The Scathing Atheist - 540: Jeopardized Edition

Episode Date: June 22, 2023

In this week’s episode, a taco hut sees if they can make a LITTLE Spanish Inquisition work, Catholics grapple with the blood of Christ being a GMO, and Ray Comfort will let us know if black lives really matter. --- To see us live in Detroit, click here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-detroit-tickets-617420751087 To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Bishops seek to eliminate trans-affirming care at Catholic hospitals: https://friendlyatheist.substack.com/p/us-bishops-are-about-to-block-trans Priest hired to "cleanse workplace sins" was obviously a spy for management:  https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2023-06-13/priest-taqueria-garibaldi-worker-confessions-wage-theft-settlement Pro-Trump Pastor Suggests Christians Should Be Suicide Bombers https://www.newsweek.com/pro-trump-pastor-suggests-christians-should-suicide-bombers-1807061 Michigan city bans Pride flags: https://www.yahoo.com/news/sense-betrayal-liberal-dismay-muslim-100011203.html?guccounter=1 The Catholic Church in Kansas City used the wrong wine...and broke the religion: https://friendlyatheist.substack.com/p/the-catholic-church-in-kansas-city

Warning, there are offensive words in this podcast. Also, defensive words. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the new dating service for horrible people that want to date even worse people so they won't seem as bad in comparison to Quo Quo Cupid. To Quo Quo Cupid, because right-wing dating sites might as well stop beating around the bush. And now, The Scathing Atheist. And now, the scathing atheist. Hi, my name was Robert, and instead of coming out as transgender like a normal person, I've decided it was better to let you all know that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. Some of whom are actually filthy monkey women. It's Thursday. It's June 22nd.

And it's stupid guy thing day. Okay, doing a podcast? Check. Yeah, we nailed it. No illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick. I'm Heath Enright. And from Vinny Bag of Donuts, New Jersey, and on Michigan and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist.

On this week's episode, a taco hut sees if they can make a little Spanish Inquisition work. Catholics grapple with the blood of Christ being a GMO, technically. And Ray Comfort will let us know if black life's really mad. He will. But first, the diatribe.

Don't get me wrong, I get it. Nothing feels better than looking at those three nerd-ass geniuses on Jeopardy and getting a chance to go, psh, dumbasses. And when I first saw that three entire Jeopardy contestants managed to simultaneously miss the clue, Matthew 6- 9 says, Our Father which art in heaven, this be thy name. It was my first reaction too because I enjoy the rare moments

when I'm temporarily smarter than even the dumbest Jeopardy! contestant. But upon reflection, I feel like derision is the wrong response. So this infraction came last Tuesday in an obvious nod to Father's Day. The category was dadjectives. So every answer was an adjective and every clue

had something about a father in it. And this is the $200 question. This is double jeopardy at this point since that's the easiest clue. And it's the blank be thy name one, right? All three contestants completely spaced on it. Nobody even rang in. They didn't even try. They just stared dumbly forward until the time ran out and that

anti-vaxxer they replaced Alex Trebek with chimed in with the correct answer, which is, of course, hallowed. Or I'm sorry. I'm sorry. What is hallowed? And predictably, the Internet's response was indignant. How dare all these supposedly smart people not know the opening line of the most common prayer in all of Christianity? How dare this not be basic knowledge that every reasonably educated person commands? And it wasn't just Twitter. A quick Google reveals headlines from

major media sources like NBC News' Jeopardy! fans reel at Lord's Prayer question going unanswered, Fox News' Jeopardy! fans stunned by Lord's Prayer questions, and the New York Post's Jeopardy! contestants fail to answer Bible clue about our father. This is a fucking major media event, apparently. And like I said, I do get it. I knew the answer, right? I'm not sure I would have known the answer under pressure in front of a live studio audience, mind you. Anybody who's done a trivia night knows that there's nothing so simple that you can't completely blank on it when you're on the spot. But I'm still kind of surprised that nobody got this one. That being said, I'm not stunned.

I'm not reeling. I mean, two of the three contestants had negative dollars on the board halfway through the game. So they probably were second guessing themselves on everything at that point. And the third guy, the returning champion, was a dude named Suresh Krishnan. So, you know, high probability he didn't grow up reciting the Lord's Prayer. But on top of all of that, and this bit is important here, the Lord's Prayer doesn't actually matter

to the overwhelming majority of people. What the fans were actually reeling from wasn't the ignorance of the Jeopardy contestants, who, to be clear, answered way fucking harder questions both before and after that. What they were reeling from was the fact that their religion has become so culturally irrelevant that a group of three intelligent people can go all the way through their formal education without ever needing to know their favorite magic spell. And that is actually worth

celebrating. I mean, you know, look, I'd love to challenge all the people who are complaining about these dumbass Jeopardy! contestants to answer literally any question at all about Hinduism or Islam or any religion that isn't their own. Fuck, I'd love to hear them try to define the word hallowed

on the spot, to be honest with you. And of course, as friend of the show and former Jeopardy! champion Hemant Mehta points out, everybody has blind spots in their cultural knowledge. Given the nation's demographic shift away from Christianity, it's barely even surprising that one of those blind spots happened to be Christianity 101 for all three of these contestants. So as tempting as it might be to make fun of these people, I feel like atheism should be taking a victory lap right now. I feel like atheism should be taking a victory lap right now. I mean, honestly, it would have been unthinkable for something like this to happen in 1964 when Jeopardy first debuted, have let them ask that question because it assumed that every red-blooded American didn't already know the Our Father. But in the intervening 60 years, our culture has evolved a lot,

and it's evolved away from Christianity, and it continues to evolve away from Christianity. And as it does, Christians will be outraged and flabbergasted and real again and again by just how little a person can know about their faith and still get by in this country. And we'll get to watch with ever more satisfaction as they slowly realize that we're getting our own daily bread, nobody's delivering them from evil, and thine kingdom ain't coming. They're talking about you, Jesus. We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin.

Joining me for headlines tonight are the radiation and conduction of my convection, Heath Enright and Eli Bosnick. Fellas, are you all warmed up? I'm warming to it. He said realizing it was the same show. This is so stupid. Single entendre there. Nice. I had a week. Hey, he doesn't toss these off

the dome. He's fully rested going into this one. I don't know if it raises the level of single entendre. No, not really. There's no entend really. It's a zero level entendre. Like you can hear it. It's like an out-tendre at this point. In our lead story tonight, bodily autonomy in the U.S. is once again under attack from that familiar group of black-robed, conservative, unelected policymakers with too much education

to be this stupid and i'm talking of course about the u.s conference of catholic bishops because who needs your own branch of government when you control something like one-fifth of every hospital bed in the u.s and the law inexplicably allows you to deny medical treatment to people if your imagination insists on it and course, the latest minority to find themselves in the USCCB's crosshairs are trans people as the conference is poised to issue a new directive forbidding Catholic hospitals from providing any gender-affirming

care to their patients. What the fuck? Okay, so we take all your hospitals now. We're taking them. Sure. If you have hospitals and you refuse some of the medicine, no you don't. You don't have hospitals. John Q, we the medicine no you don't you don't have hospitals john q we're taking it yeah just imagine declaring yourself a whites only lunch counter in 2023 and thinking that's going to be looked on fondly by history yeah right right now of course we've been warning

of the dangers of this creeping catholic dominion over the american health care system for a decade they've long been an obstacle to reproductive rights by banning not just abortion but like of the dangers of this creeping Catholic dominion over the American healthcare system for a decade. They've long been an obstacle to reproductive rights by banning not just abortion, but like fucking contraception, tubal ligation, vasectomies, and in vitro fertilization, not to mention being the chief opposition to evolving our national attitudes towards end-of-life care. But despite their draconian opposition

to anything remotely progressive, they hadn't gotten around to formally banning gender-affirming care to this point, presumably because that would have required admitting trans people exist. But according to the National Catholic Reporter, that's set to change this week when the group meets for their spring assembly. Oh, nice. Last time we wanted to get genocidal bigots all in the same room, we had to hold a whole Nuremberg trials about it. It's not that they did it for us.

Do you think they'll hang themselves? I don't think that they will. No, we got to make it easier. I feel like Mossad would help us hunt them at some point. 100%. Now, I should note that they're only really going to be formalizing an existing policy here.

Back in March, the USCCB issued a memo that called all gender-affirming care, quote, injurious to true flourishing of the human spirit end quote and said that such interventions quote do not respect the fundamental order of the human person as an intrinsic unit of body and soul with a body that is sexually differentiated end quote what i think what they mean there is if a trans woman has bottom surgery, her spirit won't have anywhere to put its ghost dick.

Oh, okay. Now it makes a lot of sense. I have a great idea where to put it, though, now that I think about it. Okay, but put yourself in a hospital administrator's shoes, right? You're dealing with funding

and staffing, and you're desperate for resources. You're three years out from the start of the COVID pandemic. And then you get an email from your boss's boss being like, hey, make sure you don't do any medicine that disrupts the soul.

Right. Yes. Exactly. And by the way, while we're on the subject, I want to dismiss this common defense that you hear that somehow if it wasn't for Catholic hospitals, these areas would have no hospitals at all. Bullshit, right? That may be true in some less economically developed country, but that's bullshit in America. They're almost exclusively buying existing hospitals, not building new ones. And regardless, those hospitals compete with secular hospitals for patients, employees, donations, volunteers, et cetera, right? So it would be like saying that if there was no Walmart, people wouldn't be able to buy things.

Catholic hospitals are not a humanitarian effort. They're whatever the fuck the opposite of that is. Yeah. A religious institution. Yeah, that's the term I was looking for. Thank you. But all that's beside the point, because, look, if you need to, like, you know know take care of an ectopic pregnancy or you need a tubal ligation or you need gender affirming care those places don't have hospitals now right yeah unless there's a big accident at the bishop convention nope you can't say that you don't it's just you're not saying you want to save lives or not? Okay. And in Flout of the Rules news.

Fantastic. The owners of Taqueria Garibaldi in Sacramento, California, are under investigation for wage theft, and they also tried to get their employees to keep quiet by finding out their mortal sins and using that as leverage. Yep. And if that sounds like religion, yes, it does. And you're a step ahead of me.

The owners brought in a priest claiming to be offering, you know, free absolution as a workplace perk at the restaurant. But the priest was actually just digging up dirt to use for blackmail. Hey, guys, a little appreciation in the break room. Pizza? No. No, it's not pizza. As I was reading about this, I kept getting surprised that the priest wasn't just like

the boss in a white collar and a fake fucking mustache. That's how blatant this was. Or a god costume, just hello everyone. It's not clear that that's not what happened either. God says ho ho ho too, right guys? Sure, definitely. They're all

white guys. And a big thanks to Stormy Decisus for the link scathingnews at gmail.com if you want to help out. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Heath, are you saying that not only can listeners send us the latest in religious bat shittery to scathingnews at gmail.com, but they can include one of their deepest sins in that email and no matter how heinous it is, we'll forgive it? Oh, Jesus Christ.

Do not send us your sins in emails, please. Nope. Unless they're like super funny. So it all starts when the California Wage and Hour Department started looking into allegations of wage theft. I don't know the details of that, but I can almost guarantee it was in fact happening. Because that's happening in almost every single restaurant in the country. Yeah, it's a restaurant. Yeah.

single restaurant in the country. Yeah, it's a restaurant. Yeah. Especially when they have like the tip out system that essentially makes servers give away some of their tips to other employees rather than the restaurant paying everyone a reasonable wage. The tip out thing, it's usually said that it's, oh, it's technically optional, but most employees don't know that. And either way, they'd be punished for not going along with it. They'd be the assholes and they get bad shifts and all that stuff. The whole thing is a fucking scam. Yeah. If you pitched a tip out system to like 17th century sharecroppers, they'd be like, no, it seems a little bit much to me.

Why don't you be like, you should pay the hostess. Yeah. So to be clear, that's the legal stuff, right? You can pay your employees to 13 an hour and then hope the customer makes up the shortfall with their generosity and then steal some of that generosity to compensate your underpaid fucking hostess that's the standard and these assholes were being investigated for falling below that standard yeah 213 an hour that's like 15 or 20 states are at that point for tipped employees and like more than half are under $5 for tipped employees. Yeah. It's ridiculous. So on top of the American restaurant

industry in general, there's another scam happening here called magical confession or Catholicism is the other way to say it. Yeah. But it's even worse than that. The owner was running a second level scam called magical confession that's actually a spy for management or uh scientology uh you could call it or uh mormonism or most of the other ones too honestly so instead of a normal confession where you tell the priest whatever you want the priest was doing it more like an interrogation room according to complaints by employees the priest or very likely just some guy dressed up like a priest,

or the, you know, Santa guy that Eli was doing a second ago, they were asking if people ever got pulled over for speeding, if they ever were late to work, if they ever stole something from the workplace. And I'm sure that worked on some of the staff. They, like like said something honest and then were scared

and they were able to be intimidated. But fortunately, a server named Maria Parra was like, oh, you're a priest who wants to know about my personal collection of to-go ramekins?

Really? You want the details? You're a spy. You're so narc. You're a narc. I'm telling the Department of Labor right now. Okay, but to be fair,

I feel like if they really wanted to know the true depths of the amount people who work at restaurants steal, they're going to need someone way tougher, right? Like one of those kid fucking cover-up guys that get like church hands. Like you need a ringer for that one. It's just all stealing, to be fair, at restaurants. We are all stealing from you if we're employees at your restaurant, but deal with it. stealing to be fair at restaurants we are all stealing from you employees at your restaurant but deal with it so so wait so so these motherfuckers managed to be too corrupt to meet the american restaurant employment standard and the catholic confessional standard you guys want to get disqualified from a wwe match and earn the trifecta

well good news in the end. The owners of the restaurant just got ordered to pay $140,000 to the employees as part of a settlement. Bottom line, big takeaway here. Don't talk to cops or priests or employers of restaurants, probably. Honestly. Or taqueria

owners. And in incendiary rhetoric news, Nashville pastor and version of Vince McMahon you get when you're the second player to choose him in Smash Brothers Kent Christmas took to the pulpit to encourage Christians to be suicide bombers this week but because Christians won't stop until hyperbole on our podcast is physically impossible, I guess. I just I is he jealous that the Muslims are hogging all the best persecution? You're ahead of me, Noah.

You are ahead of me. So, yeah, regular listeners might remember Kent Christmas, who admittedly was doomed the moment he wasn't born as a talking toy reindeer for declaring back in May that in the eyes of God, Donald Trump was the president. Or you might remember him from a few weeks ago when he told his congregants that a new law in Virginia would make it legal to kill a baby up to 21 days after it was 21 days after. No. Yeah, I heard about that. It's like a try before you buy on Amazon.

They're doing that in Virginia for Yeah, they use the same. For live children. They use the same envelopes. Like they give you the first chapter for free kind of a thing. Exactly. You got to have your receipt, but like, yeah, that's what they're doing. Exactly. But here's what he had to say this week.

Quote, you want to know why the Muslim faith has had its advancements? It's because the Muslims are willing to die for their beliefs. They're willing to strap bombs to their chest. They believed in the afterlife. God, give us some men and women that will get a hold of some passion in the spirit

and say, I will lay down my life for the gospel. End quote. All right. So I'm not saying that it would be funny if somebody killed him right after he said that, right? That's not what I'm saying saying that it would be funny if somebody killed him

right after he said that right that's not what I'm saying but I am saying if you were gonna kill him anyway that would have been the funniest time

to do it right can't argue with that that's true I'm saying it would have been funny I'm officially saying that the company yeah two thirds

official stance of puzzling that's objectively hilarious. That just is. Exactly. A lot of the other times, also funny. Most of the time, it would have been. Yeah. So, yeah, it's pretty important to acknowledge

a couple things about these statements here. First of all, they're super duper illegal, right? These are very obviously textbook calls to violence violence and they are not protected by free speech and two in spite of the fact that lots of non-religious people have gone to jail for way less than this absolutely nothing is going to happen to kent christmas as a result of this yes well i mean except for another white christian mass shooter and then half the country

will pretend he dropped out of the sky for no reason. No, I bet he'll have been picked on a lot at high school. Yeah. Okay. But if this guy was Muslim, if this was Kent Ramadan at a mosque instead of Kent Christmas at a church, he's tackled by the FBI halfway through his first sentence.

Yeah, absolutely. Right away. Yeah. Shot by a drone before the tackle even. Exactly. They tackle a dead guy and they're like, oh, nice. You got, okay, you got it. Excellent. Right away. Yeah. Shot by a drone before the tackle even. Exactly. They tackle a dead guy and they're like, oh, nice. You got, okay, you got it. Excellent.

Good. Soft. And look, I point this out because it's easy to dismiss assholes like Kent Christmas as unfortunately named clowns. And yeah, he is an unfortunately named clown, but he's also an extremely dangerous result of religious overreach in this country. People like Christmas are the foundation of white Christian terrorism. And the moment they can no longer preach battleground instructions from the pulpit without

fear, the sooner we're going to be safer as a nation. And in God hates flags news. In 2015, advocates for cultural pluralism rejoiced as hamtramck michigan became the first community in the u.s to elect a muslim majority city council and now eight years later they're looking at an all muslim all male all conservative city council and realizing it's tied for least pluralistic city council on the entire goddamn planet and despite representing one of america's most culturally diverse cities needless to say the mood is far less celebratory especially when said council does shit like they did last week

and bans pride flags from being flown from city property yeah see if it's important for pluralism for your group of people to get some, but not too much representation. Yeah. Your thing is bad. You're doing it wrong. Your thing is a bad thing. Also, maybe focus up on a real issue. Like your city being called Hamtrank or whatever it is.

Hamtramck, yeah. It does sound like Heath challenged me in the moment to name a city. Name a city. Hamtrank. That has a non-halal food built into it bam so okay so so quick thanks to eric for the link scathing news at gmail.com sins but yeah to be clear this isn't a ban on pride flags like on private property right but but since conservatives have turned we think lgbtq people should be able to openly participate in society

back into a contentious fucking issue the city council deemed that flying the flags on a public property counted as a political endorsement. And this, of course, stings all the more since it's coming from the last community whose participation in society conservatives turned back into a politically contentious issue. But yeah, according to a unanimous vote from the council, they're discontinuing the city's tradition of LGBTQ support. Yeah, and so if Christians and Muslims can like get past all their bigotry, they can really team up on doing all the other bigotry. That's what's

really happening here. It's terrifying. Kumbaya and all that. Don't worry everybody, we read this poem. It turns out the bigots are just going to come for the gays. It's going to be great. No, it's great. They come for the socialists and everything. But then they're done. They do it first.

So Mayor Amir Khalib, who became America's first Yemeni American mayor in 2021, defended the board's decision by pointing out that the LGBTQ community didn't have to be so damn gay about it. Not gay. Right, yeah. He's quoted in The Guardian saying that he tries to govern fairly for everyone,

but, yeah, this is going great, but that LGBTQ supporters had stoked tension by, quote, forcing their agenda on others, end quote. That agenda, to be clear, once again, is existing in society. Sure. Okay, but to be fair to the mayor when your holy book demands throwing gay people off a tall roof you can't have a flag probably feels like a compromise no that's true no you're right it's like you're right no i should be clear

this is not uniquely muslim several towns in the u.s have instituted similar bans and in many ways this one's only getting more traction in the media because it's a way for tepid liberals to reinforce this. You know, this is what you get for supporting multiculturalism rhetoric bullshit while ignoring the fact that it's also what you get for failing to support multiculturalism. But I wanted to highlight this story in particular as it's yet another reminder that religion is dangerous in direct proportion to how much power it wields. Yeah, this is uniquely religious, not muslim but definitely uniquely religious fuck yep and finally tonight we have one of my favorite types of story these are the best it's about the magical consequences of having magical consequences and the very real consequences that happen while idiots are panicking about the fourth level magical consequences that they think are there. Religion is stupid is the other way to

describe what I'm talking about. And the latest amazing example is the scandal that's rocking the Catholic Church of Kansas City to its very core. Somebody was using the wrong communion wine. So now they have to figure out how much magic didn't happen. Like it's a rhesus unicorn with Ebola, but like the inverse. They're tracking the lack of a rhesus unicorn without Ebola,

and they have to figure out where that didn't not happen. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the second we use the wrong communion stuff story and they have to figure out where that didn't not happen. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this the second we use the wrong communion stuff story we've had in so many months? If only they were as good at keeping track of their crackers as they are of their rapists. Am I right, everybody?

And it's worth reminding everyone, of course, that they didn't notice this because, like, you know, the magic didn't seem to be working very well right it's like it's like when the regulators noticed that the sprayer was misaligned at the homeopathic medicine factory and no one ever noticed because it doesn't make any fucking difference nothing yeah yeah exactly the best so it all started when a priest in kansas city told the new guy to go get a bunch of wine for communion and the new guy to go get a bunch of wine for communion. And the new guy priest went to a wine store

wearing, I'm assuming, a priest outfit. And the wine store was like, nice. Idiot with a big order. Love these. And the new guy got sold on one of the many

delightful wineries of the American Dust Bowl. The bottle said, sacramental, right on the label. So, new guy priest was all good. But it turns out he wasn't because the rules of magic wine that literally turns into the blood of a dead rabbi are very serious rules of magic. The wine may not have any additives that don't occur naturally from the magical anaerobic fermentation of grapes, a chemical process that we totally understood 2,000 years ago.

That's a rule. So the archdiocese in each region of the world has an official document with a list of approved local wineries and a very serious warning about how just saying sacramental on the label is not enough. Apparently, putting that label on is just a marketing strategy used by wineries to trick stupid noobs into making big orders for their church. And that's what happened because the new guy didn't read the fine print. Yeah. It feels weird to say this, but I'm pro-deceptive advertising in this case, right?

I will smuggle you wax seals of approval over a river at midnight wine companies just fucking go for it guys go for it yeah so nobody at the magical compliance department caught this big mistake and the kansas city archdiocese was supplying communion wine to its churches that was not capable of being zooped into rabbi blood every Sunday morning. Oh no. And yeah, that kept happening for a while until somebody finally noticed last week and immediately sounded a klaxon and picked up a red phone to the Vatican to report this terrifying emergency. And ever since, priests have just been sprinting around their weird castles, making

panicky phone calls to each other, trying to figure out how many people are now exposed to the hellfire of eternity because of the magic that they may have not received. A bunch of priests calling everyone they know, like they gave them the clap like Heath and Noah's

old roommates. Got a second? Don't worry, Luke. We had several roommates at the time. Nobody knows we're talking about you. It's true. You're good. Here's the letter that just got sent out by Archbishop Joseph F.

Noman of the Kansas City Archdiocese. Quote, It has recently been reported by two priests, having served in three different parishes, that upon their appointment to these parishes, they soon discovered the long-term use of wines that were in fact invalid matter for the confection of the Eucharist. The result of this long-term practice in these parishes is that for any number of years,

all masses celebrated were invalid and therefore the intentions for which those masses were offered were not satisfied. This is a gravely serious situation for which we must now petition the Holy See for guidance on restorative measures. Jesus.

Okay. Imagine being a little old lady and you go up to heaven only for Peter to be like, yeah. Turns out you got to burn in fire forever because of a labeling error.

I know. It's not legally protected, it turns out. I know. So, perfect moral law though, right? Right.

That's just the fucking thing. In any world governed by logic that letter ends with this is a gravely serious situation because it forced us to realize for this to be possible our religion is obviously bullshit and we're engaged in 112 generations scam yeah turns out it didn't end like that no it continued. It said, due to the grave nature of this situation, parishes must immediately discontinue use of all wines that have not been specifically produced to meet the requirements for sacramental usage. If upon checking the wine you currently use, you find that it is invalid matter, contains additives such as elderberry extract, sugars,

alcohol, et cetera, you must notifyriar John Riley by June 15th. Gosh, your name will be kept confidential. I missed it. So that the true scope of the situation in this archdiocese may be reported properly. Thank you for your immediate attention to this very serious matter. Very, very serious. Very, very serious.

And hey, hey, podcast listener, I know that you can Google John Riley's Not Magic Wine Reporting Hotline, but please do not call it to report the Bud Light in your fridge unless you're very serious and very concerned about your soul, okay? We missed the deadline,

but it's probably still open. They're probably still taking late calls. I love the fact that they felt the need to say and this isn't silly nonsense three different times just in the part of the letter that you quote thrice and i did not quote the whole thing correct thrice during that little excerpt yes real yep karate so yeah that was for that guy's very real job as a fucking archbishop or whatever that we subsidize with tax exemptions. And this is all happening because Catholics are fucking liars. They don't actually believe that shit.

But now they're all playing this absurd game being like, yep, we definitely, yep, we all agree that only the real grape based magic can make the Middle Eastern ghost blood that we need to forgive Dave from over by the strip mall outside of Kansas City for eating a burger on Friday. Everybody needs to respect our sincerely held beliefs that we're all not lying about. This is real.

This is serious. Right, yeah, because if we don't take this seriously, we still have to follow laws. All right, well, I'll tell you what. It sounds like a bunch of devout Catholics are hellbound, so I feel like our work is done for the night. Heath, Eli, thanks as always.

Jumanji. And when we come back, Living Waters Ministry will ask why we have a problem with all lives mattering. A couple of weeks ago, we did an episode of God Awful Movies about a Ray Comfort video while Eli was on vacation, and I feel like that left a gibbity-sized hole in everyone's heart. So we decided to revisit Ray at least a little bit, and this week's God Awful Mini. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched a video that's called, Should Christians Support Black Lives Matter?

Question mark. It's the story of what it means when that is an active question in your community. Yeah, we watched Whitesplaining. The people demand. And Eli, how bad was this mini? Well,

if Ray Comfort's unrelated line of questions has always struck you like a bird on a bay window, but you want to see what happens when it's about a topic even he knows has nothing to do with his agenda, you will love this movie. Yeah. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best to be the worst at? Yeah, lots of possibilities here. I'm going to go with best, best passerby. Okay.

Just at one little point during this. It's 20 minutes, this stupid little video. He's out in California somewhere. For half a second, somebody clearly walked up to his shitty thing and was like, hey, Ray Comfort, fuck you. And they had to beep it in the middle of the thing because they thought, they were like, this footage we're getting is so fucking amazing. We can't get rid of, we're not losing

that. We're going to beep this guy just being like, fuck face, fuck you, fuck you. See, when I saw Best Best Master Buy, I thought you meant Aisha, but we'll get to her. So I was going to go with best worst revisionist subtitles. Did either of you guys watch this with the subtitles on?

Yes. It was so, so the concepts agree, but the words were completely fucking different. It's like one of those things where you're like, if you auto translate English to Dutch, to Chinese, to Swedish, and then back to English, it was like that. Yeah, exactly. I actually had my subtitles for some reason set to Chinese when I turned it on. Yeah. Well, that's because Eli gave us the link for yeah. It went default to that. Yeah.

But then I switched it back to English and the English closed captioning had a lot of trouble. It was doing like phonetically what Ray Comfort was saying. Yes. Oh, interesting. So water was like W-A-H-T-A-U-H. Yes.

Constantly. Yes, constantly. Yes. I'm going to go with best worst preaching to Christians because two, not one, two of the people they're doing their spiel on

are like, I'm a Christian. And they're like, yeah, but are you? And he's like, I'm your brand of Christian. And he's like, oh, but there's

still four questions. Yeah, right. Exactly. I haven't even got to the are you a good person bit yet. Hold on. but there's there's still four questions yeah right exactly I haven't even got to the are you a good person bit yet hold on my dog is wearing

sunglasses sorry my flow chart doesn't have nose yet it doesn't have a nose gotta get through it alright so yeah so now

Ray Comfort's in this but he's not the main narrator about this one right so we're gonna he's not the main narrator about this one. Right. So we're going to start off with the main narrator basically going like, so, yeah. Have you heard about this new Black Lives Mattering? Have you seen this? Huh?

Huh? Yeah. And then cut straight to a woman, a black woman in a car screaming murder and being scary to Ray Comfort somehow. Yep. Now, of course, this narrator is EZ Zwayne. That's Ray Comfort's black friend, no matter how many times EZ explains that he isn't black.

Right? Yes. They put him in a hoodie. They put him in a hoodie. This guy has worn a suit in every film we've ever watched him in. And Ray came up to him just with it stretched out. Eh? You know, for the kids.

So, yeah, but they explained to us that there's a difference between the slogan Black Lives Matter and the organization Black Lives Matter. Yeah, they want to be very clear. They do not hate black people. They hate the organization that fights for their rights. Exactly. They hate them having rights. Yes.

So now he's going to do some man on the street stuff. We're going to start with some Trump supporters. And we're going to enter into the longest running theme of this video is trying to get Jamie

to say anything that isn't terrible. Right? Like he's got this one Trump supporter lady and the very first thing we hear from her is he goes, so do you believe racism is a reality?

There's a person of color asking her. She goes, no. No. And they never revisit it. She's just like, yep, no such thing as racism. And they're like, well, I'm Ray Comfort and I can't edit around that. This flow chart does not have any of the things you say.

I guess we cut and keep that. She's just over there slamming her bat into the ground next to the tee ball. I don't know how to count this. I don't really, what is this? We also see this white guy who's going to explain, I'm sorry, white-splain the proper way to express yourself to the blacks, right?

It's another one of the talking cats. This is terrifying. Yeah. He's literally saying like, okay, no, I like them mattering, I guess, but they're saying it wrong. They're saying it, they don't know how to express their lives mattering correctly. They're not asking

nice enough. Right, yeah, yeah. For their lives. So we cut to Huntington Beach. EZ tells us, he's like, everybody's going crazy over this whole Black Lives Mattering thing.

And then, but meanwhile, he's at a protest and everyone is so fucking sedate. Okay. Right? He's like, everybody's going crazy.

I'm like, no, they're not. We see them. So crazy. They're right there. He's at a Black Lives Matter across the street protest and a Trump

on this side of the street protest. And he's like, so it's Black Lives Matter versus Trump, I guess. Tough call. I'm an evangelical Christian. What side do I pick? I'm literally on the Trump side right now, as you can see. It's going to be hard to sell this as a mystery.

It's a long light. It is a long light. And then to wrap this segment up, he goes, I'm going to try and bring him the gospel. If I survive. All right. If I survive all the African Americans over there,

maybe we'll make some Christians. Yeah, exactly. And then we cut to Ray. Ray's in the fucking movie and he's got a microphone set up. He's asking some randos about Black Lives Matter. This is where we meet the blonde guy from earlier, right? This is where we like first officially introduced.

Whitesplain Longboard. Yeah. Whitesplain Longboard. And his very angry sidekick, Andrew Tate in real life, I'm pretty sure. That's the guy. Andrew Tate, actually. Yeah. Yeah, there you go.

He says he likes Black Lives Matter, but he doesn't like the way it puts everybody in the same bucket which bucket is that the one where we all have to support black lives mattering yeah that's actually the point that this guy's making and they put him on fucking camera to say it that the problem yeah is that blm wants everyone to think black lives matter and he's like really everyone same bucket on that lives thing really yes he says everyone has to believe black lives matter or else and i wrote in my notes or else what yeah right what and we're also going to meet here the other person that's going to talk with ray on on his microphones aisha and i have a hard time there's Aisha, and then there's the guy with the mask that's actually in the middle of the protest.

Like, between the two of them, I can't decide, but one of them wins Ray Comfort video better than anyone has ever won Ray Comfort video. They have all amazing answers to everything, and he keeps being like, fuck, Mike Floach, you're killing me. Everybody's killing me on this.

Now, I would like to nominate Aisha as my favorite, not because of anything she says, but because of... Street Fighter 2 shirt? Street Fighter 2 shirt is good. Yeah, it is. There is one thing more excellent than her Street Fighter 2 shirt.

Her hat? And it is the liquid hatred with which her baby is staring at Ray Comfort. Her baby is the best. If you want to dip into the notes here, I've included a screenshot of how her baby looked at Ray Comfort. Her baby is, Tim, if you want to, the best. If you want to dip into the notes here, I've included a screenshot of how her baby

looked at Ray Comfort throughout this interaction. Feel free to share that with the listeners at home. So, but yeah, and we watch her and then we watch this kid. They found this like

a 17-year-old kid that answers every question perfectly. I feel like they were just like desperately seeking any inarticulate people to speak on behalf of BLM and they just couldn't find one.

Couldn't find it. No, it sucked. This guy was one of my favorites because he's like, you really don't understand why it's dumb to say all lives matter as like a counter argument to the,

I think you're lying. Yeah. I think you're lying about that. You do understand why that's dumb. Yeah. Cut. Yeah. But. Yeah. But then EZ is going to tell us the real values of Black Lives Matter.

Right. And he starts off with this thing about how they want to challenge the nuclear family. Now, the movie presents this as a fucking jump scare. They literally make the words disrupt nuclear family scarily float out from the quote to conveniently cover up the other words of the quote. Well, right, because what the other words are basically saying is like we should take care of people rather than assuming that every family can handle their own shit. Right. That's what the statement is. But they like put disrupt really big and cover all the good stuff up and in that sense we absolutely should disrupt the nuclear family and have communities

that support it that's good yes that's a good idea absolutely objectively good idea but then ez comes back and says but the nuclear family isn't some western prescribed things it was god prescribed according to strictly western conceptions of God. Yeah. Which, and that is so funny because God's conceptions of the family are wildly un-Western according to Rekha. Like, oh yeah,

no, it's a man, a woman, and your brother's widow and a slave who can bury you, a child, and a black guy who gets up after 48 hours. God's laid it out very clearly what the family is. I love this.

This is a great moment where Ray Comfort says to Aisha, he's like, what do you think's wrong with humanity? And I'm like, say you. Please, I will give you $150 to just say you. You are what's right. But she doesn't. She basically, she goes with lack of empathy right like which is what almost everybody says you know what's the problem it's like you know people

just not being empathetic and he's like no no not being my religion actually he says he says we trod loving people in the 60s and that Martin Luther King was all talking you see Aisha's face change and he's like you cut i i know for a fact that he cut and just lifted up a dog wearing sunglasses was like you can't punch me i'm holding a dog you wouldn't punch a dog in glasses would you but you watch her be like no no continue your thought and he does a little bit more and he's like no mlk had a dream but it didn't work because he died i don't i like civil rights leaders who don't die i don't know what to say next yes and he actually says things got worse since the 60s yes what yeah like vis-a-vis race relations things have gotten worse

since the 60s according to his fucking telling really i just love just love, he's like, you know, we tried loving people in the 60s and that didn't work. It's like, oh, have we tried Christianity before, Ray? Has your thing,

your thing failed in the actual 60s, not the 1960s, just the 0060s and you're still fucking doing it. Yeah. This is when he,

he cuts to another guy and he's like, solve racism now. Go. Too slow. And the guy's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

So stupid. Well, he basically, he's like, you know, hey, so solve racism now go too slow and the guy's like what the fuck are you talking about so stupid well he basically he's like you know hey so solve racism in 10 words or less and the kid's like fuck man um empathy and not being an uptight dick when people point out how harmful your behavior is he's like nope 16 words you did good but that's 16 bait robert kennedy jr or black lives don't matter do it right now so so EZ cuts in with another core value, which is that Black Lives Matter fosters a queer affirming network dot dot dot. Don't worry, queer affirming is going to grow to cover

the entire screen. Just the way Disrupt did earlier. I literally wrote in my notes, affirming, affirming, affirming. Black Lives Matter is also against this other type of bigotry and this movie is being like suspect what's that other one what are they doing yes as a christian you got to ask yourself are we letting the minorities intersect like that i feel like that's scary for us right

yes yeah the quote says that they're against heteronormative thinking. And he's like, see, they're against heterosexual. They hate straight people. And then he does this great yada, yada, yada. He's like, and look, of course the Bible says to treat homosexuals with love and respect and dignity.

And I was like, Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey, Whoa, let me stop you right there. Yeah.

Right. Does it though? So it's the opposite. Well, but then, and then the last half of that sentence fails to treat lgbtq people with respect or dignity i'd love for black lives to matter but if gay lives are mattering too i don't know i just i can't square the circle on this really yeah that's the point

they make here yep and then we cut back to there's this non-ray white guy and he's the worst like he's the fucking worst in a video with easy zwain white guy and he's the worst like he's the fucking worst in a video with easy zwain and ray comfort he's the fucking worst he was the one willing to ask this question this is the president of living waters the stupid fucking ministry oh is he of course it is yeah oh god this guy is fucking he so he's asking an africAmerican how that guy would react if he identified as a black person. A white guy walks up to a black guy and says that. He says, what if I told you that I identify as a black person? I was like, please say Black Lives Matter a bit less.

Please respond with slightly less now. What's amazing is nobody falls for his stupid trap. Nope. He's like, what if I said I'm black? And he'd be like, yeah, a lot of people who don't look black identify as black Nope. He's like, what if I said I'm black? And he'd be like, yeah, a lot of people who don't look black identify as black. And he was like, what?

And then he's like, what if I said I was a woman? And the guy's like, how could that possibly affect me? Right. And then he's like, okay, all right. All right. What if I identified as your daughter

and said you owed me child support? I'm like, well, see, now it affects him. That's the difference, you fucking idiot. Right. and what's so amazing is that in his desperate third gamble he accidentally makes a point for our side right because we tell adopted families that their kids are their children all the time because family is a construct right but he's an idiot who doesn't realize that so he's like yeah it's like a lot of the things that are very important to us are malleable based on culture. Oh, God damn it, I'm the bad guy.

I disproved my religion again. Fuck, I keep doing this. Ray, I got to put a dollar in the jar. Nope, this is a big one. Full dollar. Full dollar. I did it on camera. Ray, I need the flow chart back, man.

Yeah. And then they have to explain what a bunch of fucking commies blm are right he goes according to the new york post and i'm like well that's your first problem gonna stop you right there doesn't matter which is next i'm sorry are the alliteration experts about who or who is not a pedo at the new York Post, not your number one source when vetting. I will say the quote that they have from the New York Post,

very mysterious ellipses right in the middle of that quote, but it's about how like, you know, the BLM supports Marxism and fucking easy. Zwayne comes in with one of the stupidest cell phones

I've ever seen. He's like, well, Marx believes that money was the root of all evil that's the apostle fucking paul you idiot that's the guy who invented your fucking religion who said that yeah apparently jesus though jesus was a strict smithian neoliberal capitalist in the gospels i think so yeah paul said that but jesus was like yeah super he says that's dangerous i'm like that's the only non-dangerous part of your fucking religion the only way this scene gets better is if like in annie hall the paul turns around is like hello i am paul the apostle And then he uses the

opiate of the masses quote, which by the way he actually does the right quote instead of the wrong quote, which is what I just said to you. Yes, he does the long version with the drum solo and everything. That was nice. Right, but his answer is, we like our opium just fine, thank you. Right, right. So he's like, well, you know, Marx said that if you destroy

religion, then society would be happy so they're coming after your religion. Right. Okay. But it would, though. Like, we have a whole bunch of data. So, yeah. The less religious societies are happier.

But he also has the cause and effect wrong. Right. Because what Marx said is that if you make society fair and equitable, religion will abolish itself. Like, the reason for religion would go away, which is what the data show, right? Right. So, okay. So we got some more

man on the street stuff with EZ. We go back to the Trump supporter lady who is by far the worst person that they managed to find other than like one another, you know, the president of Living Waters, I guess was the worst. But this is the best

because we watch two crazy people who are just stains on society both being like this one i'm just like it's like when your worst friend gets a terrible girlfriend and you're like good for them good for them taking themselves out of the dating pool and yeah right in the moment that easy was talking to jam In the moment that EZ was talking to Jamie, neither EZ nor Jamie was talking to anyone else. And that's a net good for the world. Right, right.

No, it was honestly, it was watching these two like slowly realize that they were meant for each other. They gave me the idea for the two Quokka Cupid joke that I used at the top of the show. So now EZ, so there's this one guy that's like, I don't know, I guess he the top of the show. So now easy. So there's this one guy that's like, I don't know. I guess he's

not ranking the races. It really sounds like he's because he goes like every race and then he lists in his mind all the races. Right. They asked this guy about George Floyd. Oh, wait, this is the guy. This is clearly a guy where they were like,

hmm, what race is that guy not white right yeah yeah he could be you sir sir you're like you're like a few clicks into my paint chips thing that i have um you think blm is dumb though right as a program person yeah right and yeah they found on the maga side they found a Republican guy who's not white. Great. Yeah. They asked him what he thought when he watched the video of George Floyd being murdered. And this is his answer. If I may quote, it kind of sucks to see colored folks to get sometimes targeted by law enforcement. Kind of sucks. Let's move past colored folks.

This is fucking descriptor. But kind of sucks. We'll move past colored folks as his fucking descriptor, but kinda sucks. That was your answer to what did you think when you watched the fucking George Floyd video? This kinda sucks. If you watch that video,

you hear George Floyd being like, this is a bummer. This is a real bummer. What do I think of this video of another human being being killed by the state? I would say it is not cash money. Yeah.

Not particularly cash money. So easy. He's like, so you're yeah not particularly cash money so easy's like so you're latino right and the guy's like my like half half and then he's like have you ever experienced racism he's like i'm experiencing racism right now right now when you ask i think semi-roon you didn't say it out loud but when i said half latino you were like semi-roon. You didn't say it out loud, but when I said half Latino, you were like semi-roon. So yeah, so then the president of Living Waters comes up to explain the whole George Floyd kerfuffle to us, right?

But the explanation that he uses here is that you'd have to be a Christian to think that murdering George Floyd was bad in the first place. Yeah, he says atheists applaud such a deed and then provides no evidence for why he says that. Right, yeah, and I'm like,

it's so weird that you couldn't find any of the atheists that the Black Lives Don't Matter protest you were just an asshole. Right, and to be clear, though, he was saying George Floyd getting killed was bad. We know that only because god told us and he says that proudly and i was like you you see how that's worse right you made it worse right you get that right really yeah he's like you know what makes george floyd's life valuable the first in the first place it's that he was created in the image of god and you're i'm like so it's the basic body plan in your mind is the reason?

Jesus Christ, dude. And then we cut back to Easy desperately trying to mine some semblance of empathy out of Jamie. Yeah. And this is so fucking belabored. He's like, okay, there's a police. I'm trying to get to Jesus. Wait a second. There's a police officer.

a police, I'm trying to get to Jesus wait a second, there's a police officer and then there's a boy having his sneakers stolen is the metaphor I've come up with are those two people related? no, the cop is the son the cop's son is the guy

with the sneakers from his first wife? they go around the corner so he can't see him but he knows how would he know i guess are you a good person oh it's right because the whole time we're going like where are you going with this easy it's got all of the fucking pointless details of a six-year-old's joke you're like where is this going and then he just cuts off and never goes back to it he it's so long it's like minutes long and finally all he did was say,

can the cop stop the robbery of the child? Like what argument was he winning in his head? Because obviously this crazy person agrees to him like, yeah, stop the robbery. He's like, exactly. Stop the robbery. Anyway, are you a good person?

It literally goes exactly like that. I wrote in my notes, okay, so wait, so are we stealing Jesus' shoes? Is that the analogy? I don't know what's going on here. He goes, well, why would it be wrong to rape somebody? He goes, well, because it would be done with the intent to harm another person. He's like, I agree with you, but why would it be wrong? I'm like, how do you think that why works, dude?

Hey, man, it sounds like you're trying to work out your stance on black lives and rape i'm just gonna let you meditate because i don't think you i want to help you with that you want me to i don't think you should be around others i don't want to talk to you right and to be clear but let's be very clear because his his answer to that question is because God says rape is wrong, which A, no, he fucking doesn't. And B, implies that if God did not say rape is wrong, then rape would be totally fine. Yes, right.

Yeah, and then we get the guy, he's telling the one guy, he's like, now, you understand you're a liar and a thief and all that. That means you're going to hell. And the guy's got this like, yeah, look how visibly scared I am look at his face that's absolutely priceless

he's like are you taking this seriously oh yeah no I'm taking it very seriously very seriously he doesn't have the heart for it the African American gentleman they have who has the tattoo of he's like so you're you're a lying thief right you're a lying thief and he's like what

sorry just get a little closer to me as lying thief. And he's like, what? What? Sorry, just get a little closer to me as you say that. And he's like, I just wanted you. I didn't want to be within your reach. Ray does a big circle and everyone stands at two mics and I realize why he does that now.

See the onrushing person. We cut to Aisha who's agreeing with Ray so hard it fucks this whole thing up. She's like, no, I already know this. I share your religion, though. Right? But have you ever

had lust in your heart? Yeah, and then I was forgiven by Jesus. Right. Oh, yeah. God damn it. My dog has sunglasses. The camera, every time she deflects him,

the camera just pans down to the dog in sunglasses as if to say, shush, shush, shush. Jingle-y fucking keys. Jingle-y dog in sunglasses. I love that she starts trying to roll her bike away like a hundred times during this exchange, being like, yeah, all right. Oh, it's getting late.

I'm pretty tired. Dusty trail. This is where he uses his analogy of different colored sheep. Okay. I don't even understand what was the attempt here. He's like, so imagine a white sheep, right?

Nope. Look at it now with snow behind it. It's actually a light-skinned colored sheep. You get it? Not as delightsome as you thought it was. And Jamie was like, yeah, I totally get it. Exactly.

Exactly. Racially, right? And he's like, yeah, I totally get it. Exactly. Exactly. Racially, right? And he's like, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. My whole video is about that, but not right now. I'm doing a metaphor. No, it's who we're going to do. It's like not white enough. That's bad. Yeah.

And then EZ wraps it up with the obvious closing question. He's like, do black lives matter? He's like, of course matter he's like of course they do and of course they should and i wrote my nose bet you don't end the sentence there he goes but no no oh man i said but so yeah and then the very last line in there he's like they're pitching us on liking and subscribing they They're like, help us keep making videos of this caliber. I'm like, dude, this is the lowest of the calibers. I'm sorry to say. Hey, I'll take your money and help you make videos of more caliber like this.

Right. Yeah, right. All right. Well, I'll tell you what. I'm dying to know whether Ray thinks a mind really is a terrible thing to waste, but I guess we're going to have to find that out on the next God Awful Minute. Before we tighten the bolts on this one tonight, I want to remind you that there are still general admission tickets available to see God Awful Movies live in Detroit on July 22nd at the beautiful Garden Theater. Check the show notes or go to GodawfulMoviesLive.com for details. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for

you tonight, but we'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Data, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I couldn't hold my head high in a crowd if I neglected to thank Heath Enright for bringing the heat, Eli Brosnick for bringing the cool, and Lucinda Lusions for bringing the just right. I also want to thank Morgan for providing this week's Farnsworth quote.

She said it all the hell way back in October of last year, so I feel like the intended prank war quality might have been missed. But if not, I'm delighted that your friend that introduced you to our shows learned about it in this episode, and sorry we didn't get to you sooner. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best bipeds, Kirsten, Al, Keith, Casey, Devin, Jen, Cheryl, Eric, the bald primate, and Cassandra. Kirsten, Eli, Keith, and Casey are too sexy to do a little turn on the catwalk. Devin, Jen, and Cheryl, who are so hot the thermometer melted,

and Eric, the bald primate, and Cassandra, whose thoughts are so deep you could lose a submersible in them. Together, these 10 delightful dudes, do that's in days devoted a dollop of dollars to discouraging deistic douche baggery this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the heroic qualities it takes to give us money, but if you think you're up to the challenge, you can make a per episode donation at patrion.com slash scathing,

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