The Ryen Russillo Podcast - Life in the G League With Shareef Abdur-Rahim, Plus Life Advice

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

Russillo is joined by the president of the NBA G League, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, to talk about the growth of the league, young players who choose the league over college, and what separates the guys who make it to the NBA. Plus, they chat about his unique NBA career (0:30). Finally, the guys close it out with some listener-submitted Life Advice questions (26:03). Host: Ryen Russillo Guest: Shareef Abdur-Rahim Producers: Steve Ceruti, Kyle Crichton, and Stefan Anderson Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

on today's episode of the podcast we talked to sharif abdul rahim about his career and also becoming president of the g league and life advice enjoy august advice. Enjoy August. This episode is brought to you by Uber Eats. Winter is here, so be prepared and get almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. What do I mean by almost anything? Well, you can't get a ski slope, but dish soap, definitely doable. Sunshine, that's no. A bottle of wine, yeah. And a snow day, again, no. But blueberry muffins with the delicious crumb topping? Total yes. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now.

Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. The new documentary is Destination NBA, a G League odyssey. And joining us, a longtime NBA player, now president of the G League, Sharif Abdul-Rahim.

Thanks for doing this. How are you doing? I'm doing well, Ryan. Thank you for having me. So I think anybody that's ever played at any single level of basketball, whether it be in the pros like yourself or just a guy trying to not break his ankles and pick up,

you'll meet that one guy that was pretty good and he'll say like, oh, the coach screwed me or I screwed up my knee and I had a transfer, right? you'll meet that one guy that was pretty good and he'll say like oh the coach screwed me or i screwed up my knee you know i had a transfer right like everybody thinks that plays basketball they were this close and when i've watched the g league over the years um you know there's a lot of guys playing going if i just get my opportunity but you played in the league you put up big numbers what do you think is the biggest separation between the 450 plus that play in the NBA and all the other players trying to get a chance?

Yeah, you know, I think I think when you're in, you know, if you watch, you know, you speak of a documentary. I think Spencer Dinwiddie really will outline it, but when you're close, as close as guys are that play in the G League, it's really taking advantage and understanding what it is in your situation and your role that makes you an NBA player. I think there are guys with talent. I think there's guys with ability. But think there's, you know, guys with ability. But I think a lot of times the separator are just those that understand, you know, what their role is.

You know, what are the kind of tangible things that will allow them to have an NBA career? And, you know, that, you know, we see that in our league day in and day out. You watch the finals it's guys like Duncan Robinson and Gabe Benson for the Miami Heat that started in the G League or Bruce Brown that played a lot

his first couple years in the G League. Those players that are able to just really figure out how they fit in the NBA and on the NBA team and bring value are the ones. You know, in football, like the old story would be, okay, you're this big-time receiver. You put up numbers in college, and then you get to the pros,

and it's like, okay, you've got to figure out a way to survive, right? Whether it's special teams, running kick coverage, you know, being somebody who can maybe get some kind of separation on first down, you're never going to be a star. You're never going to be these things in basketball. I think it's even harder because anyone that's this good to even play in the G

league means they were scoring a million points like their entire lives. Yeah. In some way, sometimes it's like redefining yourself. You know, I think sometimes, you know, and I talk to people and sometimes the most confusing or perplexing thing is like, you know, a guy was a great college player,

but yet he wasn't able to figure it out in the NBA. And, you know, sometimes that, you know, that thing that makes you special in college isn't necessarily what will transfer to the NBA game. It's a NBA game. It's a different game. And, you know, again, I think it's just the people, the players that are able to figure out how they find something that is really valuable for a team or for the NBA. And they stick to that and that allows them to have, you know, really good careers.

And, you know, other guys, you know, they play in our league or they may play other places. They're still really good players. They're, they play in our league or they may play other places. They're still really good players. They're still special talents. That skill just hadn't translated. It doesn't necessarily translate all the time. I defend the draft in all the sports

just because I think of just how much better you can get later on. You're supposed to be somebody that has an impact right away. And a lot of the success stories are like, oh, I didn't see that coming. It's like, okay, that guy figured out how to put in the right work, not just the work, the right work, and became that much better.

Whether it's the G League role you have now or just playing all those years in the league, how often would you see somebody find themselves as a player much later than when they'd actually be drafted? All the time. I think whether it was a guy like Mario Eli that played overseas and played in the old CBA and was probably a little older once he cracked and became a full-time NBA player. became a full-time NBA player. I played with guys like Mike Wilkes,

who had kind of moved between the NBA and been to D-League and, again, was a little more mature once he got his full opportunity to younger players like Jermaine O'Neal and I were the same draft. And it was not until he was traded from Portland and got to Indiana where people really got to see the talent that he was because he was behind so many really talented players in Portland. You know, so I think it happens like everyone's journey is just a little bit different. I think that's what our league stands for. You see, you know, half of Ryan, half of the first round from last year's draft played Vegeta. Brian, half of the first round from last year's draft played Vegeta, right? And, you know, so you mix that with, you know, four-year college players,

you know, some players that have been longer than four years. And I think that's really the great thing about our league is that, you know, different journeys, different paths. And it just happens for guys, you know, in different ways at different times. Sometimes everyone's journey is not the same. I remember watching ESPN's show, Life in the D-League. Obviously, as an NBA guy, I love that show as well. You really get to know the characters involved in it.

But if you look at the product then versus the product now, where is the lead? I think it's night and day. I think the investment from the NBA and from NBA teams, I think at that time, that was like probably early 2000s. Right. And I think you had, you know, eight to 10 teams and we were mostly spread out across the southeast. Right. Like places like Asheville, North Carolina and Columbus, Georgia, where, you know, now we're, this year we'll be 31 teams, 29 of them, one-to-one

relationships with NBA teams. NBA teams have 100% identified and seen the value in having their G League teams to help develop players, help players that are emerging and having yet

found their niche, coaches. And it's eight coaches that will be on NBA sidelines this year that got their start in the G League. Taylor Jenkins, Clint Snyder, Darvin Hamm. So our league overall has just really evolved into a special place for people to grow and develop and find their way. And that's a lot of what you see in the documentary, joining to the NBA.

How different is it then, kind of the stigma being, you mentioned half the first rounders are playing. Have you noticed just a far more open mind in just the last couple years with players? Granted, they're making that first round money. It's cooler to be on the NBA bench, but it just feels like because it's become more common that it's as if there's less resistance now to just go and get minutes. Without a doubt, again, I'm credited to the connection with the NBA and NBA teams, the quality of life our players have with their G League teams.

Our teams do a really good job of taking care of them, helping them grow, helping them develop. And in many ways, it's become, in some cases, a rite of passage that, you know, this is just how, you know, an organization goes through their development process. Obviously, you know, the super, super talented guys that, you know, may never play in the G League. But there are a lot of really young players that will spend time in our league and, you know, they go on to be really good players. A couple of years ago, Jordan Poole, before he kind of blew up in the playoffs and the finals, and that's just the process, I think. And there are enough stories now

and examples of players that have used the G League, the Seth Currys, the Spencer Denwoodys, Gary Payton II, that spent multiple years with us in the G League and have gone on to be really good NBA players in their own right. So we're a league opportunity.

I think the players and people view us that way. In the NBA, we know guys can be selfishly driven to get their numbers, to get their contract. But in the G League, you've got to imagine there's plenty of players selfishly driven just to get a chance at it. How do your coaching staffs, how do the front offices handle the evaluation of like, okay, we know this guy's good, but we also know what his main goal is and we're still a team here?

Yeah, again, I think the ability of teams to help guys understand what translates, right? Like the, the, the player that, you know, shoot every ball and,

you know, average 30 points, like most likely that won't be your role on the NBA team. So I think, you know, role identification, you know, helping players kind of get an understanding and grow in their understanding

of the game and team. All those things have become such an important part. The connection with the NBA team, again, I think helps that coaches in their process of growing as coaches, all of that, just that investment. process of growing as coaches, all of that, just that investment. But, you know, it comes down again with just the understanding of players and what will help them, you know, reach their goals. How has Ignite changed the G League? I think young players overall, I think Ignite is a part of the landscape

of professional basketball now, part of the landscape of professional basketball now, part of the landscape of the G League. And they're unique because it's all, not all, but that team is made up primarily of young players that are on their way to the NBA or draft eligible. So in the past, it was Jalen Green and John Dikaminga this past season, Scoot Henderson. We had a really talented group coming up this season

led by Matas Bouzelis and Ron Holland, both projected to be really high draft picks. But you couple that team and that group with, you know with again, half of the first round from the 2022 draft playing in the G League, for example, or a Mack McClellan playing

in the G League, a Mason Jones playing in the G League, and you have just an array of talent. Gabe York playing in the G League. You just have an array of talent of players from different paths, different journeys,

playing in our league, competing, and it makes for really good basketball, really good competition. I remember when you were drafted, I'm sure you probably remember it better than I do, and I remember all the numbers.

And I was like, man, this guy is putting up huge numbers. And everybody's like, hey, this guy's awesome. You never get a chance. And then you switch teams, you go home to Atlanta. And look, I'm going to be fair to you just because, not because you're on, because I think it's the truth. The teams you were on were not great teams. But then it turned into the perception of, oh, he puts up big numbers,

you know, but dot, dot, dot. How did you handle that as a young player who felt like you were doing your part but never even getting a chance to taste the playoffs? It's tough being on, you know, I guess, you know, now that I'm older, teams that weren't quite ready to win. And, you know, as a young person, as a young player, you internalize that and, you know, you take such a responsibility. You know, it wasn't until I was retired and I was working in the front office with the Kings where I started understanding, you know, building a team and how you put a team together and different things you need, you know, on the court

and off the court that, you know, I understood just how hard it really, you know, it really is. But it's, you know, you don't you know, it's not, at that time, it's not fun. Like, my experience in the NBA was great. I got to meet a lot of

outstanding people. That part of it, those early years, those are... You don't enjoy that part of it. Not being on good teams. Yeah, I guess I just want to try to dig into that a little deeper in that. It had to be really tough.

I mean, it had to be really hard to go on this top pick. I'm scoring. I'm getting boards. Everybody knows I'm really good. I have respect to other players. But, you know, it wasn't until the Sacramento run where you finally got into the playoffs and all the, you know, I'm sure it wasn't fun for you to be like, hey, longest active streak, this many games, never being in all the playoffs. Was there a moment where you were like, man, I don't know how much longer I can do this? I always had a joyful plan and loved playing, loved competing.

I never got in that place. Like I said, as a young player, I were, you know, I was drafted to a team that was the second year of the team ever, right, in Vancouver. And we were trying to, you know, build the team and build up. And like, I was really invested in that and the people I was working with, my teammates, coaches, so forth and you know that turned into you know i got the opportunity to go home but you know still so you know as i got older you know probably in that moment i tell people a story that you know my my wife once i retired she would tell me like during the season you were awful i was awful to be around right because you know you take those

things you know you take winning and losing hard um But just again, you know, when I look back on it and, you know, know what I know now, I understand how, you know, the things you need to have in place to, you know, just build successful organizations. And, you know, how young, you know, we were in those in those processes. Ryan, I probably in every organization I played for or worked for other than the Portland Trailblazers was sold during my time with those organizations or

in the process of being sold during the time I was with those organizations. All that turnover and change and transition, it doesn't bode well for building a sustainable organization. Okay. You mentioned something on the previous answer about once you got into the front office of Sacramento, you kind of understood. It was almost like, hey, this is different. What was the most revealing part of it being on the other side where you're evaluating,

you're putting together the roster versus being a player that moment? You were like, okay, this is just way more different than I realize now that I'm in it day to day. Well, one, what you actually have control over. As a player, you just think like, wow, if we just had this guy with us and this guy was on our team, it would be so much better. How hard it is to actually sign a player or draft the right player. All of those different elements you have no

idea about. What you need to have in place just from an infrastructure standpoint and stability standpoint to hire the right coaches, right performance people, to have those people around to support your team, support your

players, the continuity you need to have. That's what I talk about, the change in ownership, the continuity you need to have between the front office and ownership is, is important. So, you know, once you start seeing those things again, you know,

working in the league office, same thing. Once you start seeing the things that you need to have in place, you know, you, you understand just how, you know, how daunting those, you know, building the team and, and, and sometimes, you know, tough daunting those, you know, building the team and sometimes, you know, tough it can be. So the playing career, coaching staff, the front office and now president of the G League, how do all of those things in your background influence how you conduct yourself in this really important role now?

Well, I think, I think the thing that those different experiences have given me, you know, one is a lens and understanding of what our league is about. I understand that from, you know, players' perspective, coaches, front office, now working within the league office and the business of the NBA, if you will, being able to be a part of all those walks of life, I can use that to help guide and direct how I help illustrate the vision

and the path for the G League going forward. And then I think it allows me to be able to contribute to the league. I mean, we're a league of young players and give something to the game that is rewarding to me, I think is unique in a way that, you know, there's not very many people that, you know, have my background that are in positions like this.

I think it affords me the opportunity to be able to share insight, perspective with partners, team owners, players that is unique.

When you see somebody come along like Scoop, you know, Chandler Green and Kaminga, you mentioned before, but I fell in love with him two years ago when I was watching him because I just felt like, okay, physically,

it's all the stuff you would want at this age, which seems impossible. But give me some perspective on just watching Scoot as a former player, not even being in charge of the league. Well, I think the things that jump out to you, obviously, is for a young kid, like the physical, those are things that this is what, you know, first sight, you know, for a young kid, 17, 18 years old,

physically, his attributes, his size, strength, power, speed, you know, dynamic athlete. I think as you get to know him, you know, his character, uh, his, his work ethic, his toughness, his competitiveness, um, his, his, you know, how, how the qualities that he, he has to develop into a leader, um, how much he cares about people, cares about his teammates. Those are, you know, probably those are things where when I really look, I say, okay, these are, you know, elements about him, traits about him that bode well for him having a successful, a long and successful career. I don't know if you can even share this, but, you know, when I look at some of the changes and the opportunities for a scoot right out of high school, turning down

the biggest programs, Chainland as well, some of the international options that we'd seen. We'd see some young players before go to Australia, play New Zealand. But is that something you can even share? Because I can see from the outside being like, I wonder if they're trying to position themselves as like an even better alternative to some of the international basketball for American players,

as more competition to college basketball. Like how do you see the league positioning itself in the future as an option? Yeah, I think, you know, for young players on their path towards the NBA, I think the G League is a great option. I think the proximity to the NBA team, the talent you compete against,

the coaching that you receive, it's in the DNA of the G League to help players grow, develop, towards being really good NBA players. The landscape of basketball has evolved a great deal just over the past three or four years. And just what you said, the different options that players have, be it going overseas, college, and the landscape of college has changed.

Some of the other domestic opportunities young men have. And then the G League, and I just think we're unique in the sense that the past 20 years, our league was built on the idea of helping players develop and prepare for the NBA. So last thing, what's next for you? This is quite a resume. Yeah, look, I think I wake up every day energized to continue learning, continue growing. I think we have a lot of work to continue to do with the G League.

We talk about our documentary, G League, a journey to, to the NBA. That will be on Amazon. I think continuing to be able to build, help build a platform under G League, tell the story, tell the story to our players, help all of our teams grow. I think in,

in that, if I can, you know, be in service and be a part of that part of, of the game, you know, we'll, we'll see what, you know, be in service and be a part of that part of the game. You know, we'll see what, you know, what the future holds. But that in itself is, you know, it takes up, you know, my days and then some. And, you know, I'm excited for that. Thanks a lot, Sheree. Appreciate it.

Thank you, Ryan. The NFL Futures are out, and now's the time to get in on the action early this season, because right now, new customers get a no-sweat first bet up to $1,000. All right, so let's take a look

at some of the odds here. All right, one play that I've been looking at with different totals is who do I think might be okay in the NFC, or maybe even who I think could be terrible, but the total, or some of the betting options

for the total wins is just too tasty to pass on. All right, let's take or some of the betting options for the total wins is just too tasty to pass on. All right, let's take a look at the New Orleans Saints. The Saints are going into the season. If you look at the strength of schedule stuff that's out there, they're facing either the easiest schedule or one of the three easiest schedules. Why is that? Let's run

through their opposing quarterbacks. The Titans, week one. All right, Tannehill. Then you're taking on Bryce Young in his second game ever, Jordan Love, Baker Mayfield, Mack Jones, C.J. Stroud, Trevor Lawrence. I imagine Richardson midseason will be the start at that point for Indianapolis. Justin Fields, Kirk Cousins,

Desmond Ritter, Jared Goff, Bryce again, Daniel Jones, Stafford, Week 15. Is he going to be playing Week 16? And then at that point, is it Baker or Trask and then Ritter again? That is brutal as far as a run of opposing quarterbacks. It's great for the Saints, all right?

So if you look at the division, it's Tampa, quarterback question, Carolina, a rookie, and Ritter in his second year. So you start factoring the division, easiest schedule, opposing quarterbacks. How are there not 10 wins in there? Now, granted, we've all learned our lessons over the years of the NFL. So if we look at some of the odds right now, New Orleans to win the divisions plus 130. I don't think that's a terrible risk right there on money. There's different options for it. If you went over nine and a half wins plus 114. If you want to go 12 wins because you're feeling real dangerous and you want some kind of

value out there, like, hey, let me throw down 100, you're plus 850 over 12 wins. So that's something to look at. If you want to stay in the division, Carolina at over six and a half wins is minus 190. So I have another one that I'll give out a little bit later with a much worse team where you're risking more money, but the way the totals work, because FanDuel's so good at this, they give you different options, not just the way we grew up with it being like, hey, what's the over-under?

All right, here's the number. No, they give you three different numbers on total wins, and then they adjust the odds. FanDuel has tons of different player props, like passing yards, TDs, rushing and receiving totals, and more. Also, great team markets like to make the playoffs, win the division, and Super Bowl matchups. And you can parlay together different picks for even bigger payouts. That's up to $1,000 back in bonus bets.

If your first bet doesn't win, just go to FanDuel.com forward slash Ryan RYE and to join today. There's no better place to get ready for football season than on FanDuel, America's number one sportsbook and official sports betting partner of the NFL. So don't miss your chance to get $1,000 back in bonus bets. If your first bet doesn't win, go to FanDuel.com forward slash Ryan to sign up today. Must be 21 and older and present select states. Gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit TheRinger.com forward slash RG. First online real money wager.

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Look at the fucking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby. You want details? Fine. I drive a Ferrari. 355 Cabriolet. What's up? I have a ridiculous house in the South Fork. I have every toy you

can possibly imagine. And best of all, kids, I am liquid. So now you know what's possible. Let me tell you what's required. Life advice, lifeadvicerr at gmail.com. Okay, here we go. Baton Rouge dilemma. See if I can help you out with this. Hey, fellas, 6'1", 230, dad bod, no workout stats worthy of impressing Cerruti's attractive cousin. Whoa, dude, that's my material. And by the way, Cerruti still doesn't like it. All right, so back off. But I do have an 800 plus credit score on the mortgage lending report. So I got that going for me, which is nice. My brother Tim is celebrating a milestone birthday this year, turning 40. And his one bucket list item is to attend an LSU home game in Death Valley. We are Midwest Big Ten folks. So an SEC trip would be a rarity. That's great.

You can go home. Your friends can say, is it really that better? Much better. You'd be like, do you want me to lie to you? My other brother, no one got more upset about an advertising strategy than Danny Cannell.

Yeah, but honestly, I agree with him though. Why? It's a fucking ad campaign. I partially agree with him. You're right, but you're right. At the surface, it's an ad campaign, but those fans take it way too seriously. That's like their life motto. And I am pissed off on his behalf for that.

Right. But I would just say, if the ACC won that many championships and had that many players drafted versus every other conference, he wouldn't use those things? Correct. Correct. That's a Danny issue, though.

I just don't understand being mad at the campaign. If you go to Disney, do you walk around at the end of the three days being like, my dreams didn't come true? This is not the happiest place on earth. Yeah. Actually, is there anyone I can talk to? I've been here three days. I can think of three places right now that are happier. All right. So anyway, my other brother, Brian and I are on the customer. I guess we're just throwing it all out there today, folks. This summer, people leaving all the info in. On the custom of securing tickets and weekend accommodations in New Orleans for an October home game, we decided to ask our father to join the festivities.

He's retired, living in Texas. How about this? What great brothers. Somehow, our father took this to mean that his wife would also be invited. Our mother died about five years ago. And big shocker, neither myself nor two brothers are particularly enamored with the new wife. There is nothing overtly objectionable about

her, but she's not a drinker. Tough fit in Baton Rouge. A bit of a wet blanket and would generally spoil, which should be a fun, raucous weekend. I don't see how we could uninvite our dad, but would need advice on how to let it be known. We just want the four of us to go. Myself, my two brothers are all married,

and all our spouses are staying home. Any insight, Gratia, we appreciate it. And love the potting grass to Kyle and his recent nuptials in container store bargain hunting success. Thanks. Did you say it was a bargain?

I did not. Yeah. I did say I hit up the clearance. Got some shelf liners for $7 each, but not too much. It was pretty picked over. All right, this sucks

and you got to stop it, but it's your dad. And you obviously care enough about your dad to invite him on this trip in the first place. And you've got to think about your dad. He's retired. There's not many fucking activities coming down the pipe that are this exciting. Right? So he's going to say yes.

But that might mean that his new wife doesn't like him going. She's a little bit more controlling, perhaps, can make that assumption. Maybe she has no friends, and then she just can't fathom the idea. Like, some people are in these relationships. I'll never understand it. Because I don't have to worry about it.

Anyway, you're in a tough spot, but you need to fix it. You need to fix it. She can't come. She can't come on this trip. And I think what you have to do is make it... I mean, the obvious easy answer to a lot of this stuff is you're just going to talk to him about it, but it's like how you talk to him. And I think forceful is actually the way. So there's no gray area. You're like, hey, dad, here's the deal. He's married. I'm married. The other brother's

married. This is the 40th. This is a boy's weekend. We have been planning this for a long time or whatever the timeline is. This is about the guy's weekend. And if he's your dad, he'll understand. He has to understand. Okay. I know there's a next layer where now she's going to figure out that if he goes without her, that she's uninvited. You know, maybe I'm just too hopeful about how rational people can be about this whole thing. You also, I mean, this part sucks because if it were a friend, you could go, hey, our friend is actually going through like a rough time. And you're cool coming with us and doing the whole thing. But like, I don't know that he wants another person removed.

But you can't do that with the brothers because if you were to exaggerate that one of the brothers is going through a rough time, then dad's going to be thinking about that because he's going to be caring about his son and his well-being. So that one doesn't really work. You could make up all sorts of things about accommodations. We don't have this. We don't have that. Look, it's Louisiana.

They have a way. Maybe not Baton Rouge, but New Orleans. You'll find a way to be accommodating. So you can't sit there and say there's not going to be any hotels or any of that kind of stuff. You could argue, hey, we only got the four tickets, so you're kind of screwed there. I mean, maybe you try that one, right? That's the light one. But I think the best thing would be just being straightforward and direct going,

we are at an age, a stage of our lives where we're not getting many of these ever again. And we want one last run at it as a boys weekend. And that's all it is. It's no offense to her. We invited you because we love you and you want me to be a part of it. But I can't, like, it's not going to work. Because the thing is, you can't end up with a scenario where she comes on this weekend. Yeah. I think

full clarity is the way to go. And then you can even be like, alright, dad, be honest. Did you already tell her? Did you tell her? If that's the case, what do you need from us? He definitely told her. He definitely told her. And then she'd be like,

all right, now that this is out of the way, what do you need from us to make your life easier? Like, do you need us to say something publicly so that you could best sell this to your wife? We want you to come. We don't want you to be in the doghouse. We don't want you to be getting chewed out for coming with your sons on this thing.

So is there a way that, is there anything that us three can do to make it so that this isn't as tough for you? Because now you got to undo some of this damage. I think that's the two-pronged assault is the straight up, this is not happening. We need you though. We need you, dad.

And then also what can we do to circle up and support you in this trying time of telling your new wife she's not coming? I agree with everything you guys said. Maybe what you can do, and this kind of sucks on the wives and girlfriends situation, but can you do

a side thing with the women where they just feel left out? Maybe you guys don't live around's something. I don't know. Maybe you guys don't live around each other. I don't know. So that could throw a wrench in the works. But if you do live somewhere near each other, could you just be like to your wife,

could you just take one for the team here and like do a dinner thing so she doesn't feel left out. She still feels Barbie. But she doesn't have to go on the trip. Yeah, go see Barbie. Well, I guess it would be a little too late for that. Maybe they have a home viewing experience for it.

But I think, yeah, you're right. She can't go. She can't go. And I think the bummer thing is like your dad kind of has to understand that too. And if he doesn't, then that's, that's just, I feel bad for it. Cause that's really shitty. Um, but he has, he has to understand. I mean, you're right.

It's all about how you frame it. And you have to frame it that this is a, this is a weekend for us. We want to be with you. It's not that we don't like her, but like, this is for us to connect on, you know, we're not going to have a ton of these. You said Ryan, it that this is a weekend for us. We want to be with you. It's not that we don't like her, but this is for us to connect. We're not going to have a ton of these, you said, Ryan, for the rest of our lives. Frame it that way.

But I do think if there's a side thing that the new wife can do so she doesn't feel as bad, that's probably your best bet. Three-pronged assault. Very nice. Very nice. I don't know if there's anything else to add to that.

There isn't. But she can't be a bad version of you guys. Yeah. You knew the assignment. But I don't have some crazy backdoor, like, oh, this is the thing that no one's ever thought about. It's going to work perfectly. You know, unless you wanted to go,

hey, let's all pitch in. She can have a spa day while while dad's set her to daycare yeah right pretty much wrap her up at daycare adult babysitter okay um this one is fucking long i don't know man what do you think you up for a long one? Eh. Summertime. Top of the net. All right. Player top, right-handed D-low.

I'll typically have a bad night, but not a night where I get benched, but instead go two of 15, six turnovers as well, but those two shots or threes in the fourth quarter to make the game close with a few minutes left. Only to inevitably lose by 15 after getting torched on defense, three safe possessions in a row. However, I will occasionally have the game where I can't miss,

but it's probably because they benched their best defenders midway through the third because their whole team is firing on all cylinders. All right, that tells you that we got to... This is going to be long. Buckle up. A descriptive dude. I don't know the best way to break up my girlfriend.

I tried earlier this week unsuccessfully, which sounds stupid, but hear me out. We've only dated for a couple of weeks. And if I haven't lost you already, I'm sure I have now. They've only dated a couple of weeks and they couldn't break up. But it does get more interesting.

I really like this girl, but can already tell she isn't the one. I honestly wasn't ever super sure about us when we first started dating officially, but we knew she was kind of what I wanted and checked a lot of boxes at the time. I knew eventually I wanted to get there and thought I would. On top of that, I could tell she needed validation and concrete labeling to feel more secure about things. The main reason I was hesitant that this is the first girl I've been seriously talking to since my dad passed away last year,

and I just didn't know how I would handle it. After a few weeks of talking to her, I would just get annoyed with little things quickly and never feel like I could get any deep conversations due to my own walls being up but also because it always felt like she would have something surface level to complain about, such as an upset stomach headache or lack of drinking water all day. Like every single day. There are other little things like this as well, but I won't

bore you with the details. Thanks, Zach. I like to be there for my partner in a relationship, but more so in support of accomplishments or comforting during big problems way than, I guess I could get you a glass of water and tell you how to drink how many times over the next hour kind of way. This guy's a pretty good writer. I think that along with my past, it makes it hard to want to talk about anything too serious, but that's just not a great start to a relationship in my opinion. I've explained this

all to her, but she still wants to be together, and so currently the compromise is to reconvene at a later date and discuss further. However business-like that sounds, it makes sense in my head. LOL. Here's where the drama comes in. There's another girl as well. Whoa, shocking. Wow. That was him. I'm sure you three are

all thinking at this point, the first paragraph is just an excuse to be with a shiny new thing. And trust me, I've ordered that myself. But I know that I was thinking all of those things before this girl was ever in the picture. For context, this girl and I have been friends for a while. She even helped me get through a lot of last year with everything revolving around my dad. She had a boyfriend at the time and I was in no place to even consider having a partner at the time. She has since broken up with her boyfriend and the subsequent girlfriend is now single and ready to mingle. I didn't know this until very recently, as in less than a week, and the subsequent girlfriend is now single and ready to mingle.

I didn't know this until very recently, as in less than a week, and the timing of it all just seems messy on my end. I know she wants to be with me, but I can also recognize for the myriad of reasons we probably should wait at least a while. Fuck, I'm still technically not even single. Yeah, you are. You've only been dating two weeks. Yeah, we know this is going. Yeah, all right. You may think, well, this isn't part of the reason.

Well, isn't part of the reason you want to break up with girl number one is because your walls are open. Why would this be different? The main reason, which I kind of hinted at, is that we've been friends much longer and she knows everything about my trauma and such so that I feel more comfortable talking to her about anything and everything than someone that is relatively new in my life. Girl one and I aren't really friends, just acquaintances before we started talking, even dating.

You may think, what's the big deal? Dump her and move on. More drama incoming. The two girls know each other well. They're not core friends, but they both run in the same circles and been on sports teams together and suck. And we all used to be in a big sports hobby community together.

Legos. However, I've moved away and girl number two will be moving away soon and girl number two will be moving away soon, and girl number one will be moving away in a year or so. Remember, let's all remember that fact. Girl number one, the first girl that Disney wanted to date, tried to break up with last week, that's only been dating for two weeks, and not really dating, but she's moving away in a year.

But we all stay in touch with the community, and we'll likely do so moving forward. How old was this guy again? He didn't say. You're very young, I would imagine. Here's a heads up, you're not all going to stay in touch for the rest of your lives. I don't want to hurt, we're almost done here, girl number one's feelings because I do care about her. I just know she isn't the one.

She's far more into me, which makes it hard. And oh, did I mention her sister said, quote, oh, he's way out of your league day one. Sweet sister. So this guy's hot. We got a hot, verbose dude here. Which I don't think is super accurate or relevant, but girl number two would be maybe more my league.

So it's not that girl number one is less attractive than me. It's that girl number two is more attractive. It's just too good for D3 basketball, this guy. Yeah. It's foray. Again, not something I was thinking about, but I don't want her to question her own self worth after I dump her.

It feels like it would be better for her to hate my guts and think I'm an awful person who saw flaws in nothing. Yeah, I used to love that. Be like, I hope this person hates me instead of actually have to talk about it and have a reason. Then of course, I could just be someone

who just went to another girl right away. If that makes sense, it does in my brain, I guess. I don't think pictures for reference are relevant as I couldn't care less about looks. Big personality guy over here, meshing well with all that matters as long as you've reached a threshold of attracted to each other, which is true

in both cases here. I think potentially I'm just looking for ways to do this without feeling like a shitty person. However, that may be an inevitability. Alright, a couple things. You are very smart. And what can happen with people that are smart is you overthink the fuck out

of things, which is exactly what you just did here and what you've been doing here for weeks, man. People fucking break up. All right. And there's usually one person that isn't thrilled about it. As another overthinker, I see all the stuff here, right? There comes a time where you have to stop thinking you're so fucking special that the other person's life is going to be ruined if you break up after two fucking weeks. She's going to be bummed out. It's not going to be great for her. There will be a person that has different feelings about you, but it's so obvious that you're not the girl number one, and it may not even be about girl number two. You're not into girl number one.

Maybe the walls are accurate. Maybe girl number one, if you were in a different place, if you were more open, there was no girl number two, maybe these things are all working out. But every one of us, male, female, need to stop thinking that we're so fucking special, that our egos are so inflated that we're ruining the lives of the other person

that we don't want to be with. Because a lot of times, you're doing that person a favor, all right? So I'd imagine a little more seasoning, being around a little bit longer, you'd become desensitized to what you think you're imposing on this other person. So yeah, I would be more clear. Clearly you didn't close,

meaning you got together with her, but you couldn't close getting out part. Um, there's, there's no way to even be in a relationship like this where the other person thinks that they're going to get dumped every other week. It's, it's agonizing for them. So you could even say, Hey, I'm not into this the way you are into it. And I want to be clear. And what's even worse is if you're leaving here today saying, well, at least I salvaged this, that's only going to add more stress and anxiety moving forward the rest of the relationship because this is how I feel right now. And so staying together in some do-it-yourself way, some spackle and duct tape,

like it's not going to hold. It's not going to be a long-term solution to this. So you'd actually be signing up for a way worse deal than just the uncertainty of dating somebody in the beginning. Right? That she needed these labels and all this different stuff. The thing the sister said is super fucked. Unless they have that kind of relationship, I guess. But I would stop.

As smart as it can be to try to attack everything from every single angle, you're doing way too much of it here. Way too much of it. You don't want to be with her. And you potentially might want to be with girl number two. And they're both fucking moving. So who knows what's going to happen, man. Just step back, deep breath,

whatever happens, happens. A little more Zen approach to the whole thing. All right. It's going to be a year from now in a year. There's nothing you can fucking do about it. Right. So stop, stop stressing yourself out and also stop thinking that like, because this isn't even a criticism, but it can be very true in relationships when the ego, and I don't know that this person's like an egomaniac, but you can start to think like everything revolves around you and then you're responsible for everyone's feelings around you when it's like, no, that's probably, that's not going to be the case. Yeah, I think you got to ask yourself,

do I have the stones to straight up break up with her because I'm not into this? And if not, I think you still have to end up broken up with this whole thing. So I think you should probably try to find the stones to break up with her and say that you're not into this, whatever. But if not, maybe you just might have to pick a fight

over a small thing and then just turn up the asshole and then you leave. Just amplify that part of yourself. That's such a great call. Text the sister. Be like, so, you think I'm hot? But I think, yeah. Word on the street is you think my vibes are fire. Sorry.

That's what you're putting down. I was trying to do something that was an old guy sounding down. It sounds like, too, the issue, obviously, is that he is, like, he doesn't, one, he doesn't want to hurt this girl's feelings that he's breaking up with, which is understandable, but I mean, 99% of times you break up with somebody they're not going to be pumped about it is what it is to grow up

and just get over it. But I also understand, like, not wanting to compound that with then dating someone that she knows right away and then it makes her feel worse. Like, that does make you feel like a shitty person. So, like, if it was just a straight breakup, I'd say, alright, yeah, just break up with her, man. Like, you don't like her. It, and then it makes her feel worse. That does make you feel like a shitty person. So if it was just a straight breakup, I'd say, all right, yeah, just break up with her, man. You don't like her.

It's like you're doing her a favor. But I understand why he's like, I also don't want to add this other layer of emotion to her at a very fragile time. Can you just really slow play? She obviously knows you're kind of with this other girl. They know each other. Can you kind of come to some agreement where like, hey, let's just start dating. Take it kind of slow.

Don't make anything. Don't put any labels on it officially. I know she's moving in a year or two, but just like don't make it Facebook official a week from now after you just broke up with this other girl. Just slow play it a little bit. I think you'll be fine. Sneak around a little bit. Yeah. It's exciting. You seem really

confident in the other girl that she's very into you. So I, again, she has to know that you're with this girl right now. So I don't know. She probably has the same feelings too. I'm assuming she doesn't want to just jump in a relationship with you right away because people are going to start judging.

And it is what it is that you shouldn't care that much about that. But still, it is what it is. So just slow. Everybody's moving. Everybody's moving and you're young and you're in this young space of thinking that you're all going to hang out all the time. You're not going to hang out all the time.

You're going to lose touch. And if you think girl number two really is this special and you've only dated this girl a couple of weeks and they were on a fucking soccer team together in Chicago suburbs. You know, I didn't even know if it was Chicago, but I'm just, I guess I always, whenever I think of like adults in intramurals, I always think of Chicago. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. There you go. Capital. Adult intramural capital of the world. Chicago. Did I interrupt you, Suri?

I kind of did. No, that's all I really had. I mean, I know it sucks, but... Breaking up sucks. I think sneak around. At least you're not her. I really like the makeup of fake thing. Yeah, maybe to harken back really like the makeup of fake thing. Like, yeah, maybe she just,

to harken back to one of our previous emails, she says, Hey, I have in this dream, just blow up. Be like, I don't fucking care about dreams. Shut up.

And then boom, you're out. Right. Did you like a Chalamet post? What are you fucking them? Just make it like the craziest thing ever. Uh, the unreasonable.

I DM'd like there was somebody incredibly famous who was going through it pretty bad. And I was with some girls at a dinner and we were talking about it. And I was like, I'll just send her a DM, tell her to keep her head up. And somebody saw the DM. It was like, are you fucking serious? And I was like, did you think I was doing that?

Thinking like, oh yeah, no, I'm not that far from the beach. I got a boat. Like it was a joke for the dinner, but she couldn't understand like that sense of humor. She just was like, wait, but why did you DM her? I go, I DM'd her for the table. I DM'd her for the entertainment of somebody who's definitely never going to get back to me. Like, oh, thanks, whatever. It was the absurdity of

sending a DM to somebody you knew was never going to respond to you just to show like, hey, keep your head up, rooting for you, prayer hands. And again, if you know me, that actually checks out a little bit more. But if the other person doesn't know me or doesn't know the other girls that I was friends with in doing this, she's like, were you like trying to make a play? How about that guy's wife

that caught him hitting up Dua Lipa? Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just firing hail at her. That is weird though. That is a red flag. So if she didn't know you super well, yeah, I'd understand why she'd be like,

wait, is this one of those guys that like randomly DMs super famous people just to see? That is kind of a creepy thing. Hail Mary. So maybe you could do that. Alright, thanks to Kyle. Thanks, Steve. Brian Russo of Podcast Springer Spotify. We'll be right back. Call 1-800-NEXT-STEP or text NEXTSTEP to 53342 in Arizona. 1-800-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org.

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