The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 75: Christmas Christmas Elevator Death

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

Look, we know they were probably perfectly nice people. But damn, when there's two elevator deaths in one week, and when they're as absolutely bizarre as these, then there's no way we couldn't have talked about them both. FIRE.

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table!

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. Dear Beelzebub, thank you so much for my sweet teats and my sweet friends. I enjoy sucking and milking off of both of them. You are a fantastic

demon beast in the sky and please bless this episode. God knows we have a couple of blacks and a couple of Jews, so we're going to need your assistance. We have half a Jew. Alright, I'm sorry, we have a half a black and a couple of Jews. So we're going to need your assistance. We have half a Jew. All right, I'm sorry. We have a half a black and a couple of Jews.

We're going to need your assistance. It is not going to be pretty. In your sweet, sweet cunt we pray. Amen. Amen. Very bad prayer. Was it a bad one? It was bad?

No, it was bad. It was was... It was... It was bad? No, it was bad. It was kind of funny. I understand what you were going for. Sure. You never know what's going to happen at the Roundtable of Gentlemen. It's wacky. Who's all here?

Wacky Jackie Zebrowski. Good. Ed Larson, I finally figured out a catchphrase, and it's chaos reigns. Good job, Ed. Thank you. Holder McNally, I've got a catchphrase and it's chaos reigns. Good job, Ed. I've got a catchphrase. It's chaos reigns? That's a question. Kevin Barnett, people like me.

I'm Ben Kissel and in the chocolate we got the very beautiful Jermaine Fowler. He's a... Oh, yeah. Hey, Jermaine. Hello. Oh, hi.

How you doing, man? Good. All right. Jermaine's a dilf. A dude I'd like to fuck. That's true. Speaking of dudes I'd like to fuck, Marcus Parks with the news. What do you got, buddy?

We got some elevator situations happening. Is that correct? New York City police arrested a man today in a sickening homicide that involved accelerant and a Molotov cocktail. Yeah. Cops charged Jerome Isaac, 47, with first degree murder and the death of a 64-year-old woman burned alive in her building's

elevator yesterday. Two surveillance cameras captured the attack in which a man was waiting for Doris Gillespie in her building. When the elevator doors opened, he sprayed her with an accelerant and set her on fire using a Molotov cocktail. Yeah! Chaos!

Brains! This is one amazing story. Yeah, this story is sad as shit, but for years I've been wondering when they're going to bring the Molotov cocktail back. Absolutely. This dude brought it back in style, man. He did not just do a Molotov cocktail.

I bet there's going to be a whole bunch of fucking Molotov cocktails now. People forgot that it was awesome. It's still a great weapon. It's a phenomenal weapon. I had to today explain to someone what a Molotov cocktail was. Those fucking jerks.

So what goes into a Molotov cocktail? For those of you who don't know, a Molotov cocktail, it's some sort of accelerant or flammable liquid in a bottle. The best thing to use is... It's like Kevin Seaman. Oh, yeah. Milk Kevin, get his cum into a nice little glass jar. And the best thing to use is oil because oil sticks to things a lot better and it burns longer.

Either that or diesel. And you fill it up with that and you put a rag in the top. You light it on fire and then you throw it at something so whenever the bottle explodes the fire spreads and just... I feel like that's how democracy is created. Yeah.

Every riot or revolution that you have, you're guaranteed to have a few Molotov cocktails. I love it, man. They look so cool on film, too. This is literally... But how'd the name come about? How'd the name Molotov? What is that from? I don't know. It's Russian. It's Russian. It's definitely Russian. Unless he's vodka, right? Yeah, vodka in a bottle.

Throw it at the big circle tower. The thing is, that happened on accident in Russia, like, a billion times before they came up with the name and decided that it was a weapon. They were just like, this was just standard partying procedure. They just tried to slam the bottle as soon as they lit it on fire. General Molotov.

They started the Spanish were the first to use it during the Spanish Civil War. Oh, look at that. I guess they had a lot of empty bottles around, that's for certain. That was a tequila Molotov. That's for sure. And they originally used two-pound glass jam jars

Oh look at that A nice use for the jam jar Is it illegal to make one? I would love to make one For New Year's Eve I don't know if it's illegal To make one I think it's illegal

To use one Even if you throw it In the street Like as fun I'm fairly certain That's still going to be illegal I'm not throwing it in a car Even if you make it

You just pull out the rack And take a swig out of it And be like Oh I'm just drinking Oh no I'm throwing A Molotov cocktail It's just Kevin Seaman In the United States Molotov cocktails. It's just Kevin Seaman. In the United States,

Molotov cocktails are considered destructive devices under the National Firearms Act and regulated by the ATF. They would be correct about that. How do they regulate a Molotov cocktail? In this situation, you can just say you're heating up your liquor like, I like it hot.

Like sake. I treat my gin like sake. I enjoy it.. I like it hot. What are you doing? I like sake. I treat my gin like sake. I enjoy it. I mean, this is the exact scene from Rucker's Hobo the Shotgun. Oh, yeah. When he lit that entire school bus on fire. It made me think of Clockwork Orange. This story made me sick to my stomach.

It really did. That's a great story. No, it's not, man. It's like, that's rough. Well, the deal is this. It's a rough story. The gal, the scolopsie gal. I'm sorry, go ahead. No, you had not, man. It's like, that's rough. Well, the deal is this. It's a rough song. The gal, the scolapsing gal. I'm sorry, go ahead.

No, you had something about a drink? You know what's the name of that drink? You know, you have like a little shot glass. Flamin' Dr. Pepper? Yeah, but isn't that essentially like a Molotov cocktail? It's like that, but if you douse the person with a whole series of flammable liquids before they take them. You can't drink them in Diet Coke or anything. No, no, no.

You gotta have this flammable liquid. You're not throwing a bottle at him either. You're filled with gas. I read an account today. It was a quote from one of the tenants that went because they heard this high-pitched shrieking. And so the tenants ran out, and they ran to the elevator. There was smoke coming out.

And they said that the sound that was coming out, they said it sounded like boiling paint. Yeah, and there was another one. Another gal said that it sounded like there were two people in there, and a man was screaming. And they thought there was a struggle in there between two folks. I mean, she was just battling her demons. That was probably just the ghost of the elevator.

Yeah, perhaps. Also set on fire. The guy got two birds and one stone, you know. It's extremely possible. I mean, this is, apparently, this Gillespie gal, though, this fella who torched her

might have known her. She used to run a lot of drifters and stuff like that. Yeah, what does she do? He had done odd jobs for her until she fired him for stealing.

Yeah, yeah. And she was also a hoarder, so she had a whole series of different furniture in her house, and she always had people in and out. I mean, no good deed goes unburned. And she was also a hoarder, so she had a whole series of different furniture in her house, and she always had people in and out. I mean, no good deed goes unburned.

And she totally got fucking scorched for being so kind to these goddamn ridiculous folks. Why you can't help people, man? You can't help them. Who's ever heard paint boil? Yeah, I don't know. I think we can all agree it sounds fucking disgusting. But he burned the fuck out of this shit. I got you questioned also on paint boiling meat. But he burned the fuck out of this shit.

I got you questioned also. I sound like pain boiling me. Like, what the fuck? But I will say this. I mean, odds are there was pain boiling. Yeah. I know. There was a person, but at the same time. Because seven people got injured and everyone was evacuated and nearly burnt down the whole place.

Well, this is an old lady, right? We're talking about caked on makeup. Caked on makeup. That shit was probably erupting. And not to mention the loose skin on that. That just goes right up. Oh, this is an old lady, right? We're talking about caked on makeup. That shit was probably erupting. And not to mention the loose skin on that. That just goes right up. Could have pulled it off like chicken skin. Her nickname was Cake Face.

It's burnt up. I mean, without a doubt. And let's not forget maybe the amount of perfume that didn't help her at all she probably had. Maybe at first you just thought it was a really extravagant sample sale. And she was like, oh, douse me, douse me. That fucking bitch. That's the thing. Maybe at first you just thought it was a really extravagant sample sale. And she was like,

oh, douse me. Douse me. I love this. I feel like I'm at Macy's. This is nice. Molotov cocktail. Oh, no. She actually ordered it.

She ordered it. You never know what they're up to. She paid for it. She gave him 20 bucks. It's on video. Going to the second death in an elevator this week

Which one is worse? This gal, her name is Suzanne Hart This one's more harrowing to me Elevator news for the elevator blues I mean it's hard to say which one is more upsetting I feel like And what's going on Christmas Christmas Elevator death, what is that?

Why Christmas for that? I don't know what's going on. This Madison Avenue working gal, Suzanne Hart, she steps onto an elevator in her office building. She takes one step on, and it shoots up like a bullet. There's two folks on there, and apparently it split her from her pussy, I guess to her tit?

Is that what went wrong? A quarter of her, I'd say, yeah, yeah. Or like a third of her maybe. Because her body fell over. Fell forward. Cut off the top half and her leg. So the two folks in the elevator got to see her blinking eyes like a dead fish.

Covered in blood. I imagine her just reaching out to them. And then just expiring. Gurgling. Definitely gurgling. So the elevator went up and she went in, but usually it doesn't... No, but the thing is the elevator had a short circuit and it shot up like a fucking rocket. But when did you fall backwards?

She had one foot in and then the elevator shot up so she kind of tried to fall in, but it shot up and it split her in three pieces. Oh, that's her fault. If you don't... And what do you mean it's her fault? Well, I mean... I want to hear this out. Because I agree. I agree with you. It might be her fault.

I'm sorry, man. We're not all lizard people, man. My lizard instincts tell me to jump back. I don't know. Maybe it was going a little too fast or the thing, maybe. They said literally shot up like a bullet. Like a bullet.

It wasn't like it was a slow move up. She was just... If she would have fell backwards, her leg would have got caught. It would have chopped her off by the knee. She would have fell down the elevator shaft. Or it doesn't chop you off. You just drag your entire body face first up an elevator.

Yeah, I love she got killed like a boss at the end of a Die Hard movie or something. I mean, it's a George Romero death. I mean, she got tore in half. And then these poor folks in the elevator were just like, I'm going to the 22nd floor. I have an audition at Fuse. And then they fucking see this woman get torn in half in front of them. Do you think they stuck it afterwards? Do you think they stuck the audition? Oh, they just nailed it.

Yeah, they definitely nailed it. How do you not hire the guy who came in covered in blood? Alright, you have to enter the scene like you just saw a woman get chopped in half by an elevator. I got this! Well, wouldn't you believe it? Wow! This whole time I thought I was unprepared. Well, apparently the other two people were immediately admitted into the hospital

because they were so terribly shaken from what happened. One of them was sobbing uncontrollably and just like wouldn't stop. How do you get over that? How do you get over it? There's not a lot of people who've seen that. No one has seen it. And that is what they got for Christmas. Oh, that's nice.

Merry Christmas! You bitch! I mean, are those two people best friends for life or do those people in the elevator never speak to each other again? Never again. I think they're best friends for life. They have to talk to somebody about it. Was it two women or was it a guy and a girl?

It was a guy and a girl. They just started fucking. He started hollering at her on Facebook. He's like, hey, remember when we was in the elevator? What if this was just a really elaborate OkCupid date gone perfectly? You know, we're going to meet in the elevator. We're going to have to shoot up as this chick walks right in. And we are going to fuck immediately afterwards. I didn't tell her that the comedy would start.

It's the most graphic thing you can think of. We fell in love at the hospital. I used to feel like if my husband or wife were in that elevator, I would probably leave them. They're never going to be okay again. Those people are done. They're broken. I would leave them immediately. They got post-traumatic stress syndrome without a doubt.

What if they are okay? Then they're weird. Then leave them for definite. What if you just walk out of there whistling Dixie you're a fucking demon you're made of demon juice and demon powder

dude I saw some crazy shit today let's watch the rest of development he said I saw some crazy shit today did you hear about Tim Tebow that was amazing but forget about that shit. Tebow's amazing. I can't believe he's pulling off these wins. Anyway, there's a half a woman in the elevator.

Do not go in there. The saddest part about the story is the boyfriend, his reaction was so sad. The boyfriend, he had finally found a woman who would fuck him. Apparently he's a very unattractive fella. He's an extremely unattractive fella. I wasn't going to say that. It's his fault. I wasn't saying that.

You should have never loved her. I was saying that. The fact that he said he loved her and he didn't, he doesn't know what to say. That's what I meant. It is tragic, though. It is very tragic. Good images. Good images.

I thought he was ugly. I wasn't going to say he was ugly. I fucked up, man. I was fucked up. He is ugly. Well, I mean, she wasn't the most attractive bovine of all time. She was cute. She was ugly. I fucked up, man. I was fucked up. He is ugly. Well, I mean, she wasn't the most attractive bovine of all time. She was cute. She was cute. I thought she was kind of cute.

Yeah, but she was a fat white chick, Jermaine. Of course you thought she was kind of cute. For one third of a woman. It's fine. I don't know what to say. I can't say she's ugly. Right now, Marcus is searching woman in elevator, cut in half, boyfriend trying to find this guy's picture.

What was the reaction, though? What was the reaction? The reaction from the boyfriend? He wasn't happy. That was pretty much it. They interviewed him. But here's the deal. And he was just, him and the father were just, this is very terrible.

It was, and it's terrible for them. But this is the deal. What if he wanted to break up with her in the first place? And this is one of the greatest ways out of all time? Because she's broken. She's broken. She's dead. He's going to get the sympathetic role. He can fuck whoever he wants. It doesn't matter.

How did your best girlfriend die? Oh my god. Yeah, exactly. If you go through that, he's going to get pussy fucked. The amount of sympathy pussy he can get will completely nullify how hideous he is. So do you guys see an Oprah daytime talk show tour with this guy at all? Totally. It's extremely positive.

He can write a book about it. Oh, God. You know the final chapter is the thing that tore us apart? It's all about the elevator. It could be called Elevation or something like that. Right. Whimsical title. Absolutely.

Marcus, you're looking at a picture of the guy? No, I'm just kind of going through and seeing what Google tells me. Like, you know, like the auto, you know, it's like, hey, woman in something. And the first two are woman in black and woman in dead horse. Which we've already talked about. We've already talked about woman in dead horse. We've pretty much covered it. I'm just saying.

You know, like, that was a pretty popular Google search. Can't find a picture of the guy. That's fine. Is anybody scared of elevators now? No. Yes! Of course not. Jermaine,

what are you going to do the next time you have to go to a 10th floor audition or an audition on the 54th? I'm going to be more cautious. I'm not going to, like, jump into it. All right,

I'm not going to say that, but I just, I'm going to be more cautious in elevators, man. I don't know how you can be cautious in elevators, but you just got to get in them real fast. Yeah, you got to jump. I'm telling you, man. I don't know how you can be cautious in elevators. You just got to get in them real fast.

Yeah, you got to jump. I'm telling you, man. Once you're in them, man, I've had a couple times where I was a little weirded out by elevators. Because one time I was in one. It's been a couple times where we were in it. And there were maybe, I guess, too many people. Or the elevator was fucked up. And it just did a quick drops.

I hate it. Like Tower of Terror quick drops. You know? And we were just like, what the fuck? So now I get a little bit of anxiety sometimes. Fucked in the elevator once. You fucked in it? Really? A lot of cameras in elevators.

I finger banged a girl in an elevator once. It was pretty sweet. How far were you going? What do you mean? You said you fucked in it. Oh no, you stopped it. You pulled the brake. We just kept going from the top floor to the bottom floor and the top floor. That's more adventurous. Yeah.

That's dangerous if I get caught. I used to do graffiti. Well, that's part of the fun. Yeah. I used to do graffiti on the elevator. Me and my friends used to take the elevator. No way. No way.

Yeah, and we would take the elevator. Us black youths. No, really? We would take the elevator up and press stop and then have it go in between the floors so we'd see a concrete wall

when we opened the door up and just write our names on the walls and shit, not knowing it'd be that dangerous. Is that graffiti or is that just... Just tagging. Just tagging.

I love it. Yeah, it was just markers and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I don't know. If it's markers, I don't think that's graffiti. No. It is.

Technically, that's definitely graffiti. I mean, it's also the easiest way to get caught ever. You know, just signing your own name. There's elevators stuck in between floors. This is the best elevator thing that happened to me. When I was in sixth grade, my brother and I, Jerome, we were hopping on the elevator, and we start

going down. So it was Jerome and Jermaine? Jerome and Jermaine, my twin brother, Jerome. Yeah. So you just changed out one letter? That's all. Yeah. Jerome's a junior. Jerome's my dad's name. Jerome Junior.

My dad's Jerome Senior. And I'm the fucking black sheep. So you don't name a twin a junior if you have another one coming. You know what I mean? That's rude. Yeah. Why would you do that? You know I was coming. Anyway know what I mean? It's rude. Yeah. Why would you do that? You know I was coming.

Anyway, what was I going to say? Oh, yeah. So me and Jerome hopped in the elevator and we started sniffing this essence in the elevator. Ooh, I like it.

Yeah. So we were like, it stung our nose at first. It was like gasoline. Not gasoline. No. So it gets worse and our eyes start watering up.

We get really puffy. I can't see anything and we're crying and we're like, just like mucus is coming out of our nose. And we run to my friend Calvin's house. And we're like, Calvin. Because his dad is a super.

There's a stuff in the elevator. We need water. We need water. We need water. What's going on? And Calvin's sister was like, oh, yeah. I sprayed pepper spray in the elevator because I thought somebody was trying to rape me. Oh, yeah. I forgot. somebody was trying to rape me. Oh, yeah.

I forgot. Somebody was trying to rape me. Oh, I forgot about that attempted rape. It was one of the weirdest things that happened to me. At least, like, you know, put a wet floor sign up or something like that. I'm drunk. I'm drunk.

That's not a bad idea. Niggas try to rape me all the time. Have you seen these titties? I mean, who knew? So many things happen in elevators. I guess elevators are like one of the few places on the face of the planet where all different groups of society have to come together and meet in this one isolated location. I mean, it's a prison holding cell.

Well, subways, airplanes. Well, in subways you can get out. Man, no way. That fucking water comes through the tunnel on the L train. It's just a big watery casket, bro. Just for a whole bunch of people. I always think about on the way to work, man, someone shoots the bomb off and the water goes down through the tunnel like fucking crazy.

Yeah, you ever see a bunch of rats running one direction? Follow the rats. Well, I'm sure you'll be leading the rats. That's my philosophy in life. Follow the rats. It's true. Cloverfield, you follow the rats. That's my philosophy in life. Follow the rats. It's true. Cloverfield, you follow the rats. Follow birds sometimes.

Even spiders. They know where to go. They do. Yeah, they do. Spiders know where to go. I feel like I'm going to feel the most safe I've ever felt in an elevator now. Because you've got two big things out of the way. There's probably going to be one more in the next few weeks.

If you're going with the threes. But other than that. Probably happening right now. Hopefully. If with any luck. Because then we are in the clear. Because there hasn't been this many elevator accidents in a row in a long time. Well, that wasn't an accident. The Molotov cocktail wasn't

an accident. Well, that was very on purpose. That's true. She accidentally stumbled upon a terrible situation. And what I love about that guy is that he dressed up as an exterminator. He was full. I mean, he had to do it. He dressed up. He even had the little mask over his

sunglasses on his head and had the little dust mask over that. Right now there's a lady getting attacked by a tiger on an umbrella. It's such a more respectable way to murder somebody. A gun, it's one action. You pull the trigger.

I mean, this is a two-fold operation. What he did, he doused her first, and the elevator door closed. Bing bong. Opened up again. He threw the cocktail in. So then she became ablaze. And it shut again. He opened it one more time and sprayed her down again.

So she just fucking burnt up. That's so much hate. So much hate. Do you know why he did it? Why? Because he wanted to hear the sound of paint boiling. Now? Now he left a note on her door

demanding payment for chores, but she refused to pay. So she brought in drifters and they fucking... This guy did some chores for her. Was he Mexican? I don't know. They were fucking.

His name was Jerome Isaac. Just because you find out... I don't think he's Mexican. His name was Jerome... Jerome Fowler? Jerome Isaac. Oh, yes. That would have been a nightmare.

Beautiful serial killer. But anyway, some closure. So they caught this guy, right? Yeah, they caught him. He turned himself in. He showed up at the police station reeking of gasoline. I'm going to say it's her fault, too. Now, how is it her fault? She showed up at the police station reeking of gasoline. You got a babe. And I'm going to say that's her fault, too.

Now, how is it her fault? Well, she didn't pay this dude for chores. That's true. Did she not just say that? And also, don't help anybody. Don't help anybody. If you don't help anybody. How do they know they were fucking? Don't fuck drifters.

There were other things. She had lived in the building. This was in Prospect Heights. She had lived in the building for decades. And people in the neighborhood knew her. Some people said that she was very nice. Other people said that she was kind of a crazy bitch. Right.

She was a hoarder. She was like 65, though, right? Yeah, 62. That's a lot of my family. What's that? The guy was 47. All right. That's enough to buy gasoline.

And I will say, good for fucking her. Nailing a 47 year old dude at 61 She was doing great I mean, if you're 61 years old And you could die a very lonely death in Iola, Wisconsin Or you live in a place in Brooklyn And you get to fuck a whole series of dudes You die like a witch

You die like a witch You die like a Salem witch But you got banged up until the day of your death I mean, what's worse? She was on fire, you know, like with all that. But I will say, you die pretty quick in a fire. No, that was... No, you don't.

Yes, you do. I have died in a fire. And I am telling you, you do, man. I was in and out. Also, imagine how much it must hurt, though, to have a bottle thrown at you also that's going to shatter. I'm sure. I don't think it didn't. I guarantee you the bottle didn't break on her. As close as he probably was to her

there's no way he threw it at her. He probably just threw it on the ground. If you throw it at her, it won't break if you throw it at her. She's going to bounce off her and hurt. He's going to throw it against the wall. But there's still a flame attached to it. If it bounced, it would still hit the ground and it would eventually blow up.

Okay, yeah, it was still... I think it's going to shatter for it to blow up. I mean, the entire thing... She was already engulfed in liquid. She was engulfed in gasoline. So even the flame from the cloth would even... Yeah, the flame from the cloth, that's the best thing about a Molotov cocktail.

You don't actually have to throw it. So that was overkill. It was over-overkill. So he was raider, already had the liquid in the bottle, and then sprayed it again, and... He really wanted to get paid for those chores. God, I love these elevator stories. overkill. So he was raider, already had the liquor in the bottle, and then sprayed it again, and wow. He really wanted to get paid for those chores. What chores do you

have to do to be so angry for not getting paid? You have to hang the human skin drapes. Okay. And you have to get the human skin... What was this bitch into, man? That's the thing, you know? I don't fucking trust this at all. So don't fuck with Marcus Parks. He washes dishes, and you don't pay Marcus

Parks that money. He might just fuck him all the time. No! Not at the pie shop. You gotta think though too. It's like what was going through her head while it was all happening. There's no way. Even if you're in an elevator and somebody throws gasoline at you, you're not thinking the next thing. I bet he's like, this guy's

an asshole. Why'd he throw all this gasoline at me? She knew the guy so when he opened the door she was like, Fred! Or whatever. Come on, what up man? Oh shoot! I bet he told her he was gonna do an asshole why'd you throw all this gas at me well she knew the gas so when he opened the door she was like Fred come on what up man oh shoot I bet he I bet he told her he was gonna do

exactly what he did and she didn't believe him oh you don't believe me oh you don't believe me okay okay

I'm gonna okay cool I'm gonna show you what okay cool alright so it's it's got three pictures

right here Eddie and it shows the door opening the guy walking in the guy spraying her. Yeah. What does it look like? Tell me. I mean, it looks like a police officer is doing this. He's got a white helmet and white gloves.

Oh, no, that's a dust mask on the top of his thing. My eyes are so bad these days. But yeah, no, he's definitely lighting her... I think we should make a comic strip out of it like Bill Keen would. I love how they have it all on video. So, we have three panels here. Imagine you're reading the Sunday comics. They're all pretty much the same thing.

Yeah. Jerome, what does that comic say? What is that story? My name's Jermaine. Jermaine. Jerome is the name of the murderer. And your brother. But you are Jerome for this situation.

Every black dude looks like a Jerome to me. All right, let's see. This Saturday. Every black person looks like a Jerome to me. Alright, let's see. Every black person looks like a Jamal to me. My little brother's name is Jamal, too. Is it really? You're the most unnamed Jerome and Jamal? Yes. Is your father named Bill Cosby?

What is wrong with you? What a fun sensation, though. Just like getting to firebomb somebody like that. That's a good time. Good for him. Good for him, indeed. All right. Are there other deaths unless we have anything else to talk about here?

How much time do you think he's going to get before we... Oh, he's done. He's done. But I will say this. 60 years. He will not be raped in prison. What are you in for? I fucking torched a gal down with gasoline, threw a melt-off cocktail on her, and then

I torched her down again. I bet torched a gal down with gasoline, threw a melt-off cocktail on her, and then I torched her down again. Except the elevator did a 12th floor. I bet he'll get raped. No, a badass fucking dude like that? No way. He's definitely insane. A man like that will always be able to bite him. Would you rather be in a fucking insane asylum

or prison? Insane asylum. No reason. Insane asylum. They treat you good, man. What do you mean you don't know? Have you ever seen Midnight Express? Have you ever seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest? It looked like a great time. I feel like you mean sneaking whores. I feel like people have a

misconception about what it's like to go to a place for the criminally insane. I feel like rapings and shit happen aplenty over in those places. Yeah, but they're all medicated. Yeah, yeah. They're subdued. And they put cottage cheese on their dick and rape you.

That's fine. At least it's loony. It's better than dry rape. That's the thing. At least that person who's raping you in asylum is not some prisoner. He's actually a guy. Yeah, they got status maybe like supervillains living there.

That's a good point. This guy's a doctor raping you, not some dirty-ass thug who's raping you. I'd rather have a doctor rape me than a... That's true. No, no, I agree. That's totally true. I mean, somebody... But you just said that.

A pebble maniac. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a really awesome thing to have happen. You made that decision to me. Totally. It's not too much. Not some doctor who's raping you. Yeah, tell me about optometry. Totally. Not so much. Yeah, tell me about

optometry. Exactly. It's pathetic to get raped by some dude who got caught stealing a Snickers bar in the three strikes and you're out rule.

You know, it's like you get raped by a fucking good optometrist. You're doing fantastic. You basically graduated, you know. I mean, you can sue him and then he can actually

afford to pay you. That's a good point. You don't have to burn him in an elevator. At least ask, were you a doctor? I'm good. I'm kind of doing okay. It is weird to think about. If you get raped by somebody who works in a pharmacy,

you're going to be like, well, that wasn't terrible. If you get raped by somebody who does low-level maintenance in a high school, you're like, I feel really ashamed. It's a big difference. What kind of rapist do you think you attract, buddy? Would you like... Me?

Eddie? Or Jackie? Oh, Jackie attracts all kinds. She's a beautiful woman. Yeah, I would say... I would say bigger men, I imagine, right? Big giant...

Not tiny guys. To try and get me to, like, put me down for my conference. No, I see tiny, spindly, little fucking... Please, please let me put it in. Just like a pencil man. in. Pencil man. Mr. Pencil. Yeah, men who

cut your Achilles tendon and then... Yeah, fuck my Achilles tendon. The human centipede doctor I can see totally trying to fuck you. Oh, yeah, yeah. I would want... I think you're more of a sound to the lambs type of girl. Can you help me move this couch like that? Put her in a...

Are you trying to say because I look like a size 14, he's going to cut off the skin of my back and wear it like a hat? I will say, fantastic diet, though. You're going to be really happy for the first eight weeks. You're like, I feel great. I feel happy. You know, he's going to murder me and take all my loose skin, but if I'm going to die, I might as well die beautiful.

I wonder if you could at least get plastic surgery to make me tighter afterwards. You can take the skin, just don't let me die. Take it in the front. But he only took back skin, so that wouldn't help me. I'm going to do the full body contour surgery on one of these days. Really? Yeah, and it will give Buffalo Bill all... Why would you do that?

You creep me the fuck out. Because I have loose skin. Would you say you're going to do back skin? A body contour surgery. Anyway, what's that? Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry. It's where they take you and they lift up your skin legs and they fucking shake them all out and they

pull down all your loose flesh on top and then they cut it all off and they staple you back together like you're some sort of scarecrow. I've never even heard of that. Yeah, there's plenty of people. Ben lost like, what, 150 pounds. He's got a lot of loose skin. So I got a loose, and I got a loose,

Jermaine, we're not all fucking made superior. We all were... Fucking... I don't understand how black people and German people aren't equally buff because theoretically we tried to breed ourselves better, you know? And it's like, it's pathetic that I am so fat and disgusting. But what? We were...

Because... Okay. It was... We were involuntarily... Little old fact about slavery. They killed a lot of the fat blacks and they kept the muscular ones. That's a fact. That's just a fact. All the involuntarily... The little old fact about slavery, they killed a lot of the fat blacks and they kept the muscular ones. That's just a fact.

All the fat Africans got... And then the Germans were like, oh, we're a superior race. We're going to murder all the fat ones of us. But for some reason, a couple of fucking chubbies stuck around and messed up my cesspool. But we were involuntarily made to have sex with each other. That's what they were trying to do. To make debris. Slavery?

No, I'm talking about Nazis. Oh, Germans. No, that's the thing. That's what they were trying to do. Slavery? No, I'm talking about Nazis. Oh, Germans. They didn't kill any of their own. I know, but they pretended like you were supposed to be in shape. But Ben, I just feel like I've seen my fair share of fat black people. I mean, nature finds its way.

I mean, you know, there's one. It's 200 years plus. I love that for a point. It's like the Jurassic Park part four. It's just huge black people. Nature finds a way. They're just like roaming through the forest. How much do we pay to come to this island?

What are we doing here? Yeah, that's the thing. Eating chicken poppers off the trees. Black people on an island. Hey, hey, hey. Another one. Oh, run, run. Yeah, that's like the T-Rex type of thing.

Hey, hey, hey. Shoot her! Shoot her! Where's the goat? Where's the goat? Oh, wow. That fat man ate that goat. That was hilarious.

Just get a big ass Jamaican. Beat the goat. This is disgusting. The goat's gone. It's just in a stew. Fucking curry goat. Yeah, yeah. Curry goat leg falls on a windshield.

Coco brand curry goat. Yeah, yeah, curry goat leg falls on a windshield. Coco brand curry goat. All right, and now it's time for a segment from Old McNeely. All right, we're doing the spelling bee. Spelling bee. Spelling bee. It's a fucking spelling bee. Oh, no. All right, Ed, we'll start with you.

Thank God. Let's get out of this. Okay. Please don't look at my sheet, people around me. Don't look at my sheet. Alright, the first word is shmegma. It's a noun.

No, that's absolutely a word. It's the goo between your balls. It is a white, cheesy substance secreted by the sebaceous glands that collects under the foreskin. Can you shmegma in a sentence for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does anybody know how to spell that word?

I know how to spell that word. I'm going for it. Yeah, yeah. I know how to spell that word. Susie found so much shmagma in Gerald's underpants that she puked for days. She found so much shmagma in Gerald's underpants that she puked for days. She found so much shmagma. Can I get a spelling of shmagma, please? You want me to spell it?

No one asked that. If you asked it at spelling bees, it would be a lot easier. I'll tell you what, it doesn't end with a T. Thanks. Shmagma, I'm actually going to go out on a limb here. I'm going to say S-C-H.

Ooh, I would say that too. M-E-S-H-M-E-G-M-A. Wrong! That's how I want to tell it to you, though. I was going to go with that too, man. It is S-M-E-G-M-A. Nah, man. That's Schegma.

He said smegma. No, no, no. He is correct because it is a Yiddish word. Yeah. Well, fuck you, man. Fuck you. That's kind of bullshit. Only the fucking Jews got smegma.

You never know. Yeah, Eddie. Yeah. You can't be very Yiddish. Yeah, yeah. I got it. You got words in it instead. I'm out, so I'm out now. You're out. That's it? All right, Eddie. Yeah. You can't be very Yiddish. Yeah, yeah. I can't be very Yiddish. All right. I'm out, so I'm out now.

You're out. That's it? All right, Jackie. Your word is... I'm going to get fucking high. We're all just going to get out. Yeah, I mean, no one's going to win this game. We don't even know what languages these words are in, man.

Well, you can ask. You've got to ask for... You're a fucking dickhole. I would have said Yiddish. You've got to ask for origin. Yeah, origin of words. You guys have never watched Spelling Bees, have you? No.

Or participated in them. We're fucking nerds. I want a Spelling Bees, have you? No, hell no Or participated in them You're fucking nerds I want a Spelling Bee, man Hey, hey, hey Alright, your word 96 Your word is autopederasty Autopederasty

It is the near impossible act of sticking your own dick in your own ass Ooh, alright Can I see a picture of it? I love how now you think you can spell it. Can you use it in a sentence? Sure. Oh boy, I tried out auto-pederasty.

I came in my ass. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Auto-pederasty. Pederasty. Is it a Y or is it an I? I don't know, is it a Y or is it an I? A-U-T-O Uh-huh Ped-erasty

It's O-T-T-O P-E-D E-R A-S-T-Y Correct! Correct! Correct! Wow! She got a dick!

She got a dick, man! I got a dick! I can do it! I can put it in any hole I got! Wait, can you put your dick in your belly button? Yeah, I do it all the time. Is that something you can do? This next one is for Kevin.

Ben Tyler? I'll do Ben next. I'm switching up the order. The word is cerebrates. It's a definition. Would you like a definition? Yeah, it's a definition, man. Cerebrates are secondary agents of the Zerg swarm,

each of which commands an individual brood of Zerg that possesses a distinct tactical role within the hierarchy. Daggith is the most strong-willed and ferocious of the Cerebrates. Is this like a video game thing? This is a StarCraft question. Cerebrates. C-E-R-E-B-R-A-T-E Cerebrates

Oh, Brates Oh, yeah Yeah Very good And for a bonus Spell Dagoth Yeah Oh, shit

If you want to get ahead of the game Oh, I don't know what this bonus is D-A-G-G-U-T-H No O-T-H O-T-H Pass on to the nextT-H. O-T-H. Pass on to the next round. How the fuck don't you know how to spell dag?

That's the easiest word ever. Who's next? Let's go with you, Ben. Okay. I feel very good about it. Alright, it is Nyotai Mori. No! I'm not going to spell it right. It is often referred to as body sushi.

It's the practice of eating sashimi or sushi from the body of a woman, typically naked. That would be awesome. Think about the word. I bet you can do this. It looks like it sounds. Nyotai mori. Mori. Nyotai. Nyotai moriotai Mori. Mori. Nyotai Mori.

Nyotai Mori. K-N-O-W-T-I-E-M-A-U-R-Y. Nyotai Mori. Absolutely not. Wow. Nyotai Mori. That was extremely wrong. The correct spelling is N-Y-O-T-A-I-M-O-R-I.

Oh, I would have had it. You were really close. All right, Jermaine. Give one to you. Let's go with Gonguzler. Gonguzler? Gonguzler. I'm going to go ahead and say Gonguzler.

Hey, where did the goose go? Gonguzler. Gonguzler. I'm going to go ahead and say... Hey, where did the goose go? Gone Goosler. Gone Goosler. It is a person who sits and stares at activity in a canal. Interesting. He's gone Goosler. Oh, so he's boring. It is a noun.

Yeah, I've definitely gone Goosled before. It's the rubbernecker of canals. Interesting. Rubbernecker. You know that guy looks like a Filipino? Gone Goosler. Here we go. Gone Goosler. It's going to be terrible G

O N G U E S L E R Very close But not correct It is G O N G like a gong O O Z Like the ooze from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles L E R close, but not correct. It is G-O-N-G like a gong. O-O-Z

like the ooze from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. L-E-R. Alright, so now we're down to Kevin and Jackie. I like the way you went with that one, though. It was close. It was very close. You should never do a spelling bee again. I like it. Alright, Jackie.

We're going for the final round. For the final round. For the final round. Teratophilia. Jesus. Teratophilia is the sexual attraction to deformed or monstrous people. So you're saying I have this. I suffer

from teratophilia. Well, if I were to say in this sentence, I would say, or the people who fuck you suffer from teratophilia. Yeah, my usage in a sentence was, oh, hey, that guy who had teratophilia kept talking I've been at the bar all last night. And I'm assuming this is of Latin descent as well? Yeah.

Right? Yes, yes it is. Okay. Teratophilia. Teratophilia. T-E-R-A-T-O-P-H-I-L-I-A. Yes! Nailed it!

She got a dick! She got a dick! What? All right, Kevin. Y'all wouldn't even know where to start with that. I had to give you some props. Damn it. Thanks.

Kevin, your word is babulsitate. It means to cry like a cowboy. That's awesome! That's a great word. Babulsitate Babulsitate That's so specific Babulsitate Babulsitate

Babulsitate By the way, cowboys tend to wail more than they cry More than they babulsitate That's it exactly That is it exactly Cowboys tend to wail more than they cry. More than they babulsitate. That's it exactly. That is it exactly. They're incapable of boo-hooing. They can't boo-hoo.

No boo-hooing. They just scream. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Shit, man. Damn. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Babulsitate. Shit, man.

Damn. Babulsitate. Kevin. B-A. No, that's not how you spelled it last time. I don't know, man. I don't know why they made me do it again. I didn't hear it.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Talk to her again. Just do it again. Just do it again. All right. B-A.

You're wrong. You're wrong. Yeah, yeah. It's impossible, man. You were very close. All right. B-A-B-U. You're wrong. Yeah, yeah. It's impossible, man. You were very close. B-U-B-U-L. He went B-U-L. I said B-U-B-U-L.

He did say that. I said that. Yeah, but then you said I. You need a new word. That was bullshit. You said all right. I said B-U-B-U-L. But then you said S instead of C later on.

No, no. The competition has been rigged. He definitely said S. All right. Jackie won! Jackie won! What? Jackie's going to win it.

I won. Suck that dick. Hell yeah, man. I sucked that dick. I got a dick. All right. Well, that's been the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Holy Lord, what a fun educational episode for Jackie Zabrowski and Larson.

Chaos Raids! I win! I win! I win! I win! No one else wins Only I win Fuck you, fuck you

I'll let you have one I will say before we go I want to go on the record Where Ben was like, hey, let's just talk about elevators the entire time I'm like, no, we can't talk about elevators the entire time We did it, buddy We talked about elevators the entire time You called it, Ben

Oh yeah Well, we'll talk to you next week Merry Christmas You called it, Ben. You called it. Oh, yeah. Well, we'll talk to you next week. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Are we taking the week off next week? Yeah, we are. I'm going home.

All right. All right. So we're taking the week off. We'll be back for New Year's. Are we doing a big New Year's one like last year? Why not? All right. Yeah.

All right. Sounds good. Sounds fun. Don't take elevators. Yay. Get out of here, Jermaine. Fine. Or is it Jerome?

Or Jamal? Okay. I've nippled on you.