The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 8: Blood Has Been Spilt

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

It’s fire and murder aplenty on this, the eighth episode of the Roundtable of Gentlemen! It’s summer and kids are killin’ their families, sons are killin’ their mothers, and Iranians are keeping gay genies chained up in the basement.

Are we starting? Yes. Yeah. Oh, okay. Welcome to the Roundtable, gentlemen. As with us as always on the Roundtable, who do we got there? It's a vagina. Jackie Zabrowski.

Couple of dicks, couple of dicks. Who's the dicks? Ed Larson. Welcome to another episode of Beating the Heat with Holden McNeely. That's a good spinoff show. I got the spinoff show in the show. It's fucking hot,

right? Blah! Sweating bowels. And I'm Kevin Barnett, a.k.a. Let Them Kids Know About Me. Holla.

That is a very creepy, pedophilia-yak thing to say. I'm Ben Kissel, and with us as always the newsman Marcus Parks. Parxus, Marxus, what do you got for us? What I got for us is an extremely fucked up story from Staten Island.

No, no, no, you've got to be joking. Staten Island, a fucked up story? I doubt that. Known also, a.k.a. Shaolin. Bow, bow. What happened in the beautiful Staten Island? A 14-year-old kid slit the throat of his mom and his two little sisters. Bow, bow. What happened in the beautiful Staten Island? 14-year-old kid slit the throat of his mom and his two little sisters, then set the house on fire.

That'll teach you don't fuck up cooking a pot pie for that young boy. He had football practice that night. He needed his carbs and his protein and his meats and his cheeses. Yeah, I'm sure he was a jock that was, like, super popular. He had all the friends in the world. That's why he was like, I got all my fucking homeboys backing me here. I've got a lot of couches to sleep on. I've got all the friends that I need. I'm gonna kill my mother and my sister.

Who needs those fucking bitches? I heard that he set the house on fire and then slit his own throat. Did I get my facts from my son? Did you just insert that yourself? He did slit his own throat, that's right. They found him with a straight razor. But he did chop his sister's and his mother's head off.

Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Just slit their throats. Just slit their throats. Oh, okay. Let's sign that down. Reasonable. Fucking amateur hour here.

And then he put the house ablaze. Yeah. And they were all three in the house when they went up in flames? Oh, yeah. Wow, that's unbelievable. Yeah, and they just found just the remnants of a suicide note. And all it says is, I'm sorry. That's all they have.

Does that really cover it at this point? I'm sorry? That's not going to get the job done. No. That's the thunder rolling, ladies and gentlemen. Thunderstorm. It's going to start storming. This boy is coming back to haunt us. He's going thunder rolling, ladies and gentlemen. Thunderstorm. He's gonna start storming. This boy is coming back to haunt us.

He's gonna be happy to do this podcast. If I see Eddie's throat just open up a gape and blood start gushing out and hitting Holden in the face, the ghost of Razor Boy past is gonna fucking murder us all. Welcome to another episode of Thunders Asunder with Holden McNeely.

Holden, you can't stop changing the show for you. I'm just doing these spin-offs, man. Working on these side projects. It's like you have to be with us, Holden. This is the round table. It's just, you know, I just feel like I need to branch out a little bit. I need to, you know, stretch out my options, kind of like try new things. Can I be your co-host?

What the fuck is happening? No, we are together in this show. Welcome to the next episode of Banging in the Basement with Ed Larson. How you doing, everybody? Why is it Banging in the Basement? Because you got Ed. I want nothing to do with banging in the basement.

Is that all right? Can I extricate myself more? Someone's turning over a new leaf. I'm doing it. It's not called Not Willing to Bang in the Basement but Still Getting Banged Anyway in the Basement. That would be the Jackie Zebrowski special. Eddie, you're real pissed off at your mom

and you're pissed off at your sister. Do you kill them, slash their throat, and light the place ablaze? What do you do? I don't have any sisters, so. But no, there's a thing. Well, okay, so it's... Okay, well, you do have a mother.

Would you kill her then? No, no, no. You can't go that far, but the idea of killing your mother is like, I do have a mother, so yes, I would kill her. I couldn't kill her. She's got diabetes. Yeah. God's killing her.

Yeah, yeah. Cake is really what is killing her. No, man. Yeah, you never know. I'm very, very proud of that kid, though. I mean, what do you think? How old was he? 14.

14. So his name was CJ. Oh, of course. CJ. That's why. Come job. Come job. He actually has course. That's why. That's why. Tell him the job. He actually has kind of a badass name, CJ Jones.

Ooh. Sexy. He's just a white guy, Puerto Rican guy, black guy, Hispanic guy. Sounds awful black. Hey, I was thinking Casey Jones, white, CJ Jones, you never know. Casey Jones is a fictional character. Yeah. He's also white. And Casey Jones is a fictional character Yeah He's also white

So And Casey Jones is real To my heart I bet he was on Accutane though I imagine He was probably on Accutane What's Accutane? Accutane is this

Horrible pimple drug That makes you fucking go crazy Yeah Oh I was in a band With a girl That was on Accutane And she was the lead singer

At the same time Imagine fucking crazy On top of crazy No on top of crazy. No. On top of crazy. What was her shit? That was my question. Yeah, I mean, I guess having the pimples is what initially drives you crazy, and then you get this

medicine that makes you clear-faced. So now you're just a bitch. Like, if you're ugly and crazy, people are like, well, she gets tormented. But if you're hot and crazy, you're like, oh, she's just a cunt. This guy actually wasn't the only person this week to set his house on fire with his mother inside. Wow. I do want to say with this 14-year-old kid, though,

I don't think that he would have gone to prison necessarily if he would have just not killed himself. What insanity. I mean, look at Michael Myers. This is... This is... Second fictional example. No, no, no.

Not in my world. Not in my world. He could have been the true Michael Myers. He would have gone to a loony bin. He would have had his own Dr. Loomis who would have treated him

and treated him. He maybe fell in love with making fake hands or something like that. It doesn't necessarily have to be masks. And the papier-mâché hands he would make,

that was what he would kill people with. In like 20 years, I'm saying, this kid should have thought ahead and fucking really made a legacy for himself.

Or it would just be like that's what he thought would conceal his identity was putting fake hands over his real hands but he still had his face exposed so it wouldn't really work as well. The gloves.

Yeah, he's the glove man. He's the glove killer. It's like Sticky Bandits. It's not gonna work, you know? Ooh, Sticky Bandits. Yeah, Home Alone reference. It's a good reference. Isn't it the...

Don't they do something with water too? They were the flooding bandits in the first one. The flooding too? They were the flooding bandits in the first one. The flooding bandits. They were the wet bandits. Why are we filling the sink with water? We're the wet bandits, man.

We don't do that. We're not the wet bandits. And now we know every house they hit. I mean, we should just do that for the show. Quoting movies with Holden and Jackie. I have a dream.

Quoting speeches that don't apply to him. Speeches that are actually raging against his philosophies. You know that, Ed? That's a good idea. What's this other psycho who burnt down a home? He was 43. Much older. Good life. No, no, no. 46. His name was 43. Much older. That's a good life.

No, no, no. 46. His name was Gary. Of course. That's it. And they were... Him and his mother were living in a home

that was foreclosed on. So Gary boarded up all the windows with plywood from the inside. Ooh, but we're all zombies. And when they tried

to evict them, he set the house on fire. With the mom in it? With him and the mom in it. So basically, did she know about this? Was she in on it? I mean, they're both dead. They don't know.

He just saved them thousands of dollars on having to demolish that house for themselves. It's true. You can't evict them if the house is gone. So really, it's reasonable, I feel. That's a haunted fucking house, though. I feel bad for the real estate agent who had to sell that shitty thing she looks in the mirror

I'm gonna sell this house like fucking that one biatch in American Beauty American Beauty yeah I remember one time

I was at Baltimore but somebody did die here you have to say that oh yeah yeah absolutely I was in Baltimore one time and I saw this whole place

had been burned down it was horrible it was the nicest house on the street though which is the craziest thing about Baltimore. Baltimore, it doesn't matter. It could be raining and there's ten fires.

You know, there's always a fire in Baltimore. Just a couple of dudes having s'mores outside being like, this is fantastic. It's another barbecue. Yeah, but they were looking out and there was all these half-burnt toys out there on the street and shit. It was the saddest. That's the most haunted place on earth. Oh, yeah. All those fresh spirits just running around.

Especially in the wake of Toy Story 3. I mean, those were Woody's. Those were Buzz Lightyear's. Those were people with feelings, those young toys. Dead now. They're all fucking dead. It's devastatingly sad. So what was the cops' reaction to that?

What did they do? Well, the thing is that the front door was barricaded with cases of ceramic tile. So no one was getting in there. And they heard... They should have tiled that fucking floor and they wouldn't have been evicted. They heard gunshots and then the house exploded. Ooh. So what did he shoot?

What do you shoot in your house to make it... Shoot the stove, bro. Turn on the gas. Yeah, yeah. Ba-ba-ba-ba-booms. That's pretty cool. That's a great way to go out. I'm sorry. You literally can just blow up a house by shooting the stove. Yeah, yeah. Ba-ba-ba-ba-booms. That's pretty cool. That's a great way to go out. I'm sorry.

Isn't that what you do? You literally can just blow up a house by shooting the stove? Oh, yeah. You put the gas all on. You open a gas line. Hell yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow.

You can just open a gas line and strike a match anywhere. I like that he was scientific about it. He knew what he was doing. He definitely wanted to murder the house along with his mother and himself. That's for sure. And they lived there for decades. It was his wife, right? Not his mother. It was his mom. She was

83 and he was 46. He might have been tagging it. Yeah, I guarantee you he was fucking his mother. We live in different times, man. Absolutely. We're free. We're open, you know? Let your kids fly, parents. Let your kids fly the coop. Otherwise, they're crazy. And they're also from Reno.

Of course. Everyone is crazy in Reno. That's where my father lives. Well, sorry. That's why it's that line, I shot a stove in Reno, watched my house burn down. Oh, yeah. Famous song by Johnny Thunderwood.

Native American fellow. He grew up in Reno Territory, back when it was a territory, of course. So he was really old. How long are you going to do it? I don't know! Largest hands in the world at the time when he wrote that song.

Four-foot hands. Yeah, four-foot hands. He could hug you without using his arms. I toured the Native American Museum. Right now, I'm taking the motion with his hands for a radio. It's just pretty hilarious. We'll show a pic. We'll put a pic up.

We'll put it on fucking Facebook, you fucking Facebook faggots. Whoa, hello. What is going on with you, Holden, man? I don't know, man. I'm faggot at another week, dude. Raging against Facebook. Just all this talk about burning houses down, you know? It's just like, oh, it just gets me hard in like a weird way.

I don't know why. I don't know how I was brought up. I don't remember that phase of my life. I don't care to burst into it with psychology. What's new on the news? News segment. You can't segue from your psychoness. I'm going to murder my family, so what's going on?

Actually, I can segue into the psychoness. Here's another story of a parent and a sibling. Is it summertime that brings these people out? It's so fucking hot. No, everyone goes crazy. Six million ways to die. Choose out? It's so fucking hot. Everyone goes crazy. Six million ways to die. Choose one. I'm super fucking hot.

I'm going to slice my mother's head off. I get it. That's one. Well, this was actually in Iran where it's always hot. A father locked up his son in the basement for years because he thought that he was possessed by an evil female genie. Did that evil female genie just want whenever his son was like, I'm very very hungry, he's like, that's the evil female

genie! She's making you hungry as hell. No, the guy actually spoke in a female's voice. It was gay. It was gay, yeah. Gay and probably crazy. And able to grant wishes. So what happened?

I wish not to be an ironic. That's a creeper joke. It takes a little bit. You gotta smoke on it a little bit and then you get it. I wish I wasn't shackled up in my basement. Well, you must be a genie then. That's not gonna get you out of here. So what happened to the son?

I mean, how fucked up is he? Well, actually... he's fine. He's well adjusted. He's living in a two-room basement with nine other family members. In Staten Island. They moved him right to Staten Island. No, no, no. Four other family members in Mecca.

Because this guy was locked down in the basement on the advice of a Muslim cleric who told the father that he needed to be chained down and have a Quran read to him for six years. Wow, well that is great advice. And his name is Turkey. That's kind of adorable.

I love Turkey. You can just see him waddling around with the chain. Give me out! Give me out! Give me out! Give me out! Give me out! Oh, poor Turkey.

Poor little Turkey boy. I would have loved that little bastard. Oh, man, imagine having a dumb brother named Turkey. Oh, yeah. Where's Turkey at? Oh, he's in the basement. He's always in the basement. He couldn't say nothing to you, man.

Shut the fuck up, turkey. Your name is fucking turkey. I'm going to eat you in a sandwich. It's terribly humiliating. It's so much worse than the boy named Sue. It's like, I'm the boy named after an animal that we eat every day. The father, what he said when they finally found the boy is that he is unable to talk and cannot harm anyone. He's like a turkey.

So it worked. Was it a round basement so he wouldn't get stuck in the corner and die? That's nice. Where's PETA on this one? Also, the guy is married. So his wife didn't seem to have a problem with this. Mama Dukes didn't help out the kid. How old was the kid again?

29. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He was 29. He's a boy. So he locked him in at what age? He was 23 when he locked him in? Yeah. How do you go down there at 23?

Why go downstairs and get locked up? Don't you start fighting when you're like, oh, I'm going to be tied to a radiator for the next few years. He's just so fucked up because his name was Turkey. Oh, he was just so weak. Hey, Sonny's going to go in his basement for 16. All right, well, I guess I to be tied to a radiator for the next six years. He's just so fucked up because his name was Turkey. Oh, he's just so weak. Hey, Sonny's going to go in his basement for six years. All right, well, I guess I'm not going to do that. That's what Turkey's doing. I guess that's what Turkey's doing.

He probably got married because he flew the coop. Hey. I don't even know if that makes sense. That's the joke of the week. Woo! Woo! Woo! Joke of the week.

All right. We've got a real barn burner today. Starting it off fresh. It's a house burner barn burner. Speaking of the weeks, I'd like to introduce a new segment here on the Roundtable of Gentlemen. Pedophile of the week. Ladies and gentlemen. Bing, bing, bing, bing.

Pedophile. Squirt, squirt. Of the week. and pedophile of the week. France. In France, there's a soccer player who pretty much got into the same trouble as Lawrence Taylor. Is it pedophilia in French?

In France? Does pedophilia exist in France? I thought that was just called love. Romance and love. I thought Serge Gainsbourg got rid of all that years ago. They've actually been busted for having sex with underage prostitutes who they could have sworn were legal.

Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. How old were they? Yeah, and how many? I mean, what's going on over there? They're like 16, 17. And there's two of them, and there was a few. That's close enough, though.

I feel like 16, 17, that's a lot. I mean, it's not like they're five. Well, how old were the guys fucking? If the guys that were fucking them were 18 and they were 17, that might be acceptable, but how old were these dudes fucking the 16, 17-year-olds? 27 and 22. Oh, you would do that.

No, no one would do that. No rational 22-year-old man would have sex with a 17-year-old girl knowingly. That's like five years younger than that. Yeah, but those are big five years. You could be in the same... If you were a senior, they could be a freshman. Yeah, but I think 18 and 13, they might be able to be a little bit more closer,

but 18, 22, 23, those worlds are so different. I don't know, man. 18 and 13... I think that's much worse. 18 and 13 is way worse. Well, that's a freshman in high and 13 is way worse. That's a lot worse. Well, that's a freshman in high school. It's a really smart freshman and a really dumb senior.

Fuck. 18, 13. Or a really fine-ass freshman. Fine-ass freshman. Like the smartest 18-year-old alive. Exactly. And back home, these guys, what the girls would do when starting at like 13 or 14. In Texas.

Starting about 13 or 14, these guys that were in their 20s would start picking off the girls. Like guys that were like. Like with a gun, shooting them in the head like they were zombies? No, they would like,

they would like date them and control them. They were 20 and they'd date these 13 year old girls? Some of them were as old as like 25 or 30. Yeah. These girls that you hung out with?

Not really. We kind of hated those guys because we couldn't. Because they never picked you. Why doesn't Big Bobby Riggs like me? Well, it's like I get older and they go. Stay the same age. That's the quote. No, they go away.

That was the quote. Daisy Confused, that's the quote you're trying to make and you're not doing well. No, I'm talking Dances with Wolves is what I was doing. But they only stay the same age because you murder them when they're 13. Yeah. So they're never, never not 13. Smoke weed every day. What happened to those people in Texas parks?

Did people, like, was that fine? That was like a normal thing? Yeah. Everyone was happy that old Brandy got a nice old man who worked at the mill? Yeah. Well, I mean, actually, yeah, nice old man who worked at the mill? Yeah. Well, I mean, actually, yeah, cotton mill. Or cotton gin would be the fact. Ah, Eli Whitney.

Yeah. The winner of the cotton gin. I remember him, yeah. And the Native Americans called corn maize. Oh, yeah. I toured the Native American Museum today with my young lady. Oh, did you? Really?

And I found out that horses did not exist on this continent. They became extinct until Christopher Columbus came by. Which is shocking. I always thought the natives just always had horses, but they never did. Also with Christopher Columbus, it was that and rapes. Yeah, they brought rape.

Yeah, rape was a great import from Europe. It's the best one. See, I want to talk about rape right now, but Ed laid down the law. Yeah, Jackie, I think you should never talk about rape again. I'm not allowed to talk about rape anymore. No, no, what did I tell you? I'm allowed to talk about rape one time on the podcast.

Once an hour, forever, rape is funny. Okay. I'm not choosing this time, though, so stay tuned. You did it. You said the word. It counts. choosing this time, though, so stay tuned. No, you already did that. You said the word. It counts. No, that doesn't count. I wasn't talking about them.

I can't say it. It better be gold, Jackie. I know. I've got to wait for it. That last podcast. So many women yelled at me for that last podcast. It was like, that was the woman. I don't know what to tell you.

Girls, that's our girl. She just loves it there when she doesn't want it. What's her name? Let's shame her. Shame hour. Shame corner. Someone hit her with some lettuce. Oh, oh. So refreshing. So the pedophile of the week is the soccer player

from France. Actually, our first pedophile of the week, two pedophiles. Uh-oh. Double teamer. Double whammy. And they also... That sounded like Turkey. He was locked up in Iran. And they also waited until after the World Cup to charge

him. Oh, wow. Soccer players, yeah. Wow, so they let him play? They let him try to win first? Yeah. Well, actually, they didn't wait to charge. The investigation was delayed delayed i love that we always think the football players and pro basketball players are all rapists and shit but really they're just fine like european soccer players get away with murder literally and rape literally they're just like fine with it well there was a jason williams shot his limo driver in the chest and got away with it yeah he's like

oh i was just you just playing with my shotgun. And that was actually, they were like, oh, okay. They were like, oh, yeah, of course. She's having a good time. There was a dude in my hometown of Stevens Point who had a drinking party. He was 17. He was a real razzmatazz.

He used to listen to music relatively loud. And it was rad music, even. God, those razzmatazz get you every fucking time. Every time. He shot a person, shot a gal in the face, and killed her at you every fucking time. Every time. He shot a person, shot a gal in the face, and killed her at one of these parties. Everybody left. He had a lockdown for like four or five hours. We had to go to my grandmother's house because it was like right next to the street.

A gunshot goes off. He shoots himself with a shotgun in the head. Doesn't die. The dude's still in prison for murder, and he's never going to get out, and he just has a half face. I guess at least he's not getting fucked by T-Bone. And that is a devastating story. Yeah, I saw it. You saw the girl get shot in the face?

No, I didn't see it. I didn't see it, but I knew everybody that was involved. And so I knew the girl that got shot in the face. And they were all older than me. But, yeah. Is there, like, a category on iTunes that's like comedy horror or like comedy sad? Sad comedy. There's like two of you in your small town fucking crazy shit.

That's what happens. It's small towns, man. Fucked up shit happens there all the time. The second amendment should be repealed. Nobody should have a gun anywhere because everybody is retarded. Or at least you can't have a gun. Like guns should have little blood alcohol sensors like a Lindsay Lohan bracelet or something. So if you pull the trigger and you're drunk, it just doesn't go off. Or at least you can't have a gun. Like, guns should have little blood alcohol sensors like a Lindsay Lohan bracelet or something.

So if you pull the trigger and you're drunk, it just doesn't go off. But what if someone attacks you while you're drunk? You've got to fucking use your drunk power. Bite their neck off. Yeah. Be a man about it. I knew a kid who shot another kid accidentally. And that guy walks with a limp.

He shot him in the head And actually survived And it's 50 Cent He has a great rap career And he's a vitamin water spokesperson No, but he's black Hey! Good for him He calls his limp his pimp walk

Really the pimp walk But it's more like I got shot in the head By a friend walk It's not going to do with him getting girls at all I can't imagine he actually gets a lot of girls. Actually, he does. He does okay. He's a very good looking man.

Oh, perfect. Very charismatic. Always down for a craps game. Jenna, where's Sugar Dick? I'm just chilling. Sugar Dick. Lick a dick, dude. I'm going to add that to the vocabulary.

Sugar Dick? Yeah. I'm a Sugar Dick, baby. And the guy that shot him, his parents ran the local funeral home. He was just trying to get business. Oh, yeah. That's a fucking scam. I had a buddy back in seventh grade who got shot in the head playing cops and drug dealers.

Well, what the fuck kind of game is that? Usually children's games are like fantasy to real life, but this was like, we're just going to play like it's real life. Yeah, you know, ridiculous, man. Just took them out. It was real crazy. I don't mean to go back to the thing before this, but that's a great fucking horror movie plot.

A funeral home that's about to go out of business, so the crazy, fucked-up son goes out. I totally agree. Starts murdering people all over the town. It kind of sounds like orphan, though. It kind of sounds similar to orphan. No, it's not at all like orphan. No, it's fucked up and stupid.

Oh, in that way. No, I think that sounds like a great idea. Revenue business. I mean, that's what you gotta do. It's like if you run a car lot, you start slashing tires, siphoning gas, puncturing fucking AC units, shit like that. It's like if you run a car lot, you start slashing tires, siphoning gas, puncturing fucking, you know, AC units, shit like that.

You get more people into your used car lot. Chaos. Murder. You got yourself a funeral home. You got to start fucking beheading some kids. That's why. It's like how farmers had a whole bunch of children to work the fields. Funeral home people have a whole bunch of children to, you know, get them dead people.

Yeah. And make them dead. Oh, yeah. It's a great idea for. It's like Motel Hell, actually, quite a bit. What's Motel Hell? Motel Hell is where everyone would come into this motel, they would treat them terribly,

and then eventually they ended up planting them in their backyard, and then they harvested their heads. Nice. They grew new heads? Well, they grew new, yeah. The heads were there, and then, I don't know if they necessarily bred new people out of the ground, but yeah, then they would just take their heads. It was fantastic.

Sounds great. Out of five stars? I'm going to give it one star. Wow. On like the normal person scale. On like a psychopathic like I love to watch people die. Six out of five. Six out of five.

Easy. No one else in the world would like that movie So it's quite the gruesome summer so far It really is And in addition to that The animals are dying off Hundreds of penguins washed up on the shore of Brazil They all starved to death

How'd they get to Brazil? There's penguins in Brazil I don't know if I said this last week or if I said it post or precast, but hottest recorded year since they've started recording heat. Yeah, right. Since they've started recording temperature. 18 years now. We've still been going up every, for the past 18 years, we're just on that steady incline.

But global warming isn't real, though, so you need to get it out of your head. It's not real. It's a big fake lie. Yeah, it's a big fake lie. You need it if you believe it. I agree. Kevin, what are your thoughts on global warming isn't real, though, so you need to get it out of your head. It's not real. It's a big fake lie. Yeah, it's a big fake lie. You're an idiot if you believe it. I agree. Kevin, what are your thoughts on global warming? Exactly what I just said. You're an idiot.

I think that's like the overall response to global warming deniers. They're always just like, oh, you're an idiot. Oh, you're an idiot. So why don't you like global warming? Why don't you believe in it? Oh, I was just kidding. I was being sarcastic. No, I know, because I'm an idiot.

Oh, you're an idiot. It was like a play. It was kind of like you guys did kind of play. But then I was just kidding. I was being sarcastic. No, I know because I'm an idiot. Oh, you're an idiot. It was like a play. It was kind of like you guys did kind of play. But then it didn't work. Yeah, I didn't. No, I fell through. I fell through on it. I used to not believe.

I just started coming around to finally believing. Really? I used to really not believe. Just because I used to hold on to this one fact that in 1902 it didn't snow in New York City. So I was like, oh, it's fine. It just happens. Yeah, yeah. But no, no, it's it's fine. It just happens. Yeah, yeah. But no, no, it's hot as fuck.

Yeah. Blackie weather, man. Yeah, but ask this question in the middle of winter. No one believes in global warming. Well, it's true. Yeah, but tomorrow, it feels like temperature's like 103. I can't deal with it. Especially like, man, like the hot town summer in the city.

That song, I think about it all the time because you can feel the dirt of the city in the heat. It's ridiculous. That song was inspired by a summer in the city that was like fucking eight times cooler than the summer in the city we're living now. We can't even sing now. With the cold thing, it's like, by the way, it's like one guy had the lame term global weirding,

but it's like the cold is weird, too. It's not just that it's super hot. It's just when people start wearing pants as shirts as shirts as pants. Global weirding. Man, I'll tell you what. I sweat so much, I have no idea how I'm this fat. It just doesn't make any sense. How do I sweat gallons and pounds every day?

Just nothing. I still look the same disgusting person. During the entire summer months, I just feel like one of those lamb gyro sticks that they shred at the gyro place. I just feel like a sweaty piece of lamb meat. The worst is being hungover because I smelled like whiskey all

day, like sweat whiskey. You know? A little whiskey pop. Everyone's licking you on the subway, homeless people. I have 50 cents for a lick? You're giving me money, homeless person? Well, y'all have been the victims of some summer heat madness. Oh, yeah. Summer heat madness.

I don't think so. Maybe that's what's going on with the old Mel Gibson these days. Oh, Mel Gibson. Oh, man, it's got payback at the house. I'm going to watch it later tonight. I'm so excited. I fucking love Payback. I love that Eddie is like the fucking total point where it's like

no press is bad press. Because as soon as this Gibson shit broke, Eddie's like I need to watch all of his movies. This man's incredible. The newest thing to come out, he said, I want Jew blood on my hands. That's what he said. It's so over the top.

It's almost like pro wrestling at this point. That's what he said. I mean, it's so over the top. It's almost like pro wrestling at this point. It is. It is. He said that he wants the person, it was the guy that runs TMZ.

He said that he wanted him to be taken out to the desert. I hate Harvey Levin. I'm with Gibson on this one. Fuck Harvey Levin. You see,

he wanted to be taken to the desert, stripped naked, kneecapped, and then left to die. Wow. Whoa, that's amazing. and then left to die. Wow. Whoa, that's amazing. I'm back on the Gibson train.

I mean, the Jew blood thing is a little... A little much of the Jew blood. A little much of the Jew blood. But he definitely said those words, Jew blood. Like, he said those... Jew blood. I want Jew blood. Actually, this one, they don't have recordings of.

It's allegedly said. Oh, okay. But, no, he said it. I'm going to go ahead and say that's fact. Well, I will say, if he's talking about Harvey Levin, I'm with him. I can totally see in a drunken rage, you just got like fucking flagged down by 50 TMZ

reporters. He was probably just infumed by it, enraged, and he was like, fuck that Jew. Although really it should have just been like, fuck that lawyer. He should have wanted lawyer blood on his hands. I just feel like what he's saying is very calculated. You know, like, is he that stupid? Even if he's crazy, he can't be

that stupid that he's saying this shit. But Jackie, what would be the calculation? I'm going to say this Jew bloodline. Publicity. Think of all the anti-Jews there are in this fucking country. Yeah, but how many are acting and making fucking movies that make money? Well, I guess Jews are the ones that control everything.

They don't hurt it. No, that's for sure. William Morris dropped him, I think. Yes, William Morris dropped him. Now he's falling apart. Man, he's a shell of a human being. I guess he'll never be out of work then. Mr. Gibson, if you're listening, I will put you in any murder for sketch.

I'm down. Five bucks. Five bucks. Five bucks. Holden will write you an amazing scene. Everything will be perfect. Party the Christmas blowjob. Good one.

Yeah, that was really good. So we got, can we do, we're gonna do a little, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think Holden wanted to do a little freestyle. Is that what this is about?

Well, can I just set this up? Sure. All right. Freestyle time. We all know it's like I've had a rough time growing up. Concrete jungle. What? Can I have them?

Can I have them? Okay, he grew up in North Carolina. Okay, but it wasn't North Carolina. It's such a wood jungle, if anything. An actual jungle. All right. It's like I decided to go gatless. People have the gats.

People have the guns That's gat And it's like Everybody is coming at me Trying to feel me up Like grabbing on me Which I don't even understand why that's a part of the streets But it is

And I just like So I started freestyling I've been working on this shit for a little while, so we're going to give it a go. This is Bad Bitch Mama with the Beats. Ladies and gentlemen, Bad Bitch Mama with the Beats. And I am... You're doing it. I'm fuck.

Oh, you're fuck. Yeah. Okay. Boom, boom, ch, boom, boom, boom, ch. Boom, boom, ch, boom, boom, boom, ch. Yeah. Boom, boom, ch, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, So many times. Boop, boop. Right? Not. Don't ride. Boop, boop. Flat.

Flapjack. Boop, boop. What? Why are you fucking stopping my shit? I was just getting to my main shit. I was getting all the way to my main shit. Hey, just got past pancakes, man. All right.

I didn't even get to lunch. Do you want to give it another shot? Do you want to try another one? Fuck? Do you want to give it another shot? Do you want to try another one? Fuck Do you want to do it? Alright, okay Grabbing on you Ah, finally

I know you No So you need Turkey sandwich Finally I know You get it So you need... Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, On the streets. Rush Limbaugh's had four hours on air for 20 years, and nothing has ever been that tainted and disgusting ever over the airwaves. If there's producers out, if there are people listening to this that want to sign, I'm not signed. I will sign.

So, Barnett, what did you think about that? I mean, that's probably one of the worst things I've ever heard. But we all know, I mean, come on. I mean, well, see, I know some niggas from North Carolina that could run some shit. That was not representative of North Carolina, man. No, I mean, where I'm from, Charlotte, you know. Kevin, what do they usually talk about? What do rappers usually talk about in North Carolina?

What would be the streets terms in North Carolina? I mean, there's a lot going on out there. A lot of stuff happening. They got the helicopter song. You know, the area codes. Whip it around your head like it's a helicopter. I got hoes! Yeah, that one.

Different area codes you're talking. I didn't talk about hoes, did I? No, you didn't talk about hoes, man. That wasn't North Carolina? I thought he screams North Carolina in it. That's the one thing

about hip hop. It always tells you where they're from, when it is, and who's rapping. Area codes thrown out. 1994, North Carolina! I got my man C-Rob!

The only thing that rap songs lie about is how much money they have in their pockets. That's pretty much it. And that's what I always wondered is like, how are they immediately rapping about how much money they have when it's like their first hit? Yeah, especially as like people in the entertainment business are like, you have nothing until you have everything. And I know you have nothing because you're nobody yet. I know you don't have all this money and these rims and shit. Like, you are trying to make this record.

Like, you're trying to sell this record to get that money. Like, I mean, I guess they just make it up. They should just be more reasonable and be like, I got DirecTV in my home. Yeah. Like, oh, that's believable. I saved up and I got DirecTV. You have 80 bucks extra a like, I got DirecTV in my home. Yeah. I'd be like, oh, that's believable. I saved up and I got DirecTV. You have 80 bucks extra a month. Yeah. DirecTV.

You know, here's something weird. Black couple in Africa just gave birth to a white, blonde-haired baby. It's called an albino. Why is this like... No, it's not an albino. It's not an albino. It's a full-on white kid. And what's the reasoning? What did they say about it? Jesus Christ. Well, it's all about the genomes. So Jesus Christ did come from black parents, but he was a white kid. And what's the reason? What did they say about it? Jesus Christ. Well, it's all about the genome.

So Jesus Christ did come from black parents, but he was a white baby. Yeah, exactly. It's all about those genomes, man. You know, it's all those recessive genes. Sometimes they just fucking catch up with you. So really, this is a rape baby from like the 18th century. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's amazing. Well, no, they're in Africa, though, right? Like where? Nigeria. Nigeria? This is great. That's insane. This is what Hitler always wanted.

It's a blue-eyed, blonde-haired baby. Yeah, that's why it's an albino, right? It's not an albino. And it's straight-haired? It's like the whitest kid. It was in the sun, though. I don't know if I believe this. I think it's just set up.

I think the whole thing's set up. No, no, no. Genetics experts that I don't know who they are are saying things. That's the thing, man, because when a lot of black babies are born, the melanin doesn't kick in for a little while. When I was born, I was white. I came out white and I had straight hair.

There's pictures of that. I bet they were terrified. Yeah, that's how it is for all black people. Well, they test the genetics of it and everything. Seeing that he has the recessive genes to be white. Like the skin pigment genes, the hair genes, the eye

color genes, all that stuff. So you came out white? Did your dad flip out on your mom when you came out? No, like every... No, it's totally understandable. Every black person I know, if you look at a picture from when I was just born, like the first couple hours at least.

They got all that goo on them. No, literally the skin is white. Yeah, yeah. I was born Filipino, which was surprising enough. I just stabbed my way out of my mother. It was really fantastic. That's the best C-section you can get. The child C-section.

Child C-section. Doctors don't have to do a thing. It saves costs Yeah It's all about Stabbing your mother tonight Slitting their throat Slitting the house on fire

Stabbing your mother Has anybody seen What is it called Cropsey by the way Cropsey It's a great movie Have you heard about this No idea

There's this insane asylum In Staten Island In the 70s 60s and 70s Where they would just Throw children And they make the association Where it's like

That's where they threw garbage, that's where they threw everything. Retarded children. Yeah, and this was all retarded children. Big heads, big heads, little feet, large, large hands, and no brains. But this was before the bridge. That's a great description of a retarded child.

This was before the, what is it, the Verico... What's the name of the bridge now? Verizono. Verizono. This was before that occurred. So when you were on St, what's the name of the bridge now? Verizono. Verizono. This was before that occurred. So when you're on Staten Island, you might as well have been in fucking Nebraska. It's like you see New York City, but you're so far away. That's why there's all those landfills there.

They shut it down. Yeah, Geraldo Rivera breaks the story, shuts down the insane asylum, and they have footage of it in there. Everyone's just naked in their own fecal matter, jumping around. I thought they looked like they were having fun. Everyone's just naked in their own fecal matter, jumping around. I thought they looked like they were having fun. It's got like you just hear all these howls and wails and cries. Not human stuff.

And they're in the dark. And there's just kids like fucking crawled up on the floor and rocking back and forth and shaking and being retarded. And there's a janitor. It's pretty great. You can find it on YouTube. Sounds like what happens after the podcast. That's what we all do. Yeah, exactly. And there was a janitor that was working at this

crazy insane asylum. The insane asylum gets shut down. All the kids scatter, but everybody just comes back to this place, and they live in underground caves around the institution all around there, and there's this retarded janitor, mildly retarded, and he just started killing retarded kids all over Staten Island. They only know

that he killed four for sure, but there was like 50, 60 that went missing. And he would just toss them around the under fucking canals of the mental institution and then fuck them and murder them. Well, he'd take them down to the tunnels and all of the retarded guys would fuck the retarded kids that they brought in. Stick to your own, that's what I say. And the cops, when they finally found this dude, they showed him a videotape of Geraldo Rivera's review and the dude that did all the murders

just started breaking down, just started tearing up and drooling and he just kept on screaming, like, you see how we had it? Do you see how we had to live? And his whole thing was like mentally retarded kids, he was saving them from the hell that was their life. Yeah. Because if you were retarded before the 80s.

Yeah, a hitman for, I really think he thought he was doing good. Oh, he definitely thought he was doing good. If you were retarded before the 80s, your life was fucking hell. Even during the 80s. And he was also saying that he was freeing the parents from the burden of having them. Yeah. What's your biggest nightmare, Eddie? It's a lifelong burden, though.

If I had a retarded kid, I would do everything in my life to just give it to someone who would take better care of them. What's your biggest nightmare, Eddie? It's a lifelong burden, though. If I had a retarded kid, I would do everything in my life to just give it to someone who would take better care of them. Oh, come on, Eddie. That's terrible to say. No, it's terrible to say, but it's the truth. I mean, if I'm not going to be

a good parent, get rid of it. Give it to someone who's going to take care of it. Retarded kids are very, very smart, though. I had a lot of retarded foster brothers and sisters. I don't know if that's true.

Well, they're smart. Okay, okay. When I say that, I also say that dogs and rats are smart. Okay. When I say it, it's like they can function. Man, this is like, people are going to be upset.

Everyone can protest Walmart all they want. The last institution that employed fucking retards before Walmart didn't exist. McDonald's. Now, McDonald's, you have to be able to know how to be against a grill, fry daddy, do some fucking shaking, some bacon,

putting some M&M's in those things. Well, they sell groceries. They're great at that. Well, actually, they're pretty shitty at it. You always get your bread fucked up. Yeah. Either way, I don't even know how we started talking about that. It's possible that we could end on that. We could end on that.

Is that a good idea? That's a good ender. Just so everyone knows, you can find our podcast on iTunes now. Just search for Roundtable of Gentlemen. And you'll find Roundtable two words by the way. Any final thoughts guys? Anybody?

Any final thoughts on Holden's new rap? Oh, most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Thank you Eddie. Finally someone out there here in the streets

hearing what I'm saying in my vocals. I do feel like after all this retarded talk that maybe Holden is mostly retarded after hearing that song. I mean,

I bump into stuff a lot. And you can meet him as a greeter at Walmart. He'll be there working Fridays through Saturdays. Or you can meet him on OkCupid. OkCupid as well. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, this has been the roundtable of gentlemen. If you want to give your OkCupid stats, that'd be

fine. This has been the roundtable of gentlemen. Jackie Zabrowski. Mine's called The Hammer Gets It, so you can look that up. Holder McNeely. Kevin Barnett. We're so lonely. Just, you know, gut, gut, gut. Marcus Sparks with the news, and I'm Ben Kissel.

Have a good commute. Pew!