The Ryan Leak Podcast - What If They Aren’t Against You?

Episode Date: August 3, 2026

Your boss gives you tough feedback and you spend the whole weekend convinced they’re trying to push you out. Then Monday comes and they tell you they’re recommending you for a promotion. A friend doesn’t text back for days and you build a whole narrative. They’re pulling away. They don’t care. Then they call and say their mom’s been in the hospital. Ryan unpacks why the story we tell ourselves is almost always worse than what’s actually happening.In this episode, Ryan challenges the habit of assigning motives to people based on incomplete information. What if your coworker isn’t stealing your idea but just excited about it? What if your spouse isn’t criticizing you but just said it wrong? Before you build the case, ask the question. You might be surprised by what you find when you stop fighting people who were never fighting you.

What's going on, my friends? Welcome to the Ryan League podcast where we'd love to keep things short and sweet for you each and every week. Got a question for you today on this episode. And the question is this, what if they aren't against you? What if they aren't against you? I don't know if you ever assumed someone was against you, and then you found out that you were completely wrong. Like maybe your boss gave you.

you tough feedback and you spent the whole weekend convinced they were trying to push you out. And then Monday comes around and they tell you they gave you that feedback because they see leadership potential in you and they're actually recommending you for a promotion. And so you spent the weekend thinking somebody was an enemy who was actually a friend. Or maybe, maybe just maybe a friend didn't text you. back for a few days? Oh my goodness. There is nothing more triggering than a close friend not texting you back. And let it three days, let a week go by. The stories. Oh my goodness. The stories we tell ourselves when people don't text us back within 30 seconds. It's like, how dare you? You start

building a whole narrative. You got Christopher Nolan up there 70 millimeter odyssey, like in your head about them. They're mad at me. They're pulling away. They didn't like what I said. They don't don't value this friendship. And then they call and say, hey, sorry, it's been a crazy week. My mom's been in the hospital. And you're like, ah, yeah, I'm praying for you. You like, dude, you just made them an enemy.

And now you're like praying for them. Like, really? Like, isn't it interesting how we can do this all the time with the text, with an email, with the tone? We can just kind of fill in the blank. And we can just assign motives to people based on incomplete information. And nine times out of ten, the story we tell ourselves is way worse than what's actually happening. Now, I've done this so many times.

I've sat in my office after a meeting and thought, they don't respect me, they're trying to undermine me. They think they're doing me a favor. and I've built an entire case against people. Full courtroom drama in my head. Netflix's up there. And in it, I mean, I'm, I can turn into a lawyer really, really fast. I mean, I got closing arguments.

I got evidence. I'm locked, loaded, ready to go. And I really like wearing three-piece suits. It's like, let's get it on. Like, I can do that in my head before, I've ever even asked them a single question about what they actually meant. And here's what I've learned. The story that I make up in my head is almost always more dramatic than the truth.

My imagination is absolutely undefeated when it comes to creating worst-case scenarios. So, what if we flipped it? What if before we assumed the worst about someone, we considered the possibility that they're not against this? What if your coworker isn't trying to steal your idea? What if they're just excited about it? What if your spouse isn't criticizing you? What if they're trying to help and just said it wrong? What if your boss isn't micromanaging you?

What if they're under pressure from their boss, and they're doing the best that they can? What if the person who didn't invite you to the party isn't excluding you? What if they just assumed you were busy? I'm not saying everyone has good intention, some people don't, but I am saying that assuming the worst, about absolutely everyone is exhausting. And it poisons relationships that might have been just fine if we had just given them the benefit of the doubt.

There's a phrase that I just love and it's assume positive intent. Bernay Brown calls it the generosity hypothesis, which is asking, what's the most generous assumption I can make about what this person said or did. It doesn't mean to be naive. It means before you react, you pause. It means before you build the case, you ask the question,

before you write someone off, you give them a chance to explain. Because here's the truth. When you walk through life, assuming people are against you, you start treating them like enemies. And when you treat them, people like enemies.

You can't be surprised when the relationship starts to feel like a war. But when you operate with the generosity hypothesis, when you make a decision to choose to be the kind of person that assumes positive intent, something shifts. Your tone changes. Your questions change. Your posture changes. You walk into conversations, curious instead of defensive. And curiosity build bridges that suspicion often burns.

I recently had a client who ghosted us. And interestingly enough, this client had already booked me to speak. and I had flights, hotel. The event was still happening, but the event planner just goes to this. I don't even want to tell you the thoughts that I had in my head about the negligence and the excellence and what kind of event. I mean, just the things that went on in my head was just like,

what are you like? What? What is going on? And come to find out, she was in the hospital. And unfortunately, she had lost a baby. And all of this leading up to the event. And I, you know what's so interesting, that, that, I mean, it was a little moment on my side.

It was a huge moment for her life. But that interaction slash non-interaction, just made me go, how many times have I not made space for what somebody else could be going through? And guess what, they don't owe me an explanation. And I can't tell you the amount of times that I've been short or I just liked a text or one word responded somebody. And who knows what that made them think? and I very well could have text them back while running in between terminals at an airport

trying to catch another flight or maybe I was in the middle of running a basketball practice for my son's basketball team or maybe I was doing homework with my kids and I just gave them a little quick response or maybe I forgot to respond altogether, or maybe I had airplane Wi-Fi, which I love the airlines if you're listening,

grateful for you, couldn't do life without you, to be honest. But even you would have to admit your Wi-Fi is spotty at best. Sometimes I thought I sent the message and I did. And all I would want in that moment is a little bit of grace to say, hey, maybe there's more going on on that phone, on that laptop,

than what everybody could see. And so it makes me want to just be a little bit more empathetic to the world around me. So my challenge for you this week is I just, I want you to think about someone you've been suspicious of. Someone perhaps you've been assuming the worst about and ask yourself, what if I'm wrong? What if I'm wrong about this person?

And what if, what if, what if, what if they're not against me? What if there's a version of this story where we're actually on the same team? I think you might be surprised by what you find when you stop fighting people in your head who are never, ever fighting you in real life. My friends, thank you so much for listening to the Ryan League podcast. If today's episode inspired you, I would ask that you don't keep it to yourself. Share it with a friend. And hey, it would mean the world to me if you would take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe your support.

It helps us reach even more people with these short and sweet nuggets of inspiration. Thanks for being a part of the journey, and I'll catch you next time.