The Scathing Atheist - 548: Synthetic Edition

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

In this week’s episode, Christianity Today finally separates itself from that Christ fella, we’ll chat with artificial Jesus, and Lucinda will be here to help us finish off David Icke  --- Get your tickets to see us live in Vegas here: http://www.godawfulmovieslive.com To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Guest Links: Check out Morgan’s YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/@HumanistReacts --- Headlines: Christianity Today editor to NPR: “MAGA Christians reject Jesus’s teachings as ‘too liberal’”: https://www.npr.org/2023/08/08/1192663920/southern-baptist-convention-donald-trump-christianity  People are mad that you can text with chatgpt jesus https://www.washingtonpost.com/religion/2023/08/12/text-with-jesus-chatgpt-ai/ Massachusetts couple denied foster care application over homophobic views is suing the state over it. https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/massachusetts-couple-denied-foster-care-application-lgbtq-views-compla-rcna99339 Ohio finally gets around to revoking Sherri Tenpenny’s medical license: https://sciencebasedmedicine.org/the-ohio-state-medical-board-has-finally-suspended-the-medical-license-of-antivax-quack-sherri-tenpenny/ --- This Week in Misogyny: Feminists in Israel raise alarms: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/12/world/middleeast/israel-women-rights.html Fake video used to drum up sexism and anti-Muslim animus in India: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-66432198 Texas argues fetus isn’t person when it suits them financially: https://www.chron.com/news/houston-texas/article/texas-argues-fetus-doesn-t-right-life-new-18292079.php

Warning, this episode contains the F-word, by which I mean fuck. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by MySheetsRock, and by their lesser-known sister company, MySheetsRoll. MySheetsRoll. Because it feels like roll got fucked out of its own musical genre at some point, doesn't it? And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hello, everyone, and welcome to The Scathing Atheist.

This is Morgan. No no not that Morgan, from the YouTube channel Humanist Reacts. And as someone who keeps being told that I'm just not open-minded enough to get all the subtle intellectual social commentary in Tom McDonald songs, I can assure you that we are in fact still evolving from filthy monkey creatures. It's Thursday. It's August 17th. And it's Baby Boomer Appreciation Day. Love you, Noah.

I'm on the young side of Gen X, dammit. I have no illusions. I'm Elder Millennial Eli Posnick. And from the state that gave us bubble wrap and the state that gave us Ricoh charges, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Christianity Today finally separates itself from that Christ fella. We'll chat with Artificial Jesus. And Lucinda will be here

to help us finish off David Icke. I don't like it when you say it that way, but first, The Diatron. 106 dead and counting, over 2,200 structures destroyed, at least 222 families displaced, over $5 billion in damage. But don't worry, a church is fine, so God's doing His part. I'm talking, of course, about the wildfires that swept through Hawaii last weekend, are to a much lesser extent still smoldering as of this recording, I think. And of course, in no instance is God's absence more glaring than in natural disasters,

except maybe unnatural disasters. But somehow, believers all across the country are simultaneously able to sympathize with the doomed victims that suddenly found themselves engulfed in a firestorm and believe that a loving deity is still running the show. And in a spectacular display of the sheer magnitude of their cognitive dissonance, the fact that one of the many buildings that didn't burn down was a church is being offered up as evidence of divine providence. Headlines like Newsweek's Maui Church miraculously unscathed. News Nation's incredible miracle. Maui Church unscathed by fire. And the New York Post's it's a miracle.

Catholic Church untouched by Maui wildfires. All attest to God's minimal but somehow still miraculous intervention. And I should emphasize here that there weren't like, you know, hundreds of refugees huddled in this church praying for deliverance as the fire bared down on them. The fucking thing was empty. Homes burned down all around it, some with families in them. And these headlines would have you believe that God just nodded along through all of that until the fire started fucking with his property. And some fucking how they're selling it like he's the good guy in the story if that were the case of course this is always the case with religious people in the wake of a disaster right house catches fire kills everybody inside and then we get a feel-good story about the way that the bible was miraculously unburned a natural disaster

kills a dozen people and christians praise jesus for all the nearby murders he didn't commit thousands of people die in a terrorist attack that collapses a skyscraper, and we lionize God's grand effort at offering up a sympathetic lowercase t in the wreckage. I mean, imagine if we were all evaluated with as much leniency in our jobs as Christians give God. Right? The only standard you guys would hold me to on this podcast was, well, that episode wasn't technically a hate crime. He nailed it. But somehow God, who by their reckoning has the

highest possible potential for achievement, is graded by the lowest possible standard. Sure, he was asleep at the wheel when the wildfire came through. And sure, he invented wildfire and it was his idea to make humans flammable to begin with. But damn it, an elderly woman was able to find her old wedding band among the wreckage that used to be humans flammable to begin with. But damn it, an elderly woman was able to find her old wedding band among the wreckage that used to be her home. So God is good. Five of five. Would pray to again.

In fact, if you think about it, God's such an underachiever that they never even bothered to conceptualize true miracles. Instead, they have these inherently selfish moments of random wish granting. Like even if it wasn't just how coincidences work, it would still suggest a pretty shitty God. Because when he does miracle, it's pretty much always for just one person or one group of people limited in scope and geography. And by definition, it's never universal. It can't be. God brings this person back to life, this one person in a hospital full of dying people.

God solves one person's financial problems in a neighborhood full of poverty. God finds one person's lost keys without finding another person's lost child. Now, contrast this with science, right? I mean, it would be too much to say that we can all benefit equally from the advancements of science, but there aren't even any scientists researching for a cure to just Dave's cancer, right? To the greatest possible extent, science's miracles are distributed to the world. Yes, we fall way short of that, right?

But it is at least the ideal. In fact, one of the metrics that we use to judge a scientific breakthrough's usefulness is how universally applicable it is. How many people will be able to benefit from that? That's a basic question for science, but it's too much to ask a God. Even in their own telling,

he's never actually eradicated a disease, right? And for an omnipotent God, that would be damning enough, even if he wasn't the dude that invented those diseases in the first place. Of course, if we actually believed even the very worst of Christians, we'd have to accept that sometimes God does do repeat and widespread healing miracles

by granting healing powers to the greasiest of his disciples. But again, because of the criminally low standard that religious people hold their God to, the people who believe that shit don't even bother to question why the person with the healing powers is in a megachurch instead of a fucking emergency room. Their very concept of miracles is so self-centered that it doesn't even occur to them to ask. Now, to be clear, God simply isn't, right? That's the real answer. He doesn't do miracles and the claims for his miracles are as limited as they are because religious people are stuck with shit that

would have just happened by chance. But even if they were right, the best efforts of humankind would be more omnibenevolent than the best efforts of their omnibenevolent god which is yet another reminder of how grievously they insult that god by believing he exists they're talking about you jesus interrupt this broadcast bring you a special news bulletin joining me for headlines tonight as the ken to my Alan, Eli Bosnick. Eli, are you ready to beach? Sublime! All right.

Well, quick, before Eli realizes that that was an insult, we're going to pause for a word from this week's sponsor, MySheetsRock. Hey! Hey, podcast listener. I'm Eli Bosnick. And I'm no illusions here to talk to you about a very serious problem. I'm talking, of course, about bed hog pets. That's right. You invited your pet into your bed because they were so darn cute and you couldn't wait for a night full of snuggles. But now they're fully grown and you spend all summer

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It's true. MySheets Rock sent us a set to try when they became a sponsor, and they quickly became our favorite sheets. Since then, we've bought two more sets. But Noah, what if I don't believe you? Don't believe me? Their five-star customer reviews speak for themselves. Plus, they offer a 90-day risk-free trial and free shipping and returns.

Check out MySheets Rock at MySheetsRock.com slash scathing and enter our code scathing for 10% off plus free shipping. That's MySheetsRock.com slash scathing, code scathing. MySheetsRock. For the love of God, how can a pug take up this much space? You can have that one, MySheetsRock. That's for you. And now, back Shits Rock. Yeah, that's for you. And now, back to the headlines.

In our lead story tonight, Jesus is a liberal cuck in a snowflake. At least that's the assessment of modern evangelical Christianity, according to the assessment of editor-in-chief of Christianity Today,

Russell Moore, when he's trying to sell a book. But regardless, Moore managed to grab national headlines when he told NPR interviewer Scott Detrow that Trump-supporting parishioners all over the country are responding to Jesus' message by asking their pastors where they got their liberal talking points. Becoming self-aware is a weird take for a right-wing book tour, but, you know, grind how you're going to grind, man.

Yeah, right. You got to do something to stand out. Right. So for whatever it's worth, Russell Moore is one of the least bad of the prominent Christian leaders. He was the dean of theology at the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. And from that position, he condemned Donald Trump's rhetoric early and consistently, as well as his actions. He was one of the loudest voices in the Southern Baptist Convention speaking out against white nationalism, and he was also one of the most vocal critics of the SBC's shameful response to sexual assault and harassment complaints within

the organization. He resigned from that organization in protest in 2021. Now, I want to be clear, he's still a professional liar who thinks that reproductive rights should be curtailed and LGBTQ people should be second-class citizens. So he's not a good guy, but standing against the tarnish of modern American evangelicalism, even a well-polished turd shines pretty brightly. Yeah, I'd be a lot more sympathetic

if this dude wasn't the fucking gateway drug and apologetic for the Christofascists he's pretending popped into existence in 2016. But yeah, good on you. Right. Good on you. Right. So after leaving the SBC, Moore wrote a book called Losing Our Religion,

an altar call for evangelical America, all about how American Christians need to stop being so racist or they're going to lose the legal protection they have for homophobia and sexism. To be fair, I haven't read the book. I'm just guessing. That's my guess. Anyway, part of the promotional tour included an interview on NPR's All Things Considered in which Morris shared what he said was a common story that had been told from multiple

pastors, one in which they get done with a turn-the-other-cheek-based sermon and have to field questions about why they're teaching critical race theory. Greg Locke is going to nail a new version where Jesus mows down the Pharisees with an AK-47 to some church doors and the cycle will be complete. Right. They'll have a little tear tab if you want an indulgence. Yeah. Right. But what really twists it in and breaks it off here, though, is that according to Moore, when the pastors are like, dude, I'm literally quoting Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the guy on your necklace, maybe you've heard of him. The parishioners are are like, dude, I'm literally quoting Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the guy on your necklace. Maybe you've heard of him.

The parishioners are not like, oh, my bad. Instead, the response is, and this is quoting more again here, quote, yes, but that doesn't work anymore. That's weak. And then internal quote ends and more continuous quote. And when we get to the point where the teachings of Jesus are seen as subversive to us, then we're in a crisis. Hey, Russell, if you think that's bad, wait till you hear how often Christ said the world was going to end during his disciples' lifetime. Because it's a lot, Russell. He said that a lot. Yes, definitely more than zero times.

So yeah, honestly, kudos to Moore for drawing more attention to this shit. As much as I want to point out that this was the inevitable result of American Christianity opening its arms wide as the last refuge for bigotry in the country, I also have to admit

that the only real way out of this shit involves prominent Christians pushing back from the inside. Okay, so we're not even going to try the Fob-Mulcher 9000. This is what you're saying. We're just not even going to try it. Logistically, it doesn't make sense, Eli. There's too many of them.

But also, if it's too late for that and we can't get them all into the Faux Mulcher 9000, we need to at least remind the cultural Christians that the shit churches are doing now is so far from what they imagine when they think of Jesus that the folks in the pews today literally

would not recognize Jesus if he showed up and started doing his greatest hits. Oh, it's true though. And in chat, GPTesus News. Podcast listener, no illusions is an ornery old goat. He doesn't like fancy restaurants.

He's refused to let me buy several billboards throughout the course of our career, and he won't let me fire Heath. But when he slid into my DMs this week to let me tell you the following story, I knew he loved me like he'd been shopping at Kay Jewelers. Because this week, there's a new app called Text with Jesus. And you know what that means. What are the guys talking about? It's the newest, the greatest Christian freak out. Christian freak out indeed. Thank you, Anna.

Yeah. So the app in question comes from Catloaf Software, which long before ChatGPT already had a series of talk with X historical figure apps. However, in the past, those apps just provided sort of daily quotes or prompts about a certain topic. Now, with ChatGPT instructed to pretend to be Jesus,

listeners can talk to a biblically accurate version of Jesus all they like and can chat with other biblical figures like Mary Magdalene and Satan for just $2.99 a pop. Satan's in there. But now, don't get too excited. When I asked ChatGPT's us what

my daughter's virginity was worth, he got very cagey about it. Like I said, biblically accurate. But not everyone is so pleased at the chance to chat with the big JC. When the app released online, users on Twitter chimed in with responses like, this is my

favorite one, you are laughing now, but stealing the essence of our savior is no joke. What? Yeah. And still more were offended that the chatbot wasn't more conservative. For example, several followers of christianheadlines.com were displeased that while AI Jesus is against abortion, gay marriage and trans rights, he's not harsh enough about it. With one user tweeting, these are damnable offenses. A citation of verse is not enough. Jesus. From the how can that really be Christian if there are no slurs in it department.

That's getting to be a huge department, actually. Really is. Yeah, it's getting to be the department if you think about it. Okay. One last thing about this story. It's worth pointing out that you don't need an app to do this, right? You could just use, for instance, your company card to buy the

website chatwithjesus.app and then on that website you could build a simple Jesus chat bot on Zapier to deploy on that website and then include some unpleasant surprises for conservatives so that for instance podcast listeners could send chat with jesus.app to their conservative relatives and share it online you could do all of that but but don't because i already did that i already did that chat with jesus.app everybody enjoy have some fun no it's fun but it still won't assign a monetary value to my daughter's virginity

and on that note we're going to pause for a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife lucy a man wrote the bible a horse which one if it's a legitimate rate it's a slut right cooking can be fun hey i'm proud of a man. This week in Massage. Sorry I've been away for so long, but I've been busy bathing in the salty and ever so slightly caffeinated tears of every douche bro in the manosphere who ever said go woke, go broke. As Greta Gerwig's testament to woke feminism skyrockets its way up the all-time highest grossing movies list. It's in the top 25 as of this recording and the sixth highest that wasn't part of a series. But alas, as much as feminism dominates the box office, misogyny still runs the fucking world. So we'll turn our attention to that.

And we'll start in Israel where ultra-Orthodox lawmakers are trying to expand the power of all-male religious courts and bar women from many public spaces that might also contain men. Even without legal authority, sexist zealots, emboldened by Netanyahu's rhetoric, are just taking power and forcibly barring women from public transportation and shit. And every indication is that this kind of thing is set to get worse. Now, to be clear, Israel's Supreme Court has ruled that it is illegal to force women to sit in separate sections on buses, trains, and airplanes. But as you know, if you've been listening long, this law is routinely ignored. On top of that, one of the biggest fights in Israeli politics is Netanyahu's effort to castrate their Supreme Court. And in order to rope in the support of these ultra-Orthodox factions, he's had to make a lot of sexist

concessions. These include agreements to segregate audiences by gender at some public events and expanding the power of the aforementioned all-male rabbinical courts. And I should point out that the very political parties that are pushing for this shit don't allow women to run for office. So you can see how this shit falls in a self-reinforcing feedback loop pretty quick. I've also got a story out of India thanks to astute listener Nick who sent this one to scathingnews at gmail.com. Apparently there's a staged video that's being shared around Indian social media meant to drum up prejudice against the country's Muslim minority and is specifically aimed at Muslim women. In the video, a Hindu guy

supposedly thwarts a kidnapping by revealing that a woman in a burqa is actually a man in disguise. The video specifically warns viewers that there's been a rash of be-burqa'd kidnappers and that they should be suspicious of anybody wearing one. And look, I'm no fan of the fucking burka. There are all kinds of reasons you should kind of shudder when you see one. But putting this kind of bullshit message out into the tinderbox of religious tension in India right now is almost certainly going to have deadly consequences.

And like in Israel, the sexist religious zealots are bolstered by a leader that has no qualms at all about exploiting that tension to drum up support for his base. But despite the international flavor of this segment, it's not like we need to go far from home to find sexism. So my final story comes out of the state of Texas. And like pretty much every story out of Texas, it's a sad one. It's about a prison guard named Salia Issa, who was seven months pregnant when she started having labor pains at work. She told her boss that she needed to go to the hospital, but he wouldn't let her leave. According to the lawsuit she filed against the state, he told her

she was lying and just wanted to go home. Now, eventually, two and a half hours after she first alerted her boss, she was allowed to leave. She drove to the hospital as quickly as she could, she first alerted her boss, she was allowed to leave. She drove to the hospital as quickly as she could where she was rushed into surgery, but it was too late. The fetus did not make it. So she sued, arguing that her boss's negligent action led directly to her miscarriage. And in defending their actions, or rather their inaction, the state of Texas is now arguing that her fetus didn't have a right to life to begin with. So, yeah, arguably the most rabidly anti-abortion state in the union abandons that whole fetal personhood thing the instant it's going to inconvenience them. Just one worth keeping in mind whenever you meet a person who mistakes anti-abortion activists for people with principles.

And on that important reminder, I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah and Eli. Thank you, Lucinda. And in home sweet homophobia news, there are a few things a family can choose to do that are more selfless, caring, and all around good than make the decision to adopt or foster a child. In spite of its reputation and those weird lives you always scroll past on TikTok, the foster system in this country is an incredible resource dedicated to keeping families whole and children safe. But two bigots in Massachusetts are out to change all that, damn it. And if they have to sue the state to do it, well, then that's what they're going to do. Yeah, because what does giving into religious zealotry ever caused problems in massachusetts yeah so here's the story michael

and katherine kitty burke who look like the middle of a shutter original movie about two people who are transformed into a couple's facebook profile applied to be foster slash adoptive parents this year oh god they look like the the fucking plant couple at the timeshare pitch that's way too enthusiastic. Right, exactly. But it's with eating the flesh of children or something. Yeah, so they filed the paperwork. They underwent a home inspection. And as is standard operating procedure, underwent an interview about their beliefs towards LGBTQ plus children.

Since, you know, the state might accidentally give them one to raise. Sure. Yeah, no, I feel like a general list all the minorities you hate is a great screening question. I think they should all do that. You'd think. So in that interview, again, a process during which the couple was trying to look their best,

they could not withhold their homophobia. Kitty, called gender-affirming care chemical castration, said that she would still love a gay child the same, but she would expect them to live a, quote, chaste life. And both of them out and out admitted that they would refuse to use a non-binary child's preferred pronouns. She actually said

i would love my gay kid as long as they weren't all gay about it that was her official fucking answer wow yeah and her husband michael did a lot better he said that he would likely attend his gay child's wedding and that he wouldn't kick them out of the house or force them to go to conversion therapy. But there's a lot of wiggle room for some tremendously evil shit in those sentences. So, obviously, the couple were denied. And now, they're suing the state for even asking those questions because being bigots to their future child is a constitutionally protected right. It's their own fault for tricking me into saying the slurs to begin with. Yeah, this is truly, truly.

You didn't have to be so Italian. And look, I want to be clear. This case has a strong chance of making it to higher courts and removing this kind of screening from adoption and fostering processes entirely. courts and removing this kind of screening from adoption and fostering processes entirely. We read stories constantly on this show about couples being denied adoption or foster children because they're gay or they're just not Christian. But this case, this case promises to propel us into the full on bizarro world where you're not even allowed to ask people if they plan on abusing their foster kids homophobically. Right. Well, and and not that that's not enough, but it also won't just be

homophobically either. Right. They will take this as far as they can in the blink of an eye and suddenly we'll be in. Well, the rod was sincerely held territory. Tell me about it. Yeah. So, yeah, if anyone was feeling like now or, you know, ever was the time to rest on our laurels, the bell just rang for the first round in the homophobic child owners fight and things don't look great for our corner. Yeah. And finally tonight in take a penny, leave a penny news. Fantastic. Yeah yeah after that last story i really felt like we needed to close on an upbeat here one of these uh tiny sliver of good news if you don't think about how long it took type stories that often we substitute for good news and this week that's

going to come in the form of celebrating the fact that the ohio state medical board finally got around to suspending the medical license of anti-vax darling sherry ten penny that's right the only person keeping dell big tree off the top of the silliest anti-vaxxer name chart was until last wednesday able to legally practice medicine and did despite telling lawmakers in 2021 that covid vaccines made people magnetic and forced them into involuntary interfaces with cell phone towers. Like physically, like their physical bodies. Physically forced, yeah.

The worst part is, you know, for someone, she was just like the nearest doctor to their house, and now they gotta get on ZocDoc, and it's a whole fucking thing. She was running this weird integrative, like you would have walked in there and go, Oh,

she's not the nearest doctor to me. She's a different thing. No, I need a doctor. So I'm going to go. So quick thanks to Kelly, who was the first to send us this story at scathing news at gmail.com. Of course,

longtime listeners have known about Sherry Tenpenny for a while now. She's been a prominent voice in the anti-vaccine movement for almost 20 years. She was featured in the documentary Vaxxed, which we reviewed on Godolphin Movies, I think back in 2016. But she was catapulted into the public eye in 2021 when a clip of her batshit testimony to the Ohio House Health Committee went viral.

She was called as an expert witness by Republicans who almost immediately regretted it when she started babbling about how people who took the covid vaccine became magnetized and then added actual quote there's been people who have long suspected that there's been some sort of an interface yet to be defined interface between what's being injected in these shots and all of the 5g towers and i mean spoilers spoilers for the C-segment this week, but I feel like I know where she got her material.

I'm just going to say it now. You sure do. So yeah, so this rant earned her no fewer than 350 complaints to the state medical board all along the lines of why the fuck do we let this person medicine? So the board tried to do an investigation, but apparently 10 penny told them to go fuck themselves at pretty much every turn. According to the board's decision to an investigation, but apparently Tenpenny told them to go fuck themselves at pretty much every turn.

According to the board's decision to indefinitely suspend her license, she, quote, flouted investigators who came to visit, declined to answer written questions, and objected wholesale to the regulator's inquiry, end quote. to say that the decision had nothing to do with vaccine-induced magnetism or malicious 5G towers, but rather is entirely predicated on her refusal to cooperate with their investigation. Yeah, she's like the medical version of those sovereign citizen body cams where the guys are like, I'm actually not driving. I'm operating my personal property. I'm arrested anyway. God damn it. Yes, right, right. God god i'd love the body cam footage of her not letting them investigate and look there's a real problem in american medicine where medical boards will consistently bend over backwards not to revoke a medical license right like before 10 penny ever testified that vaccines were turning people into unwitting fucking magnets

there were 15 solid years of great reasons to revoke her medical license. But it's nice to be reminded that there is at least some level of fuck around where these bastards eventually find out. And before that glimmer of hope fades below your jaded horizon,

we're going to wrap up the headlines for the night. Eli, thanks as always. You monji! And when we come back, I'll offer Lucinda more exhibits for the future divorce hearings.

Lou Lou Lou doing Noah stuff. Noah stuff is my favorite stuff. Noah! Noah! Eli, what is this? What's with the beard? I'm from the future. Quickly, what's the date? What's today's date? It's the 17th. Thank goodness. I'm not too late. You have to tell your listeners to get tickets to our Halloween live show on October 28th in Las Vegas. Oh, no. Why?

Well, when everyone finds out we're doing the QAnon-tastic movie Sound of Freedom, the tickets, they sell out too fast. The listeners become bitter and angry at their loss. They riot. A new political party is born. The fate of the world is at stake. Oh, no, but Eli, platinum tickets are already sold out, and the VIP tickets only have a few left. Damn it, there's still time for Iridium.

Tell them to go to GodawfulMoviesLive.com without delay. Alright, I will. GodawfulMoviesLive.com. I just still don't understand why you have such a long white beard, though. Oh, in the future, Grand Pacor becomes a thing? Trust me, it's

it's a thing. Ugh, got it. Grand Pacor. Good to know. Godawfulmovieslive.com After 16 chapters of David Icke's Everything You Need to Know But Have Never Been Told, I've learned my lesson about introducing chapters as though they had distinct topics.

Every chapter has a name and an ostensible subject, but quickly devolves into the same stream of consciousness bullshit as the last chapter and the one before that. So all I'm committing to in the intro is that we're going to start off with the words Chapter 17, Synthetic Human, on this week's installment of Everything You Need to Know. 17 synthetic human on this week's installment of everything you need to know now obviously heath isn't here this week but luckily i know someone with a little experience breaking down terrible books for our audience so lucinda welcome back read 45 pages of conspiracy boomers ranting about nonsense is a weird welcome but sure yeah no but it's not the worst way i've ever welcomed you to the show

all right so let's dive into chapter 17 shall we who am i sure yeah he starts off by explaining that synthetic is bullshit yeah yeah no he says at this point he's like synthetic vitamins and supplements are biologically useless. And I'm like, oh, wow, did David Icke and I just agree? And then he says, because they're synthetic.

And I'm like, oh, never, never. Yeah, yeah. Close one. I was going to hit the we're agreeing with David Icke button that sends a message to Callie Wright. It's time for them to kill us

with a samurai sword. But no, no, we didn't have to. Yeah, right. We didn't have to do it. I don't know why we trust you with that but well he's like they're synthetic tissues synthetic drugs how long before synthetic humans

and i'm like because those are also nouns right yeah no but but see lucid it's just like in those documentaries ghost in the shell and westworld. Did he just say that? He even takes time to old man complain about how dark the cinematography is these days when he talks about Ghost in the Shell. He does. I'm pretty sure he thinks the only version of Ghost in the Shell is the Scarlett Johansson movie. That's enough to just hate David Icke for that.

No, and this part's important based on how much time he spends on it. We learn that synthetic humans will have no sexes and no reproductive organs. Yeah, he's like, why else would they make synthetic DNA?

Can't imagine any other use than living Ken dolls, I guess. Yeah. The idea that David Icke jumps entirely over birth defects and amputees

and sickle cell to pussyless android slaves of venus tells you a lot about where his priorities are doesn't it yeah he goes well they've already made synthetic bacteria humans can't be far off and i'm like yeah you know what's one cell versus 30 trillion so it's pretty they're pretty close rome wasn't built in a day now but when the media reported on the synthetic bacteria they never even asked about the obvious plan to replace the human race with sexless synthetic clones that's how you know they're in on it right right because why wouldn't

they ask all right and again a reminder this book was written in 2016 ish so honestly it wouldn't be much dumber than the stuff fox News asked the Obama administration so why not they may have asked that in 2018 we don't know it's on brand but he tells us here that within 20 years and again this is of 2017 when the book came out we're going to be able to pre-order our babies with

specified genetic traits and that'll be nice yeah some of us did this by meeting our wives parents thank you very much. But, you know, I guess a long way around. Well, he's like, people have been scaremongering about this for 90 years, which really shows you how much the lizard Jews are slow playing it. You know, they're taking their time.

Right, right. And then he quotes Brave New World in 1984 back to back because apparently he's limited to the books I read in high school. Also, 23andMe and Ancestry.com are a satanic Jew lizard plot to steal your genetic information. Obviously. Obviously, yeah. So first we collect the Mormons' DNA, then sexless Ken dolls, then... Prophet!

Prophet, yeah, obviously. He goes, I have exposed the horrors of the Mormon mafia in other books, and I'm like, which other books, David? I need this information. Noah, if you make us read another David Icke book, Heath and I are forming a union. I'm just letting you

know right now. Well, and lest we think for a second that we've already reached rock bottom in the 608 pages of anti-Semitism we've read so far,

the next subchapter is titled Transgender Agenda. Yeah, see, the real reason we see so much more about trans people now is that they're trying

to prep us for sexless, synthetic people. Obviously, the ken dolls yeah okay but even if that were true right if i had to choose between sexless people and men like david ike i feel like i would still go with the sexless candles right obviously well see it's our own damn fault for not asking more questions about that tea that was hiding between the B and the Q the whole time, damn it. I'm sorry, that's on me. I thought it

was time to be queer. I thought it was a flourish. I should have asked. Well, then out of nowhere, he goes, who else has a penis and lady boobs? Baphomet. Exactly. David, you gotta stop clicking the first result on

Google Images, Dave. That's on you. That's on you, buddy. At a certain point, yeah, a certain number of times. But he insists he doesn't care how other people identify, of course, quote, as long as they don't try to force it on anyone else, end quote. By which he means, of course, use the bathroom. Right, yeah.

Oh, look, it's David Icke and richard dawkins latest blog post agreeing callie i'm hitting the button i'm hitting it i'm hitting it a couple of times over here oh god and he really thought he had something here with that like he starts talking about non-binary more like only binary because the synthetic robot brains that are, you know, coded in binary. It's like me trying to do puns at the end of a citation needed essay. Because computers are in. The terms boy, girl, mom and dad have been banned, apparently, by the transgenders, too, by the way. Yeah. Oh, obviously. Yeah. No. dad have been banned apparently by the transgenders too by the way yeah oh obviously yeah no he goes

why there's a school in the uk that's thinking of letting boys wear skirts and i'm like oh can you imagine on the island of great britain men in skirts what's next jesus he also warns that doctors are prescribing sex change hormones to 12 year olds. Yeah. Hey, there it is. I will say people are often like, oh, what's it been like reading David Icke? And my answer genuinely is it's like getting a sneak peek into the next 10 years of Republican politics. Honestly, yes.

Yeah. No, he's a legitimate thought leader in the GOP at this point. But yeah. And speaking of which, the real problem here, of course, is that the lizard Jews are afraid of manliness. Yeah.

I mean, have you seen Conan the Barbarian? Dude knows how to handle a lizard. No, that's fair. But yeah, no, he goes full Tucker Carlson at this point and starts freaking out about falling sperm counts. We've been freaking out about this since 1992. And yet nothing has happened. What's your takeaway dude yeah no he's like anti-man political correctness is causing male birth rates to plummet and i'm like

all right well that's a new one though that is a new one right well what he adds quote and the white male in particular yes uh-huh okay i'm confused about what he's picturing here people are coming home from a long day of not being able to sexually harass people. And then they're like, I don't know that I can shoot a Y chromosome into you tonight, honey. My heart just isn't in it. Especially not a Caucasian one. I'm blasting all Xs today. I can just feel it.

Well, and then we see that he comes out and he actually says that the pesticides are making the frogs gay it took 611 pages to get there but i knew we would find it in here somewhere for me it's like a bob dylan song i liked the alec jones cover better but the key here is that the world is in danger of losing its mansplaining. Right. Now, who's going to rescue the damsels when they're in distress? And then he starts literally calling for violence against the shape-shifting Zionist lizard aliens. Right.

Yeah. And this subsection is such an adventure for me because he's saying all the bad things that are going to stop. And I was like genuinely half a page into this section before I realized he meant he wanted them to stay. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. But he says that they're turning us into a bunch of snowflakes

by stealing our testosterone. I'm sorry. He says that that's the chapter's thesis at this point. Yeah. David, be careful. People might start writing, I don't know, 600 page books about how their YouTube

got shut down. It can't be sexist if he's also worried about women getting less manly. No, that's true. That's true. That's how feminism works. And then he's like, and now let me explain how epigenetics work. And I'm like, oh, but this goes swimmingly. He goes, epigenetics is like how the chinese censor the internet

yep what yep got it in one so what do you guys want to talk about now how's georgia today is it warm the fuck you guys maybe georgia it's a rainy um but basically what we learn is that they're passing down snowflakery epigenetically this whole transgenderism is robbing us of our testosterone argument is going to seem really silly when somebody tells him about trans dudes right right um who do you think we're giving all the robbed testosterone to lucinda it's a robin hood situation think think damn you well and then he's once again he cites morgellan fibers as evidence that he's right about the nanotech yeah yeah they're sneaking nanoconductors into your skin and organic shells sure the fuck are he goes and they come in

hexagons and pyramids you know what else has hexagons and pyramids environmental fallout i'm like where are we right right well he also wants that Monsanto is going to patent fucking and will have to license it. Yeah. And hey, look, in the Jew lizard's defense who run Monsanto, I think a stopgap on fucking for a pretty huge percentage of the human population sounds like an okay idea. No, really. Let's hear him out on it. And then he reveals step one of their evil plan. Kids these days with their smartphones and their ipad oh my fucking god i know it's a podcast and so we shouldn't talk about the visuals in this

book too often but the visual aids for this subsection are like exclusively provided by the boomer means that radicalized your grandma like exclusively oh there's this great moment where he's like oh i'd be very leery of any of apple's ar products and i'm like man the price tag is doing that for you david you don't have to but but then he throws out a bunch of like you know people sure do use their phones a lot statistics right it's weird when he gets one right you almost want to just give him a biscuit. That's right, David. Using your phone late at night will inhibit proper sleep.

Right. Well, but he talks about this as this unique danger. And I'm like, ah, as opposed to my day when all the teenagers got plenty of sleep every night. Right. Okay. And we learned that step two of their evil plans is phones that you can wear. He's like, for example, smartwatches, Bluetooth devices, Google Glass. I'm like, oh, you couldn't think of a third one, could you? Yeah, your Apple Watch is spying on your pulse.

Watch out. Yeah. Does it count as spying when it asks you six dozen times during the same scary movie if you're having a heart attack? It's weird spying if it does. Well, and then we learned that step three will be implantable phones. Yes. Yeah, and I got to talk about another one of the

images because figure 600 shows this tiny little microchip on the end of a person's fingertip and the caption it just says, all it says is GOTCHA in all caps in italics with seven A's and an exclamation mark. Okay.

Genuine question. Taking a little survey here. Do we think that David found a photo of a microchip and thinks he caught one or are just microchips a gotcha in general? What do we think in here? I don't think he knows. So he goes like people get shipped to get through airport security quicker. And I'm like, dude, I would volunteer to be turned into a gay frog if it got me through airport security quicker. I mean, Lucinda, back me up.

If he keeps mouthing off to Irish Border Patrol, it might happen. You don't know what powers she had. That's true. I mean, he really just has to look at them horrifyingly. Yeah, he's terrified of Alexa and Siri too, obviously. Sure. We're talking about David Icke now.

Also, he says that AI chatbots are already growing out of control. He was doing that in 2017, so that was before it was cool. Yeah. I assume the reason

he hasn't written a book lately is that he's just on the home screen of ChatGPT screaming. Eli, he has a whole but I'm not a Luddite paragraph bolded at the end of this subchapter. Bolded, no less.

Bolded. Yeah, he's like, you know, I'm not scared of technology, just technological addiction and dependency. Also microwaves, those scare the microwave ovens and just microwaves in general,

those scare the hell out of me too. Yeah, exactly. Then we learned that the real reason for Starlink is so that we can't escape Elon's prying eye no matter where we too. Yeah, exactly. Then we learned that the real reason for Starlink is so that we can't escape Elon's prying eye no matter where we go. You're right.

It's that and so that Noah doesn't have to time our gamma records by the phases of the moon. Those are the two purposes of Starlink. Yeah.

I'm like, yeah, man, if we're not careful soon, we'll be surrounded by satellites. It goes, why would Musk invest so much in Starlink if it's a terrible business model?

And 2023 is like, do I have news for you, David? Yeah, right. Check this out. And then he got way too proud of himself for the title of the subchapter on Peter Thiel. That would be Thiel of Fortune. Credit where credit is due.

That's pretty good. No, it's not bad. But he's like, Peter Thiel contributed over a million dollars to Trump's campaign. And I'm like, all right,

you don't have to keep going. He's an evil fucking alien. Listen, I'm on board. Right, exactly. We should cut off his face just in case. I think we're all on board here. Yeah, he's like,

the Palantir Technologies is evil. And I mean, it's a company, so company so probably yeah it's pretty easy to call okay also he has this weird bit where he tells us that gotham is an illuminati code word for goat home or saturn because that's where satan lives and he's a goat all right okay so when the illuminati were doling out their cool fucking signs and signals, dollar bills got the pyramid with the eye and fucking Gotham got kind of sounds like goat. I mean, that's last pick, right? Anything that's last pick. Yeah.

He's like, they're trying to create a universe simulation. But then remembers that his whole thing is that we're already in a simulation i guess so he panic adds a simulation in a simulation he does yeah so also in the figure 602 is the picture of trump and the saudi royalty and the egyptian president all touching that weird glowy ball and to be honest honest, that photo, from the second I saw it, I was like, that was custom made for the margins of a David Icke book. Yeah, that one was for Dave.

That one's for them. Honestly, I just don't think Trump is competent enough to run an evil orb. Otherwise, I'd be on board, Dave. I really would. They're going to track everything everyone thinks

so that they can control everything everyone thinks. It's redundant to me, but. Really? Honestly. It'd just be me. Also, radiation is coming to get you. Right, because the Jew aliens need an atmosphere constructed within the frequency band of radiation or

luminous fire. What? I was like, oh my god, he's about to tell us that their breath gas reacts to radiation. I've seen this movie. To be clear, though, like, heat is radiation. So is, like, purple. Really, yeah. But what he's getting at

here, though, of course, is that the worst kind of radiation of all is 5G. Yeah, from figure 604 in the book, he's got a picture of a 5G tower dressed up like a fucking cactus, and he's like, they're trying to hide it. Right, yes.

Yeah, those ads I get for 5G every 11 seconds on every possible website are the perfect disguise. Oh, God. And of course, he starts talking about frequencies and frequency is one of those words that doesn't need to mean anything

at all to conspiracy theorists, right? It energy it's just a word yeah well harp is manipulating your emotions by bouncing frequencies off the ionosphere yes yeah for example right seems like such a waste a mediocre christmas commercial writer can manipulate my emotions you don't eat harp for this he goes it's well documented how the u.s used brain in training devices to make enemy troops surrender as in there are you know documents did you write them david no comment on who wrote them there are documents yeah he quotes from a guy who claims to have discovered that the government is using synthetic telepathy through 5g towers yes and i for one am super excited for his congressional hearing.

Yeah, no, it should be fun. Then, in a valiant effort to, I guess, knock every remaining conspiracy out in the course of one book, he explains how microwaves from 5G smart meters increase mercury vapor releases from tooth fillings. Jesus. Oh, my God. It feels like he's cramming all the

bullshit in here at the end, like a fucking Victorian love letter writer running out of ink. Conclusion, you are the son of the sky. Right, right. He's like, also, somewhat related, Fukushima plant event. It's true. Did you notice no Jews came to work at the Fukushima

power plant that day? No, that's probably correct. Well, and then he's like, let me explain the dangers of Wi-Fi. And I'm like, let me butter my popcorn. Yep. Yeah. Pretty much the next fucking line is Wi-Fi is microwaving your brain as we speak. God, the man speaks in clickbait.

Here's what the cell phone companies don't want you to know. Yep. Click here. But yeah, so to be clear clear cell phones give you brain cancer that's why there's been that skyrocketing incidence of what's that never mind he warns us that the government attacks dissident groups

with cancer lasers yeah and now we wait 30 or 40 years eventually though, we're going to get our revenge on you. Mammogram? Oh God.

At one point he says like, people receive a cell phone call every 11 minutes. That's the stat he tries to like. I'm like, Jesus, I see why Heath needed to take this episode off. That would be very traumatizing for him to read that statistic. Yeah, I mean, to be fair,

David Icke seems like the kind of guy that answers and looks into each of those spam calls about how his business has been approved for money from the government. So yeah, you know. Oh, he goes, pull together the strands

of all the elements that I've described for you and this is what you get. And I'm like, oh, do tell, David. A technological sub-reality within the satellite bubble of the Wi-Fi information cloud controlled by AI beamed at the entire Earth. That's an actual... Et fucking cetera.

It continues like that. What the fuck did you guys make me read? This is like a third of that sentence. It's incredible. Yes, absolutely. It's like he's playing the I want on a picnic car game, but with his own psychosis. Yeah, right. And I bought a can and a box. Well, then he talks about a harp whistleblower and we're reminded that bullshit is among the substances one can blow through a whistle.

Well, yeah, no, he started to drown in his own nonsense, right? He's like, HAARP is changing your DNA with the radiation frequencies of the weaponized plasma for the weather control hologram. Someone stop me. Kevin Spacey, we just need you to switch limps and get out of here, buddy. All right?

Stop reading the furniture. Well, he keeps talking about the dangers of ionizing radiation and I'm like, hey, is that the kind from cell phones? No? Oh, yeah.

Suddenly changes it. Also, also this is where, is that the kind from cell phones? No. Oh, yeah. Suddenly changes. Also, also, this is where he says that the windmills are giving you cancer. Of course they are. The sound of the wind. He actually says that directly or otherwise, Donald Trump and David Icke are getting their information from the same fucking source. And I think that source is David I ike's ass yeah pretty sure yeah but but the goal is to make like saturn type rings of chemtrails all around the earth and the rings would be a giant space cd they could store the hologram on exactly sure right and see now this whole book

i've been wondering why saturn-based lizard Jew aliens would create a hologram within a hologram. But now I know it's for more hard drive space. And as a MacBook Pro user, can I say, I get it. I do understand. It's really hard to upgrade. But they're infesting our bodies through chemtrails, vaccines, food, and drink. And I kind of feel like if they've got food and drink, they really don't need the other two. Right? Yeah, because that's easier oh and then he tries to describe scalar fields and that goes as exactly as well as you'd expect it to go honestly the fact that he didn't land on jew lizard nudist

beach impressed me right because it's right there in the name yeah but he seems to think that the scalar field is a a place and be in another dimension yes it's a place in another dimension he goes we're being invaded from within and I'm like no dude that's just being right there's no faded but he tells us that they could heal

everyone's cancer with their scalar field but they choose to evil with it instead okay maybe the lizard nudist beach would have made more sense. Now I'm starting to think. Honestly, yeah. They're going to kill off all the old useless people. I see why that hits so close to home, dude.

But no, we aren't. Yeah. It's funny how the groups that are always most worried about death panels tend to be the groups that should be most worried about death panels. Right? Eventually, he just goes, everything is killing us except climate change,

which is still bullshit. Right. Yes. Yeah. GMOs specifically, they're going to kill us. Yeah. So why do the Illuminati

need so many ways to kill us, by the way? Just, you know, pick a plan and stick with it, people. Right. It's just ridiculous. Okay.

Maybe there's like one ADHD former gifted child Jew lizard at the core of this. That would make a lot of sense. Yeah, but GMOs give you diseases because their frequencies don't line up with your body's frequencies because of the synthetics. And of course, they're also killing us with vaccines. And by they, he means Bill Gates and Bono. Right.

Yep. Oh, yeah. He's like this effort to force vaccines on people has gone too far and I'm like really 2017 has it gone too far? He's like they treat anti-vaxxers like the enemy and I'm like yeah that's because they are the enemy.

They're the enemy. Yeah. Well and then he remembers that this chapter was supposed to be about synthetic humans so he starts complaining about how AI is taking our jobs. Okay. Broken clock twice a day yeah yeah or as chat gbt would put it as an ai model i cannot tell time moreover there are many cultural factors to consider when it comes to time and it's very important to consider but seriously how much easier would it be to address this very real problem

if it hadn't been fodder for the dav Ikes of the world for the last 30 years. Right. Right. I will say, though, nothing comforts me more in terms of the AI apocalypse than being reminded how confident we were

that we'd all have driverless cars the day after tomorrow in 2017. I mean, to be fair, with the amount that I text and drive, all my cars

are technically driverless. I'm just sitting there. Stop doing that. He's like, soon AI will replace judges and then the AI could have the racial bias that we already know that human judges have. I was going to say, David, let me know when the AI judges start

selling black kids to juvenile detention centers. Yeah. Yeah, he has a point, but there could be bias in the application of criminal justice if we aren't careful isn't the way to get there.

Right. Yeah, no, there are plenty of good arguments against AI taking over jobs. This is not one of them. No. He says at this point that they're going to make robots

with human emotions and I'm like, as revenge against the robots? Yeah, it's part of their new series Terminator 7 Judgment Day oh there you go Judgy all right so also David Heath can handle you coming after vaccines and Jewish people but leave his realistic sex robots out of it damn it there's no yeah he comes for the sex robots also and I hope you're sitting down for this one, AI is going to have laser weapons.

Yes, right. Murderous AI. He says the first instance of a machine killing a person for law enforcement was 2016. And I'm like, I feel like they had

guns before that. Yeah. Listen, I'm not saying those robot dogs from Boston Dynamics aren't scary. I'm saying that

if anyone from that company can loan us one to chase David around his local town for a little bit, we are willing to pay you in cash, Boston Dynamics. I will throw in. He goes, Russia has a gunslinging robot that can fire guns with both hands. And I'm like, I honestly don't even doubt that, really.

Yeah, every sane book on world events ends with a hysterical warning about robot armies coming for your freedom. So he's nailing this one. Yeah. And when I worry about war, it's definitely about clumsy land units. Like, that's the big thing that I worry about. He starts scaremongering about this AI cop in Dubai before eventually sheepishly admitting that it's just a mobile info desk that you can report crimes to. Yeah, wait till he hears about the IHOP robot. They're coming for your pancakes, David. Your pancakes,

I say. Yeah, and he's like, and just as a heuristic, though, you can always tell something's evil if a bunch of Zionists are involved. I'm like, David, come on, man. It was supposed to be thinly veiled, wasn't it? I was promised a veil. Well, then out of nowhere in a

specific fuck you to eli he's like also psychiatric medicine is evil yes yeah to be fair also contains a bunch of rich juice so like you know that's fair yeah right a lot of scientists in it yeah and apparently nat geo did a series on transhumanism right before this went to print so david ike had to and another thing the shit out of this chapter by the way he really did yeah didn't he yeah no the key message here is don't upload your consciousness to a global collective without asking the tough questions first yeah like will i have to share a consciousness with david icke because I would prefer the void. Sure. Yeah, no, but if anybody can stand up to transhumanism, that is the concept of making humans into more,

it's you, Davey. Uh-huh, yeah. The end of this chapter reads like he thinks it's the end of the book, which suggests to me that even David Icke is shocked by his verbosity. Right? Yeah. Yeah, but no, there's still more because there's always still more,

which we're going to talk about on the next installment of Everything You Need to Know. Before we fade to black tonight, I want to remind you one more time that there's a link to get tickets to our Vegas live show in the show notes, and you'll want to take advantage of that quickly before those tickets sell out. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, doing it on 7 Eastern, done Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed,

debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I need to thank Heath, whose influence echoes into the show even when he's gone. I need to thank Eli Bosnick, whose illegal incitements to violence echo in my ears even as I delete them from the show. I want to thank Lucinda Lusions for going above and beyond this week to help us out when Heath was gone. I also want to thank Morgan for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Look for a link to his YouTube channel on the show notes. But most of all, of course, I need to thank over a month's worth of awesome people at this point. Deep breath, deep breath. Here we go. Andrew, Liam, AJ, Nathan is back, baby.

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Yeah, who is it? It's like, not for me. There is this guy. Not for me. She's on the last one. Get the fuck out of here. I quit. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm, LLC.

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