The Ryan Leak Podcast - Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan

Episode Date: January 11, 2023

This season we are interviewing people we think are next-level in light of Ryan's new book called Leveling Up: 12 Questions to Elevate your Personal and Professional Development. Today's guest is Heather Monahan. She is a best-selling author X2, Top 50 Keynote Speaker in the World 2022, Podcast Host of Creating Confidence, TedX speaker, and has most recently been appointed to the Board of Directors of Healthlynked Corp. Having successfully climbed the corporate ladder for nearly 20 years; Heather Monahan is one of the few women to break the glass ceiling and claim her spot in the C-suite. As a Chief Revenue Officer in Media, Heather Monahan is a Glass Ceiling Award winner named one of the most Influential Women in Radio in 2017, and Thrive Global named her a Limit Breaking Female Founder in 2018, and in 2021, Girls Club named her the Thought Leader of the Year. Heather’s book Confidence Creator shot to #1 on Amazon’s Business Biographies, and Business Motivation lists the first week it debuted on Amazon. Forbes named Confidence Creator one of the five must-have books for women in business in 2021.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to followership with Ryan Lake, a podcast design to talk about the other side of leadership. There are so many resources in the world for leaders, but not many resources to help people, well, follow the leaders. So here we are on followership. Hey, to kick off 2023, I am interviewing people that I think are next level. I've written a book called Leveling Up 12 questions to elevate your personal and professional development. And I've been thinking about, man, who are some next level people that I think my audience should learn from? One of those people to kick off here, my very good friend, Heather Monaghan. Heather Monaghan, she runs an organization called Boss in Heald.

She is an author, an entrepreneur, a professional speaker, and confidence expert. So today, that's what we're going to discuss. Today we're going to discuss what it looks like to really have confidence and self-respect. I think this is going to be an episode that is going to add value to your life. Welcome to followership with Ryan Lee, a good friend. Heather, my. I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for having me, Ryan.

Absolutely. Heather, tell the audience a little bit about your journey. how did you end up where you are? The first time I saw you was on Steve Harvey and I went, okay, this person is doing something that most people aren't. So let's back up to kind of how you started your journey in corporate America and then something happened.

Okay, so and what was that shift for you and what was that like? So give us a little bit of a backstory on who you are. Yeah, so I grew up poor in Worcester, Massachusetts, and I started a paper route at age nine, right? So at the time, I felt like, oh, wow, life is, you know, so hard. I've got to hustle and find ways to make money. But what was interesting now that I look back all these years later, you know, I had the paper route, I bused tables, I worked at fast food restaurants, I waitress, I bartended

all before I ever graduated college. I had almost this 18-year run of refining my sales approach, my sales techniques, right? Interfacing with customers, upselling customers. And so by the time I graduated college, I was really skilled in regards to sales and selling people. So I jumped into the wine business and then I moved into the radio business and ultimately kept getting promoted and promoted. I became cheap revenue officer of a publicly traded radio company responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars and thousands of people and really had quote unquote made it. Right. You know, on the outside looking in, people would say that I had made it.

I had the big title and big responsibilities and big paycheck. However, during that time, I really was still, when I looked in the mirror at home, thinking, you know, oh, gosh, I'm a fraud. You know, I hope people don't find out that I grew up poor. You know, I was still walking around with a lot of shame and self-doubt. And ultimately, in fourth quarter, 2017, I was named one of the most influential women in radio. And two weeks later, I was fired. when the CEO I had worked for for 14 years decided to step down and he elevated his daughter to replace him and she fired me immediately.

Wow. So you you climb the mountain, so to speak, or you climb the ladder of success, you get to the top of it, you get fired, and then what? Oh my gosh, it was the worst. And for anyone listening, you know, anyone that's been fired, I'm sure you get it. But just to give a little bit of color to this, I had an 18-month non-compete, non-solicit. And what that means is I had to leave the industry. I had expertise in for 18 months, a year and a half, and I couldn't hire or attract any of the

talent that had been working for me for two decades. So I had to start over somewhere alone as a beginner. Literally, media, I knew inside and out. I was an expert. I knew everybody. Anything I could make, you know, I could just make it happen. and I knew who to call. And suddenly I sat at my home saying,

okay, if I'm not going to be in media anymore, what am I going to go to aviation? Am I going to go into the hotel business? I don't know how to sell, but I don't know where I can take my talents. Maybe it was only good because I was in media. Maybe it was only good because I was in that company, right? So I was just completely bombarded with that self-doubt and panic.

And ultimately, what changed everything for me is I decided, I'm going to put no one was calling me. It was two days after I got fired and no one was calling me and I thought, you know what, this is weird. I'm going to post it. I just got fired. And so I put a post up on social media and it said on all the platforms, but LinkedIn is really the one that, oh my gosh, if you're listening to this, go invest in your personal brand on LinkedIn. It pays that that value will go with you wherever you go. And so I posted on LinkedIn. I've just been fired. If I've ever done anything to help you over the last 14 years, I need to hear from right now. And that post went viral, garnered millions of views, and brought me so many incredible

opportunities, ultimately landing me on the Elvis Duran show. Halfway through that interview, he said it to me, well, Heather, obviously you're writing a book, but I had never thought that I could be an author. And so he spoke this confidence and this conviction into me, and I decided to run with it. And that's how I wrote and self-published my first book, Confidence Creator. Wow. So now, when you travel, speak, consult, do programs, your whole thing is about confidence. I want to, I want our listeners to walk in confidence in 2023. I think your subject expertise on confidence, I really think it might be one of the most important things that somebody really needs.

fact, I think the difference between somebody being superb at what they do and average is simply confidence. It's not even getting a master's degree. It's not even necessarily a people's skill. It's a belief in yourself that you can do bigger things than you have. So whenever you talk about confidence, what are some of the things that you are coaching people to do? Well, I mean, there's a lot of different tactics, techniques, and strategies you can implement. And for everybody, everyone has something a little bit unique and different. I personally was suffering from shame and not addressing that. And that was a huge holdback for me, Ryan.

So for someone like me, you know, you need to shine a light on that shame. It was sort of like getting fired. Some people were saying, that's so embarrassing. You shouldn't share that. And I luckily checked in with the one voice and opinion that will ever count in your life. And that's your own. And I thought to myself, I didn't steal any money. I didn't do anything to harm people.

A lady got promoted and she didn't like me. I'm going to rock that. I'm going to reframe getting fired as in good company. Steve Jobs was fired. Oprah Winfrey's been fired. J.K. Rowling and now Heather Monaghan. So what's up? I'm putting that out there and I'm going to own it.

And when you claim that shame, you take the power away from it. So for me, I had to claim that I grew up poor. I had to start looking at growing up poor as an asset. And what a gift that was instead of something I ran from. And so for me and for anyone listening, if you're feeling shame around something, start claiming that, owning it and put it to work for you and your confidence will soar. What do you think attacks people's confidence the most? I mean, there's so many different things.

Oftentimes people are in relationships, whether it be with a boss at work, a coworker, a significant other, a family member, where someone is very negative to them or condescending or treating them in ways that they don't appreciate, but they're not standing up for themselves. They don't have boundaries. They're not owning their own worth. They're allowing someone else to dictate it to them. And over time, that diminishes people's confidence in such a massive way. I had personal experience working side-by-side with a peer of mine who just would always give me that disparaging look, wouldn't respond to emails, really passive aggressive behavior. But over time, I started believing that I was worth less and she was apparently ahead of me

or on a pedestal sometimes. So taking people off those pedestals, realizing we are all equal, no matter how much money you make, what you look like or what your pedigree in school is, but saying we're all unique and valuable the same way we want our children to be seen. Think of it that way. you know, speak to that younger version of you. And what would you say that person? You are valuable.

You are unequal to everyone else. And I want you to start showing up that way. And then start giving yourself that coaching today and start showing up as that person. Create those boundaries. And when someone disrespects you, let them know, hey, I'm confused. I didn't like how that made me feel. What was your objective in speaking to me in that regard? Start questioning and getting really curious about why people behave certain ways

and watch how you begin to shift everything. So if one of our listeners has a boss that continues to disrespect them, I wish they can see your face right now. If they have a boss that continues to disrespect them, they really don't have options to leave. Because obviously, a lot of people say, it was just leave. Well, not everybody can really just do that very easily, especially when you've been somewhere for a long time.

But if they have an employer that is consistently disrespecting them, what advice would you give them? Well, first of all, I want to say, yes, they can't leave. That whole concept of they've been somewhere too long, that sunk cost fallacy. And what that ultimately means is people trick themselves often to say, I've invested so much, I've been here so long, at this point, it doesn't make sense to make the lead. No. Look at what happens in our society culture and the business atmosphere today. People jump jobs all the time. And what they're doing is their talent stacking.

They're going to different locations, learning different skill sets, being exposed to different people, elevating their ability to jump into new environments. All of those things build confidence. When you step out of the known and step into the unknown, you are reaffirming to yourself that you're going to be okay and that you're going to be able to make. make it. So I really disagree with that idea that, you know, I've been here so long. Because I used to believe it, by the way. I was at that one company 14 years. I thought, I have golden handcuffs. I can never go anywhere. Well, I was speaking that into existence, right? Stop speaking that you can't

make that move. And instead say, how do I want to show up? I want to show up as an incredibly talented person who has a lot of self-respect, does good in the world, and follows her passions and surrounds herself with great people. If you're not finding yourself in that environment, you need to start asking yourself some tough questions. Do you deserve better than this? Heck, yes, you do. Life is really short.

You know, we're really all meant to be here to find joy and love and do the things that light us up. If you're not in an environment that's allowing for that, it's on you to challenge yourself today to make that move and don't settle for what other people tell you you should be settling for. That's awesome. I love one of the words you just used.

self-respect. How is self-respect connected to competence? I see a massive connection. I'm just curious how you see that. Yeah, I totally agree with you. If you're not respecting yourself, why would anybody else? Right? I mean, so you have to think, like, put that mirror up to you. How are you showing up every day? If you're hunched over and you're being very soft-spoken because you don't want to offend anybody, people are going to start passing you by because you're basically saying, I don't want to be noticed. Doesn't mean you have to be the loudest, fiercest person in the room, but start saying, what would I actually say if I knew no one would judge me? Right. Well, let me be my number one champion here and biggest cheerleader. How would I show up

if there was no opportunity to fail and there was no one, you know, taking a look at me and putting me down and then challenge yourself to start showing up as that person. And at first, it's intimidating, it's scary, it's uncomfortable. That means you are on the right path. Right? Because the more you begin respecting yourself, the more other people will treat you. We're always teaching people how to treat us. Start teaching people to treat you like the All-Star that you actually are. When was that turning point for you? When as you, because I 100% agree, you do really have to teach people how to treat you.

That journey can be very interesting, especially as, you know, you've excelled. in your career as you and I have talked offline about even, you know, speaking fees and how you pitch yourself and how some people, for one person, you're cheap. For the other person, you're out of your mind. There's no way we would ever pay that much money for somebody to come speak. It's like, so part of that self-respect is going, well, hey, we're just, I love you, we're just going to have to, you're going to have to find another speaker. You're going to find another coach.

sorry, it is what it is. You know, what was the turning point for you where you really began to walk in that confidence of saying, you know what, I can't do this? For me, it started the day that woman thought she fired me. That day, I actually fired my number one villain. Right? I fired that really negative person

that was always putting me down and trying to sabotage me. I'd spent a decade looking away from it saying, I'll just focus on what I do and let that move to the wayside. What I didn't realize was allowing that negative person's energy around me was blocking all positive opportunity and positive people to come into my life because I wasn't showing up as that best version of myself. So I was lowering my energy.

I was lowering my opportunity by allowing that person in my space. She thought she fired me that day. I actually fired my number one villain. And I will tell you, Ryan, the most incredible things started happening in my life. And I truly believe that was a result of basically putting it out there to the universe, to God, however somebody chooses to see it, that, you know what, I'm worse more. And I've got more potential within me. And I'm finally ready to go see what that looks like and just open yourself up to that opportunity.

That's awesome. If you could speak to the 30-year-old version of yourself, what would you say? don't get married without a pre-up married and had my son and I made a lot of money as an equity partner in my early mid-20s and I lost it all during my divorce you know no I guess what it's really about or what I learned from that is put yourself first I was so afraid other people would judge me that oh she isn't you know she isn't that loving if she's going to ask him to sign a pre-up no I should have I had gotten good advice from business partners right and they had said to me me. You've got to protect your wealth, Heather. And I thought, oh, no, that's not going to look right. And I'm the woman. I need to be loving and caring and trusting. I knew in my heart of hearts that there was something not right, but I wanted it to be right. So I moved forward doing the right thing when I should have been saying, you know what? I should protect myself. There's nothing wrong with protecting myself. And if he has a problem with that, maybe we're not the right fit. I mean,

in the end, I have my son. So it all worked out, you know, and I'm grateful. more than anything that I have my child. But I've learned a lot from those lessons where I didn't put myself first. I didn't listen to myself that you want to dial up that internal voice and act on it in a big way. What I would say to her in addition to the pre-up, which I was kind of kidding, is that, you know, you are so much more than the label you're allowing for yourself. When I was a kid, I was called the social one because I was really good at sports. and then I carried that social one with me into sales because that's the organic, you know, next move.

So of course I'd be good at sales. Sales leadership is that next natural progression. Of course I'll be good at sales leadership, but that's where it stopped. For me, I had that label and to be the social one and the sales one, you can't deviate outside of that. I had to drop that label in order to be willing to write my first book. I had to fire that label and decide, forget these lanes, forget these labels. I'm going to start living lainlessly and just taking my unique talents wherever I want to go and seeing what happens.

And it was so scary to do, but I'm so grateful I did it. I would have never found what I truly believe I'm meant to be doing had I not taken that leap and dropped those labels. That's awesome. I want each and every person to follow, my good friend.

I want you to, where can people connect with you? Heather. Oh my gosh, my show. My podcast, creating confidence. Heather Monaghan, check it out. It's anywhere that you're going to get your podcast. My website's Heather Monaghan.com.

I'm on all social media at Heather Monaghan, and my books are Confidence Creator and Overcome Your Villains. That's awesome. Tell me a little bit more about Overcome Your Villains. So Overcome Your Villains is my second book, which I created with HarperCollins leadership, and it's the three-step process to overcome any adversity that you've, face in business or life. I had a mentor a couple of years ago say to me, the one thing you're missing, Heather, is you haven't distilled down into a simplistic process what it is that you do

to find ways to overcome the challenges you face. And so I pulled out a whiteboard. I wrote down all these different scenarios in my life and I looked for patterns. And what I ended up finding is a proven process in my life is that when I address my beliefs that I'm holding and I drop the belief that, you know, I can't do this or, you know, I challenge the beliefs first and foremost, and then I distill them down to whatever basic truth there is and get rid of the lies that you're holding on to. Then I take immediate action. That's something that I do on the ready. A lot of women don't do that. So take immediate action. That's number two. And then number three, assess the knowledge that you're surrounding yourself with for that encouragement,

whether it be who you follow on social media, what podcast you listen to, what books you read, or what people are in your inner circle. Because if you don't have that positive uplifting knowledge surrounding and supporting you, it's really hard to stay that course and overcome those challenging situations. Heather, that's awesome. Well, my friends, I want you to go buy her books. I want you to go listen to Heather Monaghan's podcast and connect with her on social media. Heather, thank you so much for being on followership with Ryan Leak.

To kick off the year, I've been having people on this, podcast that I think are next level stemming out of my book, leveling up. And I said, man, to kick off the year, I want to have people on here that I think are just crushing it and helping people go to the next level. And I think you are doing that. So kudos to you. And ladies gentlemen, if today's episode added value to your life in any way, shape, or form, feel free to share, subscribe, leave a comment, and we'll see you next time.