The Scathing Atheist - 556: Foot Lucifer Edition

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

In this week’s episode, Arkansas will continue their quest to have citizens dumb enough to stay in Arkansas, former president Donald Trump tries to call Jesus as a surprise witness, and God will give one little girl the courage to tell God how awesome he is. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines: Report: Voucher Program in Arkansas gives millions of tax dollars to religious schools: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/report-arkansas-voucher-program-gives Donald trump tweets a photo of him as co defendants with jesus…and the original poster turns out to be a right wing nutbag https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/10/trumps-jesus-court-sketch-is-even-worse-than-it-looks.html NJ Candidate sues over “so help me god” inclusion in oath: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/candidate-sues-new-jersey-over-so 'Several Amish Men' Allegedly Shunned After Emergency Alert Test https://www.complex.com/life/a/joshua-espinoza/amish-men-shunned-emergency-alert-test# Jerry Fallwell junior suing liberty university over a hologram of his dad https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2023/aug/2/hologram-late-televangelist-jerry-falwell-center-l/ Asshole American tourist smashes statue in Israel over idolatry concerns: https://apnews.com/article/israel-museum-roman-statues-damaged-tourist-arrested-c1f793f1df00d477adac3e651e5751a7 Kat Von D finds jesus  https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2023/10/04/kat-von-d-baptism-witchcraft-la-ink/71063226007/ And https://www.christianpost.com/news/kat-von-d-gets-baptized-1-year-after-renouncing-witchcraft.html  --- This Week in Misogyny: Student loses scholarship for dancing at a party: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/update-after-pushing-bible-on-dancing

Winning the following episode includes a disturbing lack of heath. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by HelloFresh and by our new meal undelivery service that comes and swipes the mailboxes off of your porch for you. Goodbye, Fresh. Goodbye, Fresh. Because maybe you want to lose weight or something. I don't know. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, I'm Jake, and I used to be such a devout evangelical Christian warrior for Christ that I got two of the pieces of the armor of God tattooed permanently on my body.

And though my newfound distaste for religion and hatred for the gods they serve is enough to want them covered up, hearing the scathing atheist gang fervently and consistently mock the armor was enough to motivate me to make an appointment with an artist for ideas. So, knowing that we, in fact, did evolve from filthy monkey people, Noah, Heath, Eli, and Marsh, you for sure evolved from the filthiest. I'm not butthurt, you're butthurt. it's thursday getting better every time it's october 12th. And it's Free Thought Day! Sure the fuck is. I am gonna think so freely today. I'm full of illusions. I'm Eli Bosnick, and from Sacred Vows, New Jersey, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, Arkansas will continue their quest to have citizens dumb enough to stay in Arkansas.

Former President Donald Trump tries to call Jesus as a surprise witness. And Jesus will give one little girl the courage to tell Jesus how awesome he is. But first, the diatribe. It's really weird that we're in a position where a group from one religion is at war with a group from another religion over a holy claim to sacred land, which is being financed by a group from a third religion because of an ancient prophecy. And yet there are still people going, well, I don't think we need to bring religion into this conversation. But that's just where we are. The very idea of faulting a religion for

being used for precisely the thing religions were invented to be used for is so unthinkable to a huge part of this country that pointing to the religious angle of what could be most accurately described as a holy war is frowned upon. It's presented as the overly simplistic explanation, the dumb man's approximation for the actual causes, which are all very secular and geopolitical and realpolitik and stuff like that. And yes, there are a myriad of entirely secular reasons for the war in Israel right now. And yes, without secular interests undermining peace initiatives, without state interests that couldn't give a less enthusiastic fuck about who Allah meant to give that city to, without self-interest just looking for a way to turn profits or expand their sphere of influence because none of those secular entities could sell their war to the populace if it wasn't for its religious underpinnings. Now, many are inclined to favor religion in this equation and say it's simply a tool being used or

even misused by secular powers to get their way, but that's not accurate, right? It would be at least as accurate to say that the various state interests and profit motives are a tool being used by religious powers to get their way. I mean, even if you set aside the very real and pertinent religious roots of the problem and simply consider it as a tool being employed by secular authorities, it's not like you've cleared its name. Because here's the thing about religious differences. They're intractable. There is no God and thus nobody qualified to adjudicate rival holy claims. Religious differences are also absolute, right? You can't settle for half of what one God wants and half of what the other God wants. It's an all or nothing proposition. Either you abide by God's design or you don't. And anything

shy of absolute victory is an insult to God's authority. That's why the status quo will never be good enough, even for the winning side, regardless of how much they're winning by, unless it's everything. God said all of the land was ours, not half, not three quarters, not 90% of it. And of course, at the same time, on the ground level, God is skewing the calculus for all the people being recruited into the battle. I mean, don't get me wrong. There are secular things worth fighting and dying for. There are levels of oppression where you can logically justify risking your life or even a small chance of changing them. But the second somebody starts adding posthumous rewards into the conversation, they're skewing that math in favor of the risk.

Few things cheapen life more than war. But one of those few things is the promise of a glorious afterlife. Now, some people will point out, well, you know, if religion wasn't there, the hawks and the warmongers, they'd have found some other means of achieving the same thing, and maybe that's true, right? Like, we use political ideology for the Cold War, and that works so well that fully a third of Americans are equal parts terrified of and unable to define socialism, right? But you're never going to find something that's more effective than religion. Religion was specifically honed for this purpose by evolution. Its primary function is to otherize the outgroup while unifying the in-group. So the people trying to forgive religion by pointing out that other tools could do the same shit are a little different than the people who oppose gun control

on the grounds of their ability to kill a motherfucker with a shovel. Religion's ability to exacerbate a problem is unrivaled. There's nothing like it in the world. It makes hate worse. It makes prejudice worse. It makes war worse. I can think of literally no thing that is so bad, it cannot be made worse by adding religion. And I'm a pretty creative guy. But that doesn't mean it's always an additive, right? Sometimes it's the whole fucking problem. Sometimes it's both the fuel and the fire. Sometimes it's both the root and the branch. And in those instances, even when there's other shit in between the root and branch, it's still wholly responsible for the fruit that it bears.

They're talking about you, Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast to bring you a special news bulletin. Joining me for headlines tonight is the Indica to my sativa, Eli Bosnick. Eli, are you ready to say hi? All it takes to know the difference between us is some experience, Noah. I get it. All right. Well, quick before Eli realizes that I mean that I stimulate you and he puts you to sleep,

we're going to pause for a word from this week's sponsor, HelloFresh. I've read the emails. I know. I solved it. Hello? Is there a button or like a prize for me? Eli, why are you on the roof yelling again? Did you remember that Angela Lansbury never won an Emmy again? Oh, God, don't remind me.

No, no. I figured out that I'm in a simulation and I'm trying to let the people running it know so I can get out. Eli, Eli, we've talked about this. Philosophy TikTok is not for you. No, no, it isn't philosophy TikTok. Again, it's dinner.

We just eat the same thing over and over again, night after night. Pizza, pasta, Chinese. They obviously just got lazy with the coating, and I want to get out and try some real food. So like, hello? Eli, if you're getting tired of the same humdrum meals, why not just try HelloFresh? What's HelloFresh? With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh

to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. And it comes with variety? With over 40 recipes to choose from every week, there's always something delicious to discover with HelloFresh. Oh yeah? What kind of recipes? Do they have anything from their limited time fall flavors lineup, for example? They sure do. How about desserts like apple cider cake with caramel sauce? Oh my God, that sounds good. Or please a crowd with appetizers like barbecue pulled pork nachos, which also sounds really good. And don't forget the mini pumpkin cheesecake, which also sounds really good. A perfect me time treat. Amazing. But have you, no illusions, actually

tried it? I sure have. And I'm going to again with all that. But yeah, Noah HelloFresh sent us a box to try when they became a sponsor. And I love how it unpacks in seconds and how easy and the amazing meals are to cook. That's why I, Noah Lusions, personally endorse this product. All right, Noah, I'm convinced. Where do I sign up? Just go to HelloFresh.com slash 50scathing and use the code 50scathing for 50% off plus free shipping. So I go to HelloFresh.com slash 50scathing and use code 50scathing for 50% off plus free shipping? That's right. Thanks.

God damn it. What? I thought you were just going to try HelloFresh. No, I just remembered the Angela Lansbury thing again. Yeah, she was robbed. So robbed. And now back to the headlines. In our lead story tonight,

as loath as I am to do a story about Sarah Huckabee Sanders on a week when Heath is off, we have to talk about her bullshit tax dollar giveaway to Christian schools in Arkansas. That giveaway is what they're calling the Learns Act. And perhaps having been included. Well, yeah, apparently somebody told them how bad they were at acronyms.

So that's just a list of shit, right? It's like new standards for literacy, empowerment, accountability, etc. They didn't even fucking try. But decor of it. New. Yeah. Is a voucher program that they're calling education freedom accounts. God damn it.

Yeah, just like every other Republican invocation of the word freedom in the post-Civil War era. It's bullshit. It's a voucher program that funnels taxpayer dollars to private religious schools that adhere to virtually no educational standards, non-discrimination standards or financial accountability standards. Yeah, so the educational freedom in this case would be the right not to educate exactly exactly right the freedom from education like the ffrf but for knowing things now this law was enacted over the summer it was held up by lawsuits they pushed parts of it through despite the lawsuits by calling it an emergency voucher program.

I need my kid to learn about Jesus right now. Right, yeah. And as of now, they're already giving money to Christian schools. And we know this because included in the law is a requirement that they periodically tell us where the money's going. Now, it should be clear, the government has to tell us where their money's going. The schools don't have to tell us a goddamn thing about what they do with it. So the first such report was issued at the end of last month. And exactly as critics predicted,

the overwhelming majority of it is money going to private Christian schools for students that were already attending those private Christian schools. In other words, they're taking money away from public schools so they can supplement the private religious education of rich kids. Right. In Arkansas, where the education budget is already the equivalent of taking home heaps leftovers. Right. Yeah.

So a total of 94 schools are currently receiving funds from this program. And I didn't have time to look up the religiosity of all 94 of them. But I can tell you that of the 20 schools receiving the most funds, 18 of them are Christian schools. And a full 95% of students enrolled in it were either already attending private schools or they're kindergartners entering a private school for the first time that were already going to enter a private school. So literally nothing happened except that about $7.1 million of taxpayer money moved out of the public schools and into mostly Christian private ones.

And with the exception of agreeing to a single standardized fucking test, those schools are completely independent of the state's minimum education standards. Hell, at the moment, they don't even have to be accredited. Yeah, so I guess what we're saying is we're opening a school in Arkansas. Yeah. And as bad as this first report is, it's

about to get a lot worse, by the way. So far, the program is only available to students in certain categories, like students entering kindergarten, students with disabilities, students from failing schools, et cetera. But that's about to expand. And not just because this program is going to up the number of failing schools. Within the next two years, the program is set to expand

to all Arkansas families. But on the bright side, in a delightfully satanic coincidence, it turns out that the voucher is worth about $6,660 per student right now. So with a little luck and a little creativity,

I feel like we could scaremonger Arkansas Christians out of supporting it. Absolutely. So we'll brainstorm on that. Fingers crossed. And in Jesus is my co-defendant news, former infomercial host and also president of the United States,

Donald Trump was back in court last week, still fighting the myriad of fraud charges that allege he overvalued his assets, a gambit that worked his entire life up until now. And politics aside, you would think that most people would love to see a corrupt CEO actually receive some justice around here or even a brief lapse in luxury. But as you might have heard on this podcast, Trump has his defenders, folks that believe in his innocence so fervently that they would face an angry mob, crucifixion and resurrection for his cause. Coincidentally, one such person was depicted

in a since viral courtroom sketch seated next to Mr. Trump in support. And I'll give you five guesses who it might have been. That's right. It wasn't RoboCop. Trump in support. And I'll give you five guesses who it might have been. That's right. It wasn't RoboCop. It was Jesus. But now that you put it like that, it seems like a missed opportunity. I mean, let's get some AI on that.

Now, I want to point out that Christ is no stranger to photobombing Trump artwork. He pops up in more pictures next to right-wing luminaries than Jelaine Maxwell. So for Trump to see this image of himself seated next to Jesus in court must have been like, ah, just another Monday. But being the dutiful and wholehearted Christian that Donald Trump is, sometimes he posted a screenshot of the sketch featuring the artwork on his truth social account. Amazing. And I guarantee, as he sent it out, he contemptuously thought to himself,

yeah, this looks like the kind of taggy shit y'all would buy on a plate from a TV commercial, right? Truly. Exactly. And I know what you're thinking, podcast listener. Eli, Trump comparing himself to God isn't news. I'm just surprised he gave Jesus equal billing. But it's worth mentioning who the

former president of the United States retweeted. And no, again, it was not RoboCop. You need to stop guessing RoboCop. It was a guy who previously got banned from Twitter for posting child porn. Oh, well, OK, so but given Trump's record, I guess we're lucky that he didn't endorse this guy for Senate. Really? Yet. Yet. Well, that's true. No, you're right. Yeah. So the tweeter in question is Dominic McGee, who posted child abuse sex imagery onto Twitter in typical QAnon fashion, which is to gather as much material as possible and then share

it along with the message like, hey, don't look at this. And that got his account banned. But then he was reinstated when Elon Musk took over, basically acting as his character witness, because you might not be allowed to say sis on Twitter anymore, but child pornography distributors deserve a second chance. Yeah, it must be really embarrassing for the child pornography distributor to be that closely associated with Musk, though, right? I would imagine so, yeah. Now, I want to be fair, it's unlikely Trump knew anything about this and just reposted what he thought was fucking fan art, you know, without credit, so on brand for Trump.

So this is less of an indictment on Trump's vanity than Elon Musk's unconscionable ethics and overall dipshittery, but still, it's worth pointing out. No, yeah. And by the way, to be fair, it's unlikely Trump knew anything about dot, dot, dot. Already one more word than we needed, right? Like, yeah, that's fair. That is fair as well. But the best part of all of this is if you look at the drawing and we linked the New

York Magazine article in the show notes where you can see it. It really appears that Jesus has no interest in being there. Like it was a social commitment. He couldn't lie his way out of his arms are folded. He's frowning, not making eye contact with Trump. Sure, his presence would suggest support, but going by his body language, he's just a seething ball of rage, discomfort, and boredom. They are going to have a fight in the car

on the way back about him having to come to this. It's like a child forced to sit through church. I learned it from watching you, Tyler. And in Oath the Craven Nevermore news. Fantastic. It's a little bit of a stretch, but I got there james tassone

is not going to be a lawmaker in the state of new jersey and that's probably a good thing he's a libertarian those people shouldn't be making laws and that's what voters told him when he ran for state senate in 2017 and 2021 and when he ran for u.s house in 2018 and apparently he was planning on losing again this year but in the interim the state had enacted a new requirement that all candidates for state office affirm an oath that includes the words, so help me God. Which the decidedly godless Tassone refused to say. So he wasn't allowed on the fucking ballot. And now he's suing the state. God, I wish that judge hadn't sentenced us to agree with a libertarian once a year.

We never should have tipped over that bus, Noah. It wasn't worth it. In retrospect, it seems obvious. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So the oath in question reads as follows. Quote, I, John State, your name, do solemnly swear that I will support the Constitution of the United

States and Constitution of the State of New Jersey. A. To be clear to listeners, that actually is the first clause. That's in the oath. Yeah, that's in the oath. No, it's in the first clause of the New Jersey Constitution. Anyway, the oath continues, quote, And that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same and to the governments established in the United States and in this state under its authority of the people, so help me God.

End quote. so help me god end quote and while i totally understand the sudden urgency and wanting new lawmakers to commit to the constitution invoking jesus's dad is not the way to get there but when tucsona asked if he could cross off the so help me god part he was told no what yeah and they said that you can't alter it in any way and when the ffrf chimed in to point out that their pledge not to violate the constitution violated the Constitution, they got no response whatsoever for over a year. Yeah, I'm sorry, New Jersey. Are we a religious state now? Because you get on 295 toward the Lincoln Tunnel between 3 and 6 p.m.

And then you tell me there's a God. Come on, guys. Grow up. Grow up. guys grow up grow up and also as the ffrf points out in their letter forcing non-religious people to add so help me god if anything cheapens the value of the oath right like if you made me finish up a very serious oath by saying and i understand that if i violate this oath batman will come for me you certainly haven't made the moment more solemn you have not not. No, I mean, not for you. Maybe I have nothing but respect for my Batman.

And look, I know a lot of atheists see these as the wrong kinds of fights. A lot of people will equate this with trying to take in God we trust off the money or under God out of the pledge and lump all that shit together as unwinnable fights

or fights that don't make a difference. But that's only because we have been inundated with the idea that Christianity is the default position for Americans for so goddamn long that even we have started to accept it but it isn't i mean for fuck's sake in jersey about one person in five is non-religious and regardless of the numbers again there's no such thing as expecting too much equality. Mm-hmm. And in the devil's tin can news, for those of us with eardrums still ringing

and pants still full of poop, you already know about the recent emergency alert test that had our smartphones screaming bloody murder last week, purportedly meant to test FEMA's emergency response system across all communication devices. The deafening screech mainly tested our reflexes and chimp-like reasoning to find the on-screen button to turn it off. And while Zoom meetings, class lectures, and funerals were only briefly disrupted, one

group saw alarm bells ringing on their very livelihoods, specifically the Amish, several of whom were apparently caught with secret cell phones as a result of the alert and are now shunned. Amazing. I just I feel like Amishness is just going to end when one of them stands up and goes, OK, for realsies, are any of us even into this anymore? Yeah, fair. So first of all, big thanks to Ray for sending us this story over at scathingnews at gmail.com. Did you know you can send us

the latest religious assholery there and be entered to win a year's worth of tuna casserole? That's because you can't. scathingnews at gmail.com. Anyway,

although technophobia is present in many religions, the Amish really make it a selling point to their brand. You know what I'm saying? So when the emergency alarm went out, some sneaky members of the community were out at us carrying what we can all admit them to be tools of the devil. Oh, sure. And were subsequently shunned by the bearded church elders.

Okay. Admit it, Eli. When you read a story about a whole community that comes together to try to keep you off your cell phone, you did get a little jealous. I just want a little support. Right, like at least a little. I just want a little support. So the report was relayed electronically by former Amish TikToker.

Wow, he really fell off the wagon. Right, yeah. But anyways, former Amish TikToker Eli Yoder. Solidarity, Eli. Anyway, Yoder often acts as the sort of bag man for members of the Amish community who could really use a burner. And some of his contacts recently told him of the blowback from their illicit gadget possession. No, but look, guys, I did. I took off the buttons and I replaced them with hook and eyes.

Does that help? Yeah, so Yoder said on TikTok, referring to the church members, quote, Hey, I'm going to have to lay low for a while. I just got shunned. I said, how'd that happen? They said, hey, that emergency alert went off. Yeah, we had our phones on vibrate and it still went off. End quote.

So see, Noah, you did set your watch correctly during our record last week. It was the government sabotaging you so you know that somewhere in all of Amish country there was like two Amish guys sitting across from each other at a table and both of their phones weren't off and they just had this like long quiet look across

the table moment you gay too? no just the phone just the phone I also in fairness I should point out that some of the Amish You gay too? No, no, just the phone. Okay, just the phone. All right, good, good. Check in, check in. I also, in fairness, I should point out that some of the Amish actually have loosened guidelines to allow certain forms of electronics. After all, how are they going to sell those magic firebox things I always fall for? But it's still strictly forbidden in individual households. For those with smartphones tucked under their hats or behind their suspenders,

there was just no covering that ear-shattering ring. But I like to think that some people still tried the like, oh, I was just doing a bird call. It's a new one. That's my rooster, sure. Yeah. And to be fair to that guy, if anyone's going to buy it, it would be the people who thought the 16th century was where we peaked as a species. So, you know, I get it. Might as well try.

All right, well, now I need a minute to imagine the moment where some guy had to convince the town elders that his rooster has a really weird cough and opinions on the state of the emergency alert system. So we're going to take a quick break and hand things over to my lovely wife, Lucinda. A man wrote the Bible. A whore is what she wants.

If it's a legitimate race. If it's a slut, right? Cooking can be fun. Hey, I'm proud of a man. This Week in Massage. Y'all, sometimes I get so hung up on the fact that we're living in the handmaid's tale that I forget we're also living in Footloose. But that was hard to overlook this week when a shockingly Baconian story played out

in Louisiana, up to and including the happy ending. This is, of course, the story of 17-year-old public high school student Kaylee Timonet, a senior at Walker High School who had the lecherous audacity to engage in rhythmic motions at a social gathering like some kind of vulgar hussy. make motions at a social gathering like some kind of vulgar hussy. And not only did she brazenly dance, but she did so near a person who was, dare I even say these words in public forum for fear of overburdening my fainting couch, twerking. Yeah, girl danced at a party near somebody who was twerking. Not even a school dance, a private event. But there was video and her principal at her public high school saw the video, called her into his office, told her what an irredeemable harlot she really was, revoked her position in student government, withdrew his endorsement of a scholarship and told her he questioned her faith because of her sinful activities. He even printed out Bible verses for her showing that what she did

was evil. Again, this is a public school people. For her part, Kaylee spent the time crying hysterically by her own account because it can be disconcerting to be a 17 year old and suddenly find yourself in the wrong century and when her mom found out about it that afternoon she was every bit as pissed about it as i'd have been but unfortunately she didn't have a signature hammer so instead she just went to the school the next morning and demanded the principal apologize, reverse his decision, and re-endorse her for the scholarship. And he refused. He was probably busy tearing down a teen center or something.

So skip ahead until this misogynistic bullshit makes the national news. And suddenly John Lithgow over here is singing a different tune and offering up his big long public apology. But Kaylee and her mom say it's too little, too late. The deadline for the scholarship has come and gone, so that's already lost. And no amount of I'm sorry is going to undo the very real trauma that this innocent child had to undergo because this fundamentalist creep got turned on by the way she swayed her hips. And if you want to know how insincere the apology is, by the way, I should point out that according to Cayley, it contains a lie that is clearly meant to deflect some of his culpability. In the public letter, he says, quote, during my

conversation with Cayley regarding the dance party, the subject of religious beliefs was broached by Cayley and myself, end quote. And then he goes on to apologize for his comments and said they were inappropriate. But here's the thing. As Kaylee makes clear in a TikTok she released about the whole thing, she never broached the subject of religion. That was an entirely him thing. And now he's trying to make it sound like it just came up in conversation naturally

and not that he'd printed literal bible verses out and apparently given her a religious bracelet on her way out anyway i promised you a happy ending so here it is that motherfucker is out principal jason saint pierre is no longer running the show at walker high school and it's unclear right now if he stepped away on paid leave, if he took an early retirement, or if he just straight up resigned in disgrace. But one way or the other, he lost. And something tells me the school district is going to be making up way more than the financial loss from the scholarship Kaylee lost. And with apologies for how stingy Noah suddenly got when I told him I wanted to end this week's TWIM with a big dance number, I'll wrap things up and hand you back over to Noah and Eli.

Thank you, Lucinda. And in Astro Hall projection news tonight. I did it, damn it. I did it. No, you nailed it. Yours was a stretch. Yours was. Whether it's a posthumous Tupac concert or Princess Leia asking us for help,

nothing beats a good hologram performance. The merger of ostentatious spectacle and technology that works if you kind of squint. The ghostly spirits remind us of the entertainment we could be enjoying if the person were actually there. Like the Eros tour. You might even say, someone's going to kill me for that. Someone's going to stab me through that. That's how I'm going to... We read

the entire Koran, made fun of every word of it, and I will die at the hands of a Swifty, but I stand by what I said. You might even say the only thing better than a hologram is the actual thing it's representing. But giving credence to why actors are on strike, there's an ugly money-making side of holograms

that reaps rewards by depicting notable figures without their consent. And while that might be perfectly fine for Pepsi or a vacuum commercial, it's the wealthy heirs missing out on ticket sales who suffer the most. I've always said that. It's the wealthy heirs missing out on ticket sales who suffer the most. I've always said that. And such is the crux of the lawsuit filed by walking punchline Jerry Falwell Jr. against his old stomping grounds, Liberty University, this week. The largest Christian university in the country, Liberty University is now pouring $35 million worth of Christ-like humility into an

on-campus theater and event space featuring hammocks, fire pits, sacrificial altars. Come on, guys. Come on. Come on, give me a sacrificial altar. And the centerpiece to this pious playground is an interactive hologram

of the late Jerry Falwell Sr., the founder of Liberty University. Oh my fucking God. I feel like the producers of The Flash are funding this just so that Christopher Reeves' cameo won't be the most tasteless use

of a dead guy's image. Silver medal. Silver medal, damn it. Yeah. So the regretfully still alive Jerry Falwell Jr. alleges that the school is exploiting his father's name

and likeness, which is in direct violation of the family's intellectual property. And if there's anyone who's familiar with the exploitation of a deceased icon, it is the man of Christ, Jerry Falwell Jr. But rather than seek an end to the unlicensed use of his dad's fucking face, Falwell instead, surprise, surprise, is seeking $7 million for usage rights and editorial control over his papa's phantom persona. In a statement, Falwell Jr. said that Liberty University is using his father's image, quote, without authorization and in an undignified manner that seems to attempt to aggrandize and deify my father in a fawning way that he would never have wanted or approved, end quote. Not adding, and I already covered that

when I fell down my stairs through my front door and let my pool boy fuck my wife, end quote. All right. So you're telling me your concern is that the posthumous image of the man whose last major act as a living human being was outing a Teletubby lacks dignity? That's the argument? You're lucky the hologram isn't getting railed by Tinky Winky, motherfucker. Well, let me finish, Noah. Let me finish. Because as I was about to say, if anyone at Liberty University can get me access to the back end of this interactive hologram,

I have a really, for a reason, I have a really funny prank war in mind. So hit me up, people. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ruin your surprise. No, I think it's important that people know. Look, we're doing Vulgarity for Charity next month, but this month I want access to the hologram.

And in Bust Buster Busted news, of all the shit, I'm so proud of that. Nothing, I just said that was... It was all right. It was masterful. That was masterful, David. Is it a reference to something that I don't get? Is it one of the stars or a Zelda villain? He's all the various uses of bust.

Fuck you. He's back next week. He's back next week. You guys can just have a pun festival. We're falling apart. Let me give that to everybody one more time. One more time because everybody probably wants to hear it again. And in bust, buster, busted news.

Oh, that's all the forms of busted one can use. Of all the shit that's getting smashed in Israel over the last few days, it might seem weird to be worried about a couple of old Roman statues. But yeah, that happened too. When an American tourist decided to destroy two priceless works of art because they offended his religious sensibilities. Specifically, he said that they were, quote, idolatrous and contrary to the Torah, end quote.

Sir, the Torah is idolatrous and contrary to the Torah. So a quick thanks to Ed, who was the first to send us this story at scathingnews at gmail.com. It's the story of Nick Kaufman, who police described as a radical 40-year-old Jewish-American tourist, which is a weird way to phrase it. Absolutely, yeah.

But still, say it, Obama. Don't be afraid to say it. But it's because the radical is in the wrong place, right? Because the radical part isn't about being 40. It's about being Jewish. Yeah, that way it just sounds like he's super cool. Like a fucking radical. Or that he's radical about being 40, right?

Like he really gets up to pee three times a night or whatever. But we're talking about Israeli police as filtered through American newspapers. So there's no fucking way they were going to describe him as radically Jewish, I guess. But yeah, turns out that Jewish people are no less capable of being driven to extremes than those of any other Abrahamic faith, which I point out, because if you watch the current news cycle you might be forgiven for thinking otherwise oh a genocide call forward didn't get it in you know now for his part kaufman insists that he did not act out of religious fanaticism he insists that he was instead suffering from the holy shit do we think the game movie just made this nonsense up mental disorder called Jerusalem syndrome which is said to cause foreign pilgrims to believe themselves

to be figures from the bible and I I feel like there are plenty of biblical characters that would smash a statue of Athena on general principle however the existence of a Jerusalem syndrome is still pretty controversial as I understand it since the evidence also fits with the Jerusalem attracts more mentally ill people than most cities hypothesis, and that's the one that Occam's razor seems to prefer. No, to be fair, I get it. There were so many people besides me

hooking up on my birthright trip, I was pretty sure I was a biblical leper. I get it. It's also worth emphasizing here for all kinds of reasons that religiously justified bigotry has been skyrocketing in Israel over the past couple of months, ever since Netanyahu came in the second time. I mean, the obvious manifestation of it is in illegally occupied Palestinian lands. But there have also been sharp increases in reports of shit like ultra Orthodox Jews spitting on Christian tourists or desecrating Christian holy sites, vandalizing Christian tombstones. So, you know,

American evangelicals, just so you know, so it's out there. Not just the brown people. Not just the brown ones. Yeah, let's keep it. Let's keep it clear. And finally tonight

in Von D Finds JC News, if you're wondering why Hot Topic flags are at half mass this week or why your goth friends are looking a little gloomier than usual lately, we have the solemn answer. It's because tattoo artist and controversy proxy Kat Von D has given up her occult life in favor of a far less fun type of fantasy.

Miss D is now a born again Christian. Yeah, but no, but I'm sure that this conversion of an aging nominal celebrity that nobody was talking about anymore will be sincere, right? Like this way, because it's due. We're due for one of them to be sincere eventually. I can't wait to read her transphobic children's book. So, first of all, big thanks

to Michael for sending this one over at scathingnews at gmail.com. Miss Von D announced her conversion as God intended on Instagram with footage of her recent baptism, which looks like B-roll from a gobsmack video,

and being addressed by her full name, Catherine Von Drachenberg. The Lily Monster reboot is dunked underwater by a pastor who reminds her of her obedience to God's divine command. Whether that interferes with reality show casting remains to be seen. Well, yeah, but she was already racist, right?

So, like, she's halfway to Christianity right there. Obviously, yeah. No, she was the brand is, it's a good convergence, right? So, the dunk tank video comes over a year after Vandi's announcement that she'd given up that occult life. She wrote in June of 2022, quote, I've always found beauty in the macabre, but at this point, I just had to ask myself, what is my relationship with this content? And the truth is, I just don't want to invite any of these things into our family's lives, even if it comes disguised in beautiful covers,

collecting dust on my shelves, end quote. Maybe she's an e-reader. She's not. But worry not, D-Nation, if her past romantic partnerships are any indication, we foresee a long commitment to the Christian lifestyle for Kat Von D, at least four to five years. At least until TLC calls again. Well, there you go. There you have it. Alright, well, it looks like we need to set up a betting board on how long it's going to take before we see her in a god awful movie.

So we're going to wrap up the headlines there. Eli, thanks as always. Kat Von D and D? Oh, nice. Well done. And when we come back, we'll get more computer animated advice from the J-Dogs. We learned long ago that if you really want to know

what a religion stands for, you listen to what they tell their kids. And that's why we're focused in on children's entertainment yet again on this installment of God Awful Minis. So tell us, Noah, what will we be breaking down today?

We watched the J-dubs animated lesson number 13, Jehovah Will Help You Be Bold. It's the story of a little girl who's about to not harass a grieving classmate about her religion, but then she does.

Ta-da! And Eli, how bad was this mini? Well, if you love the biblical inspiration the J-dubs have taken to brainwash children so far, but you wish it came

with the what's-her-facing of your dad talking about your mom's cousin's friends, you will love this movie. All right. So is there anything you want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I'm going to go with best worst ending photo montage. Yeah, I was not expecting a punchline there. They surprised me with an extra punchline in this one.

So I'm going to go with best worst, look, there's only so many inspiring stories in the Bible. Absolutely. Yeah. Taking that one for sure. So now, of course, the formula of all of these J-dub inspirational videos that we've been watching is little girl runs into real world problem. They tell her a Bible story that's relevant and she solves her problem.

And man, they really had to scrape the bottom of the Bible to find this one. I was going to say that little girl encounters real world problem. Family enters complete state of psychosis to help her overcome the reality she's confronted. But it's the same thing. Bible story, psychotic state, they're similar. All right. So we're going to open the video on a turtle that so hokey never-ending story would tell it to try harder right this is her pet turtle okay of the many things i resent this job giving me the knowledge of how much better and worse the j-dubs got at cgi animation is a sad one i'm just like they're not quite at the levels

we'll later see them at at this one. And I think this is the fourth of these videos. We've done this so many times that when I saw this family, I was like, man, I've seen them so often,

I'm going to have to invite them over for Thanksgiving. I can't, though. They're J-dubs, right? That would be a sin. They couldn't come. I scratched it out of my notes all sad.

That's why you do it. That's why you do it. Well, that's true, yeah. So we're going to meet Sophia. That's the daughter. We're going to see her again. We've missed her. She's packing her backpack forlornly,

but she's taken back by a Jesus workbook that I'm sure can be ours for the low, low price of $17.99 that makes her, turns her frown upside down. Yeah. She's like stupid math books. Some religious literature my friends might be interested in seeing. Yeah. So, yeah, so we get her on the bus.

She's reading her Jesus book. The kid behind her in the beanie, he's like, hey, what are you reading? But she's too embarrassed to admit that it's about Jesus. Nothing. I'm not in a crazy cult. I love blood transfusions. I get them all the time, sometimes just for fun. It's a lot of birthdays, me having them.

Yeah, no, I wrote my notes. I'm like, sometimes just for fun. It's a lot of birthdays, me having them. Yeah, no, I wrote my notes. I'm like, you should be embarrassed. Being a Jehovah's Witness is embarrassing. Yeah, it's an embarrassing cult to be a part of. Also, I know this is just a tiny note, but I do have to talk about it. They very clearly stole the bus from the video game Crazy Taxi. Oh, did they?

Like, it's just the Crazy Taxi bus. It drove me insane. I was just like, I feel like Crazy Taxi. Oh, did they? Like, it's just the crazy taxi bus. It drove me insane. I was just like, I feel like Crazy Taxi has a lawsuit here. Someone please help them. And I just want to point out that I think this is, if I'm not mistaken,

four for four of these videos start with her thinking about, wow, it really sucks to be so alienated from all my friends because of my religion and thus be unable to participate in childhood. Yeah, right.

This would be like if the Jews put out an animated series and all four of the videos we watched were about the symptoms of IBS. You know what I'm saying? Like at a certain point, you're going to deal with what you're causing here. So then we get the title. It says Jehovah will help you be bold. And I just, it's weird that J-dubs are on the first name basis with God, isn't it? Like, you should still have to call them Mr. God or

something. Yeah, it's so weird. And what a weird thing to base your whole religion on is like, well, I call my dad by his first name. That's my thing. So yeah, so we get her in school. Now, there's only about nine kids in this class because they were damned if they were going to animate

28 or something. Yeah, exactly. What is this, Arkansas? Yeah, so the class ticks away. They're like, oh, actually, we don't have anything for this class whatsoever. So we just see the clock go forward. So now school's over. And Sophia looks over at her friend Zoe

and Zoe looks very sad. Well, she looks very unanimated puppet. Yeah. Right? They were very clearly like, let the puppets neck droop. That is the amount of CGI sad we are capable of at this point. No, that's fair. Yeah.

So, but she looks over there. She thinks about sharing her Jesus book, the one that makes her so happy, but she thinks better of it and she doesn't have the boldness required. Oh, and she's so so guilty she rides the bus home in the rain yes her umbrella gets hit by a lightning bolt and like a fucking roadrunner meet meeps buyer i literally wrote my notes at this when i wrote hey think about how short 10

minutes seems when that's all that's left in a gam movie, right? So that night, Sophia tells her mom, she's like, Hey, I feel really bad for my friend Zoe. Her grandma died. And I don't even know if she's got the right religion, right? Like,

so to be clear, what she was going to tell her classmate to comfort her was essentially, Hey, just so you know, your grandmother's in hell. She's in burning. She was among the chosen. She wasn't a Jehovah's Witness.

No, there's like 11,000. We have a crazy low number that we think is going to make it up there. She doesn't get to pet lions now. There's lions that you can pet. She's like, she says, and I quote, I wanted to tell her about Jehovah, but I got scared. So again, the

message of this cartoon is when your friends are devastated by loss, that's when they're at their weakest and you should pounce. That's when you get them. Right. Right. But that's when you get them eight year olds. Yes. So but mom's like, oh, well, you know, if you weren't brave enough to harass a grieving child about, you know, switching religions, maybe we should do a little bravery project together. Yes, and that's when I realized that the Jehovah's Witness parents

of this animated show are the polar opposites of the parents in the Bluey cartoon, and they will not be defeated until Bandit and the Bluey mom rise up and defeat these animated parents. That's the mighty conclusion. I have no idea what you just said,

but I assume that it's very funny to the parents out there. The parents are loving that. Don't worry. The parents are, well, they're tired. They're asleep is what they're doing. They didn't have time to catch up with us this week, but they're going to, we're still on the list. They'll get around there. So mom takes her to this other

table where she's got some pens and paper. She draws a stick figure and she hands it to Sophia. She's like, I want to tell you a story about this little girl. And so great. Sophia goes, wow, she looks like me. And I'm like, right, because you're both poorly drawn. Poorly drawn. Poorly drawn.

Yeah, sure. You're both drawings. We're both drawings by religious extremists. Yeah, right. And I love my favorite moment of the entire video. And this has happened more than once to us before in these J-Dub videos. She goes, well, what's her name? This character that you're going to tell me about from the Bible.

And mom goes, well, the Bible doesn't actually say. Because she doesn't have a penis. She's just, she's a slave child girl. A child slave. Which is not a great way to introduce my moral compass. Right, yeah, because this isn't the story about how this turns out

to be wrong and she escapes from slavery and the evil slave owner gets what's coming to him. Not at all. No, no. If anything, this message is like, sometimes your slaves can be useful. Yeah, right. So mom draws another picture of the little girl, but time she said so mom's like so you know why is she so sad and mom says

because too many people around her had the wrong religion yeah so this is how we doodly-doo back into the bible story right she's like there once was this little girl. She was a slave that was owned by the mighty warrior Naaman, who we are really going to like build up and sell as a heroic figure, despite the fact that the first thing we learned is that he owns a little girl. Yeah. And again, I cannot emphasize enough what a like bizarre and tiny story this is in the Bible. I don't know who J-dubs don't have the rights to that they constantly have to go with.

It's like they go to Cameo for their Bible people. What about Naaman's slave girl? Is she available? Yeah. The nameless slave girl do it for 25. Yeah, let's, you know what? We can't afford Pusey. Let's get her instead of Kevin Sor sorbo mom goes you know life as a slave was really hard and i'm like i feel like really hard isn't a

weighty enough term mom and what's weird is that they they show it like she had to carry a lot of plates as opposed to like there was a lot of rape you know yeah right because the book defends slavery so they have to be like... And again, I just have to point out, there are servants in the Bible. A slave is not a servant. This isn't Greece. Yep, yep. So yeah, but her enslaver used to be a mighty warrior,

but now he's all fucked up with leprosy, right? So we get her, like, that night, her and the other slaves are out, you know, know like slaving away or whatever and this is where we meet tony d the slave yes where he's like none of our gods could kill the master yeah literally come on down the coed's house of gods yes but the little nameless girl is like uh-uh my guy could jehovah could kick all of your god's asses yeah right and then lady slave gives her the whole like she pulls out her necklace and she says hey we worship this bareheaded moth statue in this household young lady yeah this

is a bareheaded moth statue household and i'm sorry are the jehovah no halloween for me thanks witnesses calling other people's religion silly right now? Is that what we're supposed to be taking from this scene? Well, and that's the fucked up thing, right? Is because like we're supposed to be learning that like this girl was brave enough to have her own faith, even in the face of a place where like everyone else believed differently. And I was like, oh, yeah.

Imagine how well Sophia, the J-dubs parents would take it if she chose a different religion than theirs oh yeah no that would be great hey does there is there like a whole phenomenon rhymes with none that your people do i don't think there's anything like that at all so yeah but they're like don't you dare talk about your god in this household and she slinks away and then later she happens by the leper boss. She's like, you know, he's shrinking away

from his wife's touch. His daughter wants to hug him but he can't hug her because of his terrible skin disease. Yeah, and I'd be sympathetic to the dad here

but at least his excuse isn't, sorry kids, daddy's watching his 426th Christian movie. So, you know, I'm not saying

I have it worse than a leper. I'm saying he didn't have to watch 426 Christian movies. Yeah, no, you're saying that your son has it worse than a leper i'm saying he didn't have to watch 426 christian right yeah no you're saying that your son has it worse than a leper's son yeah i get it i get it so yeah but the slave girl comes up and she's like you know what fuck it she's like i can help and he's like really how can you help and she's like i can i give you more food she loses her nerve again right and then so she like sl wah, wah, wah. And then, so, she

slinks away again, and she goes back to her chambers, and then we get her praying to God. Right. She's like, please, Jehovah, help my master get better so that he can play with his kids. And I'm like, isn't he a mighty warrior that killed hundreds of people? He's going to start doing that again, too. It's not just

hugging his kids that he'll do. Also, hey, nameless little girl who doesn't get a name because you have a vagina, you're a slave. I have higher priorities on the list for you to pray for. Yeah, right. Well, but now that's not the only thing she prays for. She also prays

for the courage to bother people about her religion. Yes. Right. So, okay. So it's the next day we get Naaman's wife looking out over him sadly and nameless slave girl comes up and tries to muster enough courage one last time. Like she flashes back to

84 seconds ago when they told her not to bring up Jehovah's name in this household. Right. Yeah. Right. All of a sudden Burgess Meredith shows up in her imagination. Get up you son of a bitch because Mickey loves you. Yeah, she gets the guts to, and she goes, hey, you know, I know of a religion that's better than yours.

And Naaman's wife is like, a better religion, you say? Huh? And she's like, yeah, go to Israel's prophet. He's the guy that I'm sure the book we're taking this from is about. Some of this is the book of the Bible that we're in and we're like three sentences and we're milking those three sentences, let me tell you. And what's so

funny is they show him going but it's like that's, okay so there's a play in New York. This is the only way I can think of it. There's a play in New York called Puffs that depicts what it was like to be a Hufflepuff during the entire Harry Potter series. Right, right. And there's a scene where they're all watching

the Triwizard tournament and there's the underwater tasks and they're all cheering and then everyone dives under the water and they all get disappointed because they realize they can't see what the fuck is going on for the entire task. That's what we get at this point in the movie, right? He rides off and they're like shit we're

only in three sentences of the bible we don't know what happens when he goes to see the byproduct right no he just he rides off and then like we get he comes back that's it that's the very next scene we have like fucking the tony d slave comically running to tell everybody that he's back because you know nothing funnier than an overweight person trying to run. Right. What are they thinking? See, I annotated this scene running like Eli on a treadmill for 11 seconds. So I got it. I got it. J-dubs. I real that to me made a lot of sense. But yeah, but Naaman's back and Jehovah cured him. His skin looks fine now. Heared him. His skin looks fine now.

Woo. Yeah, so he can hug his kids and everything. And then the little girl who made it all possible remained a fucking slave. Remains a slave. That is the end. He's like, hey, I'm all better now. And he lifts her in the air. And then he's like, all right, back to work. I don't know what to do.

There's a lot of plates to carry. This is not your 15. Just so plates to carry this is not your 15 just so you know this is not your 15 also you don't get a 15 because you get a clock out yeah then we back out of that horrible and pointless bible story back to mom's drawings apparently mom's just been drawing halfized stick figures to represent this story throughout. Oh, God. Where's that animation of mom just being like, and then this guy, he's falling down the stairs. Pa-tonk, pa-ponk, pa-ponk. She's just backing out of the room.

Mom will be drawing for like 45 minutes. It's okay. I'll check back in with her. Do you want me to just come back when you're done with these? No, no, no. I can do it as we're talking about that. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah.

But mom is like, you know, the point of the story is that if you don't force your religion on zoe god will be very upset with you and he only lets so many people into heaven right right and she's like well i don't know if i could be as brave as nameless slave girl in the bible and she says don't worry we can. We're going to role play at family worship. We're going to role play. I'm going to pretend to be your grieving classmate. And you're going to convince me to change religions. Less Jewish, less Jewish, honey. Up, down, up, down.

Oh, no, she comes at you with a problem of evil. What do you do? Yeah, right, right. Well, and yeah, dad and the little brother are going to play the parts of the other two boys that might, I don't know, whatever, run interference. Like, what part did they play in her harassing Zoe? I know that the dad just gets animated better,

but in my head canon, this is a different dad and the wife remarries because that is much more scandalous for this family. Oh, yeah yeah no shit yeah all right so yeah so they practice away we get that in montage and then we cut to the next day at school and and we suddenly she's fucking narrating sophia's narrating at us out of the blue she's like you know i didn't think i could be as brave as that little hebrew girl but ultimately i was and then we see her give zoe books she's like, Zoe, here's a book about how to change into my religion,

if you'd like, right now. I want Zoe's parents to come to her house and be like, hey, we brought a slice of birthday cake for your kid. Does this feel nice? Do you like this? That we do this? Do you want us to do this to your kid? No.

Right. Oh, you're losing your goddamn mind. Okay, cool. Well, let's just have a truce then that you broke. And also beanie wearing Timmy, the kid who asked her earlier, she's like, oh, by the way, Timmy, you asked me the other day about the book I was reading. It's actually about Jehovah.

Here, you'll like it too. This is where I realized she has a backpack full of Christ pamphlets because like it's still crazy sad for her to be like have one Jesus pamphlet but the fact that her parents are like oh so here's your math textbook and your English textbooks and

22 pieces of Christ literature 22 copies of the watchtower to give out in case anyone asks right exactly and I don't want to see 22 of those when you get home right so and then so it's and Timmy's like wow I dig it and now I think you. So, and then, so it's, and Timmy's like, wow, I dig it. And now I think you're pretty cool.

And then the video ends, but there's a bunch of fucking photographs in here, right? It's just photos of children, quote unquote, reading Jehovah's witness literature because the Jehovah's witnesses were like, people will to read it. They will to not throw it away.

Yeah. So what we're seeing is a bunch of seven-year-olds proselytizing to other seven-year-olds. We're seeing photographs of seven-year-olds trying to change the religions of other children. Yeah. Oh, sorry, because the last one is a seven-year-old trying to change the religion of her teacher.

Mm-hmm. But they did get a really realistic facial expression for the teacher who is frozen in smiling horror who's just like, oh, I don't know what laws I will violate based on what I say to you right now. Thanks to our Supreme

Court. I sure am going to violate one of them, that's for sure. Thanks for this. Alright, well, there you have it. If you're ever tempted to have true compassion for someone, don't do that. Instead, change their religion. And for more stellar moral lessons like this one, be sure to listen to the next God Awful Mini. Before we settle back into the couch tonight, I want to assure you that you have almost made it

through the heathless desert that you have been suffering through for the past few weeks. He will be back next week, and whether or not he said so directly, he misses you too. Anyway, that's all the blast we've got for you tonight. We'll be back in 10,022 minutes with more. If you can't wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our Sister Show's Hot Friend Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 Eastern on Tuesday

and an even new episode of our Half-Sister Show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. Obviously, I can't round out the episode if I neglect to thank Heath for reminding me just how much he does around here by not being here for a couple weeks. I want to thank the lovely and talented Eli Bosnick for waiting so patiently for me to point out how lovely and talented he is. I want to thank the lovely and talented Lucinda Lusions for letting me use her signature compliment for Eli as well this week. And I also want to thank Jake for providing this week's Farnsworth quote. Let us know how that tattoo thing worked out for you, man. But most of all, of course, I want to thank this week's best people, Dave, Joshua, Weston, Anthony, Simon, Heroes, Come Cheap, Seaford, Urban, Cripple, Robot, Scarecrow, Abortionist, Pro-Life, Spinal Breaker, My Left Foot, Amanda, Sunday Morning, Hot Dog,

Lisha, and Jim. Dave, Joshua, Weston, Anthony, and Simon, whose dicks are so big you have to call them Richards. Heroes, Seaford,ert, Urban Scarecrowbot, Abortion and Spino Breaker were so hot my air conditioning tried to kick in when I said their names and My Left Foot, Amanda, Hot Dog, Lisha and Jim, whose IQs have Greek letters and shit in them. Together these 16 people, appendages, excellent points,

technological marvels and perfectly reasonable breakfast options help keep the lights on this week by giving us money. Not everybody has the concern for our lights that it takes to give us money but if you do you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash scathing atheist whereby you'll earn early access to an extended ad-free version of every episode or you can make a one-time donation by clicking on the donate button on the right side of the home page at scathingadius.com and if you'd like to help but you're saving all your money to buy back the family farm you can also help a ton by leaving

a five-star review telling a friend about the show and following us on social media and speaking to social media tim robertson handles that for us. Additional writing for this episode was provided by Mike Schuster and our audio engineer, S. Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music that was used in this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at skatingads.com. Oh, you know what?

I probably should have mentioned this before we were recording, but yeah, do you think I should just leave this? Ha ha ha ha!