The Roundtable of Gentlemen - Stinky Dinky

Episode Date: January 15, 2018

The gang is back and they talk turkey consent, "The Pest", banning the banjo and how to tell if a cat likes you.  Please consider signing Jackie's petition  to raise "Nothing But Trouble"'s Rotten Tomatoes score: https://goo.gl/AwwpZx

The round table. Gentlemen! Aye? Let's broaden our minds. Lay out, gentlemen, and let them go watch what? Fire at will! It's time for action, gentlemen. Gentlemen of the round table.

What's the topic of discussion? Civility, gentlemen. Always civility. It's always important to, in a comedy, to reference comedy bits that everyone knows from like 30 years ago. Yeah, with props that you buy at like the 99-cent store. I know, right?

They're all from like a party store. It's so crazy. At least one of the editors had to hand in their final cut and just get up and walk out on the house. So upset. So upset with themselves. I really like the underpants with the rubber ducky coming out of the crotch hole. Also, nothing is more annoying to you than nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan, nyan.

Let's start the show and then we can get back to the intro to the pest. We are talking about the intro to the pest here. All right, this is the round table of gentlemen. Well, but I think somebody's got something for us before we get to that. Close your eyes for a guided meditation? Yes. Yes, absolutely. Okay.

So you're a dude in his underpants in his house, you know? You're having a shit fucking ride this year, right? Your old lady, your old bag left you. It's only 10 days into the year. You've got your father called you up just to tell you he thinks you're a piece of shit. Your fucking dog fucking flipped you off. Grew a finger just to give it to you. That dog sucks.

And you're sitting there, you're depressed as fuck. And you're like, you know what? What I'm going to do right now is go lift my spirits with a comedy film. You look in the newspaper, the only comedy film playing at that current year, whatever, 1990 fucking whatever, is The Pest by John Leguizamo. I like it. You walk into the movie theater. You sit down hoping to have your spirits lifted.

And what you are affronted with is that rap intro from The Pest. We'll just ask our listeners to look it up. Can we insert it into the episode, Marcus? Is it possible to do it? I think we can play it, but I don't know if we need to subject our listeners to it if they do not choose to want to watch the worst rap in the history of mankind.

He's on Broadway. If you do not want to see John Leguizamo dancing dressed as a vampire in a shower, farting and saying, I'm stinkyinky Dinky. He is. Over and over and over again. If you want to see that, you can.

But we're not going to subject it to you. Nice lady. I'm hoiding. I'm hoiding. The wrap-ins. You give the movie no more time to assault you with it. You stand up. You walk the movie no more time to assault you with it, with itself.

You stand up. You walk out of that movie theater. You find the tallest fucking bridge you can walk to. And you walk to the middle of it. And you jump off it. Okay. Everybody open your eyes. You're at the round table.

There it is. The round table of gentlemen. A splashy death. Yeah. Kind of sad. Maybe you could survive, too. There it is. The round table of gentlemen. A splashy death. Yeah. Kind of sad. Maybe you could survive too. Some people do. The bridge in San Francisco,

a couple of survivors there. A lot of people kill themselves on that bridge. A lot of not survivors too. You ever watch that movie where it's just people just jumping off the bridge? Oh yeah, it's rough.

It's literally called the bridge. This guy set up a camera and he filmed for like two years. Yeah, he got a lot of horror. People just love jumping off that bridge. And it's a sad-ass town. It is sad. It's a sad fucking town.

All right, well, nothing sad about this. The roundtable of gentlemen is back together. We're back together. Getting the band back together. Jackie, you're here. I'm fucking here, guys. I have been drunk for six days and we're gonna just say wow thank you so you actually stopped the day at some point then

i'm counting the time i've been asleep it's hard to get drunk when you're getting loaded and i mean loaded in a different kind of sense And I mean loaded in a different kind of sense. It's disgusting. It's completely disgusting. If I got into heroin, I would be the best of all time. I think that's what everyone who gets into heroin thinks, and then they're not. Keith Richards was. Yeah, you just got to mix it up.

He also drank a lot. Keith Richards. There's a bunch of those really dope jazz. They were on heroin all the time. See, here you go, guys. John Coltrane. I could become a flautist. Bill Evans, always on heroin. They're on heroin all the time. See, here you go, guys. John Coltrane. I can become a flautist. Bill Evans.

Always on heroin. They love heroin. All right. I'm just not recommending it. Give it a shot, Ben. Don't do it. No one should do it. I think the problem is finding a needle long enough to get through your thick skin.

Hey, Eddie. It's your mother, Eddie. I've been having, Eddie. I've been having. Don't be so mean to Ben. Why would the joke say you're like your father? All right, all right, Ma. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Okay, Eddie. I'm going to go play shuffleboard with... Dom DeLuise. No, not Dom DeLuise. Go ahead, Christopher Lee. No. Christopher Lee's not dead.

Yeah, he is. Is he? Yeah. Oh, well, play shuffleboard with Lee. No. Christopher Lee's not dead. Yeah, he is. Is he? Yeah. Oh, well, play Shuffleport with him. No. Sammy Davis Jr. Oh, yeah. Dayton Young, Eddie.

He's a junior. Yeah, well, make sure, you know, stand to the right of him just so he can see you. Oh, I haven't shown him me yet. I told him I'm pretty. And I am. Yeah. You're beautiful, Mom. You're beautiful.

I love you. I love you, too. All right. Thanks, Eddie. pretty. And I am. You're beautiful, Mom. I love you. I love you, too. All right. Thanks, Eddie. Goodbye. Goodbye. Bye. Hultonators, ho! Ahmed Larson.

And he didn't get to do his thing yet. Oh, man. Skipping Ed for the millionth time. It's been months. You just said his name eight times. No, no, no. I say my name, and then you do your obnoxious show. Okay.

I'm Ed Larson. Hi, Ed. How you doing, Jackie? I'm great, Ed. How are you? You look great. Thank you very much. Have you been getting laid?

Mm-mm. No one wants to talk about it when I'm going there. My goodness. Kurt Loader should be her name. Oh, what a deep pass. Kurt TV News? I thought you were calling me Cum Gutter yesterday. No, no, no.

You called yourself Cum Gutter yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're the load master. The load master. The load master. The load master is what I called you. You've ascended. Yeah.

All right. Let's move on. Ranking up. Ranking up. Holdenators, ho! It's time for it. Can you believe they're back? What is it? It's time for it. Can you believe they're back? What is it?

It's time for it. Can you believe they're back in your life, Jackie? There's a limit, right? And now you will hear them, Jackie. You've been gone for a while. This is the PlayStation Network shout-outs. Just do it! All right.

Llama Lol says, I'm a big fan. I love all of you. Ask Jackie about her squirty bird. Tell Ben he's super thick. I'd love to play with you. My YouTube is, well, all right. I'm not going to do the promotion part. Give the table my best wishes.

P.S. Jackie's my favorite. Rainbow Robocop says, shout out. Happy October to my spooky bitch brother, Jack. So it's a little old. We haven't gotten to these in a while. There's so many hilariously old. How many are you going to do if you go to October? Oh, it's a little old. We haven't gotten to these in a while. There's so many hilariously old. How many are you going to do? We go to October.

Oh, there's so, yeah, I went into the way back. Holden will never forget about you. Love everything. LPN, Jackie is queen of everything. Not a pie says, here's hoping this makes it

in the shout outs. Holden, I fucking love this stream. Don't ever stop. I will not. Marcus, you got a two-tone dick and that's all right. Yeah. Ben is tall. Jackie, ever stop. I will not. Marcus, you got a two-tone dick, and that's all right. Ben is tall.

Jackie, I hope you destroy that boy you like with your squirty bird she has. Ed, I think you deserve your fortune, and everything else is wrong. Kind of a weird question, but people always ask me, Hey, NotAPie, if you're NotAPie, what are you? And I never know how to answer it. Can y'all help me out? Love you all. At the round table, take care. He's a pie. If you're not a pie, what are you? And I never know how to answer it. Can y'all help me out? Love you all. At the round table, take care.

No respect for Kevin, though. That's fine, man. None of y'all niggas, man. Jamaica got my back. Jesse James Lagaki says, Hey, my lizard king. I want to give a shout out to my latest ex, Yara, for

dropping my ass to better her life. Seriously proud. I like it. Aware. Self-awareness is key. My wangus is cool, but no match for Jackie's squirt and Margus' scarecrow wiles. Also, Nat B is the bravest and coolest.

Andrew Short is the best. And Ben is forever president of my Jose Banks schwing. All right. Log Man Case says, PlayStation Network shout out. Ho, Holden, I waved to you on Facebook and you didn't wave back, you shitbag. But JK, lol. Tell Andre Yeezus is Kanye's worst album. And tell Manuel, Revelations Persona is the worst game in the franchise.

Thanks to all you guys at Last Podcast Network for making it suck less on my commutes quick question Marcus what is your favorite album my favorite album is Suicide's First Album I was going to say television but alright well it goes between Suicide's First Album and television Marky Mood I thought it would be Power Man 5000 great band

it was my first show Power Man 5000 and Kid Rock they were delightful. We learned something new today. All right. Uncle Neek69 says, hey ho, Cheek Daddy here. I'm a little brother's gamer tag. Wanted to say what up to the F words at the round table.

Jackie, I love you, and I will uproot to New York for your hand in marriage. P.S. Feel free to game out with my brother. He's of age. Frank Bolda says, Oh, sweet Satan. I hope you get eight or more P.S. and shout outs per roundtable episode. Jackie, could you say hello to my

friend Shannon Cook? She is probably your biggest fan. Hey, Shannon Cook. Marcus, you are an inspiration to DIY artists everywhere. Ben, you are a voice of reason in an unreasonable time. Thank you to the comedy genius. That's a good quote.

You should put that on some shit. That is a good quote. Reasonable in unreasonable times. A voice of reason. That's your next campaign slogan. Nothing can go wrong. Next campaign slogan, dude. Thank you to the comedy genius

of Kevin Barnett. Wow. There it is. These PlayStation shout outs have been a rollercoaster. For making Roundtable great and Ed's there too sometimes. Wow. Wow, Eddie. Abandon the Roundtable.

I'm here. I'm right here. Sit here. Poncho993 says, hey man, I recently got married and found out I'm having a baby Can you just say something nice Fuck you That's not nice I got one more

Toxic5K00734 says I want to shout out the whole round table Specifically Ben Good luck with the election next week Well thank you so much Because of you we won You get one more Try streaming not at noon Well, thank you so much. Because of you, we won. You get one more.

Hold in it. Try streaming not at noon on weekdays so people with useful, productive lives and actual jobs can enjoy your streams too. Shout out to my wife, Kaylee. Watch the highlights, you fucker. Please let her do lots of horny stuff to her very deserving husband. Love the whole LPN. Keep up the good work.

That's been your PlayStation Network. Fucking shout fucking out. Fucked. Oh my god. Good. Nice. Thank you for your election support. Victorious in defeat? Perhaps. Kevin, you're here. I'm here and I'm exhausted.

Good. Why are you tired, man? That whole shit that just happened. It was much. It was a lot. Tired too. Digging the streets of Raytown. I'm digging it too, man. I bought it at this dope-ass anime convention. Now I got all the hoes. They've seen this, man.

You went to an anime convention? Yeah, it was like a month ago or something like that. Did you dress up? One of the days. What? I wore my Leaf Village jacket, man. What is that? Don't worry about it.

Did you go for a show or you just went? I just went. I had free passes. Really? You went as a fan? Yeah, I knew somebody that was helping organize it and they gave me passes. That would have been so great. I almost went with you and I was too busy that weekend or something. I'll get it next

time, man. Oh, yeah, man. I'll go next time. You were too busy to go to the anime convention? What were you doing exactly? You technically don't have a job. Fucking jerking it or something. It's amazing what you can just say you're busy doing, even if it's nothing. I mean, if you like looking out the window at

nothing, then you're busy. I'm busy. That's true. Well, that's a good point. Very excited. I'm playing Freedom Fighters on GameCube from 2004. New to me. And it is pretty good. The Russians have invaded.

Oh, that's fun. It's accurate. It's what's now. And I'm doing pretty well. And so, Ziggit, Ben should have a segment on Wizard of the Bruiser called New to Me.

Right? All GameCube all the time. That would be fun. Yeah, I would love it. New to me. Let's see here, Marcus. I suppose we should do news stories. Yeah, we should.

I guess we haven't done a news story. When was the last time we recorded? I think November? Yeah, November or so. I was like, well, you know, I guess some explanation is due. You know, what with the roundtable moving all around to different sides of the country. Sure. We're going to be doing roundtable not every week, but we're going to be doing it when we can.

Hopefully about once a month or so. Yeah. So, yeah, thank you guys for tuning in and for all the kind comments we've had on Twitter saying where the fuck is Roundtable that none of us have responded to. Yes, we're going to answer it. It's tough to say. Yeah, Jackie and Eddie, you guys are crushing out in Los Angeles, though. Eddie, I do see that you're walking around there as a cost of mudslide,

which I don't approve of what you're doing. Ever since you got there, it's been on fire and mudslide, which I don't approve of what you're doing. It wasn't me, it was the fire. Ever since you got there, it's been on fire and mudslides. That is true. Anything you want to tell us? Squirty bird! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah, man. I love it. It's scary. That's what happened. Jackie got really

dry because she wasn't like and it started a fire. And then all of a sudden she saw that fire and she got squirty burn. And that's the mudslide. I see. Lots of people are dead. Unfortunately, seriously, our thoughts are always with the great people of California,

who, by the way, I don't think get enough attention for how the hell land they're living in. And have been for a little while. It's lovely. That's the thing. Even with the fires, it's nice. I don't know, though. It is pretty crazy. I'm a little while. It's lovely. That's the thing. Even with the fires, it's like nice. I don't know though. It is pretty crazy

that I'm up in my goblin's desk. I'm just looking out at mountains that are just on fire. It makes me feel like I'm in hell. I'm just like

smoking a cigarette. I'm like, man, they should probably stop that. I was like, this is bad. I called Eddie one day

and I said, what are you doing? He said, I'm just watering, you were wetting Jeff Ross' house. Yes. Which is crazy to me that that's something you have to do.

You wet the house itself? Yeah, so the fires were coming. They were coming. They were a couple miles from the house. You were the last line of defense. Yeah, Jeff was out of town, so I just went to his house and just covered it in water with no regard for the drought. But I just covered the entire giant property in liquid.

Did you feel like that was what you were born to do? It was fun. It was fun wasting water and making things wet. I was surprised how much I liked it. That's the thing, too. Especially just looking at a valley and smoke's just slowly coming in. You're like, I've got to wet this shit. That's the thing, too, though.

The water conservation needs and everything too out there running out of water the whole place is on fire Pennsylvania has many food traditions Scrapple I don't know what Scrapple is I ate Scrapple. Cheesesteak. Scrapple. The Amish. I don't know Scrapple. I don't know what Scrapple is.

Yeah, I ate Scrapple once. It's like a hamish type thing. Oh, it's like eggs and apples? No, no, they beat a raccoon to death in front of you. And then you eat it. And then he goes, Scrapple, Scrapple, Scrapple. You got cheesesteaks? Of course.

Yum, yum, yum. Whoopie pies. Whoopie pies. What's a whoopie pie? It's like a moon pie. It's a cake. It's cake with frosting in between? It's like a moon pie. It's a cake. It's cake with frosting in between. It's like two little pillowy cakes.

Yeah. You got farm show milkshakes. That makes sense. No one knows. Every part of it is explained in the name. I actually kind of want to know what a farm show milkshake is. It's a milkshake from Farm Show, Pennsylvania. There it is.

You got pretzels? Yeah. I got that right. And roadkill. Whoa. That's what Holden said. I wasn't far off. What about chocolate?

They got the whole Hershey Park. Oh, yeah. That's right. Dude, Hershey Park is fucking SM. Okay. Well, you might think roadkill does not belong. Oh, of course. It's Pennsylvania. But you'd be wrong. Okay. Well, you might think roadkill does not belong. No, of course. It's Pennsylvania.

But you'd be wrong. Oh. This year, Pennsylvanians submitted more than 3,300 permits to the state's game commission asking for the right to eat roadkill. And what did they say? Well, the guy from Deadspin that covered this, he says, others surely ate roadkill, dear, without letting the state know about it. Keep it hush-hush.

Yeah, I can't believe they're asking. Yeah, if Pennsylvania drivers hit a deer or turkey, they are legally allowed to keep the carcass. However, they must call their regional game commission office within 24 hours to get a permit. What? Oh, my goodness. Give me a break.

Nanny state. I'm eating the turkey. I killed the turkey. The permit is free and a formality but keeping inedible parts of the animal costs money. And to avoid the cost, the inedible parts have to be given

to the state or disposed. What a horrible state job that is. The receiver of the non-edible turkey parts and deer parts every day. Your desk is just filled with a horde. You can make fucking earrings out of the beak. You could. It's got to be a lot more fun to hit a turkey with a car than shoot it in the head.

I don't know. I think it would be a lot of fun to shoot it in the head. No, no, no. Turkeys are kind of cute. Have you ever seen turkeys out in the wild? They're very scary. What are you talking about? And they go, poom.

And they come at you, poom. And they just keep, like, getting bigger and bigger up at you. Get it with a car. Feathers go everywhere. It's fucking fun. You can make a laugh to death. How do you make a turkey laugh? You can make a turkey laugh to death.

You've got to get down on its level. You've got to understand from the turkey's perspective so you can fucking shed some new light on it and shit. Tickle it? Huh? Tickle it? No, man. You fucking talk about it. It's like what it's like being a fucking turkey.

I used to have a whole 10 minutes on how to name Butterball. Don't got shit to do with turkey. But why they call it that? That was the whole thing. Comedy genius. Turkeys loved it. Well, how would you talk to a turkey on its own level? Oh, you know.

Cock. Geek. Geek. And what does that mean that means um fucking it's hard growing up in the fucking in the light of what it's like you live your life and everyone's like trying to be in love with you whatever and you're just too good for it and how does that relate to turkeys oh man because they're like so fucking just like dead you know you don't like I'm they're dead the moment they're fucking born dead. They are. You know what I'm saying?

They're dead the moment they're fucking born. Well, basically, the irony about the turkeys that get pardoned every year by the President of the United States of America, they're made for food, so they die of heart attacks. They're not supposed to live. The average life is like six months after the pardon. I say, yeah. Turkey's a turkey. I don't care about turkeys.

I like, yeah. Turkey's a turkey. I don't care about turkeys. I like turkeys. You know, the turkey was originally supposed to be the American national bird. Thank God we got rid of that. Yeah, it's a Benjamin Franklin bird because they're very useful animals, and eagles are scavengers. And Ben Franklin looked like a turkey. Turkeys, they drown when it rains. That's a myth.

That's a myth. The ones on the farms do. I don't know. What about the corner myth? Is that a myth? When they get into a corner, they don't know how to back up? Yeah, they got to put them in a round pad. Kevin is the only one that can answer any of these questions.

I feel like y'all just over here disrespecting turkeys in a way that I don't like at all. Turkeys can get out of corners. Turkeys never drown once in their life. I believe it. Have you ever touched one of their giblets, though? They're very soft. I respect the turkey. I don't touch them in ways they don't want to be touched. Oh, I asked it first. I believe it. Have you ever touched one of their giblets, though? They're very soft. I respect the turkey. I don't touch them in ways

they don't want to be touched. Oh, I asked it first. I knelt down. I did the whole fucking thing and then said, okay. Did you get written consent, Jackie? No, I just got

buck-off consent. That's enough. Chicken scratcher. Well, that myth about them looking up into the air when it rains, that actually does have some fact because most turkeys are inbred,

at least the ones in captivity, so they're all really fucking stupid. And they all have a certain genetic defect that when they get scared, they look straight up into the air. So when it rains, a lot of times there's thunder that goes along with it. So when the thunderstorms happen,

the turkeys look up in the air. Oh, they're scared. I wonder if that makes the meat taste better or worse. Do you guys see that inbred tiger? No. It's like a Down syndrome tiger. It's like... It sounds adorable.

It is tragically adorable. I know. It's tough. It kind of is. Marcus, can you put it on the screen? It's the cutest tiger I've ever seen. Oh, my God. It's eating ice cream. Google Down syndrome tiger. It is the cutest tiger I've ever seen. Oh, my God. It's eating ice cream.

Google Down Syndrome tiger. It is the best tiger. It's a loving tiger. He's got Gary Busey-like teeth. I love that. Greet her at Walmart in the evenings. I think he's so much happier than the other tigers, too. He doesn't know that he's captured forever.

Does it like to kill? I'm interested. No, he loves. All he's captured forever. Does it like to kill? I'm interested. No, he loves. All he does is love. Let me find out more about this. I'm horrible. I got to go wherever he's at. That's the thing.

It's not a... Google Down Syndrome Tiger in a picture. I did Google Down Syndrome Tiger, but it is not a picture of a tiger with Down Syndrome. He does not have Down Syndrome. He's just horribly inbred. He's cute. Oh, okay.

And wonderful and charming. I don't know if Google says he has Down Syndrome. I know. It didn't show up there. That's a great. I would love a tiger. Extreme pets. I want an extreme pet.

Get a baby tiger. You would think a tiger? Tigers are scary. No, they're not scary. You raise it as a young, and then it grows with you, and it's your friend. That was my whole shit growing up, man. I was seriously looking into it. All types of permits you have to have.

I wanted a mountain lion and a tiger, man. Well, you grew up next to Lion Country Safari. I did grow up next to Lion Country Safari. So it just seemed possible to you. Well, I grew up in Miami then. I moved close to Lion Country Safari because I wanted to be closer to my dream. Yes. But the plan was to get this tiger, get this leopard, get this mountain lion,

move back to Miami and become their king. That would be awesome. Oh, the tiger's name is Kenny. Why wouldn't it be? I love Kenny. Hey, I'm Kenny. Cute-ass tiger. But if he's inbred, wouldn't that make him more ferocious than the other tigers?

I don't know. It makes him royalty. No, he was mentally challenged. He's got issues. Yeah, he died in 2008. Oh, he did? What the? He died.

You're burying the lead. And his brother. I thought he was still going. Oh, man. His brother was named Willie Nelson. Oh, man, his brother was named Willie Nelson. Oh, man. The amount of emotions I've got during the last 90 seconds. Kenny Rogers and Willie Nelson.

That's so sweet. Yeah, that's Kenny Rogers. I didn't even think about that. Good lord. Well, that's very sad. Is his brother dead? Yeah. Oh, well, you know.

Yeah, it happens. That's what happens when you run with those kind of tigers. I guess so. Outlaws. Outlaw tigers. Smoking a weed. All right, so Pennsylvania, you can eat roadkill, huh? Oh, yeah.

Okay. I think that that's fine. I think it's great. Yeah, who cares? I didn't know you weren't allowed to eat roadkill. I thought you could just eat it. You can eat roadkill. You just have to file the proper paperwork.

That's so dumb. Who's really good? Anybody that's eaten roadkill is not going to go waste their time. 3,800 people did. Really? Yeah. That's a lot of people. They're just looking for someone to talk to. And it's all from the

southeastern and southwestern corners of the state. Okay. That's mostly where it is. That is Amish country, I think. Remember when we saw all those deer? I mean, but you can't hit and kill roadkill with a horse and buggy. Sure you can. The horse is really the thing that kills it. Yeah, it'll clomp it to death.

Right. That's cool. I'd love to watch a horse fight a deer. I would love to go be Amish for a month. You guys ever seen horses fight? No. Oh, man. Planet Earth 2, there's this big horse fight. Yes, I did love to go be Amish for a month. You guys ever seen horses fight? No. Oh, man. Planet Earth 2, there's this big horse fight.

Kevin, you ever seen that? Dude, you guys need it. Yeah, dude, it's in the Deserts episode. It's two wild mustangs fighting each other for a bunch of foals. Yep. Yep. Apparently, they're like pests out there. No, they're not. There's too many of them. Everyone protects them. No one wants to kill them, but the wild horses are fucking everywhere. They're screwing and there. No, they're not. There's too many of them. Everyone protects them.

No one wants to kill them. But the wild horses are fucking everywhere. And they're screwing and screwing and screwing. They're allowed their horses. It's like that Rolling Stones song. Never Brown Sugar. I don't think it is like that. Like wild horses.

Maybe Fleetwood Mac would be more of an appropriate. But anyway. Also a Rolling Stones song. I don't care anymore. You know what, Marcus? I'm over it. What are you over? I'm over it.

It? Yeah. What's it? I don't know. Fleetwood Mac? I love Fleetwood Mac. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Rumors. That's an album that they made. Yep. That's an album that they recorded. Tusk. Tusk was very good. Tusk is great. Tusk is great.

Music's stupid, though. When I was thinking about the other day i was like music's so dumb why would you even play it fucking idiots out there oh look at me oh no no no play the guitar you fucking failure you're in a band though aren't you yeah we've been in a band together for about eight years yes yeah but that's the dumbest shit I've ever done. And if I could tell you this right now, I'd say get rid of the banjo. Really? Yep. What?

Get rid of it. I love the banjo. If you get rid of a banjo, I will literally never dance. We were in Scotland, Marcus, Henry, and I. We passed a banjo player, a fiddle player. We were in Scotland. And all three of and I, we passed a banjo player or a fiddle player. We were in Scotland. All three of us were just unnaturally dancing. All three

looked down and were like, we were compelled. Something is speaking to me deep within. Fiddle playing. I'm home! I just realized I've never seen you dance before. Like, we ain't hanging out in a banjo spot. Exactly. before like we're hanging out enough banjo spot

Put a fiddle or a banjo around me my god. I'm like nibble around the roof up there. I just meeting. Everyone's great. Yeah, everything's great. There's no, like, holocaust. Exactly. I'm going to learn. That's going to be my goal now. I'm just going to learn the banjo and just show up at your house at all hours of the

night and start playing outside the window and be like, dance, motherfucker! Dance! Just jumps up out of the bed like, hoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah, you won't even have to prompt it. It just happens. It's amazing. Fiddle music. Yeah, well, so I would have to disagree with you, Holden.

We need the banjo. We need the banjo. We need the banjo. We need the fiddle. Ben needs the banjo for his physical, you know, just life. Absolutely. I get it. I get it. You got it?

You know, it's shocking how much banjo music is associated with black people being beaten and thrown into things they don't like, but I love a good banjo song. It's great. They start to play and my feet get to tap. Absolutely. Especially throw that black man into the thing he doesn't like. It's my favorite song of all banjo music. It's popular down there.

Yes. I had a firm, firm grasp on history. It's the soul of the race of bobbed hair. Yeah. Basically, you just shoot a fire hose at a banjo, and that's the song. There it is. Wild times. All right, Marcus.

Any other news stories? Oh, yeah. I got one here. Nah, you probably don't. You have one? He might not. He didn't sound like he did. He does.

He sounds like he got a phone call. He's the weatherman, and's like still in the shower. Oh, yeah. It's raining. Speaking of showers, I'm spooky dookie. I'm stinky dookie. I can't think of spooky dookie. It's not spooky dookie.

It would make more sense. He's dressed like a vampire. Spooky dookie would make so much more sense. And I was thinking about this fucking scene last night. I was sitting there. I was trying to watch TV. I was trying to watch War War, but sense and I was thinking about this fucking scene last night Like I was sitting there I was like trying to watch TV is trying to watch warm one But I couldn't stop thinking about the pregnancy because you wouldn't stop texting me about it And then just was starting to think about it's like that case so that song that song was obviously pre-recorded Yeah, he pretty recorded the song and filmed those scenes after he pre-recorded it that means

The opening of the opening of the past yeah the opening fest that pest. Yeah, yeah. The opening of the pest. That means that I'm Stinky Dinky, ah, ah, ah, was not improvised. That was planned. He came up with that in the studio. That also means that he had in his mind a vision of him dressed as Dracula farting and saying, I'm Stinky Dinky,

ah, ah, ah. He's on Broadway. He's technically a comedy genius. Yeah, he's doing quite well. I don't think that John Leguizamo is like a bad performer. No, he's exactly. And you know, great art is about discussion. What are we doing right now? Discussing.

It screams to be talked about. It was impressionable. I literally kept, I've been sharing it with people I haven't talked to in years. Yeah. But I also can't stop laughing at it. Right. We made it happen. I can't stop laughing at I'm stinky dinky.

I was in there. Caroleen had already gone to bed, and I'm in the living room, and I just start laughing. And I hear from the other room, like, are you laughing at stinky dinky again? Yes, you are. I'm like, yeah. laughing at Stinky Dinky again? Yes you are. I'm like, yeah!

By the way, we're all to blame for that chairman of the board. In the mid-90s when 13-year-olds chose what good comedy was, we made that. We did. There was a whole team of people aware of that for months before it was released. It's insane to think about.

There's a part where he does the Jerry Lewis voice, but he's wearing these glasses. But that's the thing. I got a feeling that was not originally a Jerry Lewis voice. I think because the words don't match up with his mouth. I'm hoiding. I'm hoiding. That's the only part of the segment where the words don't match up with his mouth. So I got a feeling that he tried a very racist Chinese accent, and it got sent back to the, like the studio sent it

back. It's like, alright, we'll put the rest of this piece of shit out, but we can't do this. No one cares about the Egyptians. Speaking about racist Asian things, I just remember this. My goodness. You're making up racial slurs for a civilization that would have lived thousands of years ago?

What's happening? I just remember this happened. I'm not going to say which show it was. There was a guy who was directing it. He was an older guy who was always mad as shit at himself. He's a perfectionist. And he's just very angry at himself all the time. Very frustrated.

And we were doing this hibachi scene. And so it was a bunch of Asian actors doing hibachi stuff. And and it's late the shoot has gone way later than expected and this guy is always furious but he's trying to keep everybody's spirits up so he's just riffing you know he's just off the top of his head and so he just when he's about to go to the next shot he's like all right and uh all right and uh give me a little bit of that ching chang cling clang and he buries his head in his hand immediately you can just see their cling-clang the rhyming is what enables the racial snowball powwow chow. It just rolls before you even get control of what you're saying. It's just the alliteration of it. Did they laugh at least?

Nobody. It was dead silent. The immediate regret on his face was insane. Because everyone knew that he was already pissed off all the time. No one could say anything.

It was insane. The only person that said anything other than the writers was just there. It was quiet for two seconds. The writers just went, holy fuck. say anything it was insane the only person that said anything other than the writers it was like quiet for like two seconds the writers assistant just went holy fuck

and then somewhere someone who works in HR fell asleep for the first time all week and was just like woke up in a hot sweat just be like

I'm needed for some reason I feel like I'm needed it's the cling clang part that's the beast by now there's a series of different issues with it. He needed some sound. He needed sound in there.

Eddie, you made fun of the Egyptians. Steve Martin was getting some flack in like a month and a half. King Tut? Social media for King Tut. Oh, please. God. You've got to be kidding me. Oh, it's so stupid.

I don't even entertain this as like a real thought to be upset with Steve Martin, but some people evidently were offended by him being King Tut. King Tut's amazing. That's a great song. Yeah, buried in his jammies. Yeah. King Tut. You know what?

I'm just going to say this. Steve Martin, I don't like him. You don't like him? You don't like Steve Martin? I don't laugh. He plays the banjo, you twit. I dance, you fuck. Yeah, the jerk.

You basically described you as the jerk. That's true. The jerk is good. I don't like, I'm talking more. You Jerk is good. I don't like I'm talking more. We're talking about like Roxanne. No, I'm talking the stand-up You should read his right like cruel shoes is hilarious, you know, I don't like he's smarter he thinks he's smarter than me. He is smarter than you. You said he was smarter than me. Yeah, yeah. He thinks he is. He plays the banjo. Yeah. I like that about him. He releases banjo albums.

Legitimately good. Critically acclaimed banjo albums. I said I don't like his comedy. I like his music. What a Grammy, right? Yeah. Yeah. As he should for best rap artist of the year. I'm sure that's who they gave it to.

They're giving it to Macklemore. Anyway, I'm digging a hole here. I know nothing about pop culture or music. Support Big Kizzle supports black artists. Big Kizzle supports black artists. Yes. An accomplished British surgeon has admitted branding two of his patient's livers with his initials.

Is that a problem? Apparently it is. I think that's fine. An accomplished British surgeon has admitted branding two of his patients' livers with his initials. Is that a problem? Apparently it is. I think that's fine. Why would he tell anybody? Well, here's how he got in. If you don't tell anyone, who's going to know? Dr. Simon Brammel, 53, admitted to Birmingham Crown Court that he etched SB onto the livers of two transplant patients in 2013 using an argon beam. Cool.

That's awesome. Holy shit, man. That's a true villain. Yeah, was the surgery good? They got the livers? Everything was fine? Well, that's the thing. The handiwork did no damage whatsoever to the liver,

but one of the patients ended up having other complications and the initials were discovered during a follow-up procedure. That's hilarious. I think that that is totally fine. If doctors want to play little jokes, play like tic-tac-toe long games with organs or whatever, other doctors open it up, put an O or an X, whatever. I think it's kind of fine. I think it's kind of fun.

And the doctor said, I'm sorry, I made a mistake. He shouldn't have said that. I imagine it had to be at least one surgeon who was opening up that liver and I saw that and I was like wait a minute is this liver dope as fuck he's like the the Banksy of doctors he was charged with assault no yeah pled pled guilty. He was charged with assault causing actual bodily harm, but pleaded guilty to a lesser charge of assault by beating. He's a doctor. That's all they do is assault.

They are paid to do that. Free on bail. Get out of here. Ooh, he actually was. Ooh, let me look here, because this was from a while back. He was apparently sentenced two days ago. Let's see if I can find the sentence. If he gets anything more than a little community service, I don't think he should even get that. He's see if I can find the sentence. Anything more than a little

community service. I don't think he should even get that. He's a doctor. He's saving lives. It's graffiti. Graffiti then. Charge him with that. But it's different than graffiti. It's like cutting into a person's organs. Maybe that person shouldn't have been a raging alcoholic. He was fine. 10,000 pounds.

He's a doctor. He can handle it. Oh, he's fine. Good. Alright. That's fine. I like that. He's a doctor. He can handle it. Oh, he's fine. Good. All right. That's fine. I like that. He said he did it in a naive and foolhardy attempt to relieve tension in the operating theater. He was making little jokes. Yeah. He was having fun with it.

Hell of a lot funnier than King Tut. I don't know what I'm saying. What? King Tut was written. I mean, this was written. By definition, yeah. Yeah, but King Tut's like a song, a performance. Doctors don't get enough credit

for how creepy they have to be. They're not creepy. Morbid they have to be. They're cutting all up into human skin and whatnot. They don't even look at us like people. It's like a kid carving up a desk. Yes, exactly. You think that's funny? I used to carve up the...

Yes, that's funny. Of course that's funny. Then people know where you were, at what time you were there. Depends on how big the breasts are drawn on the lady that you put on there. Oh, yeah. I would make a lot of potato cars. Ooh. Potato cars? Yeah, I could draw potatoes and I put wheels on it.

I think there was a toy at some point that was a potato car. Did somebody sit in the potato car? Yeah. Was it always the same person? However, I could only draw one person. Wow, potato cars. Jackie, would you describe your horniness as a disease? Yeah, yeah.

If I could get in there and cut it out, that would be awesome. Yeah, just the horniness. Yeah, yeah, just the horniness. Let's call SB up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want him to write, like, wazzap on the inside of my labia. On your labia, yeah, just the horniness. Let's call SB up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want him to write, like, Wazzap on the inside of my labia.

On your labia, yeah. On the lips. Oh, my goodness. By the way, Bud Light is crushing it. Dilly Dilly, I'm sorry, best ad campaign of all time. I auditioned. You did? Yeah, I went in and did the Dilly Dilly.

But you didn't get it? No. I don't get anything. What is Dilly Dilly? Dilly Dilly is the Bud Light campaign. They say, Dilly Dilly, Dilly Dilly. But you didn't get it? No. I don't get anything. What is dilly dilly? Dilly dilly is the Bud Light campaign. They say dilly dilly. Dilly dilly. It's so fun.

Dilly dilly. So it's like the new what's up? Yes, exactly. And I'm arguing dilly dilly is better than what's up. No, what's up is fucking classic. That's genius. All right, so I'll turn up this dilly dilly. Dilly dilly.

No, no, no. Okay, so I'll watch this. You guys go ahead. The audience knows the dilly dilly. You don't tell. No, no. Okay, so I'll watch this. You guys go ahead. The audience knows the Dilly Dilly. You don't tell us the commercials? Like, what, the Dilly? No, it's Dilly Dilly. They just say it like Dilly Dilly. Oh, so they're all toasting.

They're at a big, what is it? A medieval banquet? It's a medieval banquet. And they all go Dilly Dilly. Dilly Dilly. I haven't even seen this yet, but I can tell you right now. Sounds like a great time. It's a great time. The one I auditioned for was a little different, though. I was't even seen this yet, but I can tell you right now. Sounds like a great time. It's a great time. The one I auditioned for was a little different, though. I was a man with a chronic masturbation problem, and I come to the doctor.

I'm like, doctor, I can't stop. My penis is raw. It's red with blood. And he goes, dilly dilly. And you say in response. I say, God help me. Lord, strike me down. And he says, dilly dilly.

Just like my masturbation will be the end of me. I have a family. I cannot go through this anymore. My penis is red with blood. Dilly dilly. Right? And then we do. Jesus Christ.

Budweiser. Wow. I just can't believe you didn't get that. It sounds like it's right up your alley. I know, right? Yeah. God help me Lord forgive me What did you do

What did you do In the room to mess it up I started actually putting my penis out For the people to see And they said no no no And I was like I didn't get it did I You're supposed to bring a rubber dick with you I don't think any of us have ever booked a commercial audition

Taco Bell you fucking stupid bitches that was on the internet Taco Bell you filthy I did for a fucking voiceover Papa John's come on

you don't have that Papa John's hey she did something she did a fucking voiceover Crockpot do a fucking voiceover Crockpot bitch yeah Crockpot milk

didn't you do a milk thing I did a milk one you fucking talk about it I got three commercials. I killed it over here. And they never went to air, though. That doesn't count, though. Isn't that fucked up?

Really? You were in a commercial for Far Cry? Far Cry 4, I think. No shit. Do we not talk to each other? No, we don't talk to each other about this stuff, ever. Yeah, I did a commercial with Brian Moynihan from Bank of America. Yeah, the hobnobby top dude over there.

Look at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. B-O-A. Never went to air. Never went to air. It made no money. I was supposed to make so much money. I never made it.

Well, Bank of America doesn't have a lot to give away these days. Uh-oh. I was in a Nike commercial. Oh, shit. Uh-oh. I did a Nike commercial, my big ass. Yeah? Yeah.

That was the name of the commercial? No, no, no. It was some snow thing. I don't know. I got it because I improvised the word snow job, and they gave me the part. Hey, they have no idea what that means, huh? Yeah, no, no. No clue.

Okay. Yeah, but that didn't make the air. But I met Bill Nye the science guy. How was he? He was wonderful. I love Bill Nye. And by the way, I know that we're supposed to love, what is it, Tyson? Neil deGrasse Tyson.

But I am so over him on Twitter. He's so mean. I don't like him. He's just mean. He's mean? Yes. He's mean. He's smug.

He's very smug. He's allowed to be smug. He's a fake scientist just like Bill Nye is a fake scientist. Neil deGrasse Tyson is an actual scientist. You know who the only real scientist is? America's scientist, Beekman. I love Beekman. We all love Beekman. I'm moreekman. We all love Beekman.

I like that rat. The rat. You're the rat. You could be the new rat. Ooh. I like that. The amount of money they would save on having to put you in a rat costume. I know.

I just look like it. Yep. Real talk, though. Ed likes cheese too much. You think so? Yep. Ed likes cheese too much. I do so? Yep Ed likes cheese too much I do

I ate a bunch of your cheese last night I bet you fucking did Oh you did Yeah man Fucking stupid cheese Just sitting up We went to Holden's house I didn't realize the Twitch stream was happening

Yeah On camera immediately Halfway like an hour in You're like wait We're being filmed right now Like yeah we're all surrounding this computer With like clearly doing a show I asked you when I walked into the room

Am I on camera? And you're like clearly doing a show. I asked you when I walked into the room, am I on camera? And you're like, no, no, no. But then I was. Maybe because you were like off to the side at that moment. Either way, though, it was a fun stream. You can't help but be on camera because of your size. If there's a camera around, you're on it. The camera loves you too, Ben.

Big man. Yeah, it does. That's why I have booked none, any, ever, never a commercial. Do you still go out? No. Are you kidding me? I've got one place that likes me, so I still go out. I literally got an email from the agency that would send me out theoretically on commercial auditions,

and I raffled in a message back. I said, ROFL, roll on the floor laughing, because that was so stupid, the idea that I could be a nerd in whatever fucking little dumb thing they were playing. I was supposed to be a nerd. A nerd? I've gone out for a seven-week. I'm 303 pounds. There's a lot of big nerds. Not in commercials. The audience can't think and be like, I wonder why that

big guy's a nerd. What's his backstory? They just have to list the new egg sandwich from Taco Bell. I don't even understand. The amount of mismatched auditions I've gone on is inconceivable. It's crazy ridiculous. There was one they want to focus on. I don't even understand. The amount of mismatched auditions I've gone on is inconceivable. It's so upsetting.

There was one they wanted me to play a 50-year-old white guy. One of the lines was, and actually, and it was only like eight lines in the audition, and one of the lines was, kiss my big, fat, white,

Polack ass. That was supposed to be me. I remember one time. If you were a great actor, you could have gotten it. One time I got sent out as a Christmas elf, and I had to improv with an actual dwarf, and I'm like, I can't take a part from a dwarf. I can't do it. They shrink you down.

Yeah, and it doesn't say IT guy. I know I'm fucked. Exactly. Every single time. I know I'm completely fucked. And I'm not. I'm fat, and I'm weak, so I can't be an athlete. So I'm fucked. Exactly. Every single time. I know I'm completely fucked. And I'm not. I'm fat and I'm weak, so I can't be an athlete. So I got nothing.

There's no place for me in this world. Yeah, it's funny. We'll definitely walk in and be like, oh, this is one of those spots for attractive people. Yeah. Not to even talk shit like, oh, I'm beautiful and I know that and I love myself. And if I could fucking create a second body double myself, I would fuck my ass hard. Good for you. That's good.

I'm happy you're happy. Thank you. But, you know, you walk in and they all look like models and shit. And I'm just like, why did you send me out on this? It's horrible. Well, one of the first auditions I did in the city, very jocular. I thought I was going to be the nerd in the scene, but I was supposed to be the jock because of my body size. I mean, there were five dudes.

They were chiseled like the rock. They all take their shirts off. I take my shirt off. I've got my sad stomach because I lost all the weight. 160 pounds. I did a full 360 spin, and they did applaud me for my bravery. That's so fucking condescending.

It was very, and then I cried. I don't know if I cried necessarily on the subway, but there was definitely a moment. Bad day. Maybe it was definitely a moment. Yeah. Bad day. Maybe it was a bad decision. I'm over it now. Your beard looks very handsome. It's coming in very handsomely.

Thank you, Jackie. Yeah. I always thought you'd been a good beard guy. Thank you, Marcus. You're welcome. Why don't you like the beard? Everyone go around the table and say something nice about Ben. About the beard.

I like your beard. If I could create a body double of myself, I would suck my cock. Anyway, I walked in. The first thing I thought of was, oh, it's a nice beard. It's a nice beard. I can't even grow one, man. You can't? No, I can't.

Yeah, I can't either. Well, I'll take it. Now I feel better. Thank you. Jackie, something nice about Ben? She already started it. I was pretty prompted. I already did it too, yeah.

I think that Ben's never actually frowning. It's that his skin weighs so much that when he's smiling it looks like he's frowning. There it is. Is that a compliment?

That is a compliment technically and accurate. It's about how happy he is. Yeah, that's true. People think he's not happy. He's always happy. People think I'm happy? Yeah, they all think that.

It doesn't matter anymore. Who cares? All right, Marcus, what's the news story? I just clicked on this one. It says how to tell if your cat loves you. How do you do it? They purr. That's it?

There's a whole list. They look you in the eye and they blink. They bring you things. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dead fucking animals and shit. They meow constantly. That doesn't mean they like you things oh yeah yeah dead fucking animals they meow constantly they never leave you alone they get in your personal space all annoying things i don't know they need you as in like

with their little feet they need oh they make biscuits actually feels good. I think that's a plus. I miss having a cat, man. They flash you and then look at a little pussy. Oh. I didn't like the way you did that at all. What the hell happened to you? It's like for a cat to love you. What is a male cat? They won't stop staring at you. I've never seen a cat's dick.

It's the corkscrew because it goes right in. I mean, there's men cats. But you've never seen a cat's dick. It's the corkscrew because it goes right in. It goes... But you've never seen a cat's dick. I've seen kitty balls a lot. Really? Yeah. They're out there? Yeah. They're furry. Big tomcats. Yeah, warm. I'll start looking harder.

Do you want to see one right now? No, we don't need to see one. Sure. You can't Google it. It's illegal. You can Google cat penis easily. No, you can't need to see one. You can't Google it. You can Google cat penis easily. Yeah, it's right here. Look at it. What you can and can't do. That's weird.

It's like a little bird. It's like a little fucking... Oh, it's barbed. That's right. Oh, they're barbed. What is it? Now, you'll get cats stuck to each other for a long time. Yeah, that's why they scream and just bite each other.

I remember one time, because the dogs also got a barred penis, and we came outside. Why are we talking about this? Why not? We knew a dog. One of our dogs started banging this other dog, and it was like a whole fucking mess. And we go outside, and they're fucking ass to ass

with his dick stuck in her, and they're both crying and whimpering. And so we had to turn them around and motion them to help them fuck till they were done i don't think this is good ed they got pregnant no that's right it's a good thing to do yeah he's that he was actually the fucking i don't know so it would have been bad i don't want to okay we don't know either way the atlanta falcons huh losingosing to the Eagles like that. Philadelphia. You're really into this Atlanta Falcons game. 15 to 10. Bird on bird action right there.

That is bird on bird. What is your favorite bird sports team, Kevin? Favorite bird sports team. Oh, wow. I mean, we got the Cardinals. Orioles. Yeah. The problem is I don't know any sports, but I know many birds.

Seahawks? Just name a bird and I'll tell you if there's a bird. I say Seahawks. Seahawks, scary animal. Yeah. I don't know. Seattle is a crazy town with their team. They're so loud they think the stadium is built like a megaphone. Yeah.

So it's very easy to be loud there. But it's not about Seattle. It's about birds. We're talking birds. Yeah, we're talking birds here. You like Orioles? Orioles is dope. The Seahawks, I think Seahawks takes them. Yeah, we're talking birds here. Do you like Orioles? Orioles are dope. The Seahawks, I think Seahawks takes them.

Yeah, even more than Cardinals. Yeah, Seahawks. That kills everything. The Falcons. Seahawks, man. Why do you have Blue Jays? Yeah, Blue Jays. What about Blue Jays?

Seahawks, motherfucker. Yeah. It's getting mad and it's scaring me. I don't know why everyone loves the Cardinals so much. The name of my Pacelli was we were the Pacelli Cardinals. What's so good about the Cardinals? I mean, it was just one of the first sports teams. No, I know the bird I'm talking about.

They're very smart. It's a good looking bird. It's a sexy bird. Do they do anything? They got a triangle ass head. Yeah. It's like a blue jay. You mad when you see a blue jay?

No, I'm not happy though. I'm fucking angry. You're You mad when you see a blue jay? No, I'm not happy, though. I'm fucking angry. You're not happy when you see a blue jay? I like pigeons. You like pigeons? Pigeon. Or penguins. Pittsburgh penguins.

Sea hawks. All right. Atlanta hawks. Sea hawks, man. There's something about adding sea in front of hawks. It really does it for me, man. They have like a beak and a billahawks, man. There's something about adding C in front of Hawks. That really does it for me. They have like a beak and a bill. They're fucking crazy.

Yeah, that's some crazy shit. Okay. That's fine. All right. There's some fun web footage of the Raven. If you see the Raven for the Baltimore Ravens. Yeah, Baltimore Ravens. Ravens is a close second.

I do like Ravens. Ravens will peck your eyes out. I love Ravens. Yeah, they're very smart. They know when you're about to die, right? Ravens is a close second. I do like Ravens. Ravens will peck your eyes out. I love Ravens. Yeah, they're very smart. They know when you're about to die, right? Ravens? I think they know when you're about to die. They know when you're about to die?

I think so. I've always thought to myself, if I ever bought a sword, I'd have to buy a Raven first. Just roll around. Think about me with a sword and a Raven on my shoulder. You'd be like, I'm not fucking with that nigga. My goodness. I would love to go hang out at Colonial Williamsburg with you, your raven, and your sword. Yeah, that'd be fun.

Can we go to Busch Gardens afterwards? Sure. I'll tell you right now, man, anything's possible when you got that raven and that sword, man. The world is yours. And now it's time for a segment from Old McNeil. Oh, shit. You're nice. You had three months it's time for a segment from Old McNeil. Oh, shit. You're nice. You had three months to come up with a segment.

Yeah, three months to come up with. Two months. I'm stinky dinky. I'm stinky dinky. It was earlier. It looked like I was laughing at some other shit someone else was saying. I remember thinking about I'm stinky dinky. I fucking have.inky Dinky. Thinking about him, Stinky Dinky. I fucking have, I

had the same thing too at the bar last night. I just started, because we were texting about Stinky Dinky and I just started laughing, man. Yeah, mention that to me as a matter of fact. It's so funny. Anyways, though, I have a wedding coming up, Marcus. That's right.

A year away A year away A full year You proposed a year ago I proposed a year ago It's a year from today? Is that normal Jackie Two year engagement

Why are you asking me I don't fucking know Hopelessly Fucked when it comes to Alone forever But I think that's too long Thank you Jackie She's fucked up

I think it's usually like a year. All right. It takes some time. We're figuring it out. All right. Okay. Either way. It's time to back out.

Exactly. Assuming she does not back out. She moves out one thing every day. Assuming she does not inevitably back out. I need some wedding planning done for me. What will the wedding be? Where will it be? Who will? What can happen? I kind of want me. What will the wedding be? Where will it be? Who will, what's, it can have,

I kind of want a theme maybe for the wedding, something like that. Maybe just a couple of event ideas for the wedding. If you were so desperately in need of this actual information, I would think this was a segment. But this is like real. Genuinely curious, rather. What's your ideal wedding first, of course?

Oh, for me? Yeah. What would be the best? I mean, we were just talking about Butch Garden, so I'm thinking like, oh, it'd be fun to ride on a roller coaster, right? Maybe like some good tunes, some good friends, some mud wrestling, and just some good family time.

You know what I'm saying? Mud pit in the middle. We'll just have a mud pit in the middle. Do the guest wrestler or are you going to hire wrestlers? Yeah, we'll hire naked breast for the wrestling. One breast? One naked breast? A single breast. The other one will be covered. Whoever gets the breast out wins.

Whoever gets the breast wins. So that is mine. Thank you very much. I love my beautiful Lexi. Kevin, what should we do? All right. So that is mine. Thank you very much. Good idea. I love my beautiful Lexi. Kevin, what should we do? Well, as far as wedding planning, I mean, I think there's really no other advice I can give you than let Ludacris handle it. I love it.

I love that. That's the only way to go. Ben? I love it. What was that? $10 million? $15 million? The disaster? Oh, yeah. What was that? $10 million? $15 million? The disaster?

Oh, yeah. The fire festival. The fire festival. That was not. Was that Luda? That wasn't Luda. Oh, no. That was John.

No, and it wasn't Fat Albert either, Ben. Oh, my God. Kevin is wearing a shirt that has Biggie. It's an animated Biggie Smalls, and he drew him like Fat Albert. It's on purpose to look like Fat Albert. Thank you. It's supposed to look like Fat Albert. Oh, you guys are just trying to get Ben in a snake.

It's the artist's fault. I didn't do it. Oh, my God. It's record day for you, man. Yes, the fire festival. Anyway, for your wedding? Yeah. All right. Well, oh, for your wedding? Yeah. All right.

Well, oh, my Catholic church. That's where a lot of weddings take place. And yeah, I don't know. Just going to have it at Catholic church? Think about it. You're going. What's good for you? How are you going to have fun?

Am I invited? Be selfish. He has not invited me. All right, you're invited. We're all invited then. We know we're all invited. You don't know when the fucking wedding's going to be. How are they going to invite people?

Wow. Think about what you would. Be selfish. Oh my God. I mean, there might be more than one black person there, so I hope you don't get confused. Oh, thank you. They're all the same person. As long as we're all the same fat Albert, we'll be fine.

Good Lord almighty. Wait, who's going to be there besides we're not Fat Albert, we'll be fine. Good Lord almighty. Wait, who's going to be there besides Kevin? Yeah, actually, I don't know. Yeah, exactly. I'll bring one, man. Bring one. Bring one. We'll sit on opposite sides at a wedding just so Ben can be like, wait a minute, Kevin, how are you here?

And you're also over there. Well, let's be honest. It takes place in a wedding just so Ben can be like, wait a minute, Kevin, how are you here? And you're also over there. Well, let's be honest. It takes place in a courtroom. There's a judge, and that judge is fucking Dan Aykroyd from Nothing But Trouble. We'll bring Tone Loke. We'll do the whole thing. It's not Tone Loke. It's Digital Underground.

God damn it! I'm out of here! Alright, whatever. Whoever it is that's basically telling us. They don't look anything alike. One of them's got the nose. Wow. Humpty. He's got the Humpty thing.

That's not Tone. Yeah. Tone looks wild thing. He looks in Ace Ventura. Who's in Ace Ventura? The Angie Dice Clay movie. The name of black people got that crazy voice

alright I'm gonna cut together clips from all these mixups you've done and just put that as your next campaign it's fine but yeah

that's what we'll do a nothing but trouble themed wedding it will be nothing but trouble Bobo and Little Devil will be there and it'll be a lot of fun

we'll eat and we'll have sausages and then we'll go around in a little wagon. Get yourself a doll! And that's the way we'll do it. We kind of dropped the ball on that petition, didn't we? Yeah, how's it going? Is the campaign going, Jackie? I mean, it's going well. I gotta

start working towards getting it to Dan Aykroyd. So what is the campaign? Explain to the people in case they haven't heard. You can just go talk to Dan Aykroyd. I know, but it is at 8% Rotten Tomatoes rating right now. And I want to get it up to 22%. I think that is where it should be. If we get it to 40%, I will get nothing but trouble as a tramp stamp.

That's right. I actually discouraged this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm very into it. So I want to get it to 39%. Yeah, all right. I actually discouraged this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm very into it. So I want to get it to 39%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we are doing it in the memory of the guy who played Little Devil, who unfortunately committed suicide soon after the movie.

Jesus. John Candy? That makes sense. No, one was Dan Aykroyd and one was the other guy. One was John Candy and one was just some guy. Dan Aykroyd. Yeah, one was Dan Aykroyd. Little Devil committed suicide.

Little Devil committed suicide, yeah. What are you talking about? What the heck? Somebody else. Yeah, let me look. What would that happen? I think I would look this up. I really think it's John Candy.

Why would he do that? It's not John Candy. He's the star of nothing but trouble. He's not the star. He's three parts. He's a star. I mean, Dan Aykroyd is the star. No, John Candy's the star.

All right. I mean, Little Devil. I mean, it's got to be Bobo and Little Devil. That is definitely John Candy. John Candy's in it, but John Candy does not play. He plays three roles. Yeah, well, he plays the sister and the cop. And that's it. He just plays two.

No, he plays three. Because he's the sister's brother. That is him. That's who the cop is. Yeah, okay. But where do people find this thing? How do we get that up? I've got a change.org petition.

I put it up on page seven, and now I'll post it on Roundtable. Yeah, we've got to post it all over the place. Has the number gone up since you started the campaign? Yeah. Not the number. We've got a bunch of signatures, but the number actually hasn't gone up. We've got to get this thing a Rotten Tomatoes. Why is Rotten Tomatoes so mean-spirited about stuff like this?

But Trouble's a fucking phenomenal film. It's fantastic. They took some time, and they made a great movie, and then people fucking go caca on it. What does that mean? They tried making a great movie. Chevy Chase ruined the movie. Chevy Chase ruined it.

Chevy Chase ruined the movie. Yeah, yeah. He's just no fun. Really? Yeah, he's no fun. He's a stick in the mud. No, ruined it. Chevy Chase ruined the movie. Yeah, yeah. He's just no fun. Really? Yeah, he's no fun. He's a stick in the mud. No, but that's his character. Taylor Negron's kind of fun.

Oh, he's great. Yeah, he's always great. Yes, he's awesome. What's the pest add on Rotten Tomatoes? I mean, if the pest is better than Nothing But Trouble, I'll fucking lose my mind. That's crazy.

All right, well, let's check it out. It's not good out It's not good It doesn't have a good rating I'm sure 9% It's one of both And it's got a pedophile in it Jeffrey Jones The principal from Bueller

Yeah the dad from Beet, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The dad from Beetlejuice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeffrey Jones. Still at 9%. Yeah, 9 fucking percent. He also wrote Hollywood, that guy, doesn't he? I don't know.

I haven't seen him. No? Okay. I think that's all he does. God, where did I see that this guy killed himself? I just know it's John Candy. Well, I know. No, it's not.

He ate himself to death in Mexico. No, it's a guy. The guy's name it's not The guy's name is John DeVacus And apparently he has to be a friend of these guys Because he was a Hardware consultant on Ghostbusters I believe he wrote it with Dan Ackroyd Did he?

I believe, nothing but trouble The only two acting credits he has Is that he was a Russian border guard In Spies Like Us, which is great. Love Spies Like Us. And then he was Little Devil. Oh, okay. But on his IMDb page, he's only shown as an actor.

And miscellaneous crew. Oh, okay. Eddie, the wedding. It's Jackie's turn. Oh, Jackie. I think this would be fun for everybody. We're going to do a Neverending Story themed wedding. Where you guys ride in on giant slugs.

No, no, no. Falcor is going to take you after the wedding. Falcor is going to take you to your honeymoon. Get in on the big slugs. Yeah, you come in on big slugs. Ed's going to be dressed as the rock baby from Neverending Story 2. So we're going to intertwine the two.

But the problem is that we're all going to have to watch that fucking horse die after the ceremony. So it's going to be difficult. The horse died in the first one.

Yeah, it's the first one. We're melding them. I forget. I remember Atreyu is the kid. No, Atreyu is the kid. But what does he scream as nothing is taking the horse?

What's his name? The horse's name. The horse's name is... Who cares? Not Falkor. Falkor was the thing. I think it's Falkor. I think it's Falkor 2.

No, Falkor's the dog dragon. No, no, no. It's Falkor 1 and Falkor 2. Falkor number 2. Yeah. I'm mad more again. Do you remember how fucking sad that scene was? Yeah, that's Willow.

Yeah, yeah. You and your goddamn Willow. What's wrong that scene was? Yeah, that's Willow. Yeah, yeah. You and your goddamn Willow. What's wrong with Willow? I've never seen Willow. Oh, so now you don't like it because you've never seen it. I want to see it because Val Kilmer

looks like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fallen so now I have to see it. Of course you do. Val Kilmer looks great in that movie. Yes, he still does. R-tax.

R-tax. R-tax. R-tax. R-tax. So at the end of R-tax. R-tax. So at the end of the wedding, we're going to drown a horse? Yeah. That's going to be rough. Real rough.

Real rough. It'll be at St. Augustine, so we can do it at the Fountain of Youth. Hell yeah. And then maybe the soul of the horse can go into Lexi's body, into the baby that she is no doubt carrying. Is she pregnant? She might be. Brilliant. All women at any point could be pregnant.

Unless they're on their periods. Unless they're doing the... You guys don't know anything about any of this. Well, no. I call them an exclamation mark for what a great month they had. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's actually pretty good.

I feel like some sort of tampon commercial should use that as a slogan. Turn a period into an exclamation point. It raises all of a sudden. It's just scream while you have it. Alright, the wedding. What are we doing for this wedding? First of all, we know it's going to be in Florida. Great decision. A lot of crazy shit we could do down there.

We're going to be by the ocean. We could go whaling. We could go whaling. I'm not going whaling. I'm not going whaling. I'm not going whaling. I'm not going to kill whales. You don't have to go.

You can sit on the beach and get tan. But a bunch of us, we're going to hire some Japanese people. We're going to go whaling. That could be cool because I want to test out my sword and my raven. Exactly. The raven would be a great lookout for whales. All right, so we're going to go whaling. That's the first day. The second day, then we're going to go whaling. That's the first day.

The second day, then we're going to have the, whatchamacallit, afterwards. What's the dinner you have? The rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner the night before. We'll have that at the Freebird Cafe. Oh, yeah, because that's not too far. So we'll go to the Lynyrd Skynyrd restaurant and have the rehearsal dinner there.

That'll be kind of fun. Nice. And we'll have a good time. And then after that, it's wedding time. There's all kinds of castles dinner there. That'll be kind of fun. Nice. And we'll have a good time. And then after that, it's wedding time. There's all kinds of castles down there. So we're going to go Game of Thrones style themed wedding. Freebird Cafe closed.

What? Wedding's off! All right. Wedding's canceled. No wedding is that's answer. No wedding at all. 100% plausible. How can there be happiness in the world? What do you mean?

What happened? It ran its course. Yeah. 16 years. Ran its course. Damn. Wow. Fuck.

Apparently a fucking airplane just flew right into the room. Yeah, hold it. Musicians shouldn't be pilots. Amazing, yeah. So we'll have a Game of Thrones-style wedding, and we'll just kill everybody. Okay, there you go. Marcus, who do you think would, uh, the wedding?

I mean, I'd enjoy life and the lives of all of my friends, so can't do Eddie's. Definitely not. He's very mean-spirited. And whales. Yeah, whales, too. I love whales. I love horses, so we're not going to be able to drown a horse. But you love horse skulls. I love horses, but that's the thing.

Only after the horse has lived a long and healthy life. So we'll drown an old horse. It's going to be an old horse. Oh, it's been an old, loved horse. You let the horse just reach. We're not going to drown a horse. All right. What if we get a crippled horse and throw it in the fucking fountain? You let the horse just reach you we're not gonna drown a horse

It's a horrifying way today you just shoot it in the head. You make it quick. What if you get a retard horse? You can't do that either. Let the gates loose. Can't do that either. If Kenny Rochester Tiger was still alive, we could drown him. Oh, my goodness. I think not. Horses want to live. Horses want to live.

And, Ben, you're just boring. We're going to have to let Luda do it. Yeah, let Luda do it. Yeah, let Ludacris do it. If it's anything like the fire festival, he's gonna fail again. Alright, well that was a different black man. I know, I understand. I was making a farcical sentence

created, and I created one. I watched Ben walk up to his stop sign and be like, hello black man. How are you? I was like, what are you doing? Did you watch that? Did you really watch that? Okay.

All right. This is the round table. Let's see. Any announcements? We're not going to be together again for a long time. I don't know. I mean, listen to the old episodes. Who gives a shit?

I know that, but what's going on with you personally? I know we're going to stay friends, Ed. Yeah. I'm always concerned that you're going to lose your friends somehow. We have no one else. I mean, you wander off. Marcus, they left. They left.

They left. We stayed here. They left. We're here right now. They left. Well, if you want to listen to Ben, we'll be back like once a month. If you want to listen to Ben, you can go to Abe Lincoln's Top Hat. For Jackie, you can go to page seven,

Sex and the Human Activities. For Ed, you can go to the brighter side. For Holden, you go to Wizard and the Bruiser. And for Kevin, you can just go anywhere else in the world. Watch television. Watch television. Watch TV. That's it.

Much more successful than all of us. Yes. You know? Absolutely. Do whatever. All right, everyone. Well, thanks so much for listening. I guess we'll talk to you soon.

Is that it? That's it. That's it. That's it. You don't want to plug your Twitch stream? Twitch.tv forward slash Holdenators. Oh, fucking, you know what I'm saying? 2018. Fuck yeah.

Weed. Yeah, dude. There it is. Hell yeah. Goodbye. Bye, everybody. Peace.