The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 71: Butt You

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

It's time to inject some chaos into Occupy Wall Street. The man to do it? Our very own Ed Larson! Tune in to hear Eddie's adventures at OWS this week, plus mouse crunchin', the best prison in the world, and the RT fails miserably at an attempt to go clean.

The round table. Gentlemen, let's broaden our minds. Lay on, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will. It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen, what's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Is it Rebecca's turn?

Yes. Dear universe, I pray that you give us your energy and strengthen our warriors so that they can fight the good fight and give them light

to be brave and make them as smart as I want them to be. Please, God. Please, universe. Please. Are you talking about the NYPD? I've got a sword. I gave you a sword. I know. I'm an idiot. She's talking about me. I'm a big, strong warrior. Is that the end of the prayer? Yeah, I think that's the end of the prayer.

Amen. Welcome to the fart of the prayer. Amen. Welcome to the fart table of gentlemen, everybody. Sitting in for Jackie Zebrowski. Who is that beautiful gal over there? Oh, it's me, Rebecca Trent. And who is that beautiful guy over there? I'm Ed Larson. I'm Holden McNeely.

Kevin Barnett. I have nothing. All right. Good, though. I'm Benjamin Kissel. This is going to beett. I have nothing. All right. Good, though. I'm Benjamin Kissel. This is going to be a real hoot and a holler. Hey, Marcus. Hey, Ben.

So I guess we're going to talk about Occupy Wall Street first. All right. Ed Larson, you were down there today. Today is chaos. Madness. Chaos. Race. It was the best time.

What are you protesting when you go down there? I'm protesting madness. I'm not protesting madness. I'm protesting for madness. I just want chaos, and I want to see if I live through it. Wow, shockingly similar to the tea party. I've been looking for a partner, someone who thinks the same way that I do, to go into this thing with, goddammit, I found him! We're going there right after this! I'm with the

group. I agree with them. I'm just I'm waiting for one of them to do something violent first, then I'm the next guy. Rebecca, you look thoroughly disgusted as a gal who really likes Occupy. You know, I think it's kind of horrible. A lot of guys are out there protesting and

really taking it to heart and stuff. And I feel like this kind of takes away from it a little bit. I agree with them. All of the chaos and falderal. I don't want to bail you out of jail. Please. You don't have to bail me out of jail. I got my work.

I'll do that. Don't worry about it. But that's the boo that you want. Don't go to jail. I don't want you to go to jail. Now, you want Ed on your side for a protest. You don't want sad, sorry-ass hipsters, weak, eating lettuce every day. You want the dude out there slapping bricks.

Hey, there's a barricade. Get Eddie. He's got to run through it. Hey, what? Did someone say barricade? I'll definitely throw my body sideways and try to take out four cops at once. Pretty amazing. You'll walk up to a gun and put a dildo in it instead of a plow. Throw my body sideways and try to take out four cops at once. You walk up to a gun and put a dildo in it instead of a flower.

Just throw him the fuck off. I'm going to fuck your gun, sir. Call him sir. Still be respectful. I just want to see you at the top of a building throwing barrels. I hope they loot Whole Foods or something. He'll be the only one who gets caught. And the officers will be like, we found him in the back.

His fingers were in the jam. He was just eating all the jam at the goddamn Whole Foods. He didn't feel like he had to run. We found a bear in the Whole Foods. A bear. A bear. We got to tranquilize that bear. No, it's a bear.

It's a bear. It's just confirmed. I, it's a bear. It's a bear. It's just confirmed. I can't wait, man. No, but I had the best time. I went down there with the owner of my work. We went down. I'm like, let's go check out the protest. And I was listening to Jefferson Airplane and MC5 all day. And so I'm just like, let's fucking rock, man.

Let's go to this protest. So I went down there with him. We got down there immediately frightened by how real it was. There's a lot of people out there, man. A lot of screaming going on. So we're like, alright, let's go get a couple drinks and come back. So we went over to another bar that's owned by him. And then we went and we're like, alright, alright.

We slammed down a Budweiser and a shot. And we ordered a couple lobsters. Lobsters? What kind of pre-riot food is this? You're the 1%. That's exactly what the 1% was. I'm not the 1%. I'm like 34%.

All right, so I'm hanging out with this guy who owns one of the most successful sports bars in all of New York City. And then we go over to this office bar that he owns. I did this protest. Outside of Union Square. We have some lobster. And then we... I ordered lobster office bar. I did this protest. We have some lobster. I ordered lobster, went back, protested. But you didn't protest anything. I screamed.

I screamed and yelled at cops. That's what they're all doing. That's how you protest. That's it? You just yell at cops? It is yelling shit. You're totally qualified to do that. Farts!

I mean, I'm still broke. Did I occupy the room? I'm still... I'm not going to sleep out there If you see a Fox News camera and a microphone, don't go up to it Because you're going to end the movement They'll be like, oh, they're all this guy I'm just going to piss on them What? It's when you get on their legs, they won't see nothing

Oh my goodness It's just you're the worst representation of the Occupy movement I've ever heard I'm the best You are I am what's going to get the other side involved. That's right. Representation before emancipation. That's a good point, Holden.

It is. Holden, you've got to get out there, man. I would love to see you do some protesting, man. My scared little bones keep me indoors. Holden, if you were out there, what would your sign say? What do you protest? One of my signs says, please, no. What?

Please, no. Please, no! I just want to have a sign that just says, Free Jerry Sandusky! Free Jerry Sandusky! I ain't seen no proof. So yeah, man, that's fucking crazy shit, though. I can't believe the whole city is blowing up right now It's great man

They wanted to occupy the subway though But they were going to do it at 5 Everybody occupied the subway at all times They were going to have to shut it down They wanted to make it too busy where it couldn't even run Do they realize that that's extremely Didn't they shut down like 13 stations or something I think that's what they were reporting

I just don't think it's a good way to get people Not Union Square Because I was wondering about that's what they were reporting. 13 sessions of shut down. I just don't think it's a good way to get people. Yeah, I think so. Not Union Square. I mean, I was wondering about that. No, the unions were getting involved. It was Foley Square that they were doing it at. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, so the unions wanted to shut down the setbacks? Well, the unions were joining the march at 5 p.m. Oh, my goodness. I think that's how I understood it. They'll take a 20-minute break every hour. So it'll be pretty relaxing. I'll tell you what, man. I was real good at helping out with those mic checks.

Oh my Christ. I was doing such a good job. I'm following Jared Warner on Facebook for Murder Fist. He says mic checks like 18 times. What does it mean? What does it mean? What the fuck is a mic check? If you go down the protest, it's like, mic check! And then everyone goes, mic check!

And then they tell you what you're going to do next. Going down the Foley Square, and everyone says it too, and it just goes back and forth. This sounds like how Hitler came to power. I don't like it. Oh, man. There's no leader.

I don't like nasty people. There's no leader. It's leaderless. The Daily Show did a great little expose on it with Samantha Bee, my favorite, and they were talking about the class system at Occupy. The drummers, low class people. And then there's people who have MacBooks

and a whole series of other folks and they do not get along. A lot of stuff going down. I went down, I'd say last week I went down to when they still had the tents up and everything and I was walking around inside. They were starting to turn on each other. Oh yeah, man. It was starting to get ugly. It was getting ugly.

I tell you what, if they didn't raid the park today They would have lasted like another week That's the thing They totally fucked up By giving them strength And raiding the park and trying to close it all down Because it would have started to dissipate Within the next week and a half

Because people were starting to get sad Down there And then they just gave them this whirlwind of strength And then it just the next week and a half. Yeah, I would have eaten myself. Because people were starting to get sad down there. Yeah. And then they just gave them this whirlwind of strength, and then it just gave everyone else strength. This is the best. They were such idiots. It is such a bad job.

I mean, how long can these people be out there? It's just a one-night thing, don't you think? I think, I don't know. Who knows, man? Who knows? It's so great. It's the best. It's so much fun.

I got a phone call from my bosses today because I take care of the dogs. They were outside of Beaver Street, right outside the apartment. And I'm talking to my boss. She's like, Ben, you've got to come down here right now. The dogs are freaking out. And I'm like, okay, I'll be right down. She's like, oh, you've got to protect Gidget. You've got to protect Gidget.

This was the most important day of your dog mania. I'm telling you, I was a hero. Gidget's like the meanest chihuahua on the face of the earth. And I was just about to open the front door of the apartment and just let Gidget go. She would have to solve. The occupation would be over. Little bites. Little bites.

End the occupation in New York. I don't know, man. I like it. Kevin, you going to go out there? Nah, man. I got Xbox. That's okay. All right. That's good. All right.

That's the one thing I was like, this is the first time I felt so unsafe around so many white people. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a different kind of white, though. And at this point, they're so bizarre and unshaven. They're just animals. Oh, my God.

They're taking evolution back. It's the best time I've had. It's scary, though, isn't it? With the police, like, all of the cops being there and it looks like a police state. A woman got her ass kicked right outside of where I work. It was beaver and broad. That's the Duane Reade I go to. She just got

destroyed. But who knows what the number of arrests are at. Brent Schmidt took a nightstick to the head a couple of days ago too. I know, Brent Schmidt. I feel like an asshole because every time I see it, I just kind of love it. I just love watching people get beat up by cops. No, you're kidding me. It's entertaining.

No, whatever. Brent Schmidt loves it. I don't care what he says. Brent Schmidt is a 23-year-old kid who needs this. This is literally one of the best things that's ever happened to Brent Schmidt. He got on the cover of MSNBC.com, I think. I mean, this is huge. He's great.

He's having a blast with this. Yeah, he loves that shit. I would totally take a fucking blow to the head for fucking... We do it for fun. Eight beers in. We do it for Roundtable. We do a podcast that no one has seen this video for. We're going to get this on radio.

That's one. That's great. Good. What a fun... If you get a chance, do Google Brent Schmidt. Fox News. F-A-U-K-E-S. You did it. I did it.

Just because I did it doesn't mean I don't want to spell it. F-A-U-X News. It's actually Faux News. Faux News. Oh. Faux. Are you a friend or are you a foe? It was a blast.

It sounds fantastic. I think I was the dirtiest. It was a blast. It sounds fantastic. I think I was the dirtiest person ever on a show. Oh, on Brent's show? Yeah. Well, you certainly weren't the dirtiest person at Occupy Wall Street. That's the answer. That's the only place where you can... In the land of a man with one arm, a man with no arms is not that bad.

There's so many ugly girls out there. Fuck off, Rebecca. You fucking Trent. You goddamn Trent, you. I think you could swing your last name into a slur. Aw, give me a little kiss-all. Oh my goodness.

Give me your sweet, fat pussy. Hey, it only took him ten minutes. Ten minutes, 55 seconds. Do a news story, Marcus. I'm fucking up over here. What's real news? This is the first time we've ever talked about anything relevant.

Actually, it isn't the first time. It's the first time we didn't fail. Yeah, talk about something real. Yay, we won, guys. Last time we... We talked about that bitch getting her head blown in, right? Yeah, Gabriel Giffords. That one went real bad.

That was a bad episode. She did that television interview, that chick who got shot by Loeffner, and everyone was like, oh, it was such a proud moment. She's still half retarded. You know what I'm going to say, too? Why don't we do a worst of roundtable? We'll play old clips of stuff that we hated

and talk about how bad it was. I don't have time to do that. Don't you have an intern now? Yeah, but I'm not... Fuck his life. Oh, yeah. Yeah, fuck that dude. Yeah, he can just go deal with it.

Yeah, just like... Hey, intern, you're going to edit this later? Guess what? You got a new job. You're going to edit the worst of Roundtable. You're going to listen to all of Roundtable and find out what's the least exciting. And you're going to put it all together and you're going to edit the worst of Roundtable You're going to listen to all of Roundtable And find out what's the least exciting And you're going to put it all together

And you're going to fucking make it You fucking intern And guess what my new job is Smoke weed every day That's good I'm glad you worked up to that You're so lucky that you got to skip intern And go straight to smoke weed all day

Smoke weed all day I don't think we have an intern anymore We do not have an intern anymore that you got to skip intern and go straight to smoke weed all day. Smoke weed all day. I don't think we have an intern anymore. We do not have an intern any longer. I'll get him blown by a horse. What's going on in the news, Marcus? Out of Mexico, Mexican authorities conducted a surprise search of the Acapulco Penitentiary yesterday morning

and found 19 prostitutes, two sacks of weed, 100 fighting cocks, dozens of televisions, and two peacocks. It's a Vegas hotel. It's the Mirage. The scene that I see is two guys

wandering into a pitch black prison and then out of the building just five minutes later running out is just all these naked women shaking. And they're trying to stop them. I can't get any of them.

I can't stop anybody. I love it. It's like a fucking cartoon down in Mexico. Oh, I gotta go to prison again. Oh, no. That sounds like the greatest place ever. I can't wrap my mind around the peacocks, though. Two peacocks.

You're like, fuck struggling. I'm living lavishly. And the authorities, they don't know why the peacocks were there. They just say, like, yeah, they were kept as pets. One day, they were all fucking wasted on blow. And they were like, how much are those peacocks, man? And then they bought them. And then they were around. I on blow and they were like, how much are those peacocks, man? And then they bought them. And then they were around.

I think it's crazy they only found two bags of weed. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That is huge. If they came the day after, it would have been a huge amount. They said two sacks of marijuana. A big sack. Yeah, that could be a fucking

horse trailer. We all know how big a bag is. A bag of weed is maybe a big sack. Yeah, that could be a fucking horse trailer. We all know how big a bag is. Like a bag of weed. It's like, you know, maybe a dime. Yeah. But a sack of weed. Lord knows Ed's fucking ball sack takes up half a football game. Oh my god, yeah.

At least an ounce. I could put an ounce in my sack. Sounds like a very similar amount of things that would be in that Burlesconi Bunga Bunga room That does no longer exist, right? I know, it's a tragedy It exists Really? It's still gonna exist

I mean, come on Can you imagine Okay, think about the shit the guy did When he was in office Now that he's out of office No one cares And no one But it's gonna get so much better

You think so? But I mean, do the chicks still wanna dance for him? Does he still have a bunch of money? He's still a millionaire. Really? Yeah. And he may even make money from this because he's got a CD coming out on Tuesday. No, what?

Are you kidding? He has a CD? He doesn't sing, but he wrote a CD of love songs. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. And you know, he used to work as a cruise ship singer. Really? That's where the Bunga Bunga room started, I'm sure.

And he's known to sing at the Bunga Bunga parties. Why is he not still the guy over there? He's just so beautiful. I love him so much. Here's some sample lyrics. I run my hands down your side because it's you. I adore you and I already miss you. Another day of wind and rain.

Another night without you. Oh my gosh. I want to make love to that man. It sounds like Serge Gainsbourg, man. It gets more my accent than anything. Rebecca, do you like those lyrics? Does that make you feel good? That was sexy. I wish he'd done it a little slower.

I run my hands down your side. Now you just sound retarded. Because of you, I let you. I let you. And I let you. When we said do it slower, we meant do it more retarded. That's what I meant too. That's how I took it.

I mean, given his lifestyle, you would expect the lyrics to be more like big butts bouncing, fat pussies popping. More T-Pain-ish. Well, he's Italian. They live differently than we do. He's still a romantic, after all. Yeah. Oh my goodness. There's going to be a dead hooker coming up real soon in one of his apartments. That is for damn

sure. He's just going to go out of control. You think so? Yeah. I would hope so, man. I would love to be part of a Bung That is for damn sure. He's just going to go out of control. You think so? Yeah. I would hope so, man. I would love to be part of a Bunga Bunga room. Just fucking dance with that guy. Of course you would. Bunga Bunga Funga Funga.

Funga Funga. Just him slapping my ass. Giggling like a little girl. Feeding him chocolates. It would be fun times, man. Put some sauerkraut on that Ben Kissel hot dog bun. Hell yeah, dude. Put sauerkraut in my ass.

Is that cum? What is happening? Nothing's cum, dude. Not sauerkraut in my ass. Is that cum? What is happening? Nothing's cum, dude. Not until he cums on it. And the album... What? No. Stop. I'm just going to... The album is called True Love. Of course it is.

True young love. Young, young love. He's a romantic. I love this guy so much. He's the best news story. He's so consistent. He's like Mike Tyson. He's just so consistent with cranking out great news stories. I guess Mike Tyson was consistent with that.

Not necessarily wanted sex. It's inspired by traditional Neapolitan music as well as samba. So samba is like... Samba is good. Good hiney clapping music. Is that samba? Oh, yeah. That's what that sounds like?

My cousin does samba. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's very provocative. Provocative. Provocative is the right word. Yeah, it's very provocative. It's hard to watch when she's doing it. Oh, is it a woman?

It's a woman. Very hot. Yeah, but when she's doing it. Oh, this is a woman. It's a woman. Very hot. Yeah, but when she's not on stage, I enjoy it a lot. So when you watch your cousin on stage, do you ever get slightly aroused? No, no, no. I look at the other side because it's always like 20 people. Sounds like he gets rock hard. Rock hard.

If he has to turn away, that's really sad. Just thinking about it right there. He's got a real big cock and balls. Oh, my God. You're going to take that thing down to Occupy. Hit some cops in the head with a big old cock of yours. I can't wait. I got my own nightstick.

I'm going to fucking... Are you going to bring a nightstick down there? No, I'm just going to get hard. You should dress up like a cop, man. You would be great. You'd be fine. Oh, that's exactly what I should do. Remember that time when Ed Larson went to jail for 12 years?

What's that? Remember the time when Ed Larson went to the penitentiary for 12 years for impersonating a cop? You remember that? Is that what it is? 12 years in prison for impersonating a cop? It's a big deal. He really eats like one. I'd rather rob a lobster before a protest. The thing is, I was hanging out with cops all day, watching it and just yelling at them and shit.

I was having the best time. What were the cops saying down there? They were just laughing at me, though. That's the thing, right? Because the cops kind of dig it in a way. They seem like it's weird. I think it's exciting. It's something to do for them, too. They get to beat the shit out of people. The guys that were at my restaurant earlier today that I was talking to,

they were saying how they feel bad. It's their job. Obviously, they have to go do their job but it's just like they're on the side of the protesters, they understand what they're doing but at the same time it's just like they're not going to get fired

and in fact they're getting a lot of overtime cops are selfish to be a police officer you have to be somewhat selfish I read something somewhere where it was like this cop was talking about how he's working for 36 hours. Why is that, Ed? Why is that? Yeah, why does a cop have to be somewhat selfish?

Because it's a power thing. It's most people who become... I'm sorry that I'm generalizing. I've got bad vocabulary. Did you just get addicted to heroin when you went down there? I've been drinking for a while. When did you become already lame? I got so hammered before I went down there.

I swear to God, you were literally four pounds away from stabbing yourself nine times in the chest. Jesus Christ, Eddie. Yeah, no, but cops usually, I assume cops become cops because they have an inferiority complex. Inferiority complex. I told you, you're my backup on that. I'm telling you. All right, so yeah, you're going to be impersonating a cop tonight

because it's a misdemeanor. Oh, that's not bad. It's a misdemeanor. It's a misdemeanor, and the most, one year in jail or a $500 fine. It's a year in jail. You like peacocks, you love weed.

It's not a big deal. It's only a year in jail. You may as well do it. It's just a year. You're not doing shit. Yeah, what do you have to do this year? Dress up like a cop because you're going to do such terrible things. You're going to hurt the movement. Dress up like a cop and start beating the shit out of people. Then it'll be like,

oh, look at the NYPD. Oh, yeah. Dress up like a cop and beat people up. That's even better. Dressing a cop and beat up cops. Just to confuse everyone. He's on our side. I mean, the cops are probably extremely confused by you being out there. I should just go down there dressed like a Nazi.

See what happens. And fight with the protesters. Fight anybody. Fight everybody. I would say actually be on the side of the protesters. Be chanting with them. They're just like, cut it out. You heard the Nazi party officially backed Occupy Wall Street.

They officially say we back Occupy Wall Street. Has the Klan weighed in yet? No, the Klan is against it, I think. Oh, are they? They were at the Tea Party, probably, right? Yeah, I don't think the Tea Party loves it. Nazis are a little more progressive than the KKK. And the Green on Wall Street.

Ketchup! Ketchup! A lot of different kind of folks out there. That is for sure. After every chin, they'll be like, end the greed and corporate welfare and kill the Jews! And then try to get that and that would be really great. I feel like you could probably get at least 500 corporate welfare and kill the Jews! And then try to get that, and that would be really great.

I feel like you could probably get at least 500 people to just mindlessly say that really quick before they realize what you just said. Which would be pretty fantastic. I mean, hell, the neo-Nazis are out there. Go find them, Eddie. Find your people. You're going to do great. They're going to love you. I'll tell you what, I'm definitely

not leaving tonight With less friends I'm going to go down there I'm going to meet some people And I'm going to change my life Oh my god There's just going to be a poor sap who wakes up with you on his fucking couch Just being like hey what are we doing tonight

Oh my god He's going to occupy your peanut butter really quick That was awesome man Oh my god. It's going to occupy your peanut butter really quick. That was awesome, man. It's going to be a fucking nightmare. You got a toilet in this place? Because I couldn't find it. Oh, shitty corners, huh?

That'll happen. Shitty corners. I made a square poop triangle. That doesn't make sense. God damn it, Rebecca. What? Hey, can you sing the skirt song real quick? Women will always wear skirts.

Women will always wear skirts. They'll never, ever, ever wear pants and a shirt. That's a good one. Yeah, it's beautiful. And everyone's favorite. Shake a pickle, paint it brown, turn that frown upside down, it's a poo-poo pickle. That, of course, Henry Zebrowski.

I'm gonna marry you, baby. Henry Zebrowski's number one YouTube hit. Has he released yet? Oh, yeah, it's released. Yeah, look it up on YouTube. Pretty fantastic stuff. Tag it on Facebook.

Look it up on YouTube. Tag it and bag it, baby. It's called Poop Poop Pickle by Henry Zabrowski. It's gonna be big, I think. I love it. Is there any news about poop or shit at all? We could have fun if there was. Donkeys, poopies. News, shit. Okay, let's see here.

Pets, Manson, pit bulls, preachers. Talk about those sexy brats stepping on all those little... All right, here we go. Crushing live mice with their high heels to satisfy a foot fetishist didn't turn out to be the cat's meow for a pair of female exhibitionists. They've been convicted of animal cruelty in a German court after making a video of their bloody exploits to sell to their creepy client. Oh, come on. The duo stomped also, in addition to all of the mice that they crushed with their feet, also stomped on two lizards and three geckos, ran over 12 mice with a car, and burned mice with cigarettes.

They're exterminators. Exactly. I pay good money for people to do stuff like that. My buddy in high school had a bunch of snakes and reptiles. Every Saturday was feeding day. We went up and picked out a bunch of mice from the pet store, took it home, fed it to the... Tortured these animals, essentially,

to feed it to all these fucking bloodthirsty reptiles. What's the difference? Does he go away? Come on, that's like normal practice. If I call a pest control guy and he shows up with a hammer, I'm like, awesome. Let me get my binoculars.

This is an afternoon now. It's much better, though, if he shows up with two smoking hot blondes and high heels and he's like, oh yeah, they just step on it. He's like, awesome, man. You can jack off if you want to. It's only extra $13 and I get to watch. Can I beat off

to you beating off, though? Yeah, that's the only thing. Can I beat off to you? Yeah. I'm just going to let a little bit of the poison out of the can. It's really fucking great

for the brain, like when it all happens. So, okay, girls. He said it's fine. Here, suck on this piece of lemon. Oh, that's hot. How do you get into that, though? How does that become what turns you want?

That hasn't happened before. I don't know. I used to work with a girl who would get paid $300 per video just to kick a dude in the balls on camera. Yeah, but that's been around. That's getting popular, though, isn't it? I just don't understand. Where's the fetish line?

Is the fetish line at looking at the mouse getting crushed? I hadn't heard of the mice before. I've heard of toy cars in toy cities. Like of a fetishist that would go around. Yeah, she would high heel toys for a guy. I kind of love that one. Sit in the corner with a sheep's mask on.

I'm making up the sheep's mask part. And just fucking fully engorged with blood, you know? I don't care about high heels. I'm one of those. Stepping on just fucking fully engorged With blood you know I don't care about high heels I've heard of the stepping on roaches and stuff is a big thing But it's actually like the bugs crunching Like they get off on the sound And they get off on the look of the foot

Like the foot's always in a high heel It's always like a beautiful woman's toe That's painted What about like a beautiful woman with high heels Walking through a nice garden Like that seems pleasant. Well, it seems pleasant, but it's not that erotic.

You don't want high heels? You're the opposite. I like girls. I like them barefoot. I'm like, if I were to have a fetish, it would be heels. I think I've talked about this before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heels, man. Yeah, I love it. Just wanted to always wear heels. Cleats! I'm into cleats.

This is the fourth new wood floor I had to buy this year. I gotta end this cleat fetish. Do you have them lined up as well? Take off your heels, put on your cleats, come on to my room. Come on, girls, put on those cleats. It's the new Tom Waits song coming out with a new single. I get my cleats in It's the new Tom Waits song coming out. The new single. Coming out this week. I got cleats in my bum bum bum bum.

Put your cleats on, baby. We're going down to the pier. I want to know how they killed 12 mice with their car. That's surprisingly difficult, I think. Yeah, how'd they hold the mouse down? They probably taped him to the ground. That's what I would say. They taped him to the tires?

I would say take some duct tape. No, no, no. You can't tape to the ground because the ground's too dirty. What you do is you get a 2x4. You tape the mice to the 2x4, and then you run over that. That's a good idea. Why don't you just get a glue trap and stick the mouse on it and then run over it? Because the mouse will break its own neck before, and the glue trap will...

You can still run a mouse over even if it has a broken neck. Yeah, you can run a mouse over it any moment. It's not going to be as satisfying. It's not going to be anywhere near satisfying. Don't look at me like that, Rebecca. It's weird. I feel guilty, everything I say with you in here. No, I don't like that. You shouldn't feel guilty at all.

Tell us about your father's foot fetish. My father used to play these weird, stupid, ridiculous, horrific frat games. And he told me about them all at an incredibly young age. One of them was... My dad did that to me, too. There was a whole bunch of mice in his dorm at Kent State.

That's where the shooting happened, wasn't it? He was there. Wow. Awesome. He was the shooter. Oh, I see. That's why Eddie doesn't know his dad? He's the one who missed. And see. That's why Eddie doesn't know his dad? Is he an ecstasy component of my existence?

And that's the story of my life. No, but so they catch a mouse, and they'd all sit in a circle, and then they would douse the mouse in kerosene and light it on fire, and then they would all throw a bunch of money in the middle. And whoever the mouse died in front of got all the money. Whoever the mouse died closest to got all the money.

It just seems like a better way to figure out how to give your friend money. I know, that's the thing. That's like a huge crime now. That's some old time fun, man. I know this is Germany, but I feel like if people did that in the US, I think they'd get sentenced to prison too

because that one dude got two years for killing his sister's gerbil. For killing a gerbil? Yeah, he threw it against the wall. Who gives a shit? She did. Here's what the woman was charged with. One of them, there's two women that were

charged. One of them has just gone missing. They don't know where the fuck she is. The other one was sentenced... On the run from killing mice? Yeah. On the run. On the run. But one of them was suspended. She got a suspended sentence of nine months, and she has to pay 500

pounds, or 500 euro to an animal protection agency. Who's protecting these mice? That's not even what animal protection does. Here's the defense lawyer's defense. Quote, one has to see that my client did not torture the animals for fun, rather

that she needed the money that she had been promised in advance. Why didn't he mention that it was extremely fucking hot? It was her job to do it. And it's normal to kill mice! Do something to the guy who hired her. It was her job to do it. And it's normal to kill mice. Do something to the guy who hired her. It was her job to step on those mice. Do you guys realize German defense? Just following orders.

That's right. They love that. That's right. Another retarded... I followed that train of thought there. Yeah? Yeah. I hopped on that train.

Another retarded animal rights, animal cruelty thing I read recently was that PETA How do you say PETA? They're going after Super Mario Brothers For the raccoon costume This has been going on since 1988 They have run out of stuff

Always stressing a raccoon That's offensive There was another one yesterday They are going to pay this town $5,000. It's called Turkey, and they want to change the name to Tofurkey. Turkey, Texas is fucking awesome. They have a festival there every year. It's called Bob Wills Days.

It's just this huge Bob Wills Country Music Festival where people just get wasted and go mudding, drive around in their Jeeps. My brother got a DWI there. That is a Texas story of fun. How do you get a DWI when you're not on a road? That's the thing. I mean, that's tough to do.

The officer's literally swimming over to you. By the time he gets to the door, he looks like an alligator covered in fucking grime. I got this ticket for you. Jesus Christ. Sorry you're spraying too much mud. These people didn't want to get this dirty.

That's the thing, Marcus. I can only imagine. How many adults have you seen in a diaper in a pool of mud? In a diaper? Yeah, yeah. Specifically a diaper. Not specifically a diaper. Many adults in a pool of mud.

Naked. Countless. Naked, yeah. Countless. Naked is the day they turn retarded. How come you haven't done mud wrestling at the Creek in the Cave? I don't know.

I think we should ask the... You own this place. People should come up with the ideas. At the next Dixon show you should do it. The next Dixon show? Oh, the Nearly Naked Lady Hour. Mud wrestling for Nearly Naked Lady Hour. Yeah, mud wrestling for bacon.

See, I feel like mud wrestling should be its own thing. And whoever wins gets like 10 pounds of bacon as their prize. 10 pounds of bacon as the prize. But it's two girls that are mud wrestling. It's not you and a dude. What are you talking about? Girls don't like bacon? Girls fucking love bacon.

All right. I mean, yeah, girls like bacon, but... The girls that would mud wrestle on that Dixon show would love to do it. They would love bacon. Yeah right. I mean, yeah, girls like bacon, but... The girls that would mud wrestle on Pat Dixon's show would love to bake. Yeah, they would. I mean, for fuck's sake, the Nearly

Naked Ladies show is a show that we have here at the Creek in which there's stripping and comedy mixed together. The show opened

with a girl shaving her pussy on stage. That's true. It did. It opened with that. And then Amber Nelson, former guest of the Roundtable, former

Chuckle Hut member, she drank a glass of the water that the woman used to shave her pussy with. For $5. For $5 on stage. She was paid $5 to drink it on stage. And they asked her, what are you going to spend the money on, Amber? And she just said, cigarettes. It's so hot, man. Amber aged 40 years that day.

I didn't think it was all that shocking I'll be honest with you I didn't think it was I would have drunk it what was the big deal I didn't think it was all that shocking

it was pretty shocking I'm happy I didn't see it I just don't need another fetish it was hot it was pretty amazing I can't believe you keep missing the show

I'll be honest I got shit to do man I fuck real live women like I fucking go to places and I pay a lot of money and I fuck real chicks, man. So you were begging your girlfriend for sex that night? Is that what happened?

No, man. I went to the fucking Occupy Brooklyn, gave a chick a couple little dabs of smack, and I fucking raped the shit out of her. There you go. Anyway. I digress. Nonetheless, what happened, Rebecca? Nothing.

Small heart attack. I'm just saying, if i would i want to see that video of those chicks stepping on that those mice that would be bizarre to think if you would be aroused by that what kind of person you are i mean i'm sure you'll figure it out ben thank you ed here's what the prosecutor says about it the customers who watch films with such content satisfy themselves according to our information by watching pretty women slowly step on the animals while... Excuse me. While wearing...

What's that Simpsons character? It's just gotten so casual doing round table that you didn't break sentence until the rest of us laughed. You had no idea that you even burped. I would have gone right through it if you guys would have stopped it. I just figured the lawyer burped at that moment and you were just recreating

what he was saying. It's amazing. It's very common in the German court system. But it is women slowly stepping on the animals while wearing socks, high heels, or while barefoot. Ew. So no sneakers. Well, barefoot is the grossest, I suppose. No sneakers? I guess not. It looks

like it's only socks, high heels, or barefoot. It's really hard to squish a mouse to death. They're like ply model. It's not that hard at all. You can do it really easily. It's really easy. It's the best way to kill a mouse these days. Is that what you do?

That and gas. God knows you've already taken all the gas straight to your fucking head. Well, who knows, man? I just think it seems like a difficult thing to do. These women are very talented. They're extremely talented. I mean, were these domesticated mice? Did they have a job in the society?

I just don't understand what the big stink is about. It was a country mouse and city mouse. Oh, man. Motorcycle mouse. Motorcycle Ralph. They had little helmets on them. That would be adorable. Oh, Stuart Little.

Yeah, little Stuart Little He was shaking so much That they could barely get up Maybe that was the name of the porno Stuart Little Little Stuart Little Parkinson's Little Michael J. Fox

Do you guys want to hear about Charlie Manson's story? Of course we do This is actually not Charlie Manson's story? Absolutely. Of course we do. This is actually not Charlie Manson specifically. It is his right-hand man, Tex Watson. Tex Watson. Of course. His name's Tex, absolutely.

This man's been in prison for 42 years, and he's up for parole right now. He was married and divorced while in prison. He fathered four children during conjugal visits. Really? Yeah, four kids. What cum? What great

cum. What amazing. I mean, just like one time. Every time. Yeah, yeah. And he's been a born-again Christian since 1975. Oh, that's very nice of you. What a nice guy. That's good. I'm glad he found Jesus. What's he do with this guy? Why could he fuck?

I don't understand That's the whole story? This was the guy He said he's up for parole? Yeah, he's just He's up for I thought you guys would want to know Oh

No, but it's been up for parole before this guy Yeah, they're probably not gonna let him out, right? No, they're not gonna let him I'm just surprised they let him fuck all that time Yeah, I'm kind of blown away by conjugal visits in general And just how, like, dirty that room is and what the fuck It's the best place to fuck. I would fuck in a conjugal visit room if I wasn't in jail Do they have like those kinds of sexy hotels?

If I was just like randomly, alright, if you're randomly in a conjugal visit room, just you and another woman And you live in this place, so uh Reeks of cum in there Reeks of cum, Reeks of cum. That's fine. Yeah, so... Yeah. So...

That's all you gotta do, huh? Yeah, oh yeah. And then you just scream at her for two minutes. Ah! And you occupy her vagina. That's sweet. That's how Ed Larson makes sex. Yeah, maybe the conjugal visit.

We don't do it, we make it. Around here. I guess so. It's good. Probably relaxes the tensions in the prison. Maybe more conjugal visits would be good. Less rapey rape. And this was the guy that actually,

he was the one that stabbed Sharon Tate and cut the baby out. I thought it was the chick that did that. Well, he was the ringleader. He was the guy that told Sharon Tate and cut the baby out of it. Oh, I thought it was the chick that did that. Oh. Well, he was the ringleader. He was the guy that told him to do it. Oh. Was it Squeaky Frome that actually did it? Oh, she didn't do nothing wrong.

You can't do nothing wrong at all. She's a sweetheart. She had a good soul. How could you fucking chastise a woman named Squeaky? That's the thing, man. She was kind of cute. She was actually really cute. She's really hot still, too. I saw an interview with her recently on MSNBC.

She's not hot. She was never hot. Yes, she was. Squeaky Frome? Yeah. You don't think she was hot? Look up a picture of Squeaky real quick. I'm looking it up. Yeah, of course. There's Squeaky. You got a picture of that Squeaky? Check it out. Squeaky's not real hot, bro. Here's a picture of Squeaky Frome. She's not real hot, but she's cute.

And the fact that she murdered a pregnant woman makes it a little bit hotter. She's so cute, man. She's way too cute to murder a pregnant woman. That's true. And she's easily influenced. If you can get her to cut a baby out of a chicken... I guess she'd be cute with a knife in her hand. I can see that.

You put a knife in her hand. But just a picture of her in general, she's not very cute. Cover her in blood. She's adorable. No, she's got that dumb, stupid face. I take back what I just said. She's ugly as fuck. Dude, you could have her do whatever you want. Whatever

I want? Come on, dude. She's totally ugly hot. No. She is not ugly hot. She's ugly ugly. I don't know, man. I love ugly hot. Guess who's not going to occupy Wall Street with you tonight mr fine i do better by myself there was like an overhead if there was like an overhead shot it's just gonna

be tons of people and they're like one lone dude with like 10 10 10 feet diameter hands up nobody around you whatsoever it's gonna be a lonely Speaking of lonely times, we have a segment from Holden McNeely. Oh, I'm so lonely. He's always lonely. Yeah, so this is it. The clean table. The clean table of gentlemen. Can we get a couple out real quick?

Sure. Get it out now. Fuck cunt. Cunt. Shitty. I was going to say fuck cunt too. Dick's baby is getting fucked in the ass by big ass black dicks. Chinese people raping the Indians.

You can say Chinese people in the clean section. Hot dog. Chicky. Dry humping? Is that dirty? I don't think dry humping is. It's sexually promiscuous. We better stop this because Eddie's just getting racist.

Pussy lips. Pussy licking? Pussy lips. Pussy licking? Pussy lips. Pussy lips. Okay. Looking for a time. Okay. All right.

All right. So explain the rules. We just got to be clean and nice and fun and happy. And there we go. Happy shiny people. Hello. How you doing, friends? Hi, everybody.

Hi. Hi. Hi, Holden. Okay. This just means that I can't talk to you, Holden. That's all I'm going to say. If you have nothing. Yes.

Hello, Ben. Loves to you. Hello, Holden. I'm sending my loves over to you. Hello, Ed. Oh, it's so nice that you send your loves to Ben, because I send my loves to Ben, too. I send my loves to everyone. Thank you, Marcus.

Thank you. You're so nice to us. I love you, too, Marcus. I love you too, Rebecca. Hey, you guys want to hear a new story? You don't have to be gay. What? You don't have to be gay. The segment started. The segment started.

We're all happy, Ben. We're all happy. Embrace it. Here's the story. One-time porn star, Sasha Gray, is defending her participation in a Read Across America program at a Los Angeles elementary school. When parents found out that the recently retired adult film actress had promoted reading to kids at the school, many complained. But Gray said she had a great time reading the book Dog Breath and that her past should have no bearing on her visit to the first and third graders.

So what do you think that's about, Dog Breath, Ben? I don't know, man. If it's anything like that video that she made where she was forced to act like a dog, it was awesome. She was so good at acting like a dog. I've never seen anyone act more like a dog. Did you see that, Eddie? The way that she trotted around with her cute little hiney in the air.

It was like she was wagging her tail. It was so adorable. But the tail, she had this great trick with the tail. It was like the tail actually was able to fit inside of her. Sasha Gray has a very cute nose she does have a cute nose and she can read oh which is great

she says promoting education is an effort that is close to my heart you know what else is close to her heart her perfect beautiful bazooms small but strong You know what else is close to her heart? Her perfect, beautiful bazooms. Her bazooms are small but strong. Her mommy area is great. Her mommy area is beautiful.

How is her mommy area? I mean, mommy areas are always what mommy wants the area to be. You gotta not say the things in the segment that you want. God, Mom! She has a wonderful fine mommy area that's completely innocent.

It's great. The book was actually the longest thing she ever read. The second longest thing she ever read was a parking ticket. Oh, interesting. That's a nice clean joke, Eddie.

Is that clean? It is. That's a clean joke. Is it a clean joke? It's not good, but it's clean. That's what clean jokes are. They're not good. Sometimes. And this is how we learned that we cannot go clean.

I don't know what to do. Ben cannot speak right now. Ben hasn't said anything in five whole minutes. I mean, it's a nightmare for me. Did you see the picture of her mommy area? No, I've seen everything about that woman. I love it. I just can't mention one thing that I like about her

if we don't want to be clean. Sasha Gray, if I'm going to say one thing nice about Sasha Gray, she has a beautiful end of the throat that I've never seen on another woman. You see, really, you know it because you've seen enough movies to know exactly where her throat is. A good bottom throat. She has a beautiful bottom throat. Could everyone leave the room?

What's your opinion on this elementary school situation? I think it's totally fine. Why can't she read to kids? And it's like, everyone's like, oh, don't sexualize. Don't teach sex to kids. Don't mention that she's a porn star. Kids just think there's a chick coming in to read to them. Who gives a crap?

It's fine. It doesn't matter. Who gives a darn? It's more than fine. Porn is legal, and porn is great. Porn is fantastic. I love it. I look at it twice a day. What do you love most about porn? The butt.

I like the butt the most right now. I'm going through a really bizarre phase. Are you going through a good butt phase? I just like really huge butts. I saw her doing interesting stuff. I've been real into the mommy area lately. Yeah. I don't even know what the mommy area is.

Use your imagination. The mommy area is the produce section at Piggly Wiggly. That what the mommy area is. Use your imagination. The mommy area is the produce section at Piggly Wiggly. That's the mommy area. It's the part that feeds the baby. Oh, I see. I mean, I think it's crazy to think that that would just be okay, that she would be able to just go into an elementary school and read to a bunch of kids.

She's an actress. No, I think it's fine. I mean, the kids don't know. I mean, if I ran a class and I knew Sasha Gray, read to a bunch of kids. No, I think it's fine. The kids don't know. If I ran a class and I knew Sasha Gray, I would say, do you want to come read to the kids? I mean, it's like

George W. Bush reads to kids. It's like everybody reads to kids. You could have stopped it if I ran a class. George Bush, the starter of two wars, can read to kids. A porn star who does nothing but ejaculate men for money is fine. Perfectly qualified. She's practically a saint next to the man.

She is. The problem is she's kept me happy many a night. At the very least, she's a stress reliever. At the very least, yeah. Aren't the kids going to go, why is she a big deal to come in to read? What makes her a celebrity? And find out. No, because she does mainstream movies now.

Yeah. She quit porn two years ago. Yeah, she retired. Did she really? Yeah. Thankfully, there's a very large back catalog. Oh, my God. You'll never run out of Sasha Gray minutes.

I will. Gigantic amount of stuff. I know I will. Because it's a long life, Ben. There's a lot of rubbing to do. There'll be new Sashas, though. Yeah, there's going to be new Sashas.

But not like her. It's like there's not going to be another Marilyn Chambers. There's not going to be another Shannon Tweed. Yeah, but they weren't good. Shannon Tweed was way overrated and only successful because she climbed the poor political ladder. Shannon Tweed was not overrated. Is it weird that I find this loyalty kind of romantic?

It's really kind of sweet. I really like it a lot. We have our girls. You guys have your girls. It's great. I love that. Sasha Gray is always going to be my girl. If I had a Pokemon, I would have the Brandi Taylor.

Brandi Taylor is one of my personal... You know Brandy Taylor? Yeah, yeah. Short, big, big... I mean, it's a whole buffet of mommy feeders. What's her name? What's her name's my favorite? The one with the boobs.

The one with the boobs. I swear to God, I thought you were going to mention C-section scar. That one with that wonderful C-section scar. The one on page 12. Halfway down. You know what's funny? She's the one for me. Before I came here, I enjoyed a video.

Right before I left, I enjoyed a video by Jenna Jameson. We never talk about her. Is it like lame to because she's such a big deal? Is it like she's too mainstream that we never bring up Jenna Jameson? You don't like her?

Everyone's like, oh, you're going to see Paul McCartney? He's like, fuck you! He's still a Beatle! This is the clean segment. It's still dirty. But can't This is the clean segment Oh I'm sorry It's still dirty But you But you is good I think but you is better than F you man

But you dude That's pretty fantastic How do you not like Jenna Jameson though? She's not good She's got fake cans And I think she's old school She's not good She doesn't do what you have to do

I mean these new gals They're're like really intense, and they like deep throat amazing, and they just do a whole series of wonderful things. I like an old school broad. I like an old school broad. You don't know enough. It's like you like the Lakers probably, too, or the Miami Heat. I love the Heat. Yeah, it's like you like anything that's popular and good.

I've always liked the Heat. I'm from Miami. I, it's like you like anything that's popular and good. I've always liked the heat. I'm from Miami. I can't take that shit. You clean segment. No, you can't. God, Eddie. Somehow the clean segment is... That was the meanest thing you've ever said.

I thought the clean segment was over. I would like to apologize for the last minute. Jenna Jameson is not good, though. She does not bring it. She's phoned it in for a long time At the beginning of her career There's this amazing scene There's this amazing scene

That she did in like 98 With a firefighter It's pretty amazing You've seen that one That one is fantastic I feel like I don't necessarily want the porn star

to always be the perfect and I'm a girl so maybe that's why but I don't want them to be perfectly amazing at it. I want them to be somewhat traditional

and I like that Jenna Jameson's stuff can be kind of like that. You think she's too perfect at it? Yeah, I need some coughing. I need the occasional

like, oh, that's kind of funny. That's a weird thing that you just did. A little shock sometimes. They're not good actresses. So occasionally, you've got to stick a finger somewhere and get those eyes to perk up a little bit. Ben likes the horrible. No, I don't. You're more into the ones where you see them spitting. I only watch

lesbians. Really? Oh, really? I like a little bit of rough stuff. I like butt stuff. And I don't like when men are mean to little bit of rough stuff. I like butt stuff. Yeah. And I don't like when men are mean to women. So I just have to watch lesbians. That's why. You watch lesbian?

Yeah. I don't watch lesbian. I can't get into lesbian. I watch a lot of lesbian fetish stuff. A lot of lesbian porn stuff. I watch a lot of lesbian stuff, too. Because I like the brazers. The dudes, they get so mean.

And a part of me was just like, I think you're raping her. I'm fairly certain this is illegal. And then I exit out immediately and I'm like, I hope nobody saw that. During the clean setting, we don't say rape, we say R. Oh, you're R-ing her. Yeah, so it has to be. We say forcible fun time.

Forcible fun, yeah, exactly. I feel like girls run out of stuff to do with each other after a while. No, because now they can squirt as well. I mean, there's a whole series. God bless the future. Dude, squirt Bukkake. Squirt Bukkake is amazing.

We met Bella Donna over at the Fleshbot Awards. Oh my God, she is so beautiful. She was flawless. Oh yeah, Rebecca as well. I was there. It was amazing. Let's talk a little bit about the awards. That's right, yeah. We went to the Fleshbot Awards.

She went on stage in this gauze outfit. You could see completely through everything. She danced on this pole that was on stage on this like separate platform. She deep throated this long

Huge. It was probably like four inches around. It was probably like ten inches long. Yeah, it was huge. She got it all the way down her throat

and then shot it out arced it like six feet in the air. It was gorgeous. Apparently it was an accident though. And she accidentally released it. It was gorgeous. It was the most beautiful. And she accidentally released it. She was supposed to fuck herself with it.

She wasn't able to do that on stage. Is it still the clean segment? She was supposed to touch herself with it. She was supposed to put it inside of her. And she wasn't able to do that so she used her own fingers to do it which was gorgeous.

When I say this woman was flawless I mean like nobody's even She wasn't able to do that, so she used her own fingers to do it, which was gorgeous. Yeah, better. When I say this woman was flawless, I mean nobody's even sculpted anything this gorgeous. It was like watching... She's beautiful. I love it. It was literally like watching a goddess. It was. It was.

It was. It absolutely was. I've never... It was like you felt like you were in a room of worshippers. Uh-huh. And you're watching... You were the worshipper. The Dothraki.

Marcus made her very uncomfortable. Marcus and I watched that dance. We had a very good conversation. You're just like, oh, oh, oh. You should have seen it. That's what mine would have been. We had a very nice conversation

whenever Ben was not in the room. No, I had to go save her. I come from the middle of nowhere and I just love you. There's this great Bob Wills festival. My brother got a DUI there. We go mudding. No, no, no. I didn't want to talk about that.

Weren't you the one at the end that had Murray Hill up in your arms? Yeah, I'm on the UK television show tonight. He sent me an email saying that I made the cut. That's awesome. I made some funny jokes about Rihanna. Yeah. UK, check me out amazing. You pay.

Check me out tonight. Right now. So Bella Donna and Marcus are dating now. Uh-huh. Which is very exciting. Yeah, it was. He took her mud. I took her mud.

She would probably love that. She was gorgeous with mud on her. You have no idea. She's like, I thought you meant something different by mud. Nope. She did have some good stories about performing anal scenes in public. What were she at? Puerto Rico, and the stage was made of two-by-fours.

See, that's what I'm talking about. This very nice conversation that we had, because she was talking about the stage, and the reason why we know that the thing popped out is because she told me all about the dildo. And then she was saying... Is dildo allowed in the Clean Segment? Yes. She was saying how

they were... She went to Puerto Rico for a live show. And she gets there and they had built the stage out of particle board and plywood. And it was... Excuse me. Covered in splinters. Covered in splinters. Absolutely covered in splinters. So she made them rebuild

the entire thing. And then she was about to just go into this amazing... She was like, Covered in splinters. Absolutely covered in splinters. So she made them rebuild the entire thing. What a nice girl. And then she was about to just go into this amazing... She was like, well, the thing is about anal sex at a live show. And then someone interrupted her. And the moment was lost. And she couldn't continue. She was about to tell me a story about doing anal sex in front of strangers.

Marcus, I'm so sorry. It's really sad. Really sad. And Ben was just like, where's the beef? Are you thirsty? And everyone was saying, oh, Marcus, you're being creepy. Like, dude, she was trading stories with me. You're not creepy, Marcus.

You come across as adorable, especially to sex workers. Thank you. Oh, strippers love me. Strippers love me. That's ridiculous. It's like saying cops hate Eddie. Strippers love me. You know how I know strippers love me? Yeah, they do. I get free lap dances

all the time. Free lap dances. I'm not creepy. I'm nice. I look them right in the eye. And you look like maybe you're dumb enough to marry one. Exactly. Yeah, that's true. I get free lap dances at the senior places, the high class places. I pay double.

I'd date a stripper for 30 years, but I wouldn't marry one. Yeah, that's nice of you, Ed. Thank you. Holden, would you ever date a stripper? Actively stripping? Would she do some kind of, I'll just say, mommy dance? Yes. Sure she would.

She's a stripper. We date. We date. I'd buy her things. I'd just say, mommy dance. I'm sure she would. She's a stripper. We date. We date. I buy her things. I buy her begonias. What the hell? What is a begonia?

It's not a flower. It's a flower. It's a beautiful flower. Does it smell good? It smells like, I was going to say something more in the clean segment. Sorry. No. You can't do it. You're done.

Everyone is cursed in the clean segment has ever been. I don't think... I mean, the clean segment hasn't been that clean, but it's been relatively clean for us. Yeah. We're pretty good. I love you, Ben. I'd say it's PG-12.

Just two years out of Sandusky. Two years too clean to be screwed in the shower by that wonderful, wonderful man. Jerry Sandusky banged more boys than the bumper cars at Coney Island. Good job, Eddie. That's my joke. Good job, Eddie. It was good.

It was like right off the top of your head. It was clean, technically. Technically. It wasn't clean at all. It had to do with pedophilia. Ed, how young is too young? How young is too young is... We've had this conversation.

Oh, you have? 15? Yeah, 15. That's what you guys decided? There was a new pedophile that came out. So you are officially against Sandusky and his actions? Yes. Officially.

Officially, yes. Because it was boys. On the record... If it was 10-year-old girls, you'd be fine. So Eddie, I guess... Now you have something to protest at Occupy Wall Street. If it was girls, it's homework. Yeah.

We're going to go with it on the record. Holden, I think the clean section's over. I think it's been over for a while. Can I take that back? No, you can't take it back. Not at all. You're done. There's been some terrible things done.

You've got some apology texts to send tomorrow. I'll do that. Anyone who needs an apology text, just text me. Just email roundtable at gfsq.com. I'll totally apologize for that. sq.com. I don't know. He'll mean it.

I'll open apologies right now, ladies and gentlemen, for everything you've heard on this program. Are we done with this clean segment and this show? We are. We have to be. We're out of beer. We're out to be. We're out of beer. We're out of beer. Don't be Jewish. This is why you can't represent anybody.

And that's Parola's thing. He says it at the end of all his podcasts. Does he really? I never listened. It's such a horrible, sentimental thing to say. It does not represent any person in society. Alright. Bunga bunga. Hold him in LA. Put a Berlus any person in society. Bunga bunga!

Bunga bunga. Hold it, Midele. Eddie Larsen, Marcus Parks, Kevin Barnett. Put a Berlusconi in it. Goodbye, goodbye. Thank you so much, Rebecca. You're welcome. You're wonderful.

Thank you, Rebecca. Thanks for having me. I love Ben Kissel. I love you, Eddie. Eddie, do you want to say anything else incriminating? I like people. We don't believe you. You're right.

Goodbye, ladies and gentlemen. Come in my butt! I hope that this gets better. Come in your butt. A lot. That's sweet.