The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Episode 88: I'm Just So Big

Episode Date: May 4, 2015

Today's Round Table brings you the saga of the five wives of Bin Laden, amusing suicide notes, and a heated discussion concerning which cartoon characters the Round Table would defile. The answers may surprise you. Plus, Micah Sherman, Bob Kulhan, and Molly Knefel join us in the Chuckle Hut!

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds! Lay on, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. You guys ready for me? Yes. Dear Lord, fuck you, Holden. I agreed with Holden. Give a fuck you to your grandmother as well.

Jesus! She's just turning 90. Fuck that old, shitty bitch. Oh my God. That's Holden's grandmother. I told her about the podcast. Promised her a shout

out and this is what you guys give her. Thank you for the shout out, Lord. I love you, Grammy. Is Grammy the new mommy? I'm going to go ahead and thank you, Lord, for meat. All kinds of meat. The meat I can get inside. The meat that can get inside of me.

Every single kind of meat that I can find I want it I want all of it And I need you to get it to me I want small meat I want big meat I want different kind of meat I don't really care, Lord

Get to me Get to me now Fast, slow I don't care I need it I want it Thank you, fucking Christ Alright, amen Welcome to the round table of gentlemen Nice prayer I haven't care. I need it. I want it. Thank you, fucking Christ.

Alright, amen. Welcome to the Round Table of Gentlemen. Nice prayer. I've heard that one. Just out of curiosity, what kind of meat would be inside of you? Oh, deer meat. Alright, who is

everybody here? Jackie Zebrowski. He-aw. Hee-haw. Hee-haw. Good. Ed Larson. Holden McNeely. Kevin Barnett.

I'm Ben Kissel in the Chuckle Hut. We've got some fantastic little gentlemen, Micah Sherman and his friend Bob. Hello, Micah Sherman. Hee-haw. I'm his friend Bob. Moo. Good moo, Bob.

Yeah, thank you. Oh, yeah, and I'm sorry. I never want to look right because that's where Holden's ugly face is, so I didn't see Molly Neffel over there. Fuck you, Ben. The only reason you let me in today is because you said I'm small enough to fit in the room. No, Eddie let you in because he said you weren't allowed to speak. Yeah.

So you've already broken cardinal rule number one of tonight. It's not good. So long, everybody. And newsman Marcus Parks. I mean, I think you've got some stories today, huh? Not all was domestic bliss for Osama bin Laden in Abbottabad. In a where? God bless you.

Abbottabad. Jackie! God bless you. I don't even get it, man. It doesn't matter. The bickering of three wives haunted the final days of the Al-Qaeda leader who appeared far older than his age

at the time of his death. Bin Laden mostly stayed holed up in the top floor of his Pakistani compound with his fifth wife, the youngest and his favorite. How old was she? Seven. Oh, nice. She was about 20.

Okay. That's good. That's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His oldest wife moved into the floor below and the jealous woman caused dissension in the wifely ranks and sources in the extensive Bin Laden family worried she aimed to betray her husband. Ooh. So that's probably how

he got caught. Maybe. He wanted to die. Man, I'll tell you. How old was Bin Laden when he wasn't killed? 54. How old did he look? 73. Yeah, at least 73. This is kind of bizarre, though,

because he was sort of living out the 40 virgins that you get when you go to heaven. He sort of had it on earth, and I think he realized how awful that would actually be. Or the popular HBO show Big Love. Yeah. A little polygamist. Bin Love. Bin Love would be fucking awesome.

Osama Bin Lovin. Osama Bin Lovin is the hottest porno out there. Fuck Hulk Hogan's sex tape. Osama Bin Lovin. What do you mean fuck Hulk Hogan's? Hulk Hogan. Eat your hamburger, Jackie. Hulk Hogan's sex tape. He looked into the camera and he said I mean, fuck Hulk Holdens. Hulk Holdens. Eat your hamburger, Jackie. Hulk Holdens. Hamburger.

He looked into the camera and he said, Hulkamania ran through her. Bin Laden never did that shit. Well, he wasn't the Hulkster. I don't even know if they got the WWF over there. Did you guys hear about Hulk Hogan sex tape? Of course, yeah. That's what Jackie's talking about. It's so sad. Why? The Hulkster got duped. I'm going to jack off to it.

You're going to jack off to Hulk Hogan? Fuck, it's a poor little hooker? She's not a hooker, Eddie. She's a woman. She was a wonderful girl. Michael, what are your thoughts on it? It sounds like he knew what was going on if he was like, Hulkamania right to the camera.

I will say this, Jackie, that was just a joke. On the part of the website. I didn't want to correct you on the last show because none of that matters, but here on the round table of gentlemen, we have journalistic standards, god damn. This is the podcast of record. If it wasn't

and he didn't know it was a video, that's fucking awesome. He had no idea it was a video, that's fucking awesome. Yeah. He had no idea that was a video. That means he, uh, he, my thinking that that's what he actually said after the video, I figured that that's just what he says every time he comes. Yeah, I'm sure that's what he does. By himself or with another. Yeah. And he slaps his

head a bunch and he's like sitting there shaking his head no on his knees. Yeah, I mean, he's gotta be constantly cutting promos before and after sex. Why wouldn't he? I mean, that's got to be constantly cutting promos before and after sex. Why wouldn't he? I mean, that's how he gets his energy high. Bob, are you going to watch that porno? I didn't even know this porno existed.

It's not officially released yet. It's going to be out soon, as soon as the highest porn company buys it. To answer your question, hell yeah, I'd watch that porno. Absolutely. See what that big, white, long, kind of Fu Manchu mustache will do? That's gross and upsetting. I bet his dick has the same mustache. His dick is probably curled like a bicep. Apparently, in the video, he was extremely tan.

His only tan lines were a thong. That was going to be my question. Does he have that leathery brown All over his penis as well? Well no no no He doesn't sunbathe nude He wears a thong So he's got the whitest weirdest cock ever

I like this fucking weird Greek Roman body And the woman on the tape Neither his ex-wife nor his current wife Well he went on a six month fuckfest After Linda totally screwed him over and started dating that 19-year-old boy. She's a terrible woman,

and then he just got wasted, blackout drunk, and banged every single chick that wanted to fuck the Hulkster, including some fellas, if I was there anyway. Right. I would have immediately had that man on top of me, sweating profusely. You guys just congratulated Osama bin Laden for having a 20-year-old wife,

and now Ben's getting all indignant about Hulk's wife's 19-year-old boyfriend. Well, she didn't fucking do anything with her life. You know, what did she do to deserve a 19-year-old boyfriend? He's right. The man's making sense. Osama was amazing at being Osama. Very accomplished.

Very accomplished man. If we're looking at this objectively, he really did. I mean, he chose his career path and he really kicked ass. All that bitch ever did was start tripping. That's all she did. Yeah. That's the major problem. It will be bizarre, though.

I mean, do you think of your childhood Hulkster when you jack off to the sex tape? Or do you think of him as the 60 or 58-year-old man that he is now? I don't think you can help but think of him as the 60- 58 year old man that he is now? I don't think you can help but think of him as the 60 year old man that he is. What pro wrestler would you rather see make a sex tape? The Undertaker. To talk to the Undertaker?

Both of those would be amazing. Or Kane standing in the corner. Imagine a nasty Bushwhackers tag team. Some fucking big ass bitch. I think I've seen that

on crackhorse.com. I think Mick Foley would only make snuff films, probably. Can you bring Andre the Giant back to the dead,

from the dead, rather, to make a sex tape? I don't know if you can bring him back from the dead, but you could fuck his bones.

Maybe that would bring him back from the dead. Huge bone. Or just, yeah, from the dead huge bone or just yeah just grab his thigh bone and just have a woman uh shove it in her old puss sand it down a little bit first millions of years from now when we're all off the face of the planet and the aliens come down and andre the giant is the first human they find and they're like we better get the fuck out of here like these people are huge better leave immediately i would love the undertaker's

tan lines would probably just be his hands and his feet. Always fully clothed. Just unzips his little... Oh, his dick must be huge, though. Oh, yeah. I gotta see it. Good. Good.

Molly, from a lady perspective, though, what pro wrestler would you like to see fuck or be fucked by? I mean, I guess I gotta say Macho Man. Oh, wow. He was very devoted to Miss Elizabeth. Because it's fun, too. It'd be a lot of fun to watch. He'd be saying some crazy shit. Yeah, he has a fun voice.

Yeah, exactly. His voice is fun. His outfits are fun. That's the thing. When you get shuffled out of the room after sex, one of his personal assistants just throws a box of Slim Jims at you. He's like, thanks, guys. All right, we'll see you later. Yeah his personal assistants just throws a box of Slim Jims at you. He's like, thanks, thanks guys. Alright, we'll see you later. Yeah, exactly. I would

snap into some Slim Jims afterwards and... You're gonna eat me? If I'm fucking Macho Man, I'll eat a Slim Jim. Oh, wow. What about Brett the Hitman Hart? He would probably cry, though. That's fine. I love it. No heartbreak kid for you? No Shawn Michaels?

Hell no. No, I'm a bread all the way. Alright. Alright. And Kevin, you? I don't know too much about the pro wrestling, man. I know very few. I never watched it. What man do you want to have sex with that you've seen in tights? You've seen quite a few.

Well, there's a number of gymnasts I would like to fucking get on. The Ham Brothers? Those fucking dumb little twins. There we go. Good one. Climb up on my shoulders, but backwards, you know? Yeah, I was about to say,

I can't believe Ray Mysterio Jr. hasn't been mentioned yet. Ray Mysterio, you'd be flipping all over you and shit? Oh, man. Superfly Jimmy Snuka? That would be great. I'm telling you, those hamkins, though, one's on the other one's shoulder, you can have one dick,

your dick in the one's ass, and then your nose right in the other guy's ass. That's perfect. That's fun. Anyway. All right. Really gets all the senses going. Sound fun.

Right? If you're going to nose a guy's ass, that's the way to do it. With your dick in another dude's ass. It's nice to know. It's nice to be's the way to do it. With your dick in another dude's ass. It's nice to know. It's nice to be on the same page with your cock. Smelling shit, feeling shit. Hell yeah.

I always want to know what my cock would smell if it had a nose. Absolutely. It would smell terrible. Some people know that. It would smell like balls. Yeah. Anyway, so that's fun. All right, next up.

Tired of the same old bars and shows when you vacation in Las Vegas? Now for a few hundred dollars, you can rent bonafide automatic weapons and fire them until the floor is piled high with shells. Machine Guns Vegas, with its black-clad hostesses and exotic weapons cachet, is aiming to attract high-rolling clientele who have a penchant for Uzis and M16s. Of course I will go to this. But you said it's a bar. They didn't even ask you.

I don't even know if you're going to be allowed in. That is very confusing. Are you shooting this off at a club? Well, here's the... Okay, here's what it is. There's a VIP area with a cappuccino machine and a leather couch. Oh, you don't want them caffeinated.

But no alcohol. Oh, you're just sitting on a leather couch with a fucking automatic weapon in your lap. The worst possible waitering job you could get. The laziest way to shoot a coach. I just want to see the Atlantic City version of that. You just get a chainsaw and an axe. And a shovel.

It is created by a nightclub impresario. His name is Genghis Cohen. Oh, man. So close. Sounds like a foot disease. There's a Chinese restaurant in L.A. called Genghis Cohen. Oh, man. So close. Sounds like a foot disease. There's a Chinese restaurant in L.A. called Genghis Cohen. Interesting. Yeah, yeah.

Two Chinese. I guess you know where they get the meat from. Transported right from Vegas. That place is really missing human targets. Yeah. I don't know if it's missing human targets. It's definitely missing. These guys have a place to go hunt the deadliest game.

Yeah, man. I feel like we're one very small step away from just shooting prostitutes. Yes. I mean, it's in Vegas. It's as close as you can get. Exactly. Maybe when they turn 40. Like, yeah, what are the targets?

What's the difference between this and a shooting range? Or how does that work? Mostly you can just use a shitload of machine guns and just be a high-class roller. No riff-raff. In the espresso machine. Yeah, because you go to a regular shooting range, there's going to be a lot of riff-raff. There's going to be guys like us there. It's the same reason why those shitty clubs charge, like, $15 for a Bud Light.

It's to keep the riff-raff out. You guys have all been to shooting ranges before. I mean, I never have. I have not. Oh, you never went, Holden? I was only shot at. I've never shot a gun. You guys have all been to shooting ranges before. I mean, I never have. I have not. I never have. Oh, you never went, Holden? I was only shot at. I've never shot a gun. You're the freak they shoot at?

Yeah. Did you guys ever go to a shooting range? I've never shot a gun. Paintball. Oh, man. You've never shot a gun? I've never been to a shooting range. Actually, yeah.

Oh, it's the best. I have shot guns. I mean, in all honesty, if it wasn't a shooting range, unless you call squirrels targets. Yeah. Yeah, you do. Yeah, of course you do. Open field a range. Yeah. Which I guess you would.

That's exactly right. That is the liberal definition of a shooting range. What a breakthrough we're having right now. Welcome to downstate Illinois, everyone. At this place, they do have skimpily dressed gun-toting hostesses.

God damn it, I love this shit so much. Are me and you, Eddie, the only people in this room that have shot gun-toting hostesses. God damn it, I love this shit so much. That'll impress me. Are me and you, Eddie, the only people in this room that have shot automatic weapons? I've never shot an automatic weapon. I've held Ed's AK. Oh, no, I did shoot an automatic once. My buddy was in Iraq, or Afghanistan, rather, and he killed a drug dealer.

And then he stole his weapon after he killed him and sent all the drugs back to America. Wow! That's amazing. Isn't that great? You have such good friends. I mean, terrible people. But good friends. Molly, what were you going to say?

Well, I shot... What kind of gun do you use at a clay shooter range? Usually either a 12-gauge or a 22. So when I was studying abroad, my host mother took me to a place, to a shooting range for some reason. And I was like, I don't want to shoot a gun. And they were all like, you are American. Your father is cowboy. Where were you studying abroad?

Prague. Prague. This is... Oh, you studied abroad in Prague. Puppets. Yay. I did study puppets, for your information. Wow.

No, but this was like rural fucking Czech Republic, and they made me shoot the gun. I kept being like, please, I don't want to. And they were like, do it. And then I did it, and for some reason, I immediately started crying. So kind of, yeah. That's the best kind of wet. Molly, why'd you cry? You just hurt feminists everywhere by saying that.

Because I started crying after I shot a gun Why'd you cry Molly? I'm a big baby I don't know Well first of all It made me fly backwards Like three feet What did you shoot?

That's definitely a 12 gauge Do you have a big old bruise on your shoulder? Yeah And I just There was something about the idea That I had shot a gun for the first time That really upset me Maybe it thrilled you.

Wet in the eyes. That's the thing. Orgasming after sex. Also, when I get excited, instead of getting my vagina wet, I get my eyes wet. So maybe that was what happens. That happens to me all the time with the ladies I'm with, always. It's like, yeah, you're fucking wet.

Yeah, they're just like, That's fun. That's fun, yeah, you're fucking wet. Yeah. They're just like, oh, yeah. That's fun. That's fun, though. Okcupid.com. Check them out. Here's another quote from the strip club. This is from Barry Burmaster.

I love him. He said, 20 years ago, I'd spend $400 at the strip clubs. Now, I just come here to shoot. I guess it fills the same male need huh yeah absolutely isn't it weird though you never hear about shooting range uh like gunfights or anything right i mean has there ever been something like that i mean i'm sure it's has to have happened but i don't know any i've never heard of anything you would think the numbers would really be through the roof yeah back in tallahassee we had this big outdoor range that wasn't policed by anyone. And you just go out there, and it's just hillbillies, fucking horrible, horrible gangsters, and the cops.

Well, Ed, you've got to tell the story of the Super Magnum tampons spoof commercial we did. I brought out this half-Polish, half-black girl. She's huge. So hot. I put her in an American flag bikini, and I made her shoot the 8K. Oh, I saw that video. Yeah, it was the Super Magnum tampons. I was the star of the day when I brought her out. Everyone was so happy.

She was one of the greatest things of my life. And how did she react after she shot the gun? Did she cry? No, she had a wonderful time. She was a fucking badass at that AK. She was a fucking beast. She's like 6'3". Really? Oh, yeah. Sasha. Tight. Tight woman.

And I have found The story of the last National story of an incident At a gun range Florida Turns out there was this 6 foot 3 Amazon woman This happened in Miami

A man just He shot himself at a shooting range After murdering his wife Acc after murdering his wife. Accidentally? Accidentally murdering his wife? No, no, no. He murdered her, then went to the shooting range. How did he murder her?

Let's see here. He didn't use a gun, obviously. Yeah, I would have sued him. He didn't use a gun. So I got access to guns. Right. Don't make things difficult for yourself. I would use the gun.

I poisoned her over a series of months. Wait a second, I had a gun this whole time? If there was just an easier way to kill this goddamn bitch. And this is not the only suicide at this gun range. It also happened last October. This, by the way, happened on... Oh shit, this happened on Valentine's...

Oh, two days before Valentine's Day. Oh, man, he just didn't have any money. That's the only reason this happened. He was broke, and she's like, what are you going to get me? I've had... Similar tendencies. You've got to break up with him before Christmas or Valentine's Day.

That's my father's birthday. February 12th, Lincoln's birthday. There's another story. The story is out of Pennsylvania. Two guys just pretty much took their lawyer to a

shooting range and then shot him. Pretending like it was an accident? Yeah, they murdered him. Oh shit, they used an AR-15. My dad's got that gun gun That's a nice little gun Nice little rifle Yeah on my Facebook page There's a lot of people around

At a shooting range Right It's not a private thing But all you gotta do Is just turn 45 degrees And point the gun At the person standing next to you Yeah yeah

It's very empowering Yeah It's terrifying I don't trust myself enough That's why I can never have a gun But if you're trying to murder somebody Everybody watches you murder a guy. Well, I don't think they're trying to get away with it. I mean, this guy

immediately shot himself in the head. Oh, he did? Yeah, it was a murder-suicide situation. I mean, these lawyer characters. Oh, I've got one more story. This one is awesome. Mom kills son, then self at shooting range. This murder-suicide, very common.

Here's what her suicide note said. I had to send my son to heaven and myself to hell. Oh, no. Wow. She did. That's the way to do it. Take care of it. Also, Florida.

Yeah. Okay, that has to be a... Can we please write a song so that that can be a song lyric in it? Because that is poetic. It's beautiful. Castleberry, that's where I was born! Jesus, Eddie, I can't believe we made it out alive. She signed two of the notes, failed queen.

Like, I had to send my son to heaven and myself to hell. Signed, failed queen. That's what they should tell everybody who gets kicked off of that RuPaul's Drag Race. Failed queen. There's got to be a website out there that ranks suicide notes. In terms of like... Well, see? Suicidenote.com

Yeah,.gov I'd put that one five stars, definitely. I found a website. These are way too long. Oh, wait. Here's suicide notes that are gathered by a coroner. Do you guys want to hear one?

Let's hear a little one. That one looks like a haiku. This is from a single female, age 21. My dearest Andrew, it seems as if I've been spending all my life apologizing to you for things that happened, whether they were my fault or not.

I am enclosing your pin because I want you to think of what you took from me every time you see it. I don't want you to think I would kill myself over you because you're not worth any emotion at all. It is what you caused me that hurts and nothing can replace it. I bet you think this suicide note

is about you. Micah, break down this woman. Can we debate this? Actually, I kind of like this one. Marcus, it's not your fault. Though I am about to kick the bucket, I'm as happy as ever. I'm tired of this life,

so I'm going over to see the other side. Good luck, Benjamin. I have seen the future, and it is nice. I'm so happy for Benjamin. This is boring. Come on. I'm going to take my chances with nothingness. Yeah, he was 51.

Just a single dude. I'm going to pull a Seinfeld on you guys. I'm going out on top. I'll see you later. You've got to go out on top or else you're just a fucking pathetic loser. Hell yeah, Jackie. You're right. That's right. Benjamin was not.

He was a winner. He shot himself right in the face. How did he kill himself? Did he mention that at all? No, they don't mention the show texture. It's just one sentence. The feature is just so amazing. The one sentence. The future is just so amazing. The one sentence. I know what I'm doing.

Annette found out. Ask Kara. I love you all. Ask Kara. We need to get to the bottom of that. And also, he was 13. Oh, wow. So what? He didn't do anything. He could have done something horrible. He could have sat on a child or something.

He could have sat on a child. He probably just fucking recorded over Gossip Girl or something. What can you possibly do that bad as a 13-year-old to kill yourself? Exactly, saved over a Zelda game. Yeah, yeah. All right, let's get off these suicide notes. It's sad, though. See you on the road!

Michael, watch more. All right. Here's a story out of Russia. Oh, thank God. Picking it up. The Florida of Asia. This is really going to pick up the mood. For many Russian teenagers, the only way out is death.

Oh, come on. Molly, these are the facts. Freedom. Experts there are already familiar with the nation's high teen suicide rate About five a day And know the cause is all Five a day? Five a day

All of Russia It's not that much It is a lot In all fairness It's big but it's not all that populated I mean it's It's real big and real spread out It's because the kids keep killing themselves

Or they can't repopulate it True that True that, man. True that, indeed. They knock somebody up, though, before they hit the bucket. They're all so drunk, I'm sure they're not going to get drunk. Well, that's sort of the thing. The main causes are alcoholism, rigid parenting, domestic violence,

and a profound prejudice against psychiatry that dates back to the Soviet era. Have they thought about just doing a podcast? The only thing that's skipped me from me, I'm going to kill myself. Marcus, if you did kill yourself, what's your suicide note saying? Thanks for the beef.

Dad, like a three. There's going to be like a three in there. I don't know. Thanks for the... Why do you have to thank somebody? Isn't it more like a fuck you situation? Why is it worth thanking somebody? I don't know I have no idea what my suicide note would say

Yeah, it depends on why he kills himself Yeah, yeah, yeah I mean, something's going to have to lead up to it What do you got, Micah? I know what I'm doing Annette found out That was you I know what I'm doing. Annette found out. That was you.

He's dead! Oh my god, he's a ghost! You killed yourself at 13. I'm just so big. That's a good one. Four words that tells it all. I'm just so big. Absolutely. That's Ben's suicide note. I get it. I'm just so big. Absolutely. That's Ben's suicide note.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, I get it, because I'm so big. Interesting. When are you going to commit suicide? Oh, I'm definitely going to commit suicide. Suicide by booze. Booze-icide. Booze-icide.

Booze-icide. Oh, man. This is a sad podcast. Mickey Mantle's the same. But it's really not. I'm. Oh, man. This is a sad podcast. Mickey Mantle's the same. But it's really not. I'm happy as a clam. All right. Moving on to another Pennsylvania story.

It seems a woman called police to say she found a transmitter device under her bed and was pretty sure her estranged husband put it there. When cops approached 66-year-old Wayne Comet Cripe. That was his name. Which one of those words is a nickname? Are we certain that this couple isn't made of claymation? I was thinking comic book

heroes. Whenever the cops approached him, the only thing he said was, I guess she found the transmitter. Why would you put a transmitter in her house under her bed? What are you transmitting? Here was his excuse.

They still own the house together. He said he wanted to know when his wife was having sex with her boyfriend so he'd know when the coast was clear to enter the house. That's a very nice reason. Ew! How old is he? 60-something. He's 60-something.

How old is she? Doesn't say. 27. He's 19 years old. He's 60-something. 66. How old is she? Doesn't say. 27. She's 19 years old. It's 73. I guess you would have to assume there's a pretty big age difference between him and her. He's assuming that she's going to have sex, because most women at that age are... No, that's not true, though.

Elderly gals are really getting it on. Oh, man. They're from Beaver County. Yeah, Beaver County. And the town they're in, Raccoon Township. Hold on. So they live in Raccoon Township inside of Beaver County. Where did this guy get a transmitter?

Someone just named this entire place while they were driving through. They're like, Beaver County. All right, good, good. Raccoon. Good, we'll call Raccoon Township. The transmitter was a tin can attached to a string. It went down to the basement where he lived. I learned over the weekend that

not only is there an intercourse Pennsylvania, which I knew, but it's next to Blue Ball Pennsylvania. No way! That's amazing. So that gave me a terrible time driving through that place. Also next to a place called Bird in the Hand, which I think if there was a converse place called Two in the Bush,

next to intercourse, Pennsylvania, that would be wonderful. That would be wonderful. Double penetration. What does Two in the Hand, One in the Hand, Two in the Bush? Is that the same? What does it mean? Does anyone know?

One in the Hand is worth Two in the Bush. I think, doesn't it mean, like, if you got something, there's probably more going on? More going on over there, you know? Yeah. What do you think, Bob? I think it's a comment on greed, actually. One bird in your hand is better than two in the bush. If you have one, be happy with what you have.

Instead of trying to go after the ones in the bush. Unless you're trying to fuck in the bush. I don't know why you'd just hold onto the one in your hand. You don't have to let go! How do you catch two with one hand? That's true. Have you ever caught birds with your hands, you fucking idiot?

You can't catch a fish with a fish. That's how Mike Tyson caught them. He used his hands. Hey, he's a pigeon lover. Fucking pigeon lover. That's such a bad thing. Here's the meaning of it. It's better to have a lesser but certain advantage

than the possibility of a greater one that may come to nothing. Did Barack Obama take that advice? I don't fucking think so. Bad advice. I don't like it. I'll tell you what, I never come to nothing. Go for the two birds. Ed got it.

I think that's a bad saying. What do you think, Bob? Yeah, I think it's whack. All right, Marcus. All right, Marcus. All right, and I'm officially out of news stories. Time for a segment from Holden McNeely. Oh, shit. It's a segment.

So today we're doing what cartoon character would you fuck? I have so many. I know. This is a thing. There's more male cartoon characters than female cartoon characters. What cartoon character would you fuck? I mean, I know it's kind of similar to the wrestler thing we did earlier.

That's kind of good. It's a wrap-around situation. Also, you cannot choose Jessica Rabbit. And I'm opening the floor, due to a special request from one Kevin Barnett, I'm opening the floor to video game characters. Oh! So you can also go for that. Because you live in a video game.

Your life is a video game. I play video games very irregularly. This girl is also in a cartoon that was the same name as a video game that came out after. I already know who you're going to choose. I will start. I'm going to go with

the Bugs Bunny But when he dresses up like a chick To seduce Elmer Fudd Oh my god if you can't do That's bad It's from Wayne's World for Christ's sake Oh is it? I'll choose something else

I was also going to go with Tiny Toons Chick Oh yeah A girl tiny bunny. Yeah, yeah. The girl tiny bunny. The baby bunny. Yeah, good eight-year-old bunny. Absolutely.

Don't bring it up. Baby bunny. It is a child. Bob is a good point. Just a generic eight-year-old bunny. It is an eight-year-old bunny. There are older cartoon characters you could have chosen. Exactly.

Kevin? It's obvious, man. Sean Lee. Yeah, I knew it. Black man's dream, dude. He's got them legs, a big old butt, them proportionately sized breasts, not too big, not too small, but very in place. I do not like... I don't like how...

That's awesome. Did you guys notice that whenever Kevin was describing that, he did not break eye contact? Because you're my type of nigga, man. Yeah, yeah. We're not those fucking boos. The thighs? Yeah, dude.

It's ridiculous. I'm not going to find that. My life is not going to happen. No, I'm not either. I'll tell you what, too. She was in a cartoon. Definitely a Street Fighter cartoon. Yeah, there was a Street Fighter cartoon.

Absolutely. Molly, what are you doing? Can I say anybody from the Tony Hawk video game from, like, 1996? God, Timmy, it's just hard to talk to you. You just have different tastes in men, Molly. I just hate everything about who you are. What? Colors and squares.

Those are still real people. He's a video game character. Kevin did. Yeah, but those guys were based on, like, those are just real dudes that are in video games. What about, like, the pro stars? Could you fuck one of them? Like, Bo Jackson? But a cartoon Bo Jackson? I don't know who Bo Jackson is. Molly, here's what you

do. Molly! Go home. Just go home. Molly, you don't know who Bo Jackson is. Okay, here's the thing. When I think about the cartoon characters from my childhood that were really captivating to me It was like the Brave Little Toaster And I don't think I want to fuck him

You'd be electrified Jackie Stoyer She's Stoyer That is terrible Brave Little Toaster would be fun You could fuck the blanket I like the blanket too I identified with the blanket So I couldn could fuck the blanket. You'd like the blanket. I like the blanket, too. Yeah.

No, I identified with the blanket, so I couldn't fuck the blanket because that was like me. What about the lamp? No. What about the dinosaurs from Lamb of War Time? Yes. That's who I would fuck. Oh, yeah. That's who I would fuck. Littlefoot.

Petrie. Littlefoot. Littlefoot or Petrie. Either one would be great. Petrie was great. Yeah, Petrie can crawl in there and just do all kinds of stuff. Yeah, exactly. Petrie's nothing but a glorified dildo.

He's got those wings. He's got claws at the end of his wings. But he's got great advice. Don't step on a crab. Okay, Littlefoot is a long neck. How is that not a dildo? Because it's too big to fit inside of you. I didn't realize your vagina could fucking take a whole group of tourists inside of it.

He's a baby. He's a baby dinosaur. I'd pick dinosaur, though. Baby dinosaurs are big. They're huge. Very large. The size of a cow, dude. I dinosaurs are big. They're huge. Very large. I tried to pick a human, and you yelled at me. So your next choice was an old, dead-ass baby dinosaur.

You're both a pedophile, Nick Felix. It's disgusting. Ed, what do you got? What do you got? Why is he dead all of a sudden? He dies? He's a dead cartoon character, right? Yeah, dinosaurs have been dead for a very long time.

Land before time. Idiot, Micah. Did you take a dinosaur to work today, Micah? I was just going to pick a live cartoon character. Okay, go ahead. Go for it. The Michelin Man. Going corporate.

It just looks like you could put your penis anywhere. Talk about big roundies. That actually relates to mine. I was going to pick Bambi's mother because she's full of holes. So he went with the dead cartoon character. I picked an attractive human male. Dad wants to fuck a dead deer. Not before she dies. And before she

dies, right when she gets shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And mine also relates to both of y'all. I want to fuck one of the snorks in their blowhole. But then they'll drown. I'm not concerned.

This is who you want to fuck. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what happens to them when you're done with it. He chose a dying deer. Dead deer. Who do you got, Jackie? The Beast, man. Beauty and the Beast. I was going to say the Beast. The second he became a fucking human,

dead. I would kill him. I want him out of inside of me because he's ugly and he looks like a fucking woman. I want a real man. I want a hairy man. I want him out of inside of me because he's ugly and he looks like a fucking woman. I want a real man. I want a hairy man. I want to got horns on it. I want nobody to talk to him. I want him to be self-flame. So Ed from Roundtable

of Gentlemen. He's more poetic than Ed. You guys don't understand me. In the Beast Realm, I want to go with Patrick Ewing's character in Monstar when he got turned into that big purple monster. Just to see how much you can take? Yeah.

Can I be fucked by him? Yeah. We're playing fast and loose here. Or the French candle from Beauty and the Beast. Oh! Lumiere. Chip, the baby cup.

You just want to fuck the tiniest little four-meat tree? Yeah. Foo, then. Such an insight into the men that you're interested in, Molly. We get that every single week. It's just, oh, man, your taste in men is horrible.

I'd rather fuck Mrs. Potts. Am I right? Oh, yeah. I would fuck Mrs. Potts. Big-ass titties, man. Mrs. Potts is what I want, Jackie. If I could have it, I would love to. So there's no final answers in this game. No.

We're going to go for Grimace's whatever it is at the base there and fuck whatever's underneath him. Somebody mentioned Bo Jackson before, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan. Remember that cartoon they all had where they went? Yeah, Pro Stars. Yeah, Pro Stars. Yeah, it was fucking awesome. Fuck all those guys.

Yeah, they're in shape. They're rich. And Snap, Crackle, Pop. Let's get them all together. Oh, yeah. No, man. Let's get them all together. The three of them, you have one working on the dick, one on the balls, and one doing the sphinct. Jean Grey should just pop in and finger you from the inside with her mind. The possibilities are endless. I know.

It's great. Man, Jubilee is hot. Man, Jubilee is hot. Yeah. Man, Jubilee is... No, Storm is hot. She's a fucking African princess. Jean Grey. Storm is killing it.

Jean Grey, Storm, Rogue, Nightcrawler. Nightcrawler's a good one. Quick. Oh, yeah. Teleport inside of you and then come back out. And he could be fucking you and then throw that tail right up in the ass. I'm going to toss some mush mouth in there. What's mush mouth?

From the Cosby kids. He was spat out. Well, if you're going to fuck a kid, you want one that can't talk. That's definitely true. Alright, are we done with this show? Alright, that's been a round table of gentlemen. Jack Isabrowski, Ed Larson, Old McNeely, Kevin Barnett, I'm Ben Kitzel. Thank you, Micah Sherman.

Thank you, Bob. Colhan. Colhan. And thank you, Molly. We will talk to you soon. Thanks, guys. I miss you, Micah. You were great.