The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 7: Lookin' For Love

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

Join us for this, the seventh episode of The Round Table of Gentlemen as Holden and Jackie regale us with stories from the wilds of OK Cupid. Besides that, Kevin lobbies for an air conditioner in the recording cellar, Ed doesn’t think Mel Gibson’s film career should suffer because of the latest scandal because his movies kick ass, and Ben tries to get us to talk politics.

Well, I mean, I'm not... Let's start recording. We're already recording. Slut you, fuckers! Welcome to the Roundtable of Gentlemen! To my left, I have... I'm Kevin Barnett. Well, I'm Ben Kissel, but I'm supposed to be...

To my right is Kevin Barnett. I'm also to hissel but I'm supposed to be To my right is Kevin Barnett I'm also to his right as I am to Holden's left Yeah but to their left It's Jackie Zebrowski I'm Ed Larson Jackie how do you say your last name? Zebrowski Well you have a problem with that?

I love it Well who's the newsman Holden? The news you can use With Marcus Parks How are y'all doing tonight Well first and foremost Holden

And second and third I also want to say In addition to Marcus What the fuck man You got an air conditioner Sitting in your hallway What the fuck is going on You got niggas out here

Sweating All night All day Every day You got niggas down here sweating all night, all day, every day. You got an air conditioner? What? It's a piece of shit. It's very expensive. And you know what? Box fans are two cents an hour.

Smells like a Texas pickup truck down here. This is one heated place. You're holding out on us, man. You got an air conditioner down there. We're down here for 45 minutes. You couldn't turn on the AC. 45 fucking minutes. You got an air conditioner down there. We're down here for 45 minutes and you couldn't turn on the AC? 45 fucking minutes. You're a real asshole.

You are a real asshole. Alright, the newsman is an asshole. Our first story of the night. This just in. He literally does have an air conditioner sitting in that hallway. I got a knife for these things, man. I saw it when I was walking through the hallway with Ed. I'm willing to throw down a dollar for this 45.

One dollar? A whole crispy dollar? It's towards your power bill. Hot dog! You're a dick and a half, man. What's that? Do you pay for the power down here? I have no idea.

I don't think you do. All right. Well, next time, due to Barnett's bitching and moaning, his pissing and moaning. I'm just keeping it real, man. Ouch. Oh, God. Yo, newsman, what the fuck is the story of the night? The story of the night.

Or the story of the moment. Let's hope it involves slots. Slots. Levi and Bristol Palin are back together. There you go. So it does. I was really worried about that. They're back together, and they're pitching reality shows around. I was really worried about that. They're back together and they're pitching

reality shows around. Of course they are. That's what we need. Doesn't her mom own a fucking TV station now? Maybe. It's called Fox News. Hello.

Watch out. She's got a retarded kid. I know that one. Yeah, when he talks he says, none you find not. Which means I'm hungry. Yeah.

It's actually very developed for an eight-month-old. That's very good. That's why he deserves a reality show. Really, the fucking retarded one should get a reality show. I know, I'd watch that thing all day. I hate reality television, but if it was all retards, I'd probably watch. I will say this. Oh, that's right.

And Henry Zebrowski in the chuckle box. Henry, what's right. And Henry Zebrowski in the chuckle box. Henry, what's up? He's been suckling from Sarah Palin's teat. He's gone retard, which is awesome. The retarded one, his name is Trigg. We talked about it very briefly last episode. It is. It is.

It's Trigg. Is he going to appear in Bristol and Levi's new reality show where they're newlyweds, assumingly, I guess, raising this child together. Possibly. I just hope they use him as a sex object. You know, Bristol can't really be a sex object because she's a mommy now. Bristol has huge Tay-Tays. Doesn't matter, though.

Oh, massive. That's why Levi fucked her. Yeah, in Alaska, she's like the only girl around. Everybody else looks like a brute horseman or something. Have you guys seen Levi's sister? No, good looking. Actually, very good looking girl. All right.

I love that we had the idea of talking politics on the podcast when you just immediately talked about tits and Levi's sister. Well, what a diverse podcast this is, ladies and gentlemen. Stay tuned. I didn't instigate this. So do you think they're just getting back together for the reality show Push? Oh, absolutely. And when is it going to start filming? I mean, have they already signed the contract?

They have not signed the contract. They're shopping it around to multiple networks. Okay. But it's going to get picked up soon. Yeah, I feel like this is something you shop around at Walmart for $5 a DVD. I'll pick it up. I bet TLC will pick it up, though. TLC picks up everything.

You remember those fucking short-ass people with their fucking short-ass kids? Midgets? Little people in a big world, Jackie. Don't be so rude. Do you have any idea how hard it is to be a little person in a big world? Yeah, but you see that show? All they do is yell at each other. They're all ornery.

They might as well fucking go back to the Wizard of Oz where they fucking belong. Well, that was a fake movie. That was not real. There is no yellow brick road. They really don't live in the pleasure of the dome. The place she went to. The, that was a fake movie. That was not real. There is no Yellow Brick Road. They really don't live in the pleasure of the dome. The place she went to was fake, but Kansas was real. Kansas is real. They have a lot of shorts

there. That's where they should all go. The way the retards go to North Dakota. They're doing a prequel to The Wizard of Oz. What's it called? Oz, I think. The Wizard of... The movie where nothing happens. It's called The Wizard of Arkansas, when he was just a child and everybody made fun of him before he realized, I can be the Wizard of Oz. And he's in a prison and shit.

Yeah, it's terrible. It's all about Oz's come to power. That's hilarious. Robert Downey Jr. is going to be Oz. It's up there with Sarah Palin's come to power. Once again, are you joking? No, I'm serious. All right.

Well, fuck, that sounds awesome. Yeah, I know. I'm very excited about this. Is The Wiz going to do The Wiz's come to power? I hope so. That's going to be a very, very sad story. He was a slave, and now he's not a slave, and now he's The Wiz. Well, now he's dead, right?

Yeah, he died. Very dead. That's pretty much it. What do you think the relationship between Bristol and Levi is like? I mean, he just slammed the shit out of the entire family five months ago in Penthouse. He couldn't even get Playboy. No, no, no. Not Penthouse.

Playgirl. Oh, well, I apologize. I was completely wrong with that. I know Penthouse is trying to buy Playboy right now. That's what I thought about that. A lot more dicks than Playgirl. I just bet he's just, like, fucking fucking mouth raping the shit out of her. You know, like you won't put it in.

What do you mean mouth raping? I mean like putting his dick and shoving it inside of him over and over again. Exactly. That sound is what is created. Once again, this is the politics episode. That actually makes sense.

It's politics get throated. That's right. Vote Reagan. Vote Reagan politics get throated. That's right. Vote Reagan. Vote Reagan all the way. 2014. So Sarah Palin doesn't agree with this relationship though, right? She said something like, well, she's easier to forgive than I am. Like Sarah Palin's still very, very upset with Mr. Levi.

Oh, Sarah Palin's in on the whole deal. You think so? I guarantee. They're more professional wrestling than professional wrestling. You have to realize. That's true. It is all planned out way ahead of time.

I love that. Politics are professional wrestling in the 1950s where people were like, it's real. There's a fellow. He's eating the ring. He eats it, and he's got hair all over his back. And look at that guy. He's an actual shaman.

He stunned that man with his eyes. That's real. Now here, buy some of this snake oil and don't talk to me anymore. I care all your ailments. I love it. It's very, very possible. I think politics are the professional wrestling of our time. The curtain is getting revealed and pulled back every single day. Oh, thank God. I love it. Tit spelled backwards is stit. Stit. And who doesn't love a stitty tit?

Oh, my God. A nice one. My whole life. Speaking of love, this is also a love episode. We have a couple of members of our podcast on the roundtable here who are doing a little thing called okcupid.com. And we get like a little theme song there. It's like. I don't like you.

I don't like you. You're fatter than your picture. Are you really a woman? Do you like me? Will you fulfill my needs? Do you love me? I just need to feel something I can't find friends in the real world

Are you digitally fake? Perfect Holden, what do you think right now? You're the one on OkCupid I'm like day one I'm like three hours in I'm a newborn How do you feel? I've already been messaged I'm already getting some. I'm like three hours in. I'm a newborn.

How do you feel? I've already been messaged. I'm already getting some hits. Who messaged you, man? This chick, she has, I don't remember anything about her, actually. She just matched me based off of me liking Woody Allen. How are the boobs? Is she a young Korean girl?

Is she about 14 years old? She exists. She's real. I'm not making her up. And I love her, man. And I just think that we can make something happen. The message can... Chuckle Hut, come back up here. Come up, Chuckle Hut.

You can't speak from the background. You gotta come up. If anyone remembered Kevin's morality tale that he told last year about digital trickery. Yeah. The story of Ileana Perez, man. It's real.

Yeah. Okay, Cupid is a playground for that shit. That's where they go. Did her message to you contain a www.hot.slutty. Yeah, she wants me to check out her vids.

I just gotta pay like five bucks to set up the site. And we're going to go on like a little like a video like pay for date like in a week. Like a Vimeo thing. Yeah. Oh, that's pretty fucking hot, man. She likes Hannah and her sisters. I don't see what the problem is. You guys are going to get married.

Isn't your username like Woody Allen Bait? No, yeah, yeah. Albie Singer, the character for Manny Hall. Boring! You are such an asshole. You're a rapist. I'm looking for love, man. You're looking to fucking... Or like a cocksuck.

Yeah, you're looking for a cocksuck in a bathroom at Cabin Bar in the East Village. Any ladies listening right now, my idea of a perfect date, okay? Jesus Christ, man. I'd take you someplace small. Like tiny. Like a cave, perhaps, or a small bedroom. Either way, it's dark.

There's no windows. We talk about love immediately. I don't want to know what movies you like. I don't want to know what books you like. I want to know what love is. No small talk.

No, yeah, describe it using three different animals. Like, Jackie, describe it using three different animals. Yeah, what do you think, Jackie? Three animals that describe love. And don't mention the man that you just went on a date with from okcupid.com. All right. Well, three animals, I guess, would be like a cougar. You get the sound

effects. I know plenty of friends who smashed out old whores. No, definitely. No, not smashed out old whores, bro. What about an ant? An ant works together in a colony and I am the leader of it. So like an orgy situation.

An orgy. A socialist. An orgy socialist situation I am down with. What noise does the ant make? Nyai. Get off of me. Nyai. Get in me.

Yeah, no, that's Mara, man. That's your girlfriend. That's what she says. Shout out. Yeah, what? I want to explore this one uh ben what kind of noises does your girlfriend make during sex this is a weird question by the way whenever you're done just be done that's pretty much it it's pretty much just like i say

i say baby can we have sex she says says, yeah, have sex with me. And I have sex with her. And she says, okay, are you about to finish? And I say, tell me how big my tits are. And she says, you have huge tits. And I say, okay. And then it's done and we cuddle and we have a great conversation. We throw on House of a Thousand Corpses and roll a fring.

Dread 1240s. That's it. That's my entire love life. What's the third? What do you think, Jackie? What's the third creature? Well, I guess the third creature would probably be a dolphin because it's graceful in the ocean and it fucks for fun.

Jackie's been drinking whiskey. Oh, no. They also rape in packs. Yes, they do. Also, which is what I do when I'm on a date. That's why I bring you guys along, so that you can rape with me through the mouth, through the belly button, through any hole you can find. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the political edition of Roundtable of Gentlemen.

I also got hit with a metal door right before I got on here, so I think I might have a concussion. Oh, who was it? Was it your new boyfriend? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's my new boyfriend. What's his name?

I don't want to go into that. Jackie, what? Jackie, can you? So you, like, Holden is a newbie to OKCupid. He's three hours in. I'm a noob. It's like I'm playing Halo for the first time. I'm a noob.

He's playing Halo. He hasn't figured out how to juggle the balls over somebody's face after he kills them. Well, he'll never be able to figure that out, no matter how long he takes. So you actually got to fruition from the website. You got to go on a date. Yeah. How do you, what was it like? What was it all about?

Well, it was after two days. I've been signed up for two days. And you've been chatting with this fellow for two days. I've been chatting with several fellows for two days. Oh, yeah. What was the one from the creepy guy? Oh, he said, which one? I see.

All right. The problem is that apparently women cannot put that they want casual sex on OKCupid. Nope. That would be right. You'd be right about that. I want casual sex. Okay, Cupid. Nope, that would be right.

You'd be right about that. Well, I want casual sex, but this one guy was just like, I was jakin' off to your picture, and I love Vonnegut. You want me to eat out your pussy? Did he actually say jakin' off? Well, it was jackin' off, but in my head, it was jakin' off. Yeah, that's how she reads that word. Yeah, no. Makes him seem funnier, because I guarantee you, he was not joking at all.

No, no, no. But at the same time, I feel like with the quick matches, it's like whoever you fucking finish on, like you just like, you Jake it, you Jake it, you Jake it. Whoever you fucking finish on, you message, right? I feel like that's the way to go about it. I don't want to. I'm not. No, that's not what.

I don't like. I'm not. Okay. You's not what. I don't like. I'm not. Okay. You're a very attractive woman. Well. But you're more attractive as you get to know you. Like, based off a straight picture, I think it's a very, very bizarre proposition for a dude to get super hard. See, that means that I'm not attractive.

No, you're not a porn star. No, you're not. You're not a porn star. I can't believe. No, you're not. You're just. Okay, Holden. So when you're jacking off to Facebook, would you look at a woman who looks more like Jackie

or would you look at a dumb bitch who is like completely ridiculous who you would absolutely hate to hang out with? Like who do you jack off to? By the way, her brother is in the room behind her. He's very attractive. This poor tormented soul. By the way, her brother is in the room behind her. He's very attractive. Always here. He's always in the back. This poor, tormented soul. He just comes and tortures himself every single week. We talk about sex so much, man.

He's going to hear about me getting all wet and getting all hard. Holy Jesus Christ. It's satire to me. It's all satire. No, bro, no, because I already know the girls I'm beating off to. I know what they're like. Do you? Oh, you check off to friends? Oh, yeah. If you're going to check off to strangers,

watch porn. Yeah, I'd rather just watch porn. I've been There's something special there. I've hung out, I've spent time with I've had like Slightly erotic moments with Like in my mind That's not true

But not in their mind But regardless Like we have talked You know It was like Yeah It's one of those I understand

It's like one of those Bitches you see It's like oh today We accidentally touched butts Yeah Yeah I'm gonna beat off to this Yeah

We had a nice conversation About like the last episode of The Simpsons we watched, you know? And shit like that. And then we accidentally touched fannies, and that was the thing. Fannies. Yeah. Jackie, was it a good date overall? Well, yeah. No, I did go out on a date with someone that I had been talking to for two days.

And it was the best. All right, I'll go ahead and say that like wow yeah oh yeah i saw the kid eddie why do you say that what are what are the things that make you feel... Well, he was wearing one of those cowboy hats that the sides are flipped up on. Which one? That's terrible. We call those taco hats. Taco hats.

Taco hats. Back in Texas, we call them taco hats. You found one of those in New York? I didn't think they existed up there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, she found them. And then he had like eight rings on.

What were the rings all about? Like high school wrestling championship rings? Oh, no, no, no, no. New Orleans Saints football rings? He had a top hat. He had one that was the Riddler from, what was that, Batman and Robin? The Riddler? Like Batman Returns?

No, no, it was from the mask. It was the mask, which is much worse. Jim carries the mask? Yeah, yeah, Jim carries the mask. He had a ring of it. What do you mean a ring of it? What was the ring like? What an idiot.

It was the face of the mask. But, Henry, Chucklehot, close off your ears. Just don't do it. Just don't do it to Chucklehot. Just don't do it. Just say you had a good time. She had a good time. Best sex I've ever had in my entire life

Holy Jesus So okay That's what I'm saying man It could be good No I can't be on that shit man You have to be I feel like I should be paid I was on OkCupid for two days

And I got the fucking lay of my life Two days afterwards But that's the thing though I've tried to sign up on these things And it's like I can't ever take it seriously. It starts off normally. It's like, yeah, man, you know, I like music. I play jazz. I do stand-up comedy.

You whores like roller coasters? I do. I can't ever write a paragraph about myself on the internet. Seriously. It's ridiculous, right? It's a pretentious idea to begin with. Seriously, Barnett,

I think I need to be like your ghost writer or something. Somebody's gotta do it, man. Just send me a bunch of facts. Like, I'll edit it, and then... I say, yeah,

someone's gotta write it for me because I can't do it myself. This is supposed to be the great Summer Smash rampage of 2010. Everybody's getting fucked. It's like, send me your weak, send me your poor, send me your unwanted. You're all getting fucked.

I can't, like... He's the governor's island of dicks, gentlemen. Anybody and everybody. But it's like, I can't get on these sites and take them seriously. Also, it's very different for women. Like, I get, like, 15 messages a day. I can just, like, fucking pick and choose the men that I want to lay any time that I fucking want to lay them. You know, it's very crazy.

The ratio is very unfair. It's very unfair. Oh, yeah, yeah. Great for me, though, because I've got three dates over the next week. I mean, that's the thing about online dating that I always kind of thought about was, like, it's creepy, right? It's real creepy. You're trolling. Yeah, it's the thing about online dating that I always kind of thought about was like, it's creepy, right? It's real creepy. You're trolling. Yeah, it's scary. It's real scary. And how many, I mean, you have the

Craigslist killer, like how many people, has anybody been murdered yet from an OkCupid? From an OkCupid? No. Or from any of these dating websites? I've done Craigslist dating, though. And I've had, I've gotten laid once from Craigslist.

A girl actually fucked me for research. Wow. What was the research in? How homosexual men have sex with women? It was for an article for Bitch Magazine. Bitch Magazine? I shit you not. I am totally serious here.

Is it a magazine by women for men Or by women for women It's by women for women It was about mating on the internet Mating on the internet Did you get a good write up Did you read the article afterwards It's not online

She didn't tell me about it Until like three months later About three months later We hooked up can't, like, about three months later, we hooked up again. She came back to my house. She got way too high and spent about two hours vomiting. Ah. Yeah. And my bathroom.

You better watch that shit, man. This bitch sounds like she fucks monkeys. This is some Jane Goodall type of shit. I don't trust it. I mean, I'm worried about you. Absolutely. So what was the sex like?

Did you feel, was she taking notes while you were fucking her? Was she like, did she have a voice recorder next to your mouth being like, oh, you know,

recording, documenting all of your hot moves, all your sexy dives and dips? the sex was okay. Like, you know, we fucked that night and then we fucked the next day. It was alright.

She had pig tits. What do you mean pig tits? She had hooves on it. Yeah, the know, we fucked that night, then we fucked the next day. It was all right. She had pig tits. What do you mean pig tits? It's got hooves on it. Yeah, the snout nipples. Snout nipples? I've never even heard of that. No, no, no. See, that's the thing.

Whenever I say pig tits, don't you guys kind of get like a vision in your head? Really, nothing came to mind. I got nothing on pig tits. We are not all from Texas. I knew what he was talking about. Two snouts protruding from a chest. I remember when I was a child, the first

nipple I ever saw was my best friend's mother. She was walking around in her robe, and she had about an inch and a half nipple. Holy hot dogs. Really, it just stuck with me. Really just stuck with me. It just stuck with me so bad. There was like four Asian women doing laundry,

hanging them out to dry on them. Speaking of random titties, I saw an old Asian titty on the train the other day. Wow. It was awful. It wasn't a good titty. Was it yellow? Yeah, it was Asian.

It's like asking if Pocahontas has red tits. Of course. Of course she does. So the health care plan. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm talking about. The politics. I don't know anything about the health care plan. I don't either.

Parks, what's going on over there? What do you think? How would pig tits, Jackie banging a dude with a terrible taco cowboy hat, and Holden going on okcupid. or relate to any political story right now. What do we got? What do we got? Because right now we've got to tie it all together to politics. Maybe it's a John Edwards type thing.

I feel like OkCupid's just like Craigslist without the AIDS, you know? Yeah, without the purposeful AIDS. I got tested, motherfucker. I don't have AIDS. AIDS list. You want to buy a couch? It's covered in AIDS There are websites out there that do that

If you have like the clap or herp Or any sort of other pig disease You can go and meet somebody who has the same disease The only thing that I can Even try To tie to this Is that Al Gore His sex scandal with the masseuse.

That's right. All a fraud. All a fake. The pants stain, not semen. Al Gore was not... Yeah, exactly. What was it? What, she think they weren't gonna test it? What's wrong with this girl? I hate when girls do this shit. Like when that girl tried to

claim Kobe Bryant raped her when she fucked ten dudes that night. Right. Well, I've said it before. I'll say it again. These hoes today. I mean, how much can we say? How much can we not say?

I mean, really. Well, sometimes you think that it's semen and maybe it's not semen. Maybe it's clam chowder. All right, bro. What are you, in a snack pack? Fucking, you know when it's semen. Yeah, you wonder. That's what you think.

If you're fucking ten dudes in a night, you know, maybe it's his semen. Maybe it's not. You never know. It's definitely semen. Well, yeah. It's not Elmer's glue. It could be. You never know what Al Gore is coming out these days.

Maybe Al Gore's semen is just Hellman's mayonnaise. It could be. You never know. It's very, very powerful stuff. It's very organic. I guess if you get to that point, it's like, I don't know if I fucked this dude who just had a sandwich with him. Like, where am I at? It was amazing.

I'm full as hell. It might be a baby. It might be a Reuben. I don't know. I couldn't tell. Thousand Islands dressing, though, if you had a Reuben, Thousand Islands dressing is too chunky to be semen. And if it's chunky, then you should be fucking that guy anyway. No, he's on his period. Well, you're not going to find out until it's over, so it doesn't even matter.

That's true. But I would love it if the girl I was with gave birth to just a delicious Reuben. Oh, God. Eat that thing down. An actual reward for eating that nastiness. The doctors clean it off, and then you just get to have a nice meal. I love it. You don't have to raise a Reuben.

You don't have to take a Reuben. You don't have to take a Reuben to its first day of school. Not at all. You just eat that Reuben. God damn it, Holden, you're throwing ice at the fucking beer. Dented the shit out of my Keystone Ice. What's wrong with you, man? Well, it's not like... How am I supposed to break the ice? What do I throw it at? You're not talking sense,

Kevin. What do I throw the ice at? You threw the ice at the beer. Kevin's got a Keystone ice with him right now. I couldn't throw it at the wall. I couldn't throw it at people, so I had to throw it at the beers. Maybe you should buy something worth drinking and we won't throw ice at it. Hey, hey. Put your hand up.

It's $1.25. I'm trying to live my life, all right? If y'all want some political shit, y'all heard about the Tea Party billboard up in Iowa where they compare Obama to Hitler and Stalin. Oh, wow. Which is, like, awesome because he's one of the greatest leaders of all time. Yeah. That's pretty much all they're telling us. What do you think about Hitler and Stalin?

They were pretty successful. Absolutely. Pretty good at what they did. They say national socialism, democrat socialism, which is not grammatically correct, and Marxist socialism. That's ridiculous. That's absolutely ridiculous. And also, none of them were successful except for Stalin. Stalin was definitely successful.

Well, I mean, if Stalin was on OKCupid right now, what do you think his profile piece would read, and what would you be most attracted to? About how he's probably going to rape me, and then he's going to murder me afterwards, and no one would know the fucking difference. Wow. That's something you want to happen.

Yes. All right. I do love these associates. Too much? Was that too much? No, no. Don't listen to Henry. Don't listen to Henry. Don't listen to Henry.

No, have a blast with Stalin. Stalin loves to rape. Oh, Jesus, Marcus. He loves it all. But he never actually did rape. He just killed everyone that he knew. Yeah, it's not. It's not.

When you're called Joseph Stalin, it's not rape. It's taking. Exactly. No, I just need to be taken. I own everything's taking. Exactly. You should just date. I own everything. You should just date Mel Gibson. I hear he's quite the lover these days. Oh, man. I hear he has a way with words.

Oh, yeah. What do you guys think about those Mel Gibson tapes? I'm like almost like Radar.com has come out with them like five days in a row. And at this point, I almost feel sympathy for him because it's all a one eight minute wasted rant against this woman who pretty much took all of his money. Oh, really? Yeah. I mean, that's her. That's the thing, man.

It's a terrible rant all the time behind, you know, you're not around. That's that's the problem with this with this shit. You know, it's like I'm not I'm not friggin. OK, yeah, it sucks. He says all this shit. You know, it's just like, I'm not, I'm not freaking, okay, yeah, it sucks he says all this shit. But when you know you're probably being recorded, when you already know that everything that you're being, that you say is being scrutinized by the public, why would you go ahead and say that? He said it in his own home. He said it in his own home, onto his own cell phone.

He had no idea he was being recorded. But why would you trust it? I wouldn't trust anything. That's the thing, you're never going to trust anything you ever say. Ever. You're never going to say some shit to anybody ever. You said a bunch of horrible shit on this podcast already. Yeah, exactly.

Me? In front of your own brother. It's a Friday, almost Sunday. Almost Sunday. Almost Sunday. We are two days away from the Lord's Day. So close to Sunday. But I do think it's like one of those situations with him where it's like everyone wanted to jump on the racist card

because he's like, go get raped by a pack of niggers or something like that. And wetbacks. And wetbacks. But they weren't the target. The target was her. The only thing you can accuse him of being is a total sexist and a person who beats the woman that birthed this child. Oh, he beats her? Yeah, I mean, that was the thing with her. I didn't know he beat her.

He didn't beat her. He did beat her. She said in the... Well, she was baiting him, which it is what it is. She definitely baited him. She was jerking him off? Well, in a way. In a way. They met on OKCupid. She was just like, I won't stop jerking you. I'll stop jerking you off unless you beat the fucking life out of me right now. Right.

Into this tape recorder. That's what my OkCupid profile actually says. Right. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, but no, she said baiting questions, which are like true, where she's like, you hit me. You hit me when I was holding our son. And he's like, well, you deserved it. You know, like stuff like that, which sounds terrible.

And it is terrible. And he also held a gun to her head and asked her if she wanted to live or die. All right, he's a terrible person. I can't continue to defend this man. Oh, I'm not defending Mel Gibson. You just said you felt bad for him. I feel bad. Is it weird that I just don't even care at all?

No, it's not. I still love Mel Gibson movies. Right, and that's the thing. He makes great movies. That's the thing about it. Why did I stop him from making movies? I wouldn't. Well, that's the thing.

It's like when you go see a Mel Gibson movie, you know he's not William Wallace, right? Like, when you're watching somebody in a film, you don't, like, oh, that's Mel Gibson. No, you're like, oh, that's William Wallace. Is anybody watching Braveheart being like, Mel Gibson is fucking kicking ass. You know, it's not him. Like, he's an actor. As a real person, he's a total douchebag. But as an actor, he's amazing.

I love Mad Max. Got any Mad Max fans here? Oh, yeah. I love him real person, he's a total douchebag. But as an actor, he's amazing. I love Mad Max. Got any Mad Max fans here? Oh yeah! Oh yeah! But I do think it's bizarre the way we try to take celebrities now, especially actors, and take their real life and try to incorporate that into the work that they do. And that really shouldn't affect their career. Like, Betty Arbuckle

murdered a woman in his bed when he laid over her fucking mouth with his belly. With a Coke bottle. With a Coke bottle. He fucking raped her with a Coke bottle, laid on her face with a belly. I mean, what's the name of that? Polanski just got kicked out. He's not going to get deported back to the U.S. from the, what is it, Netherlands?

Sweden? Sweden, something like that. Switzerland. Because he's an amazing artist, and people are like, well, he's done more good than bad, although he raped a 13 year old girl. That's so long ago. What does that matter? All this Mel Gibson stuff to me just makes him

a better actor. I mean, that's the thing. And also, this is what I thought too. That's a funny point because he's making this new movie where he plays this psychopathic puppeteer where he's like an insane person. So I think he's like an insane person. So I think he's just being really method.

Yeah, yeah. He's just going about it like, I'm super into this. This is my character. I'm bringing it into my real life. Andy Kaufman, man. That dude brought it into the real world all the time. Well, we talked about this last week.

Holden, you saw Mel Gibson as you were working at the Brooklyn Navy Yards. Or Brooklyn Shipyards. He was around. Yeah, yeah. People were talking about seeing him. There's a movie lot right by the shitty warehouse that I work at. Steiner Studios. Steiner Studios.

And it's like when I'm there, like I was talking about it earlier. I used to think suicide is like oh that's so selfish oh that person has people in their lives that they should like think about and this job has like changed that what are you doing at the job I like do things

that are so boring I can't even talk about it without like falling asleep during and I work with a bunch of idiots okay um and uh today a guy got fired and our manager came down she's like all right everybody round it up gather up and we sat around all down yeah right and we sat around and it's like it's this temp that nobody knows he's like one of the lamest dudes i've ever met. Like, definitely. Like, probably the lamest dude I've ever met. How would you, like, what is so lame about him?

He is... With one of those cowboy hats with the sides picked up. Does he have a ring of the mask by any chance? Did you ever have a date with his co-worker? He does, but he wears them as shoes. Oh, cool. That's actually cool. And, yeah, no, but he, I don't know anything about him.

He just looks like an idiot and walks like an idiot. He's a fucking moron. He's gone and she's just like, we had to get rid of Jared today. We had to let him go. Then she goes into it and she's like, how do I say this? She's trying to figure out

and people are giving her advice on how to talk to us the other workers are giving her advice on how to, like, talk to us, you know, like, in front of us, but other, like, co-workers are. They're just like, oh, you don't need this one guy who talks like this. He's like, you don't need to tell us what it is because that is not his profession. We'll talk after you leave. You're working with Trig.

That's where Sarah Palin's retarded son works. And I sit next to that guy, by the way. Oh, he's nice. And so she's like,

how do I explain this? Okay, I'll just give you like sort of an analogy like to what it is. So say I had like a torrid

love affair with someone who worked here. Say it was Alex. And goes into this whole story about how she had a torrid love affair. Now, you would see how that was grounds to fire someone, right? Is that what he did? No, and I'm like, who did he fuck?

Did he fuck one of the Spanish ladies? No, he's lame-ass. No, of course not. I'm just like, I know he didn't, but maybe he did. Could have got cock jerking off. Because she completely missed it. Exactly, yeah. And then it's like, oh, yeah, exactly.

What kind of sick, sexual thing was he doing? And then she's like, it's nothing like that. But that's what he did. And I found out afterwards it was just like, oh, he was just leaving for three hours at a time. So she made up this. Just say what he did, you dumbass. Don't even bring it up. Or just be like, we had to let him go.

And she was just like, we just hugged it out. You know, he's going to be fine. He was a lot of fun. We're really going to miss him. I'm just like, I don't know anything about this kid. Nobody cares about this kid. They don't care. We don't care.

If you had come down and been like, he stepped down the street, a sniper took his fucking brains out of his head with one shot, and then a truck hit him and took him all the way to New Jersey. I would have been like, who gives a fuck? And then, like, just start, like, you know, gone, but right back to work. And everybody would just be like, oh, man, that's so fucked up, I guess. Or no, and falling asleep, like, halfway through talking about it. See, I just think it changes everything, the fact that you have no air conditioning in this place. There's no air

conditioning. I just imagine everyone is sweating like a sweatshop. Can you explain, what are you doing exactly? You're restocking? It's like an internet company. It's a guilt group. I don't even give a fuck. By the way, my girlfriend gets daily

emails from this company. And it's like, you buy clothes from their guilt group. Guilt! G-I-L-T. It is pure hell, and I deal with the returns, but all you do is, like, just, you have a rack of clothes. We made a joke about it, it's like

this movie coming, it's like, the rack. You've never seen anything more horrible than the rack. It's like, it was terrifying. I mean, it made me feel great about where I work. So you get a rack of clothes. I scan in a thing, and then

I print out a little sticker, and I put it on the thing, and then I put the clothes up on another rack. Then you do this without air conditioning. I do it without air conditioning. And without anything. Like, it's taken so long just to get anything. Like, today I finally got my pass to be able to get into the building without, like, walking down the street,

surrounded by two-by-fours, like, passing me by inches, walking up to the security gate where they, like, fill out a piece of paper that nobody looks at. Nobody looks at it! Why didn't she make, she should have made up a story about how he was cumming on the dresses, Al Gore style or something. I would have loved that. She was just like, he came on the dresses and then he licked the cum. Like the movie Happiness or Squid and the Whale. Squid and the Whale, more Squid and the Whale.

Yeah, more Squid and the Whale. I would have been like, fucking sweet, man. Jared's all right, man. He was awesome. I didn't even know what he was doing. He was just fucking stroking. Jared just likes to party, you know? I can relate to that, dude.

So, yeah, I would have been like, so what you're saying is, like, only people who can work here are people who, like, don't dig, like, like to party. They don't enjoy partying. All right, so we're all obviously very drunk. What? Well, that's a lie. Come on, man. But yesterday, 49 Russians drowned because of a heat wave in Russia because they were trying to swim and they couldn't. Vodka is good.

That's just irresponsible. Is it the same place or is this just across Russia? Same place. And how many people have died in June? 1,200, right? 1,200 people have died in June from drowning because there's been a heat wave in Russia and these people

do not know how to swim. Who knew that global warming was actually going to do something good? It would lead to natural selection. You would think these people were just getting some water that was waist high. Put their legs in a pool or something. And this is a real situation. the natural selection. You would think these people were just getting some water that was waist high. Right, no. They'd be like,

put their legs in a pool or something. And this is a real situation. This is, I am not fucking, I am not bullshitting at all. Russians, it's like 98 degrees there

in Russia. Not even that hot. 98 degrees, that's body temperature. I'm chilling. 98 is pretty hot. It's hot. But that's body temperature.

but these fucking stupidass Russians are getting wasted and going into the lakes and rivers and just drowning. Well, I'll tell you, that can't swim stereotype no longer owned by the blacks. It is officially the Russians now. Thank you, Russia. Yeah. Score one for the blacks. I've been trying to fight it all this time, man. He's from Jamaica.

I can swim a fucking mile right now. Drunk. Drunk as shit. Is that a challenge? Are we taking this podcast on the road? We're going to the ocean. Well, what I really love is that I don't know how to swim. I don't know how to swim whatsoever.

You don't swim? Barely. I know how to float just because I'm so fucking fat. But in Tallahassee, we used to play keg wiffle ball. And we would bring, after the keg wiffle ball game, we would bring the keg to the pool where we lived. We lived in this shitty apartment complex. Hyde Park. Yeah, yeah.

It's a nice pool. It was 11-11 on high. We would go there, bring the keg there. And one day, I did a whirlybird, which is where you take, a whirlybird is where you take the keg, like when you take like the piece of the keg, and you put it in your mouth after someone has pumped it, and you drink it, and you run around and around and around the keg. Are you sure you're not thinking about your OkCupid day?

I'm very positive. No, I wasn't that drunk, that's for sure. And I was right next to the pool, and so after I got up, after running around the keg, I just stood up and went, I'm done! And I fell on the floor, on the concrete, and I just fell into the pool. And everyone thought I was just going to drown. But I didn't drown. I did not drown, drown because of the fat. But.

Russians are fat. Russians are fat as hell. They're not as fat as me. These fuckers are sinking. I fucking, no, no, no. They're all trim. Are you kidding me? They're all trim.

I guess they have to wait five hours for bread. Yes. No, exactly. They have to do push-ups while they wait for the bread. Ten hours for wheat bread. Exactly. Eighteen hours for organic. It's terrible. No hours for wheat bread. Exactly. 18 hours for organic. It's terrible.

No, no, no. They don't get organic bread. What the hell are you talking about? You ever been to Russia? No, I would never go. No, no. Although I would hunt down that Russian spy, that hot-ass firecracker. Oh, it's so fine, man.

That Russian spy. Give me a break. Her face is ugly. I really do not understand her. Are you really going to hate like that? She is so hot. She got two whole titties And I was like oh my god This is a fine bitch The milkiest

Those titties have secrets Secrets man Most girls have two whole titties I don't know what fucking girls you're looking at I have seen a woman with one Total D and one small B cup before. Exactly. She was very miserable.

I've got one. Tell, tell. More, more. It was a lie. So there's really nothing to tell there. I wish I could tell you. I'll tell you one thing. If that was true, I would have focused on that heavy titty far more than that light titty.

That heavy titty has a potential to be a good Russian fucking spy. I'll eat the shit out of that big titty. Is the government doing anything about the Russians? Have they issued an alert, like, if you're really wasted, don't go into the waves, take it easy? No. Well, the Russians, they're very concerned. That's all that it says. They're very concerned. It's June and it's Russia.

The water's still got to be ice cold. It's got to be freezing. Between June 5th and June 12th, 233 Russians. It's just in one area about the size of Portugal. Do you think this is the final outcome of the Cold War? Did we start global warming thinking it was going to go on until 2010, until they started just drowning themselves from the heat? This is very possible. It's all General Patton's idea.

Oh, I love him. Followed up by Reagan. Still the best president of all time. I read a thing that this is the hottest year recorded in history. Since they started recording it, this is the hottest year. The 19th consecutive year where there's less ice caps in the old poles than there was before.

And yet still, Marcus Parks, a.k.a. Dick in a Half, has an air conditioner sitting in his hallway. Sitting in your fucking hallway! Do you not want to contribute to the Russian death? Unbelievable. Plug that thing in! Fucking Barnett, have you not fucking realized yet that I don't like you fuckers that much? Damn, dog.

Well, what do you mean by you fuckers? Ask him that. Think about that for a second. Yeah, we're not fucking. Nobody's fucking. Oh, did he mean big fat redheads? He means me. I'm pretty sure he means me.

Yeah, I think he means fat people. Yeah, people who are disgusting. I am fat. I'm fat as hell. You don't like fat people? Is that what's going on there? You skinny motherfucker. Chuckle Hut, get in here.

What do you think about that? What's the problem with fat people? Chuckle Hut's going crazy, ladies and gentlemen. What I have is a genetic disorder that affects my metabolism. I had a doctor told me that I have a metabolism of a hippo. Not bad. Yeah, right? And hippos don't fucking drown. In the water, I can go 20 knots.

That's the difference. Hippos are fucking terrifying. There is no animal that fucking terrifies me more than a hippo. I'm sorry, I just farted, guys. Jesus Christ, man. Yeah, that was me, man. Man, a hippo bite a crocodile in half. Oh, they run the shit out of a crocodile, man. Oh, my God. You know, they have That was me, man. A hippo bite a crocodile in half. They run the shit out of a crocodile, man.

You know they have funerals, hippos. It's crazy. They're relative to the elephants which also do that. What does a hippo funeral consist of? Is there a eulogy? He loved to eat. He loved to be fat. He liked his skin.

Basically, they'll sit around the carcass for about a week and not eat or anything and no hippo will move just so like no crocodiles come and rip apart the croc the the carcass that is some old-timey fucking civil war shit it's like sitting older older yeah man i love i love hippos hippos are cool man you know i love it too yeah i love hearing stories about stuff like that because I used to wonder, like in war, people would go and risk their lives to save somebody they knew was dead

so they can bring them back to the country and have an actual burial. And it's fascinating. Every animal species seems to have some burial rites, which really throws a whole wrench into eating them. Oh, man, the other night me and Henry were drinking at the house real late, and I had this fly infestation, which is gone, thank God.

But I was murdered. Henry left. Chuckle hut. Anyway, so I murdered this fly, and I leave it on the table for all the other flies to see. Another fly swooped down and took the body. Really? Wow.

It was fucked up. What? I loved every second of it. Henry, were you there to see this? What do you think happened? It's completely real. Well, I actually saw the thing. They lay their eggs in them.

They take the dead body and they squirt their eggs in their head. Or in their eyes. Oh, well, that's more disgusting than anything. That's like if Eddie died and he's like, oh, I guess we come in Eddie now. Now we come in Eddie for a week and a half. That's more disgusting than anything. That's like if Eddie died and he's like, oh, I guess we come in Eddie now. Now we come in Eddie for a week and a half. That's not nice. Kill flies.

No, it's not nice, but you know it's a fucking semi-warm hole. What, you wouldn't jack off into his fucking belly button? Well, I mean, I've said before that I would fuck a carcass. We all know that's the situation. But would I do it to a friend? I don't, yes. No, it's putting life in death. That's where I was going.

My next point was going to be that. That's a good point. Expand on that. I can't steal a devon shit. No, no, no. We're on the same page, man. We're just 57, me and you. But like, so life comes from this dead fly's abdomen still?

It births after death? Yeah, it makes maggots. Maggots are little flies. That's beautiful. Are we talking about Trig again? No. No. Go to sleep, Trig. Newsman, what do you got?

Last of all, I believe, and me and Kissel here have talked about this, that the Roundtable of Gentlemen, we need to take up a cause. We need to take up a cause. And what cause do you think we should take up? Boobs.

Against or for? Jacking off. Jesus Christ, these are terrible. I mean, yeah, those are like ideas, but we already do all those things. Everybody has that cause. Those are needs. Those aren't causes. Pardon Billy the Kid.

Think about the children. Think about your future. Fuck the children, Billy the Kid. Don't fuck the children. Listen, don't say that shit. Everything I do is for the kids, man. So what do you mean pardon Billy the Kid? Billy the Kid was promised a pardon by the governor of New Mexico. Can you give me the back story? Because I actually don't know that much about Billy the Kid was promised a pardon by the governor of New Mexico.

Can you give me the back story? Because I actually don't know that much about Billy the Kid. I'll give you the back story here. Billy agreed to testify about one murder in exchange for amnesty about another in which he had been convicted. And what was the one murder that had to be a big profile situation, Gandhi style? Well, he killed four men. Okay. Yeah.

Not that bad. That's not that many. Yeah, but Governor... I know soldiers that have killed more. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's all right. It's under the guise of the government. But Governor Lew Wallace didn't give him the pardon.

What's with the last name Wallace that makes you a terrible, terrible person? Except for George Wallace. No, wait. No, except for the... George Wallace was horrible. George Wallace. But what about the comedian Wallace? Who? Wallace and Gr, except for George Wallace. No, wait. No, except for the- George Wallace was horrible. George Wallace. But what about the comedian Wallace? Who?

Wallace and Gromit? Black Wallace. Kevin, you might know. You're black. Kevin, you're a black guy. Kevin, you're a comedian. I'm black. I'm black.

I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black.

I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black.

I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black.

I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black.

I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black.

I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black.

I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black. I'm black Mostly the term Wallace, the last name Wallace, means you're a total asshole. What about William Wallace? Wow. But, you know, he kind of was an asshole.

Marcellus Wallace. Marcellus Wallace. Oh, he was a good football player. No, he was football fiction. In grapes. Okay. Did he play football? He assumed because he's Wallace. No, it's Marcellus Wiley.

I apologize. You haven't. The only one that you stuck up for was actually the only horrible Wallace that you mentioned. I said the wrong name! I said the wrong name, ladies and gentlemen. Jesus Christ. Ignorance in the fucking view of the law is innocence. But I am a huge

fan of Billy the Kid. Who isn't? No, who isn't? Who here has not seen Young Guns? I love Young Guns. They can go fuck themselves. Did he look like Emilio Estevez? No, he was an ugly motherfucker. He was a very ugly man. Ugly dude.

So, okay, so he went to the sheriff. The sheriff was like, we got you on this fucking, you murdered this prostitute down at the old saloon. He did not murder prostitutes. He murdered a fellow. A fellow. Down at the old time saloon. Oh, yeah. Who was having sex with a prostitute.

Maybe. Okay. So he was like time saloon. Oh yeah. Who was having sex with a prostitute. Maybe. Okay. So he was like, so he was like, we'll let you go if you say who killed this fucking dude. Yeah. And he did. And who was the person that he ratted on?

I don't know. He ratted on a nobody. He fucking is a rat. I don't, he told on somebody. This isn't fucking, this isn't fucking Bushwick. You tell the police if you see somebody get murdered,

and you imagine that you should probably, if they say they're going to give you exemption, they should probably give it to you. Yeah. No, he should definitely get his piece. You need to let that... He really should. Because Billy the Kid,

where I'm from, bit of a hero. Yeah. Is he from around you? No, no, no. Well Billy the Kid, where I'm from, bit of a hero. Yeah. Is he from around you? No, no, no. Well, I mean, around me is a relative turn. I mean, he's from about three hours away. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, pretty much. So, the cause. How do we get the movement started?

The cause is that we got to write some letters to Bill Richardson. Okay. Oh, the governor of New Mexico. He's very much considering it right now. Nice guy, really. Is he the one that created the Brown Law? No, that's Arizona.

I don't know if it's called the Brown Law. It might as well be called the Brown Law. Anti-Brown Law. Get the fuck out of Arizona. I'm actually kind of sad that I made that association I was like you're talking about the Arizona immigration law right that would be the brown law we just pulled him over

why they were brown what else do you need but what are you going to do it's one of those things where it's like I can't think of a right analogy but it's like if you make him exonerate him now, do you dig up his grave and put him into a nicer burial ground,

or what does it even matter? Actually, he has a very nice grave. I've been to Billy the Kid's grave. Yeah, he showed me pictures of it earlier. It looked about not too bad. He's buried next to his buddy. This seems similar to like... And it says, and actually, you know, everyone's seen Young Guns and all that.

He's buried right next to his buddy and on the gravestone at the top it says, Pals. That's nice. It does seem a bit similar to like the idea of like Germany does it and they pass this legislation like every like two years

where they officially apologize for the Holocaust. And like we do it here where like we officially send legislation apologizing for slavery. But like what does that mean? Why does that matter? Like it's done. It's all over with. You can't bring somebody back from the dead and be like, now you're innocent.

Or can you? Can we get him back? Do we have his DNA? I would love if we could bring Billy the Kid back. What do you think he would be doing in this day and age? Probably a tech guy. No, he'd probably be working at a gas station. Yeah, he'd probably still be raping, at least.

Billy the Kid was not a rapist! Fuck you! Holy Jesus. I'm saying nowadays he could be a rapist. He'd be very good looking. Everyone could be a rapist. Jackie's theme for the evening. Jackie's? for the evening. It's not rape when you ask for it.

What do you think Billy the Kid's profile on OkCupid would be? What would turn you on the most about Billy the Kid? Holden? Anyone who's been on OkCupid? I've never been on it. I'm dumb. He's not dumb. What are you talking about? Marcus, you're in love with him. You channel Billy, you're in love with, you channel Billy the Kid.

Okay, Cupid, you're Billy the Kid. How do you get a lady to love you? I was just saying what's sexy to me if I read. Right. I wouldn't say Billy the Kid. Well, if Billy the Kid. I have huge tates. If Billy the Kid had an okay Cupid profile, I would say he is fun loving.

Oh, yeah. He's fun loving. He is a man who enjoys a good time. Yeah. Quest for adventure? Very much a quest for adventure. I'm sold. Jackie, if you read that, would you go on a date with this fella?

I would go on a date with anyone. What if he was wearing a real cowboy hat? An actual cowboy hat, definitely. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't care. As long as he's got something to put inside of me, that's all that I care about. Jesus Christ.

We all got fingers. That sounds amazing. Again, Dick, his brother, is in the room witnessing all of this. Oh, man. You know what? No one's going to be good for the next guy if he had a big old, I don't know, trying to think of this. Oh, man. You know what? No one's going to be good for the next guy if he had like a, you know, like a big old,

I don't know, trying to think of something. Yeah, I guess Dick would be fine. Arms, biceps. Pointy ears. Pointy ears. He's an elf.

He's pretty much just an elf. Are you talking about Legolas? Because I used to have a cutout of Legolas in my room and I would kiss it every night before I went to sleep.

Holy Christ, I have a friend named Ingrid who used to do the same thing in college. Also, we should meet up. Oh, man. You would love Ingrid. The name Ingrid is so hot to me. Oh, no.

Ingrid Reynolds, one of my favorite people ever. No, she ain't hot. No, she's cute. No, no, no. She ain't hot. The way you said that. That's an ugly bitch. I can tell by the way you said it.

She ain't ugly. She ain't ugly. She ain't ugly. She's a cute girl. Ingrid's a very cute girl. I love women named Ingrid just because of Class of Blanca. I can't do nothing about it. Was Ingrid like the name of one of the shop characters in Warcraft or something?

Like one of the orcs? As far as I can remember. Is that correct? I don't remember. Warcraft 2. Jackie and Ingrid very comparable as far as

personality and body type oh alright very fuckable very nice oh yeah absolutely alright well we gotta

wrap it up I guess we should get like what would everybody's ok cupid thing be I would say I'm a large redheaded fellow who likes to have

a woman who doesn't make fun of me extremely much for my penis, which I have a skin skirt because I used to be obese and loose skin. I have large bosoms. I have a big head and I'm mildly talented. So ladies, do you want to have a future

with a man who will make 30 grand a year for the next 30 fucking years adding up to roughly 360 grand a year and a lot of money? It's not bad. I wish I made 30 grand a year and a lot of money. It's not bad. I wish I made 30 grand a year. That would be awesome. Eddie, what would your OkCupid profile be?

Weed and money. Oh, that's perfect. Yeah, that's what I want. I want a girl who's got weed and money. I want a girl. I have nothing. I would like a girl that has weed and money. Holden, what is your OkCupid profile?

Well, mine would be a very nicely laid out profile and I would write Ganyu Ganyu Ganyu That'll be under trig palin. Burnett, how you trying to get puss online?

I'm living like this. My profile will be Loch Ness forever. Holla at me. And Jaxatech, what worked for you so well to get this hot stallion? Well, I definitely curse a lot, which I usually do anyway. But I also utilized Kevin Barnett's terminology of getting hollered at. I said, why don't you holler at me if you want to have a good time and kick back a few and fucking have a few laughs. I love it.

Hey, Henry, did you write in all caps and spell laughs L-A-F-F-S? Always. I hope you did. Always. Always I do, man. Always. Always in all caps, too. That means I really mean it. Zabrow's Henry in man. Always. Always in all caps, too.

That means I really mean it. Zabrow's Henry in the comedy box. What do you think, buddy? You mean the Chuckle Hut? Whatever. Comedy box, Chuckle Hut. I like comedy box as well. Chuckle Hut.

Oh, what about Jackie's? No, about yours. What would you say to a lady? Get in post online. I mean, it would be something along the lines of like... You just going to list your TV credits? I'd list my TV... Absolutely, yeah.

I'd put my reel up there and talk about you know, just talk about these new shoes I bought. It'd be great. That sounds great. Ladies and gentlemen, you can find us on www.roundtableofgentlemen.wordpress.com There's no www. No, just http.

I think they listened to it. They already found us, man. Well, who knows? Honestly. All right, this has been the Roundtable of Gentlemen. With us, as always, Jackie Zebrowski, Ed Larson, Marcus Parks, Holden McNeely. Fuck us! Kevin Bardet in the chuckle hut.

Henry Zebrowski, I'm Ben Kissel. Have a good commute. What? Commute. People listed on the way to work. Oh, good.