The Ryen Russillo Podcast - Tedy Bruschi. Plus, Arizona Head Coach Jed Fisch

Episode Date: February 5, 2021

Russillo shares some thoughts on the legacy stakes for Super Bowl LV (1:30), before talking with 3x Super Bowl champion Tedy Bruschi about meeting Tom Brady for the first time, watching Tom grow as a player, the Patriots dynasty, Travis Kelce vs. Rob Gronkowski, the risk of blitzing Patrick Mahomes, Tedy’s Super Bowl pick, and more (8:00). Then Ryen is joined by head coach of the Arizona Wildcats Football team Jed Fisch to talk about finally having his own team, establishing a team identity, grassroots recruiting, enlisting Tedy Bruschi as a college football advisor, and more (30:00). Finally Ryen answers some listener-submitted Life Advice questions (1:03:30) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

hey what's up it's ryan rossillo and this is my podcast on the bringer network spotify thank you for checking it out today teddy bruski super bowl stories brady stories he's known brady a long time so we'll get you ready for the super bowl and his breakdown of this game and teddy played at arizona and jed fish the new head coach of the Arizona Wildcats football team, getting his own program after 20 years as an assistant. So excited to kind of do that. We'll do some life advice at the end. We've got a lot of interviews on the show today and a couple of life advice. So I'm going to make this short because something is happening in the force to try to figure out a way to do a topic.

And I love doing it, too. All right. Had to do it a long time. Still do it somewhat. Try to tighten it up a little bit because I'm not on 15 hours a week, but it's like, okay, so let's look at this. What was one of the go-tos all the time? Hey, which quarterback has the most pressure? Let's rank them. All right. Done it a million times. Actually kind of like it. I've constantly done that. Which quarterbacks are going to change?

If you talk quarterbacks and you talk NFL, you can't really lose. Cause everybody's really interested in it. Right. I was doing a radio show the other day. They're like, Hey, we counted up 20 potential changes at quarterback. I'm like 20 seems high. I'm like, I'm pretty on this topic.

20 seems a little high. Okay. And now going into this game, the discussion is what, you know, Brady, I don't know when it kind of felt like, Hey,

there's really not much to add to this anymore until he just keeps adding to it. Maybe it was the Atlanta comeback where whoever was going to anti-brady that day is like look i can't you know i can't really do this i know i've made the mistake just because of the way it normally works with quarterbacks where i think it was after maybe the second giants loss which is now 10 years ago where you're like you know i don't know how much more you know this window is probably closing i mean there's even times where i think the lebrron-Brady comparisons are apt because we're seeing guys extend careers and play in ways

that we've never, ever seen before. I mean, this is ridiculous, but both of these players are doing. The funny thing is that even though this is going to sound stupid out loud, it's probably less taxing on Brady's body to play quarterback the way he plays quarterback now than it is to play a full NBA season the way LeBron plays basketball. I'm serious. Really think about that. Don't just miss it immediately and be like, are you kidding me? Football is so much rougher. Brady just knows

how to protect his body. In a way, it feels a little bit about your backyard full-time QB thing, snap, read, make the throw, and you're not really getting hit that often. Maybe I'm crazy on that one. Some might think that I am. But the Brady part of it, there are the rare people where LeBron's chasing somebody in Jordan here. Brady's not chasing anybody.

The entire football generation that follows him will be chasing him, and it's only going to be for quarterbacks. And the one guy that some people seem to think has a chance at this is Patrick Mahomes. Now, Mahomes may in fact be the greatest we've ever seen play the position. But if you're going to start saying that kind of stuff, you have to give it 10 years. You can't just start putting people in the Hall of Fame after eight weeks. And Mahomes should probably have another MVP, but it doesn't look like he's going to win it. Maybe he wins another Super Bowl back-to-back years. He arguably could have had three, but we also know what the rules are with that. If you win a handful, there's an argument that you probably

should have a couple more, or maybe you have a few less. I mean, even with the Miami Heat, should they have one more? I don't know. When they had that group together, could they have had one less with the Ray Allen shot? Yeah, absolutely. The Golden State Warriors, should they have five in a row? You could make that argument. Draymond gets thrown out, up 3-1, changes everything, and then Kyrie and LeBron

are incredible in games to close out the rest of that series and one of the great comebacks we've ever seen in sports. And then Durant gets hurt and Toronto fans cheer it, by the way. So, you know,

Golden State could have five if Cleveland's healthy the first time around. Maybe they have two. Brady has the right number, whether it ends up staying at six or seven Super Bowls in his 10th appearance. But if you are going to,

whether with your friends or somebody who's paid to do this for a living, go, this is the first step of Mahomes surpassing Brady, there's a lot of fucking work to do. As great as Mahomes is, and I'm not,

if you're telling me he's the best that's ever done it, I'm not going to tell you you're wrong, but then we're talking about something different with resumes. And if Mahomes were to beat Brady and have two and go, all right,

I just have to make it to eight more and win four, then I think you're being a tad dismissive of how hard it is to actually do that. Because as I use the other examples and the human nature part of it, where maybe there's a year where Mahomes isn't super into it. Maybe there's a year there's a ton of injuries. Maybe there's a year where they're up against it cap-wise and they have to make some tough decisions. Maybe it's a two-year stretch where they have bad draft picks. Maybe it's a year where's a ton of injuries. Maybe there's a year where they're up against it cap-wise and they have to make some tough decisions. Maybe it's a two-year stretch where they have bad draft picks.

Maybe it's a year where they lose a bunch of free agents because people want winners from the Chiefs. Maybe Andy Reid retires. Maybe Mahomes has a second and third act, much like Brady's had. But you just pencil Mahomes in for eight more appearances if he wins on Sunday and say, yeah, he'll probably get four and that matches him at six and he'll have the head to break.

That's like saving $1,000 and shopping for Ferraris. All right. And maybe $1,000 feels a little dismissive of what Mahomes has accomplished or may accomplish this weekend, but you get the point. So if you see any of my guys

out there on Monday, if Mahomes wins this, and look, I'm picking the Chiefs. If you see anybody doing that, again, to repeat, I think it's being a bit dismissive of what Brady has actually done, which is, by the way, something no one has ever come close to doing at the position in the history of this game. Three-time Super Bowl champ, Teddy Bruschi next. Legend and a guy I really enjoyed getting to know back at espn it's teddy

bruski what's up man it's good to talk to you ryan man it's good to see you again man yeah yeah this is great this is like old times all right so let's have some fun here i want to i want to go back your rookie year you play in the super bowl against green bay that loss with drew bledsoe so you're like right out of the gates your successful Parcells is there. It takes a few years, but six years later, you're there with Brady against the Rams. What were your first impressions of Brady? Because as people maybe outside of the area don't understand, like the Brady-Bledsoe thing took on a world of its –

it was unbelievable. And then here's Brady leading him to the Super Bowl, and you come in with Bledsoe. So where were you at, like first impressions with this Brady guy? Loved him. I mean, he was a friend of mine. Everybody like if you're the backup quarterback, you, you have time to make relationship with a lot of people, you know what I mean? You don't play a lot and all that. So a lot of people had good relationship with relationships with Tom, but my, my impressions were, he was just more of a conservative player. I mean, he was the guy that was going to come in and take care of the football,

make the right decisions, and manage the game at first. Charlie Weiss was the offensive coordinator then, so it was a lot of Kevin Falk. It was like short little passes. It was like taking care of the football, and then us sort of playing that whole offense, defense, special teams, field position game, complementary football, but he would just do the right things, which is, as a player, I guess, that was my initial impression of him.

Because I had a thought, and I could be completely wrong, but you get off to this tough start, Drew goes out in that Jets game, and then I felt like the team was starting to run the football a little bit better then i thought the defense was coming around and so as a bledsoe guy because you're so right like it's been so long now with tom is that tom would in those early years would have been talked about as a guy every monday should we replace him because he wasn't asked to do that much and he wasn't throwing the ball down the field he wasn't pushing it you know we'd be talking about him in 2021 going like i don't know you know there's some there's a ceiling

there and it's kind of low and then he becomes you know maybe the greatest ever but i felt like the team became more of a team and i don't know if that was just something where all these other areas improved or as football guys would tell me be like no you don't get it like tom has a thing about him that you don't understand that's beyond stats where everything is just coming together and he has more to do with that than the other elements of the game being better and I never knew if that were true or not what do you think there's a I mean there's a little bit of both Ryan because I mean Tom was getting better as a player but slowly um it was a style offensively that we had to, I mean, you pound Antoine Smith, the offensive line was getting better, you know, the run game, conservative sort of play,

game plan shots. I mean, I'll say that, but they picked their times when they would push it down the field, but really it was like a perfect combination of Brady's growth, Vinatieri's growth on defense, our growth as players. Seymour, I mean, was recently, he was very, very young. I myself was just learning to play linebacker out of defensive end from the University of Arizona. Ty Law was coming into his own. Lawyer Maloy was young up and coming in that 2001 team. Willie McGinnis was probably the most veteran presence

because he was there for a few years with Parcells. But as you can see, I mean, it all sort of like blended at the same time to where, you know, a couple timely things happened during that playoff run, like things that you'd never expect to see happen, almost like things that Cleveland Browns needed this year to get all the way. They needed a punt return for a touchdown or they needed a block kick, those type of things. So all of those things happened and we got that first championship that year. Then after that, I mean, Tom just continued to improve with a lot of those younger elements that I've mentioned. How important was that week 10

regular season matchup for you against the Rams? Yeah. To, to beat them. I don't know if you beat them, if you hadn't played them in the regular season. Right. Right. That was really, I mean, young teams that are, that are growing. I can say this now. I mean, it's like, you never will call it a moral victory, but you look back at it and it was for us in terms of the things that we could pull away from it,

knowing how good the Rams were. Falk, Warner, all those weapons that receiver, great defense too at that point, I'm pretty sure. So, I mean, having come away from that game and knowing at the end,

we just couldn't stop them to get the ball back for our offense. And they were that good offensively. So we just came away from that knowing that we were close. And for a team, there are certain, there are just certain phases of championship teams

that you have to go through eventually. And the early phases are, you have to have those type of moral victories, if you will, like you're playing a team that you know is one of the best in the league, if not the best, and then just say that we hung with them. So we're doing things right. And that really did a number for us in terms of confidence. I remember that. I think the line, I don't know if it was Bill or it may have been Kurt on the other side because Bill isn't all that forthcoming in anything,

even early Bill, but it was they blitzed us. Yeah, I think Kurt said it. He's like, they blitzed us as soon as we got off the bus. It felt like you blitzed them whenever you possibly could in that regular season matchup, but that's not what you did in the Super Bowl. So when you were prepping for that game, what were those conversations like,

okay, schematically like this is where we're at now since we did this in week 10 yeah it was i mean it was oh that first game was more you know pass rush get to the quarterback blitz those type of things and then in a second game shift in terms of how we worded it it was more for for pass route disruption rather than, you know, pass rush, sacrificing pass rush for pass route disruption. And so that's a whole, that's a totally different mindset in terms of, instead of getting after the passer, hitting these guys on the way to your responsibility. So we changed it that way. Our focus then switched to Marshall Falk, which was, you know, the one in terms of flat routes and quick little passes for Kurt Warner, even taking a defensive end to hit him. So our philosophy changed. You're right, from that first game to the second. And that helped us win a lot. the Superbowl coming up. I mean, I just,

I've been watching film this week too. Sorry to go off of sort of tension here, but that first game, the chiefs played the Buccaneers when Tyree kill had like 200 yards in the first quarter. Or I think it was, that's what you won't see. I mean, that type of man coverage and letting him run free. Now there has to be a shift. We'll see if Todd Bowles has that shift for them to win a championship, but definitely for us in that first one, we switched it up for like night and day. Okay. Let's stay there then,

because that was, it looked like single coverage, but sometimes with Hill, you don't realize the safety actually was in the play and it's just, it doesn't matter. So what was Bowles who I think we all love and they did adjust. And so, you know, I've talked about this before this week. I don't know if 27-24 is a better indicator of 17-0 is a better indicator where these two teams are at. But what happened in your eyes from them trying to figure out like, okay, whatever we're doing here, this is a disaster. as a defensive coordinator was like, my plan was wrong. And so switch it up because later in that game, you see how deep they are playing off. And then, you know, Patrick Mahomes, he's that type of quarterback. All right, the equation tells me that's not there anymore.

Then I got to go underneath and we got to earn it. So coming off the beginning of the game, even the safety over the top was more middle of the field. I mean, no, no, no. You see Tyreek Hill over there? You got to go over to more middle of the field. I mean, no, no, no. You see Tyreek Hill over there, you got to go over to that side of the field. So I think that's the adjustment they made in game. So I don't think they'll make those mistakes early now. I mean, so that's going to be taken away. The 200 plus yards of production, Patrick Mahomes on fire, that very first quarter is going to be taken away. It's going to be much more competitive.

One of my favorite times hanging out with you back in Bristol was, I think it was a Le'Veon Bell-Pats game coming up. And I just knew Le'Veon Bell against them is pointless because Bill's going to preach all week. And it was funny because you and I are talking. And then for those who don't know how intense Teddy still is, and this is why I love the guy, we're in suits getting mic'd up behind the set of SportsCenter

and Teddy's grabbing me and going, this is what we're doing. He goes, a two-yard loss is a loss. He goes, line of scrimmage is a win. You don't want to attack Le'Veon Bell behind it because that means then he's going to get you. So you hold up and he's like, grab me. He's like, and you hold up, get off the block. He's like, and then just line of scrimmage and then contain, contain,

contain. And I'm like, this is, this is awesome. You know, and I'm texting my buddies after the fact. I was like, you know, Teddy was, was running me through some drills. I was like, fucked up my suit a little bit, but we're good. We're good. This, this approach that Bowles has with the speed that he has on the edge, knowing that they blitz like everybody, their blitz rate is off the charts that he has on the edge, knowing that they blitz like everybody,

their blitz rate is off the charts the second half of the season, but that Mahomes is the worst possible guy to blitz in the NFL since he became the starter. What do you do with that chess match? If you want to be stubborn and say we are a do what we do team, and then Patrick Mahomes will be raising a Lombardi at the end of the day. That's just the thing. So I think that the adjustment is, I mean, you take away, you got to say, so we were meetings a lot of times with Peyton Manning and Bill would come in

and tell the front seven or the front four rushers that, Hey fellas, yeah, we got problems in the back. You're going to have to win with four up front and get to the passer. You have to do this or we're not going to win. I mean, putting more of an emphasis on the players and just making it black and white, like we can't do this. This is what happens if you do this. You want to win?

This is how it has to be. So like Shaq Barrett, Ndamukong Jason Pierre Paul I mean if you want to Bowles will switch it up to where he'll even drop a lineman out and send Devin White he loves sending his linebackers change it up a little bit that way but it's got to be less blitz in here and more help to the coverage on Kelsey and Hill I mean more Kelsey in the red area from the 20s to the 20s I just don't think you can stop them it's going to you got to you got to limit them. But you want to continue to blitz. It's not going to work.

And Todd Bowles has to realize that. Is Kelsey better than Gronk? Oh, man, it's Kelsey better than Gronk. This I'll tell you where Kelsey is better at Gronk. And what I think he's better at is watch him when he catches the football. He's a great hand catcher. And when he gets the ball right there, his body is already contorted to where he's moving up the field. So he's ready to run right after the catch like that. Better than Gronkowski in terms of run after the catch type of receiver. He might as well be a wide

receiver all the time. He's lining this place from the line of scrimmage. But that's where I think he's one of the best that I've ever seen at the tight end position, catching it, and then he has already turned his body and looking upfield before that's tucked away under his three points of contact there. That's what I think he's so special at. And this isn't a criticism of Kelsey,

but you'll notice some drops every now and then from him. But this actually makes sense based on what you're saying is because you know a lot of guys have dropped because they're already thinking about what they're going to do after the fact but the drops are worth the payoff to all the yards after the catch like this so this is exactly because i'll notice sometimes like he'll be at the line or maybe he's two two yards shy the first down marker and it's like oh okay that's that's what it was it's not that he doesn't have great hands it's just that that's really interesting that he's already ready to go yeah and also i mean the way reed the way reed uh uses him because of his ability i mean i went back and watched a uh anyway what was it a chiefs patriot game from a couple years ago when he was

lined up the quarterback so look for that in the super bowl where he's lined at quarterback he'll do some zone read stuff and he'll be like a short yardage runner that in the Super Bowl where he's lined at quarterback. He'll do some zone read stuff and he'll be like a short yardage runner, that type of player too. So he's that talent. What have you seen from Tom this year in comparison to, let's say, like the last two years with Bill's offense?

And I don't call it Bill's offense, but you know what I mean, Belichick. Right, right. I mean, I've seen him you know take a team and try to literally mold them into something better as players individually

and he takes it personally in terms of forming individual relationships with every single player so he get to that so he can get to them and make them believe that what he's saying works. So, I mean, for example, almost like, you know, getting on the good side of your running backs and letting them know that I see cover two, I'm still going to throw it to you,

and you just got to catch it. Because Ronald Jones and Leonard Fournette have had problems over and over again catching the football, even in the championship game. I think Fournette dropped a couple on the first drive. Tom's still going to keep giving them that chance, that opportunity to do that. That type of, you know, faith from your quarterback, that type of development in terms of relationship and trust,

that's what I've seen him do. Because that tongue lashing he gave them earlier in the year, what was that, the Chicago game. I really thought that got him so flustered to where he's trying to do everything that he even forget forgot about the whole down situation. But as that gets better and the players start to come along, they start having less penalties. They start catching the football. That's really the thing that I've seen him do this year. It isn't like, oh, there's B. no risk it, no biscuit, and all that stuff. He's making it work with a different group of players

and bringing them along with him and changing the culture. It's impressive. Physically, I think he looks so much better. I think there's this. I've been saying this all year, but the tour, I don't know what the hell it is, but the way he is pushing the ball down the field. Look, we can talk about lack of personnel and short throws, different offense,

but I think the zip that he's just had on the football, the Carolina game, he missed some throws because he was just powering the ball down the field. I don't know that I've seen this version in a while. I just wonder what you thought. Yeah, the arm looks good. I mean, I wouldn't even put it past him to where and the season's over. I mean, he's still got some things that he has to heal up. I mean, it's a 43 year old body, but he just knows how to deal with it all. I mean, maybe it's the

weather it's warm down there. That old arm feels good. Those types of things. But, uh, you can tell he doesn't look old, you know, when he plays. That Saints game and then Breeze on the other side, there was like a stark difference in terms of one guy's done. The other guy's still got a lot left. And that's what I saw in Brady and how he was throwing the football. So I'm with you on that. I mean, it's amazing.

I mean, this guy, he feels he's got it figured out in terms of his football fountain of youth. And the more and more he goes, the more and more people start to believe that. Are you jealous of him at all at 43? Am I jealous of him? No, I wouldn't say jealous. I talk to him and I try to get some secrets, you know? What do I need to do? How do I need to hydrate better?

How do I need to do this? How do i need to do this how do i need to do that it's like always teddy all right go over to tv 12 they'll take care of you down there in foxborough and maybe i'll go over there but uh no i'm not jealous no because uh yeah he's a secretive guy he's a secretive guy so when you were like hey i'm trying to call him because the health secrets yeah he'll he'll share those with you but i i knew even even with you you know he just he'd be like i don't know if I can trust you. Here it is. I mean, the jealousy comes in for this, I guess, Ryan,

because if I could have still played, I would have kept playing. And I think that's a – I guess that's not with everybody. I mean, because Tom's got that mentality. I sort of have the same thing. Like, if I can do it, why not? I love it so much. I want to keep going. You know, it's the reason why I try to play so long too. But I mean, he, that's why I think as long as he's feeling good, I mean, he's got that attitude of why stop other guys are like, you know, I've played 15, won a championship, made a lot of money. I'm good.

You know, they just want to walk away. That that's that's never a part of his thought process okay so i don't pretend to know him at all um but i think i know the way he would be wired because i feel like okay he gets drafted they take a chance on him bill gives him this opportunity no one one is more important to the program. There's no one player that's more important to the program than Bill's approach. And I would never argue against Bill's approach because it's stupid to. But there has to be a part of Brady where he is like, this is awesome. Like just some personal revenge, knowing that he's playing in a Super Bowl.

And I'm not saying he's rooting against the Patriots, but knowing that he's here and that any other franchise, he would still be with the Patriots. If it weren't the Patriots, the other 29 franchises, Brady would have come back and they would have found a way. And Bill didn't want to find that way. And now here we are. Knowing the limited amount I know about his personality,

he must love this deep down, even though he'll never admit it. I would agree. I would agree that there is a tremendous amount of satisfaction with Tom. I mean, there was a lot of doubt. I'm sure there was a lot of self-doubt, a lot of thoughts that he had once he left New England in terms of this is all I know now. So he's venturing into a trail that he has, he doesn't have the answers for, you know? And so with that, I'm sure he had a little bit of doubts. So answering all those questions, I already mentioned it, the blow up on the sideline

when he was yelling at his teammates, it didn't seem like that was constructive, but that type of blow up, that almost shows that it got to him a little bit, you know, how difficult it was for him. I mean, so I think now at the end of the year, I mean, even VA talked about it, how they're going to be better at the end than the beginning. It was obvious and all of that stuff, all of it to come together. And luckily for him, he does have a great defense with him. I mean, I'm sure he's thinking to himself, man, I wasn't sure, but this is incredibly satisfying to know that there's more to me and more to my success than just the way Bill Belichick's formula was, because that's all he had for 20 years. So that type of question he answered

himself and he answered it in fact emphatically what's it like to be yelled at did he ever yell at the defense like you got to be i mean brady could probably get away with it but did i just always wonder what those tongue lashings are like from a guy like that no no he wouldn't he'd yell at us just sort of terms of talking trash i mean mean, the defenses, I was a part of. He tried to come at us like that. We would have kicked his ass, man. I know, something like that. But no, it was always competition with him. Everything was competition, you know,

and so the yelling really was back and forth in terms of, we got him on this play, a competition red area period. We get him on that play, that type of thing. Betting him 20 bucks if I intercept him in practice and making sure he puts the 20 bucks in my locker, those type of things. For any little competition things, we're always good with him. Do you get kind of a kick out of, like, here's this kid, the bad body from the combine picks.

I think he was wearing his Yankees hat on backwards, which no one cared enough because he was the backup. I know there's a place that I used to bartend at. They'd be like, yeah, Brady used to come out. Do you miss or kind of laugh about the goofy backup who everybody got along with? Because everybody that gets to know him really likes him and turning into this superhero who you just,

he can't even go outside. Yeah, I think his good friends know that guy's still in him though. You know, he's still, that guy still comes out a little bit knowing that it's like, okay, you've done all this and all that Tom, but man, you're, you're sometimes you're a dork, you know, those types of things. So that's still in him. I think that what's great about it is where he is right now and where he started. I mean, nothing was given to this kid. This wasn't Peyton Manning, the number one overall pick.

And there are different levels, I guess, of gratitude. Is it harder to maintain over 20 years or is it harder to build it and then maintain it? I mean, so to be respected in itself to where once he achieved it, he still was the best five. So that makes him a little bit more relatable to a lot of guys in the locker room too, which helped him in terms of leadership. Who are you picking?

Who am I picking? I'm going to pick the Tampa Bay Bucs, man. I'm going up against my buddy there. But I think there's going to be a player on defense that's going to be the MVP. I'll save that one for Sunday NFL countdown. But I'll probably go with the Bucs and my buddy, man.

Teddy Bruschi, three-time Super Bowl champ. Enjoy this week. I know you're going to enjoy the game, and I always think the connection to Tom is really cool, and hopefully we catch up again soon. So thanks, man. Thanks, buddy. Good talking to you. We're going to talk with Jed Fish, the new head coach,

the Arizona football team next. I've been looking forward to this and I'm really happy for this guy. Jed Fish is now the head coach of the Arizona Wildcats football team. Probably seen a lot of stuff on social media. These guys have been on a tear

the last couple of days. So first of all, Jed, congrats on all this, man. I'm really excited for you. Thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. It's really an awesome time and an awesome opportunity for us. And it's just so much fun.

You know, it's something that you and I talked about. I remember three, four years ago talking about the chance to be able to do this. And it's just a really cool deal, really awesome opportunity. And just everything's been great. Everything's been great. And every part of it's been awesome. So let's go through your run. But I want to start with the newest news. You're named the head coach in December.

And right. I mean, you have coached everywhere at both levels. You've gone back and forth. But how did this come about with Arizona? Because you were with New England this past year. And I'm sure at certain times you're wondering like, okay, what's going to be next? Am I staying here? So how does that come out?

Because the coaching life is not an easy one. Yeah. Well, what happened was I interviewed for this job three years ago or four years ago, I guess when I was at UCLA in 2017, um, I was named the interim head coach before, um, a game against Cal. We played Cal, we beat Cal one to a bowl game, which was in Arizona. And, um, they let go of Rich Rodriguez right after the bowl game. And they interviewed me for the head coaching job then. That was a time they went on and hired Coach Sumlin and I went to the ramps. But I've always kind of had an affinity for this area. I've always loved the West Coast.

Obviously, the Pac-12 was great when I was in it. I really enjoyed it. And so all of a sudden, three years later, they make a coaching change, and we get a phone call really the day before we play the Dolphins, which was week 15 of the season, or 14 of the season, and asked if I'd be interested in revisiting. And that's kind of how it all started. I love the idea of, like, all the stuff that we don't know. Okay, now you've been around it and I'm going to share the resume with everybody here shortly

so they fully understand who we're talking to. But now that you've fulfilled the, like, okay, you finally get your own program, the to-do list must be kind of horrifying. Even if you're preparing for this for years, there must be so much, whether it's the early signing period when you get signed and then you get to deal with the transfers because they were there because of the other guy and all these things. Is there a moment you're like, holy shit?

You know, it's crazy. Like I said the other day, I said, I must be driving everyone crazy because for the last 10 years, I've dreamt of this job at my, I made my own to-do list of what I wanted it to look like, you know, and I think I'm trying to get all 10 years of information like packed in 30 days. I'm like, well, we need to do this. We need to do a, we educate Wednesday. We need to do a black history month education period. We need to do, Hey, what are we doing for recruiting? What are we doing for this? What are we doing for that? We need to get our offense right. And I think all the people in this building right now are like, can you slow down for one second? And I said, no, it's been about 10 years of a list that I'm trying to get checked off. And then all of a

sudden, while you're trying to get your list, you're getting their lists, right? You're getting the administration's list and the alumni and the fundraising aspect of it. And then it has become a little bit of like, all right, I need to just relax here and figure out what is the priority? like, all right, I need to just relax here and figure out what is the priority? What isn't the priority? What do we need to do? And that's been a really unique aspect of it. What's been surprising about it? Was there anything that was surprising? I think that I've always, I tell you the most surprising part of it is I've always thought you can, you know, so you're a head coach. You now get to kind of dictate your own schedule. You get to really figure out what's most important and focus in on that.

And I think what I've now learned is when you become a head coach, your schedule is dictated for you. You have no idea what's most important until after the fact, once you get involved in it. And then most important until after the fact, once you get involved in it. And then you are figuring out like, well, I just missed out on this football meeting because I just went to this fundraising meeting. And now not only am I not dictating the schedule, I'm just reacting to whatever schedule is given to me. And that's really where these first 45 days have become so unique. And I think really, Ryan, because of the fact it was recruiting as well.

Like signing day was yesterday, and we had to sign 18, or we signed, what did we sign? We added like 13 players to the class. It's like while you're trying to do that and catch up with everything else, it just became a lot. Okay, so what's the recruiting pitch? The number one part of it is we're taking an approach of it's personal. I don't know if you, you know, I've kind of mentioned that a bunch through social media, but as I was developing really the very first, when I was thinking about the interview that

I was on an airplane flying back from the Dolphins game and thinking about like, all right, what is my message going to be here? And it was one of which I said, you know, it's personal at this point in time. Like I've already interviewed for this job. Like, you know, why would you not pick me type mentality? Like I know the type of relationship I can build with players. I know the type of staff we could bring in, right. It's personal to me to bring in special coaches, have special relationships with players and all those aspects of things. And next thing you know, I'm saying to myself, that's what it's all about.

And that's now what we're telling these kids. Like, you want to come here? It's a personal relationship. You want to come here? Have a little chip on your shoulder. It's personal. Other teams passed you up. You know, it's personal. Turn our program around. Be a part of it. We've had a 12-game losing streak. What is that going to look like, right? It's personal to be a part of the team that has changed what Arizona football looks like and bring it back to where it once was. I like what I'm seeing on social media. And I think, you know, however you've mapped this out, clearly you've thought about it or you have some right, the right people with you. Because I think there's some people that think they know what they're supposed to do on social media and

then you're just like this is super annoying like this isn't there's nothing here but there's an energy and i always think that there's on the weird end it's lane kiffin where you're like you know you don't want to take the job at arizona and start saying f alabama we want you tomorrow because you're like all right cool like this is going to last for 30 minutes and then it's stupid and then there's the outdated version of it where you think you're above it, which is a complete mistake. So I think what you've done and, you know, look, I've got to know Brewski a lot at ESPN and we just had him on and we were talking about him coming out of Arizona. I think there's a real value in what you're doing

already and be like, Hey, who are the big names that are prominent people now that are attached to this program? We're acting like these guys aren't about it anymore. You know, there's a lot of programs that just turn the page on these guys, especially somebody that's still in front of the camera, like a Brewski or a Gronk that's still playing. It seems to be strategic, but I think it's, it's a great strategy from what I've seen from you guys being like, let's embrace these guys that have some juice that are connected to this program because it only helps the program. That's right. And really what we've tried to do with social media is have some fun with it. Right. But not overwhelm it, you know, be able to understand like what people are attracted to. I think one of the biggest issues

is being able to break your own storylines. You know, like if we wanted to introduce Brewski or introduce Don Brown or introduce Brennan Carroll, you know, to be part of our staff, I felt like, well, I didn't want anyone else to introduce them. I wanted to introduce them. So how are we going to do that? Well, let's have some fun and let's, you know, let's just not spill it out. Let's enjoy it. Let's, you know, get people excited about it because we're excited about it. And then the opportunity to reach out.

And obviously, you know, I talked to Teddy before I left Massachusetts. Coach Belichick got us connected the day I took the job that night. And I sat down and then I invited Teddy over for a coffee. And we sat and had breakfast. And I said to him, I said, hey, I don't know what our situation is going to look like, but if there is an advisory role, a capacity where, Hey, you could be a reference for me when it comes to the history of Arizona football,

you could kind of talk to our kids about leadership and about doing the right thing on and off the field. And then what foot life after football looks like, was that something you'd be interested in? And if you could reach out to certain guys and say, hey, you don't need to change your life. I just need a little bit of time from you. You know, that's where I think we've been able to connect. And then those guys have really brought some energy to our program. I want to ask you about Bill in the year in New England, but I'll run over it now. Jed goes down to Florida,

is determined to become a football coach, works with the Texans, the Ravens, the Broncos, the Seahawks, the Jags, the Rams with McVay, the Pats recently. In between that, he lived out a lot of our dreams, getting to go back to college every few years. Minnesota, Miami, Michigan with Harbaugh, UCLA, and now the head coach of Arizona. What do you take from Belichick? What's the learning experience, the biggest thing from this past year with the Patriots that you would use as you move forward as a head coach? Well, you really learn about what's important. That's what you learn from working for Coach Belichick, that he gives you that sense of what type of player helps you win football games and what type of program keeps you on the call it the path to victory.

And that's where I thought, you know, all the guys I've worked for, they've all been fantastic. I've learned something from everybody. But with Bill, you really learn like, all right, what's important? You know, what are we looking for? Is it smart, tough, and physical? Is that what you want? Then go after that. Is it fast and electric? Then go after that. Is it, you know, do you want your staff to be able to take on more than one responsibility? Then hire a smaller staff. Do you want your staff to be able to be focused on a little thing? Then hire a bigger staff. And he kind of gives you that direction. able to be focused on a little thing than hire a bigger step. And he kind of gives you that direction and he still does. I still talk to him about when you look at the big picture and you're really managing your whole roster and your whole team, because as a college head coach, you're the GM and

the head coach, which is what Bill is in New England, that you start looking at and say, all right, what do you need to really outline your program? What's most important? Focus in on that and don't lose perspective and really let your mind? What's most important? Focus in on that and don't lose perspective and really let your mind wander to so many other things. Over the years, getting to talk to so many of you guys, like I love learning, you know, identity, I think can be a little overstated. Like usually if somebody's like, we don't have an identity, it's like, well, no, you're just not that good. And that's just, you know, like your identity is that you're not a good team. There you go. I love learning about how Saban was like, look, we need bigger corners.

Like whatever's happening now, we're going bigger corners. You know, the Belichick thing was if you want a smart team, draft smart players. And the different things that Bill has done and how he's evolved five or six different times in 20 years up there. Getting to talk to Chip Kelly about offensive linemen. Hey, we need offensive linemen that are this. We'd rather a little undersized and athletic, even though they always looked huge at Oregon. But I got his point. What do you want? a there's a wish list

but what's realistic for you saying okay this is actually the kind of team that we want to put together yeah well we have to have good we have to have a good cover team because we hired don brown to coach our defense so like when you hire somebody that you know is going to play a lot of man coverage if you don't focus in on your back end and understand like what type of corner you need then you're really you're not working together right that you know we have to play great complementary football so to focus in on you know what does he need to be able to be great at his defense he needs to have great cover corners what do those look like they do have length and they're able to play man-to-man coverage down and down out and they have short memories you know so that's

what we kind of need there we need linebackers that can play downhill that's what we need we're not worried as much about running sideline to sideline because we're not asking our linebackers to cover and then on the other side of the ball on offense offensively I think it's a huge mistake in college football to have a one-dimensional quarterback. It just doesn't really play right in my mind. Now, what does that mean? It means that you can't just have a quarterback that can do only one thing, whether just a dropback guy, a runaround guy.

You know, I just don't see the value in that at this point because college defenses aren't great tacklers. You don't have as much time to be able to teach every coverage and every coverage variation to them. So they need to make plays that are off schedule. college defenses aren't great tacklers. You don't have as much time to be able to teach every coverage and every coverage variation to them. So they need to make plays that are off schedule. Does that mean there's a huge difference between a Lamar Jackson and a Patrick Mahomes, but what they're both able to do is make plays off schedule and on schedule. And that's kind of what we're looking for. And we want a guy that can, at the quarterback position, that can

distribute the football. But if it doesn't go right, if we can't block them up front, right, your worst athletes on your field, on your team, are your offensive linemen. If they're big and strong and, you know, oversized players and they're athletic, they're going to be the defensive line. If they're big and just strong, they're going to be the offensive line. So we got to make sure that if we can't hold up sometimes in protection, we have a quarterback that can help us. Do you even bother with the guys that were going to be in the transfer portal? Like, look, it's understood, you know, guys go there because of someone, there's a change. They decide, hey, you know, obviously you lost your quarterback, but it sounded like he was already

out the door to Memphis. Is that even worthy of putting time in? I mean, do you have to check in and knowing it's probably not going to go anywhere? Well, we, we were able to, we had four receivers that were in the portal. We brought three back with three. We had all four, all four starting wide receivers on our football team went into the portal. And we really had all four that came back and then one had a family situation that they had to stay down. All four recommitted back to Arizona. That was the only group that we spent time with. And then we went and got 10 transfers or eight transfers

to come into our program. And that's what we did use a lot of our scholarship equity, call it, on transfers for this year. If I'm an Arizona fan, and you know how it works, I think there's always one of my things that I've always been happy with is getting to work for a minor league baseball team, because it changed everything for me. It changed my perspective on how it works, how athletes work, how coach. And I just go, thank God I got this experience because it impacted how I looked at all of this. But if I were just a fan, never having any of that experience, I'd be like, well, Hey, how come we can't get this guy out of Florida? How much of a waste of time is it

for a program to go, Hey, let's always make sure we're offering five-star kids in Texas and LA and Florida. Yeah. It's a, it's a really good, um, discussion that you can have regarding wasting resources. Right. And time is your biggest resource, right? Forget the money part of it. Time. You can't, we only have so much time in the day that I challenge our staff. Now we were able to, Jason Taylor's son committed to us from St. Thomas Aquinas, signed his NLI yesterday. And so that's someone though that you know is okay leaving the state because his parents are able to come watch him play. There's going to be an opportunity for him to be able to do some things out West where it's very hard for me to justify or really discuss talking to guys that are 10 states away, 12 states away, and try to convince them why it's a good opportunity for them to come to school here in Tucson. You know, I like to talk to guys that can take a direct flight from their city or their parents to Tucson. Okay. That limits it to about five or six states,

five or six cities. And then on top of that, we want to really spend time in the state of Arizona. There's so many good players here that we can't let them all go. We just can't let them up. There's teams that are in the top 10 that are starting six or seven Arizona kids. I mean, that's ridiculous. And we can't allow that to happen anymore. And with that being said, you know, our focus needs to be on, all right, is it a, is it a touching state? Is it a connecting state? And if it's not okay, there better be a reason, a connection, or some way that you could convince me as the head coach that that kid's actually going to come because in the end he's probably not going to come yeah no it's really important to understand because it's like all right sure we can offer

we can send our guy there we can send him to high school games and then the kid's going to stay in texas like what are we supposed to do and our guy could have been somewhere else i remember when saban first took over at LSU, he looked at rosters all over the country and was like, why are we losing anyone? We don't have an Auburn here in Louisiana to where Alabama, they have this other school in Louisiana. When Saban was there, he was like, that's it.

Friday night, everyone is at every game. We're putting a fence around this entire state. And it is amazing. Whenever I love looking at the two deep when I'll go to a game and you're standing on the sidelines and you look at LSUs and it's like 98 kids from Louisiana. And they'll be like a kid from Texas.

It's nuts. The Oklahoma starting quarterback is from Arizona. The Oregon starting quarterback is from Arizona. The Michigan starting quarterback is from Arizona. The Iowa State starting quarterback

is from Arizona. You know, you can continue on and on and on, right? But the starting quarterback that was here wasnbacks from Arizona. You know, you can continue on and on and on, right? But the starting quarterback that was here wasn't from Arizona, you know? And it's like, well, what are we doing? And that's really – that's my message. Quarterbacks, right, quarterbacks are guys that we should get a quarterback from the state of Arizona.

There's no way – you know, and that one of the guys that transferred back in was the, was the quarterback of Washington state left here, went to Pullman and then yesterday came back and that, and he's a kid from Arizona and that's what we're, you know, that's really one of our big messages. Like, come on guys, you know, like you're here, we can develop quarterbacks. There's no question in my mind that we can coach the quarterback position here at University of Arizona,

and let's make sure that we keep the best one in the state every year. I like the beginning of your story, so feel free to correct any mistakes I could potentially make here. High school, Jersey, go to Florida to work for Spurrier. I assume he has no idea who you are. I like your story because it reminds me a little bit of mine. Yours is a little bit more impressive because it's cooler. Um, but the same level of delusion at a young age where I was bartending being like, no, I'm just going to host TV shows. Like, I don't know what your problem is. Um, what was, what was that like

in the beginning? It's amazing being young and not knowing any better, but that's what led you to your success. So let's go back to you going to Florida because you didn't even play in high school. You certainly weren't going to play for the Gators. What happened? How did that even come about? Because it actually did end up working out. Yeah, it did end up working out.

I tell people, don't mimic the story though. Don't think that that's the good way to do it. It's not really the best way to get it done. In my opinion, it was like scratching off a lottery ticket and hitting it. That was probably the extent of what actually happened. The fact that I was a tennis player in high school. I decided that the only thing I wanted to do in life was to be a football coach. My dad said to me, where do you think's the best coach i said florida because i wanted to throw the football around that was the 90s 1994 i mean no one was

throwing the ball around like we were uf you know was furrier went there but where's this love for football i'm sorry like you you don't even play in high school and your dad saying wait maybe we could have figured that out when you were in sixth seventh grade if you were just into football yeah I mean it's one of those you know you just and the amazing thing my whole life was my love the I had a love to coach football I thought it was so strategic and so interesting and so so much thought behind every play I don't know exactly what happened but I mean it was one of those weird deals like my mom was dating and lived with a head football coach at Bergen Catholic High School for years. And he kind of brought me up in that little regard. And my dad was a tennis player and a college tennis player. So that's kind of how it worked. So I was like, all right, well, here's the deal. I'm going to go do this. So I apply.

I go, I say, I'm going to be a student assistant. They said, we don't have student assistants. I go, all right, let's try a different approach. I'm going to go a student assistant. They said, we don't have student assistants. I go, all right, let's try a different approach. I'm going to go be an equipment manager. I didn't even get the equipment manager, like an assistant equipment manager. I feel like it's like the office, right? What are you, the assistant? I'm the assistant to the assistant. I couldn't even get that job.

So then I was like, all right, what's the next approach? I went and coached high school football in Gainesville. So I went and coached at PK Young High School, which is a neighboring high school where Chris Doering and Terry Jackson and those guys actually went to high school. And that was my only, that was my only move. And I was like, well, I don't know what this is doing. Like, I don't like, what am I doing now? I'm like everybody else in the world that's coaching high school football, except I'm just a sophomore in college doing it. So I'm like, all right, I need to get in with Spurrier. I need him to know who I am. That's when I went to the letter approach,

which is well-documented, that I left cards and notes and different things on Coach Spurrier's car to, now people are trying to do that to me, think, you know, and now it's like, thinking it's funny. And I'm like, all right, I'll leave this and that. And, you know, and finally, I think it just,

he relented and had his assistant call, I think it just, he relented and had his assistant call me and say, just he could have five minutes of my time. And that's what I did. I went up there, I gave my story. He connected me with one of the assistant coaches and they kind of hid me in the back corner. And I was like the copy machine guy.

I was like Pat making copies in Saturday Night Live. And that was how it all started. And fortunately, I did a good enough job. And I do say this to anyone that asks, right? Like any young person that wants to coach, be the best copy machine person. Be the best, like just take great pride in it. Say, hey, if this is my way in,

then I'm going to make sure that every copy is collated, everything is done right, every aspect of it is right. And that's kind of how it all started. Yeah. The power of a letter, man. I mean, that's, that's how I got started. And it really, I think even it's probably even more powerful now because nobody ever does it. Um, but it doesn't mean, you know, it doesn't mean, Hey, just send one. And then all of a sudden your dreams come true. Cause that's certainly not the case of it either. And, um, you clearly, wherever you've gone to have the run that you've had is, is a relationship based thing. And it's a small fraternity. So I imagine there's a lot of people like, Hey, check out jet or whatever. So as you were kind of cycling through it, like I'm sure part of you and your friends

back home are going, Oh my God, you're already with the Texans. Like, this is crazy. Um, and whenever anybody asks me about it, like, Oh, I'm a high school coach, I'm a high school coach. And I'll just think like, yeah, I don't know. Like, honestly, I think your route is better because your entry level is so much higher than, you know, hey, I coached in Western Pennsylvania for 10 years and had a good record. It's like, okay, but that's not, you're not mingling with any of these people. And if you're on any kind of Florida staff, even as the equipment manager, there's so many people coming down. There's so many guys from the pros. So how does that part start to cross over?

Because there, you know, it's always funny how the schedules, you feel you're behind schedule, you're behind, you're behind. And then you're like, wait, now I feel like I'm way ahead of whatever my plans were. Right. That was, so I went, so I was that student assistant there. So I did end up from the copy machine to the report writing to student assistant to graduate assistant. And now it's 2001. And I've been there now three and a half years and earned my way from nothing to now at least I'm, you know, I'm a GA and we're in the citrus bowl and the sugar bowl and the sugar bowl's over and we don't beat

Miami. That was Miami's great team. And we lose to Miami and about, I don't know what it was, a couple months later, I was just finishing up my graduate degree and Coach Furrier walks down and says, you know, I just got a call from Dom Capers. He said he was looking for a high quality GA. I gave him your name. And Dom Capers just was starting as the new head coach of a new franchise. And for some reason, of the 11 years of graduate assistance that Coach Breyer had, he gave my name. And I got hired for 25 grand and 500 bucks to move and got into, you know, drove across from Gainesville, Florida to Houston, Texas. And next thing you know, you're one of two coaches, you know, because they didn't have a team for a year. And it was me and Chris Palmer and Dom. And it was every single day for eight months before we hired a staff.

And obviously, that's really where it starts, right? That's where you're, you start getting, you're working every day and people talk, you know, and that's what our profession's about. I think a lot of people use the word relationships, which are obviously super important, but it's really word of mouth. It's really when someone talks to a Sean McVeigh or Pete Carroll or whatever, and they say, Hey, you know, do you know, who do you think would be good for this role? And then your name gets recommended. That's really how people get jobs is that someone will talk to somebody based on, do you think this person's good or not? Or will they work hard at it? And that's kind of how I got lucky. You bring over Don Brown, who'd been in Michigan. Um, you know, I think one of the times that we hung out,

we were there with Gus Bradley and going back over it. Like he had to get rid of you at one point. Right. I, the college football world drives me crazy because it's like, you got to fire the coordinators every year just to keep everybody happy. And it's, it's ridiculous.

Like Todd Grantham has been on every, like clearly the guy can coach the hell out of the defensive side of the team. But like on year two, if you haven't won the division, it's like, all right, get this guy out of here. Then somebody else is like thrilled to have them. So the coordinator turnover, like you guys must never even take it personally because I imagine the head coach just goes to his coordinators and be like, all right, look, before I lose my job, you know, we're on year two now, I just got to fire all you guys to make everybody happy. So you must laugh about it on the inside and not even care because it all just happens to you all the time. When I think a lot of times it's just to like, keep the mob happy. Yeah. And it's really what we all forget about. And my wife likes to remind me, and you know, Amber, uh, she likes to

remind me sometimes of like, you know, it's not just you that gets affected though. Right. It's, it's the wife and the kids and the families. And sometimes the mob causes decisions that might not be really the right decision or might not really be the best decision for the program or for the family or for the team. But, you know, you have to start making some of these hard decisions. And I believe, and I've said that we're a benefactor for whatever happened in But, you know, you have to start making some of these hard decisions. And I believe, and I've said that we're a benefactor for whatever happened in Michigan, because we now have, in my opinion, one of the best defensive coordinators in college football proven year in and year out. And we're able to bring him to the University of Arizona, which we wouldn't have been able to do

if, you know, he wasn't let go at Michigan. And, you know, I do try, and I think this is something that you would appreciate. The very first staff meeting we had, I put up Steve Spurrier's run at Florida, 1990 to 01, okay? His record was 122 wins and 21 losses. In that time, there was 10 coaching changes. Five of them were people that left to become a head coach. Two of them left to go be in the NFL. He let three guys go. He let three guys go. And nobody chose to leave.

And I said that, guys, if we take this mentality of like, this is the right place for us. This is where we want to be. Let's grow this program and maintain our culture and build it. We'll be able to have a run like that. But in order to do it is we just can't have change every year, three and four coaches will never be able to get it going. Did you have to turn down the Eagles job and not tell anybody because Howie's your roommate in college. I talk to Howie all the time. He's very happy for us here. Okay, last question.

I'll let you go. Road trip. You're driving. We're talking like you're going to college in the Northeast and you're headed to south of the border to buy fireworks. This is a long road trip. It's you in the car with McVeigh, Belichick, and Harbaugh. What's that road trip like?

Oh, fantastic. Sean will talk the whole time. It's a lot of people listening and Sean talking. That's what that road trip is like. And he's asking one question after another, after another, and then he's answering them. And it'd be phenomenal. It'd be an unbelievable trip.

I love Sean. And he's hilarious to talk to because you're around him and you'll think like holy shit like this guy's considered maybe one of the best offensive minds in the world and you'll just forget for a second because he he'll just have this you're right he would talk the whole time he and bill would hit it off i think you'd have to worry that jim was going to light off fireworks in the car the whole time where he'd just be like hey is this against the law and you'd be like what so it would be an amazing trip and they're all such great people and it's uh i've been so fortunate to work for all of them and you and i both know you know obviously my relationship with sean is you know he's one of my best friends. And he gave me an unbelievable opportunity. And I'm forever grateful for him and for all of them. Well, you deserve it.

I know this is a long time coming. And you got your own program now at Arizona. So wish you all the luck in the world. And we'll catch up again soon, all right? Thanks, buddy. I appreciate you having me on anytime. As always, we'll finish with life advice. But first, celebrate the 55th edition of The Big Game

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So, now you know what's possible. Let me tell you what's required. Life advice. RR at gmail.com. I'll do a couple of quick ones here for Friday because it's Super Bowl week. All right, Kyle, maybe you can help with this one. Dude's a little bit younger, so I just want to make sure I have your input. What's up, guys? Big fan of the show, junior in college. I know I'm very young and I got out of something serious,

somewhat serious with a girl about two and a half months ago. All right, so you just broke up with a girl that was somewhat serious two and a half months ago. So I guess they're back on campus. I don't know. A lot of people say this, but I really mean it when I say that I don't want to be in anything casual or serious. I believe you as a junior in college that you don't want anything serious because that's exactly what you should be saying. So don't feel like no one believes you here. We trust you, buddy. I just have no interest in being with a girl in anything that looks remotely close to a relationship. Then a few weeks ago, I met one girl and we hooked up. This is not going to be a, oh, she changed my world because she didn't.

I still want absolutely nothing serious with her. I made this clear to her and she said, okay, she was fine with that. But then I wake up on the weekends to drunk FaceTimes from the bathroom of her crying and it's so uncomfortable. She sends me Snapchat videos of her crying and it's going to be a lot. I mean, this is why I didn't do anything. Wait a minute. What is this? She's crying. it's going to be a lot i mean this is why uh i didn't do anything wait a minute what is this she's crying it's going to be a lot i mean this is why i didn't want anything to do with the girl okay right right yeah this is not these are not great stats uh you know drunk facetime okay crying snapchats you know kyle you ever get that you ever get any crying snapchats also why save that for later it's like almost like a performative thing weird

don't like it. Yeah, cry in front of me, ruin a night at a bar, get an argument in the corner. But then to send it as a message, like, look at me. The amount of nights at some college spot, just getting yelled at in the corner, the amount of nights that I've lost to that. We were talking about your back of your baseball card stat,

where it would say I would have had like 10 straight years of mailing items in that stat category. It would have been zeros. If there was another stat category that said Knights ruined by getting yelled at in the corner, I would have led the league for like three straight years. Anyway, I just don't have the mental energy to give someone that attention right now. I want to be a good guy and not just ghost her. But I guess my question is, how do I get out of this without being a total jerk and just stop responding thanks so much for the time over the show here's the deal man um it's great you don't want to be a jerk but you have no choice you're gonna have to be a jerk why here's here's what i don't understand about any of this stuff is people hang out and they stop and there's usually well there's always one person that wants it to stop or continue more than the other. I mean, that's just science.

And what I would say is that anytime somebody else is really upset because you don't want to hang out with them, always remember there's going to be a time where somebody doesn't want to hang out with you, and you're going to want to hang out with them, and no one's going to care about your feelings. All right? So I remember one of the very, know, the very, very early,

the most serious girl they ever dated. Um, I broke up with her. Her mother called me crying hysterically. You're everything to her, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, on and on and on. And it was like a total, total guilt trip trip and i felt horrible about it it made me feel horrible because i did care about this person i just had different life goals at that time and i was young and i was immature and i just wanted to move on um and be like hey you know go west young man except i went south and it was tough it was really tough to deal with and look we got back together but it wasn't because the mom was guilting me into it. But those were brutal, brutal conversations. Like I didn't even answer the phone back in the caller ID days.

So I'd be like, oh man, like I'm going to get yelled at by her mom. And so then when I got dumped, I called her mom. And guess how that conversation went? A lot different. Hey, you need to move on. Yep. Sorry. Don't call us anymore.

And I was like, oh, what happened to the I'm her everything? And now you're watching game shows cut me off after a minute. So that's what you're going to realize here. You're younger and you can be guilty and you can feel bad about all this stuff, but she's clearly unstable and you didn't want to be with her before you knew this. And now you know this and you're even less into it. And so you're just going to go, hey, look, enough. You're going't want to be with her before you knew this and now you know this and you're even less into it and so you're just gonna go hey look enough you're gonna have to be like stern yeah college is almost over man don't fuck around it's gonna be gone forever you're yeah you got like you got 2.3 semesters left dude so um all right been listening for quite some time and i found myself in a quand. I think you could shed some common sense on this.

I'm 24. I'm from the South. I'm a product of nepotism in my family lumberyard. Can you be a product of nepotism in lumber? I don't think you can, so don't be ashamed. Because he says, I'm not ashamed to admit it because I feel I've earned it. I learned the business from the ground up and from sweeping the floor, 12 years old to analyzing lumber futures for the past 12 years. I would love to know more about lumber futures.

That's just a total aside, right? This has made me very frugal with my money and leads me to my current situation. I'm about to get married to the woman I've been dating for five years now. I know those five years. So wait a minute. How old are we?

Oh, so 19 to 24. Boom. We've lived together for the past year and a half. All right, that's good. I think people should live together before they get married. Some people don't agree with that.

I brought that up once before, and I think a guy sent me some divorce rate thing that was like, no, actually, people are less likely to be divorced. That guy's wrong. Not living together ahead of time. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't care what you say. That guy's wrong. Yeah. No.

It's funny how people will throw stuff at you. Another guy emailed in. Kyle let this one go through. He's like, I don't know. I don't care what you say. That guy's wrong. Yeah. No, it's funny how people will like throw stuff at you. Like another guy emailed in Kyle, let this one go through. He's like, you know, I really love you. He's like, I was super pissed. You said that about mortgage insurance. He's like, I sell mortgage insurance. I was like, no shit. Like, no way.

You're mad that I said, I don't think mortgage insurance is great. And you're like, here's why I don't like it. I sell more. It's, it would be like me going on a TV show going, you know, I think no one should listen

to radio shows, honestly. No, it should only be podcasts. Speaking of, check out our Spotify lineup. Um, all right.

So year and a half in, guys been living together. We've had a, uh, she always insisted we have a joint bank account if we ever made it to marriage. She said,

we should put every dime either of us makes in there to use for everything, bills, vacation, entertainment, etc. I was against that at the time, but proceeded to nod

and smile, hoping she would forget down the line. Did you? The past one and a half years, we have lived together with separate bank accounts. I pay bills,

she pays bills. I buy what I want, she buys what she wants. It works out great and we don't commingle our money. I make more money than she does, but I shoulder a heavy burden of bills to be fair to her earnings, which I am totally okay with. So you're paying for most of the stuff because you're making most of the money. And you know what, if she's going to be helping you start a family, you know, you should be okay with that. That's always a delicate one. Some guys will

marry somebody and then they think the wife is still going to work and then the wife completely shuts it down. And then there's other guys that are like, hey, I expected you to shut it down. And the wife is like, no, I don't want to do that. So it's great if you could get all of this stuff figured out ahead of time, but that's not super realistic. Some people it is, some people it isn't. So all right, no judgment so far. After planning our wedding date, she proceeds to tell me we need to hurry up. Quote, we need to hurry up so I can spend all your money. End quote. While I believe the statement isn't just, you hope it is. I challenged her and explained we've been existing with separate bank accounts. Why can't we proceed like we have been? She then goes on a long tangent about how we are married, we become

one and we should share everything. I said, fine, we can have a joint account, but I'm still keeping mine. She insisted I had to get rid of it and we should only have one account between the two of us for all affairs, all caps. I handle most of it, if not all of our finances, taxes, spending, and I feel I should have a better financial grasp of the best way to manage our money. She never shows interest in money management around April when Uncle Sam has his handout. I don't know if this is me not wanting to sacrifice my independence, or this is her truly wanting to control our financial situation. Should I bite the bullet and throw out all the money in one, or stand my ground and dig in deeper? Very tough. All right, this is a tough one.

Kyle, how are you feeling right now? This is real grown-ups. This guy's younger. Things just get weird with money. And this guy is younger than me. This is the only reason I'm able to say anything. But I've heard so many different ways about it. And I kind of like the idea of having another account just because I'm like not a doomsday prepper, but like, you know,

I'm always ready for the worst thing to happen. And if it's like, oh yeah, she took all the money out of the bank account because she had this flip to switch moment and she's actually a horrible person. Just like the 1% chance that could happen i don't know i don't like the idea of uh of sharing everything like that but i get why people would want to do it it's it's weird i'm glad i'm not in that position um yeah but you didn't get into lumber

at a young age you know what i'm saying yeah i'm not big over here for sure right so you can't you can't feel bad about it um because this guy all right so here's here's what i think is there's a lot of problems here potentially uh what i'm afraid of is is part of me is saying like hey do the joint account you're getting married to her You've known her for five years. Hopefully that quote is like a joke. Um, and it's not a big deal. And then, and then see what happens. And then it's like, if you don't like it, then you can, you can pivot later. Maybe, you know, entry point, whether it's your career or relationship or some sort of financial understanding is, is really important. So if you give in, then it's like, okay, now what? And if you never give in, it might be more of a hassle, but you might just feel better about the whole thing.

at least because, um, I don't know. I don't know if I want to share a ton of this, but you know, my mother, when, when my parents were together, uh, you know, money was always an argument, right? It was always an argument, even when there was none. And when there was money, it was, it was constantly, constantly. It's probably why, you know, I, at a young age was like, I want to be successful because I never want to have to deal with this kind of stuff because I grew up and watched it all the time. Just constant arguments about money. And, you know, my father was like, look, I make the money and I pay for basically everything

and I'm, and I'm okay with that. And, um, you know, they had a joint account and I don't know, it just led to all sorts of problems because there just wasn't a lot of trust there. And if you trust this person and you probably think you trust this person, then maybe it isn't really that big of a deal. And you can't really say to her like, okay, fine, I'll do joint. But the second you screw up, I'm out. Because then she's just going to be like, you're prejudging me. So you can't really say to her like okay fine i'll do joint but the second you screw up i'm out because then she's just going to be like you're prejudging me you know so you can't really win on this and that's what i don't like about some of this stuff it's like okay look men have had a better run of it all right like we can admit that we've had a better run of it but in this this quest to

correct all of the bullshit that's happened throughout centuries now there's this movement where it's almost as if you're just supposed to lose all the time on everything and just go, yep, sorry. Yep. Cool. Like you've had no interest in the tax part of it. You've had no interest in any of the financial decisions. You have your account, you buy your stuff. I have my account. I take care of everything. And now, now what you want to challenge? It's like, are you actually interested in any of this stuff? Or you just want to be able to say like, oh, we're so in love because now we have a joint account.

And I just don't like that stuff. I don't like that because it's all pointless. It doesn't really have anything to do with how two people feel about each other or how much you have each other's back. These little stupid tests, these fucking tests that people want to like go, ooh, he really likes me because he did this thing he didn't even want to do. And I got him to do it. That shit drives me nuts.

And that's what this stuff feels like. So it was actually kind of really alarming, bigger picture with all of this, because it doesn't like everything's been fine up until this point. And her quote about hurry up so I can spend all your money. I mean, maybe we get a Sam Rothstein thing here. Probably not. And the fact that you remember it and used it in the email means it's probably stinging like not a 50% sting, but like a 10% like 10 like oh my god what am i going to do here and then if you decide

to go secret account then she's going to think like you know what the hell is going on here so i mean you could give it a shot here and then the second see you're screwed because she's already convinced herself that if you don't do this then it's like something's wrong with the relationship and then if you do do it and then you say already a year later i don't like this that you're screwed because she's already convinced herself that if you don't do this, then it's like something's wrong with the relationship. And then if you do do it and then you say, all right, a year later, I don't like this because you're screwing up stuff and you're spending a ton of money. So now we're going to go back to what we were. So then she's going to be like, all right, I don't really love you enough. I don't know. I don't really I don't really have an answer for you here because I don't know her.

I would honestly I know what I would do. I'd be like, yeah, OK, that's a cool idea. We're not doing that. Sorry. know her, I would honestly, I know what I would do. I'd be like, yeah, okay. That's a cool idea. We're not doing that. Sorry. Like I'm keeping my own account that will take care of all of our expenses and you know, whatever. And then if you're putting money into her account that she's going to be like, Oh, what am I like a doll? And I have an allowance and all this stuff. So I don't know, man. Um, some of the, some of these things that have happened now, uh, some of the stuff

that people will, will find a way to make, everything's going great. It's like, hey, can I add something to this that's actually a pain in the ass? It's like, yeah, cool. Here's an idea. I'll get upset about something that doesn't need to change whatsoever. That's at least how I feel. I don't know. Maybe people feel different about it.

I wonder if you could have a joint account, but it's not the account. Like, maybe there's a compromise there. I think that's basically what he's saying. No, I think that's kind of what he's already saying. Yeah. Well, if she's pushing for that, maybe you could push for a compromise. And if not, yeah, I don't know. It might be fucked.

Because I'll have buddies that are like, yeah, I don't handle anything. I don't handle any of the money. I'm like, you don't handle any of it? You don't know any of the things that's going on? You just love to not know what's going on, dude. Yeah, it would drive me crazy. I mean, I've had one friend who was basically on an allowance and he was making all the money and then his wife was putting him on allowance like we had an email in on that too but i have i have a friend that was going

through that we'd be like what this guy was making a ton of money too and i was like what are you like a degenerate gambler or something like there's not something about you i don't know where you've been punished and it was like, nah, you know. Some people are just horrible with money. I mean, I wasn't great with it when I was younger. You'd be like, all right, cool.

Yeah, who starts out great with money, though? I don't know. I guess some people, but... Yeah, I had a roommate who was incredibly responsible immediately with money. Like, he would have

a certain amount for each semester and he would map it out so that he would have enough for every month. And then at certain amount for each semester and he would map it out so that he would have enough for every month and then at the end of each semester you know his it would reset with his parents and he would never go through it it was unbelievable like shit never got crazy on wing night he never like blew an extra 20 bucks and throw everything off i don't think he was ever hurting for money but he immediately understood how to ration it out for an entire semester and it was kind of like this lesson or his family was giving him money so like it wasn't like he was hurting for it but

they'd give him money and it was up to him to make it last and they told him like it better last and so we talk about stuff and i you know i think it's one of those deals where i look at each other's atm slips back then when you just take out cash for a night out and you'd see like 2100 and you'd freak out. Like, dude, you have two grand in an account. He's like, yeah, but that's for the rest. That's for another three months. And he'd be like, geez, good luck.

Yeah. Good luck. That would be, that would be gone. I remember when we used to bartend when the younger ages and some kid would be so drunk. And this was like the beginning of, I always feel like I had the carryover of normal weird nineties, New England college with J.Crew roll necks and baggy jeans. And then it went right into everybody dressed like JLo and had tattoos and ordered Belvedere Red Bulls and there were threesomes and stuff. And I was like, geez, this happened fast. And the other thing that happened was debit cards and credit cards because that was not in the beginning of my run.

That was not even on like people had ATM cards, but you weren't necessarily using it to run a tab. People didn't run tabs. And then everybody ran tabs. And then because everybody ran tabs, there'd be just some drunk kid once every six months that would buy the entire bar around, which, you know, it was horrifying to wake up to if you're a college kid and then of course you know you'd be going through the receipts and get a call from visa or something on a tuesday when you're waiting for an order and they'd be like hey we have a dispute we have a 480 charge of you know 100 100 and some bud lights you'd be like yeah no the kid was hammered like he's here we have like you know.

And they'd be like, is there any way we can resolve this? And one of the owners would just get so mad about it. You know, he's just like, no. And they'd ban the kid. So for the young kids out there, you know, you feel a little squirrely around graduation. Just be sure you don't buy an entire round for everybody if you can't afford it. All right.

That was a really long one at the end there. And I don't know, man. Enjoy the Super Bowl. The Rosillo Podcast. Ringer Network. Spotify. Please subscribe, rate, and review. And I don't know, man. Enjoy the Super Bowl. The Rosillo Podcast. Ringer Network. Spotify. Please subscribe, rate, and review. All right.

Talk to you Monday. Thank you.