The Ryan Hanley Show - Clarity and Connection Through Intentional Living | Clara Capano

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

Became a Master of the Close: https://masteroftheclose.comExplore the transformative concept of work-life harmony versus balance through personal anecdotes and real-life examples, including the challenges of raising a child as a single parent. ✅ 7 Ways to Make Better Decisions Using AI: https://ai.ryanhanley.com/✅ For daily insights and ideas on peak performance: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ryanhanley✅ Find Your Favorite Way to Subscribe to The Show: https://linktr.ee/ryan_hanleyConnect with Clara CapanoWebsite: https://www.claracapano.com/Discover how embracing harmony can lead to a more satisfying and guilt-free existence, and learn why allowing vendors to buy speaking slots can detract from your event’s value. Hear about the different seasons of life and how aligning your values with your professional goals can attract like-minded individuals and lead to more fulfilling career choices.Join us for a heartfelt conversation with Clara Capano, where we delve into her commitment to positively impacting people's lives. Clara offers practical advice on achieving clarity and overcoming fear, sharing her journey of aligning career goals with core values. Find out how to connect with Clara for guidance and inspiration, and get inspired by the transformative power of purposefully being present and making meaningful connections.

The idea is don't strive for balance. Too many times we try to live our lives by the standards, by the accordance of what other people tell us we should be doing. Let's go. Yeah, make it look, make it look, make it look easy. The Ryan Hanley Show shares the original ideas, habits, and mindsets of world-class original thinkers

you can use to produce extraordinary results in your life and business. This is The Way. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the show. Happy to have you here today. We have an incredible guest, Clara Capano. And Clara is an international speaker, educator, and she's the host of Working Women channel, Living in Real Life TV. Clara is phenomenal. Her work on clarity, on finding harmony, aligned with so much of what we talk about on this show. And you're going to hear why work-life balance is bullshit, how to align the season of your life with your work style, and why the missing key to massive success is clarity and how we find it. Guys, having a clear focus on what we need to do to get things done is the capstone to success, whether we're working

inside a large organization or we're entrepreneurs. And when you're listening to this, think about the season of life that you're in. When Clara describes that concept and we talk about how harmony, harmony and not balance is the key and we have to understand the season of our life to understand what harmony looks like for us, this is masterwork you are not going to want to miss how Clara breaks this down you're not going to want to you're not going to want to miss hearing her takes on exactly why we miss so often with this concept of work-life balance if you're enjoying this show if you have comments on the show either leave them in the reviews on apple or spotify or come to the comment section of YouTube. Let me know what you think about this conversation.

How do you find harmony in your work? How do you find harmony in your life? And does this concept make sense versus work-life balance? We get into it. Phenomenal episode. Love you for being here. If it's your first time, make sure you subscribe wherever you're listening or watching.

Just know I love you for being part of this community. Let's get on to Clara Capano. So like, talk to me about that difference. Why not balance? Why harmony? And how do they, how do they, how are they different? Yeah. Well, you know, when you're in, when you're looking at balance, you know, think of a teeter totter, you know, it only balances for a short time. Life doesn't stay that way. It's constantly moving. And so the idea is don't strive for balance.

It's striving for the trade-offs. It's striving for finding the ways that work for you. Because too many times we try to live our lives by the standards, by the accordance of what other people tell us we should be doing. When that may or may not work for us. And who are we to judge someone else for the way that they show up? You know, just because I'm a morning person doesn't mean that you have to be a morning person if that doesn't work for you. You know, sometimes the female stays at home, sometimes the male stays at home and raise the kids. That's their idea of harmony. You know,

as a single mom raising my son from the time that he was one and a half as a single mom, you know, I had to look at these. You know, I couldn't run my days the way that other people in a dual parent household did. And by trying to meet those standards, I was beating myself up and living with so much guilt and so much shame when what I really had to do is lean in to what was it that I really needed? What was it that my son really needed? And to live it that way.

So for me, you know, harmony is, you know, sitting at the table with my son when he would do his homework and I would sit next to him with my computer out doing my homework. You know, Harmony was going, you know, to the park and being there and being mom for 45 minutes and then saying, I'm going to go take a break. And that's when I would check my voicemails and emails. You know, harmony for me meant that when I am at a speaking gig, when I am done and everybody else would go out and party and celebrate, I was back in my hotel room answering my email so that when I returned home, I could be present when I needed to be present. So it's again about learning what is it really going to work for you and giving yourself the grace and the, the credence to not

have to answer to what works for everyone else and just finding what works for you. I love that. I, um, it also plays into this concept that I, I have to admit, I can't believe that I was unaware of this concept until like two or three years ago, but you know, the seasons of our lives and, you know, we pull through like that we need to be the same person or that, you know, we have to be doing the same things all the time. And it's like, no, like right now I have also a single dad. I have 10 and 8-year-old two boys, and they're hardcore into baseball, and it's hardcore baseball season in the north. And for me to pretend that I could give max effort to my work projects right now is a joke. It's impossible.

And, you know, a few years ago, that would, like like drive me up a wall. Oh, I'm not, I'm not getting worked on. I'd be putting stress on myself, pressure on myself. But you said, you said feeling guilty, like, like, oh, I'm getting behind and all this kind of stuff. And now I'm just like, sorry, I, my kids got a baseball game at 2 PM today. I'm not going to be, I'm off the grid. I'm sorry. That's the thing. And what I find is that when you get clear on those priorities and you get in alignment with it, the right people come to you. You know, when I was doing it, one of the, one of the trade-offs I had to make is rather than being on the road so much, I did a lot more individual coaching so I could work from home. And then as Nicholas got older,

now he's 19, I can be on the road full time. So you can have those different seasons. What I found though, is the clients that I would bring in also valued family time because they wanted to go and be with their kids when they were playing sports, just like I did. And so again, you sort of attract who you are. And when you're in alignment, you're going to attract other people that are also in that same alignment and share the same core values. That's a wonderful take. And I think you're 100% on the button. I think it goes the other way too, as the consumer of information or individuals. One of the things I just had a conversation about with one of my clients,

he brought up a particular thought leader on a topic who's brilliant, absolutely brilliant and tons of great ideas. And he was like, well, dad, I'm not doing this and I can never do it the way he does it. And I'm like, dude, you're 41 years old with three kids. He's 33 with no kids. Like what he is talking about is amazing for a 33 year old with no kids. But at 41 with three kids, you have to find pieces of

what he's saying that you can apply and give yourself. And the word you use grace is a core value for me. Um, give yourself grace to the, to the fact to the fact that you're going to do it your way. It's not going to be his way. His way is his way because of the season of the life that he's currently in. And that doesn't mean you can't learn from him, but do not take his success or what he's doing and use that as a value structure for your life. It's just two completely different things.

It is. And I think we also have to understand so many of us, what we are seeing is somebody's highlight reel. We are seeing what they want us to see, not what's happening often behind the scenes. And, you know, you hit it spot on with, you have to look at the reality for yourself. And I see so many people that I work with, they are having that comparison-itis with others, but they're

not looking at the reality. Like you said, you have kids, they don't. Maybe they have a spouse, you don't. All of those things are going to be different. And you have to really do exactly what you said, pick knowledge and how can you apply it in your way so that you can have the success meant for you. So let's say for most of my career, I've bought into this work-life balance and whatever that means. And I'm trying to, you know, pounder. Are you tired of endless follow-ups and missed opportunities in your sales process? Chasing leads is a losing game. That's why I created the one call close system, a battle tested sales system that uses behavioral psychology to close deals in just one call. No more. Let me think about it. No more. I'll get back to you. Using the one call close system, we took new reps from 25% close ratio to over 80% in just three months. To grow fast, you must close deals faster at zero extra marketing cost.

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a mindset of harmony? Yeah. And you know, that word mindset is so powerful because mindset really is the key to everything because it is the only thing that we can control. And when we get our mindset right, it then goes into our energy, our focus, and then the actions that we take. So I really, the first step is you got to create your vision. You know, your vision is going to be your compass. So for me, I had a vision early on and success to me was all about the title. You know, your vision is going to be your compass. So for me, I had a vision early on and success to me was all about the title. You know, it was how many titles can I get? You know, what accolades and achievements can I have? Do I have the big house?

Do I have the fancy car? And when I was in my 20s, that was fine. Again, that was the season I was in. Then I found things were not working because my vision changed. Now for me, success was about, again, being a good mom, about being a role model, about leaving impact for other people. So I had to change my actions in accordance with my new vision. And what happens is when you get clear on the vision, you can then use that for your checks and balances. So when opportunities come to you, you can then line it up and say, if I say yes to this opportunity, is it moving me towards my vision or away from my vision? So you can start making better decisions and feeling okay with the decisions you're making because they're part of a bigger picture. I've shared this story before on the podcast, but the largest miss for me in my career ever, just cultural position, peers in the leadership executive team, just the biggest, just the minute

I stepped in the building as an employee for the first time i just i knew that i had made a mistake was when i chased a huge salary uh in a company that was sexy as hell that uh looked great sounded great um you know there were all the things on a LinkedIn profile were like home run, except all my internal bells and whistles were going off about this is not a good fit. This is not where I should be. This isn't misalignment on my value structure. This is a misalignment on the work that I want to do. But it was the big title or, you know, it was, it was a big title at a sexy company with a huge paycheck. And, and I was only there for nine months. It just, you know what I mean? So like you, you, it, it all looks good from the outside, maybe for

someone else who, who that's, you know, and I think for someone in a different season of their life, that probably would have been an amazing job, But for me and what I was trying to do, it wasn't. And it was really, it was the wake-up call for me to the things that you're saying. You know what I mean? Like, I started to learn these lessons because I'm going, how can I be unhappy here? Like, I was talking to my, gosh, I'm an ex-wife now, but I was talking to my wife at the time. And I'm like, I don't understand. Like, I'm miserable.

But the checks are huge. And we're taking the kids on great vacations. And I'm like, and she's like, but look at this and this. And I'm like, I know, but I'm miserable. Like, I just don't understand. And then it's like, is there something wrong with me? What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be happy? You know, like you go through this tornado of thoughts and mind

ick that because, and, and I, and here's maybe my question, what we're talking about, I think some people feel is fluffy. It's ethereal. It sounds great on podcasts and when you're giving keynotes, but in real life, that's not the way it works yet. To me. And the more I get into my career, I'm 43 years old now. Like I, this feels like the most important stuff. Like you have to have this stuff figured out first before all the other stuff lines up or you're living that, you know, uh, uh, that slow suffering. Uh, I always forget the quote, but you don't mean that, that, that slow, dull suffering that, you know, uh, uh, that slow suffering, uh, I always forget the quote, but you don't mean that, that, that slow, dull suffering that, you know, man feels when they're misaligned, you know, like, it's like, this is so important. So how do we, how do we start to break down the idea that this is

fluffy, soft skill, ethereal stuff. And this really is a core activity that we must do to find our success in life. And I wanted to share a little bit of my story because it's very similar to yours. The truth is, is I am one of the least fluff people you will find. I am very strategic. I don't let, you know, even though I believe in those things and I do the visualizations and everything, when it comes to, you know, what I do, I'm very like direct. This stuff works and it works. And I know it works because I learned it the hard way. So my story was just like you. I had my eye on the prize at the time I was in my early thirties and I was working for

a real estate company. I was managing real estate offices and I had my eye on the prize. It was the office that I always wanted. It was the creme de la creme. It was the ace. I got the call three days after my son was born that the office was available and I could have my dream job. I needed to start right away. So when my son was two and a half weeks old, I went back to work and I went to this quote unquote dream job and it was disastrous. It was horrible because again the season that I was in before my son was born had that vision the season after my son was born the vision changed and living out of alignment led to a divorce it led to anxiety and depression really bad living habits yeah that were not good, you know, and my life started to fall apart. I wasn't listening because like you, I didn't, or what you were saying, I didn't think it would be possible.

And I thought, what's wrong with me? I have everything I ever asked for and it was falling apart. And it was through this that I had my awakening and I call it my moment of clarity. And that's when I started to, you know, design a way out. And it took me about three years to sort of come to the awakening. And what I learned is that when you live in alignment again, so you get clear on your vision, you start looking at where you're really investing your time, who you're investing it with, what are the right activities. You learn the harmony of the action and the rest and how that rest and reflection is so pivotal. You know how to track and measure because it's not that you

cannot do something. As an overachiever, I really struggled with, but I can do this. I can do this is different than I should do this. And when I started to take control back of how I ran my days and I started to do it on my terms without asking for permission and doing it unapologetically because I knew it was the right thing for me, I worked less hours. I made three times more money. I was happy. And people started to respond to me differently. Before all of this, no one ever said, I'm so attracted to your energy. I hear that all the time now. I get people all day, oh, hey, do you want to do this new job? No, I am living my dream job now because I learned how to do it on my terms by getting very clear on my vision and getting very clear on living by those core values. So it could sound like fluff.

It is the furthest thing from fluff because it's a strategy. And when you live that strategy, everything else falls into place. Like fluff, it is the furthest thing from fluff because it's a strategy. And when you live that strategy, everything else falls into place. One of the core missing pieces I see so often, particularly in high achievers, is this word, is clarity. Why is it, why are we struggling today? And maybe this is always, maybe this has been always, but let's just say it feels today like, and because some of this could be social media, the massive information in general, our lives are just stuffed with things, et cetera, et cetera. It feels today like very few people are clear on what they want to do, what they need to do, how to do it. First, why is that the case?

What are you seeing in the world that is creating this lack of clarity? And what is the first step that people can start to take to gain that clarity? Yeah. And I think it's a really great question. You know, clarity is power because when you are clear, you actually move forward and take action with conviction and commitment. My personal thought is it's fear because if I live with my clarity, I might upset somebody else. My clarity may not allow you to live your way. And so we tend to want to be people pleasers. Also, there is so much noise and so much confusion from the outside world. Again, confusion about expectations,

how we should live our life, you know, that we need to be here and not there, how we should parent, how we need to be productive. You know, there is so much misinformation and judgment that we get confused and we have to be brave enough and courageous enough to turn off the noise and to put our blinders on and to say, you know what, all of that sounds great. And almost kind of like what we started the conversation off with is take the information and repackage it to how it's going to work for you. We need to let go of the fear of my job is to live my life for you, for someone else so they can achieve their goals.

And, you know, understand that by me achieving my goals, that's how I'm actually going to be able to deliver more value to help others achieve their goals. Yeah, I see. When I think about fear and fear of failure in particular, how I've started reframing it is more, you're not, no one's afraid of failure. Failure is just a label of a thing. It's, it's a construct. It's, it doesn't actually exist. There's no, failure is not a real thing in my mind. What we're actually afraid of is the loss

of status that we'll have from the various constituencies that may matter to us. In some cases don't matter to us, but we still consider them by making a certain decision. If I, if I stop drinking beers with my buddies on Friday and instead I drink water, even though I'm hanging out with them, cause I want to work out in the morning because I'm going to get fit. Well, now I can't relate to them as much because they're all out of shape and don't work out and don't value that. And then I'm going to be different from them. And, you know, I enjoy their company

and what are they going to think about me? And they're going to make fun of me for, oh, who are you? And what do you think you are? Like I did, I'll give you an example. I did 75 hard. I don't know if you've ever heard of that program, uh, in the fall last year. And I'll, I'll most likely do it again. It's probably gonna be an annual thing for me. I, I loved it. I loved it. I, I tend to, um, you know, I, I like having a drink here or there,

you know, probably maybe probably more than I should, but, but, uh, I know it's not good for me. I know it doesn't put me in good, but I still do it at whatever. And I don't like that about myself, but it happens. And what 75 hard did. Um, and for those that don't know, it's a mental fitness program. There's six requirements. One of them is you can't have a drink for 75 days. That actually was the easiest part. The hardest part was the gallon of water, but you had, yeah, you had to work out twice a day. You have to the easiest part. The hardest part was the gallon of water, but you had, yeah, you had to work out twice a day. You have to work out. Part of the program is you have to work twice a day for 45 minutes. One of those workouts has to be outside. So what I did for

my inside workout was I was like, okay, uh, I love lifting weights, but I want to do something different. So I, I learned, I started learning boxing, right? I've never boxed before. I have no intention of ever sparring, but I wanted to learn the mobility in the workouts. So I filmed myself boxing and I would put it on Instagram. Most not, not to be like an influencer boxing or anything, but like just, for the accountability every day I did my workout, whatever. And the amount of like, who are you? Why do you, why, why are you doing this? Dude, you're 40, 40, you know, two years old. Why do you need blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

All this negativity and not even necessarily in a way to be negative towards me. Just their mindset was it's different than what most 42 year old people do. So why are you doing this? I don't understand. And I think ultimately it's making them maybe feel bad that they're not doing something. And it was such an eyeopening experience around human behavior and thought process because here I am just literally, and I I'm terrible. I'm terrible. And I'm getting like, I will say, well, the best, that this is completely contextual. And I apologize for this, but, uh, uh, one of my favorite parts about it was, um, uh, boxing people like actual boxers would,

would comment all the time and it would be like, I'd knock you out in one punch. I know they make all this stuff and, and they'd be super negative. I mean, law. I mean, I don't know how long time they have on their hands, like long ass descriptions of how they would like knock me out. Right. And I'm like, no, duh, dude, I'm a 43 year old. Well, like, I don't even know what I'm doing.

You know, I'm watching YouTube videos and you know, whatever. It doesn't matter. So then I would respond, uh, Hey, thank you so much for the feedback. Um, I'm just learning. I just started and I have no intention of being a boxing influencer or a professional. I just enjoy that. I do enjoy the sport and I find it challenging and whatever. And then their next comment would be just as long, but it'd be like, Oh dude. Oh, so you need to get this, this thing and watch this video and here, you know, this, this piece of equipment will help you do blah, blah, blah, blah. And then

they became incredibly positive. And I was like, this is insane. You wrote me three paragraphs on how I was terrible and this horrible person. And how could I put this video online? And, and then underneath it, then the next comment would be this, like, like they were like teaching me. It was because you were no longer a threat. And I think that's what you did is when you do these things, it's less about you and it's more about a reflection of themselves. And I did a similar thing in January. I decided to not drink in January. And I had a family trip. It was my sister's 60th birthday. And so we all went to Mexico. And I'm like, I'm not going to be drinking. And oh my gosh, what's wrong? Well, luckily, because my family knows me and they know how regimented and

how solid I am in, in my grounding values. None of them care. They're just like, okay. Like none of them made me feel bad. You know, I'm the girl that goes to bed at eight 30 at night because I'm up at five o'clock in the morning. All my friends would tease me. Now they're just like, you know, it's just part of it is I was going to a networking event last night and it was going until eight o'clock and they're like, oh my God, it's going to be a late night for you. It's important to me. And if I'm important to them, they'll do it. But there are so many other people out there that don't get it. And I don't know if it's just age. You just get to a point where you're like, I just don't care anymore. This is what I need to do for me.

Because at the end of the day, when I would look at what I was accomplishing versus what they were accomplishing, when I would look at my level of happiness versus their level of happiness, such vastly different world. Yeah. And I like who I am. I like the life that I have created for myself. I can look in the mirror at myself at the end of each day and feel proud of the work that I did. That's all I have to answer to. Yeah. I mean, obviously I completely agree. I think it is, you used the word awakening and I had a guest on a few episodes ago. Her story is that she found herself in jail at, at, in her twenties and it, you know, she woke up and, uh, she, she's behind bars and she just like, it was an awakening

moment for her. And I guess, you know, I asked her the same question. I'm very interested in your take on this was like, do you think, do you think people have to have a rock bottom moment before they can, before they're kind of shook and loose from, you know, whatever the malaise is that's keeping them doing what everyone expects of them, but makes them miserable? I think there has to be something. I don't know if it's rock bottom, because I think that's very subjective. For me, it was my son when he was three years old, taking the phone out of my hand and saying, mommy, you're not paying attention to me. So that was my moment.

You know, I have someone and for her, she was obese. It was the doctor basically saying, you're going to die. That was her moment. Now, when some people say that's rock bottom, there was still a roof over their head. They had food in the refrigerator. So it wasn't rock bottom, you know, like Eric Thomas, who was living on the streets and homeless. So I think, you know, but I think you have to have your moment for when you're finally going to be ready to be honest. When are you going to be honest and take the responsibility to change? Because until the pain is strong enough, it's hard to find a way out until you're really in that pain.

And it seems like we excuse away so many moments that could be that moment. Well, I know 20 people that are divorced or I know, you know, all, all my friends look just like I do, or, you know, you know, I work hard and I deserve to have a night out and get smashed and feel like crap on Saturday. You know, like we, we, we have these things and then we, we're really, really good at excusing them away. How do we develop, how do people develop the awareness to start to see these moments for what they are as, as you know, kind of the Ryan holiday thing. These are, these are obstacles that essentially point us in the direction that we should be following. How do we develop that awareness in our life to see these moments for potential turning

points? You know, can I share a funny story though first? Yes, please. You're a little younger than me, so hopefully you'll know who I'm talking about. So when I was young, my favorite band is Duran Duran. And when I was 12, 13, I developed anorexia. And again, doctors telling me, parents telling me, friends telling me, none of it mattered until the doctors were ready to put me into the hospital and I was going to miss the Duran Duran concert. That was the moment of clarity that I'm like,

all right, I think I'll start eating. I mean, I had escape routes planned in the hospital, my friends picking me up. So again, I think again, we have to be ready. But to answer your question, you know, I think the only thing I could say is in retrospect, it's reflection time, you know, maybe journaling, you know, when these things happen, because again, I can think of all the red flags that came up to tell me that I was going down the wrong path, the crying all the way to work, the wishing that I would just get into an accident so I could just have a couple of days of rest where nobody would bother me. You know, the husband who, rather than saying, oh, he just isn't supporting me to be like, no, you know, he's worried about

you. You know, you're not showing up. You know, and I think, I think just taking more time to reflect, to write things down, you know, I was talking with someone earlier today. And she was saying that, you know, I can't remember the way that she put it, but feelings aren't really feelings. Feelings are a reflection of the programs, of the thoughts that you have. So when you're feeling sad, what is the program? When you're feeling uneasy, what is the program? So I think maybe leaning into these feelings of uncertainty, of fear, of anger, and starting to say, well, where is this coming from? Because chances are there's a truth that we need to look and start to, again, look at what are the patterns that are there. a truth that we need to look and start to again look at

what are the patterns that are there yeah have you ever read the untethered soul yes very good that was one that was a defining book for me because i've always had this sense and i'm sure this wasn't an original thought to be honest i'm sure i picked it up from a bunch of different sources but i've always had this sense that we're not the voice in our head. We're not our mind, right? We're this something else. And I also have a very strong belief in God and I believe in, you know, uh, and all that. So I know, I believe that there's more in a deeper consciousness and whatever.

That's my personal beliefs. But so I always had this sense that I wasn't the voice in my head because the voice in my head is kind of a dick and, and, and seemingly weak and very short sighted and, and pain averse. And I was like, but that's not who I believe myself to be. So where's that disconnect? And then when I read the untethered soul and the way that it's laid out in that book around how, you know, you're, you are this other thing, call it a soul, a being, whatever you want, consciousness, whatever you want to call it, you're this. And your mind and your body are simply mechanical systems meant to provide data points to you that you can then use however you like. And I was like, it solidified that in my head and allowed me to start saying, okay, I'm sad. No, I'm not sad. There is sadness around something. It's a data

point. What, what is that? Where is that coming from? And how can I fix it? Adjust it? Maybe I just have to deal with it. Right? Like, but when you view these things, particularly emotions and feelings, uh, I used to think, you know, they're all just bullshit. And, and, and I kind of was more like the keep them arms length. That's, I do not believe that's the right way. Um, when I started to think of them and it's because of the untethered soul that I, that I developed this thought process that when you think of them as data points, like a, like a, like you're a business professional, right? You're an entrepreneur, you're a leader or whatever. And you're getting a report, a report. And it's like, okay, your sadness meter is at three,

your happiness meter is at five, your, you know, whatever. And you start to look at them as data points. One, you're emotionally, you're, you're detached from them enough that you, you, you don't start to take them on as yourself, right? Abigail Shire wrote that most recent book, bad therapy, where it's like, if you just ruminate on these horrible feelings over and over again, you're all you're doing is perpetuating them and entrenching them in your soul, right? Like if you see them as data points, well, now I'm not sad. There's just sadness about this situation. Okay. How do I deal with that? Right. What's the appropriate, what's the appropriate next step? Not I'm sad, right? Like I'm this, I'm no, you're not that thing. Your body and your mind are sending you feedback. And man,

when you start, you know, and I'm not doing a great job and I haven't, I haven't put this into any kind of system or anything. It's, this is just, I'm kind of talking out loud is in my viewpoints, but it has changed my ability to handle situations in a way that I can't even, I can't fathom it. Like it's, it's, it's, it's, yeah, it just completely changed my mind. Like you said, when you can sort of take the emotion out of it and look at, you know, where is it coming from? You can approach it in a more logical way. You can, you know, take ownership of it, take more responsibility and find a way to work through it. Because if it's a good feeling, how can to work through it. Because if it's

a good feeling, how can I create more of this? If it's a negative feeling, how can I approach it differently? It's the same adage of we can't control what happens. All we can control is how we respond to it. So if you're understanding where it's coming from, it's going to help you be able to respond to it in a more purposeful and intentional way. Yeah. I saw in one of your speaking reels, you talked about three questions that you ask yourself at the end of every day. Could you share what those are? And then I'd like to talk through each one individually. Absolutely. Well, this all sort of came about when I started to, you know, reinvent my definition of success as I was changing seasons. Whereas before it was all about

checking off the boxes. What I do now is I ask myself three questions at the end of the day. Did I show love? Did I inspire? And did I contribute positively to the world today? If I can say yes to those three things, it was a successful day for me. So that is my meter for how I define success now. What is love look like in that context? To me, it's kindness. It is gratitude, compassion for others, being present and showing up fully for others, giving the best of myself to another person.

Yeah. Talk to me a little bit about the idea of being present, because I'm reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle right now. Classic. Don't know how I haven't read it before, but, um, but you know, it's all about this idea of being present and it is so incredibly difficult to be in the present moment only when you are, uh, you, you experience life in a way that I think is pure joy, almost regardless of the situation, but you, it is so difficult, especially with all the noise today, I feel like to be present. What does that mean to you? And how do you create a sense of presence in your life? You know, it, what I was shared, you know, this was shared with me by one of my mentors and, you know, I think we've all heard it. The greatest gift that you can give is yourself, you know, and being again, truly there for someone. And this is under the umbrella of emotional intelligence, building empathy and doing those things.

And one of the reasons it's so challenging is because we are faced with distractions about every three minutes. And it takes us about 15 to 17 minutes to get our focus back. My whole goal is to deliver value to other people, to serve other people. I cannot serve at my highest level when I am multitasking, when I am not showing up as my best. And what I want to do is I want to make the most out of each moment I have. Time is so valuable. That's why I'm very passionate about what I do in helping people learn to leverage and invest their time because it's the one commodity that we do not get back. And I want to savor because we only get one trip around the sun and I want to make sure that I am not wasting any moments. So for me, being present is things such as when I'm here with you, my phone is away. I'm not answering

those things. If I go out to lunch with someone, I heard this one time that even if you go out to lunch with someone and you have your phone upside down on the table, non-consciously, the message that they get is that that phone is still more important than them. So put it away. Be here. You know, if you're at a concert, you don't need to be taking pictures. Enjoy it. Take it in. You know, those moments with your kids, with your significant others, with your friends, really embrace it. So it's really, it's not perfect. The distractions are still going to come. We can't stop them. It's just a matter of can we come up with strategies to help minimize the distractions as much as possible. So even if we're at an event

and you and I are talking and we have that person that's standing right here. I'm with you, you know, because that's where my presence needs to be. And so it's a lot of discipline. It's practice. It's a skill set. And I find that I get so much more out of it. I build deeper relationships, more trust. And again, I can deliver more value when I am fully present. I'm sure you'd agree with this, but as a speaker, I've found that, you know, you, you, you give your presentation, your keynote.

I like to call them performances, but you have your performance. And then afterwards, there's people who want to talk to you. And most of the time they don't actually have questions. They just want to share their experience with what you said, which is great. I mean, it's a blessing. It's a blessing that people want to do that. So even though you may be completely, and if you're really giving yourself everything, and I know you'd agree, you are exhausted after an hour keynote. You should be exhausted, right? And the last thing you want to

do is talk more. But if you can muster the ability to be present with someone, even for two or three minutes in that moment, just, just present with them. Just, I'm going to listen to your story. I'm going to acknowledge you. I'm going to maybe ask a follow-up question or confirm what you've said to me and just give you my full attention for two or three minutes. That person will feel like they've known you and talk about you. Like, like they've known you and talk about you like, like they've known you their entire life because there's just, and this goes for all interactions, but I've just particularly seen it there where we just, we all just want to be fucking heard. We just want to be heard. And if you can just let someone know, Hey, you got a barf on me for five minutes about this story

that relates to something I said and I can sit here and make eye contact with you and acknowledge you and listen to you. They're going to walk away. And you even see them, like they'll come up kind of like a little timid and they'll tell you their story. And then as they're telling it

and they realize you actually give a shit and are willing to listen to them, like their shoulders kind of pull back and their face lightens up and their eyes get big and they walk away and they're like, but you don't even, they, they're happy as hell. And it's like, what a gift to give somebody. It's incredible. And you know, we, we have to take it as a blessing. You know, we are there again to inspire, to do that., you know, what a small thing that we can do. One of the things that has helped me is when I go in to, you know, a performance, whether it's a 30 minute or a whole day, mentally, I tell myself it's a day event because that helps me maintain it because I am

there. I am in that performance from when I walk through the front door to when I leave that door to talk and, you know, to do whatever I can to make it an experience, not just for me, but for the attendees that are there. And, you know, even yesterday I was doing a virtual one and I received several emails. I took time yesterday. I was exhausted at the end of the day. I took time to respond to each of those emails saying thank you so much for making the time to be there. They gave up an hour of their time to listen to me. I can, you know, invest five minutes and sending them an email of gratitude. Yeah, I agree. Why is inspiration one of the questions that you ask yourself at the end of the day? Because part of my vision is to deliver impact. And I am where I am because of how people impacted me and inspired me. And that's really what I feel my job is. My job is not to be a speaker. My job is to deliver value and inspire people, to motivate and inspire them to their level of greatness every day, and to let them believe in themselves again and believe that they can overcome. So that's really a guiding principle for me.

What is it about contribution? Like it's, you know, we go through our day, we work, we punch the clock, we come home. Why is feeling like you've contributed an important question to ask yourself? You know, I just remember someone once told me, you know, at the end of the day, did you earn your rest? You know, I want to pour as much as I can into the people that I interact with. And there is so much negativity out there. I want to bring positivity because I believe both of them have a ripple effect and I really want more of a positive ripple effect. So for me, it's did I leave today a better place than it was when I woke up?

Did I at least do my part? Whether they listen to me or not, it doesn't matter. Did I do my part in trying to make this world a little bit better today? Because if today is my last day, I want to make sure that I'm going out with a bang and I'm going out leaving a mark and making sure that every person I touch, everything that I do is positively impacting other people's lives. Clara, I'm so glad you're out there. I love your message. I love your style.

I love the way you think about these things. If I were a better podcast host, I would have found some way to disagree with you, but I can't. I think I absolutely love it. And your sign behind you, sarcasm is a superpower. Completely agree. I know, that was a gift from my mother,

if that tells you anything. I love it. Hey, you know, it's funny. My, my kids, uh, my kids give me a hard time. So I love, I love busting chops. I love, I love to have my chops busted. I love, but like, I love the giving back. I love the, Oh, you got me. Okay. Now I need to, you know, figure out how to get you and like the playful nature of it. And how do you like rib somebody, but not make it, you know what I mean? I just, I love that. And I find it's so much fun. And, um, it's just, I think it speaks to the, to someone who's good nature. Cause if you're going to bust chops, you got to have the humility to have yours chops busted or, you know, and it's just, it's such a great thing. Um, where can people find out more about you, your work,

if they love what you're doing, how do they hire you to come speak at their event or, you know, how do people get involved with, with what you have going on? Well, thank you so much. And again, thank you for what you're doing because you're opening the conversations for people to grow. And, you know, we have to give you acknowledgement for what you're doing. So thank you for inviting me on and doing what you're doing. The best place to find me is LinkedIn is the social platform. I'm on all of them, but that's the one that I'm most engaged with where I feel I deliver a lot of the value. Then also my website, which is just Clara Capano.com. And the one thing going back to what we just talked about of impacting and positively contributing, I want to be a resource to people

to help them live a better life. So I always offer a clarity chat. It's not some sort of covert way to try to sell you something. It truly is a way to impact. So on my website, they can always get access to just have a little 15-minute clarity chat with me, and hopefully I'll leave their day a little bit brighter and bring them some clarity. So I just encourage you, if you're having a day, if you want to talk about how I can bring, come into your business. Awesome. Love doing that all day long. And if you're just having a rough day and need some clarity, I'm your girl. Clara, you're amazing. Thank you for being on the show. Thank you. Thank you for listening to The Ryan Hanley Show.

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