The Ryan Leak Podcast - The Spiritual Gift of Discouragement

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

Ever met someone who seems to have the spiritual gift of discouragement? You know... the person who finds the flaw in every plan, the hole in every idea, and the typo in every email. In this episode, Ryan shares why those people are actually gifts to your life and leadership. The very person who tells you what’s not working might be the reason you don’t settle for mediocrity. Learn how to reframe “negativity” as discernment, embrace honest feedback, and build a team that’s both encouraging and refining.

What's going on, my friends? Welcome back to the Ryan League podcast where we love to drop short and sweet nuggets of inspiration each and every week to add value to your life. Today's episode is no exception. Today, we're going to be talking about the spiritual gift of discouragement. The spiritual gift of discouragement. We've got this gal on our team. We love her. But let me just tell you something.

She will find a hole in anything. Okay. You could show her a world-class presentation. with perfect transitions, custom graphics, and Taylor Swift doing the soundtrack, and she still finds something off about the font. Okay. Now, we were in a meeting with her the other day, and we were going through a bunch of our different book ideas for the future, and she basically shot down every single one of them.

And at one point, we were just like, okay, this is just what we get with her. And I'm not going to say her name because I don't want to put her on blast like that, because this episode is actually honoring her because she said something in this meeting. that absolutely made me think. She says, you guys, you know what? Someone once told me that I have the spiritual gift of discouragement. And we all just laughed so hard because it's like, yes, that's exactly why she's so valuable to us.

Because her gift isn't really discouragement. It's discernment that is sometimes received as discouragement. But she brings a perspective that we often are, ignoring within ourselves. And in fact, I think if we're all honest, most of us want to surround ourselves with hype people, folks who clap for anything, people who say, that's amazing, where they've even heard what you even said. I think there's something inside you and me that craves encouragement. And I don't think that's a bad thing. But the truth is, without a little discouragement in your circle, you could start believing.

leaving your own press. This gal on our team, I think she's the reason that we catch things we'd otherwise miss. She's the reason I think that we fix problems before they go public. I think she's the reason I didn't release a book one time with a cover that looked like a middle school PowerPoint slide. I chat GPT to a couple of different covers ideas and say, hey, come over some ideas on this book and it did. I said, guys, let's go with one of these. And I'll never forget the day she called and she said, Ryan, these book covers sucked. I said, good night. I mean, could you say it a little nicer?

I mean, but here's the deal. She didn't say it with malice. She said it with honesty. And I'll admit, it stung for about 30 seconds. But she was right. And because of that feedback, we ended up working with a world-class designer who made something that we were very, very proud of. It's not for everybody, but guess what?

It was something that made us proud to share with our family, friends, and coworkers. And, oh, by the way, this gal on our team who has the spiritual gift of discouragement, she was the one who introduced us to this world-class designer. And so here's the deal. If she hadn't done that,

I probably would have just shrugged my shoulders and said, eh, it's good enough. But good enough. isn't what makes a difference. Good enough isn't what changes lives. That's what I've learned, is that we all need somebody in our life

who doesn't let us settle for good enough. We all need at least one person in our world with the spiritual gift of discouragement, not to tear us down, but to balance us out. Because let's just be real. Most of our environments today are designed to make us feel good. Yeah, social media runs on likes.

Our teams run on. Great job. You're doing a great job. Parents are consistently telling their kids they're good at stuff that they're not. Good job, Johnny. No, Johnny's terrible. But we can't tell them. No, we're going to boost their confidence, except Johnny's 45 now,

and everyone's still trying to boost his confidence, okay? And if you even just think about artificial intelligence right now, AI, it's practically programmed to flatter you. Yeah. Every now and then, I'll put in some bad ideas and chat, GPT, like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. I'm like, no, it's not. Like, you could type in the worst idea

into any AI chat box right now. You could say something like, hey, write me a 600-page novel about a dinosaur that becomes a financial advisor, and it'll respond. That's such a fascinating premise. No, it's not.

It's terrible. It's dumb. But what are we doing right now, okay? AI will hype you up, even when you clearly need to be humble. It's built to be nice to make you feel heard, to be empathetic, which is all fine and dandy,

but I just got to tell you there's some danger in that. There's some danger when everything in your world is designed to encourage you. In that moment, you start to lose the muscle for correction. You start to lose the ability to hear, hey, that's not good. Hey, you're not ready. Hey, you can put a little bit more effort into that.

and sometimes that's the most loving thing someone can tell you. The spiritual gift of discouragement person, when they're healthy, they help you see what's not working. That's where they've got permission to tell you things like, hey, that's not very clear, or that slides way too busy. There's good content there, but we're distracted by all of these other graphics that we can't even see what you're trying to tell us, or that tagline doesn't mean what you think it means,

or you're trying to do too much in this one message. And when we hear things like that, if we're honest with ourselves, we know they're right. And I know it doesn't feel good in the moment, but it does feel good long term because they keep you from doing things that you regret in the future.

What's interesting is people who carry that spiritual gift of discouragement energy, they're often the same ones who care the most. they just have a hard time sugar-coating anything. They're the ones thinking about what could go wrong, while everyone else is thinking about what could go right. In innovation, we call that risk management. In leadership, we call that wisdom.

You know who had that spiritual gift of discouragement energy? Thomas Edison's assistant. Yeah, there's a story that when Edison was working, on the light bulb, his assistant kept pointing out every single thing that went wrong. He wasn't impressed by the hundreds of failed attempts. He wasn't shouting, you got this time? He was saying, yeah, this didn't work in. Was he discouraging? Maybe, but without him, Edison might have kept burning down the lab. Or take a monitoring example. Think about movie studios. before a blockbuster hits theaters.

It goes through test screenings. They bring in people to watch the movie and tell them what's confusing, boring, or off-brand. Now, I've seen a few movies where I'm like, clearly that did not happen, but it is a practice for most movies. Why? Because they want to know what doesn't work.

Because fixing it before release could save them millions of dollars. In other words, they intentionally invite discouragement early so they can avoid disappointment later. That's what the discouragement person does for your team. It's what they do for your life. They find the holes before the public does.

They make you sharper, cleaner, more credible. You may not always love how they say it, but you'll love what their honesty produces. Now, let me be clear. This doesn't mean we should all walk around discouraging each other on purpose. this is not a license to be rude or cynical because there is certainly a difference between being constructive and being cruel.

But when someone speaks up with tough feedback, we should pause before we take offense. You want to ask yourself in that moment, is there any truth in this? Because usually there's at least a silver lining in there somewhere. Sometimes we get so defensive that we miss the gold in someone's criticism. We write people off as negative when really they're just seeing it from a different angle.

And in every organization, you need that angle. If everyone's an optimist, you'll move fast and break things. But you'll also miss blind spots. If everyone's a pessimist, you'll never move at all. But if you've got one encourager, one visionary, one realist, and one discourager, I'd say you've got a complete team. I'll be honest. There are times, I don't always love being around that energy.

It's easier to hear, that was awesome, then, hey, we've got a few tweets for you. But the older I get, the more grateful I am for those voices that have the spiritual gift of discouragement. Because behind every win in my life, there's been someone who wasn't impressed. someone who said that's not quite it yet someone who raised the bar instead of patting me on the back

you need that person on your team oh you need that person in your circle you need that person in your life you might even need that person in your marriage or friendship someone who loves you enough to say hey you can do better it's not easy but it's necessary so maybe the next time you hear someone being negative instead of dismissing them why don't you lean in with curiosity. Why don't you ask, what are they seeing that I'm not? What's the truth inside their tone? What's the lesson behind the sting? Because sometimes, I think God hides wisdom and uncomfortable voices. And if you only listen to people who make you feel good, you'll never grow beyond what you already are. So yeah, maybe just maybe. The spiritual gift of

discouragement is a thing after all. Maybe it's God's way of protecting you from settling. Maybe it's God's way of protecting you from publishing something mediocre, from sending that cringy email campaign, from launching that half-baked product, from standing on a stage saying something that could have used another edit or two. The person in your life that has a spiritual gift of discouragement is not your enemy. They're your editor. They're the person who make sure your excellence matches your enthusiasm. And here's the secret. They're usually harder on themselves than they are on anyone else.

That's why they notice details you don't. They've trained their eyes to see what could be better, not just what already is. So thank God for the people who see the cracks before the world does. Thank God for the person who tells you your slides are too wordy. Thank God for the friend who says you're better than that caption. Thank God for the minute. or he says, that's not leadership yet.

Because behind your next level, it's probably someone with the spiritual gift of discouragement helping you get there. And I just have to wonder if you're going to make space for that person. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan League podcast.

If today's episode inspired you and encouraged you slash discourage you in some way, shape, or form, but yet it somehow added value to your life, I would encourage you to share. with a friend and hey it would mean the world to me if you take a moment to rate review and subscribe and i send out an encouraging text each and every week if you like to subscribe to it you can text word podcast at the number 469809 one two zero one two zero one and you will start

getting encouraging text messages from me my friends thank you so much for being a part of the journey and we'll catch you next week