The Scathing Atheist - 467: Noahide and Seek Edition

Episode Date: January 27, 2022

In this week’s episode, OAN loses quite a bit of their N, we learn the correct pronouns to go along with God's identity as an attack helicopter, and Oklahomans try yet again to convince us that they once read a book. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out Only Sky here: https://onlysky.media/ --- Headlines: The Francis Collins Interview Noah talked about in the diatribe: Francis Collins on NPR: https://www.npr.org/2022/01/21/1074817462/bridging-the-divide-a-scientists-search-for-faith-and-truth QAnon Conspiracy Theorist Scott McKay Vows to Wage War on Doctors and Nurses: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/this-is-world-war-iv-qanon-conspiracy-theorist-scott-mckay-vows-to-wage-war-on-doctors-and-nurses/ Bianca Garcia Vows to Take Her ‘Rightful Place’ in the Texas Senate and ‘Make the Devil Run’: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/bianca-garcia-vows-to-take-her-rightful-place-in-the-texas-senate-and-make-the-devil-run/ OnlySky Launches: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/ State funded Orphanage in TN refuses couple for being Jewish: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/lawsuit-state-funded-christian-adoption-agency-in-tn-wont-work-with-jews/ Christianity Today article says "They is not a pronoun for God": https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2022/january-web-only/gender-language-theology-they-pronoun-for-god.html OAN owner begs viewers to stop Direct TV from dropping channel: https://www.thedailybeast.com/one-america-news-owner-begs-viewers-to-call-other-cable-providers-after-directv-drops-channel OK law would make the Bible the “state book” https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/gop-lawmakers-bill-would-make-the-holy-bible-oklahomas-official-state-book/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Activist Jex Blackmore has abortion live on television: https://onlysky.media/jmatirko/jex-blackmore-has-abortion-live/ White Supremacist infiltration of the March for Life: https://onlysky.media/barryduke/white-supremacists-infiltrated-the-49th-march-for-life-organizers-arent-happy/

Warning, this episode contains more profanity than me trying to get through a wordle. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by ZipRecruiter and by the new anti-religious VR space for atheists, the Hemant Metaverse. The Hemant Metaverse. I have never wished one of our gag sponsors was real more than I do right now. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, my name is Ben and I did the Farnsworth quote on episode 426, InfoWarHero edition. I'm back again because I like the sound of my own voice saying things like,

we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men. Also, I wanted to be thanked by name, Eli. It's Thursday. It's January 27th. And it's International Child Center Divorce Month. Is it? Right. Yeah, because sometimes it really is your fault. I don't think it is. I have no illusions.

I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from James Lindsay's, New Jersey. What? No. And from Michigan and Waycross, Georgia. This is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, OAN loses quite a bit of their N. We learn the correct pronouns to go along with God's identity as

an attack helicopter. And Oklahomans try yet again to convince us that they once read a book. But first, the diatribe. Sometimes you hear a motherfucker who's so full of shit that you start to wonder if somebody swapped out the labels on their hemorrhoid medicine and their denture adhesive. And sometimes you hear a motherfucker who's so full of shit you start wondering how hard that would be to pull off.

Enter Francis Collins on NPR's Up First last Sunday. That's not a program that I normally listen to, but when I check my Facebook and I see a dozen friends talking about wanting to punch their radios, I smell diatribe. So I checked it out and I was reminded why I reserve a chunk of the show for telling people how hard they can go fuck themselves. Now, if the name doesn't ring a bell, Francis Collins is the former director of the National Institutes of Health and even more former director of the Human Genome Project. And he's also one of the three scientists willing to sacrifice their reputation by babbling about silly God shit.

And he's the one who sounds the least stupid when he doesn't. So evangelicals never miss an opportunity to trot him out as proof that some of their best friends are scientists, as was the case on Sunday when he spent 26 minutes on an entirely credulous fluff piece about how Jesus Christ is the one true son of God and the only path to salvation. So he starts off with this disingenuous origin story about how he was an avowed atheist. Those are the interviewer's words, not his, but he didn't disagree with him. But then he got to the part of medical school where you had to get to know terminal patients. And just when you thought he was going to be honest and talk about how it was fear of death that scared him off of pure reason, he jumps into the I was convinced

by all the swell arguments in favor of God's song and dance. He then delineates all those stellar arguments that convinced him and it's basically like christian apologetics greatest hits in bullet point form he never went full why are there still monkeys but he trotted out the fine-tuning argument the it takes more faith to be an atheist canard hell at one point he tried to do the whole like then where do morals come from but he has to admit that he can explain moral behaviors through evolutionary biology, right? Because like if we were all immoral, we wouldn't have survived as a species. But then he has to retreat to saying, but you can't explain the existence of like, you know, morality as a concept, which is like saying that we can explain why humans need vegetables and grains, but not why they need food.

It's just it's embarrassingly devoid of logic, not to mention insulting is all hell. Right. I got kind of hard to imagine NPR devoting a half hour interview to a converted Muslim explaining all the reasons that they decided Christianity had it wrong. And as if that wasn't bad enough, the interviewer earns a spot in the nearest wood chipper by suggesting that anti vaxxers would probably be more amenable to you know getting their vaccines if the same scientists that were telling them that those were safe weren't also telling them there was no god and and i should say she presents this not as you know bigotry that those christians need to overcome but rather as a strategy that

those scientists should rethink and rather than saying something reasonable like whoa it sounds an awful lot to me like you're suggesting that the victims of bigotry should be more accommodating to the bigots. Francis Collins nods along and gives her xenophobic screed a patina of scientific respectability by backing it up with some half ass study or another. But more than the sheer stupidity of the arguments he's bringing up and more than the inherent prejudice that went into greenlighting the segment in the first place, I was bothered by the pomposity with which it was framed. Because, look, when your actual question is, does the wizard who created the universe love

me too much for me to ever die? And your goal is to make it sound reasonable. You have to rely on euphemism a lot. In fact, we're genuinely nine minutes into this piece before they just come out and say the words, the existence of God. Up until then, they're hiding it behind the most grandiose possible phrasing. The interviewer keeps saying that they're asking the big questions, the biggest questions, and at one point even the biggest questions in the universe. No, the fuck you're not. Your questions are tiny and stupid. You're asking the smallest, dumbest, most feeble-minded possible questions. You're literally asking questions so grossly uninformed that humans were asking the exact same ones in the exact same ways before we knew what wheels were.

Big questions are ones that lead us to new and better questions. Big questions are all about real problems with real potential solutions. Questions that you ask with the hopes of answering them rather than for the sake of asking them. Questions like, is there a God or is there an afterlife are exactly the same size as questions like, is there a Doctor Strange and is there a mirror dimension? Well, actually, no, they're not. They don't even get that fucking big. You have to abandon the size metaphor altogether at a certain point because there's no such thing as negative size. But, you know, if a genuine question leads to an answer, then the nonsense that they were asking Francis Collins must have been anti questions.

Relitigating the God question over and over inhibits answers. I mean, you know, I'll admit there was certainly a time when it was a meaningful question, but then it got a meaningful answer. And that answer was no. no we can argue about when that proposition was ultimately settled but we definitely polished it off before either myself or francis fucking collins was even born and to the extent that we've accepted the answer we've been able to generate newer more informed and more useful and dare i say bigger questions that we could ever have articulated when we're still worried about offending an invisible fucking space wizard so look if you want to sit down in the middle of the knowledge aisle and stubbornly refuse to move forward i guess there's nothing we can really do about that you know the rest of us don't really

feel like dragging you deeper into understanding any more than you feel like being dragged but don't try to pretend like it's some kind of principled sit-in it's a goddamn intellectual temper tantrum and there aren't many things smaller than that. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the peanut butter and chocolate to my Reese's Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you ready to mix it up? Nice.

I feel like you're saying that just because that one time we ended up inside you and we all agreed it was for the best an accident for you maybe nah i don't like the bit we're in in our lead story tonight so we could do each other we could do each other i checked it's still cool in our lead story tonight thank you the traveling circus of domestic terrorist understudies known as the Reawaken America Tour, or RAT, had its latest stop in Phoenix, Arizona last week. And it was crazy for the Reawaken America Tour at this last event. That's a category now, huh? Yeah.

In case this is new to anyone, it's a Christian right QAnon lecture circuit that spent the last year talking about Democrats eating babies and predicting the reinstatement of Donald Trump into the White House, which they just keep sadly trying to predict over and over again. And of course, also spreading a pandemic everywhere they go. And something about the COVID vaccine having lightning bug enzymes or maybe a demon inside is Lucifer race. It sounds like Luciferifer they're very confused their list of past speakers includes andrew wakefield greg lock and michael flynn and the whole thing is run by clay clark who we need to look at again i put a picture right here he looks

like he's hosting a war crime game show all the time. There he is for you. Okay, Heath, I'm starting to suspect you have a side deal with Clay Clark to sponsor this podcast. We have to do another intervention. I still have the banner from when Eli talked about youth pastor Matt Powell for four weeks in a row. Look at his face. I know. I know.

I get it. It's insane. It is important. I know. I know. I get it. It's insane. It is important. Everybody look up Clay Clark. So the Phoenix event, it was nuts from start to finish, but two speakers managed to stand out from all the rest. I'll start with Bianca Garcia.

She's the president of Latinos for Trump. Apparently that's a thing. And she's also a candidate for the texas state senate now and during her speech garcia told the crowd that she spoke with god personally the god and he told her to take her rightful place in office and also quote make the devil run what run away run for office it's not clear i don't think she knows either the choice of phrasing it remained confusing to both garcia and everyone listening throughout here's a few of her key points according to garcia quote the lord said i need my remnant to rise up and take your rightful

place in the government remnant i'm i don't know something with isn't that with the bears i don't know i'm literally running against the establishment. But the Lord told me, you're going to the Capitol and you're going to make those walls shake and you're going to make the devil run. End quote. It's the Texas State Senate. You're running against that establishment? No, I'm sorry, but she's literally running against it so i feel like that's just jogging into a wall right like an establishment would be a building careful

she hurts herself bad enough on that wall people will start saying it's a cure for covid you gotta watch that so yeah unclear what type of running either way satan hangs out in austin a lot i guess yeah big fan of the bat tour yeah sure and i'm pretty sure that was the end of the prepared remarks because from there it just devolved into bianca garcia threatening to have a fight to the death i'm pretty sure with the nobody who's taking away her guns and her religion and then that same nobody turned into nancy pelosi somehow here's the quote you ain't taking my guns she's screaming at this point screaming into the microphone she's right though we we ain't taking her gun yeah it's the ain't yeah you ain't coming after our faith nope Nope, that neither. And I will fight to the death.

Nancy Pelosi, I don't know why, but Nancy Pelosi, you can come and take it. I'd like to see her call me down to that Capitol. And believe me, I'm taking a whole bunch of pastors with me because I got a whole bunch of pastors now. I said, we're going to go perform an exorcism in there. Okay. All right.

Okay. I don't want to agree with Ms. Bianca this much, but I also want to see Nancy Pelosi call her and her exorcism pastor squad down to the Capitol. There is almost nothing I wouldn't suck to make that happen. Please, Nancy. Just do it. Just get a video of that. Just like, yeah, no, go ahead.

Exercise me, the Capitol, whatever you want to do. Go for it. Here it goes. Use your magic. Come here and make your party look sane. Here, click before the midterms. I'm going to write the Voting Rights Act. And if any point you want to use your magic powers to stop me from writing,

you just go right ahead. I'm supposed to starts screaming in tongues and shaking around on the floor just to fuck with him. Gets a little blood pellet. Come on, Nancy. You earned it, girl. There's no rules on our side either, girl. Just projectile vomiting all over the place.

Right, right. You wanted to do that to her anyway. Yeah. Get set up a lot of fun with that, Nancy Pelosi. Come on. What are you doing at this point? You're retiring soon. on a high note that'd be fun all right well that brings us to the other standout performance from the latest rat event his name is scott mckay and he's a q anon interpreter and anti-vaxxer activist who goes by the handle the patriot street fighter no yeah yes he does yes he does and i've pasted pictures of him too so i mean just look at him that's the fucking patriot street fighter okay yeah he looks like a guy who drives around the country in a bus that says

high octane full throttle truth hammer on the side of that bus. And I say that because he is literally that. Look at his bus. He looks like Al Roker went through a terrible divorce and took some pickup artistry classes and is now the worst. Who do you think Al Roker is? Look at the chaps. He's wearing chaps over his jeans here.

Yes, he is. Frontless chaps. He's got a fitted baseball hat jeans here. Yes, he is. Frontless chaps. He's got a fitted baseball hat backwards, of course. It doesn't quite fit because his face has grown a lot from his probably steroids. And he's wearing tactical sunglasses that wrap around. Oh, yeah. For sure. Very tactical.

So that's him. Patriot street fighter. And he spent most of his speech being mad about the recent death of his friend kirsten weldon she was a fellow anti-vaxxer conspiracy theorist and apparently she got a really bad case of the the hoax and died in the hospital from the alleged covid hoax so mckay went on stage with a literal tomahawk axe. Yep. What? And swung it around while ranting about how his friend got murdered by those doctors in that hospital. Jesus Christ. And how he's going to maybe murder them back or at least expose them for all the murdering that they do.

And all the doctors at all the hospitals who do a lot of murdering just like that. And all the doctors at all the hospitals who do a lot of murdering just like that. According to McKay, quote, any of these doctors or nurses around the country that are involved in the murder of our people, they're going to be spotlighted. I'm dragging them out in the open. I'm going to be naming them by name. I guess he doesn't have their names yet. I else would you name oh i could name him by color now but that's not going to be particularly helpful right i wonder what he thought that meant continuing if you have the courage to kill our people you better have the courage to stand

in direct crosshairs of the patriot street fighter because this is now going to happen end quote this man seems as unsure of whether he's a cartoon character as i am yeah but but who's that with the chair from the top of the kitchen it's bernie sanders oh my god we've never seen anything like it culture is dead but i this is pretty entertaining bernie you gotta get into the street fight with this guy also just quick thing. Tomahawks don't have scopes with crosshairs as far as I know? I don't think that's a thing. They do not have those.

I do hate to argue with you on air, but if anyone on earth has a tomahawk with a scope, it is Patriot Street Fighter. You know what, with Tron, his super move definitely has a scope on a tomahawk that he does something when he's in Street Fighter Universe. Yeah, that's real. That's real.

My apologies to everybody. To everybody. Yeah, just all around apologies. That's real. So McKay, he also added something about a World War and the Matrix here. He said, there's no playing nice because this is World War IV. World War III was the Cold War, and now it's World War IV. It's been underway for decades.

The elite powers have decided to eliminate us from the planet. And I don't mean maybe. He didn't mean maybe that was happening. He's sure of it. They've created a global matrix system to kill us, to help us murder ourselves through chemtrails, through the corporate food industry, from big pharma,

from the influence of the big media. It's built to create a commerce machine that they can keep you working to keep that matrix running, taking the money and profit from you, even the stores you buy in, to use that money to try to kill you. End quote. Okay, broken clock twice a day, but still. Yeah, no, he money to try to kill you. End quote.

Okay, broken clock twice a day, but still. Yeah, no, he nailed it. At the end there, he really kind of... One other detail, and this is my favorite part, other than that his anti-vaxxer friend died of COVID. Love that. Just... Besides that, though, this is my favorite part.

So I checked out patriot patriot streetfighter.com as i was reading this because i wanted to steal that website if he didn't already have it sadly he does own that website oh yeah real sad i was i was pumped that he would have it but i got some great news when i went to his website his upcoming anti-vax tour that he does it had stops in oklahoma city and albuquerque coming up but those got canceled because he very clearly got covid but he couldn't say exactly that on the page of course it just says scott's not feeling well so he had to call off the two big events coming up and give you all a refund and lose a bunch of money it's just a mild cold yeah he's getting the rest and

the care he needs and he'll be fine almost exact quote from the website okay heath i do have some good news for you though patriot bed sore fighter is not taken i have a hunch that one's gonna be a lot more relevant you already bought it and in only stands news the secular media outlet only sky launched this week making it the second most exciting website that starts with only that hema meta could join yeah it's not just you eli i assumed only sky referred to what he'd be wearing too but apparently it's a reference to the john lennon song. Yeah, yeah, pity. So for those of you who missed it, for years, atheist blogging, and therefore the vast majority of atheist news, was hosted on a website, which we don't associate anymore, so I'm going to call it Assy Holes. Now, Assy Holes was, for many years, the website equivalent of a coexist sticker, if you will. A place for everyone, because we're stupid and we don't understand

that homicidal death cults and Jainism probably can't be buds. But that all changed earlier this year when Assy Hole's parent company heavily invested in Christian bullshit and informed all of its bloggers that their content could no longer contain critical references

to other religions. Yes. Right, yeah. Atheist bloggers could still talk about how awesome our not-God was, but not about how awesome their God wasn't. And you can talk about Fight Club, but you have to mention how the cops win in the end. That's what happens at the end of that movie. That's how you say it.

Hard blackout. Yeah, and look, I have read the Koran. Every third sentence is, oh, Jews. And every fourth sentence is, Jesus was a pussy who totally was stolen from the tomb. Something tells me Pathios is not going to be coming after its Muslim writers for mentioning that. However, when it comes to atheist media, pretty much all we do is criticize religion. So a few of our favorite folks came together and formed OnlySky.media, a secular media platform for non-believers by non-believers.

Even if they're mean about it, yes. Exactly. And look, I mentioned this for two reasons. First of all, y'all, my job got so much easier now that Hammond is back. You have no idea. I had to find my own news. It was terrible.

I went on Reddit, people. I went on Reddit, people. I went on Reddit. You know there's other sources, right? He had a sub stack going also. You could have... Secondly. Literally still looked at Hammond's stuff. Okay. Secondly. Secondly, this is a community waiting for you to be a part of it, right? You can comment and read stuff by great authors. You can financially

support it and help shape the direction of the platform. Hell, maybe you can even put your own writing up there in a space that's designed for your voice. But believe me when I say I've been in the atheism space a while now. Grandpa Eli remembers when a lot of atheism was blogging and that was it. And if you want to keep those communities open and cool and not overrun by assholes, you should participate early and often. So, as I said earlier, head on over to OnlySky.media and

tell Hammond never, ever to take a week off again. Ever! A culture to a month, though. Yeah, for real. And in injudicious news tonight, a Jewish couple is suing Tennessee's Department of Children's Services

after a state-funded adoption agency turned them away because of their lack of Christianity. I'm pretty sure I don't even have to use allegedly here because the email that turned them down explicitly said that they, quote, only provide adoption services

to prospective adoptive families that share our belief system end quote yikes which is just using the definition for religious discrimination instead of the words oh man i miss the days when this was an example of where religious exemption laws could go instead of the literal hill they're dying on yeah yep and that hill by the way is a pile of dead kids like the backyard of a cath Catholic orphanage in fucking Ireland. Right. God damn it.

If there's anybody who you shouldn't entrust with fucking orphans. So, yeah, this story started when the Rudenrams, that's the couple, not me trying to name pharaohs in my Scooby-Doo voice, found out about a special needs kid in Florida that they wanted to adopt. We obviously don't know that kid's name, so we're just going to refer to him as the victim. Sure. Okay, come on, Noah. The last name isn't that bad. That's not what I was talking about, but yes, it is. Now, for a reason

both good and bad, adopting a kid is super difficult. There's a lot of hoops to jump through, and among those, if you're from Tennessee and trying to adopt a kid from Florida, is a Tennessee law that requires you to be certified by a Tennessee adoption agency. And the only one the Root & Roms could find that would certify for an out-of-state adoption is the one that ultimately turned them down with the fuck you, you filthy Jews email that I mentioned before.

Yeah, but I'm sure special needs kids have a super easy time getting adopted, right? There's probably a huge waiting list. Listen, the kid said said no jews no blacks we're just honoring the wishes of the orphan take it seriously those are his special needs he needs a gentile white parent yeah what now you might be wondering how the fuck any of this is legal or or maybe this isn't the first episode that you've listened to because for the last several years red states have been aggressively passing laws expressly protecting adoption agencies from having to work with anybody they find religiously icky right we've been pointing

out the whole time that while these laws are obviously meant to target same-sex couples they will also be used to deny services to non-christian couples unmarried couples people with tattoos whatever and not that we needed extra reasons to oppose a law protecting bigotry but it was obviously still a well-founded warning yep and we were right again i guess what i'm saying is cassandra got to get axed to death and i'm jealous right she did get right yeah at a certain point point, we have earned it. So the law protecting this particular adoption agency was passed in 2020 and exempts them from doing anything that would, quote, violate the agency's written religious or moral convictions, end quote. So I guess this lawsuit will decide whether that can include protection for religiously inspired anti-Semitism. But even if we find out that it doesn't, the fact that that was in need of clarification should show you how fucked up your law was to begin with.

And lest I expound indefinitely on all the so I told you, we're going to pause for a word from this week's sponsor, ZipRecruiter. Hey there, podcast listener. It's me, former President Donald Trump, or as your uncle's me, former President Donald Trump. Or, as your uncle would say, current President Donald Trump. You know, I know a thing or two about what a bad hire can cost you. Sir, Rudy Giuliani just called us from a Wendy's on Interstate 55, and he says that they won't let him talk to Wendy? Oh boy, not again. But that's why there's ZipRecruiter.

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That's ZipRecruiter.com slash S-C-A-T-H-I-N-G ZipRecruiter The smartest way to hire. I mean, it's definitely not by donation amount. No, it is not. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what she wants.

If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This week in Massage. One of the nice things about being an atheist who argues with Christians is how often you can win arguments just by showing them the thing they're talking about. Like, you know, they'll try telling you gayness doesn't exist in nature, so you just show them gayness in nature.

Or they're trying to tell you the Bible is inerrant, so you just show them the Bible. Well, I saw an amazing example of that this week, thanks to former Satanic Temple spokesperson and current abortion rights activist, Jex Blackmore. Apparently, she got sick and tired of hearing about how abortion was murder. So in the middle of a televised debate with anti-abortion activist and incidental rape apologist, Rebecca Kiesling, she had an abortion. So we're going to have a link of the video in the show notes, and if you've got a minute, definitely check it out. It's worth it just for the look on Rebecca Giesling's face. The host sets her up by talking about her advocacy for abortion pills and asks if they're safe. So first she points out that Mifepristone is safer than a lot of commonly used drugs that nobody seems to take safety issues with.

The specific example she gives is Viagra, which put a little smile on my face. But then she backs up the claim by taking the pill herself. The host is flabbergasted and he's suddenly all like, wait, you're not, you're not pregnant, are you? And she just nods and she says, quote, I would say this is going to end a pregnancy. This will be my third abortion, end quote. From here, we get a solid five seconds of jaw reattaching and whatnot and then they let the professional liar talk for a while but holy shit what an incredible reminder of what a murder it isn't could there be than having her do the shit on live television and then watching everybody go uh wait did did she actually do it was was that murder or a mentos?

So kudos to Jex Blackmore for once again making anti-abortion crusaders look like the jackasses they are. But, and I'm not trying to diminish her accomplishments at all when I say this, they were already doing a pretty good job of that all on their own. Case in point, last Friday's March for Life in Washington, D.C. Yeah, well, that happened. And it somehow managed to be more of an embarrassment than normal thanks to a bunch of white supremacists crashing the party. Now, let me be super clear here. White supremacy is a huge factor in the abortion debate.

And I'm not just talking about the paternalistic white saviorism that they freely admit to. Anything that disproportionately affects low-income families and is disproportionately advocated for by middle-class and wealthy families is pretty much guaranteed to be perpetuating the racism status quo in this country. And the abortion debate is no different.

But we're talking about a different level of racism here. We're talking about racists who are racist enough to wear the label. So yeah, according to Religion News Service, multiple neo-Nazi groups showed up at their march to support their efforts, including Patriot Front and the America First group. And that led to the organizers being repeatedly asked questions like,

so any word on why you're on the same side as all these Nazis? So much so that they even had to release an ixnay on the aisle haze press release that read in part, quote, we condemn any organization that seeks to exclude a person or a group of people based on the color of their skin or any other characteristic, end quote. Not adding, quote, openly. Anyway, the bad news is that the anti-abortion misogynists are winning the fight. The good news is that they're still managing to kick themselves in the dicks a lot along the way. So I'm sure I'll be back with more soon, but until then, I'll hand things back over to Noah, Heath, and Eli.

Thank you, Lucinda. Next up in headlines, we finally learned about God's preferred pronouns last week. Huh. Thanks to an article by Christy Thornton in Christianity Today entitled, They is not a pronoun for God. last week thanks to an article by christy thornton in christianity today entitled they is not a pronoun for god we learned from a cisgender christian lady that god is non-trinary and goes by he him pronouns and it's about fucking time we finally get the scientific reasoning she gives us very scientific

reasoning behind the the proper use of pronouns for the atemporal non-corporeal ghost who created the universe they end up spending way more time talking about god's dick than they want to admit, right? Don't they, though? Don't they, though? So, against all odds, this might be the dumbest hot take on pronouns that's ever happened. And that is a competitive goddamn field full of assholes. Yes, it is. I'd love to read you this whole article, but absolutely no, I would not.

No. I'll do some highlights, though. Here's the very first point she tries to make i believe this is sentence number four of the article quote some groups are expanding the semantic range of they to include a singular subject rather than only a plural subject a linguistic leap previously non-existent in the english language end quote and nope no nope that is just blatantly incorrect objectively incorrect you can check people have been using the singular they

for centuries actually you can find singular uses of they them in chaucer and shakespeare and the king james bible literally the king james bible Yeah. And when you tell them some great historical writer used the singular they, they'll tell you, no, they didn't. And somehow they won't hear it. They sure will. Okay. Honestly, this article is hilarious, but the best part of it is

the grammatical leap she very obviously goes through to avoid the singular they. It's like she said Candyman twice. Right? She's like, ah, confectioner gentleman. Gentlemen, sweet. Okay, you guys ready for some science?

I promise it's some science. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotta get some science. Okay. We're going to justify the bigotry with anthropology first. Oh, that always goes well. Yeah. So Thornton explained that many Christians, themself included, strongly disagree with using they as a personal pronoun on what they, she called, quote, legitimate and significant anthropological grounds and according to her that's because non-gendered people don't

exist so there's no reason for a non-gendered pronoun so i guess she checked with anthropology on that gender thing and it backed her up i just want to let you all know i checked with the scientists and there are only two hogwarts houses this is serious. Take it serious. Right, so just basic ignorant bigot stuff, but here's where it ramps up the crazy. She explains that somebody asked her if the word they can take a singular subject, is it appropriate to use they in

reference to the triune God? Ah. I'm telling you, non-trinary. So according to Thornton, the answer is no. The primary reason that the answer is no is that God revealed himself in the Bible. So, we should be using biblical language when referring to God, is what she typed in not Greek or Hebrew or Aramaic in her article. Her real life included this conversation.

Somebody came up to her and was like what about god and the they and the triune this really no he uses thou thou is god right so so oh so wait they're going to refer to the father the son and the holy ghost collectively as a single because otherwise pronouns could get confusing is that right that's correct. That's what happened so far in this article for real. So the use of they them is canceled anthropologically. But you're probably thinking, what about some other science? Maybe is there some like harder science than anthropology that could prove that I should be a bigot about pronouns? Well, that's why Thornton moved on to the physics explanation here.

Quote. about pronouns well that's why thornton moved on to the physics explanation here quote first of all god is holy in his eternal being he is wholly separated from everything and everyone he has created so she she got confused by homophones while typing yeah that's what happened that's tough holy and holy this divide between god and creation presents a quandary for theological terminology. Everything does. Yes. It's fair. Every word we use in reference to God already has a meaning from our context within creation. For example, when we say God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,

For example, when we say God is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we already have a preconceived notion of what the word son means from our understanding of human sonship. If we take that human meaning and apply it by direct analogy to the divine son, we will make grave heterodox errors end quote well that's nothing helps your argument more than divorcing words from their meaning uh-huh yeah in your article about how other people are destroying language yep so now that we're uh well grounded in anthropology and the physics of the universe. I forgot that was the physics portion. That was the physics just now. We're grounded in physics now and anthropology. Now that we have that as our basis, Thornton says we can apply our understanding to God's pronouns.

And the Bible is the word of god being sent through the authors of the scripture so when the bible uses masculine singular terminology for god that's how we know we should all be saying he him for god's pronouns because it's appropriate to use the pronouns that someone asks for okay i just heard it i'm a giant asshole I just erased everything I just wrote, but I'm not. I'm publishing this anyway. It's Christianity Today. I'm getting paid. Yeah, right. I love how she feigns towards anthropology and jukes towards physics,

but she still lands on it because the Bible says so at the end. That's amazing. Yep. And here's the final argument, in case it wasn't iced for you yet. Oh, there's more. Here it is. Thornton explains that using they as a singular is going to be pandemonium for simple conversations. People are going to be talking about the one true God of the universe. And if somebody says they,

a bunch of the other people in that conversation are going to get all confused and think now, are there two or more gods now? And there's going to be a wacky misunderstanding with Mr. Roper. now okay are there two or more gods now and there's going to be a wacky misunderstanding with mr roper and of course hindu people go to hell so they is evil qed seriously that's the final argument in the article and in get owned news we've actually got some good news that may have slipped under your radar but it shouldn't have because this week direct tv made the decision to drop right-wing propaganda channel one america news from its network and my friends the folks over at oan are losing their goddamn mind yeah damn it if the free market is it once again being repressed by the freeness of the market there There it is. Do you guys want

a government subsidy or something? Well, another one? Do you want more? Do you want to be propped up by the government? And like, genuinely, I cannot express enough to you what a blow this is to OAN, right? Like, cancel culture is largely just right-wing assholes mad because there are consequences for their actions.

But if their fever dream became a reality, it would be OAN getting kicked off one of the larger provider networks in the country. They know for damn sure their audience doesn't know how to plug in a Roku. They are fucked. They're fucked. All right, yeah.

But they were selling their geriatric audience a fuck the vaccine message. So if anything, DirecTV just sped up their existing business plan that's true that's true right so with all that in mind let's sit back and enjoy the sheer panic of our enemies starting with one america news owner and founder robert herring senior whose physical appearance it would be a genuine shame not to take a moment to talk about yeah he uh looks like

the crypt keeper showing up for his custody here he looks like he just got taken out of a badly packed suitcase that was closed for a while yeah anyway that guy appeared on air this week to complain about his network being destroyed like fucking grandpa complaining at subway because carol used to give him free banana peppers quote in the past we have worked with a man named john stanky at at&t and we always appreciate the great working relationship we had with him but just recently the new head of the board at at&t by the name of william kennard let us know that he and the rest of the board simply do not want to carry us anymore. End quote.

They called the dude out by name? Yep. They went full, you gonna do us like this stanky on the air? Mm-hmm. As part of his very serious announcement. But it actually gets worse and pettier. Later in the week,

OAN host Dan Ball actually directly asked his viewers to dig up dirt on william kennard saying quote you bring me concrete evidence of whatever it may be cheating on his taxes cheating on his wife saying racial slurs against white people yes if you're wondering why he included that last absolutely fucking five words, it's because Kennard is black. Oh my God. Yeah.

So Ball is pretty sure that he's reverse Papa John-ing it up. Oh my God. Here's how privileged you are, you stupid fucking idiot. There aren't racial slurs against white people no like he could not do that if it were his goal all right ladies and gentlemen here's

a clip of william kennard saying the n-word that's he's i mean he's black but still that's that's well we're off the air. We're not plugged into anything. Sorry. I am alone in my living room. Why did I come in today? Physically impossible to watch. I got laid off last week. I want the pants that go with this suit.

So as a result OAN is now carried by only two networks. Verizon Fios who will almost certainly drop them now that they don't have to be the first to do it

and a cable company that recently declared they're about to go out of business leaving Herring to end his appearance with this genuinely beautiful pathetic ask quote we would like to ask you, our viewers to please reach out to the cable provider in your area whether it's Spectrum, Dish,

or any of the other great providers and let them know that you would like for them to carry One America News. We only charge 10 cents per household per month. That is a great deal by any standard given all the amazing content our team puts out. End quote. Wait, don't answer yet.

Yeah, right. He sounds like he's about to tell us about his flat tire or the bus that he missed or something. It's so sad. But the cab needs a car seat for the baby. Okay. I just need a little bit of Bitcoin to get back even. And finally tonight in Provoke-lahoma news,

Oklahoma State Representative, former Christian bookstore proprietor and reason the term coupon-based violence had to be coined in the first place, Tammy Townley. That name's fucking insane. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

Tammy Townley took time away from antagonizing cartoon rodents last week, I guess, to introduce House bill 3890 which would make the bible oklahoma's official state book now let's let's be super clear the singular message that's being sent by declaring the bible the state book is contempt for non-christians that's the only thing it can mean but Townley justified the move by pointing out that, quote, the Holy Bible is an integral part of numerous faiths

and is deeply important to many Oklahomans, end quote. There's a number. Yeah, that's fair. Counterpoint, it also calls for the death of many Oklahomans. So maybe find a book that just does that first one. Or just doesn't do that second one. Yeah. Or you know what?

Maybe stop having state books because who the fuck cares? Even worse. Don't have a state rocks people. Okay. Who cares? State. Everybody argues over it. Just don't have that.

And honestly, one of the most fucked up aspects of the whole press release about this thing is the way that she cloaked it all under the cover of unity. Right. about this thing is the way that she cloaked it all under the cover of unity right like basically she's saying like look i get the republicans and democrats are polarized these days but at least we can all agree that muslims can fuck off right immediately after pointing out that lots of oklahomans dig the bible she adds quote even when we don't always agree with each other jesus at the tortured sentence construction already and remember she's not saying this this is written down anyway even when we don't always agree with each other

we always know that we have a foundation higher than politics that we can rely on to remain unshakable when times are tough end quote so bad at the word if it's not even in there but like the concept of if. So confusing to her. Fuck that first sentence. That's amazing. Her kumbaya is we might have our differences, but at least we can all agree that Jesus is the son of God and the Bible is his holy word. Yes, right.

Exactly. That's correct. Hold my hand. And look, obviously, this is a thing that we've talked about before. Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, Texas and West Virginia have all tried at one time or another to do the same thing. How Alabama even has an official state Bible. In fact, it's such a common occurrence that most of the time we don't talk about it. But given the present state of the court and given how long they've been chipping away at this same fucking spot, I feel like we might need to treat these efforts differently from now on. Yeah. And on that reminder that we're losing and the whole edifice of our secular government is crumbling around us, I suppose we can close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always.

Jumanji. And when we come back, things are going to get weird. You know, I'll admit that as this show enters its ninth year, it gets harder and harder to figure out how to fill the minutes. We've already been through the Bible one and a half times. We've been through the Quran, the Book of Mormon, the Case for Christ, hundreds of Christian movies, dozens of Christian shorts, scores of Christian songs. So there are times when we really have to search high and low for something new to talk about.

But then there are those other times. Times when something happens that's so singularly bizarre that we have to scrap whatever we plan to do for the show and set aside some time to talk about it. And ladies and gentlemen, et cetera etc this is one of those times yeah say what you will about david ike but he's never sent his crazy to my baby yeah right exactly so let me first set the stage for you here okay lucinda has decided to fill eli's house from basement to attic with a dense concentration of toys. She has. Yes. She wants Eli and Anna to have to literally swim from room to room through a massive wall

to wall floor to ceiling toys. And to that end, Scrooge McDuck. It's fun, right? Exactly right. That's her plan. She just said stuffed animals, books, balls, trucks, tops, tricycles, dolls, blankets. At one point, I am not making this up. trucks, tops, tricycles, dolls, blankets.

At one point, I am not making this up. Apropos of no birthday or traditional gift-giving holiday, Lucinda sent him a ball pit. Which remained set up in my living room for three weeks because he adored it and we didn't want to take it away from him. Okay. You sure it's not because you got kicked out of the one at McDonald's and you wanted to have your own that you always have in your house? Irrelevant whether or not I bonded with my son.

Is it irrelevant? The fact that those two things happened together doesn't mean they happened because of... Of course, by now, Google has figured out that any time an ad displays something with rounded edges and a smiley face on it, there's like a one in three chance Lucinda's going to buy it. So, the other

day, she sees an ad with these cute little animal puzzles for toddlers and it has all three of the things that she looks for in a gift for Eli's baby. It's an object. The company is willing to ship it and they take money in exchange for that. Check, check. Yep. Cool. So she sends the Bosnick household what she thinks is an innocent box of zoo animal puzzles. There's an elephant, there's a little lion, there's a little camel, etc. What she doesn't know at the time.

Indeed, what she could not possibly know just from looking at the Amazon listing was that the whole puzzle collection was Noah's Ark themed. What's more, it was made by crazy people. How crazy you ask?

Hold on to your goddamn seats, my friends. Does it get delivered by Ken Ham in a rolling canoe? Almost. Very close. Almost that. Very close. Now, I know what you're thinking, right? The very act of cutesy toys about a global genocide equals crazy people Noah, but these people

are crazy even compared to other people making cutesy Noah's arc shit because these people are from the Noahide World Center a super culty group from a Judaic offshoot that I've actually heard referred to as Judaism Light. It's the dumbest name

right? They're trying to make an adjective out of Noahah there's so many better isn't noachian already a name for that i'm sure it is yeah noah's shit so yeah they're apparently the kind of group that would for example evangelize to toddlers by sneaking religious pamphlets into seemingly secular puzzles okay Okay, but people, think about how crazy a Jew you have to be to evangelize. There is no hell. You are bothering people for the love of the fucking game. Okay, but it kind of makes me like Jewish people more and Christian people less, honestly.

For the love of the game. And Christian people think I'm going to hell forever and they don't do shit they don't help at all right they send me a book every once in a while that's my cousin i sent you this book and ruined your dad's funeral you're welcome yeah right right that's lazy do better all right so so here's how this actually plays out we get this text from anna on monday where she's like hey did you guys send us these puzzles and lucinda's like yeah and anna's like was it a prank or did you not know that they were going to come with religious pamphlets lucinda's like the fuck so anna sends us a picture of the pamphlet in question lucinda goes full diatribe on an amazon

review and i text heath and eli about switching up our plans for the C segment. Yeah, and you guys thought I installed those DEF CON sirens for nothing. No, no, Andrew insisted on it, actually. He told us we had to for insurance reasons. So now, to this point, you, the listener, are probably thinking, well, Noah, this is a frustrating circumstance, no doubt, but it seems like something that you would just tack on to the end of the show for patrons or perhaps allude to in a diatribe more than something that you would devote an entire segment to. But that's because you're thinking of a normal religious pamphlet.

You know, one that would only tell children that they're going to be tortured by scary monsters in an eternal fire lake if they ever lie or get jealous. But this one contained the Noahide laws. And these motherfuckers are crazy even before you have to present them to toddlers. Which is why we're going to break them down in a segment that we call I guess God Awful Pamphlets. So, okay.

First, you got to picture the artwork on this pamphlet. It's got Noah in the bottom right. He's got all his little animal buddies on his little arc everybody's smiling ear to ear as they float over the countless corpses of their family and friends okay but i totally get that part that's everybody's dream if we're being honest right like never i was right they were wrong they're dead i'm floating happily that's that's everybody you just i wish

so you should have to say that before you enter a tontine with anybody, right? So everything's bright colors and Disney grins. And at the top, it says, what are the seven Noahide laws? Now, as we continue through this, I have to emphasize once more the fact that this game with a set of puzzles that is specifically targeted to one to two year old children. The target audience here are babies. Yeah. And by the way, on Amazon,

they advertise it as STEM learning. Yeah, right. STEM. Okay. I know puzzles have shapes, shapes. That's geometry.

Geometry is math. And that's the M in STEM is math, but you're fucking two. It's goddamn shapes. Right. Shapes learning. So, okay. So what are the noahide laws well the seven this is a quote from the pamphlet the seven noahide laws are rules that all of us must keep regardless of who we are or from where we come without these seven things

it would be impossible for humanity to live together in harmony. Would it? Okay, so these are going to contain a lot of advice about food and shelter, where to find fresh water on your own, germ theory of disease. Sure, yeah, how to avoid a hail of arrows when you paddle up to a remote island full of heathens who don't know about Noah yet,

and, hold on, they're somehow living in harmony without those seven laws. wait a minute maybe i should and i'm dead i'm right yeah unfortunately the real thing that's happened to me now so okay so we're gonna go through these seven laws but i have to say i'm gonna just say god where it means god but apparently in a lot of judaic sects actually writing out god is taboo so where i say god you have to imagine that the pamphlet says G-D. Right? Like they were trying to

sneak a shit by the bots or something. So here we go. It's their let's go Brandon. It's so stupid. Right. And again, I have to say this. This is advice for toddlers on how to live in the world. One,

believe in God. Do not worship idols. Right, because if anything says harmony, it's believing in God. Am I right, people? By the way, I just sent a golden calf stuffed animal to your house, Eli.

That's for real for your child. Yep. I think we need to make these. Yes! Like Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, golden calf stuffed animal. You give it to your shitty Christian parents. and they love it make them yeah this is pricing out stuff carl's all over again heath i'm not going through that again all right number two respect god and praise him

do not blaspheme his name i like that they're allowing for someone who believes in god but still will tell him to fuck himself? I think they're not. Well, and a two-year-old. Sure. Right? Again, they're mostly worried about babies whose first words are, God damn it. Number three, respect human life. Do not murder. They say to the toddlers.

The corners on this puzzle are sharp, and I know what you're thinking, kid. Okay, but G-D did a genocide. Isn't that the whole thing with the story of Noah? Right, mom? Yeah, right. I want to respect him and praise him. That was the last rule. Number four. I'm two.

Respect the family. Do not commit immoral sexual acts. I'm two. Okay, the corners on this puzzle are sharp, and I know what you're thinking. Again, he's two. So, like, if this works as planned,

it ends in a two-year-old having to ask mommy what an immoral sexual act is. Do you have a puzzle about it? So, okay. Number five. Respect for others' rights and property. Do not steal. Okay, but isn't there justified stealing?

Like, if the system's rigged to make you die of poverty, for example. Like, really? Isn't this like a trolley problem? I'm two. Jean Valjean was the bad guy. Was he not? I feel like he was the bad guy number six creation of judicial system pursue justice okay but what if the highest court gets politicized and they rule in favor of just like pure evil under the guise of originalism wave what right mom like what jean valjean was

the bad guy i'm pretty sure so and i want to be clear because these seven laws are supposed to be drawn from the story of Noah. So they're claiming Noah as like the father of the modern judicial system based on the fact that he sentenced his son's offspring to eternal slavery for seeing his dick.

Right? That's what they mean by justice. Yeah. That or they want my toddler to shoot off a guy's dick like Robocop okay actually I take that back that would be adorable and awesome I would love to see that guy was a rapist and listener you probably don't think that I can make this pamphlet three times as crazy with the last bullet point do you you? You thought that having to tell two-year-olds to keep their dicks in their diapers

was some kind of craziness high point, didn't you? Well, no. Nope. Number seven. Bring it home. This will be seared into your mind forever now. Respect all creatures. Do not eat flesh of an animal

that is still alive which of the cartoon animals in the boat do you imagine is saying a little smiley animal yeah i think it's the hippo i'm saying pug a bag of corn okay all right sure yeah i know i look like sliced bread but just stop stop all right well i guess now that i've implanted the image of flesh-eating toddlers rampaging across the countryside devouring the still beating hearts of their enemies i think we've made our point they get to number seven a two-year-old just spits out a live rat i don't know the last four words you're four words from the end and you're like,

this is the weirdest thing I've ever read. No, now it's the weirdest thing I've ever read. Now it's the worst. Okay. Why'd you give me this rat? Why do we even have these?

Whether or not you thought I was going to eat it. All right. Well, that's all the pamphlet we've got for you today, but we'll be back with news on our line of stuffed golden calves soon. Heath, Eli, that's all the pamphlet we've got for you today, but we'll be back with news on our line of stuffed golden calves soon.

Heath, Eli, thanks again. Before we let the air out of the balloon for tonight, I want to remind everybody to check out OnlySky.media, the new online hub for atheist news. No, they are not paying me to say that, and no, I am not affiliated with it in any way, and yes, you will find a link for it on the show notes. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you ain't

waited that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting on 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's hot, frantic, doubtful movies debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this show wouldn't be heavy enough to stay in your ear if I neglected to thank Keith Enright for giving us his time tonight, Eli Bostick for loaning us his time tonight, and Lucinda Lusions for leasing us her time tonight. It's complicated. Everybody's got their own deal.

I also want to thank Ben, by name, for providing this week's Farnsworth quote because apparently Ben can hold a grudge. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most indestructible individuals, Sierra, John Maggles, Captain Sparklefarts, Jason, Leslie, Jim, Clarence, Joshua, TheEthicalJerk, Anthony, GabbyGabs, Gabster, SpacetimeTraveler, Blake, BickeringAboutMoralsIsMyKink, Danny, Jin, and Hannah, whose IQs are so high they're actually XVI IQs. Together, these 18 amiable atheists aided our aims of alienating the Abrahamic Aeneas this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the money it takes to give some of it to us but if you do you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing atheist whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the

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Alexa, do not disturb. Sorry. Oh, you woke up my glasses. No, stop it. She's inside my glasses, Noah. I know.