The Russell Brunson Show - (Q&A) Balancing Act: Navigating Marriage / Kids and Entrepreneurship...!

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

What are the secrets to having a successful marriage and family life, while still being a full time funnel hacker / entrepreneur!?! Hit me up on IG! @russellbrunson Text Me! 208-231-3797 Join my newsletter at marketingsecrets.com ClubHouseWithRussell.com Magnetic Marketing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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money.com slash Russell. Hey, funnel hackers. I want to talk about building your business. You've got the idea, the passion, the drive, but here's the thing. Setting up the legal stuff can feel like a total roadblock. That's why you need Northwest registered agent. They're like the dream team for business formation, which is 10 clicks in 10 minutes. You can build your entire business identity. I'm talking about formation paperwork, a real business address, premium mail forwarding, and even a local phone number so you can keep your home address private and stay safe. And it doesn't stop there. Northwest is your one-stop shop for business owners. They've been doing this for nearly 30 years, and they've got the expertise to back it up.

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coming from Nicholas Tellis. And he has a really good question about relationships and spouses, both in the beginning and long-term. And so with that said, I'm listening to this question. And we'll come back with some answers. Hey, Russell, this is Nick. Can you cover like the top like five, seven things that helped you and Colette maintain not only your marriage in the beginning, but even this far into your entrepreneurship journey? Like what would you encourage those out there who are actually on this journey of entrepreneurship that also want to not only get married,

but maintain a family as well? I know as entrepreneurs, especially like even funnel hikers, it can be a lonely road, but it doesn't have to be. It's those you get to share that journey with. And I know there's ups and downs, not every relationship's like,

you know, it's going to be rainbows and unicorns. But I'm just curious that if you, if you had to share, like, you know, a few secrets, the ones that impacted you and Colette the most that we could take away as well. Thanks much. Love, love what you do. Have a wonderful day. All right, Nicholas. So first off, that is a great question. And I wish I had a book that could say, here's all the answers. Um, but I'm still learning it all. And, um, you can ask my wife, uh, it's, it's, um, something I'm working on all the time, but there are some things that have definitely helped, um, from the very beginning. So, and things that help today. So I'll kind of share a couple ideas. These are a couple of tactics. It may not be the overarching strategy, but, um, some things will help you. So, um, at least hopefully we'll help you again. I've been married now for over 20 years,

so I'm pumped about that. And hopefully married for another thousand years. And so I'm trying really, really carefully because, and I'll step back. In the new book I'm writing, that's hopefully someday will be published, who knows. But in that book, one of the things I talk a lot about is values.

And it's funny because like, I'm not a big believer. Not that I'm not a big believer not that i'm not a big believer we just haven't like inside click funnels i've never had like when people like what are your core values it's like here's six words like like these are my values like i don't i think values that people traditionally do are shallow right um but as i started looking more just like values from like like what do i actually value not like courage determination hard work you know like the cliche stuff but like the things i actually value like in fact at 2ccx uh an inner circle we went to we took them all to mexico last year and um we did this really cool exercise where we had everybody write down all

the little sticky notes all things that make them happy right so people wrote all these different things down and uh they're ever had these sticky notes like 100 sticky notes so they can now take these sticky notes and uh and i'm going to group them together based on things. So everything related to work or your mission or your family. So everyone grouped them together. And from their 100 things that made them happy, everyone had five or six core things that they valued. I did this exercise with my kids as well. It was really cool.

I remember Dallin, one of his core values was expression, how how he expresses himself personally which i didn't know it was fascinating like oh i didn't realize that but you took all the things made him happy and he grouped them together and one of like he's like all these are related to how i express myself which is interesting right and so you look and start looking at this you start seeing your values um and so you know typically we have five ten different core things that we really, really value. Right. And what's interesting is for most of us, the thing that you value the most will become your God. Right. And so, you know, if you read the scriptures, that's why, you know, there's so much emphasis on like, love God first, like, like, because whatever you value the most will become your God. If it's music and that's where you spend your time, like that becomes your God.

If it's business, that becomes your God. If it's whatever that is. And so I started looking at my values and God is definitely a big thing, but what is number one? If not, it's like I'm making something else. And so I'm a big believer in understanding that and then dumping more time into the thing that you need to value the highest, right?

Which is, for me personally, I'm gonna try and spend so much more time this year reading the New Testament and diving back into Christ's life because I wanna make sure that's my number one value but shortly thereafter is my family right my wife and my kids are like are are the number one the number two value in this thing right and so with that it's like okay knowing that like i've got to like whatever i value i got to dump time into it or something else is gonna gonna surpass it right so if i value my

business the most but all my time there then it's going to surpass it eventually. So first is understanding that the thing you value is where you're going to be putting your time. So making sure that if you want a relationship with your spouse, you've got to value it, which means you've got to put the energy into it. Or your kids, right? I look at so many people who get into business who, they get into business, they get free time, so they can spend more time with their family.

And then when push comes to shove, they push out their family and spend all their time in business. And it's hard because it's alluring. Like most of us get our needs met in business really easily. Um, I get them easier. I, my needs are easier met in my business than they are in my relationships with my wife and my kids. I have to work harder on my wife, my kids to get my needs met. Um, and so it's easy to default. So it's understanding those things inside your own mind. Like I can go to the office, create a video, put it out there. I get a hundred people tell me, oh, that was a great podcast.

It was great. Whatever. So my needs get mad. I'm like, oh, I feel good about myself or home. I have to go and like my teenagers, I love them, but man, they, they are hard. I have not get instant feedback when I try to help them and try to serve them. In fact, usually it's negative. Usually they're angry at me and they're mad or like, you know, same as a spouse.

Like you put in time, your spouse and it doesn't always come back immediately. And so it's hard because like, well, as humans humans, it's like a river coming down a mountain. The water will go to the easiest path. And so by default, we'll go to the easiest path. And by doing that, though, by going to ease, traditionally that's where you lose the thing you actually want. The thing that we value the most when we actually sit down and think about it is usually not going to be the easiest thing. Valuing God is not the easiest thing. V? Valuing God's not the easiest thing. Valuing our family, like it's not always the easiest thing, right?

So it's just being aware of that. Number one. Um, number two then is like really understanding, like, like, like there's so much, so much to this, right? Like a lot of you guys know, like I'm big into personality profiling, but, um, in fact, we were soon launching a new company, understand.me. If you go there, you can go and sign up for a free account and take all the personality profiles and see what you are and all these different things. But a big key is understanding your spouse's and your kid's actual personality.

What do they need? For me to feel loved, I have to have physical touch. Something that can touch me, put an arm around me for me to feel loved. You tell me, and words of affirmation is my number two. So you tell me I'm great, I feel loved. You touch me, I feel even feel loved. You tell me like, and words of affirmation is my number two. So you tell me I'm great, I feel loved. You touch me, I feel even more loved. But if you like buy me a gift or do acts of service,

like it doesn't, it doesn't make sense to me, right? And my wife's opposite of me. Like, so if I come give her a hug, she's like, I don't get it. Like, why are you doing, like, why are you touching me? But man, if I go spend

quality time with her, like she lights up, right? So I have to understand, like I have to speak to her in her love language. I can't speak to her in my love language. And she's got to speak in mine.

We have to have this communication. My kids, I know my kids right now, like I've had them take the profile. So I know which things make my kids feel loved, which things don't. Like some of my kids, like Nora, it's time. I got to spend time with her. Like I just make an hour under the stairs in the dollhouse playing with Barbies or else she doesn't feel loved. Right. I got other kids who are physical touch. I give them a hug and tickle their back for five minutes. They're good to go. And it's fast, right? But I have to understand those things. I have to understand like, what are the positives I got to put into every single person for them to actually feel love and understanding that and then consciously doing it. Cause it's not, it's

not a subconscious thing typically, right? I got to consciously do it because their love language is not mine. If the love language is the same as mine, consciously it's really easy. Okay. So that's one of these understanding these, these dynamics, right? Okay. So there's, there's the first thing. Now I'm going to go back in time. So the things that I learned back in time, like I don't think Clint and I would still be married if I didn't learn a couple of these different hacks. So hopefully here's a couple that will help you. Number one, I would be at work having fun, like all, you know, doing the thing and like getting all my needs met.

And she's at home with twins who are great, who are crying, who are pooping, who are doing all this stuff. And so I'm like having the best time doing stuff. And I messaged her how great, like having so much fun. They're like, oh, I'm here late because I'm working on a project. I'm so much fun. And I come home late. And it was like, that was like, that was brutal. Like it was, it was hard because she's doing all this work, not happy, not, you know, like

struggling these things. I'm having so much fun and I'm doing, and then like, I'm not coming home and I'm spending too much time away. And that was really hard. And the compromise we eventually came to over, who knows, months, weeks, years, it could have been, I can't remember. But the thing I realized was like, if it was five o'clock at night

and I told her I was gonna stay till 10 o'clock working on a project, meltdown. But if I told her, hey, on Thursday, Friday, Todd's flying to Boise. I'm going to be pulling all-nighters Thursday night and Friday night. Are you cool with that? She'd be like, oh, sure. And then she could mentally prepare for it. She knew it was going to happen and it was fine. But I couldn't tell her like, oh, I'm going to be home late tonight because whatever. If I told her that, nightmare. If I told her Thursday and Friday, I'm pulling all-nighters, totally fine. But I had to prepare her for that.

That was a big thing for us. I think I've realized when I go on events and trips, I'd be going on these trips and having so much fun, meeting people and going out to eat and having those fun things. I call her and I'm all excited. And when I did that calling her, I was excited. Again, she's at home by herself with the kids

and it just, it created this divide. And so I started realizing, I'm not gonna tell her about all the insanely cool things I'm doing. Not because she doesn't want to know, but especially in the moment when she's struggling, like I got to be there for her. Like as much fun as I'm having, like the phone call at night is about like,

like, like talking to her about her and her frustrations and her struggles. And I'll tell her when I get home about how much fun I had, but not in the moment. In the moment, I'm not having fun. She's at home being in charge of everything. And like, if I'm, if I'm rubbing in my excitement and fun on her when she's in the middle of

this pain, like it is not a positive thing. And so I got really good at delaying me telling the stories of the great stuff to a spot where we were both happy and like, Oh, let me tell you what happened last week. It was so cool. And this and this, and we can enjoy it together versus like, Colette, I know you're with the kids right now. I know I can hear her crying in the background. Let me tell you the cool thing I just did, what I just experienced, right? It was like understanding when to talk about things and timing those things

had a big difference on us. So those are some little things as we were growing, as we were going through it. Nowadays, I think the bigger things are just understanding, again, like her priorities. Like what is she looking for? Like my wife's got very specific things she wants to do. So I got to make sure that she's able to do those things. Right. And, uh, and then by doing that, she lets me do the things I want. Right. Like it's not like it's like you can do this. I'm going to do this. It's not that way. It's like me understanding like what are the things most important to her. And then I'm going to move heaven and earth and make sure she can go do those things. Right. Um, and then by doing that, she's more cool. And I'm like, Hey, I want

to go and I'm going to fly across the country. Go look at small books. She's like, what? Why would you want to do that? Like, I don't know, but that's, that's what brings me happy. She's like, cool, go do that thing. And then when she's like, I want to go do this thing. I'm like, cool. And like being okay with it.

And like, just, just does that make sense? Like it's not a compromise. That's not what I'm saying. Cause that's not the thing. It's more like, um, understanding like that. Um, like she's got to do things, bring her happiness. And if I might try to pull her back on that, then she resent when I'm doing happiness, trying to get happiness for myself. Right.

But if I'm like, yeah, go do those things. Like let her do the things that let her pursue the things that bring her happiness. Then she's cool with me pursuing things that bring me happiness. Right. Does that make sense? Like it's, it's those types of things. If you have studied Stacey and Paul and relationship development, like one of the biggest keys that I've learned, it's been hard. This is like the hardest thing. I think it's drilled in humans, but it's this process they call demand relationship where the way that we try to get what we want is by demanding it, right? Demanding our kids do this, demanding our friends, this demanding our spouse does this. And it's interesting if you study St. St. Paul, they talk about back in the day that was possible, right? Because like the husband and wife who married and divorced was illegal. So the husband would demand the wife

would do these things and she had to do them because there's nowhere to escape. And as soon as the power player who's demanding stuff, as soon as the opposite person has the ability to leave, then demand relationship breaks. It doesn't work anymore, right? Which when, I don't know, whenever divorces became legal, right? And then the person could leave, it changed the thing, right? You see the same thing with kids, like where a parent will like demand relationship with their kids and force them to do all these kinds of things. But as soon as the kid turns 18 and they have the ability to leave, then the person goes nuts, right? And it's like, and it's hard because in our head, right? We just want to force people to do what's like the thing that we value the most. And we try to force them to do it thinking that like by forcing them to value the thing that

we value, they'll eventually start valuing the thing that we value, but it doesn't happen that way. Instead it pushes them away. And then when they have freedom, when they're able to leave, when they're able to escape, then they hate the thing that you value because you were demanding it to them. Right. A good situation I'm seeing now, like I want to value God as number one, right? I want my kids to value him as number one as well. And so, you know, we try to like do these things with our kids. And when we like introduce them to things we value and we show them why we're excited and we show happiness of why we value this thing, then our kids value it. When we try to force our kids like, you have to do these things, you have to believe these

things, we have to do these things, then it pushes them away, right? And they may do it while they're with you, but then they resent you. As soon as they leave, they fall away from the thing you value. I think this is one of the biggest struggles we have as humans. And this is a tangent, who knows? Hopefully you guys are getting some value out of this. But each of us have things we value. The people we love, we want them to value the same things we do. That's why we connect to people who have the same values as us, right? It's like, oh, they value something I do. So like we connect really easily. But when someone's values are different than ours, that's where we connect to people who have the same values as us, right? It's like, oh, they value something I do. So we connect really easily. But when someone's values are different than ours, that's where we struggle.

Or when you and somebody have the same value in one thing but different value in something else. That's why they always say you never want to meet your heroes, right? Because typically your heroes, you value them because of one thing, right? I'll use Dan Kennedy as an example. Me and Dan Kennedy have huge value on marketing and persuasion and sales, right? But we have very, very different religious values and beliefs. Right. And so when I meet Dan Kennedy, I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's amazing.

And I meet him and like, Oh, we value these things differently. That's what most people are like, Oh, like don't meet your heroes because they're going to disappoint you because like you value the same thing one way, but something else you value differently. And what I'm learning now is like, I can love people for the things that we value the same and I don't have to judge them for things we value differently. Cause then you ruin these amazing relationships. Right. Uh, anyway, I'm going on a tangent, Nicholas. Sorry about this, man. Hopefully you guys are all getting some value from this, but, um, but it's interesting.

And I think it's understanding that like we can love somebody for the things that we value in common, but we don't have to hate them because we value other things differently, right? And I think that's why we have frustration with kids or with spouses where we have, you know, and I think the more things you and your spouse value the same, the easier life is, right? But when you value something that they don't and vice versa, it gets really hard. Or if two of you guys value something for a while, but then eventually those values, like someone's values shift or they change, the things they actually value now isn't the same as it used to be. It causes frustration, right? That's what's, that's what's interesting. Just as a side note, because this is a marketing

podcast, right? Like the things that you value that you put into the universe, the people who have similar values will come to you. That's why Myron Golden says this a lot. He says, you don't attract who you want, you attract who you are, right? The values you put out there that people see, they're going to be attracted to that. So if you're like, oh, I want these kind of people, but if you're not that kind of person,

you're not going to attract those kind of people. It's just interesting. So anyway, there's some deep tangent stuff that I haven't spoken publicly enough to know how to clearly explain it, but that's a big part. So anyway, so that comes back to what we were talking about earlier with demand relationship, like in any relationship where I'm trying to demand somebody to do my thing, it causes problems, right? So if I'm like, Hey, Colette, I want you to come with

me to this trip to bring a little book. She doesn't have any, she doesn't value him. She doesn't care. She may do it because she loves me, but it's going to be this weird thing where, and same thing where she's going to do something that, you know, I want to be able to give her the freedom and space to like pursue the things she values. So she'll give me freedom space to pursue the things I value. And I want to give my kids the freedom space to pursue the things they value as well. And yes, I want them to value the same things I am. And so I'm going to use persuasion and influence to try like to, to tell stories and show the reason why these things I value make me happy. And if they can see that they actually make me happy, they're more likely to value them in the future versus me forcing them to try to make these things. Does

that make sense? Like, anyway, ramblings with Russell, hopefully he has got something from this. So anyway, I hope that helps, man. Um, again, I don't have a perfect, but it comes down to these kinds of things, like thinking through these things, like what are, what are their personalities? What are their love languages? What are the things that they need to actually feel happy? Right. And what are the things they value? And how do I encourage, like, how do I encourage them to, to pursue the things that they value

versus the things that I want them to value? And this is the hardest thing. Cause we want somebody to, cause we like value it so much. We know it's good for them. We want to force it upon them, but if they don't value it, then I can't force it. Like, so instead, how do I help them pursue the things that they value and be excited for them as they're pursuing them and legitimately excited for them, right? Even though sometimes it may drive you crazy. And then by doing that, I feel like the more you allow other people to do that, the more they're – and this isn't perfect.

Some people aren't. But the more that traditionally they'll let you pursue the things that you value as well which which you know with my wife and some of the greatest things like she knows i'm obsessed with these old books i'm obsessed with marketing and business and so she allows me to pursue these things with all my heart and my mind and she knows i love them and she loves me and so therefore even if she doesn't understand him or doesn't care about him she allows me to pursue them because she's like man look how happy russell gets because these things look how happy these people get on top of it right and. And then I got to give her the same dignity

and respect though. Otherwise it causes the imbalance and the, and the problems and the, and the issues. So anyway, hope that helps. I had no idea. We went on a huge tangent. I should re-listen to your question, Nicholas, make sure we answered it. But, um, anyway, that again, these are the things I don't have the actual answer, but these are things I think through a lot that are running in my head and that I'm trying to like, figure out for myself and for the people that I love the most, right? The people that that I value, like, how do I, how do I help them pursue the things? That's what I love about this business for me, right? Like, I'm enabling people with tools and technology and information to help them to pursue the things and to promote

the things that they value the most. Not necessarily things that I value, but the things that they value. That brings me happiness. So anyway, there you go. Hopefully you guys got something from this. If you did, please show this podcast to other people. If you didn't, don't tell anybody. You'll skip the next episode.

Anyway, I had fun answering some questions today. Again, if you guys have questions you want me to answer live on the show, go to marketingsecrets.com. There's a block there where you can submit audio questions, and I've been going through and answering them. All the ones that ask real legitimate questions, half of your questions you guys are submitting are weird, like customer support issues. This is not a customer support hotline. We've got support on the footer of any email or website. There's a link to our support. Click on it.

My support team, we've got 200-plus plus people who man support they can answer support questions i'm here to answer your strategy questions so if you got one for me go to marketingsecrets.com submit it and hopefully it'll end up on a future episode here at the marketing secret show thanks so much for listening and we'll see you guys all soon bye everybody