The Ryan Hanley Show - The Danger of Outsourcing Your Thinking to AI | Ryan Hawk

Episode Date: May 21, 2026

I help founders & executives generating more than $10M in revenue find their Easy Mode. Start here: https://ryanhanley.com/subscribeWatch this episode on YouTube: https://youtube.com/ryanmhanley---We are facing an epidemic of intellectual laziness. Leaders are handing over their creative output to machines. They are letting their problem-solving muscles atrophy. This is a massive mistake.Ryan Hawk joins me to break down the real cost of outsourcing your thinking. We dig into why curiosity is the ultimate competitive advantage. We cover the brutal truth about excuses and how they soften your character. We get into why being coachable is the single most intoxicating trait a leader can possess.If you want to build long-term success, you cannot be closed off to feedback. You need truth tellers in your corner. You need to pay the price of becoming.Ryan Hawk is the host of The Learning Leader Show and author of The Price of Becoming. He has interviewed hundreds of the world's most brilliant minds on leadership and high performance. He is one of the sharpest thinkers I have had on this show.Subscribe to his Mindful Mondays newsletter at learningleader.com.Connect with Ryan Hawk:Website: https://learningleader.com/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ryanhawk12/Book: The Price of Becoming: https://amzn.to/4fz6nYtFollow Ryan Hanley:Website: https://ryanhanley.comInstagram: https://instagram.com/ryan_hanleyX: https://x.com/ryanhanley_comThis is the way.Hanley.This show is part of the Unplugged Studios Network — the infrastructure layer for serious creators. 👉 Learn more at https://unpluggedstudios.fm.

They're outsourcing who they actually are and they're thinking to something else. I want you to get better at thinking through these hard problems instead of outsourcing that thinking. What is it that Ryan Hawk does that looks like cheating to me? The way that I give and receive love is curiosity. This idea of going to bed a little bit wiser than you were when you woke up. I think it is a daily fist fight to suffocate excuses. Any excuse softens the character. I mean, there is nothing more intoxicating as a leader.

than someone who's coachable. Ryan, dude, I know you're a busy man. I am incredibly excited to have you on the show. I was going to save this, but you brought it up in the, I asked you the question, you answered it in the green room, and it's actually very hot on my brain, so I'm going to be incredibly selfish at the start of this podcast. You said one of the things that you're curious about

is this idea of outsourcing, your thinking, outsourcing, your intelligence to AI. And, you know, I want to dig into this topic. I think this is one of the topics of our day. And you're someone who talks to a lot of incredibly smart people, a lot of incredibly growth-driven, well-run organizations, leaders at the top of their lane game. So how are the people in your circle,

the people that you're having conversations with every day, how are they starting to address this topic? because I have some opinions that I want to run past you, but I want you to kind of level set this for us. Yeah, well, I think it's hard to know how everybody's using it, but I think what my concerns are from a leadership perspective what I'm seeing are people outsourcing their thinking, their creative output to AI.

I think it's important to understand how to best utilize a technology for you, not act like it doesn't exist or try to be the old time or said back in my day, like none of that nonsense either. But if you completely outsource your creative output to say, hey, can you write an email to my team for me? That's a big mistake. How about you have it be a research assistant for you or potentially edit some things for you? But to flat out outsource you're thinking, a lot of studies have come out recently about how your brain will literally atrophy. It will be just like if you lift weights or stop lifting weights, how that could hurt you, hurt your brain. And so, yeah, I think it's important. When I work with leaders, I always try to, we talk about

their actual writing practice, getting the messy thoughts out of your head onto the page. And if you shortchange that process, if you don't do it, I think that you're hurting yourself long term. And the short term, yes, it can be helpful to get answers, to fire back something quickly, but also people, when you look at the ones who are most effective over the long term, we follow others because we authentically know them and are inspired by them and want to get in line behind them. And if they're outsourcing who they actually are and they're thinking to something else, that's you're less authentically you. And that's, then I think you're going to have less of an opportunity for people to want to follow you and get in line. So anyway, I think it's very

nuance. I don't think it's a this or that or use it or not. Like most things in life, it's not binary. It's, hey, it's a little bit of gray. Let's figure out the best way to utilize technology without outsourcing or thinking. What do you think, though? So I posted actually this morning. I was out for my walk. I go for a 40-pound ruck walk. I wear the vest, not the thing on your back. I just found that puts a little too much straight on my lower back, but I love the weighted walks. and I, you know, I was just, I shouldn't do this, but I popped open my phone while I was walking. I was like halfway through my walk and my mind started wandering.

I popped my phone. And the very first thing I see on top is some marketing guru or influencer. To be honest, I didn't even recognize a person's name even though I'm connected to them. And they were hammering AI slop. So I just popped open my phone, I pulled my phone up and I did this video and I posted on LinkedIn. And it was essentially, I think the people who are, AI slop shaming, and this is not what I think you are doing, but I think the people right now who are out on the internet,

AI slop shaming are the ones who are going to lose or are trying to sell you something. And the reason I think that is, like all things, don't we have to kind of be crappy at the thing first before we get good at it? Right? Like if you're using AI to help you create emails, your first few times you use it,

it's maybe going to sound a little more clunky or a little more like that, you know, not X, you know, it's not X, it's Y, you know, all these kind of

standard patterns that AI falls into, you know, as you kind of maybe fill in some of the gaps around a premise of an email and like it's, the AI itself is a little just sloppy right now

and don't we have to work through that period, right, to get to a period where you can mix your intelligence, your thought, your novel ideas with the horsepower, of research and articulation that AI can provide.

First of all, I like that you, that first point is so true. And I hadn't thought of it that way. So I appreciate you sharing that. I think that makes a lot of sense that most things when they're new or are kind of a mess. And it takes time to get through the growing pains. And I think some of that's happening.

With that said, if people are, if they're, I feel like you're the type of guy who would be willing to work through the mess and get to the other side where then you're also using the best of your brain and your ability to think and your ability to utilize technology the right way and use the tool and combine them the right way. Whereas some of the fear is that leaders completely outsource parts of their job and never go back to trying to work that muscle. Specifically, I think, when it comes to writing in your own. voice, getting the messy thoughts out of your head onto the blank page. That thing, that process, that's why I write books. It's that four times, first and foremost, for me, for me to get clear on what I think about this specific topic of whatever that project is about. And I think if you shortchanged that or you don't go through the rigor of what it takes to get to the

other side of the messiness of the thinking and what do I actually think about this. I think that's the potential issues that I think you see out there. But yes, the AI slob shaming, you know, we've probably all done it a little bit. Or maybe you haven't, but I've not publicly done that. But if I see a friend post something where it's obvious they didn't write, I'll be like, dude, just make sure you're not, make sure you're not just like this is all you're going to do moving forward. We know you didn't write that.

Like I want you to have 17 M dashes in it. Yeah, yeah, of course. It's not this, it's that, speaking in threes, M dashes, all this stuff. If that's what you're going to do all the time, but I think we're all going to know and maybe the tools to get better, but it's, I don't even care about how good the tools are good. I want you to get better at thinking through these hard problems instead of outsourcing that thinking. So that's the main thing I want for leaders is to make sure that you're still working that muscle of figuring out and working through hard problems so that that muscle doesn't atrophy. Yeah, and I love that. And I think that's the way the feedback should come, right?

And I think, you know, you should reach out to your buddy on the side and say, hey, man, like, not that I don't disagree with what you put, but there's like six sentences with MDashes and like, you know, you know what I mean? Like maybe next time, like take a run through it once. You know what I mean? Like on the side, yeah, 100% because we need that feedback to get better. But I just, I worry that there's so much AI dumerism out there right now that people are going to either take.

what feels comfortable, which is just not engaged and keep doing what they've always doing, which I think is an absolute path to destruction. Or they're going to play it super safe and never really learn the nuances of these tools because if you're willing to dive deeper into them, the possibilities are absolutely endless. And one comment that I have on what you said is, I think the people, or I believe, that the people who are journaling or who have always been writing or have a like, you know,

note taking process, whether that's voice to notes or they, you know, write themselves little Apple notes on the side or whatever. The people who, who I've always been thinking for themselves, like before AI, they are going to continue thinking for themselves

as they move forward because it's part of who they am or part of who they are. I think, like, there's an AI Darwin to the leaders who have been able to skate by on other people's ideas, that now I think, unfortunately, this tool does not amplify well those who do not have their own novel ideas. If you have a novel idea, this technology can take that idea, turn it into an app, a book, a course, an entire career, right? And do it yourself. But a non-novel idea is going

to suck no matter if AI is associated or not, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you, my curiosity is getting the best of me. So when you write that you built and sold an AI insurance company before anyone called it that, by the way, great line. What does that mean? So I built a digital first native commercial insurance brokerage that was national. So we basically did everything through outsourcing and automation and some analog

processes that now would have been immediately replicated with AI because what I, what I coach in my own practice is what I call a human optimized business model. So, and I'll tell you, this came out, you're asking questions, I'll answer it, right? I found this stat in 2015. So my home industry is the property casualty insurance industry. This stat that the average customer service rep at an independent insurance agency spends 20 minutes from the time they are notified from a process to the task to the time that task is completed. Okay. And some are longer, some are shorter, but that's the average. Of that 20 minutes,

five of those minutes are spent interacting with a customer. And 15 of those minutes are actually all the nonsense that it takes to execute that task. Okay. And the goal of that agency was to flip that on its head. Because if I could spend 15 minutes with my customers interacting with them, now I can better understand them. I can cross-sell them. I can upsell them. I can retain them. I can, you know, make sure they feel heard when they have problems.

And then I used, you know, at that time, outsourcing and automation because AI didn't really exist to kind of turn, reduce their transactional time cost. So today I think, you know, I ended up growing. And so if we were the fastest growing small business insurance agency in the country in 2021, which ultimately, for reasons that are not worth explaining without beers in our hand, I sold in 2022. And then I watched that company knife my baby to death like all PE companies do. And I exited at my first trigger in 2024. So, you know, we still did our right. It was still a wonderful experience. But that's kind of what we did is like I look at that business and I'm

like that business launched in 2025 is an absolute monster rocket ship because we were literally built where our humans only did human things, build relationships, solve problems, sell stuff, everything else I took off their plate and the results were bananas. Wow. So are you doing it again? Like, now I coach it. Yeah. Oh, okay. Cool. So what's the, what's, what's easy mode? So easy mode is the commercialized version of a human optimized business. business model because that's really shitty to say. Wait, say that again? So what I called it back when I was building it,

like what I wrote down on the piece of paper when I was mapping out the business plan was a human optimized business model. That's what I wrote down. That's a mouthful. So the commercialized version of that is what I call easy mode. So easy mode is what is it that Ryan Hawk does that looks like cheating to me? That when you do it, I'm like, oh my God, he's freaking cheating, man. He's got the cheat code for that thing.

That's where you fall and building relationships, solving problems, and selling stuff. And one of those three tasks is your easy mode. That could be speaking. It could be writing books. It could be doing podcasts. It could be understanding the psychological principles that hold leaders back from being the best version of themselves.

There's something that you do, right, that uniquely the human version of you does, that to me looks like cheating. that's your easy mode. Doesn't mean it's easy work. It could be incredibly difficult, right? But for you, it's your easy mode. So easy mode was kind of the easier commercialized package version of this human optimized business model.

I like it. Interesting. Okay. I think the good thing about it is it's really piqued my curiosity. And as you know, you do that, you kind of got them. You got them. Like, okay, well, what's next? What's next?

What's the next? I like that. Yeah, well, I appreciate that. It's, but I think it all comes back to, like, what you talk about, like, and I really want to get into these, you know, the book, because I love where, like, I love the way you think about these things. And what I was really taken by your work, and you've used the word twice so far. And I think it is clear in the way that you present online is curious.

And I, so kind of taking this maybe a little more into just more of your work. and your expertise and if it ties to the book, that's amazing. But why is curiosity so important to you specifically that in the first, you know, what have we been talking for a little over 10 minutes? You've used the term twice. Like, why is that such a important part of how you operate? Have you done the love languages assessment by chance? I have not done the love languages.

I know what mine is, but I haven't done the assessment. But you know what it is, right? We all know what the love language is like assessment or love language tools are. So the way that I give and receive love is curiosity. My wife knows this. My friends know this, the people in my life. I think it's the ultimate act of respect and love is to be curious about a person, their story, where they come from, what they're all about. It's not something I have to consciously think about.

It's just the way I show up in the world because I'm genuinely interested in people and what they're all about. So it's not even a thought. It just happens. I've found it it creates amazing opportunities. It creates amazing relationships with people and the entire world is built through people. Everything you want to do happens through and with people. So if you want to do anything interesting in life, it's probably going to come through and with people. Being curious, showing them love, caring about them is a great way to build a good relationship.

And those relationships then lead to cool experiences. So, yeah, I think it's just the ultimate way to show love. It's the ultimate way to learn. It's the ultimate way to live. Brian Copplin told me many years ago when I went to New York to record with him, hey, man, chase down your curiosity and obsessions with great rigor. I like that. I like what I'm seeing here.

If you keep doing that, good things are going to happen. I've never forgotten when he looked at me dead in the eye and said that to me. And I'm like, all right, I'm just going to keep chasing down what I'm curious about with great rigor. It's like a great, great turn of phrase. Coming from him, you got to listen to him, right?

I mean, that's not the kind of guy that you discounted his advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I, I don't know. And so I think I've just tried to try to live that way.

And when I do neat, neat things happen, good opportunities present themselves. And it's one of my core values. And it's, yeah, it's a skill that I think I've developed and learned over time and didn't really grow up that way, but am that way now. And yeah, it's the type of people that I want to be with.

There are the ones who are curious about life, curious about people, curious about things and ideas. And if somebody's like really into, I don't know, American history or the Civil War or whatever, and I want to hear them obsess about that. Like,

I want to hear their obsessions coming out. Like, to me, that's fascinating. Even if it's a topic that I don't know that much about or even if I don't care that much about it, to me it's still fascinating to hear about somebody else's curiosity and obsessions. That's why I'm, you piqued my curiosity with what is this insurance thing that's AI before it was called AI or what in the hell's easy mode? What does that mean? You hear

hard mode. Easy mode. What's this all about? So anyway, I, I, I, to me, it's, it's like chasing down what you're curious about is just an interesting way to go through life. I couldn't agree more. It's probably one of the most frustrating parts of dating me. I found that I, you know what I mean? Like these poor women. Are you in a relationship? Yeah, the woman I've been with now, I've been with for almost a year, and it's actually going incredibly well. She's wonderful.

And, you know, but I had been divorced for four years. I mean, dude, like, I was married for 15 years. I never expected to get divorced and, you know, not, details aside, you know, it wasn't like she did anything, I did anything. It was just kind of this thing where like she just didn't want to be with me personally anymore. She had other plans for what she wanted to do. and we're very good at the business of marriage, so no knock on my ex-wife.

We actually, I'm incredibly, as much as she drives me nuts, as all exes do, you know, we get along incredibly well, and she's a wonderful mother to my children. It's all good. That being said, I understand that because I am also incredibly curious, I also have incredibly severe ADHD.

I have to be so difficult to, like, being in a relationship. Because, like, in one second, I'll be talking about, you know, reading about the fact that they just found new chambers underneath the sphinx and oh my God, what does this mean? Is that where the power plant on switch was and blah, you know, and then in the next sentence I'm talking about, you know, some economics thing that I saw because some person who doesn't understand economics is talking about how you can't be a billionaire without cheating your way of getting there. You know what I mean? It's just like this because

all these things just fascinate me. Like the world fascinates me. So when I picked up on that from you, I was like, and just like seeing your stuff and watching a few of your shows, I was like, oh my God, I'm going to love this conversation with this guy. So like, how do you, you said that you weren't always curious, um, or at least it wasn't maybe like a core thing that you had as part of your day to day life. And now it has become that. If someone's listening to this and they're going, man, I wish I, I would like to have, I'd like to be a little more curious day to day.

Do you have any, like how do we cultivate curiosity? Is this, uh, is this a skill we can develop? Is this like a system or a framework we can build a course around and sell to people? Like how do we, how do you get more curiosity in your life? I think of the quote, read what you love until you love to read. But apply that to all things in life, not just about reading. Now, that helps with making you want to be a reader because so, you know, your kids are, what, 12 and 10? So you want them to be readers.

We all want our kids to be readers. And so we're, you know, unlimited budget. on books, library, buy them, whatever. Because I don't care what they're reading. I just want them to love to read because I think it opens up their mind to be more curious and it will create them to read more books. So I think that, take that ethos and kind of apply it to everything. I also think of Barbara Jordan's quote from many years ago, the old Congresswoman from Texas

who said, to be interesting, be interested. And so when you meet somebody, try to learn about their story, learn about where they're from, learn about what they're doing and why they're doing it. It can lead you down so many paths of interesting conversations about other people. You'll see it really benefits you to genuinely care and be into somebody else or be into a specific topic. It could make you more interesting because you are interested in other people as well as other things.

I did have a question for you, though, about what it's like dating you because I've heard this and I wonder if you get this too. Does it, especially for the woman you're with now, did it, did it feel like you were interviewing her or you still interview her at times? I've been told this because if you start asking questions or too many questions, they'll say like, am I in an interview? Like, what's happening here? Do you ever get that?

Yes and no. I have definitely, I'm going to say something that the audience, judge me, don't judge me. If people listen to this show, they understand. where I'm coming from. I have found that left-leaning women do not like to be interviewed, and women on the right will have absolutely no problem with it. And I don't know why. That is a broad stroke from a very small sample set.

However, I have found that I found the, and I don't know if it's a general distrust, distrust of men or whatever, but it's kind of like after a few questions, I start to get that like, well, why are you so interested in me? Like, why are you going so deep? Where, you know, I find with, you know, women who tend to be a little more conservative leaning, it's just a natural conversation about getting to know each other and going deep. And they tend to be more willing to talk about their faith.

They tend to be more willing to talk about their kids. They tend to be more willing to talk about these things. And I'm not saying one is right or one is wrong, but it has absolutely been something that I've found. And maybe that's not a true factor. Maybe that's a causation isn't, or correlation doesn't equal causation for sure. But, and it also could just be that I am in today's standards, very obviously more conservative-minded. And maybe they're just like, I don't want to be with this guy right from the rip. So that could be it too.

I never thought of it that way. Do you think, do you think more people are not on the far ends of the spectrum, though? It feels like more people are kind of like, hey, I believe in this, this and this. but I don't believe in this and this. And then sometimes they're like, wait, where does that put me on this line of the spectrum? You know what I mean? I found it seems like more and more,

when you go out for like a speaking gig and you talked a lot of people and there's some that maybe deemed this or some may be deemed that, but most people are closer towards the middle of things, more independent, what do you say? For sure. And remember, I'm in New York.

You've kind of been programmed here to lean left. And I don't, honestly, I don't care. To me, to me, literally my entire flat, the only reason that I even classify as, and the reason I say more conservative today, because, like, today's standards, I lean conservative. But I don't, like, view myself that way.

Like, I'm an American. Like, literally my values are, you know, my kids, my broader family, my God, my country, my friends. Like, those are the five things that I care about. I literally don't care about the other things. However, one value that I have, that I refuse to set aside is I live in reality. So I cannot, I cannot abide methodologies that have no historical backing for success.

Like, like, I got, one of my buddies always gives me crap because if you follow me on X, I rail, like, to an obnoxious extent against socialism and communism. I just think that this is the cancer of our day. And unfortunately, like, seemingly has to happen since this idea has been brought into existence. We're in a cycle where once again people are starting to believe like this philosophy works. It is killed more human beings than all diseases combined. It's killed more human beings than all wars combined. Like we're talking about hundreds of millions of humans that have died from one single philosophy and with no results. Like there's no country that you can point at and say

they're doing well using this philosophy yet we're supposed to believe that it has merit. So I can't operate. My brain does not, can't hold an ideal that has no backing. And people go, well, you're a Christian, you believe in God. I don't care if you believe in God. And I've had moments in my 45 years in which I have struggled with my connection with God of different things have happened. However, what I have always believed is that the Bible, including the Old Testament,

so Judeo-Christian text, is the guidebook, the number one best self-improve, book that has ever been written. You do not have to believe that there's a God with sandals in a white dress sitting in the clouds looking down on us like pulling the strings to read that book and the lessons inside it and not have your life get better. So take God out of it if you need to. I don't need you to believe in God. I do, but you don't need to. There's no context for our friendship or our relationship that you believe in God. However, you have to respect at least in your relationship with me that I believe it's the best self-improvement book that's ever been written. So that's kind of where my philosophy goes.

I think more, maybe it's based on what's around me, but I think more people believe with both of those things that you just said than I think the overwhelming majority agree with both of those things. If you live in reality, if you actually are curious, if you read, I think the majority of Americans of humans, yeah, they're on board with both of those things. but sometimes the minority of people who at least claim they believe, whatever, if you're talking about socialism, communism, any of that, they're just loud and they get amplified on certain social media platforms or you see them maybe based on where you live

that is like, do people really think this? Like, are they really thinking this? And I feel like the majority do not. But yeah, if you're out in the dating world and maybe you see it on a date, it probably, what do you do? Have you gone on a date with somebody and that comes up? You're like, oh my God,

should we just leave? Or like, what happens? I actually, I went on a couple dates with this woman. Again, this is more than a year and a half ago now because I've been seeing someone for a long time, who is fantastic.

If she's listening, you're fantastic. So we go out. She wants to go hit golf balls, right? She's like, hey, let's go hit golf balls. Let's go. Let's go. Sounds awesome. So we go.

and we start talking and like she makes a comment about our governor, Kathy Hochel. I don't know where it come from. Kathy Hochel. Kathy Hochel is a leftist shill. She's completely vapid. She hasn't had an original thought her entire life.

And I can, you know what I mean? You just see it in the way her she pattern breaks and just chases trends. I mean, literally she will turn on a dime, you know, if their money's there. And now that I have my own opinions on her or anything. but I just said, I just said, well, you know, that's not working. You know, because if you look at the numbers, New York now officially is the number one net loser of both companies and residents of any state.

They've now officially outpaced both, yeah, they've officially outpaced California and Illinois. California was leading to charge. New York has taken over. So New York is losing the most businesses and the most residents of any state in the country. just in the last year, we've lost 900 businesses with 80% of those going to North Carolina, Texas, and Florida. So Corning, which was one of the largest companies in the entire state, just decided to change putting a 4,000 job extension to one of their plants south of Buffalo.

They literally this week just changed to North Carolina. They're going to split it up between North Carolina and Texas because of the business environment in the state. So by that measure, she's not doing a very good job, right? Like, I don't, I mean, I don't know what other measures there are, but if everyone's leaving, it seems like probably not the best job. And so when I brought that stat up, it was like I had bent over and farted right in her face. It was over from that point on. All right. Have a nice day. See you. Yeah, it was kind of like this. We awkwardly finished our bucket of balls and then like it was this very weird like kind of like side shoulder hug thing and then

no no no nothing else after that got you okay i'm just curious i've been in that world in a while so i'm just curious how it goes i know i'm sure they're good days and not as not so good days but it seems like you're good now bro dating is the worst it is the worst i you know i just and and it's the worst for women too i i don't mean that like it's one side it's the worst for everybody Because what doesn't happen anymore is, like, you have somebody that you know that you think is great. And you're like, hey, I got this buddy. You know, he's cool. Like, you guys should meet.

Here's your phone. Like, that doesn't really happen anymore. I mean, it does a little, and I'm sure everyone in the comments will be like, I was referred to my whatever. That really doesn't happen that much anymore. Like, mostly, you have to go on the apps because even if you try to approach a woman, and I get this from them. Like, this is not an, if I was a woman, I would probably be like this too. like out in public, they don't want to be approached. And even if they do, the general stance is very standoffish.

It's very, you know, I'm not here for you to come over and try to hit on me kind of thing, right? Which I also, I completely understand. Like, women should be able to go out, go on their day and not have to constantly be hit on by men. Like, I'm not trying to knock that. So you have to use the apps. Well, the apps are brutal. They're also optimized for you to not meet the perfect person because if you meet the perfect person because if you meet the perfect person, you don't come back, right? So this is, this actually

came out about a year or so ago I saw this. It was right before I met the woman that I'm dating now, so maybe more than a year then, was this, this story that came out that someone found that the algorithms are actually optimizing for people that are slightly off of what they think are a perfect. So it's a good date, but it's not the best date because then you come back again, which is like, oh my God, we can't trust anybody. But yeah, dude, it's just like this awkward. And then you have everybody, especially in your 40s, like everybody's got baggage, you know what I mean?

Like we all do. We all have kids or exes or this thing or this thing happened. And it's just, man, if you found your lifelong person in your 20s, God bless you. You have hit the lotto. Hold on to that person for everything you have. Fight for the relationship if there's even an ounce of love there. because no matter what your buddies tell you

or what social media looks like, the grass is not greener. I feel like I may have gotten lucky in the woman that I'm seeing now, but dude, it was four plus years of like, you know, you go on a couple dates, then it falls apart, then you never hear from the person

or you start to get to know them and all of a sudden you realize they've been, I learned this term called love bombing. I had no idea what this was. And I dated this woman for like six months. And for the first like four months, I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to marry this woman like she's amazing like we get along so great we love the same thing she's into fitness she's

into business like this is awesome and then literally at the four month mark like this switch flipped and all of a sudden i was like who is this person uh a couple of them my i coach baseball and and i she had come to a couple of the baseball games for my son to watch and um which is probably a mistake it's probably a little early but uh and all the moms are like oh yeah she was love bombing you we thought you knew and i'm like how would i know what love bomb you is. So this is where men and women do this, again, not just women, where essentially

you just act like the person is God's gift to the earth, right? Everything is amazing, everything they say is amazing, everything's amazing, but you're not really showing who you are to try to suck them in, and then once you get them on the hook, you start showing them your real personality, hoping at that point

you've got them far enough along the path that they don't leave you. That's some messed up psychological stuff that you gotta do with, dude. Dude, I don't know about that. That sounds wild. That sounds wild. I could do hours on the dating scene.

I mean, I'm here to talk about you. Sorry. Okay. Oh, my God. So let's just say using dating apps is not one of the compounding practices to high performance. Let's just say, let's just say. Got you. Okay, okay.

I've never, yeah, I was before, now I'd never had the opportunity. I guess I'm glad that I dealt. No, dude, be glad, be glad. Yeah, you know, if you're with someone you don't like and it's not working, even though I am a Catholic, I do think divorce is a healthy option in many, in some situations. You know, if you're not running towards it, if you're working at it and it just doesn't work, I think that it can be a very healthy option for everybody. I do think your kids can be fine.

If you do it the right way, if you communicate with them, you know, that kind of stuff. but the grass is the grass isn't necessarily greener it could be but it's not this like you're running around like my buddies would be like oh how come you're not just out there like dating 25 year olds I'm like because I'm 44 and I don't want to date a 25 year old because I have literally nothing to talk to that human about like I want someone who understands the stuff that I'm dealing with you know what I mean like having kids and work and you know aches and pains in your knees when you wake up because you played college sports. You know what I mean?

Like, you know, like, why do I have to take two aspirin? No, it's just, I don't know, it's a wild world. But getting this podcast back on track, most recent book, the price of becoming, right? Like, one, what, I just finishing up our conversation on curiosity, like, where does, where does curiosity fall into high performance? And to me, it feels like a bedrock trait. but like where does it fall, where does curiosity in particular fall in the hierarchy?

And then what are some of the easy, everyone's looking for easy wins. And I like starting with easy wins because they're never actually easy, but what are some of those, where do we fall with curiosity and then take us into some of those places where people can start to,

where high performance can feel accessible, I guess. That's what I'm trying to get to. It's not necessarily easy, but accessibility of high performance. Okay. I love, so the whole idea of this, the idea of compounding comes from Charlie Munger and Warren Buffett. And one of my favorite Charlie Munger quotes, there's lots of them, is this idea of going to bed a little bit wiser than you were when you woke up. And I love prompts. I'm a prompt-driven writer, a prompt-driven thinker. I love Q&A sessions during keynotes, all that stuff. And so one question I think that I think is worth it to ask yourself if you're trying to work this. curiosity muscle at the end of every single day is what specifically did I do today to go to bed a little bit wiser than I was when I woke up and then write down whatever it is that you did

and know that you're going to be asking yourself this question at the end of every day and that you're going to need to write something down and so what I think this does is it works as a forcing function to go out into the world and be curious be curious about people be curious about ideas, be curious about anything. You read a book, you read an article, you talk to a person who's an expert on something, you met with a mentor, you went on a date, like whatever it is, what did I do today to go to bed a little bit wiser than I was when I woke up? And so prompts to me at least really help drive my decision making. They help drive my behavior. And I've seen when you stack day after day after day after day, then it compounds just like money has for Warren Buffett,

who's made the bulk of his money after the age of 60 because of the power of compounding. And so try to implement those portable lessons from those guys when it comes to business and money, but implement that into your actual life. And in this case, we're talking about being more curious. So what's a prompt that you know you're going to ask yourself at the end? end of each day to work as a forcing function so that you go out and actually live it and do it. And that's the one for me. What am I going to do to do to do?

Or what did I do today to go to bed a little bit wiser than I was when I woke up? And then stack days, man, day after day after day. And again, I like your chances for developing that skill, that muscle of being curious, of learning, of being, of improving a little bit. And then the power of compounding takes over as it goes as long as you're consistent for years. And that's part of the part that's not as easy is it takes a long time. And it also takes consistency over the course of a long time. And that is what most people don't want to do because time, we don't have patience.

Or like you said, we have ADHD. Like a lot of us, that's what we, that's very real. And so the power of compounding is super, super powerful, but it does take consistency and it takes time. So it's almost like you're thinking about your mind like a bank account. Like I make a deposit every day. It's a small deposit. It's just one thing that I learned that added a little knowledge to me or a little insight. And the idea is that over time, as we do this every day, maybe some of those ideas start

to stack on top of each other or we see a connection between two ideas that weren't there before. But if we're not doing it every day, right, then then. that value, that capital, right, thinking about a banka, is not there to begin with. So how do you create the consistency? Because, and I'm going to leave you with this, there is this interview with Kobe Bryant that haunts me.

Because I have a very loud internal voice, which I know isn't me, if you read the untethered soul, but it's very loud. And it constantly wants me to negotiate with myself. Yeah, you said you'd do that every day, but come on, man, like, you're a little tired today or, you know, you don't have to read today. You know, just just you read yesterday, you're good. Like, how do we not let that voice talk us out of this thing that we committed to? I think it is a daily fist fight to suffocate excuses. My friend Garen Stokes shares this poem about excuses with me all the time. And one of the opening lines of that poem is any excuse, no matter where it comes from or what it is, softens the character. Thinking of that line kills me.

Any excuse softens the character. We all have excuses. We all make them all the time. But if you make a commitment to yourself that you're going to do something, making an excuse softens the character. and that hurts. And so I think about that. So that's one thing of thinking of excuses as the fact that they're softening your character and I just cannot live with myself of them going to be softening my character every day.

Also, the prompts, you're going to have these prompts that you're going to commit to asking yourself the end of the day. I think it's just imperative to do it, to be consistent to do it. Another thing that could be really helpful, especially for all of us, we all need this, is who are the people in your life who are your truth tellers? the ones who are willing and able to say, Ryan, dude, that's not it, man. Like, we made a commitment to do this. We're going to get up at this time. We're going to do this thing.

We said, we're going to do this. Let's go, dude. You're not doing it. I think we all need teammates. We all need truth tellers. We all need those foxhole people that are willing to tell you the truth and let you know if you're becoming, your ego is getting too big or becoming too full. We need that, especially as your fame is rising.

it's even more important, I think, to have, to maintain awareness because you've seen this with people who've gained fame. It's super easy for them to lose awareness of the world because the truth tellers, they don't let them in their, they kick them out of their life or they aren't intentional about surrounding themselves. So when it comes to making commitments, when it comes to being consistent, to me, it's very helpful that I have the truth tellers who are willing to say, dude, that's not it, man. That's not what we talked about. That's not what you you said your values are. That's not what you said, how you want to live. And it may sting. It may hurt when I get told that information, but they're gold. They are gold. I love those people,

even if in the moment I hate them. I love them, though, longer term, because they're going to make me better. And I try my best to be that for them too. So, yeah, I think it's a combination of making commitments, having end-of-the-day prompts, and then surrounding yourself with truth-tellers who care and love you enough to tell you the truth, especially when you're off track. How do you deal with ego as it relates to a truth teller in your life, giving you feedback that you just simply do not want to hear? Because no matter how open we are, right, sometimes some people say something. And a lot of times it's because you know it's true, right? And your ego just rises up.

And how do you deal with that personally? because if we allow that ego to stay in control, then we don't internalize the feedback that we're getting, that we need, that we've assigned this person as a truth teller in our life. They're giving us what we ask them to give us, and now our ego is fighting that thing. How do you work through the ego in your own life and making sure you're staying aware and open and humble

to accepting what these truth tellers give you? It's hard. With that said, I think it's worth it to ask the question, are they right or is part of what they're saying right? And maybe, and this is a conversation I have my wife when we go on walks every night. If I get some critical feedback from one of those people, even if initially I think they're stupid and they're wrong, and that's mostly my ego talking, I still will say, hey, I got this feedback.

Are they right? Is there a chance that they're right or is there a chance that part of this is correct? And then we talk through that and have conversations about that feedback. The other thing that's really, really important, I think, is I've had a, you've probably had a boss. I don't know if you ever had like a corporate America job, but like I've had corporate America jobs. I did for 12 years. And I'd have a boss that would say, oh, give me all the feedback guys. You know, I want it.

Give it to me. Give it to me. I'm trying to get better. I want to get better. And then the second you give them actual critical feedback that may sting them a little bit, they just blame or they complain or they get super defensive. And what is that leader telling you in that moment? they're telling you, I don't want any feedback.

I can't handle any feedback. And so I think of that as me being in that position now. And if someone gives me feedback, if I immediately get defensive or say, you're wrong, or I explain, oh, you don't understand this part of it. And so you're actually wrong. If I do that, what have I trained that person to do? I've told them, I can't take it. I can't handle this.

I don't actually want feedback. My actions are not following what I told you that I want. And so what is that person going to do? Ryan can't handle it. I'm not going to give him any feedback anymore. That's what they're going to do. And so to me, I'm upset. You know, you're an athletic guy.

You're in sports. Same growing up. Every single repetition as a quarterback when I played was on film and practice, individual one-on-ones, seven-on-seven, team periods. All of that is all on film. Obviously, every game rep is on film. And we are being coached given a plus, minus, double plus, double minus on every single repetition of my life, right?

And so I try to think of that same element of I like being coached. I like getting feedback. I like trying to see that even when it's things. And certainly as a football player and as a quarterback, you take sacks, you throw pick sixes, you have all these bad things. You're going to get coached and it's going to be really, really hard. You're going to be embarrassed in front of all your teammates. It's tough.

But I think that's made me better. And I try to take that same approach to life now off of the field. Um, even though it's things sometimes is, hey, I need it. I want it. And it's really important of how I respond when I get it that I don't send the message to the other person. I can't handle this. I'm not tough enough.

Or I said I wanted it, but I actually don't. My actions are showing that I don't. So I think feedback is a really important as a leader to think about how are you receiving it. And what is, what's the body language, what are the words? What are your actions showing the other person when they have the guts and the love and the care to actually give it to you? Yeah, and for the people who are kind of still coming up, I mean, there is nothing more intoxicating as a leader than someone who's coachable.

When you see someone who's coachable, you literally will almost disregard wherever they are on the spectrum of like current talent, skill experience. If you're like, I can tell this person or give this person guidance and they'll actually execute it, you will over index on that person a hundred times over than the person who comes in with maybe a nice resume and some experience, but doesn't want to listen to what you have to say or thinks they know better. And, you know, that was actually,

it's actually funny in my own business, the insurance agency we were talking about, I found this. I hired a lot of moms with young kids or single moms because in the insurance industry, very traditional. If you can't timestamp in 830 to 430, they don't want you. So these women, we either get marginalized or shoved right out of these agencies,

even though they're incredibly talented. And what I found is when I went pound for pound, these women who had predominantly been just customer service, not sales, I just say just, but they were customer service, not sales. And I put them in sales positions, but they were open to it, right? They wanted to make more money. They wanted that sale versus the producers that I would hire that I had to pay more money for that I had to, you know, extract from some other agency and bring them in.

They would beat them nine out of ten times because the producer coming in thought they knew everything and these women were just like, I want to make more money. This is an opportunity. Whatever you tell me I need to do to make more money, I'll do it. Right. And it's like, so all of a sudden it was like a big joke because the producers tended to be more male. They'd be like, oh, you like the ladies better. And I'm like, I like the ladies better because they're not jackasses who don't listen and just do shit their own way and underperform. Like, they're beating you because they work the system. Right. And it's, so it's like almost like we're We're just so willing to shoot ourselves in the foot because of our own ego,

like our own, you know, I want to walk around like I'm the, you know, I'm the man. And it's like, no one I know who is successful over the long term is closed off to feedback. Nobody. Short term success, 100% possible. Long term success, I have never met one in my life. This is why I loved, again, this may not be the right thing to say. And I'd said it and have issues with HR at times. loved people who played team sports and people from our military because they're getting coached

all the time. People from the military have to work together in some cases it's life or death and they are side by side with teammates and they got to be there for one another. So they're great teammates and they're coachable. They're getting feedback constantly and it's life or death. Team sports, it's not life or death, but they're getting feedback constantly and they need to learn how to work together with others from diverse backgrounds in some cases of people who who are completely different from them and they all find a way. That's why the locker room is so beautiful

because you get these people from all over the world and they come together and with a common goal and they get coached and they get feedback all the time. They get called out in front of each other all the time and they got to be able to handle that

and keep going and keep going. They face adversity all the time and they got to keep going. And so to me, I probably overindexed that in some cases too much but if you play team sports, I don't care, guy, girl, whatever.

If you were serving our country, I'm already going to, you're going to get an interview with me for sure. Then I'm, yeah, I don't know. I have done really well when I've, when I've hired people who did those two things. Yeah, I know that there's been the last like 10, 15 years there's been a big HR movement.

I also don't think HR departments should even exist personally. But that's a conversation for another day. And I mean, no offense to the humans in those positions, but I do think that that department in particular has destroyed and or throttled more companies than any other department in any organization. I couldn't agree more of you, man. Like there is absolutely like, because it's an, it's even in the sport, you know, take out, take out the, the real death possibility of being in the military and maybe just say they're,

you know, never in that type of situation either way. There's still, you have an ego death every day. And that to me is what's important. It's if you have never, and this is, we have an entire, unfortunately, we have a, we have a decently sized segment of multiple generations now that have literally never experienced failure. Even when they've lost, it wasn't a failure. It was a, well, you tried hard, right? Well, you participated.

Well, you were this. Well, you were. And I know that that seems mean, but it's real. And I'll tell you, I see it. And the kids, I coach my son's travel baseball team. I see it every day. there are kids who grow up in households or there are teams of kids from certain towns that no matter what they do, win, lose, or draw, play well, play not, everything's amazing, everything's great.

And I'm not saying we should be like, you know, tearing these kids apart. But the kid needs to experience what failure is like. If you lose the game, you should not get the trophy. You shouldn't, right? Like, you should not get the trophy. You didn't win. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. it doesn't mean that you're not valuable as a human being to the world,

and it doesn't mean you won't win the next tournament. But you did not win this one. And that ego death is so incredibly important, I think, for our evolution into adulthood and into if we ever want to be successful someday, because if you're doing something worth doing, you are going to lose a lot. And you're going to get the crap beat out of you, and people are going to talk crap about you,

and people are going to undercut you and people are going to disappoint you. And none of those things are unnatural. They're just the way the world works. And if you've never experienced loss, you look at, you know, somebody coming to your company and then leaving in three months and you take that as some personal hit

and oh my God and I'm not going to handle that. Or someone says no to you for a big sale or someone doesn't want you to be the speaker at their event and they choose someone else. And now you literally can't handle it. And now you start looking for reasons to blame them. They're a, you know, just insert whatever ist works best for you. And now you have a way of excusing your way out of the fact that you just weren't good enough for that thing.

And it, and that I just, I believe that we need those ego deaths. We need that. It's, it's crucial to our development and our resilience. Completely agree. This is why I love team sports. one of my daughters plays volleyball and I love girls volleyball because they lose all the time

I mean they play sets to 25 and so it's not uncommon to go five sets and think about how many points you've lost if they win the set 25, 23 and maybe they lost two of those sets to go to five sets there is an amazing amount of losing and having to respond immediately from that adversity

of I got blocked or I lost the, I made a mistake, or that girl just crushed it on my head. Like, they have to immediately be ready for the next play. Okay, next play, let's go. Let's go. Like this next play, next point mentality, that's such a portable lesson for life in general. You get the adversity. How do you respond?

And so any ways we can practice that, we can manufacture hardship is so important for all of us, definitely for kids, but for all of us of what are you doing to, we live. love my Miranda my wife and I love to go hiking like it's we're choosing to do something that is we're just in Colorado it's at altitude we don't have these high hikes I'm sitting here sounding like I'm way out of shape because I'm breathing so loud because it's hard but that's the point man that's the point of like choosing these harder things because it it that adversity I think as you call it like gives you those ego deaths of oh my god I'm kind of embarrassed but this is good for me this is good for me to go through this stuff. It's making me better. So, yeah, whatever it is that we're doing for kids,

yourself, finding ways to do the tough thing and then keep fighting through it, I think, is a way to hopefully go to bed again, a little bit better than you were when you woke up. Ryan, dude, I want to be respectful of your time and that of the audience is, before we leave, what would you consider your easy mode, just knowing what you know about the topic now? What would be, what would be that thing for you? Oh my gosh, man. I don't know if I have anything that's... I guess what's become more normal

is to be curious about people. I think about just my youngest daughter's soccer games. You know, I feel like I've gotten to know the parents really, really well, and that's just because I'm interested in them and their stories because we're lucky to have, like, great parents and really good kids and our coach is good.

And so I just kind of show up and, oh, this isn't, we got a new player this year. Okay, let me learn about her mom and her dad. And I don't know. I feel like it's built really fun and nice, enjoyable relationships for me beyond just getting to watch her compete and lose and have to come back and fight back from that, which is great. And so maybe that comes a little bit more natural. People have made comments about that. Maybe behind my back, they make fun of me. I don't know.

But I have, that gets brought up to my wife from time to time. So I think it should become more natural, more normal, is just to try to learn about people and understand them and that builds relationships. And again, that's what life is all about, is really about relationships that you can build every opportunity, everything you do in life comes through people. Let's try to get to know people.

Curiosity is my love language. So to me, it seems to be the theme of our conversation today, but I would say that's something that's become much more normal in, like, default setting without even thinking that that just kind of happens. I love it. book is the price of becoming the compounding practices of high performance. Guys, I highly recommend that you subscribe to the Mindful Mondays newsletter that you have. Phenomenal, I'm a

subscriber. Besides the website, learningleader.com, anywhere else where people should go to check you out, follow along with your journey? I appreciate you, dude. That's mainly at learningleader.com. That's the name of the podcast, Learning Leader Show, and, you know, the price of becoming is the next book so really appreciate you yeah man sharing and and showing up um ready to have a fun conversation today was it was great it was great it was i felt like it was super raw and real and that's not always not always what happens on these things so i really appreciate it man well i appreciate you coming along for the journey my friend uh we're out of here folks thank you're out of here peace