The Ryan Leak Podcast - The Relationship Check-In You Didn’t Know You Needed

Episode Date: February 14, 2025

Valentine’s Day has a way of making us reflect on our relationships—whether you’re happily married, single, divorced, or somewhere in between (hello, situationships). But no matter your relationship status, today’s episode is all about how we can grow together instead of growing apart.I’ve been married for 12 years this June, and one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from my wife is this: relationships thrive when we stay in tune with what the other person needs in every season. What I needed in 2008 is completely different from what I need now—and the same is true for the people in your life.So, when was the last time you checked in on your spouse, your friends, your colleagues, or even yourself? Today, I’m sharing the power of asking the right question and how it can transform the way you connect with the people who matter most.

What's going on, my friends? Welcome back to the Ryan League podcast where we keep it short and sweet. It is Valentine's Day, my friends, love it or hate it. Here it is. This holiday, it has a way of being pretty polarizing for a lot of people. If you're single, it's the world's loudest reminder that you are indeed that. If you're happily married, you get to celebrate that. if you're divorced, well, what were once good memories right now feel like bad ones. Then there are some of you in what we call a situation ship. Now, if you don't know what a situation ship is, allow me to explain. It's that kind of sort of relationship. You know, the one where you're more than just friends, but less than an official couple.

You hang out. You talk all the time. There might even be deep, be most, or physical involvement. But there's no clarity. There's no labels, no long-term vision. It's like being in a romantic limbo, stuck somewhere in between, we're just talking, and this is my person. But regardless, of your relationship status,

I want to share something with you today that I believe is going to add value to every relationship you have, whether it's your spouse, your friends, your family, or your colleagues. And I'm learning it from my beautiful wife, who I have been married to for 12 years this June. Now, from my wife and I, our life today is drastically different than it was when we first started dating in Atlanta in 2008. Wow.

That is, wow. Oh, my goodness. We have, let me think about this. we've been together 17 years. I mean, we've been together together, married 12, but 17 years, that's a long time. And you go back to 2008 and scoot on up here to 2025, two kids later evolving careers, growing responsibilities. We are not the same people that we were when we first said, I do, especially not who we were on our first date at Wendy's. In Midtown, Atlanta, my goodness, I'm having a little bit of nostalgia right now. And I'm also thinking about my girl.

She's so pretty. I love her. Now, here's the deal. As long as Amanda and I have been together. Despite all of the changes that both of us have had in our lives individually and as we have had as a family, here's what my wife has done so well that I think it can if we can get this I believe it can add value to any relationship you got here's what she does well she stays in tune with what I need in every season see it's easy to assume that once someone tells you what they need that's just what they'll need

forever. But the reality is, we change. You see, what I needed in 2008 when we were dating, is completely different than what I need today. What I needed from my wife in 2016 is different than what I needed during a pandemic. Even what I needed last year is different than what I need this year. Some years, I needed encouragement. Other years, I actually needed space. At times, I needed a shareleader. Other times I needed a challenger. As God has expanded my influence, there's times where I need more deeper emotional support. But the key to staying connected, well, it hasn't been about her guessing my needs. It's been about her asking. And my friends, this isn't just about marriage. This applies to every relationship in your life. I want you to think about your friends, your colleagues, your

family, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your situation ship, you begin to ask yourself, do you know what they need in this particular season? Or are you still assuming they need what they needed last year? I want you to think about friends you used to be close to. Maybe you've grown apart for a variety of reasons. Maybe moving to different cities, career changes, different life priorities or even just the natural drift that happens when you stop checking in regularly. And when you try to reconnect, you may find yourself trying to connect around an old need rather than where they are right now. What used to be life giving to them may now actually be draining.

The dynamic has shifted. And I want you to know that that's okay, but one of the best gifts you can give the people in your life is understanding their season and looking for ways to add value to the season that they're in right now without holding them prisoner to how you used to add value in a previous season. So just like we change, well, so do they. We all change. We're all growing. We're all waking up and figuring out what motivates us now versus what used to motivate us back then. Some people used to be money motivated, and then they got some, and now there are more people motivated. Some people are more time motivated. People change. You've changed, and that's okay.

But what we can fail to do is keep in step with our relationships. And as their seasons change, have to ask, do we leave enough space for the relationship to change as well? Instead of assuming what somebody needs in this current season, I want to encourage you to ask. Instead of reminiscing about how things used to be, lean into who these people are now. These people in your life that, and maybe things have changed, you go, man, you've changed. It's like, well, I don't know if you know this, but like, people that are trying to grow, well, it requires change. I had a friend tell me the other day, they go, man, you've changed. I went, yeah, I've been trying to.

I've been trying to get better for a long time. I hope I've changed, but sometimes that means the relationship changed as well. You've got to start asking yourself, are you one of those friends, you're one of those family members that can go through different seasons with different people? When we approach relationships this way, I think we create space for our family and friends and loved ones to grow. and it gives us the opportunity to instead of growing apart, we actually can grow with them. And so a couple of things I just want you to think about today.

I want you to, when you begin to think about the important people in your life, platonic, romantic, you name it. I want you to be able to take a moment and have an intentional time with them and be able to ask a question, hey, what do you need for me right now? You might be surprised how much clarity that was, one question can bring. Like, is there something that you need from me right now that you might be reluctant to ask for? This is a very intentional relationship question to be able to say, man, is there something that you need for me in this particular season that I could be doing more of?

And why? Because I want to be a friend. I want to be a good spouse. I'm going to be a good girlfriend, boyfriend, you name it. Is there something that you need for me? And secondly, I want you to consider what it looks like to be flexible. Because, I don't know, for example, just because someone needed your advice last year doesn't mean they needed this year. Maybe this year, they just need a listener. And the last thing I want to think about is

I want you to have this practice of checking in regularly. I believe that relationships thrive when we intentionally invest in them regularly. Maybe you even said a reminder to check in with those closest to you. Not just when something is wrong, but to ensure that you're still aligned. Hey, I know that you said last year that you were going through this deal at work and you really needed some encouragement and support around that. Is that still true? Could I, perhaps this year, you don't need as much emotional support. You might actually need

physical support. You might need actual help with the projects. You might actually need to process a difficult conversation, but I think there's something powerful about not assuming a person's season, but really checking in with them in their actual season. Because I believe the best relationships, whether we're talking romantic, whether we're talking just friendships or work relationships, they don't just happen. They grow when we make the effort to understand and meet each other where we are, not just where we used to be. So, this Valentine's Day, I want you to take a step back and think. Do you truly know what the people in your life truly need in this particular season?

If not, ask. And I believe that one question could be the key to growing together instead of growing apart. Until next time, keep loving, keep growing, keep showing up, and keep checking in with the people that matter the most. Thanks for listening to the Ryan Link podcast. If today's episode inspired you, don't keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend and hey it would mean the world to me if you would take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe. Your support helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks for being a part of the journey. I'll see you now.