The Ryan Hanley Show - 213. Exploring Growth, Resilience, and Personal Strength with Kimi Donahue

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

Became a Master of the Close: https://masteroftheclose.comJoin Ryan Hanley and Kimi Donahue for an insightful discussion as we explore personal development and its crucial role in preparing for life's potential challenges.✅ Insurance Growth Masterclass waiting list: https://materclass.insure✅ For daily insights and ideas on peak performance: https://www.instagram.com/ryan_hanley/✅ Hire me to speak at your next event: https://ryanhanley.com/speaking** Connect with Guest **✅ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimikodonahue/✅ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KimikoDonahue** More about this episode **Join us for an insightful discussion as we explore personal development and its crucial role in preparing for life's potential challenges. We share personal experiences on how investing in physical and mental health, discipline, and habits can build resilience and positivity, helping us navigate tough situations.We also break the misconception that personal development is only necessary when facing a crisis and emphasize the benefits of incorporating it into our daily routines.Listen in as we explore identity, values, and personal development in Western culture, highlighting the influence of stoicism and Christianity in shaping personal worldviews. We delve into the complexities of interpreting religious texts and the importance of a personal relationship with God.We emphasize the need for self-reflection and finding a balance between being a warrior and knowing when to sheath one's sword. In addition, we discuss the power of positive affirmations and visualization in enhancing self-image and belief in one's abilities, leading to improved results.As we dive deeper in our conversation, we bring to light the gender disparity in sales culture, reflecting on a recent event and the noticeable absence of women. We challenge this dynamic, arguing for the importance of conversations about growth and development among women.We also share personal experiences as minorities in our fields and the need for more diversity and opportunity in the workplace.Lastly, we tackle the perception of masculinity, the influence of feminism, and the importance of finding your energy match in relationships. Join us as we delve into the power of the mind, the strength of our authentic self and the impact of personal development on our resilience to life's challenges.Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Just to kind of circle back on everything we talked about, it all comes down to my favorite word, respect, right? So regardless of somebody's, you know, gender, spirituality, whatever, you know, everything that we're talking about, right? If you respect them and where they're coming from, you're going to give them the opportunity. In a crude laboratory in the basement of his home. the show. Today we have a tremendous episode for you, a conversation with Kimmy Donahue, agency success maestro at Openly, and just an incredibly dynamic individual who I enjoy talking with so much. Our brains work very similar, and she is able to bring a unique and diverse perspective from her career, her experiences, what she's trying to achieve.

And then she also went to a couple of really cool conferences recently around professional development. And she shares those experiences, not just what she actually learned at them, but what she learned, what questions were generated out of the experiences themselves. And it's things that we can apply to leadership, to our own growth, to how we handle our teams, how we recruit. Incredibly interesting, awesome conversation. This is the second time Kimmy's been on the show. I hope there'll be many more as I just love talking to her because the way that our conversations tend to roll, we just get so much out of them. I hope you enjoy them as well. I hope you'll share the show. If you find value in it, share the show. It gets more people to learn about what Kimmy is doing, what her, what her

vantage point is. And she's got a lot of interesting things going and I'd love for more people to connect with her as well. We'll have links to like her LinkedIn, et cetera, in the show notes. So if you want to connect with her directly, go to the show notes on whatever platform you're listening, whether it's Spotify or Apple or YouTube, and make sure you subscribe, share the show, connect with Kimmy, do all that good stuff. Guys, you may have heard if you've been listening to the show that about a month ago, SIA decided to go a different direction and shut down Rogue Risk. Rogue Risk no longer exists. So what I have been working on the last month is what's going to be next in my

career. And here's the first thing that I'm going to be launching is my career kind of moves more into consulting, speaking, coaching. I do not want what we learned at Rogue Risk to die. We figured something out at Rogue Risk. We absolutely did. When I sold Rogue Risk to SIA back in April of 2022, we were doing $164,000 in revenue. 17 months later, when Rogue Risk was shut down, we were doing $694,000 in revenue. That's a three and a half X growth in small commercial during the hardest market our industry has seen in 20 years. We figured something out. The one call closed system works. It works every time.

And basically what we saw was reps who would come in, they would be closing inbound business around at about a 40% clip. And after learning and kind of growing into the one call closed system and really adopting it, they were seeing north of 80% close ratios with my own personal kind of top being 89.2, which I achieved over a year and a half of selling. And most of our reps kind of settled right around 85%. Imagine if your reps were closing 85% of all the qualified leads that came into your business. Absolutely incredible. I do not want that knowledge to die with rogue risk. It's certainly, so if you want

that information, I'm going to be launching a course and a masterclass. That's going to be coming in January. That's going to launch. If you want to get on the wait list, go to masterclass.ensure. So masterclass.i-n-s-u-r-e. That's masterclass.i-n-s-u-r-e, masterclass.ensure. Get on the waiting list. You'll be notified of when the course launches. Basically, I'm going to use this platform as a way to share everything that I've learned from the amazing agencies that I've worked with over the last 18 years of my career, as well as all my personal experience. This, I want to be my brain dump, my give back to this industry. So if you want the information that's in my head, that I've learned, the battle-tested practices, ideas, concepts, thoughts, mindsets, framework,

et cetera, that I use to grow an insurance agency, to grow an insurance business. If you want that information, this is where I'm going to be sharing it. And that's masterclass.insure. Go to masterclass.insure and sign up today. Guys, I love you for listening to this podcast. Let's get on to Kimmy Donahue. So what's going on? Oh my goodness. Like everything. Life has been really good. Yeah, I went and got my certification to be a master practitioner of NLP and a bunch of other cool stuff and really just been diving into personal development like 10X. so feel really good about that excited to be on this i am uh really proud of you i've seen your numbers just like start climbing like your instagram has grown your

your linkedin has grown uh you're putting out content like a madman so props to you well being unemployed helps with that um so that's, that helps. But I appreciate it. You know, when I feel like my life is in chaos, which, you know, when the company that was your baby gets shut down, like completely unbeknownst to you, and you're shocked by that, like one day you have your thing and the next day you don't quite literally, you know, it generates chaotic feelings. Right. And I'll say this is what, you know, a lot of people ask me, like, why do you put all this content out? I get that from local people. You know what I mean? I think people who know me professionally and have like seen kind of the way that I am outside of this area, the Albany area, maybe get it a little more,

but like inside of Albany, like I don't have a big network in the Albany area. Like in this area, the Albany area, maybe get it a little more, but like inside of Albany, like I don't have a big network in the Albany area. Like in, in, in the area, most people, they mostly know me as like a kid's coach. And so when they see me putting out like personal development stuff or whatever, and one of the things that I've found over the last six months or so, or maybe even, maybe even longer than that is that, and, and, and I want to someday, I don't have the time now, but someday I want to write a book about this or do something bigger, uh, more, um, with some longevity to it around the idea that, uh, I think we misunderstand why we do these things. I think there's a general misunderstanding or a topic that is not addressed enough when it comes to personal development. I'm super interested in your take on this too. I see it all as preparation. I think too often

we wait for something bad to happen. We have a health scare. Our wife, you know, leaves us or our husband or, you know, our boyfriend or whatever, our, our, someone in our family, some major awful thing happens. Yeah. And then all of a, I'm like, I gotta get it together. I gotta do this and do that. And unfortunately, at that point, it's not too late so much as you can't get better. But it's too late to stem off the emotional tidal wave that you are going to feel. And what I have found by consistently focusing on personal development, by focusing on physical health, mental health, habits, discipline, all these things, is that when I found out that they were shutting Rogue down, I wasn't even

really upset. I was disappointed. I thought it was a shame because when you look at our numbers, we probably rank top 5% in the country in terms of growth rate. I mean, we grew our agency from 170,000 in revenue April, 2022 to 695,000 in revenue in September of 2023. So that's three and a half X growth in 17 months. I mean, I would put that up against just an entirely organic and done off a relatively small marketing budget. I would put that up against the other agencies in the country. So looking at that side, it's a shame because I feel like we were close. Now I understand why they did it and I'm not knocking them. And I have very positive feelings towards SIA and I, you know, there's no hard feelings towards them. They did what they had to do for what they were going through. It's all, it's fine. But

what I didn't do was fall apart. And that to me is why we do this work and why we do it before there's a problem. Um, and I feel like we don't talk about that enough. What is your take on all that? I think a thousand percent. I think the last maybe couple of months, what I am learning is specifically in Western culture, they teach us what you want to grow up to have, what you want to grow up to do, right? And there's this famous saying about we are human beings, not human havings or human doings, right? So it's more of a question of who do you want to be? So a lot of other cultures teach you from a young age your purpose. You are here to go find your purpose. And I would say probably you and I were taught, well, what do you want to do when you grow up? What kind of things do you want to have?

So here we are focused on material things and some skills, but not necessarily interpersonal skills. And definitely no self-reflection. I definitely didn't learn or even understand what that was up until very recently. And so I think to circle back to what you're talking about is it's a lot of knowing who you are and your boundaries and your values and being able to stay true to those, you know, that way, if you're in a place that are not aligning with that, you know, you can, you know, pivot and get out. Um, if something's, you know, not going the way you want it to, you can still stay within your, you know, your limits, so to speak. Um, I, you know, not going the way you want it to, you can still stay within your, you know, your limits, so to speak. I, you know, props to you for not having a, maybe as a reaction that

maybe some others would, you know, I think it's definitely, you know, and I follow a lot of your stuff, you know, on Instagram and LinkedIn and the stuff that you post. And there's a lot of very, you know, a lot, a lot of stoicism, which I like to subscribe to as well. And I think it's a matter of, you know, how do you react to something rather than, you know, something that you can't control, basically. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I think I do love stoicism. I think I found, personally, that a mix of stoicism, Christianity, but like from the Bible christianity not derived christianity uh which we can talk about the difference my personal opinion about the difference that is and then a little bit of like emerson like uh what is it transcendentalism um which is moves it's tough to put christianity and transcendentalism together but there are some really interesting takes and if you mash those three together, in my opinion, I get this really interesting, for me, worldview. This is the problem that I have if you go pure Bible. And I have friends who love,

who are devout, and I think it's amazing. I think whatever framework works for you is exactly what you have. And I'm a believer and I talk to God and I read the Bible almost every day. You're right next to my bed. But I struggle with the purist. Those words are the words of God piece because I just, I have a hard time with the fact

that it was written over 300 years by possibly thousands of different people. And like the selections were handpicked and we don't, I want to know what did they throw out and why did they throw it out? Because there were, there are all kinds of obscure records around things that were written that just weren't put in and they don't know what they were and they, but they know there were things that were written that didn't make it in the book. And it's been translated through different languages over and over again. And if it's a literal translation versus a metaphor of some sort, it definitely can be misconstrued. And take the word, I'll tell you one that I was

just listening to Jordan Peterson on Chris Williamson's podcast the other day, and I devour Jordan Peterson. And he is talking about this idea of the word meek. So meek shall inherit the earth is a very well known passage from the Bible. And there he he is of the opinion, and I believe him because I've done the research after I heard this, that we completely misunderstand this. The scripture is longer, but this particular phrase, this idea of meek, is completely mistranslated and misunderstood. Because today, meek means like mild, inward. You know, we think of someone who can't defend themselves, etc.

Okay? And that's 100% not what the original word, what meek actually meant, originally translated from the Greek word. It's not what it meant. What meek actually meant was someone who was a warrior but sheathed their sword. So his whole thing of be a monster but know how to control it, that is actually his derivation from this piece of scripture, the meek shall inherit the earth. And what it meant to the Greeks when they wrote it was the word meek translated from Greek in that time period, right, 2000 years ago, meant someone who was strong and robust and a warrior and can defend themselves, but knew when to keep their, their sword sheaths. So basically what, if you, if you then read, reread that scripture with that

meaning, you're like, Whoa, this makes complete sense. Totally different. Yeah. Totally different. Right. So it's like, I feel like if the Bible is our, and again, people who love the Bible are going to, are going to hate this, but, but. And my mom and I debate this all the time. But I feel like you have to have your own relationship with God, and you can't take the Bible as the only input as to how to live your life, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. So that's a very long-winded way, especially coming back from the gym. You can tell my ADHD is off the charts. I love saying that. Yes. Stoicism, transcendentalism, essentialism, all mixed in with a core of Christianity tends to be a pretty decent framework for living your life. Yeah, 1000%. I would say that. So the event that

I went to last month was really cool, such a diverse group of people. And you know, some of the topics we talk about is, you know, spirituality, and they do a really good job of, you know, some of the topics we talk about is, you know, spirituality and they do a really good job of, you know, leaving it open for, for everybody's different type. And, uh, as you know, I, I love music, right? And one of my, one of my favorite musicians that I really look up to is Ronnie James Dio. And a lot of people, he caught a lot of flack because a lot of people said, oh my gosh, it's, you know, devil music. He worships Satan. And, uh, you know, when you listen to his interviews, it's, it's quite the opposite. I think he's a very spiritual guy, but leaves room for, you know, what else could be out there. There's a line in one of his songs that says, we pray to someone, but when it's said and done, we're really

all the same. They're really all the same with just a different name. You know, so it all kind of comes back down to that, that core, a lot of different beliefs still, still point the same, similar way. You know, they still have those values that, that everybody's still going after. Yeah. I, so, um, the event that you went, you know, you said you just got NLP certified. I don't know what that is. Yes. Yep. So paraphrased NLP is the programming in your brain. So you're unconscious or you're subconscious, however you want to call it. Basically, programming in your brain to develop lasting changes or habits. So prior to learning NLP, which stands for neuro-linguistic programming,

I really followed Lanny Basham's Mental Management. He's got a book called With Winning in Mind, which is one of those books that really changed my life. Basically, he teaches how your unconscious mind and your subconscious really drive everything that you do and then how to manage that, you know, come time to perform, you know, so times under stress, you know, how you view yourself doing things. So really, learning NLP just validated all the stuff that I already kind of followed and really just helped me. I went in with an open mind and went in with – it was so much fuller. I'll say that. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And it's really cool. They have all these different techniques to change habits in different ways. So whether it's a strategy that you have, uh, towards feeling motivation or towards, uh, you know, basically how you do things and reprogramming the strategies that you take to get there. Uh, cause let's say it's something that you're a procrastinator, right? You can use anchoring techniques. So if you follow like Tony Robbins at all, he uses a lot of these techniques and things like that. What'd you say? No, I just was, I was, um, uh, reinforcing your point. Yes. He uses anchoring quite a bit. Yeah. Tony Robbins. Yeah. Huge. So, so we learned how to do that. We learned how to basically it's a

lot of, it's about visualization, how you talk to yourself, how you talk to others. The, so the whole reason I went to it, cause this is, this is a question I get a lot of it's about visualization how you talk to yourself how you talk to others the so the whole reason i went to it because this is this is a question i get a lot is kimmy what the heck why why'd you go to that uh about a year and a half ago i was introduced to nlp and it was sold to me in a way of hey you can become a better communicator and i'm like heck yeah let's go you know any everyone would benefit from being a better communicator. And I know you'd agree. Cause that's literally, uh, what you've been talking about in a lot of your reels that you've been posting about, you know, speaking engagements and how to, how to connect with people. Right. So that's what I went in there wanting to learn and come to find out that it is so much more about, you know, how you can build your confidence, how you can change

habits. And a lot of it is, you know, taking action, which is one of my favorite things to do and tell people to do. And then, of course, just having a positive focus on it, meaning you can't let your eye off the ball. You got to consistently take action towards said goal, basically, or said habit. You know, what are your feelings on the concept of like manifesting? So this is a good one. It's such a broad word. And I think a lot of people have different

definitions of what that looks like. So for me, I was introduced to what we'll call positive affirmations when I got into the shooting sports. Growing up, I was not a good athlete. I'm probably one of the most uncoordinated, coordinated people you'll meet. I didn't necessarily get that kind of coaching that you get from standard sports where they teach you how to visualize something and go after something. I had to learn this in my adult years. So when I got into the shooting sports, I was introduced to positive affirmations where, let's say you've got, you've got the physical skill, right? But

most everything in sports, in performance, right, is all up here. Probably 90% of it is actually your mental state. So I had to, what I found was I was, I was consistently getting like, um, so the way they rank you in shooting is percentage. So let's say first place is a hundred percent, right? And I was consistently in the 60% ish, which just, I don't like to be mid-packs. It's just driving me up the wall. And, you know, through some self-development and reading that book with winning in mind, I found it was because I didn't believe that I could win. For whatever reason, you know, years of baggage from childhood, whatever, maybe the environment that I was in at the time, for whatever reason in my brain, I didn't believe that I was capable of getting first place.

So I spent, I've read that book probably three times, listened to the audio book as well. And what Lanny teaches is visualization and positive affirmations. So he teaches there's three parts of your brain, right? There's conscious, unconscious, and your self-image. Conscious would be like, let's see here. Do you drive stick shift? I can, yes. You can? Okay. So do you remember when you were first learning how to drive manual transmission?

You were like, okay, I got to push in the clutch. I got to shift it. You know, it was a very conscious effort. And then eventually, you know, throughout however long it took you, now it becomes an unconscious thing, right? You turn the car on and you're at your destination. Well, your self image is how you view yourself doing that. And I think that's one of the things that they don't teach us when we're young and, and, and, and coaches don't teach this is how you view yourself because that's

what's going to change your habits. That's what's going to make you, you, you know, who is Kimmy? Who is Ryan? You know, your self image. So, so what he teaches is visualization and positive affirmations to basically change that. So, you know, for whatever reason in my little monkey brain back here, I was thinking I'm not allowed to win or maybe I'm just not capable of it. So I literally wrote down, I am a winner. I always win. I always shoot perfect shots.

And it's all stated in present state and it's all positive. So you can't say, oh, I never miss. Oh, I don't do this. Because what happens is your brain only focuses on the don't piece, right? For example, if I tell, well, you have kids. So do you remember like when they're little and you tell them not to spill something, what do they do? Yeah, it's going all over the table.

Yeah, they spill it all over the place, right? So instead you could, you know, you can reframe. What's up guys? Sorry to take you away from the episode, but as you know, we do not run ads on this show. And in exchange for that, I need your help. If you're loving this episode, if you enjoy this podcast, whether you're watching on YouTube or you're listening on your favorite podcast platform, I would love for you to subscribe,

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listening as much as I do creating the show for you. All right, I'm out of here. Peace. Let's get back to the episode. you know, please hold on with two hands, you know, whatever it might be, but it's programming that positive aspect of it because both, again, both Lani's book, NLP, a lot of these self-development things that, you know, you're involved in, I'm learning, it's all programmed at a young age negatively, you know, whether it's society, the environment, being told no, being told to focus on one thing, you know, that's what we grow up around. And we're not taught to do self-development. I think we're talking about that. I'm not sure what part of the recording you're going to be using, but when we first started, we were talking about how we're not taught to focus on self-development, you know, when we're young.

I would say I had a really great English teacher in high school that kind of planted that seed for a lot of people. But I think that's really rare. Yeah. Yeah. Think about, for all the parents out there, think about your ratio of do more of that to don't do that that you give to your kids i mean just every day your kids walk through the house living their life how many do more of that do you give them like hey that's great awesome do more of that and instead it's don't do that don't sit there be quiet don't, it's don't do that. Don't sit there. Be quiet. Don't listen to that.

Don't watch that. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. And then it's like, why don't my kids want to be the best at this? Or why are my kids getting C's in class? And it's like, because everything they do, they get a don't. And they're not, you know what I mean? And it is very limiting. That's part of it.

You know, for me, it's funny. I thought manifesting was the biggest load of bullshit I'd ever heard in my entire life. I read the secret. I blew through it. I thought it was stupid. And I was like, this is all just kind of, this is like foo fooey hippie shit that they sell to people who are, you know, just willing to spend their money on nonsense. That was my original thought. And then about three years ago, I was listening to Andy Fursella, who does the Real AF podcast, who, love him or hate him, has a lot of value to add to the world. And he talked,

he had an episode where he talked about how manifesting is a big part of his life. And it shocked me. I literally had to relisten to like the five, like I had to like rewind five minutes in the show and like, listen to it again. Cause I was like this big, tough bearded strong owns this big,

like I'm like manifesting really. So I started listening. So I listened to it. And then I started like searching other podcasts that I listened to, that I respect and trust for episodes on, or that related to manifesting. And it was crazy. So I started, so I started doing all this research and like what ultimately sold me was kind of a very trivial example, but it rings true to me. And it was like, when's the last time, like when you bought a car, right? So say you buy a car, all of a sudden you see your car everywhere, right? So like you never see that car. You've never seen that car before.

You've seen two of them ever in your life. And then you buy it and there's two every time you drive the car right and it's because what you have done and this is what manifesting this is this is my understanding at its take take like the universe out which i don't necessarily not believe in this anymore but like you know the the take the universe stuff out, take any of the, the, uh, psychoactive aspects of it out of the equation. And simply what you're doing is telling your brain to look for that thing. That's all like at its core, at its simplest, at its most basic, all manifesting is, is saying you want to sell more by telling yourself that you can sell more, that you will sell more, that you are selling more by telling yourself that, by I will sell this. What you're doing

is just telling your brain, look for those opportunities. So now all of a sudden you look for these things to sell more. You look for, maybe it goes for a partner. If you're looking for a partner, I'm looking for someone who insert the thing. All of a sudden, all you what you've done is say, don't worry about these things. I'm not so interested in these, but these particular things I want you to focus on brain because and one of the most important books that everyone can read is the untethered soul. If you haven't read the untethered soul, make it the next book, like literally stop whatever book you're reading now and read The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer next. Have you ever read that book?

No, I'm putting it on my list now though. Yeah, it's fucking incredible. And you'll fly through it. It's a fairly easy read. But the concept is something that I have believed for a very long time, which is you are not your mind and you are not your body. You are your soul or your spirit or depending on what religion you are. You are as a different name. But the idea is we are not our body. You are your soul or your spirit or, you know, depending on what religion you are, you, what you are as a different name. But the idea is we are not our mind. Your mind is just a, it's just a computer program that operates the body, right? But neither one of those things are

you. So what manifesting is, is your soul telling the computer in your brain, Hey, dummy, start looking for these things. I want this thing, start looking for these things i want this thing start looking for it like if you want to buy a new car hey i'm i want a new i want a new tahoe all of a sudden you start seeing tahoes and you start seeing sales for tahoes and you start seeing used tahoes and you start seeing uh uh accessories because facebook listens to you. Yes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All of a sudden, both of our phones will be filled with Tahoe. Oh, absolutely. But that concept to me, all of a sudden I was like, well, that makes complete sense.

Yeah. Like, okay, manifesting isn't the universe, you know, aligning with my psychoactive, you know, whatever bullshit, which may or may not be true. I'm not going to comment on that. But this simple idea of the computer that runs your mind, you're just giving it the programming. That's all you're doing. You're just executing a function inside your mental computer. And that to me makes sense. And I can say that early results are very positive. Yes. So literally everything that you just said is NLP in a nutshell. It's all about that programming, you know, and you could call it, you know, the soul or the self image or your identity, your unconscious mind, it all, you know, ends up being the same thing at the end of the day. And it's how you reprogram yourself to do

X, you know, whatever it is you might want to do. That is so cool. And I'm going to go get that book now. Yeah, the book's good. Untethered Soul is, it was recommended to me by three people that I really respect, like at different times. And finally I was like, fuck it. Like I need to go get this book. If three people now have referred it to me, I read it and now I recommend it constantly. It just, because I believe that so much of the trouble that we face in our, in our lives is, is misunderstanding the signals that we're getting from our mind and our body with our soul, right? Like we feel physical pain from a workout and we somehow think that's us that's not us that's just your body it's not even it's not even real like it's not you you your spirit isn't

feeling physical pain your body's feeling physical pain that's it so you can work through it you can push through it you can tell your body it doesn't hurt and some people like wim hof gets so good at it they can literally reprogram their body in real time so that they can operate despite physical pain or whatever, you know, exposure to, to, to different things. I mean, yeah. And you see those things and you're like, holy shit, how does he do it? Right. And it's when you really break it down, what he's yes, what he, yeah, yeah. As for those those not watching the video Kimmy was pointing at her head um you know the the what he has figured out how to do is disconnect his book I call it soul

so your soul your spirit from his mind and his body and just basically say yeah that's not real like stop doing that like I don't want to feel, I know I'm okay, so don't feel physical pain right now. And that is incredibly difficult to do. I'm not saying that this is something you can just snap your fingers on 100%. I mean, obviously there's courses, there's all kinds of things. This is years and years to be able to get to that level. Nor do I think most of us, the vast, vast majority of us need to get to Wim Hof level of connection and or ability to disconnect from those things. However, the reason I bring this up is to come back to my original statement around preparation, which is if you are mentally healthy, if you are

physically healthy, if you are emotionally healthy, and by healthy, doing the work, right? But you're doing this work, you're preparing yourself. Then when that thing happens, that person leaves you, the job ends, the investment you made goes belly up, the company you started doesn't end up becoming what you thought it was going to be, whatever the thing is, right? You can disconnect and say, this is not who I am, right? To your point, I am not founder of Rogue Risk. That is a thing that I did. That is something that happened during this brief period of time for this physical body, but it's not who I am. I can keep going, right? And that preparation allows you to weather these I can keep going. Right. And that, that, that preparation allows you to weather these storms and keep going. And that, that to me is,

um, that to me is the key. You keep hearing people like, uh, someone said the other day, it was either Cody Sanchez or Alex Ramosi, one of the new like thought leaders that have popped up in the last year or two. Which are both great. So anyone listening to this who don't follow them, go follow them. Yeah. They're tremendous. Yeah, absolutely tremendous. They're like the next wave of really, really, I mean, really good. They're very good. I keep trying to find holes in their game. And I struggle with it. They're doing a really good job.

But one of them said the other day, and this isn't new, but they just packaged in a really interesting way. And it was something like, the only reason I'm successful is because I outlast every, I'm willing to outlast people. Like that's literally all. When you buy a trish and baby, let's go. Yeah. And when you think about it, you're like, that really kinda is it.

Like, just, are you willing to keep going when everyone else stops? And if you are most likely going to be successful, like, man, that's, you know, that's, and I think that goes back to preparation and being all this stuff. So I find this stuff to be incredibly interesting because I'm 20 years into my insurance career, 26, 27 years into my working, kind of real world working career. And I can't find one example in my life where tactics is the reason anyone failed. Yeah. Everybody, every time I failed, every time anyone I know has failed, it's been because of emotional shit. It's been because they couldn't keep their shit together

they told you know they didn't do this properly they couldn't handle the stress they were too egotistical they were too insecure they didn't have the right communication interpersonal skills they couldn't read a room they couldn't listen they couldn't you know whatever the thing is it wasn't because they couldn't figure out a fucking lead funnel right now those things help don't get me wrong but like it's because the the those are you know maybe small wins and losses in there because of tactics but like true like game over you have to start again in my opinion is a hundred out of a hundred times because of this stuff because of personal development stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Kind of to circle back like around the sports arena about it being 90% mental, 10% physical, it goes exactly what you're talking about. You know, you could have the physical skill, you could have the, you know, tactics down, right? But if your mental game is not there, like game over, you know, and to circle back, you mentioned like Wim Hof and the, you know, and, and to circle back, you mentioned, um, like Wim Hof and the, you know, people that, that are, that can dissociate themselves from the emotion or from a feeling. Uh, that is, that's something that I just recently learned how to visualize and how to do through, you know, through the trainings that I've gone through recently about when typically when people are feeling an emotion, when you're like in it, right, you're seeing it through your own eyes. So you are very well associated. It is bright and clear and you're like, right? So what they've

taught, especially these, you know, very successful leaders, you know, whether they're CEOs, entrepreneurs, whatever, right? They've learned how to take a step back, disassociate it from it, basically see themselves in third person to release that emotion, right? And I don't, anyone watching the video, let's see if it shows here. I recently posted this on my Instagram. It says, take a step back and observe the emotion. So that's something that I am, I'm learning to do and, you know, learning to release that, you know, yuckiness so that way you can make good decisions, you know, dissociated so that you're not doing it from emotion. Because I will tell you what, I am one of the most emotional people out there. I cry. I threw temper tantrums,

when I was a child, like crazy, right? And learning how to disassociate, one, it allows you to get a different perspective. You might even be able to see the other person's perspective, which really is helpful when you're coaching somebody, when you're trying to have a hard conversation, when you're setting boundaries or you're about to fire somebody. You know what I mean? There's a lot of emotions that can be attached to that if you don't learn to detach. Yeah. And I wrote a post the other day about you're not your feelings. And I got some people that are like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I got other people that were like, nah, that disagreed with me.

And I spent a decent amount of time reading through the disagreements. And it was your feelings are part of you and God gave you your feelings and all that. And I struggle with that because to me, your feelings and emotions are a mechanism of the mind. And what I meant by you are not, what I meant very quite literally about you are not your emotions is that your emotions are data points of the mind. They, they are actually important. If you feel a certain way, it is important to, to acknowledge, I'm feeling sad. I'm feeling energized. I'm feeling, you know, whatever the feeling is, but, and I, I didn't use this word, but I love it. This idea of disassociating, because essentially if you're able to, to, to steal your word, disassociate or separate yourself, I think is what I used, from that emotion, you see it as a data point, not as like.

As your interpretation, basically. Yeah, it's not real. Yeah. Sadness is not real. Sadness is not your soul. Sadness is a data point your mind is giving you to try to turn something kind of ethereal and manifest it into something tangible. And so when we feel sad, we allow ourselves to be consumed by it because we think it's who we are. Yeah, it becomes your reality because you're seeing it through your

lenses. Yeah. Ryan is not sad. Ryan's mind is telling him that this situation should make you sad, but I don't have to be sad unless I choose to be, or I don't have to let it impact me unless I choose to be, right? And that concept is very hard. And so now let's apply this to the business concept, right? So you are struggling with an employee who is maybe a high performer,

but maybe has a bad attitude or doesn't get along with people very well, right? Well, they could do something or say something, and you could because you're feeling frustrated, or you're feeling angry, or you're disappointed in them. If you do not, again, stealing your word, disassociate yourself or separate yourself from that emotion, you can walk into their office

and and you need to do this, or you could say, all right, what they did, I am feeling frustrated, angry, disappointed, et cetera. I feel that. My mind is telling, giving me those data points. Okay. I understand that what they did was probably incorrect, right? But removed from the feelings, not allowing the feelings to be me, but to just be a data point, I can go in and say, look, here's the feedback I'm getting. Here's what I saw. Let's talk about this. And you can approach it from a much more restrained, much more meaningful way, because you're not allowing that emotion to take over who you are. It's just simply a data point in a series of data points. Hey, over here, man, this one time you jumped in and you

helped Sally with this thing, that was awesome. I love that. That version of you, that thing, I want more of that. This part over here, and let's get to a... And that allows you to be a better leader. It allows you to be a better leader. It allows you to be a better manager. It allows you to be a better husband, wife, spouse, partner, friend, parent, child, whatever. Like we just can't allow our emotions to become who we are because they're not who we are is my particular opinion. Absolutely. And I think the first time I really learned to go back to like your example

about maybe having to fire somebody or reprimand someone, especially if you're in a leadership position, is remember not to attack the person. You're attacking the action, the choice that they made. And I think really driving that home and reminding them to, hey, this is how I'm looking at it. This is not you. Your actions are not you. It's, you know, this is the piece that, you know, whatever you don't like. And, you know, I, it's called like, what is it? The sandwich effect where you have something great that you give them, then give them the crap. And then, okay, here's, here's something else that you did really well. And you know, the, what is it called? The golden high school football coach referred to it as a shit sandwich. I really like this thing.

You didn't call it that, but that's basically what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You did this thing. That was good. This, you did like an asshole. Maybe you could, you know, this over here, that wasn't bad either. Yeah. I'll take it. I'll take it. And you know, it's actually, what's real interesting. This, this brings me to a whole new topic is how, and I did not realize this until probably just last week, which sounds silly. I never realized how many people don't want or are afraid of criticism, even if it's constructive criticism. I think so many people are so scared to hear what they're doing wrong or what they could do better and i went to do you follow andy elliott at all i do i was that was on my topic of questions for you okay

so yeah i got to i got to meet him on sunday and be around a bunch of people that you know subscribe to his stuff and i was like wow literally everybody in this room are here to to be told what their gaps are and i'm like this you don't find that anywhere it's so rare i was also floored that 99 and this is not an exaggeration right 99 of the people there were men i didn't see any woman why did that why did that floor you what was your preconceived notion about men that made you think that they would not want to be in that room? And I asked myself the same question. I was like, how come there's no women here? So I don't know if it is.

Okay, so let me reframe that. Do you think it was, were you surprised that it was all men and women weren't there? Or were you surprised that more men were men and women weren't there? Or were you surprised that men, more men were there? Like which, which one or maybe both? I guess, I guess both. I was just more, and I didn't even realize it until probably towards the end of the day. You know, I'm doing, we're doing our thing. I'm taking on all the information.

I probably got like 18 pages of notes from this, right? And I'm super excited. And when I get up, you know, to go and meet him, that was the other, I think this is where I saw it. There's a chance where you get to go meet him. You sign up for his 100-day challenge. And the 100-day challenge is very similar to 75 Hard, where for 100 days, you're, you know, you're doing a 45-minute workout, you're eating clean. And I'm thinking, oh, the only thing in this that I'm not currently doing was reading 20 pages a day. I listen to audio books and stuff, but he said, oh, the only thing in this that I'm not currently doing was reading 20 pages a

day. I listen to audio books and stuff, but he said, no physical pages. You need to read 20 physical pages. I'm like, okay, cool. I can do that for a hundred days. So I signed my ass up. And also I'm like a marketer's dream. Like I'm a salesperson. So when someone has a really good sale, I'm like, I'm buying it. So when I go to these, I sign up for all this stuff, you know, because, because they did a good job. Right. So I was signing up for this. I'm in, I'm buying it. So when I go to these things, I sign up for all the stuff, you know, because they did a good job, right? So I was signing up for this. I'm in line and I look around and there's no girls next to me.

And one of my – so this is me being real vulnerable on this podcast. One of my intentions when I was at this NLP seminar prior to the Andy Elliott event was to make more connections with women. And so here I am at this event, like looking for some girl, you know, we can be on each other's level and talk about this kind of stuff. And they are nowhere to be found. You know, maybe there's a few on, you know, on the other side of the room, but they're walking out. And I'm like, okay, what is happening here? So I asked myself, is it because women don't want to be criticized? Is it because there's more men that are in sales? Is it because maybe this particular culture just happens to be more guys in this, you know,

sales culture over here. Um, so it, it's something that I'm still exploring to find out like what it is, but I was just, that was the one thing I really, I walked away from that. Like, damn, like how do, how do we recruit more women to that mindset of, I, I want to be told what my gaps are because that's how I grow. So that is a hyper-masculine culture for sure. So I think that's probably part of it. I think that while present culture seemingly wants to sell us something different, men and women are very, very different both in the way their brains are wired and their incentives and all different kinds of things. Not that that's bad or one is better than the other,

just different. And not knowing anything about the program, I think that in general, there are just an absolute shit ton more men in sales than women. Just there you are. Which also was very, it just boggled my mind because like you said, I absolutely agree with you on there are absolutely differences between men and women. And, you know, that's a whole nother polarizing topic that we can get into. But I agree with you on that. So I leave room for that. But when I think about, you know, even in the insurance industry, there are very many women in sales, very many women principals and leaders. But yeah, to see the, I guess the lack of women, which wasn't, let me rewind a little bit. That was never important to me until recently. And not

specifically because I'm looking for, you know, some sort of gender equality, you know, thing. I was just more like, I really want to connect with other women, other moms, you know, other people that I could relate to on a feminine level that I can't, you know, around a guy, you know, plain and simple. Because like you said, we are different. So you're going to have very different conversations with the genders, you know? Yeah. Well, there's a whole, you know, plain and simple, because like you said, we are different. So you're going to have very different conversations with the genders, you know? Yeah. Well, there's, there's a whole, I mean, there's a ton of viewpoints, ideas, activities, thoughts, feelings, et cetera, that I simply could not empathize with that you could say to me. And it's not that I don't care or don't think they're important. It just, I just don't experience them or see them from the same vantage point. And vice versa. And vice versa. And vice versa. It, to me, you know, and I have, you know, I think, I think, so, you know, there, there's been, there's been some stuff in our industry

recently, some shakeups and different groups, et I think that I, I, I'm, I'm of two, two very different minds on the gender thing. Part of me says one, like, so, so I am a staunch equality of opportunity guy, and I hate equality of outcome. I loathe it. I cannot even, I can't, like the idea of it, I find very hard to swallow. And I'm sure there are exceptions to that, that I would be willing to accept, but they are very, very rare. However, I have even more, I have even more distaste for individuals who remove opportunity for people. So like, I look at something like, um, you know, look, more women are nurses than men. Right. So is there do we have a equality of gender nursing problem

no because women for whatever reason that i don't understand because i'm not a biologist or a psychologist they choose just out of their choice choose nursing more than men choose nursing okay and for whatever reason in sales men choose nursing. Okay. And for whatever reason, in sales, men choose to be sales professionals more. So there shouldn't necessarily be an equal number of men and women in those professions. However, every woman who wants to be a sales professional and every man who wants to be a nurse who has the skills to it, should be allowed to do it and should be given every opportunity to do it. And this is the battle nonsense. This is postmodern Marxist bullshit that, that somehow we need to have equal number of every ethnicity and every gender. It's like, there's literally not even the same number of humans of all these things

here to have equal numbers. Like the percentages don't match. If you were to have 50, 50, you can't have 50-50 white people and black people in every industry in the country. There's simply not enough black people in the country to do that. There's not enough Asian people to do that. You know what I mean? If you were to take white people and put them in Nigeria,

there wouldn't be enough white people to do that. Like, this is the nonsense. However, the thing that we have to fight against, I believe, tooth and nail, with every ounce of energy that we have is to make sure that anybody that wants that thing gets an opportunity to get it. They're not blocked. They're not, they're not talked negatively to, they're not discriminated against there. They, they have every opportunity to be the thing is everyone else. So when I look at,

when I look at situations like the one you were presented with, right? Highly masculine, highly sales oriented thing. What I think more often is the case is probably, and I think this is particularly for sales, I do believe that women are still not given the same opportunity to sell that men are given. I think that if you put a man and a woman applying for a sales job, that if they're both equal, the benefit of the doubt today is still going to skew towards the man if their skills are equal. And that's the thing that we have to fix. Exactly. That's the thing we have to fix. In my opinion, I will say what I will give big props to Andy, um, that I didn't get to mention before. So one of his top salespeople is female

and he didn't, I wasn't making a knock on him. I don't, I, yeah, I was listening. Like, don't worry, Andy, we're not talking smack about you. Yeah, no, I'm not a hundred percent. No, I'm not, not talking about his event. Just talking about the fact that there is such a disconnect in numbers. I feel like if more women were given equal, the more of the women who wanted to be sales professionals were given the same opportunity to be sales professionals that men were, they're most likely to be more in that room, agnostic of Andy's program. Oh yeah, that's what I'm saying. And I think too, one of the situation that you're referencing, I'm privy to as well. You know, we don't, we don't have to dive down that, but what to around that topic and kind of every,

just to kind of circle back on everything we talked about, it all comes down to my favorite word, respect, right? So regardless of somebody's, you know, gender, spirituality, whatever, you know, everything that we're talking about, right? If you respect them and where they're coming from, you're going to give them the opportunity, you know, plain and simple. And I think that's what's been really cool about everything that I'm diving into is now I get to learn about these things because I will be the first to tell you, I was so naive to, you know, everything that we're talking about, honestly. This is all very new to me, stuff that I'm just diving into. You know, I grew up, you know, in male-dominated sports and, you know, and I got into sales at a very young age. So for me,

it was just, oh, I'm in sales. I never, I never realized, oh, well, I'm a female in sales or, oh, I'm a, you know, sometimes I forget that, you know, my heritage is considered a minority and I never, I never put a label to that. So it wasn't until recently that I, you know, start hearing these labels and becoming more aware of what other people are seeing and why there is a need to fight for opportunity, like you're saying, because I never, I never realized that until recently, until people bring that my intention. I'm like, well, wow. Like, well, what, how come I didn't see that before? And what mindset?

Positive though? Like, do you think it's a positive one? Uh, uh, assume like in a, in a, in a, in a, um, in a fictional scenario in which there are no barriers of opportunity does it does it matter like do you want do you want like this constant and unending like focus on where we're from like i i i struggle with that like i'm like i get it like what i miss is when it used to be fucking cool that we were different. Like, right now I was in high school. Like, I don't know the, I hate to say, you know,

like, I don't know. Like the, I always looked at the black kids and I was like, there's so much cooler than I am better. They can sing better. They, their,

their styles way better. I was always like one. I wanted to hang out with him. I was like, you're fucking cool. You know what I mean? They didn't want to hang out with me. It was just dorky white kid from the country, you know? So like, it's, I always look at it like, I loved our differences because

it's what made the country so interesting. And now it's like, oh no, no. You know what I mean? We all have to be this blended version of each where we're all exactly the fucking same. And it's like, we're not the same. That's the amazing part of it. But we have to focus on the differences. If opportunity is not the same, if the access to opportunity is not the same. And again, so my personal opinion is capitalism solves all this. Capitalism solves all of this. This is all postmodern Marxist bullshit because, because capitalism, if you're a capitalist, you want whoever's the best. You don't give a shit. You don't give a shit. If they paint Smurfs on their face and show up to work every day, if they can fucking sell, you're going to hire that person,

right? Like you don't care. Well, it's metric, it's metric based at that point. And I think, and I actually think that you and I touched on this on our last podcast a little bit too about how it's become mainstream to do this X, Y, Z. And I do agree with you on the differences. And if you listen to, well, let's talk about Cody Sanchez or Alex Mosey or even Andy Elliott, all of them say be unique. Like stand out, really own your uniqueness, right? That's what's going to make you last through whatever craziness you're going through.

I think what I am looking to do is figure out what is preventing, let's say, a girl from going to like one of those sales seminars or like how can I help empower somebody to make them feel like they can do that too? Because I've always been a big, big fan of, you got to earn it. You know, obviously I'm a, I like, I like the idea of, you know, opportunity. We want the opportunity to be there, but you still got to earn it regardless of where you're from, what you look like, you know, what gender you are, right? You, you got to put in the work and have the results, especially in sales. You can't just show up and, you know, sit there with your, well, I won't say what I was going to say next, but you can't just sit there, right? You actually have to do the work and show up every day.

I bet that if you reached out to 20 women and said, hey, I'm going to this – I went to this thing last year. It was amazing. There was only like 10 of us there last year. I want to get another 10. I want there to be 20. Who wants to come? I bet simply by opening that door and reaching your handout, I bet half of them would take you up on it. Because I think a lot of times, I think a lot of times people just want to know, like, so I think, I think one, look, you're, you're, you're, you have a stage presence, right? You have a, you, you post these pictures and you're screaming into a microphone and you perform and, and, and I'm sure you have your own insecurities and things that bother you,

but you, at the same time, you, you have a confidence as well. So that is a unique quality of you. It's also unique that you're simply willing to post that stuff as much as you are. So many people aren't willing to put any aspect of their life out there in that regard. So I do think that, and I don't want to go all like Spider-Man here, but I feel like with great power does come great responsibility and being blessed, whether by nature or nurture, to have any level of confidence. I think not everybody has that naturally. I think they can develop it. And it is beholden to those of us. And I would put

myself in this category too, because although I have just as many insecurities as anyone, I also do have a lot of confidence in things. It's why I do this podcast is simply reach out to people and say, here, virtually take my hand and come along on this fucking ride with me because, because, because I don't want to do it alone. And there's, there's so much, there's so much here if you come. So I think that if you did that, you'd get 10. And then the year after that, if you said all of them, Hey, reach out to 20 of your girlfriends and, and, and bring five more people each or two people each. Now, all of a sudden there's 40, then there's a, now all of a sudden, you know, now you have half the audience is women who feel comfortable and supported and energized. And I think that's how you get there is just one

by one linking this chain of saying that here's my, take my hand, come along for the ride and and that's how you get there because everybody needs that i can show you the world yeah oh my gosh also for anyone listening like people pay really good money to get advice like this so if you're next to a pen and paper write this shit down because what ryan just said i'm i'm gonna go take action on so thank you for sharing that that this is probably the been the best part of the podcast is what you just said, I'm going to go take action on. So thank you for sharing that. That's probably been the best part of the podcast is what you just said. And I will absolutely admit and tell everyone listening, I was not born with confidence. Let me tell you a little story. When I was in kindergarten, I had a presentation where I'm literally just telling some, I'm telling the crowd about what a fraction is,

like how to explain half and quarters, right? And it gets to my turn. I probably turn paper sheet white and I just burst into tears and run away. I run away. I don't even do the presentation. I totally run away. And now, you know, now I am, I'm on a stage, I'm talking to crowd, I'm singing, you know, heavy metal music, you know heavy metal music. And it was absolutely learned. It was not natural for sure. So what I would probably say is actually true is that there were always aspects of your life that you were confident in. And there were other aspects that you weren't. And that what you have learned to do is allow the parts that you were confident in to start to disseminate into the other parts of your life. Because, and that's, that is not like,

that's something I've learned over time. My mom says, you've been confident since the day you came out of me, you know? And, but what's funny is I don't remember myself as, you know, today I feel very confident in myself and, but, and I feel like, not that I'm always right, but what's funny is I don't remember myself as a, you know, today I feel very confident in myself and, but, and I feel like not that I'm always right, but simply I just try to walk through life as this is who I am and et cetera. But that is taken me years and years to, to, to allow that, to, to break out of, of these very small pockets of confidence that I had into the rest of my life. And I think that, so, so one of the things that I have learned and look, I've learned all this from reading. I'm a ferocious, ferocious reader. I just read, I wouldn't want to show you

my, my like books. Cause it, you'd think I was a fucking crazy person. You'd think I was like a, like a cat lady who's just sits inside with it. I don't have a cat, but like, you know think I was a fucking crazy person. You'd think I was like a cat lady who just sits inside with her and I don't have a cat. But like, you know what I mean? Like I just, I have my reading chair with my little blanket and my pillows and my books stacked up next to them. And like, I love it. So-

I love it. I do have a question for you though, Ryan, because I know that you are ADHD. I want to know how many books do you read at a time? Right now I have three books going. Yes. I have Thinking books going. Um, I have, uh, thinking fast and slow. Uh, you know, came in that one is really heavy and it's just taking me a long time to get through. And to be honest with you, sometimes I just don't want the heaviness. Um, I am reading the 48 laws of power, which, um, is, is becoming a must read for me. Um, but I it's very chapter based.

So I tend to like, I'll read one chapter and I'll be done. Um, and then I just started because it's kind of a fast read, um, Patrick bet David's new book, uh, choose your enemies wisely. I'm a huge Patrick bet David fan. Um, I just, just love him. I love his story. I love the way he approaches life. I love his position on what it means to be a man, because I feel like, I feel like we men in particular have lost their way. They've lost their role in society. And I know, and look, I love women. I love strong women and please don't take this the wrong way, but feminism went way too far. Oh, I will absolutely. I love strong women. And please don't take this the wrong way, but feminism went way too far. Oh, yeah.

I will absolutely get behind that. Yeah. I think that, one, women had been treated fucking horribly for a long time. Some of that was because we didn't. I don't want to get into that topic. That's a different topic. But the idea is men have lost their way, right? We are meant to be the protectors.

Our body is built to shield women and children from shitty things. We're literally meant to be the cannon fodder so that they can keep going. That's why we're here. But men have relinquished that. And it doesn't mean you get to be a – again, it doesn't mean you get to be a fucking asshole. It just means you have – come know, come back in, be it, get your shit together. Stop doing fucking drugs and masturbating all the time. Take care of your partner. You know what I mean? Like, like teach your children lessons that are meaningful and useful. Get a fucking job and make money. Like

it's important. Like be a man. You must be. Yes. What is up with the disney songs today they're just flowing out of me it's like i just i i like look at it and i'm like what are we doing like i'm i'm far from perfect but like god you know like hold the goddamn door for the woman when you take her out to dinner like i'm like what are you doing it's not sexist to open the door for her. God, I don't get it. Like, and if you're dating someone who thinks that it's sexist for you to open the door for her, get fucking rid of her. She's terrible. She is not someone that you want to be dating. So like, I just, I just don't, I don't understand. Yeah. So I'd love to ask you a question about that. So let's say alpha woman, right?

Yeah. I'll, I'll, I'll, let's say I'm alpha woman over here. What can an alpha woman do to help support a man be a man? Yeah. Just don't knock them down. Fair. Just don't knock them down. He's, he's trying just like you are now. He should not knock you down either. Yeah. Yeah. Come back to respect. He should not knock you down. Personally. I need a strong woman. I, I, I, I am,

I, I, the women, you know, I'm, I'm single right now, but like the women that I date that I'm attracted to, I have to have a strong woman.

I need a woman who is going to push back against me. I am crazy as fuck. I know that. Just listen to this podcast. Like I can't help this. This is how I am. I need someone who's going to be able to take all this and then push back on me and be like, you know what? That shit you just said, that was nuts. But have the respect to say, okay, well, shit, maybe she's right. Not fuck you, this is who I am. That's the way most guys react, right? No, most women react as well. Yeah, there's a balance between like, I need, I want, I love strong women.

Very important. It's very important to our culture, to our society, to our children, to our future, 100%. But that doesn't mean that men should be betas, right? You know what I mean? There needs to be a balance. And I think Patrick, but David,

you know, contextually, you can tell, again, my ADHD is off the rails right now. Um, Patrick bet. David is a wonderful, I believe wonderful example of how to be a strong man while still his takes care, takes care of his wife in the way that she needs to be taken care of. Not like she's this princess who can't handle her shit. You know who's a better example? Alex and Layla Hermosi. The way Alex and Layla Hermosi interact as a couple. Obviously, we don't know their backstory,

but you can watch her socials and stuff. They have what seemingly is a very functional relationship between two individuals who are both very strong uh alpha personalities and i think that's wonderful cody sanchez and her husband you know i mean that's another one and i think you i think the rise of these people is because they are with someone who matches their energy and strength, not someone who is pushing them down or that they have to lift up, if that makes sense, right? Like it doesn't matter where you are on the spectrum, find someone who matches your energy and can rise with you, not someone who you're either pulling

or someone who's trying to, you know, quote unquote above you trying to push you down. And I think that goes for everything. It goes for business partnerships. It goes for friendships. Like I think it's very, very important to find people who match your energy. You match your energy and align with your values. I think that's, you probably see me getting emotional because I've been there where you're just, you're constantly, your energy is sucked out of you from trying to pull people with you because you see it in them you're like i see it you can do it come with me and they're just not you know and yeah there's everything you just said just like resonated with me super deeply because that it it goes back to the whole you know that's that's kind of what i'm

i'm doing right now i'm trying to find trying to find my tribe you know like that's you know that's that's kind of what i'm i'm doing right now i'm trying to find trying to find my tribe you know like that's you know that the cliche saying of you're the average of the five people like it's it's true though the who you surround yourself with is such a big deal in how you show up every day they're the people that are going to hold your ass accountable you know what i mean if i can't if let's if i slip up i want someone to tell me hey that that was dumb kimmy like let's you know let's fix this otherwise how the heck are you gonna grow so i'm gonna get i'm gonna give you something and then we can call this we can call this quits um so um there is a there's a program um and it's a book uh it's called living your best year ever by darren hardy so chris paradiso originally introduced me to this.

I tried to do it on my own two years ago and failed miserably. Okay. This really needs to be done and is meant to be done with an accountability partner. So I have accountability partner this year. One of my very good friends. We talked for almost a month before we decided to do this. Right. for almost a month before we decided to do this, right? It was like, do we feel like, because we're friends, do we feel like this is going to work, right?

And we had that talk, okay, boom. And then we've spent basically since September doing the pre-work, etc. And my point in saying all this to you is that he's the type of individual who, if I say something, I can trust because of using this program and the structure that it gives us to have conversations, the accountability associated with it, and then to your word, the respect between us to make sure that we stay on task. And I can tell you, we haven't even gotten to the program technically is supposed to start in the new year, right? You go, you go calendar years when the program starts. And in the fall,

you do the pre-work, which is what we've been doing. And although you can start at any time, just so people know, but, um, but I can tell you just in doing the pre-work and surrounding myself on a regular basis with a high functioning, highly successful individual who is willing to give me honest and real feedback, just in the last two and a half months, I have seen an ascension in my day-to-day life. Just the way that I approach things, the decisions I make, don't eat that. You don't need it. You don't need

it. Right. You're not that kind of person. You're not the person that eats that cookie at two in the afternoon. Right. Like, or whatever it is. And, and so finding that person or people is almost like if you, if you're unhappy with where you are right now, make that the next thing that you do. Like the very next thing you do is, is who are my one, three, five people that I want to surround myself with? Because if you do that, just by osmosis, you'll fucking become happier. You just will. Absolutely. And imagine if you had business partners, romantic partner, whatever, fill in the blank that can do that for you, that can have those kind of conversations.

Like imagine what the world would be like, right? Yeah. I'm excited for you that can have those kind of conversations like imagine what world would be like right yeah well i'm excited for you oh report back i'm excited for i'm excited for you i love it in any i mean just outside of this anytime you have thoughts or hey did you see this or whatever send it over i i love it i'm so happy for your journey i'm happy you came on here um come back again well let's do this again in six months or so. We can do check-ins. We can talk. I think it's wonderful. I love, you pulled out some great stuff. I love the training.

I love, what is it? Winning the Mind Within. What's the book? With Winning in Mind. I'll send you the link on it too. I literally, I probably have 10 of those books here. I just give them to people when I hear them struggling. I'm like, read this. It's about shooting sports and it's about mental management,

but it all applies to everything, right? Love it. So we'll have With Winning in Mind and Untethered Soul linked up in the show notes for everybody. I love the word disassociate. I think that's a wonderful way of viewing it. Disassociate yourself from your mind and your body. I think that's tremendous. And that we should all treat each other with respect. I'm going to shaboom! Thank you. Thank you. Close twice as many deals by this time next week. Sound impossible? It's not. With the one call

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