The Ryan Leak Podcast - How To Have A Healthy Relationship with Social Media with Giselle Ugarte

Episode Date: February 20, 2023

This season we are interviewing people we think are next-level in light of Ryan's new book called Leveling Up: 12 Questions to Elevate your Personal and Professional Development. Today's guest is social media expert and speaker, Giselle Ugarte. In this episode, we explore the topic of maintaining a healthy relationship with social media. We delve into the importance of being mindful of the amount of time spent on these platforms and how it can impact our daily lives. We also discuss the significance of being selective about who we follow and who we unfollow, and how this can affect our overall well-being and mental health. Join us as we offer practical tips and insights on how to cultivate a positive and balanced relationship with social media.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to followership with Ryan Leak, podcast design, to talk to you about the other side of leadership. So many resources exist to help leaders. This is one of very few resources to help followers. If you're on a team, if you've just joined an organization, this is a resource that's going to help you take things to another level. Here's what I've been doing over the past a couple of episodes. I've been bringing on people that I think are next level at something. I just came out with a book, leveling up, 12 questions to elevate your personal and professional development.

And I'm all about helping others get to the next level. And I'm always looking for and sort of a student of other people that I think are next level. I was just at a speakers conference. I knew nobody there. They just put me at a table where I just met all sorts of interesting. human beings. And one of those is one of my brand new friends, Giselle Ugardi. Okay. Giselle Ugardi was sitting at the table, and we all kind of had to go around and share a problem that we solved. And when she

told the table the problem that she saw, I said, number one, this girl's a rock star. Number two, she is solving such a big problem. And here's the line, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, here's the line. And we're going to talk about this. She said, I help people have a healthy relationship with social media. And I just, I just, I just, I just took a step back. Okay, I took a step back because I thought, that's it.

Like, that's the line because so many people find themselves on one polarized side of social media or another. Either it's a, I think it's dumb, I'm all out, or it's, this is my lifeline. I'm all, and everybody needs to be on, and I'm just going, and I didn't have the verbiage, but I got the verbiage now. I got the verbiage now because of Giselle, okay?

So it's about having a healthy relationship with social media. So, Giselle, first off, thank you so much for taking time. out of your very busy schedule to be on following with Ryan Lee. I think a lot of businesses, I think a lot of teams, a lot of organizations, a lot of people don't have a healthy relationship with social media. So I think this is going to be one of the most listened to podcasts we've ever recorded. Because I think it's that, I think it's that big of a problem.

So also, a couple days ago, you just launched a brand new agency. And so before we jump into talking about my book or talking about social media, I want you to just tell our audience a little bit more about yourself. Tell us everything that you do, how you kind of got into the social media space. And then I have more questions than we have time. So welcome to followership with Ryan Lee. Thank you so much. Tell us a little bit more about you.

Well, you know, here's the thing. I'm not going to give you the whole life story, but I'll give you some of the bullets. And the big one is that I've been creating online video content for more than 10 years. Like 10 years. Think about that. That's probably longer than a lot of you have had. Instagram. TikTok definitely did not exist.

But that's how long I have been studying and adapting to social media and different ways that people are consuming content. And what's so wild is that the advice that I was giving for growth, for connection, for establishing audiences, communities. the advice that I was giving 10 years ago, a lot of it is still exactly what I'm telling people today, where it can get really easy to get caught up in the algorithm and the trends and the addiction and the toxicity. So that's one piece. But now fast forward, so it's been more than 10 years,

I recently launched a bureau called the talent brokerage. And this particular brokerage bureau, it doesn't matter what industry you're in. This is why it's important for you to understand it. So we focus on real estate professionals who are being sought after for speaking engagements and for brand partnerships. Now, this is what it has to do with you. The reality is that we have established this culture of like the professional influencer, right?

Like influencer, even that word probably makes you cringe and you're like, oh, God, you know? But the reality is I believe the future we're going to be seeing a lot more influencers who are professionals, lawyers. doctors, real estate agents, even followership people, humans, nine to fiveers. Why? Because 10 years ago, if you were going to be seen in the mainstream or get an opportunity to have a microphone at all, you needed to have a reality show or go to a casting call. You know, YouTube was still something that I had to explain to people what it was. I had to tell people how to pronounce the word B-L-O-G because they didn't know what a blog was and everyone in their mom did not have one yet. Influencer was not a job title. But now everybody has a phone and on that phone you have a camera.

And through that camera, you have this lifeline to so many of these different social media platforms where it doesn't matter how many followers you have. If people are watching and engaging and sharing, you have a message and a story to tell. And that visibility can be so important. And perhaps maybe you're listening to this right now and going, yeah, we do need to have more people who don't shame you for not being an entrepreneur or leaving your 9 to 5 or thinking that you need to make a billion dollars to really truly love and value what it is that you do. But again, back to that thing, you know, the reality is that everybody has influence. You know, everybody has influence. It doesn't matter if a brand is paying you or if you're taking selfies everywhere. Everybody has influence.

Maybe it's influence with your siblings or your friends or in your office or in your church or your customers or for the people that you work for. And it's just a matter of deciding what are you going to do with that? And what we decided to do was leverage the fact that here are these awesome professionals who are great at their jobs, but now all of a sudden, because they originally used content as a form of creating their businesses, they're realizing, wait a minute, people really appreciate my perspective, my story. They appreciate the fact that I'm older or younger or darker or darker or lighter or I have more, you know, just different. You all of us and have that face to the

name that they didn't have before and the opportunity. And now people want to hear my story and on stages, and now we're helping them to facilitate that at a new stream of revenue in the process, but it just goes to show that anyone can have an influence. And you can see that as a bad thing. Awesome. What, you know, if you take nothing else, and we talk about that healthy relationship with social media, I think about social media like a box of matches, you know, like someone gives you a box of matches. And you think about when you're teaching your kids or when you were a kid and you were learning about what fire was, you know, like I feel like, I feel like, Like, did you ever do that thing, Ryan, where mama said not to touch the stove and you touched it anyway? You know, like, you knew it was hot.

You know, and you were like, hold on. I just want to. I know you said not to touch it. I know you said it was hot, but like, I need to. Or maybe you put your whole hand in there. Or you know, you have to get burned to know what it is. So I like to say that, like, social media is like a box of matches. And you can use that match to potentially, you know, light a stove or a barbecue.

Or maybe you put some logs. together. You have a bonfire. You bring people together. It makes you warm. You put spores on it. You make food. It can do so many wonderful things. It can light you up. It can bring light to a room if the power goes out. Or you can put gasoline all over a car or a house. You can put it in a dumpster. You can burn that sucker to the ground. You can add the paper and the wood and the trees and whatever. And you can burn it. Like you could even hurt yourself and you could hurt other. people. And we're social media, I think we give it a little too much credit sometimes. Oh, it's this toxic place. Oh, it's this, it's really not. It's a tool. And it's up to you to decide how you use

that tool and also admit that the way that your children and the people around you are consuming is a direct reflection of the way that you are demonstrating that example. So if you have an unhealthy relationship with it, it doesn't matter how much you censor your kids from every single platform. If you don't have a healthy relationship with what you look like, with what you sound like, with what you're posting, with what you're, you know, commenting, chances are they're going to also reflect that as well. And it goes far beyond just, it's Facebook's fault. It's TikTok's fault. Every platform right now, like, sit in, like, come back. If you took a moment to like think for a second, like, oh, what's my family doing?

Pick them. Okay. Every single platform right now is based off of what's called recommendation algorithm. What does that mean? That means that what you're seeing is not just based upon who you follow, although part of it is, but a lot of it is based off of recommendation from what you yourself are consuming. So if your feed looks like a dumpster fire, it is because you have been playing with dumpster fires or setting dumpster fires, even if you aren't actively liking or commenting on the dumpster fires, Facebook sees that you like the heat and you spend a lot of time on Karen's Facebook page and creeping on your ex-boyfriend's page and looking at, you know, those, you know, whatever it is. And it's going to give you more of that.

Whatever you, even if you're, again, even if you're not publicly acknowledging it, the most valuable metric right now is watch time. And I like to joke, you know, for my haters, especially. Or if you see people who you're like, man, I don't like that person at all. Like, what do you mean? I don't like that person. Why do I keep seeing them? Well, babe, you might be a confused admirer. And what's happening is that TikTok or Facebook or Instagram are going, Are you sure, are you sure you don't like this person because you don't follow them, but you keep on going to their profile? So we're going to keep on showing you them and their friends and their mom and their cousins

and their favorite musician and their favorite band. And no, it's not a sign. This is you, babe. This is you feeding it to yourself. And you keep on going to the refrigerator and indulging at all hours of the day. And no wonder you feel sick all the time. Should we just cut it there? Can we just drop it there? Is that the end of that episode?

No. No, that is like... I'll go out my soapbox now. Woo! You didn't know we were going to social media church, Ryan. You didn't know social media church. No, we did. We're there. We're there. Oh, we are there. Without question. No, without question.

I guess I wonder, let's talk about both ends of the social media spectrum. Let's look at an unhealthy character trait or an unhealthy symptom, if you will, when you can tell that you have an unhealthy relationship with social media. And I think the one trap that a lot of people fall for is just the comparison. They're all there. And whether they're comparing themselves to a friend or a stranger or an unrealistic image of what they're supposed to look like, it's amazing the emotional swing a person can go from in two swipes. You could go, oh my gosh, what a cute photo, nice birthday party on my best friend, life.

Next, you know, next swipe is somebody playing basketball. They're doing the 360. I can't do it 360. And then it's Duane Johnson. Like, I don't look like Duane Johnson. Before you know it, I went from just being like, man, I'm just so happy. having, you know, my best friend son just turned eight. This is so cute to like, oh, what's wrong with you? You know, you need to go to the gym. And so, so what would be your advice to people

that consistently fall for the comparison trap on social media, whether that be LinkedIn, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, it doesn't really matter the platform. I think the trap remains the same. Absolutely. And that's what I really want you to take. take from this conversation is this isn't me shaming you for not having a good relationship with social media. Like I've had an unhealthy relationship with it as well. I sometimes have to catch myself in some of those traps. So my hope is that what you can take from this conversation is a toolbox or a new outlook on this match set of where you can start creating warmth rather than some of those toxic habits. So I want you to know that as we're going into this next part of

this conversation. So when you go into that trap of comparison, well, first of all, again, going back to that comment I made about giving social media too much credit, it doesn't only exist on social media. You know, comparison exists in our real lives. And you can say, oh, social media is fake. Yeah, a lot of people are fake too. But also, even when you meet people in real life, you're not seeing the whole side of the story. I have had both the worst day and the best day on the same day. And I have shown up and my hair looks great and my big hoop energy is on. But maybe I had a panic attack that morning or maybe I cried or I got the worst news

ever. Like you don't know. Is that me being fake or is that me surviving? Who knows? And are there some people in life who are fake and are there some people on social media fake? Absolutely. But let's talk about what you can do besides just reminding yourself of just the human aspect of connection.

But a couple of things. So when you get trapped in that place of comparison, I'm going to give you a few tools and you can decide which one works the best. So number one, if you are finding that you see someone on your feet and for whatever reason in any way, they are making you feel bad about yourself, I even tell that to my people, to my followers, listen, I want to put out positivity, but if for any reason you are in a season where my content, for some reason, is making you feel less than, then I encourage you to mute me, to unfollow me. I hope you don't need to block me, but if you find yourself continuously going back to my profile for whatever reason and in a very toxic way, you go right ahead, boo-boo.

Like you do what you need to do. And I know that some people get scared to unfollow, especially people who they know in real life and they don't have that type of skin to be able to handle it or handle the backlash that could happen. So then go ahead, babe, just mute. Just mute their stories, mute their posts, And hopefully that will at least, you know, simmer the heat slightly so that they're not constantly being served that reminder on that day when you were hoping to just see the butterflies and rainbows and the puppies.

The other thing you can do is a mindset shift. So this doesn't always apply to everyone. But when you're finding yourself in a place of comparison, I want you to instead consider that person as a human of positive. So maybe that actually shows your potential. For example, you and I are both speakers. And I could very well look at your page and go, oh my God, he has this podcast. He's written this book.

He's getting like 400 inquiries a year. He has this little happy family. You know, he has this cool jacket and style and whatever. Or I could go, damn, that's awesome. This person who looks like this and sounds like this and talks like this is getting all of these opportunities, that means that I can get them too. Like rather than looking at it as a competition,

I can go, you know what? Like that's my gold star. That's my North Star. Or I can even take it a step further where a lot of my best friends who I talk to every day, like we're in a mastermind group where we're talking about wealth and mindset,

it started out because I saw their content on my TikTok feed and I was going, she's so much prettier than I am. Or like, he's so much tighter when it comes to his transitions. And, oh, he has so many more followers. And I forced myself to send them a message and say, hey, and it was a, you mentioned petty prayers at church over the weekend, which was so good, where sometimes you start out with the petty prayer of like, man, you know, dear God, I just prayed that like she wasn't so rude all the time and like, I just, you know, whatever.

And so I forced myself to send the messages saying, hey, you're doing a really great job. I really like your content. Is there anything I can do to support you right now? Just like forced it out. And now they have turned into my friends who it's really hard not to like your friends. It's really hard not to like someone when you get to know the human version and not just the two-dimensional version. And now these are people who I can lean on for support because we have similar dreams and aspirations.

Again, this doesn't work for everyone, but sometimes it is that North Star or like creating that circle. And then the last point, I could give you like 10, but I'm just going to give you three. So the last one is if you're getting caught in that comparison trap, I want you to make an effort and I want you to go follow, I want to go follow like five to 10 new people. And depending upon the season that you're in, it's possible that half of those people should be people who are exactly where you are at. at in your life. Maybe they look like you or they talk like you or they love like you or they vote like you or they work like you. And then maybe go find some people who their life looks totally different, like could not be more different, whether they are more wealthy or more powerful. Maybe they're more grounded. Maybe you are an organized person. Maybe you need to follow someone who's a

little messy. Because what I have found is that social media, get this, social media actually helped me out of my real-life comparison trap. Let me say that again, social media helped me out of my real-life comparison trap. Why is that? Well, I had a group of friends, especially at a college, and I was constantly comparing myself to these real-life women who, to me, were like the most beautiful, perfect body, perfect hair, perfect, everything. And I was the only person who looked like olive-skinned me. And I had, you know, horrible acne and I still stuck with my skin and I had big hair and it was just very different from say my best friend who looked like actually a Barbie doll. And also when we were growing up, I mean, Ryan, you and I can relate to this, you know, we didn't have social media. And so

we just saw America's top model and we saw Miss America and Miss USA and everyone in the magazines looked some kind of way. And there were honestly more women I believe who looked like you than even who looked like me being in the in between place of well, she's not white. She's not white. not Brantley, what is she? And so for me, social media is what allowed for me to see people who weren't that immediate TV screen, Matt's model-esque. And all of a sudden, I was like, I would never let myself leave the house with a crop top on, but wait a minute, she's 30 pounds heavier and she is rocking that crop top. Why is it that I can look at her and she looks so beautiful, but I won't let myself wear that. You know, oh my God, like her hair is bigger than mine.

it is frizzy and it looks good. Why do I like her hair frizzy and curly, but I won't leave my house without it being perfectly stick straight? Like, oh my God, I love her hoops. And so what it allowed for me to do is it allowed for me to see beauty and dreams and confidence in other ways. And that actually helped me to start seeing it in myself because I couldn't see it in real life and in my immediate circles.

and even in the magazines I was reading. And so that's why I encourage you. That's the cool thing about social media is that you can find people who are exactly where you're at, whether you are living with your parents, you're at your very first job. Maybe you just got fired.

Maybe you're new in a new business industry brand. You can find it. And if you can't find it, maybe that means that you need to be it. And that was one of the things that inspired me to create content was everybody wanted to put me in this Sophia Vergara, Latina box.

Oh, like, what do you mean you don't have an accent? Oh, you have to dumb yourself down. Oh, you should be covering soccer, this, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no. Like, that's not who I am. It's not who I've ever been. And I know that there are other people who look like me and they talk like me. So wait, why don't we have more of that?

And now, like, people can see themselves in me in a way that previously, unless someone gave me that golden ticket, it wouldn't have happened. And so that's where I would also encourage you to flip the script. Maybe social media can actually help you out of that real-life trap of comparison. I think that that's actually pretty genius because, you know, there's a lot of talk about diversity, equity, and inclusion. And what I've not heard in many talks is this idea of having a diverse followership. Like, who are you following and diversify that a little bit and not just follow people that only think like you and just sort of reinforce what you already think.

And so I think that that's, I think that that's very, very intriguing. I had a friend. At one point, I was off social media. So I went the opposite in. I was all in that I went all out. I've been there. I've been there today. Yeah, you know.

And I think people kind of have that, like, let's delete the app for a few months. months, and then get back on and so on and so forth. And it was during a season where I was completely checked out. And a friend of mine who was very into social media, she goes, hey, where you at? I go, I'm out. And I'm happy. I'm good. And she said, well, while you're out and I give her all the reasons, you know, it's

toxic. And I go through the whole deal. And so I'll never forget how she challenged me. She said, so why don't you be different? Why don't you be a positive voice? Why don't you be the thing you wish it was? She's like, you know, I just, because I'm looking at all the people I follow. And man, it'd be great to have a positive voice like yours on the feed.

And you know, that was a day where I went from posting about who I had met latest or my vacation or my car or whatever where I just I said you know I'm going to make my page just about helping people like that's it like where I go and who I know whatever like that's neither here nor there but hey I want to create a page that is dedicated to just adding value to other people's lives and so that was where I found my balance so to speak I emailed you about this podcast and I got a response back, an auto response, that I thought was also rather genius, if you will. And it says, hey, I only check email once a day,

and then you give a whole blurb about why you only check email once a day. So you're like, hey, I'm not going to let my inbox from my life. Do you think it's healthy to just check social media once a day? I absolutely do. I absolutely do. But here's the thing. Social media now serves a different purpose. I totally want to talk about this time thing.

So social media, it is turned into TV for us. You know, sometimes I find myself, I'd rather scroll through TikTok than scroll through whatever commercials or programs or are on my TV. I don't even have cable anymore. And so it's serving a different purpose where it used to be a supplement to the same. those types of things. And now it, you know, just like our phone in general is like this whole utility thing. You know, I used to carry a digital camera around and all the things. And so in that sense, like it can serve as entertainment. But I do believe that having screen time limits on your phone can be helpful. And don't get me wrong. I have them. And when they pop up, it'll say ignore for 15

minutes or ignore for the day. And I do sometimes hit ignore. Sometimes I hit ignore for the day for like seven days straight and it happens. But it at least forces me to take a moment and be mindful of where my time is going. I, by the way, my screen time limit for the day is 30 minutes for both TikTok and Instagram. The average person, the average person in America spends at least 90 minutes on social media a day, which if you do those calculations ends up basically being a part-time job for at least a quarter if not like six months out of the year

and I'd be willing to bet that in some cases you're spending more than that time and so I'm not going to judge what your leisure comes from you know like I have my Netflix binges we'll watch a whole series or two in one sitting it happens but the question is

is social media getting in the way of you achieving your dreams and as quickly as you would like. And you can fill in that point with anything. The first time that I heard that question asked me, it was about alcohol and exploring if I had a healthy or unhealthy relationship or if I was abusing or misusing and that kind of a thing. So with social media, it's asking yourself the question, is this keeping me from achieving my dreams? Because there are some of you who you're scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, and it is to get that

validation, or it is the comparison trap. it is, pretending that you're quote unquote researching, but really you're putting off doing the actual thing. Like, I'm sorry, you can listen to all the podcasts in the world and you can read all the self-help books in the world. But if you don't actually go do something, go to the gym, change your life. You know, it's not going to do anything. And so that's where I would, I pose the question to you, which, or the quote to you, my favorite, it's with the Jim Rohn quote, which is you are the average of who you spend the most time with. You are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. And I would argue that you could apply that

to social media as well and even going back to who it is that you're following. But again, remember, you're not just getting served people who you follow. You're getting served content that's being recommended. And so I would challenge you every time that you pop into your feet, who are those first five people that you see. And is that a reflection of who you are and where you want to go. And if it's not, then where do we need to start spending more of your time in a way that's going to encourage you to actually put that phone away? And it's also a question of when you're going into that phone. It's also kind of like a refrigerator, you know, like we've all been there. And I've had an unhealthy relationship with food too, where you keep on going back to

the refrigerator. And you know there's nothing in there. You're not even hungry, but you keep going back. And so I would challenge you to not just maybe set time limits for getting off of the apps, but like maybe set some time limits around when you're not going to be on your phone. And can you go 30 minutes or 45 minutes or 60 minutes without even just looking at the screen? Because you might think, oh, I have an open up Instagram. Yeah, but are you looking for the notifications? And that's another thing too. All of my social media notifications are turned off, all of them. every single one. And I had someone the other day

because I set up a new account for our new business. And I was like, hey, can you turn off the notifications? And she was like, do I pause them? Like, she didn't know how to turn them off. And I'm like, you can turn those off. Like, you can turn them all off. And I feel like some of the platforms

actually make it hard for you to do that. And so that's one thing that I would challenge you to do. Jazeel, thank you so much for your time. Your wisdom is beyond your years. and I think this episode is really going to add a lot of value to a lot of people. So, ladies and gentlemen. I have a challenge for your listening. You have a challenge?

I have a challenge for your listeners. So my team and clients and I, we like to do two different things. One of them is we celebrate Unfollow Friday. You hear Follow Friday, we have Unfollow Friday. So that's going and doing that test to the five people, or it's going through your followers, or seeing who you don't interact with this much, or going in chronological order of follower, not follower,

and start clearing out some of that ish that is not serving you or people, or maybe muting them or figuring out what that looks like. The other one is, I like to say, if ever I speak to you and I have impacted you in any way, I want to see your receipts. And by that I don't mean go buy my programs. Like if you want to go for it, but I'm not selling anything right now. I want to see your receipts of implementation. Cool that you listen to this.

but I want to see the screenshots of you either setting the time limit or sending the petty DM of appreciation or getting that follower count down or doing something or maybe saying something really nice to somebody or leaving a comment or creating that content that you were so afraid

because you didn't think that anybody cared about your story posting that first video. I want to see the receipts of implementation because you can listen to this podcast all day long but if you're not actually executing the level up, it doesn't mean anything. So I appreciate you. I'm so grateful.

I want more people to hear this, and I can't wait for this to be public and for people to hear this conversation. I love it. I love it. Well, thank you for your time today. Ladies and gentlemen, you can follow Giselle Ugardi.

She's everywhere on social media, on all platforms. I will put her handle in the show notes. If today's episode added value to your life, leave a comment, share with a friend, and don't forget to subscribe. Ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure being with you today.