The Scathing Atheist - 559: Commedia dell'Hearte Edition

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

On this week’s episode: We’ll worry about our Johnson ... We learn about America's anti-Christian purge of 1963 ... And what happened in Vegas will stay on our podcast. --- To make a per episode donation at Patreon.com, click here: http://www.patreon.com/ScathingAtheist To buy our book, click here: https://www.amazon.com/Outbreak-Crisis-Religion-Ruined-Pandemic/dp/B08L2HSVS8/ If you see a news story you think we might be interested in, you can send it here: [e-mail] To check out our sister show, The Skepticrat, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/the-skepticrat To check out our sister show’s hot friend, God Awful Movies, click here: https://audioboom.com/channel/god-awful-movies To check out our half-sister show, Citation Needed, click here: http://citationpod.com/ To check out our sister show’s sister show, D and D minus, click here: https://danddminus.libsyn.com/ To hear more from our intrepid audio engineer Morgan Clarke, click here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Headlines:  Mike Johnson is a Christian Nationalist Psychopath: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/how-did-speaker-mike-johnson-the?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2 Fake priests in CA: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/roman-catholic-diocese-warns-fake-priests-are-preying-california-paris-rcna121753 Traffickers posing as Catholic charities: https://www.churchmilitant.com/news/article/catholic-charities-controversy Congressman says Bible was banned in 1963: https://www.friendlyatheist.com/p/gop-congressman-falsely-claims-the?utm_source=profile&utm_medium=reader2

Warning, the following podcast contains strong language and also weak language. Listener discretion is advised. This week's episode of The Scathing Atheist is brought to you by the bargain brand of ersatz communion wafers for Catholics on a budget, the Eucharists. It's the intelligent designer imposter for absolution and you'll never know the difference. Literally. And now, The Scathing Atheist. Hi, my name's Cecil Something Italian, and you may know me from such places as The Cognitive Dissonance Podcast, or The Citation Needed Podcast, or from my YouTube cooking channel, Season Liberally. I'm here to remind you to donate to Vulgarity for Charity,

a yearly charity drive hosted by The Scathing Atheist and Cognitive Dissonance Podcast. cooking channel Seasoned Liberally. I'm here to remind you to donate to Vulgarity for Charity, a yearly charity drive hosted by the Scathing Atheist and Cognitive Dissonance Podcast. I'm also here to remind you that we did, in fact, evolve from filthy monkey men. It's Thursday. It's November 2nd. And it's practice being a psychic day. And you did it. You're equally as psychic as everyone else on Earth. I'm Eli Bosnick.

I'm Heath Enright. And from John Stewart's New Jersey, Ann Arbor, Michigan, and Waycross, Georgia, this is The Scathing Atheist. On this week's episode, we'll worry about our Johnson. We'll learn about America's anti-Christian purge of 1963. And what happens in Vegas will stay on our podcast. But first, the Eli Trial. So as those of you who follow Noah or Lucinda on Facebook already know,

Noah had a heart attack Monday night. The hospital in their tiny town in Georgia just happens to have a pretty excellent cardiology department. So doctors were able to act quickly. And as of this recording, he's doing okay and is well on his way to a full recovery, give or take a few new blood pressure medications. And I got to tell you, I didn't want to talk about this. I had a whole thing about a street preacher that I saw in Las Vegas because no one would want us to make you, I didn't want to talk about this. I had a whole thing about a street preacher that I saw in Las Vegas because no one would want us to make you laugh. No one would remind me our job is

to take your mind off your troubles, not add to them. And we are going to do that. I promise. Lauren Boebert said some stupid shit and there's fake Catholic priests doing magic spells in California to laugh at. But part of being an atheist means knowing that the things you say about someone when they're gone are the only things you can be sure they're never going to hear. So even though he's going to be okay, I want to tell you about my friend Noah. Because for the first time in 10 years this week, I had to think about what my life would be like without him. Which is not how this is supposed to go, for the record.

If I understand anything, it is narrative, all right? I go first, very sad. Noah does an awesome diatribe about it. Anna gets life insurance, and we all move on with our lives. But how could we do this, any of this, without Noah? I mean, he is the scathing atheist. The show isn't called The Scathing Atheist and His Two Equally Important Friends. It's about him. And that's okay. Because who wouldn't feel honored to perform under that billing? I know we do. If you listen to our other shows, you know, I've spent quite a bit of time thinking about the poet and author Ben Johnson. And what fascinates me about Ben Johnson isn't actually his work,

which is fine. It's even good sometimes. It's that Ben Johnson wasn't just alive at the same time as Shakespeare. He was, in all likelihood, the only person who understood the enormity of what it meant. And that's how I feel and have felt pretty much since the moment I met Noah Lutions. felt pretty much since the moment I met Noah Lutions. Noah taught me about hard work. If you've been around Noah, even for five minutes, you know that funny is effortless for him. He doesn't have to work at it. He just is funny, but he works hard anyway. Noah's jokes probably don't have two layers and a pun when they're in his head, but by the time they're good enough for him to tell them to you, they do. And every edit, every story, everything Noah touches gets that same hard work and detail, even when it doesn't serve him, right?

When COVID hit and we all had the idea for him to do Outbreak, the book was done in a week. idea for him to do Outbreak. The book was done in a week. We could quite literally have had one of, if not the first book on religion's influence on COVID, but he honed it. He crossed every T and he proofread and he made sure we were in agreement as a company about how many spaces came after a period so that you could pull that book down from your shelf today and still be blown away by it. And you will be because Noah knows the things you make can be great, even when everyone else will settle for good. Noah makes me a better husband. Noah doesn't just love Lucinda, he partners with her. Noah and Lucinda are friends. They are compatriots. They are co-conspirators. Noah knows that Lucinda would, in fact, like a caramel

macchiato with extra drizzle if you're going to Starbucks, and he can look at any menu from any restaurant and tell you exactly what she's going to order. but he is still driven to complete and total distraction by her if she buys a hot top without telling him. Noah teaches me every day that love is not about where you put someone in your head and your heart. It's where you put them in your life. And Noah teaches me about you, who you are and what you need. Ugly as it is to admit it, I've always felt entitled to an audience. I mean, I'm me. Why wouldn't I be famous? But Noah understands the responsibility. Noah understands the obligation. Noah understands the potential for community that comes with an audience, not just the perks. When things went to shit this year, I won't lie to you, I wanted to quit.

But Noah wanted to be here more than ever. He steered this ship and made a bad situation not just better, but turned it into a greater good. And he did it without ever doubting you. Because more than anything else, no illusions understands us. He's been at the register and heard, have a blessed day as the fuck you it is. He's been worthless to those who promise worth to all. And he gives that anger a voice that none of the rest of us can give it. And I am grateful. I am grateful to stand in a shadow so enormous it feels like a spotlight. Grateful to be the triglycerides to his sterols, the flaky crust to his gooey cheese, the Genesis to his TurboGrafx-16, the Padawan to his Jedi. I'm grateful to be his partner

and his friend and his student and his fan. And I always will be. They're talking about you, Jesus. I interrupt this broadcast and bring you a special news bulletin joining me for headlines tonight is the fine to my actually eli bosnick eli are you ready to wildly shift the tone i'm recording this on a different day and am fine now okay i'm actually shut up the vibe is different now okay okay it's funny now. It's funny. It's funny now. Funny. Three, two, one. Go. Now. And if you're wondering what to do in a time like this, podcast listener, the good news is it's November, which means our annual charity fundraiser, Vulgarity for Charity, has already

begun. So why not head to modestneeds.org, donate $50 or more to help someone in need, and then send us the proof, along with your request for a rose to vulgarityforcharityatgmail.com. I for one have quite a few nasty things to say about heart attacks and would love to do so with your funding. Fantastic idea. We'll be delivering roasts to our top 100 donors along with 100 random ones, but those random spots fill up quickly. So once again, head to modestneeds.org,

make your donation of $50 or more, and then send your roast request to vulgarity4charity, all spelled out, at gmail.com. And if the person you're asking us to roast is not famous, don't forget to include a picture and a description so we have something to work with. Or even better, have us roast like an interesting concept or idea. Those are my favorite.

All right, Doing requests. No dogs. In our lead story, they're totally going to send you dogs now. Yeah, well, I'm not going to use them. In our lead story tonight, Mike Johnson is a Christian nationalist psychopath who I genuinely would not trust

to run the produce section of a stop and shop. But now he's Speaker of the House. So we're going to talk about him. Actually, just going to check real quick. Yes, he is still the Speaker of the House. Okay. Ah, you hate to see it. So for our international listeners, or in case you just woke up from a coma, the House, half of the legislative branch of the United States government, is a shit show where ancient out of touch representatives meet with young psychopathic Nazi representatives to not make any laws or help us even a little because

representative democracy is a bad idea. And over the past month or so, they've been trying to elect a speaker of the house in a farce John Kennedy tool would call, quote, a little much. Yeah, I also read books by authors that I've heard of, and I could have made a reference. I'm an e-reader. I understood that. But as I said at the start of the story, Lee Child, Jack Reacher, that's an auteur, you go. Exactly, yeah. But as I said at the start of the story, Republicans managed to get their Daffy Ducks in order enough to elect Mike Johnson last week. So let's go over his resume.

Before we do, I want to thank Rob Boston of Americans United for separation of church and state for putting this list together. And I want to thank Hemant Mehta for bringing it to our attention. Ooh. Yeah. Side note, Hemant has a sub stack now. And until he finally agrees to start that OnlyFans, I keep emailing him about. It is a great way to support the work that he does. He also gets a crossword into the New York Times every so often,

and they're really good. They really are. Really are. There's a lot of things that Heath is like deeply jealous of Hemant about. So fucking jealous. This is top of the list. The Jeopardy, yeah. Lots in there.

But really good, like no filler. Yeah, no, they're all good, clever. Trivia with like somebody's obscure last name. It's like figureoutable, clever stuff. He's really good at it. Yeah. It's an irritatingly competent human being. Anyways, let's dive in. Johnson has said that scathing atheist favorite pseudo historian David Barton has had a quote, profound influence on me and my work and my life and everything I do. Fucking yikes. Yeah. And it shows.

Johnson has claimed multiple times that the U.S. is the only nation founded on a, quote, religious statement of faith and has repeatedly made up shit about Thomas Jefferson's opinion about separation of church and state, arguing that, quote, the founders wanted to protect the church from an encroaching state, not the other way around, end quote. Sure, sure. And that's why Mike Johnson is all about protecting Muslim Americans, because religion is important. There's no way he would ever let a crazy person like Marjorie Taylor Greene give a hate speech on the House floor full of bigotry and lies about Rashida Tlaib, the only Palestinian

American member of Congress, especially not on his very first day as the speaker. There's no way that's literally what happened last week. Exactly, because he's a protector of religions. No chance. But Eli, you ask, what are Johnson's qualifications? Well, a pulse and nutbags like him. But if you're wondering about the names that decorate his resume, well, how about Ken Ham and the Ark Encounter?

Yes, that's right. Johnson was the attorney who represented Ham when he wanted to use taxpayer funds to build the Ark Encounter in Kentucky. And he later defended Ham when he sued the state for the ability to discriminate in hiring. Okay, well, on the resume, that would be then Pulse, Nutbags Allowed to Vote, and Bad Guy Lawyer from a John Grisham book. Let's not sell them short. Yeah, exactly. Also, I read books. John Grisham's another author. John Grisham, another author, large print. I could make a reference about him if I wanted to right now. For old men like he. Same thing as John, something. Exactly, yeah. Legislatively,

Johnson has dedicated most of his career to trying to force other people to be his religion. Johnson filed legislation forcing witnesses in front of the House committees to use the religious phrase, so help me God, in their owns, which is especially ironic seeing as under his tenure of Speaker of the House, the bygone days of my buddy Rick saw an alien, so help me God, will seem downright responsible. Yeah, I remember the bygone days of yore called July of this year when we had that hearing in Congress. Good times. Indeed. Johnson defended a portrait of Jesus Christ in a public courthouse saying, quote, the ideas expressed in this painting aren't specific to any one faith, and they certainly don't establish a single state religion, end quote. Yeah, you got Methodist, Episcopalian, Southern Baptist, fucking Northern Baptist, Medium Baptist. That's diversity. Catholics, they're crazy.

For sure. But honestly, where Johnson seems to have spent most of his time and effort is indoctrinating children, student athletes in particular. According to Hemet over at the Friendly Atheist blog, quote, Johnson promoted a conservative Christian-sponsored Bible course in public schools that was widely criticized for its evangelical zeal and treating the Bible as an accurate record of history. In response to critics who said the course promoted a one-side conservative evangelical view of Christianity, Johnson said, quote, the Supreme Court did not say you have to discuss everybody's view on the Bible, end quote. Sure, yeah, largely because

that would be literally impossible to do. They also didn't say she listens like spring and she talks like June, yet here we are. They didn't say so many things. What are we talking about? like spring and she talks like June. Yet here we are. Like they didn't say so many things. What are we talking about? It's nonsense. Yes, but that's not all. Johnson supports a Louisiana school district that required student athletes to stand during the national anthem, saying the district was, quote, not going to bend over and bow to the whims of these atheist, radical, secularist groups, end quote. He's spoken in favor of coaches leading their athletes in prayer and high school cheerleaders holding up explicitly religious banners and signs during games,

saying that, quote, superintendents should feel empowered to resist the bullying tactics of atheist groups, end quote. The bullying tactics. Yeah, cool. Jeff Blackwell's actually been drinking raw eggs and side-tackling chickens for like a month now. He'll send a strongly worded letter and fuck up your world, superintendents. I dare you. How dare they? Welcome to Thunderdome. Thunderdome, yes. Blackwell's Thunderdome.

Blackwell's Thunderdome. Indeed. Strongly worded letter. And there's fire behind him. Yeah. But he kind of jumps at the fire and then moves to like the downstage left side. So with all that said, it's probably no surprise to anybody that Johnson is also a bigot. Again, from Hammond, quote, Johnson supported Louisiana's ban on same-sex marriage and backed

an amendment prohibiting the recognition of gay couples married in other states. As a state lawmaker, he introduced a bill permitting faith-based anti-LGBTQ discrimination. As an attorney for the Alliance Defense Fund, a hate group. That's a hate group. Yep. He supported a law banning marriage equality and claimed same-sex unions were a slippery slope towards polygamy, pedophilia, and quote, what? Allowing a person to marry his pet and quote. What? Okay, but just to be clear, Mike Johnson wants men to marry their lady cats only. That's official canon. Yeah, exactly. He also opposes, as is no surprise, life-saving gender affirming care for transgender

children. And he argued that the Supreme Court decision overturning sodomy laws was a blow to, quote, fundamental American values and a millennia of mortal teaching, end quote. The plural. Because he believes gay sex should be criminalized. And just a reminder, circling back, when he thinks about gay sex, he also pictures a lubed up slope full of pedophilia and cat fucking. Indeed he does. Why is the GOP cool with this very obvious cat groomer? What's happening?

I mean, to be fair, cat groomer is the best they've had in like a decade at this point. So I see it. But there's more. Again, quote from Hammond here. Johnson opposes abortion in every form and has sought to block access to birth control. He even represented a college

that didn't want to follow Obama-era guidelines requiring employers to provide contraception to employees, saying the mandate forced Americans to, quote, either comply and abandon their convictions or resist and be punished, end quote. That college, for which Johnson served as the dean, never actually opened its doors. He also represented the state of Louisiana in its attempt to punish doctors who provided abortions unless they first jumped through purposefully onerous regulations. And as a member of Congress, he's co-sponsored several bills to ban abortion nationwide, end quote. And if that weren't enough sexism for you, he's blamed mass

shootings on no-fault divorce laws and radical feminism. And radical feminism. Cool. Yeah. Well, I mean, lots of those manifestos from the gunmen are about, you know, medium feminism being totally cool, but then radical feminism being the last straw for them. Yeah, that's really the problem. Read the dialectical sex and I was like, murder! Before it was cool. the problem. I read the dialectic of sex and I was like, murder! Before it was cool. Bell hooks! But I guess there's no better way to sum up Mike Johnson than his own terrifying words on an interview with Sean Hannity last week, where he said, quote, someone asked me today in the media, people are curious. What does Mike Johnson think about any issue, any issue under the sun? I said,

well, go pick up a Bible off your shelf and read it. That's my worldview, end quote. Okay, Egyptian men have donkey dicks and horse-powered cum. Got it. That's the official position from the Speaker of the House. Yes, yes, exactly. So while it might seem bad that our new Speaker of the House has a firm price for how much he needs to pay to rape someone's daughter, there is a silver lining. And I don't mean 60 shekels. And that is that Twitter is abuzz right now with the rumor that a male prostitute in Louisiana is about to come forward about he and Mike's relationship. So... Really?

Hopefully by next week we'll have some juice on that gas. Yes, really. And according to Mike's own philosophy, we'll have some heavy rocks ready when it does. Oh, please be a sex worker from Egypt. Oh,

fingers crossed. Fingers crossed. And in Eucharist control news, religious magic is a very important thing. And the Catholic church demands to be taken seriously. That communion wafer shoved in your mouth? Only an officially licensed priest can do that. That vial of tap water labeled holy water?

Church approved, except no substitutes. Sure, you can roll the dice on those back alley baptisms, but then you're going to risk having your credentials denied at the pearly gates like a doorman spotting a fake Migos ticket. This is nothing to joke about. Yeah, regular listeners may remember an off-brand cracker

earlier in the year led to a grandma might be in hell by accident announcement. So it's important to nip these things in the bud, people. Yeah, so as the Bible says, a fool and his money are soon parted so it does behoove the church to maintain customer loyalty lest their clientele starts bargain

hunting and discover the guy down the block does house blessings on the cheap for a church there's nothing worse than con artists scamming people out of their money before the church can. And that's why a diocese in California is in a panic right now about area men doing counterfeit wizardry. They really are. Yep. And a big thanks to Evan for the story. Scathing news, gmail.com. Very helpful.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Heath, are you telling me that not only can people send us the latest atheist news at scathingnews at gmail.com, but one lucky winner a week will be allowed to donate their heart to any and all members of our cast who might need a backup? It's topical on dimes. Okay, so according to the diocese in Stockton, California, two fake priests in the area are performing services that are unsanctioned by the Catholic Church. The diocese news bulletin

warned local parishioners to be on the lookout for some guys that are purporting to be Spanish-speaking Catholic bishops and priests. And the fake wizards are allegedly charging, quote,

exorbitant fees for celebrating the sacraments, teaching classes, and issuing certificates. Hastily adding, no, it's not us. Yes, I heard how we described them, but it's not us. It's not us. Okay.

Okay. So in their very angry bulletin typed like this, the diocese stated that con artists had stolen the identities of actual clergymen in Mexico and the fakers would threaten legal action against anyone doubting their credentials. And of course, this is a stark reminder about safety protocol. What do we always say? We always say, make sure you ask to see a badge and a collar when encountering a priest and then leave very quickly while they're looking for the badge

because those are terrible people statistically. Yeah, I'm sorry, Father. I'm going to need you to jerk off to this Gap Kids catalog to know you're legit. Do you mind just... That's a good test. Okay, so church officials tried getting law enforcement involved, but they were told that only the victims can file a complaint, something the Catholic Church is already quite familiar with, I'm pretty sure. And since the targets tended to be folks whose immigration status could come into question,

few, if any, were willing to approach authorities to press charges. Also, what the fuck are the cops going to do? Like, compare the levels of magic between real and fake sacraments? Like, test the fake sacraments for baby laxative?

That's nothing. That's nonsense. Sticking their pinky into holy water and running it along their gums. My God. So, bottom line, for any good or service provided by a religious organization, the advice remains the same.

Caveat emptor. Those crackers might be intelligent designer imposter. Or here's another idea. Maybe no more selling lies at all, just as a law overall. Just an idea. And in charitable assumption news, ask your average Republican

to name the most important political issue they're facing. And more often than not, they'll say open borders. But that's no surprise. Their xenophobia drove them to Fox News and the network gave them exactly what they wanted to hear in simple, slurable talking points. Like a Nazi mother bird spitting chewed grubs

into the stupid fucking mouths of their babies. And with regards to border security, no fabrication is too outlandish or unverifiable. Mexicans are taking our jobs, killing our children, biting our dance moves and stealing our amazing strip mall cuisine. But once you add human trafficking to the mix, that's when all bets are off and it's time for QAnon to shine. And the latest issue is about human traffickers posing as Catholic charities to sneak their victims into the United States.

Which is a terrible disguise, right? Like if I saw a kid in a car with a bunch of Catholic priests, I'm calling the cops twice. I already called the cops. Yeah, I'm already calling. I'm pulling you out. I'm the cop.

I'm a cop now. Standing my ground. This is one time I'm good with that. And a big thanks to Stormy D for the link. Oh yeah. Scathingnews.gmail.com. Give us your fresh young heart. Okay. So here's the problem

with our current border situation according to the evangelical Christians of the GOP and QAnon. It's these bleeding heart Catholics and their charities to help kids. That has to stop. Obviously, yeah.

Not only do they help the kids get into the US, but they also make it possible for human traffickers to pose as fake Catholic charities. How do fake Catholics this week? What's going on? Right, I know. Some in the water. So we heard the latest theory about this during the 35th Biennial Republican Leadership Conference

in Mackinac Island, Michigan. You know what? I was going to make that one, but they didn't have a vegan option at the gala dinner. So I missed it. Sure, sure. Yeah. Literally everything has mayo on it. It can't be vegan.

Impossible. literally everything has mayo on it. It can't be vegan. Impossible. So, side note, Mackinac Island is a resort spot for like weird old-timey Michigan summering. And you're talking that voice and they don't allow cars on the island.

It's fucking insane. Yeah, it's a weird place. I'm doing a Citation Needed essay about it because it is the Illuminati. It's like if the Illuminati somehow fell and tripped on their own penis, the island. Absolutely correct. And the only person to ride in a motorized vehicle on that island in decades, I'm pretty sure, was Mike Pence a few years ago, who insisted on having his vice presidential limo when he went there.

Yeah, he just drove it in a circle on the green of a golf course and then went home to call his wife mommy some more. That was the drive. He's the creepiest fucking guy. Everything he does. It's amazing. Eating a filet of fish right now

and staring at me. Everything he does is a sad tragedy if he didn't have power. Right? Right? Like if he was the assistant manager of a Staples, I would watch 24-7 news coverage of him just being like, oh, I caught my thumb under a box. That one's going to sting. Oh, my God. And TV about Pence for sure. Let me throw this at you, Heath Enright. Candid camera remake, except the victim of every prank is Mike Pence. And it's constant. It never stops.

Most of the show is him trying to escape and end his own life. America's Funniest Home Videos with Mike Pence. It's just him getting hit in the crotch with a wiffle ball bat

all day. Absolutely. Absolutely. I cannot describe how much money I would pay to watch a blindfolded child accidentally hit

Mike Pence in the balls instead of a pinata. It's a problematic amount of money that I would put down for that. The third of our company I own would become less valuable based on how much I would pay for that. I've been saving up for Kai's college a little bit. That's gone right away. Nope, gone.

Sorry, Kai. It's no good. So here's what we learned at the conference. good. So here's what we learned at the conference. Michigan Republican Party Chairman Christina Caramo regaled the crowd with the various threats posed against our children that she witnessed at the Texas border. And when I say witness, I mean she heard from totally real people in general, just people. According to Caramo, quote, you don't know them. When I was talking to people, you don't know them. They talked about talking to people, you don't know them, they talked about the children

who are being smuggled across the border and how these organizations front as Catholic charities. And they're not Catholic charities. Good clarification. Needed. She gets it. Got it. Got it.

They're actually cartel front groups who then take these children and send them to the American pimps who will then sell them on the streets of our country. End real quote. Okay. First of all, you can't sell kids on the street. They're a boutique offering. Everyone knows that. Stupid. Second of all, your name is Christina Karamo. Okay. You are very obviously an act one bond sex scene and he's going to kill you with a wacky pun at the end of it. I'm not listening to you about anything, okay?

Yeah, he'll definitely have something clever when he does it. I like it. I like it. You and Kimmy Caviezel can start a fucking super friends troupe. What does she do? She grants wishes? Wish granting weasel. Kimmy Caviezel.

Yep. All right. Well, speaking of which, we're going to get a little bit of Caviezel stuff in a second. Ooh. Yeah. Just to be clear, though, about that scam. That sort of which, we're going to get a little bit of Caviezel stuff in a second. Ooh. Yeah. Just to be clear, though, about that scam. That sort of scam, it could theoretically exist, I suppose.

But the source for the current claim was a QAnon Republican from Michigan. During her remarks, right before introducing, that's right, Jim Caviezel for his big keynote speech at that event. Just in case anyone's not familiar, Caviezel is a QAnon lunatic who played the role of Tim Ballard, a fellow QAnon lunatic. And Tim Ballard is the inspiration for the movie of lies called Sound of Freedom. Ballard started a vigilante anti-trafficking squad that definitely made things worse despite theoretically good intentions. But according to that movie, he's a goddamn hero. He is not.

That's incorrect. Check out the latest scam episode live from Las Vegas if you want to learn some more. Point being of saying all that, that's our context in terms of who we're dealing with making this claim right now. But even if you grant their claim about the fake Catholic charity scam,

the moral of the story, the lesson is, stop giving special status and extra trust to religious charities. And maybe don't have a border situation that requires special fixers to get kids to a safe place. And definitely don't let anyone saying they're a Catholic group have any interaction with kids. Pull them out of the car like I was talking about. Fake group or not, bad idea to let them interact with kids. But of course, none of those obvious

answers were mentioned at the conference. Their plan is to close the border completely forever and get more of those vigilante dive roll squads interfering in other countries. Exactly. And finally tonight, the year was 1963. Elizabeth Taylor was turning heads in the exorbitantly budgeted Cleopatra.

JFK and his wife took a spin in a flashy convertible and then George Bush Sr. shot him in the head. Four young Liverpoolians were giving boomers an identity they could hold on to until the grave. And if you ask 72-year-old Utah Congressman Burgess Owens

what else happened that year, he'll gladly lie and say that that was the year when the Bible was banned in schools. Yeah, thanks to Lyndon Baines Johnson of Texas, the rabid atheist. Atheist activist Lyndon Johnson.

The glory days of atheism back in 63, sure was. Yeah. So speaking at a congressional hearing for the Committee of Education, aka what book should we ban in school libraries, Owens made a point to hold up a Bible as a symbol of what happens when the wrong books

are banned in public schools okay so the obvious answer would be holding up fahrenheit 451 which is all about how book banning is stupid but owens couldn't do that because unlike the uh the legendary pogroms of 63 obviously fahrenheit 451 actually did get banned by a public school district in real reality, but in a way that makes religion look stupid. The ban happened when religious parents got mad after finding out the Bible gets banned and burned in that story by Ray Bradbury. And yes, that's a very clear argument for not banning the Bible. But these people are idiots and they didn't understand the book that they didn't even read, but found out one little thing about that.

The Bible is involved. They didn't tell me being a Congressman would mean reading. So, um, did Mr. Burgess Owens, is that his real name? Burgess?

Burgess Owens. Okay. And he's a Congress. Wow. Did he, um, elaborate on his brave act of defiance against our atheist tyranny? Did he?

You know what? He then, right? He did. Anything else? He happened to, he embellished, if I will. Cool. Owens stated that the Supreme Court banned the Bible from being read in schools in 1963, even suggesting that merely holding the book in his hand would cause certain people to

fall to their fainting couches. Quote, matter of fact, there are some that are listening today probably think this is totally unconstitutional. That's because it is that I can't even hold it up. End quote. So, yeah, you're a regular Jesse James Burgess. So brave. He continued, quote, so brave.

Due to the banning of this book, generations of Americans today have no knowledge of the tenants upon which this country has been founded, end quote. Yeah, it's impossible to learn about Christianity around here anymore. Yeah, no, I mean, you can't find, I've never met a Christian. I wonder what they're like. But he is right about one thing, which is that the words separation of church and state don't appear in his Bible. So, you know, take that, historians, you know? Yeah, and a wise man once said, shut the fuck up and worship in a closet without bothering people.

That man, just a simple carpenter named Jesus Horatio Christ. Almost exact words. Seriously, I know that from a terrible, god-awful movie we did, actually. Somehow, I know that tenet despite the Christian genocide we pulled off 60 years ago. Yeah, yeah. No, the last remaining few managed to carry that message forward. And yes, we know technically that was Jesus H. Christ through his crazy friend who wanted to cut off his own balls, but we got to simplify here on Skating Atheist, okay? Don't email us. Don't email us. We're hurting. But yeah, I have to be in context Scathing Atheist, okay? Don't email us. Don't email us. We're hurting. But yeah, I have to be in context now, but they don't.

Fuck that. Absolutely not. It's a double-edged sword. Double-edged sword. But for those of you who were curious, no, the Supreme Court didn't actually ban the Bible from schools. Only school-sponsored readings from the Bible were banned. The text can still be read freely by students or teachers on their own time. And of course, the source can be cited for educational purposes

as long as it's done so objectively. Sure, sure, objectively. Yes, if only today's Supreme Court were as progressive as the 1963 one. Okay, just for the record, it's literally impossible for a Christian teacher to objectively cite the Bible for educational purposes. They think it's the magical word of God. You can't be objective about a thing that you actually think is the magical word of God. Hey, everybody.

Just throwing some books out there. I got The Word of God, the creator of the universe. I've got Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat. That's a great one if you just sort of never really jumped into cooking, but you want to learn the basics. Here's Catcher in the Rye. It's just a whining dude. Catcher in the Rye. Read that. If you like it, you suck. Go to therapy. Go to therapy right now. I've included my therapist business card on the fourth page if you're enjoying it. I'm an objective teacher.

Yes. But all those things don't stop a Christian from playing the victim or prevent a congressperson in this case from openly lying without consequences. Put them together and you have the most creative revisionism of American history you'll ever find. Outside of a school textbook, that is. Sure. Yeah. American history textbook. All right.

Well, we're going to close out the headlines and go sneak a little Howard Zinn into some history classrooms. Eli, you want to sign off for us? Excellent. And when we come back, we've got some tales from the trip for you. Tales from the trip. We tend to reserve decadic experiential countdowns for conventions

and atheist events here on The Scathing Atheist, but then Noah had to push an elevator button twice on Monday, and we found ourselves short of our usual planned programming.

Yeah, to be fair, the elevator was being quite impertinent. And with the obvious answer for worst recent memory well-established, we'll try to give you some of the best ones too with our top 10 memories from the Las Vegas trip. Number 10. Planet 13. So Noah, Lucinda, and I arrived first on Wednesday. Them just a couple hours after me, which I'll talk about more in a moment.

But I knew the very first place we were stopping after they dropped their bags. Planet 13, aka the largest dispensary in the world. Had to be the dispensary, nice. And can I say, it lived up to its name. Not only were there more strains of marijuana for sale than I have ever seen in one place in my life, and I've seen quite a few, but there were also every variation of marijuana, right? There were edibles in every possible shape and size you can imagine. There were carts, self-contained vapes, marijuana pills, and every smoking device ever conceived by man,

woman, or child. There was a menorah bong. There were bongs and vaporizers. Like with eight? Yes. Eight bowls? Yes, eight bowls. And eight tops coming out for eight people or like one tube? One tube, eight bowls. To smoke eight bowls by yourself at the same time.

One tube, eight bowls. Yeah. Okay. As God intended. Sure. There were bongs and vaporizers that looked like they'd been set dressing from a B movie about aliens. There were dab rigs that looked like they distilled the potion that turns you into Mr. Hyde and dab torches that ranged from I love the smell of napalm in the morning to this looks like a laser gun because it is a motherfucking laser gun. Right on the nose. Yeah, I like that. And honestly, watching the joy Noah and Lucinda got to experience there was the best part. Because look, there are stores everywhere for me and Heath's hobbies,

right? Nobody ever sat in a car with a stranger to buy a board game or a magic trick. And so plastic practice bottle. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. And so watching them get to kid in a candy shop is one of my favorite things about legal states and was definitely one of my favorite things about Vegas. Absolutely. I missed this particular trip to a dispensary, but it's super fun watching Noah and Lucinda in their element. All memories that happened before noon don't include Heath, just so you know. At number nine, our big foray onto the casino floor. So after we finished up a great time at Platinum Night, we still had some people like me who are always on Las Vegas time, apparently. And we headed downstairs to the casino for some revelry at the tables. We decided to all take over a craps table.

And, you know, it'd be fun. We'd all make a scene, get all excited. And, of course, I had a great streak going at craps from the weekend in Detroit. And math is heavily based on momentum. Exactly. Obviously. And we lost right away. So quickly and decisively, we lost.

Like a bunch of us all took a turn rolling and each of us immediately crapped out. Like every single time. It was hilarious. Truly like a funny montage in like a fucking Zach Galifianakis movie of just like grabs, grabs, grabs. It was that, but like the opposite worst thing happened

and it was pretty funny. And to make it even worse, a pretty big group of other like strangers that we didn't know, casino goers, they noticed us firing up a new table and, you know, being all excited. So they all got on board and started making bets of their own.

Everyone lost so fucking badly. We lost millions of dollars for random strangers. It was so funny because it was the opposite of the James Bond sketch when he was on SNL, right? Where he's running hot and everyone's cheering. Right. Just like it became this weird curiosity of silent former nuns just being like, I wouldn't recommend playing on this table. And some guys like, hey, I love the action. What's going on? My name is Stu. Craps. Fucking God damn it.

Who's next? Yeah, well, what's the only way to fix a losing streak? Suck a dick for money. Gamble more. Exactly. Because math is heavily based on the opposite of momentum. We were all due for some winning. That's how the math works.

So we switched over to blackjack at that point. And it actually went surprisingly well, especially thanks to one particular person, Platinum Knight veteran, fellow Williams ETH, and actual math expert, Sam. I very intentionally sat next to Sam at the blackjack table so I could get the perfect advice. He explained how even if you can count cards perfectly, this particular table was using a constantly shuffling shoe of eight decks, so you're not getting an edge on the casino.

But if you play just right, it's pretty close to even odds. Blackjack's not bad. So we sit down and we all gulp at the minimum bet, which was inflated a bit because it was Friday night. Except for Sam, no gulping. He starts making big bets on multiple hands at a time. He's playing multiple hands and he's crushing it. And, okay, look, I know intellectually that there's no way to, like, hack this game mathematically. But I'm pretty sure Sam was doing some kind of like 10 dimensional string theory math in his head. Like you could see numbers floating around his head, like the hangover.

There you go. Zach Galifianakis. This was like the good version. And I'm pretty sure the casino staff actually had the same thought as me. They were like, we all know the math works for the fucking house, but they're watching him rake in the chips and a series of different pit bosses would come over and then a bigger pit boss would come over and then a higher level manager would come walking over. They're all clearly worried about the magical floating space numbers he's got going and all the money he's making. By the end of it, even after the terrible results at craps, our group was very much ahead on the house that night. It was a great time. Ooh, Sam.

Yeah. Sam the man. Number eight. Creating a sad scene in a movie for a restaurant full of strangers. So if you've never been to Vegas, it's super fun with someone else to point and laugh at stuff with.

And it is super, super fucking depressing when you're on your own. Did you walk around by yourself? Yeah, and such was the case when I arrived. Sans Anna, or I should point out, anybody else I knew for like four hours on Wednesday. So accompanied by Donnie Darko music as I made my way through the endless, doorless shopping mall to the only vegan place available on Google Maps. Oh, God, it's like fucking Tom Waits song. You're just walking through Vegas all sad.

And there's a fake sky in some of them. It was the worst. Jesus. Anyways, I sit in the corner as my fellow vegans munched at their tasteless, effortless carrot hot dogs and mushroom burgers. And then I saw it. Tucked into the corner of this casino-sized bar

room was a jukebox. But not just any jukebox, a pay online jukebox. And my friends, I knew just what I had to do. I put a dollar in that internet jukebox, played Sufjan Stevens' new hit, Will Anybody Ever Love Me? And watched an entire restaurant of people fall to the bottom of the pit of despair with me. Just an old yeller and a guy with a shotgun get up from their table. Fuck, man. Really?

You're really bumming us out. Yikes. I watched four separate tables summon a wainer and point at the jukebox to say, is there any way we can make this stop happening to our ear? And the waiter be like, I don't know. All right. At number seven, the libertarian audio tech guy.

This was a close one. This is a close one. So the hotel and casino that wouldn't let us mention them by name during the GAM show, we'll just call them the schlaminglo of pinkness. They had an audio guy help us out during the show and he seemed pretty cool. We actually have a good test in place for this, which happens kind of naturally because during the sound check, whatever audio guy gets to hear like Anna saying something along the lines of jerk off on the toilet or take a public shit in Oxford, Alabama.

And either that audio guy is amused or they're drawing a cross in the air the whole time and praying just terrified. Well, he was amused and it turns out he's not religious at all. Well, he comes into the green room during the intermission to check in with us, and then he said something like, I'm glad religion can't take away our personal rights here in America. And we're like, okay, that's sort of like anti-theocracy. I guess that's good. Let's see where he goes with this.

He continued, and he's like, because they're protected by a little thing known as the Constitution of the United States, motherfucker. And he whips out a literal pocket constitution that he always has with him and he slaps it on the table. No.

Oh, yeah. We would have, podcast listener, I cannot explain to you how much we would have rather that been his penis. His erect. That would have... Podcast listener, I cannot explain to you how much we would have rather that been his penis. His erect... That would have been great. ...nearly ejaculating penis.

Absolutely. We would have known exactly what to do at that point. What to do. Yeah. Cup our hands. But with the pocket constitution, it's not as clear.

We have one of two options, basically, at that point. Option one, we can beat him up and take away his stupid pamphlet because that makes us happy. And that's libertarian, just like him. He would have to agree with that. And OK, to be clear, I mean, like verbally beat him up and explain why carrying around a pocket constitution

is ridiculous. Heath means verbally, but for the record, just he doesn't speak for our show. OK, just me. Just Heath means verbally. But you're definitely allowed to verbally beat up the libertarian every time you want. That is part of their philosophy. Okay, so that's option one. Or we could do option two. We could let it go and not antagonize the guy who's running our soundboard for the rest of the show. And we have to decide right the fuck away.

Because I look over when this happens and Eli and Noah are both starting to vibrate visibly. So we got to decide. That is when Noah's heart attack began. In case any of you are wondering, it was in that moment where he said no words. This was an Ayn Rand caused heart to cardiological event. Absolutely. So we have no time to decide. We all have a quick mind meld, like split seconds. And we go with a fun passive-aggressive version of option two. I'd say the responsible version. I'm proud of us,

right? So our version of that, Eli puts his face like all the way inside his phone screen and pretends he wasn't listening. And Noah and I don't have our phones out, so we just stare at the guy in complete silence for so long. We just stare.

After several long moments, I'm like, uh-huh, see you after the show. And he's like, all right. And he goes away without incident. So it all worked out. That might as well have ended with whelp. Yeah, exactly. Number six. My first Vegas buffet. So look, folks are mixed

on what you must do when you visit Las Vegas. You got to see this show or do that activity. You got to pay a sex worker to stand outside Heath's store, loudly knocking and insisting that he pay them the money he owes them for dressing him like a kitten. Maybe that one's just me. But it's pretty universally agreed that you should try at least one buffet. And I got to be honest, as a fat guy, I've never really seen the appeal, right? All restaurants are all you can eat. For me, you just order more food.

They have to let you. Right. And food that's been sitting out under heat lamps since the place opened that morning isn't exactly appealing to me. Right. But the truth is, it was great. Yeah. See, that's the beauty of Las Vegas. At any given moment, they have like 50,000 tourists just like me trying to, you know, win the buffet as a competitive game against themselves. So the food spends maybe 10 seconds under the lamp before one of us is right there holding like 10 sets of tongs like Edward Scissorhands ready to go.

Yes, exactly. It's not sitting long. I'll admit the place we went was a little pricey to make sure the heaths of the world lose. But honestly, it was like going to 20 different kinds of restaurants. So yeah, I know it might not sound worth it to you, but take it from me, a decent Vegas buffet is worth the trip.

All right. At number five, Codenames. That's right. Okay, so I know I've mentioned Codenames before as a highlight of these trips we take, but we keep playing for a reason. It's a great game. It's so much fun.

And this time, I want to talk about a variation of the game called Codenames Pictures. Already own it. Already own it every game from now on. Yeah, both games are great. Love the pictures version too. Instead of a cluing game with words on the table, like the original, the picture version, it's a bunch of cards with little doodles that each have a few weird little elements to base your clues on. And I want to mention a particular moment that was both wonderful and completely infuriating. Speak your truth, Heath. Speak your truth. Thank you. So Eli was playing the role of the Codemaster. I happen to be on Eli's team at this moment. And that means Eli, as the Codemaster, is giving clues to our team, trying to get us to pick certain doodles. So I'll go with

the wonderful moment first. Eli looks at the board and his clue for us was gentlemen two, which means two of the cards on the table are related to the word gentlemen. So I look at the table and I see one of the doodles is a bird wearing a tie, among other things. And one of the doodles is a dog wearing spectacles. And immediately I can imagine Eli looking at those cards and I can hear Eli's voice in my head saying exactly like this. He gentleman. He gentleman. Exactly.

About the bird and the dog. It was so clear. So I'm like, that's definitely it. I even say he gentleman. He gentleman, exactly. About the bird and the dog. It was so clear. So I'm like, that's definitely it. I even say he gentleman like that. Eli points out that we're absolutely right. And, you know, as close as I am with you, Eli, already, I don't think I've ever felt closer. I agree.

The two of us harmonizing on he gentleman. Absolutely. And, okay, now the infuriating moment. The moment of betrayal by my team. Tell it like it is. I will tell my truth to power. Okay, so on our next turn, Eli's clue was topple two. This was a very good clue. There's a picture with bowling pins, among other things, and also a picture with the Eiffel Tower. So our team starts talking it through. That's how you do it.

And I mentioned how bowling pins and towers are both things that you can topple in general. Because they are. Because they are. Yeah, Jenga tower, topple tower. That's like a thing. And bowling pins, of course, topple too. And then after I say that,

someone else on the team is like, okay, but what about bowling pins and also not something that topples? Something that does not topple. Yeah, and somehow the consensus on this team lands on bowling pins and some other bullshit that has nothing to do with topple. And I was like, but why though?

The second one, why though? Because his clue was a thing and we can use that. And they were like, oh, it's because fucking we're doing it. So we guess that other thing and we can use that. And they were like, oh, it's because fucking we're doing it. So we guess that other thing and we lose. And that's when Eli launches into a murderous rage. Exactly. Defending me, being like this gaslighting rabble

steered you away from the wind. You had this. It's bullshit. Of course, I'm also furious at this point. But again, never felt closer to you. So cheers, buddy. Cheers, indeed. Yes, that was, remember the scene where they pull the lady who can see the future out of

the pool in Minority Report and they all start to freak out because their brains, that's what our listeners did to us at Platinum Night. Will we forgive you? We need time. We do. Number four. Meow Wolf. Yes, I did just say the words meow and wolf next to each other. Because if there's an equivalent of the world's largest dispensary

for my wife, Anna Bosnick, it is Meow Wolf. Oh, is this the museum thing that's like a supermarket? Yes. Oh, yeah. Cool art, secret passages, deep lore, and a gift shop that made me say, God damn it, under my breath when I saw it. And look, I'm a kind of in my head guy, as anyone who knows me will tell you, right? I don't particularly like things. I like taking my wife to stuff and watching her do things or Noah and Heath to stuff and watching them do things.

That's what I do for my birthday. But getting to watch her and Noah and Heath to stuff and watching them do things. That's what I do for my birthday. But getting to watch her and Noah and Lucinda and our buddy Chris like run around this epically huge art installation and enjoy themselves and find all the cool things

was a fucking blast. And if you haven't been, even if you're like me and you don't particularly like stuff, don't miss it. It is genuinely an extraordinary experience. What's the word for misanthrope, but for everything, not just people? Just a thrope.

Just miss. I'm just a thrope. Missing everything. Anyways, you'd have been a fool to have slept through it, and you would also owe me 60 bucks. Okay. Okay. You could just say things to me outside of the pot. You could just give me information and be like,

hey, could you get me that $60? I prefer not to. Okay, well, that being said, it was actually way more direct just now than like the normal version of this communication. Like most of the time, I'd honestly expect a sketch and like wool dasher mizzle traps my head

in a magical bear trap, like I saw a movie trying to get $60 from me. True, that's fair. You can just talk. Not too late for that, motherfucker. There it is. There he is. He's always around.

All cast is here. At number three, Eli's magnificent outfit for the live show. And I mean like truly scrum-tralessant, to quote Will Ferrell. He got a peacock blue classic Vegas showgirl outfit, glimmering with sequins and a giant crown full of feathers. It was absolutely stunning. And that's not just me who's saying that.

Pictures went up on Facebook after the show. And every single reaction I saw was something right along the lines of like, platonic beauty. I am crying right now. Like seriously, you looked amazing. I looked, what can I say? Amazing. Beyond the Kant's red balloon

is me in a showgirl outfit. I know, I know the answer. Absolutely gorgeous. So on top of the sheer aesthetic value of the whole thing, we got a fun moment that, it really showed off the positive vibes of Las Vegas. Very accepting. Eli usually puts on the outfit well ahead of time, including for that sound check.

So that also is part of the test of the crew at the venue. And at one point, one of the events people comes in and sees Eli, doesn't bat an eye other than to exalt in the beauty for a second, of course. And then he starts asking about technical details of the stage setup. So indeed, I got to watch a very serious professional conversation about mic stand placement and the science of acoustics between a very serious guy in a suit and Eli wearing nearly nothing. And each time Eli would like nod, the giant feathery hat would shake a little bit and almost touch the guy in a suit. Just gently bob down and touch the top of his head. Yeah. I feel like you were doing it on purpose, right? You were trying to, and this

guy never blinked. It was very impressive. Nothing. By the way, Eli, you got even more compliments the day after the show. You were already gone. Noah and Lucinda returned the outfit to the costume shop and you got some more compliments. As soon as they put the bag on the counter, this old couple that ran the store was like, fucking wow, that guy looked great. Like so great. Is there any chance you could give us a picture

of him wearing it to use for advertising? We want him to be our model. Fuck yeah. There you go. Come to the live show or you could miss out on learning the very meaning of beauty in the world. You're welcome. And seeing that amazing outfit live.

Attendees, my eyes are up here. Number two. Which honestly was my number one, but Heath got to steal number one. Heath announcing his stepkid in the creepiest possible manner. So podcast listener, much as we joke on this

and our other shows about how Heath is going to die alone, desiccated on his apartment floor. It pains me to admit that Heath does in fact have a lady friend. So maybe not desiccated. I might get picked up quickly. The lady friend might notice.

And that lady friend has a child to whom Keith is a step-parent at this point. It's all terribly adorable. Hi, Kai. Hi, Anne. Hello, Kai. And said step-child had a delightful anecdote about the movie our live show was about. You know, the one about sex trafficking children. So Heath was like, hey, I'm going to tell that story on stage.

Stepchild said it was okay. Great. We all agree. And so in the middle of our show, he proceeds to announce this anecdote in the following way. Keep in mind, we are in the midst of describing a child trafficking film. And Heath goes, context, I'm important. He goes, so I'm in a kind of sort of step parent relationship with someone. I mean, you can listen to the rest on the episode over at GAM.

It was less smooth than that. Yeah, it's definitely one of the highlights of my weekend. And I'm going to go ahead and say it possibly my life. Okay. Here's than that, actually. Yeah, it's definitely one of the highlights of my weekend. And I'm going to go ahead and say it's possibly my life. Okay, here's the thing, though. Even if I started with the perfect wording for that, I was definitely in trouble. The moment I said stepdad, Eli's already dancing right next to me and grinning with glee, just ready for whatever he's going to do. But, of course, my wording was the opposite of smooth or perfect. Yes, it was.

I was like, speaking of child trafficking, I'm kind of like a stepdad. No, not the porn. Fuck. Really got to stick this landing. How am I? Andy Lai's dancing. Fuck. I was in so much trouble. There was no way out.

There was no way out. Good times though. Good times. That brings us to number one. Of course, that would be you. Getting to meet with all the wonderful people who appreciate our weird podcast and we all converge on a city for a weekend and we all embrace our shared weirdnesses.

It's the best part of the job. And I truly enjoy pretty much all the other parts of the job, too. So lots of competition there. It's fantastic getting a chance to bond over the shared experiences we all have as, you know, secular nerds making our way through the lumbering hordes of religion that are everywhere. making our way through the lumbering hordes of religion that are everywhere. I mean, even in the most liberal cities in the world, it's hard to find a room of like-minded people the way it happens when we do these things. So it's great to hear, you know, the battle stories

from all the other grizzled veterans of the epistemology war that we're all fighting. Meeting in person, it lets me learn about you, which is really nice. Anyone who's been a listener for a while, you've heard me and Eli rambling about our absurd thoughts for hours, but we haven't heard your absurd thoughts. And we love absurd thoughts. Those are my favorite thoughts. So it's great to round out the symmetry and really get to know everyone.

It's absolutely fantastic. Can't beat it. Exactly. Couldn't have put it Can't beat it. Exactly. Couldn't have put it better myself. Easy number one. And with our eye, a glitter with the memory of you, we'll leave things for the night.

Heath, thanks for eating all the celery. It's next to the blue cheese. There's no choice. You have to. And when we come back, I'll say goodbye in the way that Noah does, but worse. Before we hang up our spurs tonight,

I want to thank everyone who came to our Las Vegas live show one moreurs tonight, I want to thank everyone who came to our Las Vegas live show one more time. I also want to give you a heads up that if you're coming to the Not A Con Con for Skeptic's Guide to the Universe, I will be joining them on stage for their Friday show. Looks like it's going to be an amazingly fun weekend. Friend of the show, Cara Santa Maria, will obviously be there as well. So if you're in the area, why not stop by? We're going to put a link in the show notes, or you can visit notaconcon.com. Anyway, that's all the blasphemy we've got for you tonight, but we'll be back in 1,022 minutes with more. If you can't

wait that long, be on the lookout for a brand new episode of our sister show, The Skeptocrat, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern time on Monday, an even newer episode of our sister show's hot friend, Godawful Movies, debuting at 7 a.m. Eastern on Tuesday, and an even newer episode of our half-sister show, Citation Needed, debuting at noon Eastern on Wednesday. I want to thank Keith Enright for bringing the funny through the fugue state this week. I want to thank Lucinda Lusions for being the very small rock on which our pyramid is built. And of course, I want to thank Noah Lusions for not dying and getting well soon because fuck all our lives would be so much worse without him.

I want to thank Tom and Cecil for providing this week's Farnsworth quote, as well as joining us for vulgarity for charity in the coming month. Get those donations in quick because we'd love to break last year's record. But most of all, of course, I need to thank this week's new patrons. But I can't because the email Noah sent me on how to look you up is gone. It's long gone and I don't know where to find it. So Noah will thank you next week or he'll resend me the email and then I'll do it. One of those things will probably happen. Together, these fearless folks gave us the gold to help pay Noah's hospital bill, which is not going to be small because it's a hospital bill in America.

So if you'd like Lucinda not to have to sell her varmint hammer skills at the Continental, you can make a per-episode donation at patreon.com slash scathingatheist, whereby you'll earn early access to the extended ad-free version of every single episode. Or you can make a one-time donation by clicking the donate button on the right side of the homepage at scathingatheist.com. And if you'd like to help, but you selfishly need your money for food and shelter, you can also help us a ton by leaving a five-star review, telling a friend about the show, and following us on social media. And speaking of social media, Tim Robertson handles that for us, and our audio engineer is Morgan Clark, who also wrote all the music used on this episode, which was used with permission. If you have questions, comments, or death threats, you'll find all the contact info on the contact page at ScalingAtheist.com. you were like you know and i was like i don't know

would have been great it would have been fantastic that was close okay the preceding podcast was a production of puzzling a thunderstorm llc copyright 2023 all rights reserved