The Russell Brunson Show - This Isn't The Highlight Reel... It's The Cutting Room Floor

Episode Date: May 18, 2022

Here's a vulnerable episode from Russell, talking about the things that he's currently struggling with in his life. Hit me up on IG! @russellbrunson Text Me! 208-231-3797 Join my newsletter at marketingsecrets.com ClubHouseWithRussell.com Magnetic Marketing Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Travel moves us. What's up, everybody? This is Russell Brunson. Welcome back to the Marketing Secrets Podcast. But I'm not going to lie. Today, we're not talking about marketing. We're talking about persuasion. We're talking about, honestly, the hard things about hard things.

Here we go. So the big question is this. How are entrepreneurs like us who didn't cheat and take on venture capital, we're spending money from our own pockets. How do we market in a way that lets us get our products and our services and the things that we believe in out to the world and yet still remain profitable? That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Russell Brunson, and welcome to Marketing Secrets.

All right, so, I don't know, this podcast episode's going to be different. I may not even publish it, I'm not sure yet. But this is the opposite of the highlight reel, as you know, typically on social media and Instagram and Facebook and email lists and on stage and everywhere you always get to hear about the highlight, highlights people's life. And because they're fun to talk about, no one likes to talk about the stuff they're struggling with and those kind of things. But I just wanted to get real with you guys for a little bit and hopefully that's okay. I'll talk about the opposite side, the stuff that you hope falls on the cutting room

floor when they make the movie about your life someday. Um, but man, I am in this weird phase of trying to, to learn and grow in a way that is so much harder than honestly anything else I've done in the past. Um, I don't know about you, but I am an achiever. Um, in most things in my life I've gone after, I've been able to figure out a way to achieve. It's a whole science of achievement, right? When I was a wrestler, I figured out the process and the path and the systems and everything you need to do to be successful in wrestling. And I had a very successful wrestling career. When I got into business, I figured out what were the frameworks I needed to master. I mastered them and I've become very successful in business.

And those are the things where I can work harder and I become more successful that I do good at. And it's interesting because I wish that everything was that way. Because hard work is something I can control, I can figure out, I can have success with. that I do good at. And it's interesting because I wish that everything was that way because hard work is something I can control. I can figure out, I can have success with, but, um, man, I'll talk about the other side. And I want to caveat this first off by saying that, um, I'm not sharing these things. I'm not, how do I say it? Like, it's funny whenever I give any kind of like something I'm doing to lose weight or to gain strength or like physical stuff, right? I get like, and you have to know my

audience and you guys are, you guys are my audience. You understand this, but you know, I have every health and fitness guru follows me and says, and so like, I talk about fitness, like boom, they all come to me and like, Oh, Russell, I can change your diet. I'll change, you know, or if I talk about whatever, they're all there and I appreciate it. I love it. And that's why I love serving you guys. Cause you're all, you're all servants and you're givers and you have talents and skills and ways to do it. So I just want to kind of caveat this with understanding that like, this is not me just like, like walking into the desert alone, not knowing it. This is me going through like 10 years of studying on this, trying to figure it out. And it's the mastery of

relationships. And it is so much harder than the mastery of, um, success. Again, success is me. And it's all based on my will and my effort and my, um, the hard work I'm going to put into anything where, um, with the relationships, it's not that way. It's not that way with your relationship with your significant other. It's not that way with your relationship with your kids. Um, man, like it's, it's interesting. I can't just outwork it. You know, I get in, in, in my business, if I'm working hard and people aren't conforming to the will, to my will, what I need them to do, I can fire them. Right? It's like, I have a process, a path, a vision, and you're either with me or you're not. And if you're not,

I can cut you. And I, I build an 18 people that I can move forward with. Um, where in family and marriage and kids and things like that, it's not the same. Like this is the team. We pick the team and I am someone who is faithful to my team until I die. Like I love my wife. I love my kids. There's nothing that will ever distract from that. That'll take from that. Um, you guys have heard me say before, no success can compensate for failure of the home. Um, and that's something I believe. And so it's interesting because man, all these things going into this, the, the, the hard thing, at least for me has been, um, the relationships like, um, having a dream and a vision of what you want in your marriage, that maybe your spouse doesn't have the same vision, right. Or with your kids or your kids

lives. You're like, man, you like, and, um, anyway, it's just been hard, extra hard the last man, few months, like brutally hard. Um, if I'm, if I'm completely honest at times, um, you know, with our, our kids are so cool. We have amazing kids, like really, really good kids. Um, but man, they have their own free agency and their own ideas and they have their own things and they have, um, so many negative voices around them from school, from music, from movies, from all these things that we try to shelter and protect our kids from. Cause we know the damage they can do, but, but they get access to them. They find the things like it's, and I was crazy. Cause like, I'm sure my parents did the same thing for me. And I was

a kid. I remember finding things that looking back now, like, man, I wish I would never would have been exposed to these things because they're so horrible for my soul, for my, for my livelihood, for my, you know, for my light, for like all these things. And so as parents, we naturally love our kids and try to protect them from these things, knowing that they're going to harm them. But, but we're in the world and it's there, they're there and they get exposed to them. And, and man, there are things that, that are negative, that seem so positive in, in some, in some lights and it's things where you just want to protect and block and, and, but what I've seen in my life and I'm feeling in my life is when you try to do that, it just pushes the people you love

the most further away from you. And it's like, well, how do you, how do you, how do you navigate that? You know? Um, I have talked long and hard with Stacey and Paul Martino who I love who are, you know, they run relation development.org and they have their, their courses and their seminars and I've been through them all. And, um, and so I understand it at a, at a, at a deeper level than most. I think, um, you know, they have a, their core framework that is so beautiful is this thing called demand relationship and demand relationship is what most of the world does, right? You try to demand and force people to do what you want, which can work in some aspects of life. Like again, in business,

I can demand that you do it my way, or I find someone who can and will. But in relationships, you can't because when you do that, it breaks the relationship. And so instead it's like, well, how do we, how do we, how do we persuade and steer and help them to, to make correct decisions without demanding it? Um, it was interesting because I don't know, like I, I feel like I'm a good role model. I've tried hard. Um, I feel like people inside of our community for the most part feel like I'm a good role model. I've tried to be a good father and husband. I don't use bad language. I, you know, I feel like people inside of our community for the most part feel like I'm a good role model. I've tried to be a good father and husband. I don't use bad language. I, you know, I'm faithful to my wife.

I, I do all the things and I think, and I have a lot of people who've told me like, I look up to you, I look up to your values and things like that. And so you always think, well, I'm going to be the best example possible and my kids will follow. And it's, it, it's confusing when, when they don't. Right. Um, and I don't know. It's just one of those things.

One thing that Stacey and Paul talk a lot about is, and this is honestly, it's, you know, if you are a believer in Christ, you look at this is what Christ taught and what he did, is that he believes in transformation through inspiration. That's a phrase I got from Stacey and Paul. Like, if I want to transform someone, it's not through demanding them, it's through inspiration, through that, like, seeing me and seeing, like, well, that's what I want in my life. And so I've tried to create my life in a way that I want my kids, like,

man, my mom and dad have things figured out. I want to live the same life. And it's so confusing and hard and painful when the kids push against those things. And so anyway, I'm just saying that because I know that it's hard. And I think sometimes we too often see the highlight reel and we think that everyone's lives are easy. And I just want you to know that it's tough, man. I feel like, in fact, it's been fascinating.

Like I started writing this secrets to success book. That might be the first time I told you as a title. I can't remember. Um, um, and as I go deeper and deeper into this, it's like, if I feel like God's at the same time is like, oh, you really want to write this book then. All right. We're going to amplify all these things. Cause if you, if you write this book, I don't want you to write it from a, from a, you know, a, from a knowledge

standpoint, like, like, Oh, I understand. Like I've read the books about this. He's like, I want you to write this book from the depths of the pain so you can have empathy and you can relate and you can serve at a different level. And maybe that's what's happening. Maybe I should have decided to write this book because man, like it's, it's been interesting. It's forced me as I, you know, like, in fact, I think I told you that I've written 200 and some pages of it and I just started over. Cause I'm like, this is not the right book. This was very much very heady. Like, Oh, here's the things I know that I've learned as opposed to like, this is, this is inside the refiner's fire. This is what it looks like. This is what's happening. This is where I'm going.

Right. Um, last weekend or two weekends ago, I can't remember now we had the chance to go spend time, Tony Robbins. And it wasn't in my session, but during someone else's session, he talked about the six human needs, which as you guys know, is one of my favorite things he's ever taught. In fact, I have his permission to share a lot of it in the new book, which is going to be really cool. But, um, the six human needs, you know, and, and all of us as humans, we gravitate towards where our needs are being met. Right. And in the book, I, I can't wait to share the book to you guys, but the book I lead with us figuring out our values.

And from there we, we assign identities to each value. Then we have these things we value in life that we're seeking towards it to bring us happiness. But the values are also things that bring us sadness. Like, like we don't get sad by, by something we don't value falling apart. It's when you value something and it falls apart that, that it breaks your heart. Right. I value my family, value my kids.

I value our relationship with God so much when those things are falling apart. That's when there's pain, deep pain. Right. Um, and it's interesting though, because like as humans, we, we, we default to, and we will slip back into the ruts of wherever our, our needs are met the best. And, you know, so Tony had us all do this exercises where we look at the core things in our life, like, like your marriage and your business, your work, your schooling, your family, wherever you're at. Right. And like, how are these things meeting your needs and going through the six human needs

exercises and, you know, are my needs being met here? And it's fascinating when you start seeing like the place you're spending the bulk of your time is, is likely where your needs are being met the most. Right. And so for me, my need, it's so easy for me to get my needs met in business, right? Like I get certainty, I get variety, I get, um, love and connection. I get significance, I get growth, I get contribution, like all my needs get met at the office, like when I'm working, right. Um, all of them. And I come home and, and I look at my relationship with my wife and I love her so much. I look at my kids and like, but my needs aren't met there. And a lot of them, some of my needs are, but not as many,

not as easily. And so it's hard because we default back to like the thing where our needs are being met. And cause it's like, that's where I'm successful. That's where I'm happy. That's where these needs get met. But it's like, man, but if I truly want happiness in life, like it's like, that's where I'm successful. That's where I'm happy. That's where these needs get met. But it's like, man, but if I truly want happiness in life, like it's a pursuit of all of our values, not just the one, right? And so it's like, well, if I'm going to do that, like how do I get my needs met inside of my family and inside of my marriage

and inside of these other things that I value so much that I want so much? And it's hard. It's an interesting juggling act. And so anyway, I'm letting you guys know this because partially it's turning this book into a much better book. It's again, the refiner's fire.

I'm going through it right now in the parts of my life that are the most precious. And again, the things I value the most, like I value, it's interesting. I value these things more than the business. Yet they're the things that, um, also caused the most pain at times. Um, anyway, and so I'm in the middle of it and it's interesting because again, I keep thinking, you know, like, how do I, I can't just outwork this. I can't just work harder to make, you know, my kids value certain things. I can't work harder to make my wife value certain things. I can't, like, I can't outwork this. This isn't a problem. I can outwork everything else. I can outwork,

but this I can't. And so it's, it's coming back and it's transformation through inspiration, but it's not guaranteed. That's what's so hard about it. Right? When I, when I work hard, there's a guarantee at the end. Like, Hey, if I work hard, I might not, you know, I might not win a state title, but I could, but I, at least I can, I can work towards it. Right. I'm going to make a million dollars, but I can like, right. There's a, there's a thing where the other ones, it's not like, it's not working hard. And even if I do, if I live the perfect life and I try to do all things perfect and hopefully, you know, people will see that and they'll want to get closer to me. It doesn't, it doesn't mean it's going to happen. And Christ is a perfect example of that,

right? They crucified him. Like his people followed him, but not everybody, even his disciples, even the people he loved the most, you know, one of them betrayed him. Like, you know, his people followed him, but not everybody. Even his disciples, even the people he loved the most, you know, one of them betrayed him. And so it's like, it's just a, it's just an interesting, hard, scary time. Anyway. So I don't know why I'm sharing this. I'm not looking for, um, y'all to send me a bunch of books or resources. I, I promise you, I have, I think I've conservatively bought about 4,000 books in the last six months, mostly around this topic or topics that are tangential to this. Um, I spent a lot of money in coaching with Stacey and Paul, uh, with other relationship experts, with other gurus and life coaches. And like, I, I, I'm deep into it. So it's not that I don't know the answers. It's just that like getting to the answers are so much harder than, than other things. Um, cause the things you value most. So anyway,

I think what I'm telling you, this is partially for me just to, to get it out. And I appreciate you guys being outlet for that. Um, and to give me hope and faith that it's like, Hey, like no matter what I have to keep doing, I keep doing, I got to keep working through because I value these people more than more, honestly, more than life itself. And so that's why it's worth it. That's why it's worth to keep coming back up, keep stepping back into it seems dark, even when you want to strangle a kid sometimes or something because you love them and you validate, value them. And that's the, that's the goal. I know this isn't a Christian podcast at all, but you know, Christ is a figure and I believe

he's the son of God. You may not believe that and that's fine. But he was a great example regardless. And his stories are amazing. But one of the stories that we talked tonight with the kids about is how, you know, Christ lost his sheep. He lost the one and he left the 99 and went and got the one. And I think that's a big part of it is for us is to understand like, that's our role too, right? If we truly love these people, if there are families and our kids and our things, it's like, we've got to, um, to love them, not demand them to believe what we

want or value what we want, but to, um, try to show them why, you know, like, I don't know, try to try to live life in a way where they see that, that, um, that these values and things that you've, you've put out there that they're, they're correct. And hopefully they'll, they'll follow you. So anyway, Hey funnel hackers, let me paint you a picture. You're running a business. Your funnel's finally converting like crazy and suddenly it hits you. You need to hire someone like yesterday. Maybe it's a copywriter to help you crank out more sales pages or a designer to refresh your landing pages or someone to do customer support to help you to handle your growing audience. The problem is you're swamped and you don't have weeks to

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Um, I had this idea today, actually in the book, as we list out our values, you know, let's say there's five or six core things you value, right? In fact, one of the, I can't remember who said this, but sometimes it's hard to identify what is the thing you value, right? But, um, let's say there's five or six core things you value, right? In fact, one of the, I can't remember who said this, but sometimes it's hard to identify what is the thing you value, right? But, um, it's the thing that you defend the most. Somebody talked bad about it, right? Like if someone's like, I don't even know, like something, someone talked bad about you. If you, if you would defend that and fight it, that's something you value, right? Otherwise you wouldn't get so upset. Um, so if you ever got upset in social media, it's cause someone, someone triggered one of your values, something you believe in. Right. And so you, we have these different values.

Um, and the pursuit of our values, what actually brings us happiness. Um, and it's interesting cause like the over pursuit of a value or there's the yin and the yang also, like, let's say you, you value eating. Right. And that's like, Oh, I just love it. I love creating food and cooking food, all those kinds of things. And so it's going to be value you pursue. But in moderation, it's correct and it'll bring you joy. But overuse, it can kill you. And that's true in almost every values. I'm looking deeper. It's like, man, every value, like incorrect moderation is valuable.

Overdoing it can damage you in relationships. Underdoing it is where you fill this gap and it's like not depression, but maybe it's depression. I don't know that the sadness of just like the, the frustration of like, ah, like I'm not, I'm not living up to the things I believe in. Um, but I think there's like a hierarchy too, of like, what's the hierarchy of your needs? I think if we were to like map it out and say, here's a hierarchy of our needs, I bet most of us will be like our spouses and then our kids and our, you know, our families or

whatever, you know, whatever your needs are and you have your health, you have your business, you have your mission. Um, even the hierarchy, um, I haven't done this yet for myself, so I don't know, but my guess is that the hierarchy is that we're probably not putting the, the, the majority of our time in the thing that's our, the value that we, that we value the most. We go to where the value, where our needs get the most, but not the thing that we actually value the most. Oh, it's interesting. Um, man, human brains are fascinating. This whole book is interesting. When I first started writing the secrets to success book,

it was about like habits and routines and patterns and stuff like that. And so I'm getting deeper and deeper. It's nothing to do with any of that. I mean, not nothing. Um, it's all, it's all your mind. It's your, it's your conscious, your subconscious, your, um, your instinctive mind and the, the, um, the war, the battle between those three is the game. It's the game we're playing. Ah, anyway, I want to teach this. I want to, I want to write this book so bad. I have those other projects that are pressing that are holding me from it. That's the thing I want to do the most. Um, I think so many things can be the biggest impact I can give to you guys and to, um, the world right now. So anyway, I'm hoping I, hoping I don't die before that book's done.

Let me finish that book and then you can take me. No, just kidding. Don't take me. I'm going to stay a long time. Um, all right, well, there you go guys. There's vulnerable Russell. Um, anyway, I just want to share with you guys. I know that everyone here has got something like this. Um, anyway, I just want to share with you guys. I know that everyone here has got something like this. Um, my guess, I don't know this for sure, but my guess is it's, it's rare where somebody's got all the, the aspects of life figured out all the things they value in balance, right? Like that's like ultimate happiness. Um, usually the, the one that we're aware of, the one that we're famous for on social is usually the one that our needs are being met in, the one we amplify and the ones we spend our most of our time.

But my guess is there's other ones that we value as much, if not more, that aren't fulfilling our needs or we're not spending our time in. And so anyway, hopefully for all you guys, you know that just understanding that like, you know, the stuff on the cutting room floor is the stuff that probably matters the most.

So that's it. Thanks, guys. And we'll talk to you all soon. Bye, everybody. Thank you for listening to the Marketing Secrets Podcast. If you've loved this episode, then please take a screenshot on your phone and post it to Facebook, Instagram, or wherever you post stuff. And be sure to tag me and let me know why you like this episode and what you'd like

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