The Ryan Leak Podcast - Everybody Needs a Coach w/Jen Porter

Episode Date: September 5, 2022

Everybody needs somebody in their life whom they've given permission to challenge them to go to the next level. Check out this fun conversation Ryan Leak had with executive coach Jen Porter. You can also connect with one of our Executive Coaches at https://www.ryanleak.com/coaching.

Welcome to followership with Ryan Leak, a podcast designed to talk about the other side of leadership. And that is following. A lot of resources out there that are going to teach you leadership. This is a resource that is designed to teach you followership. Over the next course of episodes that we have for you, we are going to be talking about something that I think is incredibly important to being a good follower. and that is executive coaching. That's right. I think every single team member, every single person in an organization

should have somebody in their life that they're giving permission to coach. I remember when I first sat with a nutritionist. He used this line that I'll never forget. I was trying to get healthier and I had some mutual friends said, man, you've got to meet this guy. He's great. He's going to get you in great shape just from either.

well and I remember talking to him about some of the things that I wanted to eat. I said, hey, do you think that I could like eat shrimp pasta? And obviously that was not a great idea at the time. And he said this line to me. He said, Ryan, I'm a coach, not a cop. I'm not going to give you a ticket. I'm just simply going to steer you in a particular direction. I think every single one of us should have somebody in our life that we give permission

to do that, to steer us in a direction. So over the next few episodes, what I'm going to be doing is actually inviting different executive coaches that are actually a part of my team at the Ryan League group. These are coaches that we've partnered with to help organizations and executives all around the country. And so I'm inviting them on so that you can hear a little bit about how they do, what they do, why they do what they do. And then you also can connect with them on my website at Ryan Leap. And there's a coaches section there. So you can check that out. And I think that you should have them coach you if you're in that space.

And if not them, you should have somebody do it. So without any further ado, I'm going to bring on an executive coach, a good friend of mine named Jen Porter. This is a conversation that her and I had around coaching. Go ahead and check this out. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I welcome to follow our shit with Brian. Brian Leak, a podcast designed to equip followers to follow better in the world that we live in in the American workforce. There's a lot of talk about leadership, not that much talk about followership. And ladies and gentlemen, I'm actually launching a whole new coaching platform.

And I am going to be partnering with different executive coaches around the country to help you, to help C-suite executives take their lives, take their careers to the next level. one of the people that we are going to be partnering with is my new friend, Jen Porter, she is the owner of transformative coaching. You could go to Discovertruself.com. I said that right, didn't I? Yes. Yes.

I'm all right. Just making sure. Discovertruthself.com is her website. And we are onboarding a few different coaches. And over the next couple of episodes, we're going to be talking with each executive coach in learning a little bit about how they go about helping people level up in their life, in their career, and just a little bit about their coaching philosophy. I think whether you are a leader, a follower, a team member in your organization,

you should have somebody in your corner that's helping you have a perspective that you don't. And so I think coaching is incredibly important. You think about some of the most successful people in the world, they all have a coach. some of them have a vocal coach some of them have a shooting coach some of them have a golf coach like coaching is so important especially during the times that we live in right now things can be very very tough leadership can be very very lonely you can find yourself very alone in this world at your job so coaching is very very very important so jane thank you so much for taking some time out of your busy schedule to be on followership with ryan league jane say hi to everybody

tell us where you live. Tell us a little bit about your background. Hey, Ryan, hey everybody. Thanks so much. I am thrilled to be here. So I am based in Colorado, and I am a leadership and career coach. So I help people level up in their career and their life, get clarity, and move toward what they really do desire. That's awesome. Well, so how long have you been doing executive coaching and how did you get into it? I have had my own practice for five years. And I got into coaching years before that because as a people leader and as a manager, one of my responsibilities was coaching my staff.

And what I realized, there are three things that kind of came together for me. One is that I had been coached. Okay. So I had received some amazing professional coaching that helped me get clear on my own dreams and desires and goals and strengths and take bold steps that I would not have done if I did not have that coach advocate. The second thing is that coaching was my favorite part of the work that I did in developing my people.

And the third thing is I did a Strengths finder assessment. And one of my top five is developer, which is defined as a natural coach. And so what I realized is I actually think I have something to offer that is unique in this in this specific way. And so I set out to get a certification to become a professional coach and then started my own practice five years ago. That's amazing. So when you were coaching teams, what made a follower easy to coach?

Like when you think about somebody's coachability, somebody that is teachable, somebody that is coachable, what would you say were some things that you saw that you went this? person, they're so easy to coach. I just, there's something about them. What were some of those key characteristics in your experience that made someone easier to coach? Absolutely. And there are characteristics.

I'll simplify it and use Patrick Wonsiani's phrase. Yeah. Hungry, humble, and smart. Yeah. So he talks about the ideal team player. and they have to be humble. They have to have the drive and be hungry and they have to be smart.

And that makes an ideal team player and it's the same characteristics that makes somebody successful in a coaching relationship. They want to get better. They're humble enough to know that and that they need some help and they're smart enough to pick up

and try some new things. Oh, that's cool. Patrick Lentioni. He's brilliant. If you don't know who Patrick Lentzioni is, look up really. There's really no book of his that you could pick up and be disappointed. I mean, he's just brilliant.

You mentioned earlier, one of the reasons you got into coaching was because you have been coached. Yeah. What would you say was a piece of advice or perspective you received from a coach in your life that changed your life, that changed your career? Yeah. I mean, there is so much that had to be untangled through. the coaching work that we did, what I found

is that there were things that I believed about myself that weren't true. And a lot of those beliefs, I could call them lies, were holding me back because I didn't see myself clearly. And I, because of that,

I had put myself in a little bubble, you know, my little comfort zone. And I was unwilling to move beyond that without a little bit of nudging. And without without some support to try some new things and take some bold steps. So part of the work for me was separating the expectations of everyone else around me and my own identity.

Who am I as a unique individual? And digging deep to really unearth, what are the dreams that are in me? That, you know, if I don't take some steps, they're never going to happen. and so being honest with myself about what those were, and that was very vulnerable. To name my dreams is not something that I did every day. And so I really had to find the courage to name them and then decide, now that I see these,

what am I going to do about it? So, you know, my career changed as a result. You know, I went in a completely different direction. I never thought about being a business owner and started my own practice. I, you know, one of the things that took a lot of courage was to get some time off work and do the Camino de Santiago. So go for five weeks to Spain and hike by myself across the northern part of Spain on the trail. And just things like that that made me feel so alive.

And I'm so grateful that I took the leap to do those things because they were important for my journey. Yeah. No, that's awesome. if somebody is looking for a coach, what are some characteristics that they should be looking for in a coach? One of the ones that I think about is like empathy. Like just talking to you, I just sense of like a high level of empathy.

What would you say are some other characteristics? Like if someone's, you know, interviewing a coach, trying to figure out if it's going to be a good fit for them, what should they be looking for? When you first asked the question, empathy was the first thing that came to my mind too. Yeah. Because people need to be heard and validated.

And the biggest work that a coach has to do is clear their own stuff. Mm. Okay. So a coach needs to be so grounded in their own self. Yep. That they are unfazed by whatever you have to bring. Yeah. Okay.

Because it's not about me at all. In the coaching relationship, it's, it's incredible. incredibly unique. Yeah. Because every other relationship in life just about is a give and take, tip for tab. Okay? Coaching is completely different. It's all about you.

Yeah. So I have to be grounded and resolved in however I can get there before I step into a session, right? So that I can be 100% focused on you. The other thing I think you look for is somebody who has strong emotional and intelligence, right? They know how to read people. They know how to listen at the deepest levels. Yeah. So what the person's saying, not just the content, but underneath that content. What energy is this person bringing? Right. And getting really curious. Curiosity is one of the most important aspects, because it has to be a judgment-free zone for people to truly feel safe. I think it needs to be not only a safe

space, but a bold space. Right. A space. You need somebody that's going to challenge you in a way that is strategic. Yeah. Not just push you and push you, but understand what motivates you and help you access new tools to take new brave steps. Because it's really challenging to do that.

For most people, it's challenging to do that on our own. Yeah. You know, I'm curious. Let's just say there's somebody that's listening to this and they've got to thought, I can't afford an executive coach or maybe their company doesn't value it. What would be your advice to them?

My first question would be, what do you really want? Okay? I would encourage that person to get really clear on their desires. What do you want? Right. And then get clear on what's truly standing

in your way. Okay? Because I think it's really easy for us to fall into a mindset of whack. Right? So when you say, I can't afford this, you can't afford what? You can't afford money, time. You can't afford to be vulnerable. Wow.

Okay. So what is it truly that we're working with? Yeah. Now, money is obviously an issue, right? It's a consideration for most of the planet. but it's amazing what we will find a way to afford if we really want it. A lot of that's material stuff, right? We want the car, we want the house, we want something.

And so we find a way. Right. Isn't that interesting? We find a way for what we want. So until you're clear about where you want to be in the next five or ten years, then you start to be able to make some decisions about okay what do I need to focus on and potentially sacrifice to get what I really do want

now if let's go back to the practicalities of that there are a lot of free resources right almost everywhere that I've worked in my career I asked for a mentor I asked for a high level leader who had something I didn't Yeah. And I asked, you know, I sort of scoped out the landscape and then said, okay, I know who I want to mentor me.

And I'm going to find a way to get that person and ask the question, will you be willing to mentor me? Yeah. I mean, but there are resources, right? There are people who are willing to give of what they have to help you be successful. Yeah, because my, what I was thinking as you were, as you were talking is there's a lot of my clients that, are using the phrase, hey, we want to develop a coaching culture internally. So what they're trying to do is to train their leaders to be better coaches. But we're talking about the other end of that right now.

What do you think would, if somebody's a team member, they have a direct report, let's say they're getting ready to do a one-on-one review, it's coming up. what's something that that team member can be doing to help their leader be a better coach? If you think about what often goes with coaching is the player. So what can the player do to help the coach be a better coach in that scenario? With questions, should they like what something practical that people can do that maybe don't have an official executive coach,

but they have a coaching relationship with their director, their manager, their VP. Creating a coaching culture is incredibly important. It's not easy. And if you have a leader who wants to invest in you, They don't necessarily have all the questions to ask to help understand what you really need. So to answer your question, being really aware of your own needs, okay? What is it that you're lacking? What do you need in order to get to the next level?

The next level could be the success of that project, right? It doesn't have to be a promotion, but what do you need in order to perform your role exceptionally well? what do you want by way of a career path and being clear yourself, then helping your leader understand how they can help you get there. So that leader may feel under-resourced to be able to help.

So they may not even be asking the question because they don't feel like they can do anything about it anyway. So you have to have some things that are monetarily of value that you can ask for, and those that are not. Okay? So what matters to you and then asking your manager to help you with that?

So it could be mentorship, it could be professional development, it could be a course, it could be some sort of training that's going to make you better, it could be leadership development so that you can step into a higher level role in the future and be able to manage people even better than they are.

You know, it's, what do you want? And then figuring out how to go, after it and letting that person know what it is that you need. Now, you may ask for five things and get two. So don't come with just one thing. And that person may say, I'd love to do it for you, but I can't. Okay, here's a list. Let's figure out of these what is possible,

because I guarantee there's something that they can do to help. Thinking about a player-coach relationship, okay, a team player-coach relationship, there are moments when you feel like your leader or your coach isn't very good. In your practice, you do a lot with this idea of career elevation. How much of someone's career elevation is in the hands of their employer versus their own, can someone control their own destiny? What's the percentage?

Like how much is the elevation of my career? How much does that hinge on who's leading me and who's coaching me? Yeah, great question. There's so many ways to talk about that. The first thing that comes to mind is the person that's leading you at this moment is not going to be leading you forever. In most cases. That's a temporary relationship.

Your life is yours. Yeah. Okay? So you're leading your life. Your career is a part of that. That's right. So what do you have control over? Yeah.

You actually have control over a whole lot. Now, how to sustain that relationship is a different story? Because there's a period of time where that relationship exists. And if you're not getting what you need from that, then the question is, I would coach someone toward their purpose. Yeah. Okay. What is your purpose?

How is this serving you in this time? What are you getting out of this? What is there to gain? Mm. Okay. And how might this help you get to where you really want to be? Because if you can attach the struggle to the purpose, it can help you sustain through those hard periods of time where you can't actually make a change yet. Mm.

So do you see you connect the struggle to the purpose, okay, in order to sustain the hard stuff? And then I do a lot of work helping people create new options for themselves. What are your choices? Okay. Because clarity comes when you can name, like, why am I here? Why would I stay? Here are all the benefits of saying, why would I leave? What are the risks?

Okay, what are the rewards that are potential? So really evaluating, where are you going? Yeah. Okay, what is your purpose and how do we help you get there? Because you're not always going to have somebody that's advocating for you right above you. So you have to learn how to advocate for yourself. Last question. Okay.

Here's what I'm sensing. I don't have data on. I don't have 70% of the workforce feels this way. But this is just what I sense in the organizations that I work with. I sense a tug of war between being my true self, being my authentic self and working here. And they feel like I can't work here and be my true self. They almost feel like they have to choose.

and sometimes true self means truly unemployed. And so how do you help people wrestle with that tension? I didn't say solve it because I don't know if it's a solvable problem. It might be a tension to manage. As Andy Stanley always says, he says some things are tensions to manage, not problems. So, but I'm wondering how you address that tension for people. It is a tension. And I think it will always exist for us as humans on some level forever.

Because we're never going to have perfect alignment between our values and the relationship that we're in or the organization that we're part of. It's just not going to happen in this life. And so what I have found is that when we get clear on our values and conviction, and we can line those up as much as possible with what we're doing in our life, in our relationships and in our work, but more fulfilling it will be. We cannot be fulfilled if our values are in conflict every single day with the relationships that we're in or the organization that we're with.

So my recommendation for folks is to get really clear on what it is that you care about most. and then as much as possible, fill your life and fill your work with those things. Now, that doesn't mean that you have to make a change. Necessarily, sometimes it becomes so clear, you're like, this is unsustainable, this doesn't even make sense for me. Why am I doing this? And they may exit and they create a plan for that exit, right?

You don't just exit. I mean, most people want to create a plan. an exit strategy. But there are ways to on a daily basis shift the way you show up, the way you work with people, the way you communicate, the way you listen, all of those things so that you can express your own values in your world in all those ways, even if they're not being matched. Yeah. No, that's really good.

That's really good. Well, Jen, thank you so much once again for taking some time to answer some questions about coaching. I think it's going to be good to see people get more connected with you and in our overall platform that we're launching right now. So once again, thank you so much for your time. Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you so much.