The Ruminant: Audio Candy for Farmers, Gardeners and Food Lovers - FBC Christmas Special!

Episode Date: December 24, 2025

The Ruminant lives!...mainly to cross-post episodes of Jordan's other show, Farming in British Columbia, when they're of a broader appeal. Herein: the Farming in British Columbia 2025 Christmas Special!

Hello, ruminant listeners. These days I do most of my podcasting over at Farming in British Columbia. But when an episode from that show has a broader relevance beyond British Columbia, I sometimes share it here on the ruminant feed. And that's why I'm talking to you now. Today, December 24th, I dropped the annual Farming in British Columbia Christmas special over there. And I thought some of you might like to hear it as well. If you're not a regular listener to farming in British Columbia, you will suffer a tiny bit in the opening two-minute segment because you probably don't know how a typical farming in BC episode opens, but that's okay. I think you'll still get what I'm going for. And after that, it's a Christmas special that just about any farmer should be able to relate to, not just ones from my home province of British Columbia. So with that said, here is the 2025 Christmas special from the Farming in British Columbia podcast.

I hope you like it. This episode is brought to you by Waybleeak Ranch Christmas Hams. Waybleeak Ranch didn't have any Christmas hams to sell this year, because the only abattoir within 300 kilometers bumped their slaughter date at the last minute due to labor shortages. And then all the highways from the interior to lucrative coastal markets were shut down due to flooding. Which is why this episode is brought to you by Waybleak Ranch Valentine's Day hams. Has your relationship lost its spark? This Valentine's Day, turn off your phone, tune out your kids fighting in the other room, and turn on your sweetie.

With ham, the other aphrodisiac. To pre-purched your WaveLeak Ranch Valentine's Day ham, visit farmingnbc.c.c.c.a. slash sexy ham. To everybody, everywhere, it's the Christmas season again, the season of holly and mistletoe and Santa Claus and Jingle Bells. Yes. Oh, come let us adore him. Oh, come let us adore him. Oh, I'm Jordan Marr. And this is Farming in British Columbia, a podcast.

Christmas specials, Christmas specials, Christmas specials, Christmas specials, Christmas specials. Extra brought to you each Sunday at this time by Bristol Myers, an appreciation of your friendliness toward minute rub, modern chest rub, and Sal Hepatica, famous laxative. And against my better judgment, I called the guy, even though... made sure not to use the hydraulics longer than a few seconds, it would be up there this afternoon to speak at the annual meeting of your cooperative egg organization. That's an organization that through which farmers in that locality market eggs and one of the few such a And that, listeners, is how I ended up holding a sack full of dead rats on Christmas day last year. Okay, weird story to start out this episode, I know, but I really

needed to get that one off my chest. Welcome to the second annual farming in British Columbia Christmas special. I've got a couple of Christmas segments to share with you this year. The first one is the story I produced myself. It's a dramatization, but the emails in the story are totally real, although I changed customer names and addresses to protect their privacy. info at unearthfarm.com from Ryan. Sanderson 15 at yahoo.ca. Subject? Popcorn! Hey Jordan, my son is looking for some locally grown popcorn for his mom for Christmas.

Do you happen to have any small bags left over we could possibly purchase and get mailed to us, please? Thanks, Ryan Sanderson. To Ryan.sanderson 15 at yahoo.ca. From info at unearthfarm.com. Whoa, whoa, what are you doing? Who said that? Me. Who?

Over here, on your left shoulder. What? Oh my God. Get off me. Relax. I'm not real. I'm just a manifestation of the abstract concept of your left brain, the presumed center of your logic and analytical thinking.

And I'm here to stop you from doing something you'll regret. What are you talking about? I think we should have a little talk before you respond to that email you just received. What? Why are you whispering? I don't want to attract any unnecessary attention. He means me. Oh, shit.

He's trying to avoid attracting my attention. Who said that? I did. Over here on your right shoulder. Don't look at him. Jordan, eyes on me. No, no, don't! Whoa, who are you?

I'm your right brain. The supposed center of your creativity, emotion, and empathy. Why are you so much bigger than my left brain? Let's just say that in your head, Jordan, lefty over there is the cognitive equivalent of the Vancouver Canucks. Oh, how? How dare you? Face it left brain, in Jordan's head, you're a born loser.

In fact, I don't even know why I bothered to show up just now. We all know how this is going to go. What are you guys talking about? That email you just received, Jordan. Right Brain and I have very different views on how you should respond to it. What's the debate? A guy's kid wants to give his mom some locally produced popcorn. Obviously I'm going to try and help them out.

Yes, obviously. No, not obviously. Jordan, please, don't just automatically listen to Right Brain. I beg you, hear me out. All right, go ahead. All right, thank you. Will you please read that email to us again? Sure.

It's from Ryan Sanderson, who says, Hey, Jordan, my son is looking for some locally grown popcorn for his mom for Christmas. Do you happen to have any small bags left over? We could possibly purchase and get mailed to us, please? Thanks, Ryan Sanderson. I don't see the issue here. Neither do I. Shut up, righty.

Jordan, just answer these questions for me, okay? Okay. Is your farm business set up to say? sell small orders to retail customers? Uh, no. Okay. Do you have lots of extra time on your hands right now? Never.

All right. Checking off short on time. And do you know this person, Ryan, who sent you the email? I don't think so. I'd guess he's probably a customer of plenty wild farms. I sent them some retail bags of popcorn for their online store a couple of months ago. Okay, and you've received requests like this in the past, haven't you? Yeah.

So then you know that the overwhelming likelihood. is that this email thread with Ryan will be much longer than it is currently before it's done, right? Not necessarily. Jordan? Well, yeah, I guess there's a decent chance there'll be a number of emails back and forth.

Right. All things considered then, it seems pretty clear to me that your response should be something along the lines of, thanks for writing, Ryan, but I'm not set up to sell directly to households. Right? Well, when you put it like that, left brain, I guess you're probably right. I probably shouldn't...

Jordan. What is it, right, brain? this guy's kid is trying to give his mother locally produced popcorn for Christmas you make a good point right brain what no jordan that's beside the point you know how this is going to end left brain i don't think you get it we got into farming to help strengthen regional food security and this guy ryan has gone out of his way to source my popcorn oh and once again after showing a bit of promise late in the season the kinnucks exit the first round in five games shut up bright brain jordan i beg you look left brain I'm not going to take your advice, but I'll tell you what,

why don't both of you stick around and we can workshop our response together? I'm going to let right brain kind of take the lead here. But left brain, you feel free to speak up whenever necessary to try and keep right brain in check, okay? Okay, let's get this over with. 2. Ryan. Sanderson 15 at yahoo.com. Re, popcorn. Hi, Ryan. I do have some popcorn, though mainly I grow it from milling into cornmeal.

It's really flavorful. okay, that's enough background context, profits are dropping here. Just try and get to the point. Ignore left brain, Jordan. To care about food security is to always be willing to take the time to educate your customers. You're doing great. Okay, guys, just give me a sec here. The tricky thing with popcorn is that it needs to be stored with internal moisture content in a relatively narrow window in order to pop consistently. Colonels that don't pop or barely pop is what happens when internal moisture content is outside that window. I haven't figured out how to reliably achieve that window, so I generally avoid selling it as popcorn. If your son has time to wait for 24 hours,

I'll grab some popcorn from the farm tomorrow and do a test pot. If I'm happy with the result, I could put some in the mail for him by Thursday. I wanted to do a test anyway, so I'll proceed. Let me know how this sounds to you. If he's changed his mind or moved on, no worries. Jordan. Wow, great start. Dear Ryan, you've asked for a product I don't normally sell in a quantity that won't be profitable for me. I'll get right on that. What a grinch. Ignore him, Jordan. info at unearthfarm.com from ryan.sanderson 15 at yahoo.com. Hey Jordan. Ah, interesting. That makes a lot of sense. We picked up some heirloom cobs sold for popcorn once and they were disappointing. They definitely sat around our house for a bit beforehand. He's definitely interested. The backstory is as important

as the gift. Let me know how you get on with the test. Does it work well for Massa, like tortillas and pupusas when milled? Cheers. Oh my God, oh my God. Please, Jordan, do not engage Ryan on his Massa question. You don't have time for this. Let's just cut our losses by staying focused on this tiny, unprofitable sale. Righty, surely you agree on at least this point. I absolutely do not agree. Jordan, you love Massa. Engage the man! If not you, then who? To Ryan. Sanderson 15 at Yahoo.ca, from info at unearthfarm.com. From scratch corn tortillas are a whole other ball of yarn. You don't make them from cornmeal. You start with whole kernels that you boil in a calcium hydroxide. solution. Then you grind up the wet kernels into a dough called Massa. It's finicky, which is why most

people buy Massaherina, which is dehydrated massa that you add water to, the dominant brand of which is Maseka. I make my own tortillas from scratch and find it rewarding. If you ever want to consider doing it, this book is so great. Massienda.com slash products slash Massa book. Though for a long time, I was combining cornmeal with wheat flour to make tortillas. This allows you to avoid making Massa, but you lose lots of the corn flavor. Send. Jordan, do you not see what's happening here? You now appear to be publishing a free personal Massa blog for Ryan Sanderson. How is this possibly?

Oh, he just wrote back. Ah, so the process to create the cornmeal is totally different to just milling. Yeah, we make our own tortillas. The kids love it. Organic Matters at this link has a pretty good Massa herina. I guess I just didn't understand its completely unique process. Cheers. Jordan, listen to me.

You don't need to respond yet. Can you at least wait until you've got more info related to selling him something? Hey, Ryan. Yeah, corn doesn't have gluten or any other property to convey pliability on a dough, but when you extamilize it, what I described above, a chemical change occurs that conveys pliability. Anyway, I'll be back in touch with a popcorn update. What is the point of anything? Oh, left brain, you are a grinch. Hey, Ryan, the popcorn pops consistently. Where are you located? Do you still want to get some? Jordan. Why are you even giving him a choice at this point?

From Ryan.sanderson 15 at yahoo.ca.com to info at unearthfarm.com. Great. Yes, please. We're in Whistler. I have no idea what a reasonable amount is. What would 500 grams look like? Cheers. Sent for my iPhone. Okay, Jordan, this has been a train wreck, but we can still salvage this. Let's review the facts. Ryan has asked you to go out of your way to make his son's Christmas wish come true. He can't get B.C. grown heirloom popcorn anywhere else on short notice. And he lives in Whistler. He is very likely a person of means. This guy is not going to flinch if you charge them properly for your efforts. I would suggest $30 at minimum. Hey Ryan. Well, options are limited because I just grabbed one bag of popcorn, 341 grams, on my way out the door of my farm on

Tuesday, which is in Colonna. I live in Vernon and I won't be back there again for a week. So I can put that package in the mail for you and you can transfer me 10 bucks? 10 bucks? The e-transfer can go to info at unearthfarm.com. In which case, your address please, I can put it in the mail today. The postage alone is going to cost you $4. That's it. I quit. From Ryan. Sanderson, 15 at yahoo.ca, to info at unearthfarm.com. Ha ha, that's totally fine. Ryan Sanderson, 5467, High Ridge Crescent, Whistler, BC, V8E1R4. I'll send the money over now.

Thanks so much. Oliver is really excited. Heart emoji. Look at that, left brain. A heart emoji. And we made a kid happy. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? Yeah, well, why don't you try paying for your next tank of gas with hard emojis and see where that gets you? You just got played, Jordan. You're so cynical. You wait, left brain. I bet Ryan ends up sending me more than $10.

It won't be hard for him to see that I went out of my way to help him. Oh, hey, there's the e-transfer. Ryan Sanderson is automatically deposited $10 in your account. Don't spend it all in one place, Jordan. Merry Christmas. And hey, if you get any extra presents you don't have room for, you can always send them up here to the left side of your skull. There's plenty of room.

Season's greeting. Season's greeting, season's greeting, season's greeting, season's greeting. Home gift orders, today, today, today, today. Gifts for the home, the home, the home, the home. Christmas glamour. Christmas glamour. Christmas blamber. Luxury gifts. Luxury gifts. Luxury gifts.

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Big savings. Big savings. Big savings. Big savings. Radio special, radio special, radio special, radio special, radio special, radio special, radio special. And now, to close out this 2025 Farming NBC Christmas special, back by popular demand, rancher Tristan Banwell, brings us his take on a beloved Christmas poem. T'was the night before Christmas and all cross the ranch, Snow gently alighted upon rooftop and branch.

I set out on a walk for one last round of checks to ensure a night free of small mishaps or wrecks. Small stock in their housing, all buttoned up tight, cows bedded down in the woods for the night. Quietly into the henhouse I shuffled to see, birds on their perches, their feathers all ruffled. The feeders were full, the water was flowing. Above chicks in the brooder, the heaters were glowing. I stole one more glance at that dark yule-tide sky, then hung up my clothes on the coat rack to dry. With mum and her nightgown,

we started the trick, sampling cookies and milk the kids left for St. Nick. As we laid out the presence, we looked up to a clatter. The cat tipped the milk and knocked over the platter. We just chuckled and cleaned up and set off to bed. Not a care or a worry for the ranch in our heads. I dreamt through the night I was gathering with Santa, roping reindeer in snowfields round their heels and their antlers. Once the last of the strays brought the number to Nine, we hitched up his sleigh, and he got off just fine. But I woke with a chill, at a quarter to four, and looked out to see it had snowed quite a bit more. The mercury was reading at minus 27, though the forecast had called for just minus 11.

I knew these conditions could cause me some strife, so I suited up warm without waking my wife. If my heart was more than a chunk of black coke, I had to get back before children awoke. First to the henhouse where my spirits dropped, the GFI on the water heater had popped. The compost was circled with myriad tracks of nighttime marauders out looking for snacks. As I came to the barn, my heart skipped a beat. The guardian dog was not in with the sheep. Wind cut like a knife blowing out of the north. I turned on the tap, but no water poured forth.

And as I arrived at the edge of my pasture, my eyes there beheld yet another disaster. The polywire fences all lay on the ground. On the other side, half the herd bounced. it around. Solving all this would take ranch engineering, but before I could start that, the roads needed clearing. As I did up my chains with cold fingers of stone, with a start I realized I wasn't alone. Lo! It's my neighbor, arriving by walking, and I knew it was bad before he started talking.

It seemed he was trying to head into town before snowplows had cleared the the road quite this far down. He asked me to help pull his truck from the ditch, and I always make time for that. Speaking of which, seemed his front tractor tire had picked up a nail. Would I mind plowing out his long driveway as well? He must know there's no time on this day for these tasks, but if he didn't need help, well, he wouldn't have asked. I knew then I couldn't get everything done and still make the time for the joy and the fun. Perhaps this year we could postpone just one day, but my mother-in-law said no fucking way. It's much like this, Christmas, spring, summer, or fall, like most other days ranching,

guess I'll just do it all. So we opened the presents, gathered round that trim tree, and we started our feast around a quarter to three. I drank eggnog and whiskey to stave off the dread And the kids were exhausted as I tucked them in bed I winked, tapped my nose And as I turned out the light Said happy Christmas to all Then I worked through the night

All right. All right. And that's 2025 in the books, everyone. Thanks to Tristan Banwell and Vanessa Sam Moore for their contributions to this episode. Now, if this Christmas special has whipped up your Christmas spirit, here are a couple of gifts you can give the show. You can tell a friend or colleague about it using the link, Farmingnbc.ca.ca. slash listen. Or you can visit Farmingnbc.c.c.c.commit to record a voice memo to send me. I spent hours making this Christmas special. Please consider spending a minute helping to build the audience for the show or contributing to the show with a voice memo. Farminginbc.c.c.com slash listen for sharing, farmingnbc.ca.ca slash submit to record a voice memo. And don't forget, farmingnbc.ca.ca. slash sexy ham to pre-purch a waybleeak ranch Valentine's Day ham. That's about it for now.

Merry Christmas, everyone. And remember, we have more in common than all our differences would suggest. Bye for now. Thank you.