The Ryan Leak Podcast - The Other Side of Me

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

There’s a gap between who we think we are and how people actually experience us. And that gap is where most of our relational problems live. Ryan asks the question he uses in every coaching session and keynote: what’s it like to be on the other side of you? Not what your résumé says. Not what your bio reads. But the actual lived experience of working for you, living with you, being led by you.In this episode, Ryan gets specific. What’s it like to be on the other side of your decisions? Your tone? Your urgency? Your stress? Would you want to work for you? Would you want to be married to you? Would you want your kids to grow up in a home led by someone who shows up the way you show up? You can’t improve what you’re not aware of. And the answer to that question might be the most valuable feedback you’ve ever received.

What is going on, my friends? Welcome back to the Ryan League podcast where we love to keep things short and sweet for you each and every week. Now, here's what's interesting. If you have been listening to this podcast for any amount of time, well, every single one of those episodes was recorded by someone in their 30s. my friends today's episode is the very first episode that I have recorded as a 40-year-old. Listen, that young guy that you used to listen to, I mean, he was a good guy. He was a good guy, but now you've got a great-haired, wise person on the podcast now. No, just kidding.

Yeah, I am 40 now. I might start talking different. Who knows? The other thing that's true, if you've listened to this podcast for any amount of time, is you will have heard me ask a particular question. What's it like to be on the other side of you?

Is one of the most powerful self-awareness questions that I believe really can be asked. I'm consistently asking myself, what's it like to be on the other side of me? And I don't always love the answer. It's one of those questions that really doesn't go out of style. I mean, I use it in every coaching session. I use it at every keynote, conversation with leaders.

And it's one of those things that even as, I'm staring down my 40s now and asking myself, man, well, what is it that you really want to do in my 40s? And how do other people actually experience me? And what do I want that experience to be? Because when we ask the question, what's it like to be on the other side of me? It's not who do you think you are. It's not what does your resume say? It's not what's on your LinkedIn profile.

Oh, it's not. What does your Instagram bio read? But no, it's the actual lived experience of being in a relationship with you, working for you, working with you, living with you, living with you, dating you, being in a group chat with you, being parented by you, on a reply all with you. And what's interesting is there's often a. gap between who we think we are and how people actually experience us. And that specific gap, I believe, is where most of our relational problems actually live. Here's what I know to be true. If you are not extremely self-aware, you are in danger of being extremely self-deceived.

And what's interesting about self-awareness is most people think they are. are self-aware. Yeah, it's like a Harvard study that like 85% of people believe they are self-aware, and only like 15% of people actually are self-aware. And what's interesting about self-awareness is it requires other people. And so if you think I had a meeting with myself and I came to my conclusion about my strengths and weaknesses in areas for improvement, you could be right, you could be. be wrong. I think we all have to ask ourselves the question, hey, what's it like to be on the other

side of me? And then we've got to pull somebody else in to verify whether that's true or not. What's it like to be on the other side of you? What's it like to be on the other side of your decisions? Are those decisions clear or are those decisions confusing? Are those decisions thoughtful or are those decisions impulsive. Do people feel included in the process or do they, I don't know, feel informed after the fact? What's it like to be on the other side of your tone? Because you might think that you're being direct, but they might feel like you're being somebody that's on offense or somebody that's being defensive or they might feel attacked by your tone. You might think that you're being passionate,

that you might feel like you're being aggressive. I mean, tone is absolutely everything, and your intent doesn't matter nearly as much as your impact. What's it like to be on the other side of your urgency? Because your fire might be inspiring to you, but your fire might be exhausting to everyone else. Not everyone can run at your speed and your pace and the way that you roll might be burning other people out.

I mean, your sense of urgency can be a strength, but your sense of urgency could also be a liability. What's it like to be on the other side of you? What's it like to be on the other side of your stress? I recently made a new friend who is a personality profiler, and within five minutes, he can pretty much dial in. Not a person's personality type,

he can dial in. His specific strength is being able to dial in how a person responds to stress and pressure. He helps Fortune 100 executives make decisions about hires. And he can tell what's going to be like on the other side of that person when they're stressed? What's it like to be on the other side of you when you're stressed? When you're under pressure, do you become sharper?

Or do you become shorter? Or do you become a person who is more locked in? Do you become a person who's frantic and chaotic? Like, do people want to be around you when things get hard? Or do they avoid you until the storm passes? I recently had another friend. I know I got a lot of friends. He used this phrase, you know, there's

underwhelming, overwhelming, and then he goes, the thing that I don't want to be is whelming. And I'll be honest. Sometimes I think I'm welcoming when people meet me like at the grocery store or at the gym. and I'm incredibly grateful for all of the things that God helped me accomplish in my 30s. But I'm still going, what's it like to be on the other side of me?

And I don't always recognize my, and I've got air quotes up that you can't see, my, like, influence. And I live between two worlds. I'm either in a suit or basketball shorts and a T-shirt. Like, I don't really have a in-between. I don't know, spoke for like 800 liters or something. Another day in a suit and got home. I kept on my church socks, put on some Nike slides, some basketball shorts and a white T-shirt,

and, like, literally went into public and took my first. family back to school shopping and honestly for i'll be honest like i'm just a dad and a husband like i'm just chilling like walking around the mall and people walk up and they're like oh my gosh you're like i am i forgot my bad and i've always wanted to meet you and i'm like why and and and and it was like because you're right like i'm like i didn't know i was right league i'm like i'm like and then i'm realizing like i'm not like meeting them where they're at and it's like they've over always wanted to meet me and I'm just like I totally like just let them down and at the same time I'm not like walking around like I ain't Ryan League I don't even know what that means but what I'm trying

to illustrate for you today is that I don't think we will ever outgrow this question like if somebody's excited to meet me I want to meet them there and if somebody has never heard my name I want to be able to say hey my name's Ryan Lake how are you like I'm trying to find balance and I realize that it's not always ideal, but it is something that I always want to be working on. I mean, I'm asking this question not just in the public arena. I'm asking this question in the private arena, like in my home. The other day, my precious son, he walked up to me after a very, very long day. And he said,

hey, dad, I'm not even sure if I can say this, but I feel like you're something and I don't want to get in trouble. I said, freedom of speech here, man, go for it. What's up?

He goes, uh, you look, I think the word is pissed. And then I said, but I haven't said anything. And he's like, yeah, Dad, that's the point. Like, hey, what's it like to be on the other side of your body language?

Like, mine can easily send a signal that I'm disengaged or don't want to be here or that I'm, as my son would say, pissed. And in my mind, I'm going, but I didn't say anything wrong. Yeah, but you said a lot without a word coming out of your mouth. You know what it's like to be on the other side of your body language? I mean, I just work with a lot of leaders who feel like they can only be held accountable to what they typed or said. But most of what we communicate happens long before word is ever spoken out loud.

the reality is we don't get to decide how people feel about the other side of us. Contrary to popular belief, we don't get to decide if we're good spouses, good leaders, good parents, good friends, good neighbors, or good colleagues, but we do get to decide the direction that we want those relationships to go in. And if I'm you, I'm making that decision to say, you know what, I want to be self-aware enough to improve the relationships in my life. And I hope that when you ask this question, it's not a guilt trip. I hope it's a guilt trip for you. Because we can't improve our relationships. If we don't know the things that we need to improve, if we're not aware of those things.

Every single one of us has blind spots. And until we invite somebody else in to say, hey, what's it like to be on the other side of me? I don't think those relationships can ever truly thrive. So here's my challenge this week. Go to someone you trust. Someone who's close enough to be honest and you're going to have to give them permission to do that.

I don't want you to ask them, hey, what's it like to be on the other side of me? Hey, what's it like to be on the other side of me from the last month? Has it changed? Hey, what's it like to be on the other side of me when I'm stressed? Hey, where do I have room to grow?

and no matter what they say, don't defend yourself. Don't explain, just listen, because their answer might be the most valuable feedback you'll ever get in your life. So, hey, you can't control how everyone's easy, but you can become more intentional about how you show up. And when you do, the other side of you becomes a place. People are grateful to be. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan League podcast,

40s edition. What? Isn't that crazy? How'd that happen? Hey, if today's episode inspired you, I would ask that you don't keep it to yourself, share it with a friend. Hey, it would mean the world to me if you take a moment to rate review and subscribe your support. It helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks for being a part of the journey. We'll see you next time.