The Scathing Atheist - 478: Conventional Edition

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

In this week’s episode, Christians call dibs state by state, Donald Trump's pity party actually had some people show up because their moms made em go, and churchgoers will try to tone down the rhetoric on abortion by comparing it to the holocaust. --- Get tickets to our live show here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-toronto-tickets-294592011637 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Learn more about American Atheist conference here: https://convention.atheists.org/ — Headlines: Mubarak Bala sentenced to 24 years in prison for blasphemy: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/nigerian-court-sentences-mubarak-bala-to-24-years-in-prison-for-blasphemy/ GOP panic over school prayer case derailed honor for historic Black judge: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/gop-panic-over-a-school-prayer-case-derailed-an-honor-for-a-historic-black-judge/ Georgia GOP candidate claims "we are the church, and we run the state": https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/georgia-gop-candidate-we-are-the-church-and-we-run-the-state/ Rep. Lauren Boebert: You should be 21 before coming out as LGBTQ: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/rep-lauren-boebert-you-should-be-21-before-coming-out-as-lgbtq/ Atheist lawmaker in Nebraska blocks anti-abortion bill: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/atheist-lawmaker-blocks-anti-abortion-bill-pushed-by-religious-extremists/ Trump claims he's the "most honest human being, perhaps, that God ever created": https://www.cnn.com/2022/04/11/politics/donald-trump-north-carolina-speech/index.html

Warning, the following profanity contains an episode. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by Allbirds, Stamps.com, ZipRecruiter, and by the new medical reality show, Chiropractical Jokers, where we replace real chiropractors with untrained comedians because how much more dangerous and useless could it really be? And now, The Sc atheist. This is April officially acknowledging that Heath is the all-time top word blitz champion, and Noah is the number one master of VR ProPud, now and in perpetuity. But even they did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday.

It's April 14th. And we're celebrating the Holy Week by being holy unreligious. There you go. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Queen Latifah's, New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Christians called dibs state by state.

Donald Trump's pity party actually had some people show up because their moms made them go. And Christians will try to tone down the rhetoric on abortion by comparing it to the Holocaust. But first, the diatribe. During his first campaign for the presidency, then VP George H.W. Bush held a press conference at the O'Hare International Airport in Chicago. And among the reporters present was one Robert I. Sherman from the American Atheist News Journal, who actually got a chance to ask Bush a question. And quite logically, given the outlet he was representing, he asked him what his campaign was going to do to win the votes of Americans who are atheists. At first, Bush tried

to brush off the question by saying, quote, I guess I'm pretty weak in the atheist community. Faith in God is important to me, end quote. But Sherman pressed him. He followed up by asking if Bush could at least recognize the equal citizenship and patriotism of atheist Americans, to which Bush famously replied, quote, No, I don't think that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God, end quote. A flabbergasted Sherman asked if he could at least state for the record that he was on board with separation of church and state to which bush reluctantly agreed but added quote i'm just not very high on atheists end quote now as egregious as that was believe it or not it was not the worst

thing sherman got on record from the bush campaign about a year later sherman was in the midst of a lawsuit against his local school district for trying to force his kid to say the pledge so when he was able to get a sit down with ed murnane the co-chair of bush's 88 campaign he asked him you know what the campaign thought of the lawsuit here's the on the record exchange sherman american atheist filed the pledge of allegiance lawsuit yesterday does the bush campaign have an official response to this filing? Murnane, it's bullshit. Sherman, what is bullshit? Murnane, everything that American atheists does, Rob, is bullshit.

Sherman, thank you for telling me what the official position of the Bush campaign is on the issue. Murnaneane you're welcome now here's the most fucked up aspect of all of this it wasn't controversial i mean it wouldn't be right to say that the media ignored bush's naked bigotry right i know about it obviously but it wasn't exactly a scandal it wasn't seen as anywhere near as egregious as for example his opponent wearing a helmet if it wasn't exactly a scandal. It wasn't seen as anywhere near as egregious as, for example, his opponent wearing a helmet. If it wasn't for Trump, it would be impossible to imagine a mainstream American politician saying something like that today. But 35 years ago, it barely even made the news. I bring this up because in the 90s, there was a tectonic shift

in American religiosity that has fascinated statisticians ever since. I mean, you can look at the numbers a lot of way, but the starkest subset of the numbers is to look at American adults between the ages of 1835. In the 1991 General Social Survey, 87% of that group identified as Christian and only 8% had no religious affiliation. That number hadn't changed significantly in the two decades, by the way, that they had been doing that survey. But by 1997, it was down to 73% identifying as Christian and 20% unaffiliated. The numbers have continued to move in the right direction ever since, but never with the kind of rapidity that we saw over that short period. Now, many, if not most people, assume that this is primarily a function of the internet right but as unofficial

statistician of the scathing atheist ryan burge points out the data doesn't really support that as a complete explanation after all according to the census bureau by 1997 only about one in five american households had internet access i mean 20 having access to the internet means more than 20 having access to the information but it's still not enough to explain such a precipitous drop. A lot of theories have been put forward to explain it, of course, but here's one to consider. So by 1987, American atheists had an accredited reporter in the Illinois press pool that got to ask George Bush a question. Yes, Bush got it as wrong as it's possible to get it, but he still got asked. In the wake of Bush's bigotry, American atheists sent a letter to every member of Congress urging them to censure the president for impugning the patriotism of a minority group.

And no, none of them signed on to that resolution. But a lot of them saw the fucking letter. A lot of them were aware, many for the first time, that atheists were taking notes of the bigoted shit that they were saying. That letter went out on February of 1990. I mean, there were a lot of demographic forces pushing us towards decreased religiosity in the early 1990s, but one of them that far too often gets overlooked is all the hard and thankless work American atheists was doing in the decades leading up to it. Hell, consider the whole reason American atheists came into existence back in 1963. the whole reason American atheists came into existence back in 1963. These adults from 18 to 35 in 1997, that represented the first generation of Americans to grow up in schools that weren't

allowed to have mandatory Christian prayer. Our activism matters. Our organizations matter. Our communities matter. Even our defeats can help move us forward if there's somebody like Robert Sherman there to do the legwork and publicize them afterwards. And I point this out because a lot of people, even a lot of atheists, cast aspersions on things like the American Atheist Convention that's going on this weekend in Atlanta. They're written off as useless echo chambers of self-indulgence, but the communities they build and the activists they inspire matter. They build tomorrow's world, and we owe it to yesterday to do at least as much for the future as they did for us. Joining me for headlines tonight are the DTW and EWR to my

just driving Heath Enright and Eli Bosney. Fellas, are you ready to fly to the American Atheist Convention in Atlanta this weekend? I'll be the one walking around with the bottomless live boston fellas are you ready to fly to the american atheist convention in atlanta this weekend i'll be the one walking around with the bottomless cone of boiled peanuts uh yes they are mine no you can't have one cool aren't you bringing your baby right yes also you could meet my adorable son and the peanuts all right well while i shake out my giddiness over that we're going to pause for a word from this week's first sponsor, Allbirds. But put the lime in the coconut is insane. I think he means squeeze the juice. Well, that's not

what he says. Hey, guys. Oh, hey, Eli, what's up? I was just looking over the copy for the Allbirds ad this week. They have that new shoe, the Allbirds Tree Dasher 2. And? Yeah, and they recommend it for a new pair of shoes

for spring. Yeah, I actually got a pair. They're super comfortable. Good stuff. Plus, they're made out of sustainable materials, of course. Right. No, it's just...

Do people own multiple pairs of shoes? Oh, you're done with the question? Yes, they do. At the same time. Yeah, yeah man why what what do you do well i buy two pairs of the same black sneakers because they're buy one get one free at the shoe store that i go to and then i wear them literally every day until they fall apart like they fall off my feet right okay well no most people don't do what you do they buy shoes for like the season

especially when they look great and feel great like the allbirds tree dasher 2 spring forward with the allbirds tree dasher 2 running shoe discover your perfect pair at allbirds.com today that's a-l-l-b-i-r-d-s.com okay um i guess we'll put that in the ad. Sure. Wait, so do you own multiple pairs of pants? Own or wear? Own. I own multiple pairs of pants, yes. Okay. Great.

And now, back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight, we have a depressing update to a story we first mentioned just over 100 episodes ago. story tonight we have a depressing update to a story we first mentioned just over 100 episodes ago mubarak bala a nigerian atheist jailed in 2020 for insulting islam was sentenced last week to 24 years in jail for the imaginary crime of blasphemy this comes despite years of pressure from atheists and human rights groups and despite the fact that muslims believe the dude he insulted has the power to turn him into fucking dust whenever the fuck he feels like it but despite the candid admission of their god's pettiness and impotence that goes with it the courts condemned the 37 year old president of the humanist association of nigeria to nearly a quarter centuries imprisonment yeah you know

who's got a terrible sense of humor and stomps out in a huff during a roast situation omnipotent gods who are real. That's definitely how that goes. Can't take a joke. You know that there's some asshole on Twitter who would still call it punching down, though, right? No, it's literally God punching down. Yeah. So a little bit of depressing backstory here. Bala was arrested for this crime in 2020, but that's not where the legal problems stemming from his atheism began. In fact, back in 2014, his family had him committed to a mental hospital for his lack of belief. After his release, he was the target of constant death threats to the point where he spent the next five years more or less in hiding.

Then six years later, he was arrested for, quote, writing stuffs on his Facebook page that are provocative and annoying to the Muslims, end quote. Cool. And in one of history's least convincing attempts at justification, the petition for his arrest adds that his comments would, quote, incite Muslims and provoke them to take law into their own hands, end quote. In other words, if they didn't punish him for expressing his religious belief, which is, by the way the nigerian constitution is it other people might have broken laws so he had to be punished yeah yeah it's carancel culture gone too far it's so depressing i don't know what to do but yeah it's hard to do anything outside of puns yeah okay upside Okay. Upside, as Noah Heath and our editing room floor can attest, Josh Hawley has made me commit a lot of crimes.

Like, a lot. No, that's true. Yeah. Get him. After more than a year in legal limbo, where we didn't even know for sure that Bala was still alive, he was officially charged with 10 counts of causing a public disturbance. After first pleading his innocence, he ultimately changed his plea to guilty,

presumably with the promise of a lighter sentence, and his harshest two dozen years in jail seems blasphemy is punishable by death in the particular state he was being tried in so this actually might be the lighter sentence that he pled down to regardless it's a fucking travesty and it's a stark reminder of the kind of shit that happens when religion takes control of your government. Fuck yeah. And in calling Blacksies news, Florida Republicans almost did a good thing this week as a bill to name a federal courthouse after Joseph Woodrow Hatchett, the Florida Supreme Court's first black justice,

made its way through the state legislature. But then, at the last minute because this is florida we're talking about they had to side tackle in some cases themselves when they learned that hatchet ruled for common sense in a case about christian prayers at public schools right yeah no it's not that the florida gop hates all african americans just the ones that disagree with them about anything. You guys got to relax. It's just a goat demon statue.

It's about satanic heritage, not hate. We just relax about the statue. Yeah. So a little backstory here. Joseph Woodrow Hatchett, who passed away last year, wasn't just the state's first black Supreme Court justice. He was also the first black federal circuit court judge in the deep south and to give you an idea of the kind of adversity he had to overcome when he took the bar exam in 1959 he did it in a segregated hotel he wasn't allowed to stay in wow but like i said he once ruled on an incredibly clear-cut

establishment cause violation so fuck that guy so here's the stupid case as old people like noah will remember in 1992 the supreme court ruled that school sponsored prayer at graduation ceremonies were in fact unconstitutional because of course they are at school what the fuck are you thinking however the duval county public school district came up with a super smart workaround because the Constitution is a T-Rex and it can't see you if you aren't moving. They told their students that they could vote on one of them to deliver a speech at graduation. And if that student led a prayer, well, then that was up to them. Yeah. Yeah.

That'll be great. Maybe they can give justice hatchet like uh 60 of a statue something like that yeah well so clever as that one weird trick was it did eventually make it to hatchet's courtroom in 1999 where in a two-to-one decision he ruled that yes i can see you even though you're wearing camo pants at this outdoor wedding and it was that decision that caused 147 republicans to vote no on the fast-tracked bill to rename the courthouse including 10 republicans who were co-signers of the bill woof but it was bound to happen eventually though right they ran out of democratic shit to obstruct and obstruction is their whole playbook now.

So, yeah, right. So, yeah, to be fair, the bill isn't dead yet. It's just no longer fast tracked, but it has a lot to overcome at this point. And it's Florida. So I'm definitely not holding out a lot of hope. But, hey, congrats to America's dick for very nearly doing a good thing for a black guy. I know close is no cigar, but I have a hunch it's the best they're going to do for a really, really long time. And in peaching to the choir news.

Brilliant. We got a reminder last week that Georgia is not quite the bastion of progressive political philosophy that we might have thought it was. Yes, they did elect Raphael Warnock and John Ossoff to the Senate. That's a black guy and a Jewish guy in Georgia, both Democrats. And they gave their electoral votes to Joe Biden in 2020, allegedly asterisk. But apparently they still have a couple Republicans left. And we got a reminder last week that one of those republicans is candace taylor who recently launched her campaign for governor she wants to primary brian kemp because you know that liberal cuck rhino has gotta go and her slogan is candace taylor jesus guns fucking Christ. Just a list.

Yeah, but in case anybody needed a reminder that the state that sent Marjorie Taylor Green to Congress still has shitty racists in it, here's Candace Taylor for you guys. Everybody is a shitty racist. It's the name of my upcoming children's book. Oh, nice. If anyone liked it, yeah.

Ted Cruz is mad about it. Here's the latest from Candace taylor during a speech for the georgia republican assembly last week she announced that her georgia is going to be a christian theocracy oh that's fun and she explained her slogan here she said quote my slogan is jesus guns and babies it's not again it's not a slogan that's just a list it's a list of things that's not a slogan that's not whatever continuing jesus because that's our first amendment right it's the right to worship jesus christ freely it's why we have a country nope don't talk to me about separation of church and state that's why we have a we are the church and we run the state like she's louis the fucking 14 are you fucking kidding me

there's no way she knows about that but that's what she fucking sounds like we are the church and we run the state she also added they don't get to silence us sad that's the end of the quote from that part and just to be clear when she said they the context was judaism islam and buddhism that's what she was talking about right before that so that last comment was jews muslims and buddhists don't get to silence us in response to something us the christians yeah right yeah well and and if they do silence her then jesus guns babies oh i'm sorry it's impossible to hear that slogan without picturing christ going full anakin with a kalashnikov right that's an accusation also no i really want to meet the jewish muslim buddhist coalition that

was silencing gannis taylor and other other Christian right lunatics in Georgia somehow. Like, great work. Whatever you did to confuse them or they were just like dumbstruck by something you did, that's good work. Stay safe, by the way. And on that note, we'll take a break for this week's second sponsor, Stamps.com. Guys?

Guys? Where are those two? It's almost time to leave. No, no, let us out. No, leave. Noah, Noah, let us out. Noah, is that you? Noah, let us out. Come on. Guys? Do you hear us?

Oh, thank God. Oh. Thank you. Air. What are you guys doing? Oh, what does it look like we're doing, Noah? We're saving the company money. Like a bunch.

By locking yourself in a box? No, silly. We're shipping ourselves to the American Atheists Conference this weekend using stamps.com. And we're saving an arm and a leg while we do it. Wait, what's stamps.com? Stamps.com gives you access to all post office and UPS shipping services you need right from your computer. And you get discounts you can't find anywhere else. Like up to 40% off USPS rates and 76% off UPS.

76%? You are saving a bundle. Right? We sure are. Whether you're an office sending invoices, a side hustle Etsy shop, or a full-blown warehouse shipping out orders, Stamps.com will make your life easier. All right, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Stop overpaying for shipping with Stamps.com.

Sign up with promo code SCATHING for a special offer that includes a four-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to Stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter the code SCATHING. Okay, just one problem, though, guys. You're not allowed to mail people. What? We're not? No. Ah, okay.

We should go open the box with Anna and Lucinda then. Yeah, but like slowly because they might be mad. Yeah. Actually, no, you do that. I'm not doing it. You do it. You. Got it. And in before you go, Burt News,

in case you missed it, it's tough to be a GOP theocrat these days. Your base just killed themselves in record numbers by not wearing a face hat. Young people are leaving the party and church at record numbers. And your old boogeymen just don't hit the way they used to. Which is why the latest desperate grab at transphobia goes something like, they're turning our kids trans with surgeries when they're four years old or something. Now, to be clear, they're not.

The actual medical question that's being asked these days is, should trans kids be able to take puberty blockers so that they don't go through puberty and gain secondary sexual characteristics that will often cause terrible dysmorphia and take years of surgery and hormones to reverse? And the answer, by the way, is yes, you should be able to pause your puberty while you figure out what you want your body to look like for the rest of your life. Puberty blockers are harmless and their effects are reversible. But you know who disagrees? Congresswoman Lauren Boebert, who tweeted

this week that you should have to be 21 to make any decisions about your sexuality or identity. Or identity. Oh, I... Something tells me this doesn't apply to purity sexuality or identity. Or identity. Oh, something tells me this doesn't apply to purity balls or promise rings, though, huh? By the way, if you're looking for purity balls and promise rings, check out adamandeve.com. Tell them this.

Scathing atheist. They have a fun version of those things. Yeah. So here's the tweet. Quote, we require people to be 21 to purchase alcoholic beverages and 21 to purchase tobacco products why is it so unreasonable to require people to reach a certain level of maturity before making life-altering decisions about their sexuality and identity okay but waiting to make life-altering decisions about sexuality and identity would be fucking puberty blockers, though, right?

Yeah. Literally. What that is. A couple other things about this tweet. First of all, Boebert's actually on record saying that she thinks kids should have access to guns. So maybe you're not the best with age-based metaphors, just as a note. Sure. Secondly, you know who made a big decision before the age

of 21 about their sexuality and identity lauren bobert who dropped out of school and had a baby before the age of 21 but you know maybe she doesn't consider childbirth as big a decision as pronouns right yeah those are huge also isn it making a commitment about your immortal soul like even more impactful in your worldview right i mean kids should have to wait until they're 21 to declare a religion too now oh yeah i gotta say i agree with bobert on this whether she meant this or not if every kid was a non-binary agnostic until age 21 the world's clearly better just like objectively better i mean don't get me. I would be worried about our nation's supply of jean jackets if that were the case.

But otherwise, I'm for it. Otherwise, I am for it. Okay. One last thing about lobotomy. For someone who talks a lot about protecting kids, it's always good to remind just everybody that her husband took his dick out and showed it to teenagers at a bowling alley. Sure did. Yep.

When he was 24 and she was 17 while they were first dating. Side note. Yikes. He decided to show two girls at the snack bar of his local bowling alley his winky. And fun fact, he is not trans. So stye in the eye and all that. Either way, you literally never have to listen to anything Lauren Boebert has to say, but when she does tweet stuff like this,

it's 100% important to remind her that her husband showed his dick to teenagers at a bowling alley. If someone could make a bot like the fuck you Yoko Ono guy just to respond that to everything she tweets, I would really appreciate it. That'd be great. Thank you. Also, her pop-up food stand from a restaurant

was like all pestilence and just gave a shitload of people food poisoning. Add that to the bot. That'd be great. Thank you. Also, her pop-up food stand from a restaurant was like all pestilence and just gave a shitload of people food poisoning. Add that to the bot. That'd be great. Yeah. And they were Nebraskan for it news tonight. Fantastic. I would like to take a second right now to pin a scathing atheist medal of godless

badassery onto atheist Nebraska State Senator Megan Hunt. She notched a win for the good guys last week after leading a filibuster that effectively killed LB 933, a so-called trigger law that would ban abortion in all circumstances the second it's legal to do so. The bill, which would have banned abortion even in cases of rape and incest and would incidentally ban in vitro fertilization and doctors assisting people with ectopic pregnancies and to be clear, would be unconstitutional bullshit even if it didn't, would have been the nation's most restrictive anti-abortion law

if it had managed to get past Megan Hunt's godless badassery, which again, it didn't. That's right, Megan. You're first at the baby buffet this week. You earned it, girl. Fuck yeah. Hey, can we do like a trigger law that says when it becomes legal you're allowed to like shit on the front porch of republicans the moment that's leaked can we i feel like we can yeah yeah that law already exists it's called the law of the land now i know that for some of you the term atheist senator from nebraska might seem almost oxymoronic but if you've been in this movement for a while you'll know from nebraska might seem almost oxymoronic but if you've been in this

movement for a while you'll know that nebraska is the state that invented atheist state senators the legendary ernie chambers spent years as the only openly atheist member of any state legislature in the country and hunt is clearly building on his legacy of unholy righteousness and holy hell was that clear in the speech she gave to kick off the filibuster it ended with this amazing mic drop where she basically jiu-jitsu their religious justification bullshit i love this so much quote if i go to the pearly gates and meet your god someday which sounds great i hope i do i don't think i'm gonna get in any trouble for killing all your bills who vote for this i don't think your god going to get in any trouble for killing all your bills who vote for this.

I don't think your God's going to have any problem with that. And I don't think I'm going to see any of you there either. In other words, burn in hell, you fucking hypocrites. Just a bunch of Nebraska Republicans up at the pearly gates. And God's like, why do you think I invented abortion, idiots? It was like for Nebraska, basically. It was almost entirely for you. You're the worst. I'm all knowing, idiots.

And I feel like this is an important reminder because I know a lot of atheists in more progressive parts of the country can have a fuck those rednecks attitude about red states. those rednecks attitude about red states and when you see the overwhelmingly christian culture that oozes out of those places and the fucking congress people they generally elected shit it's easy to see why but you know 14 of alabamians aren't christian right 45 of utahns aren't mormon there are lucinda illusions in georgia and seth andrews in oklahoma and and Megan Hunts in Nebraska and those people need the support of atheist activists more than anybody. Absolutely. But I can still use the southern accent as shorthand for stupid, right? Like when I'm doing an impersonation.

I feel like you're not. I do a really smart southern accent guy on D&D Minus, so I think I cancel it out. Fair. Nice. That's a wash. So yes, you are. You're welcome, everybody in the South. Nothing bad has ever happened to the Southern people.

I think I'm fine. And finally tonight, we have two big pieces of Donald Trump news. And I think I'm actually happy about that. So when he was in office, Trump was constantly in the news. And it was obviously a nightmare most of the time.

But now, it's kind of like the sex relapse with your terrible ex. You know what I'm saying? It's not healthy. And you know it's not healthy. But you don't not want it. Like, you want to hear it. You want to. Speak for yourself.

Some people's terrible exes are me. Is that? Moving on. So, the Trump news, it's mostly stupid sad and honestly amusing it's eerily similar to the the relapse with the x and it involves giant lies okay pretty much exactly like the relapse that i'm talking about item one trump hosted a viewing party at mar-a-lago for a new movie about how the 2020 election was stolen by Joe Biden. And it was really sad. This is a really sad party.

And item two, Trump called himself the most honest human being ever created by God. Okay. Really said that. I mean, either that's a weird lie or he's more of a misanthrope than we thought. Well, look, all the nouns are tied for most honest thing ever created by God. So I feel like we have to give that to him on a technicality. Oh, we do. That's true.

All right. So let's start with the really sad pity party slash movie premiere. Trump's been in the same snit for a year and a half now. And one of his people was like, all right right you're still in a snit man you want to have a party where everyone says you really won huh bestest boy party we'll have a movie we'll show a movie and he was like yes i do want that so they did that so they set up a big release party for this new liar documentary the movie is made by david bossy the president of citizens united yes that citizens united arguably the worst supreme court decision in my lifetime and you're probably wondering at this point will the movie title

exude some anti-semitic david eich energy yes it will the title is rigged the zuckerberg funded plot to defeat donald trump ah yes how banning undeniably false information from our platform is politically biased the movie everybody yeah hard to think of a bigger self-owned than well if we can't lie how can we compete yeah all right that's going to bring us to a statement by donald trump that cnn called his quote most ridiculous claim maybe ever. And there's so much competition for that. And CNN fully acknowledged that. As an example,

they mentioned the time that Trump suggested that Ted Cruz's father might've been part of the Kennedy assassination, which is actually very plausible compared to other Trump stuff. So I guess that's kind of a bad example. Trump also claimed that that lysol and photons would possibly cure covid if you just put that stuff inside your body like i remember that one yeah he claimed that windmills can cause cancer

he claimed that he is six foot four 235 he's a stable genius and he claimed that his wife melania loves him well that's all theoretically possible at least in a different universe but not the claim from last week in north carolina during his delightful gop fracturing tour that he's doing right now. He said, exact quote, I've got to be the cleanest. And then, of course, you know, he was going to finish the sentence, so he had to switch to a different sentence. I've got to be the cleanest. I think I'm the most honest human being, perhaps, that God has ever created. End exact quote. God has ever created. End exact quote.

I wonder if the person interviewing him sort of like paused to see if he would actually suck into himself like a singularity when he said that. I feel like playing that clip and the resulting lack of a lightning strike should be all the proof atheists ever need, right? We should show up to fucking debates

with it and then the person we're debating will go, well, okay, I give up. Exhibit A, we're done, right? Yeah, we're done. And by the way, I think the biggest, that's a huge lie. There's so much to that lie. But I think the biggest part of the lie is the word cleanest that he threw in at the beginning and then had to like divert.

He smells like raw chicken juice right now. Absolutely. You pour that stuff out of the diaper container. That's what he smells. I've never been more certain that's what he smells like at all times, I would say. Yeah, absolutely. You pour that stuff out of the diaper container. That's what he smells. I've never been more certain that's what he smells like at all times, I would say. All right. So with that olfactory concept

lingering in your nostrils, we're going to close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Gentile Manji. And when we come back, we're going to discover peak caucasity.

Hi, I'm Noah Lusions. I'm Heath Enright. And I'm Eli Bosnick. You know, hiring can be an awful chore. Resumes to sort through. Interviews to schedule. It's a pain in the neck, but it can all be worth it for the chance to get rid of that guy. Yeah, you know that guy in your company, the one who's a sexual harassment lawsuit just waiting to happen or who expresses his backwards

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With results like that, it's no wonder four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And that's one day closer to firing that guy. That's right. See why ZipRecruiter is effective for businesses of all sizes. Try ZipRecruiter for free at this web address, ZipRecruiter.com slash scathing. That's Zrecruiter.com slash S-C-A-T-H-I-N-G. Ziprecruiter.com slash scathing. Ziprecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Ah, man, it's a good thing we don't have that guy in our company, right guys? No. Keith? Okay. I'll admit that I'm only peripherally aware that influencer is even a thing, but even I know that the worst variety of them are the white Christian ones.

Universal maxim. Which we're going to evidence the fuck out of on this week's God Awful Mini. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched abortion. That's the title. But that's a true statement, like literally and also metaphorically and the title spiritually. We watched abortion. Yeah.

Capital A, lowercase a. We sure did. And Eli, how bad was this many? Well, if you've ever been forced into debate about abortion with a surf instructor who found Jesus when he was eight and you'd like to ruin the party by making him literally cry, you will love this

YouTube video. It's literally arguing abortion with an insta-couple, I'm in hell. Yeah. They're the worst. All right. So is there anything that you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

Yeah. I'm going to go with best worst. Glasses. Maybe best best. So this whole thing is it's batshit crazy and it's infuriating and it's evil. But there's one moment where this shitty couple interviews a lady who's wearing the silliest oversized glasses. And they're like leopard camouflage. And this couple, they're trying so hard, but they can't look away and they can't ignore the giant.

It was like Burt Reynolds with the oversized hat level. And they're trying to take it seriously and ask questions. And they can't handle it. They keep cutting back to them. Badly disguised praying mantis. It's a great description. So I was going to go with best worst failure to be named Todd and Allison.

So I don't know who the fuck these people are. Apparently they're famous insta couple type whatever people or something. But they are the most generic and boring white people like if you see these people at a party you're like oh god if i'm not watching you fuck why am why am i observing you in any why do you exist right so this is cole and i forgot her name savannah yeah cole and savannah is it seriously col believe it is. Yeah. That's not much less Caucasian than Todd and Allison, but yeah.

Jesus. Cole and Savannah Milk Toasts. Yeah. Yes. I've just begun. They're called the LeBrant family. They have 13.1 million followers. Stay your hand, oh death.

They are most famous. Cole was a Vine star who came in second place on the American race with his mom. And they are most famous as a family for faking that one of their children had cancer in like a clickbait video. It was the clickbait video was called. She was diagnosed with cancer and they talk about how they took their kid to the hospital. And then six minutes in, they are like, but you didn't have cancer. But we thought about how sad we would be if she did. So they made this movie so that wouldn't be their worst video i got exactly right which brings me to my best worst agree to disagree so savannah and cole's take

here is not we want to make abortion illegal which they do they're just lying like they think they're being clever and tricking us they just want to like give us their side of the story of abortion they just want to give us a choice about it is that what yeah but their side of the story is it's a fucking murder genocide baby holocaust so the whole like but we're fine if you decide to do it that rings a bit hollow right? It sure does yeah so yeah so the video starts the very first thing we see is this note that tells us that any ad revenue for this movie will be given to

fucking crisis pregnancy centers those are places that pretend to be abortion clinics to rope people in and trick them into listening to Christian propaganda so I went and quickly watched an offsetting Hardee's ad for Planned Parenthood. Exactly.

I just burned a bunch of carbon. I don't know if that even makes sense, but I didn't like what I saw. So offset something. So we see these images of a fetus growing from a tiny little seedling into a full-blown baby. And of course, there's a very conspicuous heartbeat in the background the whole time.

Sure. Yeah. And from these pictures, we know that it's a shrimp, shrimp, shrimp, full-grown baby. Yes. Sir Ben Kingsley. That's impressive. To be clear, this fetus we see is like super evil looking. And apparently, I find Ben Kingsley to be super evil.

I didn't catch that part of it, but it's super evil. Like I want to kill that thing. Like it's not helping their case. That should, you should kill that if that's happening. Yeah. So this narrator cuts in,

we'll never see the narrator. This is not Cole, but the narrator cuts in and goes like, you know, abortion, right? Like, whoa.

And then he explains that abortion is worse than the Rwandan genocide and the Holocaust put together. Yes. Okay. Here are literally the two sentences next to each other. Can't we love both the mother and the baby? Abortion is worse than the Holocaust. Well, as he's saying that, it's showing the images of like, yeah, here's how many died in the Rwanda genocide. Here's how many died in the Holocaust. Here's how many babies died in abortion. Yeah.

Yeah, this is the second time we've dealt with a movie that uses holocausts as a unit. Yep. Genocides as a unit. Yeah. Of how many... That's not great.

Yeah, but so, yeah, after comparing this to the Holocaust while calling for a less polarizing conversation, the narrator says, you know, you have your opinion and I have mine. But what really matters is God's opinion. And I'm like, oh, I bet it matches exactly with yours, doesn't it? He goes, where is God's heart at? And I wrote in my notes, oh, oh, I know this one. It's the brass casket. and I wrote in my notes,

oh, oh, I know this one. It's the brass casket. It's the brass casket. So, okay, so then we take a quick break from stock footage to meet the generic, we meet Todd and fucking Allison so they can give us

some direct address. Oh, I was so happy when they appeared on the screen. They look like a computer simulation filled in the background of a New Jersey nightclub. And then we get America's per day abortion stats. Apparently we have 2,363 abortions per day.

I tried to verify that number. The number's all over the map, but that actually seems to be fairly close to correct. I feel like we can do better. No? Yeah, absolutely. Is it me or are they inferring from this intro that the cdc won't admit that the number one cause of death in america is abortion oh yeah that is that is yeah they say the cdc says that heart disease is the leading cause of death but that's only

1800 people a day okay but that number would be higher if we didn't allow abortion right fair exactly yeah yeah so and but it's just like what like okay but we do way fewer abortions than like we eat pounds of cheese per day as a country this documentary should be about cheese since it's the larger number what the fuck do you know how many micro bacteria in your biome are dying as we speak they go how can we better help end abortion? And I wrote in my notes, I bet their answer isn't comprehensive sex education and free birth control, is it? Yeah, right, right. So then we sat down with our first talking head.

This is Dr. Anthony Levantino. They're going to speak to him in the echo-iest possible room. They really do we've actually run into him before over on Godawful Movies but quick reminder this guy's daughter got hit by a car and now he's crazy because abortions remind him of what his dead daughter's

body looked like so that's why he's against abortion now his daughter was kind of like fetal in her appearance yeah no the trauma of losing a child made him more sane as logical yeah exactly i also love at the end he's like you know doctors other than me aren't that smart and as he's saying that he taps his chest even though he's wearing a lavalier mic while he's talking about how smart he is pretty clever guy

and then we hear from dr kathy altman who's going to give us some fucking blood on the highway descriptions of how abortions are performed oh and kathy altman by the way spells her name like she really doesn't want you to google her but i did and her results are all from focus on the fucking family so uh yeah yeah yeah she used to think women shouldn't have to bear children against their will but then she thought better of that well she she has to describe how she was an abortion enthusiast at first. She went in her off hours to get a local abortionist to teach her dismemberment abortions. And I'm like, I don't think they called it that, Kathy. Yeah.

You remember Thanos' daughter, Nebula? It's like that. They have like just a big clamps and they take them apart one piece of time and they just leave them out there so you can look at it for a while it's kind of fun for everybody no imagine hangman but in reverse right it's like that she actually says

you know you're done when you see their little brains leak out yes I wrote my note when she said that I said she's gonna make us put our hands in a bowl of spaghetti isn't she I don't know this part okay I feel When she said that, I said, she's going to make us put our hands in a bowl of spaghetti, isn't she? I don't know this part. Okay.

I feel like you were joking, but she's like, well, also, you know, sometimes we're on a budget. We just use like chopsticks and we get up in there. And then you smoosh your fist inside and crush the leftovers. Like, you know, like you're squeezing a bowl of spaghetti. It's like that. Yeah. That's almost her exact words and then but after that's over generic white guy pipes in to summarize how little he knew about abortion when they set out to make

this documentary cold trying to grasp causality almost killed heathen right like watching heath okay so you know grandmas right you guys know guys know grandmas? I was thinking about this. It's like there are two before you, right? And I'm, so I'm, hold on, hold on. I'm now. Hold on, count it backwards. You got to count it backwards. One, two.

So moms are like in between Savannah? Help me out, help me out. You do the number stuff. He notes in order as Cole explains that if his grandma had aborted his mom he wouldn't be here he's notes in order are yes we know yes dear god what is happening yeah the worst it takes him so long to explain this yeah and so and to really drive home that if my granny had aborted my mom i wouldn't be here point that he seems to think is pretty goddamn profound we bring in his granny to agree with him no i'm so happy i get to tell you this it's actually dumber than that we bring in his mom

who they have titled granny because they don't realize that if you title a person granny people will assume that's his grandmother not the grandmother of your children i i see i think you're wrong there i i went back over this a couple times trying to figure out whose goddamn granny she was but yeah it really could have been hold on it's like one and three or two and four or is it one negative one, my mom became a granny. So is she mine? Do you skip it? Granny?

Savannah? Yeah. Yeah, but she explains that fucking Todd comes from a long line of unaborted fetuses all the way back. Really? 100% unaborted. And she does such a bad job of pretending that she didn't want an abortion. She's like, yeah, I got pregnant when I was 16 and my boyfriend and his dad came to help me get an abortion. But my dad wouldn't let me go with them.

Well, she also says, and you know what? I was never sorry. And I'm like, well, there's something that's never been said truthfully. No one ever felt the need to say that about something they weren't really sorry about. And I love it. We're watching Stockholm Syndrome right now. Really? Yeah. Yeah, and also, by the way,

hey, Cole, knowing that abortion could have saved us from your existence is not helping your argument. I don't know what point you think you're making here. You're a Vine star who met your wife on the Harmony app. You need... Use some scientists, man.

Use some doctors. And then he goes back to explaining how grandmas work. He's like, I got it, Savannah. I got it. I fucking got it. If my grandma has a kid and that kid has a kid, that's me. So don't abort grandma. Well, and then he gets all excited when he realizes that goes the other way, too.

He's like, and also if my kids and their kids, if you abort a baby, you're also aborting all the babies it would have. It's like an infinity tree of murder. If you go down, it murders all the way down, but it trees out. but it trees out did this question give anyone else the hunch that we could convince cole he was a mass murderer every time he didn't have a baby yeah hasn't hadn't occurred to me but i think you're right yet another day without a baby cole how many infinities did you kill today yeah cole so you know granddaughters god damn it God damn it. I had a chart at home. Hold on. Let me go get my chart.

I'm really sorry. And then Todd explains the importance of relentlessly harassing pregnant people. This is where we hear from Amy Ford, founder of the Embrace Grace anti-abortion ministry and owner of this fucking movie's silliest hat. Yeah. anti-abortion ministry and owner of this fucking movie's silliest hat yeah she's like maybe if i wear this hat people won't notice i look like madonna having an allergic reaction to shellfish so i'm looking for a hat this is a great hat shop uh i'm thinking either cowgirl or uh my other thought was orthodox rabbi on like a day off and the guy was like wait a second today's your lucky fucking day jerry bring the dusty box put both hands up together and now smush them together

and here's another great example of them making the right point accidentally she points out she's like you know the abortion rate in the church is the same as it is outside the church and that's actually not quite true it's higher in the church as it is outside the church. And that's actually not quite true. It's higher in the church than it is outside of the church because it's a function of poverty. But the point that she doesn't realize she's making is all of our bullshit isn't helping. Yep. Right. We're entirely useless.

We're just bullying women who choose to get abortions. They still choose to do it at the same rate. She makes so many good points in a row accidentally here that I wrote in my notes. women who choose to get abortions, they still choose to do it at the same rate. She makes so many good points in a row accidentally here that I wrote in my notes. Shit, do you want to take over fat Madonna? Get on the mic, girl. So now fucking Savannah is going to pose that. But what if you have virtually any goal as a human being that, you know, isn't compatible with pregnancy question that us pro abortionists always nail them with?

Right. Yeah. And to answer that question, we're going to meet Shanice Brown. Glasses. We're going to meet glasses. Well, yes. But she's someone who chose having a baby over having goals. Right. Yeah.

She explains that she was she had a relationship with jesus starting when she was 15 and then she immediately says that she was homeless at the time and i wrote in my notes so that relationship with jesus wasn't great huh right wasn't providing a house not yet well and also again this is them making the right point by accident because what she said she said she found out she was pregnant and thought about having an abortion and she wasn't like but i didn't want to do it because i felt like some moral obligation not to it was boy my mom's gonna be so shitty about it if i have an abortion yes exactly and then she explains that the madonna hat people they gave her a onesie and i wrote my notes what an impartial gift and that's

what really clinched it for her that she should have a baby yeah right she she was a victim of embrace grace ministries she says you know they did everything that that was that we needed done god took care of my kid i didn't have to provide anything i'm like citation needed i don't believe a God. I would like to have a talk with your kid. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. And she managed to launch her own business, even though she had a kid.

So see, you can pursue your dreams, assuming your dreams are to start a small Etsy based business in your home in your spare time. Where you make bath bombs and the name you choose gets pushed off Google by TikTokers. I wrote in my notes, she should talk to Jesus about her SEO. Okay, the title of her company is Bomb Moms. Yes. Which is a great name

for an anti-choice terrorist group, actually. Okay. That's not great for your SEO. There's a competitor. She doesn't even have the.com when i checked she has a dot net i think but there's a competitor website that's buy bombs help moms.com and it's also selling bath bombs and it's also benefiting like christian pregnancy center type stuff jesus which Oh, wow. Did we just pull the first thread in the Christian bath bomb MLM that we didn't know? There's a serious war going on. Also, by the way, bomb moms are a Mario bad guy, too.

That was already a thing. That's good. That, too. Yep. So then we sit down with Dana, who was homeless when she decided not to have an abortion. Mm hmm. But Embrace Grace helped her, too. Yeah.

She says that she had never been treated nicely before. And I was like, that's a fucking bummer, Dana. Right. And everybody keeps trying to make the argument like, all right, where would the world be if like, you know know my my parents didn't have me or where would the world be if i didn't have my kid and she's like where would the world be without my seven-year-old boy he's and she tries to compliment him and she's like he's really funny yeah that was i laughed for a while so did i because does dana realize she's implying that if her seven-year-old wasn't funny, it would have been better to

abort it? But yes, and she has this whole little fucking rant about how selfish it is to have an abortion. She says, you know, I didn't want to be, this is the exact quote, I didn't want to be like, I don't want to have another baby. I like to shop and do other things. But that is not why people have abortions. I don't want to be like, I don't want to have another baby. I like to shop and do other things.

But that is not why people have abortions. I don't think that's the thinking that goes into it. Oh, you know what? I bet she showed a picture of her shitty seven-year-old kid to Savannah and Cole or whatever the fuck. And they were like, does he at least have a good personality? He's really funny. Oh, and this is their moment of very conspicuous altruism. They're like,

we decided to give Dana a spontaneous check that was already in my pocket and written out. Yeah. But they don't show us the amount on the check. They sure don't.

And Dana doesn't cry, so it wasn't that big. I know a $200 check when i see one and then we essentially just get an ad for a fucking crisis pregnancy center right yeah when anna was pregnant i really wanted to do a sting on one of these and we had a long talk with andrew about it where he explained that we really could only do it if we promised that no one would get hurt and so we didn't do that. Yeah, no, I get it. But yeah, so

they basically say, yeah, we have these pregnancy centers everywhere and we will provide you with literally every single thing your child ever needs and I'm like, oh, that must be why there's no child in America going without things really these pregnancy centers give you like half a million dollars per kid just they hand it to you

yeah really apparently they give you like a jar of peas and a box of diapers they're showing this happen and then and then they give you like a baby shower and that's it yeah well yeah it fucking todd and allison say like you know we did our. We held a baby shower for some pregnant lady. I'm like, oh, well, now you have fixed her problems. You can have an abortion shower. They have to let you. I will throw it for you. If you have a good abortion that you need, I will throw you an abortion shower.

Absolutely. 100%. That is a lucrative, that is a million dollar idea waiting to happen, folks. Yes. But Noah, I have a question. What about fathers? Oh, folks. Yes. But Noah, I have a question. What about fathers? Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah.

Todd explains that men should also probably take care of the women that they impregnate. He jumps into the middle of this abortion documentary and he's like, we've been focusing on women a lot, I feel like. So let's hear the thoughts of men about this and he explains that it yeah men need to prevent abortions by being dads yeah right yeah exactly it's not like he was about to stand up for pregnant trans men or anything in his documentary no not at all and then he corners himself with a hardball he's like and people ask what about the babies that exist why aren't we doing stuff for the babies that exist great question such a great question so there's actually there's a big list of problems like so it's about outside of the womb right we're always focused on life inside

of the womb life outside of the womb what's that about there's a big list of problems outside of the womb it's like it's really tough out there and like you know support money where was i what the fuck yeah his his answer to why don't you do anything about the babies outside of the womb is we did a one day furniture drive this year right it's a thing what i love is that the thing was called one day for la and he after he tells us about it he goes and it wasn't just a one day thing i'm like yes the fucking what's in the name so finally we we sit down with israel jones this is a lady who apparently paid for an abortion but didn't get one okay can we just say the chances that she's lying are exponentially higher than the chances that the abortion pill didn't work. Yes, absolutely. It's 100%. It's a lie.

She's lying about this. Yeah. So, yeah. So, basically, what she's trying to sell you is the idea that if you get an abortion, you might just have that kid anyway, magically. And then what will you tell them about your abortion plans? Yeah. She says she tried to get an abortion.

She lost something. She doesn't know what she lost and i was just like the rest of this film i was blinded by being like what does she think she i was probably just taking a shit did it look like ben kingsley or not yeah right right she says and i went for the abortion and they just gave me a pill they apparently i had to do this on my own and i'm like did you do do you want them to like crunch it up and spit it into your mouth? Like a baby bird. They didn't put it in peanut butter or anything.

To be fair though, that was a cute ass baby. That was a damn cute baby. Meh. Two out of three podcasters found that baby cute. And of course, like every anti-abortion anything ever we close on baby baby baby bible quote so on that reminder that all it would have taken to avoid all this shit was todd's grandma having an abortion we're gonna wrap things up

for the night we'll be back with more audacious bullshit for you on the next God Awful Minute. Before we reseal completely tonight, I wanted to encourage you to come see us in Atlanta. The American Atheist Conference starts the same day this episode comes out, so if you're anywhere nearby, please come see us, even if you can only make it for a day, even if you can only make it for a few hours.

They have great speakers and workshops going on every day. There's a bunch of awesome people to meet, and we'd love a chance to thank you for listening in person. Links in the show notes for more information. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode

of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this show wouldn't fit into the row with the others if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for never half-assing it, Eli Bosnick for never full-assing it, and Lucinda Lusions, though I'm not going to use any ass references here. I also need to thank the inimitable April Pop for providing this week's overly complimentary Farnsworth quote.

I'm sure Heath kills it word flip or whatever, but I'm not actually that good at pro, but I'll fucking destroy you on Swarm, though. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most indispensable individuals, Janine, Michael, Sinead, the Aether Addict of Stormville, John, Nick, Dylan, JP, Mr. Wolfgang, 556, Star Shark, other Nick, the Reaser family, Dino, Ryan, Mark, Disco, Wings, and Wes, whose IQs have more digits than mine has points.

Together, these 16 savory secularists summarily supported our sacrilege this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the great and storied destiny that it takes to give us money, but if you do, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access

to an extended ad-free version of every episode, or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. Legal services for this podcast are provided by the Law Offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim Robertson, Hansler Social Media, and our audio engineer is Morgan for this podcast are provided by the law offices of P. Andrew Torres, Tim

Robertson, Hansler Social Media, and our audio engineer is Merton Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at scathingadius.com. Eli, how do you think you smell? Meaty? Meaty? Yeah, no, that's right. Like, umarizantly meaty.

Yeah, umami, that's it. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.