't.

It's a book that was supposed to be about alien abductions, but it's really about a chubby guy getting molested. Perfect for you, Robert. It really is, Robert. Thank you so much. And that's been Roundtable of Gentlemen for Ed Larson, Jackie Zabrowski, Kevin Barnett, Holden McNeely, Marcus

Parks. Thank you very much, Mr. Norman, Henry Zabrowski. I'm Ben Kissel. And that's been Cave Comedy Radio Live. Thank you very much for coming out and raving the G-Train shuttle. And for being troopers. And thank you

Rebecca Trent as well. Thank you Rebecca Trent. Thank you Pat Makeham and J.R. Roberts for making the website and all you wonderful people. And James Corrella in the booth. Everyone remember. Suck those dicks people. Get out there. Hit the streets. Do it.

Dicks. Maniac. Big Fat Scary. We're showing Maniac. Maniac. Big Fat Scary Saturday is coming up next. Good job, guys. You did it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. We got the book.

We did that one. We see him all day. Fuck yeah.