The Scathing Atheist - 483: Manifestering Edition

Episode Date: May 19, 2022

In this week’s episode, a mass shooter gets his massive ass inspired by mass, Christian moms give up sweet tea and Netflix just like Gandhi, and Greg Locke will face fewer consequences for violating the IRS’s rules than he did for violating Dunkin’ Donuts’. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click there: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Buffalo shooter manifesto says Jewish people are helping Black people "replace the whites": https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/may/15/buffalo-shooting-white-replacement-theory-inspires-mass Louisiana Court drops charges against pastor who ignored COVID restrictions: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/louisiana-court-drops-charges-against-pastor-who-ignored-covid-restrictions/ Follow up on Haven, Kansas Story: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/rural-kansas-town-votes-to-reinstate-in-god-we-trust-on-police-cars/ One Million Moms declares war on “the Left” and urges followers to give up sweet tea to win: https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2022/05/christian-group-declares-war-left-urges-followers-give-sweet-tea-win/ A Christian school had kids write letters persuading a friend to stop being gay: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/a-christian-school-had-kids-write-letters-persuading-a-friend-to-stop-being-gay/ Greg Locke reported to IRS for violation of Johnson Amendment: https://onlysky.media/hemant-mehta/preacher-reported-to-irs-for-sermon-saying-christians-cant-vote-democrat/

Warning, regardless of what spellcheck might lead you to believe, we are not talking about ducks. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by My Sheets Rock, Hello Fresh, Adam and Eve, and by Microphones and Shit. And now, The Scathing Atheist. G'day, I'm Brett, and I'm a primary school principal in a public school in New South Wales, Australia. And despite what the volunteers who present to our 5 to 12

year old children in the special religious education lessons that are government mandated parted every week in our school, we did in fact evolve from filthy monkey men and women. In fact, the politicians who made the special religious education compulsory are proof that not all of us have evolved as far as others. It's Thursday. It's May 19th. And it's World Inflammatory Bowel Diseases Day.

Wow, and we still make you work? That's crazy. Thank you. February dessert. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Count Basie's, New Jersey. Oh you. February dessert. I'm no illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Count Basie's, New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Skating Atheist.

On this week's episode, a mass shooter gets his massive ass inspired by mass. Christian moms give up sweet tea and Netflix just like Gandhi. And Greg Locke will face fewer consequences for violating the irs's rules that he did for violating duncan donuts but first the diatribe don't get me wrong. I would love to talk about politics less on this show, too. I'd love it if the animating force behind everything wrong with American politics didn't flow through religion. I'd love it if the tiny fraction of us who are willing to admit that there's no cosmic Disneyland awaiting us upon our death

weren't the only goddamn bulwark between us and Christian fascism. But that's not the world we live in so i'm going to talk about tuesday's primary results see the media at large is basically presenting this round of primaries as a referendum on trumpism and his election conspiracy bullshit and while that is a fair framing i fear that it understates the hell out of the problem because look trump is a 75 year old overweight couch potato that lives on a diet of fast food, burgers, burned steaks, and statins. As bad as he is, he's not going to be around a hell of a lot longer. And by personifying the problem in him, all too many pundits are giving

us the false sense of hope that all we have to do is outlive Trump and the problem will start to fade. Yes, the things that he did will reverberate for a much longer time, most notably as Supreme Court picks. But as this theory holds, once much longer time, most notably as Supreme Court picks. But as this theory holds, once he's gone, democracy can start to heal itself. But this ignores the real problem. It didn't start with Trump and it's not going to end with him. The real problem, as regular listeners are all too aware, is radical Christianity. It's shit like the Seven Mountains Theology, which says that Christians have a divine obligation to take over the seven mountains of public life, those being religion, family, education, government, the arts, and business.

It's the toxic blend of religion and politics that's gobbling up school boards, police departments, and municipal governments. It's the regressive, racist, homophobic, misogynistic movement that demands exceptions to contraception mandates and anti-discrimination laws. So the right framing of this isn't mainstream candidates versus Trump endorsed candidates. It's mainstream authoritarian theocrats versus the motherfuckers so theocratically authoritarian they scare the mainstream ones. Let me give you a prime example out of Pennsylvania. Now, many of you won't be familiar with the name Doug Mastriano. And to be honest, I am jealous of you. Mastriano earned Trump's endorsement in his campaign for Pennsylvania governor by doing everything but suck at his toadstool on national television. Mastriano is a former state senator that was all in on Trump's conspiracy bullshit about the 2020

election for pretty much the second the words escaped Trump's lips. He's gone on record several times saying that his state has an absolute right to replace the electors the voters chose with loyal Trumpies. Since then, he's campaigned at conferences that promote QAnon and 9-11 conspiracy theories, and he's told everyone who cares to listen that he has every intent of using his power as governor to subvert democracy should a democrat win the presidential election in 2024 now the mainstream media is calling this guy an election denier or an election conspiracist which you know yeah good call him that but i fear that's dangerously backwards facing you hear that you might think sure it's scary but it's not like he can go back in time and prevent the biden administration it's not like the governor has the power to change out the electoral votes three years on.

And even if he did, it's not like those would swing the election. But the dangerous aspect of this guy aren't in the fucking past. He's already pledged to use his power, sorry, abuse his power as governor to ensure that the next presidential election swings to the Republicans. Sure, he might have to conjure up some claims about voter fraud or illegitimacy. But given the standard of evidence his voters have settled on in the past, it's not like that's going to be hard to do. And that's not, by the way, because his voters are stupid. It's because they don't fucking care.

I mean, who gives a shit whether the justification is true if you're on a mission from God, and that divine authority is exactly what Mastriano has been campaigning on. Trump is God's chosen candidate. Satan thwarted God through election fraud. And it's the job of right thinking Christians to make sure that that never happens again. It's not just their job. It's their holy fucking mission. See, the root of the problem here is that Christianity is ultimately incompatible with democracy. Right. Like if God's will is X, who gives a fuck that the will of the people is y you know we're tempted to believe otherwise because christianity and secular government

have coexisted for so long in the u.s but it's always been tenuous our democracy was crafted by some of the least religious people of their day it was born into a historical era famous for its embrace of secular solutions but since then christianity has begrudgingly accepted a cesarean role in our society. Every time it surges in popularity, it tries to chip away at the secular edifice that keeps it there. And as Trump seems all too eager to prove, their leaders don't need to embrace any of the morality that their religion ostensibly promotes. After all, if they took issue with immoral authoritarian bigots in charge, they wouldn't be worshiping Jehovah, now would they? Besides, how immoral can an act possibly be if the end result aligns with God's plans? So when Doug Mastriano promises to take back America for white, heterosexual, patriarchal

Christians, his supporters don't really care how he gets there. So yeah, sure, some of Trump's preferred candidates lost on Tuesday, and that's damn satisfying, right? It was super satisfying to see Madison Cawthorn get dumped on his ass in his primary. But Mastriano's victory, hell, even his viability overshadows all of that. And it casts a shadow at least long enough to darken Republican politics for years to come. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight are the legs and breasts to my wings heath enright and eli bosnick fellas are you ready to lick some fingers i actually like to wear rubber gloves when i eat

wings oh there you make it easy and licking people's fingers was my kink pre-covid so let's hope this catches on yeah it's all working out i lick the gloves at the end so before we get to all the finger licking i I want to remind everybody that it's still May, which means it's still Matreon. That's the time of the year we spend laying it on thick with solicitations by urging you to sign up at patreon.com slash scathing atheist. Every year we get together for a special patron only pajama party live stream, and you can help decide what we have to do during that live stream

by adding your donation to the mix. We're only a few new and upgrading patrons away from live music from Anna, a Bible trivia showdown, and for reasons that I will never understand, Heath hosting an episode of D&D Minus. I am a god! So if you can, donate as literally as a dollar an episode and help keep our lights

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MySheetsRock sent us a pair of sheets to try when they became a sponsor and they quickly became my favorite sheets. But, like, you guys really can't get out of bed. I just, I don't know if I believe you don't believe me. There are five star customer reviews speak for themselves. No, plus they offer a 90 day risk-free trial and free shipping and returns.

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Believe me. Speak for yourself. And now back to the headlines. In lead story tonight a white nationalist domestic terrorist named fuck your face yeah shot 13 people killing 10 at a supermarket in buffalo new york last week 11 of those shooting victims were black and before carrying out the massacre he wrote a manifesto explaining that his goal was to kill as many black people as possible. And of course, it's no surprise that he was radicalized while reading about white replacement theory on the type of websites that are often run by failing pillow salesmen and those types of places. It's another super clear example that Americans can't be trusted with guns or computers or sentience.

We just can't be trusted with anything. or computers or sentience. We just can't be trusted with anything. Yeah. So the obvious lesson is about our toxic racist culture and our toxic gun culture, which often intersect tragically. But there's another angle to the story that makes it fit the show we do here.

And you won't hear this part in the headlines about it, but Fuck Your Face is a radical Christian terrorist terrorist yep he sure is and he's quite certain that white replacement is happening because the non-white community of the world is teaming up with the jewish community yeah there it is yeah i guess the silver lining on replacement theory in that there is one at all is that these assholes clearly at least recognize how thoroughly replaceable they are yeah just once i'd love for our job to lack some intersectionality with the tragedy du jour but yeah today is not that day everybody that'd be great i would love that yes nope not today so just imagine a quick hypothetical if instead of a christian this guy fuck your face

was say a muslim every single news article mentions his religion in the fucking headline If instead of a Christian, this guy, fuck your face, was, say, a Muslim. Every single news article mentions his religion in the fucking headline. Yeah, of course they do. But I found exactly zero mentions of his Christianity, despite 29 pages of that manifesto being dedicated to the idea that, in his words, the Jews are behind the white replacement conspiracy he argued that there's a genetic basis for higher rates of violent crime among non-white people this just to be clear that was during his manifesto about the violent crime he was about to commit and he also argued that there's a genetic basis for the racial iq gap because of course he did i mean there is in that it reflects white people's racism but i don't think that's what he means good point yeah well we'll have to hear him out when sam harris has him on his podcast guys let's let's just ask him some questions that's a good

point let's hear him out and from there fuck your face concluded that all the black university professors talking about critical race theory in class needed the help of, again, probably his words, sneaky Jewish smart brains to run the conspiracy. Also, Jewish people do pedophilia all the time. He added that. Also, Jewish people are secretly running transgender summer camps for, quote, Scandinavian style whites style i i don't understand and also not clear on how that replaces white people but that's in there too secret norse camps for trans people but uh only in the summer well it's too cold most of the time there okay run by jews sorry what color do assholes think jews are right do they they think that Jews are just like Pantone enthusiasts looking to mix things up a bit?

And just in case the religion angle wasn't clear enough, the manifesto specifically mentions that a personal hero and role model for fuck your face is the radical Christian terrorist who massacred 51 people at a mosque in Christchurch, New Zealand. But of course, you know, the church is going to say no true Chotsman. You know, fuck your face isn't really a Christian, so religion isn't responsible. But regardless of his true level of faith, whatever that means, nothing he heard in church about morality was able to stop him from carrying out a fucking hate crime massacre. And the same goes for almost

every single hate crime ever at best church is not helping and let's be honest it's not at best well it's it's like jesus said heath by someone else's theoretical fruits you shall know them right and in expelliarmus news you know with so many people these days giving absolutely zero fucks about covid it could be hard to remember that there was a brief but glorious couple of weeks where we really were most of us all on the same page we stayed inside we played jackbox games we made sourdough bread and and then we were surprised to find out that a bread with sour in the name tasted like ass. That was almost all of us. But from the very beginning, there were dicks.

Dicks like Pastor Tony Spell, a COVID-denying trendsetter, if you will, who made national headlines back at the beginning of the pandemic by defying COVID regulations, killing several members of his church, trying to back buses over people, and of course, asking people to give him their stimulus checks. That is, until Heath Enright overwhelmed the hashtag with gay porn. Well done, Heath. Thank you. Well, this week, sadly, the Louisiana Supreme Court dropped

literally all charges against Tony Spell because not spreading the plague at the most important point of not spreading COVID in human history violated his religious freedom. Yep. More important than your freedom to breathe. If sincerely held breathing conflicts with your thing, we win. Yeah. That's what's happening. You'd think. You'd think. Yeah. So, for those of you like me who have blocked COVID from your memory,

like a car crash or Space Jam 2, in March of 2020, Louisiana Governor John Edwards issued Order 30, which banned gatherings of 50 or more people for about a month.

I figure you could bump that to Order 50 just to, like, make it. That's fine. But it didn't apply to places like airports or grocery stores because people need those things and they're real. Sure. And then a week later, he issued order 33,

which closed non-essential businesses and banned gatherings larger than 10 people. It also imposed a stay-at-home mandate for everyone except people who were, quote, performing an essential activity, end quote. Which, again, very obviously doesn't include churches. Right. I mean, you could argue that they

don't perform an activity at all, essential or otherwise. Yeah. Technically, we're plaguing. That's an activity. Okay. Did I make it worse, though? I often make it worse when I talk. Did I make it worse, though? I often make it worse when I talk. Did I make it worse? They sure do.

Anyways, as the owners of Noah's book, Outbreak, A Crisis of Faith, How Religion Ruined Our Global Pandemic, know a ton of fucking churches paid no attention to that. Instead, they claimed persecution, spread the plague. And now people who don't deserve COVID, like Michael Marshall, friend of the show who's gotten it fucking twice now by the way have covid and spell was among the worst and most public offenders violating several stay-at-home orders having to be put under house arrest at one point and he was eventually charged with six criminal counts now he moved to have those charges dismissed but a judge said no in early 2021 then another three judge panel said still no later that year. But as I said this week, the Louisiana Supreme court taking their cues from the country's Supreme

court ruled that quote orders 30 and 33 violated Tony spells fundamental right to exercise religion by exempting comparable secular activities from the mandated restrictions end quote well i mean i i can compare anything to anything i guess so they've got us there okay but what the fuck is a comparable secular activity to praying at church was that even me wishing wells i'm pretty sure those would have been shut down if they had them. Yeah. So, I guess for the next plague, and thanks to the pro-plague spreading platform

that half of this country has signed up for, there definitely will be a next plague. Let's keep in mind to close the grocery stores, too, lest we violate Tony Spell's right to make it all significantly worse. Yeah. That's the lesson, yeah. And in Haven Forbid news tonight.

I made the mistake of including a tiny little shred of good news in last week's show, so of course that got smacked the fuck down this week. Sure did. As you'll recall, we covered a story last week about a tiny town in Kansas called Haven where the city council voted to rein in the christian zealot police chief he'd taken to using the police department's facebook page to post shit about how much better his religion was than all the other ones and then he joined in the christian nationalist trend of slapping in god we trust stickers on local police cars well they told him to stop doing that he agreed we did a story on it and then the entire

town freaked the fuck out about the dangers of people not knowing which deity their police department trusted in so they bullied the city council into reversing its decision oh thank god we brought back those stickers i was trusting in entropy of the indifferent universe last week it was pandemonium i don't know what happened right yeah y'all hear that joyful tune and no illusions voice on his podcast? This will not stand. Of course, Havens Mayor Adam Wright preemptively disagreed with my characterization of this as bullying and instead said they were just listening to their constituents. He said that his office had received over 100 emails on the subject and only two were in support of the move. And what's more, those two weren't even from around here. And what good are minority

protections if the majority can't vote them out of existence really so right after an unusually contentious city council meeting three of the five members agreed to reverse their decision and allow the offending decals to be replaced uh hi yeah we're a very important political delegation we demand to be taken seriously so um give us back our stickers like that happened yeah so just to be clear three out of five city council members were like well okay now that a bunch of slack-jawed ghouls showed up to yammer into a dusty microphone that the fucking high school uses for pep rallies i guess laws don't matter in this country anymore we're a local government body clack clack yep yeah well so now as disappointing as all that sounds there is an

interesting twist to the story because apparently the city council of haven kansas is way more progressive than i'd have thought leading into this apparently the three members that switched their vote only did so on the condition that other religions and non-theistic beliefs could also use the free advertising space afforded by the city's police cars so needless to say within 48 hours we received notice that both the satanic temple and american atheists would be submitting additional decals so basically the police department will have the choice to go with a full-blown coexist sticker nascar aesthetic or turn the clock back and enforce the first amendment or and let's be honest about the outcome ignoring their own stipulation and continuing to advance the goals of christian nationalism yeah and also look i don't want to criticize american atheists

they do great work but their sticker suggestion was e pluribus Unum. I mean, come on. Seriously? Call us for angering Christian suggestions next time, okay? You're making us look like a bunch of nerds. The Satanic Temple is taking care of your end of it, Eli. They're being the reasonable ones. You're making us look... It's fine. All right. I'll tell you what.

While we workshop a few ideas for them, we'll pause for a word from our second sponsor this week, HelloFresh. We did your trivia night. Excuse do you work here um i mean i'm i'm wearing a shirt with the name of the grocery store on it yeah no i know it's just it's the only polite way to get somebody's attention when they're very obviously working at the grocery store so my question is do you have spargel blue i'm sorry what i it was my co-'s turn to write the shopping list this week, and most of it's just illegible gibberish.

See? Yikes. Is that a picture of a milk carton? I thought it was an H that got away from him. Wow. Okay, well, you might want to consider skipping trips to the grocery store with HelloFresh. What's HelloFresh? With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep.

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HelloFresh sent us a box to try when they became a sponsor and the meals were delicious and easy to make. That's why even after the free food, I'm still a HelloFresh subscriber. Eli, what are you doing here? I like to slap the meats. It's true. He does. He does that. slap the meats. It's true.

He does. He does that. So go to HelloFresh.com slash Scathing16 and use the code Scathing16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts. So I go to HelloFresh.com slash Scathing16 and use code Scathing16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts? That's right. All right. So

by the way, Eli, while you're here, what is Spargel Blue? Great question. Oh, no, that's a tofu. Tofu. So this is a tea? Yeah, that's a tea. Okay. Please keep them away from the meats. And we're back.

Next up in headlines, we have a story about one million moms. That's a group, if you're not familiar, of literally dozens of Christian moms who spend most of their time complaining about the gender identity of anthropomorphic potatoes and also Shakira being a demon. That's mostly what they do.

Well, they found something almost that important last week. Group leader Monica Cole realized that the draft opinion from the Supreme Court that would reverse Roe v. Wade isn't quite locked in yet. So between now and the official ruling, she's calling on American Christians to fight in the spiritual battle to force people to give birth. And how do you win a spiritual battle? You give up sweet tea and Netflix for a month. Oh, real month, a whole month. So in my head, this is because Monica Cole knows that Netflix and chill means something dirty,

but she doesn't know what to be honest. I'm kind of mad that you have to break that illusion for me. I see it. Yeah. The year is 2034. Monica Cole sits in an empty house, starving to death in the name of a Twitter account that has less followers than Carl the Pegapegacorns. Nature is healing.

So here's the battle plan from Monica Cole. She wrote a mass email to the four thousandths of a million moms that follow the organization on Twitter that said, quote, The fight to end abortion in America is a spiritual battle. that said, quote, the fight to end abortion in America is a spiritual battle. We're asking each of you to join us in making some sacrifice for the reversal of Roe v. Wade this year. Perhaps pause your digital TV subscription for a month or give up some pleasant food, ice cream, sweet tea, candy, etc.

So she tried to name three foods and got it wrong on two i love well and she didn't save it on three that the third one is a category that that kind of contains the first one it's sweet tea ss drink hats you can eat hats fuck you continuing the quote this is just like daniel the prophet did as he prayed to god is it daniel 10 3 no it's not we'll circle back during world war ii people were forced to go without sugar coffee and meat yeah that was a real problem with world that was that was a really hard thing in world war ii that was four years she said it was six yeah this is for one month just pick one thing and sacrificially offer it up in prayer for god to bring about the reversal of roe v wade end quote the eli of their group chooses a fetus the eli of this group chooses a fetus do you guys want some snack what did we say about eating on

the air but he's talked about snacks i feel like it's kind of his fault, but that's thank you. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, that's on me. So quick thing about the Bible quote. Wanted to go back to that. Daniel 10, three says, I ate no choice food,

no meat or wine touched my lips. And I used no lotions at all until the three weeks were over. So Monica Cole clearly read that. She was like, yeah, we're not giving up skin care and like masturbation i'll mention the food thing i guess i need my fucking lotion foods i like lotion a lot i'll mention the foods hopefully i can name three foods on the fly while i'm typing

an email and no she could not no but importantly, just to be clear about the Christian narrative here, they think God controls the results of Supreme Court rulings. So in their head, God's been pro-choice for the last 49 years. But he's thinking about switching back. He's not sure yet. But if you give up ice cream or sweet tea or candy, the category, not all three of those things. You pick just one for a month or, you know, if you don't, if you don't watch season four of stranger things for

a few weeks after it comes out, if you do one of those things, God is going to get rid of the right to kill babies in America, a right that he granted 49 years ago that helped legally kill in their head about 63 million babies over that time but he's gonna let that keep happening in some states and also a bunch of countries all around the world that's their opinion about reality and god and these people are allowed to drive and vote what the fuck all right so not for nothing though if i have to wait any longer to see the next season of stranger things i'm gonna kill so many babies so no if i've said it once i've said it a thousand times you gotta stop emailing that to netflix man okay but it got the fucking season release didn't it yeah no it's coming out results

it's a win and in school of bard cox news in a segment so reoccurring that i might just have to have my wife write a jingle for it parents were once again shocked this week to learn that the Christian school they sent their kids to in the middle of Louisiana was not the bastion of progressivism and understanding that they believed it to be. After an assignment went viral this week, which asked students to write a letter to a hypothetical gay friend telling them not to be gay. But, you know, biblically. Okay. Dear gay Steve. Dear?

That feels... Okay. To whom the penis may concern... No, that... Okay, that feels weird. What does the MLM manual say for bigot letters, teacher? P.S. Enclosed as a stone, please throw it

at yourself at your earliest convenience. Yeah. So here's the assignment, according to the website. Quote, write a letter to a friend of your same gender who is struggling with homosexuality. Struggling? But like if gay sex is easy for that person, you just

let it go. You gotta pick your battles. Yeah, exactly. Assume that you have known this friend since kindergarten, that you go to the same church, that you have been pretty good friends over the years, until now. This friend is your same age.

The aim of your letter should be to lovingly and compassionately speak truth to the person you're talking to in a way that does not approve of any sin. Instead,

try to persuade them of the goodness of God's design for them. God hates spending time with the assignment concludes in at least eight sentences. Try to show the friend from the Bible reason and your personal friendship that God's design for them is good, that homosexuality will not bring them satisfaction, and that you love them, even though you don't approve of their lifestyle, end quote. Hey, Gay Steve, as per my last email, no, okay, that's aggressive.

I feel like that's aggressive every time you use that. Okay, Gay Steve, just bumping this to the top of your inbox, you're going to be tortured in a lake of fire for eternity. Also, I love you. Five more sentences, Tim. But you're there. You're almost there, bud. And it actually does get worse. Don't worry.

Lest you think this assignment was just like some Christian bat shittery that no one was paying attention to or like, you know, was part of the school book, but nobody was using it. No, no, no. The superintendent of the school doubled down, clarifying that the assignment was in line with the school's values of bigotry. So, yeah, just a quick reminder. We hear the scathing atheist. We are aware that public schools suck and public schools in Louisiana are probably somehow worse than that. But at least in public schools, thereisiana are probably somehow worse than that but at least in public schools there are laws against this shit that people are supposed to be following so yeah right

yeah in florida it would be illegal to even bring this subject up yes it's true though and finally tonight in caps lock news americans united for the separation of church and states sent a formal request to the irs asking to investigate Greg Locke's Tennessee church for Johnson Amendment violations after Locke told his congregants that they can't vote Democrat and be Christian. Now, granted, asking the IRS to revoke a tax exemption for a church just because it blatantly and publicly broke the law is about as likely to succeed as prayer. But I still applaud Americans United for underscoring that hypocrisy with this request. And honestly, any effort to draw attention to Greg Locke's dangerous lunacy

is probably worth that effort. Yeah, it's just Andrew Seidel rolling a giant boulder up a hill to the IRS building. Hey, Broke the Law again, do your fucking job, please. Okay, yeah, head back down. I'll see you. See you tomorrow.

Okay. To be fair, that Boulder-based exercise program is working for Andrew Seidel. He is looking delish these days, can I say? Agree. So, yeah. So, to be clear. Fuck the shit out of Andrew Seidel. It's illegal for a tax-exempt organization to endorse a candidate or tell people how

to vote or how not to vote. The provision of the tax code that spells this out is called the Johnson Amendment, named after Lyndon Johnson rather than what a prick you'd have to be to violate it. And this is a rule that tax-exempt organizations take super, super seriously unless they are churches. In fact, in a coordinated fuck you to the IRS called Pulpit Freedom Sunday, more than 2,000 churches have sent the IRS video of them breaking this rule, along with a dare for them to do something about it. So far, one of those 2,000 plus churches has been investigated and zero of them have lost their tax exemption. Ah, yes.

Just one of the many reminders that the bad guys aren't playing by the rules and you probably shouldn't be either. Yeah, but they arrest us when we violate those rules we violate sure we're a church now so yeah given the history of inaction lock probably wasn't super worried about the johnson amendment when he told his congregants quote if you vote democrat well let me do the voice if you vote democrat i don't even want you around this church you can get out you can get out you. You can get out, you demon. You can get out, you baby butchering election thief. You cannot be a Christian and vote Democrat in this nation. They hate this nation. You cannot be a Democrat and a Christian. You cannot. And then realizing that his IRS violation didn't even have a threat of violence in it, he added, quote, everyone want to talk about the insurrection. Let me tell you something. You ain't seen the insurrection yet.

You keep pushing our buttons. You low down, sorry, compromisers. You God hating communists. Maybe you'll find out what an insurrection is. End quote. So vote for Joe McCarthy, who loves the smooth flavor of Paul Mall's cigarette. Fuck, I slip into the 50s radio voice again. Yeah, yeah.

Greg Locke's like, I am actively calling for violent revolution against elected officials. Also see Eli's earlier comment about rule following. We get arrested for that. So, yeah, doubtful anything will come of American United's request. But I think it's worth reflecting on how easy it would have been to get some federal department or another to investigate a mosque whose leader started talking about how we ain't seen an insurrection yet. And they blew it up. Yeah. And by the way, while we're on the subject, yes, the fuck we have, Greg.

We saw the best you've got. You were there. Y'all staged a murderous coup to try to overthrow the elected government. You failed because you fucking idiots thought it was a game of capture the flag and that somehow occupying the physical space where governing happens meant you won. This is the magic circle I think. I'm doing something.

Right. Now fuck off and go freebase a frappuccino you incompetent jackass. And with Greg Locke thus informed I suppose we can close the headlines for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always. Jumaji. And when we come back, we're going to kind of regret it.

Hey, podcast listener. I'm Eli Bosnick. And I'm Heath Enright. And we just wanted to say, go fuck yourself. Guys, guys, not a great idea to tell our audience to fuck themselves during Matreon. Or any time, really. No, Noah, this isn't for Matreon. It's for our third sponsor this week, adamandeve.com.

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Code SCATHING. All right, fellas. Well, glad to hear you weren't insulting the audience. Nah. Not unless they're too chicken to fuck themselves, we're not. Yeah, you big chickens. Cuckoo, ca-cha! Cuckoo, ca-cha! Cuckoo, ca-cha! Cuckoo, ca-cha! Cuckoo, ca-cha!

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Cuckoo, ca-cha! Cuckoo, ca-cha! Okay, okay. I've heard a lot of people over the last couple of weeks talking about how NFTs might represent the dumbest possible investment, and though I'm loath to come to their defense, we were introduced to something with a budget that would have been way better invested in monkey JPEGs on this week's God Awful Mini.

So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched The Prophet of Oz. It's the story of, I'm pretty sure, a Christian orthodontist making a tv commercial for his business based on the wizard of oz and it turned out way better than most christian movies so now it's a christian movie there you go and eli how bad was this mini well if you love the wizard of oz you won't really care for this. Probably not.

The more you like Wizard of Oz, the less this is going to do it for you. So in keeping with our sister shows format, is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Best worst braces. Yes, I would. So that's why I mentioned orthodontics. There's a character, the angel of God or whatever, supposed to be the good witch, has very large 1960s braces. It's like she's eating an apple with rubber bands the whole time. It's insane.

She's eating a rubber band ball the entire time. Yeah. I had those braces for a little bit, but the early 90s version, not much better. Certainly didn't have the worst teeth in the movie, though. No. I was going to go with best worst satanic mullet. Oh, the guy who plays the devil. Oh, boy, I'll tell you that that was that was once a haircut that people wore.

Type casting. And again, I'm going to go with a physical resemblance as well. I'm going to go with best worst lion costume we'll get to it when we get to it and i prefer if we don't get to it it was it will remain in my nightmares forever yeah so okay so to give you an idea how stupid this is gonna be the first words we see are prodigal films now I guess they know that word from the prodigal son, but that word means wastefully extravagant. I don't think that's what

they're going for. But anyway, so then we get the title The Prophet of Oz. Okay, so they just switched out wizard for prophet. So they were like, seriously? A wizard? Okay, that's silly. But prophets are real. We're going to do a prophet. Well, that's so much of this, right? Because they can't like Wizard of Oz because it's got wizards and witches and that's satanic.

So they're trying to replace that. At this point, I was like, okay, so the prophet actually does do magic? And like self-reliance is dumb. End of story. Like, where do you go from there? There you go. I mean, kind of. Right.

Yeah. You go to this movie from there. Yep. So we open up on little Dorothy. She's feeding her guinea pig. Guinea pigs are the fucking best. Fuck you and your notes. Oh, what?

Fuck your notes. Oh, this is the fight. I've never been willing to stand on a hill on the opposite side of a battle of no illusions. I will go. This is the... I'll divide our audiences in half. You're anti...

No, everyone loves guinea pigs. A pug is the guinea pig of dogs. No. No. Guinea pigs suck. She feeds her incredibly awesome guinea pig that is the most awesome of all pets. Well, okay, that's overstating it,

but still, they're great. And then she says her prayers, her, now I lay me down to sleep. I always forget that the Christian sleep prayer is basically, we good? It's terrifying, though. It's like, if you murder me while I'm sleeping, because that might happen. I'm a child. Don't also torture me forever.

Please and thank you. Yep. That's the prayer. That's it. So she crawls into bed. She wakes up in a dream screaming and falls her way into Oz. By the way, I watched this with Dark Side of the Moon playing just to see what would happen.

Speak to Me was playing at the beginning. It doesn't line up with anything. No, no. That's a shame. So yeah, so she's in a green screen, or I mean a lavish garden. Oh, man. I'm watching this person learn how to use a green screen or I mean a lavish garden. Oh man. I'm watching this person learn how to

use a green screen and it is not going well. Well I was going to say you're watching someone not learn how to use a green screen anyway. Like don't show her feet dude. Stop showing. Yeah and her guinea pig is along for the ride. This will never matter and we will not see him again until the end of the movie.

It's like the guinea pig was a certain level of Kickstarter better. And just then, Heath's best worst shows up. She is an angel of God, not a fucking witch. Okay? Good or otherwise. With the huge braces. It's weird that an angel of God would

need orthodonture. Right? You would think God would take care of that. He's like, God would do that. Yeah. But she explains, I am an angel of God, and this is the land of Oz. And I just wrote, weird fucking crossover, that. Yeah. So the witch is like, are you a good Christian or a bad Christian?

And Dorothy's like, I don't know. I go to church and everything. She's like, no, that doesn't count. No, it's magic words. She needs to know, has Dorothy been born again? And Dorothy doesn't know. But just then, my best worst shows up, the devil. Oh, Fred Armisen from the metal band?

That was the devil? Can I just say, we've seen a lot of devils one of the scariest true not on purpose but definitely one of the scariest i like that the devil tries to do like a kid's magic trick he's like you want a cigarette from behind your dirty ear and he can't and she's like no why would i i don't want that and he's like do you want this And she's like, no. Why would I? I don't want that. And he's like, do you want this unlabeled beer that I clearly made in my garage very badly? She's like, no, no.

Well, it's actually better than that because he holds his hands out at, you know, beer-ish height and then a clip art beer appears in between his hands. And she's like, can I touch that? And he's like, please don't touch that. You can't.

Come on. Well, and even worse, the clip art beer has green on it like the reflection of the light off the brown bottle it has enough to like trigger the green screen so it's also got a garden in it so but she tells the the devil to fuck off or i'm sorry the angel tells the devil to fuck off so he has to fuck off and the devil's leaving thing is an explosion. But the explosion very obviously came with a sound effect, and whoever made this movie didn't know how to separate the

two. So every time the devil appears or disappears, it'll be, Yeah. You expect chunks of him to fly around the room. Also, that explodey cloud of smoke takes too long for them to bring into the stupid picture so devil guy has to keep doing the mwahaha laugh for way too long yeah for a while it's the best

yeah so but the angel tells dorothy she needs to go see the prophet of oz to find out if she's born again and dorothy's like how do i get there and the angel's like follow this road and the filmmakers like surely i'll be able to find a road of some sort for her to be walking down no no so okay so we cut to her wandering down not a road yellow brick or otherwise when she comes across the scarecrow and she just starts roasting the scarecrow she walks up to him and it's kind of fun yeah so he said now let's keep in mind that a scarecrow that's alive is just crucified right right so she's walking down the fucking appian way here and she's like you look stupid up there why are you up there it's stupid oh and then he talks he's like you're a mean kid

and she's like wow you're talking scarecrow so in her head she was talking to an inanimate object and then found out it was real. Yeah. There's a bunch of cut footage of her being like, stupid rock. Fuck you, tree. You look stupid. Oh, my God. Okay.

One answered. There's also this fantastic community theater moment, right? Where she very obviously messes up her line or he messes up his. I don't know. I didn't see the script. But she's like, are you stuck up there? And he's like, no, I'm stuck up here. Well up here well he says no i couldn't get down if i tried and i'm like that's yes it's typically christians not knowing how no works right yeah she says you need faith to get down

yeah and but then she's like well that doesn't doesn't really make any sense physically and just step step down. Please get off the crucifix. Let's go get some faith anyway, though. We're going to seek some faith. So, yeah, so she gives him a hand and helps him down. And now we establish that he doesn't have faith, so he needs to go see the prophet of Oz to get some.

Yeah. Okay, just religion taking credit for gravity is perfect. Right? Like that's it. It's like Trump taking credit for April happening. Really wanted Dorothy to be like, see, it didn't require faith at all. Fuck. Sorry.

I disproved the movie. You want to get back up there? Do another take. Okay. So, and then they finally find a road to shoot on where they come across the tin man. Now, you know, he's supposed to be all rusted up. He's doing such a bad job of holding still. Oh, God.

So Wizard of Oz and this, it's just a weird plot. This stuff occurred to me. They see a man made of metal holding an axe. And they're like, let's go interact with that. That's not a good idea. And then they come up to him and they're like, he's rusted solid. And I don't know why this never occurred to me before. Tin doesn't rust.

No, it doesn't. No, it does not. That's not how that metal works. Stupid. So, yeah. So they un-rust him with the oil can and everything. This actor apparently can only memorize five words at a time. Yeah.

Right? Everything is just with these weird halting starts and stops. The acting in this is impossibly bad yeah yeah he said he was like i was trying to pray but i couldn't so i walked and i tried to pray some more shit did i find a circle of my life yeah he doesn't know how to pray so he can join him too and the prophet of oz will teach him apparently yeah so they're walking down exactly that same part of exactly that same road at pretty much the same time of day and i'm writing in my notes at this point like given what we've seen so far i cannot wait to see the lion costume that was the last time i'd ever gonna look forward to

that sure will yeah she turns to tin man she goes do you think there are animals here and he's like that was the last time I'm ever going to look forward to that. Sure. Will. Yeah. She turns to Tin Man. She goes, do you think there are animals here? And he's like, yes.

And just then the cowardly lion jumps out and he is terrifying. Okay. I was like, all right, Hannibal Lecter victim with a skin mask has shown up. What happened? Cut the face off of a baby doll and hung it off his forehead something like that yeah yeah yeah and then covered the rest of his body in like drag queen blonde wigs so fucking bad also i have to point this out during this exchange there are chirping birds

in the background that are loud enough to drown out all the dialogue yeah they sure are also because he's not the cowardly lion we're going to learn he's a lion without compassion he the put him up put him up doesn't end so we just have this drunk irish lion throughout the whole fucking thing who's like i'll fucking kick your ass yes fuck you okay okay but just why do you have a skin mask man like we can fight if you want why do you have that so that's what happened to the last guy he says do you know what it's like to go through life without compassion and i'm like i could just ask keith if i really wanted i don't have to watch a whole fucking movie. See, I wrote in my notes. This is like when I tried talking to Twitter trolls in 2015.

Oh, now I feel bad. It's really easy to answer your question. I would imagine easier. Yeah. Yeah, sure. But he's going to join them on their quest to see the prophet who can apparently give him compassion. And then they had they happen upon Silver City, not Emerald City. Apparently, some lawyer or another was like, no there are there are limits though okay but it's it's green though

it is green though why would you say a different color there did they think that they could get away with copyright violation if they just like could i be like very obvious picture of disneyland here it is wizney Yes. It's the mustard tile road. Nailed it. Yeah. But they head up there. We meet the guard and the guard is like, I'm not going to let you in. And they're like, well, there's no movie if you

don't. He's like, oh, right. Yes, I am going to let you in. And then we're like, what the fuck was the point of that scene? Yeah. I think that was just so that we could see how few teeth that actor had. Yeah. Very few. Yeah, I think that was just so that we could see how few teeth that actor had. Yeah. Very few. Yeah, I mean more than me, I guess, so I can't

really, I guess I can't talk too much. I have more teeth than this gentleman and I would like to say I was upset by the non-address of how many teeth he had. I thought Dorothy and the characters would be like yeah, so we're looking for like faith, prayer, and compassion. We can add teeth if you want.

We just all go together? To their profit? So, okay, so they head inside the Silver City slash filmmaker's basement. Oh! The very first shot when they walk in is their very obvious basement wall AC unit.

It's so big! And if they had zoomed in a little, we wouldn't be able to see it. But they didn't. For whatever reason, that fucking AC unit is going to sit in the fucking frame for the rest of the movie. Pay no attention to that thing

that appears to be an AC unit in my fantasy old timey castle. Now I will say that the windows in the basement, like, I feel like this whole project began because some dude was looking at the windows in his mom's basement and said, do these look kind of Wizard of Oz-y to you guys?

It's a little castle-y, right? Yeah, I have an idea here. Hear me out. But this is where they meet the Prophet of Oz who has, like, a green demon alien face. Yeah, it's weird to say that, like, this this was made i don't remember when this was made but it was made a while after the real wizard of oz and they didn't quite pull off the same special effects as the wizard of boston i did like that the prophet of oz is just kind of like angry which makes sense because they're like we're

here for some stuff we here's our list of stuff that we want from you. And he's like, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. Love that. Love my job. I just, you know, grant things to random people who show up. Is that a metal man with an axe? Why would you want to make him more mobile?

Why are you hanging out? But what's great is that because he's supposed to be the bad prophet, he just answers all of their requests with like what they think non-believers answers are so he's like faith is bullshit and he literally says praying is a waste of time and i wrote in my notes honestly if someone can screenshot the prophet of oz so that i can make a praying is a waste of time t-shirt we would sell the fuck out of those yeah but just then as he's telling them that religion is bullshit and they don't need compassion the scarecrow notices a book on the table so again trying to hit the beats of

wizard of oz he's like pay no attention to the the bible the book there i just okay why do you have it displayed prominently on a table like that? Seems like you wouldn't. It's mostly genocide and horse cocks. You're going to want to not read that. But Dorothy looks through the Bible and dammit if she can't find the perfect passage for every one of their problems. I would give anything if this movie was just him

floating there for a while while she's like, I'm sorry, I know it's in here somewhere. It's like five six minutes. Wow, this is a lot know it's in here somewhere. It's like five, six minutes. Wow. This is a lot of gats in this thing. This is mostly.

Nope. Sorry. Oh, with a tent peg. Woof. Yeah. So, but yeah,

she reads them from first Peter and from Romans and from Zachariah. Now everybody knows the thing that they needed to know. and when she finishes she says well what do you think about that and again alternate ending if the wizard had just been like fuck you credits my favorite movie my favorite movie in the world i'd watch it every year on christmas yes but unfortunately for us the prophet is fucking stumped by those awesome Bible passages. So he just disappears and the light comes on and some dude walks out of a booth

and goes, you got me, I guess. Yeah. He's like, it's just an ordinary man. And I wrote in my notes, I mean, I feel like an ordinary man would have a suit jacket that fits him, but sure. Yeah, and a bow tie that wasn't tied

like he was running from a chainsaw killer when he put it on. What is the point of this guy? He just walks out and he's like, yeah, so I never read the Bible. I figured it made sense to build a sad castle of atheist lies.

That's what happened in my life. And they're like, read the Bible. And he's like, okay. He's like, yeah, you know what? I'll do that right now. And he sits down and I wrote my notes. Are we going to watch him read the Bible? And we do for like a minute and a half you watch the characters be like oh we're gonna we're gonna watch you sit down and read it cover to cover right now huh there's literally an uncomfortable throat clear there's literally we watch the scarecrow go

right the angel let's go find the angel that was a character from the movie yeah i wanted to be like ah genocide and horse cocks see i told you this is dumb book it's a dumb book so and the lion is like hey not for nothing but what are we gonna do with the rest of the fuck there's like four more minutes of runtime here you know and the scarecrow's like well let's go outside since the lighting was so good out there and see if we could rustle up that angel again. Tin Man's like, please. I'm so hot, guys. I made it right here.

Don't you? Oh, that's why the air conditioner was right there. That makes sense. Do we have an extra child face I could wear that looks really comfortable? So, yeah. So they wander aimlessly for a little bit. And this is where Dorothy explains that it must have been the holy spirit magically guiding her to those incredibly useless bible passages from earlier and then the devil reappears and he's like see it turns out the prophet was a load of shit all

those fucking christians are all a bunch of bullshit where's your god now right and she's like he's right here where i mentioned earlier making this line of dialogue pretty useless yes right but then she says the magic word she says devil i rebuke you in the name of jesus christ my savior and he goes no because he has to explode again it takes a really long time a couple of breaths we're just watching him sneak away in the background. I'm exhausted. I'm below the frame. No, you're not.

And then the angel of God reappears, and she's like, well, I hope you guys learned a lesson. And then they all compete for who gets to be the I've learned something here today person. And the lion absolutely loses, right? It's's like i learned that the lord is in my heart i learned that lord wants your prayers from your very real heart and the lion's like be nice yep i learned to live laugh love damn it fuck and then the angel of the lord breaks the fourth wall and stares right at us and she's just like see jesus jesus yeah well right right your lord and savior

and then we get the song the movie's one song and it's just as well put together as the movie itself the singer is rattling that microphone like she was singing to a fan. I assume she was fighting off an attacker with it while she was singing. But credit where credit's due, this is where we learned that the guinea pig's name is Snickers and it was one bag around.

That is a great name for a fucking guinea pig. The guinea pig was the star of the show. I think we can all agree on that. Best actor. Regardless of how we feel about guinea pigs in the star of the show. I think we can all agree on that. Best actor. Regardless of how we feel about guinea pigs in general. All right. Well, I'll tell you what. I need to do enough drugs to erase the part of my memory that's holding onto this video.

So we're going to close things there. But we'll no doubt be back soon with yet another God Awful Mini. Before we toss this one in the mail slot, I want to remind you one last time that May is our annual pledge drive. That counts for both new and upgrading patrons. So if you'd like to help nudge us towards our goals and you've been meaning to donate to the show, there has never been a better time. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. But we're back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Monday. An even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday.

And an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, this show wouldn't take if I neglected to thank Ethan Wright for keeping his Madison Cawthorn lost his primary celebration tame enough that he was still able to record today. I need to thank Eli Bosnick for putting vegan snack tasting way up on the list of Patreon goals. I need to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions, who was busy helping her dad this week, but is no less deserving of thanks for it. I also want to thank Brett for providing this week's Farnsworth quote and for drawing attention to the batshit public school policies in Australia. Remember, listeners, just because every other country is less stupid than America doesn't mean they're not still stupid. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most memorable mammals, Edward Sporkbender, Unicron Launch Act 187. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's most memorable mammals.

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