The Scathing Atheist - 477: Fetal Attraction Edition

Episode Date: April 7, 2022

In this week’s episode, anti-choice activists are caught tiny red handed, the word “tallywacker” becomes part of the official congressional record, and David Icke will yell at cottage cheese or something. --- Get tickets to our live show here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-toronto-tickets-294592011637 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Learn more about American Atheist conference here: https://convention.atheists.org/ --- Headlines: Survey shows most Americans know religious objections to vaccines are nonsense: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/most-americans-say-religious-objections-to-covid-vaccines-are-insincere/ Radical Christian domestic terrorists arrested for hijacking abortion clinic: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/the-woman-who-kept-aborted-fetuses-in-her-home-works-for-an-atheist-activist/ https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/30/us/abortion-clinic-dc-nine-charged.html Texas student wins settlement against teacher who bullied her for not saying the Pledge: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/texas-student-wins-settlement-against-teacher-who-bullied-her-for-not-saying-the-pledge/ Mormons accused of tax evasion in Australia: https://www.smh.com.au/national/mormons-inc-church-accused-of-multinational-tax-rort-20220330-p5a98p.html Madison Cawthorn gives transphobic rant on House floor: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/madison-cawthorn-woman-tallywacker_n_624b440ee4b0e44de9c5ae5b David Barton Is Constantly Unveiling New and Misleading Claims About American History: https://www.rightwingwatch.org/post/david-barton-is-constantly-unveiling-new-and-misleading-claims-about-american-history/ Judge rejects Christian school demands for (amplified) pre-game prayers: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/judge-rejects-christian-schools-demand-to-hijack-pa-system-for-pre-game-prayer/

Warning, the following podcast contains adverbs. Sorry, that just makes as much sense as warning people that there'll be profanity in it. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Honey, My Sheets Rock, Adam and Eve, and by my new rage-based weight loss plan, The Diet Tribe. The Diet Tribe, because exercising to raise your heart rate seems like a whole big thing. And now, The scathing atheist. Hi guys, this is Raquel. I'm calling from Brazil.

If you've ever seen our sorry excuse for a president, then you have to agree that we have, in fact, evolved from filthy monkey people. I mean, look at him. Disgusting. It's Thursday. It's April 7th. And it's Consider Christianity Week. Okay. Still no.

It's still no. It's still no. No illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Max Weinberg's New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, anti-choice activists are caught tiny red-handed. The word tallywhacker becomes part of the

official congressional record of the United States of America. And David Eichel yell at cottage cheese or something. But first, the diatribe. I used to go to this little head shop when I was in college. And for those of you who don't smoke weed and or grew up in a more civilized age, a head shop is a store where you bought your weed accessories in the pre-internet days anyway.

Of course, smoking weed was illegal, still is most places. So they were legally required to pretend that they sold tobacco accessories. And as a customer, you too were required to pretend that you were buying tobacco accessories. In fact, there was a little sign on the wall that basically said as much. It said that they'd ask you to leave if you used any illegal terminology in reference to their merchandise and by illegal terminology by the way they meant the word bong you had to ask for a water pipe as though any human being anywhere on earth ever spooked tobacco out of a fucking bong anyway i just remember that weird feeling that you know they're lying and i'm lying and i know they're

lying and they know i'm lying and we both know we both know each other's lying but nobody cares because we're not actually trying to convince each other that anything is true anyway we're just like lying as a formality and I feel like having been in that situation so many times in my life makes it a lot easier to understand what it's like to be religious right now I'm not saying they all know they're lying, or at least not about all of the stuff. I'm certainly not saying they all know one another knows that they're lying, but some of them do.

A lot of them do. See, when religious people lose the ability to pretend it's true, the position they tend to retreat to is pretending to pretend it's true. You know the type i'm talking about right these people that no longer behave as though their religion is true but they'll still say it is if they're asked i'd actually argue this is the overwhelming majority of christians in america

at the moment and while i can't prove that i think it's evidenced pretty well by how many of them avoid death and gather sticks on the sabbath and and it's worth asking why a person would do that, right? Like, once you know it's not true, you can't get the main benefits that they sell religion with anymore. It can't help you cope with death anymore. It won't deter you from doing immoral acts. It won't provide you with meaning or direction. You can't tap into the power of prayer. What's left for these people? I mean, you know, obviously some of them are just going along because it's the path of least resistance. They don't want to upset grandma. They have a friend group that's centered around the church, whatever.

But other people keep pretending for far more nefarious reasons. For example, religion turns out to be a fantastic carrying case for your bigotry. Hell, as far as most Americans are concerned, it's a legally protected carrying case for your bigotry. Hell, as far as most Americans are concerned, it's a legally protected carrying case for your bigotry. But it's turning into even worse than that. According to both our judiciary system and our culture, religious beliefs are increasingly becoming a vehicle for bonus rights across the board. Sincerely held belief, though undefined and admittedly unmeasurable has become a get out of

jail free card for no end of transgressions and it's only getting worse all the more so because the religious people in question are playing by the same fucking rules as south georgia bong purchases circa 1995 nobody actually believes any of this shit but as long as nobody says that out loud they all get their bonus rights i came across a terrifying quantification of this shit, but as long as nobody says that out loud, they all get their bonus rights. I came across a terrifying quantification of this in a recently released Pew survey. According to the survey, some 67% of American adults agree that, quote, most people with religious objections to vaccines are just using religion as an excuse to avoid the vaccine, end quote. religion as an excuse to avoid the vaccine, end quote. And as terrifyingly low as that number is, we can take comfort in the fact that it is at least a pretty solid majority.

But the truly scary part comes when they ask those same respondents whether employers with vaccine mandates should grant those religious exemptions regardless. And 65 percent said they should. So the majority of even the people who know that these religious objections are bullshit still thinks we should have to honor them anyway. We're not talking about honoring them over a frivolous thing here, right? This isn't about beard length or being allowed an exemption to the rule against hats at work. We're talking about a literal matter of life and death and not just theirs. We're rapidly approaching a literal matter of life and death and not just theirs. We're rapidly approaching a million dead from this pandemic in America alone. And yet people are still saying that we should let liars flaunt the rules just because they invoked the word religion in their

lie. As a society, we're more concerned with protecting a person's right to lie their way out of shit than we are about our own fucking health look this would be insane even if we actually believed them you're thinking an invisible wizard would get mad at you is not a valid reason to avoid vaccination but the fact that we're even committed to this when we know they're lying is crazy on a whole different fucking level because what it really means is that those people don't want to risk their own religious exemptions. You know, they need to protect this notion that sincerely held beliefs are sacrosanct, lest they risk losing the legal right to say deny service to a gay person. You know, whether it was the intention or not, the courts have created this perverse incentive to go along with any number of disingenuous claims of religious sincerity and the more extra rights and exemptions we stuff into that category the more inclined people will

be to abandon reason to protect it we've already seen that they're willing to sacrifice human fucking lives for this principle how much further are we doomed to see them go they're talking about you jesus interrupt this broadcast bring you a special news bulletin joining me for headlines tonight are the huey and dewey to my louis heathen right and eli bosnick fellas are you ready to duck things up ducktales nice are those ducks parents dead why don't they have nicer clothes oh well apparently i have to talk eli through the darker aspects of ducktales lore so the corkscrew. While he recovers emotionally, we're going

to pause for a word from this week's first sponsor, Honey. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey, the easy way to save when shopping on your iPhone or computer. He's going to be so psyched about this. I know. Right? Alright, guys. What's all this about a surprise?

Oh, okay. So, you know how you're always talking about installing your honey in a computer to save money? That's a weird way to phrase it, but yes. Right. Well, ta-da. That's my desktop. It's your desktop? It's your desktop, but guess who's inside? Hey, Noah.

Damn it, guys. You put Lucinda inside my desktop. We sure did. So, let the savings begin. Am I right? No, guys. Honey is the free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes and applies the best what it finds to your cart.

Oh, you didn't mean literal honey? No, and that's not even what literal means, but I did. Okay okay but like how does uh the one you're talking about work well imagine you're shopping on one of your favorite sites when you check out the honey button appears and all you have to do is click apply coupons wait a few seconds as honey searches for coupons that can find for that site if honey finds a working coupon you'll watch the prices drop i've used honey when shopping for retro games and it saved me a ton of

money and honey doesn't just work on your desktop. It also works on your iPhone, too. Just activate it on Safari on your phone and save on the go. Okay, but we're never going to fit Lucinda in your phone without you noticing. That doesn't even make sense. Yeah, don't be ridiculous, Noah. But where do I get this shopping Honey thing? If you don't already have Honey, you could be straight up missing out.

By getting it, you're going to be doing yourself a solid and supporting the show. I'd never recommend something I don't use. Get honey for free at joinhoney.com slash scathing. That's joinhoney.com slash scathing. Cool. Okay, well, sorry, I guess.

Yeah, sorry, Lucinda. Sorry, Lucinda. You want me to get you out of there, babe? I'm actually fine in here. Man, she is small. Yeah, she, Lucinda. Sorry, Lucinda. You want me to get you out of there, babe? I'm actually fine in here. Man, she is small. Yeah, she's very small. And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, nine anti-choice activists were arrested last week

for their role in breaking into a Washington abortion clinic and physically blocking people from going inside. So that right there is the approximate headline for most of the sources that covered this. What the headline should say is radical Christian domestic terrorists finally arrested a year and a half later after committing, again, domestic terrorism because, again, they're all domestic terrorists based on their radical christianity terrorism christianity terrorism christianity end of headline yeah you know how rosa parks didn't move on the bus went home gave a bunch of paid speeches took several trips abroad

and then served time for a civil disobedience it's like that very similar yeah i mean i'd love it if laws even apply to christians wasn't so newsworthy but I'd love it a lot more if we didn't have to add dot, dot, dot, eventually. Super late eventually was part of this too. Yes. So this is a real thing that happened in October of 2020. terrorists decided to go full John QAnon, occupy a clinic by force and physically prevent people from obtaining medical care. The leader of the group was Lauren Handy, who used a fake name to get an appointment at the clinic and had her squad waiting outside doing dive rolls until she let him in and they hijacked the building. They barricaded the doors using furniture and ropes and chains and their own bodies. And they did a Facebook live stream with full narration of the terrorism crimes they were

committing in real time. Yeah. And look, as easy as it is to get caught up on how terrifying this kind of shit is, let's not overlook how stupid it is, too. Right. Because what the fuck was this going to accomplish? I'm pretty sure all the people who had appointments that day just didn't go like, well, fuck, I guess I have to have the kid now. Right. God. Yeah. So following the terrorism, the Trump Justice Department did, well, pretty much nothing. Yeah. So eventually the Biden Justice Department had to show up and start doing federal laws again. One of those laws is the Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Act of 1994. That law says Lauren Handy is a terrorist and her squad too.

Apparently, we pretty much stopped having this law for the entire four years under Trump. And other than the terrorism, that's the other big part of the story. Not only did we get four years of court stacking under Trump, including Supreme Court stacking that's on its way to dismantling Roe v. Wade, we also just stopped enforcing federal laws about interfering with medical care. And we let anti-choice activists become extra aggressive outside clinics in their harassment and their general domestic terrorism that's based on their radical christianity i don't want to blame the victims here but if the counter protesters would stop calling my suggestions felonious and stop calling

here maybe this wouldn't be a problem right now one other important detail following the arrest of the nine radical christian terrorists the police got a tip that Lauren Handy, the ringleader, might have illegal biohazard material in her home. And yes, she did. So great job by Lauren's family or friend or whoever narked on her because the police found the remains of five aborted fetuses in her house. And no, she was not allowed to have those. She stole the fetuses. And that was fully admitted by the anti-choice group that's representing her. They released a statement explaining how Lauren Handy was pretty sure those fetuses were too far along gestationally to be legal. Now, okay, just to be clear, that means she fished around

in a biohazard area and picked out, quote, old-looking fetuses. Oh, Jesus. That's a thing that happened in her life. Yep. And according to the statement, she took them with the plan

of handing them over to the authorities as evidence of an illegal abortion that happened too late in the gestation period. And the end of that official statement said, Also, we did a funeral and a naming ceremony. A naming ceremony? Five of them.

A naming ceremony? Because fucking yikes. Yeah. I want to know the names. It's somehow both better and worse than the puppet show I assumed she was planning when I first saw the headline. Yeah. Okay.

Just to be clear again, I'm sorry. Your aunt has been garbling something about like parenthood sells baby parts for six years. Cause she saw a clip of a tweet of a misleading YouTube video, right? Yep. Her side just actually did the thing. Yep.

They actually stole fetuses for their insane. Like, what else do they need? Upload the fetuses to Hunter Biden's laptop. At what point do you recognize you are the bad guys you've invented? You're joking. But if they did that, I feel like this would get more traction, you know, in between the pages of her diary. OK, so the whole terrorism thing is terrifying. And, you know, the Christian thing in general is terrifying, but I'm going to try to find a silver lining for spite. And

hopefully the nine radical Christian terrorists are listening to a really loud speaker playing atheist podcasts into their cell right now. Now, I'm not usually a big fan of Gitmo stuff, but for this one, I'm making a a big fan of Gitmo stuff, but for this one, I'm making a fucking exception. Absolutely. So, Lauren Handy and Terrorist Squad, during that day when you did your big special ops mission, we continued killing about 2,000 babies here in the United States alone because it's actually a good thing to kill babies sometimes in your face. And you accomplished nothing other than terrorizing the very specific people who needed medical care at the clinic that day and a bunch

of that care is not a literal abortion most of it yeah yeah most of it is not majority it's just uterus themed health care you assholes and if you need some extra content over the next i don't know 11 years or so you probably have plenty of time on your hands. Just go to patreon.com slash scathing. And for as little as a dollar an episode, plenty of bonus content. That's right. Side note, if you are their atheist cellmate

and you're the one playing it over the speaker, first one to make a fetus out of ramen and tomato sauce, saw cake from me and Heath. Saw cake. And in Sledge of allegiance news, as you consider whether to join Heath, Noah, Anna, Lucinda, my baby, and myself at the American Atheist Convention next weekend in Atlanta, Georgia.

Also Anna's baby. Also Anna's baby. I would say more Anna's baby, if anything. Definitely, so far at least. You might well wonder to yourself what kind of activism you're supporting. Well, I'm glad you asked because this week, thanks to American Atheists, a former high school student won a $90,000 settlement against her high school teacher for two years of constant bullying and harassment over her refusal to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. Okay, I like that.

So I'm owed like $1.1 million plus interest. School district. Now, if people who bullied you need to pay for it, though, I feel like Eli is going to go broke over last week's ads, right? Yeah. Think of the company, Heath. Think of the company. Okay. The student, Mari Leigh Oliver, who is now at college, is such a fucking badass.

student, Mari Leigh Oliver, who is now at college, is such a fucking badass. And to go over the entirety of the harassment she endured at the hands of like multiple teachers, administrators, and students would take more time than we have. And I would almost certainly do a felony while I was describing it. But it was her sociology teacher, Benji Arnold, age 75, who took things to the next level. Wheniver refused to stand for the pledge arnold told the class that quote sitting for the pledge was a privilege not a right and that people who sit for the pledge are unappreciative and disrespectful stating that all they do is take from society and then quote compared people who refuse to say the pledge to soviet communists members of the islamic faith seeking to impose sharia law and those who condone pedophilia

and quotes also spiders uh public speaking none of my friends actually like me i'm pretty sure figuring out what you know what numbers go when people say 19th century, and you're always like, I have a lot of fears. I was listening to Fears. I run into listening to Fears a lot. Yeah, the real problem with Soviet communists and Islamic extremists is their stubborn refusal to blindly follow tradition. I get it.

Not enough pledging allegiance going on with those two groups i've always said that but that's not all following his little speech where he compared her to a pedophile arnold then assigned the class to transcribe the words of the pledge of allegiance and when oliver refused because that's the fucking dumbest trap ever, he gave her a zero, telling her in a screed that Oliver caught on tape, quote, where a country will crumble is when people coming into a country

do not assimilate to that country. That doesn't mean you forget the Day of the Dead and whatever cultures you maintain your language. That doesn't mean that. But you're not going to drive on the left side of the road and you're not going to impose Sharia law. What? Because it's not this country.

But what is happening, and I could say it a lot more than you because I've lived longer, is almost as America's assimilating to those countries. What? Oh, yeah, if we keep doing that, we're going gonna wind up with universal health care and mandatory maternity leave before you know it what the fuck is your problem just a fucking screed right so with that mountain of evidence against them even texas

conservative fifth circuit allowed the case to move forward the school district as i said settled and marie was given a tiny fraction of what she was owed for putting up with this horrible abuse from those authority figures. And look, as a smart-ass, aggressively non-patriotic and aggressively non-Christian that grew up in the South, I can personally attest to how important setting precedents like this is. Not to get too real on a comedy show, but the kids that bullied me left

bruises, the adults that bullied me left scars. Absolutely. And again, not to put too fine a point on it, but this case was taken up and fought by American atheists, right? As an organization and as a social justice movement, the religious like to portray us as

like, bullying football coaches who just want to pray or little old ladies who want to put a little crash at a local park okay i do want to bully both of those okay that's fair heath and i want to do those things but american atheists they're doing the work of atheist activism and it's not just important none of the other so-called social justice activist movements are doing it right that's what american atheists is for i guess what i'm saying is i'll see you at game night it's for a much better cause than watching andrew and heath get in a fistfight over bar trivia but you'll get

to right that would be worth the trip right there yeah we're hosting it we're not we win no matter what so it wouldn't even we still might get in a fight. I can see myself getting in a fight. Probably not with each other. And in latter day sense news tonight, it turns out the $100 billion hedge fund that calls itself a religion and was pioneered by an insurrectionist con artist might not be on the up and up.

And look, I get that the Mormon church is financially corrupt isn't exactly news, but no matter how many times we see it, we need to marvel at the greed it takes to evade taxes on a 10-figure annual income derived from selling wishes to the gullible. So with that in mind, a recent joint investigation by Australian newspapers The Sunday Age and The Sun-Herald found a fuck ton of evidence that the Mormon church was, in their words quote engaging in significant tax evasion in australia allowing its adherence to collect hundreds of millions

of dollars in tax exemptions that are not lawfully available to followers of other religions end quote hey dear australia i see you got the cult of thieving white lunatics we sent you. Enjoy that. All-stars final. And by the way, customers who liked Mormonism also enjoyed AR-15s and COVID-19. So let us know. We do a lot of exporting. This is revenge for rate comfort, Australia. He's from New Zealand. You don't have to make up countries. The heart of this whole thing is the fact that Australia is better than America in every possible fucking way.

And thus money donated to a church is not tax deductible there. But the Mormon church apparently skirts that problem altogether by just writing all their tithes through a charity. And to make this legally justifiable, the church claims that they spend 70 percent of their Australian income on charity. But they're not exactly opening up their books to prove it. percent of their australian income on charity but they're not exactly opening up their books to prove it what's more we know that globally mormonism spends less than one percent of its income on charity so for this to be true pretty much every charitable dollar the entire church spends worldwide would have to come from australia's 60 000 odd mormons it's the charity numbers are different down there it's like the coriolis effect

right they know they spin the other way turns out the only cause mormons really care about is saving the koalas and surf camps for team must be but so it's actually worse than all that though see the charity they route all this money through is called lds charities australia and if they're actually donating the 70 or so million bucks a year they claim to be donating, LDS Charities Australia is, I think, the third largest charity in Australia, and yet somehow operates with no paid staff. Now, given Mormonism's reliance on unpaid, divinely dictated volunteerism, I guess that's not impossible, but they also have no website, no infrastructure, and no expenses. Of course, their mirror organization in Salt Lake City has all that stuff, but it definitely doesn't make all the decisions and do all the work for that shell company.

And it even more definitely doesn't do that because of a 2019 ruling by the Australian tax office declaring that Australians can only write off charitable donations made to charities that primarily operate out of Australia. It's definitely nothing to do with that. Oh, good. We painted very real Mormon charity on the side of this cardboard box that we call our company headquarters. What more do you people need? Apparently not much. So, yeah, probably going to hear more about this story in the future. But for now, we're going to pause for a word from our second sponsor this week. My sheets rock. future. But for now, we're going to pause for a word from our second sponsor this week, MySheetsRock. Well, hello. It's Mish, Melania Trump. And I'm Tyler. Did you miss us? We haven't been relevant for a long time. And hopefully we stay that way. But while we keep our fingers crossed for that, I thought we'd tell you about this week's sponsor, MySheetsRock. Your sheets? Tyler, gross. No, no, Ms. Trump, sheets like they go on your bed?

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And we're back. Next up in headlines, we have a story about gender studies. And I was actually thinking about a particular topic within that field recently. And I thought to myself, is there a GOP congressman college dropout, ideally with relevant work experience at Chick-fil-A, who could tell me more about, you know, the ontological underpinnings of womanhood? And yes, there was actually right when I was thinking this week in response to nobody asking him anything ever. ever, Madison Cawthorn gave us a speech on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives explaining to Nancy Pelosi what it means to be a woman.

That happened. I think he misinterpreted the feedback he's getting from the women he dates about not being a man in any way that matters. He's seeking definitions. So, Madison, very important. Don't take the stuff you overhear your wife saying on the phone very seriously. It's mostly in code. Okay. There's no eagle landing at midnight. It's not a literal thing. So, before we get to the definition of woman from Madison Cawthorn, I want to mention another piece of Cawthorn news that led up to this. Cawthorn. I want to mention another piece of Cawthorn news that led up to this. Here's what he said last week during a podcast appearance. He claimed that lawmakers in Washington, D.C.

are constantly having cocaine-fueled orgies. And he learned about that recently when he got invited to one. So just such an obvious lie. There's no way Madisonison cawthorne got invited to one of those parties no absolutely not also he then admitted that he made that up right the press got a hold of it and he was like yeah i know i made that up and he's just still doing his fucking job right i got fired from buffalo wild wings for less people we need a better. It would be nice if Congress had higher standards than Buffalo wild wings. It really would. Also, cocaine does not

fuel orgies, okay? As the resident expert here, cocaine is the opposite of an erection. Well, I'm the resident opposite of an erection expert, so I feel like we should both get a vote here. Cocaine does encourage mouth stuff, though, you got to admit.

So that brings us to the womanhood speech from cishet dude bro Madison Cawthorn. And it's clearly a response to what happened during the confirmation hearings for Katonji Brown Jackson. for Katonji Brown Jackson. GOP Senator Marsha Blackburn tried to win transphobia cred with her voting base by asking Katonji Brown Jackson to define the word woman. And soon to be Justice Jackson very correctly refused to take the stupid fucking bigot bait. And that's when Madison Cawthorn was like, I believe I can be of service. Hold my roofie beer beer so he wrote a speech about that and he delivered it into the official record of u.s congress this week and he started by accidentally giving the left credit for successfully murdering god so that was a fun thing he did by accident according to cawthorn, quote, the left has ripped away the pen of truth from the author of life. They've exchanged natural science for a party platform and declared war on biology.

Your left wing movement is forcing children to endure radical expressions of sexuality. And yet you can't even define what a woman is. Radical expressions of sexuality? Anyone else picturing kids jumping out of an airplane so they can come out to their parents mid-air? Like, I was actually still busy picturing

a bunch of atheists holding God's pen too high for them to reach. Come on, guys, this is my pen of truth! I need that! I need to write something truth. Stop it. You need that. I need to write something true. I got that from my dad. This is my dad's pen.

This is serious. This is serious. I'm calling my dad. So here's the definition of woman from Macaw. Quote, I've never imagined that one of my sacred duties in this hallowed chamber would be explaining to the house speaker the difference between a man and a woman. Me neither, buddy. Take notes, Madam Speaker.

Take notes, Madam Speaker. I'm about to define what a woman is for you. XX chromosomes, no tallywhacker. It's so simple, end quote. Yeah, man, everything's simple when you're an idiot. Yeah, sure is. Cool. Also, he just eliminated like several million humans.

He and his God think are women. Good job, buddy. You're crushing it. Yeah. So, yeah, just objectively incorrect about how chromosomes and gender work. But most importantly, who the fuck says tallywhacker? Thank you. That's extremely problematic behavior that's insane who says that and speaking of extremely problematic behavior madison cawthorne if you're listening here's a good working definition of woman at least for your purposes

it's someone who interacts with you and then describes you as a sexual predator and then like 150 alumni of the college describes you as a sexual predator right after that and then like 150 alumni of the college where you spent a semester before dropping out they sign a letter you know publicly confirming that sexual predator thing the real definition is much more than that but that'll get you started yeah there you go yeah it's not a definition so much as it is the mean but you can use it that way. And finally tonight, in a loud speaker news. It works if you see it written. On Thursday of last week, U.S. District Judge Charlene Edwards Honeywell

ruled that using a state-owned speaker and a state-owned facility for a state-organized public event for prayer did in fact amount to government endorsement of religion, explaining, quote, fucking duh, but in Latin, end quote. This ends more than a six-year persecution snipe hunt that first began in december of 2015 but finally seems to have exhausted its nine lives oh i'm gonna be sad to see it go this case is truly the ambulance chaser of christian persecution right if licking all the food was religion it's christianity as we're about to demonstrate so yeah this story starts with two private christian schools made their way to the

state championship in florida's 2015 class 2a football playoffs at that point one school tampa based cambridge christian asked if they could use the public loudspeaker to say a prayer before the game after all the other team wouldn't mind. The head of the Florida High School Athletics Association then explained that no and told him about the establishment clause. So Cambridge Christian sued the FHSAA for, quote, denying the students, parents and fans in attendance the right to participate in the players prayer or to otherwise come together in prayer as one christian community end quote in other words violating the audience's right to be coerced yeah my guy when but there could be a jew in the crowd is an argument from both sides you need to realize you're the one that's wrong there could be a jew in the crowd not for long that's your side though it's about tone and that's

what your side sounds like when they say that so first liberty the bullshit christian legal group liberty council wannabe assholes funding this publicity stunt argued that this counts as a free speech violation because no other kind of speech was being prohibited just religious speech that's so dumb boy right because you're the only ones dumb enough to ask. That doesn't mean that you're the only ones that would get a no. Exactly. I would like to make a speech. Yeah, right.

Like if a group of coaches wanted to endorse a political candidate or pitch a timeshare or just say fuck in 37 languages, they'd also have been prohibited. Well, great. Now Heath and I put together our fucks around the world middle school show for nothing are we shutting it down yeah way to destroy our dreams noah first it was hats off to botswana and now it's this sorry guys around so of course all this shit is ridiculous which is why the judge who first heard it threw out the whole

fucking thing without bothering to sully an actual courtroom with it. But after a series of appeals, a three-judge panel eventually handed it back to her and asked her to do it again, but, like, show her work or whatever. So last week she did, and it turned out she agreed with herself and re-dismissed the case. In the 38-page ruling, she points out that both teams did ultimately pray before the game, along with some officials, at the 50-f 50 fucking yard line right before the fucking game. The only thing they didn't get was amplification. And there's no constitutional right to that shit.

And since they're not in the habit of giving each team a two minute open mic on the PA, it's not like they were being denied an existing public forum either. OK, but that said, can we get that two-minute open mic going? Let's definitely get that going. If I know high school football coaches, those two-minute sets are not going to be boring. Who's drinking tonight? Me. I have a problem. I own 23 guns.

Yeah. Football should be illegal. So with that glimmer of good news, we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Come on. And when we come back, we'll regret literacy again. Okay. Dildo or butt plug?

Again, I'm thinking twofer. Twofer? Of course. Hey, guys. Oh, my God? Again, I'm thinking twofer. Twofer? Of course. Hey guys, oh my god, that is a lot of fuck stuff. That sure is. This cost us an arm and a leg. Oh, which reminds me, where's the fisting stuff? That is green suitcase.

Green suitcase? Yep. Okay, I'm sure I'm going to regret asking this, but why are you packing a bunch of fuck stuff? Oh, for the American Atheist Convention next week. Aren't we in charge of the game night and pub quiz? Game night, exactly. Guys, we're hosting an actual

game night with actual board games. Ah. Alright, well, I feel kind of silly. I mean, should we just do it anyway? But I feel silly. Well, sure you do. Plus, you probably paid double what you needed to

because you could have gotten your fuck stuff at adamandeve.com. What's adamandeve.com? They're the number one adult toy superstore, and they're offering our listeners 50% off almost any one item when you use the code SCATHING at checkout. 50% off? No way. That's awesome.

Way. But that's not all. When you get one item, they also send three bonus sexy items and six free movies doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and what's that code again that's scathing s-c-a-t-h-i-n-g at adamandeve.com this is an exclusive offer specific to the podcast so be sure to use the code scathing to get you not just the discount and the free goodies, but also 100% free shipping. Code SCATHING.

All right, Eli. I guess we start on bagging this stuff. Yeah, but I'm still bringing the nipple clamps. Okay, nice. Why? Oh, someone might request Cards Against Humanity. Right, exactly. That tracks.

Bring two pairs, actually. telling dick jokes and that's pretty simple to do but once in a while i'm called upon to do stuff like summarize the gestalt of david ike's chapter in a sentence or two and that's when air traffic controllers start to feel sorry for me bushington foil hats right hold on yeah but when i paint a picture of us on my local firehouse door suddenly i'm the bad guy right hypocrites yeah hypocrites but yeah we're back for chapter five of david ice everything you need to know but have never been told and in this chapter we're going to do a deep dive on the nature of our reptilian overlords on the rare occasion that he remembers what he was talking about for an entire sentence right and speaking of reptilian overlords oscar Wilde once wrote, and literally this is how the chapter starts with an Oscar Wilde quote. It Ice spent some time passed out in gutters, but yeah.

And in case you're wondering, yes, demons can possess aliens. So we can get there right away. This chapter feels like when there's a cinematic universe but not all the properties match. So like trying to squeeze Morbius in with fucking Spider-Man.

Pick a mood, my dude. And by the way, to be clear, David Icke, it's not that we doubt that intelligent life could exist beyond the Earth. It's that we doubt that you've had brunch with it, okay?

Just let's be clear about where the disagreement is. You haven't had brunch mostly because the aliens are Jewish too. Well, yeah. Large anti-Semite wouldn't want you there.

He goes full Nordics and Grays in this chapter too as though it was fucking 1996. He says, this is a quote here. The Nordic group of aliens have a genetic connection to human white races and especially those with blonde hair and blue eyes. I'm sorry. Did all the Nazi neighborhood dogs perk up when I said that? My bad. My bad.

Okay. This is the part of the mythology I don't get, right? Like, the people you're scared of are subhuman aliens. I get, right? He's a classic tactic. But where does, so are you, but don't worry, they're chill fit in. And of course, it's been several paragraphs at this point. So it's time for David Icke to devolve into yelling at his enemies that made fun of him in his real life he's like okay listen this is serious the greys are ant people aliens and they were getting mind melded with the reptile people and the jewish demons and we know

all that because an egyptian guy wrote it down on a post-it and put that post-it in a jar 1600 years ago and that's just factual but somehow i'm the one getting ridiculed all the time and they laugh at me so fuck you dave sorry i have a friend named dave too and i he makes fun of me he then quote mines to fuel astronauts vis-a-vis alien life right yeah apparently all our space missions had flying saucers just riding along near us right right as soon as we got to space so aliens traveled across galaxies and then they just like flew behind us whistling and reading newspaper and then they left that's what they did yep okay this is where he quotes a hollywood special effects supervisor that claims to channel spirits and attributes the quote to einstein Yup. And can I say it? Most reasonable person

he's going to quote in this chapter. True. By the way, so just so you know, some UFOs aren't actually aliens. They're secret Illuminati saucers built here on Earth. Right, right.

Plates are a dead giveaway. And that anti-gravity technology that makes a flying saucer possible, it was invented by the US military, but most people haven't heard of it. So you know how there's top secret and you know about that stuff? Yeah. The flying saucer

anti-gravity department is quote, beyond top secret. Which is weird because usually you can't get beyond the top. That's the top. It would be unless you're David Icke. He's a fucking godhead. Sylvester Stallone and you flip your hat around.

Oh, that's true. No, you're right. And then he discusses William Tompkins for quite a while. This is a guy who I guess used to be sane but wrote a book about UFOs in his 90s. Okay. You know whose UFO memoir I want to read? The guy who aliens pick up and tell he's not the chosen one. Right?

Just like, oh, hey, man, sorry. Statistically, we needed to do like 100 of you, and you are filling that quota. You want to see the probes? We'll show you the probes. Okay, if I was that guy, and I feel like I would be, and it would be disappointing, I think i'd start

getting like awkwardly flirty like trying way too hard to get fucked in a lab by an alien just like no you should wait you sure you don't want to look in my i got i'll come or you come in whatever you guys want you put it wherever you want uh he also tells us that uh when neil and buzz first visited the moon apparently hundreds of aliens were just there going like, what the fuck are you guys doing here? By the way, the source of that information for David Icke? The Sci-Fi Channel.

Sci-Fi. The Sci-Fi Channel. I wonder how many of his readers he lost by acknowledging that the Apollo missions eventually reached the moon right there, right? Alright, yeah. But I feel like the aliens went to the

sound stage. David just couldn't say it out loud. He's a pro. I'm still on board. Oh, God. He also uses the whole, he tells us that humans only use a small fraction of their brain potential. Not sure if you guys knew that. Certainly true of David. I don't know that there's more potential there than that but jesus two-thirds of this fucking chapter is just

him going they laughed at me when i said reptilians were secretly controlling the earth but now they're they're out of breath and drying tears from their eyes so they're not laughing anymore seriously i mean two-thirds of this chapter most of this book it's the tone of a guy who's like I mean two thirds of this chapter most of this book it's the tone of a guy who's like bleeding profusely out of his nose and he's weeping but he's weep talking about he technically won a fight just now if you think about it

I got in in more back time or whatever I'm not owned I'm not owned and apparently he needed to like up the credibility from the sci-fi channel so now he cites the history channel. I bet that makes him proud.

I feel like someone should have ripped that title off that network in some kind of ceremony by now, right? Where they ride out of town backwards on a donkey at this point. Can we do that? Sci-fi. Hi-fi. Hi-fi. There you go. You're the hi-fi channel.

He quotes some nutter from 1933 that says every religion has an evil serpent. Okay, but what if I make up a religion right now that doesn't have a serpent? Fuck, don't. That screws up my whole thing. Please don't. Please. Just to be clear, though, this Jewish dragon demon who runs the whole show is like, okay, don't tell anyone about me running the whole show, but like work me into your artwork all over the world. Yeah, right.

The religion. It's like how I keep bragging about how I write all the ads in the ads that I write. It's a thing for my people. Wait, do you write all the ads? Okay. And then we get a really long quote from a guy named don juan matus he's a guy from the yaqui tribe of mexico and this part is about that guy matus explaining some folklore to the hippie writer carlos castaneda castaneda and castaneda

clearly went overboard when he wrote down the words from matus because you know he was eating handfuls of peyote the whole time and now we're reading a third level interpretation of all that by david ike who's you know eating handfuls of turquoise or whatever the fuck he does so it definitely started as something like yeah so the aztec tradition spoke of reaching a state of enlightenment and that was you know the guy from the yaqui tribe and then castaneda wrote like eat drugs you could see the fucking physics and then david ike wrote i'm a godhead and i beat up a jew demon on saturn just now so like the way it evolves is amazing well and also i love this quote because david ike is so fond of his own bullshit that he keeps interrupting the quote to add shit.

I thought he was going to have himself escorted out of the chapter. And to bolster his claims, he's like, all right, but if reptilians didn't rule the world, then why would so many alien abductors come from the Draconis constellation? So stupid. I'm like, well, I can't answer that question, so you must be right. Yeah. Ah, the old, if you don't know how many fingers I'm holding up, the answer is purple. Yes. It's nice to see that religion and David Icke have some things in common, you know?

Also, what does he think a constellation is? Thank you. Right? He described a different race as coming from orion the place and now draconian so ridiculous like guys okay we're evil dragons and we set up shop on a bunch of stars shaped like an evil dragon if you look from super far away and in in the future anyway, that's what it looks like. Should we look at another spot? I feel like it's just a little too on the nose, maybe. Oh, good. And by the way, he explains here that not all reptilians are evil, just the Jewish ones, I think. Okay.

This was my first realization that not all the reptilians, according to David Icke, are Jewish. I had so many follow-up questions from this section okay your follow-up questions were you wondering which dragon demons are superior genetically speaking i was one of them it's the whites just for the white ones yes and that was reported to david eich by quote a number of insiders yep he has a number of insiders. Yep. He has a number of insiders on that. Interesting. And by the way, if you want to know more about this, he has a six-hour video about it on his website, guys.

And it's on the GAM schedule. Happy birthday, Heath. Happy birthday. No, that's awesome. I'm gone on my birthday. Yeah, right, right, exactly. Oh, no, it's your gift. It's your gift. But most of David Ike's s schtick if you've never read any of his stuff and by the

way keep it that way is he he'll note vague similarities between different cultures myths that seem similar precisely because he doesn't know very much about them right like so like i actually know a little bit about sumerian mythology at least enough to know that everything he says about it is wrong. Everything he says about mythology of any kind is like, I googled this for eight seconds level of knowledge. Also, the only reason mythologies

share common myths is because we're all scared of the same stuff. There was never going to be a culture who were terrified of soft fur and lukewarm temperatures. Right. But if we did find a Care Bears glyph in a Mayan temple, we'd be reading right now about Jewish rainbow eye lasers from David Icke.

Like, it doesn't matter what he finds. He's going to fit it. Yeah. So from there, he goes back to the demon aliens who set up shop on Saturn. And he says, you know who agreed with me? Enrico Ferm fermi fucking scientist david ike tries to explain that fermi's paradox proves him right here yes to be clear fermi's paradox says the universe is very large so you got to assume it's got to have some other life forms but where are they jewish demons on saturn like it's it's the jump is amazing. Yeah. Fermi didn't famously stand up in the lunchroom and shout, there they are.

He might have said something anti-Semitic, but probably not exactly Jewish demons on Saturn. And then he reminds us that in addition to extraterrestrial overlords, we also have interterrestrial overlords in the form of cave reptilians. That's right, everyone. Just in case space aliens was too hard to disprove, he's dedicated a chapter of this book that you can debunk in your very own backyard. Right, yeah. Apparently the bad guys have an underground

cave system that they can fly their spaceships into right through the Earth. Yeah, okay. Here's my favorite part of this. The all-powerful dragon space demons that come from other galaxies and they control our brains they don't do very well in the sun yeah they need like spf 100 they just they really don't like being all sweaty so they stay in the shade mostly they're indoor space dragon gods sounds pretty jewish to me. I'm not going to lie.

But apparently these deep underground bases, that's where the aliens give us new technology. It doesn't feel like you'd need a dedicated place for that, but they have one. Right? Just world leaders wandering around the center of the earth like an Apple store.

Ooh, laser weapons. No, I'm good with my existing cords though no thank you uh just uh just a laser we have a charger at home please i don't need the fucking fire wire they have a pretty sweet sounding nuclear train system between their underground cities though right but doesn't it seem like you just fly out and go around the side of the earth because you have like amazing intergalactic spaceships. He also says that they can go through the solid Earth. So why the fuck would you need tunnels?

Why would it be nuclear also? Yeah. But hey, one way or the other, look, if these motherfuckers can nail mass transit, they're already doing better than any human rulers that I'm aware of. So, yeah, let him be in charge. Jesus. I support. Actually, it turns out Elon Musk's tunnel was just an audition to be a reptilian overlord but turns out he creeped them out too much so he turned him down yeah surprised ah then he tells us about the time he tried to drive into a restricted military

base and he didn't chicken out chickening out is not the correct term he's he started feeling nauseated as though quote being hit by some sort of electromagnetic feel. Okay, so the top secret reptile alien military base that we share with the reptile aliens underground, it has a two-layer security system. They have road signs

that say, please turn around. And David Icke and his friends were like, no, we're not turning around. But layer two, electromagnetic vomit gun. Electromagnetic vomit gun, yes, exactly. He's just sitting there, my not getting in trouble sense is tingling. Better go home and spend your mentally ill aunt's money instead.

Oh, God. But check out this rock solid sourcing. Actual quote, the entity that is claimed to have been contacted by the Chiani Project is reported to have been contacted by the chiani project is reported to have spoken about the reptilians as well as the moon end quote that is hearsay to the fourth power about one liar from a different that's incorrect right what you just said that's not true high schoolers looking for a chance to break up before prom would be like,

eh, seems a little fishy. I don't know that I want to trust that. Craig had said that Jeanette had said that Lisa said a space dragon said he was harvesting humans for food made of fear. And that's how it all works philosophically. And then he reprints this email he got from some rando on the internet who claimed to have had an NDE. And just so you know what we're dealing with here, the email felt the need to clarify that the Earth is indeed round. Interesting. He definitely lost a few readers right there.

Yeah, but this whole thing has underground tunnels, so I feel like he already lost them, right? The guy who made it through the NASA moon landing was like, all right, David, you lost me. You lost me. I tried brother but he goes the email says well you know maybe it was a dream in that I experienced it when I was unconscious and dreams

exist and we know that and it's in no further need of explanation but having an NDE in your sleep is just being a fat guy believe me I know this is not same thing awake too right yeah that's what we're doing Having an NDE in your sleep is just being a fat guy. Believe me, I know. I know. This is not... Same thing awake too, right? Yeah.

That's what we're doing all the time. And by the way, Dave is pretty sure that we can regrow our limbs with electrical frequencies. Yeah, he's pretty sure. And the chains of reasoning from David Icke, just breathtaking. He mentions that scientists were able to make frogs with six legs. And I think that's actually real therefore we can regrow a lost limb because of magnets or something therefore i'm not done space dragons control human consciousness with a radio antenna like come on man just you had just chop you got to chop it after the one yeah when he said that thing i was like

cool dave do you want to prove that by regrowing the limbs by next chapter next next subheading now that we're moving on uh we're gonna actually get some detail on reptuman hybrids in a subheading called reptilian humans he starts this thing off by claiming that iguanas and human women have the exact same pheromones all right heath i would like to apologize for dismissing all the pictures of iguanas you sent me asking if they looked quote fuckable okay so accepted and which ones were so wait so to be clear by the way we have never isolated a human pheromone. So this is complete just horse shit that he's pulling here. Also, at this moment, he tries to list the reptilian qualities that humans have.

And he's doing his list. And at one point he says cold bloodedness without thinking about it. But then he clarifies. He's like, I mean, no empathy is by like the figuratively. We inherited a figurative metaphor version but to be clear reptiles don't have empathy as well oh and then he starts talking about if we weren't reptile human hybrids why would we have a reptile brain and we have a reptile brain that produces fear which is exactly what the reptilians eat

okay but then why don't they just feed on themselves by like watching scary movies right we tried asking them to do that there you go have them start dancing or talk to a lady or be emotionally available to another human being there's so many ways to get fear and then eat it right well but he, he goes, he goes, but if your reptile brain isn't where they keep all the thought prison stuff,

why would people in the Matrix have to plug into that part of the brain to get into the Matrix world? Honestly, David Icke thinks

all movies are true explains a lot. Actually, yeah, it does. Does he think they plugged it into like a different part of the head on the movie set? And then they were like, it's not working. We need to plug it into the reptile part.

What does that even mean? Oh God. So, and he also says like, he's like, and if you think about it, we see plenty of examples of thought without brains. And I'm like,

do we see that Davey? And he's like, well, I like, like for example, what about out-of-body experiences they're not even in their bodies and they can still think and then their blood becomes cold no i fucked that up earlier okay and by the way this is the very close of the chapter he says there is far more about the reptilian dimension in other books. But that was a concise summary. I just get concise.

We're on page 340 right now. And he continues. Now we shall focus on the archontic reptilian network within global society that appears to be human but isn't. I'm concise. Yes, we're going to do that concisely, though. Oh, God. And with the sad, sad realization that there are still 13 more

concise chapters where this one came from, we're going to wrap things up until the next installment of God Awful Books. God awful books. You can always come see us at our table at any point in the weekend. We would love to see you there, and we'll have more info on the show notes. Anyway, that's all the Blast Movie we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show,

The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday, and an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, God Awful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, or an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I need to thank Heath for being Heath. I need to thank Eli for not being Heath, because that'd be confusing.

I also want to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions, who should be back next week. I also want to thank Raquel for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, and I'm sorry about your Brazilian Trump. He's pretty fucking bad. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, awkwardly explaining why I know so much about Alex Jones, QAnon, Farnsworth, Coast, and Chevron.

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