The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 69: Jugglin' Juggalos

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

What the hell is this country coming to? Apparently, juggalos are now a gang threat. Jesus Christ. Anyway, on today's Round Table, we've got the aforementioned "gang", a judge behaving badly behind the bench, and a segment from special guest Michael Che involving, you guessed it, racism, plus Mike Lawrence from CCR's own Nerd of Mouth joins us as well!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay down, gentlemen! And let them go watch what? Fire at will! Yes!

It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table! What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. He's praying tonight. Mike Lawrence is praying. Oh, thank God. Yeah, buddy.

Just pray to the fucking Beelzebub or whoever you like. Alright. I am starting the prayer today. Just get right to it, Mike. I am praying to the producers of

Ghost Rider 2. Oh, interesting. Stop. What? Fucking stop. It's not coming out until February 14th, which is Valentine's Day. And you are putting me in a place where I will have to choose your shitty film over the woman I love. Because I may be able to find another date on OkCupid,

but they will never make a sequel to Ghost Rider again. And as much as it will fill me with Nicholas Rage. Oh. A round table applause. I know. I know. I know that I will still watch you. I will watch you so hard that my eyes will come tears. Is that it? Yeah.

Amen. Amen. Welcome to the round table of gentlemen. Mediocre Sherman Hemsley show. There you go. Welcome to the round table. I want to say, before he even says his name, Edward Larson, welcome back, my friend.

The wayward son, where have you been? I feel good. I've missed you, and you're adorable, and I love you. He has no hair now. He does not have as much hair. He still has far more hair than the average Neanderthal. Oh, wow. Oh, man, did he show me his hair?

Nonetheless, who is talking right there? Oh, Jackie Sprowski. Oh, yummy, yummy. Yum. That one? Ed Larson. That is a great, I just got out of rehab haircut. Eddie, right out of rehab haircut, Larson.

You look like Carney Wilson after the surgery. Not the lap band surgery, of course. No, she would be thinner. At least, hopefully, right? Edward, you're here? I'm here. I said my name. It just got swallowed up.

Fantastic. Sitting in for the very, very white Holden McNeely, we have the equally white Michael Che. Thanks for being here, buddy. Thank you for having me. How come I don't get a welcome back? I've done this show like twice. No, no.

No, no. Welcome back for you. The sweet irony of the welcome back? I've done this show like twice. No, no. No welcome back for you. The sweet irony of the welcome back is you actually have to be welcomed back. You're here, and I'd love to see you here, but God knows you're never welcome. All right. Michael Che is sitting in for the very, very fantastic Kevin Barnett. We have the very, very fantastic Michael Lawrence. Thanks for being here, buddy.

Hey. How's it going? Can you give us your best Michael Che? We'll just assume it's Kevin. Well, sir, I don't know. All right, a little old school. How do you do, Michael Che? Slightly more vintage Michael Che.

Because I'm from Florida, and we ain't ever seen any of his kind. God knows. I'll tell you, the floors of this place have never been cleaner. Everything looks great. And we got this chuckle hut. Holy shitty Jesus. Oh, my God. It's the best fucking chuckle hut we could ever possibly imagine.

Would you like to announce it, Jackie? No, I don't. You can announce it. All right. I'll do it. I got Tucci, Salamone, and Byron all in here from Florida State. And Byron's from Kansas, and the rest of them went to high school. Me and some old school people here.

I love them all. They all meld into one big Eddie. If you would take Tucci's nose, Salamone's eyes, and Byron's facial hair, you got yourself one ugly fucking Eddie. You can't come back from Florida without having something clinging to you. And sometimes it's a racist voice. I don't know. You never know.

I'm never a raccoon on the bottom of your Honda. All right, with us as always, the newsman, Marcus Parks. How are you, buddy? What do you got for us today? I have a story out of Oklahoma. A judge who used a sexual device under his robe while presiding over jury trials has been stripped of his pension.

Donald Thompson, who served 20 months in prison for indecent exposure after being caught using a penis pump during trial, violated his oath of office and has no right to collect his $7,000, $789 judicial pension. Here is how he got caught. I fucking love this so much. Can I just first say, if you are going on trial for any sort of sexual misconduct. Use a flashlight. But this is the judge you want. You want the judge who is just like, oh, I see where he's coming from when he raped all those girls.

Like, I got the penis pump on right now. Just fall on the CW. Judge penis pump. Hello. Do penis pumps make you cum? No, penis pumps just make your dick bigger. And apparently they really, really hurt. It's much like working out a bicep or a tricep.

It's like creating a vacuum around your dick. It's like going into space with your penis. Oh. Wow. I love it. Byron, have you ever tried a penis pump? Nah, no need. Oh!

But he has been to space with his penis. That's a good point Now of course Michael Now you have a nice big black dick right? Yes I do Thank you for asking He's sitting right next to me Say hi I love it

I mean I will say You love big black cock? What's that? You love big black cock? I love that? You love Big Black Cock? I love Big Black Cock, yeah. Have you ever seen a small black cock? It's so sad. It's like, what did Martin Luther King fight for?

Same as not being able to play basketball. No, Byron, that's fine. He's new. The thing is, you guys are going to get away with a lot of bad jokes tonight. Usually we just kick them out. But I love you guys, and you can say with a lot of bad jokes tonight. Usually we just kick them out. But I love you guys. And you can say whatever you want. There we go.

Michael, would you like to defend yourself? No. Fuck it. All right. That's a good sir no. So how does this guy get prosecuted? How do they bust somebody for jacking off with a fucking penis bump? Yeah, but he never came.

So does it really? Is that a big problem? If that meant... If you're... It doesn't count if you're a... Get into it, Jackie! Listen to the fucking story! Yes.

Come will happen. Oh, God. Oh, God. Thompson, who served as a judge for 22 years, was arrested after a court reporter told police that she had seen him using the device almost daily during the murder trial of a man accused of shaking a toddler

to death. I mean, if they wondered why the judge was in such a good mood. He just had to get the stress out, man. Like, it's so stressful. No, this is like, Jackie, you're misconstruing it. This is a penis pump. Six million dead babies do not

overcome one dead baby, alright? You know how difficult it must be to get it up after you've been hearing about a toddler getting strangled to death all day? But Jackie, he doesn't have to get it up. It's a penis pump, so it sucks his flaccid dick and you pump it and it makes it like having He's getting ready for the after part.

Now, here's one thing that I will is just shake it a little bit. Here's one thing that they did find. Just shake it a little bit. Yeah. Here's one thing that they did find. Investigators found semen on the carpet, his robes, and the chair behind the bench. Yeah, so he was cumming all over the place. He was stressed out. He can't be a penis pump. Excuse me.

He's supposed to stretch your dick out to make it bigger. He had a pocket vagina. Apparently, the penis pump probably made him cum. That's such a sick. I don't think that's true. I think what happens... That's what's sick about this.

But did he... Did he cum while they were explaining what happened to the baby? All right, shake it. Shake it again. Oh, yeah.

Shake it real good. Yeah. Maybe he just thought that... Maybe he just thought they were giving him directions on how to use

the penis pump. If you shake a baby more than once, you're just playing with it. That's the thing. You make that baby cum, it's now an adult. By the way, that's a Florida state law. Their state bird is actually the penis pump. By the way, it's not against the law to shake a baby

if salsa music is playing. That's a good point. Because then you're just dancing. No, he was obviously just bored. It's fine. You know how many dead babies there are on Cinco de Mayo? Holy shit. That's the thing.

You've got to sacrifice something to the devil. The thing is, I feel like the man is trying to make himself better. He's a judge. You probably have to work 11 to 12 hours a day. You know, he's got a small little penis. He wants to go home, satisfy the wife. You got to pump it during work. Oh, yeah.

By the way, this guy also has a felony DUI charge pending. Eddie, give me a description of this guy's mugshot after the DUI charge. Oh, man. He looks like Nick Nolte with a head wound. Jay, give me a second. Give me a second opinion. Oh, wow. He looks like Hulk Hogan in four years.

Mike? He looks like Ric Flair now. His wooing days are over. Seems like a guy I want to have a whole series of beers with and talk about interesting stuff. That is the nature geriatric. I'm sorry, where did they find the cum? God, you should really become a defense attorney. They found it on the carpet.

I just made this from criminal intent to special victims unit. How did I know it's his cum? Oh, there you go. Now that's a lawyer right there. Is it the dead babies? Dead babies can't cum. Wait, she's trying to tell us something. Seems to me like she was having a great time.

Oh, man, it seems like this jury doesn't believe in miracles. Wait, who shook the baby? Not the mama. It all comes back to the dinosaurs, doesn't it? God damn it, Lawrence. This show has never sunk so low.

Baby shaking yuck fest over here. The irony was the baby was holding a rattle when it died. I mean, that's the thing. If a baby's holding a rattle, it's just an extension of an instrument. In order to play that instrument, you've got to shake it. So, I mean, I've never used one of these. Shake that dying baby white boy.

I'm black. Shake that baby till it dies. And boy. I'm black. Shake it, baby, till it dies. And cries. You never know. By the way, the shortest song ever. I mean, has anybody ever used one of those penis implements? Or is there something equivalent for a woman to make their labia, like, bigger and stretchier and ready for my dick? I've seen it in a movie.

I've seen it in a movie. They got a pump on it. Michael, first of all, what movie did you see this in? Dances with Wolves. No, it was... The wolves are all Puerto Rican transsexuals, though.

It was Fisting with Wolves. Starring Scott Wolf of Party of Five. I'll be honest. It was of the adult variety. It was definitely a clip, but I've seen it. It has a big little...

It looks like a... No, I know seen it. It has a big little... Oh, you're talking about when they put the oxygen mask on the vagina and they pulled it out. I know what you're saying. It's the same principles of cock pump. I feel like it's tough to say. Why are you talking about it like a scientist? Because every

other way is emotionally void. Excuse me, I am Professor Cock Pump. You sound like... From the Cockpump Society. Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park. There are fundamentals involved with the cockpump. I don't know how he's getting off. He must have been beating it also.

I guess so. Byron, have you ever used a cockpump? If so, how do you know so much about one? Did your friend use one? No, no, Full Monty. The old black fellow wanted to use one and make his dick bigger and it didn't work. Interesting. Oh, the black fellow, huh?

The old black dude. The old black fellow. I never saw the Full Monty. That's funny. I don't see him as black. I just see him as English. Is that weird? I mean, I just feel like it's a really bizarre situation that a male would ever have to use

the penis pump. I mean, how small would your dick have to be in order to get it pumped out? I mean, I have a nice five and a half inch long with a good, I would say, hey, silver dollar in overall, you know, good. Silver dollar. You got to know when to hold it in your mouth. I have a nice, it's a fine penis, but I mean, I obviously think I'm upset with the size of it. I wish it was bigger. And would I ever use a penis pump? No, I just feel like it would really, really hurt the overall schlong.

I think it's sad when a man uses a cock ring, though. Someone lost their child, okay? That's important to remember. Someone definitely lost a child here. I love how that's not the news story. Ben's like, babies, let me talk about cock. Any chance I get to talk about cock, I will take it. Because God knows I would love to replace mine with Michael Che's.

You don't even know what his looks like. It's fine. And it's unique. And it's something that women want in their mouth. Does it? No. My dick doesn't even go far enough to tilt. It's like when you hear about people getting into a car crash out of their driveway when they hurt their mailbox.

It's like you didn't even go far enough to turn. You know, it's like my dick is too short to even have a question of where to go. It decides your cock, though. It has to do with the look of your face. You know what I mean? Black dicks don't look any better. They just look like used cigars.

I don't see what the... Who doesn't want to be a rich aristocrat? My dick looks like a Cadillac. It's great. Well, it's not. It's five and a half inches.

You're five and a half too? No. I was going to say our dicks could go as each other for Halloween. I'll do a black dick face. You can do white dick face. Yeah, we'll look like

Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. It'll be hilarious. It'll be great. But neither of us can see. And God knows we fuck a lot of evil. Man, you know Ben's dick looks like a crash test dummy. Oh, it's so sad. He means one of the band members from Crash Test Dummies.

I love it. So what's going to happen to this guy? Can I ask a question? Like, if a guy is well-endowed and a good-looking guy, but he needs one of those things, like, to the ladies, like, is that a turnoff if he needs a pump? You really fucking need a pump? Yeah, no, you're not going to get inside of me.

Oh, shit. Is there lobster tonight? It's fine. Pump it up. No, no, no, you don't need a fucking pump. If you can, I don's fine. Pump it up. No, no, no. You don't need a fucking pump. If you can... I don't care. Yeah, exactly.

It's so insecure. Insecurity is such a fucking turnoff. I think from a woman's perspective, what you're saying is, let me be your pump. Exactly. But wait a minute. Wait a minute. But I disagree. I just totally disagree with the sentiment.

Wait a minute. I'll fucking pump you up. Jackie pumps with the dump. My asshole. Jesus, Jackie. My asshole pump you up. There's some pumps when she pumps with the dump. You up.

You up. What if he needs that extra incentive? You know, kind of like you got LeBron and Wade and Bosh, but you need that extra thing to put you over the hump. What if he just needs something to put him over the hump? Then bring in another girl. Oh. Place Muggsy Bogues with Shaquille O'Neal.

All right. Jesus. You ever seen Muggsy Bogues? Sports references are 30 years old. Muggsy hasn't played in 16 years. Sports references are from fucking Space Jam and Steel. All right. I really think that, like,

finding out a man uses a penis pump is one of the biggest turn-offs in the entire world. I don't care what you fucking do. Don't try to fucking over-inflate your fucking dick saying that you can't look at me and get turned on. Imagine if we judged breast implants that same way. That's fine. Why are you against a man trying to better himself?

And by better himself, I mean better his dick. Because I want you to be what you are to get inside of me. He's got a small dick and he works at CBS. I don't kiss. A small? What do you mean? A fucking small dick still works. At least he's lying, man.

He works for the federal court system. No, small dick still works. It just matters about the motion of the fucking ocean. What about Viagra? Does that piss you off? No, I don't give a fuck. By the way, as long as I don't know about it. I don't want to know about it.

I've been speaking to people. Some things don't float in the ocean, all right? And that's why you inflate them. If there is one. I don't want to know about Viagra. float in the ocean, all right? And that's why you inflate them. If there is a... I don't want to know about my... Inside of the ocean. His dick's a river raft. I'm just shocked that you equivalent whatever comes out of your pussy to salt water because you can drink salt water. What? I don't...

Oh, you can fucking drink anything that comes out of me. There's like Cubans hanging on the side of his dick. And also, I think it's still, I think it's the same thing that I would never use lube in front of a man either. That's racist. Why not? No, I'm with you on that, Jackie.

Because I get lubed up just enough looking at a man. I don't need extra lube. I feel like it's a fucking dignity putter downer if I use lube because I don't fucking need lube. All right. I fucking get wet. Yeah, but not every girl is as drippy as you. You're a whore. You're a slut.

You're a tyrant. All right. I want to go to another woman. We could all be a wax museum. All right. Yeah. Exactly. With a fucking candle underneath it.

Alright, Tucci, as a woman who is normal with a vagina that works like a normal woman, do you agree with Jackie in that you don't want a large penis and your vagina just demeans it? I want a large penis! Well, then why are you against the pump? They always say the nice things about penises.

Oh, you're on some motion. You don't mean that shit. Just be who you are. I won't. Oh, you don't have to motion. You don't mean that shit. Just be who you are. I won't fuck you, but still be who you are. I want a large dick. I just don't want to see it happen. I just want it to be large when it comes inside. As a normal woman, can you please discredit everything that Jackie just said? I don't think I'd want to see it either, but I can't really hold it against you.

If you're insecure about it, you wouldn't try to fix it. And so you would like a man with a larger penis and a smaller penis? Sure. And you get wet immediately as soon as you see a cock, or do you need lube? I don't need lube. Well, I don't know what chicks I've been fucking. God knows I get them in a bathtub. They're still too dry.

If you can do it right, I don't need lube. There are some suffering sucker snatches in here. If you can do it right, I don't need lube. Yeah, I don't need lube. This are some suffering sucker snatches in here. If you can do it right, I don't need lube. Yeah, I don't need lube. This is kind of like...

All right, let's just move on. Is there another news story? Jackie's got a fucking Pringles can between her legs.

And that's just so she doesn't piss herself. Is there a mustache there? Is that what you mean? Once you pop the

fun, don't stop. It's not a Pringles can, it's a bag of legs. All right, and on that note, the Deadlies. You were with me on this. We're in biker news now. All right, hold on. The girl bikers are getting the bikers. All right.

Yeah, knock it off. We're all going to have to take a breath, realize that Jackie has a Pringle cam between her pussies. Realize that you guys. We're talking about motorcycles, or as I call them, $20,000 penis pumps. Yeah. All right. The deadliest feud in a decade between California-based biker gangs started earlier last year when a hammer-wielding members of the Hells Angels and rival gang Vagos clashed outside of Starbucks in Santa Cruz.

The Hells Angels are fighting outside of Starbucks. No, not even fighting outside of Starbucks. At the start, quote, this is what the deputy police chief says, it was all about who would be allowed to hang out at the Starbucks downtown.

So they were fighting over the Starbucks, not in front of the Starbucks. In all they were fighting over the Starbucks, not in front of the Starbucks. The whole thing is there's only one bathroom. That's a good point. Yeah. They were fighting over who could hang out at the Starbucks. You've been in there 20 minutes.

Real bikers go to Dunkin' Donuts. Everybody knows it. This is so sad. Like the Hells Angels. I mean, I don't want to be talking shit about the Hells Angels, but you can be about Hells Angels. But the Hells Angels out in New York City, on their bench, it says, do not sit on the bench property of Hells Angels. Don't sit on the bench. Come on, you cranky.

I'm just glad they're fighting again, though, at the same time. Yeah, that is pretty good. Yeah, that is pretty good. Yeah, that is pretty good. Yeah. The violence has now spread to Arizona and Nevada. Several other men have been killed. Others are injured or missing. Ooh, what for Starbucks?

The president of the Hells Angels in San Jose was killed during a shootout in Nevada. And at his funeral weeks later, one Hells Angels killed another. Yeah! Wow! That's great. That's the only way you can step down from Hells Angels presidency. Yeah. Just to be murdered.

I mean, I walked down there. I've seen the Hells Angels. They're all very elderly. Their recruiting has gone through the ringer there because they raped all the women. And all the young boys want to have sex with normal gals with attractive breasts without large devil tattoos upon their back there. All the money's in the NFL now. I will say, Hells Angels overall. What's that? All the money's in the NFL now. I will say, Hells Angels overall.

What's that? All the money's in the NFL. All the money is definitely in the NFL. I will say that Hells Angels are just not nearly as strong as they once were. And it's really sad. As you grow older and you realize Hulk Hogan, you see all of your heroes from the past. And you just see them as old men. The Hells Angels are the personification of age and the fact that you can never fight

death. They do not exist anymore. Man-o-bomb. Man-o-bomb. Man-o-bomb. It's sad. I hate those things. I think what's sad is that they got replaced by fucking Juggalos.

I think that's just sad. Literally, ICP. And this is the next story that we have. Fucking Juggalos have officially been declared a gang threat by the FBI. Thank God! The new Hells Angels. I mean, so apparently when ICP comes to town,

there's an alert going out around the police forces and the FBI and a whole series of different situations, and they have extra security, and apparently juggalos are now official. Juggolos? Juggalos. Jiggolos actually get laid by women.

Juggalos certainly do not. What is the difference between a gigolo and a juggalo? A juggalo is a male prostitute. A juggalo is someone who listens to fucking insane clown posse. There couldn't be a bigger difference, Jackie. Sorry, I'm not into this part. I mean, one does lead to the other, though.

One fucks for money and one shops at Big and Tall. That's the only difference. Yeah, in the 2011 National Gang Threat Assessment, the FBI seriously put juggalos in league with the Bloods and the Crips. I love it. So what are they... Are the Bloods and the Crips?

I mean... Oh, they're around. They're in my neighborhood, I know. Not nearly as dangerous as the Juggalos. They still kill. What are the Juggalos? They threw shit at Tila Tequila. Tila Tequila? Yeah, I'm sorry.

Of course. I'm proud of that. I mean, Sean Merriman, the old linebacker for the Chargers, choked her. Wait, so that is more of a problem than the Hells Angels? Oh, yeah, yeah. The Bloods and the Crips. My is more of a problem than Hell's Angels? Oh yeah, yeah. Blood's in the cribs. My father was a member of the Hell's Angels. I don't understand this.

The Juggalos are a fucking... Are we going to get like a serious like growing up in the hood as a Juggalo movie now? Can we fucking get that down? The FBI says... Juggalos need their own menace to society. The FBI says that the Juggalos

are a loosely organized hybrid gang and they're forming more organized subsets and engaging in more gang-like criminal activity. It sounds exactly like Occupy Wall Street. Lawyering is a criminal activity, even if it's at Arby's. Are they real crimes or are they

just like... The feds are citing thefts, drugs, and felony assaults among the Juggalos crimes, noting that it can be difficult to classify them and identify their members. How many Starbucks have they conquered? I mean, that's the major question. These Juggalos they work at. Do you count the ones they work at?

They don't work at many. Does theft mean taking rap from black people? Is that what that counts as? One of them I'm just happy I just feel like the juggalo movement Has become really solidified here Did anybody here ever listen to

Insane Clown Posse? Great Malenko I did too What is a juggalo? What is a juggalo? It's horrible. You guys are from Florida. You heard.

Yeah. Okay, you're from Kansas. You know. I listen to them under the best possible context you can, which was when my brother went to prison. I went through all of his albums, and that was one of them. Wow. Well, what the fuck did your brother go to prison for, man?

I'm curious. Being a juggalo. That'll happen. I hear they're a real gang-violent threat. You made a list. Sorry to hear that, Mike. Some rough shit. It's the best thing that ever happened to him.

I can't look at face paint without thinking of my parents crying and stuff. When you're a clown, no one takes you seriously, Mike. No, even when you have a posse Tucci, you waited on a Juggalo? No, the insane clown posse Yeah, come on up to the microphone Are they technically considered? They're Juggalo Prime

Are they the top of the food chain? Definitely So where were you working at? I was working at a Friday's You were working at a Friday's you were working at a Friday's and so in West Boca in West Boca

ICP did a concert and they're like after the concert they're like let's go party and so then we're gonna go to a Friday's

did they yell at you when you didn't have Faygo cause that's like they spray each other with Faygo all the time it's a little fuzzy cause it was a long time ago

so was it was it Shaggy Tudor and what's the other one? There was three of them. I don't remember. Violent J, Shaggy Tudor, Shaggy Tudor. And how were they? Too dope. Oh, too dope. I think the tip was bad.

I think if I remember correctly, I think the tip was bad. Do they have the clown makeup on or no? No. So what do they order? What you're saying is rap isn't the only thing that they've taken from. All right. We saw where you were going with that, and we were hoping... Ah!

Derail! Derail! Get out of there! Get out of there! So what do they order? I mean, I'm just always fascinated to know what these people like. How is... This was like 10 years ago.

I don't remember. No idea. But something from Friday, so it was shit. Yes. You know? I mean, it's very bizarre to think about, like, Insane Clown Posse having this huge riotous mob of fans. And at the end of the concert, the fans are going out and fucking vandalizing a whole series of things.

And they're going to Fridays. It's like... Jalapeno poppers! I love them! No, I don't even think they ate. I think they just drank. Did they drink too much? I think they were just drinking.

But they were overall nice. And how the hell did you know it was them? There's so many bars to go to. Why would you go to Fridays to drink? I mean, Eddie, when you become a megastar, you just did a concert in front of tens of thousands of people who are always dressed like you, so they have a fat suit on and fake beers, and they're going to go and they're smoking big old weed joints and everything. Where are you going after that concert?

Popping bottles, bitch. Going to the dirtiest bar in town. Fridays? It might have been Fridays. Go to the ale house. Go to the ale house. Go to the ale house. I would love it.

I can't wait. I mean, the more successful you get, I think you just start going to those terrible, terrible franchise places the more and more. That's what I want to get. I want to be funny enough to be able to go to Fridays and have someone remember that I went to Fridays. Hell yeah. I mean, because how many people go to Fridays? It's a good point. That's what I want to be funny enough to be able to go to Fridays and have someone remember that I went to Fridays. Hell yeah.

Because how many people go to Fridays? It's a good point. That's where I want to be. If you want to meet Prince, just go to a Waffle House. You'll find him. Go to every single Waffle House and you might run into him. You'll find two or three of them. I want people to remember me, even without my makeup on.

So do you think when you're more famous, you start going to more successful commercial places? Because those are the places that more people go to? Yep. And then so you just sort of blend in with them? Especially if you're ICP who just wears makeup and stuff like that. I'm gonna go with, I didn't know it was them. Somebody told me. Oh, interesting. That makes sense. I had a good serving. Someone

didn't know it was them until someone told me. I was Sticky Fingers from... Oh, shit! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I made him a cheese stick. So some guys were like, you know who that was? I was like, no, Sticky Fingers. It was like, Sticky Fingers from Oh shit Yeah I made him a cheese stick So guys were like You know who that was? I was like no Sticky Fingers

Sticky Fingers Holy shit Yeah He was Blade In Blade the series Was he really? Yeah Oh wow

He was an actor for a while As a head chef Of a fantastic place There in the East Village What's the most famous person You've served? At the restaurant Or in my life?

In your life Let's go with in life. Cal Ripken Jr. What did he get? Just the endless platter? He's like, endless eggs. He's like, I don't stop eating. I never stopped anything in my life. He had to play center field on the jukebox 27 times.

How was Cal? Was he a nice guy? Yeah, he was nice. You know, he was fine. He got ribs and junkyard nachos. Oh, what's a junkyard nacho? Oh, at Lucille's, where Tucci works. I love it. Lucille, Tucci, what is the junkyard nacho?

I'm from the ICP. I was just performing in front of a whole series of really goony-looking individuals who have never had sex with a woman. Oh, come on. I want the junkyard nachos. What is it? Standard chips, cheese, jalapenos, olives, tomatoes, scallions. Nice. Your preference of meat. What the fuck is a scallion?

Oh, wow. That is classy. Scallion? What is a scallion? It's a green onion. It's an onion. And it comes on like a trash can lid. Why?

Fucking awesome. I just figured it's my junkyard dog. Oh, God. You don't do that. That was just the blackest you've ever been. What's a scallion? I don't know what a scallion is. It's like, oh, we went to this place.

We got junkyard dog. It's cool. I don't know what a collard green is. Yes, you do. Green onions are scallions. You know the long onions? Those are scallions. The long green onions, they chop them up, chives.

That's fine, but I'm saying, like, what's the point of them? No, but I'm saying what collard greens aren't very commercial. I feel like this is Sean Bell's last sentence. They're delicious though. We actually have collard greens too.

Jesus Christ. I forgot about Sean Bell. How's he doing? He's fine. Dead. He's very dead. He's extremely dead. He died so much

during that trial. Turns out he didn't Sean Bell's the guy who got shot up outside the strip club the day before he was getting married in Queens. I will say don't. Sean Bell's the guy who got shot up outside the strip club the day before he was getting married in Queens. Yeah. I will say don't go to a strip club. He got shot 52 times by three cops. And the thing is he, but he barely died. Yeah. So think about how strong he was. That's what it's about. One of them lived and got shot

like nine times and lived. He was fine. I mean, and now I think he's... No, no, he tried to rap. He couldn't do it. It was really sad. There's nothing worse than getting shot nine times and then realizing you can't actually rap. You know, that's sad. I think what's worse is getting shot nine times. I think that's what's worse.

Is it? I mean, I would... And then realizing you can't rap. I don't know. I mean, what sort of physical abuse would you take, Eddie, if you knew after that certain abuse you would then become a successful entertainer? Successful entertainer? Yeah.

Oh, no pinky toe cut off? So a pinky toe. Yeah, I get rid of the pinky toe. I lost one pinky toe and now I can tell all of these jokes. As long as your dick's in like... Yeah, what the fuck, what are you going to lose an arm? Well, you wouldn't get a big toe cut off with it? No.

No. It's hard to walk again. Shane, what are you thinking? He just doesn't want it enough. Oh, shit. Shane, what would you sacrifice in order to doesn't want it. Oh, shit. Shay, what would you sacrifice in order to get success as far as bodily harm goes? A leg, as long as it's from a knee down.

But no one can respect a man with one leg, especially not doing comedy. From the knee down, you wouldn't notice. You're a pirate. You're a pirate then. You wouldn't notice. You just changed it into a peg leg, man. Fucking comic view. I ain't got a leg to stand on.

Woo woo! That's true. I mean, that would go over well. If I had a fucking parrot, I'd be a sensation, man. Yeah, Peg Leg Che, the Somalian... The Somalian Juggalo. That would be pretty good. If you could somehow survive an ICP concert with one leg dressed as a juggalo, that would be pretty amazing.

You wouldn't cut your fucking leg off? No, absolutely not. an ICP concert with one leg dressed as a chug-a-low. That would be pretty amazing. You wouldn't cut your fucking leg off? No, absolutely not. I would cut my dick and balls off. You would? I would because I don't want them anymore. I'm over them. The other day, I'm serious.

I was jacking off. I would cut Michael Che's leg off to be famous. I'm with him on this. I am totally with him on this. You sold. I'm just saying. No need for a leg. No need for a dick. no need for balls, man.

No, you need your dick. No, legs and dick. That's what I'm saying. Everything else can go. As long as you can walk around and fuck. Arms? That's where he gets hairy. Cut your mouth out.

Hey, Marlee Matlin gave up her ears to win an Oscar, okay? I cut my fucking ear off. You crazy? One ear? Two! Yeah, what are you going to do with it? They're holes. I fucking cut this shit. This is fucking ear off. You crazy? One ear? Two! Yeah, what are you going to do with it? They're holes. I fucking cut this shit.

This is fucking window dressing. I don't need this shit. I don't hear with this part. I hear with the inside. I don't fucking need the ear. If it's window dressing, why do you have a diamond in it right now? Dude, I could get fucking rubber ears. You know how long it would take you to figure out I got rubber ears?

I'd say probably at least no. Wait a minute. Nobody would say shit anyway. No one would fucking know. figure out I got rubber ears? I'd say probably at least no. No one fucking knows. Sometimes rubber ears would be on ComicFuse. Come on. Rubber ears would be pretty big. It would be very upsetting for Hurricane when you take his career.

I'd open for Kevin Hart all over the country. It'd be amazing. Is it Earthquake? Earthquake, not Hurricane. Earthquake, Hurricane, same thing. And speaking of which, we got a segment from Michael J. Yeah, I got a segment. Obviously, it's the holiday season that counts. Halloween. Yes.

Right? Right. And I had a question for you guys. Since I'm the only, what do you call that? German? Black dude. Black. Black dude.

Dude that ain't white. I have a question. Basketball white. I have a question. Basketball player. I have a question. I want to know of you guys any costume ideas for Halloween that has been too racist or sexist or offensive for you to get away with. I want to know what would you fucking want to dress up as that you can't get away with that you're like, man, that would have been a cool-ass thing to fucking be.

We'll start with Jackie. Can we start with Jackie? Yeah, sure, because I tried something last night that I definitely did not get away with. I tried to be Aretha Franklin in whiteface, and turns out no one thought that was funny. I wore a big face because I've got my hair short now. I was like, I'm Aretha Franklin. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. But I got white face.

And no one thought it was funny. Aretha Franklin in white face is Adele. Yeah, I mean, yeah. So is someone like you. Can you YouTube it, please? It's so good. What do you want me to do? I do love Adele.

Can you YouTube someone like you by Adele? But go fuck Adele. Aretha Franklin is number one. No, she's Aretha Franklin. She and I wanted to be Aretha Franklin. I was Tina Turner last year. You don't have to. And I did blackface for it.

And I got shit for it. So this year, I was like, I'm going to be whiteface Aretha Franklin. And I did not get respect for it. Next year try grayface. I'll try it. I will try it. He's actually in The Dark Knight Rises, grayface. He's one of my favorite villains.

No, I sang like her all night long. And it didn't even fucking matter. People were just completely offended. Just completely offended by me. And I did her a favor. I was like, I want to be black. And no one liked that. So I feel like I have a really good real life.

It happens. It was good. I feel like that was a strong thing. Byron, have you ever dressed up in a very controversial form? No, I always take the fucking easy road. I hardly ever dress up. What the hell have I ever been for Halloween? Oh, I did get a sweet gold lame outfit one time

and I was Disco Jesus. My hair was real long. That was kind of sharp. That's very nice. It wasn't offensive, though. I come from a Christian community so everybody's like, that's kind of nice. I love it. Salomon, anything you've done uh questionable nah man the most clever thing i ever did was fred flintstone but if i had to choose to be a black guy it'd be definitely mike tyson yeah i've already got the gap teeth and all

oh man that'd be great hey you know what i can i say something ben i feel sorry for a lot of white people who like gen like genuinely want to be a black dude for Halloween and just don't want to dress up in blackface. Can't do it. I feel sorry for them. My heart goes out to you. I think he just wants to rape a girl and get away with it. Well, Mike, he didn't exactly get away with it.

It is Halloween. They couldn't even make fun of him for it on the Charlie Sheen roast. Do you know? It's like the thing he did. Can you tell me the size of your penis in Mike Tyson's voice? About four inches. Mike Tyson made it impossible for a girl to never watch The Hangover, you know?

She's like into it, like, oh, this is kind of fun. Oh, my God. Could I just sell my night bag? No, God. Women aren't afraid of fucking Mike Tyson. All right, Tucci, what do you got? Nothing offensive. Nothing offensive? You've never wanted to be something offensive? Come on.

What can I try to be if that was Asian? I don't know. Is that offensive? Yeah, that's offensive. Oh, I like my race. Oh, here we go. Oh, I like my rice. A saucer for this costume. I will say... A very dishonorable...

Only three soy sauce duck sauce. The year after 9-11, I wanted to go as one of the Twin Towers and then have my friends fly me into them. They pushed that idea down. Yeah, they did not like it. It wasn't good. I crumbled on the whole idea. It wasn't good.

But that's about it. Other than overall monster costumes, I want to be Martin Luther King at one point, but that's difficult because it's hard to get the mountain to stand on. I always wanted to be in love with Blazing Saddles. I had the idea before, but I was always too scared to do it. Just be Jesse Owens dressed up as a Klansman.

Where are the white women at? Because Jesse Owens is the Sunday best. I was going to say Cleavon Little. No one wants to be Cleavon Little. Mike, what do you got? What do you want to be, man? Well, I want to be Cleavon Little to honor his memory. No, I do have to leave right after this.

Garrett Morris. Yeah, I just want to make uncomfortable cameos and things I don't belong in. Yeah, I just want to make uncomfortable cameos and things I don't belong in. Well, the most offensive costume I ever dressed in was Hurricane Wilma hit in 2005. And a few days later, I put on a garbage bag and taped a bunch of garbage to it and went around as debris. That's funny. I just spun around towards debris. That's funny. Just spun around towards people. That's great.

Maybe your house. Maybe yours. They didn't go over too well, did it? Marcus, what do you got, buddy? Nazi, of course. You were a Nazi? No, I want to be a Nazi. But you can't. I can't dress up as a Nazi. I want to dress up as a Nazi so fucking bad,

but I can't dress up as a Nazi. I want to dress up as a Nazi so fucking bad, but I can't dress up as a Nazi. This isn't about Halloween anymore, is it? I know, it sucks. I know, they're like the Nazis. They're like the best fucking supervillains ever. They're great, but yet I can't dress up as a Nazi. No, I get that. There'd be no NCA advisories if the Nazis were charged.

Just saying. We'd have a 7 train right now. They did that. They did that. They did that. Fucking Jews ruining Halloween. Now I really have to go. All right. Jack is a brown skin.

Oh, we never got what Che wanted to do. I'm doing this Jewish thing of saying racist things to a black person, but then getting offended when he says racist things to me. I was just having fun. Yeah I don't know. I don't know. I didn't know I was supposed to do this. Yeah.

Yeah. But but I guess this is not a racial thing but I'd like to be Liberace's fucking blinged out by the one of I think I'm gay. Interesting. Oh Michael you're so very gay oh let's fucking get out of here just be Kanye West is Liberace

but I would never go over I want to thank the gay Michael Che for being here I want to thank the gay Michael Che for being here I want to thank the gay Michael Che for being on the round table you're welcome

and Michael Che I want to thank you for being so gay who knew Michael Che was the most homosexual fellow you ever knew no I'm not fucking homosexual you did this to me last time I want to thank you for being so gay. Who knew Michael Che was the most homosexual fellow you ever knew? No, I'm not fucking homosexual, man. You did it to me last time I was on this. I want to thank gay Michael Che for hanging out here. No, I got a fucking girlfriend.

Alright. So Michael Che. Alright, for the gay Michael Che and all the homosexuality that Michael Che likes to have. Thank you very much. Alright, so for the gay Michael Che, to have. Thank you very much. All right. So for the gay Michael Che,

this has been the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Thanks for everyone for being here. You think that's funny? Mostly the gay Michael Che. It's really bizarre. Gay ass Liberace Michael Che.

You know what? I don't want to fucking come here no more, man. The show's over because you're a well-known homosexual. I'm not homosexual! No, it's fine.

It's Halloween! All right.