The Royals of Malibu - 7. Pills & Punches

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

Ella’s had it with Reed’s sus behavior. She decides that it’s finally time to figure where he’s been heading off to at night. Good idea? I'm not so sure. But the real tea is that Ella doesn’t need Reed anyway—she’s caught the eye of a new guy. And he's coming on strong. Follow The Royals of Malibu on Instagram Follow The Royals of Malibu on TikTok Explore more: diversionaudio.com Tag us in your best lip syncs!  The Royals of Malibu Season 1 is based on the book Paper Princess by Erin Watt. Read the book: https://amzn.to/3kBUEhY Featuring the voices of: Alyssa McKay as ELLA SINCLAIR, Zaria as SAVANNAH GONZALEZ, Chris Cafero as REED ROYAL, Nick Cafero as EASTON ROYAL, Armen Taylor as CALLUM ROYAL, Franchesca Agramonte as VALERIE GONZALEZ, Anna Rubanova as BROOKE DAVIDSON, Maura Vincent as DINAH O'HALLORAN, Stephanie Sherry as LUCY and MARGARET SINCLAIR, and Kieran Regan as DAVID ALBRECHT The Royals of Malibu is a production of Diversion Audio. Directed by Matt Sav. Written by Keyanna Khatiblou. Produced by Aimee Machado, Emma DeMuth, and Jacob Bronstein. Production Management by Ashton Carter. Story Editing by Lindsey Ploussard. Story Development by Emma DeMuth and Jacob Bronstein. Editorial Direction by Scott Waxman. Casting by Lindsey Ploussard, Alex Vikmanis, and Mayank Bhatter. Editing, Sound Design, and Engineering by Morgane Fouse and Michael Aquino. Theme Music by Eric Zeiler. Executive Producers for Diversion Audio: Jacob Bronstein, Mark Francis and Scott Waxman. Executive Producers for Pod People: Rachael King and Matt Sav. Special thanks to Kimberly Brower, Jen Frederick, and Elle Kennedy.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Diversion Audio Last time on the Royals of Malibu? This club is fucking amazing! What is Easton doing here? And is that... ...read? Ella? Looking fine as fuck.

I want to kiss you. Kiss me. Wow, fuck man. Eastern's fucked up. We got to get him home. If you ever need to relieve some stress, I could help you with that. I can tie you up with this. That's what you want, Ella.

Just admit that you want me, not just my body. I can't. With Ella, wait. Where are you going? See you later, Reed. Ella, untie me! One note we should mention. This episode contains adult language and, subject matter that may not be appropriate for younger audiences.

Please take care in the sing. ["Malibu Black Widow"] ["Malibu Black Widow"] ["Malibu Black Widow"] ["Malibu Black Widow"] ["Malibu Black Widow"] ["Malibu Black Widow"] ["Malibu Black Widow"] ["Malibu Black Widow"]

["Malibu Black Widow"] When I heard Reed leave his room and creep down the hall, I knew I had to follow him. And not to brag, but I'm basically an international super spy a Malibu Black Widow After two years of living a double life as a camgirl. I'm a professional operator Clearly I'm out of practice Ella Brooke are you okay? I'm out of practice. Uh... Ella? Brooke!

Are you okay? What time is it? Um... 2.30. Don't you have school in the morning? Why are you sleeping on the couch? And... Why are you dressed like you're going to win a ward show?

Callum and I had dinner plans, but he got stuck working late. I guess I fell asleep. I love that dress. Thanks! It's a new designer. It looked better four hours ago when it was wrinkle-free. So did I, actually.

You still look great. I'd have dinner with you. You still look great. I'd have dinner with you. You're so sweet. Don't ever let a man stand you up for dinner. I'm sorry, Callum did that. Yeah, well, some guys know how to treat people and some don't. Callum just... I know he loves me.

He definitely does. He just forgets about all of us, except for you. That's not true. It is. And it's okay. You deserve someone focusing on you. Anyways, I should go take my makeup off. Can you believe I still break out sometimes? That's still a thing when you get older. Believe it or not, there will be a timing your life when you need Botox and Benzoyle per Huxide. Good night. Night.

Ideally, Brooke would have never seen me sninking through the house. But she won't snitch. She's too concerned with her skincare routine and... Her shitty boyfriend! Come on, Calum! Broke's amazing! Do better! I mean, seriously, how could you ghost-brook?

Especially when she looked like that. Men are trash. And that's why I suddenly don't feel so bad about borrowing Calum's Tesla for the evening. Oh, come on, come on, where are you? I suddenly don't feel so bad about borrowing Kalim's Tesla for the evening Oh Come on, come on, where are you? As I search for the key fob in the closet, I wonder What did she mean that Kalim only cared about me? There is no way that's true and if it is

then that is seriously fucked up Oh yes, gotcha! Okay, let's get out of here. I'm about to sneak into the garage when I hear voices outside the door. Dad's gonna murder you, Reed. You can't be messing around with this heavy shit anymore. Hey, I never tell you not to get black out drunk or sell pills to freshmen. Bro, what? You tell me not to do that shit every day.

I'm gonna do what I need to do and you're gonna do what you need to do. Leave it alone. It's too much, Reed. You can either come with, or you can bail, but I'm leaving now for Dad gets home. Here we go again. Well, that was almost too easy.

Luckily, I watched a YouTube video on how to start a Tesla. Please, please start! Yes, yes, yes! Alright, Read Royal. Where do you go at night? I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. Malibu Badi, this is is queer icon reporting for duty over.

Love the code names, Val. I mean, queer icon. Can you see my location? Yep, I've been tracking since you left. All right, where am I? You're in Venice, so still close to the beach, but Google Maps isn't pulling up anything specific. What do you see?

A big, ugly white building. Is there a sign anywhere? Uh, yeah, yeah. There's a cartoon dog and it's saying, Bardolf Inc. B-A-R-D-O-L-P-H, Incorporated. Gugling. Looks like it's some kind of e-commerce company.

Hmm. Oh, are there a bunch of those douchey scooters around? Yeah, actually. You're on some kind of tech campus. Do you read an Eastern on a startup? They're way too lazy for that. I'm going in. Hold on, don't do that. I have to.

I followed them all the way out here and we still don't have a clue what they're up to. Maybe they're building robotics. Or burying bodies. Either way, you can't literally store in the castle. Do you want me to verbally agree with you so you can go to sleep, worry-free? Ella, don't go in that building. Totally!

Okay, bye! Ella, you could go to jail! Okay, here we go. Now, reason to be nervous. It's just a little breaking and entering. No big deal. It looks like they went to the third floor. Welcome to Bardolph Inc. Ruff! You are arriving at the rooftop! God damn it Ella!

Busted. Eastern! What brings you to Bardolph this evening? What the fuck are you doing here? Where's Reed? Getting ready. Ready for what? Is this some kind of mixer, like a boys club?

Exactly. No girls allowed, so you can head home now. Bye. Ha ha. Oh god. Alright, fuck it. Let's get you a drink. Yo.

Two gin and tonics, X-O-Gin! Why are there a bunch of tech bros meeting in this weird building in the middle of the night? Ella, Meet Silicon Beach is best and brightest. You may have noticed you're the only girl here. That's partially because women are sadly underrepresented in STEM. However, it's mainly due to the reason we're all gathered here. Let me guess you're all gonna watch someone's speed run Minecraft? Weeeeee...

Get in touch with our masculinity. Ew! What does that mean? You wanna go ahead and knock that back first. Tsk. Ugh. The only reason I'm not throwing you out is because I think you may actually be able to stop it.

Who, Reed? From what? Exactly. Come on, they're starting. Stay behind me, it. Who, Reed? From what, exactly? Come on, they're starting. Stay behind me, Elle. We don't want them to see you yet. I can barely see.

Is that Reed? And some guy standing in the middle of everyone? Shh, shh, shh, shh. OK, the timer is projected on that wall. When it starts counting down, the round begins. What, are they going to- Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh my god! I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He's done tonight though, right? He already won? Well, you're here, so he'll probably call it a night, but usually he doesn't fight to win. He fights to lose. Okay, what does that mean? He wants to lose? He says that losing makes him feel alive.

Taking a hit, it's fucked. That's why I'm telling you, you gotta make him stop doing this. Before he goes all million dollar baby on me. make him stop doing this before he goes all million dollar baby on me. And the sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know if ice will help with the bruising, but it should keep the knot from smelling more. Here, let me.

Thanks. You shouldn't have followed us down there tonight. I just... I know that was probably scary to watch. Yeah. It was. I wish you hadn't seen me like that. It was scary.

You had nothing behind your eyes like you were... ...somewhere else. That's the whole point. When I'm fighting, I don't have to deal with whatever, everything. Read, I'm sorry if what I did on the boat made you feel like you had to go hit someone or get her.

It's not your fault. Make sure I was upset by what happened on the yacht, and I wanted to blow off some steam. But I've been fighting for a long time. It's my choice. But tying you up, I shouldn't have done that. I would have gotten pissed off at something else and ended up in the ring anyway.

Moth to a flame. But, doesn't it hurt? Hell yeah, it does. And your dad doesn't know. My coach noticed the bruises and said something to my dad, so I had to come clean. He said, if he catches me again, he'll ship me off to military school for the rest of my senior year.

But he's not exactly paying attention to what any of us do, unless it has to do with you. You're the only person my dad seems to care about. That's not true. He loves you. He loves all of you. I don't even care if he loves me or not at this point. You know, my mom was so depressed because he was never around that she got hooked on pills. That was him. That was his fault. He killed her. And then he basically abandoned the rest of us.

Now he wants to start over with you for some sort of messed up redemption arc. Fuck that. I'll never forgive him. Not that he's asked me to. I, um, I didn't know that about your mom. Read. I'm so sorry.

He just wants to move on. He won't even talk about her. That doesn't mean you have to go get the shit kicked out of you. I can't why you and Eastern are acting out, but you're going to end up really hurt, read. or worse. I guess we're fine with that. Well, what about me? I lost my mom. I never knew my dad. I don't have that many people left. What am I going to do if something happens to you? Ella, you don't have to pretend to give a shit about me. Maybe you don't believe that your dad cares about you, but you should know that I do.

A lot. Whatever. No, Reed. Look at me. I can't. Reed! You have really beautiful eyes. Read, I need you to... I thought I saw you guys. Hi.

Oh my God. Brooke, you said you were going to bed. Ew. I got sand in my mouth. She's drunk. You, young sir, should have been a detective. I was just so young like you guys. I got gray dance moves.

I got a bit of TikTok sensation. Hey, let's get you into bed, huh? Read? Help me out. Please. Yeah, put our arm on my shoulders You're so strong Ella grab the door Here put her on the couch Brooke can you sleep on the couch tonight?

Mm-hmm. I'm a bad girl. Totally just kills your little BG romance vibe. Sorry. Hey, Brooke, how come you use a porn star voice whenever you're with my dad? That's the only way to keep a guy like Halum interested. Gross. Man like him can't handle anything real.

Guys need girls to act a certain way to keep their ego satisfied. That's why he ignored your mom. Brooke, how can such an expansive couch be so not comfy? We should probably get her some water. She's your problem now. Breathe, wait! Good night. Blanket.

You can't say stuff like that about their mom. You know, Calum Drummeria crazy. Give her no attention. That's why she got hooked on pills. I don't need to hear any more, Brooke. That's what they're gonna do to us, too. The royals are gonna ruin us both, Ella. Bup.

Good night, Brooke. Bup. Boop. Hello! Bestie, you look awful. Wow, thanks. I'm exhausted. Aww, up on night making out with Eastern? Mm-mm. No, that's over. Eastern has a lot of issues. Well, the entire school can't stop talking about the snaps you took together at the club. Oh God, I totally forgot about those.

So you're a hachimada lady and the eye bags kind of work for you. So you're a hachimada lady. talking about the snaps you took together at the club. Oh God, I totally forgot about those. So you're a hachimada lady, and the eye bags kind of work for you. Very 2014 Tumblr Grunge. Why is everyone staring at me? Sorry about that. Oh, it's you. Hey, Savannah.

Chill, Ella. I didn't even see you there. I'm sure. You're sure. You think everyone is out to get you? Don't worry, I'm not trying to murder you just because you're sucking face with my axe. I guess incest is invoked now, thanks House of the Dragon.

He's like my step, brother. It's clueless, not House of... And she's gone. That was weird. She looks even worse than me. She hasn't been sleeping. I would stare clear. I'm trying. Ella, Sinclair? Uh, hi, worse than me. She hasn't been sleeping. Uh, I would stare clear. I'm trying.

Ella, Sinclair? Uh, hi. That's me. We have pre-calc together. David, I'll bring it. Right! I remember you from... Attendance.

Sorry. That's okay. I just haven't caught your attention yet. Uh, hi. I'm Valerie. So, Ella, I'd like to take you out to dinner. Like a date? Exactly like a date. Um, I don't know.

How about I get your phone number and you can text me when you decide? Sure. I just texted you so you have my number. I hope to hear from you. You're so serious. Of course I'm gonna take a beautiful girl like you seriously. I'll see you around Ella. Nice to meet you!

Look, his text has a signature at the bottom. Like an email. I told you, you're a hot commodity! Hooking up with Eastern and public is making other guys want to ask me out. It's like a stamp of approval. Ugh, you're a great A-beef now. Oh, God, how shallow can the go get? I mean, relevant until I hook up with a 1%er, I don't even know that David Guy. It'd be weird to go to dinner with him.

Don't delete his number yet. David's actually a halfway decent human. Besides, it's not like you have any other prospects lined up, right? Yeah, I guess you're right. Across the hall, Rita Void's looking at me on his way to class. The further away he is, the more appealing this David guy seems. And truthfully, a date with anyone not named Royal sounds pretty good right about now. On the next episode of The Royals of Malibu. Hey, don't look, but reading Abbey are over there.

I'm fine, Eastern. Uh, who is this Abbey chick and what is she doing hanging all over Reed? You should give David a chance. You deserve to be with a good guy. Thanks, Reed. You deserve someone good too. Vague match? I guess Ella's gonna try to drum up feelings for David Albrookt

with his Rolex and his secure attachment style. Everything okay, Herola? Yes, thank you, David. Mm-hmm. Oh, don't hate me for saying it, but do Ella and David kind of work? Seems like nothing will get in their way, except. Savannah!

Sorry. I trapped you. Are you total fucking psycho? You spooked drink on me seriously? Another day, another drama. Find out what happens on the next episode of the Royals of Malibu. The Royals of Malibu is a production of diversion audio, an association with pot people, based

on the book Paper Princess by Aaron Wat, directed by Matt Sav, written by Kiana Katty Blue, produced by Amy Machado, Emma DeMuth and Jacob Br Bronstein, production management by Ashton Carter, story editing by Lindsay Pussard, story development by Emma Demuth and Jacob Bronstein, editorial direction by Scott Waxman, casting by Lindsay Pussard, Alex Vick Manus and my young batter, editing, sound design and engineering

by Morgan Fuss and Michael Aquino, Diana's and my young batter. Editing, Sound Design and Engineering by Morgan Fouce and Michael Aquino. Dialogue editing by Adam Remanda. The music by Eric Zyler. Featuring the voices of Alyssa McKay as Ella. Zaria as Savannah, Chris Cafferro as Reed, Nick Cafferro as Eastern, Armin Taylor, as Calum, Francesca Agramonte as Valerie,

Anna Rubinova as Brooke, Mora Vincent, as Dina, Stephanie Sherry as Lucy and Margaret Sinclair, and Kieran Reagan as David. Executive producers for diversion audio, Jacob Braunstein, Mark Francis and Scott Waxman. Executive producers for pot people, Rachel King and Matt Zav. Special thanks to Kimberly Rower, Jen Frederick and L Kennedy. Diversion Audio