The Ryan Leak Podcast - Feedback is Data, Not a Verdict

Episode Date: August 31, 2026

Someone says “your presentation could’ve been stronger” and your brain hears “you’re a failure.” Someone says “I think you could listen more” and your brain hears “you’re a bad spouse.” We don’t process feedback as information. We process it as judgment. And because it feels like a verdict, we defend ourselves against the very thing that could make us better. Ryan unpacks why defensiveness, not feedback, is the real enemy of growth.In this episode, Ryan talks about treating criticism as data instead of a death sentence. Not all feedback is accurate. Some of it is projection. Some of it is jealousy. But some of it is gold. And if you reject all of it because some of it stings, you’ll miss the insights that could’ve changed your trajectory.

What's going on, my friends? Welcome back to the Ryan League podcast where we love to keep things short and sweet for you each and every week. Today's episode is entitled Feedback is Data, not a verdict. Feedback is data, not a verdict. I want to talk to you today about the way that we think about feedback, because I think what is often happening when any of us get feedback is we're hearing something that's actually not true. When someone gives us feedback, our brain doesn't process it as information. It actually processes it as judgment.

So someone says your presentation could have been stronger, and your brain's going to hear you're a failure. Someone says, I think you could listen more. And your brain hears, you're a bad spouse. Someone says, hey, this project missed the mark. And your brain hears, you're not good enough. Feedback isn't a verdict. It's data.

And there's a massive difference. A verdict is final. Data is useful. A verdict has the ability. to shut you down, but I believe the data has the ability to open you up. A verdict says you're done. The data says you've got room to grow. The problem can surface when we begin to treat every piece of feedback like a courtroom ruling. Guilty. Case closed. But that's not what's happening. What's happening is someone is handing you a piece of information that can help you grow that can make you better.

And instead of receiving it, you and I could fall for the trap of defending ourselves against it. In fact, there's a thing I catch myself doing all the time, especially right before a hard conversation. And it's where I write my rebuttal before I've heard their critique. Yeah, like, I call it being pre-defensive. It's like, you know, on the drive over, I have already decided what they're probably going to say, and then I quietly built the case for why it isn't fair. And by the time I sit down, I'm not even listening.

I'm waiting. Yeah, that's pre-defending. And it's sneaky because it feels like preparation. It feels responsible. But preparation is getting ready to hear something. Pre-defending is getting ready to not hear it. And the tell is always the same. I've got this phrase like that I've always, you know,

kind of got in my back pocket, back in my mind. Well, to be fair. Well, did you know? And it's like it's like preloaded before anyone has even, said a word. And here's what's interesting about getting defensive. We don't get to decide if we're being defensive. The people we're defending ourselves against get to decide if we're being defensive. It's not a self-diagnosis. It's a verdict handed down by the room. Like, I can be fully convinced. I'm just clarifying, just adding context, just making sure they've got all the facts while the person

across from me stopped talking three sentences ago and quietly decided never to bring this up with me again. That's the actual cost. Not the argument. The feedback you don't get offered a second time, when someone is handing you data and you get defensive, I promise you, you're not going to get a second opportunity. Now, the good news is, this one is fixable fast. Yeah. Before you explain yourself, ask one more question. Hey, say more about that. Hey, I really, I really would love clarity on that. Not, not, hey, have you thought about this from my angle? Hey, could it be that? No, no, no, no. You're going, you know, I want to, and you can be honest. Hey, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's difficult to hear, but I don't want to not hear it. Hey, could you say more about that? Hey, like,

how long has the team been feeling that way? You know, it seems like my actions aren't congruent with what's in my heart. And for that, I'm really sorry. Hey, can you tell me more about that? You see, there's this, this interesting pendulum whenever we're getting feedback. We can either go, well, why don't I just quit? Like the extremes. Hey, well, I'm a failure. I'm not good enough. You know, I'm a terrible dad. You know, you just go to this extreme or the other extreme is, let me tell you why you're wrong. Extremely defensive. What I think is a, is a, is a sweet spot in the middle, is being able to go, hey, I hear you. And I don't want to not hear you in the midst of like trying to be defensive but i do i would really like more understanding and so hey i'm

going to open up a notebook right now i'm going to open up my iPad i'm going to pull up my phone and here's what i'm going to do i'm going to take notes because i regardless if i think i need to improve in this area clearly other people do so right now isn't about my argument or me being right let me just take some notes hey so i i haven't been clear in communication, hey, do you mind giving me a few examples of where I thought I was crystal clear, but hey, apparently I wasn't. So I just, I just want to grow. There's a difference between a growth posture and in a defensive posture. Now, in my space, this is, it's constant. I do, you know, a lot of events, what not speaking around the country.

And what I do is I actually send my entire PowerPoint presentation with notes to every single client ahead of the event. And numerous times I've gotten emails back from the CEO or the event planner that simply said, these missed the mark. These missed the mark. Now, I could easily, easily go, well, how many events do y'all do a year, huh? Huh? I mean, like, trust me, I got this.

You don't know. I mean, there's so many places you can go. Or you could just go, hey, I'm sorry, I missed the mark. Hey, hey, can we hop on a call? Like, I don't want to go back and forth on email on this. I'd love for you to hear my heart and talk it through. I can't tell you how many emails felt aggressive because I inferred a tone that wasn't actually that tone

and vice versa, where they were getting a tone from me via email where it was on the phone. Hey, hey, can I explain this slide? Can I explain what I meant by this note? can I, hey, live when I talk it through, it'll make sense. And at the end of the event, they're like, oh my gosh, this was amazing. I totally understand it now. But on the front end, without lights, camera, and action, it's very, very difficult to see.

And so why am I getting upset with them for not seeing the vision from my glorious slide deck? It's like, no, it's like, it's data. It's not a final verdict. I could get that email and go, I'm a terrible speaker. I don't even know why they book me. It's like, no, no, no. The feedback can be so helpful for us.

And so one of the things that I think is a feedback hack is getting feedback on the feedback. So here's the way to do it. Because you want to be able to process. feedback in private with a trusted voice. Someone that you can call and say, hey, I've got some feedback. And I actually don't need encouragement right now. Right now I need honesty. Is there any truth in this? And I'm putting my defenses down. And if they say yes, ask for a specific example. When have you seen that in me? Because that keeps it concrete.

You know, and then you can ask, hey, what's one small thing I can adjust? And now what you have is a next step, not just a wound. Scripture actually says, wounds from a friend can be trusted. Do you have a friend that you can process feedback with? Do you have a friend that you can get feedback on the feedback? They're saying, hey, I know we're buddies, but I don't need a buddy right now. I need a real friend. And if they say no, great.

Then you can let it go without setting up camp in the neighborhood of negativity. You know, this feedback can stop living rent free in your head for the next couple of weeks, you know? Because at the end of the day, not all feedback is accurate. Some of it is projection. Some of it is jealousy. Some of it is from people who don't know you all enough to have a credible opinion. but some of it is gold. Some of it is very true.

And if you reject all of it because some of it stings, you'll miss the insights that could have changed your trajectory. So my friend, feedback is not the enemy. But defensiveness is most certainly the enemy of your personal growth. So the next time someone gives you feedback before you explain justify or defend, just pause. Take a deep breath. And ask yourself, is there some data in here that can be useful for my growth? Because the people who grow the fastest aren't the ones who avoid feedback. They're the ones who've learned to mine it for gold. My friend, thank you so much

for listening to the Ryan League podcast. If today's episode inspires you and ask that you don't keep it to yourself, share it with a friend. And hey, it would mean the world to me if you take a moment to rate review and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Until next time, thanks for being a part of the journey. I think that's it. Thanks for being a part of the journey. And I'll see you next time.

Now you get it. Love you guys.