The Ryan Leak Podcast - Who Knows Who I Really Am?

Episode Date: March 22, 2021

There are moments when you won't get inspiration, direction, or vision from your leader. This is why you need to have some go-to questions you can have in your back pocket to help you lead yourself when you need to the most. The first question you can ask yourself is: Why Am I Doing This? The second question you can ask yourself is: What Credit Can I Give Away? The third question you can ask yourself is: What Mistakes Can I Own? The fourth question you can ask yourself is: Who Knows Who I Really Am? Celebrities often become celebrities by being themselves, but to remain one, they have to become who others need them to be or risk losing something. You need a space in your life where you can be you. Authenticity is important for who you're becoming. Being known is one of the best things we can do for our own mental health and leading ourselves well.  You never want to be faking it publicly remaining privately broken.  If you’re struggling with depression, who knows? If you’re having suicidal thoughts, who knows? If you’re having an affair, who knows? If you’re fudging numbers to look better, who knows? If you’re drowning in debt, who knows? Everybody doesn’t have to know, but somebody does. For more show notes and episodes, go to ryanleak.com/followership.

Welcome to followership with Ryan Leika podcast designed to equip followers with the tools they need to succeed in the workplace. You might be following or working for a good, bad, or mediocre leader, but the good news is the type of leader you have does not have to determine the type of follower. You can become. Hey, over the past three episodes, we've been looking at how we can lead ourselves better. We've been providing you with three questions that will allow you to. to lead yourself well. You cannot wait for your leader to give you inspiration, vision, or direction for you to be the person

you actually want to be today. The first question was, why am I doing it? It's very important that you know your why. The second question was, what credit can I give away? I know this can be a struggle for a lot of us, but you have an opportunity right now to give away credit, and that's really good for our ego and our pride. The third question was, what mistake?

mistakes can I own? Everyone wants to volunteer when things are going well to say, hey, look what I did. But how many people are willing to take the blame? One of the greatest ways that you can lead yourself is really by taking ownership of the mistakes that you've made. The fourth question that we're going to look at today that's going to help us lead ourselves well is this question. Who knows who I really am? Who knows? who I really am. This is a question that makes us question our authenticity. And can we really show up at work truly being who we are?

I was taught the mantra growing up, fake it till you make it, fake it till you make it. I don't know, man. I don't know that I can subscribe to that mantra any longer. Because I know so many people who are faking it publicly. but they're broken privately. And here's the deal. It's only a matter of time before someone finds out that you're a fraud

and you don't want to be there. My friend Nick Nelson on the last season of followership said something that continuously sticks with me. He says, we all admire perfection, but nobody can relate to it. and there can be this temptation for all of us to have this appearance that we have it all together. But none of us have met a perfect person. We may follow some people who we may envision their lives being perfect.

But if you've ever had a front row seat to anybody's life, you know very well. Their life is far from perfect. You know, as a father, as a parent, I have found that the great revealer of my true character is my children. Oh, they can pull stuff out of me that I did not even know was there. Oh, I just, they know how to get under my skin. They know, like, there's just something about it. My friends can hear it in my voice when I'm just, when it's just me and the kiddos. I mean, they just know how to just pull stuff out of me

that most people would never see. Now, I ain't never laid hands on my kids, nothing like that. I ain't never cussed my kids. I ain't never did that. But, man, you know, my six-year-old knows how to grind those gears. Let me just, let me just put it that way. My parents used to say, you better act right when company comes over. You know, like that's what it used to be called, company.

We got company coming over. And I used to think, well, y'all sure do act different when company is around. And you're hoping we, your children, don't blow your cover. Like, what's going on? I mean, my parents, my parents were great role models growing up. But there was this thing I learned early on that there was a certain way that you were to act in public versus private. And the larger that gap becomes the worst, I have. I think is in store for us.

I think for us to be people of integrity. I think we have, the word integrity is this idea of wholeness. Here's what I wish for every single person. I wish they had a mentor and a leader that helped them with integrity. I wish they had someone that was holding their hand that would say, hey, let me help you be the same everywhere you go. That there aren't all of these different versions of you walking around, that there isn't this work version, there isn't this college version, there isn't this

parent, like, but no, there's just, there's just this person. And you may not have that mentor, but you do have that question today. Man, who knows who I really am? It'd be unfortunate for everyone to find out that you're not who they thought you were. I mean, what's our alternative? Well, our alternative is keeping it real. I mean, we've got to keep it real somewhere. I read a book over the past couple of weeks that I found very, very interesting.

It's called Black Magic, what black leaders learned from trauma and triumph. It's this powerful exploration of black achievement in what is really considered a white world. and he does some very, very honest, provocative and moving interviews with some prominent black leaders. Some of them are scientists, artists, activists, champions. And there's this quote in there. He says, I remember the day I realized I couldn't play a white guy as well as a white guy. It felt like a death sentence for my career. And when I listened to a lot of these interviews, I'm hearing.

hearing a lot of these black men and women who are telling their stories of working in spaces that were predominantly white, where they couldn't talk about a concert that they went to, where they couldn't talk about a barbecue that they went. They felt like they had to consistently immerse in someone else's world. and I have to wonder who's listening to this podcast today that has found themselves in a place in life where they're constantly having to immerse in somebody else's world. They're constantly having to adapt and change.

Whenever you are in somebody else's space, you feel like you can't really live inside your own skin. I can't tell you how many women, I've worked with in the marketplace that have just the uphill battle that they face, black, white, Hispanic, you name it. There's something about being on that other end of a challenging environment where you just don't feel like you can truly be yourself. We all walk into workplaces and instantly understand what is the most promoted. What is the most rewarded? What is sort of a part of the end group?

There is a group of people at your organization. They're on the end. The boss likes them. They have common hobbies. They golf. They hunt. They shoot. They do something.

And you can feel like you're on the outside looking in. And if for just a moment, the door swings open for you to perhaps come in, they bring up a golfing idiom. They bring up some sort of vocabulary that is involved with basketball or football or something that you know nothing about. And you have a choice in that moment. You can laugh and pretend or you could just be yourself. And in that moment, most of us choose to.

pretend. Let me ask you this question. Have you ever laughed at a joke that you didn't think was funny? Just because you knew that by not laughing, it would mean complete isolation and loneliness. I want to encourage somebody today. You've got to be yourself somewhere. You have to have some place in the world where you can truly show up just as you are. because if you don't, if you don't have a safe space, you will go crazy. And you might find yourself on a downward spiral that does not end well for you. Somebody in your world needs to know who you really are. We all need that.

We all got to have a safe space in our life. there's a friend of mine who I am so privileged and honored that I have multiple safe places to run to

and one of those guys he lives here in Dallas I was sharing with him some things that were going on with me and he asked me a question that I found very peculiar he said who knows and I said what do you mean who knows He goes, well, who knows about what you're struggling with? And I named about six people that knew.

And he said, well, then I'm not worried about you. And I was like, what does that mean? He said, typically what happens is I worry about the people who have not been vulnerable with anybody. And he goes, but you have. And he goes, so I think I think you'll be just fine. So my question for you today is who knows the real you? Who knows? If you're struggling with depression right now, who would know?

Who knows? Because it'd be a shame if you had to go to work and put a smile on your face and send emails all day. When that's not who you really are. I mean, how long are you going to keep up that before it catches up with you? If you're having suicidal thoughts, who would know? If you're having an affair, who would know? If you're fudging numbers To look better

For quarterly whatever For a quota you name it Like I mean who who knows Who would know If you're drowning in debt And it's getting worse Who would know There's a mantra I've learned to live my life by

Everybody doesn't have to know But somebody does My hope for you Today is that no matter where you are and what you're going through, is that you would have a safe space somewhere on this planet where you can truly be yourself. Because I don't know that the world is benefiting

from who you feel tempted to pretend to be. I want you to be the most authentic version of who you are. Who knows who you really are? that's what I want you to think about today. Hey, if today's episode added value to your life in any way, shape, your form. Hey, why don't you go ahead and share it with a few colleagues of yours, share it with some friends, maybe share it on social media, rate it, review it, give a comment.

And as always, don't forget to subscribe to followership with Ryan Lee.