The Ryan Hanley Show - Stop Hiding: A Near-Death Wake-Up Call for Leaders | Daniel Paulin

Episode Date: January 27, 2026

Spartan philosophy, built in the black-ops lab of business: https://www.findingpeak.comFinding Peak podcast: https://linktr.ee/ryan_hanley-A health scare has a way of stripping the bullshit fast.In this conversation, Ryan Hanley and Daniel Paulin go where most leaders refuse to look: mortality, misalignment, fatherhood, faith, ambition, and the quiet damage caused by living a life that looks successful—but isn’t true.They unpack the moment when your body forces a conversation your ego has been dodging. The tension between doing what you’re paid for versus doing what you’re called to do. And why so many high performers are exhausted—not from effort, but from hiding.This isn’t motivation. It’s a mirror.Most leaders don’t burn out—they suffocate inside lives they’re afraid to change.If you’ve ever felt the gap between who you are and how you’re living… this episode is for you.Connect with Daniel PaulinWebsite: https://dannyzzzz.com/-This show is part of the Unplugged Studios Network — the infrastructure layer for serious creators. 👉 Learn more at https://unpluggedstudios.fm.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

When we look back at the failures of who we are and the mistakes that we made, the biggest regrets that we really hold on are the failures that happen within ourselves. So when you look back at your life's biggest regrets and the things that you're failing on, it won't be because you didn't do enough podcasts or get on enough stages. It would because you weren't present in the moment to somebody you loved. I failed everybody that I've loved. And those are my biggest regrets. You ever get that feeling where it just. it's like you can't catch up. You just feel like you can't catch up,

you know, no matter how much you do, no matter how much you prioritize, you know, say no to the things that don't matter, prioritizing things, you know, all this kind of stuff. And it's just, it just always feels like every day when you log in, you're just starting from behind the eight ball. Do you know why? I've kind of been in that place lately.

Yeah, because you're doing good things. And success comes in, I don't want to steer this right. into faith, but God gives you all the success you can handle. Distraction is the devil's work. So when you're doing the right things and you're building the right process and you're impacting other people, that's when you have days like that. It's because, you know, the devil gives you distraction. And I want that to be impactful to you because, I mean that sincerely, my life journey

has taken me on many, many different ways. And I can say to you that the days that I feel like there's not enough minutes or not enough hours, the days that I have all of these things with family and friends and all of those things are the days that I'm chasing the most success or the most opportunities in front of me because if we're put in a situation where we don't believe in ourselves or don't believe in our journey, then the devil wins. I completely agree with you. It's funny. I've had a bit, like recently I've probably been dealing with more existential ideas than, than than I normally do on a day-to-day basis,

not maybe ever in my life, but certainly recently, because I've hit an inflection point in my career where in the not too distant future, I'm going to have to make a decision. And that decision is, do I continue doing what I am the most easily paid for and enjoy,

but maybe it doesn't tune me up, but it's not that I don't enjoy it. Okay, I do. Or do I go down the path of what I enjoy doing the most, but I probably have the most uncertainty and when improperly channeled anxiety, which would be fully focusing on this podcast and what I enjoy more than anything outside of my own creation, which is helping people bring their message to the world. You know, I think we talked a little bit on the last podcast

that we did together about how I've always struggled in my career because with, struggle is the wrong word. I've always played with, toyed with, you know, never gotten my hands all the way around the fact that I get very little, I'm going to use the word joy. I get very little joy. certainly I get happiness, but not necessarily joy, from my own success.

I just don't. Accolades, those kind of things. It just, it's essentially meaningless. But when I, like the other day, I had a phone call with a potential client and doctor, he's got this very obscure kind of disease that he has really grabbed onto in the second half of his career that's not talked about enough and, you know, whatever.

And, you know, we're met. mapping out how we're going to help this guy essentially turn this disease that impacts more than 8 million people every year, which has almost no real veins of content around helping people understand it, et cetera, because it's a relatively new thing that they found. Like, how do we bring that to the world? What does that look like? How do we map that out? How do we make sure that all these people that we know need help that are searching

for solutions because we can see they're searching, but there aren't a lot of good solutions? How do we get you in front of them? And, you know, so I've always played with that. I've always been like, it's felt selfish to prioritize my own voice. You know what I mean? Does that make sense what I'm trying to say? What are you going to be when you grow up? Yeah, I don't know.

That's the problem. Okay. There's like a million things that I want to be. Yeah. The reason why I say that is because, man, I don't want to burst your bubble right now. And certainly for the people who you might share this with. But one day you get very sick and die. So you got to live today.

Today has to be the most fantastic every day. And it's one thing for us to do, listen, you and I are proud parents and you got to go to work every day. And it turns out groceries are a thing. And kids, the shoes every other day would mean you lost that shoe? Like, I mean, we could go over all of that as the reason why we need to chase the ace. That's just life. But at some point, you're going to look back at your legacy and you're going to wonder how, many years you gave away for money and you're going to realize that you've lost them and it was for

the wrong reasons because when you're doing something that you're passionate about it hurts financially but the money will come i just listened to a sermon on my way here um driving and this is the second time i talk about faith and i and i i very rarely ever talked to about faith to anybody i tend to be very vanilla because i don't want to rub anybody the wrong way in this society but um i was listening to this guy talk about life and what happens at the end of it and how you look back at what you've done. And when you're doing something that brings you happiness, when you're doing something that you're driven for, the money will come. And he said, he said, and I wish I could remember it exactly, but he said, let's say David. He said, I offer David anything. And he said, you could have

whatever you want. I'll give you anything. You want riches. I'll give you riches. You want, you want kingdoms i'll give you kingdom isn't he said i want wisdom and when he got wisdom the kingdoms and the riches came because he made the smart decisions so so that's where i say to you like when you're put up against that decision of what you should do or shouldn't do you should do you should do what makes you happy because when you're happy you're going to be a better father a better lover a better husband a better friend and with that happiness that builds up inside of you you're going to bring the best version of yourself forward and because of that the money will come so don't do what makes makes you money and keeps you complacent and stuck into that space.

Push yourself as hard as you possibly can, even if it hurts financially because when you're great at it, people will see it and the money will come. Yeah, one, I appreciate that. I agree with you. And I think I'm a little more existential today in general because I actually had a very legitimate health scare over the weekend. Last Tuesday, I woke up and I just fell off. low energy, like just felt a little achy.

Not sick, though. Not sick. So it was very weird, right? And then I tried to go to the gym in the morning and my heart freaked out. And the rest of the day, I'm having major heart palpitations, offbeat, shortness of breath, chest pain. And this has happened to me before. It happened when I sold my company back at the end of 2023. And it happened for about a day and a half.

Went to the doctors. Doctor put a heart harness on you and I wore it around for a day. Came back with nothing. Zero. Everything's perfectly fine. You're completely healthy. And actually they were like, this is, you know, they kind of thought I was messing with them because like I kind of have a very steady

and very low, like, blood pressure. pressure, like in general, you know, very healthy, whatever. And, and, and they're like, it was probably stress and dehydration. Okay. And I was stressed so I could see that. So I kind of let it go a day. And then, you know, Wednesday happens. And I'm like, ah, and Thursday.

And I also quit nicotine. I'd been doing nicotine pouches and I just, they're fine, but they're unnecessary. And I don't like anything. I have no problem with vices, but I, anytime I feel like the vice has more control than I do, I just quit because I don't ever want a substance or something to have control over me. So if I'm like like like alcohol or a beer or whatever, like perfectly fine with it. If I ever get to the point where I feel like I can't not have a beer, then I will stop. And I have before in the past. Or whatever. So I was like,

okay, maybe it's that. Let it go. And then Friday, I'm like TK out. Like I'm watching my woo. I'm pinned 150, 160 beats a minute, pinned three, four times a day, not even really doing anything. Can't walk up and downstairs. Friday, I just lay on the couch all night. And Saturday, I'm very similar thing. I'm like, you know, and I'm trying to, I'm being an idiot at this point, right? I probably should already went to the doctors, but I'm like, you know, I'm thinking,

oh, if I just calmed down, I took a really easy night, you know, everything, maybe it's just stress, anxiety. And then I'll go to the gym. just to walk on the treadmill, seven minutes on the treadmill, and I'm like about to pass out. Like I literally have to stop, sit down on the treadmill. I got my head of my hands. I'm like, holy shit, like I'm in trouble.

So then that night comes, because it's Saturday, doctors are closed, whatever. I could have gone to urgent care. And my girlfriend comes over. And she puts her head on my chest and has a physical reaction to what she hears, like how loud my heart is in my chest. So I knew I knew something was wrong. So I went the next day, Sunday, so three days ago from when we're recording this, I went to, two days, I guess.

I went to the doctors or urgent care. They immediately put me in an ambulance, so now I'm in an ambulance, which I feel ridiculous. I'm trying not to feel ridiculous. I know this is just what they have to do, but at the same time, I don't feel like I'm dying or anything. But I'm on the car ride over to the hospital, the ambulance over to the hospital from urgent care. and the EMS guy goes, I don't want to freak you out, but I think you're having a heart attack. Which was shocking in a lot of ways. Not anything I would even consider.

And, you know, he goes into, you know, my dad was 43 when he had his first heart attack, blah, blah. And I'm like, it doesn't make any sense. One, I don't have a history of heart attacks in my family. Two, like, I've never had any of the warning signs, et cetera. We go through all that. And we get to the hospital. and essentially the cut to the chase, the doctor immediately says you're not having a heart attack,

which is good, but my heart is absolutely, has an a flutter or whatever, some sort of flutter thing. It's off rhythm, and it's still up rhythm even right now. I have to go in for some outpatient stuff in the next couple of days. But I'll tell you what, man, sitting in that hospital bed, a lot of thoughts running through my mind, right? Like 44 going to be 45. I got two young kids that I care more about than anything in this world.

I have a lot of things I would call unfinished business. You know, things, you know. Put things into perspective real quick, doesn't it? I got no, you know, I'm sitting there going even stuff like, you know, I'm seeing this woman and she's amazing, but like I don't have a spouse. I don't have a partner, you know, thing. I mean, and I'm not saying that this woman couldn't be that someday. We're just, we've only been known each other for four months.

You know what I mean? So we're just new to relationship. and I'm just like, wow, like, if this was really something, I could die here alone sitting in this bed by myself and like, that's what it is. My kids are with their mom, you know, doing their thing because we're divorced. I got, you know, I don't have a spouse, you know, and I'm just kind of here alone and like, holy shit, like, how did I get here?

You know what I mean? Like, how did I get to this point that I'm sitting in a hospital? bed with things stuck all over my body. I got two different IVs in my arm. They're taking blood. They're doing a CT scan. I'm getting my chest x-rayed. You know, they're taking my vitals every 15 minutes. You know, all this. And I'm like, you know, I'm hearing a lot of truth come out of your mouth right now. Like, yeah, like it, it, uh, that soul searching truly puts you in a situation where you really have to make some decisions on, on what tomorrow looks like for you.

And it doesn't mean that you, uh, you know, ask a girl after four months to be your spouse or any of that stuff, but it certainly, uh, governs how you should be spending time with family or the people that you talk to or all of those things, like listening to you, we, we think that we live in this incredible, incredible, never, you know, everending life. And when you're faced with, with it ending to any degree, it suddenly puts into perspective the time that you've put in and what what you should have been doing up until now. So you're lucky to have experienced that and not been on the wrong end of it, but what changes are you going to make because of it?

So that's, it's funny that you and I are talking at this exact moment because it's been the only thing on my brain since Sunday. Is that exact question? What are you going to be when you grow up, Brian? Yeah. What are you going to be, bud? And I guess, and maybe this is, I'm just interested in your thoughts on this. Like, I have never been able to answer that question ever my entire life.

Even when I was a kid, I couldn't answer that question. And the answer isn't because I'm not interested in anything. It's because I'm interested in like everything. If that makes sense, like I love people. I love interacting with people. sometimes I have these thoughts where I'm like, you know, so much of my career has been remote. You know, how much of my life am I missing out on? Because I don't really have a ton of friends in my local community, right?

So I'm just a thing and frames of reference, right? So like, do I, am I missing being part of my community because my entire work? Everything I do work-wise is not here. So like, I have a couple friends that are good friends that are local, but like, I don't have like a community here. Like, I don't have a like, I don't have a place. in this community necessarily, like talking about the Albany, upstate New York, my physical community.

And then I say, well, okay, I've also, you know, in an effort to, you know, do something I'm good at, work with startups, grow startups, et cetera, I have, you know, I've lost a lot of time with, with, like I don't do a lot of things for myself, you know, like I don't, I love to golf, I never go. I love to ski, I never go. If you were, if you were, if, if, if I was your coach.

Yeah. Yeah. They would, any coach would say to you, you, you have to have, you know, some life balance there. You got to stop working and start living and all of those things. These are all things that you would say to somebody. Yeah. If you were coaching them, but you're not living that life. And I got to, and I, I, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm so excited to have this conversation with you.

I, I'm going to go down a small very, uh, the, uh, a line here. I'm going to say two things. First of all, respectfully, I can't recall, but your children are you young. How old are your children? 12 and 10. Okay. As we talked about in the past, I am a proud father of six. My youngest is 18 months old. Like I mean incredible. And I'll get back to that in a minute. I was on a cruise ship. And when I'm on a cruise ship, I write. And I'll tell you why. I don't like the son. Okay. Turns out when you're out in the Bahamas, there's a whole bunch of son. So my wife lays and basks in cooking oil in the sun so that she can darken her skin and I stay inside and I open up the computer and I write. It's one of my favorite things to do on those excursions.

Well, one of the things that I like to do is talk to strangers. I'm not afraid strangers. Well, one day I'm walking into the cafeteria where you eat on the cruise. I don't know what you call it where all the dining tables are. And it's pretty full. And there's a man, an older man, sitting and I just sit, I say, do you mind if I sit with you? And he says, sure. So I sit across from him and I'm typing. And I'm looking at him. And he's got a golf shirt, big, thick, gold watch. That's a little bit too loose. And, you know, the hat, like he's, he's just, you could tell that he's financially stable and he takes care of himself and he has a good look about him. And I, I just wonder what's important to him. So I just ask. I don't even care. I just ask. Like, what, what's he going to say?

So he's eating it's great for it. And I say, excuse me. And he's like, yeah. And I said, listen, if I could give you anything, anything, anything, I'm not the hand of God. I can't do anything about it. But just out of curiosity, if I could give you anything, what would I give you? What's valuable to you? And he pauses for a minute and he sets down his spoon and he looks at me and he says, you know, I'm 92 years old. And in my job career, we studied the stars. He said, I worked for a space program, and we used to look and study the stars. And he said, in all my life, I've done so many incredible things. But studying the stars has taught me one incredible fact. If you were the hand of God and you could give me anything, I would want love. And I said, really? I said, don't take this the wrong way. But at nine,

I thought that you would have said time. And he gathers up his stuff, and he said, studying the stars means we can look and see our tomorrow. Believe it or not, when you look deep into space, the way the light reflects and the things that happen, you actually see tomorrow. I've seen tomorrow. And because of that, I know that it will be there for me.

So today, I would just like love. love and he gave me a wink and he got up and walked away. So for a man that studied time and lived so long, he's recognized that having more time doesn't give you things. Having more money doesn't give you things. Being lonely or not being close to somebody that you care about is the most valuable asset. So when we talk about the relationship that we have with our children, I'm on my second marriage and you've mentioned that you've been divorced, we can find love again. But the things that

can't be replaced is the relationship that we have with our children. Now, privately, you and I have talked in the past. My eldest son passed away a number of years ago, five years ago. And I'm blessed that I had the opportunity with my wife to have a child again. Now, when I, if you were asking me those same questions and you were looking at me and saying, you know, what's important to you and all of that stuff. I'm 56 years old and I got arthritis. I got bones that hurt because I'm an escape artist and I've fallen and broken many bones. I've had many operations. I'm just a wreck. Okay. But yesterday I crawled down on the floor and laid and played blocks with my son and he pulled out his trash truck and he was making sounds and he reached up and just touched my face and was playing with my whiskers. And I can say to you that

the time that I have with a child, now that I know what losing a child is like, means I don't care if my bones hurt. I'm going to lay there. I don't care if there's other things to do. I don't want to miss the moment. So we both know that we can fall in love again. We can find a significant other or somebody who fills that gap. But the relationship that I have with my children and the love that should be unconditional,

the time that I take to create memories, not much, money, the things that are passionate about my heart and those relationships that are the most important, calling a lifelong friend and telling them that I'm lucky that I've had them that long or having coffee with somebody who deserves that time with me, all of those things have to be the forefront of me living instead of me chasing the ace because I can go to work tomorrow and I can make X amount of dollars, but it's not going to buy playing blocks with my son when he's 18 months old. It's not going to bring back an opportunity to ask my dad something who's long past. So I think that when you're in this own journey and you've had that scare, which essentially is what you have,

you've got to decide what you want to be when you grow up. And what you really need to be is engaged and loving to the people who deserve the value of who you are as a man. because you have developed and created this persona of a Superman that sits behind the mic and interviews people like me and shares and talks and inspires people from stages and all of those things. And when we put on the Superman cape and we have that ability to influence and engage is fantastic. But when you're laying on an ambulance bed and you're doing it, I can promise you at one moment at any point, point, did you think of the audience or did you think of somebody your coaching? When you were in that position, you thought of your children and you thought of an empty home and you thought of what they're going to have to think and feel when you're gone. So you really need to understand that what's most

important isn't the bank account. It's the blocks. Yeah. I mean, I couldn't, I'm not even going to try to nor do I need to add on to that. I think it's funny. Funny is the wrong word and very trite, but the framing of things becomes very clear in these moments often. And what hit me, you know, because I think a lot about why I feel such a disconnect between what I do and who I am.

Because I know this is the weird part, right? And it's very much a cobbler's shoes kind of scenario. I just don't think we're capable. I think we can be aware, but I don't know that we can be, that we are capable of being as self-analytical as we need to be. I think we need other people. I think that's part of how we're built as humans by God.

But, you know, I'm thinking through, why do I always feel this conflict? Because I do. I love doing this show. I love it. I love working with people one-on-one and helping them, you know, find their voice and become the best version of themselves. And I think I'm pretty good at that. Terrible with myself, very good with other people, et cetera.

I love speaking. We've talked about this. There is no place that I feel more at home in any capacity other than when I'm surrounded by my family than when I'm up on stage. in front of an audience. I just love it. I just every bit of it, every, every, every molecule of my body, every essence of my soul is dialed in that moment.

I'm 100%. I get it. I get it. I know you get it as anybody, right? Like, we've talked. And okay, so I know these things. I know these three things that I love to do. I love to, I love to perform.

I love to, I'm curious. I love to learn. That's what this show. is about and the work that I do around this will say some of my writing. It's just learning. It's just taking in and helping share and expose people to ideas. And I love helping other people become successful. That's the one-on-one stuff. It's all in service, right? It's this idea of whatever I do when I grow up. And it's probably those, a package of those things that I just talked about.

But it's this idea of being in service. When I feel like I am truly in of someone else or a group of someone else's, my heart sings, I can work all day, I whistle while I work, I'm present when I'm home, I'm operating with a smile, life is good, rainbows and unicorns and all the amazing things. Is it because you're in service or is it because you get to play the character that we've created? Because for me, Danny Zee is very brave. He's funny.

He's in control. He has no vulnerability or sad. So when you're on stage and when you're coaching and you're doing that, you get to be the character that you've created of the person that you would like to be seen as, not necessarily even the person that you'd like to be. But the truth is when you and I step out on stage, we're the character that people fall in love with. We're the person that is all of those things. So are you uncomfortable with yourself when you're alone? I am. I am.

Or is are you, when you talk, we talked in the very beginning. about these nicotine things or drinking, all of the things that draw you in. And the truth is the stage, the people, all of that stuff is your opus. It's the thing that's calling you forward and makes you feel the best about yourself. It gives you that boost. The adrenaline kicks in and all of that stuff because when you're in an airport lounge and you're on your way flying home and you're vulnerable you. And the truth of the matter is you and I are both chasing the character that we wish we were,

not necessarily the character that we are. So that's my question to you. Is it really, when you check off all of those boxes, is it because that's when you are the best or that's when you feel the best because you know that when you step off stage, the truth is, I'm a 56-year-old guy with arthritis. Yeah, no. So I'm going to, I'm very interested in your response to my answer,

which is it's when I feel. the closest to the version of me that God intended. That's it. Yeah. So how do you become that when you grow up? Because the character that we play has all of the boxes checked. How do we become that person when we're not playing that character? You want to hear something crazy?

So I'm sitting in my hospital bed and, you know, I wasn't, I wasn't. I wasn't stressed. I wasn't anxious. I tend to operate in situations like that like I do on airplanes. Like I assume they don't want to kill me. So they're going to do everything they can to keep me alive. Just like the airplane pilot. That's why I don't get nervous on planes.

I was sitting next to this woman one time. I apologize for the conjecture, but I'll get back to the point, is I'm sitting next to this woman. We're in first class. She's probably in her 70s and she is a little bit of turbulence. just had a couple bumps, nothing bad at all in relative speaking, but she wasn't a heavy flyer and she is freaking out. She is not in a good spot, right?

So all of a sudden I get this hand on my leg. Now, we hadn't really interacted, just more than like, hey, hey, how are you, right? Right? Nothing more than that. All of a sudden, I get this hand on my leg. We hit a bump and I get a hand on my leg. Like, she's nervous. I can tell.

So I don't, I let her keep that there because it wasn't anything. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't anything. I understand. Yeah, yeah. She was looking for comfort, right? So if that makes her feel comfortable, God bless her. So I turn, I'm just like, hey, are you okay?

And I could, she didn't really respond. And I said, here is my best frequent flyer unsolicited advice for turbulence. Because, you know, do you agree? I said, would you agree that we, we can't control the outcome of what's happening? And she kind of said, yes. And I said, okay, well, then the only thing that we can do is trust that the pilots want to be alive as much as we do and they're going to do everything they can to make sure that we land safely because they don't want to die either and um it was funny i don't know that works for me i have no idea

works for other people but she kind of like calmed down a little bit and i said i said what that allows me to do is just release the anxiety feeling like i had like something i can do helplessness because i can't right so i did the same thing with the hospital okay so i'm sitting there in the hospital bed and you know all stuff in and i have a little down moment and i do as i normally do i usually start with um the serenity prayer is how i usually start any kind of conversation with god because that helps center me and helps really ground me and um you know so for those you aren't familiar uh god please grant me the serenity to um uh accept the things that i can't change the courage I think I can in the wisdom to know the difference,

which I think is very, very smart in a lot of ways. And then I just kind of quiet in my mind and have a little conversation. And what I kept hearing in my mind over and over again were two words, stop hiding. Stop hiding. Stop hiding. It just kept coming back over and this has been a message that I've been getting recently. And I think one,

I think I would be an idiot to not take this for what it is, which is a message from God, or certainly a deeper part of my consciousness in which is advocating for me. And two, I have to act on it because what am I going to do, spend the rest of my life hearing that message and wondering what it is? and that has really, like, I feel as motivated and is intensely focused as I have in a very long time. I don't have all the answers. I don't exactly know how I'm going to execute on it. But the desire to answer that call and figure out what it means, I don't know that it's ever been as strong as it is in this moment.

That's good. because to a certain extent, I have felt like I'm hiding, you know? I think for a while, the show has been good and I love this show, but I feel like I've been a little surfacy, trying to be a little too professional, a little, and they don't mean necessarily,

you know, going unprofessional, but just like a little too packaged, you know, a little too, which is fine for some people, but it's not my way. I love to talk about, as deep as you want to go on whatever, shit you're interested in, I want to go there. You know what I mean? I love that. And it's been a very,

the last 48 plus hours have been very, very heady in a very positive way, but very heady. I think the people who have the most success are the ones that aren't afraid to be true. And I wish you the most success. I certainly do. I care about you a great deal. I have to say to you that when we take a look at the top people in the world. And I'm a radio guy. So I always say Howard Stern didn't make it because he had a good voice. So when you talk about the people who really stand out, the Joe Rogans, the Howard Stearns, the people who really push the envelope, they're not playing vanilla. They're just being true. They say things that rub people the wrong way. And, you know, like in Howard Stern's movie, he says, people who don't like me listen as long as people that

like me because they want to see what I'm what I have to say. So I think that, uh, I think that being, first of all, I tell everybody you need to be vulnerable and honest with your audience because in radio, they always remember if you're lying. If you say something that isn't true, they, six months later, they're like, you told me you didn't like that color or whatever. Like the audience has a relationship with you. So because of that, they don't forget. So I think that being honest is always impactful. Being vulnerable is always impactful. I think that people resonate with the fact that you're just a real person like them and that you had health scare and you have concerns and you look at it. I think people resonate with that because there's somebody that's going to listen to something

that you and I have to say today that's going to resonate with them perfectly because it's true. So, you know, I think that whatever avenue you decide to be when you grow up and you start moving forward, the truth is to be authentic to yourself and the audience will fall in love with the person who you are. Honestly, I haven't thought of this. As much as it's annoying, I'm looking forward to, they got to like make sure I don't have a blood clot. And then they got to bang me with the paddles a couple of times to, like,

get my heart back in rhythm and I'll be fine. Like essentially the diagnosis is like, I want a full review. I want a full review of all of it. Yeah, yeah. I go to what happens like, because basically like my heart, my heart rhythm is off. That's like, everything else is fine.

You know, it's not really like life threatening. It's more just annoying because anytime I try to do something, even remotely physical my heart rate pins and and it's just it's just annoying um that being said um and i apologize the only person who can ring through on my phone is my ex-wife because it has to do with the kids and she is seemingly uh calls it the worst times um so so basically they they need to they need to make sure that i don't have a blood clot and then they basically just take the paddles and well and why and Yeah.

Restart it. It's like hitting the Nintendo reset button on your... It's the one thing I've never done. So I want a full review. Yeah, I'll let you know. I've taken 110 from outlets before. Oh yeah, me too. The first time, the first time, first home I ever bought was a two family in Albany, New York.

And they're all around like 1900 and 1920. All of them were built there. And I had no idea what I was doing, except I know this outlet didn't work. and because I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't turn the panel off and I just went right in with a screwdriver and took that shot of 110 just took that right in

your whole body shakes you dropped the screwdriver. I was like, this is what learning lessons the hard way is all about. So, no, I think I haven't seen this. The interesting part is, other than it being annoying, I haven't seen it as anything other than a blessing because I feel like this is, this was my body.

screaming back at me, you have been masking a disconnect between what you should be doing and what you are doing for too long. And you obviously are not getting the point. And I can't look at it as any other way. I mean, it's a stress-induced condition that's brought on by, you know, lack of sleep and different things like this. And, you know, if a guy goes, if you were 22, I would whack you right here on the spot and send you back out on the street.

you know, because you're 44, we should probably take a little more time or whatever, which, you know, I appreciated. But so I think these moments, you know, what I'm trying to do is capture the moment, not not let the moment just pass me by. Like have it be this, you know, like a, like a, like a, like a New Year's resolution, right? You have this moment in time and you make this big commitment and then it just passes you by and you never end up going to the gym or doing the thing or asking the girl out.

I want to take this as a true sign from God in my body to say, like, you wouldn't have had the tension that brought this condition on if you had been more aligned with who you want to be with you grow up in the life that you want to live and the people that you want to interact with every day. And like, hey, dummy, time to wake up. Like time to, time to take some action, time to, as that message that I keep getting, time to stop hiding. And, man, it's kind of, it's very, it feels very powerful to, to, to almost be given a gift

like this, if that makes sense. Yeah. You know, about a year ago, I had a conversation with my wife. My wife is 20 years younger than me. So I'll take that congratulations. And I'm sorry because we don't like the same music. We had a conversation about a year ago, nine months ago, something like that. And I said, we need to make some changes.

We have a big, we at that point had a big six-bedroom house. And lots of children living in the house and, you know, two. car garage, a storage room and a studio space for me to practice my show and all of that stuff. And I said, let's just get rid of it all. Literally, let's get rid of it all. So once she agreed, we listed the house and sold it right away. I got rid of the storage unit in the rehearsal space. And I had an old car and a Harley Davidson in the garage, got rid of them.

Got rid of everything. When I say everything, we bought a small condo in our city next to my children's school. I have two teenage children that still go to high school and I have a newborn. And so we bought a condo right next to the school so that they could walk to school. And we got rid of everything. And now, when I say now, today, I don't even know what day is Tuesday, Friday, we go. and we're going to travel and we're going to live and do things and we're going to experience things with this child and create memories and do things.

Now, I'm still going to work. I'm still going to put out books and still do my shows and all of that stuff, but I'm not going to be governed by a mortgage payment or an insurance payment. I'm not going to, I live in Canada, so I'm not going to worry about shoveling the driveway or any of those things because I really want to be in a position that I can create those memories that we talked about earlier and live and drink the wine and kiss the girl and do all of those things that are essential in who I want to be when I grow up. And at first, I got to say, it was almost sickening getting rid of things.

It's surprising we spent our entire lives collecting things that we don't use. I mean, respectfully, I'm looking at you on the screen and you got books that I would like to think that you've read that you'll never read again, but you put them on the shelf. And they become things that we collect. And then when you go in the garage, you have things that you could use just if I need, I'm going to save this wood. Hopefully I need it one day. And we spend a lifetime paying to store things that we might use. And I remember saying to my wife, I'm just getting rid of all of this stuff. And she said, yeah, but what if we need it? And I thought to myself for the amount of money I'm going to save in not having to store it. I could afford to

buy it again if I needed it and then throw it away or give it away. And when I purged all of these things, I felt free, like free from burden and free from responsibility. And I didn't have to worry about hydro at the rehearsal space or I didn't have to worry about insurance on a motorcycle that I barely drive. Like so many things freed me. And I just got so little responsibility now that suddenly working 18 hours a day became so less important because I didn't need that money. I didn't need those things. And it's funny as a parent, I feel as though I'm chasing finances so that I can pay for schooling or leave money for my children and all of that stuff. many years ago my father passed away and it was very very wealthy man um he had cancer and he knew

this is going down a rabbit hole quickly it's so funny i took my father to the doctor who wasn't feeling well as you talked about earlier and the doctor said you have multiple myeloma and he said it's a blood cancer that's that unfortunately we can't do anything about it's going to take you and my father said well how long how long will i have and he said you're going to die in two years. My father died two years on the day. And you know why? Because he had a day. The doctor should just hold him 10. So when you decide that that's the time, that's the time. I mean, you're looking forward at looking at it like a, like it's a calendar mark. And it became such an obsession with him that he hit hit his mark. And he was a very wealthy man that didn't leave me anything. And he said to

me a few months before he died. I'm not going to leave you any money. And there was a part of me that was like, oh my God, you could left me some. You know what I mean? He said, he said, I have taught you everything that you need to do to be successful in life. If you need my money, I've taught you nothing. And there was a lot of truth to that because he did teach me to work with my hands. And he did teach me to be a people person and all of those things. And in turn, I didn't need his money to, to have success and to raise a family and all of those things. So I'm at that pinnacle point in my life where I'm looking at my own legacy and the things that I'm creating.

And I bet you when my children comes, my children would love it if I gave them all $100,000 or something. You know what I mean? But in the same respect, if I haven't taught them to be self-sufficient, I've really failed as a father. So when you're chasing your own aides and deciding what you need and putting all of that into perspective, just make sure you're chasing it for the right. reasons because the 100,000 or the million or the 10,000, whatever it is that you leave for your

children, I can promise you they're going to piss it away on something that you wish that they didn't buy. I could tell you, my 17-year-old would buy new PlayStation. And I'm like, that's what you do with the money I leave you? You know what I mean? And, you know, by 19, he'd take 10 of his friends out and they'd get drunk. Like, that's the wrong thing to do with the money that I worked so hard my entire life for. So the truth is to bring strong values and to give a good perspective and to show.

show them work ethics and morals and all of those things. So when you're visiting all of this, and we're not on this call and you're really resonating on what your tomorrow holds and what you're going to be when you grow up, I want you to really understand that you just have to understand what you're chasing and what you're doing it for because if you're working your ass off so that you can leave a bunch for your kids, you should have spent the time with the kids. If you're working your ass off so that you can build a home so that you can get a spouse, you should have just walked in the park with somebody that you loved and appreciated the falling leaves. Your perspective on what you need to be when you grow up isn't what you think.

And that's the problem. We always want to be better than our parents. We want to, they've paved the way and you look at their love or you look at their finances or the way they lived and you think, I'm not going to live off of no name rice. I'm going to have more than that. I'm going to eat steak. Whatever that is and the way we look at the way we're raised and how we hope to raise our children different and how we hope to live our life different.

in the end our kids are going to do what they're going to do our life is going to be what it is how many memories how many things that have you banked in the end it's it's not about the money in the bank it's the money it's the memories in the memory bank and uh i really wish that when our time talking today is finished i really wish that you would look at your own life and and understand that it's just things yeah you're We're surrounded with things that our family will throw away because if you don't tell your kids why that book behind you is important, they're not going to read it. If you don't tell your children why you saved this rock that you have in your keepsake drawer,

they're going to wonder why you saved a silly rock. So if you've filled your home and your storage with a whole bunch of things that mean something to you, it'll find its way into the bin when they're cleaning out the house to sell it. So, you know, take a long look at what you have around you and make sure that it's impactful to the people who need to be impacted. And if you live your life like that, your words, your actions, your podcasts, your stories, your talks will be so much more to the people that you're sharing them with because you will be doing it legitimately from a strong place within you.

Have you ever heard the parable of the Mexico? can fisherman. Share it with me. Man in his 30s, wakes up in the morning, has breakfast with his family, grabs his fishing gear, walks down to the beach, he's got a little boat tied up, gets in his boat, goes out into the ocean, fishes, catches fish for the day, brings them back, cleans them up, cleans his fishing gear, puts it away, goes back home, makes dinner for his family, prepares it, eats dinner with his family, enjoys them, they play music, they dance, they go to sleep. He wakes up the next day and he has breakfast with his family and goes fishing. One day, an American man, a businessman,

sees him on the beach walking during a vacation, starts asking him questions. He says, what do you do? I fish. Ask him some more questions. I'm one of the better fishermen in the town. Every day, I go out, I catch fish, I bring them back. And the American says, why don't you sell the fish? And the Mexican fisherman says, why would I do that? And he says, well, if you sell the fish, you can make money and you can hire people

to do the fishing for you. And they're going to make enough money that you can hire a second boat. And then eventually you'll have a fleet. And then once you have that fleet, you can invest in a relationship with a cannery and you can start selling your fish canned around the world. And you can use that money

to buy yourself, a home near the beach so that you can go fishing with your family and eat breakfast with them and dinner. And the Mexican fisherman just smiled and walked away. Because the point of the parable is he already had the life that the money would have bought him. So why does he need the money? Right. And I think I think that those parables are great. And I think the lesson is incredibly powerful and important. However, I think in reality, there are things that we need to be cognizant of, like having some sort of financial safety net, a saving. There are things we can do to make sure that if we have an awful day, right, we get to continue the life that we want. But the point,

I think, is really powerful. And it's something I've thought a lot about. And just to be transparent, I picked that up from Chris Williamson, Modern Wisdom podcast. He's told that a few times and that's where I picked that story up. But I've thought about it for a few years now since since the first time I heard him share it because I have a propensity personally. And I think a lot of people who listen to this show probably share this just as in the nature of continuing to listen to my work is left to my own devices. I'll just keep not accumulating stuff, but accumulating. I want to grow more, more audience, more this, more, not necessarily, even it's the it's like an addiction to progress is probably the best way to put it.

I actually live a fairly simple life. I don't have a lot of needs. I'm much more of an experienced person. The only thing I get for my kids for their birthdays is experiences. Like my older son every year, we take a pilgrimage to Buffalo and we go see a Bill's game and we sit in nice seats and we do the whole thing and it's awesome. And then my younger son, his birthday is in the wintertime. So we usually choose between an NBA game or we go see WWW.

or whatever, same thing. It's experiences. We like to do stuff. But I love to accumulate. It's like in my nature. I love to accumulate. I love to see progress, progress, progress. And like when I hear that and I slow down and I think about the parable of Mexican

fishermen, it reminds me that like I got two amazing kids that I have a very good relationship with all things considered. I have good friends that I love to talk to. I have, I currently have a woman that I really enjoy spending time with. Why would I prioritize things that are really only getting me more of the things that I already have? Like, I don't really need a whole lot more than what I have right now. It sounds like you've answered the question that you started this podcast with. Because you are asking, you're at a pinnacle point where you can make some changes and what you're chasing.

I've just listened to you talk for 30 minutes about every single thing that you asked in the first two minutes of our conversation. The truth of the matter is you've come to terms whether you like it or not, that you have to understand the journey you're going and what you're chasing. I mean, please correct me and everybody who's listening to this and tell me that I'm wrong. wrong, but the truth of the matter is, right there, you just described to me the answer of your very first question. You're the fisherman. So whatever decision that you choose to make, whether it's more of this or more stages or whatever, just decide what you're canning. Yeah. You know what it is, dude, I don't, when I say progress, I don't mean accolades. I don't mean accolades. and I don't necessarily mean money,

although I love money as much as the next person. It's more like, I want to know how good I can be. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Just understand what you're sacrificing to be that. Yes, that's where I get messed up sometimes. It's like, okay, and we've talked about this.

Like, we talk about the speaking thing. I get really messed up in my head. And I hope for you guys listening at home, I hope this is valuable because of taking context the crazy shit that you have going on, your things are going to be different, but most likely the same, I think, for a lot of people. Speaking in particular,

if all, if I, if every day, I got to wake up and perform, right? I would be, maybe not every day, but you know, you don't say, I would be incredibly happy. It's what I love doing more than anything. Reacting with the crowd, reading the crowd, interacting, it's where I feel the most challenged

and also the most alive, real-time feedback. that tone, you know, the inflection on that word didn't work there. And man, I made eye contact with her, but she wasn't really the right person to pull the energy out. I should have focused on him or this woman over here. Like just I did, I moved and I was too wide ranging in my movements. I wasn't wide ranging. Like, you know what I mean?

Like that constant, it's just you are completely present, 100% present. Except it takes me away from the reason that I do it, which is the people I love. I struggle with that so much. And I know my thinking is not healthy or right, but I will tell you, I struggle with that so much. So I'm interested being that you're working.

I did that. And it cost me everything. Yeah. I did that. Talk to me about that. Because I was a waste. Yeah. Oh my God.

I wanted, you just described everything that I wanted. I just wanted to be in front of the audience every day. Like I lived for it. I was chasing the accolades, the finances, the fame, all of that shit. I wanted it exactly as you just described. And sometimes God gives you what you ask for. So I had a theater, 700 people, two shows a day, seven days a week.

For seven years, I did that. And I can tell you about four months into it, it was a mistake. because having the audience and having the applause and all of that stuff meant it cost me my marriage, my relationship with my kids. It meant I wasn't present on Thanksgiving. I couldn't go out and have a beer with a friend. I got exactly what I asked for. And it was so expensive on my life that it was the poorest investment I've ever made.

It always sounds great. It just wasn't. Be careful what you ask for. You know what? You know what you really need to sit with? You really need to say, I need two or three days a week where I get that. And I can perform and be all of that.

But I can unplug the other days and be what's really important. Saying, saying, I want to do this many podcasts or be on this many television shows or I want to be on this many stages. just you're right, but it's not, there's no value in more in that situation. I'm confident when we look at the actors and musicians that we look up to and the people who we see value in on all of those things. If you were to ask them, you got millions and millions of dollars and everyone in the world knows you. And they're like, yeah, I'd just like to be able to buy a candy bar without having to get

a picture and an autograph. You're giving it all up. and when you and I talk, I always want to say to you, how can I get on more stages? Is there doors that you can open and people you can introduce me to so that I can share my story and my passion with more people? And it's one of the things that I want to ask every time when I talk to you.

And then when I listen to you say that you want more, I want to be like, no, don't do it, man. Yeah. Ask for some. Ask for some. Yeah. And look at how many that you already have. Because when you get that adrenaline push and you walk out on stage and you get the applause and the motivation and the people who follow you and thank you for your inspiring words, it might be enough.

It, uh, I just understand. No, I think you're right. I think you're right. I actually, I actually agree with you. Um, I think I'm looking for the feeling. I think I haven't had the feeling in a long time. I have done gigs that have been great. Don't get me wrong.

But I haven't had a steady flow of that feeling in a while. And I think a lot of it has been, I think a lot of it has been recently the things that add energy to my life have felt have been like these side quests that have ate into my personal life. and the things that extract energy from my life have been like nine to five during the day. And that's when I think about this idea of stop hiding, I don't necessarily want to be, you know, I got buddies who do the 180, 200 day a year travel.

And like one or two of them are okay at home. All the rest of them are their home lives are a disaster, which is why I have never done it. I mean, I had the opportunity. I had two years in a row, which there's not as many as others, but two years in a row where I did, you know, 40 plus gigs, which is a decent number when you also have a full-time job and kids at home and that kind of stuff. And even that was so stress-inducing on the things that are supposed to matter,

your relationship with your family, your spouse, your parents, you know, all that kind of stuff, that it started, as you said, it started to detract from the actual experience. So it's like finding a good balance. but I think where where I'm trying to get to is in between those, we'll call them peak moments, right? Being on stage in front of a great audience and really getting to rip, how do you filling that time with the energy, with the energy creating activities, I think is where is this kind of concept

of not hiding anymore. And the problem is I know the path and I just haven't had the balls to execute it. It's at the end of the day. if I'm being pure, just 100% candid with myself, I'm often too nice, too, too amicable. I say yes to too many things I shouldn't say yes to. I get myself involved in things that I shouldn't get involved in,

that eat at time, that take away from the things that really matter. And as much as I would, you know, give myself the opposite advice if I were coaching myself, you know, being that it's, between my own ears, I make these things. And it's, it's a very, it's very interesting when you hit these moments and like, you start thinking about the decisions that you make and the problems you have. And you're like, God, if I were coaching myself, I would freaking cut that off in a heartbeat. You know what I mean?

Because it's you, you know, because you're in that bubble, your own world. Even if you're a fairly self-aware person, which I'd like to believe I am, you still get caught in these traps. Well, we drink our own Kool-Aid. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. That's true, right? We think that we're making the right decisions and we believe in ourselves and we always think that there's time to correct it and fix it.

And we, you know, I'll get to it tomorrow or I'll make that up or all whatever. And it's, you know, until we find out it's too late. Someday, maybe should have, could have. You know, I think. You know what? My biggest, I got, this is a deep question for you. And I have to wrap it up soon. So I'm going to hit you.

I'm going to hit you hard right from the beginning. You don't have to explain it, but I wonder what your biggest regrets are. Because I'll tell you a couple of mine just to give you an example. I am divorced and I can say all of the bad things about my ex-wife. I could point out all of her flaws. The truth of the matter is, I have just as many. Perhaps it was even my fault. Was I the best version for her or was I committed in the fashion that I should have been?

Can I blame her for the demise of our relationship when I wasn't the person that I should have been just even for myself, let alone for her? When I look at the failures with my children and the absent fathers and the times that I miss, my biggest regrets are when I look back at my biggest regrets, oh my God, there's one that just stands out so clearly. my first born son was probably too terrible twos. He was being an asshole. It was just one of those days that he just would not be right. And we had this timeout method that some person says is the right thing to do where you're supposed to put them in their bedroom and say timeout is,

you know, you're in for time out, two minutes or whatever it is. And I remember picking him up and walking angrily to his bedroom to put him in for that time out. And I walked past a piece of door trim that had a long. a little bit of the nail sticking out and it scratched his back and made him bleed. And it wasn't, it was an accident. But for his whole life, he had a little white scar on his back that reminded me that my action, my anger, walking him for a time out when he was just being a two-year-old child, marked him for the rest of his life because I didn't react properly.

And here it is now, 25 years later, and I tell you on a podcast as one of my biggest measurements of failures as a person. And when we look back at the failures of who we are and the mistakes that we made, the biggest regrets that we really hold on are the failures that happen within ourselves. So when you look back at your life's biggest regrets and the things that you're failing on, it won't be because you didn't do enough podcasts or get on enough stages. It would because you weren't present in the moment to somebody you loved. I failed everybody that I've loved. And those are my biggest regret. When I really look back and measure my failures,

they're not poor business decisions. Yeah. It's never. So what's your biggest regrets? Yeah, you don't have to tell them to me, but I'm saying to you, they're not business decisions. Yeah.

And you know what? Or if it is a business decision, it's because it cost a friendship that was valuable to you. Yeah. I think I see them fall. in like really two two buckets it's relationships that we that we failed at for a whole bunch of reasons something that have to do with a relationship time with kids time with spouse things said things done or i think it's a lack of testing ourselves i think those are the two right you

could put lack of testing in a lot i didn't climb the mountain i didn't start the business i didn't kiss the girl. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, right? So it's, I didn't, and I say as testing ourselves because the thing really doesn't matter. What we regret is, I feel like I could have been and I never even tried. Trying and not getting there, I don't think, no one regrets that. Hey, I went for it, balls to the wall, and it just didn't work. It's a funny story, you know, you get past it, you know, whatever amount of time. Now it's just an anecdotal story that you tell with friends and ha, ha, ha, I wish I could have,

blah, blah, you know, whatever. But when you don't try, when you don't test yourself, and I think a large part, we don't need to go down this rabble whole considering that we're up against time here, but I think a lot of the anxiety and tension that we see in society is we have a generation grown up that has grown up in such comfortable settings that they've never actually been tested.

Therefore, even the smallest micro pain or micro frustration becomes blown out of proportion because we've never actually tested ourselves. And I think if we if we can focus on the quality and depth of the relationships that matter and consistently testing ourselves to find out who we are what we're what we're capable of, I think it's hard to live with regrets, you know, incredibly difficult to do. And we're always, we're fallible so it's never going to be perfect. but this idea of testing ourselves and saying, you know, that thing I did, I did as well as I possibly could.

And the outcomes are the outcomes. Or I gave everything I had to that relationship and I tried the best I could. And, you know, I think like with my own ex-spouse, I don't think we were meant to be together, honestly. I think both of us did things. I think both of us could have been better. I think both of us became bitter at certain points and probably created more tension, more friction than needed. It maybe lasted longer than it should have because we weren't as honest or open above all those things.

But could have done better. Could have done better. And, you know, it's easy to forgive somebody for their wrongdoings. It's hardest to forgive yourself. Yeah. And I think that when you self-analyze and take a look at your own shortcomings, we hold ourselves to such high. value that it just pains us. So I mean, you know.

Dude, I know you got to run. I do got to run. And listen, this is the, I, I, first of all, I can't wait to do this again with you because you and I could just talk for days. Number two, I feel like instead of you being the interviewer and the controller, I kind of controlled the whole thing today because I, I think that for maybe this happens to you often or not, but it sounded like you needed a good talk today. And I'm glad that I could facilitate it.

Six months from now, I'm going to be on the show with you again, and I'm going to say to you, what did that conversation do to influence the days that you had coming? Because this week, this specific week, has been so impactful for you, whether it's the ambulance ride or looking at successes and shortcomings or a conversation with me who's been on both ends of the spectrum and reminded you, at least in my opinion, that sometimes love is more valuable than time. I'll be interested in doing a follow with you and seeing what changes you made and what ace you chased after today because the decisions that you make are really going to reflect on you in the next 20 years. And I'll be excited to see who you decide to be when you grow up.

I appreciate you so much. I had literally I had no idea this is where we would go. This just came out and started coming out of me. And to be honest, me, I felt like I needed it. and I appreciate you coming along for the ride. Yeah. I love it. I wish you nothing but the best, my friend. I can't wait for the next time, and it doesn't have to be six months.

You let me know. We can check in on this particular topic in six months, but it doesn't have to be because I love our conversations and I just want to keep them rolling. So thank you so much. Yeah. For the people who catch this on replay and follow and all of that stuff, I expect each and every person to help me coach Ryan through this and remind him that, you know, Today's a good day.

And there's so much happening tomorrow and so many more places to see and experience and to love that, you know, people who listen and watch don't forget. So let's see what tomorrow holds. I appreciate my friend. And I will bug you again and get on again at my earliest convenience because I so enjoy our conversation. Me too. And please do. Thank you. Awesome.

Awesome. That was great. I appreciate you, man. But my, my...