The Ryan Leak Podcast - The Most Complicated Person I Know

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

Most people say they work with someone who’s complicated—but almost no one thinks they are the problem. In this episode, Ryan Leak dives into brand-new national research revealing just how widespread (and underestimated) complicated people are in today’s workforce.Spoiler: the numbers don’t add up.With vulnerability and humor, Ryan admits his own complexities and shares a true story about being labeled “too complicated” by a PR firm. He unpacks the self-awareness gap uncovered in the study, why nearly half of workers would take a lower-paying job to avoid difficult coworkers, and how real leadership starts with asking one powerful question:Could it be me?Whether you're leading a team, working through culture challenges, or just trying to be less judgy—this episode will challenge you to look in the mirror and lead with empathy.

Hey, what's going on? It's Ryan Leak and welcome to the Ryan League podcast, where we keep things short and sweet for you. Before I jump into today's episode, I wanted to just take a moment to thank each and every person who purchased a copy of how to work with complicated people. It is officially a New York Times bestselling book, and that would not be possible without you. And so I wanted to just take a moment to say from the bottom of the book. of my heart, thanks for your support. Thanks for listening to it on Audible. Thanks for sharing about it on social media. It has been a wild ride over the past couple of weeks to see how this book has impacted so many people. So once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, thank you, thank you. Now, today's episode is called the most complicated person I know.

Okay, the most complicated person I know. And spoiler alert, it's not who you think it is, or perhaps it's exactly who you think it is. I want to unpack the research a little bit behind the book. My company has actually been doing a lot of research lately at the Ryan Lee group. We actually just conducted some research on stress that I find extremely fascinating and I'm very much looking forward to sharing that in the near future. And we also just started another study on change as well. It's a massive problem that a lot of my

clients deal with and even just a lot of friends that are just navigating change. And so we wanted to do a deep dive on that and super excited to share some insights that we're learning in that regard too. Now, as I've been extending a research arm of the Ryan Leak group, I've thoroughly enjoyed that process. But for the study actually associated with how to work with complicated people, we actually partnered with the Center for Generational Kinetics. Shout out to Jason Dorsey and his brilliant squad over there. We joined forces with them to conduct a national research study on one specific thing, complicated people in the workforce. Now, this wasn't just a few Instagram polls or a roundtable of a couple of buddies over at the house.

this was a statistically valid nationwide study of 1,000 working Americans aged 18 to 65. We made sure that it was weighted to match the U.S. census on age, gender, region, and ethnicity. And so just so you understand how research works, the margin of error here is about 3.1 percentage points, which means the data paints an accurate snapshot of what's really happening in today's workforce in America. So if you pulled 10,000 people, you would get the same results plus or minus three percentage points. So just so you understand how we go about doing our research. Now, here's what we found. The impact of complicated people in the workforce is massive.

80% of people say complicated coworkers are exhausting. That means there is an emotional toll that happens when working with complicated people. 48% say they've taken a day off work because they had to work with or for a complicated person. Think about that for a second. 48% said they've taken a day off. They say, hey, you know what, let me go ahead and use some PTO. for this person. It is not paid time off.

It's a personal timeout. I want to take time out from a person. And maybe, maybe the most shocking statistic that we found was that 48% of workers would take a slightly lower paying job just to avoid complicated people altogether.

That's not just a culture problem. That's a retention problem. That's a costly problem. That's a your best talent just left for $5,000 less kind of problem. And here's where it got really interesting for me. Check this out. 79% of people say they work with someone who's complicated. Okay, 79% I get this.

74% of those same people believe they themselves are less complicated than the average person. Listen, my friends, the math ain't math in here. Okay? the math is not math in right now. There is a major awareness gap between who we think is complicated and whether or not that person might actually be us. And that's a problem. Because here's where it gets real and just my friends allow me to go first. Hi. My name is Ryan Leake and I am complicated. And I can prove it. I have what my friends call selection. or frugality, which means I have no problem sparing no expense on certain things, and I am insanely

cheap on other things. I'll book a five-star resort without blinking, but I'm also going to go to Walmart when I get to that city and get water because I refuse to pay $8 a bottle in the room, and then you see me walking through the four seasons with a 24 pack of water to which my wife looks at me and thinks, why are we here if we can't afford the water to which I would say, how do you think we can afford to be here? Okay, I'm not bad. I'm just complicated. My schedule, oh my goodness, you want to talk about complicated? Don't even try to understand my schedule. I've got more irons in the fire than a blacksmith at a summer fair. Okay, I'm flying across the country to speak. I'm coaching leaders, writing books,

recording podcasts, working on documentaries, and still saying yes to things, I probably should be saying no to. In fact, recently, a PR team pitched me to do a big media tour for how to work with complicated people, and they didn't know the title of the book. And they say, hey, Ryan, we'll have you on Good Morning America. We're going to have you in L.A. and then Tampa and then Chicago and then New York. And I said, hey, that sounds amazing. But the problem is, I'm already booked to speak. And I don't know that I can just hop on a plane and just, you know, hop over and do a TV show. Like, I've got work to do.

Now, again, they didn't know the title of the book. They just knew I was doing a book tour. Let me just tell you what Greg wrote back to me. He said, Hi, Ryan, you seem really complicated. I'm going to pass on working together. And I said, listen, I totally understand that, but I've got this book.

It's called How to Work with Complicated People. And if you just read that, I promise you, you might change your mind on us. working together. The reality is I am complicated. I'm the most complicated person I know. I got a five calendar system and forget which one's right. I move so fast and assume people keep up with ideas I haven't even explained yet. I love people, but I'm terrible with group chats. So yeah, I'm complicated. And the odds are, so are you. And let me just tell you why this matters. there's someone in your life who's extending you grace right now for your quirks, your delays,

your style, your habits, and you don't even know it. And the wild part is this. You might be judging someone else for the exact same behavior you're currently getting a pass on. We tend to give ourselves context because we are keenly aware of our behind the scenes. but we give others criticism. We say, oh, I didn't mean it that way. But when someone else does it, well, they meant it. And in fact, I think we fill in the blank with their intentions.

Oh, yeah, yeah. They've had it out for me for forever. It's like, how do you actually know that? My friends, I've got an idea. What if we started with self-awareness instead of self-defense? Think about that for a second. what if we started with self-awareness instead of self-defense? What if we asked, in what ways could I be making it hard for others to work with me, date me, live with me?

Just think about this for a second. Here's the deal. That doesn't mean others aren't complicated. But if I can acknowledge my own complexity first, it doesn't make others less complicated. It just makes me less judgmental. And that, well, I think that's the start of. becoming a healthier person to work with, live with. I think that's the start of becoming a person that people get to work with instead of being someone they have to work with. You see, I just think

that there's a version of you where no one has to be stuck with you. I think you and I can be the kinds of people. People look forward to being around. And I think that that's the kind of person that you and I should strive to be. My friends, that's all I got for you today. If today's episode you, I would just ask that you don't keep it to yourself. Would you mind sharing it with a friend? It would also mean the world to me if you take a moment to rate review and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thank you so much for being a part of the journey and we'll see you next time.